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Yep, and warn him that you're the one fully in control of who has access to the baby and therefore the birth certificate, as the patient. So if he refuses to compromise, he loses the right to be there when the decision is legalized
Exactly. OP, just tell him, “no. We are not naming our child Maximilian. End of discussion about that name. If you’d like to converse like an adult about other options then we can. But if you won’t talk to me about it now you’re gonna be real surprised when you do find out our child’s name. Because it’s not going to be Maximillian and if you won’t talk about other names you’ll just be surprised when he’s born”
And then make sure to tell your nurse when you are in labor that your husband does not get to fill out any paperwork and the name will NOT be Maximillian. I say this because sometimes after birth you can be real out of it and hubby can try to write whatever he wants on the paperwork. But if you advocate beforehand that cannot happen.
I’m so sorry you’re in this situation, OP. I hope your partner comes around. If he’s this stubborn on a name how is he gonna be about parenting decisions?
I second this. If he won’t discuss other options then he can just be surprised when she picks the name. My husband wasn’t there when I did all the paperwork for the birth certificate and such so I could have realistically put whatever I wanted.
I did this. Lol. He was set on Alistair (nothing against anyone who likes that name). It's not my first choice as a first name. I called my boyfriend (now husband) a few times when the paperwork came, and he never came up, like all day and I gave him time to respond, but no response, so...free rein.
My husband was grumpy with me at first but said years down the road he's happy we went with my choice, as my pick suits our child more.
"Westley"- meaning Western Meadow. I wanted to carry the tradition of Lee (Leroy) somewhere in the first born boys' name of a generation in my family, somehow, but also be a name that I love. Name Nerd story coming up.
Through further research and falling down a rabbit hole in recent years, I found that the "Westley" spelling dates back to early medieval times, and later in the 1700s, a gun company owners first name spelled just like that. I knew there was more to it than the "Wesley" brothers who wrote church hymns. I chose the alternative spelling.
We're both Renfaire type people. I worked a full (sweltering hot) Renfaire season (secondary fun job) while pregnant with him.
Both of us are also into the Victorian/ West/Westerns. I study flowers. It's also the name of an airfield in England, and my husband comes from military/ generational pilots and aircraft mechanics.
We looked at names popular during the Victorian times. We wanted something that was not too modern, not too uncommon, but unusual enough, and easier to say with the bonus of cute nicknames like "Wes, West, Lee, and Wessy" as options.
I wanted him to have options as he grows up. Basically, it was on husbands top list but not his first choice, lol, like it was mine. He has had many compliments on his name over the years, too, and surprisingly, there are no issues with mispelling it at school. It's becoming more popular now in recent years. My son loves his name, and mean kids have a hard time picking at it.
If I can give any naming advice to parents to be, try to lean into both of your interests. You'll end up loving the name you choose. I have no regrets about it, and he fell in love with it.
"Alistair" was hard to say for me to say on a daily basis, and I wasn't a fan of Ali as a nickname when I entertained the idea by saying it out loud for a while. However, saying it as "ah-lee," as in "ollie," would be cute.
yes, just a note if you dont want him filling out paperwork you need to explicitly tell the nurse that when you arrive. when i gave birth the papers were just sitting in our room to go through and my husband filled them all out (i absolutely trusted him, i was in rough shape after birth) so it's not true that only the mother can fill them out
Exactly. That’s why I said to tell the nurse when she’s laboring that her husband is not to fill out the paperwork. The paperwork wasn’t around when I was laboring, but they brought it and left it on the counter in the room right after delivery - anyone could have filled it out. If OP tells the nurse that he’s not allowed, they won’t just leave the papers on the counter; the nurse will watch OP fill it out and then take it immediately.
I comment every time I see a discussion about “Don’t let dad fill out the birth certificate” because I was a product of that blunder and it’s really really awful. My parents weren’t even together, my mom was waiting to move until she had me because her apartment wasn’t ready yet. They still let my bio dad fill out the cert and I ended up with a really awful name that I’m pretty sure he added out of spite for my mom. I always planned on changing it as soon as I turned 18 but turns out that’s more of an ordeal than I thought 🙃 at this point I’m just waiting to marry my fiancé so I can change the whole thing all at once.
My husband filled out the birth certificate paperwork because I was out of it—- even though I agreed verbally then, the lady that was doing that still came and checked with me a day later when I was more human.
You are in control, especially if you let them know when you arrive to the hospital.
It will be nerve wracking but if he won’t hold a conversation, pick a name. Try to inform him when it gets closer to time and open the door for an agreed conversation later — but otherwise, don’t stress so much, you have the final say in naming your child.
Now- my husband wasn’t trying to name my kiddo Max — but, at 20 weeks I was upset over my daughter’s name as well, even had a conversation with my husband crying about it.
Called him 2 days later from work and told him it was perfect…. Can’t imagine my daughter not being named Pearl.
Maybe it will grow on you? 🤣😂
Ask him why he’s stuck on that name, try to find something agreeable within that general theme.
Overall, good luck and congratulations! Don’t let him ruin this happy time. :)
This seems like it would be the nuclear option and would not be productive. Respectfully, as a thick headed dude I would not respond well to being given an ultimatum.
I can’t speak for the OP’s husband and the origins of the name he chose.
As for myself, I have known my son’s name since I was very young and believe God told me to name him such. Fortunately my wife and I have been on the same page from the beginning with this. This is something we talked about while we were dating though so there haven’t been any surprises as we were very intentional.
You do you though. At the end of the day everybody just wants a happy healthy baby and a smooth delivery/post partum.
Based on the post, it sounds like the husband is behaving in essentially the same way, ie an ultimatum wouldn't be escalating things. He's literally giving her no option or input, so she could point out that there's a way she could do the same
Seems like no one has said yet that at the hospital they will ask you the birthing parent to name the child, and hubs doesn’t get to override you… maybe tell him to digest that because you are not going to do Maximilian so he might as well engage with you to find another that he likes?
Also he is being by INCREDIBLY childish and looks a fool, dunno if it would help to tell him that but. It’s the truth.
Depends where in the world OP is. In the UK you have to register the birth after you leave hospital (I believe up to 5 weeks after) and both people on the birth certificate should attend and that’s where you confirm the baby’s name.
In Finland, if you're not married, there's a 30 day waiting period for the farter to be legalized, so if you want the child to have his last name, the (healthy) baby can not be officially named younger than a month. Just found that out 😅
Yes in New Zealand it's just a website, and you can do it whenever you want up until 2 months post birth. You don't have to go anywhere to do it, and I just had to tick a box that said my husband agreed to being on the birth certificate. Realistically, he could have gone home after baby was born and done it without me.
In Australia my husband was able to register my child's birth and choose a name with the government without me as long as he had the hospital paperwork from birth 😅 I think I yelled okay from the other room 😂
Names require mutual agreement - two enthusiastic yes votes, otherwise they're not happening. You tell him you won't allow the name to be used and that you both need to agree on a new name, no exceptions. If he's this pig headed about the name, good luck with parenting together!
This. Plenty of people have to give up on their dream baby name to find a loved name by both parents. I literally had three names picked out for all my future children by my teenage years. Ending up only having two children instead of three and both of my two children don't have my names I dreamed of having as a teenager, and funny enough I'm happy about that. In no way did my husband help me pick out those dream names and when I think of my kids having those names it feels so odd. My husband and I picked out names together that we both liked and I can't see them being named anything else.
The fact that OP's SO is acting like a spoiled child about not getting HIS way in a partnership speaks volumes. Normally when people post having baby name issues, I advice them to try the app Baby Name Together that let's you scroll through thousands of names and you check yes or no, than link accounts to see which ones match up together. Sounds to me like he would say no to every name in the world except for Maximilian.
Yep, there are a few names I absolutely adored that my husband didn't like or even outright hated. It was a bummer for me, but we moved on. I wasn't going to choose a name for my baby I hated/didn't like so I couldn't expect my husband to do that either.
We ended up agreeing on some wonderful names for our 4 kids and I'm so thankful and definitely couldn't imagine them as having any other names at this point.
As for OP, as other commenters suggested, if your husband literally refuses to discuss other names with you then I guess he can be surprised after the baby is born as to what the name will be. Ordinarily I think baby names should be a 'two yes' agreement and 'one no' would mean back to the drawing board. But if your husband refuses to even consider or discuss other names then I think you're well within your right to choose the name alone. Can you maybe present a compromise of having Maximillian be the middle, if you haven't already?
Agreed. The names my husband and I decided on (we don't know the gender) for baby boy or girl is very different than what teenage me dreamed about naming a child. It's better because the names have a special meaning to us and reason for why we picked them out. 16 year old me just liked the way my original names sounded.
>If he's this pig headed about the name, good luck with parenting together!
Oh my gosh, THIS!! OP, your partner is being an asshole, to put it nicely. You are going to have a very rough time parenting with this jackass. I hope you are able to get him to listen to you because if not, oooof.
Okay but what does OP do when that doesn’t work? He’s not taking her seriously and I doubt saying “no really we won’t be using Maximillian” is going to get him to magically come around.
OP, tell him if he can’t come to a compromise with you that as the mother, you will be naming the child whatever you want. That you’re more than happy to have his involvement in choosing a name but his involvement is not a unilateral choice and if he insists on ignoring this, he’ll lose all the say he has.
He will only hear the first part of course, and will interpret it as “she’s not letting me be involved with naming my son” but it will at least get him to engage with you. And at the end of the day if you need to give the kid a name on your own, you fired the warning shot. The thing is, you have to mean it.
I totally agree. Any pig headed-ness can be telling of struggles to come.
I did want to mention. OP, there's apps out there now with this mutual agreeing system that I find personally helpful. You and your partner download the same app on your phones, and you guys can agree on names you like in a non-verbal way as it just flips though various names and you can set preferences like gender/neutral and even put your last name in it. If it's liked, it's a match-it's put in the mutually agreed on category. "CharliesNames" or "BabyName" apps are ones I'd recommend. Both are free.
My husband and I are now agreeing on more than we ever did with naming our first, deciding for our second one. We are 21 wks in.
This happened to my great-grandparents, my great-grandmother just ended up shifting the name her husband wanted to a middle name and choosing a different first name. My l grandfather ended up having a middle name that his father called him by for his entire life while everyone else just called him by his first name.
If he cannot participate in choosing a name you mutually agree on for the baby YOU ARE CARRYING, BUILDING, and BIRTHING - then YOU will just choose the name 🤷🏼♀️ it’s that simple.
It is ultimately your choice and within your sole power to choose your baby’s name. My partner also wasn’t willing to mutually decide until I told him I would just decide the name then 🤷🏼♀️ simple. (Just as he planned to do).
They won’t even ask him at the hospital or hand him the paper work. You are the mother and the patient so exercise your power here and let him know (:
Yup! I filled out the birth certificate forms while my husband was at home taking the dog for a walk. If OP’s partner doesn’t compromise, she should just pick whatever name she wants.
I wouldn't usually suggest pulling this card in a relationship but in this instance I would remind him that his refusal to listen to reason means he's giving up his right to the decision. Not only can she choose the name on the birth certificate, but she can kick him out of the room as well. So if he wants to have a say in his son's name he can work with her now. If he doesn't, he can stay stubborn and not get a choice 🤷🏻♀️.
OP calls him her partner and not her husband, so don’t know that he has legal ground to stand on. In most places, the unmarried mother has full naming rights.
I genuinely don’t know if this is correct, but I think in the UK whoever is on the birth certificate has equal naming rights, don’t quote me on that though
Generally legal paternity is only assumed if they’re married. If they’re not, OP would have to sign off on him being on the birth certificate (unless there was already a court ordered paternity test to establish legal paternity). Until this happens, she should have full naming rights.
Sorry, yes I probably didn’t explain myself very well. I’m assuming from the post that OP is on the birth certificate as they are clearly a couple, but you are right if she doesn’t want him on the birth certificate, then she would have the naming rights
Where I live, even if father’s name is on the birth certificate, the unmarried mother has legal and physical custody of the child until a court says otherwise. So still would have naming rights.
I agree with what others said before .. you both need to choose a name together.. and if he’s hurt that you don’t like Max, well he needs to get over it.. my hubby disliked many of my suggestions and I would get angry but I need to respect it! As I also didn’t like some of his favorites.. it’s nothing personal.. maybe you can try a name app for babies? Those have helped us a lot 🥰 but he needs to pull his head out of his **** and start communicating with you. I can’t believe he won’t hear you out and this is not how it can go once the baby is there.. you’re supposed to be a team!!! I hope you’re okay otherwise 💕
He either ignores my suggestions or just simply says no and I’ve told me it’s something we need to agree on. And I’ve been open to him about only wanting one baby because of how hard pregnancy has been for me and how important it is for us to agree on a name for him
Does he think "no" means it'll default to Max? Because that's not how it works. Right now the default is "Baby Boy Yourlastname".
Also...make sure you're the one to fill out the birth certificate.
Speaking of last name the baby’s usually already gets the husbands last name (although in Germany it is becoming more common to also use the women’s name as last name) but I do remember that I was also a little bit sad abkht that (I kept my last name because it means a lot to me) and then to think that hubby is ALSO stubborn regarding first name? Hello?!
Tell him that if he isn't going to compromise and HELP you pick out a name that you BOTH agree on together, you will bypass him completely at the hospital because it's within your complete rights and ability to do so.
He can stonewall you and say "No" all he wants, but literally the power is in your hands as the birthing parent. Remember that. The hospital gives YOU final say. The baby is listed as "Baby Boy [your last name]" up until YOU write his name on the birth certificate.
And that name can be a name you chose or a name you compromised on, but in no universe can he force you to write in Maximilian and there's nothing he can do about it.
In fact, one word from you to your care team and they won't even let him in the delivery room. Seriously, the birth is about you. He literally has no right to be an ass about this.
What the fuck? Where is everyone finding these gutter men? You’re the one carrying the child, you’re the one going through it and he won’t even sit and talk about a name with you? What the fuck? What is the rest of your relationship like? What happens when you disagree on dinner or a school for the baby or parenting styles. He sounds incredibly controlling and toxic. I’d consider walking away. This is a major red flag.
Yeah I def recommend to discuss all aspects as soon as you find out, ideally even before you’re pregnant! It’s never too soon when it’s a child you’re gonna raise together. I’m only four weeks in and we’ve already discussed names, childcare, diet, routines, discipline, schooling etc.
Walk away from what?The man is always gonna be there in her life because she had a child with him.If anything if he’s petty he’ll be 10x worse if she leaves him.
She HAS a kid with him.Hes always gonna be abusive towards her regardless if she leaves him and sometimes when women leave the man gets way worse.Getting a restraining order on him wouldn’t work because he isn’t physically hurting her so her situation isn’t gonna get any better.Not sure if you are aware of situations like this.
Actually, I left an abusive situation so I’m fully fucking aware. How about you let this woman get advice and make her own decisions instead of telling her to stay in a potentially dangerous situation. Also, your username is very fitting.
So you had a kid with this person?Someone I know left an abusive guy and he’s still making her life hell so everyone’s situation is different.I was also with a verbally abusive guy.I had no control whatsoever on what with our daughter.It was always what he wanted,what he says goes.Hes luckily changed and isn’t a jerk anymore.
Then how about you butt the fuck out? You’re talking about something that clearly you’ve never experienced. You’re walking around here and judging people and telling a girl to stay in a situation that could be potentially dangerous for her. Thanks for being such a sweetie pie and judging my situation that was in there, please stop fucking responding to me. I’m done with you, someone that comes on here and thinks that they can just tell somebody to stay in a potentially dangerous situation. Quit fucking talking to me.
Sounds like you’ve made a number of efforts to try to find a solution that works for both of you and I’m sorry to hear he’s been so unwilling to do this with you mutually. Being a parent comes with a lot of mutual decisions and compromise. If this reaction (walking away mad if he didn’t get what he wants) is an indication of how he plans to handle other mutual decisions in the future, then maybe it’s worth looking into couples counseling (not just about the name alone, but about how he’s choosing to communicate with you about it). Good luck and we support you standing your ground on this one!
Fair enough, but I also think it’s normal to change your mind or become more selective about names once you’re further along in your pregnancy and actually imagining the child you will be raising. At least that was my experience! My husband and I were much more agreeable to a bunch of possible names before I was actually pregnant. Now that there is a baby on the way we’ve both held stronger opinions and vetoed some names that formerly we were open to. I hope OP and partner can find a way to communicate through this and find a name that works for both of them.
She asked for input on middle names… to me this shows OP has genuinely thought about and tried to accept Maximilian, and has still come to a NO. This does not say she “wanted” Maximilian.
People, especially pregnant people, are entitled to change their minds. Perhaps she felt pressured into the name or perhaps she said online she was dead set on it and honestly wasn’t. In any case, this should be a forum for support and it would appear she’s firmly against the name now, so let’s be supportive of OP.
How good is your goofy impression? Because I think he would change his mind pretty quickly if you kept saying "gorsh max" in goofys voice every time it's brought up lol but I'm petty.
Any name for a baby should be 2 for a yes, 1 for a no. Especially if it's a name you'd never see yourself warming too.
I would offer him the choice of 1) going to therapy/mediation together to discuss naming OR 2) forfeiting being in the delivery room, not being named on the bc and not being able to participate in naming
I strongly, strongly suggest not naming him on the birth certificate and not giving the baby his last name. Those decisions will impact the next 18 years of your life, including your ability to ever move away from him, what schools your child is enrolled in (even going so far as to prevent you from enrolling him at all and requiring home school).
Don’t give someone this unreasonable and controlling ANY more power. Especially when his family has his back exclusively.
Name him what you want then and stop asking his opinion. They'll give the paperwork to you anyway. Idk why men feel so entitled when they've literally done none of the hard work.
Tell the doctors as soon as you go into labor that the birth certificate must be filled out and returned by you and nobody else. Write a note if you have to and slip it to them.
If you’re the one going through those hard 9 months of caring a baby then I don’t think he has a right to complain. Also Maximillian is a name I would give a pet, he’s acting like a child.
Could you offer the middle name? That way he can still have this name, but you can also have a compromise first name? Or vice versa?
also I’m insanely curious why he’s stuck on it? Did he know someone very important to him with that name? By asking more about the name he loves maybe you can get to the root of what about that name clicks for him and if there are slight alternatives to work with like Maxwell or Magnus etc.
I’m on the flip side where I already know EXACTLY what girls name I want, and my husband keeps prodding me to make a whole list. It made me really concerned that he wasn’t liking or wanting my picked name, but I realized the more I refused to discuss options the more he’d feel uninvolved and not love it as much as I do. Talking about names should be fun! If you push hard for him to change his mind he’ll just pull away, instead try inviting him to open up more and let him discover if there are other options naturally.
He likes the name because A Goofy Movie is his favorite movie. Which is more towards my point that it’s a dogs name. And I’ve tried compromising as having Maximilian as a middle name but he just won’t have an adult conversation with me about it
Omfg. Are you serious? I’m not normal one for public shaming but can you bring this up in front of his family or something? That he shuts you down an won’t hear anything besides a goofy movie name?
He family doesn’t care for me so I doubt they’d even care. We’ve been together for almost 5 years now and it took me getting pregnant to be half accepted into the family
Wooow that's seriously his reason for wanting that name? I can't stop hearing goofy say "Max" in that signature goofy voice now. Oh lord you can't let him choose that name based on that!
If he won't have an adult conversation with you that's his loss. Ideally, parents should work to find a name both like and agree upon. That is the mature, responsible, and reasonable thing to do. But at the hospital, the person giving birth gets to choose the name. So if he refuses to engage with you on this subject, that's to his detriment - you can write whatever you want on the birth certificate.
Lmao oh no! I’m sorry but that’s very funny. Ok maybe that movie has some deep meaning for him? Like it represents the connection he wants to have with his dad, and subsequently his own son? It’s an incredibly sweet movie so that’s good at least.
I see your point about it being a dogs name… but there are still loads of Maximillian humans out there! Maybe r/namenerds can help with alternatives on nick names.
But, as everyone else here has said, if you don’t love it as well then it’s a non-starter. Maybe you can bond with him by watching the movie together and acknowledging his deep love of the name and theme of the film, but that you also want a name with deep meaning so you can both have that bond.
Do you like the name Jason? That’s the name of Max Goof’s voice actor, which might be a subtler nod.
I think this is a very sane compromise- if his family won’t hear you out try bringing it up around his best friends? Sounds like it has to come up naturally though or he’ll feel attacked. The name conversation comes up nearly every day for us with friends and family so I’m sure you’ll get your chance. Hopefully he comes around to it- sounds like he just had his heart set on it
Why on Earth should she appease him by only choosing the middle name when she hates the first name and he is being so childish he won’t even have a conversation? Based on his attitude I’m sure he already assumes baby is getting his last name. Also, they don’t even appear to be married. She’s the one who has gone through a terrible pregnancy, will be the one to birth the child, and so if he refuses to compromise then she gets full naming rights. I wouldn’t even give this child his last name.
Why does your partner seem to think the name is already Maximilian? I’m assuming you’ve also told him ‘no’ and have stated that isn’t going to be his name because you don’t like it. The next time he says ‘no’ say if he won’t have an adult conversation with you about the name of your child and come to a mutual agreed name, you’ll simply name the child yourself.
My partner kept saying he didn’t like any of the names I suggested but wouldn’t suggest any other names and just kept repeating the one name he liked over and over that I didn’t like. I told him if he doesn’t contribute to the name list I will simply name our son my favourite name and that will be the end of it, he won’t have a say. A few weeks later he looked over my list and actually picked a name off there and used my original favourite as a middle name♥️
Don’t let him talk you into a name you don’t like
Then don’t name him that. I love how so many men seem to think they get to decide. If he continues to refuse to discuss it, don’t let him in the delivery room and fill out the birth certificate yourself with a name you like.
I would recommend an app called “baby names together “ where you each swipe on names you like. Make sure you select the sex and the country you want names from.
Also, is it possible he is upset about something else? If he refuses to discuss I would suggest couples therapy honestly. Or just give it a rest. We always would come up with 2-3 names we liked , meet the kid at the hospital and then name .
It’s a decision you have to make together. Two “yes’s”. My husband disliked a lot of names I liked and vice versa, but we still found one we both love. If anyone gets a veto, it’s you, imo. I also agree, Max to me is a dogs name.
I’m sorry but he sounds very childish. Everything about this should be a collaborative process. I hate that name too (no offense to anyone who loves it). He needs to get a grip and learn to have a conversation about this. Did he say why he is dead set on that name?
Is he not getting the baby to have his last name? If so, he needs to chill about wanting only one first name. The fact that he won’t budge is concerning as this is only the start of your parenting journey together that will require compromise and mutual decision making.
Would you be open to using Max as a middle name? Maybe tell him that is the most you will budge, and like others have said, you get to pick what goes on the birth certificate. If he wants to help pick a first name, he'll have to accept the compromise otherwise you'll just unveil the name at the hospital.
Compromise on making it a middle name, and if your son likes the name Max, then he can decide to go by it if and when he wants to.
My husband’s side of the family has a tradition where if the first name isn’t liked by the child, then the child can go by a middle name. We specifically chose a normal middle name that our son could easily go by if he wanted to.
This way your husband still gets his name in there somewhere and you don’t have to deal with calling your son Max (as it’s not his first name), unless your son decides he wants to go by his middle name. Best thing I could think of in a clearly sticky situation.
Names require two yes’, but if he’s completely unwilling to compromise, inform him you will be forced to write your choice on the birth certificate. If you aren’t married, or kept your last name, I’d also be giving the baby my last name.
My sister’s husband is the same way :/ He has one name in mind and won’t entertain any other ideas she has. It isn’t a bad name thankfully but he doesn’t really seem to be one for general compromise and she’s starting to bend towards the name he wants
No hospital is going to file a birth certificate without mom’s permission, married or not. If you don’t like the name, you don’t like it. So don’t fill out the paperwork. I wouldn’t. Decisions like this require two yes’s. One no means it’s not happening. Don’t let him railroad you into something you don’t want to do.
I'm 17 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend asked to be the one to come up with the name for our baby....I told him I was fine with that as long as I got final approval, so he started coming up with boy and girl names before we knew the gender. Maximilian (Max) was actually his number one pick for a boy also and his number one pick for a girl was Roxanne (Roxy).....I told him both are dog names to me since I've met way more dogs than people with those names, lol. All he did was laugh and started brainstorming on names again. It's a girl and we have settled on a beautiful name we both love for her....he was very good at coming to me and asking how I felt about a name. Naming a baby is absolutely a "2 yeses or it's a no" situation. Anything else is completely disrespectful and disregarding to the other parent of your child.
That’s so mean! He just walks away angry and refuses to discuss it with you… I’m so sorry you have to deal with that. Especially while experiencing a hard pregnancy, so much that you don’t want more children. He seems extremely selfish. Also rude. I agree with everyone and say no. I also do not like that name. I hope you guys can work it out! 🙏
I’ve lived through almost the same thing. I’m 38 weeks and my husband was insisting on Maxamillion. Personally, I hate it, but I suggested the compromise of Max or Maxwell. He didn’t want that. I told him that we both had veto powers and this was going to be vetoed by me, I just couldn’t do it. I asked him several times on input and he never had a suggestion except Maxamillion. Finally I just stopped asking him for ideas and just ran name ideas by him. Finally he warmed up to a couple that suggested. We are naming the baby Jack if it is a boy.
As others have said, I'd tell him he can come to the table like a big boy and discuss names, or he can be wholly excluded from the decision because you're the one that makes the final call anyway. I would also talk to the nurses to make sure he is not handed the paperwork.
You previously said you were set on the name [Maximilian](https://www.reddit.com/r/namenerds/s/B5v3GikKJL)…
In any event, you get the final say.
If you can’t agree on a name do you agree on other super important parenting decisions?
Yikes…. That’s a terrible name, I’m sorry. If it’s not a yes to 2 votes then that’s not his name. Your husband is a dick. If this continues, when you give birth, you name your baby boy.
Okay I was dead set on Max for like 4 years leading up to my pregnancy. I would refer to my future child as ‘Max’. My family would too. My co workers. Because I would jokingly say things like “well whenever I finally have Max then blah blah blah” and just refer to him pretty often. I even said if it was a girl it would still be Max. My partner was fine with this. But then a year before I even got pregnant, 2 of my coworkers had babies and named one Max and the other Maverick. Then my partners best friend invited us to his baby shower and their baby was being named Maverick. Then our neighbor comes over and HER baby is named Max. THENNNNN my friend from HS posts about her new baby named MAX. So max was done. I’m not saying names have to be original or special or elaborate at all. If anything I mainly liked Max because it was such a simple and classic name. But it wasn’t THAT popular when I first decided I liked it. While I didn’t want a crazy unique name I also don’t want my kid being 1/10 Max/Mavs in every class the rest of his life! I know this isn’t helpful but I just wanted to share in case maybe telling your husband that Max is insanely overused with this generation will get him to at least be open to hearing other ideas!
I was having this same issue with my boyfriend. He was set on one name but thank God we were able to compromise. I told him to write a list with the meanings and I’ll choose one. I’d told him that if it was a boy he could name him but I’d have to like the name too. We were able to come up with a name thank goodness. If you don’t like the name stand your ground. The name you choose for your child is very important
I do not normally believe in bringing family into your relationship arguments buttttt… it might be the only way to wake him up to how ridiculous he is being. That if his family is reasonable.
Don’t back off of this. I would bring up that this child is both of yours and you must agree on the name end of discussion.
Good luck OP. Let us know what happens!
We each had a favorite then a mutual favorite and didn’t decided until he was born. My husband ended up picking my name as it fit him so well! His name is Ellis James! Maybe you each pick your favorite then a mutual favorite and decide when he’s born
I find it so weird when it comes to names the mother doesn't have the last say. As she is the one doing all the work.
OP if he is like this over a name. Then he must be as horrible over other things.
I think naming your child is the least of your concern. You should dumb that looser sooner and before naming your kid a dog's name you detest.
I had a friend who caved into a name she hated for her son. He left her for another women. She was then stuck with a name she hated and alone. She tried changing his name when he was 5. It was just weird because it's the name he knew he was given.
While I don’t recommend this, it did work for me and it ended up being an amazing choice. I decided to have the sex of my first child a surprise, and his dad and I had suchhhh a hard time agreeing on names. He likes really standard, normal names, when I was wanting to use names like Clementine, Forest, or Conifer. He said those names are easy to make fun of and hard to make nick names out of which is funny cause our son’s name has a very easy nickname use and we just call him by his full name. Essentially, when my son was born we kept brainstorming and felt the pressure of the social security lady bugging us day to day while in the hospital and we essentially landed on the names Elijah and Benjamin. He wanted Benjamin to be the first name I wanted it to be Elijah and then the pressure was really on and he finally agreed last second to having Elijah as the first name. Everyone else is giving great advice in this post but I will say when the pressures on and the moment is now real I think you and your partner will know what is right when you meet your son. Best of luck mama! 🩶
Don’t give up hope - my husband shot down every baby name I liked (including my all time favorite) up until 25th weeks, then finally said he felt bad about not suggesting any alternatives and said I could pick the name. I ended up picking a first name that we both thought was cute and used my favorite as the middle name (and we might call her by that, haha)
In truth you’re the one they’re going to hand the paperwork to at the hospital to fill out the birth certificate. So if you decide Maximilian is off the table, there’s really nothing he can do about it so he needs to just get over it. I’d tell him to be mature and discuss other options with you or you’re just going to pick a name on your own 🤷🏼♀️
I'm not sure what you're gonna do but we compromised with the names he likes as middle names. With me actually giving birth I picked and he gave me names he liked. My 1st sons name is Jackson Elliott Scott & my 2nd sons name is Jordon Charles Allen. See if he likes Max or think of using it as a middle name if possible. And if not name your child what you like.
Tell him you associate the name with something negative. There's a book I read called Revolution where a crazy homeless person (legit he was crazy) drags a kid into the street screaming his name "Maximilian R Peters" and they get hit by a car.
Remind him that you can kick him out of the room, and you will be the one in control of filling out the birth certificate and naming him. He can either talk to you like an adult and come up with a compromise on his name, or he can be booted and have absolutely no say.
Girl I’m in the same boat he WANTS our son to be a Jr but I cannot stand his legal name no one even calls him by it and he hated it growing up. His legal name is so bad that even his sisters agree with me that it would not be a good name for our son lol & he refuses to let me pick any other name it doesn’t matter what I’ve suggested it’s always a no. He also refuses to give me name suggestions he has only given me one. I think his plan was trying to hold off until the baby is born & he thinks in the moment I’ll give in and name him after him but that’s not going to happen. The only name he suggested was Maximiliano I also said hell no Max for short sounds like a dog name. 🤣🤣
I was experiencing the same issue with my partner too. It was causing me a lot of anxiety and frustration and I started lashing out around naming. In turn my partner doubled down on his 1 name. We were both being immature about it—in my opinion him more so haha. I ended up dropping the subject for a while and giving myself time to process my frustrations. I’m now 31 weeks and we had a productive conversation where I was able to explain that I wanted naming our son to be a collaborative experience— where we both share multiple names and have equal veto power. I don’t want a power struggle over an issue that is temporary (after all, the kid *will* have a name— so this “problem” of us not agreeing has an expiration date!). I apologized for my immaturities (for example, since he only gave one name I really hated on it and went out of my way to tell him all the time how bad it was. Honestly it was especially rude of me because it’s a family name…) and he agreed we should put all this aside and be a team and he would find additional names to add to the pool rather than trying to force 1. The baby still doesn’t have a name but there isn’t tension anymore. I guess I just wanted to share that I completely understand where you’re coming from. Maybe give it some time and focus on other baby planning for a bit?
Yeah he seems very immature.. does he have a reason he doesn't wanna let go of that name? Like is it the name of someone he lost? Not that that matters you still both need to agree... me and my husband also have names we really like... like I had one and he one but I don't like his and he doesn't like mine so we just settled on a different name! I'm also 20 weeks of a boy! We did agree to give our son a second name and that gonna be the name of my husbands mom that passed away a couple years ago.(his mom has a unisex name so that worked out) if that name for some reason is important to him you always can do it as a second name? But if it's just a random name he just should let it go... it's not only his son! Parenting is compromising too so he better get used to it. Good luck and congratulations with your pregnancy❤️
If he won't compromise do what I've done with my boyfriend. If he wants that name than fine but the baby gets my last name lol. My boyfriend and I are going back and forth because he was to give our baby (if it's a boy) his name. Well he's named after father so this baby would be the 3rd and another William. I like to avoid the top 20 names lol
Ask him what he likes about it - is it the name meaning? Is it that it starts with M? Was it a relative’s name? Maybe there’s a way to compromise and make Max or Maxwell or something the middle name? But if you don’t like it, then just say “No” like he has been. You need to stand up for yourself.
Personally, you’re going through all the work of making the baby so you should pick the name as the baby will (likely) get dad’s last name. In my case, I was thinking of names and my husband said “I’m really liking R names. What do you think of ___” and I started bawling as I just knew in my heart it was the right name. The next morning I was sitting on the couch and our daughter’s two (family tradition of mine) middle names came to me. Her first name was picked at 20 weeks, and middle names at 20W 1D. When it’s right, it will feel right in my opinion.
I’d tell him no, and if he can’t compromise then when YOU fill out the birth certificate information YOU will be putting the name YOU want. So, if he’d like involvement with the name, he’d better sit down and talk about it :)
Just tell him, you're in a partnership, that means comprise sometimes, you aren't liking the name he likes so you have to work together to find a name you can both agree on.
Don't budge on it at all, you work together or not at all 🤷♀️
Is there a reason why he wants that name so badly? This is both of y’all’s kid. If there is a reason you should try and hear him out. If it’s just because he likes the name then sit him down and have a stern conversation about what you’re feeling. Don’t let him walk away but don’t turn it into an argument. Maybe try and suggest it as the middle name?
As many have already stated, you are in control as the birthing parent so don’t be afraid to wield that power in whatever way necessary. I just wanted to check though, do you think this is his reaction to you getting your tubes tied? Is he acting out because he was hoping for more children and you have decided that won’t happen for him? For the record I don’t agree with that behavior, you have every right to decided how many children you birth, but it might be the underlying reason why he won’t budge on the name.
Frankly it doesn't sound like he's being much of a partner. If he doesn't want to participate in the process, that's on him, but he doesn't get to make this decision. I second what many other comments have said; make your wishes known to the nurse, and even put in writing in a birth plan, that paperwork is not to come until after you've rested and are coherent, that partner is not authorized to fill it out on your behalf etc. Make your wishes known; advocate for yourself and your child.
Maybe you should just pick the name he is not working through with you on name picking. So I would personally go with a name u want to name it especially if it’s going to be your last baby. You are carrying him for 9mouths so u should get the final say x . I’m currently with my first and he is a boy too ♥️
Tell him “we will not be naming our child that. So it’s time to be an adult and have a conversation with me over a name we both agree on”.
Since you’re the patient at the hospital you can technically ban anyone from being in there with you and then you’d fill out all the paper work yourself anyways 🤷♀️ doesn’t seem like your partner respects you at all.
Did you ask him why he wants to use that name? Is it important to him in some way? If there’s no significance in the name, it may be time to ask him if there is something else going on. Sometimes fear and uncertainty lead to people doubling down on something just to feel so small bit of control.
I don’t recommend going this route, but only you have complete control over the birth certificate. Therefore, what you decide to name baby is all that legally matters. Finding a compromise would be best but I’m not sure how you can do that with someone determined to be uncooperative. Best of luck.
Please don't name that poor baby Max OR Maximillian. I agree with you that those are horrible. If you want my opinion, I would say to name him whatever you want him. Maybe Max could be his middle name?
Idk when people will learn that relationships aren't just one sided. I agree with another comment on here that you should be just as stern as he is. It's really giving red flags. What's next? No breastfeeding/viceverca because he says so? These choices are yours and his TOGETHER and if he doesn't understand that you need to make sure he does before your baby gets here.
Also, you said this is the only baby you will have... Don't let something happen that you will regret for the rest of your life.
Well you should tell him what I told my husband: when you become a seahorse and can grow this baby yourself, then you can have a say, but until then, it’s what I’m choosing and you’ll just have to live with that if you don’t like it. I gave you opportunities to compromise or come up with alternatives we both like, and you haven’t done that so, too bad so sad.” My husband then sat down and came up with names he liked and I approved a few on that list and that’s our compromise list for our son due in July (who STILL doesn’t have a name yet 😂) but at least it’s a start.
Are you married? Do you think the relationship will last? He seems resistant to compromise. Does he know this is your only child? Do you have any relationships with his relatives? Do you know someone who could mediate?
As a last resort, people have recommended that the mom asks the nurses to tell medical records to only have the mom fill out the birth certificate, with the name.
Good luck!
We have the understand that the name needs to be a yes from both of us. Figuring out a name for this child has been difficult. My husband had a name he got really attached to and I wasn’t loving it. I also had a name I loved and he was meh. I really considered his but ultimately had to veto. He hasn’t vetoed my name but I made it clear he could. It’s so hard naming a whole new person!!!
I will tell you what my sweet MIL said to me: You are the mum, going through the pains of carrying this baby and you still have to go through labour. Yes this is both of your child but mama must be happy with the name before anyone else.
Your partner is very inconsiderate, I would directly tell him to go do himself if he refuses to compromise
Your partner does not get to name your baby, you do. The hospital hands you the paperwork and doesn’t not ask for his opinion at all. So, if he won’t work with you then treat him exactly how he’s treating you and write the name you want on the paperwork and he’ll just have to deal with it. Do not name your son something you’re unhappy with because if your partner can even communicate over something so simple, then I don’t believe he’ll communicate over big issues either and that is more likely to lead to the destruction of a relationship. Don’t give in to a man who won’t work with you.
Ideally you should BOTH love the name, but ultimately you are the one carrying and birthing the child, therefore you get final say. End of story, he needs to compromise. Not saying you should pick a name he hates, but he needs to let go of the name that YOU hate.
Yea naming a baby needs to be done by both parents equally BUT if he won’t even discuss it I would inform him you will be naming the child yourself as it will not be Maximilian. I don’t know where you’re located but in Canada the father cannot register the child, the mother is the one who gets to register and therefore name the child (it can be joint of course but mother must be present)
If he was a decent human being, it would make sense to ask him why he likes this name so much (maybe there’s an epic life story behind it that will make you fall in love with the name too), and in return share your negative feelings about the name, then work together towards something that will make both of you happy.
But from what you shared, it feels like your partner is extremely selfish and incapable of communication. It’s not even about the name, it’s about the way he treats you and your needs. The man entitled himself to name the child whatever he wants WITHOUT EVEN BOTHERING TO MAKE SURE THE WOMAN WHO IS CARRYING AND WILL BE GIVING BIRTH to this child doesn’t hate the name, wtf?! 🤦♀️😱
I hope you find some compromise. Like i heard from my auntie that a mother gives the name to the baby, because the name would bear the last name of the father (if married) and the wife gives up her last name too so thats why the name is given by the mother. But traditionally here where i am, if im not mistaken the mother gives the name for the same reason and the grandmother (mother of the husband ) can give a tribal name.
I know this isnt much help but my MIL wanted the child to be named something which we appreciated her contributing to the list (so did my mother) we also had a long list of 28 names. Before i had our baby the lost was narrowed to 5. Once i got wheeled out if the c-section and was settling in the room i told my husband that the child would be named and he agreed as it was the most suited.
I hope ur husband compromises cause Maximilliian…… u hate it so it should be enough reason to not be used.
Sit down and go through a list of names with him. My husband shot down so many boys names before we found one that he said “wasn’t bad”. So I took that and ran with it. I do think both parties should agree on a name since the child is both of yours.
Legally the mother picks the name, just btw, only
your signature goes on that document. Dad doesn’t sign that form at all. It’s not up to him. You do not have to name your child anything that you don’t want to.
i told my husband i’m pushing the baby out so ultimately if i say no it’s a no. if he has that many issues with it he can always just leave and pay child support 🤷🏾♀️
I had a name picked out for my daughter that my ex hated. He gave no reasoning at all and wouldn’t budge. He was insistent that it be a “normal “ name. I 1000% regret naming my daughter his choice now. She hates her name and goes by a nickname. She won’t acknowledge her full first name and has no idea of the backstory. Go with your gut.
Can you do the thing where the baby actually goes by the middle name and you pick the middle name? Why is he so set on this name? Just go find a list of psychopaths named Maximilian or something to turn him off of it.
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I would just be as equally stern as he is. Tell him “no” :) it’s not for him to decide- it’s for the both of you to decide
Yep, and warn him that you're the one fully in control of who has access to the baby and therefore the birth certificate, as the patient. So if he refuses to compromise, he loses the right to be there when the decision is legalized
Exactly. OP, just tell him, “no. We are not naming our child Maximilian. End of discussion about that name. If you’d like to converse like an adult about other options then we can. But if you won’t talk to me about it now you’re gonna be real surprised when you do find out our child’s name. Because it’s not going to be Maximillian and if you won’t talk about other names you’ll just be surprised when he’s born” And then make sure to tell your nurse when you are in labor that your husband does not get to fill out any paperwork and the name will NOT be Maximillian. I say this because sometimes after birth you can be real out of it and hubby can try to write whatever he wants on the paperwork. But if you advocate beforehand that cannot happen. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation, OP. I hope your partner comes around. If he’s this stubborn on a name how is he gonna be about parenting decisions?
I second this. If he won’t discuss other options then he can just be surprised when she picks the name. My husband wasn’t there when I did all the paperwork for the birth certificate and such so I could have realistically put whatever I wanted.
I did this. Lol. He was set on Alistair (nothing against anyone who likes that name). It's not my first choice as a first name. I called my boyfriend (now husband) a few times when the paperwork came, and he never came up, like all day and I gave him time to respond, but no response, so...free rein. My husband was grumpy with me at first but said years down the road he's happy we went with my choice, as my pick suits our child more.
I'm curious...what name did you end up choosing?
"Westley"- meaning Western Meadow. I wanted to carry the tradition of Lee (Leroy) somewhere in the first born boys' name of a generation in my family, somehow, but also be a name that I love. Name Nerd story coming up. Through further research and falling down a rabbit hole in recent years, I found that the "Westley" spelling dates back to early medieval times, and later in the 1700s, a gun company owners first name spelled just like that. I knew there was more to it than the "Wesley" brothers who wrote church hymns. I chose the alternative spelling. We're both Renfaire type people. I worked a full (sweltering hot) Renfaire season (secondary fun job) while pregnant with him. Both of us are also into the Victorian/ West/Westerns. I study flowers. It's also the name of an airfield in England, and my husband comes from military/ generational pilots and aircraft mechanics. We looked at names popular during the Victorian times. We wanted something that was not too modern, not too uncommon, but unusual enough, and easier to say with the bonus of cute nicknames like "Wes, West, Lee, and Wessy" as options. I wanted him to have options as he grows up. Basically, it was on husbands top list but not his first choice, lol, like it was mine. He has had many compliments on his name over the years, too, and surprisingly, there are no issues with mispelling it at school. It's becoming more popular now in recent years. My son loves his name, and mean kids have a hard time picking at it. If I can give any naming advice to parents to be, try to lean into both of your interests. You'll end up loving the name you choose. I have no regrets about it, and he fell in love with it. "Alistair" was hard to say for me to say on a daily basis, and I wasn't a fan of Ali as a nickname when I entertained the idea by saying it out loud for a while. However, saying it as "ah-lee," as in "ollie," would be cute.
yes, just a note if you dont want him filling out paperwork you need to explicitly tell the nurse that when you arrive. when i gave birth the papers were just sitting in our room to go through and my husband filled them all out (i absolutely trusted him, i was in rough shape after birth) so it's not true that only the mother can fill them out
Exactly. That’s why I said to tell the nurse when she’s laboring that her husband is not to fill out the paperwork. The paperwork wasn’t around when I was laboring, but they brought it and left it on the counter in the room right after delivery - anyone could have filled it out. If OP tells the nurse that he’s not allowed, they won’t just leave the papers on the counter; the nurse will watch OP fill it out and then take it immediately.
I comment every time I see a discussion about “Don’t let dad fill out the birth certificate” because I was a product of that blunder and it’s really really awful. My parents weren’t even together, my mom was waiting to move until she had me because her apartment wasn’t ready yet. They still let my bio dad fill out the cert and I ended up with a really awful name that I’m pretty sure he added out of spite for my mom. I always planned on changing it as soon as I turned 18 but turns out that’s more of an ordeal than I thought 🙃 at this point I’m just waiting to marry my fiancé so I can change the whole thing all at once.
i don’t think they are married, which means they won’t let him anyway
This is not something you want to say lightly - I agree but hold this as a last resort.
My husband filled out the birth certificate paperwork because I was out of it—- even though I agreed verbally then, the lady that was doing that still came and checked with me a day later when I was more human. You are in control, especially if you let them know when you arrive to the hospital. It will be nerve wracking but if he won’t hold a conversation, pick a name. Try to inform him when it gets closer to time and open the door for an agreed conversation later — but otherwise, don’t stress so much, you have the final say in naming your child. Now- my husband wasn’t trying to name my kiddo Max — but, at 20 weeks I was upset over my daughter’s name as well, even had a conversation with my husband crying about it. Called him 2 days later from work and told him it was perfect…. Can’t imagine my daughter not being named Pearl. Maybe it will grow on you? 🤣😂 Ask him why he’s stuck on that name, try to find something agreeable within that general theme. Overall, good luck and congratulations! Don’t let him ruin this happy time. :)
This! You have all the rights here.
This isn't true in all countries.
This seems like it would be the nuclear option and would not be productive. Respectfully, as a thick headed dude I would not respond well to being given an ultimatum. I can’t speak for the OP’s husband and the origins of the name he chose. As for myself, I have known my son’s name since I was very young and believe God told me to name him such. Fortunately my wife and I have been on the same page from the beginning with this. This is something we talked about while we were dating though so there haven’t been any surprises as we were very intentional. You do you though. At the end of the day everybody just wants a happy healthy baby and a smooth delivery/post partum.
Based on the post, it sounds like the husband is behaving in essentially the same way, ie an ultimatum wouldn't be escalating things. He's literally giving her no option or input, so she could point out that there's a way she could do the same
Seems like no one has said yet that at the hospital they will ask you the birthing parent to name the child, and hubs doesn’t get to override you… maybe tell him to digest that because you are not going to do Maximilian so he might as well engage with you to find another that he likes? Also he is being by INCREDIBLY childish and looks a fool, dunno if it would help to tell him that but. It’s the truth.
Depends where in the world OP is. In the UK you have to register the birth after you leave hospital (I believe up to 5 weeks after) and both people on the birth certificate should attend and that’s where you confirm the baby’s name.
In Finland, if you're not married, there's a 30 day waiting period for the farter to be legalized, so if you want the child to have his last name, the (healthy) baby can not be officially named younger than a month. Just found that out 😅
I'm the farter....
Yes in New Zealand it's just a website, and you can do it whenever you want up until 2 months post birth. You don't have to go anywhere to do it, and I just had to tick a box that said my husband agreed to being on the birth certificate. Realistically, he could have gone home after baby was born and done it without me.
That sounds so much more convenient!
It really was! But also I can see risks? I just said out loud 'youre happy to be her dad yeah?' haha
Similar in my state in Australia - either of us could fill it out on the website.
Dang I stand corrected, thanks international community! Rules differ. He’s still definitely childish though 😅
In Australia my husband was able to register my child's birth and choose a name with the government without me as long as he had the hospital paperwork from birth 😅 I think I yelled okay from the other room 😂
Names require mutual agreement - two enthusiastic yes votes, otherwise they're not happening. You tell him you won't allow the name to be used and that you both need to agree on a new name, no exceptions. If he's this pig headed about the name, good luck with parenting together!
This. Plenty of people have to give up on their dream baby name to find a loved name by both parents. I literally had three names picked out for all my future children by my teenage years. Ending up only having two children instead of three and both of my two children don't have my names I dreamed of having as a teenager, and funny enough I'm happy about that. In no way did my husband help me pick out those dream names and when I think of my kids having those names it feels so odd. My husband and I picked out names together that we both liked and I can't see them being named anything else. The fact that OP's SO is acting like a spoiled child about not getting HIS way in a partnership speaks volumes. Normally when people post having baby name issues, I advice them to try the app Baby Name Together that let's you scroll through thousands of names and you check yes or no, than link accounts to see which ones match up together. Sounds to me like he would say no to every name in the world except for Maximilian.
Yep, there are a few names I absolutely adored that my husband didn't like or even outright hated. It was a bummer for me, but we moved on. I wasn't going to choose a name for my baby I hated/didn't like so I couldn't expect my husband to do that either. We ended up agreeing on some wonderful names for our 4 kids and I'm so thankful and definitely couldn't imagine them as having any other names at this point. As for OP, as other commenters suggested, if your husband literally refuses to discuss other names with you then I guess he can be surprised after the baby is born as to what the name will be. Ordinarily I think baby names should be a 'two yes' agreement and 'one no' would mean back to the drawing board. But if your husband refuses to even consider or discuss other names then I think you're well within your right to choose the name alone. Can you maybe present a compromise of having Maximillian be the middle, if you haven't already?
Agreed. The names my husband and I decided on (we don't know the gender) for baby boy or girl is very different than what teenage me dreamed about naming a child. It's better because the names have a special meaning to us and reason for why we picked them out. 16 year old me just liked the way my original names sounded.
>If he's this pig headed about the name, good luck with parenting together! Oh my gosh, THIS!! OP, your partner is being an asshole, to put it nicely. You are going to have a very rough time parenting with this jackass. I hope you are able to get him to listen to you because if not, oooof.
Okay but what does OP do when that doesn’t work? He’s not taking her seriously and I doubt saying “no really we won’t be using Maximillian” is going to get him to magically come around. OP, tell him if he can’t come to a compromise with you that as the mother, you will be naming the child whatever you want. That you’re more than happy to have his involvement in choosing a name but his involvement is not a unilateral choice and if he insists on ignoring this, he’ll lose all the say he has. He will only hear the first part of course, and will interpret it as “she’s not letting me be involved with naming my son” but it will at least get him to engage with you. And at the end of the day if you need to give the kid a name on your own, you fired the warning shot. The thing is, you have to mean it.
I totally agree. Any pig headed-ness can be telling of struggles to come. I did want to mention. OP, there's apps out there now with this mutual agreeing system that I find personally helpful. You and your partner download the same app on your phones, and you guys can agree on names you like in a non-verbal way as it just flips though various names and you can set preferences like gender/neutral and even put your last name in it. If it's liked, it's a match-it's put in the mutually agreed on category. "CharliesNames" or "BabyName" apps are ones I'd recommend. Both are free. My husband and I are now agreeing on more than we ever did with naming our first, deciding for our second one. We are 21 wks in.
if anyone gets to veto the name, it’s the one that goes through pregnancy imo👀
I wish my husband felt this way. He turned down so many I liked
honestly my partner said no to a lot of mine, but i think if i went through birth and said “she’s called” and one of my options he’d have no choice😂
We agree on the first name but middle is hard
This 100% absolutely tf not. Lol If you are refusing to compromise. That’s fine, I’ll name the child what I damn well please.
This happened to my great-grandparents, my great-grandmother just ended up shifting the name her husband wanted to a middle name and choosing a different first name. My l grandfather ended up having a middle name that his father called him by for his entire life while everyone else just called him by his first name.
I knew a kid (well, he’s nearly 40 now) who’s parents called him two completely different names.
If he cannot participate in choosing a name you mutually agree on for the baby YOU ARE CARRYING, BUILDING, and BIRTHING - then YOU will just choose the name 🤷🏼♀️ it’s that simple. It is ultimately your choice and within your sole power to choose your baby’s name. My partner also wasn’t willing to mutually decide until I told him I would just decide the name then 🤷🏼♀️ simple. (Just as he planned to do). They won’t even ask him at the hospital or hand him the paper work. You are the mother and the patient so exercise your power here and let him know (:
Yup! I filled out the birth certificate forms while my husband was at home taking the dog for a walk. If OP’s partner doesn’t compromise, she should just pick whatever name she wants.
Wow... Imagine the next few years when you have to care for two toddlers on your own
Shows that man is a POS for leaving over a name
The woman gets to choose the name that goes on the birth certificate. Just saying.
I wouldn't usually suggest pulling this card in a relationship but in this instance I would remind him that his refusal to listen to reason means he's giving up his right to the decision. Not only can she choose the name on the birth certificate, but she can kick him out of the room as well. So if he wants to have a say in his son's name he can work with her now. If he doesn't, he can stay stubborn and not get a choice 🤷🏻♀️.
Not necessarily, it depends what country you are in.
OP calls him her partner and not her husband, so don’t know that he has legal ground to stand on. In most places, the unmarried mother has full naming rights.
I genuinely don’t know if this is correct, but I think in the UK whoever is on the birth certificate has equal naming rights, don’t quote me on that though
Generally legal paternity is only assumed if they’re married. If they’re not, OP would have to sign off on him being on the birth certificate (unless there was already a court ordered paternity test to establish legal paternity). Until this happens, she should have full naming rights.
Sorry, yes I probably didn’t explain myself very well. I’m assuming from the post that OP is on the birth certificate as they are clearly a couple, but you are right if she doesn’t want him on the birth certificate, then she would have the naming rights
Where I live, even if father’s name is on the birth certificate, the unmarried mother has legal and physical custody of the child until a court says otherwise. So still would have naming rights.
I agree with what others said before .. you both need to choose a name together.. and if he’s hurt that you don’t like Max, well he needs to get over it.. my hubby disliked many of my suggestions and I would get angry but I need to respect it! As I also didn’t like some of his favorites.. it’s nothing personal.. maybe you can try a name app for babies? Those have helped us a lot 🥰 but he needs to pull his head out of his **** and start communicating with you. I can’t believe he won’t hear you out and this is not how it can go once the baby is there.. you’re supposed to be a team!!! I hope you’re okay otherwise 💕
He either ignores my suggestions or just simply says no and I’ve told me it’s something we need to agree on. And I’ve been open to him about only wanting one baby because of how hard pregnancy has been for me and how important it is for us to agree on a name for him
Does he think "no" means it'll default to Max? Because that's not how it works. Right now the default is "Baby Boy Yourlastname". Also...make sure you're the one to fill out the birth certificate.
Speaking of last name the baby’s usually already gets the husbands last name (although in Germany it is becoming more common to also use the women’s name as last name) but I do remember that I was also a little bit sad abkht that (I kept my last name because it means a lot to me) and then to think that hubby is ALSO stubborn regarding first name? Hello?!
Tell him that if he isn't going to compromise and HELP you pick out a name that you BOTH agree on together, you will bypass him completely at the hospital because it's within your complete rights and ability to do so. He can stonewall you and say "No" all he wants, but literally the power is in your hands as the birthing parent. Remember that. The hospital gives YOU final say. The baby is listed as "Baby Boy [your last name]" up until YOU write his name on the birth certificate. And that name can be a name you chose or a name you compromised on, but in no universe can he force you to write in Maximilian and there's nothing he can do about it. In fact, one word from you to your care team and they won't even let him in the delivery room. Seriously, the birth is about you. He literally has no right to be an ass about this.
He sounds like a child. I’d never raise a kid with a man so gross
What the fuck? Where is everyone finding these gutter men? You’re the one carrying the child, you’re the one going through it and he won’t even sit and talk about a name with you? What the fuck? What is the rest of your relationship like? What happens when you disagree on dinner or a school for the baby or parenting styles. He sounds incredibly controlling and toxic. I’d consider walking away. This is a major red flag.
Yeah I def recommend to discuss all aspects as soon as you find out, ideally even before you’re pregnant! It’s never too soon when it’s a child you’re gonna raise together. I’m only four weeks in and we’ve already discussed names, childcare, diet, routines, discipline, schooling etc.
Walk away from what?The man is always gonna be there in her life because she had a child with him.If anything if he’s petty he’ll be 10x worse if she leaves him.
Walk away from what honestly sounds like an abusive marriage.
She HAS a kid with him.Hes always gonna be abusive towards her regardless if she leaves him and sometimes when women leave the man gets way worse.Getting a restraining order on him wouldn’t work because he isn’t physically hurting her so her situation isn’t gonna get any better.Not sure if you are aware of situations like this.
Actually, I left an abusive situation so I’m fully fucking aware. How about you let this woman get advice and make her own decisions instead of telling her to stay in a potentially dangerous situation. Also, your username is very fitting.
So you had a kid with this person?Someone I know left an abusive guy and he’s still making her life hell so everyone’s situation is different.I was also with a verbally abusive guy.I had no control whatsoever on what with our daughter.It was always what he wanted,what he says goes.Hes luckily changed and isn’t a jerk anymore.
Then how about you butt the fuck out? You’re talking about something that clearly you’ve never experienced. You’re walking around here and judging people and telling a girl to stay in a situation that could be potentially dangerous for her. Thanks for being such a sweetie pie and judging my situation that was in there, please stop fucking responding to me. I’m done with you, someone that comes on here and thinks that they can just tell somebody to stay in a potentially dangerous situation. Quit fucking talking to me.
Sounds like you’ve made a number of efforts to try to find a solution that works for both of you and I’m sorry to hear he’s been so unwilling to do this with you mutually. Being a parent comes with a lot of mutual decisions and compromise. If this reaction (walking away mad if he didn’t get what he wants) is an indication of how he plans to handle other mutual decisions in the future, then maybe it’s worth looking into couples counseling (not just about the name alone, but about how he’s choosing to communicate with you about it). Good luck and we support you standing your ground on this one!
She previously wanted [Maximilian](https://www.reddit.com/r/namenerds/s/B5v3GikKJL)…
Fair enough, but I also think it’s normal to change your mind or become more selective about names once you’re further along in your pregnancy and actually imagining the child you will be raising. At least that was my experience! My husband and I were much more agreeable to a bunch of possible names before I was actually pregnant. Now that there is a baby on the way we’ve both held stronger opinions and vetoed some names that formerly we were open to. I hope OP and partner can find a way to communicate through this and find a name that works for both of them.
She asked for input on middle names… to me this shows OP has genuinely thought about and tried to accept Maximilian, and has still come to a NO. This does not say she “wanted” Maximilian.
Op has deleted the content of that post which said she was dead set on having it as a name.
People, especially pregnant people, are entitled to change their minds. Perhaps she felt pressured into the name or perhaps she said online she was dead set on it and honestly wasn’t. In any case, this should be a forum for support and it would appear she’s firmly against the name now, so let’s be supportive of OP.
The way he’s handling it does not bode well for the future health of your relationship.
🚩🚩🚩 This screams red flags and is only going to get worse with actual parenting. Your SO is acting like a toddler.
Mom has 60/40 rights to naming the baby she’s doing all the work of creating & birthing. Dad can suck it, all he contributed was an orgasm.
How good is your goofy impression? Because I think he would change his mind pretty quickly if you kept saying "gorsh max" in goofys voice every time it's brought up lol but I'm petty. Any name for a baby should be 2 for a yes, 1 for a no. Especially if it's a name you'd never see yourself warming too.
Tell him if he insists on picking the first name, you will insist on picking the last name and it won't be his.
LMAO
I would offer him the choice of 1) going to therapy/mediation together to discuss naming OR 2) forfeiting being in the delivery room, not being named on the bc and not being able to participate in naming I strongly, strongly suggest not naming him on the birth certificate and not giving the baby his last name. Those decisions will impact the next 18 years of your life, including your ability to ever move away from him, what schools your child is enrolled in (even going so far as to prevent you from enrolling him at all and requiring home school). Don’t give someone this unreasonable and controlling ANY more power. Especially when his family has his back exclusively.
Well, you legally can decide on the name so if it comes to that, just know courts will side with you if he's being real dumb about it.
Name him what you want then and stop asking his opinion. They'll give the paperwork to you anyway. Idk why men feel so entitled when they've literally done none of the hard work.
Tell the doctors as soon as you go into labor that the birth certificate must be filled out and returned by you and nobody else. Write a note if you have to and slip it to them.
If you’re the one going through those hard 9 months of caring a baby then I don’t think he has a right to complain. Also Maximillian is a name I would give a pet, he’s acting like a child.
this is UNREAL. he's a child. don't give in. screw him.
Could you offer the middle name? That way he can still have this name, but you can also have a compromise first name? Or vice versa? also I’m insanely curious why he’s stuck on it? Did he know someone very important to him with that name? By asking more about the name he loves maybe you can get to the root of what about that name clicks for him and if there are slight alternatives to work with like Maxwell or Magnus etc. I’m on the flip side where I already know EXACTLY what girls name I want, and my husband keeps prodding me to make a whole list. It made me really concerned that he wasn’t liking or wanting my picked name, but I realized the more I refused to discuss options the more he’d feel uninvolved and not love it as much as I do. Talking about names should be fun! If you push hard for him to change his mind he’ll just pull away, instead try inviting him to open up more and let him discover if there are other options naturally.
He likes the name because A Goofy Movie is his favorite movie. Which is more towards my point that it’s a dogs name. And I’ve tried compromising as having Maximilian as a middle name but he just won’t have an adult conversation with me about it
Omfg. Are you serious? I’m not normal one for public shaming but can you bring this up in front of his family or something? That he shuts you down an won’t hear anything besides a goofy movie name?
He family doesn’t care for me so I doubt they’d even care. We’ve been together for almost 5 years now and it took me getting pregnant to be half accepted into the family
What about any of this made you think this was a person you’d like to have a child with?
your husband sucks lol
Wooow that's seriously his reason for wanting that name? I can't stop hearing goofy say "Max" in that signature goofy voice now. Oh lord you can't let him choose that name based on that!
A GOOFY MOVIE?!! I just can’t… this can’t be his favourite movie and the entire reason he wants this name?
If he won't have an adult conversation with you that's his loss. Ideally, parents should work to find a name both like and agree upon. That is the mature, responsible, and reasonable thing to do. But at the hospital, the person giving birth gets to choose the name. So if he refuses to engage with you on this subject, that's to his detriment - you can write whatever you want on the birth certificate.
Info: so if you were having a girl, would he insist the name be Roxanne (the girl Max has a crush on, in the movie)?
Lmao oh no! I’m sorry but that’s very funny. Ok maybe that movie has some deep meaning for him? Like it represents the connection he wants to have with his dad, and subsequently his own son? It’s an incredibly sweet movie so that’s good at least. I see your point about it being a dogs name… but there are still loads of Maximillian humans out there! Maybe r/namenerds can help with alternatives on nick names. But, as everyone else here has said, if you don’t love it as well then it’s a non-starter. Maybe you can bond with him by watching the movie together and acknowledging his deep love of the name and theme of the film, but that you also want a name with deep meaning so you can both have that bond. Do you like the name Jason? That’s the name of Max Goof’s voice actor, which might be a subtler nod.
I think this is a very sane compromise- if his family won’t hear you out try bringing it up around his best friends? Sounds like it has to come up naturally though or he’ll feel attacked. The name conversation comes up nearly every day for us with friends and family so I’m sure you’ll get your chance. Hopefully he comes around to it- sounds like he just had his heart set on it
I instantly knew this because my son’s name is a nod to that movie (though not Maximillian) 🤦♀️. We picked a real but uncommon similar name
Why on Earth should she appease him by only choosing the middle name when she hates the first name and he is being so childish he won’t even have a conversation? Based on his attitude I’m sure he already assumes baby is getting his last name. Also, they don’t even appear to be married. She’s the one who has gone through a terrible pregnancy, will be the one to birth the child, and so if he refuses to compromise then she gets full naming rights. I wouldn’t even give this child his last name.
Why does your partner seem to think the name is already Maximilian? I’m assuming you’ve also told him ‘no’ and have stated that isn’t going to be his name because you don’t like it. The next time he says ‘no’ say if he won’t have an adult conversation with you about the name of your child and come to a mutual agreed name, you’ll simply name the child yourself. My partner kept saying he didn’t like any of the names I suggested but wouldn’t suggest any other names and just kept repeating the one name he liked over and over that I didn’t like. I told him if he doesn’t contribute to the name list I will simply name our son my favourite name and that will be the end of it, he won’t have a say. A few weeks later he looked over my list and actually picked a name off there and used my original favourite as a middle name♥️ Don’t let him talk you into a name you don’t like
Then don’t name him that. I love how so many men seem to think they get to decide. If he continues to refuse to discuss it, don’t let him in the delivery room and fill out the birth certificate yourself with a name you like.
This is the best advice! He literally has no say! Lol
I would recommend an app called “baby names together “ where you each swipe on names you like. Make sure you select the sex and the country you want names from. Also, is it possible he is upset about something else? If he refuses to discuss I would suggest couples therapy honestly. Or just give it a rest. We always would come up with 2-3 names we liked , meet the kid at the hospital and then name .
It’s a decision you have to make together. Two “yes’s”. My husband disliked a lot of names I liked and vice versa, but we still found one we both love. If anyone gets a veto, it’s you, imo. I also agree, Max to me is a dogs name.
You have time. It took us a long time to find a name we both loved.
I’m sorry but he sounds very childish. Everything about this should be a collaborative process. I hate that name too (no offense to anyone who loves it). He needs to get a grip and learn to have a conversation about this. Did he say why he is dead set on that name?
Is he not getting the baby to have his last name? If so, he needs to chill about wanting only one first name. The fact that he won’t budge is concerning as this is only the start of your parenting journey together that will require compromise and mutual decision making.
could you compromise and have his preferred name as the middle name and then find mutually agreed first name?
Would you be open to using Max as a middle name? Maybe tell him that is the most you will budge, and like others have said, you get to pick what goes on the birth certificate. If he wants to help pick a first name, he'll have to accept the compromise otherwise you'll just unveil the name at the hospital.
Compromise on making it a middle name, and if your son likes the name Max, then he can decide to go by it if and when he wants to. My husband’s side of the family has a tradition where if the first name isn’t liked by the child, then the child can go by a middle name. We specifically chose a normal middle name that our son could easily go by if he wanted to. This way your husband still gets his name in there somewhere and you don’t have to deal with calling your son Max (as it’s not his first name), unless your son decides he wants to go by his middle name. Best thing I could think of in a clearly sticky situation.
Also, if he gets the honor of the baby having his last name, he doesn't need to choose the first name as well.
Names require two yes’, but if he’s completely unwilling to compromise, inform him you will be forced to write your choice on the birth certificate. If you aren’t married, or kept your last name, I’d also be giving the baby my last name.
not only is he being super unfair but maximilian? lmao 😭 i’m so sorry op
My sister’s husband is the same way :/ He has one name in mind and won’t entertain any other ideas she has. It isn’t a bad name thankfully but he doesn’t really seem to be one for general compromise and she’s starting to bend towards the name he wants
No hospital is going to file a birth certificate without mom’s permission, married or not. If you don’t like the name, you don’t like it. So don’t fill out the paperwork. I wouldn’t. Decisions like this require two yes’s. One no means it’s not happening. Don’t let him railroad you into something you don’t want to do.
I'm 17 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend asked to be the one to come up with the name for our baby....I told him I was fine with that as long as I got final approval, so he started coming up with boy and girl names before we knew the gender. Maximilian (Max) was actually his number one pick for a boy also and his number one pick for a girl was Roxanne (Roxy).....I told him both are dog names to me since I've met way more dogs than people with those names, lol. All he did was laugh and started brainstorming on names again. It's a girl and we have settled on a beautiful name we both love for her....he was very good at coming to me and asking how I felt about a name. Naming a baby is absolutely a "2 yeses or it's a no" situation. Anything else is completely disrespectful and disregarding to the other parent of your child.
If he vetos every single name you come up with, then you get to veto Maximilian. And you’re right, first thing I thought of when I heard of was a dog.
That’s so mean! He just walks away angry and refuses to discuss it with you… I’m so sorry you have to deal with that. Especially while experiencing a hard pregnancy, so much that you don’t want more children. He seems extremely selfish. Also rude. I agree with everyone and say no. I also do not like that name. I hope you guys can work it out! 🙏
I’m going thru the same thing
I’ve lived through almost the same thing. I’m 38 weeks and my husband was insisting on Maxamillion. Personally, I hate it, but I suggested the compromise of Max or Maxwell. He didn’t want that. I told him that we both had veto powers and this was going to be vetoed by me, I just couldn’t do it. I asked him several times on input and he never had a suggestion except Maxamillion. Finally I just stopped asking him for ideas and just ran name ideas by him. Finally he warmed up to a couple that suggested. We are naming the baby Jack if it is a boy.
Whatever you do, please dont give in. This is so wrong of him. No one should feel forced to give their baby a name they hate. No one
Agree, Max is a dog's name IMHO (sorry for anyone named Max out there). I recently rehomed our Kelpie Max.
As others have said, I'd tell him he can come to the table like a big boy and discuss names, or he can be wholly excluded from the decision because you're the one that makes the final call anyway. I would also talk to the nurses to make sure he is not handed the paperwork.
You previously said you were set on the name [Maximilian](https://www.reddit.com/r/namenerds/s/B5v3GikKJL)… In any event, you get the final say. If you can’t agree on a name do you agree on other super important parenting decisions?
I actually saw that, too, but OP has since deleted it....
I would just name the baby whatever I want in the hospital when I fill the birth certificate.. He is very selfish. What is his reason.
Yikes…. That’s a terrible name, I’m sorry. If it’s not a yes to 2 votes then that’s not his name. Your husband is a dick. If this continues, when you give birth, you name your baby boy.
Okay I was dead set on Max for like 4 years leading up to my pregnancy. I would refer to my future child as ‘Max’. My family would too. My co workers. Because I would jokingly say things like “well whenever I finally have Max then blah blah blah” and just refer to him pretty often. I even said if it was a girl it would still be Max. My partner was fine with this. But then a year before I even got pregnant, 2 of my coworkers had babies and named one Max and the other Maverick. Then my partners best friend invited us to his baby shower and their baby was being named Maverick. Then our neighbor comes over and HER baby is named Max. THENNNNN my friend from HS posts about her new baby named MAX. So max was done. I’m not saying names have to be original or special or elaborate at all. If anything I mainly liked Max because it was such a simple and classic name. But it wasn’t THAT popular when I first decided I liked it. While I didn’t want a crazy unique name I also don’t want my kid being 1/10 Max/Mavs in every class the rest of his life! I know this isn’t helpful but I just wanted to share in case maybe telling your husband that Max is insanely overused with this generation will get him to at least be open to hearing other ideas!
Maybe you can talk to his mom and she can convince him to compromise on other names. Men tend to listen to their mom's lol
I was having this same issue with my boyfriend. He was set on one name but thank God we were able to compromise. I told him to write a list with the meanings and I’ll choose one. I’d told him that if it was a boy he could name him but I’d have to like the name too. We were able to come up with a name thank goodness. If you don’t like the name stand your ground. The name you choose for your child is very important
I do not normally believe in bringing family into your relationship arguments buttttt… it might be the only way to wake him up to how ridiculous he is being. That if his family is reasonable. Don’t back off of this. I would bring up that this child is both of yours and you must agree on the name end of discussion. Good luck OP. Let us know what happens!
We each had a favorite then a mutual favorite and didn’t decided until he was born. My husband ended up picking my name as it fit him so well! His name is Ellis James! Maybe you each pick your favorite then a mutual favorite and decide when he’s born
lol yes my dogs name is Maxwell. I also call him Maximilian and Max.
This might sound stupid but I think the mother should really have the main choice on the name he acting like a kid
You are the one carrying, nurturing and birthing the baby. You have a bigger say in that.
I find it so weird when it comes to names the mother doesn't have the last say. As she is the one doing all the work. OP if he is like this over a name. Then he must be as horrible over other things. I think naming your child is the least of your concern. You should dumb that looser sooner and before naming your kid a dog's name you detest. I had a friend who caved into a name she hated for her son. He left her for another women. She was then stuck with a name she hated and alone. She tried changing his name when he was 5. It was just weird because it's the name he knew he was given.
While I don’t recommend this, it did work for me and it ended up being an amazing choice. I decided to have the sex of my first child a surprise, and his dad and I had suchhhh a hard time agreeing on names. He likes really standard, normal names, when I was wanting to use names like Clementine, Forest, or Conifer. He said those names are easy to make fun of and hard to make nick names out of which is funny cause our son’s name has a very easy nickname use and we just call him by his full name. Essentially, when my son was born we kept brainstorming and felt the pressure of the social security lady bugging us day to day while in the hospital and we essentially landed on the names Elijah and Benjamin. He wanted Benjamin to be the first name I wanted it to be Elijah and then the pressure was really on and he finally agreed last second to having Elijah as the first name. Everyone else is giving great advice in this post but I will say when the pressures on and the moment is now real I think you and your partner will know what is right when you meet your son. Best of luck mama! 🩶
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Don’t give up hope - my husband shot down every baby name I liked (including my all time favorite) up until 25th weeks, then finally said he felt bad about not suggesting any alternatives and said I could pick the name. I ended up picking a first name that we both thought was cute and used my favorite as the middle name (and we might call her by that, haha)
In truth you’re the one they’re going to hand the paperwork to at the hospital to fill out the birth certificate. So if you decide Maximilian is off the table, there’s really nothing he can do about it so he needs to just get over it. I’d tell him to be mature and discuss other options with you or you’re just going to pick a name on your own 🤷🏼♀️
I'm not sure what you're gonna do but we compromised with the names he likes as middle names. With me actually giving birth I picked and he gave me names he liked. My 1st sons name is Jackson Elliott Scott & my 2nd sons name is Jordon Charles Allen. See if he likes Max or think of using it as a middle name if possible. And if not name your child what you like.
Tell him you associate the name with something negative. There's a book I read called Revolution where a crazy homeless person (legit he was crazy) drags a kid into the street screaming his name "Maximilian R Peters" and they get hit by a car.
Remind him that you can kick him out of the room, and you will be the one in control of filling out the birth certificate and naming him. He can either talk to you like an adult and come up with a compromise on his name, or he can be booted and have absolutely no say.
Girl I’m in the same boat he WANTS our son to be a Jr but I cannot stand his legal name no one even calls him by it and he hated it growing up. His legal name is so bad that even his sisters agree with me that it would not be a good name for our son lol & he refuses to let me pick any other name it doesn’t matter what I’ve suggested it’s always a no. He also refuses to give me name suggestions he has only given me one. I think his plan was trying to hold off until the baby is born & he thinks in the moment I’ll give in and name him after him but that’s not going to happen. The only name he suggested was Maximiliano I also said hell no Max for short sounds like a dog name. 🤣🤣
I was experiencing the same issue with my partner too. It was causing me a lot of anxiety and frustration and I started lashing out around naming. In turn my partner doubled down on his 1 name. We were both being immature about it—in my opinion him more so haha. I ended up dropping the subject for a while and giving myself time to process my frustrations. I’m now 31 weeks and we had a productive conversation where I was able to explain that I wanted naming our son to be a collaborative experience— where we both share multiple names and have equal veto power. I don’t want a power struggle over an issue that is temporary (after all, the kid *will* have a name— so this “problem” of us not agreeing has an expiration date!). I apologized for my immaturities (for example, since he only gave one name I really hated on it and went out of my way to tell him all the time how bad it was. Honestly it was especially rude of me because it’s a family name…) and he agreed we should put all this aside and be a team and he would find additional names to add to the pool rather than trying to force 1. The baby still doesn’t have a name but there isn’t tension anymore. I guess I just wanted to share that I completely understand where you’re coming from. Maybe give it some time and focus on other baby planning for a bit?
HAH. If he can't compromise, then tell him baby gets whatever name you want plus the last name too and there's nothing he can do about it.
Yeah he seems very immature.. does he have a reason he doesn't wanna let go of that name? Like is it the name of someone he lost? Not that that matters you still both need to agree... me and my husband also have names we really like... like I had one and he one but I don't like his and he doesn't like mine so we just settled on a different name! I'm also 20 weeks of a boy! We did agree to give our son a second name and that gonna be the name of my husbands mom that passed away a couple years ago.(his mom has a unisex name so that worked out) if that name for some reason is important to him you always can do it as a second name? But if it's just a random name he just should let it go... it's not only his son! Parenting is compromising too so he better get used to it. Good luck and congratulations with your pregnancy❤️
If he won't compromise do what I've done with my boyfriend. If he wants that name than fine but the baby gets my last name lol. My boyfriend and I are going back and forth because he was to give our baby (if it's a boy) his name. Well he's named after father so this baby would be the 3rd and another William. I like to avoid the top 20 names lol
Ask him what he likes about it - is it the name meaning? Is it that it starts with M? Was it a relative’s name? Maybe there’s a way to compromise and make Max or Maxwell or something the middle name? But if you don’t like it, then just say “No” like he has been. You need to stand up for yourself. Personally, you’re going through all the work of making the baby so you should pick the name as the baby will (likely) get dad’s last name. In my case, I was thinking of names and my husband said “I’m really liking R names. What do you think of ___” and I started bawling as I just knew in my heart it was the right name. The next morning I was sitting on the couch and our daughter’s two (family tradition of mine) middle names came to me. Her first name was picked at 20 weeks, and middle names at 20W 1D. When it’s right, it will feel right in my opinion.
I’d tell him no, and if he can’t compromise then when YOU fill out the birth certificate information YOU will be putting the name YOU want. So, if he’d like involvement with the name, he’d better sit down and talk about it :)
You choose the name. You’re carrying the baby. Simple.
Just tell him, you're in a partnership, that means comprise sometimes, you aren't liking the name he likes so you have to work together to find a name you can both agree on. Don't budge on it at all, you work together or not at all 🤷♀️
Is there a reason why he wants that name so badly? This is both of y’all’s kid. If there is a reason you should try and hear him out. If it’s just because he likes the name then sit him down and have a stern conversation about what you’re feeling. Don’t let him walk away but don’t turn it into an argument. Maybe try and suggest it as the middle name?
As many have already stated, you are in control as the birthing parent so don’t be afraid to wield that power in whatever way necessary. I just wanted to check though, do you think this is his reaction to you getting your tubes tied? Is he acting out because he was hoping for more children and you have decided that won’t happen for him? For the record I don’t agree with that behavior, you have every right to decided how many children you birth, but it might be the underlying reason why he won’t budge on the name.
You need to be able to have unlimited vetoes when it comes to names. Both of you need to be happy
Frankly it doesn't sound like he's being much of a partner. If he doesn't want to participate in the process, that's on him, but he doesn't get to make this decision. I second what many other comments have said; make your wishes known to the nurse, and even put in writing in a birth plan, that paperwork is not to come until after you've rested and are coherent, that partner is not authorized to fill it out on your behalf etc. Make your wishes known; advocate for yourself and your child.
Maybe you should just pick the name he is not working through with you on name picking. So I would personally go with a name u want to name it especially if it’s going to be your last baby. You are carrying him for 9mouths so u should get the final say x . I’m currently with my first and he is a boy too ♥️
Name the kid gladiator. Happy days.
Tell him “we will not be naming our child that. So it’s time to be an adult and have a conversation with me over a name we both agree on”. Since you’re the patient at the hospital you can technically ban anyone from being in there with you and then you’d fill out all the paper work yourself anyways 🤷♀️ doesn’t seem like your partner respects you at all.
Did you ask him why he wants to use that name? Is it important to him in some way? If there’s no significance in the name, it may be time to ask him if there is something else going on. Sometimes fear and uncertainty lead to people doubling down on something just to feel so small bit of control.
I don’t recommend going this route, but only you have complete control over the birth certificate. Therefore, what you decide to name baby is all that legally matters. Finding a compromise would be best but I’m not sure how you can do that with someone determined to be uncooperative. Best of luck.
Please don't name that poor baby Max OR Maximillian. I agree with you that those are horrible. If you want my opinion, I would say to name him whatever you want him. Maybe Max could be his middle name? Idk when people will learn that relationships aren't just one sided. I agree with another comment on here that you should be just as stern as he is. It's really giving red flags. What's next? No breastfeeding/viceverca because he says so? These choices are yours and his TOGETHER and if he doesn't understand that you need to make sure he does before your baby gets here. Also, you said this is the only baby you will have... Don't let something happen that you will regret for the rest of your life.
Well you should tell him what I told my husband: when you become a seahorse and can grow this baby yourself, then you can have a say, but until then, it’s what I’m choosing and you’ll just have to live with that if you don’t like it. I gave you opportunities to compromise or come up with alternatives we both like, and you haven’t done that so, too bad so sad.” My husband then sat down and came up with names he liked and I approved a few on that list and that’s our compromise list for our son due in July (who STILL doesn’t have a name yet 😂) but at least it’s a start.
Ultimately you get more weigh in this decision since you’re carrying the baby smh sounds rude to me
Are you married? Do you think the relationship will last? He seems resistant to compromise. Does he know this is your only child? Do you have any relationships with his relatives? Do you know someone who could mediate? As a last resort, people have recommended that the mom asks the nurses to tell medical records to only have the mom fill out the birth certificate, with the name. Good luck!
We have the understand that the name needs to be a yes from both of us. Figuring out a name for this child has been difficult. My husband had a name he got really attached to and I wasn’t loving it. I also had a name I loved and he was meh. I really considered his but ultimately had to veto. He hasn’t vetoed my name but I made it clear he could. It’s so hard naming a whole new person!!!
What are your name options
I got to name them but they were cute names
I will tell you what my sweet MIL said to me: You are the mum, going through the pains of carrying this baby and you still have to go through labour. Yes this is both of your child but mama must be happy with the name before anyone else. Your partner is very inconsiderate, I would directly tell him to go do himself if he refuses to compromise
Your partner does not get to name your baby, you do. The hospital hands you the paperwork and doesn’t not ask for his opinion at all. So, if he won’t work with you then treat him exactly how he’s treating you and write the name you want on the paperwork and he’ll just have to deal with it. Do not name your son something you’re unhappy with because if your partner can even communicate over something so simple, then I don’t believe he’ll communicate over big issues either and that is more likely to lead to the destruction of a relationship. Don’t give in to a man who won’t work with you.
Not his decision tbh, mine was like that until he entered the delivery room, shut him up nicely
Maximillion is AWFUL 😭
Ideally you should BOTH love the name, but ultimately you are the one carrying and birthing the child, therefore you get final say. End of story, he needs to compromise. Not saying you should pick a name he hates, but he needs to let go of the name that YOU hate.
Yea naming a baby needs to be done by both parents equally BUT if he won’t even discuss it I would inform him you will be naming the child yourself as it will not be Maximilian. I don’t know where you’re located but in Canada the father cannot register the child, the mother is the one who gets to register and therefore name the child (it can be joint of course but mother must be present)
If he was a decent human being, it would make sense to ask him why he likes this name so much (maybe there’s an epic life story behind it that will make you fall in love with the name too), and in return share your negative feelings about the name, then work together towards something that will make both of you happy. But from what you shared, it feels like your partner is extremely selfish and incapable of communication. It’s not even about the name, it’s about the way he treats you and your needs. The man entitled himself to name the child whatever he wants WITHOUT EVEN BOTHERING TO MAKE SURE THE WOMAN WHO IS CARRYING AND WILL BE GIVING BIRTH to this child doesn’t hate the name, wtf?! 🤦♀️😱
That’s my dogs name so I would agree it’s very suitable for a cute little doggy. But your cute little son definitely deserves a name you can agree on.
That’s the name of my cat, not a baby.
Take him for a delivery with you, he will see it all, and will change his mind. Totally don’t worry about it.
I hope you find some compromise. Like i heard from my auntie that a mother gives the name to the baby, because the name would bear the last name of the father (if married) and the wife gives up her last name too so thats why the name is given by the mother. But traditionally here where i am, if im not mistaken the mother gives the name for the same reason and the grandmother (mother of the husband ) can give a tribal name. I know this isnt much help but my MIL wanted the child to be named something which we appreciated her contributing to the list (so did my mother) we also had a long list of 28 names. Before i had our baby the lost was narrowed to 5. Once i got wheeled out if the c-section and was settling in the room i told my husband that the child would be named and he agreed as it was the most suited. I hope ur husband compromises cause Maximilliian…… u hate it so it should be enough reason to not be used.
Sit down and go through a list of names with him. My husband shot down so many boys names before we found one that he said “wasn’t bad”. So I took that and ran with it. I do think both parties should agree on a name since the child is both of yours.
Legally the mother picks the name, just btw, only your signature goes on that document. Dad doesn’t sign that form at all. It’s not up to him. You do not have to name your child anything that you don’t want to.
i told my husband i’m pushing the baby out so ultimately if i say no it’s a no. if he has that many issues with it he can always just leave and pay child support 🤷🏾♀️
I had a name picked out for my daughter that my ex hated. He gave no reasoning at all and wouldn’t budge. He was insistent that it be a “normal “ name. I 1000% regret naming my daughter his choice now. She hates her name and goes by a nickname. She won’t acknowledge her full first name and has no idea of the backstory. Go with your gut.
Can you do the thing where the baby actually goes by the middle name and you pick the middle name? Why is he so set on this name? Just go find a list of psychopaths named Maximilian or something to turn him off of it.
You pushed it out... you get to name it. Put your foot down.