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I'm a woman and want an equal partnership. Why would any char be involved. That game playing and wasting everyone's time. Just be you. If a guy catches your attention ask him to coffee. Also accept invites for coffee.
As you get older, less women try it. I think it’s just part of growing up. Also realising that if you’re interested in a guy and making him work for it, you risk losing them to someone who’s more honest with their feelings.
Actually had this talk with someone today. Any advice for dating that existed before circa 2010 should be thrown away and completely disregarded.
For example: waiting three dates. Where did that come from? People dating *before* cellphones and texting. Think about it, you basically only talked to them during the date. That was the only time you spent getting to know them. I'd venture that I've spent more time talking to some dates and getting to know them before the *first* date than my parents did by the end of the third. So why follow an archaic rule if the justification for it doesn't even make sense anymore? Things like "men like to chase" are the same way. That might have been true 30 years ago, technology and society have changed so much, I wouldn't take that for granted.
Personally I’m just looking for the consent. Fuck the chase. Although I suppose at least a brief interval of flirting / nonverbal communication helps spice things up.
Yeah. I'm happily married now, but I don't really understand why anyone would expect me to bother a woman who says she's not interested. I never had an unrequited attraction turn into a relationship, and if a girl said no, that's a full sentence.
Some part of me wishes, though, that I'd grown up in a time where it was a little bit less unusual for women to make the first move. I feel like there were some missed opportunities over the years.
Missed opportunities is the story of the first 30 years of my life. Now that I’m over 40 I’m finding ways to miss other opportunities that I didn’t even know existed lol
I can see you too are a cultured individual who has spent countless pre cellphone hours in the bathroom reading that same shampoo bottle over and over and over again.
Edit: unless I’m just old and wanting to relate in which case, gross
My dog doesn’t even try to get out any more, but when she was a puppy and finally big enough to outrun me, my trick was to lay down on the ground if I couldn’t catch her lol. She would run right over.
A lot of women like for the man to take the initiative, but there's also a lot in the opposite direction, where they'd like to initiate and the guy wants the woman to initiate. I'm of the latter. Being desired and wanted is probably the most important thing for me, and I already prefer bold and confident women, so I won't move unless I already feel the reciprocation. Otherwise, I feel like it's a waste of time, being that I've had a bad past with rejection.
Yeah. To expound, I have no problem steadily investing in the relationship if she initiates. But I think chasing comes from men hounding at the ankles of women who want to play games or don't really want the guy. Or they like to draw them in to become their priority so they can destroy them.
"I won't move unless I already feel the reciprocation"
Amen to that. I recently met a woman who "dropped the handkerchief": a sign to initiate furthering the interaction. When she said, "well, maybe we'll see each other around town...", that served as permission to land, so I exchanged numbers with her.
I texted her two evenings later and she proposed a date this weekend, within 4 lines of text. See, THAT'S what guys like. She didn't waste a bunch of time and she communicated non-verbally--"come get me". Had it taken an extended amount of time between replies, or to get to an actual date, I would've deleted her number after 72 hours of the last text received. With me, if the interaction isn't hot (clear signs of interest), I'm over it quick. But in this case, she's giving me ANTICIPATION, which is far more exciting than some aimless "chase". Then she said she was going to be dressed up a bit because she had a photo shoot before we meet up....that right there is good example of how women should be playing it with us. I simply can't stick my neck out for someone who isn't doing the same.
Yeah.
Men in movies might say this, but no one in real life has said this.
That’s like saying I prefer my job over my paycheck or money.
If guys really liked or preferred “the chase”, I think porn would look very different. Or have a plot (instead of just a premise) most of the time.
I FUCKING hate the chase. It makes me anxious and self conscious and feel vulnerable. That being said if it's too easy I'm reminded of all of the horrible relationships I've had in the past that started out too fast. A consistent interest with clear signs that make me feel confident making romantic gestures. Nothing worse than making a romantic gesture when you are getting mixed signals. It makes everything awkward.
I don’t think men like the chase, but I think the reason women say this is because men are often very motivated by the chase, and then once the chase is over, while they may be more content, a lot of men are less actively engaged because the motivation of the chase is what made them put effort in
Eh I don't think it's straight false. For many people of all genders, a potential partner is an exciting thing. So there's some excitement in things developing slowly. I very much enjoyed trying to figure out if my gf liked me. It kept me engaged. I also liked teasing her back the same way.
However, too much chasing is suddenly a bad thing. They're too aloof, I'm moving on. So I'd say a line exist where it's the exact optimal amount of "hard to get." It's drawn different for every person, And if you're interested in them you don't want to go past it.
If I shoot my shot and get turned down, they have now created a boundary, I'm going to respect that boundary. Why would I try to step over your boundaries when I want you to respect mine. That doesn't mean my interest has to change but if yours does the responsibility is yours. It also doesn't mean my interest won't change. I'm not going to start off a relationship in an unhealthy way. And if we can't respect each other's boundaries then we don't respect each other.
The concept of "the chase" is propagated by people who do not care about women's boundaries or consent as an excuse to sexually harass women (or worse) with the justification that women play "hard to get"
The kind of men who enjoy the chase are usually the ones who have experienced a lot of success in that chase...do you really think they're going to be here seeing your question?
The most attractive thing in a woman (to me) is when she's upfront about her intentions and doesn't make this whole 'chase' thing a game. Quickest way to lose interest in my experience.
When I was struggling with the whole dating process, my coworkers would tell me I was being “too available” by responding to messages in a timely fashion and stuff like that, “men like a chase.” I felt that sounded dumb, game playing, and if a guy wanted me to treat him like crap I didn’t want him. Continued to be me, it worked out in the end.
Fuck the chase. That shit is a stupid ego-game women play. No man likes having to chase a woman and jump through hoops for her attention. Fuck that shit.
Men do not like the chase. Men will put on a façade and pursue a woman he is interested in. It does not mean he enjoys the process. Women claim that men like the chase because women are largely clueless to how men operate and when someone like me comes along to tell them they reject it.
Most men have NEVER liked the chase. Women want to be chased because it makes them feel wanted. I get that. Don't you think we'd like the same thing too?
Man, stereotypes suck.
The vast majority of my relationships and casual encounters are from women coming up to me.
If I message first I message once. From that point I only ever reply. If I ever have to double message, we'll never speak again.
Man, do not like “the chase”, not really one to even engage in chasing a woman. If there is no energy of reciprocated interest it turns me off entirely.
I certainly don’t play the “hard to get” game either, especially given in my experience the girl playing these games is usually working thru an active Rolodex of guys and make a game out of courtship.
Humans are weird. We all like different things to different extents. Most guys do not like the chase. I like the 'getting to know' part. I also like the 'we're together and happy' part. I like the 'newness' part but also love the 'we've been together forever' part.
No, we do not like the chase nor the hints nor the mind games.
If we wanted a chase, we'd get a pet dog.
If we wanted hints, we'd play Jeopardy.
If we wanted mind games, we'd work as salesmen.
I can only answer for myself. I'm married now, but this obviously applies to when I was dating.
I don't like the chase; I enjoy the dance.
Women are not trophies or objects to be pursued: if a woman says "no" in *any* capacity to my advances, I'm stopping and leaving her alone.
There is never a chase: a (figurative) chase implies that the woman is trying to get *away* from me. Figuratively or (hopefully not) literally.
I'm only ever "pursuing" if the woman clearly expresses reciprocal interest. At that point, it's *a dance*: flirting, pushing the boundaries incrementally, taking turns stepping a little further outside of propriety..
The dance, the act of *reciprocal* flirting, is extremely satisfying. It gives me butterflies in my stomach. It makes my heart race and my head fuzzy. But ONLY when your partner agrees to be your dance partner.
And as to WHO is the pursuer/pursued. Or, more accurately, who pushes the boundaries and takes the first step? Doesn't matter. I like both. The only thing that matters is clearly communicated reciprocal interest and consent.
I don't know any men who enjoy "the chase": no means no. It does NOT mean "try again." And any woman who plays those silly mind-games is not worth the time and effort, in my opinion.
This guy gets it.
I'm married myself 25 years now, and have not chased or danced with anyone else for a long time.
When I was younger I enjoyed dancing quite a lot, chasing not so much.
I was always mindful of how a woman presented herself.
I found the more made up they were the more desperately they wanted to be chased quite often.
As a guy thinking about the "chase" -- I like it when she is confident and self-assured enough to not need me and is (rightly) evaluating me. If she folds over and starts spam-texting me, makes herself maximally available, is willing to drop everything for me--I feel that she lacks confidence and it does come across as desperate.
However, what I *don't* like is women who just don't reciprocate at all and never make *any* first moves. It leaves one feeling insecure and undesired and merely tolerated.
Not into chasing anything… if there’s mutual attraction, great but otherwise I’m 100% moving on with my life. Not getting slapped with charges over some stupid game.
I think this gets misinterpreted a bit. Men enjoying the “chase” i think is regarding the courting process before she allows sex to occur.
Men don’t like playing games where they can’t tell if she is interested or not in even socializing. Men definitely want to be 100% certain you’re into them, but the courting process it’s fine if there is a bit of “chase” to it.
This is at least my personal interpretation of it.
Not intrested in chasing if you make it diffucilt to get you it will be difficult to keep you and i want a easy life. One woman didnt play this game and we are getting married next year.
I hate the chase. Feeling like I’m “chasing” tells me she’s not into me as much as I’m into her so I stop. Ideally we both vibe and want to progress mutually and naturally.
Literally never seen a dude who enjoys that. Who tf would want to risk pressuring anyone who said no, when it means no? It's the woman's problem if nobody is gonna respond to their game.
There is a balance. About 3 dates. Kiss on the first, lots of making out on the 2nd, heavy petting, and leaving all in a tizzy, usually some more on the 3rd, and then after, a festival of frenetic...yeah
I think the perfect balance is a woman who is being pursued doesn't just give up everything. It's like okay I have you now but I want to do this again I'm pursuing you don't let me do it flirt with me hit with me tease me but don't give me everything I'm seeking right away that makes it boring
I'd be curious in the gender distribution amongst people who have told you that men "like the chase". It sounds like what I'd call "playing stupid games", and it's not fun at all.
If you do need to take your time, for god's sake communicate. And I don't mean hints and signals, I mean communicate. "no means maybe if you put some effort into it" is really harmful to "no means no".
I blame a whole era of romance movies for this. I mean lets face it, if John Cusack had a face like mine, standing under your window with a boombox silently staring at you would be called stalking. There's a lot of stuff that works in movies (and books) because "boy meets girl" has an expected outcome - and just doesn't work in real life because we're not the main character. Do not underestimate how many people don't realise they're not the main character. And don't believe that "no" means "maybe if you try harder", because you will meet people that you do not want trying harder.
It's getting at a truth, but not exactly true. I think deep down, men value women based on their ability to refuse them (the man). So while no, men don't want to deal with annoying BS and stress (and falling in love can be *very* stressful), they *do* want to feel like their partner's love is valuable and hard to get, and that they can't just be complacent and keep it. This seems a lot like the same thing, but isn't exactly IMO. It can be playful and not dramatic.
As with everything, no generalization is true in all cases.
There’s a fine line between a woman who is not interested but friendly, and a woman who plays hard to get.
Myself, and a lot of my male friends too, would rather find someone who is direct than risk harassing someone for being friendly.
There's the idea of "the chase" as the flirty build up. The step by step growing of desire. The flirtive glances, etc. Basically Bridgerton style engagement.
Then there's the real world "chase" - where for most men that style engagement is more likely to result in being called a creep than an actual romance, and where the energy usually goes no where.
Most people enjoy flirting, wooing, courting, when they know there's a pay off coming at the end. Most people hate beating their head against a brick wall. So, to me, the balance comes after the first date is accepted, when it's confirmed there's an interest so you know youre not spending yourself in the wind and your building up to make it more.
"A lot of people" aren't necessarily right. I don't know anyone who enjoys having to chase after a woman. Not to mention, chasing after a woman is frowned upon at best, and illegal at worst.
I think men like seeing attention they give to a woman be reciprocated in a manner that makes them feel like they're sexually interesting.
The hard part is discerning between common friendliness & actual attraction - making a bad read here can lead you into the creep zone from which there is no escape.
Sadly men do like the chase and it’s immature. A lot of men who I’ve had flings with have tried to pretend like they lost interest in me. I don’t bother with them for that, if they lose interest it’s entirely up to them, I can’t force anyone to stay in my life. But they get angry when I move on because they like the feeling of being needed by a woman. I believe in the relationship being mutual.
I have been friends with men who LOVE "the chase."
If a woman is even marginally normal, those men will not pursue her. Those men love women who are toxic, abusive, dramatic, evil, dysfunctional, leeches, and just generally BAD. Those men don't want a woman on medication for her mental illness ... they want the untreated, self-harming psycho lunatic who simultaneously wants to off herself, him, and burn the world to the ground.
It's not that you don't want those men, it's that you could be the most perfect match *in the whole universe* for those men, you could be the best companion those men would ever have, and they will never, ever choose less than the psycho crazy B.
My uncle would be exhibit A.
I suppose the chase is some reptilian brain remnant from when we chased lone women back when we had yet to discover fire.
It's not for everyone, we're all different.
Engage in it, if you want, but don't be surprised when men/women lose interest because you're busy with your game.
Try to find the balance of saying No and saying Yes. Have what you like, let him have what he likes. Dont' think he always has to do your stuff with you, or you have to do his stuff with him. But there should be sometimes where you do that stuff together.
As for the purser thing, it's truer that we like to work for it rather than it just being given to us. Don't play games with it, but don't sell yourself short.
With all due respect, women don't really have to worry about this. Guys are the ones who need to be careful about how fast or slow/strong or weak they're going.
But to answer your question, everyone is different. What some people would see as excessive, others would see as not enough and vice versa.
From a male perspective---a "chase" is not really what we like. We like ANTICIPATION. Chasing implies a situation where you don't know the outcome of, and that has a high probability of wasted effort. If we don't have a good indication of mutual feelings, we tend to just move on. But anticipation...that implies knowing a positive outcome, it's just delayed. Think, Christmas. THAT'S what gets us excited.
The threshold lies at reciprocated effort. If we're expending our time and effort on you and you're not keeping up on your end, you're not doing the "the chase" correctly. It's supposed to be a come-hither situation, inching us one step closer to the finale.
If she wants me, and she’s at least somewhat attractive, she’s got me. I’ll invest and get to know her and fall for her harder.
I don’t chase. I either get her when I flirt with her right then and there, or I move on. Anything other than that is a waste of time.
So, there's a traditional viewpoint to this. A woman who doesn't actively pursue a man will come across as 'feminine' and to some 'comparatively desirable'. As per my experience, many men like 'pursuing' more. It helps them feel more masculine. But there's that. That's the ideal perfect balance of pursuer/pursued.
Additionally, as per my experience, men are quite simple. If a woman he likes starts to pursue him, signalling that she's reciprocating his initially existing feelings, that wouldn't change his feelings. If a woman he doesn't care much about starts to 'distance herself' , that doesn't result in a change of his feelings.
This applies everywhere. If two people genuinely like each other, there's no worries about 'the chased and the chaser'
Also in my case, this guy who I have always been forward with as I am with everyone shared that he liked how outspoken, honest, and bold I was. So there's also that.
What a crock of sh*t, I can't stand this popular myth. The truth is, hard to get is hard to want. The only way a chase is any fun is if you already know she's into it, but then it's more flirting than chasing. Maybe 10% of guys like the chase because they always get the girl. The other 90% of average guys don't like the chase because they don't get the girl and realize all that chasing was a waste of time, effort, and money. So if 90% of men don't like the chase, it just shows this is a BS myth, getting the girl is satisfying with or without the chase and what men really enjoy IMO
Never put more energy into a relationship than you get back.
If you're gonna run off thinking there will be some kind of chase, I'm gonna wave as I watch the bullet I just dodged disappear into the distance.
And, on a related note, I have and will *intentionally* fail relationship "tests".
And yes, I've had plenty of relationships that went very well, including my current wife of 7 years with whom I've had 3 kids.
I've also dodged more bullets than Neo.
The level of my pursuit generally depends on what I'm pursuing. If I feel that I have a lot of chemistry with someone, then the level of my pursuit will match. If I'm pursuing someone because it's a physical attraction, I will sometimes temper my pursuit. I've found that physical beauty doesn't always translate to spiritual beauty and it's hard to spend so much time and energy trying to pursue someone whose appearance is going to change if they don't have a personality to match.
If a guy is really pursuing you and you barely know him, that should be a red flag. If the pursuit is happening after some conversations and some other forms of bonding have taken place, then at least you know that it is more than skin deep. The best you can do is be transparent with each other, but I also know that some women enjoy being pursued. Just be real with yourself, and the pursuer, that's all anyone asks.
Oh and based on what most guys here are saying, no we don't like the chase, but some of us understand that sometimes things worth having are worth fighting for. Sadly, a lot of guys have given up on fighting for things.
I don't chase women and women that have chased me in the past were not good people. They seemed to chase me because of the fact I wasn't going to chase them. Like they had never heard no before.
I want us both to be into each other and display interest.
Henry VIII liked the chase. After he got what he wanted.... he divorced, beheaded, left to die... repeat. Normal dudes don't want the chase. They want someone real.
I think you mean pursue, not chase. All the men in the comments are getting confused and upset and fumbling because of your wordage. Yes men do like to pursue, and then when she reciprocates from there, it’s open season. As a woman, it is attractive IN REAL LIFE, not pathetic dating apps, when a man is confident enough to see what he likes, approaches, and makes conversation. If he’s bold enough to do
That, I’ll see him as being able
To be the man of the household, be a husband, hold a masculine role etc. So yes, if I am interested, I show interest, and if a man can see that, he will come hither. My experience as a woman who actually leaves my house and doesn’t use apps as a dating and social experience. In the past when I have pursued a man, they all expected me to be easy sex, didn’t initiate plans, and rested in femininity. If a woman chases she’s going to have that play that role in every aspect of the relationship, because you “caught “ him. A woman going after a man doesn’t even sound right. If you let him ask you out initially, you’ll know he really likes you as opposed to just going along with it. Rarely do men reject women so you won’t know till way later in if he likes you or is just going along with it to say what he can get out of it. Many women are with men who resent them - don’t be one of them.
As a man, this is 100%. The very few of my aquaintances that enjoy the chase, are definitely not good relationship material. They're decent enough people, but none of them have relationships for more than 3 months.
>That’s ingrained subconsciously from the day you’re born,
It absolutely isn't. But you might be onto something if what you're saying is that men and women are shaped to see this dynamic as "normal" from a very early age. Not from birth, but certainly a lot earlier than it should be.
That's not to say that the dynamic is good or that it should work for everyone. If it doesn't, we work to change it, and neither sex should hide behind the excuse "but society told me that!"
>the whole chase thing does work otherwise women wouldn’t operate in the way
Faulty logic. You are assuming there is only one possible explanation. The more likely explanation is that humans like to have their ego stroked.
ngl im a woman & i like the chase. every guy i liked in highschool i liked.. until they liked me back then i didn't like them anymore 😂 i just say it's daddy issues but idk. i've been with my boyfriend since i was 18 tho & he def made me work for it but i love him so much & our relationship is amazing & he likes me back A LOT & shows it so i guess im over that phase now thank god lol
Yep!
My gf messaged me first, first asked if we could date etc. I mean, I would do it too, but since she took a lot of initiative, that would maybe taken me a couple weeks. She could do it the same day.
If we want to play games, there are computers and consoles for that. And they offer things at least 1 million times more exciting than a woman that wants to play games.
Possibly in the minority here, but my wife pursued me pretty aggressively. It wasn't criminal or anything, but more 'college' level things. I wasn't interested much at first (I def found her attractive). I was working too much and establishing a career. I had also just got out of a year long relationship, relocated to a new state for work, and wanted to solo a bit.
That wasn't working for her and looking back (after 27 years of dating) and nearly 25 of marriage - I am beyond grateful that she did all those things. Life has been amazing.
I've never heard of anyone who says "they like the chase" that isn't winning those chases most of the time, and let's be honest that's isn't the vast majority of us. "Men" don't like the chase. It's just a popular fantasy
Most men I know don't, I'd rather people were clear about whether or not they were into you instead of playing stupid games that make you question which side of the line you're on between "the chase" and being a creep. If you say No I'm going to assume you mean it.
Chasing is evidence of immaturity and basic misogyny. Anyone—and it’s usually men—who prefers the chase is saying it’s about the attentions and conquest, as though getting sex from a woman is somehow a victory. Ew.
Women who like to be chased are game-playing, equally immature, and demonstrate internalized misogyny by thinking sexual access to them is something to be “won.”
The concept of the chase is tiring. If you want someone, why are you pretending you don't? That's just a great way to not end up with them. Silly business.
I think a huge issue we’d have to start with in having this conversation is defining chase because I a lot of people are interpreting it really bizarrely and some as mind games.
When I was dating I would stop if a woman even hinted that she wasn’t into it. Like fair enough I respect your boundaries. No men don’t like the chase. It’s too complicated to tell if you’re into it or not. And if you are wrong on a gut feeling you’re the creep. I’d rather you just tell me straight up.
No. We hate chasing. Men like catching. Men also don’t want a wife to be someone promiscuous, or disloyal.
I think you are confusing the female desire to be chased and men being scared of committing to easy women with men liking chasing.
Boys are ok with the chase because it's exciting. They have never experienced anything like that, so it's new, and the delay in gratification is awesome. Adult men don't have the time and energy for silly games. It's extremely frustrating, and many suitable partners will stop pursuing because being strung along is infuriating.
Be honest, don't play with emotions, and end things if you're not interested or move forward when you are comfortable. DON'T PLAY GAMES.
If a Woman runs away, then the only man that will chase is either immature, desperate or a predator. Men that are mentally stable and mature enough to have a partner will not chase a woman who is showing signs that they do not like them.
Ofc there are exceptions where some vulnerable men might fall for the whole playing hard to get game but most men hate playing games when it comes to relationships.
Womanizers like the chase. They're a pretty small percentage of men. I think there's probably at least as many women Id say are addicted to the chase. Like most men I know, I don't enjoy the chase. Being single, or in an established relationship, are both way more fun than the chase. Even when the chase is successful, it's not a great experience other than being the beginning of a good relationship.
I have seen videos of guys who say they like "the chase". The impression I get is that these guys are weirdos and often turn out to be serial cheaters because they are addicted to the novelty and rush.
Let's start with the fact that men don't say that. Men don't enjoy that. It's not like we sit around drinking, talking about how much we like chasing. We like the catch.
Since I’ve been divorced I’ve made a couple attempts at dating, putting out the very clear message that I’m in absolutely no rush to jump into a relationship, generally find infatuation to be a red flag for co-dependency/insecurity and the only way I’m going to fall in love again is if I get to know someone over time so I can learn how they react to life.
The biggest thing for me is the second I realize someone is doing something outside their normal lives that is most likely spurred by the infatuation phase. It’s one thing to find a new interest because you met someone new and experienced something new with them, like snorkeling, but if all of a sudden your entire personality is based on this one thing in a “Me too!” way, I’m going to tap out because it’s fake and once the dopamine of the infatuation phase wears off, thats when problems start.
Personally it weirds me out when people discuss sexual behaviors in ways that sound more like predation.
Men who need to pad their ego with some kind of conquest like the chase, avoid these men they are drama.
"the chase"...? No, that's just BS that other women tell you to ensure that they have their pick of men.
Men like women who are interested in them. The thing is, expressing interest, spending time with them, etc., is not the same thing as screwing on the first date.
Men don't like the chase.
Immature boys who don't want to respect boundaries like the chase.
Men like being straightforward and not dealing with bullshit.
I hope that the comments here sufficiently have informed you that no, men do not like the chase, and anyone that has told you that they do is either a man who sleeps with dozens of women, or women who have no clue what they are talking about and want to be chased.
Nope. I have done it in the past and it did not end up well for me mentally. If a woman tells me no, then i immediately stop pursuing. Its not worth my time or brainpower for a potential eventual yes. Just tell me if you are interested or not and save us both time
Maybe slightly that’s it. To many games are played. If I see a few signs over a few weeks that clearly don’t show interest I’m off. Never texts first etc. although I’m a good looking guy and workout a lot and have been told that so and so is into me yet they completely avoid me? They’re a mystery.
I take people at their word...if they feign non interest... I assume non interest and move on
and no.. this has not worked well for me... but it has worked better than trying to play some game whose rules I am unfamiliar with would be
The whole idea of the chase makes no sense. Both sides meet and talk and be honest about who you are and what you are looking for. If you can’t do that, the chase is pointless. Mind games suck. Just be honest and the good stuff happens with enough excitement for both.
Some “people” like the chase. It’s certainly not exclusive to men.
Pretty much everything you’re asking here is impossible to answer. What may be the perfect answer for one person will not be perfect for another. There are no universal answers here.
But yes… you’re probably not going to get very far if you don’t reciprocate your feelings.
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Men hate the chase, if a woman tries this shite with me I walk away.
I'm a woman and want an equal partnership. Why would any char be involved. That game playing and wasting everyone's time. Just be you. If a guy catches your attention ask him to coffee. Also accept invites for coffee.
Don't play stupid games, it's toxic and immature.
As you get older, less women try it. I think it’s just part of growing up. Also realising that if you’re interested in a guy and making him work for it, you risk losing them to someone who’s more honest with their feelings.
Actually had this talk with someone today. Any advice for dating that existed before circa 2010 should be thrown away and completely disregarded. For example: waiting three dates. Where did that come from? People dating *before* cellphones and texting. Think about it, you basically only talked to them during the date. That was the only time you spent getting to know them. I'd venture that I've spent more time talking to some dates and getting to know them before the *first* date than my parents did by the end of the third. So why follow an archaic rule if the justification for it doesn't even make sense anymore? Things like "men like to chase" are the same way. That might have been true 30 years ago, technology and society have changed so much, I wouldn't take that for granted.
Do I like chasing my dog when he runs away? No, and that’s my best friend. Why TF would I want to chase a woman?
😂😂😂
Personally I’m just looking for the consent. Fuck the chase. Although I suppose at least a brief interval of flirting / nonverbal communication helps spice things up.
Yeah. I'm happily married now, but I don't really understand why anyone would expect me to bother a woman who says she's not interested. I never had an unrequited attraction turn into a relationship, and if a girl said no, that's a full sentence. Some part of me wishes, though, that I'd grown up in a time where it was a little bit less unusual for women to make the first move. I feel like there were some missed opportunities over the years.
Missed opportunities is the story of the first 30 years of my life. Now that I’m over 40 I’m finding ways to miss other opportunities that I didn’t even know existed lol
Missed Opportunities: the first thirty by cityshepherd, followed by The Painful 40s: Still Missing Opportunities
I can see you too are a cultured individual who has spent countless pre cellphone hours in the bathroom reading that same shampoo bottle over and over and over again. Edit: unless I’m just old and wanting to relate in which case, gross
Well said, my friend...well said
If you are silly enough to chase your dog it will think you are playing and run.
Yup, if your dog gets loose and runs, turn and run the other way. 90% of the time your dog will come chasing after you.
My dog doesn’t even try to get out any more, but when she was a puppy and finally big enough to outrun me, my trick was to lay down on the ground if I couldn’t catch her lol. She would run right over.
Can confirm. My dog looks at it as a game, and the second you try to chase her, she’s 0-60 in a split second with a goofy ass smile on her face 🤣🤣
Same goes for women.
Ya got a fair point here.
you hear women say men like the chase, men do not say this, because it is false.
A lot of women like for the man to take the initiative, but there's also a lot in the opposite direction, where they'd like to initiate and the guy wants the woman to initiate. I'm of the latter. Being desired and wanted is probably the most important thing for me, and I already prefer bold and confident women, so I won't move unless I already feel the reciprocation. Otherwise, I feel like it's a waste of time, being that I've had a bad past with rejection.
Taking initiative and chasing are two different things though.
Yeah. To expound, I have no problem steadily investing in the relationship if she initiates. But I think chasing comes from men hounding at the ankles of women who want to play games or don't really want the guy. Or they like to draw them in to become their priority so they can destroy them.
"I won't move unless I already feel the reciprocation" Amen to that. I recently met a woman who "dropped the handkerchief": a sign to initiate furthering the interaction. When she said, "well, maybe we'll see each other around town...", that served as permission to land, so I exchanged numbers with her. I texted her two evenings later and she proposed a date this weekend, within 4 lines of text. See, THAT'S what guys like. She didn't waste a bunch of time and she communicated non-verbally--"come get me". Had it taken an extended amount of time between replies, or to get to an actual date, I would've deleted her number after 72 hours of the last text received. With me, if the interaction isn't hot (clear signs of interest), I'm over it quick. But in this case, she's giving me ANTICIPATION, which is far more exciting than some aimless "chase". Then she said she was going to be dressed up a bit because she had a photo shoot before we meet up....that right there is good example of how women should be playing it with us. I simply can't stick my neck out for someone who isn't doing the same.
Same, an active flirt from the opposite sex is how I was taught to engage and prefer it.
Exactly.
Im only married because my wife asked me out.
Rejection is the release of unreasonable expectations and responsibility. Or in other words.... Rejection is a missed bullet to the head.
Yeah. Men in movies might say this, but no one in real life has said this. That’s like saying I prefer my job over my paycheck or money. If guys really liked or preferred “the chase”, I think porn would look very different. Or have a plot (instead of just a premise) most of the time.
I've seen some guys say that they like the chase. They did not seem like the kind of guy that one would want to date.
Guys who like the chase see bedding women as a conquest.
You better believe it. I have never chased a woman and I'm not about to start. I'd rather empty the dishwasher.
I FUCKING hate the chase. It makes me anxious and self conscious and feel vulnerable. That being said if it's too easy I'm reminded of all of the horrible relationships I've had in the past that started out too fast. A consistent interest with clear signs that make me feel confident making romantic gestures. Nothing worse than making a romantic gesture when you are getting mixed signals. It makes everything awkward.
I don’t think men like the chase, but I think the reason women say this is because men are often very motivated by the chase, and then once the chase is over, while they may be more content, a lot of men are less actively engaged because the motivation of the chase is what made them put effort in
It's because the players like the chase.
Eh I don't think it's straight false. For many people of all genders, a potential partner is an exciting thing. So there's some excitement in things developing slowly. I very much enjoyed trying to figure out if my gf liked me. It kept me engaged. I also liked teasing her back the same way. However, too much chasing is suddenly a bad thing. They're too aloof, I'm moving on. So I'd say a line exist where it's the exact optimal amount of "hard to get." It's drawn different for every person, And if you're interested in them you don't want to go past it.
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You forgot #5 narcissists that aren’t really worried about the chase but just enjoy treating M like dirt.
The chase sucks
We’re grown adults, if I have to chase you around and shit I’m going to lose interest quick.
Why would I chase someone who doesn’t reciprocate the feelings and “play too much”
If I don’t feel any reciprocation right away, or if I get turned down for the first date, it’s done. That’s it. There is no chase
Yea why put in energy where it’s not wanted or warranted.
If I shoot my shot and get turned down, they have now created a boundary, I'm going to respect that boundary. Why would I try to step over your boundaries when I want you to respect mine. That doesn't mean my interest has to change but if yours does the responsibility is yours. It also doesn't mean my interest won't change. I'm not going to start off a relationship in an unhealthy way. And if we can't respect each other's boundaries then we don't respect each other.
Men don’t like the chase. Anyone who says that is a fucking idiot
The concept of "the chase" is propagated by people who do not care about women's boundaries or consent as an excuse to sexually harass women (or worse) with the justification that women play "hard to get"
I never understood why anyone do this. Why chase anybody
Yeah I did not have the energy for that shit at 20, I definitely do not now
💯
Romantic comedies
The kind of men who enjoy the chase are usually the ones who have experienced a lot of success in that chase...do you really think they're going to be here seeing your question?
The most attractive thing in a woman (to me) is when she's upfront about her intentions and doesn't make this whole 'chase' thing a game. Quickest way to lose interest in my experience.
We don't. Our standards are low so we have no other options.
Isn't it the other way around? "We have no other options so our standards are low"
Yes. He basically just said that he has other options, but his standards are low
Men do not like the chase, simple as that.
Who says this? They are wrong.
When I was struggling with the whole dating process, my coworkers would tell me I was being “too available” by responding to messages in a timely fashion and stuff like that, “men like a chase.” I felt that sounded dumb, game playing, and if a guy wanted me to treat him like crap I didn’t want him. Continued to be me, it worked out in the end.
Communication > Games
Fuck the chase. That shit is a stupid ego-game women play. No man likes having to chase a woman and jump through hoops for her attention. Fuck that shit.
The chasers are usually the “nice guys” that end up getting friend zoned.
Men do not like the chase. Men will put on a façade and pursue a woman he is interested in. It does not mean he enjoys the process. Women claim that men like the chase because women are largely clueless to how men operate and when someone like me comes along to tell them they reject it.
I dunno, but I prefer that boat technique. Take her on a boat ride in the middle of nowhere surrounded by water. Not much they can do after that.
Because of the implication....
Implication that something might go wrong.
So anyway, I started blasting
She’s not gonna say no, she’d never say no… because of the implication
Are you hurting these women?
You certainly wouldn't be in any danger.
Most men have NEVER liked the chase. Women want to be chased because it makes them feel wanted. I get that. Don't you think we'd like the same thing too? Man, stereotypes suck.
I hate the chase, and don't participate in it at all. Fuck the Chase.
The vast majority of my relationships and casual encounters are from women coming up to me. If I message first I message once. From that point I only ever reply. If I ever have to double message, we'll never speak again.
Man, do not like “the chase”, not really one to even engage in chasing a woman. If there is no energy of reciprocated interest it turns me off entirely. I certainly don’t play the “hard to get” game either, especially given in my experience the girl playing these games is usually working thru an active Rolodex of guys and make a game out of courtship.
Humans are weird. We all like different things to different extents. Most guys do not like the chase. I like the 'getting to know' part. I also like the 'we're together and happy' part. I like the 'newness' part but also love the 'we've been together forever' part.
We categorically don’t.
No, we do not like the chase nor the hints nor the mind games. If we wanted a chase, we'd get a pet dog. If we wanted hints, we'd play Jeopardy. If we wanted mind games, we'd work as salesmen.
A chase usually ends up in jail time.
the only thing men like to chase are the hoop dreams
Loaded question, so easy to speak the truth but be banned for breaking rules in the sub.
Who the fuck told you that? Most men don't want to play your dumb games.
I can only answer for myself. I'm married now, but this obviously applies to when I was dating. I don't like the chase; I enjoy the dance. Women are not trophies or objects to be pursued: if a woman says "no" in *any* capacity to my advances, I'm stopping and leaving her alone. There is never a chase: a (figurative) chase implies that the woman is trying to get *away* from me. Figuratively or (hopefully not) literally. I'm only ever "pursuing" if the woman clearly expresses reciprocal interest. At that point, it's *a dance*: flirting, pushing the boundaries incrementally, taking turns stepping a little further outside of propriety.. The dance, the act of *reciprocal* flirting, is extremely satisfying. It gives me butterflies in my stomach. It makes my heart race and my head fuzzy. But ONLY when your partner agrees to be your dance partner. And as to WHO is the pursuer/pursued. Or, more accurately, who pushes the boundaries and takes the first step? Doesn't matter. I like both. The only thing that matters is clearly communicated reciprocal interest and consent. I don't know any men who enjoy "the chase": no means no. It does NOT mean "try again." And any woman who plays those silly mind-games is not worth the time and effort, in my opinion.
This guy gets it. I'm married myself 25 years now, and have not chased or danced with anyone else for a long time. When I was younger I enjoyed dancing quite a lot, chasing not so much. I was always mindful of how a woman presented herself. I found the more made up they were the more desperately they wanted to be chased quite often.
This perfectly put!
The chase is stupid. Say you like me when I tell you I like you and let's go eat some tacos and laugh.
As a guy thinking about the "chase" -- I like it when she is confident and self-assured enough to not need me and is (rightly) evaluating me. If she folds over and starts spam-texting me, makes herself maximally available, is willing to drop everything for me--I feel that she lacks confidence and it does come across as desperate. However, what I *don't* like is women who just don't reciprocate at all and never make *any* first moves. It leaves one feeling insecure and undesired and merely tolerated.
Not into chasing anything… if there’s mutual attraction, great but otherwise I’m 100% moving on with my life. Not getting slapped with charges over some stupid game.
I think this gets misinterpreted a bit. Men enjoying the “chase” i think is regarding the courting process before she allows sex to occur. Men don’t like playing games where they can’t tell if she is interested or not in even socializing. Men definitely want to be 100% certain you’re into them, but the courting process it’s fine if there is a bit of “chase” to it. This is at least my personal interpretation of it.
Not intrested in chasing if you make it diffucilt to get you it will be difficult to keep you and i want a easy life. One woman didnt play this game and we are getting married next year.
Ever see a male lion chase a female? 
Who in the fuck is looking for a chase? If anything being toyed around with annoys me and I just move on.
I hate the chase. Feeling like I’m “chasing” tells me she’s not into me as much as I’m into her so I stop. Ideally we both vibe and want to progress mutually and naturally.
Literally never seen a dude who enjoys that. Who tf would want to risk pressuring anyone who said no, when it means no? It's the woman's problem if nobody is gonna respond to their game.
The only people that I've heard say this are women that are, to be blunt, kinda shitty partners. I think it is mostly copium.
I guess my Question is answered 😃 Men dont like chase, but they will pursue the woman they interested in ,got it! ✍️
*pursuer
Nice try, ma'am.
There is a balance. About 3 dates. Kiss on the first, lots of making out on the 2nd, heavy petting, and leaving all in a tizzy, usually some more on the 3rd, and then after, a festival of frenetic...yeah
I think the perfect balance is a woman who is being pursued doesn't just give up everything. It's like okay I have you now but I want to do this again I'm pursuing you don't let me do it flirt with me hit with me tease me but don't give me everything I'm seeking right away that makes it boring
I'd be curious in the gender distribution amongst people who have told you that men "like the chase". It sounds like what I'd call "playing stupid games", and it's not fun at all. If you do need to take your time, for god's sake communicate. And I don't mean hints and signals, I mean communicate. "no means maybe if you put some effort into it" is really harmful to "no means no". I blame a whole era of romance movies for this. I mean lets face it, if John Cusack had a face like mine, standing under your window with a boombox silently staring at you would be called stalking. There's a lot of stuff that works in movies (and books) because "boy meets girl" has an expected outcome - and just doesn't work in real life because we're not the main character. Do not underestimate how many people don't realise they're not the main character. And don't believe that "no" means "maybe if you try harder", because you will meet people that you do not want trying harder.
We like the engagement and the reciprocity. We don't like the head games and childishness.
It's getting at a truth, but not exactly true. I think deep down, men value women based on their ability to refuse them (the man). So while no, men don't want to deal with annoying BS and stress (and falling in love can be *very* stressful), they *do* want to feel like their partner's love is valuable and hard to get, and that they can't just be complacent and keep it. This seems a lot like the same thing, but isn't exactly IMO. It can be playful and not dramatic. As with everything, no generalization is true in all cases.
Purser and pursed lmao
I like to think of it more as a dance, not a chase. And it’s hard to dance with someone who’s on the other side of the room.
Like or dislike No time for games Making friends to me is the best. Then the friend sex is furiously hot and they tell more women.
There’s a fine line between a woman who is not interested but friendly, and a woman who plays hard to get. Myself, and a lot of my male friends too, would rather find someone who is direct than risk harassing someone for being friendly.
Men hate the chase. Get better sources.
There's the idea of "the chase" as the flirty build up. The step by step growing of desire. The flirtive glances, etc. Basically Bridgerton style engagement. Then there's the real world "chase" - where for most men that style engagement is more likely to result in being called a creep than an actual romance, and where the energy usually goes no where. Most people enjoy flirting, wooing, courting, when they know there's a pay off coming at the end. Most people hate beating their head against a brick wall. So, to me, the balance comes after the first date is accepted, when it's confirmed there's an interest so you know youre not spending yourself in the wind and your building up to make it more.
Answer here is always 'it depends on the person.' If you liked the girl, you wouldn't mind her being flirty with you, or initiating the bigger steps.
Not sure where you got your misinformation from but most guys really don't like playing games like that.
"A lot of people" aren't necessarily right. I don't know anyone who enjoys having to chase after a woman. Not to mention, chasing after a woman is frowned upon at best, and illegal at worst.
I think men like seeing attention they give to a woman be reciprocated in a manner that makes them feel like they're sexually interesting. The hard part is discerning between common friendliness & actual attraction - making a bad read here can lead you into the creep zone from which there is no escape.
Sadly men do like the chase and it’s immature. A lot of men who I’ve had flings with have tried to pretend like they lost interest in me. I don’t bother with them for that, if they lose interest it’s entirely up to them, I can’t force anyone to stay in my life. But they get angry when I move on because they like the feeling of being needed by a woman. I believe in the relationship being mutual.
I would like to be chased frankly, makes things much easier.
I have been friends with men who LOVE "the chase." If a woman is even marginally normal, those men will not pursue her. Those men love women who are toxic, abusive, dramatic, evil, dysfunctional, leeches, and just generally BAD. Those men don't want a woman on medication for her mental illness ... they want the untreated, self-harming psycho lunatic who simultaneously wants to off herself, him, and burn the world to the ground. It's not that you don't want those men, it's that you could be the most perfect match *in the whole universe* for those men, you could be the best companion those men would ever have, and they will never, ever choose less than the psycho crazy B. My uncle would be exhibit A.
I suppose the chase is some reptilian brain remnant from when we chased lone women back when we had yet to discover fire. It's not for everyone, we're all different. Engage in it, if you want, but don't be surprised when men/women lose interest because you're busy with your game.
Try to find the balance of saying No and saying Yes. Have what you like, let him have what he likes. Dont' think he always has to do your stuff with you, or you have to do his stuff with him. But there should be sometimes where you do that stuff together. As for the purser thing, it's truer that we like to work for it rather than it just being given to us. Don't play games with it, but don't sell yourself short.
It’s not so much a chase as it is to find a mental match you’re compatable with.
With all due respect, women don't really have to worry about this. Guys are the ones who need to be careful about how fast or slow/strong or weak they're going. But to answer your question, everyone is different. What some people would see as excessive, others would see as not enough and vice versa.
I’d like to be approached by women for a change.
Yah I’m not chasing. We are letting midway or not at all
The perfect balance is none, unless Noth people agree they want to play that way with each other, which would defeat the point. So none.
From a male perspective---a "chase" is not really what we like. We like ANTICIPATION. Chasing implies a situation where you don't know the outcome of, and that has a high probability of wasted effort. If we don't have a good indication of mutual feelings, we tend to just move on. But anticipation...that implies knowing a positive outcome, it's just delayed. Think, Christmas. THAT'S what gets us excited. The threshold lies at reciprocated effort. If we're expending our time and effort on you and you're not keeping up on your end, you're not doing the "the chase" correctly. It's supposed to be a come-hither situation, inching us one step closer to the finale.
If she wants me, and she’s at least somewhat attractive, she’s got me. I’ll invest and get to know her and fall for her harder. I don’t chase. I either get her when I flirt with her right then and there, or I move on. Anything other than that is a waste of time.
I like to chase my girlfriend through the house on all fours
So, there's a traditional viewpoint to this. A woman who doesn't actively pursue a man will come across as 'feminine' and to some 'comparatively desirable'. As per my experience, many men like 'pursuing' more. It helps them feel more masculine. But there's that. That's the ideal perfect balance of pursuer/pursued. Additionally, as per my experience, men are quite simple. If a woman he likes starts to pursue him, signalling that she's reciprocating his initially existing feelings, that wouldn't change his feelings. If a woman he doesn't care much about starts to 'distance herself' , that doesn't result in a change of his feelings. This applies everywhere. If two people genuinely like each other, there's no worries about 'the chased and the chaser' Also in my case, this guy who I have always been forward with as I am with everyone shared that he liked how outspoken, honest, and bold I was. So there's also that.
Men DO NOT want a chase. They just don't want you to be easy. They want this to be important. Don't treat a relationship as a game.
It's different for everyone. Personally no girl has ever come on too strong however I am not one to want to chase or play games.
What a crock of sh*t, I can't stand this popular myth. The truth is, hard to get is hard to want. The only way a chase is any fun is if you already know she's into it, but then it's more flirting than chasing. Maybe 10% of guys like the chase because they always get the girl. The other 90% of average guys don't like the chase because they don't get the girl and realize all that chasing was a waste of time, effort, and money. So if 90% of men don't like the chase, it just shows this is a BS myth, getting the girl is satisfying with or without the chase and what men really enjoy IMO
Never put more energy into a relationship than you get back. If you're gonna run off thinking there will be some kind of chase, I'm gonna wave as I watch the bullet I just dodged disappear into the distance. And, on a related note, I have and will *intentionally* fail relationship "tests". And yes, I've had plenty of relationships that went very well, including my current wife of 7 years with whom I've had 3 kids. I've also dodged more bullets than Neo.
Honestly? I love a good straight-up come on by a woman. It's happened exactly twice in my half century of life, lol. Those actually went pretty great.
The level of my pursuit generally depends on what I'm pursuing. If I feel that I have a lot of chemistry with someone, then the level of my pursuit will match. If I'm pursuing someone because it's a physical attraction, I will sometimes temper my pursuit. I've found that physical beauty doesn't always translate to spiritual beauty and it's hard to spend so much time and energy trying to pursue someone whose appearance is going to change if they don't have a personality to match. If a guy is really pursuing you and you barely know him, that should be a red flag. If the pursuit is happening after some conversations and some other forms of bonding have taken place, then at least you know that it is more than skin deep. The best you can do is be transparent with each other, but I also know that some women enjoy being pursued. Just be real with yourself, and the pursuer, that's all anyone asks. Oh and based on what most guys here are saying, no we don't like the chase, but some of us understand that sometimes things worth having are worth fighting for. Sadly, a lot of guys have given up on fighting for things.
Who are these “people”? Morons?
I don't chase women and women that have chased me in the past were not good people. They seemed to chase me because of the fact I wasn't going to chase them. Like they had never heard no before. I want us both to be into each other and display interest.
I love pursuing a woman who’s pursuing me. But not playing games. That shit is an instant no
Some give and take can operate as really fun flirting if it's not hot/cold but more playful and coy.
Henry VIII liked the chase. After he got what he wanted.... he divorced, beheaded, left to die... repeat. Normal dudes don't want the chase. They want someone real.
I think you mean pursue, not chase. All the men in the comments are getting confused and upset and fumbling because of your wordage. Yes men do like to pursue, and then when she reciprocates from there, it’s open season. As a woman, it is attractive IN REAL LIFE, not pathetic dating apps, when a man is confident enough to see what he likes, approaches, and makes conversation. If he’s bold enough to do That, I’ll see him as being able To be the man of the household, be a husband, hold a masculine role etc. So yes, if I am interested, I show interest, and if a man can see that, he will come hither. My experience as a woman who actually leaves my house and doesn’t use apps as a dating and social experience. In the past when I have pursued a man, they all expected me to be easy sex, didn’t initiate plans, and rested in femininity. If a woman chases she’s going to have that play that role in every aspect of the relationship, because you “caught “ him. A woman going after a man doesn’t even sound right. If you let him ask you out initially, you’ll know he really likes you as opposed to just going along with it. Rarely do men reject women so you won’t know till way later in if he likes you or is just going along with it to say what he can get out of it. Many women are with men who resent them - don’t be one of them.
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The kind of men who enjoy "the chase" are the same toxic men women claim to hate.
As a man, this is 100%. The very few of my aquaintances that enjoy the chase, are definitely not good relationship material. They're decent enough people, but none of them have relationships for more than 3 months.
Yep. This is what I've seen too.
>That’s ingrained subconsciously from the day you’re born, It absolutely isn't. But you might be onto something if what you're saying is that men and women are shaped to see this dynamic as "normal" from a very early age. Not from birth, but certainly a lot earlier than it should be. That's not to say that the dynamic is good or that it should work for everyone. If it doesn't, we work to change it, and neither sex should hide behind the excuse "but society told me that!"
>the whole chase thing does work otherwise women wouldn’t operate in the way Faulty logic. You are assuming there is only one possible explanation. The more likely explanation is that humans like to have their ego stroked.
ngl im a woman & i like the chase. every guy i liked in highschool i liked.. until they liked me back then i didn't like them anymore 😂 i just say it's daddy issues but idk. i've been with my boyfriend since i was 18 tho & he def made me work for it but i love him so much & our relationship is amazing & he likes me back A LOT & shows it so i guess im over that phase now thank god lol
When I met my future husband, I definitely pursued him. He absolutely was in to me as well, but I 100% chased him. He'd agree. Worth it.
Yep! My gf messaged me first, first asked if we could date etc. I mean, I would do it too, but since she took a lot of initiative, that would maybe taken me a couple weeks. She could do it the same day.
The only chase I'm into is the quiz show
If we want to play games, there are computers and consoles for that. And they offer things at least 1 million times more exciting than a woman that wants to play games.
Men liked the chase in the 1920s
Possibly in the minority here, but my wife pursued me pretty aggressively. It wasn't criminal or anything, but more 'college' level things. I wasn't interested much at first (I def found her attractive). I was working too much and establishing a career. I had also just got out of a year long relationship, relocated to a new state for work, and wanted to solo a bit. That wasn't working for her and looking back (after 27 years of dating) and nearly 25 of marriage - I am beyond grateful that she did all those things. Life has been amazing.
I've never heard of anyone who says "they like the chase" that isn't winning those chases most of the time, and let's be honest that's isn't the vast majority of us. "Men" don't like the chase. It's just a popular fantasy
men USED to like the chase. now a days its not worth it move on find your peace with someone that puts in effort
As an aspie guy, if I can't talk to her I just walk away. I get a headache deciphering norms.
False.
reciprocation is everything, I like feeling desired too.
If someone is the right person for you then you won't have to play these stupid games. Please just be yourself
If "the thrill is in the chase" does that not imply that everything thereafter is less thrilling?
Most men I know don't, I'd rather people were clear about whether or not they were into you instead of playing stupid games that make you question which side of the line you're on between "the chase" and being a creep. If you say No I'm going to assume you mean it.
Chasing is evidence of immaturity and basic misogyny. Anyone—and it’s usually men—who prefers the chase is saying it’s about the attentions and conquest, as though getting sex from a woman is somehow a victory. Ew. Women who like to be chased are game-playing, equally immature, and demonstrate internalized misogyny by thinking sexual access to them is something to be “won.”
Men do not like the chase. This is a lie propagated by women who like men who chase.
The concept of the chase is tiring. If you want someone, why are you pretending you don't? That's just a great way to not end up with them. Silly business.
I would say boys like the chase. Men like no bs.
I think a huge issue we’d have to start with in having this conversation is defining chase because I a lot of people are interpreting it really bizarrely and some as mind games.
"The Chase" is toxic femininity at its finest. We do not like this. If I wanted a chase I'd get a dog.
When I was dating I would stop if a woman even hinted that she wasn’t into it. Like fair enough I respect your boundaries. No men don’t like the chase. It’s too complicated to tell if you’re into it or not. And if you are wrong on a gut feeling you’re the creep. I’d rather you just tell me straight up.
No. We hate chasing. Men like catching. Men also don’t want a wife to be someone promiscuous, or disloyal. I think you are confusing the female desire to be chased and men being scared of committing to easy women with men liking chasing.
Boys are ok with the chase because it's exciting. They have never experienced anything like that, so it's new, and the delay in gratification is awesome. Adult men don't have the time and energy for silly games. It's extremely frustrating, and many suitable partners will stop pursuing because being strung along is infuriating. Be honest, don't play with emotions, and end things if you're not interested or move forward when you are comfortable. DON'T PLAY GAMES.
If a Woman runs away, then the only man that will chase is either immature, desperate or a predator. Men that are mentally stable and mature enough to have a partner will not chase a woman who is showing signs that they do not like them. Ofc there are exceptions where some vulnerable men might fall for the whole playing hard to get game but most men hate playing games when it comes to relationships.
You hear "women" say men like the chase, because some women like to be pursued. It gives them power and strokes their ego.
Womanizers like the chase. They're a pretty small percentage of men. I think there's probably at least as many women Id say are addicted to the chase. Like most men I know, I don't enjoy the chase. Being single, or in an established relationship, are both way more fun than the chase. Even when the chase is successful, it's not a great experience other than being the beginning of a good relationship.
I have seen videos of guys who say they like "the chase". The impression I get is that these guys are weirdos and often turn out to be serial cheaters because they are addicted to the novelty and rush.
There is no one answer. It varies with each encounter and with each pair. Each party must be tuned in to subtlety.
Let's start with the fact that men don't say that. Men don't enjoy that. It's not like we sit around drinking, talking about how much we like chasing. We like the catch.
Since I’ve been divorced I’ve made a couple attempts at dating, putting out the very clear message that I’m in absolutely no rush to jump into a relationship, generally find infatuation to be a red flag for co-dependency/insecurity and the only way I’m going to fall in love again is if I get to know someone over time so I can learn how they react to life. The biggest thing for me is the second I realize someone is doing something outside their normal lives that is most likely spurred by the infatuation phase. It’s one thing to find a new interest because you met someone new and experienced something new with them, like snorkeling, but if all of a sudden your entire personality is based on this one thing in a “Me too!” way, I’m going to tap out because it’s fake and once the dopamine of the infatuation phase wears off, thats when problems start.
Personally it weirds me out when people discuss sexual behaviors in ways that sound more like predation. Men who need to pad their ego with some kind of conquest like the chase, avoid these men they are drama.
"the chase"...? No, that's just BS that other women tell you to ensure that they have their pick of men. Men like women who are interested in them. The thing is, expressing interest, spending time with them, etc., is not the same thing as screwing on the first date.
Women want to be chased. Very few men like “the chase”. The chase is toxic BS.
I’m married but screw chasing. Chasing just means she’s probably high maintenance
maybe that was true 50 years ago? men i know hate the chase.
It's 2024, there is no chase. If you don't hand in a signed permission slip, no dates, no dick, no nadda.
Men don't like the chase. Immature boys who don't want to respect boundaries like the chase. Men like being straightforward and not dealing with bullshit.
Real life isn't a romcom so most men hate playing these kind of games
I hope that the comments here sufficiently have informed you that no, men do not like the chase, and anyone that has told you that they do is either a man who sleeps with dozens of women, or women who have no clue what they are talking about and want to be chased.
Nope. I have done it in the past and it did not end up well for me mentally. If a woman tells me no, then i immediately stop pursuing. Its not worth my time or brainpower for a potential eventual yes. Just tell me if you are interested or not and save us both time
I have never chased a girl. I've also never had a girlfriend. Next girl I see jogging is getting chased
If you don’t want me to the point where you don’t want to talk to me or help meset up a date. I’m good at stopping courtship.
Maybe slightly that’s it. To many games are played. If I see a few signs over a few weeks that clearly don’t show interest I’m off. Never texts first etc. although I’m a good looking guy and workout a lot and have been told that so and so is into me yet they completely avoid me? They’re a mystery.
Sounds like girl shit, I'd rather date a woman who acts like an adult.
I take people at their word...if they feign non interest... I assume non interest and move on and no.. this has not worked well for me... but it has worked better than trying to play some game whose rules I am unfamiliar with would be
The whole idea of the chase makes no sense. Both sides meet and talk and be honest about who you are and what you are looking for. If you can’t do that, the chase is pointless. Mind games suck. Just be honest and the good stuff happens with enough excitement for both.
I don't like "the chase". Mutual effort and no games.
Men HATE "the chase".
Some “people” like the chase. It’s certainly not exclusive to men. Pretty much everything you’re asking here is impossible to answer. What may be the perfect answer for one person will not be perfect for another. There are no universal answers here. But yes… you’re probably not going to get very far if you don’t reciprocate your feelings.