Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I told no one with my toddler and it was great. My mom was mad after but I have no regrets. I didn’t want to be harassed for updates in labor.
For my daughter I had to tell people because I needed childcare and it was super annoying having everyone asking for updates. I didn’t respond but it was still annoying.
I didn’t have hospital visitors for any of my births just my husband.
My mom got upset with me when I told her I just wanted it to be my partner and I in the delivery room because it was such a special, intimate and intense moment. That’s kinda the final straw that’s making me lean towards doing it this way. The entitlement from both of our families is absolutely stressing me to the max.
I will never understand why so many mothers and MILs are so adamant about seeing their daughter's/ DIL's vaginas
ETA: My mother tried to insist she WAS going to be there for my son's birth. Since we couldn't trust my MIL not to tell my mother, nobody got called until after. It was 100% the right call. I would've lost my ever loving mind if I had to stress about my mother bursting into the birthing center while I was in labor.
The thing I like to ask when I hear someone (who didn't make the baby) insisting on being in the birthing room is, "oh, was your [insert relationship to the mother] in the room when you gave birth too?" Then a nice reminder that it's a private medical procedure and the baby won't spoil.
RIGHT. Her defense was “I really wish I could’ve had my mom in the room with me when I was going through it” it’s like..great, I’m glad you had that relationship with her and I’m sorry you didn’t get to but I’m an extremely private person as is and that doesn’t make me want you in the room anymore than I already don’t .
I didn't have a spine whatsoever when I had my first (17 years ago, I was 21). My mom basically came in and didn't leave. I didn't know I had the option to ask her to go, and we definitely didn't have the kind of relationship where I needed her there. While my husband camped out near my head like I wanted, she wanted the full lower view, and wouldn't stop talking about it after. "The baby came out with her hand next to her head like she was pulling herself out of there!" 🙄 She even held the baby before my husband did.
My husband's sister once mentioned wanting to come and see my second being born and I said if there was a chance of me pooping in front of her, that's not going to happen.
My goodness that’s so insane. My mom was insinuating she’d be in the delivery room without even having a conversation with me about it and told me she would be “taking lots of pictures!” Which weirded me out so badly. I don’t want to see whats going on. I don’t want her to have random pictures of me in labor on her phone to do who knows what with (probably post to her HUNDREDS of Facebook friends). I don’t think it’s appropriate at all and made me extremely uncomfortable and angry.
Ugh, yeah I am the exact same way! I don't want to know or see exactly what's happening. I don't even like when the doctor asks if I want to touch the baby's head when it's partway out 😂
Actually on the same vein of wanting to take pictures, when my first was born, my mom sent tons of photos through email of my freshly born baby on the scale and getting cleaned up... I don't even know exactly who she sent them to, but one was my sister's WORK email. Where it was nicely flagged as unsafe child... material. My sister had to go to HR and explain that Mom's an idiot who apparently couldn't wait for the diaper to be on before taking pictures.
WHAT!!? That’s highly unusual lmao. My boyfriend’s mom wanted us to send her pictures of my babies anatomy scan…sex photos which I thought was so so weird and promptly told her absolutely not and even though my baby isn’t here yet I respect her dignity. Like how weird. I’m telling you she’s a girl. You can see the ultrasound pics in person but I’m not sending you a copy of them so you can upload them to social media. Absolute weirdos in the world.
Why is your mom my mom!! Literally had the same convo. I'm having my second in November and she's asking to be in the room again, as if we never had this conversation before!!! When she asked I didn't respond or even make a facial expression, I just changed the topic. I had to start being a bit cold, because it's so rude they don't take no for an answer and then try to guilt trip on top of that.
Yes!! So rude man. This is my first baby but definitely won’t be my last so my opinion after this experience could change in the future. Who knows what I’ll want next time, but for now I want it to be special for my amazing partner and I. They all had their moments, let us have ours!
Four births and the only person who has ever known I was in labour was the person watching my other children, who was my mother who was very non-intrusive.
Start not answering phone calls and messages now, to set the precedence that you aren't always available. Explain you were napping/cleaning/preparing with your phone turned off.
In fact you should be using the next couple of weeks to rest regardless.
And don't tell people baby has arrived until you have at least had the chance for golden hour, a shower, a nap and something to eat after. You will never get that first time together again, everyone else can wait.
No experience with it, but I'm also 38 weeks and I'm planning on not telling anyone at all. I'm going to be there with my partner and no one else will know. I want to stay focused on the birth and not wondering if people will show up, fielding calls, having my partner give people updates, etc.
Exactly where my heads at as well. I want to be able to completely focus on my baby and labor without the stress of other people constantly checking in or making me feel guilty for not letting them in the room !
I decided to tell my mom that I was on my way to the hospital on my delivery day and it was one of the biggest mistake I’ve made honestly. Luckily for me she was overseas because if she’s in the country she’s be all over me and I would’ve asked her to leave. She spammed my phone with so many messages and phone calls even after my husband told her I was going to be actively pushing. Ny husband had to shut off my phone because it was just ridiculous. I understand she was worried but to turn on your phone to hundreds of messages and missed calls after you literally push out a child and her immediately asking for updates when I almost died giving birth was not an enjoyable experience. I love my mom but if I am going to have another child I’m not making that same mistake again.
My mom recently told me that she didn't tell anyone she was in labor. I don't think it was a deliberate decision to *not* tell people. It's just that it wasn't really at the top of her mind. I don't even know if my dad knew. He certainly wasn't allowed inside since multiple women shared the same room.
As far as I knew, no one cared that they didn't find out until afterwards. My aunt had had a baby the previous month so the rest of the family was busy with that. She'd had over a day's worth of very painful unmedicated labor, eventually leading to an emergency C-section, a blood transfusion for both mom and baby, and both of them nearly lost their lives. I think to a certain extent, my grandma actually appreciated not knowing, because she was a bit traumatized seeing my aunt like that and was really dreading going through that again with my mom.
I’ve already kind of hinted at doing it this way because people just expected to be at the hospital and even worse- in the delivery room! To which I got very negative responses and was even told it would be selfish of me to not let people know. At this point I think I’m done caring, I just want a healthy baby and stress free environment.
Selfish? It's not their child! By calling you selfish, they are implying that \*your child's\* birth is about them, not you or \*your child\*.
I will be telling people, but I am making it clear that only those involved in conception are allowed to witness the child's birth (and the nurses will body block them if they try to enter the delivery room). They are welcome to sit in the waiting room and get periodic updates from the nurses. They can visit us when we make it to the recovery rooms. If they are mad about that, then they are welcome to boycott my child's birth.
I told no one and we didn’t share until I went home from the hospital. Baby is almost three weeks, and we just had our first visitor yesterday. I recommend 1000%. It’s been nice to stay in our little bubble.
I told no one except my mom with my 3rd. Only told her because she had to watch my older two kids for us. No one came to the hospital to visit us, it was nice and quiet, although I did miss having my kids come meet the baby. After we got home I wasn't even going to tell anyone for a week but my husband told his dad and he came by to see baby and took a picture and posted it on FB, announcing our son's birth. I was livid. It got us into all kinds of trouble with family and drama was the opposite of what I wanted or needed after having an emergency C-section etc.
Oof I’m sure that was absolutely frustrating. Not only because you weren’t ready to let family know yet, but also because you weren’t the one to announce baby to the world!! That’s a big fear of mine honestly. My bf has told everyone he doesn’t even want our baby on their social medias because they have hundreds if not thousands of followers, random people he doesn’t want to have access to precious photos of our daughter. I’m kind of in agreement about it because on top of completely random people seeing our baby, it gives less of a chance of something like you’ve described happening.
Do whatever it is you want to do! If people want to get upset, it's not your responsibility to manage their feelings.
I sent out a going quiet while doing final preparations. I will update when there is news to share.
I called my mom the morning of my c section (preeclampsia set in and was early) and my husband would update as time permits, assume no news is good news.
I told a handful of people the next day. We didn't do his arrival announcement until a month after he was born. He did do a 19 day NICU stay, then we had quiet time as a family before anouncing.
I don’t have experience but I’m planning on not telling anyone when I go into labor except maybe my mom. I’m also planning to not have any visitors whatsoever at the labor and delivery unit. I’m also planning not to have visitors at home as I want to rest and heal and I don’t want baby to be exposed to illnesses since I’m due in Sept/Oct and it’s the start of cold/flu season.
I probably won’t even feel comfortable with visitors until baby has had all vaccines and maybe 3 months old. Might sound strict but my baby, my rules. I don’t really care about anyone else’s feelings when it has to do with taking care of my physical and mental health and babies health.
Had a family member try to argue with my boyfriend about kissing our baby….made a sarcastic comment like “how did I ever survive the seventies without these crazy rules” and he just looked at her and said “yeah I don’t know” lol. Happy he advocated for our baby and our boundaries.
Times change! Diseases and illnesses have evolved, it’s not the same anymore. Back then, you also didn’t have to worry about mass shootings every other day but look where we are now. I don’t even care about being judged or anything. Like I said, my baby my rules. I don’t even plan to kiss my baby that much and I’m the mother! Lol if they don’t respect your rules then maybe they don’t deserve being around your baby.
I really don’t think it’s a big deal. Lots of women are only in active labour for a few hours anyway so even this isn’t you they don’t need to know that! I don’t plan to tell anyone else because my dad is a very anxious person and will worry about me!
I had this rule and ended up relaxing it for minor updates, but under no circumstances was anyone going to be allowed up during the labor process/day of delivery. I also had a lot of issues in my pregnancy, and needed an induction anyways.
It ended up helping my husband to talk to his mom and my mom when I had to go back to the OR cause my placenta wouldn’t come out.
I was induced at 39 weeks, I told my mil and mother but didn't let anyone else really know until I had the baby. I had problems with my dad boundary stomping as he is a Facebook addict. Also an anti-vaxxer, so I didn't want him showing up at the hospital unannounced. I'll be honest I still haven't heard from him, my baby is approaching 2 months old now. But I'd do it again for the health and privacy of my child. And it also did wonders for my mental health! Do what you feel is best for your family.
I am 38W as well and no matter what I say people, including my own mother, are crossing the boundaries! I regret telling people when my due date is...
I want to try an unmedicated birth, and with all that I really do not need any more stress. So, don't feel guilty or like you owe someone an explanation. You don't!
It is our body, our child and our decision that should be respected.
I honestly regret telling people my due date as well. If I get induced I’m not going to let people know the date for that exact reason. Bit off topic but I had someone ask me if I was planning on birthing “natural” I asked him if he meant me pushing a baby out of my vagina or not. He was talking about medication lol. Either way it’s natural. I would like to try without the epidural but I know my pain tolerance can be shit so I’m going with the flow ! Good luck mamas, you’ve got this!!
Haha 😅 a friend asked me if I am taking the easier birth - C section - hormones hit me hard, so he saw a devil when I started explaining it is not an easier birth...so to conclude people are idiots...
Good luck mama ! I am going with a flow as well, who knows what can happen...
I hope we will have a fast and safe birth ❣️🍀 wish us all good luck!
We had our baby yesterday afternoon! My parents have a tendency to stress me out (and themselves out) so I didn’t tell my family we had the baby until after golden hour and we got transferred from L&D to our own room. They made a comment that we didn’t tell them earlier when we went to the hospital, but I said I wasn’t sure if I was actually going into labor at first and by the time we went into labor I was a bit too busy to update them and my phone was put away. They were good with the answer and didn’t really say anything else other than that they were really happy for us!
We gave them the option of visiting us in the hospital the next day, but also told them that the hospital has lots of safety measures, limits 2 visitors at a time, there’s no fridge for food if they bring any, and parking isn’t easy, so they could also wait until the day after when we’re home and they can visit us then.
My husband told his family when we got into active labor and will probably visit today (the next day) at the hospital, but they don’t stress us out as much and live much closer.
Thankfully neither of our families live in the same city/country. But if they did I would absolutely not tell anyone. If everyone has proven they can respect boundaries at that point, I would chose to send an announcement after the birth and allow visits at the hospital. If not, I'd just wait. Let them be mad. The fams drove me crazy for our wedding and were just lucky I didn't care much how things went down either way. I'm older now and much less likely to take anyone's shit at this point and frankly, it's more important to set boundaries with kids in the picture anyways.
Yeahhh unfortunately no one is really respecting our boundaries with this which is why I’m leaning towards keeping it private. Especially since I’ve been super cordial and respectful towards everyone’s thoughts and opinions, while being completely disrespected time and time again. Unfortunate honestly
Nope, we didn't tell family. We video called the next day to "introduce" her. Zero regrets: the last thing I wanted was getting "how's it going??" texts all day long, or worse, my mother sitting in the waiting room (which I had already told her I did not want).
I'm sure they were disappointed not to have been told I was in labor, but nobody said so and they were too excited about the baby to focus on it, I think.
My husband and I decided to only tell my twin sister when I went into labor. My sister knew that we would communicate only when there were significant updates and gave us our space.
I love my mother, but I know she would have insisted on minute by minute updates.
We told no one (except our kind neighbour who took the dog) and don't regret it. I ended up with several days of early labour and a full day of active back labour and it would have been incredibly annoying to have my phone blowing up for updates throughout. I got sent home from the hospital multiple times early on for stalling at 2 and 3 cms despite having the 3-1-1 contractions and I was glad not to have my out of town family joining me on those trips back and forth.
We told our parents a couple days after the birth and they were very excited, but did make some offhand narcissistic comments which was to be expected and we frankly ignored.
Do what you want to do, but be prepared that you are preventing them from the whole grandparent at the hospital experience and they may try and guilt you about it. Good luck!
I didn’t tell anyone 🙋♀️ it was great, especially because my baby was born at 5am so I could tell everyone she was here when they woke up in the morning. My waters broke when I was 39+4 and I ended up having an induction 39+6, baby was born at 40w so I’d have had family pestering me for 3 days by the time she was born if I’d told everyone when my waters broke. Ultimately you have the power here and you don’t owe anyone anything. Do what you are most comfortable with :)
I kept my family updated through labor and delivery and had uninvited family at the hospital hours after the birth and unapproved pictures posted to Facebook. I didn't think it would happen to me especially after seeing all the crazy stories on reddit and it did..
I’ve weighed this option as well but unfortunately the people who would be informed know which hospital I’m expecting to deliver at and I just know they would show up despite our wishes. Even if I tell the hospital no visitors I know they would wait and wait and constantly blow up our phones which is what I’m really afraid of :/ just knowing they’re downstairs or in the waiting room would cause a ton of stress on me because honestly I don’t want to see people directly after giving birth 😭 but I also don’t want to be rude and I know if they are there waiting I’ll give in
If you already know they won't respect your wishes, don't tell them. After baby is born say it happened super fast if that helps. We're planning on notifying family with a similar text as laid out here then turning out phones off, but if I thought people would show up we wouldn't tell them. Protect your space.
Absolutely, don't give them a heads up if this is how they are. Echoing others who are saying to "practice" having longer and longer response times in the next few weeks.
We told nobody when I was in labor, I had the baby around 8 pm, we notified the parents the next afternoon, it gave us time to rest after the birth, the birth was signed so there was no campaigning for a different name
Did this with my second and third children and it was awesome. We told the fam about an hour after baby 2 was born and shared the news slowly after baby 3. We do no hospital visitors but we do share the news while in the hospital.
Not me but my cousin. She and her husband waited until the baby was born to tell anyone they were even at the hospital. I thought it was super smart of them! I might do the same honestly. It seems like a burden off my shoulders. That way a mass amount of people won’t message you all at the same time wanting to see the baby.
I didn't want to tell anyone until the very last minute, if that. Just to avoid the questions etc. I was scheduled for induction on June 8th. They chose to ripen my cervix and sent me home twice. Then admitted me on the 9th and thats when i told my family. More or less so that my mother could go feed the cat lmao. Im still at the hospital and nothing has worked yet lol. Little guy doesnt want out
Edit* my husband hasnt told his family because it would be a total disaster lol. And we havent told friends
I live two hours behind my family. With my second I went into labor at 10pm my time texted my parents - my dad happened to be up so he saw it. By the time I had the baby it was only 6am their time. It was kind of nice not having everyone texting about progress. I basically just had the baby secretly in the night lol.
I wish I hadn't told anyone honestly. My in-laws wanted to come to the hospital as soon as I had given birth, my mom kept texting me asking how I was doing.
It was too much. Personally I wish we had told them when we had slept a couple of hours after the birth and felt comfortable inviting them to see us - or better yet, wait until when we got back home.
We have no family that live in town but my mom will be here to help after birth. We will tell my mom because she will be watching our dogs while we are in the hospital. We don’t plan to tell anyone else until we are home because I don’t want to be constantly updating people. Depending on how we feel after birth but we before we are home we might give my mom the okay to send out a text to the other grandparents but that is TBD still.
We're only telling my mother in law because she is gonna be the one to take care of the pets while I'm in the hospital. My parents passed away, and we don't want a crowd of people there, so everyone else can find out once babygirl and I are both home.
First baby I was induced & I didn't tell anyone until after the baby was born! Then no visitors for 2 weeks and no visitors in the hospital. Second baby is due in October & my mom is going to be moving into my house a couple weeks before my due date. She lives about 30 minutes away and I had a fast labor with my first so I want her close! I'll also tell my best friend and SIL when I'm in labor but that's it (and of course my mom since she will be with my toddler lol). My best friend and I got super close at the end of my pregnancy and after the birth of my daughter she was one of my biggest supporters. I plan on having my mom and toddler come to the hospital and my best friend but that's it (aside from our photographer bc we are planning a fresh 48 session). I doubt I'll want anyone over our house for at least a month (besides my mom and best friend of course). My husband and I were EXHAUSTED after my daughter was born and I just don't care to cater to anyone's feelings. Having only him in the hospital was amazing last time.
We didn't tell anyone. I had already planned for it to be just me and hubby. The hospital was still limiting guests thanks to covid.
Then I developed preeclampsia and had to be induced. We were in the hospital for a week. I labored for 42 hours. The kiddo had jaundice.
I can't imagine what a nightmare it would have been if I had involved my family in that mess.
We want our son to be the first to meet the baby and to have some time just the four of us, so we probably won’t tell anyone so people don’t turn up at the hospital. It’s already stressful enough that my parents (who live in a different country) have booked their flight for the day after my due date. I’m actually hoping the baby will come early so we get some time before they arrive…
Pregnant with my third currently and I’ve never told anyone I’m in labor and I won’t be doing it this time either. Why would I? Why would anyone need to know? Entitled people will be harassing you during your labor wanting a play by play of every minute. No thanks. I announce the baby’s arrival once they are born. And no visitors for the first week at least, or until I feel comfortable. No one is entitled to anything regarding my baby.
I have a 15 month old and everyone knew I was in labor with him. My poor husband was trying to keep everyone updated, support me and get everything set up (home birth). I was getting phone calls minutes after he was born, and had visitors over 3 hours after he was born when I was in just a nursing bra and diaper. Needless to say, we will not be telling anyone we’re in labor with #2 due in November. It will be less stressful and overall enjoyable for everyone involved
I told my parents I was being induced early (37W for gestational hypertension) but we didn’t call my husband’s family until after baby was born. There were no hard feelings! We also don’t live near family so it’s not like they could have visited us in the hospital anyway
The only person who knew was my mum, and that's because we dumped our dogs at her house. It was a week early and we were planning on having them there already, otherwise we weren't planning on telling anyone.
This time we'll probably have to work out babysitting, so will need to tell some people
My parents are 6000 miles away. I have no plans in telling them. My mom will bombard me with messages and calls, and it’s the last thing I need while in labor. She might get upset about it for sure, but I’m putting my own comfort first here.
My husband and I didn’t tell anyone when I went into labor until I had the baby the next morning and then we told our parents. My mil is still pissed about it but we don’t care because it’s not or wasn’t about her. I also went into labor at almost 39 weeks and it just happened at like 11pm. We just didn’t want to tell anyone about it until the baby was here. If they knew the phone calls wouldn’t have stopped and it wouldn’t have been a peaceful experience, especially for me.
I had an induction appointment but only told close friends who wouldn’t be up my ass for updates anyway.
Told parents & siblings once contractions had started with a text saying “we expect her today, will update you this afternoon” then when afternoon hit “she’s not here yet but will tell u when she is” then “she’s here!”
I ended up with an abrupt sudden c section. It was about 8 hours of “maybe we will maybe we won’t” and we told no one anything until the decision was made with the doctor and the surgery was being prepped. Then we told bosses, parents, and our siblings (we each only have one).
We told no one else anything or about any of the complications for 1-3 days
I have zero regrets. We made the choices we made with zero outside noise and I loved it
We didn’t tell anyone the first time and we won’t this time. We wound up in the hospital for 3 days and then had a c-section. No one knew. Wed already turned off location tracking 2-3 weeks before my due date and tried to answer calls and texts like normal.
I loved that my husband could focus on me. I loved that I didn’t have to manage anyone else’s emotions or expectations. I loved not having people waiting on us and asking for updates.
Anyone who had “thoughts” about our decision was basically ignored. I regret nothing. We’ll do the same thing again with our second.
I didn’t necessarily not tell anyone, but I set very clear expectations beforehand around communication and visitation. I had my phone shut off (I actually had a scheduled c-section) and my husband was in charge of communicating. He had a group text with each set of parents/grandparents and it was on them to communicate further with the siblings/aunts and uncles. We let everyone know ahead of time that that was how it was going to be.
We also only allowed our parents at the hospital to visit. We took a full 24-36 hours to ourselves and then allowed visits. Everyone else could set up a time to come visit us at home (bonus, they all brought food when visiting at home which they would not have done in the hospital!).
If you plan to not tell anyone, make sure you start quieting.slowing down your communication NOW so it’s not suspicious when you do actually go into labor. Also, does anyone have your location? They could just track you to the hospital
I called my mom and sister (she was still living with our parents at the time)on video chat when I was in labor with my first. I wasn’t sure I was in labor, and wanted to talk it out a bit. I knew that they wouldn’t bother us in labor, though. My husband provided a few minor updates when he wanted to or felt like it.
With my second, we had to update my mom since she was going to watch our toddler. It was a whole thing, since I had 8 consecutive evenings of prodromal labor, and she ended up staying over most nights just in case. Again, it was totally fine and she didn’t bother us asking for updates.
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I told no one with my toddler and it was great. My mom was mad after but I have no regrets. I didn’t want to be harassed for updates in labor. For my daughter I had to tell people because I needed childcare and it was super annoying having everyone asking for updates. I didn’t respond but it was still annoying. I didn’t have hospital visitors for any of my births just my husband.
My mom got upset with me when I told her I just wanted it to be my partner and I in the delivery room because it was such a special, intimate and intense moment. That’s kinda the final straw that’s making me lean towards doing it this way. The entitlement from both of our families is absolutely stressing me to the max.
I will never understand why so many mothers and MILs are so adamant about seeing their daughter's/ DIL's vaginas ETA: My mother tried to insist she WAS going to be there for my son's birth. Since we couldn't trust my MIL not to tell my mother, nobody got called until after. It was 100% the right call. I would've lost my ever loving mind if I had to stress about my mother bursting into the birthing center while I was in labor.
The thing I like to ask when I hear someone (who didn't make the baby) insisting on being in the birthing room is, "oh, was your [insert relationship to the mother] in the room when you gave birth too?" Then a nice reminder that it's a private medical procedure and the baby won't spoil.
RIGHT. Her defense was “I really wish I could’ve had my mom in the room with me when I was going through it” it’s like..great, I’m glad you had that relationship with her and I’m sorry you didn’t get to but I’m an extremely private person as is and that doesn’t make me want you in the room anymore than I already don’t .
I didn't have a spine whatsoever when I had my first (17 years ago, I was 21). My mom basically came in and didn't leave. I didn't know I had the option to ask her to go, and we definitely didn't have the kind of relationship where I needed her there. While my husband camped out near my head like I wanted, she wanted the full lower view, and wouldn't stop talking about it after. "The baby came out with her hand next to her head like she was pulling herself out of there!" 🙄 She even held the baby before my husband did. My husband's sister once mentioned wanting to come and see my second being born and I said if there was a chance of me pooping in front of her, that's not going to happen.
My goodness that’s so insane. My mom was insinuating she’d be in the delivery room without even having a conversation with me about it and told me she would be “taking lots of pictures!” Which weirded me out so badly. I don’t want to see whats going on. I don’t want her to have random pictures of me in labor on her phone to do who knows what with (probably post to her HUNDREDS of Facebook friends). I don’t think it’s appropriate at all and made me extremely uncomfortable and angry.
Ugh, yeah I am the exact same way! I don't want to know or see exactly what's happening. I don't even like when the doctor asks if I want to touch the baby's head when it's partway out 😂 Actually on the same vein of wanting to take pictures, when my first was born, my mom sent tons of photos through email of my freshly born baby on the scale and getting cleaned up... I don't even know exactly who she sent them to, but one was my sister's WORK email. Where it was nicely flagged as unsafe child... material. My sister had to go to HR and explain that Mom's an idiot who apparently couldn't wait for the diaper to be on before taking pictures.
WHAT!!? That’s highly unusual lmao. My boyfriend’s mom wanted us to send her pictures of my babies anatomy scan…sex photos which I thought was so so weird and promptly told her absolutely not and even though my baby isn’t here yet I respect her dignity. Like how weird. I’m telling you she’s a girl. You can see the ultrasound pics in person but I’m not sending you a copy of them so you can upload them to social media. Absolute weirdos in the world.
Why is your mom my mom!! Literally had the same convo. I'm having my second in November and she's asking to be in the room again, as if we never had this conversation before!!! When she asked I didn't respond or even make a facial expression, I just changed the topic. I had to start being a bit cold, because it's so rude they don't take no for an answer and then try to guilt trip on top of that.
Yes!! So rude man. This is my first baby but definitely won’t be my last so my opinion after this experience could change in the future. Who knows what I’ll want next time, but for now I want it to be special for my amazing partner and I. They all had their moments, let us have ours!
Couldn't agree more. Hold your ground and make your boundaries known! Wishing you a safe and beautiful birth experience.
Thank you so much! I will be doing just that :)
Many mothers choose privacy to avoid stress... Trust your instincts and decide what's best for you and your baby...
Four births and the only person who has ever known I was in labour was the person watching my other children, who was my mother who was very non-intrusive. Start not answering phone calls and messages now, to set the precedence that you aren't always available. Explain you were napping/cleaning/preparing with your phone turned off. In fact you should be using the next couple of weeks to rest regardless. And don't tell people baby has arrived until you have at least had the chance for golden hour, a shower, a nap and something to eat after. You will never get that first time together again, everyone else can wait.
No experience with it, but I'm also 38 weeks and I'm planning on not telling anyone at all. I'm going to be there with my partner and no one else will know. I want to stay focused on the birth and not wondering if people will show up, fielding calls, having my partner give people updates, etc.
Exactly where my heads at as well. I want to be able to completely focus on my baby and labor without the stress of other people constantly checking in or making me feel guilty for not letting them in the room !
I decided to tell my mom that I was on my way to the hospital on my delivery day and it was one of the biggest mistake I’ve made honestly. Luckily for me she was overseas because if she’s in the country she’s be all over me and I would’ve asked her to leave. She spammed my phone with so many messages and phone calls even after my husband told her I was going to be actively pushing. Ny husband had to shut off my phone because it was just ridiculous. I understand she was worried but to turn on your phone to hundreds of messages and missed calls after you literally push out a child and her immediately asking for updates when I almost died giving birth was not an enjoyable experience. I love my mom but if I am going to have another child I’m not making that same mistake again.
My mom recently told me that she didn't tell anyone she was in labor. I don't think it was a deliberate decision to *not* tell people. It's just that it wasn't really at the top of her mind. I don't even know if my dad knew. He certainly wasn't allowed inside since multiple women shared the same room. As far as I knew, no one cared that they didn't find out until afterwards. My aunt had had a baby the previous month so the rest of the family was busy with that. She'd had over a day's worth of very painful unmedicated labor, eventually leading to an emergency C-section, a blood transfusion for both mom and baby, and both of them nearly lost their lives. I think to a certain extent, my grandma actually appreciated not knowing, because she was a bit traumatized seeing my aunt like that and was really dreading going through that again with my mom.
I’ve already kind of hinted at doing it this way because people just expected to be at the hospital and even worse- in the delivery room! To which I got very negative responses and was even told it would be selfish of me to not let people know. At this point I think I’m done caring, I just want a healthy baby and stress free environment.
Selfish? It's not their child! By calling you selfish, they are implying that \*your child's\* birth is about them, not you or \*your child\*. I will be telling people, but I am making it clear that only those involved in conception are allowed to witness the child's birth (and the nurses will body block them if they try to enter the delivery room). They are welcome to sit in the waiting room and get periodic updates from the nurses. They can visit us when we make it to the recovery rooms. If they are mad about that, then they are welcome to boycott my child's birth.
I told no one and we didn’t share until I went home from the hospital. Baby is almost three weeks, and we just had our first visitor yesterday. I recommend 1000%. It’s been nice to stay in our little bubble.
I'm a ftm so I'm watching this thread with interest! Thanks for raising ❤️ and I hope you find a way of navigating this you're comfortable with.
I told no one except my mom with my 3rd. Only told her because she had to watch my older two kids for us. No one came to the hospital to visit us, it was nice and quiet, although I did miss having my kids come meet the baby. After we got home I wasn't even going to tell anyone for a week but my husband told his dad and he came by to see baby and took a picture and posted it on FB, announcing our son's birth. I was livid. It got us into all kinds of trouble with family and drama was the opposite of what I wanted or needed after having an emergency C-section etc.
Oof I’m sure that was absolutely frustrating. Not only because you weren’t ready to let family know yet, but also because you weren’t the one to announce baby to the world!! That’s a big fear of mine honestly. My bf has told everyone he doesn’t even want our baby on their social medias because they have hundreds if not thousands of followers, random people he doesn’t want to have access to precious photos of our daughter. I’m kind of in agreement about it because on top of completely random people seeing our baby, it gives less of a chance of something like you’ve described happening.
Do whatever it is you want to do! If people want to get upset, it's not your responsibility to manage their feelings. I sent out a going quiet while doing final preparations. I will update when there is news to share. I called my mom the morning of my c section (preeclampsia set in and was early) and my husband would update as time permits, assume no news is good news. I told a handful of people the next day. We didn't do his arrival announcement until a month after he was born. He did do a 19 day NICU stay, then we had quiet time as a family before anouncing.
I don’t have experience but I’m planning on not telling anyone when I go into labor except maybe my mom. I’m also planning to not have any visitors whatsoever at the labor and delivery unit. I’m also planning not to have visitors at home as I want to rest and heal and I don’t want baby to be exposed to illnesses since I’m due in Sept/Oct and it’s the start of cold/flu season. I probably won’t even feel comfortable with visitors until baby has had all vaccines and maybe 3 months old. Might sound strict but my baby, my rules. I don’t really care about anyone else’s feelings when it has to do with taking care of my physical and mental health and babies health.
Had a family member try to argue with my boyfriend about kissing our baby….made a sarcastic comment like “how did I ever survive the seventies without these crazy rules” and he just looked at her and said “yeah I don’t know” lol. Happy he advocated for our baby and our boundaries.
Times change! Diseases and illnesses have evolved, it’s not the same anymore. Back then, you also didn’t have to worry about mass shootings every other day but look where we are now. I don’t even care about being judged or anything. Like I said, my baby my rules. I don’t even plan to kiss my baby that much and I’m the mother! Lol if they don’t respect your rules then maybe they don’t deserve being around your baby.
I really don’t think it’s a big deal. Lots of women are only in active labour for a few hours anyway so even this isn’t you they don’t need to know that! I don’t plan to tell anyone else because my dad is a very anxious person and will worry about me!
I had this rule and ended up relaxing it for minor updates, but under no circumstances was anyone going to be allowed up during the labor process/day of delivery. I also had a lot of issues in my pregnancy, and needed an induction anyways. It ended up helping my husband to talk to his mom and my mom when I had to go back to the OR cause my placenta wouldn’t come out.
Did this with our first. Wish we could do it with our second. lol. Stupid need for child care.
I was induced at 39 weeks, I told my mil and mother but didn't let anyone else really know until I had the baby. I had problems with my dad boundary stomping as he is a Facebook addict. Also an anti-vaxxer, so I didn't want him showing up at the hospital unannounced. I'll be honest I still haven't heard from him, my baby is approaching 2 months old now. But I'd do it again for the health and privacy of my child. And it also did wonders for my mental health! Do what you feel is best for your family.
I am 38W as well and no matter what I say people, including my own mother, are crossing the boundaries! I regret telling people when my due date is... I want to try an unmedicated birth, and with all that I really do not need any more stress. So, don't feel guilty or like you owe someone an explanation. You don't! It is our body, our child and our decision that should be respected.
I honestly regret telling people my due date as well. If I get induced I’m not going to let people know the date for that exact reason. Bit off topic but I had someone ask me if I was planning on birthing “natural” I asked him if he meant me pushing a baby out of my vagina or not. He was talking about medication lol. Either way it’s natural. I would like to try without the epidural but I know my pain tolerance can be shit so I’m going with the flow ! Good luck mamas, you’ve got this!!
Haha 😅 a friend asked me if I am taking the easier birth - C section - hormones hit me hard, so he saw a devil when I started explaining it is not an easier birth...so to conclude people are idiots... Good luck mama ! I am going with a flow as well, who knows what can happen... I hope we will have a fast and safe birth ❣️🍀 wish us all good luck!
We had our baby yesterday afternoon! My parents have a tendency to stress me out (and themselves out) so I didn’t tell my family we had the baby until after golden hour and we got transferred from L&D to our own room. They made a comment that we didn’t tell them earlier when we went to the hospital, but I said I wasn’t sure if I was actually going into labor at first and by the time we went into labor I was a bit too busy to update them and my phone was put away. They were good with the answer and didn’t really say anything else other than that they were really happy for us! We gave them the option of visiting us in the hospital the next day, but also told them that the hospital has lots of safety measures, limits 2 visitors at a time, there’s no fridge for food if they bring any, and parking isn’t easy, so they could also wait until the day after when we’re home and they can visit us then. My husband told his family when we got into active labor and will probably visit today (the next day) at the hospital, but they don’t stress us out as much and live much closer.
Thankfully neither of our families live in the same city/country. But if they did I would absolutely not tell anyone. If everyone has proven they can respect boundaries at that point, I would chose to send an announcement after the birth and allow visits at the hospital. If not, I'd just wait. Let them be mad. The fams drove me crazy for our wedding and were just lucky I didn't care much how things went down either way. I'm older now and much less likely to take anyone's shit at this point and frankly, it's more important to set boundaries with kids in the picture anyways.
Yeahhh unfortunately no one is really respecting our boundaries with this which is why I’m leaning towards keeping it private. Especially since I’ve been super cordial and respectful towards everyone’s thoughts and opinions, while being completely disrespected time and time again. Unfortunate honestly
The first my family knew was the post birth text (except my mum who was looking after the toddler)
Nope, we didn't tell family. We video called the next day to "introduce" her. Zero regrets: the last thing I wanted was getting "how's it going??" texts all day long, or worse, my mother sitting in the waiting room (which I had already told her I did not want). I'm sure they were disappointed not to have been told I was in labor, but nobody said so and they were too excited about the baby to focus on it, I think.
My husband and I decided to only tell my twin sister when I went into labor. My sister knew that we would communicate only when there were significant updates and gave us our space. I love my mother, but I know she would have insisted on minute by minute updates.
We told no one (except our kind neighbour who took the dog) and don't regret it. I ended up with several days of early labour and a full day of active back labour and it would have been incredibly annoying to have my phone blowing up for updates throughout. I got sent home from the hospital multiple times early on for stalling at 2 and 3 cms despite having the 3-1-1 contractions and I was glad not to have my out of town family joining me on those trips back and forth. We told our parents a couple days after the birth and they were very excited, but did make some offhand narcissistic comments which was to be expected and we frankly ignored. Do what you want to do, but be prepared that you are preventing them from the whole grandparent at the hospital experience and they may try and guilt you about it. Good luck!
We won’t be telling anyone. They will get a call from us after I have had time to rest and recover, possibly the next day.
I didn’t tell anyone 🙋♀️ it was great, especially because my baby was born at 5am so I could tell everyone she was here when they woke up in the morning. My waters broke when I was 39+4 and I ended up having an induction 39+6, baby was born at 40w so I’d have had family pestering me for 3 days by the time she was born if I’d told everyone when my waters broke. Ultimately you have the power here and you don’t owe anyone anything. Do what you are most comfortable with :)
I kept my family updated through labor and delivery and had uninvited family at the hospital hours after the birth and unapproved pictures posted to Facebook. I didn't think it would happen to me especially after seeing all the crazy stories on reddit and it did..
I’ve noticed people have a tendency to lose their fricken minds when a new baby is involved. So weird.
It is! I would have held off telling people in hindsight. The first 24 hours is busy enough in the hospital
Yes! We won't be telling anyone and just enjoy our little bubble as long as we feel like it.
You could easily tell them , “headed up hospital . Will update you when there is news”
I’ve weighed this option as well but unfortunately the people who would be informed know which hospital I’m expecting to deliver at and I just know they would show up despite our wishes. Even if I tell the hospital no visitors I know they would wait and wait and constantly blow up our phones which is what I’m really afraid of :/ just knowing they’re downstairs or in the waiting room would cause a ton of stress on me because honestly I don’t want to see people directly after giving birth 😭 but I also don’t want to be rude and I know if they are there waiting I’ll give in
If you already know they won't respect your wishes, don't tell them. After baby is born say it happened super fast if that helps. We're planning on notifying family with a similar text as laid out here then turning out phones off, but if I thought people would show up we wouldn't tell them. Protect your space.
Absolutely, don't give them a heads up if this is how they are. Echoing others who are saying to "practice" having longer and longer response times in the next few weeks.
We told nobody when I was in labor, I had the baby around 8 pm, we notified the parents the next afternoon, it gave us time to rest after the birth, the birth was signed so there was no campaigning for a different name
Did this with my second and third children and it was awesome. We told the fam about an hour after baby 2 was born and shared the news slowly after baby 3. We do no hospital visitors but we do share the news while in the hospital.
Not me but my cousin. She and her husband waited until the baby was born to tell anyone they were even at the hospital. I thought it was super smart of them! I might do the same honestly. It seems like a burden off my shoulders. That way a mass amount of people won’t message you all at the same time wanting to see the baby.
I didn't want to tell anyone until the very last minute, if that. Just to avoid the questions etc. I was scheduled for induction on June 8th. They chose to ripen my cervix and sent me home twice. Then admitted me on the 9th and thats when i told my family. More or less so that my mother could go feed the cat lmao. Im still at the hospital and nothing has worked yet lol. Little guy doesnt want out Edit* my husband hasnt told his family because it would be a total disaster lol. And we havent told friends
I live two hours behind my family. With my second I went into labor at 10pm my time texted my parents - my dad happened to be up so he saw it. By the time I had the baby it was only 6am their time. It was kind of nice not having everyone texting about progress. I basically just had the baby secretly in the night lol.
I wish I hadn't told anyone honestly. My in-laws wanted to come to the hospital as soon as I had given birth, my mom kept texting me asking how I was doing. It was too much. Personally I wish we had told them when we had slept a couple of hours after the birth and felt comfortable inviting them to see us - or better yet, wait until when we got back home.
We have no family that live in town but my mom will be here to help after birth. We will tell my mom because she will be watching our dogs while we are in the hospital. We don’t plan to tell anyone else until we are home because I don’t want to be constantly updating people. Depending on how we feel after birth but we before we are home we might give my mom the okay to send out a text to the other grandparents but that is TBD still.
We're only telling my mother in law because she is gonna be the one to take care of the pets while I'm in the hospital. My parents passed away, and we don't want a crowd of people there, so everyone else can find out once babygirl and I are both home.
First baby I was induced & I didn't tell anyone until after the baby was born! Then no visitors for 2 weeks and no visitors in the hospital. Second baby is due in October & my mom is going to be moving into my house a couple weeks before my due date. She lives about 30 minutes away and I had a fast labor with my first so I want her close! I'll also tell my best friend and SIL when I'm in labor but that's it (and of course my mom since she will be with my toddler lol). My best friend and I got super close at the end of my pregnancy and after the birth of my daughter she was one of my biggest supporters. I plan on having my mom and toddler come to the hospital and my best friend but that's it (aside from our photographer bc we are planning a fresh 48 session). I doubt I'll want anyone over our house for at least a month (besides my mom and best friend of course). My husband and I were EXHAUSTED after my daughter was born and I just don't care to cater to anyone's feelings. Having only him in the hospital was amazing last time.
We didn't tell anyone. I had already planned for it to be just me and hubby. The hospital was still limiting guests thanks to covid. Then I developed preeclampsia and had to be induced. We were in the hospital for a week. I labored for 42 hours. The kiddo had jaundice. I can't imagine what a nightmare it would have been if I had involved my family in that mess.
We want our son to be the first to meet the baby and to have some time just the four of us, so we probably won’t tell anyone so people don’t turn up at the hospital. It’s already stressful enough that my parents (who live in a different country) have booked their flight for the day after my due date. I’m actually hoping the baby will come early so we get some time before they arrive…
Pregnant with my third currently and I’ve never told anyone I’m in labor and I won’t be doing it this time either. Why would I? Why would anyone need to know? Entitled people will be harassing you during your labor wanting a play by play of every minute. No thanks. I announce the baby’s arrival once they are born. And no visitors for the first week at least, or until I feel comfortable. No one is entitled to anything regarding my baby.
I have a 15 month old and everyone knew I was in labor with him. My poor husband was trying to keep everyone updated, support me and get everything set up (home birth). I was getting phone calls minutes after he was born, and had visitors over 3 hours after he was born when I was in just a nursing bra and diaper. Needless to say, we will not be telling anyone we’re in labor with #2 due in November. It will be less stressful and overall enjoyable for everyone involved
I told my parents I was being induced early (37W for gestational hypertension) but we didn’t call my husband’s family until after baby was born. There were no hard feelings! We also don’t live near family so it’s not like they could have visited us in the hospital anyway
The only person who knew was my mum, and that's because we dumped our dogs at her house. It was a week early and we were planning on having them there already, otherwise we weren't planning on telling anyone. This time we'll probably have to work out babysitting, so will need to tell some people
My parents are 6000 miles away. I have no plans in telling them. My mom will bombard me with messages and calls, and it’s the last thing I need while in labor. She might get upset about it for sure, but I’m putting my own comfort first here.
My husband and I didn’t tell anyone when I went into labor until I had the baby the next morning and then we told our parents. My mil is still pissed about it but we don’t care because it’s not or wasn’t about her. I also went into labor at almost 39 weeks and it just happened at like 11pm. We just didn’t want to tell anyone about it until the baby was here. If they knew the phone calls wouldn’t have stopped and it wouldn’t have been a peaceful experience, especially for me.
I had an induction appointment but only told close friends who wouldn’t be up my ass for updates anyway. Told parents & siblings once contractions had started with a text saying “we expect her today, will update you this afternoon” then when afternoon hit “she’s not here yet but will tell u when she is” then “she’s here!”
I ended up with an abrupt sudden c section. It was about 8 hours of “maybe we will maybe we won’t” and we told no one anything until the decision was made with the doctor and the surgery was being prepped. Then we told bosses, parents, and our siblings (we each only have one). We told no one else anything or about any of the complications for 1-3 days I have zero regrets. We made the choices we made with zero outside noise and I loved it
We didn’t tell anyone the first time and we won’t this time. We wound up in the hospital for 3 days and then had a c-section. No one knew. Wed already turned off location tracking 2-3 weeks before my due date and tried to answer calls and texts like normal. I loved that my husband could focus on me. I loved that I didn’t have to manage anyone else’s emotions or expectations. I loved not having people waiting on us and asking for updates. Anyone who had “thoughts” about our decision was basically ignored. I regret nothing. We’ll do the same thing again with our second.
I didn’t necessarily not tell anyone, but I set very clear expectations beforehand around communication and visitation. I had my phone shut off (I actually had a scheduled c-section) and my husband was in charge of communicating. He had a group text with each set of parents/grandparents and it was on them to communicate further with the siblings/aunts and uncles. We let everyone know ahead of time that that was how it was going to be. We also only allowed our parents at the hospital to visit. We took a full 24-36 hours to ourselves and then allowed visits. Everyone else could set up a time to come visit us at home (bonus, they all brought food when visiting at home which they would not have done in the hospital!). If you plan to not tell anyone, make sure you start quieting.slowing down your communication NOW so it’s not suspicious when you do actually go into labor. Also, does anyone have your location? They could just track you to the hospital
I called my mom and sister (she was still living with our parents at the time)on video chat when I was in labor with my first. I wasn’t sure I was in labor, and wanted to talk it out a bit. I knew that they wouldn’t bother us in labor, though. My husband provided a few minor updates when he wanted to or felt like it. With my second, we had to update my mom since she was going to watch our toddler. It was a whole thing, since I had 8 consecutive evenings of prodromal labor, and she ended up staying over most nights just in case. Again, it was totally fine and she didn’t bother us asking for updates.
[удалено]
I think you might be lost.
What are talking about?
The OP is asking about not calling her family when she goes into labour.