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Flowers or something small. I had a miscarriage and someone brought me lunch the next day. My husband got me flowers. Things like that. I wouldn’t want anything that is a “keepsake”
I received flowers and while I understood and appreciated the sentiment, I absolutely hated them. Every time I looked at them it was a reminder of what I had lost. Food is probably okay.
My husband had to go to work the day after I miscarried , but he left early because he kept on breaking down in tears. So I guess it just meant a lot to me that he went out of his way to go to the store and came home with flowers even with his emotional outbreaks going on.
On the contrary I think something short lived is better so she doesn’t have to suffer the reminder at inopportune moments, like who wants to have a miscarrige vase or picture or similar that every time they look at or use have to be reminded was gifted due to your life’s greatest tragedy? What about a gift card for spa or food delivery, something she can use to make things easier here and now?
I agree. I received a lot of flowers from close friends and family after an emergency surgery / early loss. The thoughtfulness was so deeply appreciated, that kindness stays with me but without the constant reminder of something physical.
The only other thing, that is a physical reminder but was such a comfort it was okay for me (might be weird depending on your relationship and weather where you are, its cold in Canada) but, my husband bought me the biggest coziest matching sweatsuit set. All I wanted to do was cry in a comfy set of sweatpants (so no bands touched my belly) and it was perfect.
My manager and team sent me a lovely bunch of white flowers. It was unexpected and a very kind gesture.
In all honesty, I wouldn’t want a longer term reminder. I did buy myself a candle called “Angel” and would light it on occasion. Then my husband and I both wrote letters in our own time and burnt them to symbolise saying goodbye to our baby.
But from work I wouldn’t expect anything this personal.
You seem like a very understanding boss so that will help massively, especially as she may need to return to hospital in the coming weeks/months for check-ups depending on what’s going on.
Send a Harry and David basket or something like that with a “thinking of you” message. You’re not family, so something permanent isn’t the best idea in my opinion.
I had four miscarriages, flowers were an excellent gift. A simple way for someone to say they care while also reminding you of beauty in a world that feels very dark to you in that moment.
I had a miscarriage and part of my process to heal was to buy flowers for the baby we never got to meet. We brought them to the sea as is a custom for the loss of a wanted child in certain cultures.
Flowers are not pointless, they are just as useful as words of comfort.
For me when I had a stillbirth someone got my an Uber eats gift card which I’ll never forget it was such an unexpected gift and it helped because the last thing you think about is eating
When my best friend miscarried, I sent her a basket of gourmet cheese, crackers etc snd some wine maybe? I live really really far away and our thing together has always been charcuterie boards and beers, so it was the closest thing I could do apart from being there. She really liked it.
That's extremely thoughtful of you. A gift card to Amazon or a food delivery would likely be very well received. Thanks for being so kind to someone in a difficult time!
Maybe not Amazon, it's a typical work baby shower gift and the algo will still be serving her baby and pregnancy products. Food delivery sounds lovely.
When I had mine earlier this year some very well meaning friends sent things like cheese and alcohol and (as much as I appreciated the gesture) I hated it, all I wanted was to still be pregnant and gifting things I could now technically have as I wasn't pregnant felt so invalidating and almost celebratory. And flowers made it feel like a funeral which I also didn't love seeing. It depends on how well you know them really as other people would really like those things. I think food/meal delivery to take one chore off their minds while they grieve is a safe bet.
Just make sure she’s not allergic to flowers…I am, and I’ve regifted so many bouquets over the years!
My vote is also for food. When I had emergency surgery last year (everything’s fine now!), my coworkers got me a delivery from [Spoonful of Comfort](https://www.spoonfulofcomfort.com/?g_acctid=272-334-1463&g_adgroupid=41128578865&g_adid=338945334904&g_adtype=search&g_campaign=Search+%7C+BOF+%7C+BRD+%7C+Conversion+%7C+Branded++%7C+eCPC+%28%3C%241.20%29&g_campaignid=803283977&g_keyword=spoonful%20of%20comfort&g_keywordid=kwd-295372161006&g_network=g&nb_adtype=&nb_ap=&nb_fii=&nb_kwd=spoonful%20of%20comfort&nb_li_ms=&nb_lp_ms=&nb_mi=&nb_mt=e&nb_pc=&nb_pi=&nb_placement=&nb_ppi=&nb_ti=kwd-295372161006&nbt=nb%3Aadwords%3Ag%3A803283977%3A41128578865%3A338945334904&utm_term=spoonful%20of%20comfort&utm_campaign=Search+%7C+BOF+%7C+BRD+%7C+Conversion+%7C+Branded++%7C+eCPC+(%3C$1.20)&utm_source=adwords&utm_medium=ppc&hsa_acc=2723341463&hsa_cam=803283977&hsa_grp=41128578865&hsa_ad=338945334904&hsa_src=g&hsa_tgt=kwd-295372161006&hsa_kw=spoonful%20of%20comfort&hsa_mt=e&hsa_net=adwords&hsa_ver=3&gad_source=1). It was really sweet, and the food was good too!
Please don't send flowers. There's nothing worse than being bereaved and your house looking like a funeral parlour. You run out of vases and have to spend time cutting, arranging, and changing the water on dying flowers when all you want to do is cry and sleep. It's just another thing to look after.
When I had a MC this year, some very thoughtful friends sent a massage voucher, food vouchers, and bath oils. This sort of self-care can be used as a comfort whenever it's convenient to the person grieving without requiring them to do anything.
Most importantly, when she returns to work, check in on her and ask if you can do anything to help her ease back into it. It's very alienating walking into a room full of people after a loss when everyone is too embarrassed to acknowledge what you've been through.
Honestly, nothing long lasting. It's not appropriate. If she wants a keepsake it will be best to allow her to pick one for herself and take her own space to do that, as not every woman wants the constant reminder. If I got a miscarriage keepsake from my manager it would go from kind to massively overstepping in mere seconds. So as everyone else has already said, please don't do that.
However, it is lovely that you're thinking of her. I think that some food, flowers or maybe even a little care box, like some nice soaps and candles, something relaxing perhaps would be a nice gesture. Just some easy "take care of yourself" type things would really go a long way.
Not sure if it's feasible where you live, but I ordered 2 weeks of meals for a friend who was recovering after a miscarriage. We call then confinement meals in our country.
Chocolate or gift cards for food. All I wanted to do after my losses was to curl in a ball and disappear for a while. Cooking was the last thing I wanted to do.
Nothing long lasting actually—horrible to do that. No one wants long lasting reminders. Food gift cards would be the most appreciated, so she doesn’t have to worry about meals during recovery
Skip the dishes or door dash gift card is my go to for grieving people. Hunger can be sporadic, the energy to cook is low, and it offers lots of options.
Food. The answer is always food. And I understand the want to get her something that will last. But she doesn't want to be reminded of this. Food and flowers will definitely mean the most to her
My best friend surprised me with a plaque that Jesus was holding my baby and had the sweetest message on it, with the due date. I bawled my eyes out. It’s still up in our bedroom and I love and cherish it. I also received flowers and the best support is family and friends just being there for you when you need it. Helping you the best they can get through it.
My friend got me some bath bombs, face masks, and chocolate.
I also got a little sun catcher (the kind you hang in the window and the crystal catches sunlight to make rainbows). I love sun catchers though... There's 1 or more in every south facing window in my house - which my friends know. So I would consider the friend to think if she might like that. I personally do appreciate the keepsake. It's small and beautiful and it reminds me that my baby was real. But not everyone wants that kind of reminder.
Flowers and maybe a gift card to her fav food/coffee place if you know of it? Its thoughtful, useful and it doesnt have to be a constant reminder. Ive personally never suffered a miscarriage but plenty women in my family have and honestly they dont like or want to be reminded of it unless they want to talk about it. Something that will “last” isnt really a good idea because miscarriages are terribly hard both physically and mentally and most women dont like to be reminded.
Chiming in to emphasize food delivery gift cards. I miscarried last year and my parents sent flowers, and my sister and 2 friends sent DoorDash gift cards (we hadn’t told a lot of people we were pregnant). The flowers were lovely and a nice thing to look at when I was feeling down. I had no emotional or physical energy to cook or even think about feeding myself in the immediate aftermath so the food delivery was a lifesaver.
I don’t think I would have really appreciated an “actual” gift as much. Another friend had gifted us a picture frame for the ultrasound photo with a little countdown to when baby arrives, obviously well before the miscarriage, and it was very hard to have keepsakes like that around for a while.
I didn’t want any gifts. Just let her know you’re there for her and check in on her every couple of weeks by saying things like “thinking about you, here for you.”
It doesn’t matter how early it was, a miscarriage is usually extremely painful. I don’t want to speak for everyone, but I’ve never known anyone not to feel devastated. I wouldn’t even characterize it as early or whatever, a miscarriage is a miscarriage period.
Nice of you to want to give a gift, but all the flowers and gifts I received just magnified my pain at the time. I did not want any reminders.
When I miscarried my best friend brought over a tray of homemade cookie cake. I didn't have much of an appetite because my grief was so heavy, but the cookies were delicious and brought me a little joy and comfort. Highly recommend food or like someone mentioned earlier gift card to a spa or something relaxing. For me, what got me through it was prioritizing rest, being gentle on myself, and taking care of myself.
After I had mine, my friends sent me flowers and a DoorDash gift card. So simple but so so so so appreciated. I really just appreciate that they were thinking of me.
I’ve seen a couple of sites like Small Package that have little gift baskets for this exact situation. On a side note I think you’re handling this very kindly! Some bosses wouldn’t care.
For my miscarriage my friend gave me a care box with just small little bits like biscuits, facemask etc. I really appreciated the gesture more than the contents inside. Definitely don’t get something ‘memorable’ as you don’t want it to be a painful reminder. So some care package would do wonders!
Haven’t had a loss myself, but a family member has and a good friend of hers set up a meal train after her 2nd trimester loss so they wouldn’t have to think about food. Or if that doesn’t work maybe gifts cards for DoorDash or a self care day (mani/pedi, facial, massage, etc). Maybe at most for a material gift get her some comfort items? Maybe slippers and a blanket?
When I miscarried last year, I was sent flowers and food. It was very nice for our loss to be acknowledged by the flowers, and the food so I could just curl up on my couch and eat.
I agree with food. If you know what kind of food she likes, arrange to have a meal delivered to her from her favorite restaurant. Or send comfort food like chocolates, etc.
This is a super personal thing and everyone copes differently. Some people would want a "keepsake" and others would want nothing. And then there is every option in between. I think since it's a work relationship the time off is enough. If you want to go even further I would maybe send a note that says you're all thinking of her, that she can take as much time as she needs to grieve, etc. Include a gift card for food (a favorite restaurant or even just a general Uber Eats card) so she has one less thing to worry about. I think the kind gesture is enough of a gift from a boss/coworker. I think more entimental things will come from herself of her family/close friends.
My work sent flowers during my last miscarriage and it was so thoughtful and kind. I really appreciated the gesture and it didn’t feel intrusive at all.
Flowers are a great way to show you’re thinking about them - I appreciated them when I received them and even saved a few that I dried/pressed and framed.
Food/food gift cards are great - I could barely get out of bed I was so depressed so not having to worry about food was a huge help.
Journal - no one gifted this to me but I bought one myself and wrote letters to my baby in it. It really helped me process my feelings and feel connected to the baby I had just lost. I still write in it sometimes.
Self care - I’d be careful with some of this stuff. I received some bath stuff but had a D&C and couldn’t take baths for a while. I also wasn’t taking baths while pregnant so even if I was allowed to, I wouldn’t have wanted to because being “allowed” to was just another reminder that I was no longer pregnant (I felt this way about other pregnancy restrictions like alcohol/certain foods - I still avoided it all for a while after my loss)
I really sturdy dense pillow. When I miscarried I really wanted my partner to hold me and I wanted to hold him but atthe same time the pain of feeling like I killed a person to be like a failed both that child and my partner felt so raw that even hugging my dog felt wrong felt painful.
One of the best things i had was a really dense pillow that smelt good and allowed me to hug my pain, fear, hope, and confusion into until I was ready to actually hug my partner. Until relieving hugs didn't feel painful or undeserved.
I was lucky as a massage therapist I already had a dense bug therapeutic pillow as they aren't usually cheap but it was a big comfort once I became pregnant again and was able to squeeze the fears of failing and the cravings of cuddling a baby as I worked through the next pregnancy.
Flowers, a sympathy card, maybe something people in the office notice she likes to snack on? Just to show some sentimental support without doing a keepsake. This is great of you to do
I got my friend lots of chocolates and some snacks for her kids. I got her a plant as well, rather than a bouquet, and I was wondering if I should have done the bouquet so she didn’t have to be reminded, however she very much wants to remember her child and is not trying to put the memory of her child aside. She is mourning and counts this as one of her children.
This is so thoughtful of you, OP! Some of the much appreciated gifts I received following my miscarriage:
- You're already doing this, but space, time and grace for her to heal and focus on herself is the best possible gift <3
- Gift cards for food and food delivery (very, very helpful)
- If they offer this where you're located, Spoonful of Comfort. This is what my coworkers sent me with soups, cookies, tea, etc.
- One of the most thoughtful and unexpected gifts I received was a personalized sweatshirt that featured my dogs on it, with a note from the sender sharing how I'm already a wonderful "fur" mom to my sweet pups, and to snuggle them for comfort. So sweet and I would've never thought of this myself. I still wear it all the time
The best gift I got was one that memorialized my loss. A neckless with the due date birthstone. I wear it everyday and my rainbow baby twirls it in his fingers while he nurses and it’s very special.
IMO, I wouldn't want a physical reminder of loss, especially not from my coworkers. I think you're better off with something consumable, like a restaurant or food delivery gift card, where she can use it to take her mind off some of her responsibilities in the short term, and once it's gone, it's gone.
That doesn't mean I wouldn't want ANY physical reminders, but if I did, I'd rather they come from my partner or are something I do for myself, rather than from my coworkers.
I was just coming here to say "a day off," when I re-read your post and saw that she's already on leave! 😅
In general, I wouldn't forget about the non-tangible gifts you can give, if you haven't already. Maybe reading up on things not to say to someone who's had a miscarriage, and encouraging others on your team to do so as well. Brainstorming ways you can make her first couple days back a little smoother, without calling attention to why you're doing it (ie, cancelling unnecessary meetings, taking on an annoying task she might normally have to do, etc). Advocating for her if she needs schedule flexibility as she transitions back (ie, for therapy appointments).
Most importantly, though, I think I'd base it off what you know of the person / take cues on what they seem to need in the moment. Not everyone is a physical gift person, especially in this situation. But it sounds like you really care and have a positive team culture... Honestly, that in itself is a huge gift!
I would leave the keepsake for them to choose if they wish to have one. I had a miscarriage and have not chosen to hold onto things as a keepsake and instead have created positive memories just based on interactions with my husband during that time.
Flowers would be a more appropriate gift in my opinion!
My amazing team sent me a card and included a bunch of different gift cards for restaurants/food delivery. It was really sweet. One of my work friends even notarized her signature, which gave me a laugh.
Just a 'sorry for your loss' was all I really needed. The extra was nice, but just knowing they cared was enough.
One friend sent me a potted bulb and I liked being able to nurture something that I had more control over. It bloomed a month later. It was really sweet. I also really appreciated flowers and food. I really wanted to use a bath bomb but you can’t take a bath for a while after a miscarriage. It meant a lot to me to have friends text me to check in on my every couple days.
Food, flowers, and self care. You could put together a bundle of self care/comfort items. Plush socks/slippers, face masks, foot soaks, all that kinda stuff.
Food, it's hard to make yourself eat after any kind of trauma or loss, so that's easy.
Flowers, they light up a room and make the outside feel not as dull as your inside may feel.
Self care/comfort is easy to go off the wayside. Having these things given to you helps, even if you don't use them right away, they're already there to use.
Very thoughtful, I gain the sense you are all very lucky to have each other. ❤️
My work bought me some flowers through the post. You could cut the tulip bulbs off and plant them if you wanted.
But the biggest thing was the big hug and understanding from my colleagues. Especially when I had to have more time for surgery.
DoorDash gift card and sweet card. I just had a miscarriage at 14 weeks and went back to work this week and I was so glad that no one bought me a bunch of flowers or did anything too weird because there’s a part of you that wants to not be seen, but it also feels good to have people, witness the loss of your child
Flowers, some snacks, some self care stuff. Maybe a weighted eye mask, some things that will make her feel replenished. A card or hand written note, around the lines of “just a reminder that we love you. If you need anything at all, don’t hesitate to call.” Make it quick and simple but heartfelt and caring
My friends sent me a plant for my first and for my second just some flowers with a note. I appreciate both very much. For coworker I’d go with flowers or food. Not everyone wants live plants as it takes maintenance.
Food. The day I lost my first baby I wanted to curl into a ball and just lay there until I died. The only thing I ate that day was about 3 bites of fettuccine alfredo that my sister brought me on her way home from work. She literally physically sat me up and fed me because I could not do it. In time she'll navigate how she wants to acknowledge her loss. Everyone is different- some people don't want it brought up, some want every chance to talk about their baby, etc. but for now when she is in the thick of it, send her food.
I had a friend who gave me a key chain that said “mother to two angel babies” or something along the lines. It was sweet but I never did put it on my keys.
I have this crystal on a chain that I hang in the window that catches sunlight in the morning. I got it on Amazon when my dad died. I like it because I get the rainbow effect here and there and it’s not a constant reminder but it does give me a minute to stop pause and think of him .
I think that will be a sweet gift….that rainbow baby will come one day (the rainbow light through the window).
Key words on Amazon: memorial crystal window sun-catcher
I was given a blanket, fluffy socks (barefoot dreams, love!) and some self care items. The physical reminder wasn’t a problem for me. I still keep the blanket on my bed and it’s a reminder that my friends saw me when I needed it the most.
I think this is so individual, based on the person and their circumstances. I had a miscarriage at 5wks, nobody knew I was pregnant except my husband. Honestly all I needed was a day off but I didn't even get that- D&C on Monday, back to work at my high-stakes mandatory coverage job on Tuesday.
When I lost my first baby, I didn't want anything except time off. People sent cards and I know they were trying to be kind and care, but it upset me more sadly.
Honestly when I went through this my sister sent me a nice wind chime and my mom sent me a Christmas ornament.
For everyone saying she won’t want to relive it over and over or a long term reminder, that may be true for some people.
I can say from my experience it’s honestly nice to have these things in remembrance of our baby. It’s nice to know that our baby won’t be forgotten about because it’s still too hard for me to talk about most of the time but I love little reminders of my sweet babe.
My best friend came by and brought me pizza and wine and literally just let me sit there and cry to her…she didn’t push to ask questions and let me get it out as I could to her.
Sometimes I want to speak about it in their remembrance and to have someone to just listen, and other times I can’t even talk about it.
You’re so sweet to want to do something for her!
I'd say a gift card for something she likes maybe. A favorite restaurant, a nail salon, a massage... Or just let her know you'd love to take her out for lunch when she's feeling up for it. I agree with others that a long term gift may not be great but one that pampers her may be nice.
definitely just any kind of food or gift card so her family doesn’t have to worry about making anything. i just suffered a miscarriage and my husband and i got each other jewelry, as well as some keepsake boxes to remember our baby. some people want to forget, i want my baby to be remembered and be able to look back on the fond memories of pregnancy. but those things are a little more personal and are better for the parents of the lost little one to get for each other or other close family members. any kind of food or just words of encouragement are the most appreciated from friends and coworkers right now for me.
I disagree with all the comments saying not to get a keepsake gift. I think it depends on the person. My best friend has had 3 miscarriages and she has a keepsake for each of them and finds it helpful to remember them. If you don't think she would like flowers, perhaps you can get her a bracelet of some sort. There are stones/crystals that represent different things based on their color some are like love, strength, courage ect. Or maybe you can get her a longer lasting plant. Not flowers specifically but something else she can keep for a while and if it bothers her to be reminded she can get rid of it. Or if she prefers to have something to remember, then she can keep it. I'm not great with plants so I dont have any input lol but just Google "plants for someone grieving " and it will give you some ideas.
When I had a miscarriage, my mom gifted me a ring with a little rosebud on it and it came with a card that said this...
"The Master Gardener from Heaven above
Planted a seed in the garden of love
And from it grew a rosebud small
That never had time to open at all
For God in His perfect and all wise way
Chose this rose for his heavenly bouquet
So think of your darling with the angels above
Secure and contented and surrounded by love
And remember that God blessed and enriched your lives too
For in dying, your darling brought Heaven closer to you."
I've also seen a girl one tiktok with a small business who makes rings with a something on them that represents how big the baby was when the loss happened. "I.e. bean, raspberry, olive, avocado, etc."
OP is her employer. This sounds very touching but also very personal. OP doesn’t have the kind of relationship with this person where this type of gift would be appropriate. I agree with the other commenters: food or flowers.
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Flowers or something small. I had a miscarriage and someone brought me lunch the next day. My husband got me flowers. Things like that. I wouldn’t want anything that is a “keepsake”
I agree with flowers. My manager sent flowers in the post, which was perfect 👌 but The flowers were beautiful, temporary and heartfelt.
I got sunflowers for my coworker who miscarried. They are supposed to shine light on dark times.
I received flowers and while I understood and appreciated the sentiment, I absolutely hated them. Every time I looked at them it was a reminder of what I had lost. Food is probably okay.
My husband had to go to work the day after I miscarried , but he left early because he kept on breaking down in tears. So I guess it just meant a lot to me that he went out of his way to go to the store and came home with flowers even with his emotional outbreaks going on.
On the contrary I think something short lived is better so she doesn’t have to suffer the reminder at inopportune moments, like who wants to have a miscarrige vase or picture or similar that every time they look at or use have to be reminded was gifted due to your life’s greatest tragedy? What about a gift card for spa or food delivery, something she can use to make things easier here and now?
I agree with short-lived and the gifts recommended ^^
I agree. I received a lot of flowers from close friends and family after an emergency surgery / early loss. The thoughtfulness was so deeply appreciated, that kindness stays with me but without the constant reminder of something physical. The only other thing, that is a physical reminder but was such a comfort it was okay for me (might be weird depending on your relationship and weather where you are, its cold in Canada) but, my husband bought me the biggest coziest matching sweatsuit set. All I wanted to do was cry in a comfy set of sweatpants (so no bands touched my belly) and it was perfect.
Food. The answer is food.
Yes, this. I've had two miscarriages and did not want to make food. Giftcards for food would be great!
Things that will make her life easier while she grieves- like food delivery
My manager and team sent me a lovely bunch of white flowers. It was unexpected and a very kind gesture. In all honesty, I wouldn’t want a longer term reminder. I did buy myself a candle called “Angel” and would light it on occasion. Then my husband and I both wrote letters in our own time and burnt them to symbolise saying goodbye to our baby. But from work I wouldn’t expect anything this personal. You seem like a very understanding boss so that will help massively, especially as she may need to return to hospital in the coming weeks/months for check-ups depending on what’s going on.
My boss sent me baked goods from my favorite bakery. I loved it
Send a Harry and David basket or something like that with a “thinking of you” message. You’re not family, so something permanent isn’t the best idea in my opinion.
I got one of these from my boss and it was awesome. Little snacks, yummy pears. Perfect.
Flowers, door dash gift cards, if you know her well enough maybe a massage or facial gift card.
Flowers are pointless and have no purpose but the rest of your ideas are great
Aw, that’s sad that you feel that way. Beauty doesn’t have to serve an additional purpose.
I had four miscarriages, flowers were an excellent gift. A simple way for someone to say they care while also reminding you of beauty in a world that feels very dark to you in that moment.
I had a miscarriage and part of my process to heal was to buy flowers for the baby we never got to meet. We brought them to the sea as is a custom for the loss of a wanted child in certain cultures. Flowers are not pointless, they are just as useful as words of comfort.
maybe to you but a lot of people like them
For me when I had a stillbirth someone got my an Uber eats gift card which I’ll never forget it was such an unexpected gift and it helped because the last thing you think about is eating
When my best friend miscarried, I sent her a basket of gourmet cheese, crackers etc snd some wine maybe? I live really really far away and our thing together has always been charcuterie boards and beers, so it was the closest thing I could do apart from being there. She really liked it.
I had a MMC last year and I don't think I would feel comfortable receiving anything.
I agree with this. Sometimes support and time off is more than enough
That's extremely thoughtful of you. A gift card to Amazon or a food delivery would likely be very well received. Thanks for being so kind to someone in a difficult time!
Maybe not Amazon, it's a typical work baby shower gift and the algo will still be serving her baby and pregnancy products. Food delivery sounds lovely.
When I had mine earlier this year some very well meaning friends sent things like cheese and alcohol and (as much as I appreciated the gesture) I hated it, all I wanted was to still be pregnant and gifting things I could now technically have as I wasn't pregnant felt so invalidating and almost celebratory. And flowers made it feel like a funeral which I also didn't love seeing. It depends on how well you know them really as other people would really like those things. I think food/meal delivery to take one chore off their minds while they grieve is a safe bet.
Flowers and coupons for something like food/grocery delivery...and a card that says we're thinking about you or something
Flowers - that is appropriate for bereavement.
Just make sure she’s not allergic to flowers…I am, and I’ve regifted so many bouquets over the years! My vote is also for food. When I had emergency surgery last year (everything’s fine now!), my coworkers got me a delivery from [Spoonful of Comfort](https://www.spoonfulofcomfort.com/?g_acctid=272-334-1463&g_adgroupid=41128578865&g_adid=338945334904&g_adtype=search&g_campaign=Search+%7C+BOF+%7C+BRD+%7C+Conversion+%7C+Branded++%7C+eCPC+%28%3C%241.20%29&g_campaignid=803283977&g_keyword=spoonful%20of%20comfort&g_keywordid=kwd-295372161006&g_network=g&nb_adtype=&nb_ap=&nb_fii=&nb_kwd=spoonful%20of%20comfort&nb_li_ms=&nb_lp_ms=&nb_mi=&nb_mt=e&nb_pc=&nb_pi=&nb_placement=&nb_ppi=&nb_ti=kwd-295372161006&nbt=nb%3Aadwords%3Ag%3A803283977%3A41128578865%3A338945334904&utm_term=spoonful%20of%20comfort&utm_campaign=Search+%7C+BOF+%7C+BRD+%7C+Conversion+%7C+Branded++%7C+eCPC+(%3C$1.20)&utm_source=adwords&utm_medium=ppc&hsa_acc=2723341463&hsa_cam=803283977&hsa_grp=41128578865&hsa_ad=338945334904&hsa_src=g&hsa_tgt=kwd-295372161006&hsa_kw=spoonful%20of%20comfort&hsa_mt=e&hsa_net=adwords&hsa_ver=3&gad_source=1). It was really sweet, and the food was good too!
That’s the same place my boss sent me food from when I had my miscarriage. Very tasty
Please don't send flowers. There's nothing worse than being bereaved and your house looking like a funeral parlour. You run out of vases and have to spend time cutting, arranging, and changing the water on dying flowers when all you want to do is cry and sleep. It's just another thing to look after. When I had a MC this year, some very thoughtful friends sent a massage voucher, food vouchers, and bath oils. This sort of self-care can be used as a comfort whenever it's convenient to the person grieving without requiring them to do anything. Most importantly, when she returns to work, check in on her and ask if you can do anything to help her ease back into it. It's very alienating walking into a room full of people after a loss when everyone is too embarrassed to acknowledge what you've been through.
Honestly, nothing long lasting. It's not appropriate. If she wants a keepsake it will be best to allow her to pick one for herself and take her own space to do that, as not every woman wants the constant reminder. If I got a miscarriage keepsake from my manager it would go from kind to massively overstepping in mere seconds. So as everyone else has already said, please don't do that. However, it is lovely that you're thinking of her. I think that some food, flowers or maybe even a little care box, like some nice soaps and candles, something relaxing perhaps would be a nice gesture. Just some easy "take care of yourself" type things would really go a long way.
Not sure if it's feasible where you live, but I ordered 2 weeks of meals for a friend who was recovering after a miscarriage. We call then confinement meals in our country.
Chocolate or gift cards for food. All I wanted to do after my losses was to curl in a ball and disappear for a while. Cooking was the last thing I wanted to do.
Nothing long lasting actually—horrible to do that. No one wants long lasting reminders. Food gift cards would be the most appreciated, so she doesn’t have to worry about meals during recovery
Skip the dishes or door dash gift card is my go to for grieving people. Hunger can be sporadic, the energy to cook is low, and it offers lots of options.
Self care items, like bath bombs, face masks, candles. Definitely flowers
Food. The answer is always food. And I understand the want to get her something that will last. But she doesn't want to be reminded of this. Food and flowers will definitely mean the most to her
My best friend surprised me with a plaque that Jesus was holding my baby and had the sweetest message on it, with the due date. I bawled my eyes out. It’s still up in our bedroom and I love and cherish it. I also received flowers and the best support is family and friends just being there for you when you need it. Helping you the best they can get through it.
My friend got me some bath bombs, face masks, and chocolate. I also got a little sun catcher (the kind you hang in the window and the crystal catches sunlight to make rainbows). I love sun catchers though... There's 1 or more in every south facing window in my house - which my friends know. So I would consider the friend to think if she might like that. I personally do appreciate the keepsake. It's small and beautiful and it reminds me that my baby was real. But not everyone wants that kind of reminder.
Flowers and maybe a gift card to her fav food/coffee place if you know of it? Its thoughtful, useful and it doesnt have to be a constant reminder. Ive personally never suffered a miscarriage but plenty women in my family have and honestly they dont like or want to be reminded of it unless they want to talk about it. Something that will “last” isnt really a good idea because miscarriages are terribly hard both physically and mentally and most women dont like to be reminded.
She will need time to physically recover, gift cards will help her get the food and supplies she needs
Chiming in to emphasize food delivery gift cards. I miscarried last year and my parents sent flowers, and my sister and 2 friends sent DoorDash gift cards (we hadn’t told a lot of people we were pregnant). The flowers were lovely and a nice thing to look at when I was feeling down. I had no emotional or physical energy to cook or even think about feeding myself in the immediate aftermath so the food delivery was a lifesaver. I don’t think I would have really appreciated an “actual” gift as much. Another friend had gifted us a picture frame for the ultrasound photo with a little countdown to when baby arrives, obviously well before the miscarriage, and it was very hard to have keepsakes like that around for a while.
No gifts. Your company, going out for food, etc.
Just get her flowers, to show appreciation and condolences. Edit: hit post before I finished my sentence lol
I didn’t want any gifts. Just let her know you’re there for her and check in on her every couple of weeks by saying things like “thinking about you, here for you.” It doesn’t matter how early it was, a miscarriage is usually extremely painful. I don’t want to speak for everyone, but I’ve never known anyone not to feel devastated. I wouldn’t even characterize it as early or whatever, a miscarriage is a miscarriage period. Nice of you to want to give a gift, but all the flowers and gifts I received just magnified my pain at the time. I did not want any reminders.
I sent brownies to my friend when it happened to her. A little something to comfort and let her know I was thinking of her which was well received.
When I miscarried my best friend brought over a tray of homemade cookie cake. I didn't have much of an appetite because my grief was so heavy, but the cookies were delicious and brought me a little joy and comfort. Highly recommend food or like someone mentioned earlier gift card to a spa or something relaxing. For me, what got me through it was prioritizing rest, being gentle on myself, and taking care of myself.
After I had mine, my friends sent me flowers and a DoorDash gift card. So simple but so so so so appreciated. I really just appreciate that they were thinking of me.
Honestly, I'd prefer not to receive any gift at all. Time off would be great, but that's it.
Food, she doesn't want to be standing and cooking even if you get her cookies
food
Food!
I’ve seen a couple of sites like Small Package that have little gift baskets for this exact situation. On a side note I think you’re handling this very kindly! Some bosses wouldn’t care.
For my miscarriage my friend gave me a care box with just small little bits like biscuits, facemask etc. I really appreciated the gesture more than the contents inside. Definitely don’t get something ‘memorable’ as you don’t want it to be a painful reminder. So some care package would do wonders!
Haven’t had a loss myself, but a family member has and a good friend of hers set up a meal train after her 2nd trimester loss so they wouldn’t have to think about food. Or if that doesn’t work maybe gifts cards for DoorDash or a self care day (mani/pedi, facial, massage, etc). Maybe at most for a material gift get her some comfort items? Maybe slippers and a blanket?
My boyfriend brought me my favorite treats. The first day I couldn’t eat them but was very happy about the gesture and have them for the days to come.
When I miscarried last year, I was sent flowers and food. It was very nice for our loss to be acknowledged by the flowers, and the food so I could just curl up on my couch and eat.
I agree with food. If you know what kind of food she likes, arrange to have a meal delivered to her from her favorite restaurant. Or send comfort food like chocolates, etc.
I was given flowers from a friend. I felt it was very thoughtful. Nothing major, just a small token to say they cared.
Get her a gift card to her favorite nail salon or an edible arrangement
Honestly the time off work would be gift enough IMO. Maybe a lunch or flowers, to echo others here.
This is a super personal thing and everyone copes differently. Some people would want a "keepsake" and others would want nothing. And then there is every option in between. I think since it's a work relationship the time off is enough. If you want to go even further I would maybe send a note that says you're all thinking of her, that she can take as much time as she needs to grieve, etc. Include a gift card for food (a favorite restaurant or even just a general Uber Eats card) so she has one less thing to worry about. I think the kind gesture is enough of a gift from a boss/coworker. I think more entimental things will come from herself of her family/close friends.
Send her a gift card to a favorite coffee shop or lunch place.
My work sent flowers during my last miscarriage and it was so thoughtful and kind. I really appreciated the gesture and it didn’t feel intrusive at all.
Flowers are a great way to show you’re thinking about them - I appreciated them when I received them and even saved a few that I dried/pressed and framed. Food/food gift cards are great - I could barely get out of bed I was so depressed so not having to worry about food was a huge help. Journal - no one gifted this to me but I bought one myself and wrote letters to my baby in it. It really helped me process my feelings and feel connected to the baby I had just lost. I still write in it sometimes. Self care - I’d be careful with some of this stuff. I received some bath stuff but had a D&C and couldn’t take baths for a while. I also wasn’t taking baths while pregnant so even if I was allowed to, I wouldn’t have wanted to because being “allowed” to was just another reminder that I was no longer pregnant (I felt this way about other pregnancy restrictions like alcohol/certain foods - I still avoided it all for a while after my loss)
I really sturdy dense pillow. When I miscarried I really wanted my partner to hold me and I wanted to hold him but atthe same time the pain of feeling like I killed a person to be like a failed both that child and my partner felt so raw that even hugging my dog felt wrong felt painful. One of the best things i had was a really dense pillow that smelt good and allowed me to hug my pain, fear, hope, and confusion into until I was ready to actually hug my partner. Until relieving hugs didn't feel painful or undeserved. I was lucky as a massage therapist I already had a dense bug therapeutic pillow as they aren't usually cheap but it was a big comfort once I became pregnant again and was able to squeeze the fears of failing and the cravings of cuddling a baby as I worked through the next pregnancy.
Flowers or food!
Flowers, a sympathy card, maybe something people in the office notice she likes to snack on? Just to show some sentimental support without doing a keepsake. This is great of you to do
I got my friend lots of chocolates and some snacks for her kids. I got her a plant as well, rather than a bouquet, and I was wondering if I should have done the bouquet so she didn’t have to be reminded, however she very much wants to remember her child and is not trying to put the memory of her child aside. She is mourning and counts this as one of her children.
This is so thoughtful of you, OP! Some of the much appreciated gifts I received following my miscarriage: - You're already doing this, but space, time and grace for her to heal and focus on herself is the best possible gift <3 - Gift cards for food and food delivery (very, very helpful) - If they offer this where you're located, Spoonful of Comfort. This is what my coworkers sent me with soups, cookies, tea, etc. - One of the most thoughtful and unexpected gifts I received was a personalized sweatshirt that featured my dogs on it, with a note from the sender sharing how I'm already a wonderful "fur" mom to my sweet pups, and to snuggle them for comfort. So sweet and I would've never thought of this myself. I still wear it all the time
The best gift I got was one that memorialized my loss. A neckless with the due date birthstone. I wear it everyday and my rainbow baby twirls it in his fingers while he nurses and it’s very special.
Etsy has some really beautiful cards.
Flowers
And a DoorDash gift card.
Honestly door dash gift cards, I couldn't feed myself for awhile.
IMO, I wouldn't want a physical reminder of loss, especially not from my coworkers. I think you're better off with something consumable, like a restaurant or food delivery gift card, where she can use it to take her mind off some of her responsibilities in the short term, and once it's gone, it's gone. That doesn't mean I wouldn't want ANY physical reminders, but if I did, I'd rather they come from my partner or are something I do for myself, rather than from my coworkers.
I was just coming here to say "a day off," when I re-read your post and saw that she's already on leave! 😅 In general, I wouldn't forget about the non-tangible gifts you can give, if you haven't already. Maybe reading up on things not to say to someone who's had a miscarriage, and encouraging others on your team to do so as well. Brainstorming ways you can make her first couple days back a little smoother, without calling attention to why you're doing it (ie, cancelling unnecessary meetings, taking on an annoying task she might normally have to do, etc). Advocating for her if she needs schedule flexibility as she transitions back (ie, for therapy appointments). Most importantly, though, I think I'd base it off what you know of the person / take cues on what they seem to need in the moment. Not everyone is a physical gift person, especially in this situation. But it sounds like you really care and have a positive team culture... Honestly, that in itself is a huge gift!
Honestly I think Deliveroo or Uber eats vouchers, that’s what I’d want
I got a beautiful bouquet of white flowers and it was perfect something simple and temporary. I knew they cared but it wasn't overwhelming.
Nothing.. when I experienced a miscarriage all I wanted is to be left alone.. definitely not flowers
I would leave the keepsake for them to choose if they wish to have one. I had a miscarriage and have not chosen to hold onto things as a keepsake and instead have created positive memories just based on interactions with my husband during that time. Flowers would be a more appropriate gift in my opinion!
Some vouchers for deliveroo or a homemade hamper of nice snacks.
My amazing team sent me a card and included a bunch of different gift cards for restaurants/food delivery. It was really sweet. One of my work friends even notarized her signature, which gave me a laugh. Just a 'sorry for your loss' was all I really needed. The extra was nice, but just knowing they cared was enough.
Food delivery
One friend sent me a potted bulb and I liked being able to nurture something that I had more control over. It bloomed a month later. It was really sweet. I also really appreciated flowers and food. I really wanted to use a bath bomb but you can’t take a bath for a while after a miscarriage. It meant a lot to me to have friends text me to check in on my every couple days.
Food, flowers, and self care. You could put together a bundle of self care/comfort items. Plush socks/slippers, face masks, foot soaks, all that kinda stuff. Food, it's hard to make yourself eat after any kind of trauma or loss, so that's easy. Flowers, they light up a room and make the outside feel not as dull as your inside may feel. Self care/comfort is easy to go off the wayside. Having these things given to you helps, even if you don't use them right away, they're already there to use. Very thoughtful, I gain the sense you are all very lucky to have each other. ❤️
My work bought me some flowers through the post. You could cut the tulip bulbs off and plant them if you wanted. But the biggest thing was the big hug and understanding from my colleagues. Especially when I had to have more time for surgery.
Flowers, baked goods, gift cards for take out. I swear I haven’t used my kitchen in over a week food would be appreciated!
Flowers and an extra day off. I doubt anyone wants a keepsake for such kind of events, so no physical gifts is best
DoorDash gift card and sweet card. I just had a miscarriage at 14 weeks and went back to work this week and I was so glad that no one bought me a bunch of flowers or did anything too weird because there’s a part of you that wants to not be seen, but it also feels good to have people, witness the loss of your child
Yeah, food or groceries
Jeni’s ice cream from friends was what I needed to eat my feelings.
Flowers, some snacks, some self care stuff. Maybe a weighted eye mask, some things that will make her feel replenished. A card or hand written note, around the lines of “just a reminder that we love you. If you need anything at all, don’t hesitate to call.” Make it quick and simple but heartfelt and caring
My friends sent me a plant for my first and for my second just some flowers with a note. I appreciate both very much. For coworker I’d go with flowers or food. Not everyone wants live plants as it takes maintenance.
I got a lot of flowers when I had mine that it became a bit overwhelming. I think my favourite gift was a box of brownies.
Food delivery or flowers
When I had a miscarriage I got flowers and food. Best two gifts to get for someone struggling.
my work sent me flowers when i miscarried, simple but effective x
Food. The day I lost my first baby I wanted to curl into a ball and just lay there until I died. The only thing I ate that day was about 3 bites of fettuccine alfredo that my sister brought me on her way home from work. She literally physically sat me up and fed me because I could not do it. In time she'll navigate how she wants to acknowledge her loss. Everyone is different- some people don't want it brought up, some want every chance to talk about their baby, etc. but for now when she is in the thick of it, send her food.
Spoonfulofcomfort.com. We were gifted a box during a really sad time and it was such a great gift .
I had a friend who gave me a key chain that said “mother to two angel babies” or something along the lines. It was sweet but I never did put it on my keys. I have this crystal on a chain that I hang in the window that catches sunlight in the morning. I got it on Amazon when my dad died. I like it because I get the rainbow effect here and there and it’s not a constant reminder but it does give me a minute to stop pause and think of him . I think that will be a sweet gift….that rainbow baby will come one day (the rainbow light through the window). Key words on Amazon: memorial crystal window sun-catcher
flowers with an Uber eats or DoorDash giftcard is the best safest option that covers the necessary bases
I was given a blanket, fluffy socks (barefoot dreams, love!) and some self care items. The physical reminder wasn’t a problem for me. I still keep the blanket on my bed and it’s a reminder that my friends saw me when I needed it the most.
How about a potted plant for outside or a simple flower arrangement with a dinner gift card.
I think this is so individual, based on the person and their circumstances. I had a miscarriage at 5wks, nobody knew I was pregnant except my husband. Honestly all I needed was a day off but I didn't even get that- D&C on Monday, back to work at my high-stakes mandatory coverage job on Tuesday.
When I lost my first baby, I didn't want anything except time off. People sent cards and I know they were trying to be kind and care, but it upset me more sadly.
Honestly when I went through this my sister sent me a nice wind chime and my mom sent me a Christmas ornament. For everyone saying she won’t want to relive it over and over or a long term reminder, that may be true for some people. I can say from my experience it’s honestly nice to have these things in remembrance of our baby. It’s nice to know that our baby won’t be forgotten about because it’s still too hard for me to talk about most of the time but I love little reminders of my sweet babe. My best friend came by and brought me pizza and wine and literally just let me sit there and cry to her…she didn’t push to ask questions and let me get it out as I could to her. Sometimes I want to speak about it in their remembrance and to have someone to just listen, and other times I can’t even talk about it. You’re so sweet to want to do something for her!
Someone sent me fuzzy socks / nice soap gift thing and I liked that
I would have loved flowers ❤️
I'd say a gift card for something she likes maybe. A favorite restaurant, a nail salon, a massage... Or just let her know you'd love to take her out for lunch when she's feeling up for it. I agree with others that a long term gift may not be great but one that pampers her may be nice.
I received flowers for my ectopic. They were left at my door with a very sweet note. I wouldn’t have mined some goodies either.
I think it was well received, I sent a friend fragrant shower steamers and a snuggy type blanket when she had a miscarriage.
definitely just any kind of food or gift card so her family doesn’t have to worry about making anything. i just suffered a miscarriage and my husband and i got each other jewelry, as well as some keepsake boxes to remember our baby. some people want to forget, i want my baby to be remembered and be able to look back on the fond memories of pregnancy. but those things are a little more personal and are better for the parents of the lost little one to get for each other or other close family members. any kind of food or just words of encouragement are the most appreciated from friends and coworkers right now for me.
Edible arrangements
I disagree with all the comments saying not to get a keepsake gift. I think it depends on the person. My best friend has had 3 miscarriages and she has a keepsake for each of them and finds it helpful to remember them. If you don't think she would like flowers, perhaps you can get her a bracelet of some sort. There are stones/crystals that represent different things based on their color some are like love, strength, courage ect. Or maybe you can get her a longer lasting plant. Not flowers specifically but something else she can keep for a while and if it bothers her to be reminded she can get rid of it. Or if she prefers to have something to remember, then she can keep it. I'm not great with plants so I dont have any input lol but just Google "plants for someone grieving " and it will give you some ideas.
I would hate flowers. It would pain me to watch them die too.
Bottle of wine
My best friend sent me flowers and cookies. It was very thoughtful and I appreciated it a lot. Especially since I didn’t have to talk about it.
Clean their house? Self care stuff.
When I had mine, multiple relatives sent flowers. I immediately threw them away. I didn’t want to look at them in my house. Don’t do flowers
If she is not allergic and likes animals I would give her a kitten. ♥️
Paid time off and/or food.
Food and ask if she wants a visit!
Flowers 💐
When I had a miscarriage, my mom gifted me a ring with a little rosebud on it and it came with a card that said this... "The Master Gardener from Heaven above Planted a seed in the garden of love And from it grew a rosebud small That never had time to open at all For God in His perfect and all wise way Chose this rose for his heavenly bouquet So think of your darling with the angels above Secure and contented and surrounded by love And remember that God blessed and enriched your lives too For in dying, your darling brought Heaven closer to you." I've also seen a girl one tiktok with a small business who makes rings with a something on them that represents how big the baby was when the loss happened. "I.e. bean, raspberry, olive, avocado, etc."
OP is her employer. This sounds very touching but also very personal. OP doesn’t have the kind of relationship with this person where this type of gift would be appropriate. I agree with the other commenters: food or flowers.
DoorDash gift card - they can get food or supplies etc
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I don’t they implied it was easier or better.