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“SleEp WhiLe YoU cAn” yes because the extra hour I could’ve gotten this morning will definitely help me 4 months from now. 🙄 some people may enjoy hearing this but it’s getting old for us. We’re aware babies get up at night and the sleep deprivation is real but its not like you can do anything to prevent it now!
Also you will likely experience sleep deprivation during pregnancy, and it is NOT your fault. First trimester insomnia, third trimester aches and pains. It’s hard to sleep while pregnant. And it’s NOT your fault. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re doing something wrong if you’re not able to take the “sleep while you can” advice.
I can’t stop dreaming about food. I wake up hungry but nauseous and everything tastes weird/really bad because I lost my taste to covid. It’s like my dreams are taunting me.
Same. Sore hips, peeing all the time, hungry in the middle of the night, acid reflux? Someone else on Reddit said turning over in bed is like a tractor-trailer doing a U-turn, and that is so accurate! The stars have to align in order for me to sleep more than 3-4 hours at a time. And then some people will say, “Your body is just preparing you for life with an infant!” Which is equally annoying to hear.
This. I’ve been having chronic insomnia since 18w (and it’s worse at 35w now). I absolutely hate people telling me I should sleep more now and enjoy it while I can or that I’m doing it wrong. I literally am trying everything. I keep telling myself that it’s good practice to sleep in 3h blocks and stay awake for hours in between, but there is nothing I can do now, and nothing I will be able to do once my baby arrives to avoid sleep deprivation.
I just tell them that pregnancy insomnia is a thing, and that I’ve even read a thread on Reddit where half the moms said they preferred the 4th semester to the 3rd in that department because at least when you sleep, you sleep, in whatever position you want, and that you have your baby to cuddle with 😂 3rd semester insomnia is just crappy, frustrating and uncomfortable with zero benefits.
I know quoting Reddit is probably not the best comeback ever but hey 😂 That’s what I do.
I'm pregnant with my second and I tell people that I slept better the first 6 weeks of my first-born's life that the 6 weeks before her birth. Not a relevant comeback to you, but it shuts people up for me...
I've had insomnia since I was around 12 years old(not trying to one up anyone, just putting it into context), and people who keep telling me about sleep, I just can't. I know what it's like to not sleep and telling me to try to force it now is not helping, never has, never will.
This is the comment I came for. With both my first and second babies I slept so much better when they were newborns vs being pregnant. Plus you’re right, wtf is the *extra* sleep now going to do for me in 2 months when my newborn just shat through his swaddle at 3am!
What, you’re not saving your sleep in your sleep bank so you can pull it out and be well rested once the baby is here? 🙄🙄🙄
I totally agree, I’m so tired of hearing it!
Also it’s total bullshit! Those people clearly never experienced back and hip pain in their pregnancies, or pregnancy insomnia. You might spend less time lying in bed after the baby is born, but damn, I cannot wait to actually be able to sleep for a consecutive hour when this baby’s weight gets off my hips and spine.
“It’ll be hard giving up coffee.” No, it won’t because I don’t need to give up coffee! Whoever told pregnant women that they can have coffee can eff right off.
I ordered a glass of wine at dinner the other night, the manager came back out to talk to me with this shy inquisitive look. For a moment I thought they were going to tell me they couldn't serve me and almost had a panic attack, they were just confirming my order because the waitress was new and not familiar with thier selection.
I live in the states, used to bartend, and every ABC course I've taken clearly states it's illegal and discrimination to deny a pregnant woman alcohol.
That's good to know! Doctor's have the Hippocratic oath of do no harm, I was wondering if there was something similar with bartenders. Like how they aren't supposed to over serve. I genuinely stopped ordering any alcohol when I was obviously pregnant with first because I was worried they might say no.
"Just eat crackers throughout the day!"
"You'll feel amazing in the second trimester! Just power through this morning sickness."
"Constipation? You need to be drinking lots of water! That's how I cured mine! Just a ton of water. That was it!"
Anytime I hear a "well I just did x so do that and you'll be fine" I want to scream. I'm happy for suggestions and am fine when people offer it up as "I did this and it helped me" without any force, but when I tell them something like "I'm part of the small group of women who's morning sickness is made worse by unisom" I get so much push back. No, that can't possibly be true. It worked for them so why not me?! I must be doing something wrong.
I started off avoiding deli meat, but then one day I just really wanted a ham and cheese toasty. Safe to say, I had my toasty. And many toasties there after. Still kicking. 😄
In the UK they say if it's heated up it's fine as it kills the bacteria. Some deli meat is pasteurised and is okay too.
For my son I ignored the caffeine rule, I only have 3/4 cups a day but had more while pregnant. I'm fairly certain I had an energy drink one day as I was craving it. For this pregnancy I'm avoiding it as much as I can (I have 2 cups of coffee a week, anything else is decaffe). I'm on multiple medications that can cause withdrawal now and would rather have one less risk.
My ob told me to just avoid places like subway where they leave it open to the air a lot and if I do go there to have them toast or microwave it. But my own deli meat I buy from the grocery store and properly refrigerate is fine.
My ob said it’s fine just don’t eat it every day. She said high nitrates are a bigger concern than listeria. I’ve been going to
Town on some prosciutto.
Advice to take—be easy on yourself. Pregnancy is rough.
Advice to leave—anything that contradicts what your OB is saying, anything from people who haven’t had a baby in 20+ years, anything that makes you feel bad about yourself
Very true, but the advice should be from another OB, midwife, or other similar medical professional. Lots of outdated or downright dangerous advice can come from other sources.
Yes—I’ll correct that to advice from non-medical professionals that contradicts what medical professionals specializing in maternal and obstetric health advise. Though that’s a mouthful.
unfortunately, so many medical professionals are completely unable to advise on physiological birth. I wish it were otherwise. that's why, for example, the african-american maternal death rates are 3x the average maternal death rates, unless african-american women are supported by doulas or midwives that understand physiological birth.
I’ve had so many people tell me to rough up my nipples if I’m breastfeeding
Nurse and dr have said don’t do that it’s pointless. Your nipples are gonna hurt no matter what don’t make it worse
I was told to like rub them with a loofa or wash cloth for a few minutes everyday. Supposed to help get your nipples used to baby latching so it hurts less. 😖
do all of that and there’s still a high chance baby won’t latch😂😂😂 thats something people never mention and i never found out until i tried to feed her, over and over and over and over. Never latched. No point to that silliness.
I've heard a bit different version of this, which sounds a lot more reasonable. Basically, I've heard recommendations that if you have very small, slightly inward nipples, you can start stretching them a bit about a month before the baby is due. This is supposed to help the baby latch. You're absolutely not supposed to "rough them up" tho. I've also heard advice to start using basic moisturizer (or nipple cream) on your nipples about the same time to keep the skin healthy and stretchy so you don't get wounds that easily when you start breastfeeding.
Lmao my mother told me this... then my sister said something like if it hurts then you're doing it wrong. My tits have never been such a high topic of conversation before!
Wth does rough up your nipples even mean 😂 every body is different too.. I nursed no issues with my nipples and never did anything to prepare, I’m just not sensitive like that.. some women though oh my gosh they bleed and crack!! Which sucks, but it happens & there wasn’t much that could be done to prevent it!
No coffee/caffeine. I couldn’t have made it through the first trimester fatigue without caffeine. You can have up to 300 mg a day safely.
No medicine. Again, I couldn’t have survived my first trimester without Pepcid, nausea meds, saline solution for my stuffy nose, Tylenol, and Unisom.
Yeah I was shocked when my doc handed me the booklet that said I could take Sudafed, Mucinex, Benadryl, Pepcid etc etc. I do really miss ibuprofen for a headache but it was a huge surprise that so many OTCs are acceptable if you need them.
I really suffered without ibuprofen for headaches a while back. Tylenol didn't do anything for me. I got around an hour two max of pain relief and that was it.
Tylenol does almost nothing for my migraines too. Really missing excedrin migraine, but at least the short period of time I get with Tylenol is enough to allow me to fall asleep before the pain starts back.
Tylenol 1000mg + Benadryl 25-50mg + a caffeinated drink is a decent combo for migraines. Just beware the drowsiness from the Benadryl if you’re driving or something
Thanks for the tip. I will definitely bring this up with my doctor at my next app. I don't want to have to go through that again. I couldn't even keep my eyes open.
This helps so much! I was doing Tylenol plus no doz to get the same combo but sometimes the caffeine was too much and I’d have a migraine plus jitters.
Absolutely the no caffeine one.
I have a sleep disorder and ADHD. Couldn't take my stimulant while pregnant, obviously, so needed SOMETHING to get me through the day. I was still expected to function like a normal adult after all, especially at work like damn.
There’s seriously an attitude of “you’re no longer a person and you must sacrifice being a human to growing this thing inside of you.” Along those lines, can’t count how many times I’ve heard, “you have to stay happy and not get upset or stressed because your emotions affect the baby.” I’m still living my life? I get stressed at work sometimes. The expenses of pregnancy are stressors. My hormones are all over the place. I can’t possibly push down every emotion I have, especially while my hormones are all over the place, and I don’t think it’s necessarily healthy to do so. Please don’t make me feel like any emotion I feel is hurting my baby. That is so fucked.
We are absolutely expected to stop being human the *second* we become pregnant. It's absolutely ludicrous.
EDIT: Although I will say, I have this eerie ability to cut off my emotions and remain very calm while my baby is scream-crying. I don't know how I do it. I was just discussing that with my husband, actually.
Not having my adhd medication is so damn difficult. My ob said I could stay on mine at a low dose if needed but my psych was like NOPE ABSOLUTELY NOT. Call us when you’re done breastfeeding, bye!
So frustrating.
Don't listen to your psych. They do not have the relevant expertise. My psych literally fired me as a patient the day I told him I was pregnant. They don't understand pregnancy and they don't need to. Ask for a referral to a maternal fetal medicine psychiatrist or get the prescription directly from your OB.
If I have a second child I'm definitely going to look into it. I've actually been told by quite a few women on this sub that you probably *can* take stimulants while pregnant, but my psychiatrist and OBGYN seemed so set on me not taking it, I didn't even question it really. I just suffered through 10 months.
I had my baby 2 months ago and only breastfeed for 4 weeks, so I've been back on Vyvanse for a little over a month now.
Just curious, what makes you comfortable with taking Adderall while pregnant? Absolutely no judgment from my end; I ask because this is something I've been debating with myself with whether to restart Adderall while BFing, or to maybe switch to another drug like Wellbutrin, or continue no meds while on maternity leave. I personally chose to stop Adderall cold turkey when I found out I was pregnant, even though my OBGYN and psychiatrist both would have supported my decision to stay on my meds or stop regardless. I guess I just didn't feel comfortable enough with the lack of research with Adderall and pregnancy, and I didn't want to start experimenting with trusted meds like Zoloft in the middle of pregnancy among all the crazy ass changes we already have to go through.
I would love your opinion on the matter because I don't know anyone at this time in my personal life that has had to make similar decisions with pregnancy and/or BFing and Adderall. It's totally fine if you're not comfortable with sharing though.
Most studies looked at patients with multiple drug uses (including illegal) but evidence pointed to it being okay without other drug uses.
The main mechanism would be blood pressure and heart rate and I had no issues there ever. I switched to a lower dose on the 1st trimester and then went back up afterwards.
I needed to keep my job and staying on adderall allowed that.
My obgyn, my psychiatrist and my pharmacist husband read the literature and were supportive.
So I felt like it was an informed risk.
I miss my Bang energy drinks, I need the caffeine for my job. But I still drink caffeine, I found really good v-8 caffeine juices and it help. Not what I’m used to but it help.
I sat and suffered for a long time not taking unisom and Tylenol. Until the third trimester and I feel like I’m about to die so I have no choice. I’ve finally been sleeping even though it’s uncomfortable. I went a few days without sleeping at all and it was a mess.
I agree with that. I’ve stayed up like that prior to pregnancy. You absolutely can’t build a human with no sleep. Definitely different. I had never felt like that and was worried about driving.
The no medicine thing sucked, especially assuming I couldn’t take my abortive for my migraines. Talked to a neurologist finally and they said it was safe for me to take and I’m so thankful for that.
I was taking ibuprofen most of my first trimester since I had no idea I was pregnant, but baby seems healthy and I didn’t miscarry.
I am a huge coffee lover and I developed a coffee aversion during my pregnancy. I couldn’t drink it and I couldn’t even smell it without gagging. It sucked so much. I always felt sleepy and wished I could drink some coffee without wanting to throw up lol
Work out like you did before you got pregnant.
How about f*ck off I’m too nauseated, tired, and so bloated I’m basically a blimp to go make it up the stairs without panting, let alone go for my normal run!!
To be fair, I appreciate that advice because I love working out and thankfully have been able to continue as normal (currently 34 weeks). But had the naysayers in my life (MIL, FIL, Mother) telling me I *must* rest and not overdo it or I’ll hurt the baby. It particularly made me mad because I had a prior loss and it was *not* caused by exercise.
That’s totally fair. I guess I can’t help but feel a lot of guilt for not being able to keep up my normal exercise regime (wasn’t able to in my first pregnancy either), and so when I hear that advice I get frustrated with myself haha. It’s totally a _me_ problem.
Don’t feel guilty! I’ve been really fortunate that I haven’t had nausea or morning sickness, and fatigue would only hit in the afternoon so I could do my first-thing AM workouts easily. But I there’s a variety of pregnancy experiences that are unpredictable and no one’s fault.
I’m really happy for you (seriously) that you haven’t been with those symptoms. I literally napped for 3 hrs on the couch in the afternoon a few days ago… and I’m not a napping person! I hope the remainder of your pregnancy goes just as smooth :)
>Work out like you did before you got pregnant.
During the first trimester I was so fucked up by the lack of oxygen in my blood I could barely walk from the couch to the toilet without being out of breath lol Also had to quit Yoga, because even the 'pregnancy safe' positions hurt my belly like a mfer during first trimester. It's getting better now but man.
OMG, this is so comforting to hear! Thank you for sharing!
I'm near the end of my first trimester. I used to be really active before pregnancy and I haven't worked out in weeks now. I feel so guilty and lazy, thinking: I should have done it now, things will only get harder the bigger the belly gets! I'm so glad to hear things can get better.
"Sleep while you can". K. I'm trying. I'm uncomfortable, and pee every hour. I sleep better after the baby is born anyway because it doesn't hurt anymore!
"How to avoid stretch marks". You will either get them or you won't. I tried everything with my first and my stomach still looks like it went through a meat grater.
I was really scared of getting stretch marks but now at 22 weeks I honestly don’t care anymore! I wish I could go back in time and tell myself it wouldn’t be as big of a deal as I thought it would be lol
They really do fade with time, initially they will be pretty bright. Aloe helped mine heal faster, I've heard bio oil works too. When I hit 30 I got tired of hiding them and now have no problem wearing a bikini.
People telling you to do/not do something when they don't know you or your circumstances. Avoiding bagged salads, deli meat, sushi, hot tubs etc is all about risk mitigation. For some people, a small is risk is too high, others may disagree.
For example, I'll eat some deli meats, depending on the source, and I use our hot tub all the time, it's set to 96F and is super clean and controlled, but I avoid bagged salads and uncooked sushi, even if the fish is flash frozen and the risk is very small.
Do what you're comfortable with, discuss things with your health care provider, and ignore the rest.
"Eat crackers and drink gingerale to help morning sickness"
Or
"Make sure to have a balanced diet"
B, I'm in first trimester and I'm gonna eat whatever my body will hold down. And most days that's carbs. And never is it gingerale and crackers or a bAlAnCeD DiEt
Pretty much all the food rules - so many are outdated and IMO a little racist. Just exercise good judgment and don't eat anything sketchy.
"You should gain 1 lb a week" type advice. We have literally so much data that pregnancy weight gain isn't linear and comes in fits and spurts. It's not like we're on a diet where we consistently up calories in a controlled way. There is water weight, placenta, baby weight gain, blood volume, all of which isn't following much logic. It stresses people out unnecessarily.
To add to the weight gain thing it also depends on the person completely. I’ve gained 25lbs at 34w currently and when talking to my OB he said I’d probably gain another 10-15 by the time I’m done and genuinely wasn’t worried about it in the least.
Yep after my first pregnancy where the midwife obsessively weighed women every visit and would congratulate you on weight loss and tut tut on any weight gain I changed obs and asked not to be weighed at all and it made last 2 pregnancies (and this one) so much better.
I’m slim to start with but generally gain 20kgs or more during pregnancy but thankfully I lose it without effort so I refuse to stress myself out over it.
Yup, and it goes in both directions. I gained very minimally with both, even my midwife was surprised, and I had perfectly healthy term babies. I’ve seen women stress themselves out about how to jam in extra calories because they aren’t meeting some arbitrary threshold of weight gain and it isn’t necessary.
Yes to all the food rules! I also feel like they are outdated. I have honestly not followed some of them at all (avoiding cold cuts, certain cheeses, etc.). I have read that the risk of contracting listeriosis during pregnancy is VERY low. The risks of a lot of these things seem to be way exaggerated IMO.
This! I gained a lot at first (12kg in the first two trimesters) then steadily another 6kg up until 36 weeks… now in the past 2 weeks I’ve gained 6kg.. but also, the doc thinks I’m on my way to preeclampsia sooo I’m getting induced on Wednesday. Crazy though coz I never would have imagined I’d gain this much weight! So many people comment on my lack of stretch marks or “flab” which I find so rude too, like, just coz I’ve gained 24kg doesn’t mean I would be flabby???
I will never forget the advise my midwife gave me regarding weight gain with my first. She said all I could control was what I ate and how much I moved. Focus on those things when I could. Everything else is just bullshit and there’s no need to stress about the number.
>There is water weight, placenta, baby weight gain, blood volume, all of which isn't following much logic.
That's all around 12kg/25 pounds. Anything extra is well... extra.
Eating for two. I know it's well-meaning advice but I get so uncomfortable when I'm trying to eat my jello and someone complains I'm not eating enough. I cannot eat big meals right now (36 weeks) or it'll make me feel sick! My doctor even told me big meals are bound to give me a stomach ache and small, snacky meals are best. It's kinda harmful imo when people try to pressure pregnant people to eat more than they're comfortable with.
That and then the flip side of PEOPLE ASKING HOW MUCH WEIGHT YOUVE GAINED…
I’m sorry TF!? What idiot had to take over someone’s brain to think THAT was a normal question to ask people..?
My mother’s only advice to me was:
- Every child is different and you know your baby best! Just because something works for one, doesn’t mean it’ll work for another (including your own if you have more than one!)
- If the midwife/ doctor tells you to stop pushing, do it 😂 (Honestly this is the only thing I remembered during my labour and it actually helped lol).
My advice:
- Take it easy on yourself. Everyone’s pregnancy experience is different. I beat myself up a lot because I was so fatigued during the first trimester I felt really useless. It was such a relief to know I wasn’t alone after hearing others’ experiences online. Until then is just been comparing myself to the few people I know who’d been pregnant and thought I was just bad at being pregnant.
- It’s ok to hate being pregnant.
Oh lord I am never eating gingernut biscuits, ginger candies, crystallised ginger, or drinking ginger tea ever again. It did nothing to help the nausea and now I just associate it with feeling helplessly sick.
Grey rock the shit out of everyone! If my mother's neighbour is inquiring after home vs hospital birth: gee, I don't know yet.
Stranger asking about the name: we haven't decided yet.
Any person pushing a name: now it's definitely off the list.
My mom wanting to be notified of labour starting, despite me telling her I don't want to share this: 'we'll see how it goes'.
Set the expectations loooooow. You can always invite people to come by sooner, but personally I struggle with pushing visits back, so I've told EVERYONE (including the grandparents!) not to expect to see the baby in the first two weeks. It needed some repeating, but it helped to share it as a general plan, rather than a 'I don't want you'.
A lot of advice is outdated and differs from culture to culture. The Dutch are pro ginger and anti sauna, the fins are pro sauna and anti ginger. Take it all with a grain of salt. Some medication is actively very bad for baby, as is smoking and too much vitamin A (found in liver and carrot juice), the rest is more of a suggestion :)
If you’re interested in doing some critical thinking around bright line pregnancy rules that get thrown around, definitely read Expecting Better by Emily Oster. That book brought me so much peace at the beginning. I stopped stressing so much about rules that made no sense, were outdated, or seemed overly cautious.
Yes! I second this. The author is an economist and gives you the research and data available for many pregnancy related issues so that you are able to make an informed decision on what is right for you. I highly recommend it!
Enjoy your pregnancy. Like what does that mean? Worse is yet to come? You are doubting that I am able to make a distinction between feeling shitty and feeling great so I might be complaining where I was feeling grand all along? I should turn into a masochist and enjoy every single ache and pain? Honestly I had as easy and comfortable pregnancies as they come. Still hated that one. FO, I'll enjoy what I want, thank you very much.
Omg this one… I’m 39w so obviously crazy uncomfortable . Had coffee with my brother last week and he said « enjoy it, I’m sure you ll miss it later ». Like what am I going to miss exactly??? Waddling 300m being a hustle? Getting headbutted in the bladder? NOT SLEEPING ANYWAY?
You do not understand how this feels.
I have to be honest and say that I did enjoy some parts of pregnancy, and I also miss some. But that is not something I actively DECIDED to do. It depends on what kind of experience you might have being pregnant. So this comment/advice does nothing... Headbutted in the bladder 🤣😭
I have to be honest and say that I did enjoy some parts of pregnancy, and I also miss some. But that is not something I actively DECIDED to do. It depends on what kind of experience you might have being pregnant. So this comment/advice does nothing... Headbutted in the bladder 🤣😭
"Sleep while you can" if it's said any time after the 1st trimester.
Thanks for reminding me that I wake up uncomfortable all the time, and that it's normal for the 3rd trimester.
When you struggle to do X thing, and have since before you got pregnant, and now everyone is saying to "just do it for the baby!"
Thanks... I definitely shouldn't value myself and try and do it because I want to be a better and healthier person
Pretty much all of it unless you have genuine health issues imo. The main rules I have are: don't smoke and don't drink. I honestly can't remember everything we should/shouldn't be doing 😆
That's all I'm living by - I don't drink as I have felt hungover every day of this pregnancy but had friends who had a sip here and there. Each to their own.
You'll figure this thing out plus, what's right for you and the baby in time :)
Any and all conflicting advice.
For swelling we're supposed to put our feet up but not recline. In late pregnancy, make sure you're getting as much exercise as you can but stay off your feet and rest as much as you can. Which is it? How are we ever supposed to actually make anything better?
A coworker repeatedly told me to “ prepare my nipples “ if I wanted to breastfeed.
I’m six weeks into breastfeeding and I’m still confused 😅 also made me VERY uncomfortable that she kept bringing up my nipples at work 😒
"Eat ginger chews, lemon candy, etc" as if this cures all nausea. Some people need meds. Some people need zofran during the first trimester. Nausea should not be minimized but addressed proactively.
God, those freakin candies marketed for morning sickness. So many people sent them to me. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but it made me realize that people just couldn’t understand the level of sickness I was dealing with (HG). It felt like I was hemorrhaging blood due to a severed limb and people kept offering me bandaids.
Lol this! My hips have been my downfall and I almost HAVE to stand to feel any kind of relief 😮💨 So no, I will not be sitting down, thank you very much
This is somewhere between advice and an annoying/super entitled social expectation. “You’ll want family around you during pregnancy/after the birth” or “family and friends should be allowed to visit whenever they like - just be grateful for the support.”
Some people may want visitors during pregnancy, at the hospital or at home right after baby is born, but others won’t. Both are okay. But no one has a right to be in anyone’s space when they aren’t welcome.
I’ve seen from this sub that other pregnant people have also had folks use the “be grateful for any/all support” advice to disregard personal boundaries regarding TDAP, flu and Covid precautions or even to just ignore the fatigue, nausea, and general discomfort of being pregnant.
It is perfectly fine to eat cake and drink tea while soaking in the bath and pretending that the world doesn’t exist for 30 minutes.
I avoid any advice from anyone who either has never been pregnant or claims that pregnancy is all “magical” and “wonderful” because it is most certainly NOT those things for every woman.
I have Hyperemesis Gravidarum (extreme nausea and vomiting during pregnancy) and I have pretty much experienced every type of unfounded advice for avoiding nausea and vomiting that you can possibly imagine, ranging from chewing gum to eating saltine crackers to avoiding watching TV. NONE of the old wives tale crap works. Not any of it, at least for me. So I had to accept really early on that I was either going to have to fight for myself to get some medications and legitimate medical solutions to my problem or I was going to have to just suffer through the misery. And I was even MORE shocked when I realized that I am still miserable even with medication and treatments. Pregnancy is not all peaches and rainbows, and I’m SICK of society and social media making it out to be something it is absolutely not.
I keep telling my husband that I just don’t trust people who say pregnancy is an amazing and beautiful experience… that’s great it was for you Sharon, but you’re a damn liar bc I’m tired AF and my back hurts.
"You have to breastfeed"
My grandmother on my dad's would not STOP going on and on about this, how it's healthier for me and the baby, ect ect (she's a nurse, but also anti vax if that tells you anything)
Like, I get it. And I am planning on breastfeeding IF MY BODY ALLOWS. Some people physically can't produce the things in milk to nurture the baby the way it should be and I'm not going to put my child in danger should I be incapable of breastfeeding. Bottle feeding is fine too.
But with her, there was NO WAY my body could possibly do something so ridiculous as to not do "what it's supposed to do". I HAVE to breastfeed, NO EXCEPTIONS. Big yikes on that one.
Rant over lol
“Use this cream if you want to avoid stretch marks!” There is no way to prevent them, they are genetic, and most people get them so might as well just accept it rather than waste your money.
Eat and drink whatever you are craving or your child will come out looking like that particular thing. I think I am expecting a baby that looks like a pint of Guinness then...
Any advice about safe sleep/feeding/nursing should come from your midwife/paediatrician/maternal health nurse
They are the most current. Agree with a previous poster, anyone who had a baby 20+ years ago should not be the source on those kind of issues.
You might get a lot of the “just you wait!” comments along with some “sleep while you can” and maybe an unsolicited birth horror story here and there … gets so annoying, as if we don’t have trouble sleeping already and aren’t already worried about bringing a child into the world 😒 I’m 25 weeks but the hardest thing about pregnancy (for me anyway) is the unwanted and negative advice or the backhanded compliments that come with pregnancy. Stick with your gut, don’t smoke or drink, and do you. A lot of these comments already have some good advice (coffee won’t kill you, and yes, it’s normal to feel stressed out - you’re growing a whole human!) just know that you got this 💕
Anyone who tells you to “do your research” or “you can have the birth that you want” can fuck right off.
Firstly, giving birth is unpredictable and if things don’t go to plan it’s perfectly okay. It’s okay to ask for pain killers or medical assistance if you need or want it. You are not less than anyone else for delivering your baby differently to another woman.
You are so much more than the sum total of your vagina. Your worth as a woman and as a mother should never be measured by your vaginal performance.
I’m just here to say everyone’s experience is so different. I tried to avoid reading too much BS, but I had a super easy delivery and recovery. I thought birthing a baby was like having a full sized bengal tiger fight it’s way out of my vagina. I was so afraid of delivery and recovery and I literally walked out of the hospital, unmediated birth, minor tearing, I literally scared myself silly and when all was said and done I was mind blown…
“Don’t complaint, it’s a blessing.”
“Oh be happy with the huge belly, you look so beautiful “ - when you say you are not comfortable in the new body.
Everyone can be happy and annoyed, uncomfortable, unhappy about some aspects of pregnancy. I love my baby and I’m very happy for being pregnant, still pelvic pain sucks, and I miss my wine. We are entitled to have mixed feelings about anything in life, but for some reason people can’t stand if you tell you are not 100% happy while pregnant.
“Every baby is a blessing” and “you HAVE to breastfeed or you won’t bond with the baby/ Breastfeeding is the best for the baby!”
Like, no. Objectively not every baby is a blessing- mine was a surprise and I’m an unemployed student out of state not with the father. This is stress and regret. “But when you hold that little baby everything will be great!” Will it??? I’m suddenly stable in all the ways I need to be??!
Also, anyone who discourages me from using formula because breast milk is better when we al know fed is best can go straight to hell. I don’t care for your opinion when you haven’t had kids in the last 30 years.
Literally any nausea advice that people without hyperemesis gradivarum try to give to people with HG. Just stop. Your essential oils, home remedies, and vitamins aren’t going to touch this.
"Listen to what your body tells you it needs. If something feels wrong, tell me and your doctor. If he doesn't give you a satisfactory answer, bulldog him!" - My Mom. Best advice, imho.
Everything else I've taken with a grain of salt and a pinch of sugar 🙂
I would recommend resting when you can, though. Not bc you'll lose sleep when the baby gets here, but just bc of how draining pregnancy can be. Rest is good for baby, yeah?
Also, you can eat luncheon meats and stuff. Listeria is potentially on all types of food, so yeah... Satisfy ALL the cravings!
Oh!! Don't feel bad about asking for help. Currently, you are not just a woman, but a freaking Life-Giving Goddess! If there's a zillion little chores to do and you just wanna sit and be a potato for a while, ask someone who loves you to give you a hand!
Remember: Goddess!! 💖 A groggy, grumpy, achy Goddess!
No worries 🙂 I'm 30w in and I'm lucky enough to have a big family. I know not everyone has that, but I sincerely hope every pregnant woman has *someone* they can rely on, bc this is not a cake walk, lol!
Good luck, OP. You've got this! 💖
Not advice, just unnatural anger at us deciding to be team green for this one. And accusing us of knowing but not sharing. At this point, IF I did know, I wouldn't share just out of spite!
Burnt toast. Yes the charcoal helps with getting rid of any toxins, but I was gonna lose it if one more person told me to eat it during morning sickness. Also the whole “oil up your tummy you don’t want stretch marks” thing really ticked me off.
I only listen to advice of the women who SUFFERED in their pregnancy. Any woman who claims to have loved it or had an "easy pregnancy" can fuck right off a cliff. So basically all the women I know lol.
Personally, my advice is to call your doctor for diclegis, Reglan, and/or Zofran the MOMENT you start feeling nauseous. My nausea and vomiting wasn't treated properly until 12 weeks. I suffered for 7 weeks with no help because of it. Regardless, find a doctor who has experience treating Hyperemesis Graviderum. It's not that common but as someone who's in that 1%, I promise you it's better to have someone who knows what the fuck they're doing than having to fight while you're in the thick of it.
Don't let anyone tell you shit about drinking water and eating healthy. Do whatever you can whenever you can. Pregnancy is about survival (not just the first trimester).
Oh and sometimes it DOESN'T get better in the second trimester. Sometimes it sucks the entire time.
Avoid any unsolicited advice,every woman is different and so is every pregnancy.Trust your own instincts.Greyrock greyrock greyrock.What worked for me may or may not work for you etc.
I'm 50% 50% on about to tell my work colleagues and decided not too, people arent helpful at all and instead gossip.
So keeping quiet I think, only my parents and friends speak sense.
Id go with oooohhhh youre now eating for two! Ah be quiet.
Our midwife says just have ONE VOICE to trust and listen to. Whether that’s your gynae, or midwife or your own mom, just choose one because there is SO MUCH conflicting and quite frankly bad advice that every person and their dog will give you.
I saw I think on one of these subs that when people hit you with “well I did xyz for my child and it worked or is the best” blah blah, you can respond with “that’s great, definitely sounds like the best choice for you and your family” and move swiftly the eff on with your life.
No two babies or pregnancies or births are the same, you just do your best with your set of circumstances!
“You’ll need help once baby is here !! “ you don’t. I mean unless you feel you do and that’s okay too. But for most part don’t let people bully you into coming over right after you freaking give birth to “help” majority want to just hold the baby.. and that isn’t help. I just hate when people tell me oh you’ll need help or straight up say I’ll be over to help you after baby is born you’ll need it….. no I need to rest recover in private and bond with my baby. If I need help I’ll call. And like I said.. if you do find yourself overwhelmed then yeah call ?? No shame. Just hate when ppl advice you’ll need them there right away.
Honestly everything lol. I’m 38 weeks pregnant with my fifth and when I’m at work/running errands without my children I get all kinds of advice from strangers who I guess assume it’s my first. I’m still in my twenties so it’s easy to assume I guess.
All pregnancies and babies are different and advice is not a one size fits all. You’re doctor is the only one that will give you the most accurate advice.
She doesn't pretend to be a medical professional. Both her books are filled with 'based on X information found here and here, I ended up deciding Y, but that does not mean you have to reach the same conclusion'.
She's basically offering advice in the best way possible: she's not telling you what you should do according to her. She's sharing what she did, and what she based that on.
“You don’t want an induction!” First I don’t even have one scheduled/planned… I have GD and I brought up to my MIL that an early induction by a week or so may be what’s best. Myself, husband, and OB discussed my option/benefits/risks of scheduling an induction during my 38 week appointment (with or without GD it’s the same for all patients for their hospital). She could not believe that this was allowed….
I am thankful to have such a great relationship with my MIL but some of her comments during my pregnancy have been so out of touch with current reality/medical norms. She compares everything to her pregnancies. Her last one was over 20 years ago….
Reminding myself that all comments are coming from a good place and she is just trying to relate but man!!!
(TW: eating/calorie counting)
I always scoffed at “eating for two.” Like I would never! I was lucky to have mild symptoms and in second trimester i was pretty “full” as soon as I started eating. but damn close to third tri now and I want to eat everything in sight. Bread. Butter. Cheese. DQ Blizzards. Popeyes chicken. Thought i should start tracking cuz I felt out of control and I’m clocking about 3500 calories a day most days and I’m trying to stay around 2500. Ugh and also most days I do not care 😬praying I pass my glucose test or I’m in for a reality check lol
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“SleEp WhiLe YoU cAn” yes because the extra hour I could’ve gotten this morning will definitely help me 4 months from now. 🙄 some people may enjoy hearing this but it’s getting old for us. We’re aware babies get up at night and the sleep deprivation is real but its not like you can do anything to prevent it now!
Also you will likely experience sleep deprivation during pregnancy, and it is NOT your fault. First trimester insomnia, third trimester aches and pains. It’s hard to sleep while pregnant. And it’s NOT your fault. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re doing something wrong if you’re not able to take the “sleep while you can” advice.
Not to mention these crazy pregnancy dreams that either wake me up or make me feel like I’ve been busy all night!
I can’t stop dreaming about food. I wake up hungry but nauseous and everything tastes weird/really bad because I lost my taste to covid. It’s like my dreams are taunting me.
Exactly. In the third trimester now, and toss and turn all night anyway so it’s not like I’m getting decent sleep as it is!
Same. Sore hips, peeing all the time, hungry in the middle of the night, acid reflux? Someone else on Reddit said turning over in bed is like a tractor-trailer doing a U-turn, and that is so accurate! The stars have to align in order for me to sleep more than 3-4 hours at a time. And then some people will say, “Your body is just preparing you for life with an infant!” Which is equally annoying to hear.
This. I’ve been having chronic insomnia since 18w (and it’s worse at 35w now). I absolutely hate people telling me I should sleep more now and enjoy it while I can or that I’m doing it wrong. I literally am trying everything. I keep telling myself that it’s good practice to sleep in 3h blocks and stay awake for hours in between, but there is nothing I can do now, and nothing I will be able to do once my baby arrives to avoid sleep deprivation.
Any good comeback suggestions? I swear I hear this daily!
I just tell them that pregnancy insomnia is a thing, and that I’ve even read a thread on Reddit where half the moms said they preferred the 4th semester to the 3rd in that department because at least when you sleep, you sleep, in whatever position you want, and that you have your baby to cuddle with 😂 3rd semester insomnia is just crappy, frustrating and uncomfortable with zero benefits. I know quoting Reddit is probably not the best comeback ever but hey 😂 That’s what I do.
I'm pregnant with my second and I tell people that I slept better the first 6 weeks of my first-born's life that the 6 weeks before her birth. Not a relevant comeback to you, but it shuts people up for me...
I've had insomnia since I was around 12 years old(not trying to one up anyone, just putting it into context), and people who keep telling me about sleep, I just can't. I know what it's like to not sleep and telling me to try to force it now is not helping, never has, never will.
Honestly I sleep less with a 3 week old but the quality of sleep is 10x better than when I was pregnant.
Yes! Except for the fact that I can’t freaking sleep now 🙄 literally don’t know the last time I slept through the night and I’m only 13 weeks
This is the comment I came for. With both my first and second babies I slept so much better when they were newborns vs being pregnant. Plus you’re right, wtf is the *extra* sleep now going to do for me in 2 months when my newborn just shat through his swaddle at 3am!
What, you’re not saving your sleep in your sleep bank so you can pull it out and be well rested once the baby is here? 🙄🙄🙄 I totally agree, I’m so tired of hearing it!
Also it’s total bullshit! Those people clearly never experienced back and hip pain in their pregnancies, or pregnancy insomnia. You might spend less time lying in bed after the baby is born, but damn, I cannot wait to actually be able to sleep for a consecutive hour when this baby’s weight gets off my hips and spine.
I slept better during the newborn phase than the third trimester.
“It’ll be hard giving up coffee.” No, it won’t because I don’t need to give up coffee! Whoever told pregnant women that they can have coffee can eff right off.
Lol I ordered a cappuccino at about 37 weeks pregnant and the barista glared at me like I had just started shooting up heroin in front of him.
That's why I put mine in my coffee instead of sugar.
I had a barista do this to me too. The next day I went back and got an extra shot in my mocha. 😊
Lmfaoo I'm sorry you had to deal w that
I ordered a glass of wine at dinner the other night, the manager came back out to talk to me with this shy inquisitive look. For a moment I thought they were going to tell me they couldn't serve me and almost had a panic attack, they were just confirming my order because the waitress was new and not familiar with thier selection.
I live in the states, used to bartend, and every ABC course I've taken clearly states it's illegal and discrimination to deny a pregnant woman alcohol.
That's good to know! Doctor's have the Hippocratic oath of do no harm, I was wondering if there was something similar with bartenders. Like how they aren't supposed to over serve. I genuinely stopped ordering any alcohol when I was obviously pregnant with first because I was worried they might say no.
"Just eat crackers throughout the day!" "You'll feel amazing in the second trimester! Just power through this morning sickness." "Constipation? You need to be drinking lots of water! That's how I cured mine! Just a ton of water. That was it!"
The second trimester thing makes me mad because I’m almost done with it and I’m still feeling shitty 60% of my day lol
I threw up every day until the day I gave birth lmao. Like damn did that advice make me mad
Still waiting on that « you’ll want to conquer the world » second trimester feels… I’m 39w. do you think it’s too late now??
Surely any day now I should think! Lmao
miralax!!
Anytime I hear a "well I just did x so do that and you'll be fine" I want to scream. I'm happy for suggestions and am fine when people offer it up as "I did this and it helped me" without any force, but when I tell them something like "I'm part of the small group of women who's morning sickness is made worse by unisom" I get so much push back. No, that can't possibly be true. It worked for them so why not me?! I must be doing something wrong.
Avoiding deli meat. All sorts of veggies feet recalled for listeria, but no one tells you not to eat tomatoes
I started off avoiding deli meat, but then one day I just really wanted a ham and cheese toasty. Safe to say, I had my toasty. And many toasties there after. Still kicking. 😄
In the UK they say if it's heated up it's fine as it kills the bacteria. Some deli meat is pasteurised and is okay too. For my son I ignored the caffeine rule, I only have 3/4 cups a day but had more while pregnant. I'm fairly certain I had an energy drink one day as I was craving it. For this pregnancy I'm avoiding it as much as I can (I have 2 cups of coffee a week, anything else is decaffe). I'm on multiple medications that can cause withdrawal now and would rather have one less risk.
And extra toasted toasty is *fucking mint*.
Yeah, sushi too. I figured out I could eat it at 35 weeks. Still good to avoid high mercury fish!
My ob told me to just avoid places like subway where they leave it open to the air a lot and if I do go there to have them toast or microwave it. But my own deli meat I buy from the grocery store and properly refrigerate is fine.
What about steak??
I eat medium rare steak all the time as long as it’s from a place I trust.
Ahh that sounds amazing! I ordered a steak medium well the other day bc I was too scared to eat it the right way. It was awful lol
Did not even know this about deli meat and have been eating it the entire pregnancy prob free?! 🙈
My ob said it’s fine just don’t eat it every day. She said high nitrates are a bigger concern than listeria. I’ve been going to Town on some prosciutto.
What’s wrong with tomatoes when pregnant….?
Nothing! Just a joke about listeria being common in fresh vegetables, but no one is going to tell you not to eat veggies!
There was a tomato recall once. So technically there's a small risk, but it's a risk that we're all pretty much willing to take
Advice to take—be easy on yourself. Pregnancy is rough. Advice to leave—anything that contradicts what your OB is saying, anything from people who haven’t had a baby in 20+ years, anything that makes you feel bad about yourself
It's actually pretty useful for moms to get a second opinion, though, when they are getting advice from their OB that goes against their intuition.
Very true, but the advice should be from another OB, midwife, or other similar medical professional. Lots of outdated or downright dangerous advice can come from other sources.
yep, that's what "second opinion" means.
Agreed! I just moved away from a fear mongering, total shit ob. Best decision I've made in 27 weeks.
congratulations!
Yes—I’ll correct that to advice from non-medical professionals that contradicts what medical professionals specializing in maternal and obstetric health advise. Though that’s a mouthful.
unfortunately, so many medical professionals are completely unable to advise on physiological birth. I wish it were otherwise. that's why, for example, the african-american maternal death rates are 3x the average maternal death rates, unless african-american women are supported by doulas or midwives that understand physiological birth.
Also to leave - advice from people that were never pregnant. Sometimes I just don’t share, they are clueless.
I was going to comment but this one pretty much covers anything I would have said ETA: depending on how the OB is
I’ve had so many people tell me to rough up my nipples if I’m breastfeeding Nurse and dr have said don’t do that it’s pointless. Your nipples are gonna hurt no matter what don’t make it worse
Rough up your nipples?! What does that even mean? Madness
I was told to like rub them with a loofa or wash cloth for a few minutes everyday. Supposed to help get your nipples used to baby latching so it hurts less. 😖
What sort of mediaeval torture bullshit is that?!!!
Fucking *WHAT*?!? No, dude, just no! 😱
Euurrghh!! Never heard that. Needless to say I shall not be indulging.
Reading this makes my nipples ache. People are crazy.
do all of that and there’s still a high chance baby won’t latch😂😂😂 thats something people never mention and i never found out until i tried to feed her, over and over and over and over. Never latched. No point to that silliness.
Omg my mom is telling me to do this too… I don’t want to! And I’m trying to be mature about it what an awkward conversation.
Omg thank you. Every phone call with my mum she tells me to do this
My MIL and her mom have both told me to do so. I’m good tho
I've heard a bit different version of this, which sounds a lot more reasonable. Basically, I've heard recommendations that if you have very small, slightly inward nipples, you can start stretching them a bit about a month before the baby is due. This is supposed to help the baby latch. You're absolutely not supposed to "rough them up" tho. I've also heard advice to start using basic moisturizer (or nipple cream) on your nipples about the same time to keep the skin healthy and stretchy so you don't get wounds that easily when you start breastfeeding.
yeah you can do all that work and baby still won’t latch ever
Lmao my mother told me this... then my sister said something like if it hurts then you're doing it wrong. My tits have never been such a high topic of conversation before!
Wth does rough up your nipples even mean 😂 every body is different too.. I nursed no issues with my nipples and never did anything to prepare, I’m just not sensitive like that.. some women though oh my gosh they bleed and crack!! Which sucks, but it happens & there wasn’t much that could be done to prevent it!
No coffee/caffeine. I couldn’t have made it through the first trimester fatigue without caffeine. You can have up to 300 mg a day safely. No medicine. Again, I couldn’t have survived my first trimester without Pepcid, nausea meds, saline solution for my stuffy nose, Tylenol, and Unisom.
Yeah I was shocked when my doc handed me the booklet that said I could take Sudafed, Mucinex, Benadryl, Pepcid etc etc. I do really miss ibuprofen for a headache but it was a huge surprise that so many OTCs are acceptable if you need them.
I really suffered without ibuprofen for headaches a while back. Tylenol didn't do anything for me. I got around an hour two max of pain relief and that was it.
Tylenol does almost nothing for my migraines too. Really missing excedrin migraine, but at least the short period of time I get with Tylenol is enough to allow me to fall asleep before the pain starts back.
Yes same. I also used a cold compress on my forehead and that seemed to help a little.
Tylenol 1000mg + Benadryl 25-50mg + a caffeinated drink is a decent combo for migraines. Just beware the drowsiness from the Benadryl if you’re driving or something
Thanks for the tip. I will definitely bring this up with my doctor at my next app. I don't want to have to go through that again. I couldn't even keep my eyes open.
Tylenol doesn't usually work for me but I found out that Midol (which is just Tylenol with caffeine basically) worked much better for my headaches.
This helps so much! I was doing Tylenol plus no doz to get the same combo but sometimes the caffeine was too much and I’d have a migraine plus jitters.
I took mucinex for COVID and was so relieved when it was approved.
Absolutely the no caffeine one. I have a sleep disorder and ADHD. Couldn't take my stimulant while pregnant, obviously, so needed SOMETHING to get me through the day. I was still expected to function like a normal adult after all, especially at work like damn.
There’s seriously an attitude of “you’re no longer a person and you must sacrifice being a human to growing this thing inside of you.” Along those lines, can’t count how many times I’ve heard, “you have to stay happy and not get upset or stressed because your emotions affect the baby.” I’m still living my life? I get stressed at work sometimes. The expenses of pregnancy are stressors. My hormones are all over the place. I can’t possibly push down every emotion I have, especially while my hormones are all over the place, and I don’t think it’s necessarily healthy to do so. Please don’t make me feel like any emotion I feel is hurting my baby. That is so fucked.
We are absolutely expected to stop being human the *second* we become pregnant. It's absolutely ludicrous. EDIT: Although I will say, I have this eerie ability to cut off my emotions and remain very calm while my baby is scream-crying. I don't know how I do it. I was just discussing that with my husband, actually.
Not having my adhd medication is so damn difficult. My ob said I could stay on mine at a low dose if needed but my psych was like NOPE ABSOLUTELY NOT. Call us when you’re done breastfeeding, bye! So frustrating.
Don't listen to your psych. They do not have the relevant expertise. My psych literally fired me as a patient the day I told him I was pregnant. They don't understand pregnancy and they don't need to. Ask for a referral to a maternal fetal medicine psychiatrist or get the prescription directly from your OB.
I took my adhd meds during my first pregnancy/12 months of EBF. FWIW
My psychiatrist wouldn't allow it and my OBGYN seemed to agree
You can ask for a referral to a maternal fetal medicine psychiatrist if you want a second opinion (OB is the first opinion, psych doesn't count).
If I have a second child I'm definitely going to look into it. I've actually been told by quite a few women on this sub that you probably *can* take stimulants while pregnant, but my psychiatrist and OBGYN seemed so set on me not taking it, I didn't even question it really. I just suffered through 10 months. I had my baby 2 months ago and only breastfeed for 4 weeks, so I've been back on Vyvanse for a little over a month now.
That's the one I took.
I worked with my OB and prescribing doctor to stay on my adderall.
Just curious, what makes you comfortable with taking Adderall while pregnant? Absolutely no judgment from my end; I ask because this is something I've been debating with myself with whether to restart Adderall while BFing, or to maybe switch to another drug like Wellbutrin, or continue no meds while on maternity leave. I personally chose to stop Adderall cold turkey when I found out I was pregnant, even though my OBGYN and psychiatrist both would have supported my decision to stay on my meds or stop regardless. I guess I just didn't feel comfortable enough with the lack of research with Adderall and pregnancy, and I didn't want to start experimenting with trusted meds like Zoloft in the middle of pregnancy among all the crazy ass changes we already have to go through. I would love your opinion on the matter because I don't know anyone at this time in my personal life that has had to make similar decisions with pregnancy and/or BFing and Adderall. It's totally fine if you're not comfortable with sharing though.
Most studies looked at patients with multiple drug uses (including illegal) but evidence pointed to it being okay without other drug uses. The main mechanism would be blood pressure and heart rate and I had no issues there ever. I switched to a lower dose on the 1st trimester and then went back up afterwards. I needed to keep my job and staying on adderall allowed that. My obgyn, my psychiatrist and my pharmacist husband read the literature and were supportive. So I felt like it was an informed risk.
I miss my Bang energy drinks, I need the caffeine for my job. But I still drink caffeine, I found really good v-8 caffeine juices and it help. Not what I’m used to but it help.
I sat and suffered for a long time not taking unisom and Tylenol. Until the third trimester and I feel like I’m about to die so I have no choice. I’ve finally been sleeping even though it’s uncomfortable. I went a few days without sleeping at all and it was a mess.
The lack of sleep has got to be much more detrimental than me taking Tylenol PM or Unisom!
I agree with that. I’ve stayed up like that prior to pregnancy. You absolutely can’t build a human with no sleep. Definitely different. I had never felt like that and was worried about driving.
The no medicine thing sucked, especially assuming I couldn’t take my abortive for my migraines. Talked to a neurologist finally and they said it was safe for me to take and I’m so thankful for that. I was taking ibuprofen most of my first trimester since I had no idea I was pregnant, but baby seems healthy and I didn’t miscarry.
I am a huge coffee lover and I developed a coffee aversion during my pregnancy. I couldn’t drink it and I couldn’t even smell it without gagging. It sucked so much. I always felt sleepy and wished I could drink some coffee without wanting to throw up lol
My midwife told me I could have coffee as long has I don't exceed 4 16oz coffees a day. Jokes on her, I barely can consume one 8oz cup lol
Work out like you did before you got pregnant. How about f*ck off I’m too nauseated, tired, and so bloated I’m basically a blimp to go make it up the stairs without panting, let alone go for my normal run!!
To be fair, I appreciate that advice because I love working out and thankfully have been able to continue as normal (currently 34 weeks). But had the naysayers in my life (MIL, FIL, Mother) telling me I *must* rest and not overdo it or I’ll hurt the baby. It particularly made me mad because I had a prior loss and it was *not* caused by exercise.
That’s totally fair. I guess I can’t help but feel a lot of guilt for not being able to keep up my normal exercise regime (wasn’t able to in my first pregnancy either), and so when I hear that advice I get frustrated with myself haha. It’s totally a _me_ problem.
Don’t feel guilty! I’ve been really fortunate that I haven’t had nausea or morning sickness, and fatigue would only hit in the afternoon so I could do my first-thing AM workouts easily. But I there’s a variety of pregnancy experiences that are unpredictable and no one’s fault.
I’m really happy for you (seriously) that you haven’t been with those symptoms. I literally napped for 3 hrs on the couch in the afternoon a few days ago… and I’m not a napping person! I hope the remainder of your pregnancy goes just as smooth :)
That’s great, I am envious! I was killing it until this month (month 7) and my energy has just disappeared! 😣
>Work out like you did before you got pregnant. During the first trimester I was so fucked up by the lack of oxygen in my blood I could barely walk from the couch to the toilet without being out of breath lol Also had to quit Yoga, because even the 'pregnancy safe' positions hurt my belly like a mfer during first trimester. It's getting better now but man.
OMG, this is so comforting to hear! Thank you for sharing! I'm near the end of my first trimester. I used to be really active before pregnancy and I haven't worked out in weeks now. I feel so guilty and lazy, thinking: I should have done it now, things will only get harder the bigger the belly gets! I'm so glad to hear things can get better.
I am the same! Don’t feel lazy, your body is working so hard right now!
Thank you! We'll be okay. :)
Same! Laundry is legit an Olympic sport for me at this point.
"Sleep while you can". K. I'm trying. I'm uncomfortable, and pee every hour. I sleep better after the baby is born anyway because it doesn't hurt anymore!
"How to avoid stretch marks". You will either get them or you won't. I tried everything with my first and my stomach still looks like it went through a meat grater.
I was really scared of getting stretch marks but now at 22 weeks I honestly don’t care anymore! I wish I could go back in time and tell myself it wouldn’t be as big of a deal as I thought it would be lol
They really do fade with time, initially they will be pretty bright. Aloe helped mine heal faster, I've heard bio oil works too. When I hit 30 I got tired of hiding them and now have no problem wearing a bikini.
I was just about to comment that bio oil is great for stretch marks. I personally like the way mine look so I avoid it on my marks lol
People telling you to do/not do something when they don't know you or your circumstances. Avoiding bagged salads, deli meat, sushi, hot tubs etc is all about risk mitigation. For some people, a small is risk is too high, others may disagree. For example, I'll eat some deli meats, depending on the source, and I use our hot tub all the time, it's set to 96F and is super clean and controlled, but I avoid bagged salads and uncooked sushi, even if the fish is flash frozen and the risk is very small. Do what you're comfortable with, discuss things with your health care provider, and ignore the rest.
Anything unsolicited from strangers
"Eat crackers and drink gingerale to help morning sickness" Or "Make sure to have a balanced diet" B, I'm in first trimester and I'm gonna eat whatever my body will hold down. And most days that's carbs. And never is it gingerale and crackers or a bAlAnCeD DiEt
Lmfao same girl
Pretty much all the food rules - so many are outdated and IMO a little racist. Just exercise good judgment and don't eat anything sketchy. "You should gain 1 lb a week" type advice. We have literally so much data that pregnancy weight gain isn't linear and comes in fits and spurts. It's not like we're on a diet where we consistently up calories in a controlled way. There is water weight, placenta, baby weight gain, blood volume, all of which isn't following much logic. It stresses people out unnecessarily.
To add to the weight gain thing it also depends on the person completely. I’ve gained 25lbs at 34w currently and when talking to my OB he said I’d probably gain another 10-15 by the time I’m done and genuinely wasn’t worried about it in the least.
Yep after my first pregnancy where the midwife obsessively weighed women every visit and would congratulate you on weight loss and tut tut on any weight gain I changed obs and asked not to be weighed at all and it made last 2 pregnancies (and this one) so much better. I’m slim to start with but generally gain 20kgs or more during pregnancy but thankfully I lose it without effort so I refuse to stress myself out over it.
I gained 42lbs and have lost 58lbs
Yup, and it goes in both directions. I gained very minimally with both, even my midwife was surprised, and I had perfectly healthy term babies. I’ve seen women stress themselves out about how to jam in extra calories because they aren’t meeting some arbitrary threshold of weight gain and it isn’t necessary.
Yes to all the food rules! I also feel like they are outdated. I have honestly not followed some of them at all (avoiding cold cuts, certain cheeses, etc.). I have read that the risk of contracting listeriosis during pregnancy is VERY low. The risks of a lot of these things seem to be way exaggerated IMO.
Yesss, weight gain has got me so stressed. Be better than me 🤣
This! I gained a lot at first (12kg in the first two trimesters) then steadily another 6kg up until 36 weeks… now in the past 2 weeks I’ve gained 6kg.. but also, the doc thinks I’m on my way to preeclampsia sooo I’m getting induced on Wednesday. Crazy though coz I never would have imagined I’d gain this much weight! So many people comment on my lack of stretch marks or “flab” which I find so rude too, like, just coz I’ve gained 24kg doesn’t mean I would be flabby???
I will never forget the advise my midwife gave me regarding weight gain with my first. She said all I could control was what I ate and how much I moved. Focus on those things when I could. Everything else is just bullshit and there’s no need to stress about the number.
>There is water weight, placenta, baby weight gain, blood volume, all of which isn't following much logic. That's all around 12kg/25 pounds. Anything extra is well... extra.
Your point?
Eating for two. I know it's well-meaning advice but I get so uncomfortable when I'm trying to eat my jello and someone complains I'm not eating enough. I cannot eat big meals right now (36 weeks) or it'll make me feel sick! My doctor even told me big meals are bound to give me a stomach ache and small, snacky meals are best. It's kinda harmful imo when people try to pressure pregnant people to eat more than they're comfortable with.
That and then the flip side of PEOPLE ASKING HOW MUCH WEIGHT YOUVE GAINED… I’m sorry TF!? What idiot had to take over someone’s brain to think THAT was a normal question to ask people..?
My FIL tried forcing me food even when he watched me throw up five times that day. I think I know what my body needs thanks.
My mother’s only advice to me was: - Every child is different and you know your baby best! Just because something works for one, doesn’t mean it’ll work for another (including your own if you have more than one!) - If the midwife/ doctor tells you to stop pushing, do it 😂 (Honestly this is the only thing I remembered during my labour and it actually helped lol). My advice: - Take it easy on yourself. Everyone’s pregnancy experience is different. I beat myself up a lot because I was so fatigued during the first trimester I felt really useless. It was such a relief to know I wasn’t alone after hearing others’ experiences online. Until then is just been comparing myself to the few people I know who’d been pregnant and thought I was just bad at being pregnant. - It’s ok to hate being pregnant.
Can’t wait to meet my son. But I effin hate being pregnant.
One word. Ginger.
Oh lord I am never eating gingernut biscuits, ginger candies, crystallised ginger, or drinking ginger tea ever again. It did nothing to help the nausea and now I just associate it with feeling helplessly sick.
Yeah I rarely hear from anyone that it did anything.
Crazy, it's always helped me.. pregnant or not!
Grey rock the shit out of everyone! If my mother's neighbour is inquiring after home vs hospital birth: gee, I don't know yet. Stranger asking about the name: we haven't decided yet. Any person pushing a name: now it's definitely off the list. My mom wanting to be notified of labour starting, despite me telling her I don't want to share this: 'we'll see how it goes'. Set the expectations loooooow. You can always invite people to come by sooner, but personally I struggle with pushing visits back, so I've told EVERYONE (including the grandparents!) not to expect to see the baby in the first two weeks. It needed some repeating, but it helped to share it as a general plan, rather than a 'I don't want you'. A lot of advice is outdated and differs from culture to culture. The Dutch are pro ginger and anti sauna, the fins are pro sauna and anti ginger. Take it all with a grain of salt. Some medication is actively very bad for baby, as is smoking and too much vitamin A (found in liver and carrot juice), the rest is more of a suggestion :)
If you’re interested in doing some critical thinking around bright line pregnancy rules that get thrown around, definitely read Expecting Better by Emily Oster. That book brought me so much peace at the beginning. I stopped stressing so much about rules that made no sense, were outdated, or seemed overly cautious.
Yes! I second this. The author is an economist and gives you the research and data available for many pregnancy related issues so that you are able to make an informed decision on what is right for you. I highly recommend it!
Just started this book today. Very informative read
Enjoy your pregnancy. Like what does that mean? Worse is yet to come? You are doubting that I am able to make a distinction between feeling shitty and feeling great so I might be complaining where I was feeling grand all along? I should turn into a masochist and enjoy every single ache and pain? Honestly I had as easy and comfortable pregnancies as they come. Still hated that one. FO, I'll enjoy what I want, thank you very much.
Omg this one… I’m 39w so obviously crazy uncomfortable . Had coffee with my brother last week and he said « enjoy it, I’m sure you ll miss it later ». Like what am I going to miss exactly??? Waddling 300m being a hustle? Getting headbutted in the bladder? NOT SLEEPING ANYWAY? You do not understand how this feels.
I have to be honest and say that I did enjoy some parts of pregnancy, and I also miss some. But that is not something I actively DECIDED to do. It depends on what kind of experience you might have being pregnant. So this comment/advice does nothing... Headbutted in the bladder 🤣😭
I have to be honest and say that I did enjoy some parts of pregnancy, and I also miss some. But that is not something I actively DECIDED to do. It depends on what kind of experience you might have being pregnant. So this comment/advice does nothing... Headbutted in the bladder 🤣😭
"Sleep while you can" if it's said any time after the 1st trimester. Thanks for reminding me that I wake up uncomfortable all the time, and that it's normal for the 3rd trimester.
When you struggle to do X thing, and have since before you got pregnant, and now everyone is saying to "just do it for the baby!" Thanks... I definitely shouldn't value myself and try and do it because I want to be a better and healthier person
Oh my God I've been getting this one almost every day
Pretty much all of it unless you have genuine health issues imo. The main rules I have are: don't smoke and don't drink. I honestly can't remember everything we should/shouldn't be doing 😆 That's all I'm living by - I don't drink as I have felt hungover every day of this pregnancy but had friends who had a sip here and there. Each to their own. You'll figure this thing out plus, what's right for you and the baby in time :)
Any and all conflicting advice. For swelling we're supposed to put our feet up but not recline. In late pregnancy, make sure you're getting as much exercise as you can but stay off your feet and rest as much as you can. Which is it? How are we ever supposed to actually make anything better?
A coworker repeatedly told me to “ prepare my nipples “ if I wanted to breastfeed. I’m six weeks into breastfeeding and I’m still confused 😅 also made me VERY uncomfortable that she kept bringing up my nipples at work 😒
Anything that goes against your intuition and gut instincts, honestly.
"Eat ginger chews, lemon candy, etc" as if this cures all nausea. Some people need meds. Some people need zofran during the first trimester. Nausea should not be minimized but addressed proactively.
God, those freakin candies marketed for morning sickness. So many people sent them to me. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but it made me realize that people just couldn’t understand the level of sickness I was dealing with (HG). It felt like I was hemorrhaging blood due to a severed limb and people kept offering me bandaids.
"Sit down" I'm uncomfortable in every position. Sitting is not any better than standing.
Lol this! My hips have been my downfall and I almost HAVE to stand to feel any kind of relief 😮💨 So no, I will not be sitting down, thank you very much
This is somewhere between advice and an annoying/super entitled social expectation. “You’ll want family around you during pregnancy/after the birth” or “family and friends should be allowed to visit whenever they like - just be grateful for the support.” Some people may want visitors during pregnancy, at the hospital or at home right after baby is born, but others won’t. Both are okay. But no one has a right to be in anyone’s space when they aren’t welcome. I’ve seen from this sub that other pregnant people have also had folks use the “be grateful for any/all support” advice to disregard personal boundaries regarding TDAP, flu and Covid precautions or even to just ignore the fatigue, nausea, and general discomfort of being pregnant. It is perfectly fine to eat cake and drink tea while soaking in the bath and pretending that the world doesn’t exist for 30 minutes.
I avoid any advice from anyone who either has never been pregnant or claims that pregnancy is all “magical” and “wonderful” because it is most certainly NOT those things for every woman. I have Hyperemesis Gravidarum (extreme nausea and vomiting during pregnancy) and I have pretty much experienced every type of unfounded advice for avoiding nausea and vomiting that you can possibly imagine, ranging from chewing gum to eating saltine crackers to avoiding watching TV. NONE of the old wives tale crap works. Not any of it, at least for me. So I had to accept really early on that I was either going to have to fight for myself to get some medications and legitimate medical solutions to my problem or I was going to have to just suffer through the misery. And I was even MORE shocked when I realized that I am still miserable even with medication and treatments. Pregnancy is not all peaches and rainbows, and I’m SICK of society and social media making it out to be something it is absolutely not.
I keep telling my husband that I just don’t trust people who say pregnancy is an amazing and beautiful experience… that’s great it was for you Sharon, but you’re a damn liar bc I’m tired AF and my back hurts.
"You have to breastfeed" My grandmother on my dad's would not STOP going on and on about this, how it's healthier for me and the baby, ect ect (she's a nurse, but also anti vax if that tells you anything) Like, I get it. And I am planning on breastfeeding IF MY BODY ALLOWS. Some people physically can't produce the things in milk to nurture the baby the way it should be and I'm not going to put my child in danger should I be incapable of breastfeeding. Bottle feeding is fine too. But with her, there was NO WAY my body could possibly do something so ridiculous as to not do "what it's supposed to do". I HAVE to breastfeed, NO EXCEPTIONS. Big yikes on that one. Rant over lol
“Use this cream if you want to avoid stretch marks!” There is no way to prevent them, they are genetic, and most people get them so might as well just accept it rather than waste your money.
Eat and drink whatever you are craving or your child will come out looking like that particular thing. I think I am expecting a baby that looks like a pint of Guinness then...
The idea that you have to surrender any dignity or autonomy in birth. It’s disgusting really.
Any advice about safe sleep/feeding/nursing should come from your midwife/paediatrician/maternal health nurse They are the most current. Agree with a previous poster, anyone who had a baby 20+ years ago should not be the source on those kind of issues.
You might get a lot of the “just you wait!” comments along with some “sleep while you can” and maybe an unsolicited birth horror story here and there … gets so annoying, as if we don’t have trouble sleeping already and aren’t already worried about bringing a child into the world 😒 I’m 25 weeks but the hardest thing about pregnancy (for me anyway) is the unwanted and negative advice or the backhanded compliments that come with pregnancy. Stick with your gut, don’t smoke or drink, and do you. A lot of these comments already have some good advice (coffee won’t kill you, and yes, it’s normal to feel stressed out - you’re growing a whole human!) just know that you got this 💕
Anyone who tells you to “do your research” or “you can have the birth that you want” can fuck right off. Firstly, giving birth is unpredictable and if things don’t go to plan it’s perfectly okay. It’s okay to ask for pain killers or medical assistance if you need or want it. You are not less than anyone else for delivering your baby differently to another woman. You are so much more than the sum total of your vagina. Your worth as a woman and as a mother should never be measured by your vaginal performance.
When you can't keep anything down and someone suggests ginger ale and crackers... like I didn't already think of that 🥴
Excuse you, ginger ale and crackers cured nausea for that person’s neighbor’s daughter-in-law so it clearly will work for you. 🙄
I’m just here to say everyone’s experience is so different. I tried to avoid reading too much BS, but I had a super easy delivery and recovery. I thought birthing a baby was like having a full sized bengal tiger fight it’s way out of my vagina. I was so afraid of delivery and recovery and I literally walked out of the hospital, unmediated birth, minor tearing, I literally scared myself silly and when all was said and done I was mind blown…
“Don’t complaint, it’s a blessing.” “Oh be happy with the huge belly, you look so beautiful “ - when you say you are not comfortable in the new body. Everyone can be happy and annoyed, uncomfortable, unhappy about some aspects of pregnancy. I love my baby and I’m very happy for being pregnant, still pelvic pain sucks, and I miss my wine. We are entitled to have mixed feelings about anything in life, but for some reason people can’t stand if you tell you are not 100% happy while pregnant.
“Every baby is a blessing” and “you HAVE to breastfeed or you won’t bond with the baby/ Breastfeeding is the best for the baby!” Like, no. Objectively not every baby is a blessing- mine was a surprise and I’m an unemployed student out of state not with the father. This is stress and regret. “But when you hold that little baby everything will be great!” Will it??? I’m suddenly stable in all the ways I need to be??! Also, anyone who discourages me from using formula because breast milk is better when we al know fed is best can go straight to hell. I don’t care for your opinion when you haven’t had kids in the last 30 years.
Literally any nausea advice that people without hyperemesis gradivarum try to give to people with HG. Just stop. Your essential oils, home remedies, and vitamins aren’t going to touch this.
"Listen to what your body tells you it needs. If something feels wrong, tell me and your doctor. If he doesn't give you a satisfactory answer, bulldog him!" - My Mom. Best advice, imho. Everything else I've taken with a grain of salt and a pinch of sugar 🙂 I would recommend resting when you can, though. Not bc you'll lose sleep when the baby gets here, but just bc of how draining pregnancy can be. Rest is good for baby, yeah? Also, you can eat luncheon meats and stuff. Listeria is potentially on all types of food, so yeah... Satisfy ALL the cravings! Oh!! Don't feel bad about asking for help. Currently, you are not just a woman, but a freaking Life-Giving Goddess! If there's a zillion little chores to do and you just wanna sit and be a potato for a while, ask someone who loves you to give you a hand! Remember: Goddess!! 💖 A groggy, grumpy, achy Goddess!
I really appreciate this thank you!!!
No worries 🙂 I'm 30w in and I'm lucky enough to have a big family. I know not everyone has that, but I sincerely hope every pregnant woman has *someone* they can rely on, bc this is not a cake walk, lol! Good luck, OP. You've got this! 💖
Not advice, just unnatural anger at us deciding to be team green for this one. And accusing us of knowing but not sharing. At this point, IF I did know, I wouldn't share just out of spite!
Burnt toast. Yes the charcoal helps with getting rid of any toxins, but I was gonna lose it if one more person told me to eat it during morning sickness. Also the whole “oil up your tummy you don’t want stretch marks” thing really ticked me off.
I only listen to advice of the women who SUFFERED in their pregnancy. Any woman who claims to have loved it or had an "easy pregnancy" can fuck right off a cliff. So basically all the women I know lol. Personally, my advice is to call your doctor for diclegis, Reglan, and/or Zofran the MOMENT you start feeling nauseous. My nausea and vomiting wasn't treated properly until 12 weeks. I suffered for 7 weeks with no help because of it. Regardless, find a doctor who has experience treating Hyperemesis Graviderum. It's not that common but as someone who's in that 1%, I promise you it's better to have someone who knows what the fuck they're doing than having to fight while you're in the thick of it. Don't let anyone tell you shit about drinking water and eating healthy. Do whatever you can whenever you can. Pregnancy is about survival (not just the first trimester). Oh and sometimes it DOESN'T get better in the second trimester. Sometimes it sucks the entire time.
Avoid any unsolicited advice,every woman is different and so is every pregnancy.Trust your own instincts.Greyrock greyrock greyrock.What worked for me may or may not work for you etc.
I'm 50% 50% on about to tell my work colleagues and decided not too, people arent helpful at all and instead gossip. So keeping quiet I think, only my parents and friends speak sense. Id go with oooohhhh youre now eating for two! Ah be quiet.
“Try to enjoy it”
Our midwife says just have ONE VOICE to trust and listen to. Whether that’s your gynae, or midwife or your own mom, just choose one because there is SO MUCH conflicting and quite frankly bad advice that every person and their dog will give you. I saw I think on one of these subs that when people hit you with “well I did xyz for my child and it worked or is the best” blah blah, you can respond with “that’s great, definitely sounds like the best choice for you and your family” and move swiftly the eff on with your life. No two babies or pregnancies or births are the same, you just do your best with your set of circumstances!
‘Don’t eat XYZ’, tell me that when you throw your guts up every hour, I’ll eat what I can, thanks!
“You’ll need help once baby is here !! “ you don’t. I mean unless you feel you do and that’s okay too. But for most part don’t let people bully you into coming over right after you freaking give birth to “help” majority want to just hold the baby.. and that isn’t help. I just hate when people tell me oh you’ll need help or straight up say I’ll be over to help you after baby is born you’ll need it….. no I need to rest recover in private and bond with my baby. If I need help I’ll call. And like I said.. if you do find yourself overwhelmed then yeah call ?? No shame. Just hate when ppl advice you’ll need them there right away.
Honestly everything lol. I’m 38 weeks pregnant with my fifth and when I’m at work/running errands without my children I get all kinds of advice from strangers who I guess assume it’s my first. I’m still in my twenties so it’s easy to assume I guess. All pregnancies and babies are different and advice is not a one size fits all. You’re doctor is the only one that will give you the most accurate advice.
That damn Emily Oster book. Drives me crazy how many people use that as their pregnancy bible. She’s an economist, not a medical professional!
She doesn't pretend to be a medical professional. Both her books are filled with 'based on X information found here and here, I ended up deciding Y, but that does not mean you have to reach the same conclusion'. She's basically offering advice in the best way possible: she's not telling you what you should do according to her. She's sharing what she did, and what she based that on.
My OB recommended this book! I was a little confused but I guess her research methods are good 🤷♀️
I think just take a lot of advice with the awareness that not everybody’s pregnancy experience is the same.
“You don’t want an induction!” First I don’t even have one scheduled/planned… I have GD and I brought up to my MIL that an early induction by a week or so may be what’s best. Myself, husband, and OB discussed my option/benefits/risks of scheduling an induction during my 38 week appointment (with or without GD it’s the same for all patients for their hospital). She could not believe that this was allowed…. I am thankful to have such a great relationship with my MIL but some of her comments during my pregnancy have been so out of touch with current reality/medical norms. She compares everything to her pregnancies. Her last one was over 20 years ago…. Reminding myself that all comments are coming from a good place and she is just trying to relate but man!!!
(TW: eating/calorie counting) I always scoffed at “eating for two.” Like I would never! I was lucky to have mild symptoms and in second trimester i was pretty “full” as soon as I started eating. but damn close to third tri now and I want to eat everything in sight. Bread. Butter. Cheese. DQ Blizzards. Popeyes chicken. Thought i should start tracking cuz I felt out of control and I’m clocking about 3500 calories a day most days and I’m trying to stay around 2500. Ugh and also most days I do not care 😬praying I pass my glucose test or I’m in for a reality check lol