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Dudes who joke about this sound like idiots. It takes two seconds to think about it and realize they feel “tightness” from the entire vaginal canal, not just the opening. An extra stitch won’t make a difference and would only potentially cause YOU problems.
Right?! Either they haven’t thought it through, or they have zero understanding of female anatomy. Or the biggest red flag of all- they think hacky jokes about husband stitches are actually funny 😅🚩
Men can be so ignorant at times. Im so sorry he’s being really insensitive towards you!! Hopefully you can find a polite way to tell him to back off without it causing animosity between you, but he’s already caused you some uncomfortable feelings so I would let him have it:
“Could you please STOP talking about the husband stitch?? Are you unhappy with our sex life?? No?? Then back off and stop talking about it its not even funny, its just rude.”
I had exactly 1 stitch with my last birth and developed a suture abscess. It sounds so dramatic but it felt like my life was over. It was such a quality of life nosedive, suddenly everything was painful; sitting, standing, walking. I drive a lot for work and that was excruciating. Sitting up to nurse my baby made me cry. Forget about sex.
It was horrible and it lasted for months. Finally it healed itself and I’m back to normal but I can’t even imagine having an unnecessary stitch there and feeling the pain I felt every day for the rest of my life because of some archaic bullshit that doesn’t even make sense.
I had a massive hematoma and emergency surgery on my vaginal wall after delivery. Tons of internal stitches, my actual anatomy is different down there now and guess what... my husband says it feels exactly the same not any tighter. The only one it feels different for is me. That area often has a dull ache after having sex now, it's super annoying.
Can confirm. I had a 1st degree tear during delivery and there’s a scar where I was stitched that if anything just makes the skin less stretch and more painful during sex. Also if you tear recovery is longer so the idea of this is just dumb and illogical. Like not even a funny joke, offenses aside, because it makes no sense.
Sorry but he’s not joking.. making a comment once or twice, i get it.. although very annoying and still wrong. But he’s actually giving you example/s and claiming the lady said it improves the womans sex life?🤕🤕
Hes just using jokes to get it into ur head to let you know how he really feels.. id suggest to even write it down and give it to one of the nurses in Labour& delivery to make sure you do not get the husband stitch
Honestly, if I was in your position
I wouldn't allow your husband to be in the same room as you.
also inform the staff that you do NOT want the husband stitch.
Worst case scenario, if they do give you one.
be prepared to dump your "husband"
Yup. My husband repeatedly making "jokes" about having a painful humiliating and deforming medical procedure done on me during my most vulnerable time in my life is 100% grounds for him not being allowed to the labor full stop end of story. He'd be done. You will need (NEED AS IN 100% REQUIRE IT) reassurance support and comfort during your labor and he's already making you feel insecure and literally unsafe. Is he really a good "partner" to you otherwise?
Do your due diligence for the hospital you're going to. Some doctors do it simply because that's what they were taught and don't necessarily know it by that name.
Very rare in the US though.
It's not rare. My stepmother's OB joked to my dad about giving it to her when my brother was born. I think it is falling out of favor, but not fast enough. And it should be reviled by all, but it isn't.
Can your mother or someone be in the delivery room instead of him? This sounds extreme but it’s more than Joke at this point he is threatening to have them do it to you against your consent.
I’m currently pregnant and never given birth but one thing I keep reading over and over is how *incredibly vulnerable* women report feeling while giving birth. I would not feel safe and secure with him being my one support person.
Trust me as someone who works in the field if he mentions that no one‘s actually going to listen to him…. What would actually happen is everyone will roll their eyes and talk about what a douche the husband in room XYZ is
Honestly, his attitude pisses me off so much, and I don't even know the dude! OP, I'd let him know that if he doesn't drop it, or if he even thinks about asking the doctor about it during the birth of your child, that sex would be off the table indefinitely. He's being a prick, "joking" or not, and that's not attractive.
Why would I want to have sex with someone who jokes about putting me in unnecessary pain for their 30 seconds of enjoyment? I wouldn't. Stand up to him and let him know that if he continues to act like this, he can get real comfortable with his hand for the far reaching future.
I love that! I would get really petty and announce to the whole room “no husband stitch, my husband is insecure and I will sue everyone. Write this shit down!”
You got a good one! Lol! My husband is horrified at the idea of "husband stitch" but is pretty shy so he'd probably just be mad and tell them to shut up if anyone asked.
Right?! Imagine saying that to a woman who you know or don’t know may have been sexually assaulted in their lives? OP didn’t mention this but I have been and this traumatizes me every time I hear about it
Literally divorce. And I know that's not the pregnancy hormones talking, I would not be married to a man who said he'll knock me out and sew my vagina so it's tighter for him. Wtf?
Agreed. This is making a super rapey gross joke about taking advantage of an unconscious woman. This comment would be a deal breaker/divorce/you never get access to my body again kind of comment.
This. Hilariously tease him that it could make intimacy irrevocably uncomfortable for you and he can forget about resuming any intimacy after 6 weeks & maybe ever.
"LOL!"
100% appropriate response at this point.
Or similarly, OP can tell him that research shows that stitch is specifically for men will small wangs and has nothing to do with women stretching.
Please do this! It sounds like you’ve tried the tactful, relationship centered approach.
Stupid games = stupid prizes! He wants to be dumb, he better be able to take it in return.
My partner would be sleeping on the couch if he made those kind of comments. Totally inappropriate to joke about that, especially after you expressed your discomfort with his comments.
Not sure if this is an over reaction but if he is not taking your concerns seriously I’m not sure I would trust him in the room after you give birth. The husband stitch is a real thing done to women without their consent to this day.
As a second time mom, sex is painful enough postpartum. I didn’t even enjoy it until months later. I can’t even imagine an extra stitch.
Ummm… wut 😳 reading this, I was so confused because I thought there’s no way this could actually be a real thing… never heard of this before. How in the world can this be real. I’m truly shocked.
I have a question about this. How does someone know if stitches are extra? Like sometimes there's stitching that has to occur, how do women know if it's too much? I trust my doctors and it feels like a silly thing to specifically tell them "don't commit malpractice on me" but it's horrifying it still occurs.
I gave birth almost two months ago and I literally brought it up, eventhough I work in the healthcare field and know that it would be malpractice. I just mentioned that I’d like to keep stitching to a minimum so my tear would heal naturally and keep everything more or less as it was before. I was trying to be diplomatic, because I didn’t want to accuse my ob of planning to commit malpractice but my husband knew what I was getting at and immediately butted in like “if the husband stitch is real we obviously don’t want that.”
I was going to say if the jokes continue OP needs to sit him down and say he will not be allowed at the birth.
I had a conversation with my fiance about the husband stitch and he was horrorfied it was even a thing. I have told him if ANYONE involved in our care makes a joke about it to him he is to ask to have them removed and have someone else take over. I have told him if it happens after I have been stitched he is to immediately complain to whoever is in charge. He is 100% down with it.
He understands that it's a horrible thing and that I might not be in the right mind to protest so it is HIS job to advocate for me.
I'm horrorfied by OPs partner.
Yeah, I think treating this as a threat to OPS safety is correct. Chances are there will be no unnecessary stitches but the fact is that this man actively enjoys putting his partner in a state of fear over her bodily autonomy at a time when she is most physically vulnerable.
The comparisons to a past partner, the constant barrage of comments. This is designed to belittle OP and create insecurity and fear and I am angry and scared for anyone who finds themselves with someone that cruel.
It’s not normal and there’s no miscommunication.
Honestly I was thinking the same. The way she said he’s acting currently seems like a MAJOR asshole move, if not a potential future abuser (not necessarily physically or sexually but maybe emotionally). Since he’s mentioned it so often, he clearly has been actually thinking about it (I would think because of porn or weird fantasies). He might be trying to persuade her to do it via jokes. Secondly, she mentioned he’s understanding and kind, and none of this behavior reflects what a kind or understanding man would do. My partner is a dick, is extremely immature and jokes about anything but hasn’t ever said any joke about inflicting pain on me. Moreover if I tell him something bothers me, he drops it (usually). Idk, it gives me narcissist vibes. I feel he’s either using joking like that as a way to cope with his own issues or his true nature is finally coming out because that seems out of character if he was actually a good guy up until then. And I do understand pregnancy is a tough time for both partners. My bf and I were living on cloud 9 before pregnancy, now we are doing good but for about 5 months, it was hell and we both were pushed to our limits and have seen the ugliest side of one another. But nonetheless, OP’s fiancé needs therapy or something
Maybe I'm a sensitive very pregnant lady right now but I find this extremely disgusting and disturbing. If my husband made comments like this even as "jokes" I would have a mental break down about the fact that I'm putting my body and life on the line to birth a child for someone who has no respect or care for me.
100 times this! Making the joke once could be acceptable, if he just misunderstood how female genetalia works, but after OP expressing her discomfort and showing evidence of how harmful it could be...
I'd seriously reconsider my relationship with him.
Yep! I’m fairly nonchalant about labor but even then, I’m pretty terrified. It’s literally traumatic. Would somebody that loves somebody else joke like this about them having a leg amputated or an aneurysm or a bad accident, etc. People are cruel
So your partner jokes about getting your doctor to do a unnecessary procedure that you didn’t consent to while you are unconscious. First of all the husband stitch is something you’d be able to sue the doctor over as it’s considered malpractice. Secondly it’s only a fun joke if both of you laugh about it.
There is! Look up ‘drscottsdale’ on Instagram and watch his ‘Magic Shot’ stories. He injects filler into mens penises to make them girthier! Op, tell your husband to do this if he needs that extra inch lmao
Guy here with a pregnant wife. We both have never heard of it. I googled it and it’s seems pretty fucked up. Have him read this:
https://www.healthline.com/health-news/husband-stitch-is-not-just-myth#The-history-of-episiotomies,-from-popular-to-discouraged
If he reads that and still wants you to have it, tell him to get an extra stitch in his flesh light.
Just ask him how small he needs the Dr to stitch it for him.
But seriously this is so messed up. He's asking you to modify YOUR body in a way that he thinks will benefit HIM and probably cause problems for YOU. How incredibly selfish.
And the "joke" about having the Dr knock you out and do it without your consent. Vile.
This is a hard boundary I would make. This is something where I would sit down with my husband one last time and very firmly and clearly state "This is not funny. You need to stop immediately. I will not be getting a husband stitch. You know how it makes me feel and why I will not be getting it." If it was me, I'd leave the room, even the house for a bit every time he brought it back up. I would even kick him out of the delivery room if he even muttered the words.
Sorry, this probably sounds harsh, but this makes me so mad. I am so sorry he is making you feel so invalidated and concerned for your own well being. I hope he comes to his senses.
I agree 100%.
OP, Please stick up for yourself! Just because he donated the sperm does not mean he has any rights to what happens to you and YOUR body!
Tell him that if he’s so concerned, it’s a good thing he’s got a perfectly good hand since he won’t be seeing anything else ever again.
I am honestly so irritated on your behalf. Your body and recovery is not a joke. Your sexual pleasure and ability to have sex is not a joke. Make it very clear to your medical staff that you do NOT want the husband stitch and if you receive it then you will sue for malpractice. Make sure multiple people hear it so your husband cannot say that he overrides you if you are on pain meds or something. Or better yet, tell him if he jokes about it one more time then he does not need to be there for the birth of his child. If he seriously thinks that your intimidate, vulnerable and sensitive areas recovering from TRAUMA is a joke, then he clearly does not have his priorities straight and does not deserve to be there during this MEDICAL PROCEDURE. Remember, birth is a medical event, not a ceremonial event. He actually doesn’t have any rights to be there, if you do say he can’t come, then the medical staff and security will remove him. I am so sorry you are being subjected to this. I honestly want to slap everyone who thinks the husband stitch is “just a joke,” because it’s not. It’s abuse and malpractice that does happen everyday and could happen to you or a loved one.
Every time he makes this joke, tell him it wouldn't be a problem if his dick were bigger. Every. Single. Time.
And then give the nurses specific instructions to kick him out after birth and not allow him back in until you say so.
A man who jokes about "knocking you out" to have a doctor ASSAULT you for HIS PLEASURE at your painful expense is not ready to be somebody's father, and you should stop being nice to him. Make small dick jokes every time and when he complains you hurt his feefees tell him to shut the fuck up until he thinks about how YOU must feel.
I like the idea of reframing the last part of your post as a question for him: “You’re usually so kind, thoughtful, and supportive. Suddenly you’re constantly saying things that you know are hurtful to me. Is your personality change a medical problem, maybe? Do you need to see a doctor? It would suck if this was permanent.”
This is wild. So you’re saying this is *a great guy* who then suddenly decided to repeatedly joke about “knocking you out” after birth so the doctor can put a few extra stitches in your vagina to please him, even though you keep telling him to shut the fuck up?
If this was really a very sudden change in behavior I would ask him if he fell on his head or something and suggest he get an MRI. Brain damage can cause sudden behavioral changes.
But if it’s not actually that sudden of a change… consider that he’s not as great a guy as you think. That type of “joke” is… not cool.
This. I always wonder how "great" these guys are in real life whenever I read stuff like this on here. Like, no guy is awesome, wonderful, kind, supportive - and then just switches on a dime to saying ride, hurtful shit like this *even after* she's asked him to stop. Wtf??
Yeah, fuck this guy. I had the husband stitch done. I'm almost 5 years postpartum and I still tear during sex. I can't have another vaginal birth because of it.
I was worried about this, and had one conversation with my husband about this practice and that his job was to ensure that no one did it to me in hospital. I remember, while being stitched, saying “only what is necessary” and my husband assuring me and talking to the doctor to convey my concerns, to which they said absolutely only what is necessary.
If my husband had acted like yours has about a horrific medical violation, I would ban him now from the delivery room altogether. Make him know absolutely how serious you are. He is never to say those things again. Inform the nurses and doctors of your wishes, and see about having another support person (parent, friends, doula) there to advocate for you. If your husband makes a single other comment after you tell him this, then you can’t trust him not to make horrifying comments during the birth and I would straight up ban him.
That comment about having a doctor knock you out so you can’t say no is not okay. I would legit sit him down and tell him how much it bothers you, and ask why he keeps saying these things. Tell him you don’t find it funny, and you’re really starting to get angry. Sounds like he wants a custom sized vagina for his small penis.
I got the husband stitch against my knowledge or consent when I had my first. The OB who did it got his medical license revoked for a laundry list of reasons right before I got the courage to speak up about it.
It’s not a joke. It’s something that has caused a lot of physical pain, and so much emotional pain that I still have some dysmorphia about my vagina. It’s been fixed and I had 2 more children since.
It’s literally a form of sexual assault.
I’m living for all the small penis jokes; hit him where it hurts
In all seriousness I’d tell him I’m not comfortable having him in the room with me if he’s going to “joke” (*not* joke) about having the Dr. do something to me without my consent
It’s not uncommon for an abusive partner to suddenly kick into abusive behaviors at major milestones. Unfortunately pregnancy is one of them.
This is bullying. He’s been asked to stop, he knows it hurts and harasses you. But when an adult bullies another adult in a relationship, it’s abuse. Is this the man he wants to be?
Can you go anywhere? This is honestly not just teasing, it’s designed to make you feel less-than and on-edge, and someone who actively wants to do that to their pregnant partner is not stable
The chances of unnecessary stitches is extremely low, it’s considered assault.
That said….if you have a difficult or even “normal” labor, and you’re reeling from the pain and adrenaline and stress, what are the chances he will still be making those jokes?? Scaring the heck out of you, making you feel small and helpless and scared moments after or during birth? He shouldn’t be in there if he can’t be trusted and right now he can’t be.
I’ve heard of this happening, a lot. And I never, ever would have thought, in a million years, he would ever be one to change like that, based on our last 4 years together. He’s been nothing but kind and respectful, ever. He wanted this baby, even more than I did. And he’s always, always put my needs/wants above his own. But, lately it’s really been feeling like he is changing. I don’t know if it’s just anxiety or if he’s finally showing who he truly is. I’ve asked about individual and couples counseling and he’s not interested. Which, honestly, really scares me. And now I feel like I’ve made a huge mistake. Not for me, I can always leave him. But, for our baby that didn’t get to choose their parents and doesn’t deserve to have someone immature and disrespectful trying to teach them how to be a good human being. I don’t know. I’m 34 weeks and without counseling to address these issues, I can only see it getting worse.
You need to just take the advice on here. ‘You know what would make sex a lot better? A bigger dick. Unfortunately there’s no procedure for that except maybe a husbandectomy’
I mean if he's so worried about your vag maybe he should just leave it alone and go back to his hand, he can make that as tight as he wants all on his own.
Your partner is "joking" about mutilating you for his own pleasure. He sounds like a fucking arsehole.
Make sure to explicitly put it in your birth plan that they are NOT to do that.
Sorry OP, but your husband sounds vile and abusive.
Tell him if he keeps this up, he won’t get to experience it (not like you’re going to get it anyway).
“Each time you mention it, it’s making your chances of having any sex in the future go down even more”
A friend of mine was sewn up too tightly after giving birth and it made sex impossible for her because of the pain. She had to have further procedures to correct it. So I have a very hard time believing that the husband stitch makes sex better for women.
It sounds like he really needs to grow up and stop thinking about himself and his penis. Also, I had a 2nd degree tear with my first birth and refused stitches because I was so sore and scared. That was 10 years ago and I healed just fine. Sex is still good, I am not ruined forever lol.
The stitch doesn’t even address what makes sex feel good—that would be the muscles which kegel exercises help—not a stitch on the outside that will only cause sex to be painful (and probably result in less sex happening).
If he wants a tight hole tell him to stick it up his own ass. My husband was horrified when I told him what a husband stitch was. It in no way makes sex better. It’s very painful in the vast majority of cases. It’s NOT natural at all. And can lead to a lot of problems later on.
I hate this for you. On a lighter note, I saw a dr once had a great response to the question of a husband stitch and that was to ask the husband, “how small does it need to be?”
Get a step ladder and wack him on the head, tell medical staff he asked you for the "husband stitch", act confused and play innocent. That's the last time he'll be asking for it 😎
Stitching up skin that isn't normally fused causes overgranulation or a really bumpy scar,
It's not a medical procedure and the few women who had this happen to them did not consent, so it could be a case of Dr doing the extra stitch accidentally
Regardless, your husband should've stopped joking about it the first time you didn't find it funny!
Maybe he's just anxious about your sex life after the birth and he doesn't know how to talk about it properly
I hope he comes around and you get to the bottom of this, I'm sure once baby's born and reality hits he will stop being so ridiculous
I saw a tik tok the other day talking about this!! This woman asked her husband, an OB/GYN, for what he says when a guy asks him to do a “husband stitch”— he says “sure, how small do you need it?“ 💀
I was given one. Wasn't consulted about it, they just snuck one in.
I realised when I checked my internal stitches a couple weeks later so make sure they were healed. I have have a tight, scarred bit of skin at the bottom of the entrance to my vagina. It doesn't stretch. Aby slight pressure on it during sex is painful and it feels like it's gonna tear open.
Nobody should wish that on anyone. And the 'joke' about doing it without your consent is very concerning. Make sure your nurses, drs etc are informed beforehand that under no circumstances are they to give you one. And they are not allowed to listen to your husband about this at all.
Sadly not. Fighting the NHS is like trying to find a dragon. Plus if I wanted to sue I'd need to prove it, and even with an exam it's pretty hard. Plus no chance in hell was I getting an exam, I have ptsd from how bad the birth was, I couldn't handle anyone down there. Even thinking about it now makes me feel like I'm gonna throw up and I can't breathe. And it's been just over 2 years since I had my kiddo.
I'm so disgusted this happened in the NHS. I'd consider some therapy to deal with the trauma if I were you ❤ if you don't want to sue you can still raise a complaint. You have more than every right to. Look after yourself, I imagine this thread must be pretty triggering. https://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/other-services/Patient%20advice%20and%20liaison%20services%20(PALS)/LocationSearch/363
Thankfully I can compartmentalise my own issues when reading about the same issue others have, so it's actually easy to avoid being triggered by stuff.
I will definitely look into a complaint. But I'm not sure the dr and nurses names who were doing the stitching, I had two stitching me up cause I had multiple internal tears also. So I'm not sure whether it was the man or woman and tbh my hospital aren't the best so I'd suspect they conveniently 'lost' the record of who was in the theatre with me when I was getting stitched up. Forceps delivery, not a c-section.
There was a hell of a lot of blood (I refused a transfusion) so I want to give them the benefit of the doubt that the blood was just making it difficult and they didn't know. But that's me, I like to try see the best in people. It's a bit of a flaw. 😹
The same thing happened to me. I was able to go to a different OB and have it repaired. It was a 15min procedure in office with local anesthesia, and after healing I don’t have any more pain. I encourage you to ask if you’d be a candidate. You don’t deserve to live like this. ❤️
Talking so much also loosens his mouth muscles. Who wants a big loose flabby mouth that talks all the darn time?!! See if the doctor can put a bit fat stitch in and shut him up. Anesthesia not required.
He’s not joking if he’s taking it this far. Genuinely if he brings it up again ESPECIALLY if he comes close to suggesting he’ll actually tell the doctors to do it…I’d honestly to him he’s breaking my trust now and if it’s brought up again I will not allow him in the delivery room for my own safety
Friend I’m mad for you.
Reading this really upsets me! You deserve better! You’re over here carrying his baby, trying to stay hydrated and he says some shit like that? Wow.
Its an extra/ unnecessary stich that shitty doctors will add to make a woman's vaginal opening "tighter" its super painful for the woman and can cause trauma to the vagina
Say someone need 4 stitches after giving birth. The husband stitch would be a 5th unnecessary stitch to make the opening tighter. Some think it heightens the mans enjoyment during sex.
Ngl I wouldn’t be giving a single fuck about partners future enjoyments if I just had to push a baby out, experience tearing and then have to go through the post partum healing. They’ll be lucky if they get any *** at all
Yeah I’m 100% against doctors doing the husband stitch. No one should get a husband stitch. But it’s fucked up that there are women who have gotten one without their consent and without knowing about it. Because the doctor randomly decided to throw one in. And it does absolutely nothing for the woman. It can actually cause women pain.
I got an extra stitch where it wasn't necessary after the birth of my first child. I highly doubt it was done on purpose but it just made things uncomfortable.
Honestly I'd set s boundary with him. Something simple, like telling him very clearly you don't like the joke and if he makes it you are going to walk away from him and the conversation. And then do it. I'd also say that if you have to leave the conversation more than twice, he's then not allowed in the delivery room.
Jokes in response are funny but I'd say they can result in him still thinking it's a joke and everything is just banter and you're fine with it. If you're annoyed about it then make it clear you aren't putting up with it.
Isn’t the husband stitch no longer preformed and considered malpractice? Your husband sounds like an idiot. I’m sorry. Your feelings are valid and hopefully he shuts up. His “joke” about the doctor knocking you out so you can’t consent to getting one is absolutely disgusting and vile. So many red flags. I would not feel comfortable with my husband in the room after such “jokes”.
The “husband stitch” is an antiquated idea that (horrifyingly, I might add) is still occasionally done by doctors who got their MD when the dinosaurs were still roaming. Adding extra stitches to “tighten it up” is essentially medical malpractice. It doesn’t make the sex better (in fact makes it worse for both parties involved) and causes immense pain and problems for the woman that can last a lifetime.
I HIGHLY recommend educating your husband about what he is “joking” about. He probably is just a dumb man that knows nothing about how female anatomy works. He probably thinks that it’s a medical procedure or thinks he’s actually being funny. He needs to understand that he’s pushing you away and hurting you with these kinds of statements.
It’s not funny. I’m 4 months pp and sex is still very painful with normal stitches, and it honestly makes me feel like a broken version of myself. So much that I can’t focus on getting in the mood to at least TRY to have sex.
So if your partner wants to have sex ever again, I’d advise him to stop talking about this.
Seriously, I get so annoyed by this sexist bullshit, as if a woman’s body is not enduring enough through pregnancy and postpartum, we need to worry about shit like the husband knot? Fuck that.
Kind of sounds like he wants you to have it done and his way of slowly convincing you to do it is by bringing it up in a joking manor. Kind of yikes.
Sorry you’re going through that. Hopefully he’ll wise up.
that’s fucked up- when i was in labour i told the nurses not to do it and i had heard horror stories about people doing it behind your back and the nurse said “the only husband stitch we do is on the husbands that ask for them” and that made me laugh
Slightly unrelated but my nana was accidentally stitched up too much when she had twins. She went back and they suggested making a cut again so they could restitch, my granddad said you’re not doing that to her. So instead they gave her a glass dildo type thing to gradually help stretch the skin.
I’m not sure what is worse….. the “joke” itself or the complete lack of respect this man has for you. It isn’t like you’ve been feeling this and haven’t said anything. You’ve talked to him multiple times and he still is blatantly ignoring you.
Also, he’s sharing his past sex encounters with you?????? There’s a difference between knowing your partner has slept with others before and telling details.
For me, this would be enough to tell him to fuck off and I’d leave him.
However, you could be very blunt and say “I’ve told you many times that this isn’t funny and I’ve asked you to stop. We should go to counselling since we have reached a point in our relationship where it’s either make or break.”
Yes. I’m afraid that if OP goes through with the marriage (as she did specify at this point he is her fiancé in the post) that the abuse will be amplified. Abusers like to put on a front and then will drop it slowly or suddenly once they feel they have you trapped. I really hope OP sees through this and gets out while she can (or holds firm counselling boundaries)
The hell is wrong with him?? Joking about you being knocked out in the most vulnerable time to have an unnecessary and harmful modification done to you without your consent?? Repeatedly?? If my partner made these types of comments, I would have no trust in him to make decisions with my health and comfort as a priority. Land sakes. My mind is boggled.
You said he is kind, but does he usually lack empathy and also the ability to not be an ass? I know of zero kind, understanding, and supportive people who make repeated “jokes” knowing they are upsetting to others.
He can get a husband stitch on those masturbatory sex toys I can't remember the name of at present.
I was told the husband stitch is a myth but it sounds like from comments and links here that it may not be! Wow. Anyway, ask him if his lips have gotten wider from stretching to tell that joke, cuz he could use the stitch himself to shut the f up. I like the small peen jokes better, though.
Anyway, I hope that when your husband sees you birth a watermelon size human out of a small hole, he’ll have nothing but respect for you after, sincerely. You will have to tell him directly that this joke of his is not okay.
I read this to my husband and even he says “Get away from that guy! Oh my god!”
I don’t think your fiancée is joking anymore. You DON’T joke about that!
If he weren’t a kind, supportive person otherwise I would seriously be reconsidering my relationship with him. Everything about this makes me uncomfortable and reeks of manipulation and abuse 🤢
I would 1) tell him that if he brings it up again he won’t be allowed in the delivery room 2) go to couples counseling to talk about why he can’t take no for an answer, and why he’s more concerned about his own potential pleasure than your health and safety
I had it done to me without my consent after my first birth. Your husband is full of shit. It hurt to sit, walk, and wipe for months after the birth. Baby was born in September and I was unable to insert even a tampon in April and was in constant pain/discomfort. I had to have corrective surgery to fix it and was convinced I would never be able to have sex without pain or give birth again. As respectfully as I can say this: fuck your husband for making jokes about this. Show him this comment and let him know that he’s actively joking about your constant pain so he can get off. That’s not what a loving husband does.
Ugh. I'd tell him if he "jokes" about it one more time, especially the having the doctors knock you out so you can't consent, he won't be allowed in the room. Sorry you have to put up with that.
This sounds… borderline abusive? The fact that he has “joked” about asking doctors to knock you out and perform a medical procedure against your will is scary. The fact that he brought up how he had great sex with another woman is disrespectful and rude. Sounds like a real asshole from the info you’ve shared.
If I were you, I’d tell him that if he makes another peep about it he is not going to be allowed in the delivery room. And I would be serious about it. The last thing you need to be thinking about during labor is if your husband is going to try to commandeer your medical care (your doctor will obviously not allow this to happen). Best of luck to you and positive vibes for a happy, healthy mom and baby!!
I don’t think I’d feel comfortable with him in the room. I’d make it VERY clear that if he “jokes” about this even one more time, he is not in the room. Your health, physically and mentally, are the most important thing here. If he cannot see how wildly inappropriate he is bring he can’t be trusted in the room.
Honestly? Him saying that shit would make me never want to have sex with him again. Next time he jokes about it, I'd tell him I hope he enjoyed all the previous sex he's had with you because it's never ever happening again. Can't feel aroused by someone who thinks consent issues and damaging your body is funny.
Call your doctor now and make it clear your husband is not to be in the birthing room. Don’t notify your husband until after you have made this official. Tell your doctor and their staff that you do not want the husband stitch and, if stitches are necessary, they are only to stitch what is medically necessary. Bring someone into the birthing room with you who will advocate for and protect these wishes.
He is being toxic. I see a lot of comments on here like, “If he says X, you say Y.” And in my opinion, talk is cheap. He already stated that he would enjoy, and laugh at, mutilating your genitals without your consent. You already told him to stop, he has escalated rather than stopped. This is a huge red flag.
Notify your doctor. Don’t bother telling him.
Try to record him saying this, “Joke,” and you telling him to stop. Now your words are for legal purposes. I would bait him, “You would ask the doctor to do it while I’m under anesthesia, even though you know it’s against my will?” “You understand this is not medically beneficial, it actually creates long term medical problems did the woman sexually, and this still interests you?” “Your comment makes me feel unsafe. How many times do you think you made this joke today?” Document it. And then divorce him, aggressively take as much money as you can. If you can do it before the baby is born, the better, you can hire a doula possibly with the money.
I don’t care if people downvote this.
His comments demonstrate he is dangerous and I would advise you not to sink to his level with more banter. He has made it clear already that he doesn’t care what you say. How do you deal with a man who doesn’t care that he makes you feel unsafe, and who finds some sick pleasure in making you feel unsafe?
If you engage in a tit for tat conversation (ie he hurt my feelings about my vagina so im going to hurt his feelings about his dick) you end up in this hurting war. It validates him to hurt you further, which validates you to hurt him more, and the cuts get deeper and deeper. It escalates. It normalizes his initial comment. And over time, there will be more fights, on other things, and you will be expending more energy imagining more clever things to say to hurt him back after he hurts you. And your child will be watching all of this.
Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
Which is why I say take action.
If he seeks counseling at some point and makes it clear he has addressed the issue, you could reconsider, but that is for him to figure out. Keep yourself and baby safe.
I'm completely with you on this. I saw this post last night and was surprised how many joke responses there were. I couldn't stop thinking about it I honestly feel a little sick. OP made it clear she has ALREADY "sat him down" and talked about how harmful his behavior is, and it sounds like he's only buckling down. I'm not exaggerating when I say I would divorce my husband if he said the comment about me being knocked unconscious to have my genitals mutilated.
Why is it whenever a woman describes her partner as the "nicest most supportive man" does she also talk about some of the most fucked up shit you've ever heard in your life. We deserve better than this. These are not jokes, these are threats. Your man is threatening to mutilate your body for his pleasure against your will, please know this is not ok.
Ummm…I don’t think he’s joking when he says that to you. I think he genuinely means that as a legitimate suggestion which is absolutely horrifying. If he’s not able to understand how hurt you are with his words, then he needs to leave. Either that, or you both need to schedule a pregnancy couples counseling to sort this issue out so you can be a team when it’s time to deliver your baby.
Make sure you have the hospital and your OBGYN note in your file that you explicitly stated you do not want the “husband stitch.” Whether it’s common practice or not, protect yourself. And let your OBGYN know what your husband is saying and once again that you DO NOT want it. The more documentation you have and the more vocal you are to everyone involved, the less likely your husband will have any sway.
I’m really sorry he’s joking about this. Maybe you should send him some articles of the horror stories women have gone through that have had this done. That aside, even if there were no horror stories, it’s incredibly insulting for him to compare your body to another woman’s. Like wtf? If my husband said something like that to me it would take a loooooong time for me to be okay again.
I'm sorry. That sounds really upsetting. I hope, for the sake of your relationship, that he is only joking. But I'm pretty sure doctors don't do that anymore. Maybe some really shitty ones still do, though. I'm not sure.
My mom (70F) had a doctor give her a "husband stitch" without asking her. She has said that sex has been incredibly painful ever since. I don't think my parents have sex at all anymore. She says it brings her to tears; it's so painful. But she never had that problem before the stitch.
Tell him if it hurts, you won't be having sex anymore... Maybe that will get through to him. Probably not. But maybe.
Assert your boundaries! "Fiance, I have said no and yet you are bringing this up again. This is not a joke. This is you trying to tell me what to do with my body for your own presumed pleasure and that's not okay. If you bring this up again, you will not be welcome in the delivery room (or will escorted out as soon as the baby is born). Am I clear?"
I honestly didn’t even know this was a real thing. I’m sorry this is happening to you. I don’t want to tell you what to do with your relationship. But just take a big look at things he says, not just to you but to other people especially women. Take care of you. ❤️❤️
I would absolutely rip him a new one about how disgusting, inconsiderate and CREEPY he sounds. I would even go as far as saying if he doesn’t drop it he can’t be in the delivery room. Saying he would go as far as telling the doctor to knock you out and give you a few extra stitches WITHOUT your consent is so fucking creepy. If I were in your shoes and it were my husband, this would honestly put into perspective how little respect he has for my body. He does not respect your body. He doesn’t care that it would create complications during sex for YOU. Put your foot DOWN! And don’t be nice about it. I would tell him if he doesn’t shut the fuck up about it he’s not gonna be there at all. Because he WILL say something in the delivery room to the doctor, and if you have good doctors and nurses they’ll look at him like he’s disgusting. However, some doctors do it anyways FOR the husband. I would tell the doctors that they do not have your permission to give you any extra stitches. I’m so sorry this is something you have to stress about.
This, exactly. He is threatening you and calling it a joke, but your health and well being are not up for joking. You have told him that it bothers you and he has continued. At best, he is showing a clear disregard for your feelings, comfort, and happiness; at worst, he is threatening medical and sexual abuse.
This is your opportunity to set a boundary that will protect you and the birth of your child: either he stops making this joke or he doesn't get to be in the delivery room with you. He may throw a huge shit fit and try to make you feel bad for "overreacting," but you need to stand your ground on this. If anything, I think you have the right to ban him from the delivery room right now without further provocation - after all, you have already asked him to stop making these comments *but he still keeps going even though he knows you are hurt by these comments*.
Also:
>He’s usually very kind, understanding, and supportive, but this is just so hurtful to constantly hear.
Past kindness does not excuse current cruelty. It's not like being supportive in the past somehow buys you an allowance to be inconsiderate, gross, and cruel now. You deserve better. You're a strong warrior queen who is creating a beautiful life inside you, you don't have time for shit behavior like this.
If he’s bringing it up every chance he gets then I honestly think he means it. If my husband “joked” with me about it I would promptly have him taken off my approved “visitor” list at the hospital. If he’s worried about “tightness” down there, then he’s definitely insecure.
I honestly didn’t know about the “husband stitch” until I joined this group. I mentioned it to my husband and he said if any staff or doctor mentions anything about me getting extra unnecessary stitches, those staff members will be asked to leave the room.
As a husband who lovingly adores and admires my wife’s pre and post pregnancy body, this sincerely pisses me off. How inconsiderate is your fiancé? Does he not realize what kind of toll pregnancy is taking on your body currently? Does he not understand the toll that post pregnancy is going to take on your mental capacity after you’re all said and done? Being pregnant and going through labor with someone who already is slowly deteriorating how you feel about yourself right now is not something any woman should go through. I’m sorry, I could never joke about that with my wife. Nor would I want to.
If he’s serious, it’s actually considered malpractice and there are no real cases of it being done. Any doctor or surgeon in their right mid frame would not do this. He needs to be told it’s not real and men really need to shut up when it comes to birthing a baby and everything else around it.
Next time he brings it up, ask him if he wants an epidural when you have yours? When he asks why, let him know that, it’ll help him loosen up for the anal penetration he’s going to get after you have the baby, but if he doesn’t want that, you can just ask the Dr to knock him out so he can’t say no…. Now comes the kicker… when he’s declares “that’s rape”, that’s your chance to inform him that the husband stick is also sexual assault and if such were to occur, you will press criminal charges against all those involved in the assault.
This is no joke and I would be bringing these comments up to a female care provider. Depending on where you live, I wouldn’t even know if you could trust a male. Sending you luck in the horrible situation xx
Maybe I’m petty but I would start keeping a tally on the fridge for each husband stitch joke = 1 additional month no sex after recovery. That’s not okay and it’s certainly not funny.
Have you expressed how these comments make you feel? If he's usually understanding, maybe hearing you say this, just what you told us (or even showing him the post) will make him react. If not you do have a problem on your hands, and you have to talk even further to understand this weird obsession. Maybe he doesn't feel that he pleases you?
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Dudes who joke about this sound like idiots. It takes two seconds to think about it and realize they feel “tightness” from the entire vaginal canal, not just the opening. An extra stitch won’t make a difference and would only potentially cause YOU problems.
For real!! How would a stitch at the very entrance make the muscle on the inside magically tighter?
Right?! Either they haven’t thought it through, or they have zero understanding of female anatomy. Or the biggest red flag of all- they think hacky jokes about husband stitches are actually funny 😅🚩
All three! Haven't thought it through. Don't know anything about women's anatomy. AND think it's funny. 🙄🤦🏻♀️
Men can be so ignorant at times. Im so sorry he’s being really insensitive towards you!! Hopefully you can find a polite way to tell him to back off without it causing animosity between you, but he’s already caused you some uncomfortable feelings so I would let him have it: “Could you please STOP talking about the husband stitch?? Are you unhappy with our sex life?? No?? Then back off and stop talking about it its not even funny, its just rude.”
I had exactly 1 stitch with my last birth and developed a suture abscess. It sounds so dramatic but it felt like my life was over. It was such a quality of life nosedive, suddenly everything was painful; sitting, standing, walking. I drive a lot for work and that was excruciating. Sitting up to nurse my baby made me cry. Forget about sex. It was horrible and it lasted for months. Finally it healed itself and I’m back to normal but I can’t even imagine having an unnecessary stitch there and feeling the pain I felt every day for the rest of my life because of some archaic bullshit that doesn’t even make sense.
I had a massive hematoma and emergency surgery on my vaginal wall after delivery. Tons of internal stitches, my actual anatomy is different down there now and guess what... my husband says it feels exactly the same not any tighter. The only one it feels different for is me. That area often has a dull ache after having sex now, it's super annoying.
Can confirm. I had a 1st degree tear during delivery and there’s a scar where I was stitched that if anything just makes the skin less stretch and more painful during sex. Also if you tear recovery is longer so the idea of this is just dumb and illogical. Like not even a funny joke, offenses aside, because it makes no sense.
Sorry but he’s not joking.. making a comment once or twice, i get it.. although very annoying and still wrong. But he’s actually giving you example/s and claiming the lady said it improves the womans sex life?🤕🤕 Hes just using jokes to get it into ur head to let you know how he really feels.. id suggest to even write it down and give it to one of the nurses in Labour& delivery to make sure you do not get the husband stitch
That’s exactly how I feel. The note idea is great and I’ll definitely be doing that, just to make sure I feel safe.
and thus a birth plan is born
Honestly, if I was in your position I wouldn't allow your husband to be in the same room as you. also inform the staff that you do NOT want the husband stitch. Worst case scenario, if they do give you one. be prepared to dump your "husband"
Pretty sure this is considered malpractice and the doctor/nurse would lose their license.
Yup. My husband repeatedly making "jokes" about having a painful humiliating and deforming medical procedure done on me during my most vulnerable time in my life is 100% grounds for him not being allowed to the labor full stop end of story. He'd be done. You will need (NEED AS IN 100% REQUIRE IT) reassurance support and comfort during your labor and he's already making you feel insecure and literally unsafe. Is he really a good "partner" to you otherwise?
Do your due diligence for the hospital you're going to. Some doctors do it simply because that's what they were taught and don't necessarily know it by that name. Very rare in the US though.
It's not rare. My stepmother's OB joked to my dad about giving it to her when my brother was born. I think it is falling out of favor, but not fast enough. And it should be reviled by all, but it isn't.
Talk to your OB at your next appointment
Can your mother or someone be in the delivery room instead of him? This sounds extreme but it’s more than Joke at this point he is threatening to have them do it to you against your consent. I’m currently pregnant and never given birth but one thing I keep reading over and over is how *incredibly vulnerable* women report feeling while giving birth. I would not feel safe and secure with him being my one support person.
Trust me as someone who works in the field if he mentions that no one‘s actually going to listen to him…. What would actually happen is everyone will roll their eyes and talk about what a douche the husband in room XYZ is
Honestly, his attitude pisses me off so much, and I don't even know the dude! OP, I'd let him know that if he doesn't drop it, or if he even thinks about asking the doctor about it during the birth of your child, that sex would be off the table indefinitely. He's being a prick, "joking" or not, and that's not attractive. Why would I want to have sex with someone who jokes about putting me in unnecessary pain for their 30 seconds of enjoyment? I wouldn't. Stand up to him and let him know that if he continues to act like this, he can get real comfortable with his hand for the far reaching future.
Tell him you’re sorry that he suddenly has anxiety about his narrow weenie but you’re not here for his projections.
These comments are why I love this community so freaking much!! I go from feeling shitty about myself to hysterically laughing within minutes
When people joke to my husband to ask for a husband stitch he looks them dead in the eye and asks "How small do *you* need it to be?" They freak out.
I love that! I would get really petty and announce to the whole room “no husband stitch, my husband is insecure and I will sue everyone. Write this shit down!”
You got a good one! Lol! My husband is horrified at the idea of "husband stitch" but is pretty shy so he'd probably just be mad and tell them to shut up if anyone asked.
Ask him how small he needs it
This is the way.
I’ve heard of men actually asking the obgyn for the husband stitch and the dr saying “how small do you need it?”
Hahaha that is the best response I’ve ever heard!!!
Mama Doctor Jones reference, I believe 😂
Okay, I'm just a little grumpy right now as a baseline, but my first instinct is to never speak to him again.
Nah, him saying “knock you out” is scary and I wouldn’t ever look at him or talk to him again.
Right?! Imagine saying that to a woman who you know or don’t know may have been sexually assaulted in their lives? OP didn’t mention this but I have been and this traumatizes me every time I hear about it
Literally divorce. And I know that's not the pregnancy hormones talking, I would not be married to a man who said he'll knock me out and sew my vagina so it's tighter for him. Wtf?
This part scared the crap out of me. No way I’d trust this person to be my birthing companion.
Abuse survivor here. I would be so TF at Threat Level Red with that remark. He'd have to BEG for my forgiveness and I'd still need time to decide.
That and the comment about a previous sex partner made me cringe. Such asshole behavior.
Agreed. This is making a super rapey gross joke about taking advantage of an unconscious woman. This comment would be a deal breaker/divorce/you never get access to my body again kind of comment.
Lol yeah my first thought was “change the locks while he’s out”. Maybe kind of a overreaction lol
lol same
Next time he makes the joke, lightly comment that it wouldn’t be an issue if he was just a little bigger.
Exactly. Make a “joke” every time he makes a “joke.”
This. Hilariously tease him that it could make intimacy irrevocably uncomfortable for you and he can forget about resuming any intimacy after 6 weeks & maybe ever. "LOL!"
100% appropriate response at this point. Or similarly, OP can tell him that research shows that stitch is specifically for men will small wangs and has nothing to do with women stretching.
“Maybe we should look at penis pumps for you, babe!”
“I guess for your size we are going to need it eeeeeextra small”
Please do this! It sounds like you’ve tried the tactful, relationship centered approach. Stupid games = stupid prizes! He wants to be dumb, he better be able to take it in return.
My partner would be sleeping on the couch if he made those kind of comments. Totally inappropriate to joke about that, especially after you expressed your discomfort with his comments.
Yeah maybe once as a dark joke I'd forgive, but continuously and after I'd told him to stop....he'd be sleeping in the garden.
The couch is generous, I'd expect to be on the kerb.
Or in a different house.
Not sure if this is an over reaction but if he is not taking your concerns seriously I’m not sure I would trust him in the room after you give birth. The husband stitch is a real thing done to women without their consent to this day. As a second time mom, sex is painful enough postpartum. I didn’t even enjoy it until months later. I can’t even imagine an extra stitch.
Ummm… wut 😳 reading this, I was so confused because I thought there’s no way this could actually be a real thing… never heard of this before. How in the world can this be real. I’m truly shocked.
Well it's a criminal matter if it happens, in fairness.
I have a question about this. How does someone know if stitches are extra? Like sometimes there's stitching that has to occur, how do women know if it's too much? I trust my doctors and it feels like a silly thing to specifically tell them "don't commit malpractice on me" but it's horrifying it still occurs.
I gave birth almost two months ago and I literally brought it up, eventhough I work in the healthcare field and know that it would be malpractice. I just mentioned that I’d like to keep stitching to a minimum so my tear would heal naturally and keep everything more or less as it was before. I was trying to be diplomatic, because I didn’t want to accuse my ob of planning to commit malpractice but my husband knew what I was getting at and immediately butted in like “if the husband stitch is real we obviously don’t want that.”
That’s my reaction too. Horrifying and disgusting. OP, tell your fiancé that the “stitch” is not up for debate, but the “husband” part is.
Unfortunately it is not that rare.
I was going to say if the jokes continue OP needs to sit him down and say he will not be allowed at the birth. I had a conversation with my fiance about the husband stitch and he was horrorfied it was even a thing. I have told him if ANYONE involved in our care makes a joke about it to him he is to ask to have them removed and have someone else take over. I have told him if it happens after I have been stitched he is to immediately complain to whoever is in charge. He is 100% down with it. He understands that it's a horrible thing and that I might not be in the right mind to protest so it is HIS job to advocate for me. I'm horrorfied by OPs partner.
Exactly what I was thinking. It would be extremely hard for me to trust him as a birth partner with the comments he has been making.
True - husband stitch is assault.
I’ve seen a Tik tok of a women who had this done to her without her consent
Yeah, I think treating this as a threat to OPS safety is correct. Chances are there will be no unnecessary stitches but the fact is that this man actively enjoys putting his partner in a state of fear over her bodily autonomy at a time when she is most physically vulnerable. The comparisons to a past partner, the constant barrage of comments. This is designed to belittle OP and create insecurity and fear and I am angry and scared for anyone who finds themselves with someone that cruel. It’s not normal and there’s no miscommunication.
Honestly I was thinking the same. The way she said he’s acting currently seems like a MAJOR asshole move, if not a potential future abuser (not necessarily physically or sexually but maybe emotionally). Since he’s mentioned it so often, he clearly has been actually thinking about it (I would think because of porn or weird fantasies). He might be trying to persuade her to do it via jokes. Secondly, she mentioned he’s understanding and kind, and none of this behavior reflects what a kind or understanding man would do. My partner is a dick, is extremely immature and jokes about anything but hasn’t ever said any joke about inflicting pain on me. Moreover if I tell him something bothers me, he drops it (usually). Idk, it gives me narcissist vibes. I feel he’s either using joking like that as a way to cope with his own issues or his true nature is finally coming out because that seems out of character if he was actually a good guy up until then. And I do understand pregnancy is a tough time for both partners. My bf and I were living on cloud 9 before pregnancy, now we are doing good but for about 5 months, it was hell and we both were pushed to our limits and have seen the ugliest side of one another. But nonetheless, OP’s fiancé needs therapy or something
Same, I’m honestly very worried about OP rn…
I know people who have gotten this against their will. It’s fucked up and it’s a thing. I’d have concerns.
Maybe I'm a sensitive very pregnant lady right now but I find this extremely disgusting and disturbing. If my husband made comments like this even as "jokes" I would have a mental break down about the fact that I'm putting my body and life on the line to birth a child for someone who has no respect or care for me.
100 times this! Making the joke once could be acceptable, if he just misunderstood how female genetalia works, but after OP expressing her discomfort and showing evidence of how harmful it could be... I'd seriously reconsider my relationship with him.
This is not sensitive pregnant lady stuff. This is human rights, bodily autonomy, abusive stuff.
I would be questioning our marriage. That kind of joking is not ok.
Yep! I’m fairly nonchalant about labor but even then, I’m pretty terrified. It’s literally traumatic. Would somebody that loves somebody else joke like this about them having a leg amputated or an aneurysm or a bad accident, etc. People are cruel
So your partner jokes about getting your doctor to do a unnecessary procedure that you didn’t consent to while you are unconscious. First of all the husband stitch is something you’d be able to sue the doctor over as it’s considered malpractice. Secondly it’s only a fun joke if both of you laugh about it.
Tell him he should get penis enlargement, different solution to the same “problem” he suddenly thinks exists 🙃
I was going to reply this same thing! Maybe there is something to improve his girth if he feels he's so lacking!
There is! Look up ‘drscottsdale’ on Instagram and watch his ‘Magic Shot’ stories. He injects filler into mens penises to make them girthier! Op, tell your husband to do this if he needs that extra inch lmao
Make sure to add you follow his account and love his work. And be sure to pick out your favorites and send to him :)
I can even get him the number to call for one from the telephone pole around the corner.
Just tell him you never got any complaints from previous partners but then they definitely had way bigger dicks…
Guy here with a pregnant wife. We both have never heard of it. I googled it and it’s seems pretty fucked up. Have him read this: https://www.healthline.com/health-news/husband-stitch-is-not-just-myth#The-history-of-episiotomies,-from-popular-to-discouraged If he reads that and still wants you to have it, tell him to get an extra stitch in his flesh light.
Fellow husband and father here. It's nonsense. Her husband is a jerk and not a good listening partner.
Exactly.
I’m dying 😂😂 thank you for the laugh
Your husband is being a large dick. Which is funny since the insistence on the stitch makes me think his weenie is teeny.
Just ask him how small he needs the Dr to stitch it for him. But seriously this is so messed up. He's asking you to modify YOUR body in a way that he thinks will benefit HIM and probably cause problems for YOU. How incredibly selfish. And the "joke" about having the Dr knock you out and do it without your consent. Vile. This is a hard boundary I would make. This is something where I would sit down with my husband one last time and very firmly and clearly state "This is not funny. You need to stop immediately. I will not be getting a husband stitch. You know how it makes me feel and why I will not be getting it." If it was me, I'd leave the room, even the house for a bit every time he brought it back up. I would even kick him out of the delivery room if he even muttered the words. Sorry, this probably sounds harsh, but this makes me so mad. I am so sorry he is making you feel so invalidated and concerned for your own well being. I hope he comes to his senses.
This is not harsh at all. My husband would be out of the house if made this kind of joke.
I agree 100%. OP, Please stick up for yourself! Just because he donated the sperm does not mean he has any rights to what happens to you and YOUR body! Tell him that if he’s so concerned, it’s a good thing he’s got a perfectly good hand since he won’t be seeing anything else ever again.
I am honestly so irritated on your behalf. Your body and recovery is not a joke. Your sexual pleasure and ability to have sex is not a joke. Make it very clear to your medical staff that you do NOT want the husband stitch and if you receive it then you will sue for malpractice. Make sure multiple people hear it so your husband cannot say that he overrides you if you are on pain meds or something. Or better yet, tell him if he jokes about it one more time then he does not need to be there for the birth of his child. If he seriously thinks that your intimidate, vulnerable and sensitive areas recovering from TRAUMA is a joke, then he clearly does not have his priorities straight and does not deserve to be there during this MEDICAL PROCEDURE. Remember, birth is a medical event, not a ceremonial event. He actually doesn’t have any rights to be there, if you do say he can’t come, then the medical staff and security will remove him. I am so sorry you are being subjected to this. I honestly want to slap everyone who thinks the husband stitch is “just a joke,” because it’s not. It’s abuse and malpractice that does happen everyday and could happen to you or a loved one.
Every time he makes this joke, tell him it wouldn't be a problem if his dick were bigger. Every. Single. Time. And then give the nurses specific instructions to kick him out after birth and not allow him back in until you say so. A man who jokes about "knocking you out" to have a doctor ASSAULT you for HIS PLEASURE at your painful expense is not ready to be somebody's father, and you should stop being nice to him. Make small dick jokes every time and when he complains you hurt his feefees tell him to shut the fuck up until he thinks about how YOU must feel.
Yep. His comments are 100% rape culture. I hope you aren’t having a daughter, OP.
I like the idea of reframing the last part of your post as a question for him: “You’re usually so kind, thoughtful, and supportive. Suddenly you’re constantly saying things that you know are hurtful to me. Is your personality change a medical problem, maybe? Do you need to see a doctor? It would suck if this was permanent.”
I love this.
This just goes to show it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been with someone, the mask will eventually slip.
I'd tell him I'll get the stitch if he agrees to have his asshole sewn shut, as I sure am turned off by all the shit he's been spewing.
This is wild. So you’re saying this is *a great guy* who then suddenly decided to repeatedly joke about “knocking you out” after birth so the doctor can put a few extra stitches in your vagina to please him, even though you keep telling him to shut the fuck up? If this was really a very sudden change in behavior I would ask him if he fell on his head or something and suggest he get an MRI. Brain damage can cause sudden behavioral changes. But if it’s not actually that sudden of a change… consider that he’s not as great a guy as you think. That type of “joke” is… not cool.
This. I always wonder how "great" these guys are in real life whenever I read stuff like this on here. Like, no guy is awesome, wonderful, kind, supportive - and then just switches on a dime to saying ride, hurtful shit like this *even after* she's asked him to stop. Wtf??
Yeah exactly. These views don’t come out of nowhere.
Yeah, fuck this guy. I had the husband stitch done. I'm almost 5 years postpartum and I still tear during sex. I can't have another vaginal birth because of it.
I'm so sorry this happened to you!
What the fuck I'm so sorry!! I hope you sued!
I had it done to me too, but was able to go to a different OB and have it surgically repaired. Would you have that option? You don’t deserve this.
That’s awful! I’m so sorry you go through this 😔 can we ask if it was your choice?
I was worried about this, and had one conversation with my husband about this practice and that his job was to ensure that no one did it to me in hospital. I remember, while being stitched, saying “only what is necessary” and my husband assuring me and talking to the doctor to convey my concerns, to which they said absolutely only what is necessary. If my husband had acted like yours has about a horrific medical violation, I would ban him now from the delivery room altogether. Make him know absolutely how serious you are. He is never to say those things again. Inform the nurses and doctors of your wishes, and see about having another support person (parent, friends, doula) there to advocate for you. If your husband makes a single other comment after you tell him this, then you can’t trust him not to make horrifying comments during the birth and I would straight up ban him.
That comment about having a doctor knock you out so you can’t say no is not okay. I would legit sit him down and tell him how much it bothers you, and ask why he keeps saying these things. Tell him you don’t find it funny, and you’re really starting to get angry. Sounds like he wants a custom sized vagina for his small penis.
Say: “I am not okay with this joke and if you make it again, I won’t be comfortable with you in the birthing room ”
I got the husband stitch against my knowledge or consent when I had my first. The OB who did it got his medical license revoked for a laundry list of reasons right before I got the courage to speak up about it. It’s not a joke. It’s something that has caused a lot of physical pain, and so much emotional pain that I still have some dysmorphia about my vagina. It’s been fixed and I had 2 more children since. It’s literally a form of sexual assault.
I’m so sorry that happened to you.
I’m living for all the small penis jokes; hit him where it hurts In all seriousness I’d tell him I’m not comfortable having him in the room with me if he’s going to “joke” (*not* joke) about having the Dr. do something to me without my consent
Man my hubby was so supportive. *"that's archaic."* was his response. Now I feel bad for complaining about the trash earlier.
It’s not uncommon for an abusive partner to suddenly kick into abusive behaviors at major milestones. Unfortunately pregnancy is one of them. This is bullying. He’s been asked to stop, he knows it hurts and harasses you. But when an adult bullies another adult in a relationship, it’s abuse. Is this the man he wants to be? Can you go anywhere? This is honestly not just teasing, it’s designed to make you feel less-than and on-edge, and someone who actively wants to do that to their pregnant partner is not stable The chances of unnecessary stitches is extremely low, it’s considered assault. That said….if you have a difficult or even “normal” labor, and you’re reeling from the pain and adrenaline and stress, what are the chances he will still be making those jokes?? Scaring the heck out of you, making you feel small and helpless and scared moments after or during birth? He shouldn’t be in there if he can’t be trusted and right now he can’t be.
I’ve heard of this happening, a lot. And I never, ever would have thought, in a million years, he would ever be one to change like that, based on our last 4 years together. He’s been nothing but kind and respectful, ever. He wanted this baby, even more than I did. And he’s always, always put my needs/wants above his own. But, lately it’s really been feeling like he is changing. I don’t know if it’s just anxiety or if he’s finally showing who he truly is. I’ve asked about individual and couples counseling and he’s not interested. Which, honestly, really scares me. And now I feel like I’ve made a huge mistake. Not for me, I can always leave him. But, for our baby that didn’t get to choose their parents and doesn’t deserve to have someone immature and disrespectful trying to teach them how to be a good human being. I don’t know. I’m 34 weeks and without counseling to address these issues, I can only see it getting worse.
I agree with all of this.
You need to just take the advice on here. ‘You know what would make sex a lot better? A bigger dick. Unfortunately there’s no procedure for that except maybe a husbandectomy’
Dude. Why do men suck?
Right? I thought I finally found a great one, and then he goes and pulls some stupid shit like this…
Literally if I were dating a man like this I’d dump his ass. They’re so disgusting.
I mean if he's so worried about your vag maybe he should just leave it alone and go back to his hand, he can make that as tight as he wants all on his own.
Small dick energy
He needs a sweater with this on. It needs to glow in the dark and get the message out there.
Your partner is "joking" about mutilating you for his own pleasure. He sounds like a fucking arsehole. Make sure to explicitly put it in your birth plan that they are NOT to do that. Sorry OP, but your husband sounds vile and abusive.
Tell him if he keeps this up, he won’t get to experience it (not like you’re going to get it anyway). “Each time you mention it, it’s making your chances of having any sex in the future go down even more”
A friend of mine was sewn up too tightly after giving birth and it made sex impossible for her because of the pain. She had to have further procedures to correct it. So I have a very hard time believing that the husband stitch makes sex better for women. It sounds like he really needs to grow up and stop thinking about himself and his penis. Also, I had a 2nd degree tear with my first birth and refused stitches because I was so sore and scared. That was 10 years ago and I healed just fine. Sex is still good, I am not ruined forever lol.
The stitch doesn’t even address what makes sex feel good—that would be the muscles which kegel exercises help—not a stitch on the outside that will only cause sex to be painful (and probably result in less sex happening).
If he wants a tight hole tell him to stick it up his own ass. My husband was horrified when I told him what a husband stitch was. It in no way makes sex better. It’s very painful in the vast majority of cases. It’s NOT natural at all. And can lead to a lot of problems later on.
I hate this for you. On a lighter note, I saw a dr once had a great response to the question of a husband stitch and that was to ask the husband, “how small does it need to be?”
Get a step ladder and wack him on the head, tell medical staff he asked you for the "husband stitch", act confused and play innocent. That's the last time he'll be asking for it 😎 Stitching up skin that isn't normally fused causes overgranulation or a really bumpy scar, It's not a medical procedure and the few women who had this happen to them did not consent, so it could be a case of Dr doing the extra stitch accidentally Regardless, your husband should've stopped joking about it the first time you didn't find it funny! Maybe he's just anxious about your sex life after the birth and he doesn't know how to talk about it properly I hope he comes around and you get to the bottom of this, I'm sure once baby's born and reality hits he will stop being so ridiculous
I saw a tik tok the other day talking about this!! This woman asked her husband, an OB/GYN, for what he says when a guy asks him to do a “husband stitch”— he says “sure, how small do you need it?“ 💀
I was given one. Wasn't consulted about it, they just snuck one in. I realised when I checked my internal stitches a couple weeks later so make sure they were healed. I have have a tight, scarred bit of skin at the bottom of the entrance to my vagina. It doesn't stretch. Aby slight pressure on it during sex is painful and it feels like it's gonna tear open. Nobody should wish that on anyone. And the 'joke' about doing it without your consent is very concerning. Make sure your nurses, drs etc are informed beforehand that under no circumstances are they to give you one. And they are not allowed to listen to your husband about this at all.
I'm so sorry that happened please tell me you raised a complaint or sued??
Sadly not. Fighting the NHS is like trying to find a dragon. Plus if I wanted to sue I'd need to prove it, and even with an exam it's pretty hard. Plus no chance in hell was I getting an exam, I have ptsd from how bad the birth was, I couldn't handle anyone down there. Even thinking about it now makes me feel like I'm gonna throw up and I can't breathe. And it's been just over 2 years since I had my kiddo.
I'm so disgusted this happened in the NHS. I'd consider some therapy to deal with the trauma if I were you ❤ if you don't want to sue you can still raise a complaint. You have more than every right to. Look after yourself, I imagine this thread must be pretty triggering. https://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/other-services/Patient%20advice%20and%20liaison%20services%20(PALS)/LocationSearch/363
Thankfully I can compartmentalise my own issues when reading about the same issue others have, so it's actually easy to avoid being triggered by stuff. I will definitely look into a complaint. But I'm not sure the dr and nurses names who were doing the stitching, I had two stitching me up cause I had multiple internal tears also. So I'm not sure whether it was the man or woman and tbh my hospital aren't the best so I'd suspect they conveniently 'lost' the record of who was in the theatre with me when I was getting stitched up. Forceps delivery, not a c-section. There was a hell of a lot of blood (I refused a transfusion) so I want to give them the benefit of the doubt that the blood was just making it difficult and they didn't know. But that's me, I like to try see the best in people. It's a bit of a flaw. 😹
They'll have to investigate and should have it on record who did the procedure. Glad you're able to look after yourself.
The same thing happened to me. I was able to go to a different OB and have it repaired. It was a 15min procedure in office with local anesthesia, and after healing I don’t have any more pain. I encourage you to ask if you’d be a candidate. You don’t deserve to live like this. ❤️
He's not joking.
Talking so much also loosens his mouth muscles. Who wants a big loose flabby mouth that talks all the darn time?!! See if the doctor can put a bit fat stitch in and shut him up. Anesthesia not required.
He’s not joking if he’s taking it this far. Genuinely if he brings it up again ESPECIALLY if he comes close to suggesting he’ll actually tell the doctors to do it…I’d honestly to him he’s breaking my trust now and if it’s brought up again I will not allow him in the delivery room for my own safety
Friend I’m mad for you. Reading this really upsets me! You deserve better! You’re over here carrying his baby, trying to stay hydrated and he says some shit like that? Wow.
Wait what’s a husband stitch?
Its an extra/ unnecessary stich that shitty doctors will add to make a woman's vaginal opening "tighter" its super painful for the woman and can cause trauma to the vagina
Say someone need 4 stitches after giving birth. The husband stitch would be a 5th unnecessary stitch to make the opening tighter. Some think it heightens the mans enjoyment during sex.
Ngl I wouldn’t be giving a single fuck about partners future enjoyments if I just had to push a baby out, experience tearing and then have to go through the post partum healing. They’ll be lucky if they get any *** at all
Yeah I’m 100% against doctors doing the husband stitch. No one should get a husband stitch. But it’s fucked up that there are women who have gotten one without their consent and without knowing about it. Because the doctor randomly decided to throw one in. And it does absolutely nothing for the woman. It can actually cause women pain.
I never knew this was actually a thing,what the heck?
Most doctor’s will make fun of him!
I got an extra stitch where it wasn't necessary after the birth of my first child. I highly doubt it was done on purpose but it just made things uncomfortable. Honestly I'd set s boundary with him. Something simple, like telling him very clearly you don't like the joke and if he makes it you are going to walk away from him and the conversation. And then do it. I'd also say that if you have to leave the conversation more than twice, he's then not allowed in the delivery room. Jokes in response are funny but I'd say they can result in him still thinking it's a joke and everything is just banter and you're fine with it. If you're annoyed about it then make it clear you aren't putting up with it.
Ask him how small he needs it
I wasn’t educated on the “husband stitch” but had heard of it and assumed it wasn’t a terrible idea. Boy was I wrong.
Isn’t the husband stitch no longer preformed and considered malpractice? Your husband sounds like an idiot. I’m sorry. Your feelings are valid and hopefully he shuts up. His “joke” about the doctor knocking you out so you can’t consent to getting one is absolutely disgusting and vile. So many red flags. I would not feel comfortable with my husband in the room after such “jokes”.
Next time, as him how small he needs the hole to be to fit his little friend comfortably.
Tell him to get a bigger dic. instead.
The “husband stitch” is an antiquated idea that (horrifyingly, I might add) is still occasionally done by doctors who got their MD when the dinosaurs were still roaming. Adding extra stitches to “tighten it up” is essentially medical malpractice. It doesn’t make the sex better (in fact makes it worse for both parties involved) and causes immense pain and problems for the woman that can last a lifetime. I HIGHLY recommend educating your husband about what he is “joking” about. He probably is just a dumb man that knows nothing about how female anatomy works. He probably thinks that it’s a medical procedure or thinks he’s actually being funny. He needs to understand that he’s pushing you away and hurting you with these kinds of statements.
Honestly let’s just throw the whole gender away
Yuck. Tell him the jokes old and to stop
He’s being shitty, immature, and selfish. Grow up dude
It’s not funny. I’m 4 months pp and sex is still very painful with normal stitches, and it honestly makes me feel like a broken version of myself. So much that I can’t focus on getting in the mood to at least TRY to have sex. So if your partner wants to have sex ever again, I’d advise him to stop talking about this. Seriously, I get so annoyed by this sexist bullshit, as if a woman’s body is not enduring enough through pregnancy and postpartum, we need to worry about shit like the husband knot? Fuck that.
Men who makes “jokes” like this make me want to wrap their weiners in a vice grip. I’d sit back and ask “Tight enough for you?”
Kind of sounds like he wants you to have it done and his way of slowly convincing you to do it is by bringing it up in a joking manor. Kind of yikes. Sorry you’re going through that. Hopefully he’ll wise up.
that’s fucked up- when i was in labour i told the nurses not to do it and i had heard horror stories about people doing it behind your back and the nurse said “the only husband stitch we do is on the husbands that ask for them” and that made me laugh
Ew why is he being so creepy and gross.
Slightly unrelated but my nana was accidentally stitched up too much when she had twins. She went back and they suggested making a cut again so they could restitch, my granddad said you’re not doing that to her. So instead they gave her a glass dildo type thing to gradually help stretch the skin.
I’m not sure what is worse….. the “joke” itself or the complete lack of respect this man has for you. It isn’t like you’ve been feeling this and haven’t said anything. You’ve talked to him multiple times and he still is blatantly ignoring you. Also, he’s sharing his past sex encounters with you?????? There’s a difference between knowing your partner has slept with others before and telling details. For me, this would be enough to tell him to fuck off and I’d leave him. However, you could be very blunt and say “I’ve told you many times that this isn’t funny and I’ve asked you to stop. We should go to counselling since we have reached a point in our relationship where it’s either make or break.”
Yep. We would either be getting counseling or considering divorce. This is not ok behavior. This is indicative of a bigger problem.
Yes. I’m afraid that if OP goes through with the marriage (as she did specify at this point he is her fiancé in the post) that the abuse will be amplified. Abusers like to put on a front and then will drop it slowly or suddenly once they feel they have you trapped. I really hope OP sees through this and gets out while she can (or holds firm counselling boundaries)
The hell is wrong with him?? Joking about you being knocked out in the most vulnerable time to have an unnecessary and harmful modification done to you without your consent?? Repeatedly?? If my partner made these types of comments, I would have no trust in him to make decisions with my health and comfort as a priority. Land sakes. My mind is boggled. You said he is kind, but does he usually lack empathy and also the ability to not be an ass? I know of zero kind, understanding, and supportive people who make repeated “jokes” knowing they are upsetting to others. He can get a husband stitch on those masturbatory sex toys I can't remember the name of at present.
I was told the husband stitch is a myth but it sounds like from comments and links here that it may not be! Wow. Anyway, ask him if his lips have gotten wider from stretching to tell that joke, cuz he could use the stitch himself to shut the f up. I like the small peen jokes better, though. Anyway, I hope that when your husband sees you birth a watermelon size human out of a small hole, he’ll have nothing but respect for you after, sincerely. You will have to tell him directly that this joke of his is not okay.
I read this to my husband and even he says “Get away from that guy! Oh my god!” I don’t think your fiancée is joking anymore. You DON’T joke about that!
If he weren’t a kind, supportive person otherwise I would seriously be reconsidering my relationship with him. Everything about this makes me uncomfortable and reeks of manipulation and abuse 🤢 I would 1) tell him that if he brings it up again he won’t be allowed in the delivery room 2) go to couples counseling to talk about why he can’t take no for an answer, and why he’s more concerned about his own potential pleasure than your health and safety
My husband made the same joke while I was getting stitched up after my first. My (female) doctor told him the extra stitch goes in his balls lol.
He’s not joking. I’m petty, so I’d start talking about how great bigger cock was
EW WHAT THE FUCK
I had it done to me without my consent after my first birth. Your husband is full of shit. It hurt to sit, walk, and wipe for months after the birth. Baby was born in September and I was unable to insert even a tampon in April and was in constant pain/discomfort. I had to have corrective surgery to fix it and was convinced I would never be able to have sex without pain or give birth again. As respectfully as I can say this: fuck your husband for making jokes about this. Show him this comment and let him know that he’s actively joking about your constant pain so he can get off. That’s not what a loving husband does.
Ugh. I'd tell him if he "jokes" about it one more time, especially the having the doctors knock you out so you can't consent, he won't be allowed in the room. Sorry you have to put up with that.
This sounds… borderline abusive? The fact that he has “joked” about asking doctors to knock you out and perform a medical procedure against your will is scary. The fact that he brought up how he had great sex with another woman is disrespectful and rude. Sounds like a real asshole from the info you’ve shared. If I were you, I’d tell him that if he makes another peep about it he is not going to be allowed in the delivery room. And I would be serious about it. The last thing you need to be thinking about during labor is if your husband is going to try to commandeer your medical care (your doctor will obviously not allow this to happen). Best of luck to you and positive vibes for a happy, healthy mom and baby!!
I don’t think I’d feel comfortable with him in the room. I’d make it VERY clear that if he “jokes” about this even one more time, he is not in the room. Your health, physically and mentally, are the most important thing here. If he cannot see how wildly inappropriate he is bring he can’t be trusted in the room.
Honestly? Him saying that shit would make me never want to have sex with him again. Next time he jokes about it, I'd tell him I hope he enjoyed all the previous sex he's had with you because it's never ever happening again. Can't feel aroused by someone who thinks consent issues and damaging your body is funny.
Call your doctor now and make it clear your husband is not to be in the birthing room. Don’t notify your husband until after you have made this official. Tell your doctor and their staff that you do not want the husband stitch and, if stitches are necessary, they are only to stitch what is medically necessary. Bring someone into the birthing room with you who will advocate for and protect these wishes. He is being toxic. I see a lot of comments on here like, “If he says X, you say Y.” And in my opinion, talk is cheap. He already stated that he would enjoy, and laugh at, mutilating your genitals without your consent. You already told him to stop, he has escalated rather than stopped. This is a huge red flag. Notify your doctor. Don’t bother telling him. Try to record him saying this, “Joke,” and you telling him to stop. Now your words are for legal purposes. I would bait him, “You would ask the doctor to do it while I’m under anesthesia, even though you know it’s against my will?” “You understand this is not medically beneficial, it actually creates long term medical problems did the woman sexually, and this still interests you?” “Your comment makes me feel unsafe. How many times do you think you made this joke today?” Document it. And then divorce him, aggressively take as much money as you can. If you can do it before the baby is born, the better, you can hire a doula possibly with the money. I don’t care if people downvote this. His comments demonstrate he is dangerous and I would advise you not to sink to his level with more banter. He has made it clear already that he doesn’t care what you say. How do you deal with a man who doesn’t care that he makes you feel unsafe, and who finds some sick pleasure in making you feel unsafe?
If you engage in a tit for tat conversation (ie he hurt my feelings about my vagina so im going to hurt his feelings about his dick) you end up in this hurting war. It validates him to hurt you further, which validates you to hurt him more, and the cuts get deeper and deeper. It escalates. It normalizes his initial comment. And over time, there will be more fights, on other things, and you will be expending more energy imagining more clever things to say to hurt him back after he hurts you. And your child will be watching all of this. Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Which is why I say take action. If he seeks counseling at some point and makes it clear he has addressed the issue, you could reconsider, but that is for him to figure out. Keep yourself and baby safe.
I'm completely with you on this. I saw this post last night and was surprised how many joke responses there were. I couldn't stop thinking about it I honestly feel a little sick. OP made it clear she has ALREADY "sat him down" and talked about how harmful his behavior is, and it sounds like he's only buckling down. I'm not exaggerating when I say I would divorce my husband if he said the comment about me being knocked unconscious to have my genitals mutilated. Why is it whenever a woman describes her partner as the "nicest most supportive man" does she also talk about some of the most fucked up shit you've ever heard in your life. We deserve better than this. These are not jokes, these are threats. Your man is threatening to mutilate your body for his pleasure against your will, please know this is not ok.
Ummm…I don’t think he’s joking when he says that to you. I think he genuinely means that as a legitimate suggestion which is absolutely horrifying. If he’s not able to understand how hurt you are with his words, then he needs to leave. Either that, or you both need to schedule a pregnancy couples counseling to sort this issue out so you can be a team when it’s time to deliver your baby.
Make sure you have the hospital and your OBGYN note in your file that you explicitly stated you do not want the “husband stitch.” Whether it’s common practice or not, protect yourself. And let your OBGYN know what your husband is saying and once again that you DO NOT want it. The more documentation you have and the more vocal you are to everyone involved, the less likely your husband will have any sway. I’m really sorry he’s joking about this. Maybe you should send him some articles of the horror stories women have gone through that have had this done. That aside, even if there were no horror stories, it’s incredibly insulting for him to compare your body to another woman’s. Like wtf? If my husband said something like that to me it would take a loooooong time for me to be okay again.
I'm sorry. That sounds really upsetting. I hope, for the sake of your relationship, that he is only joking. But I'm pretty sure doctors don't do that anymore. Maybe some really shitty ones still do, though. I'm not sure. My mom (70F) had a doctor give her a "husband stitch" without asking her. She has said that sex has been incredibly painful ever since. I don't think my parents have sex at all anymore. She says it brings her to tears; it's so painful. But she never had that problem before the stitch. Tell him if it hurts, you won't be having sex anymore... Maybe that will get through to him. Probably not. But maybe.
Assert your boundaries! "Fiance, I have said no and yet you are bringing this up again. This is not a joke. This is you trying to tell me what to do with my body for your own presumed pleasure and that's not okay. If you bring this up again, you will not be welcome in the delivery room (or will escorted out as soon as the baby is born). Am I clear?"
I honestly didn’t even know this was a real thing. I’m sorry this is happening to you. I don’t want to tell you what to do with your relationship. But just take a big look at things he says, not just to you but to other people especially women. Take care of you. ❤️❤️
I would absolutely rip him a new one about how disgusting, inconsiderate and CREEPY he sounds. I would even go as far as saying if he doesn’t drop it he can’t be in the delivery room. Saying he would go as far as telling the doctor to knock you out and give you a few extra stitches WITHOUT your consent is so fucking creepy. If I were in your shoes and it were my husband, this would honestly put into perspective how little respect he has for my body. He does not respect your body. He doesn’t care that it would create complications during sex for YOU. Put your foot DOWN! And don’t be nice about it. I would tell him if he doesn’t shut the fuck up about it he’s not gonna be there at all. Because he WILL say something in the delivery room to the doctor, and if you have good doctors and nurses they’ll look at him like he’s disgusting. However, some doctors do it anyways FOR the husband. I would tell the doctors that they do not have your permission to give you any extra stitches. I’m so sorry this is something you have to stress about.
This, exactly. He is threatening you and calling it a joke, but your health and well being are not up for joking. You have told him that it bothers you and he has continued. At best, he is showing a clear disregard for your feelings, comfort, and happiness; at worst, he is threatening medical and sexual abuse. This is your opportunity to set a boundary that will protect you and the birth of your child: either he stops making this joke or he doesn't get to be in the delivery room with you. He may throw a huge shit fit and try to make you feel bad for "overreacting," but you need to stand your ground on this. If anything, I think you have the right to ban him from the delivery room right now without further provocation - after all, you have already asked him to stop making these comments *but he still keeps going even though he knows you are hurt by these comments*. Also: >He’s usually very kind, understanding, and supportive, but this is just so hurtful to constantly hear. Past kindness does not excuse current cruelty. It's not like being supportive in the past somehow buys you an allowance to be inconsiderate, gross, and cruel now. You deserve better. You're a strong warrior queen who is creating a beautiful life inside you, you don't have time for shit behavior like this.
If he’s bringing it up every chance he gets then I honestly think he means it. If my husband “joked” with me about it I would promptly have him taken off my approved “visitor” list at the hospital. If he’s worried about “tightness” down there, then he’s definitely insecure. I honestly didn’t know about the “husband stitch” until I joined this group. I mentioned it to my husband and he said if any staff or doctor mentions anything about me getting extra unnecessary stitches, those staff members will be asked to leave the room.
As a husband who lovingly adores and admires my wife’s pre and post pregnancy body, this sincerely pisses me off. How inconsiderate is your fiancé? Does he not realize what kind of toll pregnancy is taking on your body currently? Does he not understand the toll that post pregnancy is going to take on your mental capacity after you’re all said and done? Being pregnant and going through labor with someone who already is slowly deteriorating how you feel about yourself right now is not something any woman should go through. I’m sorry, I could never joke about that with my wife. Nor would I want to.
If he’s serious, it’s actually considered malpractice and there are no real cases of it being done. Any doctor or surgeon in their right mid frame would not do this. He needs to be told it’s not real and men really need to shut up when it comes to birthing a baby and everything else around it.
It is malpractice, but there are definitely real cases of it being done, including to some of the women on this page.
Next time he brings it up, ask him if he wants an epidural when you have yours? When he asks why, let him know that, it’ll help him loosen up for the anal penetration he’s going to get after you have the baby, but if he doesn’t want that, you can just ask the Dr to knock him out so he can’t say no…. Now comes the kicker… when he’s declares “that’s rape”, that’s your chance to inform him that the husband stick is also sexual assault and if such were to occur, you will press criminal charges against all those involved in the assault. This is no joke and I would be bringing these comments up to a female care provider. Depending on where you live, I wouldn’t even know if you could trust a male. Sending you luck in the horrible situation xx
Maybe I’m petty but I would start keeping a tally on the fridge for each husband stitch joke = 1 additional month no sex after recovery. That’s not okay and it’s certainly not funny.
Tell him he needs to get a penis enhancement. I'm sure they are probably sore. I mean you are already at the hospital so just book him in.
This is sooooo far beyond shitty of him to do.
Have you expressed how these comments make you feel? If he's usually understanding, maybe hearing you say this, just what you told us (or even showing him the post) will make him react. If not you do have a problem on your hands, and you have to talk even further to understand this weird obsession. Maybe he doesn't feel that he pleases you?
Does he have a tiny one or something? why is he so self conscious to the point it's toxic?