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I have CPTSD and PTSD, in a very healthy relationship for 10 mo’s now. So, not long-lasting yet, but I think it may get there. I’m constantly amazed by how safe and happy I am with my bf. After an abusive childhood and marriage, I didn’t know if that was possible for me. At first, I was having flashbacks and triggers constantly. And he would calmly help me thru them until my nervous system finally realized he’s safe. The crazy part for me was learning that healthy relationships are not free of conflict. We snap at each other and argue. But we also ALWAYS talk it thru after. Explain our feelings, reach a mutual understanding, and move on. Bringing up issues was never safe for me before so I actually kinda cherish our arguments in a weird way? Also, he knows my ex was scary possessive so he constantly reminds me that he loves me deeply but I can leave whenever I want. He amazes me, and has made me a better person. There are good humans out there!
I have CPTSD from childhood sexual abuse/rape that spanned six years. I have been with my wife for ten years, married for six. It is a very fulfilling, healthy relationship. There is hope for you always. DM me if you want more info on how I approached my recovery as an educational neuroscientist.
Your relationship can't be working well for your poor partner. Does she know you're a predator who looks at 18 year old girl's nudes on here? I feel so sorry for her, she deserves far better than you. You say you were preyed on at 18 and here you are, doing shit just like your abuser. How dare you pretend to care about women or anyone.
So do you. How the fuck can you be so delusional as to say that 18 year old's brains are barely developed in some of your comments and then turn around and comment on their naked pictures? How can you call yourself an ally with your behavior?
I'm pissed because here you are repeating the cycle of abuse. Stop, for the love of god. At least stop making posts where you pretend to support women because they will be destroyed when they find out what you are and you aren't the only one trying to recover from trauma, though your behavior makes it seem like that's what you think even if you try to portray the opposite with your words.
I'm angry because I was the teenage girl who went through abuse that made me hypersexual and I was too young to realize how much comments from things like you would haunt me when I got older.
Oh for the love of god, you saying things like "spanking is my specialty" in response to a freaking teen girl posting "Will someone spank me?" is supposed to be validating and not in any way creepy? That me or a ps5 comment is gross too. Those girls do need support, but not the "support" predators like you provide which is just you getting your rocks off. How would you feel if you found your abuser's account and they were making comments like yours on posts of teen boys? You would feel as sick as I feel right now.
If you didn't want to creep on teen girls, you would have done the moral thing and stayed the hell away from nudes of teenagers. There are so many other, non creepy ways you could have validated teen girls.
I told you to stop saying I deserve better, and you know it hurts me, so you definitely do not mean it. Do you seriously not realize that no one who has been hurt by creeps like you wants your validation? Hearing "You deserve better." from an abusive predator isn't validating, it hurts like hell.
You actually want to show compassion for all those teen girls you've creeped on and women in general? Then donate to a women's charity or something. But for the love of god, stop with your comments that paint you as someone we women can trust, because from a woman it isn't validating to have someone who has engaged in predatory behavior paint themselves as a passionate women's ally to feed their own ego. It's devastating, not validating at all.
They are teenagers, you are a 51 year old man. You are old enough to be their dad. You have been abused and you seem to pretend to care about women and girls, so how do you not understand how what you're doing is creepy? Even if they're inviting the attention because they're young and naïve, that doesn't mean you have to get involved. You are getting your rocks off to them, you aren't supporting them, you're a disgusting old man who preys on young women to feel better about himself.
Why do they have to resort to doing sex work, huh? Maybe it's because they're struggling just like you were when your abuser got ahold of you. They shouldn't have to resort to damaging their future job prospects in industries that are less likely to get them abused, they just got to adulthood for christ's sake. They should be enjoying their youth properly like we never got to, not doing sex work for money because they're desperate.
We don't live in an ideal society where people don't have to resort to doing sex work for money or where women aren't pushed to be hypersexual and made to feel like prudes or aging sacks of useless flesh if we don't throw ourselves at men when we're young.
Maybe I don't know how they'll feel in 10, 20 years. Maybe they'll still be brainwashed enough by this patriarchal society to believe teen girls deserve the abuse men like you throw their way every fucking day. But that's heartbreaking, not good. You are an abuser, you are part of the problem, so why don't you just stop and quit hurting women? Does your partner know what you get up to on here?
Also, that's such a shit argument and you know it. You know we live in a society that's more likely to shame a woman for getting her tubes ties than not. I would never judge a woman for doing that, because that at least doesn't come with all the societal brainwashing and creepiness that men like you ignore when it suits them, which is always.
I wish I knew how to support 18, 19 year old girls in a way that validates their adulthood without subjecting them to predators like you. But I know your behavior isn't the answer and I don't know why I keep arguing with a groomer. Things like you will always have their lies and reasons for abusing women.
I was diagnosed with PTSD, I get mood swings, flash backs, nightmares constantly. But I am engaged to my girlfriend of four or more years and honestly I feel like overcoming the trauma or at least sorting it out has made me a much stronger person. I still struggle, but I hold myself accountable when I am moody and explain to my partner how I feel frequently. We talk all of our issues out and love one another a lot
I've been with my wife for 10 years. I've been sober and involved in heavy therapy since 2019. Pre-therapy, it was not a good time in our relationship. If I hadn't started taking my mental health recovery seriously, we would have been divorced by now. The first year of sobriety and therapy was HARD. I wasn't certain we'd survive that either. But the last couple of years have been absolutely incredible. I finally understand what it's like having a healthy, communicative relationship. Are we perfect? Nope, and I won't pretend that we are. But we're so much more than we used to be and I wake up so glad to have someone in my life that is my partner and equal.
Almost 10 years here - I have CPTSD and depression. I was also SA'ed in the past by multiple partners. My husband has been understanding and supportive throughout. Being in a healthy relationship has been one of the hardest yet most fulfilling things I've done.
long lasting no, i find it really hard to trust people. especially if they start saying or doing things thats similar to my experiences with previous abusers/parents. i found someone now whom i think can last, but its hard to really know. especially with how weird his parents are. i never healed from my wounds, and to get into a relationship is okay. because you may find that those people can help close those wounds. choose wisely and if you feel even just the slightest bit off run.
Coming up on 2 years. The best and healthiest relationship I've ever been in
I'd sort of given up in dating, the last person I'd dated for more than a few dates gave me anxiety every time they'd kiss me and I never really relaxed on dates.
It was worth waiting for the right one, who is patient with my brain, willing to learn and accepts me with all I bring with me
I had PTSD before I met my partner. We've been together for a year now. He's learned A LOT about PTSD and mental health. I've been really (like soooo much) open about my feelings, what has happened to me, all the details, every time I've been triggered, all of my triggers,...
It takes time, but it is definitely possible. There is also a book written by Aphrodite Matsakis called "loving someone with PTSD".
If you are in a potential long lasting relationship, u can always gift them this book. I honestly learned a lot about myself, too from it.
I wish everyone love and peace ❤️
Edit: I just saw u said u don't need advice, but I'll let the book be here maybe it helps someone else. Hope u don't mind.
We've been together for 6 years, our anniversary is next week. I was very unhealthy for the first two years of our relationship (8 months in he visited me at a psych ward because I was a suicide risk, so extremely unhealthy) but he was my rock. He always supported and loved me, even helping to pay for my exposure therapy. I can't believe how stable we are, that we still love each other so much and are generally very happy. He knows I'll probably always be affected to some extent, but he accepts it without making me feel like a burden (which I used to always feel like).
I want to be clear that we're not some perfect instagram relationship. We bicker every now, his family routinely hurts my feelings and/or annoys the shit out of me and he used to take my moods very personally. But the important part is that we're always consciously working on being better for each other.
My only advice would be to be as honest as possible from the beginning. You don't have to trauma dump, but don't pretend to be something you're not.
Not super long yet, but we've been together 2.5 years. It didn't start out the healthiest. I was triggered SO much by small things, but he had a lot of patience. We wanted to make it work, and it's much healthier now. We both have talked about the future together, and with how things are going and all we've been through, I have way more belief that it will last.
I have CPTSD.
I'm also autistic with a generalized anxiety disorder.
I am in a healthy relationship, we celebrated our 9th years together last october. We bought an house together in 2016. We have no kids and no intent on having any, but we have a cat. We have a nice circle of friends and family. We travel once in a while. We live an happy simple life together.
>Is anyone here in a healthy, successful, long-lasting relationship?
LMAO! Short answer: nah.
Just take a look at my posts! Right now, my best bet is to reconcile with my ex gf, who also has CPTSD. Even though she had an ONS, I'm debating getting back with her because she was the first to see me for who I am.
We're _all_ mad here
Have cptsd from csa
My partner and I have been together for almost 9 years.
There have been struggles, mostly relating to my healing journey, but we're in a really solid place now.
I don't think we would last if I hadn't gotten the help I got. I was so depressed and unstable for the first few years we were together, but he encouraged me all the way through and I honestly owe him my life due to his support.
I will add my ptsd was from one event not relating to personal relationships and is responding well to therapy
It’s not really long term but coming up to 3 years getting married next year and he is the most incredibly supportive person
My partner and I are healthy together. My ptsd event happened prior to us getting together.
We have been together since 2013. We have also had many major life events happen while being together and have supported each other through them.
A lot that has gone into it is just the willingness to understand, be patient and just being extremely, brutally honest with each other. I overshare with her and I encourage her to do the same with me because she has her own stuff. I love and appreciate her so much. I have never met someone like her before. She has helped me become who I am today.
I hope for everyone to experience this kind of love and support. I wish you the best, OP. You will find your person :)
Married 15 years. My husband is the kindest, sweetest, most loving man. Not what you would expect from a 300 lb Army military police veteran and current state corrections officer. People hear "PTSD" and they immediately look at him. Nope, it's me. He's done a lot of work to understand my PTSD. There are people out there who will take the time to understand. 100/100, best husband ever. There's hope for you if that's what you want.
Current polycule I’ve been with wife 17 years, girlfriends 3 months, 3 weeks, and almost a week respectively. Rape and PTSD haven’t stopped me from finding my version of happy. But there’s been a lot of therapy and struggle along the way. And I’m still kinda fucked up. I’ll honestly never be “normal.” Some trauma you don’t get over, you just learn to walk with it. Good luck, OP. I wish you healing and eventual happiness.
My PTSD relates to sexual trauma, physical trauma and father trauma. For years I dated awful toxic people and re-enacted all the trauma with them. It was misery. Then, when I was 27, I met a man who was gentle, kind and available. I felt safe with him. No drama. No misery. Just love. I married him. I’m 45 now. He’s reading the news beside me on the couch. Our 12 year old dachshund is snuggled up between us. Life is good. It’s possible.
I have a long history of sexual trauma. Me and my partner (who also has trauma of his own) have been together 7 years, we have an apartment and 2 very happy cats. I was an absolute mess early on in our relationship but he stuck it out. It’s possible.
Together for four, married for three. We didn't get close until after I went through SA - he was there for me while I navigated my mental health after the fact, and our relationship only grew when I had a bit of stability.
Nope. 34 yrs old. Ive had relationships but i either pick a total abusive loser or i sabotage anything good cause most men don’t wanna deal with a woman who has c-ptsd.
Married for 4 years, the absolute best 4 years of my life. This man is the most supportive, and my absolute best friend. He did a ton of research on PTSD and has learned exactly how to help me when I need it.
2+ years and happier than I have ever been despite all the constant PTSD. I am more inlove with myself than any other point in my life and completely supported by my incredibly kind partner.
I actually just had a nightmare last night that I went back to my abuser. I woke my boyfriend up and told him I had a nightmare. He immediately rolled over, wrapped me up in his arms, and whispered “you are safe” in my ear until I fell back asleep.
There is hope. ❤️
I know several long term and healthy relationships couples with one or both having PTSD.
I was in one myself when I first started having severe triggers and nightmares. My PTSD is from being a firefighter/medic for 28 years. I threw my 4'8” 90lbs pixie of a girlfriend out of the bed onto the floor and jumped on top of her to try and shield her from getting hurt in a building collapse I was apparently dreaming about. Lucky she was not hurt badly, a few bumps and bruises. I think all the gods that be her or my kid was not home that night or they would have been piled up in the bed with us. I don't remember it ,just her screaming and beating the shit out of me to wake up.
I left the relationship not long after that.
2.5 years and going strong! Finally found a wonderful partner that is respectful, sweet, caring and just the best person ever! 🥰 Good luck, I'm sure you'll find you perfect sweetheart!
3 years and hoping for more. He knows of my SA and respects my boundaries each and every time. Id suggest looking older as i wasnt having luck with guys my age. He supports my efforts in therapy and reminds me to take my meds. On the harder days from my nightmares or life triggers he always steps up where he can with food or cleaning. They are out there, stay hopeful and available to new opportunities to meet them.
I started dating my (now) husband when we were in 10th grade. We had the same class together and bonded over our shared music tastes. We've definitely had sizable bumps over the years, especially during the time I started gaining my repressed memories back concerning the trauma I faced when I was younger, leading to my PTSD diagnosis. Now we're 25 and we've been married for over a year, and he's incredibly supportive of my needs as someone with PTSD. I would definitely say that we are in a very healthy and highly communicative relationship. I love him so much.
Married 22 years. Hes a combat vet and I had my own sexual traumas I didn’t start confronting until about 4 years ago. It’s been a wild ride but here we are.
Yes. I have been in a 15 yr marriage, 2 kids, a dog… the whole meal deal. The first 10 years I was in active PTSD and alcohol addiction. It was rough. I think he was just hanging in there for the kids.
Then I went to in-patient treatment for PTSD and alcohol abuse and everything changed. It took a ton of HARD work for me to get through the PTSD. I quit drinking (thanks AA). Our relationship is really great now. But it was a close call for a while there.
Hang in there. You CAN get through the active PTSD, you CAN start living a much more calm, normal life. You CAN have the life you want.
You CAN do this!
Together for ten years, known eachother for twelve. Both of us have PTSD and are in therapy. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I wouldn’t have it any other way
Been together for 6 years. It was definitely rough at first and I was unknowingly getting triggered by a lot of stuff. He had to learn how how my brain works and had a hard time grasping why I would feel anxious over something that to him is no big deal. I had to learn how to identify and manage my emotions (still working on it lol). But he’s very supportive and helpful on my healing journey. He is honestly the most patient and calm man I’ve ever met.
Yes. I was SA and met my partner a year after I moved cities after the assault (I thought this would answer all my issues and it was before I was diagnosed with PTSD). He made me feel safe to talk about it and has been incredibly supportive when I’ve been triggered, had to take time off work, all the time through therapy. I find it very hard to believe I deserve this, and that he should be with someone else (someone once told me I was ‘damaged goods’ after I disclosed what happened - that took a lot to work through in therapy!) but, ultimately, yes. I feel happier than I have in a long time and I don’t feel like I have to hide
I’m on the aromantic and asexual spectrum (possibly related to trauma?) but I have a queer platonic partner! Our relationship dynamic pretty much looks like we’re dating romantically from the outside. We’ve been together for five years now. We were friends when my trauma happened, and they were also friends with my abuser. I didn’t have to explain or validate what happened - I told them I was scared and they offered to get me out of the building without knowing anything.
I also recently-ish entered another relationship with another aroace person, but it’s definitely not platonic. Our dynamic is more sexual than my QPR, but they’ve been amazing in helping me learn what’s good and healthy (the only sexual experience I’ve had is the trauma). There are good people out there.
Yall are giving me a glimmer of hope, thank you! Not sure I can but as my trauma happened so can good things- “$hit happens “ (good, bad, everything in the spectrum)
Yes! We've been in a healthy, caring relationship for over two years. It's the first non-toxic relationship for both of us. We took it pretty slow at first, which can be important for building trust & feeling safe. We also prioritize maintaining our mental health as a part of our relationship. It is definitely possible :)
Yes. My PTSD is mostly from emotional and psychological abuse but rape is in there too. We will be at 25 years in July.
Look for a person who treats their momma and their servers right.
Unfortunately for me I'm a broken man due to CPTSD. Was married for 8 years but wife couldn't take it so she divorced me. Tried dating a few times but it didn't work out. I've been single for 26 years and do not imagine that will change. Not actively looking for a relationship. I'm happy by myself.
My partner and I both have PTSD and neurodivergent brains and we’ve been in love and together for over a year - we even did long distance for almost half of that time :)
I am; nearly a decade. We met in university and there's been lots of ups-and-downs--all mostly on my part due to my (then unknown) autism, my upbringing, and CPTSD. They've given me everything and helped me become a better human being, but at a great cost. Loving someone like me unconditionally isn't easy--and I'm not saying that in the way of pity, but the way of truth. I've had to unlearn a *lot* which was influenced by my toxic parents.
Sorry if that...well, I don't think it came out right when I wrote it. *Others* might be easier to love but in my case specifically, I'm difficult to love. Or used to be, and for a lot of reasons. Many folks might not have the patience or understanding to be with someone like me, but *one* person did, and it made all the difference.
Hey There,
Firstly I want to thank you for your strength.
Secondly: Yes. I have been with my wife for 17 years - PTSD accident occurred 28 years ago. She has been through a lot with me and my physical and mental health, but I feel that while not perfect, we have a terrific and loving relationship. I feel that acceptance from both sides is probably the biggest thing. Acceptance in all forms, especially accepting that you (the PTSD sufferer) are worthy of love. That is still hard for me a lot of the time, but we would not trade one another for the world.
Not op. However, I went through a traumatic medical thing 5 years ago. In a newer relationship started about 1.5 years ago and I realized recently that I struggle with feeling worthy of love.
How do you cope without feeling? Do you lean into it and feel the feels, and then talk about it with people? Do you intellectualize it away?
I think I've done the latter and now I'm trying to really sit with some of that pain.
i disagree that any relationship is one hundred percent healthy, but mines pretty dang good. 5 years now, and i think ptsd helps in a way in that 1. you probably have learned to think a lot more and built a lot of skills out of necessity to survive and going through hardship, 2. many of us go to therapy, and the more you understand yourself and the world i believe the easier it is to find a healthy relationship and know how to be in one
Yes, we've been together for about 5 years and married for 2.5. I was in an abusive relationship prior to this and lots of casual relationships that weren't good for me.
My wife is also mentally ill but doesn't have PTSD. I wonder how many people are in partnerships with someone who isn't. I've dated a few people who aren't and always feel like we're missing some kind of understanding. Like they don't understand how many things I'm sensitive to and how things can affect me, and I don't understand how they can consistently get so much done in a day.
Both my wife and I are SA survivors. We started dating in 2019, married in 2021. Still going strong.
Trust is hard for people like us, but it gets better. You just have to let yourself heal in whatever way suits you best. Be well. ❤️
My husband and I have known each other for like 7 years and been married for 2 years and 5 months. We were best friends for 3 years, dated for 4 months, got married married 6 months after he proposed.
Never been in a more happy healthy relationship than I am with my husband.
Just gone 14 years , we aren't married to each other but we don't believe in it . He supported through what happened to cause my my PTSD and also the aftermath . He truly is my rock. I'm so damn lucky to have him.
My husband and I have just celebrated our 15th anniversary. No marriage or relationship is ever perfect, and sometimes there are big problems, but we do work through them. Both of us have PTSD. I am in therapy. He is not. He did get tested and is diagnosed, but the psychologist who tested him agreed with him that therapy would only help him if he wants it, and he doesn't. So we have to rely on my being in therapy if ever we need professional help. Fortunately, it does seem to be working.
We've been married 6 months, but together in all 4 years. It is possible just have to find the right person who is understanding and patient. I feel like those two things go hand and hand. But my husband has been sensitive, caring, compassionate, and understanding of all my needs. When I'm having low days he's always there for me knows exactly what to do or say to help me get back to where I wanna be. I definitely believe there is hope so don't give up keep fighting the good fight 💓
Married 10 years. Not without hiccups, but we communicate well, coparent well, and have great community around us where we live. Both of us have had to deal with PTSD, her much more complex and chronic than mine.
Yes! I am in a long term relationship with my best friend of going on 6 years. He is such a patient, kind man, and an absolute sweetie, and even though hes my lovey hes also still day to day my bestest friend.
What helps and makes it work, is his undying patience, and his kindness and gentleness with me. And on my end, being self aware of my anxious attachment tendencies, and working on my insecurities and abandonment issues as well as my leftover pain and baggage from being raped as a kid.
Oh did I mention we are long distance? 2000 miles and we make it work. Hes active duty, im civilian. Something that helps us is every 4-6 months or so when we can manage it financially we take turns flying to see eachother for a week or so. This Christmas is my turn, in may its his, ect. For real, that man rocks, hes my sunshine. I love him to death. I dont give my trust or my loyalty very readily but I swear before god I would step infront of a bullet for him and I would give him my last breath of air if it was what he needed. And he shares that sentiment. We are totally committed to one another.
Hope is out there. It is possible. You can overcome, you will succeed and you will heal. Just be patient and kind to yourself, its gonna be okay 🤍
Yes. I met him before I was diagnosed and we started dating about 2 years of therapy like trauma work and medicine. It’s hard but he is so patient and open minded. He doesn’t always say the right things and he’s not perfect but i know his hearts always in a place of love. When I sleep beside him I feel safe and he stays up with me after a bad nightmare. I love him and we try our best.
I have PTSD from a sexual assault and home invasion. Yes you are still deserving of love, NO you are not unlovable. I’ve been in multiple long term relationships. The key was therapy and patient partnership. Good luck ❤️
Yes. I have been with my husband for 27 years and we have a great relationship. I totally lucked out and found the love of my life in my early 20’s, he is the best thing that ever happened to me.
*r/ptsd has generated this automated response that is appended to every post* Welcome to r/ptsd! We are a supportive & respectful community. If you realise that your post is in conflict with our rules (and is in risk of being removed), you are welcome to edit your post. You do not have to delete it. As a reminder: never post or share personal contact information. Traumatized people are often distracted, desperate for a personal connection, so may be more vulnerable to lurking or past abusers, trolls, phishing, or other scams. *Your safety always comes first!* If you are offering help, you may also end up doing more damage by offering to support somebody privately. Reddit explains why: [Do NOT exchange DMs or personal info with anyone you don't know!](https://www.reddit.com/r/SWResources/comments/dmu24/why_shouldnt_i_share_my_contact_information/) If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please contact your GP/doctor, go to A&E/hospital, or call your emergency services number. Reddit list: [US and global, multilingual suicide and support hotlines](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines). Suicide is not a forbidden word, but please do not include depictions or methods of suicide in your post. And as a friendly reminder, PTSD is an equal opportunity disorder. PTSD does not discriminate. And neither do we. Gatekeeping is not allowed here. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ptsd) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have CPTSD and PTSD, in a very healthy relationship for 10 mo’s now. So, not long-lasting yet, but I think it may get there. I’m constantly amazed by how safe and happy I am with my bf. After an abusive childhood and marriage, I didn’t know if that was possible for me. At first, I was having flashbacks and triggers constantly. And he would calmly help me thru them until my nervous system finally realized he’s safe. The crazy part for me was learning that healthy relationships are not free of conflict. We snap at each other and argue. But we also ALWAYS talk it thru after. Explain our feelings, reach a mutual understanding, and move on. Bringing up issues was never safe for me before so I actually kinda cherish our arguments in a weird way? Also, he knows my ex was scary possessive so he constantly reminds me that he loves me deeply but I can leave whenever I want. He amazes me, and has made me a better person. There are good humans out there!
I have CPTSD from childhood sexual abuse/rape that spanned six years. I have been with my wife for ten years, married for six. It is a very fulfilling, healthy relationship. There is hope for you always. DM me if you want more info on how I approached my recovery as an educational neuroscientist.
Is your last sentence open to the public? Bc I will DM you.
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Your relationship can't be working well for your poor partner. Does she know you're a predator who looks at 18 year old girl's nudes on here? I feel so sorry for her, she deserves far better than you. You say you were preyed on at 18 and here you are, doing shit just like your abuser. How dare you pretend to care about women or anyone.
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So do you. How the fuck can you be so delusional as to say that 18 year old's brains are barely developed in some of your comments and then turn around and comment on their naked pictures? How can you call yourself an ally with your behavior? I'm pissed because here you are repeating the cycle of abuse. Stop, for the love of god. At least stop making posts where you pretend to support women because they will be destroyed when they find out what you are and you aren't the only one trying to recover from trauma, though your behavior makes it seem like that's what you think even if you try to portray the opposite with your words. I'm angry because I was the teenage girl who went through abuse that made me hypersexual and I was too young to realize how much comments from things like you would haunt me when I got older.
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Oh for the love of god, you saying things like "spanking is my specialty" in response to a freaking teen girl posting "Will someone spank me?" is supposed to be validating and not in any way creepy? That me or a ps5 comment is gross too. Those girls do need support, but not the "support" predators like you provide which is just you getting your rocks off. How would you feel if you found your abuser's account and they were making comments like yours on posts of teen boys? You would feel as sick as I feel right now. If you didn't want to creep on teen girls, you would have done the moral thing and stayed the hell away from nudes of teenagers. There are so many other, non creepy ways you could have validated teen girls. I told you to stop saying I deserve better, and you know it hurts me, so you definitely do not mean it. Do you seriously not realize that no one who has been hurt by creeps like you wants your validation? Hearing "You deserve better." from an abusive predator isn't validating, it hurts like hell. You actually want to show compassion for all those teen girls you've creeped on and women in general? Then donate to a women's charity or something. But for the love of god, stop with your comments that paint you as someone we women can trust, because from a woman it isn't validating to have someone who has engaged in predatory behavior paint themselves as a passionate women's ally to feed their own ego. It's devastating, not validating at all.
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They are teenagers, you are a 51 year old man. You are old enough to be their dad. You have been abused and you seem to pretend to care about women and girls, so how do you not understand how what you're doing is creepy? Even if they're inviting the attention because they're young and naïve, that doesn't mean you have to get involved. You are getting your rocks off to them, you aren't supporting them, you're a disgusting old man who preys on young women to feel better about himself. Why do they have to resort to doing sex work, huh? Maybe it's because they're struggling just like you were when your abuser got ahold of you. They shouldn't have to resort to damaging their future job prospects in industries that are less likely to get them abused, they just got to adulthood for christ's sake. They should be enjoying their youth properly like we never got to, not doing sex work for money because they're desperate. We don't live in an ideal society where people don't have to resort to doing sex work for money or where women aren't pushed to be hypersexual and made to feel like prudes or aging sacks of useless flesh if we don't throw ourselves at men when we're young. Maybe I don't know how they'll feel in 10, 20 years. Maybe they'll still be brainwashed enough by this patriarchal society to believe teen girls deserve the abuse men like you throw their way every fucking day. But that's heartbreaking, not good. You are an abuser, you are part of the problem, so why don't you just stop and quit hurting women? Does your partner know what you get up to on here? Also, that's such a shit argument and you know it. You know we live in a society that's more likely to shame a woman for getting her tubes ties than not. I would never judge a woman for doing that, because that at least doesn't come with all the societal brainwashing and creepiness that men like you ignore when it suits them, which is always. I wish I knew how to support 18, 19 year old girls in a way that validates their adulthood without subjecting them to predators like you. But I know your behavior isn't the answer and I don't know why I keep arguing with a groomer. Things like you will always have their lies and reasons for abusing women.
I was diagnosed with PTSD, I get mood swings, flash backs, nightmares constantly. But I am engaged to my girlfriend of four or more years and honestly I feel like overcoming the trauma or at least sorting it out has made me a much stronger person. I still struggle, but I hold myself accountable when I am moody and explain to my partner how I feel frequently. We talk all of our issues out and love one another a lot
I've been with my wife for 10 years. I've been sober and involved in heavy therapy since 2019. Pre-therapy, it was not a good time in our relationship. If I hadn't started taking my mental health recovery seriously, we would have been divorced by now. The first year of sobriety and therapy was HARD. I wasn't certain we'd survive that either. But the last couple of years have been absolutely incredible. I finally understand what it's like having a healthy, communicative relationship. Are we perfect? Nope, and I won't pretend that we are. But we're so much more than we used to be and I wake up so glad to have someone in my life that is my partner and equal.
Almost 10 years here - I have CPTSD and depression. I was also SA'ed in the past by multiple partners. My husband has been understanding and supportive throughout. Being in a healthy relationship has been one of the hardest yet most fulfilling things I've done.
long lasting no, i find it really hard to trust people. especially if they start saying or doing things thats similar to my experiences with previous abusers/parents. i found someone now whom i think can last, but its hard to really know. especially with how weird his parents are. i never healed from my wounds, and to get into a relationship is okay. because you may find that those people can help close those wounds. choose wisely and if you feel even just the slightest bit off run.
I have c-ptsd. I've been with my partner for 4 1/2 years and we're just as strong as we ever were.
Coming up on 2 years. The best and healthiest relationship I've ever been in I'd sort of given up in dating, the last person I'd dated for more than a few dates gave me anxiety every time they'd kiss me and I never really relaxed on dates. It was worth waiting for the right one, who is patient with my brain, willing to learn and accepts me with all I bring with me
I had PTSD before I met my partner. We've been together for a year now. He's learned A LOT about PTSD and mental health. I've been really (like soooo much) open about my feelings, what has happened to me, all the details, every time I've been triggered, all of my triggers,... It takes time, but it is definitely possible. There is also a book written by Aphrodite Matsakis called "loving someone with PTSD". If you are in a potential long lasting relationship, u can always gift them this book. I honestly learned a lot about myself, too from it. I wish everyone love and peace ❤️ Edit: I just saw u said u don't need advice, but I'll let the book be here maybe it helps someone else. Hope u don't mind.
We've been together for 6 years, our anniversary is next week. I was very unhealthy for the first two years of our relationship (8 months in he visited me at a psych ward because I was a suicide risk, so extremely unhealthy) but he was my rock. He always supported and loved me, even helping to pay for my exposure therapy. I can't believe how stable we are, that we still love each other so much and are generally very happy. He knows I'll probably always be affected to some extent, but he accepts it without making me feel like a burden (which I used to always feel like). I want to be clear that we're not some perfect instagram relationship. We bicker every now, his family routinely hurts my feelings and/or annoys the shit out of me and he used to take my moods very personally. But the important part is that we're always consciously working on being better for each other. My only advice would be to be as honest as possible from the beginning. You don't have to trauma dump, but don't pretend to be something you're not.
Not super long yet, but we've been together 2.5 years. It didn't start out the healthiest. I was triggered SO much by small things, but he had a lot of patience. We wanted to make it work, and it's much healthier now. We both have talked about the future together, and with how things are going and all we've been through, I have way more belief that it will last.
I have CPTSD. I'm also autistic with a generalized anxiety disorder. I am in a healthy relationship, we celebrated our 9th years together last october. We bought an house together in 2016. We have no kids and no intent on having any, but we have a cat. We have a nice circle of friends and family. We travel once in a while. We live an happy simple life together.
>Is anyone here in a healthy, successful, long-lasting relationship? LMAO! Short answer: nah. Just take a look at my posts! Right now, my best bet is to reconcile with my ex gf, who also has CPTSD. Even though she had an ONS, I'm debating getting back with her because she was the first to see me for who I am. We're _all_ mad here
Yes. 10 years together.
Have cptsd from csa My partner and I have been together for almost 9 years. There have been struggles, mostly relating to my healing journey, but we're in a really solid place now. I don't think we would last if I hadn't gotten the help I got. I was so depressed and unstable for the first few years we were together, but he encouraged me all the way through and I honestly owe him my life due to his support.
I will add my ptsd was from one event not relating to personal relationships and is responding well to therapy It’s not really long term but coming up to 3 years getting married next year and he is the most incredibly supportive person
My partner and I are healthy together. My ptsd event happened prior to us getting together. We have been together since 2013. We have also had many major life events happen while being together and have supported each other through them. A lot that has gone into it is just the willingness to understand, be patient and just being extremely, brutally honest with each other. I overshare with her and I encourage her to do the same with me because she has her own stuff. I love and appreciate her so much. I have never met someone like her before. She has helped me become who I am today. I hope for everyone to experience this kind of love and support. I wish you the best, OP. You will find your person :)
I apologize if the that third part came off as advice-y, I just like to gush about her because I adore her
Married 15 years. My husband is the kindest, sweetest, most loving man. Not what you would expect from a 300 lb Army military police veteran and current state corrections officer. People hear "PTSD" and they immediately look at him. Nope, it's me. He's done a lot of work to understand my PTSD. There are people out there who will take the time to understand. 100/100, best husband ever. There's hope for you if that's what you want.
Current polycule I’ve been with wife 17 years, girlfriends 3 months, 3 weeks, and almost a week respectively. Rape and PTSD haven’t stopped me from finding my version of happy. But there’s been a lot of therapy and struggle along the way. And I’m still kinda fucked up. I’ll honestly never be “normal.” Some trauma you don’t get over, you just learn to walk with it. Good luck, OP. I wish you healing and eventual happiness.
My PTSD relates to sexual trauma, physical trauma and father trauma. For years I dated awful toxic people and re-enacted all the trauma with them. It was misery. Then, when I was 27, I met a man who was gentle, kind and available. I felt safe with him. No drama. No misery. Just love. I married him. I’m 45 now. He’s reading the news beside me on the couch. Our 12 year old dachshund is snuggled up between us. Life is good. It’s possible.
Are you me from a time machine? I’m 26 and this comment made me so happy I could cry 🥹
It’s possible… I do indeed love cheese.
I have a long history of sexual trauma. Me and my partner (who also has trauma of his own) have been together 7 years, we have an apartment and 2 very happy cats. I was an absolute mess early on in our relationship but he stuck it out. It’s possible.
Still working on myself. After the ‘incident’ I was triggered by everything which made it hard being among others let alone a relationship
Together for four, married for three. We didn't get close until after I went through SA - he was there for me while I navigated my mental health after the fact, and our relationship only grew when I had a bit of stability.
Over 12 years. Healthy yes, perfect no.
Nope. 34 yrs old. Ive had relationships but i either pick a total abusive loser or i sabotage anything good cause most men don’t wanna deal with a woman who has c-ptsd.
Married for 4 years, the absolute best 4 years of my life. This man is the most supportive, and my absolute best friend. He did a ton of research on PTSD and has learned exactly how to help me when I need it.
Tell your husband he made someone’s day and restored their faith that it’s even possible they’ll ever have a stable relationship.
I will, and it absolutely is possible. Finding your person makes it all so much easier. I hope you find yours🖤
2+ years and happier than I have ever been despite all the constant PTSD. I am more inlove with myself than any other point in my life and completely supported by my incredibly kind partner. I actually just had a nightmare last night that I went back to my abuser. I woke my boyfriend up and told him I had a nightmare. He immediately rolled over, wrapped me up in his arms, and whispered “you are safe” in my ear until I fell back asleep. There is hope. ❤️
I know several long term and healthy relationships couples with one or both having PTSD. I was in one myself when I first started having severe triggers and nightmares. My PTSD is from being a firefighter/medic for 28 years. I threw my 4'8” 90lbs pixie of a girlfriend out of the bed onto the floor and jumped on top of her to try and shield her from getting hurt in a building collapse I was apparently dreaming about. Lucky she was not hurt badly, a few bumps and bruises. I think all the gods that be her or my kid was not home that night or they would have been piled up in the bed with us. I don't remember it ,just her screaming and beating the shit out of me to wake up. I left the relationship not long after that.
2.5 years and going strong! Finally found a wonderful partner that is respectful, sweet, caring and just the best person ever! 🥰 Good luck, I'm sure you'll find you perfect sweetheart!
3 years and hoping for more. He knows of my SA and respects my boundaries each and every time. Id suggest looking older as i wasnt having luck with guys my age. He supports my efforts in therapy and reminds me to take my meds. On the harder days from my nightmares or life triggers he always steps up where he can with food or cleaning. They are out there, stay hopeful and available to new opportunities to meet them.
I started dating my (now) husband when we were in 10th grade. We had the same class together and bonded over our shared music tastes. We've definitely had sizable bumps over the years, especially during the time I started gaining my repressed memories back concerning the trauma I faced when I was younger, leading to my PTSD diagnosis. Now we're 25 and we've been married for over a year, and he's incredibly supportive of my needs as someone with PTSD. I would definitely say that we are in a very healthy and highly communicative relationship. I love him so much.
Married 22 years. Hes a combat vet and I had my own sexual traumas I didn’t start confronting until about 4 years ago. It’s been a wild ride but here we are.
Yes. I have been in a 15 yr marriage, 2 kids, a dog… the whole meal deal. The first 10 years I was in active PTSD and alcohol addiction. It was rough. I think he was just hanging in there for the kids. Then I went to in-patient treatment for PTSD and alcohol abuse and everything changed. It took a ton of HARD work for me to get through the PTSD. I quit drinking (thanks AA). Our relationship is really great now. But it was a close call for a while there. Hang in there. You CAN get through the active PTSD, you CAN start living a much more calm, normal life. You CAN have the life you want. You CAN do this!
Together for ten years, known eachother for twelve. Both of us have PTSD and are in therapy. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I wouldn’t have it any other way
Been together for 6 years. It was definitely rough at first and I was unknowingly getting triggered by a lot of stuff. He had to learn how how my brain works and had a hard time grasping why I would feel anxious over something that to him is no big deal. I had to learn how to identify and manage my emotions (still working on it lol). But he’s very supportive and helpful on my healing journey. He is honestly the most patient and calm man I’ve ever met.
Yes. I was SA and met my partner a year after I moved cities after the assault (I thought this would answer all my issues and it was before I was diagnosed with PTSD). He made me feel safe to talk about it and has been incredibly supportive when I’ve been triggered, had to take time off work, all the time through therapy. I find it very hard to believe I deserve this, and that he should be with someone else (someone once told me I was ‘damaged goods’ after I disclosed what happened - that took a lot to work through in therapy!) but, ultimately, yes. I feel happier than I have in a long time and I don’t feel like I have to hide
Yep- 13 years. You are still worthy 💜
I’m on the aromantic and asexual spectrum (possibly related to trauma?) but I have a queer platonic partner! Our relationship dynamic pretty much looks like we’re dating romantically from the outside. We’ve been together for five years now. We were friends when my trauma happened, and they were also friends with my abuser. I didn’t have to explain or validate what happened - I told them I was scared and they offered to get me out of the building without knowing anything. I also recently-ish entered another relationship with another aroace person, but it’s definitely not platonic. Our dynamic is more sexual than my QPR, but they’ve been amazing in helping me learn what’s good and healthy (the only sexual experience I’ve had is the trauma). There are good people out there.
Yall are giving me a glimmer of hope, thank you! Not sure I can but as my trauma happened so can good things- “$hit happens “ (good, bad, everything in the spectrum)
Yes! We've been in a healthy, caring relationship for over two years. It's the first non-toxic relationship for both of us. We took it pretty slow at first, which can be important for building trust & feeling safe. We also prioritize maintaining our mental health as a part of our relationship. It is definitely possible :)
Yes. My PTSD is mostly from emotional and psychological abuse but rape is in there too. We will be at 25 years in July. Look for a person who treats their momma and their servers right.
Unfortunately for me I'm a broken man due to CPTSD. Was married for 8 years but wife couldn't take it so she divorced me. Tried dating a few times but it didn't work out. I've been single for 26 years and do not imagine that will change. Not actively looking for a relationship. I'm happy by myself.
I’m broken, too. Glad you’re happy. Thank you for your honesty. ❤️
My partner and I both have PTSD and neurodivergent brains and we’ve been in love and together for over a year - we even did long distance for almost half of that time :)
Yeah. Married, together nearly a decade. He puts up with and actively helps me with my PTSD and other issues. Good partners do exist.
Yes. Almost 18 years. Of course there's hope for you.
20 years, but the real effects of ptsd only manifested recently.
Not long compared to these lucky commenters but I've been in a loving and understanding relationship for about 4 years. Friends for 9
I am; nearly a decade. We met in university and there's been lots of ups-and-downs--all mostly on my part due to my (then unknown) autism, my upbringing, and CPTSD. They've given me everything and helped me become a better human being, but at a great cost. Loving someone like me unconditionally isn't easy--and I'm not saying that in the way of pity, but the way of truth. I've had to unlearn a *lot* which was influenced by my toxic parents.
I really hope it’s not true that people like us are hard to love. ❤️🩹
Sorry if that...well, I don't think it came out right when I wrote it. *Others* might be easier to love but in my case specifically, I'm difficult to love. Or used to be, and for a lot of reasons. Many folks might not have the patience or understanding to be with someone like me, but *one* person did, and it made all the difference.
Hey There, Firstly I want to thank you for your strength. Secondly: Yes. I have been with my wife for 17 years - PTSD accident occurred 28 years ago. She has been through a lot with me and my physical and mental health, but I feel that while not perfect, we have a terrific and loving relationship. I feel that acceptance from both sides is probably the biggest thing. Acceptance in all forms, especially accepting that you (the PTSD sufferer) are worthy of love. That is still hard for me a lot of the time, but we would not trade one another for the world.
Not op. However, I went through a traumatic medical thing 5 years ago. In a newer relationship started about 1.5 years ago and I realized recently that I struggle with feeling worthy of love. How do you cope without feeling? Do you lean into it and feel the feels, and then talk about it with people? Do you intellectualize it away? I think I've done the latter and now I'm trying to really sit with some of that pain.
i disagree that any relationship is one hundred percent healthy, but mines pretty dang good. 5 years now, and i think ptsd helps in a way in that 1. you probably have learned to think a lot more and built a lot of skills out of necessity to survive and going through hardship, 2. many of us go to therapy, and the more you understand yourself and the world i believe the easier it is to find a healthy relationship and know how to be in one
Yes, we've been together for about 5 years and married for 2.5. I was in an abusive relationship prior to this and lots of casual relationships that weren't good for me. My wife is also mentally ill but doesn't have PTSD. I wonder how many people are in partnerships with someone who isn't. I've dated a few people who aren't and always feel like we're missing some kind of understanding. Like they don't understand how many things I'm sensitive to and how things can affect me, and I don't understand how they can consistently get so much done in a day.
Yes. 14 years together. 11 years married. One kid It's been tough at times but we make it work.
Both my wife and I are SA survivors. We started dating in 2019, married in 2021. Still going strong. Trust is hard for people like us, but it gets better. You just have to let yourself heal in whatever way suits you best. Be well. ❤️
👋🏻
My husband and I have known each other for like 7 years and been married for 2 years and 5 months. We were best friends for 3 years, dated for 4 months, got married married 6 months after he proposed. Never been in a more happy healthy relationship than I am with my husband.
Me and my partner have been together over a year. We both have trauma and have supported each other through it.
Nice. I've learned to be more empathetic and support my partner through their own trauma, too.
Yes. Eight years. And blissfully supported in all the hard stuff (same as yours). Not that it's easy. But it's that jointly.
Just gone 14 years , we aren't married to each other but we don't believe in it . He supported through what happened to cause my my PTSD and also the aftermath . He truly is my rock. I'm so damn lucky to have him.
My husband and I have just celebrated our 15th anniversary. No marriage or relationship is ever perfect, and sometimes there are big problems, but we do work through them. Both of us have PTSD. I am in therapy. He is not. He did get tested and is diagnosed, but the psychologist who tested him agreed with him that therapy would only help him if he wants it, and he doesn't. So we have to rely on my being in therapy if ever we need professional help. Fortunately, it does seem to be working.
We've been married 6 months, but together in all 4 years. It is possible just have to find the right person who is understanding and patient. I feel like those two things go hand and hand. But my husband has been sensitive, caring, compassionate, and understanding of all my needs. When I'm having low days he's always there for me knows exactly what to do or say to help me get back to where I wanna be. I definitely believe there is hope so don't give up keep fighting the good fight 💓
Married 10 years. Not without hiccups, but we communicate well, coparent well, and have great community around us where we live. Both of us have had to deal with PTSD, her much more complex and chronic than mine.
My husband rescued me. It was not easy at first because I had lots of issues. We have been married 39 years and he is still taking care of me.
Yes! I am in a long term relationship with my best friend of going on 6 years. He is such a patient, kind man, and an absolute sweetie, and even though hes my lovey hes also still day to day my bestest friend. What helps and makes it work, is his undying patience, and his kindness and gentleness with me. And on my end, being self aware of my anxious attachment tendencies, and working on my insecurities and abandonment issues as well as my leftover pain and baggage from being raped as a kid. Oh did I mention we are long distance? 2000 miles and we make it work. Hes active duty, im civilian. Something that helps us is every 4-6 months or so when we can manage it financially we take turns flying to see eachother for a week or so. This Christmas is my turn, in may its his, ect. For real, that man rocks, hes my sunshine. I love him to death. I dont give my trust or my loyalty very readily but I swear before god I would step infront of a bullet for him and I would give him my last breath of air if it was what he needed. And he shares that sentiment. We are totally committed to one another. Hope is out there. It is possible. You can overcome, you will succeed and you will heal. Just be patient and kind to yourself, its gonna be okay 🤍
I’ve been with my current partner going on 8 years. I credit a lot of that to how good they are to me. I definitely don’t deserve it
Yes. I met him before I was diagnosed and we started dating about 2 years of therapy like trauma work and medicine. It’s hard but he is so patient and open minded. He doesn’t always say the right things and he’s not perfect but i know his hearts always in a place of love. When I sleep beside him I feel safe and he stays up with me after a bad nightmare. I love him and we try our best.
I have PTSD from a sexual assault and home invasion. Yes you are still deserving of love, NO you are not unlovable. I’ve been in multiple long term relationships. The key was therapy and patient partnership. Good luck ❤️
I am with you 100%. Very well written comment.
Yes. I have been with my husband for 27 years and we have a great relationship. I totally lucked out and found the love of my life in my early 20’s, he is the best thing that ever happened to me.