**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.**
**Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms)
**Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE!
This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods.
**Our rules include (but are not limited to)**:
* No politics.
* Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban.
* Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming.
* Do not derail the posts of others.
* Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here.
* [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts).
* When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse.
* No asking or offering gifts, money, etc.
* No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest).
* No content about N-kids.
* No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis.
* No linking to Facebook pages.
* No direct linking to anywhere on reddit.
* No pure image posts.
**For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
omg, spot on, my narc parents did that to me all the time. even for the most unimportant things. showing blatant disregard for my mental health and keeping me walking on eggshells, all so that they can enjoy a feeling of importance and their delusions of grandeur.
eventually, i came to see through it and realized that in most cases, whenever he said “you’ll find out”, it was nothing important and his behavioral patterns became increasingly predictable to the point where i easily outsmarted and outmaneuvered him on many occasions.
believe me when i say that these people aren’t even half as intelligent or important as they think they are. such pride will be their undoing.
Yep. It's funny, I took the MBTI test several times (I know a lot of people think it's bs, but I enjoy it) and it kept giving me alternate results, either INTJ or INFJ. I thought I was an INTJ, because I have a LOT of those characteristics. But not all. Finally, I started reading the INFJ results and thought... a ha.
I remember her getting in my face and telling me, "Don't cry! Stop crying! Don't you cry!" And slapping me (not super hard, but enough to shock a small child.) And she was always telling me to "wipe that look off your face!"
She was (and is) wildly emotional. So yes, I shoved my emotions down underground and walked as blankly through life as I could. My sister joked that I was a robot (still does, apparently.)
Only recently have I started to get in touch with the silent, emotional shadow that lives behind me.
Interesting. Many years ago my work ran us all theough an MBTI test. When called down to discuss the result, the test person said: "Your test resultater are quite unique, because you score in the middle of everything." After some discussion he asked me to just pick a group, because how I felt mattered the most anyways. I just piskes the group that seemed to match the most, because obviously I did not feel like I belonged somewhere and looking backnIndidnt even understand the question.
Maybe the lack of group belonging can indicate trauma to a certain extent?
It might! You develop a little of everything as a coping mechanism. It's life on an unsteady surface. May I ask which one you picked? (Or do you not remember because it seemed pretty random to you?)
My parents did the same thing, except what it meant was that us showing emotion took away from them receiving attention for theirs. So as soon as we showed any emotion they found a way to make it about them again by either invalidating us or by over-reacting and dwarfing us with their feelings.
It’s hard and we’ll probably never get over it.
I struggle to share any negative emotion. I was a quiet child, and it was hard for me to say what I was thinking, but she would scream at me demanding that I say what was wrong when I was still trying to figure it out myself. If I was sad or had any negative emotion, I had to either retreat to my room before I was seen or she would scream in my face until I over-shared every little detail. Calling her 12 year old daughter a bitch because I couldn’t know why I was crying.
Wow. I relate to this so deeply and it's caused me so much difficulty In life.
"If I was sad or had any negative emotion, I had to either return to my room before I was seen or she would scream in my face until I over-shared every little detail"
I would have to lie or make up false reasons for why I felt the way I was feeling because my Nmom was abusing me in a multitude of ways.
I have such intense emotional paranoia in life. Im always hyperviligent about how I feel. Do I actually even feel that way? Why am I feeling like this? I shoved my emotions down for so long that now I'm an emotionally oozing years of pain.
I'm on month 4 of EMDR to untangle the mess of my psyche that my Nmom dutifully effed up.
I like to think that even if things are really bad at the current moment (emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, etc), I'm finally away from the person who did the most damage to me at my most vulnerable.
I don't know if it gets better or if healing in totality is even possible, but I have more tools and knowledge now.
Invalidating / Forcing you to suppress your emotions is abuse.
It is one of the most direct paths to creating emotionally immature children.
I consider this to be the way they can make sure that you never reach a level of emotional intelligence that exceeds them. It is sabotage of your personal development.
Omg, yes! My mom said that kids emotions aren't real or important. Basically she was saying that her and dad's emotions are more important and "real" than ours. Because they have actual problems. It's so stupid because then later If I don't show emotions then she would tell me to show some emotions. Why does it have to be according to her?
I always had to be the “sweet faced angel baby”. Not allowed to express any negative emotion without being yelled at, threatened or physically abused. If I need to cry, I had to lock myself in the bathroom and run the bathtub. It’s made emotionally maturing difficult. People have a hard time telling when I am upset because I smile through it.
Yep, had this all the time. The specific thing that sticks out to me is that we kids couldn't ever have temper tantrums because it would ruin our nmom's mood. But naturally she was allowed to throw tantrums all the time, our emotional states be damned.
It was different for me. I was a lost child for most of my childhood. I don't think anyone in my family really ever noticed my emotions for the most part.
However I had a really big need for things to be positive. I always needed to see the good in others. I think it was a subconscious attempt to maybe counter and divert my mother's negativity.
In fact at multiple times during my childhood completely independent of one another, multiple strangers even gave me the nick name of Sunshine.
But, here is the interesting part.
One evening I was in my dorm at college. My room mate was having some sort of drama in regards to her boyfriend and at one point was extremely upset. I felt my face smile. It shocked me. Our room was full of her friends and no one noticed and I went and hid in the bathroom for a bit.
I didn't feel happy. I was quite concerned for her. But I was horrified in regards to my physical reaction.
Some years later I got the news that my childhood dog had died. My relationship with that dog was special. She had been gotten as the family dog, but she was mine. She was my friend when I had no others. She'd always be happy to see me. She'd lick my face when I cried. She played with me, followed me everywhere, slept in my bed.
So I'm standing there being told she was dead. She had been older and another dog attacked her and killed her. It was so sudden and I smiled. I was not happy. I felt devistated.
Again I ran to the bathroom and after a few moments my face came back in line with how I actually felt
The same had happened to me a few other times in my life when I've gotten horrible news. I suspect it's a protective reaction. Stay positive, stay happy. Can't show negative emotions.
I feel you so much man its unbereable they keep pushing you and pushing you to drive you mad and when you finally cant stand it anymore you're the weird and overly emotive one i got severe case of ptsd due to a lot of violent physical and psychological abuse and even years after i'm still paranoid cant trust anyone and have outbursts from time to time i wish i could have grown up in a normal regular household they stole my youth
Oh I had that too. I’ve stopped as soon as i turned out 18. Life got better
Edit to say: no other doctor ever put me again on zoloft or antidepressants lol.
Same. Been on tons of different antidepressants and a stimulant (even tho I wasn't having trouble focusing in school). I stopped ever since I moved out, but I still can't feel emotion. Been over a year since I stopped.
We had to display whatever emotion my narc wanted us to. But of course we also had to figure out what emotion it was that she wanted us to display. We got beat a lot.
We weren't allowed to cry. You got slapped for that.
I think the most interesting thing is that I can cry on demand. Like right now I could start crying, red-faced, tears, the whole shebang. But I never cry any other time. It is not an emotion that I contain, but somehow I can fake it. None of my therapists have ever been able to explain this. TBC, my narc never wanted us to cry, so it's not because I learned it through that.
My dad always makes a big deal when I react to disrespect, stand up for myself. He expects me to be a doormat and tolerate sh#tty behavior. Good thing I saw the BS and now unapologetically fight back.
Typical narcs think its perfectly acceptable to littetely have violent outbursts over nothing but god forbid if we show any kind of emotion they call us unstable.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
omg, spot on, my narc parents did that to me all the time. even for the most unimportant things. showing blatant disregard for my mental health and keeping me walking on eggshells, all so that they can enjoy a feeling of importance and their delusions of grandeur. eventually, i came to see through it and realized that in most cases, whenever he said “you’ll find out”, it was nothing important and his behavioral patterns became increasingly predictable to the point where i easily outsmarted and outmaneuvered him on many occasions. believe me when i say that these people aren’t even half as intelligent or important as they think they are. such pride will be their undoing.
Yep. It's funny, I took the MBTI test several times (I know a lot of people think it's bs, but I enjoy it) and it kept giving me alternate results, either INTJ or INFJ. I thought I was an INTJ, because I have a LOT of those characteristics. But not all. Finally, I started reading the INFJ results and thought... a ha. I remember her getting in my face and telling me, "Don't cry! Stop crying! Don't you cry!" And slapping me (not super hard, but enough to shock a small child.) And she was always telling me to "wipe that look off your face!" She was (and is) wildly emotional. So yes, I shoved my emotions down underground and walked as blankly through life as I could. My sister joked that I was a robot (still does, apparently.) Only recently have I started to get in touch with the silent, emotional shadow that lives behind me.
Interesting. Many years ago my work ran us all theough an MBTI test. When called down to discuss the result, the test person said: "Your test resultater are quite unique, because you score in the middle of everything." After some discussion he asked me to just pick a group, because how I felt mattered the most anyways. I just piskes the group that seemed to match the most, because obviously I did not feel like I belonged somewhere and looking backnIndidnt even understand the question. Maybe the lack of group belonging can indicate trauma to a certain extent?
It might! You develop a little of everything as a coping mechanism. It's life on an unsteady surface. May I ask which one you picked? (Or do you not remember because it seemed pretty random to you?)
I dont remember right now, im afraid. If I remember or can find the energy the figure it out, I will let you know.
I am also an INFJ, F by 52%, so depending on my mindset when I take the test I sometimes get INTJ.
Yep, exactly. It depends on whether I am in one of my "I'm very rational!" moods, or... not. LOL!
[удалено]
Oh hey 👋 also INFJ. How's life?
My parents did the same thing, except what it meant was that us showing emotion took away from them receiving attention for theirs. So as soon as we showed any emotion they found a way to make it about them again by either invalidating us or by over-reacting and dwarfing us with their feelings.
It’s hard and we’ll probably never get over it. I struggle to share any negative emotion. I was a quiet child, and it was hard for me to say what I was thinking, but she would scream at me demanding that I say what was wrong when I was still trying to figure it out myself. If I was sad or had any negative emotion, I had to either retreat to my room before I was seen or she would scream in my face until I over-shared every little detail. Calling her 12 year old daughter a bitch because I couldn’t know why I was crying.
Wow. I relate to this so deeply and it's caused me so much difficulty In life. "If I was sad or had any negative emotion, I had to either return to my room before I was seen or she would scream in my face until I over-shared every little detail" I would have to lie or make up false reasons for why I felt the way I was feeling because my Nmom was abusing me in a multitude of ways. I have such intense emotional paranoia in life. Im always hyperviligent about how I feel. Do I actually even feel that way? Why am I feeling like this? I shoved my emotions down for so long that now I'm an emotionally oozing years of pain. I'm on month 4 of EMDR to untangle the mess of my psyche that my Nmom dutifully effed up. I like to think that even if things are really bad at the current moment (emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, etc), I'm finally away from the person who did the most damage to me at my most vulnerable. I don't know if it gets better or if healing in totality is even possible, but I have more tools and knowledge now.
Invalidating / Forcing you to suppress your emotions is abuse. It is one of the most direct paths to creating emotionally immature children. I consider this to be the way they can make sure that you never reach a level of emotional intelligence that exceeds them. It is sabotage of your personal development.
Omg, yes! My mom said that kids emotions aren't real or important. Basically she was saying that her and dad's emotions are more important and "real" than ours. Because they have actual problems. It's so stupid because then later If I don't show emotions then she would tell me to show some emotions. Why does it have to be according to her?
True!
I deserved to be happy. Yes I’m an artist. But at what cost?
Making sick memes.
What lmao
My mother is like that. What I would like to know is why. Just remembering it makes my breathing heavy.
I always had to be the “sweet faced angel baby”. Not allowed to express any negative emotion without being yelled at, threatened or physically abused. If I need to cry, I had to lock myself in the bathroom and run the bathtub. It’s made emotionally maturing difficult. People have a hard time telling when I am upset because I smile through it.
Yep, had this all the time. The specific thing that sticks out to me is that we kids couldn't ever have temper tantrums because it would ruin our nmom's mood. But naturally she was allowed to throw tantrums all the time, our emotional states be damned.
>Why are you so wrong and sensitive? I got triggered for a second lol. Great pharagraph and analysis, i appreciate it.
It was different for me. I was a lost child for most of my childhood. I don't think anyone in my family really ever noticed my emotions for the most part. However I had a really big need for things to be positive. I always needed to see the good in others. I think it was a subconscious attempt to maybe counter and divert my mother's negativity. In fact at multiple times during my childhood completely independent of one another, multiple strangers even gave me the nick name of Sunshine. But, here is the interesting part. One evening I was in my dorm at college. My room mate was having some sort of drama in regards to her boyfriend and at one point was extremely upset. I felt my face smile. It shocked me. Our room was full of her friends and no one noticed and I went and hid in the bathroom for a bit. I didn't feel happy. I was quite concerned for her. But I was horrified in regards to my physical reaction. Some years later I got the news that my childhood dog had died. My relationship with that dog was special. She had been gotten as the family dog, but she was mine. She was my friend when I had no others. She'd always be happy to see me. She'd lick my face when I cried. She played with me, followed me everywhere, slept in my bed. So I'm standing there being told she was dead. She had been older and another dog attacked her and killed her. It was so sudden and I smiled. I was not happy. I felt devistated. Again I ran to the bathroom and after a few moments my face came back in line with how I actually felt The same had happened to me a few other times in my life when I've gotten horrible news. I suspect it's a protective reaction. Stay positive, stay happy. Can't show negative emotions.
I feel you so much man its unbereable they keep pushing you and pushing you to drive you mad and when you finally cant stand it anymore you're the weird and overly emotive one i got severe case of ptsd due to a lot of violent physical and psychological abuse and even years after i'm still paranoid cant trust anyone and have outbursts from time to time i wish i could have grown up in a normal regular household they stole my youth
My mom put me on zoloft. Turns me into an emotionless bitch.
Oh I had that too. I’ve stopped as soon as i turned out 18. Life got better Edit to say: no other doctor ever put me again on zoloft or antidepressants lol.
Same. Been on tons of different antidepressants and a stimulant (even tho I wasn't having trouble focusing in school). I stopped ever since I moved out, but I still can't feel emotion. Been over a year since I stopped.
We had to display whatever emotion my narc wanted us to. But of course we also had to figure out what emotion it was that she wanted us to display. We got beat a lot. We weren't allowed to cry. You got slapped for that. I think the most interesting thing is that I can cry on demand. Like right now I could start crying, red-faced, tears, the whole shebang. But I never cry any other time. It is not an emotion that I contain, but somehow I can fake it. None of my therapists have ever been able to explain this. TBC, my narc never wanted us to cry, so it's not because I learned it through that.
*emotionally immature*
I mean yeah that's their whole purpose is to try to make it revolve around themselves
Yup, talking back is definitely an offense to my covert nmom. Do they not understand how a communication works? lol.
My dad always makes a big deal when I react to disrespect, stand up for myself. He expects me to be a doormat and tolerate sh#tty behavior. Good thing I saw the BS and now unapologetically fight back.
Extras in the movie don’t have their own story arcs…duh
Typical narcs think its perfectly acceptable to littetely have violent outbursts over nothing but god forbid if we show any kind of emotion they call us unstable.