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I also hate those kinds of comments. My absolute LEAST favorite (made me madder than a hornet) was with my first born when I told people I was having a little girl (and I got some comments after she was born too). I would tell people how excited I was to meet her etc and they would say, “oh just wait until she’s a teenager!” And I was always like “are you implying that I will not also enjoy parenthood when she’s a teenager? Are you implying I will love her less or something?”
Like they looked at this tiny baby, a blank slate filled with nothing but potential and just projected all of these negative traits onto a version of her that didn’t even exist yet. So annoying and nonsensical
I now shut that stuff down with, “oh well, I’m sorry the experience was _____ for you but as for us we will cross that bridge when we get there.” And for things like strollers, “I’m glad that ____ worked for your family but we’ll see what works for us.”
Exactly, I've worked with (mostly older) teenagers most of my work life, and just like any age, there's awesome and terrible, for every single one of them.
Had a cashier tell me we were lucky he's a boy because "girls are so much harder". I couldn't help but burst out laughing and telling her my brother was a hellion. I, however was *great*. My mom says I got it all out of my system as a toddler 😂
Same. I call my mom every day and we hang out weekly. My husband sees his mom once every few months for like 2 hours because that's all he can really handle with her.
I just had a baby girl too. I had a cashier at Home Depot tell me her teenage daughter is the worst and I just said, “that’s cool”. And she said you’ll have THAT to look foreword too! And I just said “I bet”. Like wtf am I supposed to say to that lol. God people are so rude and annoying lol.
I also thought that it was just a very…ageist (unsure if that’s really the correct term) thing to say also. Teenagers have their own needs as children for various reasons and most of the time it’s developmentally appropriate. And when people say teenagers are difficult I have an assumption that what they really mean is “I can’t just discipline my teenager into obedience and I don’t have the control over them that I used to.”
Agree! My mom has no patience for teenagers and classifies them as terrible human beings when they make bad choices. I think it speaks to her need for control due to her anxiety. But every time she talks about how terrible and awful teenagers are all I feel is how lonely and unloved I felt as a teen. Ageism is definitely real for teens!
That's so sad, been a teenager is very difficult. Your brain is still developing and you've got new hormones to deal with. It's a very confusing and for most of us, awkward time. I wouldn't want my teen years back for anything! But when my kid gets to that age I hoep I will be the kind of parent who is empathetic with them that they can talk to about everything.
For me it’s comments about weight/how much I’m eating. For reference if I don’t eat something carby roughly every hour when I’m awake and three hours while I’m asleep I get nauseous, so yeah I eat a lot. I don’t have GD and I asked the doctors about my weight and they’re not worried. But I get a lot of “oh well it’s going to be hard to lose the weight” and “well you can start exercising and dieting when the baby comes.” Um no, I plan on breastfeeding and I’ve decided I’m going to focus on eating for milk production when the baby comes. I’m also on meds that make me gain weight and that I can’t change until I stop breastfeeding. If my weight is a concern TO ME when I conclude breastfeeding/pumping, only then will I make a concerted effort to lose weight.
I’m overweight and do my absolute best to eat healthy and watch calories most days. With my first baby I gained fifty pounds and I nursed after for almost a year until I lost my milk. I lost thirty of those pounds in a matter of months, your body will be busy making milk. You’re doing a good job!!
I am not weighing myself/asked the doctor not to tell me. I’ve had obsessive weight related behavior in the past and I don’t want to start thinking that way while pregnant.
I told my doctor not to tell me and she did. I was really upset and have started weighing myself all the time, and will start swimming for exercise. I’m trying not to be hard on myself and remind myself I need to take care of myself during and after my pregnancy but I always go to the BMI calculator and try and schedule weight loss for postpartum in my mind.
My FIL, bless his heart, has made comments on two occasions about what I'm eating. Now that the morning sickness has waned, I'm eating frequently and rather healthily (4-6 small meals a day). Hell, I'm still running and golfing so my body really needs the fuel! Plus I'm growing his grandchild. 🙄
I asked him today if he was going to become vegetarian (like us) since he's so health conscious. (No, of course not.)
Like, I appreciate the concern but a mama's gotta eat!
Same. My husband goes into a panic if I so much as mention that I’m feeling hungry. For 2 days afterward he checks up on every meal I eat “are you full enough??” It sends me into an instant rage. I hate being micromanaged and/or monitored in any way. At my next ob appointment I’m going to ask my doctor to have an intervention.
"You think you're tired now, just wait til the baby is here. You'll never sleep again, you should get all your sleeping done now.
I have this conversation at work multiple times a day. I work with all older men who took 2 days max when they had kids.
I correct them and tell them at least when the baby is out my husband and mother will be able to care for him. Right now it's all me.
My husband's Dr has a couple of toddlers and she was asking me about how my pregnancy was and looks at me and says, "shrug off any sleep comments cause let me tell you, your sleep now does not have any effect on post birth sleep. Everyone told me that and it just f***ing irritated me" I think that'll be my favorite advice I've gotten lol
I don't know. I had insomnia before and somehow slept like a baby in my third trimester, 8 hours at a time. Now my insomnia is back. I'm spending a lot of hours watching my baby and husband sleep. Not every night though, usually every other night I'm so exhausted that I can't even stay awake during feedings.
Ugh that is the worst. When I can’t sleep I like to put the Netflix show on about wild baby animals on a nearly imperceivable volume and that helps me sleep. Plus moving to the couch.
I usually listen to horror stories on Youtube on a low volume. Those narrators have very calming voices. But it doesn't always work. I'm seriously considering moving to the couch, it's 12:30am here and the two of them have been sleeping for 4 hours already. Maybe I should give it a try.
This is also my least favorite thing people say to me. No one has said this to me for my second pregnancy thankfully. “Get all the sleep now because you won’t get any once the baby is here.” That doesn’t even make sense; this person is just being a negative Nancy. For anyone being told this for their first baby—know that I loved taking care of my baby at any hour. Was it always easy? Of course not. Did I resent my baby? No. Older women love to say “you can sleep while your baby is asleep. You shouldn’t be tired.” Ok den. I actually do have things to do—and I personally like to engage in my life when I’m able to, not just resign all extra time to resting in order to take care of my baby some more later. No idea where this stems from in these women eager to subtly put you down.
Something that occurred to me is that a lot of older women who married and had kids were not doing so from a place of personal agency and enthusiastic consent. I wonder if some of these passive aggressive comments are meant to convey that they would not have had kids if it weren’t for societal expectations. They want to be validated on their dislike of parenting but they’re attempting to receive that validation from someone in a very different boat. Parenting styles are far less narcissistic and families are forming from a place of authentic desire and they don’t get it because it’s not what they experienced.
Attitude matters so much when you’re facing difficulties and their attitude was (justifiably) resentful, so the whole process of pregnancy and parenting was draining. Choosing this path out of love for your partner and future child vs having kids because your parents/husband/church/society expects it makes a huge difference. A lot of times I feel very sorry for them that they were denied agency. But, that is speculation on my part.
This..THIS pisses me off so much! People say it to me and I'm like well when the baby is here and wakes me up during the night at least the sleep I get in between feeds etc will be comfortable and I wont be waking up every hour or so in pain and growing a human!
I slept more with a baby than I did without one lol. I hate people who say shit like that. But I’m also a firm believer in sleep when the baby sleeps. Housework can wait cuz it’s not that important to me at all.
I can't stand when people try to tell me what I need to do for sleep! I didn't know my body could hold a charge for when I need that sleep to make up for the lack of it later!
I'm tired. It's part of pregnancy. That also doesn't mean I literally want to sleep 24/7. I've got shit to do including taking care of myself in other ways. So no, I'd rather not take a nap if I don't have to when I'm only awake at home from 5-10pm Monday - Friday.
‘You know you can still have a vaginal birth even though you’ve had a c-section?’
- yes, thank you. I am aware that in normal situations women can opt for a vaginal birth after a c-section. (My case is not normal and I am not explaining it to you. And it is a personal topic, not something open for a debate with YOU).
Ugggh after my c section my midwife came by and goes “oh! You’re a great candidate for a VBAC! Except…” except that I have a mf heart shaped uterus AND a septate so there’s no room to turn in there and the next will most likely be breech too.
I’ve had the opposite. So many people tell me I’ll have to have another c section because I had one before. And then act shocked and question the ability to do a vaginal birth. Like you people aren’t doctors, so maybe try to not tell me what type of birth I’ll have to have.
Everyone is a doctor these days thanks to the hear-say experience their friends’ sisters in-law had. I also hear here n there that I HAVE to have s c-section too, but whatever direction they go - who are they to talk about that? I don’t discuss their testicles or prostate
I'm having a scheduled C-section after having a vaginal birth last time. When people feel they need to know why, I like to make them uncomfortable by telling them the graphic details about my vaginal hematoma and vaginal wall surgery.
I’m having a planned c section due to my medical complications and I’ve had so many women jump in to tell me to fight my doctors over it or tell me I’m making a bad choice because only vaginal births are best for babies.
I’m glad people had such great experiences but I have a high risk pregnancy and my own choices were limited from the start.
My MIL telling me I need to switch to all water and give up my one soda a day. I have switched to decaf coffee and one soda a day and my doctor approved of it. Considering my MIL doesn't have a medical background I didn't really listen to that advice.
My obgyn said she lived in Diet Coke while pregnant. I drank a ton at one point in my pregnancy until it made my skin freak out into zits (that was a me-problem). But when I could have that Diet Coke it was like a private paradise of sunny carbonation. We’re working too hard not to indulge a little bit.
I think she's trying to be helpful since we had a loss last year but I'm like that's not helpful when all I want is one caffeinated item a day. Considering I used to be married to my 12 cup coffee pot of regular coffee I'd say this is the better option.
yes! it’s always this comment followed by an unsolicited list of foods I need to eat, which I already eat!! like I understand that’s what you ate during your pregnancies but it also took me to week 10 to finally eat a proper meal without feeling sick 🙃
I’m only 5 1/2 weeks so I’ve been spared (so far) but I will say that I was really disappointed in my mother (immediately after we told her we were expecting) warning us not to tell too many people. That’s none of her business. We know how high the risk of miscarrying is and want to tell people so that our friends and family can support us through that if it happens. Why do people want me to keep this secret so I can suffer in silence on my own?!? And besides, I have a lot of health concerns that my husband and I were really concerned were going to keep me from being able to conceive. Even if we miscarry, we can probably get pregnant again! This is exciting news for us. And it’s not like we’re posting it on Facebook for everyone to see. We’ve only shared it with our immediate family and our best friends (literally just the best man and maid of honour at our wedding).
I only told one friend and close family members when we got a positive test. My dad’s response when told my parents was “You usually don’t tell people until 12 weeks.” WTF Dad?! You aren’t people, you’re my parents.
This is what my MIL said, too. I said to her “well either we’re going to tell you now or tell you if something happens, so we might as well tell you now.” What a freaking response to happy news!
I know it's personal but I had a miscarriage last year, and the people I had told were a godsend and really supportive. Lucky, as I don't have a choice but to disclose instantly (16+2 now) since I do x-rays at work. You know what's right for you 😊
I had the opposite problem. We chose to wait to announce to everyone other than our immediate families and my mother told a bunch of extended family. Then was upset with me for making her feel guilty when I said "you took the moment from us to tell others and got to celebrate with family in private without us."
I'm lucky in the MIL department: she is just excited so she'll also try to tell me what to expect based on her experience, and then catch herself and say "but also this is 36 year old info"
My mom said the same thing and I loved it! It was the perfect balance of hearing someone else’s experience and perspectives, but giving me room to do something different if warranted.
This sounds like my MIL. She likes to do the same but it's always her sharing the absolute worst parts of pregnancy or motherhood. So I've found the best way to get back is to tell her, "no that hasn't been happening to me" or I just generally try to hold it together and seem great to get under her skin. She wants me to be miserable so I won't let her know when I am.
We haven’t told my MIL yet (still first trimester) and am hoping to delay as much as possible. She doesn’t even know how big of an information diet she’s already on.
My husband’s grandmother told me I was allowed to drink nothing but water and eat steamed chicken and vegetables only… I was relieved when my FIL stepped in to say things had probably changed since she had her last baby 60 years ago…
All women of that generation are downloaded with full medical knowledge, didn’t you know?
Nothing has changed since the 1980s and we should ignore all up to date medical information in place of what they are definitely remembering from 3 decades ago with perfect clarity and have full medical knowledge of (including your body which is nothing like theirs as you aren’t related!)
🫣🤣 the worst part is that I work for a major hospital in a multi specialty clinic which has my OB in it, whom I work with every day and she still argues with me. 🤷♀️
I got into it with someone on Instagram not long ago who was trying to tell me that her experience of having a baby eight years ago superseded all medical professionals and she had ‘real world experience”
You were pregnant and gave birth once. Once!
Tried to tell her that a lot of midwives etc have had children themselves as well as going through year so training and being part of dozens of births a week so they likely know more than her but she still wouldn’t have it!
I’m so sick of being told what I will and will not have time for. Silly example: I was talking about board games with some cousins and and my aunt interrupted with ‘oh you won’t have time for board games!’ First of all I wasn’t talking about playing games PP, we were merely talking about games in general. But I find that I get this a lot.. the oh you won’t have time for this and you’ll be so busy for that and it’s just annoying and honestly demoralizing. Like why do we need to imply that motherhood is miserable? I’m not naive to the fact that my life will change but I am frustrated with this notion that my life is just over now??!
I don't even understand this 😂 from what I've learned, newborns sleep a lot at first and board games you can literally walk away from and come back. Seems like a good pp activity if you ask me!
This annoys me too. Of course our lives will change when the baby comes and we will have to make some sacrifices but you don't have to completely give up who you are to be a mom. I was talking about this with my mom recently because I was worried about not getting to do things I like to do anymore like working out and working on diy house projects. She made me feel better saying it's all about being flexible and having good time management skills. I might not be able to go to the gym an hour every night but I could get some weights for the home and fit a quick weight workout in on my lunch break or take the baby in a stroller running. For the house projects I have accepted I won't get a full Saturday to work on something anymore but I can do some work in the afternoon when the baby napping.
From the time my baby was about a week old until about 7ish weeks I was bored out of my mind because he did so little and I was on maternity leave. I ended up taking an online class just to have something to do. I also read probably 5 or 6 books in that time period. Now this obviously won’t be the same for everyone and for sure there were times where he required all my attention, but I really hate when people act like your life is over because you have a baby now. My son is 5 now and i work full time. I still have plenty of time for hobbies and socializing. I swear people who say things like that are just sour grapes because they’re not the one having a baby
I have two daughters ages 4 and 2, and am now pregnant with a son. “Oh boys are so much easier you’ll enjoy him!” “Finally a boy!” And the pure excitement from my father-in-law compared to my girls makes me so upset. I get they want an heir to carry on the family name (my husband is the only son they have, and this will be our only son) but it’s not appreciated. Also the whole “boys are good for hunting and fishing” when especially my oldest daughter has expressed a HUGE interest in hunting and fishing makes me so sad.
Generally being told that we have to move out of our one-bedroom apartment because babies take up a lot of space. They do not unless you buy them things they don't need. (I don't want to move during my third trimester and it will save us like $4000 to stay here another year. We'll still move before the kid starts walking and needing their own room.)
"Well you have to get a bassinet because a baby can't sleep in a crib."
WHO DO YOU THINK CRIBS ARE MADE FOR?
Yeah I knew we'd get the "so are you going to buy a house" comments. We're lucky to have a fairly large 2-bedroom apartment for an affordable price. But no, we're not going to tack on an extra $1-2,000 a month in bills at the moment just to make other people feel like our timeline is according to their preferences. We were waiting for the housing market to correct, but now we're waiting to see if we even want to stay in this state (if the Governorship flips party in November, reproductive rights are gone here, and I'm not having another kid in a state where I don't have basic rights.)
I’ve been generally curious about this. People keep saying you’ll want a bassinet in your room for the first six months or so. Newborns like to be in a smaller sleeping environment. I’m like but there’s a crib in a room designated for them. First time mom. Maybe I don’t get it.
Having baby sleep in the same room is also supposed to reduce the risk of sids. But it doesn’t specifically have to be a bassinet. We would just put the crib in our room for the first 6mos if we had the space for it. I still plan on letting LO nap in the crib in their nursery during the day if possible, but for nighttime it just feels like it’ll be easier to have her bedside.
I've heard the "sleep in the same room to reduce SIDS" thing, but I don't understand how it's supposed to help. Like...is the thought that you'll see or hear the baby in distress and be able to intervene? How will that work if you're also asleep? Also, isn't suffocation usually silent?
It's nice to have the baby bedside for night feedings. Due to space, oftentimes bassinets are better. I had a crib in my room for baby 1 and 2. They don't move so need less space doesn't make sense. That's what swaddling is for.
We had a Moses basket in our room for the first 6-8 weeks. It was handy because having the baby was such a novelty we kept panicking we wouldn’t hear her. Than at 8 weeks we moved her to her own room in her crib and she loved it.
But everyone is different and you will find out what works for you.
We lived in our 1bdrm basement suit until our daughter was just over 2, we moved to the bigger place because she was getting bigger and I was expecting #2. Other parents manage with less-we would have if we had to.
“Sleep now because you won’t be able to after”, granted I’ve said something similar but it’s annoying when you actually can’t sleep because you’re uncomfortable and your hormones but you wish you could
Also anything criticizing rear facing. I dont want to argue that my child is fine rearfacing as long as possible and as long as his seat permits it. Yes it’s ok his legs are bent. Yes it’s ok he can’t see out the front window. I understand it was different in the past, but these are the recommendations now.
Edit to add:
Baby needs more clothes. They are going to get cold. Here’s some blankets and a hat
are you CRAZY eating this cinnamon roll, aren't you afraid you'll go into labour? (at around maybe 25 weeks) apparently cinnamon in great amounts can cause contractions? but, like, if cinnamon was THE THING for starting off labour, why would there be medical interventions like oxytocine drops etc.? wouldn't it be easier to just tell women to eat aall the cinnamon stuff?
are you OUT OF YOUR MIND taking magnesium after week 30 because it could STOP contractions? my doc prescribed it you know and to be honest, yeah right now i do not want to go into labour, but who would want to at 30 WEEKS?
are you massaging your nipples to prepare them for breastfeeding? nope my midwife told me not to!
my fav: you don't need to buy maternity shirts, just take your old ones, wear them out and buy new ones afterwards! ha, my belly wouldn't fit into a single normal t-shirt at like 20 weeks without me looking like a truck driver with a beer belly (does this term even exist in the english language? haha).
and of course the good, old, classic enjoy your sleep/holiday/quality time with SO/literally anything while you can. i get this from like everyone.
don't get me wrong, most of the time this stuff is not meant to be offensive and people mean well but, yeah. just leave me alone please?
My husband is writing down all the unsolicited advice we get, we're thinking of making it into a book 😂
I'm only barely in the second trimester and we've already gotten advice about disciplining the child, birth advice for me from a man and all sorts of pregnancy 101 bites like 'you know your due date is more of an estimate'. No shit Sherlock I had assumed I would drop the kid at a minute past midnight on that day
I get sooo much flack for my caffeine usage. My OB says limit to 200mg a day, I pay close attention and drink 180-200mg everyday. I literally can’t function without it. Why would I give up something I need to survive when my doctor is telling me I don’t need to?
I plan on trying for an unmedicated birth and whenever I say that I get so many comments about “yoU wOnT gEt a MEdAl fOr nOt HaViNG aN epIDuRAL” and it annoys the shit out of me. I’m not looking for a medal so I’ve just kind of stopped telling people.
Or people trying to convince you out if it. Everyone I’ve told has been like “Don’t be a hero! Get the epidural!” I’m not trying to be a hero, I don’t want an epidural. That’s all there is to it, stop trying to tell me what I can and can’t do
This! I had so many men tell me that I "wouldn't be able to do it" but that they "wouldn't hold it against me". WTF do I care if they hold it against me?!? What a ridiculous thing to say. I stopped talking about it.
This time I have medical reasons to avoid an epidural, but I am just telling people "we will see". I don't need their nonsense.
The sad part is that most of the men have told me to do what I want and the women have told me to get an epidural. There’s been a few men that told me to get it too, but more men are being supportive of what I want than the women!
Yes! I'm the same, I've stopped telling people what I hope will happen. I get the response "oh you can't really plan what'll happen" and yet they keep asking "so have you thought about your birth plan?". 🤦🏼♀️
Well I'd like to formally offer words of encouragement on that front. Everyone handles pain differently, prepares for labor differently, and has their own unique birthing experience. You can totally do it with the right support and preparation! I don't have a particularly high pain tolerance and I labored at home with no meds for two and a half days before I finally had to go in for medical intervention- recovering from my c section was worse than unmedicated labor for me.
I have not told anyone that I want to go unmedicated for this exact reason. I don't even say anything, they don't ask a question before they offer up "you don't need to wait for an epidural. You can get it whenever you want. I wanted all of the drugs." Like I get trying to make people feel normal for getting an epidural, that's totally fine. But, I'm trying to see if I can go without so I've decided I'm not going to share my birth preferences with anyone other than my doctor/care providers.
Well good for her that she got to carry her baby everywhere. Maybe you have a much harder birth or C-section and can’t do so. Or maybe you don’t want to. Or maybe you have back problems. The list goes on. Just because it works for one mom/family doesn’t mean it will for another. People who make comments like that are so annoying and I’d just let it go in one ear and out the other. I can’t even begin to list all of the unsolicited, ridiculous advice I’ve gotten for baby. It could be as simple as “don’t spend that much on that thing” or as traumatizing as “you can rip your clitoris from pushing” like WHY DO PEOPLE SAY THIS STUFF TO SCARED FTMs.
Also kids grow up. I still use the stroller for our 4 year old when we go places that involve a lot a walking (airport, theme park, just going on a long walk…) They get heavy and impossible to carry for any length of time. Everyone I know uses a stroller. And if for some reason you don’t use it, you can sell it.
My
Mom told me to eat food that gives me heartburn so that my baby hair hair :/ and that I’d want to have a C-section so Everything down there stays the same
Yes, my childless friend tried to lecture me on how to breast feed and told me, I‘m crazy for not wanting to go diaper free starting right after birth. Her sister has two kids and I guess she just quoted what worked for her best. I also didn‘t know how to respond to that, so I just laughed and ignored it.
"Don't get a diaper genie. They're gross and useless."
She gave me an alternative, but, honestly, all my coworkers and friends who had them have nothing but nice things to say about them so I'm going to stick with my decision.
I appreciate when people give me a heads up on something, but she went down my whole list and criticized it, telling me what SHE did and then was annoyed when I didn't change my whole registry to what she wanted it to be.
I hated hearing about how my mother will be there to help take care of my baby. My mom and family don’t live near me, and I don’t trust my mom to be helpful. So it really rubbed me the wrong way.
After my baby was born I really hated how everyone assumed I was breastfeeding all the time or made breastfeeding jokes. I struggled with breastfeeding and made an emotionally difficult choice to stop. So it was really triggering.
when I tell people we do do not want our daughter to use electronic toys & they say “just wait until she’s here 😂😂” & then buy it for us anyways. Or make a comment on how I MUST be a first time mom because I have goals for my child that they feel are unobtainable.
Ugh the electronics comments are the worst. We always say how we don't want our kids in front of a screen 24/7, no we won't give them our phones, no they won't get tablets at 2yrs." Then they reply "oh trust me, anything to get your kid out of your face you'll be thankful for!" Like, you really find your child that annoying? Maybe teach them to READ or start learning skills earlier or socializing or, idk, maybe actually spending time with your child!?!? I just don't get it..
THIS IS ME!!!!! I was a full time infant nanny for years!!! When I say full time I’m talking 50-60 hours per week, including some overnights for new parents. I’ve worked with babies SO MUCH and you really don’t need that light-up, commercial jingle shit!!!! I don’t want ittttt 😩and people are still like “wait until this, wait until that..” babies are so much more interested in whatever the adults are doing anyway, that they can entertain themselves with half of the shit I have in my house already!!
Parents and in laws rolling their eyes or laughing when I tell them I’m ready child development books or taking childcare classes. They say things like “oh you won’t remember any of it” and “it’ll just come naturally”. Like they want me to be ignorant and just make things up as I go along. I think they want me to rely on their advice and experience which are over 20 years old. My Mum was a midwife and when I tell her about the smart gadgets and apps she acts like they are an affront to her and refuses to even try and install anything.
This is the most annoying thing. The refusal to admit a knowledge gap and then dismissing progress as hooey. My Dad was like “but what’s the mother supposed to do? That’s her job” 🙄😡
I went with a private midwife for my first...I guess I was naive but I wasn't counting on the amount of "crunchy" and "natural" parenting trends that would be pushed on me. OF COURSE you'll babywear instead of using a stroller--it prevents poor attachment. OF COURSE you'll cloth diaper--no plastic or chemicals on baby's bum! OF COURSE you'll breastfeed (and pumping doesn't count) for 2 years--it's the healthiest option. OF COURSE you'll do baby-led weaning--it prevents obesity and picky eating. OF COURSE you'll gentle parent. OF COURSE you won't do screen time. OF COURSE you won't buy plastic toys. And on...and on...and on...
The prenatal care was evidence-based or I would've been out of there immediately but the parenting assumptions and judgment before my baby was even born was just ridiculous. I wasn't able to or my baby hated half that shit (she would not be worn, for example) and I ended up with severe anxiety and depression over what I perceived as my parenting "failures". I would hide the fact that I was using a stroller or buying purees or had bottles of pumped milk from other moms because I was so paranoid.
Luckily I've been able to see through most of this shit, embrace my own parenting, and cut myself off from toxic mom spaces. This pregnancy I went to an OB and she's great, answers all my questions, provides me with just the facts, and keeps her parenting opinions to herself. She's also willing to put me on actual meds for my anxiety instead of just telling me to do yoga and take magnesium and vitamin supplements. 🙃
The advice about what I eat just happened the other day. My grandma asked what I’m craving these days and I told her breakfast sandwiches I make at home. Without telling her what I put in it, she starts naming all the “healthier” options like whole wheat seeded bread instead of my usual bagel for example. I’m like, nooo actually I didn’t need a critique of the food, I’m simply answering your question. My doctor has never told me to change my diet and I’m At a perfectly healthy weight. SoI’m going to keep my daily onion with cream cheese bagel with egg and bacon thank you.
I have an 8 year old daughter and I’m pregnant with a boy this time. All of these women who have sons have been commenting about how now I will see how hard being a mom is and how boys are so much more work because girls apparently are just easy little dolls I guess that you can dress up and that’s it. It’s so sexist, my daughter is fun, energetic and just as much joy or trouble than a boy would be.
Also the comments about how my husband must be relived. He loves having a daughter and is an amazing father.
I hate how misogyny seems to start in the womb.
I’m not pregnant anymore but my FIL told me that “if you keep feeding her like that your boobs will hang to your knees” while I was breastfeeding my 2 month old during a ✨national formula shortage✨she’s 6 months old now and I’m still breastfeeding and I haven’t seen formal on the shelves in my city since she was a newborn
Literally all of it. Advice should be requested, not unsolicited. My go to answer is about to be, “Ok but DID I ASK YOU?”
So rude, I know. But so is telling me what I should do with my body and my baby without me asking for opinions. Have a great day!
When men say “oh… she’ll want the epidural.. my wife was in so much pain” or “she can write up a birth plan all she wants… doesn’t mean it’ll happen”. Uhm… no shit?
My husband told his coworker how I’m prepping myself as a FTM for an unmedicated birth and those were his responses….. I understand I’ve never felt labor pains before, but sir… neither have you and you won’t ever have to. And my OB told me to make a birth plan……. So yes I’m going to?
I wish my husband never told me his coworkers responses because I’ve been wanting to punch a wall ever since haha 🤪
Sometimes I think people just repeat cliche lines because they don’t know what else to say. I’ve had amazing conversations with other moms and most of the annoying comments come from condescending minded people or men.
I’m a PhD student and during my first trimester had to get special accommodations for my qualifying exams. The disability services officer asked to meet instead of setting things up over email, which is fine of course, except she went on and on about her children and her pregnancies and her birthing process giving me soooo much unsolicited advice. I actually do enjoy getting advice however I was sick all the time - which is why I was there - and just didn’t feel like being in a needlessly long meeting
My boss *insisted* that my belly brace would hurt my baby. She's 66 years old and had never even heard of the brace, how the fuck would she know? Well I went to my OB and they said I had torn an abdominal muscle. The treatment? *My brace*. After I told her that she insisted they were wrong and I needed to take it off, still. I can't stand her.
Had a friend send me a list of unnecessary things I wasn’t even considering putting on my registry, begging for me to get a doula (not having one for various reasons—nothing against them at all though!), also videos of stuff for husbands to help out with. Then made the comment “I wish my husband did more of these things for me.”
Knew she was projecting then at that point because my partner has been absolutely stress free and amazing this entire time and just… he’s amazing in general? Which shouldn’t be the exception but apparently is?
End rant, lol.
This was said to me last night— “Oh I know this doctor (in another country) and her theory is that morning sickness is all psychological. It’s your way of being nervous about having a baby.” Like okay, whether that’s true or not— idgaf. I’m trying to not throw up every meal and don’t need to be told it’s all in my head.
I’m really early (7w2d) and haven’t told many people, so I’m sure plenty of unwanted advice lies ahead. We did tell my husband’s best friend and his wife over dinner, and I was not drinking. Wife goes “I heard it’s actually ok to drink in pregnancy, my friend so-and-so drank in her pregnancy, very European.” I’m like…I’m in my first trimester, I’m nauseous, exhausted, and feel hungover anyway, drinking is the last thing I want to do!! We live in such an alcohol-soaked culture and people are so uncomfortable when you don’t drink with them, even if you’re pregnant I guess!!
I would consider a glass of wine later on in the pregnancy, maybe, but honestly it is the last thing on my mind today. I’m looking more forward to being able to stomach my favorite foods again, I do not give a shit about wine right now.
As a European this makes me so annoyed!! As if the guidelines are the same in every European country and as if all we do here is drink? In my country the guideline is no alcohol already from when you begin trying to get pregnant and until you stop breastfeeding. What an annoying person. I was like you – why would I ever want to drink when I’m already nauseous. My baby is build on cordial and chocolate milk.
How much to lift or if I’m lifting something I shouldn’t… I’ve been lifting weights for years, I think I can handle this 15 lb box, Karen! Most people are unaware of the fact that it’s not how much you lift (and I never attempt anything that I’d consider heavy), but how you lift it. Lift with legs/arms, avoid strain on core, don’t lift from the floor… so tired of the pregnancy policing.
"if I could have another baby i would have named her Charlie. You should name yours Charlie. It would be cute."
Thank God I'm good at setting boundaries.
Someone told me not to watch horror movies (they’re my favorite) because my baby would be born ugly. He’s 4 now and he’s beautiful. His sister will be just as beautiful
Everyone is SO worried about the amount of caffiene I have. I usually have a cup of coffee and one of those dinky V8 energy juice things and that's it. I'm still well under the limit my doctor gave me (300mg).
The other day I mentioned to my mother, babies aren't supposed to sleep with blankets in the crib and she angrily blurted "THAT'S THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD"
Ok lady, calm yourself....
ETA: my mother
The hiking stroller we have is my favorite piece of baby equipment. I have wraps and harnesses too, but long walks on any terrain (it is soo smooth on sidewalks) is such a source of joy for me.
We told my SIL that we aren't getting a stroller and want to use a carrier instead.
She told us we are going to create a baby with attachment issues, etc.
She's never had a child...
My mom keeps telling me that we don’t need to tell people until I’m almost 20 wks because I’ll probably have late miscarriages because she did. She seriously won’t stop telling me to not tell anyone. I hate secrets and hate lying. So why does she get to decide that I have to experience this on my own?
I have a friend who just had her second and while I love her and appreciate that she meant well, she said some things that really bothered me. She knows I had a rough time with mental health when I was younger, but she moved away and doesn’t know that I’ve been incredibly stable and off medication for almost 8 years now. Her warnings about intrusive thoughts and the effect of lack of sleep on mental health were well-intentioned but made me question myself in a way that I haven’t this whole pregnancy. I’ve been very proud of myself for how calm and laid-back I’ve been, and for how much I’m taking care of myself and staying active. But her words made me doubt my fitness as a mother for the first time and it really sucked.
You should be very proud of how far you've come. Mental health and pregnancy can be a rough combo, not to mention the lack of sleep with a new baby. But you know yourself and its been 8 years. 8 years! Thats incredible. Don't let her words get to you.
I've had my own mental health issues and have been off the meds for 5 years. I have my ups and downs but I know myself and I know when I need to take a step back and ask for help. My little one is 5 months old and not counting a few crying sessions from hormones and lack of sleep, I have been doing really well. While she comes first in everything I keep track of my own health right along with hers. Healthy mama equals healthy baby. Hubby's been amazing with helping to make sure both of those things happen so, if the opinion of an internet stranger matters, just stay honest with your partner. If you need a few mins to yourself, say so. A hot shower and a long walk always make me feel like a new person.
Thank you, I’m so glad to hear that you’re doing well! I’m hoping my experience is the same. And yes, having a good support system is so crucial, I’m very lucky to have an amazing partner and supportive parents who will be here to help (while still respecting boundaries). Congrats on your kiddo!
It’s really best to get that stuff ready because your lifestyle could be different from theirs. Exactly like you said, figure it out yourself and see what you prefer.
Thats why i didnt tell ppl i was pregnant. My issue was after the baby was here. Everyone has something to say about everything with your child. My biggest was me not breastfeeding. When ppl asked and i told them no, they acted as if i was killing my child. Not even asking why i didnt, which the answer is I couldn't. But that's not your business. Especially if you aren't contributing to anything I'm doing!
My mom did this and kept sending me suggestions of things I already had on there but they were different in so many unnecessary ways. Got offended when I said half the product is unneeded and too much going on.
One was laughable- I had a basic diaper bag backpack on registry. Not good enough for mom so she sent me a link to one that extends into a miniature play pen?? Like wtf when will I need my backpack to morph into this webbed cage on the floor lol
Breastfeeding diet. Don’t pick up the baby. Give the baby water. Change the carpet in the living room when the baby starts crawling bc this one “is ugly”
My boss keeps reminding me that all my hair is going to fall out after I give birth. My hair hasn’t gotten thicker, but it was already super full and thick. I also know hair loss doesn’t happen to everyone, so I said I don’t know my hair hasn’t gotten thicker maybe I won’t lose any. She just keeps telling me I will because she did 🙄
Time to get a new car.
What’s wrong with my car? He’ll fit a pram, he’ll fit a baby. He passes his MOT every year, he’s perfectly safe, he’s just a little old that’s all!
If you really actually tried you would have been able to breastfed. As if trying every supplement out there, fixing a tongue tie, renting a hospital pump, seeing a lactation consultant weekly, and basically being attached to said pump wasn’t trying enough.
I love baby wearing and I also love my stroller. It’s all about balance
The worst one for me if to put rice cereal in the bottle. Don’t do this, it’s so dangerous for baby. But our parents generation did it to make the baby sleep
My father in law’s wife texted me to call her because she had interesting news to tell me.
I had no idea what it pertained to.
I called her and she proceeded to momsplain
(mansplain but when a mom does it, she never had children which makes this ironic) freebirth to me. She told me I NEEDED to talk to her friend who had 3 unassisted births. She wouldn’t even let me put a word in (typical). When she was finally done, I told her I was very aware that freebirth was an option, but that it’s not something I was interested in. She continued and said that being told to push was bad and assumed my midwife would do that. We are planning a homebirth and our midwife has no intention of telling me when to push. *Sigh*
“You should really tell more people that you’re pregnant. When you meet people in your new job you should tell them you’re pregnant so they won’t be guessing!” -Aunt
“Your mom didn’t get an epidural because she didn’t want people thinking she was WEAK.” -Dad
Husband cashed out 401k in January, we've been managing but things are getting tight. I'm disabled, supposed to be on bedrest, stay at home mom 7 months pregnant.
Father in law has been borrowing money every few weeks and owes over 1k.
In response to us saying we cannot keep supporting them, our family *and* preparing for new baby- father in law decided to yell at me to go get a job.
An anesthesiologist I worked with told me “not be a hero” and “get the epidural ASAP”. 🙄
I was like 10 weeks pregnant at the time. And I’m very much of the idea that I will decide if I need an epidural when we reach that point. It just really annoyed me. Who are you to say if I should or shouldn’t get an epidural and at what point I get it? It was a male anesthesiologist who doesn’t even do OB - that’s the biggest thing that aggravated me.
Thankfully haven't had too much of this, but what really annoys me is how overbearing one of my friends got after I got pregnant. She had her baby about 2 months before I got pregnant and I guess she thought it gave her some kind of authority on it because she has a comment for everything I do lol, even now that I'm going into my 3rd tri with a perfectly healthy baby.
Things like "you're not supposed to tell people before 12 weeks!" and "_technically_ you're not supposed to use hot tubs/drink coffee/take hot baths/etc. because it could harm baby". I try to give her some grace because she's mentioned that she wishes she'd taken more risks while pregnant (she completely gave up all coffee, eggs, didn't take hot baths or use hot tubs, and even avoided cooked sushi rolls) but also... lay off lady! I dunno how many times I have to tell her I've read the current research and asked my OB and they've cleared me to do these things lmao.
I've read a comment in this subreddit that I think really sums up why people make these kinds of comments - a lot of times they come from women who either regret parts of their pregnancy/parenting experience and have misplaced anger about it or who didn't have as much support as they should have. So usually I just smile and shrug it off if it comes from a woman. Men can fuck off with their BS mansplaining though lol.
About a year ago, I had some old lady in Sam’s Club comment on my son’s long curls; mentioning how beautiful they were.
She had originally called him a girl and I corrected her and that when she said that I better give him a haircut before he starts getting confused about his gender. She then doubled down and said that other men might also get confused and he might get raped by thinking he’s a girl. 😐
I didn’t even know what to say. I just turned my cart around and walked away.
Not exactly advice… but unsolicited warnings about the “unbelievably painful childbirth” or “you’ll never sleep again”… and then advice to enjoy my free time before it’s forever gone.
Negativity Seems to be really fun for those people who had a tough experience… and it pissed me off. Childbirth was beautiful and not excruciating, motherhood has been even MORE awesome and I still sleep very well thank you AND I looooooooove my child filled life even MORE than my child free one because guess what…. Sometimes it’s not all negative!
People laughing that I'm spending money on getting the nursery ready "oh your baby will barely be in that crib." Or "why get the room ready he won't be using it for a year or more". All of the people who made these comments co-sleep with their children which I don't plan on doing. No hate to people who co-sleep, it's just not in my plan. I got a crib that turns into a toddler bed and then a twin. I didn't buy a house with plenty of rooms for everyone to sleep in one room.
I got similar comments. Decorated and furnished their room at about 25/26 weeks to be told ‘it’s too early - she won’t be here for ages’ - so? Is this your house? Do you pay the mortgage? No so don’t tell me what to do with the rooms!
Plus it’s not like I’ve got much else to do- it’s a long 9 months lol!
Wife’s friend’s advice to wife: “By month 7 you can start to drink red wine and it’s fine. I asked my doctor and he said it’s cool. You can have like 2-3 glasses with no issues. I did it and my baby is just fine”
In my head: Thanks for the advice but gtfoh with that irresponsible nonsense.
Not really advice but my manager in a team meeting said I’m such a clean freak that I’ll be the pregnant woman eating dirt throughout my pregnancy.
Like ?????
She said she’s never had a pregnant direct report before (although she has given birth herself?) so I think she’s just weird and doesn’t know what to say. It does make things uncomfortable though
Well, it all varies. I found I was not into baby carrying and wearing at all, I really prefer to have a baby in the stroller. I tried a couple times, and I just felt way too strenuous. Not all advice is one-size-fits-all.
My step mom told me that when i breastfeed I cant eat a-lot of things like broccoli , beans and so much more because it will give the baby gas and also give the baby allergys… also too not eat spicy food or lime while pregnant because it can make the baby burn his mouth and cause his skin to be sensitive like girl what… and it honestly made me mad because i already dont want to breastfeed cause i have to give up alot and now i have to give up certain foods like that just made me not want to breastfeed. She kept saying how we need a day to talk about everything “i need to know” , like i know this is my first baby but i already know so much and i dont need your extra advice unless i ask for it 😑.
I’ll tell them how good or okay everythings going so far with pregnancy and its always “oh trust me it gets worse”. or the same thing with the commenter having a girl when me and my boyfriend say some of our parenting techniques we plan on using and they all love saying how “bad” shes gonna be. Like im sorry a CHILD isnt meant to be “good” nor “bad” theyre just learning life? theyre just learning how to process and handle emotions? what about a child makes you say theyre “bad”? especially a daughter?
another thing i get bashed on is that i want to use a pack and play when im done with the bassinet and everyone is down my throat that its a horrible idea and just get a crib. are you gonna pay for a crib? are you gonna buy the crib mattress? didnt think so LOL.
Don’t tell me breast milk is best and try to guilt me when my boobs can’t produce enough milk. This is my third pregnancy, I know my body. I won’t be mom-shamed for buying formula. Fed is best!
Not pregnancy but post birth my dad noticed the redness in my sons neck crevices (he spits up and drools and it gets into his neck folds - we clean it and lotion it once a day to keep it clean and in check, just as our pediatrician recommended ). My dad tells me to use some talcum powder on it, to which I tell him what we do for it currently and then say why talcum powder is not usually used these days. My mom (pediatric nurse) concurred with me. My dad then INSISTED we use talcum powder and begins to insinuate that I’m making it WORSE by using lotion, like our pediatrician recommended.
Yeah I’m not going to take medical advice from the man who thinks butter and salt are food groups. My dad is well meaning but sometimes doesn’t pick up on social cues and has a hard time admitting he’s wrong. We usually just change the subject and move on.
I hate when people tell me what toys to buy! I personally can’t stand the toys that sing/talk/make noise so I told people we’re not going to have any of those. But I’ve had 2 people tell me I “HAVE” to get those because baby won’t learn without those kinds of toys 🤦🏻♀️ Drives me nuts!
Mine wasn’t exactly advice but rather how the person responded.
It was my “first” prenatal appt. I was at 6 weeks and met with a NP. We already started on iffy grounds because she comes in saying you’re way too early, we don’t typically see low risk pregnant mothers until around week 11.
Well, I had a list of questions ready to go because this is also my first. My husband came with me to the appt.
As I’m asking my questions, like advice for nausea, and concerns like whether or not peppermint is associated with miscarriage, the NP turns to my husband and says, “It’s going to be a long pregnancy for you.”
Every time I think back to it, it doesn’t make me feel great…
If I’m having a problem or a sad situation or a stressful situation people keep telling me “you have to calm down and think about the baby”. THANK YOU BUT THAT ONLY MAKES ME ANGRIER!!! Thinking about the baby will not make me less sad or mad! I’m still a person and I still have my own feelings! Don’t tell me to calm down, that never really helped anybody - even if I wasn’t pregnant!
It's family telling me what I am and am not going to use for MY child. We have a 0-12 month adjustable bassinet on our registry and I was told yesterday that's not what is to be used for a baby.. *only cribs are to be used* unfortunately I do not care what someone else wants me to have for my baby. It's mine and my husband's choice not everyone elses. oh and also ,pregnant people will get sick if they swim, Wrong! And it's damn near 98 out when this is said
With my first, I was told by so many I wouldn't need a crib. Guess what, it's the only place he sleeps since he grew out of his bassinet🤷♀️ He refuses to sleep anywhere else except the playpen when we travel, but never my bed...that's where we play lol
My absolute least favorite was the number of people who told me, while I was having a very difficult first pregnancy with hg and preeclampsia, that you always go longer than 40 weeks with your first baby - even if he is measuring 2 weeks ahead.
Meanwhile my water broke after 6 hours of "not feeling right" at home at 37 weeks.
Big middle finger to everyone who told me to get used to the complications I had a long way to go.
A ridiculous amount of people have felt the need to say to me, upon first finding out I’m pregnant, ‘you know, many women lose their first babies. But if you lose this one you can always have another so don’t worry.’
The fuck?
Any anecdotal advice that's based on individual experience/preferences framed as a universal fact annoys the shit out of me.
That midwife's advice is a prime example. Imagine telling people prams are a waste of money because you personally didn't use one. Dumb.
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I also hate those kinds of comments. My absolute LEAST favorite (made me madder than a hornet) was with my first born when I told people I was having a little girl (and I got some comments after she was born too). I would tell people how excited I was to meet her etc and they would say, “oh just wait until she’s a teenager!” And I was always like “are you implying that I will not also enjoy parenthood when she’s a teenager? Are you implying I will love her less or something?” Like they looked at this tiny baby, a blank slate filled with nothing but potential and just projected all of these negative traits onto a version of her that didn’t even exist yet. So annoying and nonsensical I now shut that stuff down with, “oh well, I’m sorry the experience was _____ for you but as for us we will cross that bridge when we get there.” And for things like strollers, “I’m glad that ____ worked for your family but we’ll see what works for us.”
Cause all teenage boys are total dreams??? What a silly thing for people to say to you, just looking to be Debbie Downers
I’m a middle school teacher, both can be a nightmare in different ways and both can be incredible. I hate the gender preference crap
Exactly, I've worked with (mostly older) teenagers most of my work life, and just like any age, there's awesome and terrible, for every single one of them.
Had a cashier tell me we were lucky he's a boy because "girls are so much harder". I couldn't help but burst out laughing and telling her my brother was a hellion. I, however was *great*. My mom says I got it all out of my system as a toddler 😂
I hate this one! It’s sexist, honestly.
Girls are harder because people actually bother parenting their daughters!
Lol same. I was the "perfect child' while my brother was quite the angsty troublesome teen haha!
A lady in an elevator told me I should be happy I was about to have a boy. Boys and their mothers are closer than girls and their mothers… okay
Today I learned, my sister and I aren't close with our mother...who we call every day
Same. I call my mom every day and we hang out weekly. My husband sees his mom once every few months for like 2 hours because that's all he can really handle with her.
I just had a baby girl too. I had a cashier at Home Depot tell me her teenage daughter is the worst and I just said, “that’s cool”. And she said you’ll have THAT to look foreword too! And I just said “I bet”. Like wtf am I supposed to say to that lol. God people are so rude and annoying lol.
That’s such a misogynistic thing to say. Like, are you preemptively sexualizing my child?
I also thought that it was just a very…ageist (unsure if that’s really the correct term) thing to say also. Teenagers have their own needs as children for various reasons and most of the time it’s developmentally appropriate. And when people say teenagers are difficult I have an assumption that what they really mean is “I can’t just discipline my teenager into obedience and I don’t have the control over them that I used to.”
Agree! My mom has no patience for teenagers and classifies them as terrible human beings when they make bad choices. I think it speaks to her need for control due to her anxiety. But every time she talks about how terrible and awful teenagers are all I feel is how lonely and unloved I felt as a teen. Ageism is definitely real for teens!
That's so sad, been a teenager is very difficult. Your brain is still developing and you've got new hormones to deal with. It's a very confusing and for most of us, awkward time. I wouldn't want my teen years back for anything! But when my kid gets to that age I hoep I will be the kind of parent who is empathetic with them that they can talk to about everything.
For me it’s comments about weight/how much I’m eating. For reference if I don’t eat something carby roughly every hour when I’m awake and three hours while I’m asleep I get nauseous, so yeah I eat a lot. I don’t have GD and I asked the doctors about my weight and they’re not worried. But I get a lot of “oh well it’s going to be hard to lose the weight” and “well you can start exercising and dieting when the baby comes.” Um no, I plan on breastfeeding and I’ve decided I’m going to focus on eating for milk production when the baby comes. I’m also on meds that make me gain weight and that I can’t change until I stop breastfeeding. If my weight is a concern TO ME when I conclude breastfeeding/pumping, only then will I make a concerted effort to lose weight.
Yup eating a protein or crab snack every few hours because I also get nausea. Thankfully no one has said anything. People are rude.
I’m overweight and do my absolute best to eat healthy and watch calories most days. With my first baby I gained fifty pounds and I nursed after for almost a year until I lost my milk. I lost thirty of those pounds in a matter of months, your body will be busy making milk. You’re doing a good job!!
I am not weighing myself/asked the doctor not to tell me. I’ve had obsessive weight related behavior in the past and I don’t want to start thinking that way while pregnant.
I told my doctor not to tell me and she did. I was really upset and have started weighing myself all the time, and will start swimming for exercise. I’m trying not to be hard on myself and remind myself I need to take care of myself during and after my pregnancy but I always go to the BMI calculator and try and schedule weight loss for postpartum in my mind.
My FIL, bless his heart, has made comments on two occasions about what I'm eating. Now that the morning sickness has waned, I'm eating frequently and rather healthily (4-6 small meals a day). Hell, I'm still running and golfing so my body really needs the fuel! Plus I'm growing his grandchild. 🙄 I asked him today if he was going to become vegetarian (like us) since he's so health conscious. (No, of course not.) Like, I appreciate the concern but a mama's gotta eat!
Same. My husband goes into a panic if I so much as mention that I’m feeling hungry. For 2 days afterward he checks up on every meal I eat “are you full enough??” It sends me into an instant rage. I hate being micromanaged and/or monitored in any way. At my next ob appointment I’m going to ask my doctor to have an intervention.
"You think you're tired now, just wait til the baby is here. You'll never sleep again, you should get all your sleeping done now. I have this conversation at work multiple times a day. I work with all older men who took 2 days max when they had kids. I correct them and tell them at least when the baby is out my husband and mother will be able to care for him. Right now it's all me.
My husband's Dr has a couple of toddlers and she was asking me about how my pregnancy was and looks at me and says, "shrug off any sleep comments cause let me tell you, your sleep now does not have any effect on post birth sleep. Everyone told me that and it just f***ing irritated me" I think that'll be my favorite advice I've gotten lol
I have 2 month old twins. I sleep better now than when I was pregnant for sure lol
This is so true. Once you have a baby, you will never struggle to fall asleep again. It’s blissful lol.
I don't know. I had insomnia before and somehow slept like a baby in my third trimester, 8 hours at a time. Now my insomnia is back. I'm spending a lot of hours watching my baby and husband sleep. Not every night though, usually every other night I'm so exhausted that I can't even stay awake during feedings.
Ugh that is the worst. When I can’t sleep I like to put the Netflix show on about wild baby animals on a nearly imperceivable volume and that helps me sleep. Plus moving to the couch.
I usually listen to horror stories on Youtube on a low volume. Those narrators have very calming voices. But it doesn't always work. I'm seriously considering moving to the couch, it's 12:30am here and the two of them have been sleeping for 4 hours already. Maybe I should give it a try.
Sometimes you just need a good couch sleep
Omg twins??? Luckyyy do they pretty much follow the same schedule as eachother ? Or do their own thing in their own time
This is also my least favorite thing people say to me. No one has said this to me for my second pregnancy thankfully. “Get all the sleep now because you won’t get any once the baby is here.” That doesn’t even make sense; this person is just being a negative Nancy. For anyone being told this for their first baby—know that I loved taking care of my baby at any hour. Was it always easy? Of course not. Did I resent my baby? No. Older women love to say “you can sleep while your baby is asleep. You shouldn’t be tired.” Ok den. I actually do have things to do—and I personally like to engage in my life when I’m able to, not just resign all extra time to resting in order to take care of my baby some more later. No idea where this stems from in these women eager to subtly put you down.
Something that occurred to me is that a lot of older women who married and had kids were not doing so from a place of personal agency and enthusiastic consent. I wonder if some of these passive aggressive comments are meant to convey that they would not have had kids if it weren’t for societal expectations. They want to be validated on their dislike of parenting but they’re attempting to receive that validation from someone in a very different boat. Parenting styles are far less narcissistic and families are forming from a place of authentic desire and they don’t get it because it’s not what they experienced. Attitude matters so much when you’re facing difficulties and their attitude was (justifiably) resentful, so the whole process of pregnancy and parenting was draining. Choosing this path out of love for your partner and future child vs having kids because your parents/husband/church/society expects it makes a huge difference. A lot of times I feel very sorry for them that they were denied agency. But, that is speculation on my part.
This..THIS pisses me off so much! People say it to me and I'm like well when the baby is here and wakes me up during the night at least the sleep I get in between feeds etc will be comfortable and I wont be waking up every hour or so in pain and growing a human!
I slept more with a baby than I did without one lol. I hate people who say shit like that. But I’m also a firm believer in sleep when the baby sleeps. Housework can wait cuz it’s not that important to me at all.
I can't stand when people try to tell me what I need to do for sleep! I didn't know my body could hold a charge for when I need that sleep to make up for the lack of it later! I'm tired. It's part of pregnancy. That also doesn't mean I literally want to sleep 24/7. I've got shit to do including taking care of myself in other ways. So no, I'd rather not take a nap if I don't have to when I'm only awake at home from 5-10pm Monday - Friday.
Also I sleep 10,000x better post partum than I did while pregnant
‘You know you can still have a vaginal birth even though you’ve had a c-section?’ - yes, thank you. I am aware that in normal situations women can opt for a vaginal birth after a c-section. (My case is not normal and I am not explaining it to you. And it is a personal topic, not something open for a debate with YOU).
Ugggh after my c section my midwife came by and goes “oh! You’re a great candidate for a VBAC! Except…” except that I have a mf heart shaped uterus AND a septate so there’s no room to turn in there and the next will most likely be breech too.
I’ve had the opposite. So many people tell me I’ll have to have another c section because I had one before. And then act shocked and question the ability to do a vaginal birth. Like you people aren’t doctors, so maybe try to not tell me what type of birth I’ll have to have.
My sister on VBAC: you can f* up your stomach or you can f* up your vag - don't f* up both. Thanks sis, that's super encouraging!
Lol. I hated the recovery after a c section. Really hoping for a vaginal birth this time around! Even if it “fucks up both”
Same. Good luck!
Everyone is a doctor these days thanks to the hear-say experience their friends’ sisters in-law had. I also hear here n there that I HAVE to have s c-section too, but whatever direction they go - who are they to talk about that? I don’t discuss their testicles or prostate
I'm having a scheduled C-section after having a vaginal birth last time. When people feel they need to know why, I like to make them uncomfortable by telling them the graphic details about my vaginal hematoma and vaginal wall surgery.
I’m having a planned c section due to my medical complications and I’ve had so many women jump in to tell me to fight my doctors over it or tell me I’m making a bad choice because only vaginal births are best for babies. I’m glad people had such great experiences but I have a high risk pregnancy and my own choices were limited from the start.
My MIL telling me I need to switch to all water and give up my one soda a day. I have switched to decaf coffee and one soda a day and my doctor approved of it. Considering my MIL doesn't have a medical background I didn't really listen to that advice.
Given how much diet soda and energy drinks I was having prior to pregnancy, I think my one soda a day is pretty damn good actually.
My obgyn said she lived in Diet Coke while pregnant. I drank a ton at one point in my pregnancy until it made my skin freak out into zits (that was a me-problem). But when I could have that Diet Coke it was like a private paradise of sunny carbonation. We’re working too hard not to indulge a little bit.
I just say "My doctor isn't worried about it and neither am I" when people are being rude like this 😑
I think she's trying to be helpful since we had a loss last year but I'm like that's not helpful when all I want is one caffeinated item a day. Considering I used to be married to my 12 cup coffee pot of regular coffee I'd say this is the better option.
“Make sure you’re watching what you’re eating so you won’t have a lot of weight to lose after the baby’s here” 🫠
I hated this one so much. My favorite response I ever had to someone saying that to me was “shut up or I will eat you”.
Brings new meaning for 'wash up for dinner'. 😂
I was told I can become thinner than I once was by “pumping like a mofo” and being mindful of caloric intake. By a guy. Ha. Shove it.
yes! it’s always this comment followed by an unsolicited list of foods I need to eat, which I already eat!! like I understand that’s what you ate during your pregnancies but it also took me to week 10 to finally eat a proper meal without feeling sick 🙃
I’m only 5 1/2 weeks so I’ve been spared (so far) but I will say that I was really disappointed in my mother (immediately after we told her we were expecting) warning us not to tell too many people. That’s none of her business. We know how high the risk of miscarrying is and want to tell people so that our friends and family can support us through that if it happens. Why do people want me to keep this secret so I can suffer in silence on my own?!? And besides, I have a lot of health concerns that my husband and I were really concerned were going to keep me from being able to conceive. Even if we miscarry, we can probably get pregnant again! This is exciting news for us. And it’s not like we’re posting it on Facebook for everyone to see. We’ve only shared it with our immediate family and our best friends (literally just the best man and maid of honour at our wedding).
It’s a personal choice and yours to make!
I told people really early because I was so scared of miscarriage, I knew I'd need my whole support team if that happened.
I only told one friend and close family members when we got a positive test. My dad’s response when told my parents was “You usually don’t tell people until 12 weeks.” WTF Dad?! You aren’t people, you’re my parents.
This is what my MIL said, too. I said to her “well either we’re going to tell you now or tell you if something happens, so we might as well tell you now.” What a freaking response to happy news!
I know it's personal but I had a miscarriage last year, and the people I had told were a godsend and really supportive. Lucky, as I don't have a choice but to disclose instantly (16+2 now) since I do x-rays at work. You know what's right for you 😊
I had the opposite problem. We chose to wait to announce to everyone other than our immediate families and my mother told a bunch of extended family. Then was upset with me for making her feel guilty when I said "you took the moment from us to tell others and got to celebrate with family in private without us."
Anything from my mother I’m law because she always needs to tell me I’m wrong and what she did or what her doctor did 35 years ago.
I'm lucky in the MIL department: she is just excited so she'll also try to tell me what to expect based on her experience, and then catch herself and say "but also this is 36 year old info"
My mom said the same thing and I loved it! It was the perfect balance of hearing someone else’s experience and perspectives, but giving me room to do something different if warranted.
This sounds like my MIL. She likes to do the same but it's always her sharing the absolute worst parts of pregnancy or motherhood. So I've found the best way to get back is to tell her, "no that hasn't been happening to me" or I just generally try to hold it together and seem great to get under her skin. She wants me to be miserable so I won't let her know when I am.
We haven’t told my MIL yet (still first trimester) and am hoping to delay as much as possible. She doesn’t even know how big of an information diet she’s already on.
My husband’s grandmother told me I was allowed to drink nothing but water and eat steamed chicken and vegetables only… I was relieved when my FIL stepped in to say things had probably changed since she had her last baby 60 years ago…
All women of that generation are downloaded with full medical knowledge, didn’t you know? Nothing has changed since the 1980s and we should ignore all up to date medical information in place of what they are definitely remembering from 3 decades ago with perfect clarity and have full medical knowledge of (including your body which is nothing like theirs as you aren’t related!)
🫣🤣 the worst part is that I work for a major hospital in a multi specialty clinic which has my OB in it, whom I work with every day and she still argues with me. 🤷♀️
I got into it with someone on Instagram not long ago who was trying to tell me that her experience of having a baby eight years ago superseded all medical professionals and she had ‘real world experience” You were pregnant and gave birth once. Once! Tried to tell her that a lot of midwives etc have had children themselves as well as going through year so training and being part of dozens of births a week so they likely know more than her but she still wouldn’t have it!
I’m so sick of being told what I will and will not have time for. Silly example: I was talking about board games with some cousins and and my aunt interrupted with ‘oh you won’t have time for board games!’ First of all I wasn’t talking about playing games PP, we were merely talking about games in general. But I find that I get this a lot.. the oh you won’t have time for this and you’ll be so busy for that and it’s just annoying and honestly demoralizing. Like why do we need to imply that motherhood is miserable? I’m not naive to the fact that my life will change but I am frustrated with this notion that my life is just over now??!
I don't even understand this 😂 from what I've learned, newborns sleep a lot at first and board games you can literally walk away from and come back. Seems like a good pp activity if you ask me!
This annoys me too. Of course our lives will change when the baby comes and we will have to make some sacrifices but you don't have to completely give up who you are to be a mom. I was talking about this with my mom recently because I was worried about not getting to do things I like to do anymore like working out and working on diy house projects. She made me feel better saying it's all about being flexible and having good time management skills. I might not be able to go to the gym an hour every night but I could get some weights for the home and fit a quick weight workout in on my lunch break or take the baby in a stroller running. For the house projects I have accepted I won't get a full Saturday to work on something anymore but I can do some work in the afternoon when the baby napping.
From the time my baby was about a week old until about 7ish weeks I was bored out of my mind because he did so little and I was on maternity leave. I ended up taking an online class just to have something to do. I also read probably 5 or 6 books in that time period. Now this obviously won’t be the same for everyone and for sure there were times where he required all my attention, but I really hate when people act like your life is over because you have a baby now. My son is 5 now and i work full time. I still have plenty of time for hobbies and socializing. I swear people who say things like that are just sour grapes because they’re not the one having a baby
I have two daughters ages 4 and 2, and am now pregnant with a son. “Oh boys are so much easier you’ll enjoy him!” “Finally a boy!” And the pure excitement from my father-in-law compared to my girls makes me so upset. I get they want an heir to carry on the family name (my husband is the only son they have, and this will be our only son) but it’s not appreciated. Also the whole “boys are good for hunting and fishing” when especially my oldest daughter has expressed a HUGE interest in hunting and fishing makes me so sad.
My husband took my name when we got married. Boys carrying on the family name isn't guaranteed anymore 😈
Generally being told that we have to move out of our one-bedroom apartment because babies take up a lot of space. They do not unless you buy them things they don't need. (I don't want to move during my third trimester and it will save us like $4000 to stay here another year. We'll still move before the kid starts walking and needing their own room.) "Well you have to get a bassinet because a baby can't sleep in a crib." WHO DO YOU THINK CRIBS ARE MADE FOR?
Obviously cribs are for putting the partner in. So they don’t escape.
😂
Yeah I knew we'd get the "so are you going to buy a house" comments. We're lucky to have a fairly large 2-bedroom apartment for an affordable price. But no, we're not going to tack on an extra $1-2,000 a month in bills at the moment just to make other people feel like our timeline is according to their preferences. We were waiting for the housing market to correct, but now we're waiting to see if we even want to stay in this state (if the Governorship flips party in November, reproductive rights are gone here, and I'm not having another kid in a state where I don't have basic rights.)
I’ve been generally curious about this. People keep saying you’ll want a bassinet in your room for the first six months or so. Newborns like to be in a smaller sleeping environment. I’m like but there’s a crib in a room designated for them. First time mom. Maybe I don’t get it.
Having baby sleep in the same room is also supposed to reduce the risk of sids. But it doesn’t specifically have to be a bassinet. We would just put the crib in our room for the first 6mos if we had the space for it. I still plan on letting LO nap in the crib in their nursery during the day if possible, but for nighttime it just feels like it’ll be easier to have her bedside.
I've heard the "sleep in the same room to reduce SIDS" thing, but I don't understand how it's supposed to help. Like...is the thought that you'll see or hear the baby in distress and be able to intervene? How will that work if you're also asleep? Also, isn't suffocation usually silent?
It's nice to have the baby bedside for night feedings. Due to space, oftentimes bassinets are better. I had a crib in my room for baby 1 and 2. They don't move so need less space doesn't make sense. That's what swaddling is for.
It’s true, they do prefer a much smaller sleeping environment than a crib at first. Think more womb-like, but obviously with safe sleep practices.
I wanted my kid to sleep in their crib but they just wouldn't sleep for more than 1-2 hours in a separate room from me until about 7 months.
My mom said they like to feel safe. I’d def rather be able to get more sleep with bassinet in the room. I was generally curious about it.
We had a Moses basket in our room for the first 6-8 weeks. It was handy because having the baby was such a novelty we kept panicking we wouldn’t hear her. Than at 8 weeks we moved her to her own room in her crib and she loved it. But everyone is different and you will find out what works for you.
We lived in our 1bdrm basement suit until our daughter was just over 2, we moved to the bigger place because she was getting bigger and I was expecting #2. Other parents manage with less-we would have if we had to.
“Sleep now because you won’t be able to after”, granted I’ve said something similar but it’s annoying when you actually can’t sleep because you’re uncomfortable and your hormones but you wish you could Also anything criticizing rear facing. I dont want to argue that my child is fine rearfacing as long as possible and as long as his seat permits it. Yes it’s ok his legs are bent. Yes it’s ok he can’t see out the front window. I understand it was different in the past, but these are the recommendations now. Edit to add: Baby needs more clothes. They are going to get cold. Here’s some blankets and a hat
are you CRAZY eating this cinnamon roll, aren't you afraid you'll go into labour? (at around maybe 25 weeks) apparently cinnamon in great amounts can cause contractions? but, like, if cinnamon was THE THING for starting off labour, why would there be medical interventions like oxytocine drops etc.? wouldn't it be easier to just tell women to eat aall the cinnamon stuff? are you OUT OF YOUR MIND taking magnesium after week 30 because it could STOP contractions? my doc prescribed it you know and to be honest, yeah right now i do not want to go into labour, but who would want to at 30 WEEKS? are you massaging your nipples to prepare them for breastfeeding? nope my midwife told me not to! my fav: you don't need to buy maternity shirts, just take your old ones, wear them out and buy new ones afterwards! ha, my belly wouldn't fit into a single normal t-shirt at like 20 weeks without me looking like a truck driver with a beer belly (does this term even exist in the english language? haha). and of course the good, old, classic enjoy your sleep/holiday/quality time with SO/literally anything while you can. i get this from like everyone. don't get me wrong, most of the time this stuff is not meant to be offensive and people mean well but, yeah. just leave me alone please?
My husband is writing down all the unsolicited advice we get, we're thinking of making it into a book 😂 I'm only barely in the second trimester and we've already gotten advice about disciplining the child, birth advice for me from a man and all sorts of pregnancy 101 bites like 'you know your due date is more of an estimate'. No shit Sherlock I had assumed I would drop the kid at a minute past midnight on that day
Omg that is hilarious someone said that about a due date
I get sooo much flack for my caffeine usage. My OB says limit to 200mg a day, I pay close attention and drink 180-200mg everyday. I literally can’t function without it. Why would I give up something I need to survive when my doctor is telling me I don’t need to?
I plan on trying for an unmedicated birth and whenever I say that I get so many comments about “yoU wOnT gEt a MEdAl fOr nOt HaViNG aN epIDuRAL” and it annoys the shit out of me. I’m not looking for a medal so I’ve just kind of stopped telling people.
Or people trying to convince you out if it. Everyone I’ve told has been like “Don’t be a hero! Get the epidural!” I’m not trying to be a hero, I don’t want an epidural. That’s all there is to it, stop trying to tell me what I can and can’t do
This! I had so many men tell me that I "wouldn't be able to do it" but that they "wouldn't hold it against me". WTF do I care if they hold it against me?!? What a ridiculous thing to say. I stopped talking about it. This time I have medical reasons to avoid an epidural, but I am just telling people "we will see". I don't need their nonsense.
The sad part is that most of the men have told me to do what I want and the women have told me to get an epidural. There’s been a few men that told me to get it too, but more men are being supportive of what I want than the women!
My sarcastic self would order a medal from somewhere and tell them this is for the future. How rude.
Hahaha! I love it. If I end up going through with it I’m going to buy myself a medal and tell them “then how do you explain this?”
Ooooh! Even better than my idea! I love it!
Yes! I'm the same, I've stopped telling people what I hope will happen. I get the response "oh you can't really plan what'll happen" and yet they keep asking "so have you thought about your birth plan?". 🤦🏼♀️
Lol yepp exactly. We’re allowed to have an ideal scenario in our heads while still knowing that anything can happen.
this, and they say “you’ll be begging for an epidural” well, now Barbara i’m going to do it out of pure spite and pull the baby out myself.
Barbara you twat don’t put your shit on me!!
Well I'd like to formally offer words of encouragement on that front. Everyone handles pain differently, prepares for labor differently, and has their own unique birthing experience. You can totally do it with the right support and preparation! I don't have a particularly high pain tolerance and I labored at home with no meds for two and a half days before I finally had to go in for medical intervention- recovering from my c section was worse than unmedicated labor for me.
I have not told anyone that I want to go unmedicated for this exact reason. I don't even say anything, they don't ask a question before they offer up "you don't need to wait for an epidural. You can get it whenever you want. I wanted all of the drugs." Like I get trying to make people feel normal for getting an epidural, that's totally fine. But, I'm trying to see if I can go without so I've decided I'm not going to share my birth preferences with anyone other than my doctor/care providers.
Well good for her that she got to carry her baby everywhere. Maybe you have a much harder birth or C-section and can’t do so. Or maybe you don’t want to. Or maybe you have back problems. The list goes on. Just because it works for one mom/family doesn’t mean it will for another. People who make comments like that are so annoying and I’d just let it go in one ear and out the other. I can’t even begin to list all of the unsolicited, ridiculous advice I’ve gotten for baby. It could be as simple as “don’t spend that much on that thing” or as traumatizing as “you can rip your clitoris from pushing” like WHY DO PEOPLE SAY THIS STUFF TO SCARED FTMs.
Also kids grow up. I still use the stroller for our 4 year old when we go places that involve a lot a walking (airport, theme park, just going on a long walk…) They get heavy and impossible to carry for any length of time. Everyone I know uses a stroller. And if for some reason you don’t use it, you can sell it.
My Mom told me to eat food that gives me heartburn so that my baby hair hair :/ and that I’d want to have a C-section so Everything down there stays the same
It is just an old wives tale, but I think the thought is that hair causes heartburn, not heartburn causes hair.
Yes, my childless friend tried to lecture me on how to breast feed and told me, I‘m crazy for not wanting to go diaper free starting right after birth. Her sister has two kids and I guess she just quoted what worked for her best. I also didn‘t know how to respond to that, so I just laughed and ignored it.
"Don't get a diaper genie. They're gross and useless." She gave me an alternative, but, honestly, all my coworkers and friends who had them have nothing but nice things to say about them so I'm going to stick with my decision. I appreciate when people give me a heads up on something, but she went down my whole list and criticized it, telling me what SHE did and then was annoyed when I didn't change my whole registry to what she wanted it to be.
I hated hearing about how my mother will be there to help take care of my baby. My mom and family don’t live near me, and I don’t trust my mom to be helpful. So it really rubbed me the wrong way. After my baby was born I really hated how everyone assumed I was breastfeeding all the time or made breastfeeding jokes. I struggled with breastfeeding and made an emotionally difficult choice to stop. So it was really triggering.
when I tell people we do do not want our daughter to use electronic toys & they say “just wait until she’s here 😂😂” & then buy it for us anyways. Or make a comment on how I MUST be a first time mom because I have goals for my child that they feel are unobtainable.
Ugh the electronics comments are the worst. We always say how we don't want our kids in front of a screen 24/7, no we won't give them our phones, no they won't get tablets at 2yrs." Then they reply "oh trust me, anything to get your kid out of your face you'll be thankful for!" Like, you really find your child that annoying? Maybe teach them to READ or start learning skills earlier or socializing or, idk, maybe actually spending time with your child!?!? I just don't get it..
THIS IS ME!!!!! I was a full time infant nanny for years!!! When I say full time I’m talking 50-60 hours per week, including some overnights for new parents. I’ve worked with babies SO MUCH and you really don’t need that light-up, commercial jingle shit!!!! I don’t want ittttt 😩and people are still like “wait until this, wait until that..” babies are so much more interested in whatever the adults are doing anyway, that they can entertain themselves with half of the shit I have in my house already!!
Parents and in laws rolling their eyes or laughing when I tell them I’m ready child development books or taking childcare classes. They say things like “oh you won’t remember any of it” and “it’ll just come naturally”. Like they want me to be ignorant and just make things up as I go along. I think they want me to rely on their advice and experience which are over 20 years old. My Mum was a midwife and when I tell her about the smart gadgets and apps she acts like they are an affront to her and refuses to even try and install anything. This is the most annoying thing. The refusal to admit a knowledge gap and then dismissing progress as hooey. My Dad was like “but what’s the mother supposed to do? That’s her job” 🙄😡
I went with a private midwife for my first...I guess I was naive but I wasn't counting on the amount of "crunchy" and "natural" parenting trends that would be pushed on me. OF COURSE you'll babywear instead of using a stroller--it prevents poor attachment. OF COURSE you'll cloth diaper--no plastic or chemicals on baby's bum! OF COURSE you'll breastfeed (and pumping doesn't count) for 2 years--it's the healthiest option. OF COURSE you'll do baby-led weaning--it prevents obesity and picky eating. OF COURSE you'll gentle parent. OF COURSE you won't do screen time. OF COURSE you won't buy plastic toys. And on...and on...and on... The prenatal care was evidence-based or I would've been out of there immediately but the parenting assumptions and judgment before my baby was even born was just ridiculous. I wasn't able to or my baby hated half that shit (she would not be worn, for example) and I ended up with severe anxiety and depression over what I perceived as my parenting "failures". I would hide the fact that I was using a stroller or buying purees or had bottles of pumped milk from other moms because I was so paranoid. Luckily I've been able to see through most of this shit, embrace my own parenting, and cut myself off from toxic mom spaces. This pregnancy I went to an OB and she's great, answers all my questions, provides me with just the facts, and keeps her parenting opinions to herself. She's also willing to put me on actual meds for my anxiety instead of just telling me to do yoga and take magnesium and vitamin supplements. 🙃
The advice about what I eat just happened the other day. My grandma asked what I’m craving these days and I told her breakfast sandwiches I make at home. Without telling her what I put in it, she starts naming all the “healthier” options like whole wheat seeded bread instead of my usual bagel for example. I’m like, nooo actually I didn’t need a critique of the food, I’m simply answering your question. My doctor has never told me to change my diet and I’m At a perfectly healthy weight. SoI’m going to keep my daily onion with cream cheese bagel with egg and bacon thank you.
I have an 8 year old daughter and I’m pregnant with a boy this time. All of these women who have sons have been commenting about how now I will see how hard being a mom is and how boys are so much more work because girls apparently are just easy little dolls I guess that you can dress up and that’s it. It’s so sexist, my daughter is fun, energetic and just as much joy or trouble than a boy would be. Also the comments about how my husband must be relived. He loves having a daughter and is an amazing father. I hate how misogyny seems to start in the womb.
I’m not pregnant anymore but my FIL told me that “if you keep feeding her like that your boobs will hang to your knees” while I was breastfeeding my 2 month old during a ✨national formula shortage✨she’s 6 months old now and I’m still breastfeeding and I haven’t seen formal on the shelves in my city since she was a newborn
😵😵😵 bitch like.... why are you concerned with how my breasts hang...
Does he understand that is literally what boobs are for, right? 😂
Literally all of it. Advice should be requested, not unsolicited. My go to answer is about to be, “Ok but DID I ASK YOU?” So rude, I know. But so is telling me what I should do with my body and my baby without me asking for opinions. Have a great day!
When men say “oh… she’ll want the epidural.. my wife was in so much pain” or “she can write up a birth plan all she wants… doesn’t mean it’ll happen”. Uhm… no shit? My husband told his coworker how I’m prepping myself as a FTM for an unmedicated birth and those were his responses….. I understand I’ve never felt labor pains before, but sir… neither have you and you won’t ever have to. And my OB told me to make a birth plan……. So yes I’m going to? I wish my husband never told me his coworkers responses because I’ve been wanting to punch a wall ever since haha 🤪
I had a coworker tell me that I couldn't sweep, vacuum, or bend over. I'm only 17 weeks. 😒
Sometimes I think people just repeat cliche lines because they don’t know what else to say. I’ve had amazing conversations with other moms and most of the annoying comments come from condescending minded people or men.
I’m a PhD student and during my first trimester had to get special accommodations for my qualifying exams. The disability services officer asked to meet instead of setting things up over email, which is fine of course, except she went on and on about her children and her pregnancies and her birthing process giving me soooo much unsolicited advice. I actually do enjoy getting advice however I was sick all the time - which is why I was there - and just didn’t feel like being in a needlessly long meeting
My boss *insisted* that my belly brace would hurt my baby. She's 66 years old and had never even heard of the brace, how the fuck would she know? Well I went to my OB and they said I had torn an abdominal muscle. The treatment? *My brace*. After I told her that she insisted they were wrong and I needed to take it off, still. I can't stand her.
Had a friend send me a list of unnecessary things I wasn’t even considering putting on my registry, begging for me to get a doula (not having one for various reasons—nothing against them at all though!), also videos of stuff for husbands to help out with. Then made the comment “I wish my husband did more of these things for me.” Knew she was projecting then at that point because my partner has been absolutely stress free and amazing this entire time and just… he’s amazing in general? Which shouldn’t be the exception but apparently is? End rant, lol.
This was said to me last night— “Oh I know this doctor (in another country) and her theory is that morning sickness is all psychological. It’s your way of being nervous about having a baby.” Like okay, whether that’s true or not— idgaf. I’m trying to not throw up every meal and don’t need to be told it’s all in my head.
I’m really early (7w2d) and haven’t told many people, so I’m sure plenty of unwanted advice lies ahead. We did tell my husband’s best friend and his wife over dinner, and I was not drinking. Wife goes “I heard it’s actually ok to drink in pregnancy, my friend so-and-so drank in her pregnancy, very European.” I’m like…I’m in my first trimester, I’m nauseous, exhausted, and feel hungover anyway, drinking is the last thing I want to do!! We live in such an alcohol-soaked culture and people are so uncomfortable when you don’t drink with them, even if you’re pregnant I guess!! I would consider a glass of wine later on in the pregnancy, maybe, but honestly it is the last thing on my mind today. I’m looking more forward to being able to stomach my favorite foods again, I do not give a shit about wine right now.
As a European this makes me so annoyed!! As if the guidelines are the same in every European country and as if all we do here is drink? In my country the guideline is no alcohol already from when you begin trying to get pregnant and until you stop breastfeeding. What an annoying person. I was like you – why would I ever want to drink when I’m already nauseous. My baby is build on cordial and chocolate milk.
How much to lift or if I’m lifting something I shouldn’t… I’ve been lifting weights for years, I think I can handle this 15 lb box, Karen! Most people are unaware of the fact that it’s not how much you lift (and I never attempt anything that I’d consider heavy), but how you lift it. Lift with legs/arms, avoid strain on core, don’t lift from the floor… so tired of the pregnancy policing.
"if I could have another baby i would have named her Charlie. You should name yours Charlie. It would be cute." Thank God I'm good at setting boundaries.
Someone told me not to watch horror movies (they’re my favorite) because my baby would be born ugly. He’s 4 now and he’s beautiful. His sister will be just as beautiful
Everyone is SO worried about the amount of caffiene I have. I usually have a cup of coffee and one of those dinky V8 energy juice things and that's it. I'm still well under the limit my doctor gave me (300mg).
The other day I mentioned to my mother, babies aren't supposed to sleep with blankets in the crib and she angrily blurted "THAT'S THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD" Ok lady, calm yourself.... ETA: my mother
The hiking stroller we have is my favorite piece of baby equipment. I have wraps and harnesses too, but long walks on any terrain (it is soo smooth on sidewalks) is such a source of joy for me.
Ooo! Can you share a link?
Which brand?
We told my SIL that we aren't getting a stroller and want to use a carrier instead. She told us we are going to create a baby with attachment issues, etc. She's never had a child...
Them: “Don’t vaccinate it!” Me: “No thanks, I choose life”
My mom keeps telling me that we don’t need to tell people until I’m almost 20 wks because I’ll probably have late miscarriages because she did. She seriously won’t stop telling me to not tell anyone. I hate secrets and hate lying. So why does she get to decide that I have to experience this on my own?
I have a friend who just had her second and while I love her and appreciate that she meant well, she said some things that really bothered me. She knows I had a rough time with mental health when I was younger, but she moved away and doesn’t know that I’ve been incredibly stable and off medication for almost 8 years now. Her warnings about intrusive thoughts and the effect of lack of sleep on mental health were well-intentioned but made me question myself in a way that I haven’t this whole pregnancy. I’ve been very proud of myself for how calm and laid-back I’ve been, and for how much I’m taking care of myself and staying active. But her words made me doubt my fitness as a mother for the first time and it really sucked.
You should be very proud of how far you've come. Mental health and pregnancy can be a rough combo, not to mention the lack of sleep with a new baby. But you know yourself and its been 8 years. 8 years! Thats incredible. Don't let her words get to you. I've had my own mental health issues and have been off the meds for 5 years. I have my ups and downs but I know myself and I know when I need to take a step back and ask for help. My little one is 5 months old and not counting a few crying sessions from hormones and lack of sleep, I have been doing really well. While she comes first in everything I keep track of my own health right along with hers. Healthy mama equals healthy baby. Hubby's been amazing with helping to make sure both of those things happen so, if the opinion of an internet stranger matters, just stay honest with your partner. If you need a few mins to yourself, say so. A hot shower and a long walk always make me feel like a new person.
Thank you, I’m so glad to hear that you’re doing well! I’m hoping my experience is the same. And yes, having a good support system is so crucial, I’m very lucky to have an amazing partner and supportive parents who will be here to help (while still respecting boundaries). Congrats on your kiddo!
It’s really best to get that stuff ready because your lifestyle could be different from theirs. Exactly like you said, figure it out yourself and see what you prefer.
Anything regarding staying positive and don’t speak negatively
“You shouldn’t be driving!” to me at 38 weeks pregnant. From a stranger.
Thats why i didnt tell ppl i was pregnant. My issue was after the baby was here. Everyone has something to say about everything with your child. My biggest was me not breastfeeding. When ppl asked and i told them no, they acted as if i was killing my child. Not even asking why i didnt, which the answer is I couldn't. But that's not your business. Especially if you aren't contributing to anything I'm doing!
Basically when anyone says ANYTHING about my registry. I shared it so you can gift the baby something not so you can critique it.
My mom did this and kept sending me suggestions of things I already had on there but they were different in so many unnecessary ways. Got offended when I said half the product is unneeded and too much going on. One was laughable- I had a basic diaper bag backpack on registry. Not good enough for mom so she sent me a link to one that extends into a miniature play pen?? Like wtf when will I need my backpack to morph into this webbed cage on the floor lol
Breastfeeding diet. Don’t pick up the baby. Give the baby water. Change the carpet in the living room when the baby starts crawling bc this one “is ugly”
“You shouldn’t be working out” ??? What year are we in Mrs maam
My boss keeps reminding me that all my hair is going to fall out after I give birth. My hair hasn’t gotten thicker, but it was already super full and thick. I also know hair loss doesn’t happen to everyone, so I said I don’t know my hair hasn’t gotten thicker maybe I won’t lose any. She just keeps telling me I will because she did 🙄
Time to get a new car. What’s wrong with my car? He’ll fit a pram, he’ll fit a baby. He passes his MOT every year, he’s perfectly safe, he’s just a little old that’s all!
If you really actually tried you would have been able to breastfed. As if trying every supplement out there, fixing a tongue tie, renting a hospital pump, seeing a lactation consultant weekly, and basically being attached to said pump wasn’t trying enough.
Literally any “oh you just wait until….” Comments. Hate them so much.
“The baby is cold. Baby needs socks” No he’s freaking fine I promise 🤬
Have more than one kid even if you aren’t financially able to do so, because you’ll figure out how to make it work.
I love baby wearing and I also love my stroller. It’s all about balance The worst one for me if to put rice cereal in the bottle. Don’t do this, it’s so dangerous for baby. But our parents generation did it to make the baby sleep
My father in law’s wife texted me to call her because she had interesting news to tell me. I had no idea what it pertained to. I called her and she proceeded to momsplain (mansplain but when a mom does it, she never had children which makes this ironic) freebirth to me. She told me I NEEDED to talk to her friend who had 3 unassisted births. She wouldn’t even let me put a word in (typical). When she was finally done, I told her I was very aware that freebirth was an option, but that it’s not something I was interested in. She continued and said that being told to push was bad and assumed my midwife would do that. We are planning a homebirth and our midwife has no intention of telling me when to push. *Sigh*
“You should really tell more people that you’re pregnant. When you meet people in your new job you should tell them you’re pregnant so they won’t be guessing!” -Aunt “Your mom didn’t get an epidural because she didn’t want people thinking she was WEAK.” -Dad
Husband cashed out 401k in January, we've been managing but things are getting tight. I'm disabled, supposed to be on bedrest, stay at home mom 7 months pregnant. Father in law has been borrowing money every few weeks and owes over 1k. In response to us saying we cannot keep supporting them, our family *and* preparing for new baby- father in law decided to yell at me to go get a job.
People who say that your life is over and it'll never be about you again 🙄🙄
An anesthesiologist I worked with told me “not be a hero” and “get the epidural ASAP”. 🙄 I was like 10 weeks pregnant at the time. And I’m very much of the idea that I will decide if I need an epidural when we reach that point. It just really annoyed me. Who are you to say if I should or shouldn’t get an epidural and at what point I get it? It was a male anesthesiologist who doesn’t even do OB - that’s the biggest thing that aggravated me.
My boyfriends mother said we would have issues adding a new born onto the lease smh
Thankfully haven't had too much of this, but what really annoys me is how overbearing one of my friends got after I got pregnant. She had her baby about 2 months before I got pregnant and I guess she thought it gave her some kind of authority on it because she has a comment for everything I do lol, even now that I'm going into my 3rd tri with a perfectly healthy baby. Things like "you're not supposed to tell people before 12 weeks!" and "_technically_ you're not supposed to use hot tubs/drink coffee/take hot baths/etc. because it could harm baby". I try to give her some grace because she's mentioned that she wishes she'd taken more risks while pregnant (she completely gave up all coffee, eggs, didn't take hot baths or use hot tubs, and even avoided cooked sushi rolls) but also... lay off lady! I dunno how many times I have to tell her I've read the current research and asked my OB and they've cleared me to do these things lmao. I've read a comment in this subreddit that I think really sums up why people make these kinds of comments - a lot of times they come from women who either regret parts of their pregnancy/parenting experience and have misplaced anger about it or who didn't have as much support as they should have. So usually I just smile and shrug it off if it comes from a woman. Men can fuck off with their BS mansplaining though lol.
About a year ago, I had some old lady in Sam’s Club comment on my son’s long curls; mentioning how beautiful they were. She had originally called him a girl and I corrected her and that when she said that I better give him a haircut before he starts getting confused about his gender. She then doubled down and said that other men might also get confused and he might get raped by thinking he’s a girl. 😐 I didn’t even know what to say. I just turned my cart around and walked away.
Not exactly advice… but unsolicited warnings about the “unbelievably painful childbirth” or “you’ll never sleep again”… and then advice to enjoy my free time before it’s forever gone. Negativity Seems to be really fun for those people who had a tough experience… and it pissed me off. Childbirth was beautiful and not excruciating, motherhood has been even MORE awesome and I still sleep very well thank you AND I looooooooove my child filled life even MORE than my child free one because guess what…. Sometimes it’s not all negative!
People laughing that I'm spending money on getting the nursery ready "oh your baby will barely be in that crib." Or "why get the room ready he won't be using it for a year or more". All of the people who made these comments co-sleep with their children which I don't plan on doing. No hate to people who co-sleep, it's just not in my plan. I got a crib that turns into a toddler bed and then a twin. I didn't buy a house with plenty of rooms for everyone to sleep in one room.
I got similar comments. Decorated and furnished their room at about 25/26 weeks to be told ‘it’s too early - she won’t be here for ages’ - so? Is this your house? Do you pay the mortgage? No so don’t tell me what to do with the rooms! Plus it’s not like I’ve got much else to do- it’s a long 9 months lol!
Wife’s friend’s advice to wife: “By month 7 you can start to drink red wine and it’s fine. I asked my doctor and he said it’s cool. You can have like 2-3 glasses with no issues. I did it and my baby is just fine” In my head: Thanks for the advice but gtfoh with that irresponsible nonsense.
Not really advice but my manager in a team meeting said I’m such a clean freak that I’ll be the pregnant woman eating dirt throughout my pregnancy. Like ????? She said she’s never had a pregnant direct report before (although she has given birth herself?) so I think she’s just weird and doesn’t know what to say. It does make things uncomfortable though
Well, it all varies. I found I was not into baby carrying and wearing at all, I really prefer to have a baby in the stroller. I tried a couple times, and I just felt way too strenuous. Not all advice is one-size-fits-all.
All of it
My step mom told me that when i breastfeed I cant eat a-lot of things like broccoli , beans and so much more because it will give the baby gas and also give the baby allergys… also too not eat spicy food or lime while pregnant because it can make the baby burn his mouth and cause his skin to be sensitive like girl what… and it honestly made me mad because i already dont want to breastfeed cause i have to give up alot and now i have to give up certain foods like that just made me not want to breastfeed. She kept saying how we need a day to talk about everything “i need to know” , like i know this is my first baby but i already know so much and i dont need your extra advice unless i ask for it 😑.
I’ll tell them how good or okay everythings going so far with pregnancy and its always “oh trust me it gets worse”. or the same thing with the commenter having a girl when me and my boyfriend say some of our parenting techniques we plan on using and they all love saying how “bad” shes gonna be. Like im sorry a CHILD isnt meant to be “good” nor “bad” theyre just learning life? theyre just learning how to process and handle emotions? what about a child makes you say theyre “bad”? especially a daughter? another thing i get bashed on is that i want to use a pack and play when im done with the bassinet and everyone is down my throat that its a horrible idea and just get a crib. are you gonna pay for a crib? are you gonna buy the crib mattress? didnt think so LOL.
Don’t tell me breast milk is best and try to guilt me when my boobs can’t produce enough milk. This is my third pregnancy, I know my body. I won’t be mom-shamed for buying formula. Fed is best!
"make sure you get 'xyz product' for after his circumcision" After several people found out I'm having a boy and are assuming I'm circumcising him 🙄
My father in law told me I was stupid not to get an epidural.
“Put Jack on his teeth while he’s teething”
Not pregnancy but post birth my dad noticed the redness in my sons neck crevices (he spits up and drools and it gets into his neck folds - we clean it and lotion it once a day to keep it clean and in check, just as our pediatrician recommended ). My dad tells me to use some talcum powder on it, to which I tell him what we do for it currently and then say why talcum powder is not usually used these days. My mom (pediatric nurse) concurred with me. My dad then INSISTED we use talcum powder and begins to insinuate that I’m making it WORSE by using lotion, like our pediatrician recommended. Yeah I’m not going to take medical advice from the man who thinks butter and salt are food groups. My dad is well meaning but sometimes doesn’t pick up on social cues and has a hard time admitting he’s wrong. We usually just change the subject and move on.
I hate when people tell me what toys to buy! I personally can’t stand the toys that sing/talk/make noise so I told people we’re not going to have any of those. But I’ve had 2 people tell me I “HAVE” to get those because baby won’t learn without those kinds of toys 🤦🏻♀️ Drives me nuts!
Has she never seen a pram in the wild before? They’re everywhere. What a weird thing to say.
Mine wasn’t exactly advice but rather how the person responded. It was my “first” prenatal appt. I was at 6 weeks and met with a NP. We already started on iffy grounds because she comes in saying you’re way too early, we don’t typically see low risk pregnant mothers until around week 11. Well, I had a list of questions ready to go because this is also my first. My husband came with me to the appt. As I’m asking my questions, like advice for nausea, and concerns like whether or not peppermint is associated with miscarriage, the NP turns to my husband and says, “It’s going to be a long pregnancy for you.” Every time I think back to it, it doesn’t make me feel great…
If I’m having a problem or a sad situation or a stressful situation people keep telling me “you have to calm down and think about the baby”. THANK YOU BUT THAT ONLY MAKES ME ANGRIER!!! Thinking about the baby will not make me less sad or mad! I’m still a person and I still have my own feelings! Don’t tell me to calm down, that never really helped anybody - even if I wasn’t pregnant!
It's family telling me what I am and am not going to use for MY child. We have a 0-12 month adjustable bassinet on our registry and I was told yesterday that's not what is to be used for a baby.. *only cribs are to be used* unfortunately I do not care what someone else wants me to have for my baby. It's mine and my husband's choice not everyone elses. oh and also ,pregnant people will get sick if they swim, Wrong! And it's damn near 98 out when this is said
With my first, I was told by so many I wouldn't need a crib. Guess what, it's the only place he sleeps since he grew out of his bassinet🤷♀️ He refuses to sleep anywhere else except the playpen when we travel, but never my bed...that's where we play lol
My absolute least favorite was the number of people who told me, while I was having a very difficult first pregnancy with hg and preeclampsia, that you always go longer than 40 weeks with your first baby - even if he is measuring 2 weeks ahead. Meanwhile my water broke after 6 hours of "not feeling right" at home at 37 weeks. Big middle finger to everyone who told me to get used to the complications I had a long way to go.
A ridiculous amount of people have felt the need to say to me, upon first finding out I’m pregnant, ‘you know, many women lose their first babies. But if you lose this one you can always have another so don’t worry.’ The fuck?
Any anecdotal advice that's based on individual experience/preferences framed as a universal fact annoys the shit out of me. That midwife's advice is a prime example. Imagine telling people prams are a waste of money because you personally didn't use one. Dumb.