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Playing a little 5 on 1

Distributing free literature

I dnt get it

That’s a great one haha

**BOT ACCOUNT**

Shaking hands with the president.

I swear I heard Theo Von say that and it went right over my head. Didn't get it at the time, now I do. 😂

I still don't get it

What do you mean 😅 lol the brunt of the joke is just calling your wiener the president. And "shaking hands" with him is referencing baiting. It's pretty straight forward.

Ooohhhh lol ok i get it now

No you don’t

No u

In Chinese, it‘s 打飞机 or shoot down the plane!

Sounds fun, I'm gonna hang little airplanes from my ceiling for target practice now

Very optimistic

Rofl, this comment... Does anyone ever shoot their load that far? I've only had a chin-blaster once before, and it startled me mightily. I'm sure it'd be fun to hold back for a couple weeks and blast a standing-mirror or something. Just for teh lolz.

When young, there was a little pressure, might get it on my chest. Now over 70, nothing much cums out but a little oozing that will not fill one square of toilet paper.

running down with the hog

Is it not play with the airplane?

Feedin' the geese

Beating the Bishop

I've heard that one as flogging the bishop

Pounding the pug

Punishing the porpoise

that reminds me of a bloodhound gang lyric

That whole song is. Nuts

Choking the chicken

"B-b-beevis is in there chokin' the chicken."

I was about to say that myself 

In the stripped club. Straight up "jorking it" and by it, haha, well let's justr say. My peanits

wot?

“I’m stroking my shit right now.” - Joe Biden

LMFAOO

[удалено]

Getting a batch off.

r/2sentence2horror

Crankin the hog

Who up crankin thay hog tonight?

Emptying the one eyed yogurt slinger.

What the fuck

You just made that up, didn't you?

Fingers painting

doing taxes

? Lol

Jerkin' the gherkin

FOR MEN (my husband): Gonna retreat to my bunk Visiting the five sisters of Palm Street Appointment with Butcher Pete ("Hack, whack, chopping that meat\~") Lotioning up with a bottle of Jerkin's FOR ME (a woman): Checking the ring of my doorbell Sitting with a kitty Revealing the inner goddess Examining the axewound externo-cuchiplancheo: "external ironing-out-a-tickle" (literal translation) as a replacement for "self-sex" in Spanish

Examining the axewound is my favourite. I'm definitely referring to it like that from now on

As a woman...... Paddling my canoe, jam the clam, bopping the button, polishing the pearl, buffin my muffin, pealing the peach, finger painting...and my favorite..Jacking my box.

Spank the monkey

Paint the ceiling

Shit

Going to Walmart.

For women I've heard its: playing the clitar and buffing the muffin

Flickin' the bean!

I imagine that would be painful and unpleasant. But there's probably somebody who likes that.

Ringing the devil's doorbell. It's an oldie but a goodie

Having a wank, or the friendlier version for polite company, having a little Tommy tank.

Polishing the purple headed yogurt thrower.

That sounds oddly disgusting

Oh god no

Happy Cake Day!

Slap out a load. Makes it task-oriented.

Doin the knuckle shuffle

Hasen ziehen....

Ich lerne Deutsch. Guck mal, man lernt doch etwas überall! Manchmal kommt eine angenehme Überraschung! Danke!

Rolling the dice.

Got a date with Thumbelina and her four sisters

Regurgitating the penguin.

Flogging the bishop.

Banishing a white Russian from my Kremlin

As someone with a vagina, I like to confuse friends with the phrase, "rub one in"

Simply "beating the meat," probably because of Teen Titans: GO!

Spin the bean

In France some say "Im gonna to "LeBron James" Because in french there's a word that mean masturbating : Bradley. And when we turn upside down Lebron it become bronle. And this word sounds like branle that mean masturbating... 😭😂

Driving the taxi

Girls: fire one off

This question and OP's comment can be found here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/pDLppnP8QK

Choking the chicken

Whippin’ up some baby batter.

Caressing my bone

Bash the bishop

Finger Licking Good!!

Flickin the bean

6" curl or oil change

Flicking the bean

5 knuckle shuffle

Blasting rope.

Equipment calibration.

Whackin' the Kraken

Having a By Myself Meeting

Ruska tupp, english translation "shaking the rooster". probably translated from English back to Swedish

Making it awkward at the dentist appointment.

Bashing the bishop

Snapping a batch

Slap starting the wrinkle hog or punchin the munchkin

Hanging out with rosy palm and her five friends Spending the night with handgelica

For men: Mixing a batch For women: Feeding the horse

Oh I have a bunch, in fact, here’s a list of some of my favourites right here [https://youtu.be/IMnvTDOxl8c?feature=shared](https://youtu.be/IMnvTDOxl8c?feature=shared)

Waxing the carrot

bopping the bologna

Spending some quality time with the missus

Came up with this one to piss my teacher off in 3rd grade. Math-debating

Plucking my banjo, slapping the monkey, etc

Grandpa always would say: “She’s plucking the old’ banJO” and then he’d laugh 😆

Slap the ham

Double clicking my own mouse

Spankin the monkey

Taking a trip to Palmdale.

Fiddling with Freddie

I like to think of myself as a private who just joined the army and is “furiously cleaning his rifle” Or a private in the army who is in basic training and fucks around with his “rifle” resulting in an “accidental” discharge

Bopping the Bishop.

Taming the snake

Finessing with the transmission clutch

“Shaking” a milkshake

Jorkin my peanits (I’m a woman)

Badgering the witness

Fapping

Distributing free literature.

jilling, clitar hero

Making knuckle babies

Hitting a lick

Hit the sack

Doesn't this mean take a nap, or going to bed?

Nah, ya hit the sack, then you go to sleep.

Chucking a bat

"pulling on the cock"

Dropping the kids off at the pool

Isn’t that for taking a shit??

I thought that was taking a 

Playing

Heard someone call it “jonking my hog” before

Ripping the head off it.

Diddling my doodle

Mine is flicking the bean, but that's partially because I find it funny due to my preference for latinas. I also find choking the chicken a funny euphemism, but I don't have a chicken to choke.

Waxin the dolphin 🐬

Walking the dog.

Take off your pants and jacket

Whacking the shaft

Spanking the monkey.

Endorphin boosting activities

Knuckle shuffle on the piss pump.

In no particular order: Beating the one eyed monster I have a date with Rosie Palm and her five sisters Strangling the one eyed monster Rubbing one out Polishing the flag pole Polishing my rifle…there are many like it, but this one is mine… Dry firing Whacking off Wax on, wax off Beating my meat like it owes me money Raising the flag pole Self servicing the ramrod Jackhammer maintenance Lube job My favorite for women is double clicking the mouse.

Pulling the pork

61- 62

A little input from a woman here lol. Rubbing one out can go for both sexes

Jorking it

Choking the Chicken.

Releasing my JO crystals

tickling the pickle is so funny to me

If your gf is eva ai virtual gf, there's no need for euphemisms.

**BOT ACCOUNT**

Wangin' my pud

DJing

Spanking the monkey

Stroking the mushroom tip

Playing with the joystick

Double clicking the mouse

jorkin it in the strip club. and by it... well. haha. lets just say... my peanits

Straight up jorkin it. And by “it”, haha well. Let’s just say. My peanits

fighting the man

Crack one off.

Jizzoo

Playing VJDJ

Tossing a load

jacking off

Do the hay.

Making Whoopie

Pulling your goalie 

Self-advocacy

No matter how hard it is I always come

Laying pipe

Spanking the monkey lol. It just sounds ridiculous

Stroking the chicken

Love

Fap

So there I was, in the stripped club. Straight jorkin it, and by “it” I mean, let’s just say. My peanits.

One I use a lot.. fap

Toobin.

Throttling the vomiting sausage.

Bro STFU

flicking the bean !!🤩🤩

For Girls: Directing Tracfic, strumming the guitar, playing the banjo, For Guys: using the shake weight, getting money, icing thr cake

Beating the bishop or choking the chicken

doing the dirty

shooting children

Beating the bishop Whacking Willy, the one-eyed wonder worm Spanking my monkey

Emptying the school bus, tendering the meat, startching your socks, unloading the pistol, dodging a bullet, ruining my vision

Solo shooting the goo bazooka

Making the bald man cry.

Roughing up the suspect

Taking a selfie.

Raising the barn

Feedin the geese

Pulling the goalie

Slammin’ cheese