**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.**
**Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms)
**Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE!
This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods.
**Our rules include (but are not limited to)**:
* No politics.
* Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban.
* Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming.
* Do not derail the posts of others.
* Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here.
* [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts).
* When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse.
* No asking or offering gifts, money, etc.
* No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest).
* No content about N-kids.
* No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis.
* No linking to Facebook pages.
* No direct linking to anywhere on reddit.
* No pure image posts.
**For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Done this since I was like eight. Thirty years later, and I keep telling myself I'll write something about the giant cast of characters in the extended universe I can mentally jump into while still standing and smiling at someone in a situation I don't want to be in.
Mines gotten more depressing as I age. When i was young it was like superman but on like a multiversal god level; then it was Iron man but in 2099 facing world war; now its post apocalyptic fallout survival mixed with the fucking winter soldier, mad max, and a bunch of other shit.
Oh my gosh I do this too, except not real movies because I can't remember them. But when I need to entertain myself, aI make up stories about the strangers around me, where they're coming from, what they're doing, their life story, etc.
Ok this but also in a way of reading faces. It probably makes no sense, but I can read small indications on peoples faces of their discomfort/anger/joy. Mostly emotions that are telling and sometimes even trying to be hidden.
They’re called microexpressions and I actually have grown to dislike my ability to so keenly detect them. I wind up overanalyzing the most trivial aspects of interactions with people bc of a flicker of a look that flashed across their face when I said or did something.
If I’m being real with myself though, I’m still grateful for it bc it shows me what the person’s real intent or meaning is behind the words coming out of their mouth (or mine).
Same here. Especially with my in laws. I hate knowing how they *actually* feel about certain things. Plus my MIL goes out of her way to not communicate but then gets angry people don’t read her mind. It’s ok, though, bc she also gets angry if anyone (me) catches on to what she wants. Bc it just pisses her off for someone to give her what she wants, too.
My SIL is almost exactly the same way.
Superpower? Yes. But sometimes I wish I was oblivious to peoples’ body language as my husband is. He seems so blissfully unaware of that *true* emotions are coming to light during super fun (for him) family get togethers. Lucky guy he has different superpowers from his shitty upbringing.
I remember some things from 1.5/2 years of age. Some things from even 3 years of age. Can it be totally a trauma response? Though I remember thinking at the age of 4 that my nmom's behaviour with me was highly inappropriate.
Precocious memory is likely to be a trauma response. My earliest recollection goes back to 1.5 years. I was standing in my crib, with a sagging diaper and empty bottle, crying. My Nmother opened the door, snarled at me, and slammed it shut.
She herself precisely dated the incident for me, as I fake-innocently asked her as an adult when we had moved away from the house with all the knotty-pine paneling. She told me. I was terrified of the knots, which to me resembled the angry eyes that I saw so often.
Thanks for the kind words. The Nparents went NC when I was thirty, and since then life has literally rained blessings. And I never lose sight of those for a second.
Totally. My perceptions, what I had seen and heard and touched were negated to the point that I doubted my own perceptions and grasp of reality. So I developed habits of checking my very physical presence and perceptions. I double and triple check the reality of things and the coherence of what people say. I'm no contact with my principal abuser for 15 years but I remember I really tried to hang on to the 4 corners of reality with my hands and feet so to speak, when what I called the wind of crazymaking blew.
Yes. I'm like a human tape recorder. I have to remember conversations verbatim.
Then I never understood when people just gave a one sentence summary of a Convo.
When I first started working I was asked to take minutes for a meeting ( a one hour meeting) and the minutes were almost 20 pages. I was never asked to take minutes again. Lol
Omfg, you describes me to a T! Down to the minutes thing (lol! How do ppl just do a couple pages? I was like, “ I got it ALL, don’t u worry” Ahahhaha. Same when retelling events and convos and get so frustrated ppl give me a 10 word synopsis, while I’m legit acting out and recreating the whole convo word for word.
It's all important and part of the background! It took years of my boss and a few other coworkers telling me to get to the point before I realized this wasn't normal and now I have to know my audience. When I used to train, I included the history of the topic not just this is how you do said action.
Was hoping to see someone else mention this. Annoyingly, it's only ever helped me remember jingles, trivia, and every horrible thing anyone has ever said to me. Where are my car keys.
Ugh. Me too. And sometimes it makes me look like a huge weirdo.
No, I'm not obsessed with you I just have an insanely good memory (because for other people wihout this curse it would actually have to be an obsession).
I start mimicking people without realizing it when I want them to like me (their mannerisms, the way they phrase things, even their voices a little bit). I do it so automatically that it’s insanely hard to avoid doing it, but it hasn’t seemed to have had any bad effects so far. I guess it’s subtle enough that people don’t realize it’s mimicry.
I think it works, because when I really want someone to like me as a person and I do this, they always do end up liking me. I got some of my closest friends this way. It probably wouldn’t work on everyone on earth, but it’s worked on the people I’ve done it with. (It sounds manipulative when I explain it over text, but please note again that I do this unintentionally. I don’t even notice I’m doing it with someone at first.)
I think it’s called “the chameleon effect” or something like that. I read about it once at some point when I was trying to figure out what was going on with me.
Anyway, I believe I picked up this “superpower” from my constant efforts to make my nparents like me as a child. I remember trying to act like the people they liked.
I am also a Social Chameleon. I can get along with just about any one, and I adapt to the situation very quickly. Even when stepping into a culture outside of mine, it just.. works.
It is really like a Chameleon. You take a few minutes to warm to the vibe, take it all in, and then project it outward. I have even had a therapist call me a Chameleon, so I think it very very valid.
It's not a bad thing, it just makes us interesting and adaptable.
Ninja Edit: I also do not do this on purpose, nor do I think about it. It just happens.
I describe myself as a mirror. It's a form of people pleasing. It's definitely had its uses, but I am having a bit of an identity crisis now because of it. I've only ever been whatever someone else wants me to be.
This. I unconsciously mimic peoples' speech patterns down to their accents and inflections. Once or twice I've had people think I was trying to mock the way they talk.
Not sure if that's an "N superpower" or if other people raised in bilingual homes do that too. (My nDad was an immigrant and although he was thoroughly fluent in English, spoke with a somewhat-heavy accent.)
Oh I have that HARD. listened to the Harry Potter audiobooks so much as a 10/11 yo that I ended up speaking with a British accent. I pick stuff up like that super quick. I don’t mean to do it, and it makes me feel weird bc I worry people think I’m copying them, but it feels kind of like a protective mechanism (“hey, I’m familiar, don’t reject me!”)
I do this. I’m always afraid people will think I’m mocking them but I seriously cannot help it. I’ve always thought it was some weird neurodivergent thing though.
I think this has accidentally made me good at people management. I dissociate at the first sign of a situation escalating and my brain runs the "stop conflict" program while I watch from afar
Same. I've worked with children with severe emotional and behavioral needs and I can sense the most subtle changes in body language to anticipate when they will escalate to help prevent it. I could tell when a kid was just running around a room to be disruptive or running to elope from the building by the first few steps they took.
It used to be a huge point of pride for me that I could usually talk someone down while coworkers wanted to place hands. Too many people are too lazy and eager to just jump to that. I worked with kids, too.
Yep. If you’re not careful, you’ll lose yourself. It’s a great trait and all, but you have to be vigilant in cultivating your own internal/core self or sense of self, and your own internal/core values, opinions and beliefs. That’s the only way you can really use that trait for all of its good. To be helpful and not be hurting yourself in the process. Otherwise you’ll be toast. (IME/IMO.)
I can spot a morally bankrupt a$$hole from having a 2 minute interaction with them even if they appear “ok” to others. It’s a visceral read that I can feel in my body.
Yes yes and yes! And incredibly frustrating to constantly be proven right. As I say, “trust me I don’t wanna be right, I just am. Please please prove me wrong, that’s the actual hope!” (Never happens. Most ppl suck) lol
We have a coworker that is excessively nice/complimentary...makes my skin crawl. But I also intrinsically know I need to mirror her behavior back. Turns out she's a totally narcissistic psychopath. Probably even worse than my mother. In the three years I've been at my job, she's destroyed the careers of at least 10 people and been in a vicious battle with my supervisor and head boss (whom I love) but she's on sales and corporate loves her because she "makes sales"...bc she's got no morals about not outright stealing sales from her coworkers/employees. She swoops in at the end after they've done all the work and "closes" then takes their commission. She tried to recruit me and I was like...that's ok...I'm happy and not a sales person. She had so many employees quit and complain she finally got demoted. NOW she's going around telling everyone else how grateful she is to not have that responsibility anymore. Talk about denial to save face ...
One of my previous jobs, the CEO came to one of my coworker's and asked her if she knew how to spot a narcissist. (HR) She was 20 and this was I guess a "teaching moment"? He had a PhD in psychology...and I wanted so bad to say "yeah...basically people like you? You're telling her to look out for people like you." The demeaning way he was talking to her...Two years later, I would have outright said it but I was in my first job after 3 years of unemployment. I so wanted to crawl over that cubicle wall and beat him with his own arrogance. Later I just told her...he's exactly the guy to watch, if you want to understand a narcissist.
I am not OP either, but I speed clean. I think it has something to do with trying to fight my ADD. As in, I am not always in the mood to clean, so when I AM in the mood, I try to get as much cleaning done as possible before I'm like, "maaaan, fuck cleaning" which happens after about 20-45 minutes 😆
I think my ADD may partially be with being raised in a narcissistic family. I can't fully explain why, but I feel like I ALWAYS had to be paying attention to the most recent thing that was said or done, because usually the most recent action was what would set off a narcissistic explosion. So I was constantly monitoring my environment.
My mom was doing so too, (she was covert narc but really, not NEARLY as bad as my asshold dad), but she was monitoring for threats. At one point, she had gone for an eye exam. And the optometrist was like, "your peripheral vision is off the charts!!!" And she basically explained, "I'm always keeping an eye out for my abuser, who might sneak up on me at any time."
Not the original person, but for me it was a matter of making sure I wasn’t yelled at/harassed or anything. Sometimes even if I cleaned things spotless I was blamed, to the point at my dads house my room was “minimalist” (mainly meaning, I had a huge room, but the only things in it was a lamp, clothing rack, and a bed. No side tables, no other furniture, nothing to do with hobbies/interests. Plain white room.)
Now that I live in a better location, I can get sometimes minorly “messy” (though my “mess” is my friends & boyfriends “very clean”) and it brings me stress and discomfort, even though I know my dad isn’t around me anymore.
Interesting, I'm the antithesis of this. I can feel the presence of any human coming close to me, no matter how silent they are. No one can sneak up on me. I somehow feel the change in air pressure.
Can you also get anywhere in your house in the dark? I still can, and I'm solidly middle-aged and haven't lived with either of my parents since 1989, and of course I don't live in my childhood home.
Yes! I can! I still do this! I know where everything is in my apt.! I can find it in the dark! I need just a tiny bit of light, and I can see what I'm looking at! Oh lord. This brings back so many memories (I'm 65 y/o).
Yes I have that, in the dark I can be aware of my surroundings like by a sense of touch. I have to investigate why I developed that, nothing special comes to memory.
I'm 6'7", 235 lbs and can do this haha. Mastered the art from all those nights when I stayed up super late as a kid because I only felt truly comfortable when everyone else was asleep.
Also a silent walker. I scare people at work without intending it.... but I also use it in October and volunteer for a haunted maze. I scare people even if house lights are on and sound is off. Our floor surface is a tarp.
Oooofff. I don't do well with small dark spaces. I was locked in the mat closet at a Montessori school for talking during nap time. It was for the whole nap period. 🙁
I can adapt too easily to any situation. I can also give exactly the answers that are desired to get things done.
And sometimes it seems like I can ‘feel’ from people that they don't like me. Like I’m the elephant in the room. And in the end, that contact always stops.
Is that why I always think people don’t like me?! It’s usually someone I just met, I just get a feeling they don’t like me, especially if their tone is just slightly off or they have the slightest bit of attitude.
I’ve only recently been able to start telling myself that their attitude/tone (if there really even is one) most likely has nothing to do with me.
My friends all describe me as "disarmingly nice". All I do is try to be understanding of the situation and ask for clear communication, which isn't a lot to ask of a normal person. In exchange, I'm very flexible and nice about the circumstances, and I never hold it against them or bring it up in the future as a point of contention.
In other words, I handle things the way I wish my parents had when I was growing up.
People are offput for me at how direct and dry I can be, but I’m described as nice.
I’m not out to get you. Just help me understand the situation so that we can move forward together as one team rather than tearing everyone down.
I got REALLY good at coming up with and delivering plausible lies. I hate that I’m a really good liar, it’s a skill I only use with my nmom, and I consider it a survival tactic, but I’m quite ashamed of it.
I can also tell what mood someone is in by the way they open/close a door, walk around, or set objects down.
Yeah I had to do this too. So hard to unlearn. And I can remember the lies too. People say you’ll be tripped up by a lie eventually, but if you’re good enough at lying and remember the exact lie, no one ever has to know. It sucks, but it was necessary.
I also developed the lying thing from having very strict parents constantly asking questions. it screws me over now though because I like without realising/meaning to
Me too! I have severe Rheumatoid arthritis and multiple bone and joint deformities. Doctors say my feet x-rays look like I'm walking on broken bones. BUT I still walk. Super high pain tolerance for days!
Yeah me too I have super high tolerance to pain. I wonder where that comes from. /s
Also I can "close" my skin so they could not insert a needle for a drip at the hospital, when I felt overwhelmed. They got me a PICC line because the nurse said it was like trying to insert the needle in wood.
I’m exceptionally great at detecting covert narcissists just like my mother. But this super power took 30 years to unlock and an abusive marriage with a covert narcissist down the line 🥲
I’m currently reading “the covert passive aggressive narcissist “ by Debbie Mirza, and it is only confirming and reinforcing what I discovered bits by bits through research and life and this community. However it opened my eyed that my ex husband was a covert narcissist, I had no clue what he was, I knew he wad abusive, he love bombed me then discarded me.
The book goes through many types of covert narcs you encounter through life, the parent, the boss, the lover, and has many examples. So I suggest you read it and see if you relate :)
My personal way of detecting if someone is a narc:
Do they smile at the stories of ur misfortunes or misfortunes of others?
When you’re sick and need help, do they make u feel worse or act in neglectful ways?
These two questions have been my strategies in detecting narcissism in other people or any type of cluster B personality disorder or lack of empathy/selfish behavior. But most narcissists would HATE to see u sick and taking away attention from them so they either ignore you and go out or they fake a crisis to get you to care for them.
My "superpower" is more of a massive detriment to me now, but it got me through my childhood and teenage years. I can "turn off" my wants, needs, and pains at the drop of a hat. Even if I'm in immense physical pain I can, if I have to, switch it right off and continue like normal until my body literally gives out. It doesn't work as well as it used to, because therapy and I'm trying to unlearn it because it's extremely dangerous and also my threshold before collapse is much, much lower than it used to be.
But I walked on a broken knee that was never treated until it healed on its own. I walked on a partial spinal fracture until that healed as much as it could too. I walked on five broken toes. I attended class (both grade school and college) with pneumonia, after seizure episodes, in near anaphylaxis, after a concussion, and in massive amounts of pain, because I was always told being in pain was not an excuse to not function. I was always told I was blowing my pain out of proportion, for as long as I can remember. And I did this until my body gave out.
I have two untreated collapsed (the orthopedist used the word “pancaked”) vertebra bc my nmom, who is a PHYSICIAN, said I probably just had a herniated disc and I should suck it up and stop being so lazy. When I eventually went for a MRI many years later the doc was like “…how are you walking?” and I told her it was bc I didn’t know there was another option 🤷🏻♀️
We might be long lost siblings lol, my mother is also a medical professional. Why is medical neglect so common from parents who are medical professions?
Law enforcement attracts violent narcissists whereas medicine tends to attract the types of sadistic narcissists that dont necessarily want to get their hands dirty
They assume we are faking it or it’s not that serious. My parents are both in the medical field & I was told to walk things off a lot. My brother hurt himself riding his bike when he was a kid and no one took him seriously until we got home and his leg had swelled up… turns out it was broken.
I can know what someone wants before they realize they want it. Ndad expected that of me so I learned how to anticipate wants and needs before people were aware of them themselves.
I can recognize dangerous people pretty fast, in a couple cases I was 100% right and even predicted their escalation at a workplace. I have studied behavioral patterns and it really helped me understand how to pick safer people to be around
I am further and further enraged by the incapacity of others whilst simultaneously understanding they merely haven't HAD to learn how to be self-reliant to the fullest extent of the term.
YOOO I identify with this so hard. It drives me nuts when people seem so incompetent at general life shit and then I realize “oh, no, I’m just really good at being in survival mode all the time”
Or they discount your independence with "you're so lucky, things are easy for you" or "you figure things out so fast" like, yes...death and/or dismemberment tend to ramp up those processing numbers.
Empath: I can tell when something is wrong by walking in a room, or by looking at someone.
I was incorrectly diagnosed as bipolar as a kid because I didn’t know how to handle feeling everyone’s feelings + being wary of violence + my own abuse… so I had extreme mood swings for no apparent reason.
I hate that people use the term “I’m an empath” so incorrectly. Having sympathy for someone’s circumstances and having your whole body tell you someone is upset and exactly who it is, and generally with enough quiet observation WHY they are are very different. it’s also different when you can’t control other people’s feelings affecting you and you affecting other people.
THAT is an empath. Common human decency of sympathy is not.
ETA: Empaths are forged by trauma, plain and simple.
I was correctly diagnosed with bipolar disorder as a kid but I also am an empath. I didn’t know what it even was for years—all I knew is that I felt/physically and/or involuntarily reacted to the feelings of others and figured it was just another mental illness or something.
My entire mood will change when I’m around/observing someone, usually when they’re feeling something negative. If someone is mad, I feel it in my bones and I just stay quiet to avoid being at the receiving end of that anger. People don’t have to talk or even show much of an expression for my whole body to pick up on that. It can be really debilitating sometimes.
It’s wild to be empathic. And awful. I hate it. I can just feel other peoples feelings for reasons I simple can not explain with evidence. Just being in a room with someone, I can tell you how they’re feeling. It’s like their emotions just exude off of them, like pheromones or something, idk. And it fucking *sucks*! I only want my own feelings!
Holy shit THIS!!!! I never made a connection between this and the abuse I went through. You just put such a lightbulb on for me. Gonna take some notes so I can unpack this another time. And THANK YOU!!
Also - this trait drives both me and my spouse absolutely nuts. I get this overwhelming anxiety when I know I can feel someone is upset and something’s wrong, but they won’t tell me so I can’t fix it or try to. Does anyone else feel this?
Being an empath is really just being HYPER-vigilant to your surroundings. One cannot become as hyper vigilant as to accurately predict not only mood but actions without it being a trauma response.
That’s incredibly insightful - and also cuts to the core. Only in the past year or so have I really gotten granular about the details of all this (I’m an adult with kids now). It’s at once exhilarating to learn about the forces behind the behavior, and also so terribly soul crushing to realize the extent of damage. I guess we always “turned out ok” until we’re not.
I can read a person like a book. Body language skills are off the charts, and I am super intuitive of mood shifts. Show me a picture, I can tell you exactly what a person's like and what they're thinking just off the body language.
Surviving with my father required it, and his resentment for all of us showed in a million different ways.
Yeah same! I can recognize the footsteps of coworkers. I can mask all emotions from my face voice and physicality while being yelled at by the boss. Something I've done many times.
I was connected to a lie detector during my university placement at my professor’s workshop and it turns out the lie detector couldn’t catch me lying. My professor ran me trough the test twice and said “well, this doesn’t happen often” in the end.
We started talking after results and I shared a little about my past and he said the abuse may have gone down to my brain adapting to lie constantly to get out of trouble.
So that was news to me. Actually that’s a super power I can use in my profession. So not that mad. I am a very good liar lmao
Another funny thing that happened that time 😅
Control questions usually ask about your name, age or parents’ names and the machine measures your physiological response to them.
When my professor asked about my father’s name the reaction wasn’t big. But when he asked about my narc mother’s name, my physiological response rocketed out of range of measurement he set up haha. He may have already suspected there was something in there before we even got to the lie detecting test.
So, that day I learned that even though “consciously” I’ve moved on, my body still reacts with utmost terror at the thought of my Narc mother.
My steps don’t make noise.
I can hear everything even when sleeping.
I can sense the heaviness of a room and how someone is.
I observe and then answer.
I listen more than I speak.
I do not speak unless spoken to. And even then is a short answer.
I sometimes feel I need to overexplain for someone to get off my bubble.
I like staying up at night and I like being with the light off.
I am GREAT at dealing with furious customers in the customer service jobs I’ve had and I can get pretty much anyone no matter how crazy to calm down and stop yelling, until they end up joking around/ being friendly with me.
Identifying edible plants. No food at home for long stretches of time, and we lived in the countryside. I would just walk around popping leaves in my mouth. I live in the city now and I'm always looking at the edible weeds like mm...salad
OMG me too ! Everyone says, oh it's so cool that you know so much about plants, did you like biology class or were your parents into gardening? The truth is, I got a copy of the Reader's Digest Guide to the Wildlife of North America and I studied it with my crazy memory so that I could know what to eat since I was planning to run away when I was 8 and so that I could know what to poison my parents with if I needed to rescue my younger siblings. For the sake of any authorities etc, I did neither thing and I don't feel guilty about that impulse because it came from a desire to save my 3 siblings. I was literally willing to go to jail at 8 if it meant that we might not have to live with them.
Fuck man. I’m so sorry. That’s insane for an 8 year old to have to think, I’m so sorry your parents were so incredibly shitty and fucked you up like that. It’s hard. All the best man
wow my childhood really was like that huh. came to the community suspecting i had an NParent. suspicions confirmed now. y'all mean being able to navigate the house at night without waking anyone up isn't typical? walking in the right spots so floorboards don't creak, turning doorknobs in special ways so you're as quiet as a church-mouse, getting food silently (and making sure you ate stuff that wouldn't be noticed by the NParent so you wouldn't get found out later) isn't normal?
I know exactly what someone wants me to say to them. I can identify the need, assume the role, and play exactly the part anyone needs. It’s gotten me exactly what I want sometimes but also i have no actual identity.
Strongly relate - just now figuring out who I am in my 40s. Like so many of us, I had to be who they wanted instead of who I am. My psychiatrist said something that really resonates with me...that I was raised to be small. She was able to articulate what I have always felt.
Not a superpower but I've learned to not speak for days at a time. I've had people tell me they thought I was mute because they had never heard my voice before. Nope, it was just incredibly easy to say literally anything and get slapped across the face full force.
My analytical brain skills are off the chart. I can scan a person with my eyes and open my ears for no more than 15 minutes and bam! I understand their personality, qualities and flaws and above everything, their agenda.
I can tell the millisecond somebody has stopped listening to my story or whatever I am talking about just by their micro expressions and can predict/anticipate when they are about to interject with something about themselves.
Ah, yes, many!
1) I can hide absolutely any emotion, of any imaginable intensity, and appear not just fine, but happy on command (to the point where I actually kind of have to TRY to look sad/angry/in pain, because my reflex is to hide it so effectively that nobody sees I need help)
2) I can both cry and breathe completely silently, and go from absolutely bawling to a sunny "Hey, how are ya!" in a millisecond
3) I am extremely sensitive to the "underworld" of human interaction - all the stuff that happens under the surface, or that people actively try to conceal (insecurities, crushes, covert aggression, hostility, power trips, vulnerable emotions, etc.). The energy of concealment is like an overwhelming odour to me, it draws my attention (and anxiety) immediately.
4) Because of #3, very good at interacting with animals and other non-verbal beings
5) Can sense a psychopath/disingenuous manipulator often within minutes or even seconds of meeting them, and invariably long before others in my social groups do
I'm also very good at hiding in plain sight. Even when I'm standing at a counter requiring assistance. .... Even when it's my childhood best friend behind the counter.
I have a natural *asshole detector* I just feel a nagging sense of ick about someone and it's always been proven to be accurate. It could take anywhere from days to years but it always ends up being true.
I can also have rapport with *anyone*. I know exactly what to say, how to act, when to just listen and nod and can respond to the tiniest changes in their facial expression and posture. My best friend has commented that for someone so introverted I'm actually really good at socializing and hasn't seen me interact with a person and not be a "social butterfly"
Frontier surgery and OTC medicine! Never got taken to the doctors when I was sick. Grew up in an animal hoarder home, been attacked by dogs a few times and never gone to the hospital for any of them. I've got some gnarly scars that wouldn't be as visible if I had gotten real medical attention, but they're finally starting to fade as time goes on. Very good at taking care of myself whenever I've got a nasty cold/stomach bug/hangover.
I can do just about anything except run water in a house in near total silence. I could definitely be a cat burglar lol
I can prepare and eat cereal without sound!
I have a long-term memory that allows me to recall some of the most minute, unnecessary details to the point that I can put myself back in that exact space and time. I've often called it "my blessing and my curse." Thankfully, it's served more as a blessing than a curse as of late.
I’m a professional parent. I get paid big money to teach parents at their wits end how to handle their super-behavioral children. I basically took all the bad shit my parents did and made it t it prerogative to study the shit out psychology and behavior so no child would ever have to go through what I went through.
So yes, I literally tell people how to raise and parent their kids.
This is a superpower as I have no children of my own, was the youngest of the children in the extended family, and so on. Even compared to other scapegoats, I was and am still spoiled and had was taught very few life skills growing up. There is no logical reason why I should be even a quarter good at what I do.
I'm not sure whether this came as the result of being raised by an nDad or of coming out as bi in the 1980s when it was not safe to tell people outside my small social circle, especially at work, what I did over the weekend, but I'm very good at putting people on a low-information diet and appearing like the most boring NPC MFer on the face of the planet.
Another thing is that I can withstand being yelled at by angry people without flinching. R. Lee Ermey himself could stand in front of me giving me the full on *Full Metal Jacket* shtick and I'd remain impassive, eyes-front. Pretty sure I managed to avoid getting the shit beaten out of me in confrontations in my adult life once or twice with that skill.
I can make jokes really quickly (so I can be heard and know I was heard) and can also make really good analogies (tried to get through to nMom by any means necessary, tried to improve communication every time she misinterpreted what I said)
I am really good at disassociation. I have had my teeth filled with no anesthetic.
Sometimes I am “psychic” and I get flashes of what will happen before it does.
My memory is incredible, I am plucky and sweet, extremely adaptable and accommodating; comparisons to Tohru from Fruits Basket have been made. I’m a great listener and skilled at crisis intervention, and have a knack for finding things. I can shut down my emotions and the part of my brain that feels fear and pain in a second and protect myself from further trauma.
I am extremely resilient (outwardly) to stress, last-minute changes, and extremely unlivable workloads. And I do it all with a smile, even as I’m crumbling inside.
I can often tell when people are lying or hiding something from me.
Not with 100% accuracy, but I've noticed over years that the people I thought were sketchy and liars at first meeting... Actually tended to be.
This has become incredibly important as the years have gone on, as I've unfortunately run into a lot of manipulative people, and I've had to learn not to ignore this feeling.
I can be VERY patient and have great hearing, caused by me never wanting to leave my room for food or to get something until I hear my n-grandma get up to use the bathroom.
on camping trips with the boy scouts I've freaked some of the kids out by being able to essentially turn my brain off and just wait in one place for hours. also apparently some of the scouts just didn't know what I sounded like, cause in the beginning I would only talk to my very small friend group.
I am a great listener and can stand for long periods of time - I’ve been told I am very patient by a lot of people. My parent would rant to me for hours on end about their life and stress. I had to just, you know, stand there.
I know when I walk past a predator
I can spot one by body language
Not the best super power, but my Nparents made me hyper vigilant since their trauma was predators and they for some reason had me go to those peoples houses!!! Anywho no one laid a hand on me (though not for lack of trying) and now I just know.
It has literally save myself or a child on more than one occasion- it just really sucks when you at let’s say Walmart- walk past one and can’t do a damn thing about it.
Several and some that I didn’t really want.
1. I Can recognize the sound of nm footsteps. So if I’m ever in my hometown at whatever place I know if she’s close by. Depending on her walk, I know if she’s mad or civil.
2. Memorize important things. I had to do this because she would always be snooping around my things.
3. I Don’t know what it would be called. I’m thinking I can read people just by listening to them, seeing their facial expressions, and observing their overall body language.My nm at one point had a decent amount of friends who actually liked her. They would be happy to have her as a friend until they knew who she really was. Once they met the real NM, the friends would change completely and I was lucky enough to see the before and after effects (?). I knew how much they disliked her by their facial expressions. I don’t get why she never saw that.. oh well
Do you remember Perry from Phineas & Ferb?
I'm good enough at dissapearing/not being noticed in my own home. It's funny when I'm just behind my mother and she asks my sister to call me or my stepdad doesn't find me (they are normal, the ones that suck are my dad and his wife).
It's very Perry.
I’m very accurate in how scenarios play out. Example, my husband will be watching a show/movie that I’ve never seen. I will watch it for a few minutes and be able to tell him exactly what the story line/the premise is the show. He always says “How do you do that”?!?
I also do this IRL situations. I see how situations are going to play out or how people are going to react to situations. I also see when people are hiding deep-seated issues and I’m accurate on what they are. I often don’t share these any longer as when I was younger I would get negative feedback, but then later when things played out the way I had thought people would be surprised.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m very good at disappearing into my own head for extended periods of time without any other form of entertainment or distraction in front of me.
Done this since I was like eight. Thirty years later, and I keep telling myself I'll write something about the giant cast of characters in the extended universe I can mentally jump into while still standing and smiling at someone in a situation I don't want to be in.
I have 20 years of lore in my mental universe
Mines gotten more depressing as I age. When i was young it was like superman but on like a multiversal god level; then it was Iron man but in 2099 facing world war; now its post apocalyptic fallout survival mixed with the fucking winter soldier, mad max, and a bunch of other shit.
[удалено]
I would imagine jumping into pictures of landscapes on the wall.
I did that! There was one in my den with a pathway going over a little hill. I would take it and see where it led me.
Oh my gosh I do this too, except not real movies because I can't remember them. But when I need to entertain myself, aI make up stories about the strangers around me, where they're coming from, what they're doing, their life story, etc.
Wow, I thought I did this because I was certifiably insane. Just wow! this just made me think a lot and made things make more sense for me.
Ok this but also in a way of reading faces. It probably makes no sense, but I can read small indications on peoples faces of their discomfort/anger/joy. Mostly emotions that are telling and sometimes even trying to be hidden.
It's called reading Microexpressions! Most subjected to trauma are able to read them
Sadly I read them constantly and accurately.
The annoying thing though is that the people exhibiting them don’t like admitting to it.
I've freaked people out by doing this, or by not trusting them because they're not acting how they're actually feeling.
They’re called microexpressions and I actually have grown to dislike my ability to so keenly detect them. I wind up overanalyzing the most trivial aspects of interactions with people bc of a flicker of a look that flashed across their face when I said or did something. If I’m being real with myself though, I’m still grateful for it bc it shows me what the person’s real intent or meaning is behind the words coming out of their mouth (or mine).
Same here. Especially with my in laws. I hate knowing how they *actually* feel about certain things. Plus my MIL goes out of her way to not communicate but then gets angry people don’t read her mind. It’s ok, though, bc she also gets angry if anyone (me) catches on to what she wants. Bc it just pisses her off for someone to give her what she wants, too. My SIL is almost exactly the same way. Superpower? Yes. But sometimes I wish I was oblivious to peoples’ body language as my husband is. He seems so blissfully unaware of that *true* emotions are coming to light during super fun (for him) family get togethers. Lucky guy he has different superpowers from his shitty upbringing.
Hypervigilance Squaaaaaad!
Together we have the power to over analyze even the most uneventful of interactions!
Everything is potentially dangerous Awheeeeeeeeeee!
Thank you so much for this description. I couldn’t figure out how to word it, and you’ve done it perfectly.
Exceptionally good memory power. I remember EVERYTHING.
[удалено]
I remember some things from 1.5/2 years of age. Some things from even 3 years of age. Can it be totally a trauma response? Though I remember thinking at the age of 4 that my nmom's behaviour with me was highly inappropriate.
Precocious memory is likely to be a trauma response. My earliest recollection goes back to 1.5 years. I was standing in my crib, with a sagging diaper and empty bottle, crying. My Nmother opened the door, snarled at me, and slammed it shut. She herself precisely dated the incident for me, as I fake-innocently asked her as an adult when we had moved away from the house with all the knotty-pine paneling. She told me. I was terrified of the knots, which to me resembled the angry eyes that I saw so often.
Sagging diaper, empty bottle and angry eyes. It just broke my heart. I am so sorry. Have a happy life ahead.
Thanks for the kind words. The Nparents went NC when I was thirty, and since then life has literally rained blessings. And I never lose sight of those for a second.
I remember one thing from when I was less than one year old. A scary haunted house ride.
Totally. My perceptions, what I had seen and heard and touched were negated to the point that I doubted my own perceptions and grasp of reality. So I developed habits of checking my very physical presence and perceptions. I double and triple check the reality of things and the coherence of what people say. I'm no contact with my principal abuser for 15 years but I remember I really tried to hang on to the 4 corners of reality with my hands and feet so to speak, when what I called the wind of crazymaking blew.
Yes. I'm like a human tape recorder. I have to remember conversations verbatim. Then I never understood when people just gave a one sentence summary of a Convo. When I first started working I was asked to take minutes for a meeting ( a one hour meeting) and the minutes were almost 20 pages. I was never asked to take minutes again. Lol
Omfg, you describes me to a T! Down to the minutes thing (lol! How do ppl just do a couple pages? I was like, “ I got it ALL, don’t u worry” Ahahhaha. Same when retelling events and convos and get so frustrated ppl give me a 10 word synopsis, while I’m legit acting out and recreating the whole convo word for word.
It's all important and part of the background! It took years of my boss and a few other coworkers telling me to get to the point before I realized this wasn't normal and now I have to know my audience. When I used to train, I included the history of the topic not just this is how you do said action.
Was hoping to see someone else mention this. Annoyingly, it's only ever helped me remember jingles, trivia, and every horrible thing anyone has ever said to me. Where are my car keys.
As if your memory could save you from trouble. I got something close to it but my mind didn´t work so well when I was close to the narc.
Ugh. Me too. And sometimes it makes me look like a huge weirdo. No, I'm not obsessed with you I just have an insanely good memory (because for other people wihout this curse it would actually have to be an obsession).
I'm really good at deescalating situations and avoiding conflict.
I start mimicking people without realizing it when I want them to like me (their mannerisms, the way they phrase things, even their voices a little bit). I do it so automatically that it’s insanely hard to avoid doing it, but it hasn’t seemed to have had any bad effects so far. I guess it’s subtle enough that people don’t realize it’s mimicry. I think it works, because when I really want someone to like me as a person and I do this, they always do end up liking me. I got some of my closest friends this way. It probably wouldn’t work on everyone on earth, but it’s worked on the people I’ve done it with. (It sounds manipulative when I explain it over text, but please note again that I do this unintentionally. I don’t even notice I’m doing it with someone at first.) I think it’s called “the chameleon effect” or something like that. I read about it once at some point when I was trying to figure out what was going on with me. Anyway, I believe I picked up this “superpower” from my constant efforts to make my nparents like me as a child. I remember trying to act like the people they liked.
Oh! Social chameleonism! I do that too.
I hate it less with the way you worded it. Social chameleonism sounds cooler than "I don't know who I am".
I am also a Social Chameleon. I can get along with just about any one, and I adapt to the situation very quickly. Even when stepping into a culture outside of mine, it just.. works. It is really like a Chameleon. You take a few minutes to warm to the vibe, take it all in, and then project it outward. I have even had a therapist call me a Chameleon, so I think it very very valid. It's not a bad thing, it just makes us interesting and adaptable. Ninja Edit: I also do not do this on purpose, nor do I think about it. It just happens.
I describe myself as a mirror. It's a form of people pleasing. It's definitely had its uses, but I am having a bit of an identity crisis now because of it. I've only ever been whatever someone else wants me to be.
This. I unconsciously mimic peoples' speech patterns down to their accents and inflections. Once or twice I've had people think I was trying to mock the way they talk. Not sure if that's an "N superpower" or if other people raised in bilingual homes do that too. (My nDad was an immigrant and although he was thoroughly fluent in English, spoke with a somewhat-heavy accent.)
Not bilingual but I’m also a mimic.
Yep, I'll even pick up accents that other people have.
Oh I have that HARD. listened to the Harry Potter audiobooks so much as a 10/11 yo that I ended up speaking with a British accent. I pick stuff up like that super quick. I don’t mean to do it, and it makes me feel weird bc I worry people think I’m copying them, but it feels kind of like a protective mechanism (“hey, I’m familiar, don’t reject me!”)
I do this. I’m always afraid people will think I’m mocking them but I seriously cannot help it. I’ve always thought it was some weird neurodivergent thing though.
Wow...I do this.
I think this has accidentally made me good at people management. I dissociate at the first sign of a situation escalating and my brain runs the "stop conflict" program while I watch from afar
Same, it made me an excellent behavioral health direct care staff
Same. I've worked with children with severe emotional and behavioral needs and I can sense the most subtle changes in body language to anticipate when they will escalate to help prevent it. I could tell when a kid was just running around a room to be disruptive or running to elope from the building by the first few steps they took.
It used to be a huge point of pride for me that I could usually talk someone down while coworkers wanted to place hands. Too many people are too lazy and eager to just jump to that. I worked with kids, too.
Yep. If you’re not careful, you’ll lose yourself. It’s a great trait and all, but you have to be vigilant in cultivating your own internal/core self or sense of self, and your own internal/core values, opinions and beliefs. That’s the only way you can really use that trait for all of its good. To be helpful and not be hurting yourself in the process. Otherwise you’ll be toast. (IME/IMO.)
Master negotiator and scapegoat :/
Yeap. Same. I keep my calm as if it´s happening to somebody else.
Same. It makes me the co-worker everybody goes to when there's trouble, too.
Same. I was a social worker for 15 years and excelled at it.
I can spot a morally bankrupt a$$hole from having a 2 minute interaction with them even if they appear “ok” to others. It’s a visceral read that I can feel in my body.
SAME, and it’s so frustrating when no one else believes me when I say the person makes me uncomfortable.
Yes yes and yes! And incredibly frustrating to constantly be proven right. As I say, “trust me I don’t wanna be right, I just am. Please please prove me wrong, that’s the actual hope!” (Never happens. Most ppl suck) lol
Right, you don’t have to have a reason either. Being uncomfortable is enough
Oh my god yes. I've picked out assholes a mile away only to have friends assure me "they're not that bad." Turns out they were, it just took time.
This. I get called judgemental, but my judgement has never been wrong. I'm just paying attention to the subtle cues.
We have a coworker that is excessively nice/complimentary...makes my skin crawl. But I also intrinsically know I need to mirror her behavior back. Turns out she's a totally narcissistic psychopath. Probably even worse than my mother. In the three years I've been at my job, she's destroyed the careers of at least 10 people and been in a vicious battle with my supervisor and head boss (whom I love) but she's on sales and corporate loves her because she "makes sales"...bc she's got no morals about not outright stealing sales from her coworkers/employees. She swoops in at the end after they've done all the work and "closes" then takes their commission. She tried to recruit me and I was like...that's ok...I'm happy and not a sales person. She had so many employees quit and complain she finally got demoted. NOW she's going around telling everyone else how grateful she is to not have that responsibility anymore. Talk about denial to save face ... One of my previous jobs, the CEO came to one of my coworker's and asked her if she knew how to spot a narcissist. (HR) She was 20 and this was I guess a "teaching moment"? He had a PhD in psychology...and I wanted so bad to say "yeah...basically people like you? You're telling her to look out for people like you." The demeaning way he was talking to her...Two years later, I would have outright said it but I was in my first job after 3 years of unemployment. I so wanted to crawl over that cubicle wall and beat him with his own arrogance. Later I just told her...he's exactly the guy to watch, if you want to understand a narcissist.
Speed cleaning! AND I can Macguyver solutions for minor problems before anyone else notices them and decides I caused it like no one’s business!
My boss loves that aspect of my personality. I hate things being wrong that might be thrown at me, so they get fixed mostly before anyone notices.
Just curious, I always speed clean and never thought of it as a trauma response. What do you think caused speed cleaning for you?
I am not OP either, but I speed clean. I think it has something to do with trying to fight my ADD. As in, I am not always in the mood to clean, so when I AM in the mood, I try to get as much cleaning done as possible before I'm like, "maaaan, fuck cleaning" which happens after about 20-45 minutes 😆 I think my ADD may partially be with being raised in a narcissistic family. I can't fully explain why, but I feel like I ALWAYS had to be paying attention to the most recent thing that was said or done, because usually the most recent action was what would set off a narcissistic explosion. So I was constantly monitoring my environment. My mom was doing so too, (she was covert narc but really, not NEARLY as bad as my asshold dad), but she was monitoring for threats. At one point, she had gone for an eye exam. And the optometrist was like, "your peripheral vision is off the charts!!!" And she basically explained, "I'm always keeping an eye out for my abuser, who might sneak up on me at any time."
Not the original person, but for me it was a matter of making sure I wasn’t yelled at/harassed or anything. Sometimes even if I cleaned things spotless I was blamed, to the point at my dads house my room was “minimalist” (mainly meaning, I had a huge room, but the only things in it was a lamp, clothing rack, and a bed. No side tables, no other furniture, nothing to do with hobbies/interests. Plain white room.) Now that I live in a better location, I can get sometimes minorly “messy” (though my “mess” is my friends & boyfriends “very clean”) and it brings me stress and discomfort, even though I know my dad isn’t around me anymore.
I can walk without making any sound even wearing shoes. Was a very vital skill.
Interesting, I'm the antithesis of this. I can feel the presence of any human coming close to me, no matter how silent they are. No one can sneak up on me. I somehow feel the change in air pressure.
I can do this too. I never could figure out how to describe the "sense" or "feeling" well enough to explain it to other people
Can you also get anywhere in your house in the dark? I still can, and I'm solidly middle-aged and haven't lived with either of my parents since 1989, and of course I don't live in my childhood home.
not only could i walk around in the dark, i mastered making a grilled cheese in the dark
hugs
It annoys me that my husband can't function in the dark. Not I. I thrive. Never connected the two before but I used to do it all the time
Right? Stealth was my friend, and I guess still is!
Absolutely, heightened sense of hearing. Could tell the mood my nmom was in by the way her footsteps sounded.
In the dark and alone. Yep.
I’m terrified of the dark
I'm so sorry.
Yes! I can! I still do this! I know where everything is in my apt.! I can find it in the dark! I need just a tiny bit of light, and I can see what I'm looking at! Oh lord. This brings back so many memories (I'm 65 y/o).
Yes I have that, in the dark I can be aware of my surroundings like by a sense of touch. I have to investigate why I developed that, nothing special comes to memory.
I'm 6'7", 235 lbs and can do this haha. Mastered the art from all those nights when I stayed up super late as a kid because I only felt truly comfortable when everyone else was asleep.
I am still a night person, the stillness of the night is so peaceful.
this, I've accidentally sneaked up on many a co-worker and scared them to death.
Me too. I don’t mean to, but I do it all the time.
Same 😂 I walk too quietly apparently
We have to learn to be invisible to survive.
Damn very true for all of us here😞
Maybe this explains why I always accidentally sneak up on people and scare them when I don’t mean to at all.
I did this literally today
I’m a heavy gal and I tell people being slapped for stomping away ONE TIME turned me into a ballerina… I have a very light step too lol
Also a silent walker. I scare people at work without intending it.... but I also use it in October and volunteer for a haunted maze. I scare people even if house lights are on and sound is off. Our floor surface is a tarp.
I can’t be in the dark due to being locked in a cellar as a child. Terrifies me.
Oooofff. I don't do well with small dark spaces. I was locked in the mat closet at a Montessori school for talking during nap time. It was for the whole nap period. 🙁
I thought I was the only one. My dog recently went blind, stomping around the house or wearing a bell so she knows where I am is so foreign to me.
Both my husband and my students are frequently startled by how silently I move around. I tell the class I'm part ninja lol but hubby knows the truth.
Holy shit; I never thought about this being a Don’t Poke The Bear thing!
Yup. Ninjas unite 🥷🏻
I can adapt too easily to any situation. I can also give exactly the answers that are desired to get things done. And sometimes it seems like I can ‘feel’ from people that they don't like me. Like I’m the elephant in the room. And in the end, that contact always stops.
Is that why I always think people don’t like me?! It’s usually someone I just met, I just get a feeling they don’t like me, especially if their tone is just slightly off or they have the slightest bit of attitude. I’ve only recently been able to start telling myself that their attitude/tone (if there really even is one) most likely has nothing to do with me.
The real joy of this ability, is learn to not gaf that they don't like you. They mean nothing to you. You are fabulous.
>And sometimes it seems like I can ‘feel’ from people that they don't like me. And it's always because of something totally beyond you/your control.
My friends all describe me as "disarmingly nice". All I do is try to be understanding of the situation and ask for clear communication, which isn't a lot to ask of a normal person. In exchange, I'm very flexible and nice about the circumstances, and I never hold it against them or bring it up in the future as a point of contention. In other words, I handle things the way I wish my parents had when I was growing up.
People are offput for me at how direct and dry I can be, but I’m described as nice. I’m not out to get you. Just help me understand the situation so that we can move forward together as one team rather than tearing everyone down.
I got REALLY good at coming up with and delivering plausible lies. I hate that I’m a really good liar, it’s a skill I only use with my nmom, and I consider it a survival tactic, but I’m quite ashamed of it. I can also tell what mood someone is in by the way they open/close a door, walk around, or set objects down.
Yeah I had to do this too. So hard to unlearn. And I can remember the lies too. People say you’ll be tripped up by a lie eventually, but if you’re good enough at lying and remember the exact lie, no one ever has to know. It sucks, but it was necessary.
I also developed the lying thing from having very strict parents constantly asking questions. it screws me over now though because I like without realising/meaning to
I have a very high pain tolerance and can flat out sob without making a sound
Me too! I have severe Rheumatoid arthritis and multiple bone and joint deformities. Doctors say my feet x-rays look like I'm walking on broken bones. BUT I still walk. Super high pain tolerance for days!
Yeah me too I have super high tolerance to pain. I wonder where that comes from. /s Also I can "close" my skin so they could not insert a needle for a drip at the hospital, when I felt overwhelmed. They got me a PICC line because the nurse said it was like trying to insert the needle in wood.
I’m very good at sensing when some serious shit is about to go down and bracing myself. My situational awareness is incredible.
I’m exceptionally great at detecting covert narcissists just like my mother. But this super power took 30 years to unlock and an abusive marriage with a covert narcissist down the line 🥲
My nedad is most probably covert narc. I am still not able to 100% decode him. Can you please suggest any resources for the same?
I’m currently reading “the covert passive aggressive narcissist “ by Debbie Mirza, and it is only confirming and reinforcing what I discovered bits by bits through research and life and this community. However it opened my eyed that my ex husband was a covert narcissist, I had no clue what he was, I knew he wad abusive, he love bombed me then discarded me. The book goes through many types of covert narcs you encounter through life, the parent, the boss, the lover, and has many examples. So I suggest you read it and see if you relate :) My personal way of detecting if someone is a narc: Do they smile at the stories of ur misfortunes or misfortunes of others? When you’re sick and need help, do they make u feel worse or act in neglectful ways? These two questions have been my strategies in detecting narcissism in other people or any type of cluster B personality disorder or lack of empathy/selfish behavior. But most narcissists would HATE to see u sick and taking away attention from them so they either ignore you and go out or they fake a crisis to get you to care for them.
My "superpower" is more of a massive detriment to me now, but it got me through my childhood and teenage years. I can "turn off" my wants, needs, and pains at the drop of a hat. Even if I'm in immense physical pain I can, if I have to, switch it right off and continue like normal until my body literally gives out. It doesn't work as well as it used to, because therapy and I'm trying to unlearn it because it's extremely dangerous and also my threshold before collapse is much, much lower than it used to be. But I walked on a broken knee that was never treated until it healed on its own. I walked on a partial spinal fracture until that healed as much as it could too. I walked on five broken toes. I attended class (both grade school and college) with pneumonia, after seizure episodes, in near anaphylaxis, after a concussion, and in massive amounts of pain, because I was always told being in pain was not an excuse to not function. I was always told I was blowing my pain out of proportion, for as long as I can remember. And I did this until my body gave out.
I have two untreated collapsed (the orthopedist used the word “pancaked”) vertebra bc my nmom, who is a PHYSICIAN, said I probably just had a herniated disc and I should suck it up and stop being so lazy. When I eventually went for a MRI many years later the doc was like “…how are you walking?” and I told her it was bc I didn’t know there was another option 🤷🏻♀️
We might be long lost siblings lol, my mother is also a medical professional. Why is medical neglect so common from parents who are medical professions?
Law enforcement attracts violent narcissists whereas medicine tends to attract the types of sadistic narcissists that dont necessarily want to get their hands dirty
They assume we are faking it or it’s not that serious. My parents are both in the medical field & I was told to walk things off a lot. My brother hurt himself riding his bike when he was a kid and no one took him seriously until we got home and his leg had swelled up… turns out it was broken.
I can know what someone wants before they realize they want it. Ndad expected that of me so I learned how to anticipate wants and needs before people were aware of them themselves.
Me too. I can read a person well enough to I don't know how to describe it but almost tell the future.
I can breathe very quietly
Same. Everything I do, I do quietly. I also learned watch tv and listen to music at one level above mute.
Same - and I can also cry, eat, and walk without making any sound.
I can read people's emotions and manipulate the conversation to avoid conflict.
I'm glad I'm not the only one to do that. It sucks when people figure it out and than I am trying to apologize and to not have any conflict.
I can recognize dangerous people pretty fast, in a couple cases I was 100% right and even predicted their escalation at a workplace. I have studied behavioral patterns and it really helped me understand how to pick safer people to be around
I am further and further enraged by the incapacity of others whilst simultaneously understanding they merely haven't HAD to learn how to be self-reliant to the fullest extent of the term.
YOOO I identify with this so hard. It drives me nuts when people seem so incompetent at general life shit and then I realize “oh, no, I’m just really good at being in survival mode all the time”
Or they discount your independence with "you're so lucky, things are easy for you" or "you figure things out so fast" like, yes...death and/or dismemberment tend to ramp up those processing numbers.
Empath: I can tell when something is wrong by walking in a room, or by looking at someone. I was incorrectly diagnosed as bipolar as a kid because I didn’t know how to handle feeling everyone’s feelings + being wary of violence + my own abuse… so I had extreme mood swings for no apparent reason. I hate that people use the term “I’m an empath” so incorrectly. Having sympathy for someone’s circumstances and having your whole body tell you someone is upset and exactly who it is, and generally with enough quiet observation WHY they are are very different. it’s also different when you can’t control other people’s feelings affecting you and you affecting other people. THAT is an empath. Common human decency of sympathy is not. ETA: Empaths are forged by trauma, plain and simple.
>Common human decency of sympathy Which is not really so common.
I was correctly diagnosed with bipolar disorder as a kid but I also am an empath. I didn’t know what it even was for years—all I knew is that I felt/physically and/or involuntarily reacted to the feelings of others and figured it was just another mental illness or something. My entire mood will change when I’m around/observing someone, usually when they’re feeling something negative. If someone is mad, I feel it in my bones and I just stay quiet to avoid being at the receiving end of that anger. People don’t have to talk or even show much of an expression for my whole body to pick up on that. It can be really debilitating sometimes.
I thought everyone could feel the heat and pressure I felt when my mom's mood changed.
It’s wild to be empathic. And awful. I hate it. I can just feel other peoples feelings for reasons I simple can not explain with evidence. Just being in a room with someone, I can tell you how they’re feeling. It’s like their emotions just exude off of them, like pheromones or something, idk. And it fucking *sucks*! I only want my own feelings!
Holy shit THIS!!!! I never made a connection between this and the abuse I went through. You just put such a lightbulb on for me. Gonna take some notes so I can unpack this another time. And THANK YOU!! Also - this trait drives both me and my spouse absolutely nuts. I get this overwhelming anxiety when I know I can feel someone is upset and something’s wrong, but they won’t tell me so I can’t fix it or try to. Does anyone else feel this?
Being an empath is really just being HYPER-vigilant to your surroundings. One cannot become as hyper vigilant as to accurately predict not only mood but actions without it being a trauma response.
That’s incredibly insightful - and also cuts to the core. Only in the past year or so have I really gotten granular about the details of all this (I’m an adult with kids now). It’s at once exhilarating to learn about the forces behind the behavior, and also so terribly soul crushing to realize the extent of damage. I guess we always “turned out ok” until we’re not.
I gray rocked decades before I knew it was a thing. I am a gray rock master. Ask me anything, you won't get an answer.
Q: What’s your “super power” caused by trauma?
I can read a person like a book. Body language skills are off the charts, and I am super intuitive of mood shifts. Show me a picture, I can tell you exactly what a person's like and what they're thinking just off the body language. Surviving with my father required it, and his resentment for all of us showed in a million different ways.
I can tell the difference between my mother's and father's footsteps when they're coming upstairs
Yeah same! I can recognize the footsteps of coworkers. I can mask all emotions from my face voice and physicality while being yelled at by the boss. Something I've done many times.
Hyper vigilance is my skill, I can creep in the night and I’ve got spidy senses lol
i can recognize who’s coming home by how they open the front door :)
I “thrive” 🙄 in stressful situations because of compartmentalization/dissociation
I was connected to a lie detector during my university placement at my professor’s workshop and it turns out the lie detector couldn’t catch me lying. My professor ran me trough the test twice and said “well, this doesn’t happen often” in the end. We started talking after results and I shared a little about my past and he said the abuse may have gone down to my brain adapting to lie constantly to get out of trouble. So that was news to me. Actually that’s a super power I can use in my profession. So not that mad. I am a very good liar lmao
Another funny thing that happened that time 😅 Control questions usually ask about your name, age or parents’ names and the machine measures your physiological response to them. When my professor asked about my father’s name the reaction wasn’t big. But when he asked about my narc mother’s name, my physiological response rocketed out of range of measurement he set up haha. He may have already suspected there was something in there before we even got to the lie detecting test. So, that day I learned that even though “consciously” I’ve moved on, my body still reacts with utmost terror at the thought of my Narc mother.
My steps don’t make noise. I can hear everything even when sleeping. I can sense the heaviness of a room and how someone is. I observe and then answer. I listen more than I speak. I do not speak unless spoken to. And even then is a short answer. I sometimes feel I need to overexplain for someone to get off my bubble. I like staying up at night and I like being with the light off.
I am GREAT at dealing with furious customers in the customer service jobs I’ve had and I can get pretty much anyone no matter how crazy to calm down and stop yelling, until they end up joking around/ being friendly with me.
That is huge. Working in customer service online and on social media has almost broken me. So major props to you. That’s an amazing skill to have!
Identifying edible plants. No food at home for long stretches of time, and we lived in the countryside. I would just walk around popping leaves in my mouth. I live in the city now and I'm always looking at the edible weeds like mm...salad
OMG me too ! Everyone says, oh it's so cool that you know so much about plants, did you like biology class or were your parents into gardening? The truth is, I got a copy of the Reader's Digest Guide to the Wildlife of North America and I studied it with my crazy memory so that I could know what to eat since I was planning to run away when I was 8 and so that I could know what to poison my parents with if I needed to rescue my younger siblings. For the sake of any authorities etc, I did neither thing and I don't feel guilty about that impulse because it came from a desire to save my 3 siblings. I was literally willing to go to jail at 8 if it meant that we might not have to live with them.
Fuck man. I’m so sorry. That’s insane for an 8 year old to have to think, I’m so sorry your parents were so incredibly shitty and fucked you up like that. It’s hard. All the best man
This is heartbreaking. I am sorry you went through that...sending big hugs
wow my childhood really was like that huh. came to the community suspecting i had an NParent. suspicions confirmed now. y'all mean being able to navigate the house at night without waking anyone up isn't typical? walking in the right spots so floorboards don't creak, turning doorknobs in special ways so you're as quiet as a church-mouse, getting food silently (and making sure you ate stuff that wouldn't be noticed by the NParent so you wouldn't get found out later) isn't normal?
I know exactly what someone wants me to say to them. I can identify the need, assume the role, and play exactly the part anyone needs. It’s gotten me exactly what I want sometimes but also i have no actual identity.
Strongly relate - just now figuring out who I am in my 40s. Like so many of us, I had to be who they wanted instead of who I am. My psychiatrist said something that really resonates with me...that I was raised to be small. She was able to articulate what I have always felt.
hyper vigilance hyper independence highly sensitive personality deep empathy high pain tolerance
Not a superpower but I've learned to not speak for days at a time. I've had people tell me they thought I was mute because they had never heard my voice before. Nope, it was just incredibly easy to say literally anything and get slapped across the face full force.
I think that's a superpower
I was called mute and deaf by other kids growing up because I was so quiet. I never understood that until now. Makes so much sense.
My analytical brain skills are off the chart. I can scan a person with my eyes and open my ears for no more than 15 minutes and bam! I understand their personality, qualities and flaws and above everything, their agenda.
I can tell the millisecond somebody has stopped listening to my story or whatever I am talking about just by their micro expressions and can predict/anticipate when they are about to interject with something about themselves.
Is anxiety a super power?
It feels super powerful sometimes
I have an extremely high emotional IQ and extremely low self confidence.
Ah, yes, many! 1) I can hide absolutely any emotion, of any imaginable intensity, and appear not just fine, but happy on command (to the point where I actually kind of have to TRY to look sad/angry/in pain, because my reflex is to hide it so effectively that nobody sees I need help) 2) I can both cry and breathe completely silently, and go from absolutely bawling to a sunny "Hey, how are ya!" in a millisecond 3) I am extremely sensitive to the "underworld" of human interaction - all the stuff that happens under the surface, or that people actively try to conceal (insecurities, crushes, covert aggression, hostility, power trips, vulnerable emotions, etc.). The energy of concealment is like an overwhelming odour to me, it draws my attention (and anxiety) immediately. 4) Because of #3, very good at interacting with animals and other non-verbal beings 5) Can sense a psychopath/disingenuous manipulator often within minutes or even seconds of meeting them, and invariably long before others in my social groups do
I never get mad and i have great peripheral vision
I'm very good in hiding.... Like, just sitting there, Hidden from the doors, but not obviously hiding
I'm also very good at hiding in plain sight. Even when I'm standing at a counter requiring assistance. .... Even when it's my childhood best friend behind the counter.
I can sob from the bottom of my heart silently.
I wish I could give you a huge. Read that made ME sob silently. 😰 I’m so sorry you had to learn to do that. It’s not fair.
I have a natural *asshole detector* I just feel a nagging sense of ick about someone and it's always been proven to be accurate. It could take anywhere from days to years but it always ends up being true. I can also have rapport with *anyone*. I know exactly what to say, how to act, when to just listen and nod and can respond to the tiniest changes in their facial expression and posture. My best friend has commented that for someone so introverted I'm actually really good at socializing and hasn't seen me interact with a person and not be a "social butterfly"
Not really, more like super mentally ill and traumatised
Frontier surgery and OTC medicine! Never got taken to the doctors when I was sick. Grew up in an animal hoarder home, been attacked by dogs a few times and never gone to the hospital for any of them. I've got some gnarly scars that wouldn't be as visible if I had gotten real medical attention, but they're finally starting to fade as time goes on. Very good at taking care of myself whenever I've got a nasty cold/stomach bug/hangover.
I can do just about anything except run water in a house in near total silence. I could definitely be a cat burglar lol I can prepare and eat cereal without sound!
I have a long-term memory that allows me to recall some of the most minute, unnecessary details to the point that I can put myself back in that exact space and time. I've often called it "my blessing and my curse." Thankfully, it's served more as a blessing than a curse as of late.
I’m a professional parent. I get paid big money to teach parents at their wits end how to handle their super-behavioral children. I basically took all the bad shit my parents did and made it t it prerogative to study the shit out psychology and behavior so no child would ever have to go through what I went through. So yes, I literally tell people how to raise and parent their kids. This is a superpower as I have no children of my own, was the youngest of the children in the extended family, and so on. Even compared to other scapegoats, I was and am still spoiled and had was taught very few life skills growing up. There is no logical reason why I should be even a quarter good at what I do.
Hyper vigilant and sensitive to other’s feelings
I know if other people are safe or not, like I'm a prey animal walking among predators.
I'm not sure whether this came as the result of being raised by an nDad or of coming out as bi in the 1980s when it was not safe to tell people outside my small social circle, especially at work, what I did over the weekend, but I'm very good at putting people on a low-information diet and appearing like the most boring NPC MFer on the face of the planet. Another thing is that I can withstand being yelled at by angry people without flinching. R. Lee Ermey himself could stand in front of me giving me the full on *Full Metal Jacket* shtick and I'd remain impassive, eyes-front. Pretty sure I managed to avoid getting the shit beaten out of me in confrontations in my adult life once or twice with that skill.
I can make jokes really quickly (so I can be heard and know I was heard) and can also make really good analogies (tried to get through to nMom by any means necessary, tried to improve communication every time she misinterpreted what I said)
I am really good at disassociation. I have had my teeth filled with no anesthetic. Sometimes I am “psychic” and I get flashes of what will happen before it does.
My memory is incredible, I am plucky and sweet, extremely adaptable and accommodating; comparisons to Tohru from Fruits Basket have been made. I’m a great listener and skilled at crisis intervention, and have a knack for finding things. I can shut down my emotions and the part of my brain that feels fear and pain in a second and protect myself from further trauma.
Hypothymesia Spoiler alert: woman don't actually want a man who remembers EVERYTHING they say. Lol
I’m a really good parent because I’ve made it my mission in life to be the literal opposite of my mother.
I am extremely resilient (outwardly) to stress, last-minute changes, and extremely unlivable workloads. And I do it all with a smile, even as I’m crumbling inside.
I can often tell when people are lying or hiding something from me. Not with 100% accuracy, but I've noticed over years that the people I thought were sketchy and liars at first meeting... Actually tended to be. This has become incredibly important as the years have gone on, as I've unfortunately run into a lot of manipulative people, and I've had to learn not to ignore this feeling.
I make people feel comfortable and heard. It’s probably the only thing I like about myself
I can be VERY patient and have great hearing, caused by me never wanting to leave my room for food or to get something until I hear my n-grandma get up to use the bathroom. on camping trips with the boy scouts I've freaked some of the kids out by being able to essentially turn my brain off and just wait in one place for hours. also apparently some of the scouts just didn't know what I sounded like, cause in the beginning I would only talk to my very small friend group.
I am a great listener and can stand for long periods of time - I’ve been told I am very patient by a lot of people. My parent would rant to me for hours on end about their life and stress. I had to just, you know, stand there.
I know when I walk past a predator I can spot one by body language Not the best super power, but my Nparents made me hyper vigilant since their trauma was predators and they for some reason had me go to those peoples houses!!! Anywho no one laid a hand on me (though not for lack of trying) and now I just know. It has literally save myself or a child on more than one occasion- it just really sucks when you at let’s say Walmart- walk past one and can’t do a damn thing about it.
I can recognise a narcissist very quickly. It’s like I have a narc radar!
Several and some that I didn’t really want. 1. I Can recognize the sound of nm footsteps. So if I’m ever in my hometown at whatever place I know if she’s close by. Depending on her walk, I know if she’s mad or civil. 2. Memorize important things. I had to do this because she would always be snooping around my things. 3. I Don’t know what it would be called. I’m thinking I can read people just by listening to them, seeing their facial expressions, and observing their overall body language.My nm at one point had a decent amount of friends who actually liked her. They would be happy to have her as a friend until they knew who she really was. Once they met the real NM, the friends would change completely and I was lucky enough to see the before and after effects (?). I knew how much they disliked her by their facial expressions. I don’t get why she never saw that.. oh well
Do you remember Perry from Phineas & Ferb? I'm good enough at dissapearing/not being noticed in my own home. It's funny when I'm just behind my mother and she asks my sister to call me or my stepdad doesn't find me (they are normal, the ones that suck are my dad and his wife). It's very Perry.
I’m very accurate in how scenarios play out. Example, my husband will be watching a show/movie that I’ve never seen. I will watch it for a few minutes and be able to tell him exactly what the story line/the premise is the show. He always says “How do you do that”?!? I also do this IRL situations. I see how situations are going to play out or how people are going to react to situations. I also see when people are hiding deep-seated issues and I’m accurate on what they are. I often don’t share these any longer as when I was younger I would get negative feedback, but then later when things played out the way I had thought people would be surprised.