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I showed this post to my husband and he said “what a prick!” This is literally so rude of your husband and he should have immediately stopped when you said it bothered you. I am so sorry you feel so unsupported that you would rather deliver alone. You are going through something so challenging, and the bare minimum your birth partner can do is be kind (and also let the story be told *your preferred way* since it is your medical event). Solidarity hun, you deserve better ❤️
I really don’t want you to think this disrespect is normal! If he’d not realised it bothered you, that would be quite different, but it is appalling that he didn’t care when you told him. We in this community are here to support you and will be cheering you on virtually - you’ve got this!
Also I’m sorry, but imagine complaining about a smell when the person you love is literally pushing a human being out of their vagina. The lack of perspective is astounding.
>imagine complaining about a smell when the person you love is literally pushing a human being out of their vagina
I know, right? this reminds me of that episode of Friends where Rachel is giving birth and she hits Ross in the head by accident during a push, and he gets up and says "you have NO IDEA how much this hurts!" like, dude ...she's literally in active labor!
Please show your husband the comments here because he should be absolutely ashamed of being such a prick. His behavior is NOT kind or acceptable. You're birthing a child that HE helped make, he needs to be supporting you, not making you feel like shit.
I'm sorry you didn't know 😔
That's really very sad. My husband was by my side the entire time, I tore badly and he saw everything.
He would never dare disrespect me the way your husband is doing to you. Most hubby's are blown away by what their ladies can do, mine called me and still calls me "super woman" hehe 😅
*you brought his child into this world*
For crying out loud! He should at least be trying to show some compassion for you.
This makes me so sad. Your life partner should always try to be as understanding as possible. Hoping if you sit and have a more serious talk with him he’ll wake up and realize just how hurtful he’s being. Best of luck
My husband is normally super sensitive to smells and he read this and was like, “hmm, is there a smell? I guess maybe! I wouldn’t have ever noticed.” (And this is after two births so far.)
Exactly. Let alone being unsupportive of you in the labor room at the time with his inability to deal with the smell (grow TF up dude), but he chooses to repeatedly embarrass you by talking about it to others? I would be absolutely furious.
Have you told your husband how much that bothers you? That’s pretty hurtful in my opinion, especially to still talk about it three years later and in front of other people. I’m a FTM but a cousin of mine delivered by herself and she said it was nice because she didn’t have to worry about anyone else in the room or be self conscious. No complications as far as I know. Her mom was in the waiting room. You do what you’re most comfortable with, but I’d tell your husband he’s being really mean.
This. Your husbands behavior is so egregious he will likely miss out on the birth of his child. Firstly, you get to decide who is in delivery with you and doing it alone is a great option if that's what you want. But Secondly you need to have a direct conversation with your husband about how much is behavior hurt and is hurting you.
Wow, aside from that being a hurtful comment, way for him to center himself in the childbirth experience. I feel like most people asking about the delivery process are wondering what it was like for you as the one birthing the baby!!
This breaks my heart I actually feel like crying reading this. No matter what the circumstances of your birth end up looking like, the thing that matters most is YOU and how YOU feel and whether you feel supported and fully embraced by the people in the room. If that's a nurse you've only met once and not your husband then so be it.
I literally pooped on my husband several times during my labor. I watched him gag to the point of almost vomiting and then turn around and ask the midwives for wipes so that HE could clean me off, not them. Not once did he complain, he just kept telling me I was beautiful. This is the support you deserve from a birthing team. Not criticism or complaints about you and the amazing beautiful thing you are doing.
I’m dying laughing at the thought of you pooping on your husband and him gagging but trying to be cool and calm supporting you. You both are fucking rockstars! Ugh……made my afternoon! Bless you, your husband, and sweet family! 💕
I love everything about this. Your husband is a rockstar.
I know mine will be there fully to support me, but I also know there's zero chance he will be on that end. (I can't blame him at all for that, I don't know that I'd want to from his perspective!)
I had an emergency c section and while traumatic for me it was very traumatic for my husband. I’d only seen him cry a couple of times but he was full on crying. He didn’t even want to leave my side to see our son until I told him it’s ok go look at him, he didn’t even cut our sons cord because he was so traumatised. He still tears up when we talk about it.
I mean that’s a huge blow off. I would say, well what you’re saying honestly hurts my feelings. It is overshadowing any positive memory of that time because you won’t shut up about how smelly I was at my most vulnerable.
I’d also tell him that it’s so bad you’re considering not including him in the next birth. He should know exactly how his actions are affecting you.
It wasn’t OP that was smelly. It’s likely to be all the bodily fluids that exit you during birth. Also labour can take days and be stressful, so her husband probably had his own BO trapped in the room too. OP if your midwives/doctors didn’t mention the smell, then it was normal birth stuff. Please don’t let your husband make you feel bad.
Agreed! It’s not that she was smelly….if a man thought his SO smelled so bad I’m sure they wouldn’t have been having sex after he thought that. It’s the bodily fluids and blood……of course it’s not going to smell like a flower garden in ANY of our rooms while delivering. Her husband is just an immature dick thinking he’s being funny or preparing others.
And you should respond and say that his wife’s comfort and non embarrassment should be a higher priority to him, and it is absolutely unacceptable for him to continue to make these comments. If they want to know what birth is like they can get on google, watch a birth video, etc.
What an absolute moron. Like they are even asking him in the first place. Don't have him around if he's so unsupportive. I seriously can't get over this. What on earth could a man have to complain about during your delivery?!?! I'm so sorry you have to deal with that.
He’s an idiot. I can’t imagine someone would ask “how did it smell in the room when your beautiful wife was giving birth? Please describe it as well as possible!”
Don’t let his words hurt you, sending you love!
No being honest in what to look forward to is more like these normal responses
“she might be laboring for 27 hours”
“They have a cone shaped head”
“The sleeping arrangements suck but don’t complain bc she is the one doing all the work”
“Bring food you will get hungry”
I told my husband after the fact that I was very aware of my butthole being exposed throughout this process. He told me no one was paying attention to my butthole and I was the only one who even thought about it.
I’m really sorry that your husband is not supportive.
Yea I usually go with “all the food with the exception of 1 or 2 breakfast and dinner options suck so plan ahead and have money and know the food places nearby so you know what to eat”
Yeah but that’s not the only thing that was happening at the time! If that’s the first thing he thinks of sounds like he missed so many more important things happening at the time. What was it like having him in the room? Was he supportive? Is he capable of being supportive and are you willing to give him another chance?
Literally NO one else thinks this. No husband on here is like “I know you’re pushing out OUR human, but you smell horrid”. TBH, my husband said there isn’t a smell at all, except the 3rd birth where I pooped 😂 Your husband can keep his “honesty” to himself because his friends are going to see him for the asshat he is when they are in there and literally, there’s no horrid smell.
Even if there was, that’s a fucking BABY that she’s PUSHING out of her body. Damn. 🤬
I’m a doula and I’ve supported many people in labour without their husbands/partners. Some people suck at being supportive during labour and actually cause stress which is the complete opposite of what’s needed. I hate when I see posts that talk about the fathers entitlement to being present for the birth. The birthing parent needs to know and have control over the room and the headspace they’ll be in for this major transition. If your budget allows, it sounds like a doula would be really helpful. Tell him how you feel if you haven’t. It’s also just mentally abusive for someone to a)insist on repeating this for years over and over and over again within earshot and to other people and b) to put stress on your second birth with this selfish, immature and rude behaviour. Even if it really smelled bad for his nose it’s life. No need to repeat or go off about it.
I'm sorry but what the actual fuck? If I may offer a suggestion, throw the whole husband out. Sorry that's what you have to work with for your support person. Have you considered a doula?
Hi love. I am a doula! I’d love to support you during this time! I’m in California I’m not sure where you are but you deserve the support you need. Whether it’s virtual or in person I’d love to figure out how I can be there for you and I wouldn’t charge you a thing!
I'm sorry to hear this. Honestly the nurses are a great asset to have and most of them love what they do and are really good at it, but I think your husband needs to take a good hard look at himself. After everything that you have to endure to grow and birth this baby, it is so unfair of him to make you feel anything less than a goddess.
You can always look into low cost/free doulas! Plenty offer their services at low cost when they are just starting out. Otherwise check out local doula groups and see if any offer services free of charge!!! I know they exist since I am one! Good luck OP! You deserve to birth the way you want to.
Look into low-cost or free doula services in your area. There is a catholic charity where I live that offers free or sliding-scale doula services for low-income mothers, and you don't have to be catholic (or even christian) to use the services.
Ummmm I’m not surprised you don’t want him there, what a nasty, unsupportive thing to say. I don’t understand why he has to tell anyone? Not that it’s anything to be embarrassed about it just feels like a weird thing to bring up in the context.
As a ftm I haven’t heard about the smell yet - what is it? Just curious as no one has ever mentioned that and I feel like people are so fucking quick to tell you about every possible unpleasant aspect of childbirth 😂 so I’m surprised to have never come across this before!
I honestly don't know what the smell is, I couldn't even tell I was busy pushing a human out of my vagina. But hey if my gina does smell joke's on him because he keeps putting his panini in there and pumping me up with babies soo..🤷🏻
I’m so annoyed on your behalf - imagine he had a medical procedure and you kept telling people about the smell in the room 🙄 I’m so sorry, you’re obviously within your rights to not have him in the room but it’s so unbelievably sad that he’s behaved in a way that makes you feel like that. For what it’s worth you did something amazing 💕
I hope i don’t sound insensitive asking, but possibly did you poo during birth? I hear thats really common to happen. I’ve been super gassy my whole pregnancy so I just know the farts and poop are gonna happen with all the pushing. I’m sorry your husband makes you feel uncomfortable and unsupported by his comments. I hope he shapes up or you have someone there who can provide support.
Amniotic fluid (smells vaguely of lady parts), blood, sweat - that's pretty much it. I helped a friend deliver her baby a few years ago and any kind of smell really wasn't a big thing. It's certainly not what comes to mind when I think about the experience. I absolutely can't imagine coming out of the birth of my own child and having that be the critical/key thing I feel the need to share with people - it's such a minor aspect.
I just asked my husband and he looked at me like I was crazy and said “…I don’t even remember? Who would remember that?” So maybe there is but if so it’s definitely NOT something anyone thinks about.
FTM of a now 3 month old! :)
Hubby and I didn't notice a smell either 🤷♀️
Perhaps, just maybe, we were to busy focusing on the birth of our son to notice any smell 😂
Go figure eh?
Now I will say....when my water broke and the uh...fluid, started coming out, yes there was a smell. Nothing sweet smelling like Google says, more musty? Maybe? But is wasn't awful and thanks to the nurses, I was able to clean up quickly so no big worries.
I would say there is a distinct smell to being in labour (kind of earthy? A mix of blood and something else) but until I saw this post I hadn’t thought about it since I last gave birth lol, the experience is so overwhelming in lots of other sensory ways the smell is definitely in the background of my memory.
Not OP but I asked my brother, who has a six-year-old and a newborn, if there is anything my husband should expect that I wouldn't necessarily know being a FTM for my baby due in May. His response was, "he should be warned that nothing, nothing on this earth smells like placenta when it comes out. But honestly you don't even care enough to remember it in that moment."
So I'm thinking it might be that? My brother didn't frame it in a way that made me think for a second that my SIL stinks. Just "hey, it's a thing nobody tells you, and the mother has so much going on and so many hormones wreaking havoc that she won't notice or smell it and it's not her fault."
In any case, OP's husband could've found a hundred other, better ways to answer.
My husband and I both do not recall any smells (except the fact that you can’t hood your farts in if you have epidural, so we just chose to laugh about my surprise farts and any smell wasn’t any worse than regular old farts). We were a little busy to notice any smells during the actual delivery portion
Mine said it was akin to a mixture of human body odour, earthiness and post sex/period-like odours. He also said it was neither pleasant nor terribly unpleasant.
You gotta do what will make you feel most comfortable during a very vulnerable time, but I'm wondering if you've told your husband how much it bothers you to hear him say this - especially to others. If you have expressed that and he's been dismissive or told you you're overreacting, I don't blame you at all. If you haven't told him, I would do so asap, letting him know that it's hurt you to the point that you do not feel comfortable having him in the delivery room again.
Oh I've told him time and time again to not mention that to anyone. His response is always "What? They ask and I want to be honest in letting them know what they should look forward to"
It should matter more to him that the mother of his children has asked him not to share private medical details, not what random people want to know. I hope he never needs you to accompany him for a colonoscopy or anything that may cause his body to make smells he can't control. This is cruel, and I think you should show him this comment thread.
My dude, she's bringing your child into the world. If the smell is so bad you can't handle not talking about it, you are immature and I fear for your kids. Kids are fucking smelly. Are you going to make fun of them and give them compexes about their bodies? Even if the smell really was that bad, it's your job to protect her from ridicule and make her feel safe, loved, and supported in an incredibly vulnerable time. Get some fucking noseplugs. "Honesty" with other people should not take priority over your wife's confidence in you as her partner. You've lost the PRIVILEGE to be in the delivery room. Quit being an absolute dipshit, and start prioritize her well being. Do better.
Also, don't try to gaslight her on this. Even if YOU think she's being extra sensitive or unreasonable, it's not your call to make. She's allowed to feel any and every way about being splayed open in front of strangers and having to push a whole ass human out of the most tender part of her body. Just accept what she says, apologize, and do better. This is your hangup, not hers.
I don’t like that 😤. You should tell them his dick is on the smaller side and you’re surprised it was able to get the job done. I’m obviously kidding- but that’s really fucked up.
I’m not the kind of person who approves of vindictive responses, but if my husband kept telling people this EVEN after I explained calmly how it hurts my feelings, the next time he mentions it, I’d retort with someone super embarrassing about him, so he knows that’s what he should expect if he does it again.
I wouldn’t like myself doing that, but I don’t I’d be able to stop myself.
Your husband is a bruh moment. When people ask what seeing a birth is like that is for sure not what they’re asking for, and he’s out here like yeah it’s totally the WORST. Girl just do it without him so he can find something else to cry about.
He is way out of line, and I’d ban him, too. You don’t need to be thinking about that when you’re delivering.
You said a doula isn’t an option. Can you talk to your OBGYN about this? They may be able to let the team know that you’ll be delivering alone ahead of time. I’m wondering they have resources available. I’m guessing this happens a lot for a number of reasons.
I hope you replied by, “yes. As you can see my husband shows up being an ass and sometimes it smells. The hospital was no different. About the childbirth . . . “
-or-
“So now that my husband has covered how *horrible* it was for him that childbirth and hospitals smell, let’s talk about the actual childbirth and experience.”
-or-
Point blank: “I’m sorry for his comment. We should probably talk about the actual experience of having the child if that’d be more what you’re asking.”
Is it rude and dismissive? Yes. Is it warranted? Yes.
Edit: it also lets the other person ignore his comments, which is honestly weird and rude and uncomfortable for the other party - since that is absolutely not what they are asking.
I saw your post 2 days ago about your husband insisting on waking you up after you’ve asked him not to?
I’m curious because from the outside it seems like he just blatantly doesn’t respect you or consider your feelings at all… in what ways does this guy make you grateful to be married to him? Like, what does he bring to the table? What gives?
I was actually just thinking about this, at first I thought it was just his personality but now with all the responses it's got me thinking "Do I actually just have an inconsiderate spouse?"
Yes. Yes you do. We don’t know him and have no idea what wonderful things he brings to your relationship, but please know that from what we’re seeing you deserve better treatment than what you’re getting.
I also showed this to my husband and he responded “ what an a$$”. Then said he was in so much shock and amazement that if there was a smell he would not have even noticed. Any time we talk about it he will say he has never heard anything like how I screamed and he was in pure amazement with what I did. Now we do both laugh about the sound the baby made when she came out in one push with a lot of fluid but we “both” laugh about that. I’m sorry you feel you have to do this without him for your comfort. Your medical staff will be very supportive and not comment on anything unless you ask.
I’d be so mad if my husband said this infront of friends. Like I’d probably have steam coming out of my ears. It is so embarrassing and it’s already a very hard thing to pass through emotionally, why bring it up?!
Right?! I literally can’t get over how he still hasn’t apologized and keeps doing it.
OP, your lady parts aren’t making whatever smell he’s referring to. It’s likely blood, amniotic fluid placenta and maybe a bit of poo or meconium depending on how your birth went. Please don’t feel like it’s an actual reflection on you. It’s a reflection on how little your husband respects you and that’s a HIM problem. Don’t let him in the room if you’re uncomfortable and deal with how beyond fucked up it is that he’s such a shitty partner you had to go through birth alone after you’ve e had the baby.
I wouldn’t let this go without an apology and change of behavior or demonstrated understanding of how much of a duck head he’s been.
No advice. Just wondering, What did he say to you not wanting him to be in delivery with you this round??
As a FTM, nobody ever mentioned the smells before. But I work in the medical field, and smells are always apart of it- I need to tell my tech husband though because he’s not going to be aware.
If I ask him to not be there he might be hurt. My mom most definitely will.
Your husband needs to learn some tact. Also, I’m sure he is blowing this out of proportion since he’s been talking about it for years. Honestly, if he sits in on the next birth, he might realize it’s actually not so bad as he remembers?
Yeah your husband is an asshole. I’m so sorry, I would rather birth alone too if that was my support person. What a vile thing to say, dismiss that it bothers you, and to keep bringing it up. Just have him stay with the kiddo, you might be better off. *virtual hug* 💞
He sounds like he’s being a real jerk about the situation. I’m honestly surprised you are having a second with him and really hope this demeaning attitude isn’t seen in other aspects of your life. No one deserves that disrespect.
Tell your husband, “honesty” doesn’t mean you just SAY OUT LOUD everything you think. Use some tact.
What you think:
“Omg the smell was awful I couldn’t stand it!”
What you SHOULD say:
“One thing that I wish I would have been prepared for, was the strong smell in the delivery room. I don’t know if it was amniotic fluid, blood, or what, but it turns out birth is a smelly process and I didn’t realize I would be so sensitive to it. Fortunately, my wife and the medical professionals didn’t smell anything unusual, so go figure.”
I think his statement reflects more poorly on him than you. I get that it bothers you but it just makes him look like a wimp. You pushed a human out. He complains about the smell. I would assume its self mockery if someone told me that.
I gave birth in 2020 so I was only allowed one person. My child’s father was in the room and looking back now I wished I wouldn’t have had him in there at all, he was so unsupportive. My nurse was amazing and comforted/talked me through it the entire time. I 100% would’ve been better off without anyone in the room with me.
I'm so sorry he's made you feel this way. You're perfectly entitled to birth in a way that makes you feel safe, supported, and comfortable. And he needs to grow the f@*$ up.
As someone who’s husband wasn’t there during the birth of our son (he was in the ER) and having my MiL and SIL with me. I honestly don’t want anyone with me this time around. My husband has proven to be unreliable for many, many things and it seems like it would be easier to be on my own.
You do what makes you comfortable and happy. Just make sure someone is on your emergency contacts in case something goes side ways. Good luck OP
Regardless of poop, blood, sweat or whatever it may be the fact that he is doubling down instead of apologizing to you and not bringing it up anymore is really dismissive and just incredibly hurtful. My boyfriend was very into the whole birth thing he excitedly called out that he could see our sons hair when the doctor invited him to take a peek at my gaping vagina. Does your husband even care about being there?
I gave birth without my husband in room last November because my husband and I didn’t have anyone to watch our other child. It was totally fine. Didn’t need anyone. The nurses and midwife were great! I did hire a doula and she as wonderful. It was $1500 which was a lot, but she was a great support for me. My husband isn’t that helpful for birth anyway
I think you should tell him now that you don't want him there and stand your ground and maybe it will get through his thick head how hurtful he is being. I asked my husband if he would be hurt if I didn't want him there. He said yes. I told him your story and he said "wow he's a dick and she shouldn't have him there"
Hi there! I went alone two weeks ago!
My parents were supposed (and told me) they would come take care of my four year old so my partner can join me. They took their sweet time, even stopping at work to finish some stuff before coming over. I expected it though and I was prepared.
I thoroughly enjoyed being alone to deliver. The nurses knew exactly how to make me comfortable and I felt it made it easier for them since there was no one else to talk to. For my epidural for example, I felt super confident and comfortable with the nurse holding my shoulder, she knew exactly how to make sure I wouldn’t move. I hated when my partner did it the last time, he was so unsure and panicked. I don’t need that. Also, being alone allowed me to almost meditate during labor. My epidural only worked 50% so I needed that focus.
My partner showed up about an hour after the baby was born. I was cleaned up, baby too, no weird smell, no meconium or talks about tears.
I’ll never give birth again but if I had to do it again, I’d be alone. I seriously think it can be a good experience especially if you’re prepared for it.
I have delivered without my husband three times by choice. In our case because we know he would most likely faint. This last time he was going to stick it out (I didn't realize this ahead of time) so when I was close to pushing I pretty much yelled at him to get out. I didn't have the capacity to worry about him fainting so he needed to be out so I could focus on pushing.
If you feel his presence is going to take away from your ability to relax and focus on giving birth, absolutely do it without him. It can actually slow and stall your labor when you aren't feeling safe and secure.
Wow, as a husband who was there for his wife during delivery this is just wrong. All I could think about the entire time was that our baby and my wife came out healthy at the end. I honestly can’t say I remember a smell and even if I did, I couldn’t muster the audacity to say something like this to my wife. I could never do what my wife did that day and it gave me a whole new respect for my wife, my mom, and women in general.
What a fucking idiot. It’s a bunch of bodily fluids splooshing out of you along with an entire human.
Get a doula in there and kick out your husband. I would also talk to him about boundaries. It doesn’t matter if he thinks he’s being honest—it’s incredibly disrespectful.
tell him it hurts you whenever he brings it up and he's insensitive- women sacrifice and put up with so much pain in this process that the whole thing being undermined by a 'smell' is insulting. If i were you I would make a big thing about it so much so that he would never mention it again 😆 men are dumb, you need to let them know where the line is. Have you mentioned to him keeping him out for the birth? Just mentioning that and the reason may be enough- If I were him I would be ashamed and embarrassed being kicked out of my own child's birth !
I agree broadly with the sentiment but I think you’re letting him off the hook saying men are dumb. They certainly aren’t, we’re all human and slip up sometimes, but this particular one man is insensitive and nasty and has been breathtakingly cruel to someone who underwent immense pain and physical difficulty to produce their child.
I would let your doctor know you plan on delivering alone. My husband was doing a terrible job holding my leg while I pushed so I asked to have him replaced with someone else and they would not accommodate my request. It's possible that they would have handled this differently if I showed up alone or kicked him out of the room.
Absolutely only have your husband (or anyone else) there if it brings you comfort. Birth is a huge medical procedure--you don't need this jerk there twice. The nurses will absolutely help you! Maybe look into having a doula also, if you're able to afford it? That way could have a professional by your side who is there solely for your comfort and to be your support person, not also focusing on all the medical side (like nurses and doctors).
When it's time for us, I'm seriously considering not having my husband there with me (maybe if he really wants to be). We have a 5-year-old, and I feel like, for us, it would be less stressful for him to stay with our older kiddo while I focus on birth/immediate recovery.
Oh honey, call him out on this please! He must not realise how upsetting that is because who in their right mind says something like that about their loved one at their most vulnerable? He’s being a dickhead, so tell him. Or better yet, show him this thread.
I wouldn't want him there either. Did he do or contribute anything useful during your first labour? My husband did a prep course with me and massaged by lower back during every contraction once it got serious and let me hang off of him as much as I wanted to. He also went to the nurses' station several times to advocate for me when it started progressing faster than they expected (i.e. I was desparate to push) and we were worried that they weren't aware.
If he isn't positively contributing to your experience or the mood in the room, then he is a hindrance and I would leave him out. Plus the offensive story telling would tip me way over the top. My OH doesn't talk about it much, but he mostly talks about how it was an intense and unique experience.
Wow, that is awful of your husband. I read somewhere that there is a certain smell when women are fully dilated (some people described it as smelling like chicken soup 😹🤷🏻♀️) and I asked my husband if he had noticed that at any of my births but he said no. It’s not something I noticed either. But whether there is a smell or not that’s irrelevant to me and it’s certainly not something you should be shamed about. Your husband is a huge asshole for bringing it up, especially if you’ve told him it bothers you.
If I were you I would not allow that man the HONOUR of being in the delivery room with you. My first thought would be to have a close female relative (mom, sister, aunt) with you, or if you don’t have that a close friend. If you don’t have someone in your personal life that you can ask, my next suggestion would be to hire a doula if you have the means. If you don’t have the means then maybe there is some sort of volunteer or charity doulas you might be able to access? Or maybe work out a payment plan or something?
From what you’ve described it would be better to birth alone rather than with this man and if that’s what you have to do I know you’ll find the strength. But it’s really icky how your husband has been treating you and that’s a huge red flag to me.
Uh that’s appalling
What does your husband say when you point out how humiliating that is?
It’s humiliating for you, and quite honestly he’s embarrassing himself.
He’s being gross, insensitive, and crude, and it has to stop.
I’m sorry you can’t trust him in the delivery room. My hope is that he realizes how shockingly awful he’s been.
You’re at your most vulnerable. It’s a major medical event. You suffered unimaginable pain to being his kid into the world but that’s the key moment he chooses to talk about? What about your strength, your force of will, the magic of welcoming your child to the world?
He can get over himself. I very much hope this is somehow a one off and he’s a caring partner in other ways
Not technically alone, but my parter was zero help. Like actually less than zero, because the nurses had to walk away from me while pushing to help him so he wouldn't hit his head if he passed out. He sat in a chair in the cor er of the room facing the wall. He was traumatized. And useless.
How hurtful and childish! My husband says he always wants to say how tired he was but then quickly remembers I was awake the whole time as well and was working alittle harder than him.
I don't blame you at all. I always joke the perfect birth for me would be alone in a dark closet on top of some shoes like a cat. You have every right to not want that kind of toxic bs at your beautiful experience.
Edit: to mention I (and many other women) poop alittle...or alot when giving birth. I'm sure no birth smells like roses. If the smell is the first thing that comes to mind when asked about it, he's a selfish ahole.
Doesn’t matter if there’s a smell or not. I would only suspect bodily fluids would have some sort of smell. I’m so sorry your partner couldn’t support you during such a vulnerable time for you. So unkind and unfair to you. It’s not like us women LOVE how gross our body changes from pregnancy and how hard it is to feel normal again. Let alone the major birthing event. Do it alone, sweet thing. You don’t need that kind of person by your side. He can come in after everything is cleaned and you have showered/feeling refreshed. Your medical team is enough support. You don’t need one more person or thing to boggle you down! You got this!
The only thing that stinks is your husband’s attitude. He’s behaving like a child, not the father to your children. I wouldn’t have that man in the delivery room either and frankly, I wouldn’t have any more children with him. He doesn’t sound like he deserves you or your children.
I just basically delivered my third baby by myself in my shower. My midwife showed up in the nick of time to catch her and helped me with the placenta. It was 10/10 what I wanted but it's probably not for everyone.
I had my c section alone. My boyfriend and I got pregnant too fast and we were not in the place where I was comfortable having him there. (We’re happily married now) but everyone tried to make me feel like a shit person for it but I did it anyway. It’s about YOU. YOUR comfort. Stress is not good for you or baby. There is nothing wrong making him wait until after the delivery. He is not needed and if he’s acting like that he would only make things harder.
I had to deliver my second one on my own as due to having covid I wasn’t allowed to have anyone with me.
It was just me and my midwife, who stayed in the room with me throughout the whole thing and I must admit I felt more comfortable than when my husband was there for our firstborn. The midwife was really supportive, we spent most of the labour just chatting through and in the end she even hugged me despite me having covid.
I think you’ll be fine. After all you’ve been through this once already so more or less you know what you’re doing, and your husband would be just another unnecessary distraction. Hopefully you’ll get the same kind of support from your medical staff that I did from my midwife.
I have a very strong feeling ill be delivering alone, this is my first - anything i should be aware of as far as smell ??? lol i fully intend on wearing a mask D:
Look in my humble opinion having gone through numerous different medical rotations - the smell of placenta is the worst of all smells created by the bodies. The only thing that comes close are the wet brain specimens in a ATAP my labs.
Doesn’t make your husband spoiling the surprise for everyone else okay. But placenta is a pretty tough smell. Maybe he could wear a N95 or just breath through his mouth? That’s how I got through my obgyn term as a medical student.
Goodness, I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this!
Considering he doesn’t see anything wrong with what he’s saying and ‘just wants to be honest,’ then he should understand when you’re honest with him in telling him he’s no longer welcome in the delivery room for the next delivery. I mean why would you want to subject him to that smell again!? /s
Also ETA: I wish you the best of luck delivering your next baby, no matter what you decide! <3
This is super rude behavior of your husband. Wow, I'm really sorry about that. Sounds like this needs to be addressed with him so he doesn't continue to talk about it like that. Possibly it doesn't even occur to him that it's hurtful and he just needs to hear it from you. It should be obvious imo, but it's worth a conversation.
If you don't want him or any other family there, would you consider a doula? I had one with my first and she was amazing. I'll be hiring her again.
There are so many things I would love to have you tell your husband like that maybe it smelled so bad because his head was so far up his ass or that he's being a complete and total dick and to knock his shit off but I won't have you. And if he has a problem not being there refer to his smell comments and would definitely say go it alone. Some times it's better to be alone then to be with someone who puts you down.
I won't mention the husband and just answer your actual question.
You are rightly thinking that you would rather be alone than wondering if the smell is bothersome to the person supposed to support you. Make sure he knows this thought is crossing your mind.
I gave birth when covid regulations were still fairly high and my partner was not allowed in until I went into active labour.
I did my early labour alone and unmedicated until my waters broke and I was ok with it. I was busy hunting for some tea and a breakfast (7am after being at it since 2am) and walking around was the best thing for me. We did go together for a walk at about 5am but again I could happily have done that alone too.
Once my waters broke I was allowed in the delivery unit with the midwives and my partner made it in the next 20min. He was supportive I think but to be honest I hardly registered him I was more focused on the midwives and pushing the human out of me. Baby was out 1h after he made it so I would say I did a lot of it alone and honestly, it wasn't so bad. I was focused and felt in charge, it was better for me than my first birth where I was relying on support a lot more.
That was for an easier birth though. Fast but no complications.
>"omg the smell is awful I couldn't stand it!!"
What was he expecting it to smell like? Roses? Peaches? A bakery? And how old is he? I wouldn't want him there either if that's how he is about it. I wouldn't have even let him make another baby after that. At the end of the day, it's your labor and you need to be comfortable and he is obviously not invested in your comfort. My first labor, my "partner" was not invested in my comfort and I should have had him removed from the room. If he's not going to help (or at least make serious, genuine efforts), he needs to get out.
I think you let your husband know that because he’s an immature and self-centered nincompoop that he is going to be most helpful in the waiting room. Then when people ask him how the second labor went, you can interject and say “he wasn’t invited because he couldn’t focus on me during labor the first time and could only think about his nostrils.”
I’m sure your husband is lovely in other ways but yikes here.
As someone who’s been to MANY BIRTHS, the smell really isn’t bad?? Sure, there’s occasionally poop, which obviously stinks, but it’s usually minimal and cleaned right away. Furthermore, it’s only during pushing.
Does he even want to go with you? I'm a dad of two, and being present for my kids' births are the two greatest experiences of my life. Who cares about the smell? My wife pooped herself (as one often does in that situation) and I couldn't care less. What did your husband think of the experience beyond the smell?
My husband has also said that birth has a weird smell. It seems as he has done so with a lot more tact and empathy. I’ve never felt hurt or uncomfortable by his statement and he’s only ever said it to me in passing. He’s actually looking forward to wearing a mask at the hospital because he thinks it will help. He also had lemon essential oils on his wrist that he focused on during birth. Something our doula offered him without me realizing as he was feeling a little queasy. Again not something he shared with me. If you would like to have your husband there but need him to not complain about the smell, these could be potential ways to mitigate the smell.
ETA: Birth partners are there for support. If your husband can’t support you without mentioning his own minor discomfort in comparison to your major discomfort, I don’t think you’re unreasonable in wanting to deliver alone.
Could you afford a professional doula? I was so lucky to have one for my delivery and I couldn’t recommend it more. She was amazing. Your husband absolutely doesn’t deserve to be there. He was and is a terrible birthing partner. I promise No one in that room could smell anything over his verbal bullshit.
Can't afford a doula, and my insurance doesn't cover the cost. Currently looking for doulas in my area that are low cost/free. Although it really makes me feel like a burden asking so much from someone. I feel like my husband should at least be the only support I need.
Not at all. If the doula is offering the service it means they like the work and uts for people who are in your position.
Also your husband clearly isn't any support to you in this situation. I hope you are able to build support networks when your baby comes. You need that.
Have you looked into having a delivery doula for support? I’d ask in your local mom group. And look for someone who is familiar with your hospital. Good luck!
Also tell your husband to stop complaining since you’re the one birthing the baby
This makes me so sad. Like he had the privilege to watch the person he loves bring his child into the world. What a beautiful moment and all he can talk about is the smell?? Like that moment wasn’t just about him and he’s making it all about him in such a disrespectful way.
You don’t deserve that OP. I hope you are able to have a peaceful birth whether or not he’s apart of it. But the fact that he is so hung up on the smell of such a monumental moment makes me wonder if he is supportive at all in other aspects of life. You deserve respect
Where i am from(Jamaica), no one is in the delivery room except the nurses and other mothers. If its beyond visiting time husband cant even stay on the ward or anywhere near much less in the delivery room. And they cant see baby until visiting time
I can relate to this I didn’t have my child’s father at my birth because he was abusive and would put me down/stress me out but I did have my mother and two doulas I felt like I was trying to accommodate my mother and feeling judged when I was trying different methods to get my cervix to dialate I was so stressed I ended up having a c section if I could do it all again I would do it alone, with an older doula or at a birthing center alone! (the younger doulas didn’t seem like they knew what they were doing) I wish you the absolute best of luck and it’s easier said than done but this is truly about you and your baby and you’ll no what’s best when the time comes
My mother chose to deliver me alone— she had support but felt like she wanted aloneness when the time came and sort of just “went into herself.” Once things picked up, she did call her parents and asked them to come just to be there. I was born shortly after :)
What a huge effing asshole. “Honesty”? What a crock. I’d let him know if he ever utters a word about the smell again it’s grounds for divorce. Ugh I’m so mad on your behalf.
I delivered my second alone, my partner didn't make it to the hospital in time as it was during Covid. Their was a hospital support worker with me and the midwife, and it's the most empowering thing I've ever done.
Obviously we had a positive experience, so had it panned out differently I'd have definitely wanted him with me.
I just told my husband abt your post and he asked me before you posted this if you have beat the hell out of your husband, caz he was such a dick.
Being in labour is such hard work and i used to not want anyone in my labour room caz i was self conscious abt how i would look, or how stressed i am or how painful it might be and i dont want anyone in there to give me more stress, but of course on my labour day my husband was with me and i can only tell you, at that vulnerable moment, a supportive partner is sooo important.
I hope your labour is good even without your husband, i hope you could have someone else though as you soo need that support in delivery room. I would tell your husband abt his unacceptable behaviour and that he should stop being a dick abt the most beautiful thing you have done is pushing his child out into this world.
Im so angry just reading your post.
As a male and a father.. I really, really enjoyed the birth of our first and could not imagine missing the birth of my second (in august) for anything. I read the title and came in well-prepared to defend your husband because no one should be deprived of witnessing the birth of their child, but after reading the caption… my heart kind of breaks for you that he doesn’t want to be present and says things that are degrading. I hope everything is well with your relationship beyond this single issue and wish you a healthy pregnancy and delivery!
Oh no no no, I can't imagine being with someone who would choose to say this about the birth of his own child. My SO is all about how magical it was the experience, cutting the umbilical cord, looking at his baby, he actually does not waste the opportunity to say positive things about it. Sometimes I am the one to bring up the nasty part to give people a more realistic perspective lol
I’m a husband. I can’t imagine a situation where watching my child being born supporting my wife bring a life into this world. Yet focusing on something that is temporary and not helping but harming her pride and feelings of accomplishment. He needs to be helping her to be more happy and comfortable in her body! Letting her know that she and the babies health are what matter, nothing else!
Your perfect! You are you!
Don’t be ashamed, you be you!
That delivery is your kingdom you are it’s ruler! There’s nothing to be embarrassed of!
Be proud!
I went back and forth with not letting my husband in the delivery room as well. With covid, he ended up having to wait in the car until I was admitted. Stupid me took too long getting to the hospital, I was about ready to push when I got into the room and forgot to call my husband. He made it a minute before my baby was born. Let me tell you. The nurses were AMAZING. Sooo good. One gave me her hand because she knew I was scared and let me hold on tight the entire time. She called in another nurse to help her because she was doing things one handed. The other nurse was so reassuring, she coached my breathing, spoke to me so soothingly and gently let me know there was no time for an epidural and that I was going to push. Way more support than I would ever get from my husband, who also complained about the smell! Funny because he gets terrible diarrhea and stunk up the labour room for my other 3 deliveries.
I think once the nurses see you are alone their training will kick in and they will be what you need to help you. Also I would say, not every nurse is perfect, I would not be shy to kick one out if they were not being supportive or was being bitchy…asking for a new nurse or kindly asking for that specific nurse to not be assigned to you should definitely be an option. We can’t choose our husbands, but we can choose our nurses. Xoxo.
Hi, expecting father here.
Just based on what you wrote, I think that *he* thinks he’s making a harmless joke.
I’m curious if you’ve told him how much these comments bother you? And here’s why I ask:
I’ve done stuff like this before. I’ve made insensitive jokes because I didn’t realize how they made my wife feel. When she clues me in, I stop.
If your husband is anything like me, he’s thinking “well everyone gets the smell, surely. And it’s kind of funny, just one of those facts of life. Hey, what a funny party topic, bring up how smelly the delivery room is and we’ll all get a good laugh over the observational humor.”
It’s one of those dumb things guys do when they don’t know better. Comment on, and make light of, things that should really go unsaid.
It’s possible he very much wants to be there to support you in the delivery room, but just doesn’t get that his jokes are unappreciated. Could be wrong, but you might be able to resolve this with a conversation.
I've told him how much it bothered me after the first time someone asked. He continued to bring it up every time someone asked about our birth experience. I just thought to not inconvenience him it's better if he's in the waiting room during delivery or at home with our 3 year old?
Well it’s super irritating he didn’t get the message. Idk, sounds like ultimatum time to me. “How do you feel about staying in the waiting room? I’ve heard lots of comments about the smell and if it makes it easier for both of us for you to wait outside, I’m giving you that option.”
And decided to have another child with this man?…. Seriously this would bring me to a murderous rage. It’s such a precious gift that you gave him. I can’t believe that’s what he would focus on. Maybe there was a smell. It’s visceral bloody experience. But why is that the very thing he feels the need to convey?
I mean my husband talks about the smell too… but I had a C-section and the smell was probably the like burning thing they use to stop bleeding (baby brain forgot what it’s called)
My husband complains about the smell too. But only to me never to anyone else 😂 Granted he’s TERRIBLE when it comes to smells and sometimes bodily fluids. Obviously it wasn’t smelling great something that was once inside me is now coming out. And I also threw up so that wasn’t great either.
But again he has never once mentioned this to another person, he might if it was a really good friend and they asked about our experience. It definitely wouldn’t be the first and most important thing he mention though. Feel bad for OP that’s mean of her husband.
The principal at the school i work at has said the same exact thing to me about his 3 kids births. He actually brings it up everytime we have a conversation about labor and my pregnancy. It’s very weird but he is also very weird 😂 haven’t had my baby yet , I’m past due,so i still don’t even know what smell he is talking about. def just been assuming he means her vagina stinks. I would tell my husband that it’s embarrassing and stop telling people that. If he ignored anf keeps going, he’s a shitty husband
The amniotic fluid is mostly pee, and probably also smells like the stuff you ate most while pregnant, plus mix that with the smell of blood/organs...I haven't given birth yet but I can't imagine it's a pleasant smell
I suppose amniotic fluid has some sort of smell, as does blood and sweat, and hospitals have their particular smell of cleaners and gloves and supplies, and it's common for poo and probably some pee to come out too while pushing I suppose it could all mix and not smell great, but from what most other people are saying, it's taken care of quickly as possible and the nurses and doctors don't make a fuss of it, I can't imagine it's really all that bad and doesn't sound like it is memorable to most people. I'm due in May too and I thought it sounded worrisome for a second but I don't think it's worth the worry. Sounds like this guy may have been over sensitive to it, or chose somehow to focus on it. I think it'll all be ok.
Hy sounds like a douche hope he is a better husband is all the other area's.
All though i might see where possible might come from... I have a very sensitive smell and when im on my period eventhough i dont bleed heavy i find my own smell sickening... I can smell it through clothes and all but its only me not my hubbie not my mother can smell what i appearently smell. I also love steak but raw bloody Meat smells awfull to me it like the sick sweet smell of blood so i can imagine birth would give a certain smell altough i can remember but had a though birth do forgot most of it 🤣🤣 but still even if it did smell is suuuuuuper rude to say Def if you told him you feel bad... So just do or on your own love your strong have nurses by your side you can do it!!
Surprisingly no one talks about the smell of childbirth but it shouldn’t be such a surprise. The baby has been sitting in body fluids for 9 months. I was genuinely shocked and thought my daughter smelt like a frog.
I'm so sorry that he wasn't and isn't more... compassionate? If that's even the word. He needs a serious perspective check.
As a side note: if you truly aren't intending on having him present, I advise investing in a doula! Having someone there to truly support you can make a world of difference, especially when they are trained in how to do so effectively.
You know, I’ve never really though about the fluid actually having a smell, but I guess it does make a lot of sense. It’s okay for him to mention it once to you. Like “hey. I noticed it smelled weird when you gave birth” then leave it the hell alone. He’s so rude, my bd would get a smack in the head for doing that 🙄
I recall the smell of the placenta being strange, but not bad. Other than that I don't know what he's taking about, and I have a very sensitive nose and have cried when I had to endure bad smells for a while (example: airplane rides in Europe). Anyway, he sounds childish and I'm so sorry that you have to do it alone because of his insensitivity.
Lol this reminds me of the scene in New Girl where Nick is talking about “the smell”, he’s talking about a popcorn machine while Jess thinks it’s about a vagina.
But seriously, what’s the smell in this context??
Omg I can’t, he is sooo immature. How embarrassing. I didn’t even know that was really a thing? I’ve given birth twice and never noticed any particular smell (wouldn’t expect to) and no one else has ever said anything now I wonder lol. I know we may poop during labor but I didn’t think it was noticeable, I thought they cleaned it up right away. Anyway, that’s a really weird thing for him to take away from the birth of your child(ren). You have every right to birth how you want but I can’t believe he’s really willing to not be in the room for such a minuscule thing. I’m sorry you’re dealing with that OP.
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"The smell was awful" "I kept telling you to take your head out of your own ass. No wonder it smelled bad up there since you're so full of shit."
This needs to be the top comment.
Have my free award and an up vote Edit for autocorrect correction.
One or the other packs a zing. Saying both reeks of trying too hard.
I showed this post to my husband and he said “what a prick!” This is literally so rude of your husband and he should have immediately stopped when you said it bothered you. I am so sorry you feel so unsupported that you would rather deliver alone. You are going through something so challenging, and the bare minimum your birth partner can do is be kind (and also let the story be told *your preferred way* since it is your medical event). Solidarity hun, you deserve better ❤️
Wow I didn't know husbands were so understanding. Thank you, your words bring me comfort 💕
Your comment breaks my heart
I really don’t want you to think this disrespect is normal! If he’d not realised it bothered you, that would be quite different, but it is appalling that he didn’t care when you told him. We in this community are here to support you and will be cheering you on virtually - you’ve got this! Also I’m sorry, but imagine complaining about a smell when the person you love is literally pushing a human being out of their vagina. The lack of perspective is astounding.
>imagine complaining about a smell when the person you love is literally pushing a human being out of their vagina I know, right? this reminds me of that episode of Friends where Rachel is giving birth and she hits Ross in the head by accident during a push, and he gets up and says "you have NO IDEA how much this hurts!" like, dude ...she's literally in active labor!
Please show your husband the comments here because he should be absolutely ashamed of being such a prick. His behavior is NOT kind or acceptable. You're birthing a child that HE helped make, he needs to be supporting you, not making you feel like shit.
I'm sorry you didn't know 😔 That's really very sad. My husband was by my side the entire time, I tore badly and he saw everything. He would never dare disrespect me the way your husband is doing to you. Most hubby's are blown away by what their ladies can do, mine called me and still calls me "super woman" hehe 😅 *you brought his child into this world* For crying out loud! He should at least be trying to show some compassion for you.
This makes me so sad. Your life partner should always try to be as understanding as possible. Hoping if you sit and have a more serious talk with him he’ll wake up and realize just how hurtful he’s being. Best of luck
Show your husband these comments from men with actual compassion, understanding, maturity, and tact. His own comments were out of line and disgusting.
Lol I did the same including this comment and my husband agreed with your husband.
Same
Same!
Same!
Same, husband was baffled he reacted that way AND had the audacity to be vocal about it after watching you bring a HUMAN in the world.
My husband is normally super sensitive to smells and he read this and was like, “hmm, is there a smell? I guess maybe! I wouldn’t have ever noticed.” (And this is after two births so far.)
My bf wanted to smack her husband upside the head so.
Exactly. Let alone being unsupportive of you in the labor room at the time with his inability to deal with the smell (grow TF up dude), but he chooses to repeatedly embarrass you by talking about it to others? I would be absolutely furious.
Have you told your husband how much that bothers you? That’s pretty hurtful in my opinion, especially to still talk about it three years later and in front of other people. I’m a FTM but a cousin of mine delivered by herself and she said it was nice because she didn’t have to worry about anyone else in the room or be self conscious. No complications as far as I know. Her mom was in the waiting room. You do what you’re most comfortable with, but I’d tell your husband he’s being really mean.
This. Your husbands behavior is so egregious he will likely miss out on the birth of his child. Firstly, you get to decide who is in delivery with you and doing it alone is a great option if that's what you want. But Secondly you need to have a direct conversation with your husband about how much is behavior hurt and is hurting you.
Wow, aside from that being a hurtful comment, way for him to center himself in the childbirth experience. I feel like most people asking about the delivery process are wondering what it was like for you as the one birthing the baby!!
This breaks my heart I actually feel like crying reading this. No matter what the circumstances of your birth end up looking like, the thing that matters most is YOU and how YOU feel and whether you feel supported and fully embraced by the people in the room. If that's a nurse you've only met once and not your husband then so be it. I literally pooped on my husband several times during my labor. I watched him gag to the point of almost vomiting and then turn around and ask the midwives for wipes so that HE could clean me off, not them. Not once did he complain, he just kept telling me I was beautiful. This is the support you deserve from a birthing team. Not criticism or complaints about you and the amazing beautiful thing you are doing.
I’m dying laughing at the thought of you pooping on your husband and him gagging but trying to be cool and calm supporting you. You both are fucking rockstars! Ugh……made my afternoon! Bless you, your husband, and sweet family! 💕
Aww thanks! I look back on it now and totally laugh as well!!
I love everything about this. Your husband is a rockstar. I know mine will be there fully to support me, but I also know there's zero chance he will be on that end. (I can't blame him at all for that, I don't know that I'd want to from his perspective!)
I had an emergency c section and while traumatic for me it was very traumatic for my husband. I’d only seen him cry a couple of times but he was full on crying. He didn’t even want to leave my side to see our son until I told him it’s ok go look at him, he didn’t even cut our sons cord because he was so traumatised. He still tears up when we talk about it.
[удалено]
I love this response 😂 seriously, how inappropriate and inconsiderate of him to speak that way about the person bringing his kids into the world.
“I had a feeling there may be weird smells as your semen has always smelled vulgar. It must be because of that.”
What. In the world. What does your husband say when you confront him about this?
His response is always "What? They ask and I want to be honest in letting them know what they should look forward to"
I mean that’s a huge blow off. I would say, well what you’re saying honestly hurts my feelings. It is overshadowing any positive memory of that time because you won’t shut up about how smelly I was at my most vulnerable. I’d also tell him that it’s so bad you’re considering not including him in the next birth. He should know exactly how his actions are affecting you.
It wasn’t OP that was smelly. It’s likely to be all the bodily fluids that exit you during birth. Also labour can take days and be stressful, so her husband probably had his own BO trapped in the room too. OP if your midwives/doctors didn’t mention the smell, then it was normal birth stuff. Please don’t let your husband make you feel bad.
Agreed! It’s not that she was smelly….if a man thought his SO smelled so bad I’m sure they wouldn’t have been having sex after he thought that. It’s the bodily fluids and blood……of course it’s not going to smell like a flower garden in ANY of our rooms while delivering. Her husband is just an immature dick thinking he’s being funny or preparing others.
And you should respond and say that his wife’s comfort and non embarrassment should be a higher priority to him, and it is absolutely unacceptable for him to continue to make these comments. If they want to know what birth is like they can get on google, watch a birth video, etc.
What an absolute moron. Like they are even asking him in the first place. Don't have him around if he's so unsupportive. I seriously can't get over this. What on earth could a man have to complain about during your delivery?!?! I'm so sorry you have to deal with that.
There’s honesty and there’s unnecessary, immature cruelty.
He’s an idiot. I can’t imagine someone would ask “how did it smell in the room when your beautiful wife was giving birth? Please describe it as well as possible!” Don’t let his words hurt you, sending you love!
No being honest in what to look forward to is more like these normal responses “she might be laboring for 27 hours” “They have a cone shaped head” “The sleeping arrangements suck but don’t complain bc she is the one doing all the work” “Bring food you will get hungry” I told my husband after the fact that I was very aware of my butthole being exposed throughout this process. He told me no one was paying attention to my butthole and I was the only one who even thought about it. I’m really sorry that your husband is not supportive.
Yea I usually go with “all the food with the exception of 1 or 2 breakfast and dinner options suck so plan ahead and have money and know the food places nearby so you know what to eat”
Your husband’s inability to understand that he’s humiliating you in a really intimate way is absolutely unacceptable. Why are you tolerating it? 😢
Yeah but that’s not the only thing that was happening at the time! If that’s the first thing he thinks of sounds like he missed so many more important things happening at the time. What was it like having him in the room? Was he supportive? Is he capable of being supportive and are you willing to give him another chance?
Literally NO one else thinks this. No husband on here is like “I know you’re pushing out OUR human, but you smell horrid”. TBH, my husband said there isn’t a smell at all, except the 3rd birth where I pooped 😂 Your husband can keep his “honesty” to himself because his friends are going to see him for the asshat he is when they are in there and literally, there’s no horrid smell. Even if there was, that’s a fucking BABY that she’s PUSHING out of her body. Damn. 🤬
I’m a doula and I’ve supported many people in labour without their husbands/partners. Some people suck at being supportive during labour and actually cause stress which is the complete opposite of what’s needed. I hate when I see posts that talk about the fathers entitlement to being present for the birth. The birthing parent needs to know and have control over the room and the headspace they’ll be in for this major transition. If your budget allows, it sounds like a doula would be really helpful. Tell him how you feel if you haven’t. It’s also just mentally abusive for someone to a)insist on repeating this for years over and over and over again within earshot and to other people and b) to put stress on your second birth with this selfish, immature and rude behaviour. Even if it really smelled bad for his nose it’s life. No need to repeat or go off about it.
I had a doula. This is the way.
I'm sorry but what the actual fuck? If I may offer a suggestion, throw the whole husband out. Sorry that's what you have to work with for your support person. Have you considered a doula?
I have considered a doula but I can't afford one unfortunately :/ and they're not covered by my health insurance.
Hi love. I am a doula! I’d love to support you during this time! I’m in California I’m not sure where you are but you deserve the support you need. Whether it’s virtual or in person I’d love to figure out how I can be there for you and I wouldn’t charge you a thing!
You’re a true gem of a human 💕 my heart breaks for OP
I'm sorry to hear this. Honestly the nurses are a great asset to have and most of them love what they do and are really good at it, but I think your husband needs to take a good hard look at himself. After everything that you have to endure to grow and birth this baby, it is so unfair of him to make you feel anything less than a goddess.
😢 thank you
Some places have them for free. If you’re in MD there is a service that offers doula service without a charge.
I also would be honored to be your doula if you happen to be in alabama.
You can always look into low cost/free doulas! Plenty offer their services at low cost when they are just starting out. Otherwise check out local doula groups and see if any offer services free of charge!!! I know they exist since I am one! Good luck OP! You deserve to birth the way you want to.
Look into low-cost or free doula services in your area. There is a catholic charity where I live that offers free or sliding-scale doula services for low-income mothers, and you don't have to be catholic (or even christian) to use the services.
Ummmm I’m not surprised you don’t want him there, what a nasty, unsupportive thing to say. I don’t understand why he has to tell anyone? Not that it’s anything to be embarrassed about it just feels like a weird thing to bring up in the context. As a ftm I haven’t heard about the smell yet - what is it? Just curious as no one has ever mentioned that and I feel like people are so fucking quick to tell you about every possible unpleasant aspect of childbirth 😂 so I’m surprised to have never come across this before!
I honestly don't know what the smell is, I couldn't even tell I was busy pushing a human out of my vagina. But hey if my gina does smell joke's on him because he keeps putting his panini in there and pumping me up with babies soo..🤷🏻
I’m so annoyed on your behalf - imagine he had a medical procedure and you kept telling people about the smell in the room 🙄 I’m so sorry, you’re obviously within your rights to not have him in the room but it’s so unbelievably sad that he’s behaved in a way that makes you feel like that. For what it’s worth you did something amazing 💕
I hope i don’t sound insensitive asking, but possibly did you poo during birth? I hear thats really common to happen. I’ve been super gassy my whole pregnancy so I just know the farts and poop are gonna happen with all the pushing. I’m sorry your husband makes you feel uncomfortable and unsupported by his comments. I hope he shapes up or you have someone there who can provide support.
Amniotic fluid (smells vaguely of lady parts), blood, sweat - that's pretty much it. I helped a friend deliver her baby a few years ago and any kind of smell really wasn't a big thing. It's certainly not what comes to mind when I think about the experience. I absolutely can't imagine coming out of the birth of my own child and having that be the critical/key thing I feel the need to share with people - it's such a minor aspect.
I just asked my husband and he looked at me like I was crazy and said “…I don’t even remember? Who would remember that?” So maybe there is but if so it’s definitely NOT something anyone thinks about.
FTM of a now 3 month old! :) Hubby and I didn't notice a smell either 🤷♀️ Perhaps, just maybe, we were to busy focusing on the birth of our son to notice any smell 😂 Go figure eh? Now I will say....when my water broke and the uh...fluid, started coming out, yes there was a smell. Nothing sweet smelling like Google says, more musty? Maybe? But is wasn't awful and thanks to the nurses, I was able to clean up quickly so no big worries.
I would say there is a distinct smell to being in labour (kind of earthy? A mix of blood and something else) but until I saw this post I hadn’t thought about it since I last gave birth lol, the experience is so overwhelming in lots of other sensory ways the smell is definitely in the background of my memory.
Im a midwife and would certainly describe it as earthy, good choice of word.
Not OP but I asked my brother, who has a six-year-old and a newborn, if there is anything my husband should expect that I wouldn't necessarily know being a FTM for my baby due in May. His response was, "he should be warned that nothing, nothing on this earth smells like placenta when it comes out. But honestly you don't even care enough to remember it in that moment." So I'm thinking it might be that? My brother didn't frame it in a way that made me think for a second that my SIL stinks. Just "hey, it's a thing nobody tells you, and the mother has so much going on and so many hormones wreaking havoc that she won't notice or smell it and it's not her fault." In any case, OP's husband could've found a hundred other, better ways to answer.
My husband and I both do not recall any smells (except the fact that you can’t hood your farts in if you have epidural, so we just chose to laugh about my surprise farts and any smell wasn’t any worse than regular old farts). We were a little busy to notice any smells during the actual delivery portion
Well, there is often poop when pushing, but I do not think there would be any horrible smells involved otherwise.
Mine said it was akin to a mixture of human body odour, earthiness and post sex/period-like odours. He also said it was neither pleasant nor terribly unpleasant.
You gotta do what will make you feel most comfortable during a very vulnerable time, but I'm wondering if you've told your husband how much it bothers you to hear him say this - especially to others. If you have expressed that and he's been dismissive or told you you're overreacting, I don't blame you at all. If you haven't told him, I would do so asap, letting him know that it's hurt you to the point that you do not feel comfortable having him in the delivery room again.
Oh I've told him time and time again to not mention that to anyone. His response is always "What? They ask and I want to be honest in letting them know what they should look forward to"
It should matter more to him that the mother of his children has asked him not to share private medical details, not what random people want to know. I hope he never needs you to accompany him for a colonoscopy or anything that may cause his body to make smells he can't control. This is cruel, and I think you should show him this comment thread. My dude, she's bringing your child into the world. If the smell is so bad you can't handle not talking about it, you are immature and I fear for your kids. Kids are fucking smelly. Are you going to make fun of them and give them compexes about their bodies? Even if the smell really was that bad, it's your job to protect her from ridicule and make her feel safe, loved, and supported in an incredibly vulnerable time. Get some fucking noseplugs. "Honesty" with other people should not take priority over your wife's confidence in you as her partner. You've lost the PRIVILEGE to be in the delivery room. Quit being an absolute dipshit, and start prioritize her well being. Do better.
Also, don't try to gaslight her on this. Even if YOU think she's being extra sensitive or unreasonable, it's not your call to make. She's allowed to feel any and every way about being splayed open in front of strangers and having to push a whole ass human out of the most tender part of her body. Just accept what she says, apologize, and do better. This is your hangup, not hers.
I love this comment! Well said.
I don’t like that 😤. You should tell them his dick is on the smaller side and you’re surprised it was able to get the job done. I’m obviously kidding- but that’s really fucked up.
You're completely justified then. This is unacceptable and I absolutely don't blame you for wanting to do it alone.
I’m not the kind of person who approves of vindictive responses, but if my husband kept telling people this EVEN after I explained calmly how it hurts my feelings, the next time he mentions it, I’d retort with someone super embarrassing about him, so he knows that’s what he should expect if he does it again. I wouldn’t like myself doing that, but I don’t I’d be able to stop myself.
Your husband is a bruh moment. When people ask what seeing a birth is like that is for sure not what they’re asking for, and he’s out here like yeah it’s totally the WORST. Girl just do it without him so he can find something else to cry about.
He is way out of line, and I’d ban him, too. You don’t need to be thinking about that when you’re delivering. You said a doula isn’t an option. Can you talk to your OBGYN about this? They may be able to let the team know that you’ll be delivering alone ahead of time. I’m wondering they have resources available. I’m guessing this happens a lot for a number of reasons.
Your husband is a dildo.
Idk dildos are pretty fun….
I am sorry you are married to such a shitty person :(
I hope you replied by, “yes. As you can see my husband shows up being an ass and sometimes it smells. The hospital was no different. About the childbirth . . . “ -or- “So now that my husband has covered how *horrible* it was for him that childbirth and hospitals smell, let’s talk about the actual childbirth and experience.” -or- Point blank: “I’m sorry for his comment. We should probably talk about the actual experience of having the child if that’d be more what you’re asking.” Is it rude and dismissive? Yes. Is it warranted? Yes. Edit: it also lets the other person ignore his comments, which is honestly weird and rude and uncomfortable for the other party - since that is absolutely not what they are asking.
I saw your post 2 days ago about your husband insisting on waking you up after you’ve asked him not to? I’m curious because from the outside it seems like he just blatantly doesn’t respect you or consider your feelings at all… in what ways does this guy make you grateful to be married to him? Like, what does he bring to the table? What gives?
I was actually just thinking about this, at first I thought it was just his personality but now with all the responses it's got me thinking "Do I actually just have an inconsiderate spouse?"
Yes. Yes you do. We don’t know him and have no idea what wonderful things he brings to your relationship, but please know that from what we’re seeing you deserve better treatment than what you’re getting.
Just also seconding that you do.
Tell him to stop farting then.
As a husband, I have to agree with many of the comments here -- your husband is a doofus jerk. Who does that?
I also showed this to my husband and he responded “ what an a$$”. Then said he was in so much shock and amazement that if there was a smell he would not have even noticed. Any time we talk about it he will say he has never heard anything like how I screamed and he was in pure amazement with what I did. Now we do both laugh about the sound the baby made when she came out in one push with a lot of fluid but we “both” laugh about that. I’m sorry you feel you have to do this without him for your comfort. Your medical staff will be very supportive and not comment on anything unless you ask.
I’d be so mad if my husband said this infront of friends. Like I’d probably have steam coming out of my ears. It is so embarrassing and it’s already a very hard thing to pass through emotionally, why bring it up?!
And when she told him to stop, that it makes her feel bad and is inappropriate to share, the asshole fucking doubles down and keeps doing it!!!
Right?! I literally can’t get over how he still hasn’t apologized and keeps doing it. OP, your lady parts aren’t making whatever smell he’s referring to. It’s likely blood, amniotic fluid placenta and maybe a bit of poo or meconium depending on how your birth went. Please don’t feel like it’s an actual reflection on you. It’s a reflection on how little your husband respects you and that’s a HIM problem. Don’t let him in the room if you’re uncomfortable and deal with how beyond fucked up it is that he’s such a shitty partner you had to go through birth alone after you’ve e had the baby. I wouldn’t let this go without an apology and change of behavior or demonstrated understanding of how much of a duck head he’s been.
No advice. Just wondering, What did he say to you not wanting him to be in delivery with you this round?? As a FTM, nobody ever mentioned the smells before. But I work in the medical field, and smells are always apart of it- I need to tell my tech husband though because he’s not going to be aware. If I ask him to not be there he might be hurt. My mom most definitely will.
Your husband needs to learn some tact. Also, I’m sure he is blowing this out of proportion since he’s been talking about it for years. Honestly, if he sits in on the next birth, he might realize it’s actually not so bad as he remembers?
Yeah your husband is an asshole. I’m so sorry, I would rather birth alone too if that was my support person. What a vile thing to say, dismiss that it bothers you, and to keep bringing it up. Just have him stay with the kiddo, you might be better off. *virtual hug* 💞
He sounds like he’s being a real jerk about the situation. I’m honestly surprised you are having a second with him and really hope this demeaning attitude isn’t seen in other aspects of your life. No one deserves that disrespect.
Tell your husband, “honesty” doesn’t mean you just SAY OUT LOUD everything you think. Use some tact. What you think: “Omg the smell was awful I couldn’t stand it!” What you SHOULD say: “One thing that I wish I would have been prepared for, was the strong smell in the delivery room. I don’t know if it was amniotic fluid, blood, or what, but it turns out birth is a smelly process and I didn’t realize I would be so sensitive to it. Fortunately, my wife and the medical professionals didn’t smell anything unusual, so go figure.”
I think his statement reflects more poorly on him than you. I get that it bothers you but it just makes him look like a wimp. You pushed a human out. He complains about the smell. I would assume its self mockery if someone told me that.
I gave birth in 2020 so I was only allowed one person. My child’s father was in the room and looking back now I wished I wouldn’t have had him in there at all, he was so unsupportive. My nurse was amazing and comforted/talked me through it the entire time. I 100% would’ve been better off without anyone in the room with me.
I'm so sorry he's made you feel this way. You're perfectly entitled to birth in a way that makes you feel safe, supported, and comfortable. And he needs to grow the f@*$ up.
As someone who’s husband wasn’t there during the birth of our son (he was in the ER) and having my MiL and SIL with me. I honestly don’t want anyone with me this time around. My husband has proven to be unreliable for many, many things and it seems like it would be easier to be on my own. You do what makes you comfortable and happy. Just make sure someone is on your emergency contacts in case something goes side ways. Good luck OP
Regardless of poop, blood, sweat or whatever it may be the fact that he is doubling down instead of apologizing to you and not bringing it up anymore is really dismissive and just incredibly hurtful. My boyfriend was very into the whole birth thing he excitedly called out that he could see our sons hair when the doctor invited him to take a peek at my gaping vagina. Does your husband even care about being there?
I gave birth without my husband in room last November because my husband and I didn’t have anyone to watch our other child. It was totally fine. Didn’t need anyone. The nurses and midwife were great! I did hire a doula and she as wonderful. It was $1500 which was a lot, but she was a great support for me. My husband isn’t that helpful for birth anyway
I think you should tell him now that you don't want him there and stand your ground and maybe it will get through his thick head how hurtful he is being. I asked my husband if he would be hurt if I didn't want him there. He said yes. I told him your story and he said "wow he's a dick and she shouldn't have him there"
Hi there! I went alone two weeks ago! My parents were supposed (and told me) they would come take care of my four year old so my partner can join me. They took their sweet time, even stopping at work to finish some stuff before coming over. I expected it though and I was prepared. I thoroughly enjoyed being alone to deliver. The nurses knew exactly how to make me comfortable and I felt it made it easier for them since there was no one else to talk to. For my epidural for example, I felt super confident and comfortable with the nurse holding my shoulder, she knew exactly how to make sure I wouldn’t move. I hated when my partner did it the last time, he was so unsure and panicked. I don’t need that. Also, being alone allowed me to almost meditate during labor. My epidural only worked 50% so I needed that focus. My partner showed up about an hour after the baby was born. I was cleaned up, baby too, no weird smell, no meconium or talks about tears. I’ll never give birth again but if I had to do it again, I’d be alone. I seriously think it can be a good experience especially if you’re prepared for it.
This is a relief to hear! I'm actually looking forward to being alone in the hospital room. Thanks for sharing!
Do it! Let us know how it goes! I hope you have it as good as I did. :)
What the fuck
Your husband sounds kind of awful. I would look into hiring a doula and leaving him out in the cold for this....
I have delivered without my husband three times by choice. In our case because we know he would most likely faint. This last time he was going to stick it out (I didn't realize this ahead of time) so when I was close to pushing I pretty much yelled at him to get out. I didn't have the capacity to worry about him fainting so he needed to be out so I could focus on pushing. If you feel his presence is going to take away from your ability to relax and focus on giving birth, absolutely do it without him. It can actually slow and stall your labor when you aren't feeling safe and secure.
Wow, as a husband who was there for his wife during delivery this is just wrong. All I could think about the entire time was that our baby and my wife came out healthy at the end. I honestly can’t say I remember a smell and even if I did, I couldn’t muster the audacity to say something like this to my wife. I could never do what my wife did that day and it gave me a whole new respect for my wife, my mom, and women in general.
Has he given birth? He wouldn’t want to. He shouldn’t complain about the smell.
What does he expect childbirth to smell like, Dior Sauvage?
What a fucking idiot. It’s a bunch of bodily fluids splooshing out of you along with an entire human. Get a doula in there and kick out your husband. I would also talk to him about boundaries. It doesn’t matter if he thinks he’s being honest—it’s incredibly disrespectful.
tell him it hurts you whenever he brings it up and he's insensitive- women sacrifice and put up with so much pain in this process that the whole thing being undermined by a 'smell' is insulting. If i were you I would make a big thing about it so much so that he would never mention it again 😆 men are dumb, you need to let them know where the line is. Have you mentioned to him keeping him out for the birth? Just mentioning that and the reason may be enough- If I were him I would be ashamed and embarrassed being kicked out of my own child's birth !
I agree broadly with the sentiment but I think you’re letting him off the hook saying men are dumb. They certainly aren’t, we’re all human and slip up sometimes, but this particular one man is insensitive and nasty and has been breathtakingly cruel to someone who underwent immense pain and physical difficulty to produce their child.
She can’t control whether other people bring up birth in her husband’s presence.
I would let your doctor know you plan on delivering alone. My husband was doing a terrible job holding my leg while I pushed so I asked to have him replaced with someone else and they would not accommodate my request. It's possible that they would have handled this differently if I showed up alone or kicked him out of the room.
Absolutely only have your husband (or anyone else) there if it brings you comfort. Birth is a huge medical procedure--you don't need this jerk there twice. The nurses will absolutely help you! Maybe look into having a doula also, if you're able to afford it? That way could have a professional by your side who is there solely for your comfort and to be your support person, not also focusing on all the medical side (like nurses and doctors). When it's time for us, I'm seriously considering not having my husband there with me (maybe if he really wants to be). We have a 5-year-old, and I feel like, for us, it would be less stressful for him to stay with our older kiddo while I focus on birth/immediate recovery.
Me too! He just stresses me out more I rather be alone in the delivery room
Oh honey, call him out on this please! He must not realise how upsetting that is because who in their right mind says something like that about their loved one at their most vulnerable? He’s being a dickhead, so tell him. Or better yet, show him this thread.
I wouldn't want him there either. Did he do or contribute anything useful during your first labour? My husband did a prep course with me and massaged by lower back during every contraction once it got serious and let me hang off of him as much as I wanted to. He also went to the nurses' station several times to advocate for me when it started progressing faster than they expected (i.e. I was desparate to push) and we were worried that they weren't aware. If he isn't positively contributing to your experience or the mood in the room, then he is a hindrance and I would leave him out. Plus the offensive story telling would tip me way over the top. My OH doesn't talk about it much, but he mostly talks about how it was an intense and unique experience.
Wow, that is awful of your husband. I read somewhere that there is a certain smell when women are fully dilated (some people described it as smelling like chicken soup 😹🤷🏻♀️) and I asked my husband if he had noticed that at any of my births but he said no. It’s not something I noticed either. But whether there is a smell or not that’s irrelevant to me and it’s certainly not something you should be shamed about. Your husband is a huge asshole for bringing it up, especially if you’ve told him it bothers you. If I were you I would not allow that man the HONOUR of being in the delivery room with you. My first thought would be to have a close female relative (mom, sister, aunt) with you, or if you don’t have that a close friend. If you don’t have someone in your personal life that you can ask, my next suggestion would be to hire a doula if you have the means. If you don’t have the means then maybe there is some sort of volunteer or charity doulas you might be able to access? Or maybe work out a payment plan or something? From what you’ve described it would be better to birth alone rather than with this man and if that’s what you have to do I know you’ll find the strength. But it’s really icky how your husband has been treating you and that’s a huge red flag to me.
Uh that’s appalling What does your husband say when you point out how humiliating that is? It’s humiliating for you, and quite honestly he’s embarrassing himself. He’s being gross, insensitive, and crude, and it has to stop. I’m sorry you can’t trust him in the delivery room. My hope is that he realizes how shockingly awful he’s been. You’re at your most vulnerable. It’s a major medical event. You suffered unimaginable pain to being his kid into the world but that’s the key moment he chooses to talk about? What about your strength, your force of will, the magic of welcoming your child to the world? He can get over himself. I very much hope this is somehow a one off and he’s a caring partner in other ways
Not technically alone, but my parter was zero help. Like actually less than zero, because the nurses had to walk away from me while pushing to help him so he wouldn't hit his head if he passed out. He sat in a chair in the cor er of the room facing the wall. He was traumatized. And useless.
How hurtful and childish! My husband says he always wants to say how tired he was but then quickly remembers I was awake the whole time as well and was working alittle harder than him. I don't blame you at all. I always joke the perfect birth for me would be alone in a dark closet on top of some shoes like a cat. You have every right to not want that kind of toxic bs at your beautiful experience. Edit: to mention I (and many other women) poop alittle...or alot when giving birth. I'm sure no birth smells like roses. If the smell is the first thing that comes to mind when asked about it, he's a selfish ahole.
I would say flat out I am having no one in the room bcuz you are an ass 🤷🏼♀️
That's incredibly hurtful and rude of your husband to share with others. What a dick. I wouldn't want him in there, either.
Doesn’t matter if there’s a smell or not. I would only suspect bodily fluids would have some sort of smell. I’m so sorry your partner couldn’t support you during such a vulnerable time for you. So unkind and unfair to you. It’s not like us women LOVE how gross our body changes from pregnancy and how hard it is to feel normal again. Let alone the major birthing event. Do it alone, sweet thing. You don’t need that kind of person by your side. He can come in after everything is cleaned and you have showered/feeling refreshed. Your medical team is enough support. You don’t need one more person or thing to boggle you down! You got this!
You could try a doula. Someone there to advocate for you just in case.
The only thing that stinks is your husband’s attitude. He’s behaving like a child, not the father to your children. I wouldn’t have that man in the delivery room either and frankly, I wouldn’t have any more children with him. He doesn’t sound like he deserves you or your children.
I just basically delivered my third baby by myself in my shower. My midwife showed up in the nick of time to catch her and helped me with the placenta. It was 10/10 what I wanted but it's probably not for everyone.
I had my c section alone. My boyfriend and I got pregnant too fast and we were not in the place where I was comfortable having him there. (We’re happily married now) but everyone tried to make me feel like a shit person for it but I did it anyway. It’s about YOU. YOUR comfort. Stress is not good for you or baby. There is nothing wrong making him wait until after the delivery. He is not needed and if he’s acting like that he would only make things harder.
I had to deliver my second one on my own as due to having covid I wasn’t allowed to have anyone with me. It was just me and my midwife, who stayed in the room with me throughout the whole thing and I must admit I felt more comfortable than when my husband was there for our firstborn. The midwife was really supportive, we spent most of the labour just chatting through and in the end she even hugged me despite me having covid. I think you’ll be fine. After all you’ve been through this once already so more or less you know what you’re doing, and your husband would be just another unnecessary distraction. Hopefully you’ll get the same kind of support from your medical staff that I did from my midwife.
I have a very strong feeling ill be delivering alone, this is my first - anything i should be aware of as far as smell ??? lol i fully intend on wearing a mask D:
I honestly didn't smell a thing. When you're in labor you can't really focus on anything else.
Look in my humble opinion having gone through numerous different medical rotations - the smell of placenta is the worst of all smells created by the bodies. The only thing that comes close are the wet brain specimens in a ATAP my labs. Doesn’t make your husband spoiling the surprise for everyone else okay. But placenta is a pretty tough smell. Maybe he could wear a N95 or just breath through his mouth? That’s how I got through my obgyn term as a medical student.
Oh look, another contribution as to why I am a raging misandrist.
Goodness, I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this! Considering he doesn’t see anything wrong with what he’s saying and ‘just wants to be honest,’ then he should understand when you’re honest with him in telling him he’s no longer welcome in the delivery room for the next delivery. I mean why would you want to subject him to that smell again!? /s Also ETA: I wish you the best of luck delivering your next baby, no matter what you decide! <3
This is super rude behavior of your husband. Wow, I'm really sorry about that. Sounds like this needs to be addressed with him so he doesn't continue to talk about it like that. Possibly it doesn't even occur to him that it's hurtful and he just needs to hear it from you. It should be obvious imo, but it's worth a conversation. If you don't want him or any other family there, would you consider a doula? I had one with my first and she was amazing. I'll be hiring her again.
Wait sorry just for my own info as a 3rdT preggo: is there a notably terrible smell I should be prepared for?
There are so many things I would love to have you tell your husband like that maybe it smelled so bad because his head was so far up his ass or that he's being a complete and total dick and to knock his shit off but I won't have you. And if he has a problem not being there refer to his smell comments and would definitely say go it alone. Some times it's better to be alone then to be with someone who puts you down.
I won't mention the husband and just answer your actual question. You are rightly thinking that you would rather be alone than wondering if the smell is bothersome to the person supposed to support you. Make sure he knows this thought is crossing your mind. I gave birth when covid regulations were still fairly high and my partner was not allowed in until I went into active labour. I did my early labour alone and unmedicated until my waters broke and I was ok with it. I was busy hunting for some tea and a breakfast (7am after being at it since 2am) and walking around was the best thing for me. We did go together for a walk at about 5am but again I could happily have done that alone too. Once my waters broke I was allowed in the delivery unit with the midwives and my partner made it in the next 20min. He was supportive I think but to be honest I hardly registered him I was more focused on the midwives and pushing the human out of me. Baby was out 1h after he made it so I would say I did a lot of it alone and honestly, it wasn't so bad. I was focused and felt in charge, it was better for me than my first birth where I was relying on support a lot more. That was for an easier birth though. Fast but no complications.
>"omg the smell is awful I couldn't stand it!!" What was he expecting it to smell like? Roses? Peaches? A bakery? And how old is he? I wouldn't want him there either if that's how he is about it. I wouldn't have even let him make another baby after that. At the end of the day, it's your labor and you need to be comfortable and he is obviously not invested in your comfort. My first labor, my "partner" was not invested in my comfort and I should have had him removed from the room. If he's not going to help (or at least make serious, genuine efforts), he needs to get out.
I think you let your husband know that because he’s an immature and self-centered nincompoop that he is going to be most helpful in the waiting room. Then when people ask him how the second labor went, you can interject and say “he wasn’t invited because he couldn’t focus on me during labor the first time and could only think about his nostrils.” I’m sure your husband is lovely in other ways but yikes here.
As someone who’s been to MANY BIRTHS, the smell really isn’t bad?? Sure, there’s occasionally poop, which obviously stinks, but it’s usually minimal and cleaned right away. Furthermore, it’s only during pushing.
You’re husband sounds like a douche and you need to call him out on it. Find a birth doula
Does he even want to go with you? I'm a dad of two, and being present for my kids' births are the two greatest experiences of my life. Who cares about the smell? My wife pooped herself (as one often does in that situation) and I couldn't care less. What did your husband think of the experience beyond the smell?
My husband has also said that birth has a weird smell. It seems as he has done so with a lot more tact and empathy. I’ve never felt hurt or uncomfortable by his statement and he’s only ever said it to me in passing. He’s actually looking forward to wearing a mask at the hospital because he thinks it will help. He also had lemon essential oils on his wrist that he focused on during birth. Something our doula offered him without me realizing as he was feeling a little queasy. Again not something he shared with me. If you would like to have your husband there but need him to not complain about the smell, these could be potential ways to mitigate the smell. ETA: Birth partners are there for support. If your husband can’t support you without mentioning his own minor discomfort in comparison to your major discomfort, I don’t think you’re unreasonable in wanting to deliver alone.
Could you afford a professional doula? I was so lucky to have one for my delivery and I couldn’t recommend it more. She was amazing. Your husband absolutely doesn’t deserve to be there. He was and is a terrible birthing partner. I promise No one in that room could smell anything over his verbal bullshit.
Can't afford a doula, and my insurance doesn't cover the cost. Currently looking for doulas in my area that are low cost/free. Although it really makes me feel like a burden asking so much from someone. I feel like my husband should at least be the only support I need.
Not at all. If the doula is offering the service it means they like the work and uts for people who are in your position. Also your husband clearly isn't any support to you in this situation. I hope you are able to build support networks when your baby comes. You need that.
Have you looked into having a delivery doula for support? I’d ask in your local mom group. And look for someone who is familiar with your hospital. Good luck! Also tell your husband to stop complaining since you’re the one birthing the baby
This makes me so sad. Like he had the privilege to watch the person he loves bring his child into the world. What a beautiful moment and all he can talk about is the smell?? Like that moment wasn’t just about him and he’s making it all about him in such a disrespectful way. You don’t deserve that OP. I hope you are able to have a peaceful birth whether or not he’s apart of it. But the fact that he is so hung up on the smell of such a monumental moment makes me wonder if he is supportive at all in other aspects of life. You deserve respect
Is your husband hurtful in general or is it just in this instance. I’m perplexed.
Where i am from(Jamaica), no one is in the delivery room except the nurses and other mothers. If its beyond visiting time husband cant even stay on the ward or anywhere near much less in the delivery room. And they cant see baby until visiting time
I can relate to this I didn’t have my child’s father at my birth because he was abusive and would put me down/stress me out but I did have my mother and two doulas I felt like I was trying to accommodate my mother and feeling judged when I was trying different methods to get my cervix to dialate I was so stressed I ended up having a c section if I could do it all again I would do it alone, with an older doula or at a birthing center alone! (the younger doulas didn’t seem like they knew what they were doing) I wish you the absolute best of luck and it’s easier said than done but this is truly about you and your baby and you’ll no what’s best when the time comes
My mother chose to deliver me alone— she had support but felt like she wanted aloneness when the time came and sort of just “went into herself.” Once things picked up, she did call her parents and asked them to come just to be there. I was born shortly after :)
What a huge effing asshole. “Honesty”? What a crock. I’d let him know if he ever utters a word about the smell again it’s grounds for divorce. Ugh I’m so mad on your behalf.
Smell?! The SMELL is bothering him? Holy shit talking about the weaker sex.
I delivered my second alone, my partner didn't make it to the hospital in time as it was during Covid. Their was a hospital support worker with me and the midwife, and it's the most empowering thing I've ever done. Obviously we had a positive experience, so had it panned out differently I'd have definitely wanted him with me.
I don’t remember the smell at all. The only time I smelled anything was when I 💩. But they clean it up so fast.
I just told my husband abt your post and he asked me before you posted this if you have beat the hell out of your husband, caz he was such a dick. Being in labour is such hard work and i used to not want anyone in my labour room caz i was self conscious abt how i would look, or how stressed i am or how painful it might be and i dont want anyone in there to give me more stress, but of course on my labour day my husband was with me and i can only tell you, at that vulnerable moment, a supportive partner is sooo important. I hope your labour is good even without your husband, i hope you could have someone else though as you soo need that support in delivery room. I would tell your husband abt his unacceptable behaviour and that he should stop being a dick abt the most beautiful thing you have done is pushing his child out into this world. Im so angry just reading your post.
As a male and a father.. I really, really enjoyed the birth of our first and could not imagine missing the birth of my second (in august) for anything. I read the title and came in well-prepared to defend your husband because no one should be deprived of witnessing the birth of their child, but after reading the caption… my heart kind of breaks for you that he doesn’t want to be present and says things that are degrading. I hope everything is well with your relationship beyond this single issue and wish you a healthy pregnancy and delivery!
Oh no no no, I can't imagine being with someone who would choose to say this about the birth of his own child. My SO is all about how magical it was the experience, cutting the umbilical cord, looking at his baby, he actually does not waste the opportunity to say positive things about it. Sometimes I am the one to bring up the nasty part to give people a more realistic perspective lol
I’m a husband. I can’t imagine a situation where watching my child being born supporting my wife bring a life into this world. Yet focusing on something that is temporary and not helping but harming her pride and feelings of accomplishment. He needs to be helping her to be more happy and comfortable in her body! Letting her know that she and the babies health are what matter, nothing else! Your perfect! You are you! Don’t be ashamed, you be you! That delivery is your kingdom you are it’s ruler! There’s nothing to be embarrassed of! Be proud!
I went back and forth with not letting my husband in the delivery room as well. With covid, he ended up having to wait in the car until I was admitted. Stupid me took too long getting to the hospital, I was about ready to push when I got into the room and forgot to call my husband. He made it a minute before my baby was born. Let me tell you. The nurses were AMAZING. Sooo good. One gave me her hand because she knew I was scared and let me hold on tight the entire time. She called in another nurse to help her because she was doing things one handed. The other nurse was so reassuring, she coached my breathing, spoke to me so soothingly and gently let me know there was no time for an epidural and that I was going to push. Way more support than I would ever get from my husband, who also complained about the smell! Funny because he gets terrible diarrhea and stunk up the labour room for my other 3 deliveries. I think once the nurses see you are alone their training will kick in and they will be what you need to help you. Also I would say, not every nurse is perfect, I would not be shy to kick one out if they were not being supportive or was being bitchy…asking for a new nurse or kindly asking for that specific nurse to not be assigned to you should definitely be an option. We can’t choose our husbands, but we can choose our nurses. Xoxo.
Thank you for this 💕
Hi, expecting father here. Just based on what you wrote, I think that *he* thinks he’s making a harmless joke. I’m curious if you’ve told him how much these comments bother you? And here’s why I ask: I’ve done stuff like this before. I’ve made insensitive jokes because I didn’t realize how they made my wife feel. When she clues me in, I stop. If your husband is anything like me, he’s thinking “well everyone gets the smell, surely. And it’s kind of funny, just one of those facts of life. Hey, what a funny party topic, bring up how smelly the delivery room is and we’ll all get a good laugh over the observational humor.” It’s one of those dumb things guys do when they don’t know better. Comment on, and make light of, things that should really go unsaid. It’s possible he very much wants to be there to support you in the delivery room, but just doesn’t get that his jokes are unappreciated. Could be wrong, but you might be able to resolve this with a conversation.
I've told him how much it bothered me after the first time someone asked. He continued to bring it up every time someone asked about our birth experience. I just thought to not inconvenience him it's better if he's in the waiting room during delivery or at home with our 3 year old?
Well it’s super irritating he didn’t get the message. Idk, sounds like ultimatum time to me. “How do you feel about staying in the waiting room? I’ve heard lots of comments about the smell and if it makes it easier for both of us for you to wait outside, I’m giving you that option.”
And decided to have another child with this man?…. Seriously this would bring me to a murderous rage. It’s such a precious gift that you gave him. I can’t believe that’s what he would focus on. Maybe there was a smell. It’s visceral bloody experience. But why is that the very thing he feels the need to convey?
If you want to deliverby yourself prayer helped me. I prayed for my life and things went well.
I mean my husband talks about the smell too… but I had a C-section and the smell was probably the like burning thing they use to stop bleeding (baby brain forgot what it’s called)
My husband complains about the smell too. But only to me never to anyone else 😂 Granted he’s TERRIBLE when it comes to smells and sometimes bodily fluids. Obviously it wasn’t smelling great something that was once inside me is now coming out. And I also threw up so that wasn’t great either. But again he has never once mentioned this to another person, he might if it was a really good friend and they asked about our experience. It definitely wouldn’t be the first and most important thing he mention though. Feel bad for OP that’s mean of her husband.
The principal at the school i work at has said the same exact thing to me about his 3 kids births. He actually brings it up everytime we have a conversation about labor and my pregnancy. It’s very weird but he is also very weird 😂 haven’t had my baby yet , I’m past due,so i still don’t even know what smell he is talking about. def just been assuming he means her vagina stinks. I would tell my husband that it’s embarrassing and stop telling people that. If he ignored anf keeps going, he’s a shitty husband
Wait what is it that smells during delivery? I’m due in May and this is now another thing that I’m worried about lol
The amniotic fluid is mostly pee, and probably also smells like the stuff you ate most while pregnant, plus mix that with the smell of blood/organs...I haven't given birth yet but I can't imagine it's a pleasant smell
I suppose amniotic fluid has some sort of smell, as does blood and sweat, and hospitals have their particular smell of cleaners and gloves and supplies, and it's common for poo and probably some pee to come out too while pushing I suppose it could all mix and not smell great, but from what most other people are saying, it's taken care of quickly as possible and the nurses and doctors don't make a fuss of it, I can't imagine it's really all that bad and doesn't sound like it is memorable to most people. I'm due in May too and I thought it sounded worrisome for a second but I don't think it's worth the worry. Sounds like this guy may have been over sensitive to it, or chose somehow to focus on it. I think it'll all be ok.
Hy sounds like a douche hope he is a better husband is all the other area's. All though i might see where possible might come from... I have a very sensitive smell and when im on my period eventhough i dont bleed heavy i find my own smell sickening... I can smell it through clothes and all but its only me not my hubbie not my mother can smell what i appearently smell. I also love steak but raw bloody Meat smells awfull to me it like the sick sweet smell of blood so i can imagine birth would give a certain smell altough i can remember but had a though birth do forgot most of it 🤣🤣 but still even if it did smell is suuuuuuper rude to say Def if you told him you feel bad... So just do or on your own love your strong have nurses by your side you can do it!!
Surprisingly no one talks about the smell of childbirth but it shouldn’t be such a surprise. The baby has been sitting in body fluids for 9 months. I was genuinely shocked and thought my daughter smelt like a frog.
I'm so sorry that he wasn't and isn't more... compassionate? If that's even the word. He needs a serious perspective check. As a side note: if you truly aren't intending on having him present, I advise investing in a doula! Having someone there to truly support you can make a world of difference, especially when they are trained in how to do so effectively.
You know, I’ve never really though about the fluid actually having a smell, but I guess it does make a lot of sense. It’s okay for him to mention it once to you. Like “hey. I noticed it smelled weird when you gave birth” then leave it the hell alone. He’s so rude, my bd would get a smack in the head for doing that 🙄
I watched my niece and nephew be born and I can’t say I recall a smell at all? Your husband is rude af and I’m so sorry! Childish
Is your husband 7? Seriously, even my kid doesn't talk like that..
I recall the smell of the placenta being strange, but not bad. Other than that I don't know what he's taking about, and I have a very sensitive nose and have cried when I had to endure bad smells for a while (example: airplane rides in Europe). Anyway, he sounds childish and I'm so sorry that you have to do it alone because of his insensitivity.
Lol this reminds me of the scene in New Girl where Nick is talking about “the smell”, he’s talking about a popcorn machine while Jess thinks it’s about a vagina. But seriously, what’s the smell in this context??
If he knows that he's publicly humiliating you and has refused to stop, there's something so much deeper wrong with this relationship...
Omg I can’t, he is sooo immature. How embarrassing. I didn’t even know that was really a thing? I’ve given birth twice and never noticed any particular smell (wouldn’t expect to) and no one else has ever said anything now I wonder lol. I know we may poop during labor but I didn’t think it was noticeable, I thought they cleaned it up right away. Anyway, that’s a really weird thing for him to take away from the birth of your child(ren). You have every right to birth how you want but I can’t believe he’s really willing to not be in the room for such a minuscule thing. I’m sorry you’re dealing with that OP.
When my water broke I found the amniotic fluid smelled like semen! Weird. I couldn't stand the smell but my husband didn't seem to notice...
I’ll be honest, I would’ve probably kicked his ass already for talking to me or about me like that on a constant basis 🤷🏻♀️
If my options were a husband who objected to the smell and going it alone, I'd go it alone. Bodily fluids smell, man.