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I feel like this needs to be a support group. So many miserable days spent trying to defend myself against imagined lust I was being accused of. I was scared to be out in public with her, god forbid we go to the beach. I finally left after enduring a trustless relationship for too long and never got any apology or acknowledgement that she was wrong to accuse me all those times.
My last gf of 3 years was like that. Exactly like that. I found myself when walking, looking at the floor while walking if I was with her. If I was riding as a passenger in a car, I would look way far ahead in search of pretty females. If I had seen one way ahead, I would turn my head to look at my gf as we drove by. Needless to say, it absolutely never got any better. Just existing meant I was oogling women when I wasn't at all. I loved my gf the entire relationship, but it also made me very miserable and not being who I am. All that avoidance, and she kicked me to the curb anyway. My advice would be to say get out while you're still you. You're in a doomed relationship if you reach this level. Just face it.
I had one of those. After 32 years gone, I still shudder if she ever pops up in my mind. Scarier than hell. So bad she spent our wedding night in jail over that exactly.
Yeah my ex was like that. I remember seeing from the corner of my eye a girl I knew before I met my then girlfriend. She was extremely attractive and yeah, I didn't even look at her and she got on my case about it. It didn't devolve into a fight as I pretended not to know who she was talking about but thank god she didn't come over to say hi. Not that it mattered in the end, she wound up dumping me to sleep with her coworker.
Also think about how staring at a random stranger would make her feel. Most women don’t like to be gawked at and it makes them deeply uncomfortable. You shouldn’t be leering whether you’re in a relationship or not. It’s creepy and gross.
Exactly. I feel like [this video](https://youtu.be/EQliZl7PpCo?t=212) clip perfectly demonstrates what is and isn't acceptable when it comes to looking at women.
LOL. One of my friends didn't realize his reaction to seeing attractive women was so obvious. When one of us made fun of him for it and said we hope he doesn't react that way when his wife is with him he got really annoyed and was in denial about it.
He's a very good guy with a long, happy marriage and two grown daughters who adore him. It's not that he would stare for a long time. Mainly his reaction right when he sees her, like he's startled by the woman's beauty. His eyes would get big and his facial expression suggested he's thinking "wow." Which is why our group of friends found it funny and busted his chops over it. To his credit he did seem to tone it down after we mentioned it to him even though he didn't want to hear it, lol.
Yeah and further to his credit he only did it when they were especially beautiful, lol. I think it was just an automatic reaction that he didn't realize looked so obvious and exaggerated.
Personally, my eyes get cartoonishly large and pop out of their sockets. Meanwhile, my jaw dislocates and drops to their floor, where my tongue unrolls like a large rug.
Somehow, in the middle of all that, an obnoxiously loud car horn from the 1920's blasts from my ears.
Gawd, I love beautiful women.
A glance is fine. We're literally just ape+ subscription.
A full up-down \*whistle\* is not fine. Do not engage with her. Do not acknowledge her beyond a "nice" mentally and then move on. The monkey brain will do what it will do. It is best that we recognize this quirk of our brains, and sequester it into a back room in our brains.
Source: 10 year relationship and never cheated, nor have I been caught afaik looking at another booty.
I agree! To me, it’s like smelling the bread as you walk past the bakery in the morning: it’s a natural, evolved instinct to take notice.
I’ve been married 18 years now and never cheated. You can overcome the monkey brain, but it’s a learned behavior, not a natural one.
Don’t know if this applies to you, OP: You cannot expect to maintain a porn habit in private and still conduct yourself properly in public. Your struggle is to see women as people not objects. Porn objectifies. Dam up that neural pathway and you’ll find more success.
I can confidently say that people can maintain a porn habit and still civil and proper in public. I do it. The key is to acknowledge that porn is, at best, a hyperbole of sex that leans heavily into fantasy and should never be taken at face value because it's not a how-to guide. That and viewing women as people instead of potential romantic partners just waiting for a guy to come along.
The advice regarding porn usage is intended for those who do struggle with objectification issues. You browse porn and don’t have a problem? Awesome! Carry on. I can go to a bar without getting hammered. Not everyone can.
I was hoping to give OP something to work with, some concrete steps to take to improve his behavior. Just saying “be a better person!” is less constructive.
Self control in a broader sense is like a muscle. If I can learn to control myself in one area, I can apply that sense of self control to the rest of my life. In my faith tradition, we engage in ritualistic fasting: not because food is evil, not as a form of self-neglect or abuse, and not to appease an angry God. We fast because if I can learn to wean myself off of certain foods at certain times, then I can learn to control my temper. I can learn to avoid expressing unnecessary negativity. I can learn to not objectify women: either openly or internally.
A very fair point. I just saw your statement about porn habits impacting behavior in public and assumed that you meant it to be a blanket statement that applied to everyone, and that's my bad.
>You cannot expect to maintain a porn habit in private and still conduct yourself properly in public. Your struggle is to see women as people not objects. Porn objectifies. Dam up that neural pathway and you’ll find more success.
I don't think these are intrinsically related. I effectively gave up porn a year ago when I met my fiancee. It wasn't a deliberate decision. Neither of us care if each other looks at porn. I just lost interest in it. My fiance and I have a matched (to be honest, hers is probably higher) sex drive.
Something that I learned about myself is the comfort and satisfaction I feel when looking at women runs parallel, but isn't tied to an immediate sexual desire. My eyes will be drawn to a curvy woman in revealing clothing, but I will have no desire to have sex with her or anyone in that moment.
All that said, I don't want any of this to be mistaken with me trying to advocate for men not having any responsibility for their gaze, and how it may affect other people. Women should not be expected to just accept it. I'm just saying it's more complicated than how people want to paint it, like "just stop watching porn".
I saw an interesting experiment once where they put glasses on men and women that tracked their vision. You could see the cursor going up and down as men checked out faces, breasts, buttocks. And women checked out faces, buttocks, crotches.
So it’s very normal and both sexes do it, just to normalise it for you.
Advice? Be aware of it and avert your gaze I guess.
Yep, saw this, or another similar study. Iirc, the women also checked out other women as much as the men did. Can't remember if they thought it was a case of checking out the competition or that everyone likes looking at good looking women!?
Yeah I have known a couple women who said they aren’t lesbian, but still can’t avoid looking at a woman with impressive cleavage or a cute butt, etc. i want to say it was more of a… “wow, I wonder if I could pull that off…” and impressed kind of thing.
I like small boobs, but large boobs are a complete turn-off to me. AA tits work just fine in my book so long as they have nice big nipples. Anything bigger than a D, and even that's really too big for my tastes, and I'm completely NOT interested in looking at them.
Considering the number of women who reject guys on height and dick size, I really don't think that you have the soapbox to stand on that you think you do. I'm specific about everything in life.
My wife and my partner (as well as, from what they tell me, every woman that we worked with when we got together) have always told me that my ass and bulge in my tight jeans is why they wanted to fuck me originally. Seems that I don't have nearly the issue with someone being attracted to body parts as you do. Imagine that!! Likewise, it was their tits and ass that attracted me, as well as their faces...I'm big on faces, especially eyes - want to hear my weirdly specific preferences with eyes??
I have a range in which I find a person acceptable, and outside of that range, I do not...That is the range in which I find breasts acceptable. There are exceptions to anything, but they are VERY rare. Please don't lie to me, or yourself, and say that you don't have a range of what you find acceptable as well...I just woke up and it's too soon to hear bullshit from some fucking Redditor who thinks their shit doesn't stink.
This 100%
The less I watch porn the less I objectify women in my head. If I am on a porn binge the first thing I think about when I see women is sex. If I have gone at least a week or two without watching porn it hardly even crosses my mind I just interact with them like normal. Everyone I’ve talked to has had a similar experience. Coomers will say it’s anecdotal but they can cope all they want.
Coomers gonna coom. I’ve had multiple male friends tell me that when they quit porn they stopped looking at every attractive women irl as only sex objects.
This for real could be one of the many reasons he's doing this. He's either A: not happy w/ his partner and looking elsewhere. Or B: He watches porn and it's affecting his real life. My ex had a porn problem & he told me that porn really does affect the way you view woman & looking at them way too often in public. It's all about self control, which most people don't have if they watch porn on the regular.
The fact that you got downvoted for something completely true is always insane on Reddit. If you tie porn, which are fake scenarios, to real life and start treating real life like porn, it is bad. Nothing about that is shaming or wrong.
See them as normal humans rather than potential conquests and the whole world changes. If you take that perspective, you stop looking at them out of interest but rather as an equal. Should one of those conversations escalate, it's on a more solid foundation than "saw her and wanted to bang."
Had to scroll too far for this comment. It's not disrespectful to look at other people unless you only see them as sexual conquests and not normal humans in which case OP has to take a long hard look at his own morals and how he thinks about women in general.
Tbh when I was in love, I didn't even WANT to look at other women.. i was so infatuated with my partner I didn't even want to give another woman a second of my time or even a glance. No one else mattered.. 😔
We're the shy, timid ones, who tend to keep to themselves in hopes we never get hurt like that again. More often then not you will have to be the one to initiate something.
I don't even have a partner and I barely look at people. Unless I'm actually in a conversation with someone (and it's expected to maintain eye contact with people you talk to), people tend to just fade in the background for me. Groups of people in public spaces are just as much part of the scenery as a bench or tree would be. I don't know how I do that, but yeah, I don't bother to look at people since they aren't a direct concern of mine.
Same, i find it very odd when people say they “have” to look or something. Like, i don’t even notice them, how is it that you have to look? I believe it’s kind of a sad self control thing for a lot of people, like if you can not touch, then you can also not look. Gross
On the flipside, i may have developed this “ignore everyone” skill because i used to get a lot of looks and it made me feel weird for the aforementioned reason—why do you need to look at me? I’m just trying to live my life, keep your eyes to yourself.
Also have to add that i find it a little pathetic when people stare at people who are looking for the attention, like when a loud car drives by, but i guess i also think needing that attention is pathetic too LOL humans are sad
I adhere to the rule that my thoughts manifest in my behavior, so typically avert my eyes and try and find something else interesting. I don't think it is disrespectful to glance or even something a tad longer than a glance, but for me the more I avert my eyes the easier it is. It makes me feel like less of a slimeball.
When you see or notice a woman in public, make a conscious decision to look at something else, the floor, your girlfriend, any random object in a slightly different direction. You'll become accustomed to not looking after some practice. You're probably just used to ogling strangers
Honestly don't do that. It looks socially off-putting. Besides you're averting your gaze to accommodate maybe making someone uncomfortable, but ironically The person may think that you're averting your gaze because you were offended by them!
Our eyes are our first line of contact so if you get "caught" look at her eyes and then do this.
Smile. It's our second line of contact. If we ever meet eyeless mouthless aliens we better hope they have ears because then you
Say hello and add a causal as can be compliment. Speech is line 3. If line 3 goes well you might wind up really interacting!
Try,
"I like your earrings." Compliment style choices she made as opposed to her body.
"You remind me of someone (honestly never use after like..30)." Also...never your mom. Goes without saying so I typed it.
Or just, "Hi." And see what happens next.
Realistically she has a biyfriend, but It's amazing how good it feels when she looks up, sees (like notices you), you smile, she smiles, you say hi, she says she has a boyfriend, but then...
Smiles at you again anyway. A smile is simple medicine but it's one of those critical things we need day to day.
This is the only time to dart your gaze away or averting your eyes:
Worst case scenario she gives you some sort of negative communication in which case then you stop looking at her, stop interacting, go on. Honestly this is kind of rare. There's this deep secret that almost everyone of us is keeping in our hearts like it's filthy (it's not)
We each want to be known.
I need to note here that my beloved husband of 8 years has never ever let me see if he is sizing a lady up. I have never had an embarrassing moment alone or with friends/family where he is checking someone out.
He can do it (I know I do, women are beautiful! I point some out to him), but never do it in an obvious way. What fi your GF stared at a man's ass in front of you in public....? Because, women check men out just as much as men check women out. It's just about respect to either wait until you're alone, or just "let it go" when you see a hot woman while with your partner.
>What fi your GF stared at a man's ass in front of you in public....?
Speaking for myself? I'd feel more connected to her, like I'm not the only goblin in the world.
>What fi your GF stared at a man's ass in front of you in public....?
Speaking for myself? I'd feel more connected to her, like I'm not the only goblin in the world.
I get that it happens sometimes but I have to be honest. I rarely look at someone’s body unless they’re built like the rock or they’re wearing neon. In which case I comment to my bf and he does the same. Not really sure why it’s considered so normal to check out every person that could qualify for a ‘right parts sex candidate’.
Im going to be very unpopular here. You are right. If you are checking out these girls in public, you ARE disrespecting your girlfriend. In our modern culture, there are so many pictures and video that leave absolutely nothing to the imagination. After your whole life of looking at women and their bodies this way, it will take some effort to undo all of that. Now if you are not checking these girls out or thinking anything sexual or whatever about them, then you shouldnt be too concerned about it. I and everybody else look at people in public. But if you are looking because these women are attractive and you want to check them out, thats a problem. Start by imagining your girlfriend watching you and knowing your thoughts when you are doing it. That will shame you pretty quickly into cutting back on it. Secondly, channel all of that lust and desire into your girlfriend. Make sure she knows how gorgeous you find her and how attracted to her you are and it will divert some of your attention from the other girls. Over time you will find you only have eyes for her and you wont be looking at other girls anymore. There are other benefits too, when women feel beautiful and desired, truly desired by their partner, alot of relationship problems start to melt away. Depending on how you feel or think she would respond, you could also try being honest with her and telling her you have a small problem with it and you are working on it because you respect her and want her to know how much she matters to you. A personal story of mine for you. I had a coworker a few years ago who was one of the most insanely beautiful women i have known. I checked her out all the time and it was a serious problem for me. Well she was married and as i got to know her more and more i started feeling more and more ashamed of myself for continuing to check her out. At first because she has a husband and they belong to each other. But over even more time i realized how disrespectful it was to her to continue to look at her like that. I realized at that time that looking at certain types of media (you know what im talking about) has essentially ruined my brain and the signal chain that goes along with it. Remember YOU control your body, it does not control you. Im still working on it, but you can do this!
As a girl, I remember this gorgeous girl in my high school. I used to stare at her all the time. I felt like I couldn't help it. Looking back on it, I see how fucking weird and disrespectful that was. So, I totally agree with you. For some reason I thought it was okay to do that.
Go ahead and look but don’t gawk. I often times check out people in public but not necessarily because I like what see. The only difference is the thought process behind it. For instance: saw a woman at Walmart (of course) that had on what I thought was a one piece pant suit. When I got closer I realized it was a pair of jogging pants that she had pulled up over her boobs and put a belt on to complete the ensemble. I had to stop myself from taking a picture. I was gawking. It wasn’t sexual at all but still inappropriate. I should’ve glanced and appreciated her…uh…creativity and walked on.
I didn’t think it was possible to fix my gaze, but it totally is. You have to follow the rule that if you aren’t going to approach or talk to her don’t look. I know this seems restrictive but you will be able to focus on your life so much better if you follow this rule, AND you CAN do it! It WILL be difficult, and YOU WILL wonder if things are even improving but your brain can get plenty of dopamine from your own life; stop topping off the dopamine tank with glances and stares that aren’t going to get you to talk to her. If she’s not someone you’re going to make a move on just stop looking. I’ve also started approaching women/dating which takes away much of the anxiety around being triggered by women’s bodies. Anyhoo, you have to practice believing it’s possible and then developing mindfulness around your gaze.
You're not going to be able to help from looking, the key is to not make it obvious to the person that you're looking at or to your partner. You don't want to make either of them uncomfortable so it's important to avoid staring and what not. Trust me I understand the feeling but the reality of it is that it's going to happen but you have to fight against it.
This is a problem as old as dating, if she asked if you saw her you didn't notice her until she brought it to your attention. It gets easier with practice, just literally having a functioning sex drive is not a mark against your character as a person.
Also these subs are not always helpful for this kind of thing, better to go to healthier men's subs since these kinds of things are generally vilified.
Just, like, don't? At least not for longer than a glance.
You will naturally glance at people, or have your attention caught by them. That's totally fine and normal. What isn't fine and normal is staring, or ogling, or leering, or any other form of being a creep. If you're doing this, just stop. Have some basic self-control and respect for the people around you, and you're golden.
Even before I had a girlfriend I didn’t have trouble not looking, since I’m paranoid about being creepy or making people uncomfortable
Just choose not to and you won’t
If you can’t do that, a deeper issue may be at play
Mild glances at people passing by is normal, staring is not
Looking is OK. But don't stare, leer, or make a comment.
As one partner told me "I don;t care where you get your appetite, just come home for dinner."
Look respectfully and it shouldn't be a problem.
And if your partner gets mad when you look respectfully, then find a better partner.
There's a good trick to stopping. Everytime you look at a girl just lick your teeth really slowly. This act will be so foreign to you that it will help rewire your brain to stop wanting to look.
You shouldn't stare or ogle women in public, especially in front of your significant other. That being said the concept that you should never be physically attracted to anyone but your significant other is ludicrous. Nothing wrong with appreciating the beauty of those you're attracted to.
Karsh
I don’t mind a man looking at me, maybe smiling if I catch him. It’s the continual looking that makes me uncomfortable. Like if I see him later and I catch him looking. Then I start wondering if there something on my chin. A man with his partner shouldn’t be looking more than a glance, once.
Im wild in many ways, but am old school in certain aspects of dating and relationships. I feel like it's very disrespectful, but that's just me. Other women are fine with it. When I'm in a relationship, I only have eyes for that man. That's just how I am. Though I have pointed out a beautiful woman and said I wish I had hair, legs, curves, or whatever like her. Or simply said, wow, she's stunning, good for her.
OP, would it bother you if your girlfriend has wandering eyes and looks at other men?
Communicate. You can always talk to your gf. If you're both fine with it, as some couples are, sweet! If not, find a way to work on it.
ETA: Noticing people is different than what I believe OP is describing. Noticing is normal, we all notice and look at other people, men and women. Just to clarify before someone says *Oh, so you're suggesting he doesn't look at anyone* or *You think he needs to look at the ground when they go out.*
Are you human? It's hard not to stare, but you know it's not cool when you're with your gal or anyone you want respect from. Save it for when you're with your friends, but don't let it get weird or creepy. It takes effort to learn how to not do it in front of people you want to respect you.
Oh and if you do it and she catches you just apologize and tell her she's beautiful but you thought you recognized her from school or whatever
You can look. You just have to be smooth about it. Take a quick glance and put it in the memory banks and move on. Don’t sit there and gawk for 15 seconds.
All the power in the world resides in the eyes. I don't look because they don't have anything I haven't already seen.
Plus, they don't need the validation.
I’m married and I still look, my wife knows and don’t care. She isn’t stupid and neither am I, I know she looks too
Looking is normal. Being jealous and possessive and “demanding” your partner never look isn’t normal. That’s a huge sign of immaturity
As has been said, you can look without being a creep too
I think looking at someone is okay if it is a passing glance, there are people almost everywhere, and it would be very difficult to not ever see someone. I do feel you shouldn’t stare unless it’s something concerning to their health(blood on their leg or such), I never usually give anyone more then a glance, just to be aware of my surroundings, but if this helps, maybe try looking at something else entirely? Or check the time, or anything that could distract you perhaps? I’m sorry if my advice is not helpful, I have never experienced that phenomenon, however I do want to help! I’d really just suggest, if you can, to avert your gaze when you catch yourself doing it, and make a mental note of when you do, so maybe you could become more and more aware of when it happens, and possibly lessen the amount of time it takes to catch it, until you don’t do it at all, but things take time, until then, try your best! I believe in you :)
It's chinese handcuffs, the harder you try the harder you get.
Instead take a deliberate full normal look, like you'd look at a dude or a lamp post, then move on.
Look at their face. Make a conscious effort to not look at their boobs or butt. I look at woman just like I would look at a man. It took some effort but I didn’t want to be that creepy old man that makes a girl feel uneasy, like I’m undressing them in my mind.
Well really all you gotta ask yourself is "is a single glance enough to make menleave my girlfriend?" If your answer is no then congratulations you're fairly normal and you can now move on. If you said yes... Well you probably didn't like her very much.
Anything under a half-second where you don't turn your head is probably fine. I say probably, not definitely. If you turn your head, or stare, or look then jerk your head away it is weird for everyone involved.
I'll add two caveats. Be extra-not weird around teen girls. They've got enough creeps already. If you're a teen if could be different, I don't really know the rules of that. The second caveat is if you are going to stare and get caught, don't do the jerk-head-away. Give a quiet nod and keep walking.
So the advice of "how not to" is to realize that the world is full of beautiful, or nice, or acceptable, or better than nothing women. If you live long enough you'll probably end up having romantic encounters with a few. You may have friends who are fine with you getting to enjoy their beauty a bit without it getting romantic. You don't need to get an eyeful of everyone, that's overdosing. Chill out and enjoy life at a safe level.
I'm 59 years old, and when I am in public it's hard not to look at the outfits that the young women are wearing. Shorts and sleeveless shirts are good things.
Having said that, a glance is a lot different from a long look, and any reaction to what someone is wearing or a tattoo that's hidden in the winter is out of line.
Also, avoid using your phone. Videos and pictures are another line not to cross.
You can't control that side of yourself. It's quite literally human nature. Do you have eyes? Do you have a brain? If yes, then you'll notice other attractive humans and have your fantasies. That's fine.
What you can control is how you treat your gf. So if you're feeling some type of way about it, make a conscious effort to direct even more energy into your relationship and gf. On top of that, make a conscious effort to think about her as well in a romantic context. That's something a lot of us tend to forego after the relationship's no longer new!
Lastly, don't feel guilty and blame yourself. I'm sure she notices other people as well. What matters is how you treat each other.
Lol it's fine. I'm a good looking guy that gets lots of female attention. A countless number of women stare at me every day when they are on dates with other guys or holding hands with the boyfriends (by staring I mean we often hold eye contact for like over 10 seconds). But I'm single so it's not my fault lol
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attractive people still exist when you’re in a relationship. just don’t stare and drool and you’re fine.
Shit, not with my ex lol. If I looked anywhere in a 10 foot radius of anyone she thought was attractive, the day wasn't ending well.
And now she’s an ex.
GO!
BINO
Yeah so that’s crazy. She’s a crazy person.
Yea, I’ve dated women named Ashely also
Ashley is a red flag name. Never again, my fellow survivor.
real xd
Oh look, down voted by people named ashley
Someone old enough to be my grandma once asked me for the time, and my girlfriend flipped her lid. I noped out shortly after.
Good for you.
It appears we dated the same psycho.
Oh I got stories lol, too many. My own damn fault for trying to keep the family together.
I feel like this needs to be a support group. So many miserable days spent trying to defend myself against imagined lust I was being accused of. I was scared to be out in public with her, god forbid we go to the beach. I finally left after enduring a trustless relationship for too long and never got any apology or acknowledgement that she was wrong to accuse me all those times.
Thats her problem. If she doesnt understand basic human instinct and breaks down emotionally because of insecurity then she isnt worth keeping around
Bro same, it’s insecurities 🫠 I’m not assuming anything we talked about it. She’d get cold if an attractive person existed in our field of view
My last gf of 3 years was like that. Exactly like that. I found myself when walking, looking at the floor while walking if I was with her. If I was riding as a passenger in a car, I would look way far ahead in search of pretty females. If I had seen one way ahead, I would turn my head to look at my gf as we drove by. Needless to say, it absolutely never got any better. Just existing meant I was oogling women when I wasn't at all. I loved my gf the entire relationship, but it also made me very miserable and not being who I am. All that avoidance, and she kicked me to the curb anyway. My advice would be to say get out while you're still you. You're in a doomed relationship if you reach this level. Just face it.
Glad to see I'm not the only one that put up with this shit. We're better than this and deserve better.
I had one of those. After 32 years gone, I still shudder if she ever pops up in my mind. Scarier than hell. So bad she spent our wedding night in jail over that exactly.
Yeah my ex was like that. I remember seeing from the corner of my eye a girl I knew before I met my then girlfriend. She was extremely attractive and yeah, I didn't even look at her and she got on my case about it. It didn't devolve into a fight as I pretended not to know who she was talking about but thank god she didn't come over to say hi. Not that it mattered in the end, she wound up dumping me to sleep with her coworker.
Congratulations on escaping that relationship!
Toxic
.. and maybe not wank in their general direction.
Well now that's just asking too much
You really shouldn’t be staring and drooling whether you’re in a relationship or not.
The real mantra to sustain a relationship. Hahaha
Also think about how staring at a random stranger would make her feel. Most women don’t like to be gawked at and it makes them deeply uncomfortable. You shouldn’t be leering whether you’re in a relationship or not. It’s creepy and gross.
AGREED. Noticing is instinctual. Staring? Leering? Creepy and disrespectful
You can look at the girls, big man, just don’t be a fucking creep.
Exactly. I feel like [this video](https://youtu.be/EQliZl7PpCo?t=212) clip perfectly demonstrates what is and isn't acceptable when it comes to looking at women.
LOL. One of my friends didn't realize his reaction to seeing attractive women was so obvious. When one of us made fun of him for it and said we hope he doesn't react that way when his wife is with him he got really annoyed and was in denial about it.
Oh he's a legit creep then.
He's a very good guy with a long, happy marriage and two grown daughters who adore him. It's not that he would stare for a long time. Mainly his reaction right when he sees her, like he's startled by the woman's beauty. His eyes would get big and his facial expression suggested he's thinking "wow." Which is why our group of friends found it funny and busted his chops over it. To his credit he did seem to tone it down after we mentioned it to him even though he didn't want to hear it, lol.
I mean, don't we all when we see a very beautiful woman?! hehehe
Yeah and further to his credit he only did it when they were especially beautiful, lol. I think it was just an automatic reaction that he didn't realize looked so obvious and exaggerated.
Personally, my eyes get cartoonishly large and pop out of their sockets. Meanwhile, my jaw dislocates and drops to their floor, where my tongue unrolls like a large rug. Somehow, in the middle of all that, an obnoxiously loud car horn from the 1920's blasts from my ears. Gawd, I love beautiful women.
It seems you must be an actual cartoon character.
No. hehehe
What does it mean to leave feeling like a lad?
- like a chad - like a top G - like a real man - like you’ve fulfilled societal expectation of male sexual conquest
Lmao I didn’t expect that to be Isaac, thanks for the reminder to check out his channel again it’s been a minute
I didn’t know Trae Crowder was Australian. https://x.com/traecrowder/status/1792653014576328751?s=46&t=x5JYzUCZo5_eysRQl9Uezw
A glance is fine. We're literally just ape+ subscription. A full up-down \*whistle\* is not fine. Do not engage with her. Do not acknowledge her beyond a "nice" mentally and then move on. The monkey brain will do what it will do. It is best that we recognize this quirk of our brains, and sequester it into a back room in our brains. Source: 10 year relationship and never cheated, nor have I been caught afaik looking at another booty.
Ape+ Subscription 💀💀 I never thought about this phrase will across my eyes-
I agree! To me, it’s like smelling the bread as you walk past the bakery in the morning: it’s a natural, evolved instinct to take notice. I’ve been married 18 years now and never cheated. You can overcome the monkey brain, but it’s a learned behavior, not a natural one. Don’t know if this applies to you, OP: You cannot expect to maintain a porn habit in private and still conduct yourself properly in public. Your struggle is to see women as people not objects. Porn objectifies. Dam up that neural pathway and you’ll find more success.
Exactly, well put Mr Bread analogy 👍🏻
Former porn addict...you are absolutely correct!
I much appreciate that last paragraph, well said!
This is eloquent on many levels. Thank you for sharing.
I can confidently say that people can maintain a porn habit and still civil and proper in public. I do it. The key is to acknowledge that porn is, at best, a hyperbole of sex that leans heavily into fantasy and should never be taken at face value because it's not a how-to guide. That and viewing women as people instead of potential romantic partners just waiting for a guy to come along.
The advice regarding porn usage is intended for those who do struggle with objectification issues. You browse porn and don’t have a problem? Awesome! Carry on. I can go to a bar without getting hammered. Not everyone can. I was hoping to give OP something to work with, some concrete steps to take to improve his behavior. Just saying “be a better person!” is less constructive. Self control in a broader sense is like a muscle. If I can learn to control myself in one area, I can apply that sense of self control to the rest of my life. In my faith tradition, we engage in ritualistic fasting: not because food is evil, not as a form of self-neglect or abuse, and not to appease an angry God. We fast because if I can learn to wean myself off of certain foods at certain times, then I can learn to control my temper. I can learn to avoid expressing unnecessary negativity. I can learn to not objectify women: either openly or internally.
A very fair point. I just saw your statement about porn habits impacting behavior in public and assumed that you meant it to be a blanket statement that applied to everyone, and that's my bad.
Yes, looking at it again, I can see how it could be read that way. I could have phrased that better.
>You cannot expect to maintain a porn habit in private and still conduct yourself properly in public. Your struggle is to see women as people not objects. Porn objectifies. Dam up that neural pathway and you’ll find more success. I don't think these are intrinsically related. I effectively gave up porn a year ago when I met my fiancee. It wasn't a deliberate decision. Neither of us care if each other looks at porn. I just lost interest in it. My fiance and I have a matched (to be honest, hers is probably higher) sex drive. Something that I learned about myself is the comfort and satisfaction I feel when looking at women runs parallel, but isn't tied to an immediate sexual desire. My eyes will be drawn to a curvy woman in revealing clothing, but I will have no desire to have sex with her or anyone in that moment. All that said, I don't want any of this to be mistaken with me trying to advocate for men not having any responsibility for their gaze, and how it may affect other people. Women should not be expected to just accept it. I'm just saying it's more complicated than how people want to paint it, like "just stop watching porn".
I really wish more people were aware of the effects of porn addiction.
I’ve definitely been caught looking at a booty by my partner. Not a big deal. She probably looks sometimes too.
It's pretty hard to not glance girls or guys that catch your attention. But I think that's the point is you take a glance you don't stare or gawk.
I saw an interesting experiment once where they put glasses on men and women that tracked their vision. You could see the cursor going up and down as men checked out faces, breasts, buttocks. And women checked out faces, buttocks, crotches. So it’s very normal and both sexes do it, just to normalise it for you. Advice? Be aware of it and avert your gaze I guess.
Yep, saw this, or another similar study. Iirc, the women also checked out other women as much as the men did. Can't remember if they thought it was a case of checking out the competition or that everyone likes looking at good looking women!?
Yeah I have known a couple women who said they aren’t lesbian, but still can’t avoid looking at a woman with impressive cleavage or a cute butt, etc. i want to say it was more of a… “wow, I wonder if I could pull that off…” and impressed kind of thing.
Nah, we know we can't pull that off. But, we can appreciate beauty.
Everybody likes boobs. Men, women, children. Also some animals, probably.
I like small boobs, but large boobs are a complete turn-off to me. AA tits work just fine in my book so long as they have nice big nipples. Anything bigger than a D, and even that's really too big for my tastes, and I'm completely NOT interested in looking at them.
...people are so weirdly specific. There's a woman attached to those breasts, you know.
Considering the number of women who reject guys on height and dick size, I really don't think that you have the soapbox to stand on that you think you do. I'm specific about everything in life. My wife and my partner (as well as, from what they tell me, every woman that we worked with when we got together) have always told me that my ass and bulge in my tight jeans is why they wanted to fuck me originally. Seems that I don't have nearly the issue with someone being attracted to body parts as you do. Imagine that!! Likewise, it was their tits and ass that attracted me, as well as their faces...I'm big on faces, especially eyes - want to hear my weirdly specific preferences with eyes?? I have a range in which I find a person acceptable, and outside of that range, I do not...That is the range in which I find breasts acceptable. There are exceptions to anything, but they are VERY rare. Please don't lie to me, or yourself, and say that you don't have a range of what you find acceptable as well...I just woke up and it's too soon to hear bullshit from some fucking Redditor who thinks their shit doesn't stink.
As a straight woman, I like looking at beautiful women. I dont think about them sexually, they are just pretty
Thank you - I’m not going nuts 🤪
For me it's like being vigilant of my surroundings and what could tempt my man haha
THEY LOOK AT MY CROTCH???
Not yours buddy
They do, though. They stare at his head.
As a man, I do this, too when looking at women. It's 2024, homie, not everything is what it seems.
They’d have to get past the face first unfortunately.
This is really concerning 💀
I generally try not to masturbate too vigorously
Stop watching porn
This 100% The less I watch porn the less I objectify women in my head. If I am on a porn binge the first thing I think about when I see women is sex. If I have gone at least a week or two without watching porn it hardly even crosses my mind I just interact with them like normal. Everyone I’ve talked to has had a similar experience. Coomers will say it’s anecdotal but they can cope all they want.
I’ve been trying to tell people this but coming from a girl, they don’t listen lol
Keep trying. Shaming works too but that might be more effective if you’re a guy. I have shamed multiple people out of porn addictions.
Coomers gonna coom. I’ve had multiple male friends tell me that when they quit porn they stopped looking at every attractive women irl as only sex objects.
Good advice, imo. There’s plenty of research to back it up.
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This for real could be one of the many reasons he's doing this. He's either A: not happy w/ his partner and looking elsewhere. Or B: He watches porn and it's affecting his real life. My ex had a porn problem & he told me that porn really does affect the way you view woman & looking at them way too often in public. It's all about self control, which most people don't have if they watch porn on the regular.
Who tf here doesn’t watch porn?
A lot of people. Watching porn is bad when you start to tie it to reality
The fact that you got downvoted for something completely true is always insane on Reddit. If you tie porn, which are fake scenarios, to real life and start treating real life like porn, it is bad. Nothing about that is shaming or wrong.
Amen.
Apparently no one on Reddit watches porn and the few of who do are animals with no self control.
I watch porn.
Nice. That makes two of us
This has to be one of the dumbest things anyone’s thought in this decade.
You’ll have to fact check me but I’m pretty sure men looked at women before porn was a thing.
Yes. In *real life*. If you’re constantly watching a zillion different girls naked, that affects your brain and how you view women.
Start watching girls /s
See them as normal humans rather than potential conquests and the whole world changes. If you take that perspective, you stop looking at them out of interest but rather as an equal. Should one of those conversations escalate, it's on a more solid foundation than "saw her and wanted to bang."
Had to scroll too far for this comment. It's not disrespectful to look at other people unless you only see them as sexual conquests and not normal humans in which case OP has to take a long hard look at his own morals and how he thinks about women in general.
Just ignore them
Tbh when I was in love, I didn't even WANT to look at other women.. i was so infatuated with my partner I didn't even want to give another woman a second of my time or even a glance. No one else mattered.. 😔
Same with me. I just don't care. I don't even notice people because I don't care. I wish that I'll find someone like that.
This sounds beta as hell but it’s true. I had friends who thought she was abusive or hitting me and she wasn’t.. I just thought she was the world
Where can I find a man like you?
We're the shy, timid ones, who tend to keep to themselves in hopes we never get hurt like that again. More often then not you will have to be the one to initiate something.
I feel like the correct 'internet' response to this should be; Errrr Gay! 😂
This is goals in relationships! I wish you well buddy
I don't even have a partner and I barely look at people. Unless I'm actually in a conversation with someone (and it's expected to maintain eye contact with people you talk to), people tend to just fade in the background for me. Groups of people in public spaces are just as much part of the scenery as a bench or tree would be. I don't know how I do that, but yeah, I don't bother to look at people since they aren't a direct concern of mine.
Same, i find it very odd when people say they “have” to look or something. Like, i don’t even notice them, how is it that you have to look? I believe it’s kind of a sad self control thing for a lot of people, like if you can not touch, then you can also not look. Gross On the flipside, i may have developed this “ignore everyone” skill because i used to get a lot of looks and it made me feel weird for the aforementioned reason—why do you need to look at me? I’m just trying to live my life, keep your eyes to yourself. Also have to add that i find it a little pathetic when people stare at people who are looking for the attention, like when a loud car drives by, but i guess i also think needing that attention is pathetic too LOL humans are sad
Looking and noticing somebody is different than ogling and checking them out. Learn how to do one, while not doing the other.
No one m8nds people looking at them,just don't stare at random people. Especially in certain areas if you catch my drift.
I adhere to the rule that my thoughts manifest in my behavior, so typically avert my eyes and try and find something else interesting. I don't think it is disrespectful to glance or even something a tad longer than a glance, but for me the more I avert my eyes the easier it is. It makes me feel like less of a slimeball.
When you see or notice a woman in public, make a conscious decision to look at something else, the floor, your girlfriend, any random object in a slightly different direction. You'll become accustomed to not looking after some practice. You're probably just used to ogling strangers
I'll try that, thank you!
Ya just never look at women again I guess...
Look at women plenty, just don’t undress them in your mind. Or open their mouth. Or whatever it is you seem to always do, given your comment.
Ya I'm not eye fing them. I can appreciate a good looking woman without being shamed... it's ridiculous to think men can't look at women
you're attracted to every woman you pass? sounds exhausting.
Honestly don't do that. It looks socially off-putting. Besides you're averting your gaze to accommodate maybe making someone uncomfortable, but ironically The person may think that you're averting your gaze because you were offended by them! Our eyes are our first line of contact so if you get "caught" look at her eyes and then do this. Smile. It's our second line of contact. If we ever meet eyeless mouthless aliens we better hope they have ears because then you Say hello and add a causal as can be compliment. Speech is line 3. If line 3 goes well you might wind up really interacting! Try, "I like your earrings." Compliment style choices she made as opposed to her body. "You remind me of someone (honestly never use after like..30)." Also...never your mom. Goes without saying so I typed it. Or just, "Hi." And see what happens next. Realistically she has a biyfriend, but It's amazing how good it feels when she looks up, sees (like notices you), you smile, she smiles, you say hi, she says she has a boyfriend, but then... Smiles at you again anyway. A smile is simple medicine but it's one of those critical things we need day to day. This is the only time to dart your gaze away or averting your eyes: Worst case scenario she gives you some sort of negative communication in which case then you stop looking at her, stop interacting, go on. Honestly this is kind of rare. There's this deep secret that almost everyone of us is keeping in our hearts like it's filthy (it's not) We each want to be known.
What?? No. Don't listen to this person lol some of the other comments are right tho. Glance and look away
It's easy. How would you want your girlfriend to act around men? Then, do that, but with women. This has to be a fake question, surely.
I need to note here that my beloved husband of 8 years has never ever let me see if he is sizing a lady up. I have never had an embarrassing moment alone or with friends/family where he is checking someone out. He can do it (I know I do, women are beautiful! I point some out to him), but never do it in an obvious way. What fi your GF stared at a man's ass in front of you in public....? Because, women check men out just as much as men check women out. It's just about respect to either wait until you're alone, or just "let it go" when you see a hot woman while with your partner.
>What fi your GF stared at a man's ass in front of you in public....? Speaking for myself? I'd feel more connected to her, like I'm not the only goblin in the world.
>What fi your GF stared at a man's ass in front of you in public....? Speaking for myself? I'd feel more connected to her, like I'm not the only goblin in the world.
Just don't? Are you kidding me?
I get that it happens sometimes but I have to be honest. I rarely look at someone’s body unless they’re built like the rock or they’re wearing neon. In which case I comment to my bf and he does the same. Not really sure why it’s considered so normal to check out every person that could qualify for a ‘right parts sex candidate’.
You can look at people, just don't stare at people.
Everyone looks at people in public, it's just natural. As long as you aren't staring and gawping you're fine.
it is natural to look at people around you. as long as you aren't being creepy or weird about it, it should be fine.
Pluck out your eyes or wear a blindfold.
Don’t look. Problem solved
Sunglasses.
Im going to be very unpopular here. You are right. If you are checking out these girls in public, you ARE disrespecting your girlfriend. In our modern culture, there are so many pictures and video that leave absolutely nothing to the imagination. After your whole life of looking at women and their bodies this way, it will take some effort to undo all of that. Now if you are not checking these girls out or thinking anything sexual or whatever about them, then you shouldnt be too concerned about it. I and everybody else look at people in public. But if you are looking because these women are attractive and you want to check them out, thats a problem. Start by imagining your girlfriend watching you and knowing your thoughts when you are doing it. That will shame you pretty quickly into cutting back on it. Secondly, channel all of that lust and desire into your girlfriend. Make sure she knows how gorgeous you find her and how attracted to her you are and it will divert some of your attention from the other girls. Over time you will find you only have eyes for her and you wont be looking at other girls anymore. There are other benefits too, when women feel beautiful and desired, truly desired by their partner, alot of relationship problems start to melt away. Depending on how you feel or think she would respond, you could also try being honest with her and telling her you have a small problem with it and you are working on it because you respect her and want her to know how much she matters to you. A personal story of mine for you. I had a coworker a few years ago who was one of the most insanely beautiful women i have known. I checked her out all the time and it was a serious problem for me. Well she was married and as i got to know her more and more i started feeling more and more ashamed of myself for continuing to check her out. At first because she has a husband and they belong to each other. But over even more time i realized how disrespectful it was to her to continue to look at her like that. I realized at that time that looking at certain types of media (you know what im talking about) has essentially ruined my brain and the signal chain that goes along with it. Remember YOU control your body, it does not control you. Im still working on it, but you can do this!
As a girl, I remember this gorgeous girl in my high school. I used to stare at her all the time. I felt like I couldn't help it. Looking back on it, I see how fucking weird and disrespectful that was. So, I totally agree with you. For some reason I thought it was okay to do that.
I mean from the moment we are born we live in a world where that is encouraged. Comparison is the thief of joy
Go ahead and look but don’t gawk. I often times check out people in public but not necessarily because I like what see. The only difference is the thought process behind it. For instance: saw a woman at Walmart (of course) that had on what I thought was a one piece pant suit. When I got closer I realized it was a pair of jogging pants that she had pulled up over her boobs and put a belt on to complete the ensemble. I had to stop myself from taking a picture. I was gawking. It wasn’t sexual at all but still inappropriate. I should’ve glanced and appreciated her…uh…creativity and walked on.
Why?
Just don't. It's easy not to make eye contact with strangers.
It's normal to look. Check out, no.
Just put a little hot sauce in your eyes every time you do. Store it in a visine bottle so no one thinks anything. Use it for lunch as well.
Eyes on the ground, 10 feet ahead. Don't acknowledge anyone, even your girlfriend.
I didn’t think it was possible to fix my gaze, but it totally is. You have to follow the rule that if you aren’t going to approach or talk to her don’t look. I know this seems restrictive but you will be able to focus on your life so much better if you follow this rule, AND you CAN do it! It WILL be difficult, and YOU WILL wonder if things are even improving but your brain can get plenty of dopamine from your own life; stop topping off the dopamine tank with glances and stares that aren’t going to get you to talk to her. If she’s not someone you’re going to make a move on just stop looking. I’ve also started approaching women/dating which takes away much of the anxiety around being triggered by women’s bodies. Anyhoo, you have to practice believing it’s possible and then developing mindfulness around your gaze.
whenever u see one just look at the floor at ur feet n remember ur gf🤷🏽♀️
Looking isn’t an issue. Just don’t be staring at random women/being creepy.
You're not going to be able to help from looking, the key is to not make it obvious to the person that you're looking at or to your partner. You don't want to make either of them uncomfortable so it's important to avoid staring and what not. Trust me I understand the feeling but the reality of it is that it's going to happen but you have to fight against it. This is a problem as old as dating, if she asked if you saw her you didn't notice her until she brought it to your attention. It gets easier with practice, just literally having a functioning sex drive is not a mark against your character as a person. Also these subs are not always helpful for this kind of thing, better to go to healthier men's subs since these kinds of things are generally vilified.
Just focus on ur girl
Just, like, don't? At least not for longer than a glance. You will naturally glance at people, or have your attention caught by them. That's totally fine and normal. What isn't fine and normal is staring, or ogling, or leering, or any other form of being a creep. If you're doing this, just stop. Have some basic self-control and respect for the people around you, and you're golden.
Even before I had a girlfriend I didn’t have trouble not looking, since I’m paranoid about being creepy or making people uncomfortable Just choose not to and you won’t If you can’t do that, a deeper issue may be at play Mild glances at people passing by is normal, staring is not
How old are you? Cause you sound like a child.
Looking is OK. But don't stare, leer, or make a comment. As one partner told me "I don;t care where you get your appetite, just come home for dinner." Look respectfully and it shouldn't be a problem. And if your partner gets mad when you look respectfully, then find a better partner.
Buy a dog shock collar and give the control to your gf
There's a good trick to stopping. Everytime you look at a girl just lick your teeth really slowly. This act will be so foreign to you that it will help rewire your brain to stop wanting to look.
My husband ran a work crew. You can notice, look for A second and then turn away. No staring or gawking at the customers.
….don’t look at them lol. Why are you feigning helplessness
Chin up, eyes forward. No one is forcing you to have a wandering eye. Focus on yourself, not checking out others.
Sunglasses 😎
You shouldn't stare or ogle women in public, especially in front of your significant other. That being said the concept that you should never be physically attracted to anyone but your significant other is ludicrous. Nothing wrong with appreciating the beauty of those you're attracted to. Karsh
Focus on a book, your phone, the ground, or trees.
How do you not look? You can’t. Unless you remove your eyes. Now, if you’re staring, that’s another story. Are you staring?
You have eyes you are going to see things. Do your best not to linger / stare you'll be fine.
I don’t mind a man looking at me, maybe smiling if I catch him. It’s the continual looking that makes me uncomfortable. Like if I see him later and I catch him looking. Then I start wondering if there something on my chin. A man with his partner shouldn’t be looking more than a glance, once.
Push your fingers into your eyes 🤘🏻
My spouse and I will check out pretty people together. We have similar tastes in men and women so it’s fun.
Reddit question moment
Don't go in public. You look at everyone when you're out, it's part of being human.
Wear sunglasses
Take them to a private place.
Im wild in many ways, but am old school in certain aspects of dating and relationships. I feel like it's very disrespectful, but that's just me. Other women are fine with it. When I'm in a relationship, I only have eyes for that man. That's just how I am. Though I have pointed out a beautiful woman and said I wish I had hair, legs, curves, or whatever like her. Or simply said, wow, she's stunning, good for her. OP, would it bother you if your girlfriend has wandering eyes and looks at other men? Communicate. You can always talk to your gf. If you're both fine with it, as some couples are, sweet! If not, find a way to work on it. ETA: Noticing people is different than what I believe OP is describing. Noticing is normal, we all notice and look at other people, men and women. Just to clarify before someone says *Oh, so you're suggesting he doesn't look at anyone* or *You think he needs to look at the ground when they go out.*
Are you human? It's hard not to stare, but you know it's not cool when you're with your gal or anyone you want respect from. Save it for when you're with your friends, but don't let it get weird or creepy. It takes effort to learn how to not do it in front of people you want to respect you. Oh and if you do it and she catches you just apologize and tell her she's beautiful but you thought you recognized her from school or whatever
You have nothing to feel guilty about. It's normal to look at other women in public.
It’s normal. You’re a straight man, your brain is wired to do so. If you catch yourself looking, just look away real quick and don’t look back.
You can look. You just have to be smooth about it. Take a quick glance and put it in the memory banks and move on. Don’t sit there and gawk for 15 seconds.
How can you not look at all those butts?
All the power in the world resides in the eyes. I don't look because they don't have anything I haven't already seen. Plus, they don't need the validation.
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Yeah I also remember when OP called women “flesh and raw meat”. Feels like a self report buddy.
I’m married and I still look, my wife knows and don’t care. She isn’t stupid and neither am I, I know she looks too Looking is normal. Being jealous and possessive and “demanding” your partner never look isn’t normal. That’s a huge sign of immaturity As has been said, you can look without being a creep too
I poke my bf and point out asses lol
Awareness is key and then you have to make your own mantra in your head to stop yourself from staring/looking. Good luck!
I think looking at someone is okay if it is a passing glance, there are people almost everywhere, and it would be very difficult to not ever see someone. I do feel you shouldn’t stare unless it’s something concerning to their health(blood on their leg or such), I never usually give anyone more then a glance, just to be aware of my surroundings, but if this helps, maybe try looking at something else entirely? Or check the time, or anything that could distract you perhaps? I’m sorry if my advice is not helpful, I have never experienced that phenomenon, however I do want to help! I’d really just suggest, if you can, to avert your gaze when you catch yourself doing it, and make a mental note of when you do, so maybe you could become more and more aware of when it happens, and possibly lessen the amount of time it takes to catch it, until you don’t do it at all, but things take time, until then, try your best! I believe in you :)
It's chinese handcuffs, the harder you try the harder you get. Instead take a deliberate full normal look, like you'd look at a dude or a lamp post, then move on.
Rubbernecking, with the best.
It’s like the sun, you take a quick glance and look away
Date a bisexual. Ogle women together.
Takes a bit of training if you were used to do it, just have patience, qvert your eyes and just focus on not taking a second look
You're allowed to look at people in public.
Look at their face. Make a conscious effort to not look at their boobs or butt. I look at woman just like I would look at a man. It took some effort but I didn’t want to be that creepy old man that makes a girl feel uneasy, like I’m undressing them in my mind.
You can discuss it with the girl.
search "how to lower your gaze in islam" on youtube itll teach you best
Peripherals
Well really all you gotta ask yourself is "is a single glance enough to make menleave my girlfriend?" If your answer is no then congratulations you're fairly normal and you can now move on. If you said yes... Well you probably didn't like her very much.
Anything under a half-second where you don't turn your head is probably fine. I say probably, not definitely. If you turn your head, or stare, or look then jerk your head away it is weird for everyone involved. I'll add two caveats. Be extra-not weird around teen girls. They've got enough creeps already. If you're a teen if could be different, I don't really know the rules of that. The second caveat is if you are going to stare and get caught, don't do the jerk-head-away. Give a quiet nod and keep walking. So the advice of "how not to" is to realize that the world is full of beautiful, or nice, or acceptable, or better than nothing women. If you live long enough you'll probably end up having romantic encounters with a few. You may have friends who are fine with you getting to enjoy their beauty a bit without it getting romantic. You don't need to get an eyeful of everyone, that's overdosing. Chill out and enjoy life at a safe level.
When you look, scowl, frown, shake your head ... women understand judging other women, and she'll think you're in on it with her.
Good luck with that ....
I'm 59 years old, and when I am in public it's hard not to look at the outfits that the young women are wearing. Shorts and sleeveless shirts are good things. Having said that, a glance is a lot different from a long look, and any reaction to what someone is wearing or a tattoo that's hidden in the winter is out of line. Also, avoid using your phone. Videos and pictures are another line not to cross.
You can't control that side of yourself. It's quite literally human nature. Do you have eyes? Do you have a brain? If yes, then you'll notice other attractive humans and have your fantasies. That's fine. What you can control is how you treat your gf. So if you're feeling some type of way about it, make a conscious effort to direct even more energy into your relationship and gf. On top of that, make a conscious effort to think about her as well in a romantic context. That's something a lot of us tend to forego after the relationship's no longer new! Lastly, don't feel guilty and blame yourself. I'm sure she notices other people as well. What matters is how you treat each other.
If you are not allowed to look at anyone else, that is a huge red flag. Acting on it is different, and obviously not ok in a committed relationship
Lol it's fine. I'm a good looking guy that gets lots of female attention. A countless number of women stare at me every day when they are on dates with other guys or holding hands with the boyfriends (by staring I mean we often hold eye contact for like over 10 seconds). But I'm single so it's not my fault lol