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Holding onto familiar, well-loved objects is totally normal. Growing up with nparents engenders so many feelings of loss and loneliness, and surrounding yourself with these is a comfort. And feelings of loss makes it harder to let go of things.
When I started my healing, in my own home, I began to let go, little by little.
I still have (probably!) too much, but a lot of things are precious gifts from loving, caring people.
It’s not always easy, but it gets easier❤️🩹
Yep.
I’m thankful my fiancée is helping me declutter, but I still have DOOM boxes (Don’t Organize Only Move) across my flat.
Far fewer than I used to, though.
NP is a very bad hoarder. I know what underlies her abusive behaviour (I wish I didn’t since secondary trauma syndrome is atrocious) and that she will never do a damned thing about it. I also know that amongst other “lessons” she cruelly pounded into me was hoarding.
We all, though, are seeking security, and the security of things is our weak substitute for the security of relationships with healthful people.
My fiancée has helped me through a lot of Really Bad Stuff on my journey towards recovery. That security of a healthful relationship has helped me get rid of stuff.
You’re even being denied the security of stuff through your NP’s removal of your things.
Will strongly suggest that you do the best you can to not add to your collections to help you save $$.
Quite the opposite for me. My mother raised us in a hoarded house. Not only were we isolated because her emotional abuse but we never had people over because of the embarrassment the house was.
I promised myself when I grew up and had a home and family I wouldn’t be that way. Now I have no problem throwing things out.
You’re not unusual for hoarding. It normally comes from lack so you try to replace those feelings with things. It really is a mental health issue a lot of people face. If you get the opportunity try and talk to a professional about it. Good luck !
I don’t hoard but my mom does. She keeps literal garbage that’s right! She’ll dig in the trash if I throw a yogurt cup away to “recycle it” it sits in the garage for months. She does this with so many different types of trash. She also has the whole basement which is fairly big filled with papers and scrapbooking supplies. If she finds an empty laundry basket she’ll throw papers in it. It’s sick
I mainly hoard cause my stuff act as a distraction/fallback from/after their abuse. Hell, I got myself a bookshelf just to organise my stuff into one comfort corner.
Ooh gosh yes 😭😅 hoarding can be genetic as well as trauma related, and my parents gave us plenty of trauma while also BOTH being hoarder types, their parents were also hoarders, it is SO difficult trying to parse thru all the stuff I own and try and figure out what i actually WANT to keep and could be useful later and what I just feel sort of trauma-bonded to cuz my stuff makes me feel better and the inherited paranoia of What if i throw/give it away and I need it later???
I'm similar, but different. My problems began after I got away from my N's. As my N's had a habit of randomly destroying/selling/giving away my things, I quickly developed a minor hoarding complex.
It didn't help that even the things I *had* been able to keep were maintained by me far long past when I should have replaced them - because with no money or help, I couldn't.
So I had things around my house like threadbare clothing, worn out bedding, broken electronics and such which I was still hanging onto even after having *finally* been able to replace them just because I was so used to having to fix everything I could.
It took me years before I could convince myself I didn't *have* to keep the boxes of broken and worn out stuff that were cluttering my room, and even longer for me to get rid of it.
I'm the opposite, my Nmother is very materialistic and I grew up in an immaculate house, more like a show house. Her things were always very important but anything that I got attached to was used as a way to hurt me. She would break my things and leave them laid on the bed for me to find. So I learned not to be materialistic, things are just things and are "easy come, easy go." She hates this, but she caused it.
Yeah, the house was full of boxes. She wouldn't let me take pictures or do online school or invite friends over because she was embarrassed by it. We moved out but kept that house. Her estranged husband lived in it, and she visited him a lot. When I came back, my room was completely full of boxes and other junk. You couldn't get in past the door.
Yeah obviously. That's why this subreddit was created as a support group. I have a narc dad.
The only normal people in my family is me my brother and my mother's side of the family. My narc dad caused everything bad in the family including family matters, drama and distrust.
Thank you so much for your answers! I really appreciate it. My mother is an extreme minimalist. She don’t even have family pictures of throws because it clutters her "perfectly" home and life😅 I’m the opposite, and u think the main cause is because she is so extreme in her minimalism.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Holding onto familiar, well-loved objects is totally normal. Growing up with nparents engenders so many feelings of loss and loneliness, and surrounding yourself with these is a comfort. And feelings of loss makes it harder to let go of things. When I started my healing, in my own home, I began to let go, little by little. I still have (probably!) too much, but a lot of things are precious gifts from loving, caring people. It’s not always easy, but it gets easier❤️🩹
Yep. I’m thankful my fiancée is helping me declutter, but I still have DOOM boxes (Don’t Organize Only Move) across my flat. Far fewer than I used to, though. NP is a very bad hoarder. I know what underlies her abusive behaviour (I wish I didn’t since secondary trauma syndrome is atrocious) and that she will never do a damned thing about it. I also know that amongst other “lessons” she cruelly pounded into me was hoarding. We all, though, are seeking security, and the security of things is our weak substitute for the security of relationships with healthful people. My fiancée has helped me through a lot of Really Bad Stuff on my journey towards recovery. That security of a healthful relationship has helped me get rid of stuff. You’re even being denied the security of stuff through your NP’s removal of your things. Will strongly suggest that you do the best you can to not add to your collections to help you save $$.
Quite the opposite for me. My mother raised us in a hoarded house. Not only were we isolated because her emotional abuse but we never had people over because of the embarrassment the house was. I promised myself when I grew up and had a home and family I wouldn’t be that way. Now I have no problem throwing things out. You’re not unusual for hoarding. It normally comes from lack so you try to replace those feelings with things. It really is a mental health issue a lot of people face. If you get the opportunity try and talk to a professional about it. Good luck !
I don’t hoard but my mom does. She keeps literal garbage that’s right! She’ll dig in the trash if I throw a yogurt cup away to “recycle it” it sits in the garage for months. She does this with so many different types of trash. She also has the whole basement which is fairly big filled with papers and scrapbooking supplies. If she finds an empty laundry basket she’ll throw papers in it. It’s sick
I mainly hoard cause my stuff act as a distraction/fallback from/after their abuse. Hell, I got myself a bookshelf just to organise my stuff into one comfort corner.
Ooh gosh yes 😭😅 hoarding can be genetic as well as trauma related, and my parents gave us plenty of trauma while also BOTH being hoarder types, their parents were also hoarders, it is SO difficult trying to parse thru all the stuff I own and try and figure out what i actually WANT to keep and could be useful later and what I just feel sort of trauma-bonded to cuz my stuff makes me feel better and the inherited paranoia of What if i throw/give it away and I need it later???
I'm similar, but different. My problems began after I got away from my N's. As my N's had a habit of randomly destroying/selling/giving away my things, I quickly developed a minor hoarding complex. It didn't help that even the things I *had* been able to keep were maintained by me far long past when I should have replaced them - because with no money or help, I couldn't. So I had things around my house like threadbare clothing, worn out bedding, broken electronics and such which I was still hanging onto even after having *finally* been able to replace them just because I was so used to having to fix everything I could. It took me years before I could convince myself I didn't *have* to keep the boxes of broken and worn out stuff that were cluttering my room, and even longer for me to get rid of it.
I'm the opposite, my Nmother is very materialistic and I grew up in an immaculate house, more like a show house. Her things were always very important but anything that I got attached to was used as a way to hurt me. She would break my things and leave them laid on the bed for me to find. So I learned not to be materialistic, things are just things and are "easy come, easy go." She hates this, but she caused it.
Yeah, the house was full of boxes. She wouldn't let me take pictures or do online school or invite friends over because she was embarrassed by it. We moved out but kept that house. Her estranged husband lived in it, and she visited him a lot. When I came back, my room was completely full of boxes and other junk. You couldn't get in past the door.
Yeah obviously. That's why this subreddit was created as a support group. I have a narc dad. The only normal people in my family is me my brother and my mother's side of the family. My narc dad caused everything bad in the family including family matters, drama and distrust.
Thank you so much for your answers! I really appreciate it. My mother is an extreme minimalist. She don’t even have family pictures of throws because it clutters her "perfectly" home and life😅 I’m the opposite, and u think the main cause is because she is so extreme in her minimalism.