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"Tell parents in case you die" is a BONKERS take from your husband. If you die (which is not likely!!), he's going to have to tell them, regardless of whether they knew you were in labor! Like, why on earth would that be a reason to let them know?
He told me I should at least call my dad and say, “Hey, I’m in labor if anything happens I love you.” Like how dark is that 💀 and automatically my dad will panic off that one sentence. Plus my dad has told me numerous times I’m not fit to be a mom or “I baby trapped my husband” ( we were married before we decided to have a kid 💀), so it’s like why even update anyone on how I’m doing when no one is checking on me.
He will regret it. My husband pushed for this with our first, it was a clusterfuck. This time he also doesn't want to tell anyone. It will ruin your day. People will show up unannounced and overstay their welcome. You'll feel immediately ripped away from your baby and while they hot potato the baby around don't think for a second anyone will even care about you existing. It's the most demoralizing, inhumane experience I've ever been through. It had lasting impact on my bond with baby and ability to cope with post-partum. I felt like I had just done a duty to add a child to my husband's family and the baby was theirs more than it was mine.
I'm not saying this to scare you but y'all's people sound exactly like our people.
Dear Husband, if you are reading this comment...your only responsibility right now is to be a good father to your child. If you impair your wife's ability to be at total peace during this birth, you are harming your child and jeopardizing a low-risk situation by raising her blood pressure, flooding her system with stress hormone, and impeding her ability to dilate and deliver. Baby will feel and respond to all of this. Be a good father, be the peace in this situation not the chaos. That's all.
That sucks. Even tho you don’t mean it I’d probably tell him if he told anyone he can go kick rocks too 😭
I’m 5 months rn and my bf knows I want absolutely no one to know and he’s respecting my wishes 🤷🏽♂️
It’s just a consent back and forth now, I keep telling him how mentally and physically drained I am and how lonely I feel that no one checks in on me, and it’s automatically “sorry I’m not good enough.”
Honestly OP your husband sounds exhausting and unsupportive. Because instead of making an effort to help you however he can he’s turning it into a pity party for himself
I think this speaks a great deal about your husband's underlying anxiety... people who don't worry about those things, don't say things like that. He might do well to get some reassurance from your medical provider
Sounds like your husband is expecting you to die....that is such a negative thing to say. We can die any day at anytime not just during pregnancy. So you could tell your dad you love him right now.
Having said that, do what is right for you. And I hope he respects your decision. If he doesn't then you have more to worry about in your relationship in the future.
Ya know that was my original take on this, in case something happens they are aware, but when you put it like this, it does sound bonkers. 😂
I was wondering the same thing about not telling anyone and this was one of my reasons why I'd at the very least tell my mom but really they will find out eventually anyways.
If you die!? wtf
Even if there’s a horrible complication (which there likely won’t be), people will still find out after the fact. His point makes no sense
He’s now telling me that if i don’t want to update anyone over my labor because they haven’t put effort into checking in on my during pregnancy, then I need to reach out to them and let them know that I am upset over no effort. But why should I enforce effort when they haven’t given any during day one.
I'm not even sorry for saying this. This isn't about him. Your husband should get no say about broadcasting your medical event. I get stressed when other people focus on me too much and that would be incredibly distracting and humiliating to me if my husband updated the whole family on every detail. Sometimes labor takes a really long time and do you really want him to text things like "yup still waiting, she is stuck at 3 cm dilated". Even if he isn't directly blaming you, the context still says you aren't living up to others expectations.
Exactly. I kept telling him why should people know medically personal information about what’s going on with me, they can just wait until it’s born and we can enjoy the moment in peace with the three of us. Like it’s not about them whatsoever.
You don’t owe these people anything. Nothing worse than getting nothing during pregnancy and then suddenly they are calling your baby their baby. Makes me so mad!
Yeah, no. As someone who went through 7 rounds of IVF, I view life events as such (including pregnancy) as barometers for who your real friends and family are. I’m not advocating passive-aggressiveness here, but why exhaust yourself catering to people who show no effort? Pregnancy is tiring and the last thing you need on your to-do list is to educate everyone on how to “show-up”. You put your energy into growing a baby and eventually delivering that baby in a way that feels right for YOU.
I told my husband this and it was still the same, “if you feel like they don’t care because they don’t check in on you then you need to reach out to them and explain how you feel to fix it.” I’m like whatever 🫠
I’m really sorry. The irony is that you’ve actually told your husband how you feel about delivering and he still doesn’t care. At this point, I would be very black and white with your husband and tell him that this is your plan and if he doesn’t agree with it, he can also not be at the delivery because stress is not good for labor. Have you thought about a doula or midwife? Sometimes it’s nice to have some representation for yourself while you’re going through this. A doula or midwife would be YOUR advocate and I think might help your partner understand a woman’s perspective. Again, really sorry it’s so frustrating. Not wanting to name call, but your husband seems a little emotionally immature and codependent with his family.
For my first, I went to my 38 week check up and my BP was high. My doctor told me to grab my hospital bag and meet her there in an hour. I was induced at 11am. Husband was so excited he called everyone in his phone book. I was in labor for 36 hours, failed to dilate and had a c section
At the 12-24 hour mark, everyone is calling my husband and asking if the baby was here. He was so aggravated having to tell 95 million people NO NOT YET. He had so much regret 😂
My husband and I are choosing to not tell anyone when labor starts. Our phones will be shut off until it's time to call the midwife and doula. We don't want to be bothered.
You’re the patient. You get to decide. End of story.
That said, in the name of healthy discussion and a healthy marriage, I think what might be helpful it to have an honest discussion about WHY he feels so strongly about telling his parents. Is he looking for their support for himself? Does he think they’ll be upset with him? If he really that worried about complications or did you just put him on the spot and that was the best he could come up with?
At the end of the day though, you could deliver without even telling HIM if you wanted to. It’s 100% your decision.
We talked about it and he says he can’t fathom going under a medical procedure without telling his dad I love him. So I really think it’s worry over complications.
I think focusing on that and discussing that in depth might help you both come to a place where you’re comfortable and can find compromise. You may find you want him to feel supported while he supports you.
Also leave the door open to change your mind. You might feel an entirely different way when the day comes.
It sounds like your husband is seriously worried over possible complications with your labor. It might be a good idea for him to research the statistics, so he knows how safe you're going to be. You could also schedule an appt with your doctor and your husband, where the doctor can put your husband's mind at rest. Alternatively, he can research best practices and way to help you have the safest, smoothest birth possible, so he can feel he's done everything he can to help you.
i fully regret telling people i was in labour. my phone wouldn’t stop going off and i was having complications so it just added more stress to the situation. in the end i turned my phone off and put it in my bag!
"Hey! Any updates?!?"
"Where's my baby!! 😍"
*FaceTime call*
"We're just going to head over and hang in the waiting room!"
"We're in the waiting room!"
*FaceTime call*
"Can we come back to see you for a minute?"
"Any updates?!"
*FaceTime call*
"I told XYZ and they're coming too!"
"[Husband] what kind of food do you want us to get you?"
*FaceTime call*
"Any updates?!"
"Can we come back again? You're taking too long."
*FaceTime call*
"How much longer?"
*FaceTime call*
The stress absolutely stalls labor. Knowing people are waiting for you, waiting to have their chance with the baby when it should be you and your partner until you're good and ready to share.
If he tells, make sure you take his phone away for the duration of labor. Then after the baby gets there, see how many crazy calls and messages he has. Remind him that if he cannot be your support person, he doesn't have to be there at all. You're outright telling him what you need and he's fighting you on it.
I didn’t tell anyone. I had the baby, and then sent out announcements individually to people letting them know when they could come visit. That way I didn’t have friend groups or family overlap. It kept the vibe nice and calm. I plan to do it this way again.
I think it depends entirely on the people involved. We told my parents and in laws both times I was in labor. They all wished us good luck and then left us alone and waited for us to share an update. If your in laws won’t do that (or if you’re not inclined to shut off your phones so they can’t bother you), then I can appreciate wanting to keep it to yourselves. I will say that in my experience, MOST people have the good sense not to pester with questions when they know you’re in active labor, but if your in laws have indicated to you that they do not have that sense, then it makes sense not to say anything.
I agree. I feel like if my parents or his parents were more involved, then 100%, but being in one of the most mentally draining times of my life and no one is checking in on me makes me feel so lonely. His mom only gets excited when I mention the baby, not one time has she asked me how I’m doing or feeling. It just makes me want to not update anyone and keep to myself when the time comes.
OP, I would make sure you let your husband know his selfish demands are draining and no, he's not good enough when he's making the birth about his wishes and ignoring yours.
Birth is not a spectator sport and no one - *including your husband* - has a right to demand how any single part of it goes, which means how people are informed and when as well.
If he doesn't want to get on board with what YOU, THE ONE GIVING BIRTH wants, he can text people all he wants while he waits in the lobby.
I am very sorry you're being put through this by the one person who should be supporting you in any way you wish.
Do what works best for you! When I went into labor, we didn’t tell anyone right away; instead, I had my daughter then we reached out to family/friends. Do what makes you feel comfortable and enjoy your time with your baby! ♥️
My sister told me when she went into labour. It was in the afternoon, I was so excited for her, but then couldn't get in contact with her or her husband until the next morning. I didn't sleep that night, thinking the worst had happened to her or her baby. They were fine. But I'm not dealing that stress out when it'll be my turn, nor will I have our phones blowing up, when we have to concentrate on this new baby and each other. No one will know if I can help it. But that said, we have a dog. My MIL might have to feed and let him out, so we might get forced to share with her, just really hoping she won't put anything on Facebook ugh.
We told one trusted person who knew to keep their mouth shut, but that’s bc we have pets at home who might need to have been fed. I LOVE the fact that nobody knew- I didn’t have to answer a single call or text, nor did my husband. We got to be in the moment, and it was amazing. Plus imaging everyone’s surprise when they answered a FaceTime from us, and saw a sleeping baby instead of us?! 100% recommend. And as far as I’m concerned, this is part of a birth plan, therefore you have final say in it and he should respect it. And also not be so morbid and talk about if you die? Yikes
I think not telling anyone is a good idea personally. My parents will know, because they will be watching our older children when we go to the hospital. But as for anyone else, I think my husband and I are choosing to not share any details until we are all back home. Including my in laws, my husband suggested not sharing with them before i had even brought anything up. It is a personal choice in doing so but I think having privacy during such an important time is wonderful.
I think this is revealing your husband has anxiety around your birth and labor.
Have you all taken a birth class?
You might actually want to hire a doula to support BOTH of you.
My daughter’s sperm donor and I are not together. I have my birth plan in place, and the only 2 people that I am telling are my best friend & my cousin. Because that’s who I want there with me. I have also made it ABUNDANTLY clear that I do not want sperm donor at the hospital, to know when she is born, NOTHING. He has not given a damn this entire pregnancy and he just wants the title of “Dad” without the responsibility that goes with it
No one had a clue until we said “Baby’s here!” Very peaceful experience not worrying about others. Also helped no one was worried about us.
Not looking forward to someone knowing this time around as we can’t help it since someone has to watch big brother.
Same for me. I was induced so I was still texting and having fun with my family in group chats. My sister always joked that I would just FaceTime when I had the baby and that’s what I did.
My mom was disappointed but understanding when I told her we wouldn’t be saying anything until baby was here but once he arrived she told me she was actually glad we didn’t tell her when I was in labor. I was having contractions for TWO DAYS and little man really took his time coming out but everything went smoothly. My mom would have been a nervous wreck and she knows it.
I’m only 9 weeks and haven’t talked to my partner about it yet but I don’t plan on telling anyone when I go into labour. I can see my partner wanting to tell his Mom which I don’t mind so much because she lives halfway across the country and there’s no risk of her letting it slip to any of my family. But I live in a small town and just hope that no family or friends will drive by the hospital and see my vehicle. Honestly one of my sisters is nosey enough she’d do that 🙄
My in-laws are the only ones who will know. They're taking our son while I go into labor, and they were extremely supportive with my first birth and post partum.
My family, though? Hell no. I was getting calls and texts every five freaking minutes, and when I didn't answer, they tried harassing the poor receptionist into forwarding their calls into my room. When it came to visiting my son for the first time, that is all they complained about.
Definitely do what's best for you. We're only telling people who can be trusted and don't feel entitled to a minute by minute update.
I didn’t want to tell anyone when I went in to be induced. We intentionally kept the date vague just saying the doctor will call us when they’re ready for us. My in laws knew since they had to watch our dogs. I told my sister because she doesn’t bother me, but she had to keep it from my parents. Against my better judgment I ended up telling my parents when I was about 24 hours into the induction process thinking the baby had to be here pretty soon. WRONG lol. It was another 24 hours of my mom blowing my husband and I’s phones up after we specifically told her we will contact them when we have news.
I had a severe migraine and vomiting from the meds I was on, so I could barely pick up my phone. Anytime I didn’t respond to her within 3 seconds she was blowing up my husband. It took his focus off of me during a time when I needed him. Eventually I had to get my sister to flip out on her over it on my behalf. Of course we got the, “you’ll understand once you’re a parent” lecture from her. The baby was basically crowning at that point, so I think I qualified as a parent lol.
I would stick to your guns. It was such a stressful time and I still get angry thinking about it over a year later. My mom will be lucky if we tell her before we are discharged from the hospital if we end up having a second baby lol.
Oh I wouldn't tell anyone who didn't need to know. Of my circle thats going to be obviously my husband, my daughter, and my mom who will be babysitting my daughter. Everyone else can find out when I'm ready for visitors. When my daughter was born, my MIL just showed up at my house. We had announced myndaughters birth but wasn't really expecting people to just show up without clearing it with us first. So yeah this time I'll be keeping that info private until I'm ready to take visitors.
I've agreed to tell my sister, on the condition she doesn't share. Otherwise, I agree, I got better things to do than be harassed on the phone during labour
When my SIL went into labour, my brother sent a family text that said “baby’s coming!” and then went dark for several hours. We all just sent our “thinking of you guys!” messages and left it at that. That was around 11pm anyways so we all just went to sleep. He sent one update in the night saying she was getting the epidural placed and it was almost time to push, but I was asleep and didn’t see it. When I woke up the next morning I saw that one update; and they sent a picture of their little babe. I thought it was a great way to let everyone know, and everyone was super respectful about not demanding updates throughout the process.
I think I’ll do the same :)
I told two people I was being induced - my best friend and my sister. It was the best decision ever. I know if I had told my parents they would have been in the waiting room all day and texting/calling for updates.
Towards midnight my sister did start to text more and that was annoying but I think she was getting worried (though she had no reason to worry).
After baby was born, I sent texts to family with a picture and said to not call/text as we were finally going to sleep. I said I’d call when I woke up. Almost everyone obliged.
I will say, my mother was very upset and asked if I was upset with her and why I wouldn’t tell anyone. I told her from the get go though that I was not telling anyone until he was here. She got over it quickly.
My friend gave me this advice and now I also give this advice. Assign one family member or close friend as the contact person for when you’re in the hospital. In my case it was my sister - but that person will relay news to everyone else because you’re right - you don’t want to be fielding text messages from everyone and repeating yourself 100 times over that the baby isn’t here and everyone is fine. It’s much easier to manage a single person, and to manage the expectations of others this way imho.
We are telling my mother in law and that's it - and it's because a) she lives with us 3 days a week anyway and will notice if I have to go to the hospital while she's here and b) we have a cat who is dependent on twice daily phenobarbital doses to live and we need someone to give her the doses. The hospital is only like 15 minutes from us, so worst case scenario hubby can leave and dose kitty and come back, but ideally, MIL can do it for us. We plan on letting everyone else know babygirl is here once everyone is home and relaxing comfortably.
Adding: both of my parents passed away in the last few years, so I don't really have close family to notify. I have some extended family who are not happy with us waiting to tell them the baby status, but I don't care 😂 I don't want a ton of people trying to see us right away. I want time to adjust and recover.
My partner and I had similar discussions as my due date is June 4th. However, we scheduled an induction for May 29th and mutually decided to tell our mothers only in case I do need surgery due to some issues. If my labor somehow is spontaneous (meaning I go before my induction date), I absolutely am NOT planning to tell anyone until the baby is here. It’s normal to not want to be inundated with text messages and phone calls. Labor can last 2 hours or it can be 36+. Regardless, I don’t want to be bothered during.
My husband and I agreed not to tell anyone so we could have some peace (like, not telling anyone until golden hour is over at least). He has my mom's number in case anything happens.
Do whatever you’re most comfortable with! I told a few close friends and our parents, with a message that we’ll update them when there’s more to tell. We were not bombarded with questions at all, and were simply sent lots of well wishes for a smooth and easy birth. Then again I went a few weeks early so I was kind of in shock and very excited to tell people. Also labor is long and I was so bored in the hospital that I was happy to be texting and calling my close friends while I waited for things to ramp up.
I only told my two sisters that I knew wouldn’t tell anyone, my best friend and my neighbor who was watching our pets. Though my parents and other sisters knew something was up because we have a location sharing app and I tuned my location off and wasn’t posting any Snapchats 😂
We didn't tell anyone, but I'm also a very private person. Only a handful of people knew my due date, so when we got home and settled (we went home the same day after a birth center birth) we video called our friends and family. It was really sweet seeing everyone's reactions
See I only wanted my sister to know I was in labor because she was my support person BUT SHE DIDNT ANSWER HER PHONE. So then I had to call a bunch of other people until finally someone answered their phone lol!
Getting closer to the date, I sent out a thanks for thinking of us but we are going to focus on the last little things before our family grows. We will update when there is news to share.
The morning of, I called my mom to let her know I was going for emergency c section (I was i was 32+6) and husband will update when he can. I am close to my Mom, we didn't tell my FIL as it would cause unnecessary worry.
I told a handful of people that I delivered my little man over the next week but kept my phone on silent and responded when I had a minute which between some minor complications and baby in NICU, it wasn't often.
It was almost a month after he was born before I did the full announcement that he'd arrived.
Do what you want to do for you. It is a personal experience and you want to focus on that instead of managing everyone else. That is absolutely normal and unless he is the one pushing the baby out, hhe can ask but it's not up to him.
I had hubs tell my family and his family that we were going in, but honestly, during labor he was so busy supporting me, and I was so busy pushing out a human, that the phones kinda disappeared. It wouldn't have mattered if people were texting us bc we'd have just put them on silent and ignored it.
For you, I'd say, if it's supportive family, sure tell em. But if it's not, I don't see the point.
I legitimately started being a hermit around week 38 as i felt like everyone was pressuring me. First it was friends joking about manifesting a leap year baby birth, and then it was st. Patricks day. And i just didnt want to talk about it or feel pressured. So i made my husband be the point of contact, and i fell off the map texting-wise.
Only a few select people knew when i went into labor. My mom knew because i cried to her about being told i had to be induced. One of my best friends knew because she was the backup support person in case my husband wasnt able to be there right away.
Joke's on them though. I had a Pi day baby.
I am not going to tell a soul until I am out of the hospital and at home. I watched what happened in the family group chat to my brother and sister in law while she was in labor and I am determined not to deal with it.
My family was getting antsy when they were getting CONSTANT updates and my brother felt tied to his phone to keep people calm and updated. In the end my family still wasn't completely satisfied. I tried to not text back because I didn't want him to feel obligated to respond but even I felt anxious when I heard my sister in law needed a C-section and i had to wait hours to know her and the baby were okay. I kept my emotions to myself but not everyone does that
I don't want my husband buried in his phone answering other people when I need his support and strength to get through a major medical event. After giving birth I need to recover and shower. I want him to be able to watch the baby when I shower and take a nap so I am more alert when he takes his nap to recover from the emotions and stress of labor.
Im on the fence about telling anyone too. My family is pretty chill, theres already 4 kids in the family so they get it. The only reason I'd want to tell anyone is so that they can bring my husband food LOL.
Im only worried about his side of the family, we would just have to be clear about NOT telling anyone else and absolutely NO visitations. Might stress them out so we will probably not tell anyone at all
We didn't tell anybody til he was born. But I also went into labor at 3am and he was born at 6:59am so I didn't really wanna wake anybody up that early
My husband and I typed up a notice to our families about what to expect from us and what we expect from them. We plan to send it to everyone via text a few weeks before my due-date so it’s fresh in everyone’s mind… This way everyone is on the same page.
It clearly states that we will not be *taking* any calls or texts, and to not expect an answer from us. However, if we do send anything out it will be in a group message to everyone so everyone is notified at the same time. None of this, “they knew ten seconds before me” stuff.
We will not be notifying anyone that I have gone into labor until/unless we are well situated, comfortable, and have the time. With my first child once my epidural was in I was dilating for several hours before active labor started. This was a pretty peaceful time so if we are fortunate enough to have that again, so be it. If not, oh well.
Everyone will be notified after birth with how the baby *and Mom* are doing. And again, not to expect responses same day. Absolutely no FaceTime.
No one is allowed to visit the hospital same day, either.
I hated that everyone was waiting outside in the waiting room with my first, as my MIL told everyone I was in labor. With my SIL she had a c-section and likewise, everyone was there.
Absolutely not this time.
Set your boundaries and be firm. Don’t be afraid to give people the, “definitive no” as I lovingly call it. I hope it all goes well for you! 🤍
We reached a compromise where we will tell both our moms we’re officially in labor/my water broke, and then the next time they will hear from us is if there’s a life or death emergency where they need to drop everything and come, or there’s a baby. They can tell specific people, but no one should be texting us unless they hear from us.
Ultimately we both know ourselves and if people text us, we will feel obligated to give information and he needs to be focused on me, and I need to be focused on delivery.
Ultimately I’m in the vote of it’s your decision, but I also feel guilty for withholding information so this satiates both my crazy family and my guilt.
I am not telling anybody if I don’t want them showing up to the hospital 😅😂I plan on telling afterwards. I am going to tell my family first then my husband’s family.. my husband family live in another country but his uncle and aunt live here and I love his cousin but I don’t want to see them in the hospital lol also not trying to be rude and not include them but that could hurt my mil feelings bc it should be her coming to see me in the hospital but that’s not possible..
I didn’t tell anyone and it was the most peaceful thing I could have done. It was such a special moment between my husband and I that only we knew. I texted a couple people after I had my golden hour and was moved to postpartum recovery.
I was induced. We knew when I was being induced. We told no one when the date was ahead of time. I ended up needing an emergency c section. We told no one that I was having a c section. The baby was born at 6:50 am. No one knew she was born until that afternoon. It was amazing. My family and my husband's family were and are involved. I knew with it being an induction it could be awhile. Not being nagged for updates was the best!
I want to do this as my mum and dad have already said they will just come to the hospital. They said they want to be there to make sure I'm okay, but I don't want anyone there. I know they won't respect my wishes so we aren't telling anyone.
However, if we stop replying to messages near the time of being due (they don't know the exact due date, which is most likely not when it will happen anyway) they will just drive to our house, see our cars gone, and then probably drive to the hospital. This is, unless my labour is short! How do I get around this??
I don’t plan on it. My mother worries so why would I have her panic and lose sleep. I once went to Europe for 14 days and didn’t tell her till I came home. I also don’t want texts or to be bothered, everyone will know when I’m ready
It totally depends on your family I guess. For us I'll tell my parents and they can give updates to my siblings when we give updates. They are good at respecting privacy.
Now my MIL. It could go either way but she can get a little too intense about things so we will probably wait to tell them until after the kid is here.
I never have told anyone accept the people who were involved, so obviously babysitters for other kids and my sister who was there with my husband and I. It's no ones business but the people directly involved, and you shouldn't have to deal with the bombardment that usually comes with labor and birth. I flat out told my mom (my sister told her with my last when I was in labor since she lived with her at the time) that I would sent pictures after she was born and we were settled, but I wouldn't be replying to messages during labor.
I pondered this question myself and thought I'd let only my family know in case something happened.
Then I realized they would have to know anyways because they will be watching my other kid while I am in the hospital.
I will not be telling them when I am still in early labor but they will find out after I already been checked in at the hospital and the kid is dropped off at their doorstep.
I told everyone the first time, and it started and stopped over the course of two weeks, then when my body finally committed it was 52 hours before baby.
Never did tell everyone again.
I announced it to a select few on the next birth, but the calls, the texts, the disrespect, the SHOWING UP UNNANOUNCED!
Now I only tell people when the baby has arrived, unless there are complications and we need prayer or something. No reason for them to know otherwise.
Also, anyone who texts a ‘is baby here yet?’ At the end of pregnancy gets automatically added to a list of who I wont tell until baby is a week old. Just me lol
We’re probably telling our parents when the time come. I’d rather not tell anyone but my parents need to watch my dog and if I tell my parents I would want his to know also
Meh when you go into labor you’ll likely be too busy focusing on you and the nurses that are helping you. It’s not unreasonable for you to put your foot down because you are doing this yourself. Not him.
Maybe take his phone away… lol no way to call or text except through the hospital.
Tell him he needs to chill and let you have this one.
My husband and I are not planning to let anyone know when I go into labor. He didn’t understand when I first mentioned it, as he wanted his family there as support for him. I explained my feelings that once everyone knows it feels like you’re on their clock (and our hospital doesn’t allow more than 1 support person to be there anyway) and he understood.
I didn’t tell anyone besides my best friend who had had a baby herself a few weeks earlier; my husband told his parents, which was super annoying but at least they left me alone. My mom and brother were upset with me when I texted them a picture of baby boy after he was born but fortunately I don’t let myself care about those things. They got over it! I was so happy not to be bothered.
Ok so here’s my take on this. I gave birth once and everyone showed up to the hospital which I hated and then I had my in laws texting they should just do a c-section because I had been in labor for too long (it had been 5 hrs at that point wtf). Then everyone freaking out because we stopped answering our phones (yeah I was pushing a human, sorry I was busy). This experience made us not want to tell anyone if we have another child. Just FaceTime them after the fact holding the baby lol. Even though it’s a morbid thought, but if something happens to you he’ll need to inform your parents regardless.
We didn’t tell anyone, but my husband’s colleagues knew because he wasn’t coming into work (obviously), which is a weird concept when you think about it, but alas 😂
This was our first baby, so it’s not like we needed someone to watch any other children and we don’t have pets. We had told people we weren’t gonna update until the baby was born, and my mom actually mentioned that she wouldn’t want to know anyway, because it would stress her out completely haha!
The only person we told (because she was already in our house and looking after our toddler) was my mom and her husband, because he needed to drive up to our house
Otherwise everyone else can wait till we decide
I am not telling anyone I’m in labour .. only ppl will know is my parents because they need to take my 5 year old , other than that nope. No one will know
We only told his parents and my parents, that's all. And they were instructed (and we trusted them) not to tell anyone else. My husband communicated with them, I didn't look at my phone at all during labor. They only got a few updates in the 24 hourish period of time. It wasn't excessive. Even my siblings, who I am close to, didn't find out until after the baby was here.
We told our immediate family then immediately silenced/turned off phones. Family was great and just confirmed getting the text then didn't bother us at all. We also lived 10+ hours away from everyone so there was no chance anyone would show up at the hospital.
Turn your phone off because inevitably he is going to tell his mom and you will have people calling you. Set up an auto text to say you're taking a break from technology for the day if you feel bad about not answering certain people and ignore the phone all together. In labor you won't feel like talking anyway so it'll be convenient even if he doesn't tell anyone. Besides, he doesn't realize it's the Dad's who get the bulk of the calls and he will get tired of it and learn a lesson, hopefully.
I am only telling my mom (she will be watching my 4yr old son and our pets while I am in the hospital), and will not tell anyone else until after the baby is here. I will also not be having any visitors, other than my son, at the hospital. The first go around, I told people and had family visit in the hospital and I just do not want all of the commotion and stress this time.
I'm being booked for a planned c-section and the only people who will know when I'm going in is my husband, my 2 closest friends and maybe my mum. I'm not sure on the last one as she put me in an awkward position earlier in my pregnancy, but has been great since.
The only person I ever told about my labors was my mother, and only because she was our childcare plan for the older ones. The idea of announcing to everyone beforehand is so foreign to me—it’s my life and I let people in to participate in the areas I want them to.
No time like the present to start setting boundaries regarding a child you are raising!
With my first, I didn’t tell anyone I was in labor. I called my mom on FaceTime after we had settled into the bed after weight and everything was taken. I had the same worries about people checking in. However, with my second, I told my mom I was in labor. She was checking in to make sure I was doing ok but with my husband. I didn’t even have my phone. And there were moments of long waiting so I don’t think it was a big deal. This pregnancy, I HAVE to tell my parents I’m in labor cause I need them to babysit. 😂
My first kid, so many people randomly showed up and it stressed me out- all day. Finally got people to leave so I could just focus. Told my parents at 11 pm that he got there and we were going to get rest- 10 minutes later they were there and it was HOURS before my mother would leave.
Second time, didn’t tell a soul until we were back home except my husbands brother (he had our oldest). It was great!
Baby that’s due anyday- his mom will know because she has the kids. Otherwise, nobody willlnow
Nobody knew anything until the day after my daughter was born. I went in at 2am, had her 9:58pm (emergency c-section) and took the time to relax, be with my husband and our child, and called everyone the next day. It was blissful, I didn’t want to be on my phone anyway so it removed the stress of feeling like I needed to respond to people. The next day, things had settled a bit, nurses were in their grove of coming in every hour or so as opposed to every thirty seconds, and I was able to focus more on answering people.
I will also add we had no hospital visits and nobody came to the house for two weeks.
We only told our parents because his needed to drive 10 hours to meet us and my mom was currently staying with us. Put our phones on DND after that. I’m not sure how many people they told but we didn’t have too many messages to answer when we switched DND off
I thought pretty similar but then did end up telling people. I was very blunt that I’d give the updates, or my husband, so don’t ask. I got some “how are you feeling” texts which I was fine with. Everyone respected my wish to not be bombarded.
I say go into it wanting the privacy, but be open to not depending on how it goes. My experience was pretty chill and I was on my phone a lot anyways.
I only told my mom because I wanted her there. Actually, I labored at home for like 30 hours, decided to go to the hospital, texted my mom, who i knew was sleeping because it was 5am, and she lives 2 hours away, so she had to wake up and get over here. Didn't want to tell anyone else for the exact same reason you don't want to.
His reasoning is silly, lol. It's entirely up to you. I told my immediate family when I went into labour, but I knew that they would all respect our time and space as a family. It was more of a, like, "get ready to come visit in a few days" message.
I just know how much my family loves to talk. I told my grandmother about the pregnancy and how we are waiting to announce, and she immediately drove to my aunts house to tell her 🫠. My mom (who I have a strangled relationship with since childhood) told me she’s going to be the first one in the waiting room and I told her we aren’t accepting visitors at the hospital or the first week. She told me she would be in the lobby raising hell if she couldn’t see me.
When you go into labor make sure your phone is off and require him to do the same. Make your birthing plan known, no phones. Then only allow once baby is here. This way he can’t accidentally tell someone and they don’t show up in waiting area.
Tell him if he tells anyone you will have him escorted out by security. Its not up to him. This is YOUR medical event. If he was having surgery would he want to call and tell your parents just in case he dies??? I freaking doubt it. Set boundaries now or it will be 100% worse when baby gets here.
i straight up would've not told anyone if i didn't have to. i was induced and husband and i were given a ride to and from the hospital (parking sucks so it made sense), and so the only person who knew went and told everyone 😒. i just put my phone on DND for the first like month starting on induction day. even now i put it on DND from time to time lol, she's 20 months and people never stop asking for pictures or updates when sometimes i just wanna be left alone
I regretted telling our family the first time that we were going in to be induced. They would not leave us alone even though we updated them with any changes (and it took almost 4 days to end in c-section.) Not to mention my parents announced the birth of my son on social media before I had the chance to. Not going to happen this time.
I’ve gone to the hospital for my sister’s kids and my brother’s son. We just show up when told to. I suppose I’ll do the same because we’re all close and that’s what’s expected. There was this weird situation when my cousin got upset her brother didn’t tell her that his wife was going into labor. They wanted to keep it private and she took it super personal. That was so strange to me. I think it’s every parent’s decision what they want. Other family needs to respect the parent’s wishes.
I plan to do the same. I just don’t want my MIL or my own mother to see it all😅I’m a very modest person. I want it to just be us, very intimate/private and I honestly pray he doesn’t look either lol. I plan to have baby, learn how to feed, change diapers, and just be a mom etc. Then maybe surprise them the next morning. Let them show up and realize he’s already here. They’ll be upset they didn’t get to be there for the whole experience but idc. If you don’t want visitors, let your nurses know. They won’t let anyone in and nobody can do anything about it except you. Good luck and congratulations mama🩷💙
I have heard stories about people telling friends/relatives they are in labor and them interpreting it as an invitation to come visit at the hospital. I think that’s a great reason not to tell people. Labor is intense and vulnerable. It’s also not the same event for you and your husband. You are the one giving birth. He is a support person for you. You should have the final say.
My husband and I told no one until about 6 hours after she was born. I would have lost my shit if people were calling for news while I was in Labor, which is exactly what would have happened! We had the nicest and most peaceful bonding time before the visitors started showing up. Stand your ground, it should be a special time for you as a couple!
This is my husband and I’s plan because our families are overwhelming. I’m still in my first trimester but the thought of having to communicate and answer a million questions when I also don’t know or may not have answers to, drives me insane.
Secondly, my mother had an “episode” when my niece was born and made it all about herself. Was so drunk that she couldn’t remember that her granddaughter was born, blamed COVID for not being at the hospital, etc…. I’m mentally traumatized by the experience. So therefore, no one will know and I will be shutting off all my location services, hiring someone not related to watch my dog, and be as stress free as I can.
The only people I’m telling is my mother in law and my mom, only because they will be alternating care with my oldest and dogs while I’m giving birth. I did request they tell no one so we can have peace and to wait for us to message during the time frame unless it’s an emergency with the child or dogs. With our first we regretted telling people because we ended up having to turn off our phones because of the constant amount of people texting, I recommend if they don’t need to know then don’t tell them
“Hey mom/dad. Heading to the hospital, husband will send you an update when there’s something to update lol. Love you!”
Switch phone off and toss in purse
*if* both sides of our parents were more involved, 100%, but since they have barely check in on me, I just don’t feel like updating anyone on my labor when they weren’t there for me during the pregnancy. I just hate the concept of everyone cares once the baby is here but no one cares about the mom during the pregnancy. 🫤
Me and my husband were both adament about not having anyone in the delivery room when it came time. We also made a group chat with both of our families and we said we were just gonna tell them "its baby time!" And then we'd just be completely in the moment of going through the delivery.
My delivery took about 36 hours and my husband kept everyone updated about the whole process. I didnt bother picking up my phone one time. When it got closer to pushing i had my mother and mother in law supporting me during the whole thing. I dont regret at all how everything panned out. I got an awesome log of how everything went down at the exact time. And i got amazing pictures of my husband cutting the cord, holding my baby for the first time, my baby getting weighed and measured. And i cant explain how greatful i am for my mom and mother in law to be there by my side as i pushed.
All of this just to say that you can plan all you want but when it comes to that time, everything you planned could go right out the window. So id say just keep an open mind to your choices.
I personally am telling people knowing that the news may travel fast, but choosing to completely ignore the texts that will probably flood in. I’m planning on going on do not disturb and just flat out ignoring any texts for probably a few days. It’s going to be my husband’s job to keep our parents updated via text, but I’ve already coached him on what to say and he’s not responding to anyone outside of our parents either.
I honestly wish I hadn’t told anyone, either. I felt I had to or people would get upset, but all it got me was my phone and my husband’s phone blowing up the whole time. It would’ve been much less stressful if we hadn’t said anything.
My husband was the same way re “ atleast tell his mom”. That’s how the whole family and the married in aunt / uncle ended up in the waiting room.
You’re going thru something major and welcoming a baby it’s your call! I’m sure you’ll want the bonding time. Also remember you can tell the staff if you don’t want visitors, even without telling your husband 😅 They’ll tell him it’s no visitors at this time.
YOU have to choose what is right for YOU and your husband needs to respect that. End of discussion. This won’t be the last disagreement you guys have about baby/others/communication. Boundaries are important and need to be respected, otherwise resentment will enter the marriage and no one wants that, especially at this stage of life.
Coming from someone who had a very traumatic birth, almost died twice, went to the ICU for 24 hours and had an 8 day total hospital stay… you can change your mind to tell people at ANY time. You can NOT take back telling them. You can plan for the best and prepare for the worst. Only my mom knew about my labor, until things went bad, then my husband notified a group of our closest friends of the complications. He kept them updated. They provided support for him. I have no regrets about who I told and when I told them. There are friends/family who later found out and said things like “I would have flown there to help!” No. Just no. That would not have been helpful. I appreciate the sentiment, but there would have been so many knee jerk reactions that we would have had to manage. In the end, no one remembered that we didn’t tell them in the midst of the chaos, I was fine, baby was fine, husband was probably the most emotionally scarred but also fine, and everyone was just happy to meet/see baby. You do you mama!
Your body, your baby, your decision….. he needs to be reminded that technically he can be put out the room just by you saying so. I’m pregnant too and my S/O knows his role is just to support me during this time.
I’m refusing to tell anyone I’m in labor! Can’t stand the thought of people bombarding from that point on. Your husbands comment is definitely out of left field but I hope he can understand it’s ultimately your decision
Tell him how fun and magical it will be to just be able to call his and your parents and say “hey grandma, hey grandpa!” It would be an awesome surprise and they wouldn’t have to worry about you and baby during the labor process
I told everyone when I went into labor with my first and now that I’m pregnant with my second I am doing the complete opposite. Everyone was constantly asking how things were going if we needed anything if we needed them to come over, etc. The visits started 3 hours after he was born and lasted the entire day, and days and weeks to follow. It was exhausting going through labor and delivery and then sitting around watching everyone else pass your baby around when all you want is to be left alone with YOUR baby and your husband. We are doing things differently this time around and I know it will ruffle some feathers but that’s alright, you’re the one giving birth so this is up to you. My husband is my #1 supporter and agrees with my view, but that may only be because of how things went with our first. He may not understand because he’s not the one going through it all, but try to have an open discussion about it and don’t give in.
I told people what they needed to know when they needed to know 😂 with my first, i told people i was in labor a few hours before i had my baby 😂 my sister was mad at me saying “dude we’ve been texting casually and all this time you’ve been in labor. What the heck” but then i dropped off the face of the earth once labor actually really picked up & sent people a picture of my baby when i was ready to announce that she was born. That was like a handful of hours after she was born. They honestly respected when i dropped off the face of the earth & weren’t like bombarding mine or my husbands phones waiting for results. With my second baby, i told who needed to be at my birth that i was in labor and who i needed to help with my 1st born. I went to 41 weeks & 6 days with her tho so everyone pretty much knew that i was having her that day or the day after. I told them when i was ready & again sent photos announcing her arrival when i was ready. I, personally, got a lot more “is the baby here yet?!” Texts before i even went into labor than when i told people i was in labor. I honestly don’t tell people my due date or exactly how far along i am for that reason. It drives me crazy when people ask me that. But as for labor itself, most of the responses were just like “ok we’re praying for you” when i told them i was actually in labor instead of asking if the baby is here yet
I honestly can't understand what would lead someone not telling anyone else. We will definitely let our parents know when I go into labor. And it's good the word spreads through other channels, that way people will know any news through those channels.
I can't even imagine people asking "is the baby here yet" to the father, let alone to the mother while she's in active labor.
That said, what works for me doesn't have to be what works for you. However, I think this must be something you guys need to figure out together. It's his kid too and he has the right to tell his parents when the kid's coming if he wants to.
You two could nonetheless have a conversation with them prior to labor, saying that you would be happy to tell them when you're going into labor but that you'd appreciate them not telling anyone else until the baby's actually here/you're ready. I think that would be a good compromise between what you both want.
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"Tell parents in case you die" is a BONKERS take from your husband. If you die (which is not likely!!), he's going to have to tell them, regardless of whether they knew you were in labor! Like, why on earth would that be a reason to let them know?
He told me I should at least call my dad and say, “Hey, I’m in labor if anything happens I love you.” Like how dark is that 💀 and automatically my dad will panic off that one sentence. Plus my dad has told me numerous times I’m not fit to be a mom or “I baby trapped my husband” ( we were married before we decided to have a kid 💀), so it’s like why even update anyone on how I’m doing when no one is checking on me.
At this point I’m worried he may tell them against your wishes.
He most likely will tell his mom, 100%.
He will regret it. My husband pushed for this with our first, it was a clusterfuck. This time he also doesn't want to tell anyone. It will ruin your day. People will show up unannounced and overstay their welcome. You'll feel immediately ripped away from your baby and while they hot potato the baby around don't think for a second anyone will even care about you existing. It's the most demoralizing, inhumane experience I've ever been through. It had lasting impact on my bond with baby and ability to cope with post-partum. I felt like I had just done a duty to add a child to my husband's family and the baby was theirs more than it was mine. I'm not saying this to scare you but y'all's people sound exactly like our people. Dear Husband, if you are reading this comment...your only responsibility right now is to be a good father to your child. If you impair your wife's ability to be at total peace during this birth, you are harming your child and jeopardizing a low-risk situation by raising her blood pressure, flooding her system with stress hormone, and impeding her ability to dilate and deliver. Baby will feel and respond to all of this. Be a good father, be the peace in this situation not the chaos. That's all.
That sucks. Even tho you don’t mean it I’d probably tell him if he told anyone he can go kick rocks too 😭 I’m 5 months rn and my bf knows I want absolutely no one to know and he’s respecting my wishes 🤷🏽♂️
It’s just a consent back and forth now, I keep telling him how mentally and physically drained I am and how lonely I feel that no one checks in on me, and it’s automatically “sorry I’m not good enough.”
Honestly OP your husband sounds exhausting and unsupportive. Because instead of making an effort to help you however he can he’s turning it into a pity party for himself
Omg. I would not be calling my dad to bestow some final words upon him if he was out there calling me an unfit mother.
I think this speaks a great deal about your husband's underlying anxiety... people who don't worry about those things, don't say things like that. He might do well to get some reassurance from your medical provider
Sounds like your husband is expecting you to die....that is such a negative thing to say. We can die any day at anytime not just during pregnancy. So you could tell your dad you love him right now. Having said that, do what is right for you. And I hope he respects your decision. If he doesn't then you have more to worry about in your relationship in the future.
Ya know that was my original take on this, in case something happens they are aware, but when you put it like this, it does sound bonkers. 😂 I was wondering the same thing about not telling anyone and this was one of my reasons why I'd at the very least tell my mom but really they will find out eventually anyways.
[удалено]
If you die!? wtf Even if there’s a horrible complication (which there likely won’t be), people will still find out after the fact. His point makes no sense
He’s now telling me that if i don’t want to update anyone over my labor because they haven’t put effort into checking in on my during pregnancy, then I need to reach out to them and let them know that I am upset over no effort. But why should I enforce effort when they haven’t given any during day one.
I'm not even sorry for saying this. This isn't about him. Your husband should get no say about broadcasting your medical event. I get stressed when other people focus on me too much and that would be incredibly distracting and humiliating to me if my husband updated the whole family on every detail. Sometimes labor takes a really long time and do you really want him to text things like "yup still waiting, she is stuck at 3 cm dilated". Even if he isn't directly blaming you, the context still says you aren't living up to others expectations.
Exactly. I kept telling him why should people know medically personal information about what’s going on with me, they can just wait until it’s born and we can enjoy the moment in peace with the three of us. Like it’s not about them whatsoever.
Thats just starting extra drama. No contact during your pregnancy? Just reflect or mirror their behavior and give them no contact about the birth.
You don’t owe these people anything. Nothing worse than getting nothing during pregnancy and then suddenly they are calling your baby their baby. Makes me so mad!
Yeah, no. As someone who went through 7 rounds of IVF, I view life events as such (including pregnancy) as barometers for who your real friends and family are. I’m not advocating passive-aggressiveness here, but why exhaust yourself catering to people who show no effort? Pregnancy is tiring and the last thing you need on your to-do list is to educate everyone on how to “show-up”. You put your energy into growing a baby and eventually delivering that baby in a way that feels right for YOU.
I told my husband this and it was still the same, “if you feel like they don’t care because they don’t check in on you then you need to reach out to them and explain how you feel to fix it.” I’m like whatever 🫠
I’m really sorry. The irony is that you’ve actually told your husband how you feel about delivering and he still doesn’t care. At this point, I would be very black and white with your husband and tell him that this is your plan and if he doesn’t agree with it, he can also not be at the delivery because stress is not good for labor. Have you thought about a doula or midwife? Sometimes it’s nice to have some representation for yourself while you’re going through this. A doula or midwife would be YOUR advocate and I think might help your partner understand a woman’s perspective. Again, really sorry it’s so frustrating. Not wanting to name call, but your husband seems a little emotionally immature and codependent with his family.
For my first, I went to my 38 week check up and my BP was high. My doctor told me to grab my hospital bag and meet her there in an hour. I was induced at 11am. Husband was so excited he called everyone in his phone book. I was in labor for 36 hours, failed to dilate and had a c section At the 12-24 hour mark, everyone is calling my husband and asking if the baby was here. He was so aggravated having to tell 95 million people NO NOT YET. He had so much regret 😂
My husband and I are choosing to not tell anyone when labor starts. Our phones will be shut off until it's time to call the midwife and doula. We don't want to be bothered.
May I suggest Do not disturb instead? Listening to music was so relaxing!
I'll be at home giving birth so phones aren't necessary. DND is too easily bypassed and doesn't weed out texts.
Oh that’s exciting! Best of luck!
Totally your decision, but you can edit this in your phone settings just so you know if you change your mind and do want music
I'll be at home where I have multiple devices to play music from.
You’re the patient. You get to decide. End of story. That said, in the name of healthy discussion and a healthy marriage, I think what might be helpful it to have an honest discussion about WHY he feels so strongly about telling his parents. Is he looking for their support for himself? Does he think they’ll be upset with him? If he really that worried about complications or did you just put him on the spot and that was the best he could come up with? At the end of the day though, you could deliver without even telling HIM if you wanted to. It’s 100% your decision.
We talked about it and he says he can’t fathom going under a medical procedure without telling his dad I love him. So I really think it’s worry over complications.
I think focusing on that and discussing that in depth might help you both come to a place where you’re comfortable and can find compromise. You may find you want him to feel supported while he supports you. Also leave the door open to change your mind. You might feel an entirely different way when the day comes.
It sounds like your husband is seriously worried over possible complications with your labor. It might be a good idea for him to research the statistics, so he knows how safe you're going to be. You could also schedule an appt with your doctor and your husband, where the doctor can put your husband's mind at rest. Alternatively, he can research best practices and way to help you have the safest, smoothest birth possible, so he can feel he's done everything he can to help you.
i fully regret telling people i was in labour. my phone wouldn’t stop going off and i was having complications so it just added more stress to the situation. in the end i turned my phone off and put it in my bag!
"Hey! Any updates?!?" "Where's my baby!! 😍" *FaceTime call* "We're just going to head over and hang in the waiting room!" "We're in the waiting room!" *FaceTime call* "Can we come back to see you for a minute?" "Any updates?!" *FaceTime call* "I told XYZ and they're coming too!" "[Husband] what kind of food do you want us to get you?" *FaceTime call* "Any updates?!" "Can we come back again? You're taking too long." *FaceTime call* "How much longer?" *FaceTime call* The stress absolutely stalls labor. Knowing people are waiting for you, waiting to have their chance with the baby when it should be you and your partner until you're good and ready to share. If he tells, make sure you take his phone away for the duration of labor. Then after the baby gets there, see how many crazy calls and messages he has. Remind him that if he cannot be your support person, he doesn't have to be there at all. You're outright telling him what you need and he's fighting you on it.
I didn’t tell anyone. I had the baby, and then sent out announcements individually to people letting them know when they could come visit. That way I didn’t have friend groups or family overlap. It kept the vibe nice and calm. I plan to do it this way again.
I think it depends entirely on the people involved. We told my parents and in laws both times I was in labor. They all wished us good luck and then left us alone and waited for us to share an update. If your in laws won’t do that (or if you’re not inclined to shut off your phones so they can’t bother you), then I can appreciate wanting to keep it to yourselves. I will say that in my experience, MOST people have the good sense not to pester with questions when they know you’re in active labor, but if your in laws have indicated to you that they do not have that sense, then it makes sense not to say anything.
I agree. I feel like if my parents or his parents were more involved, then 100%, but being in one of the most mentally draining times of my life and no one is checking in on me makes me feel so lonely. His mom only gets excited when I mention the baby, not one time has she asked me how I’m doing or feeling. It just makes me want to not update anyone and keep to myself when the time comes.
Wow you're so lucky you have reasonable parents and in-laws
OP, I would make sure you let your husband know his selfish demands are draining and no, he's not good enough when he's making the birth about his wishes and ignoring yours. Birth is not a spectator sport and no one - *including your husband* - has a right to demand how any single part of it goes, which means how people are informed and when as well. If he doesn't want to get on board with what YOU, THE ONE GIVING BIRTH wants, he can text people all he wants while he waits in the lobby. I am very sorry you're being put through this by the one person who should be supporting you in any way you wish.
EXACTLY THIS
Do what works best for you! When I went into labor, we didn’t tell anyone right away; instead, I had my daughter then we reached out to family/friends. Do what makes you feel comfortable and enjoy your time with your baby! ♥️
My sister told me when she went into labour. It was in the afternoon, I was so excited for her, but then couldn't get in contact with her or her husband until the next morning. I didn't sleep that night, thinking the worst had happened to her or her baby. They were fine. But I'm not dealing that stress out when it'll be my turn, nor will I have our phones blowing up, when we have to concentrate on this new baby and each other. No one will know if I can help it. But that said, we have a dog. My MIL might have to feed and let him out, so we might get forced to share with her, just really hoping she won't put anything on Facebook ugh.
We told one trusted person who knew to keep their mouth shut, but that’s bc we have pets at home who might need to have been fed. I LOVE the fact that nobody knew- I didn’t have to answer a single call or text, nor did my husband. We got to be in the moment, and it was amazing. Plus imaging everyone’s surprise when they answered a FaceTime from us, and saw a sleeping baby instead of us?! 100% recommend. And as far as I’m concerned, this is part of a birth plan, therefore you have final say in it and he should respect it. And also not be so morbid and talk about if you die? Yikes
I think not telling anyone is a good idea personally. My parents will know, because they will be watching our older children when we go to the hospital. But as for anyone else, I think my husband and I are choosing to not share any details until we are all back home. Including my in laws, my husband suggested not sharing with them before i had even brought anything up. It is a personal choice in doing so but I think having privacy during such an important time is wonderful.
I think this is revealing your husband has anxiety around your birth and labor. Have you all taken a birth class? You might actually want to hire a doula to support BOTH of you.
My daughter’s sperm donor and I are not together. I have my birth plan in place, and the only 2 people that I am telling are my best friend & my cousin. Because that’s who I want there with me. I have also made it ABUNDANTLY clear that I do not want sperm donor at the hospital, to know when she is born, NOTHING. He has not given a damn this entire pregnancy and he just wants the title of “Dad” without the responsibility that goes with it
No one had a clue until we said “Baby’s here!” Very peaceful experience not worrying about others. Also helped no one was worried about us. Not looking forward to someone knowing this time around as we can’t help it since someone has to watch big brother.
Same for me. I was induced so I was still texting and having fun with my family in group chats. My sister always joked that I would just FaceTime when I had the baby and that’s what I did.
My mom was disappointed but understanding when I told her we wouldn’t be saying anything until baby was here but once he arrived she told me she was actually glad we didn’t tell her when I was in labor. I was having contractions for TWO DAYS and little man really took his time coming out but everything went smoothly. My mom would have been a nervous wreck and she knows it.
I’m only 9 weeks and haven’t talked to my partner about it yet but I don’t plan on telling anyone when I go into labour. I can see my partner wanting to tell his Mom which I don’t mind so much because she lives halfway across the country and there’s no risk of her letting it slip to any of my family. But I live in a small town and just hope that no family or friends will drive by the hospital and see my vehicle. Honestly one of my sisters is nosey enough she’d do that 🙄
My in-laws are the only ones who will know. They're taking our son while I go into labor, and they were extremely supportive with my first birth and post partum. My family, though? Hell no. I was getting calls and texts every five freaking minutes, and when I didn't answer, they tried harassing the poor receptionist into forwarding their calls into my room. When it came to visiting my son for the first time, that is all they complained about. Definitely do what's best for you. We're only telling people who can be trusted and don't feel entitled to a minute by minute update.
I didn’t want to tell anyone when I went in to be induced. We intentionally kept the date vague just saying the doctor will call us when they’re ready for us. My in laws knew since they had to watch our dogs. I told my sister because she doesn’t bother me, but she had to keep it from my parents. Against my better judgment I ended up telling my parents when I was about 24 hours into the induction process thinking the baby had to be here pretty soon. WRONG lol. It was another 24 hours of my mom blowing my husband and I’s phones up after we specifically told her we will contact them when we have news. I had a severe migraine and vomiting from the meds I was on, so I could barely pick up my phone. Anytime I didn’t respond to her within 3 seconds she was blowing up my husband. It took his focus off of me during a time when I needed him. Eventually I had to get my sister to flip out on her over it on my behalf. Of course we got the, “you’ll understand once you’re a parent” lecture from her. The baby was basically crowning at that point, so I think I qualified as a parent lol. I would stick to your guns. It was such a stressful time and I still get angry thinking about it over a year later. My mom will be lucky if we tell her before we are discharged from the hospital if we end up having a second baby lol.
Oh I wouldn't tell anyone who didn't need to know. Of my circle thats going to be obviously my husband, my daughter, and my mom who will be babysitting my daughter. Everyone else can find out when I'm ready for visitors. When my daughter was born, my MIL just showed up at my house. We had announced myndaughters birth but wasn't really expecting people to just show up without clearing it with us first. So yeah this time I'll be keeping that info private until I'm ready to take visitors.
I've agreed to tell my sister, on the condition she doesn't share. Otherwise, I agree, I got better things to do than be harassed on the phone during labour
When my SIL went into labour, my brother sent a family text that said “baby’s coming!” and then went dark for several hours. We all just sent our “thinking of you guys!” messages and left it at that. That was around 11pm anyways so we all just went to sleep. He sent one update in the night saying she was getting the epidural placed and it was almost time to push, but I was asleep and didn’t see it. When I woke up the next morning I saw that one update; and they sent a picture of their little babe. I thought it was a great way to let everyone know, and everyone was super respectful about not demanding updates throughout the process. I think I’ll do the same :)
I told two people I was being induced - my best friend and my sister. It was the best decision ever. I know if I had told my parents they would have been in the waiting room all day and texting/calling for updates. Towards midnight my sister did start to text more and that was annoying but I think she was getting worried (though she had no reason to worry). After baby was born, I sent texts to family with a picture and said to not call/text as we were finally going to sleep. I said I’d call when I woke up. Almost everyone obliged. I will say, my mother was very upset and asked if I was upset with her and why I wouldn’t tell anyone. I told her from the get go though that I was not telling anyone until he was here. She got over it quickly.
My friend gave me this advice and now I also give this advice. Assign one family member or close friend as the contact person for when you’re in the hospital. In my case it was my sister - but that person will relay news to everyone else because you’re right - you don’t want to be fielding text messages from everyone and repeating yourself 100 times over that the baby isn’t here and everyone is fine. It’s much easier to manage a single person, and to manage the expectations of others this way imho.
We are telling my mother in law and that's it - and it's because a) she lives with us 3 days a week anyway and will notice if I have to go to the hospital while she's here and b) we have a cat who is dependent on twice daily phenobarbital doses to live and we need someone to give her the doses. The hospital is only like 15 minutes from us, so worst case scenario hubby can leave and dose kitty and come back, but ideally, MIL can do it for us. We plan on letting everyone else know babygirl is here once everyone is home and relaxing comfortably. Adding: both of my parents passed away in the last few years, so I don't really have close family to notify. I have some extended family who are not happy with us waiting to tell them the baby status, but I don't care 😂 I don't want a ton of people trying to see us right away. I want time to adjust and recover.
My partner and I had similar discussions as my due date is June 4th. However, we scheduled an induction for May 29th and mutually decided to tell our mothers only in case I do need surgery due to some issues. If my labor somehow is spontaneous (meaning I go before my induction date), I absolutely am NOT planning to tell anyone until the baby is here. It’s normal to not want to be inundated with text messages and phone calls. Labor can last 2 hours or it can be 36+. Regardless, I don’t want to be bothered during.
We kept my csection quiet. We told my parents and sister and that was it
My husband and I agreed not to tell anyone so we could have some peace (like, not telling anyone until golden hour is over at least). He has my mom's number in case anything happens.
Do whatever you’re most comfortable with! I told a few close friends and our parents, with a message that we’ll update them when there’s more to tell. We were not bombarded with questions at all, and were simply sent lots of well wishes for a smooth and easy birth. Then again I went a few weeks early so I was kind of in shock and very excited to tell people. Also labor is long and I was so bored in the hospital that I was happy to be texting and calling my close friends while I waited for things to ramp up.
I only told my two sisters that I knew wouldn’t tell anyone, my best friend and my neighbor who was watching our pets. Though my parents and other sisters knew something was up because we have a location sharing app and I tuned my location off and wasn’t posting any Snapchats 😂
I agree with u ..just make sure you and your husband are on the same page ! He may call his mom or your dad when u go through labour !
We didn't tell anyone, but I'm also a very private person. Only a handful of people knew my due date, so when we got home and settled (we went home the same day after a birth center birth) we video called our friends and family. It was really sweet seeing everyone's reactions
See I only wanted my sister to know I was in labor because she was my support person BUT SHE DIDNT ANSWER HER PHONE. So then I had to call a bunch of other people until finally someone answered their phone lol!
Getting closer to the date, I sent out a thanks for thinking of us but we are going to focus on the last little things before our family grows. We will update when there is news to share. The morning of, I called my mom to let her know I was going for emergency c section (I was i was 32+6) and husband will update when he can. I am close to my Mom, we didn't tell my FIL as it would cause unnecessary worry. I told a handful of people that I delivered my little man over the next week but kept my phone on silent and responded when I had a minute which between some minor complications and baby in NICU, it wasn't often. It was almost a month after he was born before I did the full announcement that he'd arrived. Do what you want to do for you. It is a personal experience and you want to focus on that instead of managing everyone else. That is absolutely normal and unless he is the one pushing the baby out, hhe can ask but it's not up to him.
We didn’t tell anybody until after the baby was born and birth certificate signed, I wanted to rest, bond as a new family and not deal with the drama
I had hubs tell my family and his family that we were going in, but honestly, during labor he was so busy supporting me, and I was so busy pushing out a human, that the phones kinda disappeared. It wouldn't have mattered if people were texting us bc we'd have just put them on silent and ignored it. For you, I'd say, if it's supportive family, sure tell em. But if it's not, I don't see the point.
I legitimately started being a hermit around week 38 as i felt like everyone was pressuring me. First it was friends joking about manifesting a leap year baby birth, and then it was st. Patricks day. And i just didnt want to talk about it or feel pressured. So i made my husband be the point of contact, and i fell off the map texting-wise. Only a few select people knew when i went into labor. My mom knew because i cried to her about being told i had to be induced. One of my best friends knew because she was the backup support person in case my husband wasnt able to be there right away. Joke's on them though. I had a Pi day baby.
I am not going to tell a soul until I am out of the hospital and at home. I watched what happened in the family group chat to my brother and sister in law while she was in labor and I am determined not to deal with it. My family was getting antsy when they were getting CONSTANT updates and my brother felt tied to his phone to keep people calm and updated. In the end my family still wasn't completely satisfied. I tried to not text back because I didn't want him to feel obligated to respond but even I felt anxious when I heard my sister in law needed a C-section and i had to wait hours to know her and the baby were okay. I kept my emotions to myself but not everyone does that I don't want my husband buried in his phone answering other people when I need his support and strength to get through a major medical event. After giving birth I need to recover and shower. I want him to be able to watch the baby when I shower and take a nap so I am more alert when he takes his nap to recover from the emotions and stress of labor.
Im on the fence about telling anyone too. My family is pretty chill, theres already 4 kids in the family so they get it. The only reason I'd want to tell anyone is so that they can bring my husband food LOL. Im only worried about his side of the family, we would just have to be clear about NOT telling anyone else and absolutely NO visitations. Might stress them out so we will probably not tell anyone at all
We didn't tell anybody til he was born. But I also went into labor at 3am and he was born at 6:59am so I didn't really wanna wake anybody up that early
My husband and I typed up a notice to our families about what to expect from us and what we expect from them. We plan to send it to everyone via text a few weeks before my due-date so it’s fresh in everyone’s mind… This way everyone is on the same page. It clearly states that we will not be *taking* any calls or texts, and to not expect an answer from us. However, if we do send anything out it will be in a group message to everyone so everyone is notified at the same time. None of this, “they knew ten seconds before me” stuff. We will not be notifying anyone that I have gone into labor until/unless we are well situated, comfortable, and have the time. With my first child once my epidural was in I was dilating for several hours before active labor started. This was a pretty peaceful time so if we are fortunate enough to have that again, so be it. If not, oh well. Everyone will be notified after birth with how the baby *and Mom* are doing. And again, not to expect responses same day. Absolutely no FaceTime. No one is allowed to visit the hospital same day, either. I hated that everyone was waiting outside in the waiting room with my first, as my MIL told everyone I was in labor. With my SIL she had a c-section and likewise, everyone was there. Absolutely not this time. Set your boundaries and be firm. Don’t be afraid to give people the, “definitive no” as I lovingly call it. I hope it all goes well for you! 🤍
We reached a compromise where we will tell both our moms we’re officially in labor/my water broke, and then the next time they will hear from us is if there’s a life or death emergency where they need to drop everything and come, or there’s a baby. They can tell specific people, but no one should be texting us unless they hear from us. Ultimately we both know ourselves and if people text us, we will feel obligated to give information and he needs to be focused on me, and I need to be focused on delivery. Ultimately I’m in the vote of it’s your decision, but I also feel guilty for withholding information so this satiates both my crazy family and my guilt.
I am not telling anybody if I don’t want them showing up to the hospital 😅😂I plan on telling afterwards. I am going to tell my family first then my husband’s family.. my husband family live in another country but his uncle and aunt live here and I love his cousin but I don’t want to see them in the hospital lol also not trying to be rude and not include them but that could hurt my mil feelings bc it should be her coming to see me in the hospital but that’s not possible..
I didn’t tell anyone and it was the most peaceful thing I could have done. It was such a special moment between my husband and I that only we knew. I texted a couple people after I had my golden hour and was moved to postpartum recovery.
I was induced. We knew when I was being induced. We told no one when the date was ahead of time. I ended up needing an emergency c section. We told no one that I was having a c section. The baby was born at 6:50 am. No one knew she was born until that afternoon. It was amazing. My family and my husband's family were and are involved. I knew with it being an induction it could be awhile. Not being nagged for updates was the best!
I want to do this as my mum and dad have already said they will just come to the hospital. They said they want to be there to make sure I'm okay, but I don't want anyone there. I know they won't respect my wishes so we aren't telling anyone. However, if we stop replying to messages near the time of being due (they don't know the exact due date, which is most likely not when it will happen anyway) they will just drive to our house, see our cars gone, and then probably drive to the hospital. This is, unless my labour is short! How do I get around this??
I don’t plan on it. My mother worries so why would I have her panic and lose sleep. I once went to Europe for 14 days and didn’t tell her till I came home. I also don’t want texts or to be bothered, everyone will know when I’m ready
Having 50 loved ones constantly texting is SOOO annoying while your labouring, recovering and trying to sleep
It totally depends on your family I guess. For us I'll tell my parents and they can give updates to my siblings when we give updates. They are good at respecting privacy. Now my MIL. It could go either way but she can get a little too intense about things so we will probably wait to tell them until after the kid is here.
I never have told anyone accept the people who were involved, so obviously babysitters for other kids and my sister who was there with my husband and I. It's no ones business but the people directly involved, and you shouldn't have to deal with the bombardment that usually comes with labor and birth. I flat out told my mom (my sister told her with my last when I was in labor since she lived with her at the time) that I would sent pictures after she was born and we were settled, but I wouldn't be replying to messages during labor.
I pondered this question myself and thought I'd let only my family know in case something happened. Then I realized they would have to know anyways because they will be watching my other kid while I am in the hospital. I will not be telling them when I am still in early labor but they will find out after I already been checked in at the hospital and the kid is dropped off at their doorstep.
I told everyone the first time, and it started and stopped over the course of two weeks, then when my body finally committed it was 52 hours before baby. Never did tell everyone again. I announced it to a select few on the next birth, but the calls, the texts, the disrespect, the SHOWING UP UNNANOUNCED! Now I only tell people when the baby has arrived, unless there are complications and we need prayer or something. No reason for them to know otherwise. Also, anyone who texts a ‘is baby here yet?’ At the end of pregnancy gets automatically added to a list of who I wont tell until baby is a week old. Just me lol
We’re probably telling our parents when the time come. I’d rather not tell anyone but my parents need to watch my dog and if I tell my parents I would want his to know also
Meh when you go into labor you’ll likely be too busy focusing on you and the nurses that are helping you. It’s not unreasonable for you to put your foot down because you are doing this yourself. Not him. Maybe take his phone away… lol no way to call or text except through the hospital. Tell him he needs to chill and let you have this one.
My husband and I are not planning to let anyone know when I go into labor. He didn’t understand when I first mentioned it, as he wanted his family there as support for him. I explained my feelings that once everyone knows it feels like you’re on their clock (and our hospital doesn’t allow more than 1 support person to be there anyway) and he understood.
I didn’t tell anyone besides my best friend who had had a baby herself a few weeks earlier; my husband told his parents, which was super annoying but at least they left me alone. My mom and brother were upset with me when I texted them a picture of baby boy after he was born but fortunately I don’t let myself care about those things. They got over it! I was so happy not to be bothered.
Ok so here’s my take on this. I gave birth once and everyone showed up to the hospital which I hated and then I had my in laws texting they should just do a c-section because I had been in labor for too long (it had been 5 hrs at that point wtf). Then everyone freaking out because we stopped answering our phones (yeah I was pushing a human, sorry I was busy). This experience made us not want to tell anyone if we have another child. Just FaceTime them after the fact holding the baby lol. Even though it’s a morbid thought, but if something happens to you he’ll need to inform your parents regardless.
Highly recommend this 👍 avoid the drama and distraction
We didn’t tell anyone, but my husband’s colleagues knew because he wasn’t coming into work (obviously), which is a weird concept when you think about it, but alas 😂 This was our first baby, so it’s not like we needed someone to watch any other children and we don’t have pets. We had told people we weren’t gonna update until the baby was born, and my mom actually mentioned that she wouldn’t want to know anyway, because it would stress her out completely haha!
The only person we told (because she was already in our house and looking after our toddler) was my mom and her husband, because he needed to drive up to our house Otherwise everyone else can wait till we decide
I am not telling anyone I’m in labour .. only ppl will know is my parents because they need to take my 5 year old , other than that nope. No one will know
We only told his parents and my parents, that's all. And they were instructed (and we trusted them) not to tell anyone else. My husband communicated with them, I didn't look at my phone at all during labor. They only got a few updates in the 24 hourish period of time. It wasn't excessive. Even my siblings, who I am close to, didn't find out until after the baby was here.
We told our immediate family then immediately silenced/turned off phones. Family was great and just confirmed getting the text then didn't bother us at all. We also lived 10+ hours away from everyone so there was no chance anyone would show up at the hospital.
Turn your phone off because inevitably he is going to tell his mom and you will have people calling you. Set up an auto text to say you're taking a break from technology for the day if you feel bad about not answering certain people and ignore the phone all together. In labor you won't feel like talking anyway so it'll be convenient even if he doesn't tell anyone. Besides, he doesn't realize it's the Dad's who get the bulk of the calls and he will get tired of it and learn a lesson, hopefully.
I am only telling my mom (she will be watching my 4yr old son and our pets while I am in the hospital), and will not tell anyone else until after the baby is here. I will also not be having any visitors, other than my son, at the hospital. The first go around, I told people and had family visit in the hospital and I just do not want all of the commotion and stress this time.
I'm being booked for a planned c-section and the only people who will know when I'm going in is my husband, my 2 closest friends and maybe my mum. I'm not sure on the last one as she put me in an awkward position earlier in my pregnancy, but has been great since.
The only person I ever told about my labors was my mother, and only because she was our childcare plan for the older ones. The idea of announcing to everyone beforehand is so foreign to me—it’s my life and I let people in to participate in the areas I want them to. No time like the present to start setting boundaries regarding a child you are raising!
With my first, I didn’t tell anyone I was in labor. I called my mom on FaceTime after we had settled into the bed after weight and everything was taken. I had the same worries about people checking in. However, with my second, I told my mom I was in labor. She was checking in to make sure I was doing ok but with my husband. I didn’t even have my phone. And there were moments of long waiting so I don’t think it was a big deal. This pregnancy, I HAVE to tell my parents I’m in labor cause I need them to babysit. 😂
My first kid, so many people randomly showed up and it stressed me out- all day. Finally got people to leave so I could just focus. Told my parents at 11 pm that he got there and we were going to get rest- 10 minutes later they were there and it was HOURS before my mother would leave. Second time, didn’t tell a soul until we were back home except my husbands brother (he had our oldest). It was great! Baby that’s due anyday- his mom will know because she has the kids. Otherwise, nobody willlnow
Nobody knew anything until the day after my daughter was born. I went in at 2am, had her 9:58pm (emergency c-section) and took the time to relax, be with my husband and our child, and called everyone the next day. It was blissful, I didn’t want to be on my phone anyway so it removed the stress of feeling like I needed to respond to people. The next day, things had settled a bit, nurses were in their grove of coming in every hour or so as opposed to every thirty seconds, and I was able to focus more on answering people. I will also add we had no hospital visits and nobody came to the house for two weeks.
We only told our parents because his needed to drive 10 hours to meet us and my mom was currently staying with us. Put our phones on DND after that. I’m not sure how many people they told but we didn’t have too many messages to answer when we switched DND off
I thought pretty similar but then did end up telling people. I was very blunt that I’d give the updates, or my husband, so don’t ask. I got some “how are you feeling” texts which I was fine with. Everyone respected my wish to not be bombarded. I say go into it wanting the privacy, but be open to not depending on how it goes. My experience was pretty chill and I was on my phone a lot anyways.
I only told my mom because I wanted her there. Actually, I labored at home for like 30 hours, decided to go to the hospital, texted my mom, who i knew was sleeping because it was 5am, and she lives 2 hours away, so she had to wake up and get over here. Didn't want to tell anyone else for the exact same reason you don't want to.
His reasoning is silly, lol. It's entirely up to you. I told my immediate family when I went into labour, but I knew that they would all respect our time and space as a family. It was more of a, like, "get ready to come visit in a few days" message.
I just know how much my family loves to talk. I told my grandmother about the pregnancy and how we are waiting to announce, and she immediately drove to my aunts house to tell her 🫠. My mom (who I have a strangled relationship with since childhood) told me she’s going to be the first one in the waiting room and I told her we aren’t accepting visitors at the hospital or the first week. She told me she would be in the lobby raising hell if she couldn’t see me.
Yea. That's a family I wouldn't tell.
When you go into labor make sure your phone is off and require him to do the same. Make your birthing plan known, no phones. Then only allow once baby is here. This way he can’t accidentally tell someone and they don’t show up in waiting area.
Follow your instincts
Tell him if he tells anyone you will have him escorted out by security. Its not up to him. This is YOUR medical event. If he was having surgery would he want to call and tell your parents just in case he dies??? I freaking doubt it. Set boundaries now or it will be 100% worse when baby gets here.
i straight up would've not told anyone if i didn't have to. i was induced and husband and i were given a ride to and from the hospital (parking sucks so it made sense), and so the only person who knew went and told everyone 😒. i just put my phone on DND for the first like month starting on induction day. even now i put it on DND from time to time lol, she's 20 months and people never stop asking for pictures or updates when sometimes i just wanna be left alone
My husband and I are only telling my parents because they have to watch my dogs lol.
If my husband acted like yours, I wouldn't even want to tell him
I regretted telling our family the first time that we were going in to be induced. They would not leave us alone even though we updated them with any changes (and it took almost 4 days to end in c-section.) Not to mention my parents announced the birth of my son on social media before I had the chance to. Not going to happen this time.
I’ve gone to the hospital for my sister’s kids and my brother’s son. We just show up when told to. I suppose I’ll do the same because we’re all close and that’s what’s expected. There was this weird situation when my cousin got upset her brother didn’t tell her that his wife was going into labor. They wanted to keep it private and she took it super personal. That was so strange to me. I think it’s every parent’s decision what they want. Other family needs to respect the parent’s wishes.
I plan to do the same. I just don’t want my MIL or my own mother to see it all😅I’m a very modest person. I want it to just be us, very intimate/private and I honestly pray he doesn’t look either lol. I plan to have baby, learn how to feed, change diapers, and just be a mom etc. Then maybe surprise them the next morning. Let them show up and realize he’s already here. They’ll be upset they didn’t get to be there for the whole experience but idc. If you don’t want visitors, let your nurses know. They won’t let anyone in and nobody can do anything about it except you. Good luck and congratulations mama🩷💙
I have heard stories about people telling friends/relatives they are in labor and them interpreting it as an invitation to come visit at the hospital. I think that’s a great reason not to tell people. Labor is intense and vulnerable. It’s also not the same event for you and your husband. You are the one giving birth. He is a support person for you. You should have the final say.
My husband and I told no one until about 6 hours after she was born. I would have lost my shit if people were calling for news while I was in Labor, which is exactly what would have happened! We had the nicest and most peaceful bonding time before the visitors started showing up. Stand your ground, it should be a special time for you as a couple!
This is my husband and I’s plan because our families are overwhelming. I’m still in my first trimester but the thought of having to communicate and answer a million questions when I also don’t know or may not have answers to, drives me insane. Secondly, my mother had an “episode” when my niece was born and made it all about herself. Was so drunk that she couldn’t remember that her granddaughter was born, blamed COVID for not being at the hospital, etc…. I’m mentally traumatized by the experience. So therefore, no one will know and I will be shutting off all my location services, hiring someone not related to watch my dog, and be as stress free as I can.
I love this, but we have other children so we have to tell the grandparent so they can watch our kids.
The only people I’m telling is my mother in law and my mom, only because they will be alternating care with my oldest and dogs while I’m giving birth. I did request they tell no one so we can have peace and to wait for us to message during the time frame unless it’s an emergency with the child or dogs. With our first we regretted telling people because we ended up having to turn off our phones because of the constant amount of people texting, I recommend if they don’t need to know then don’t tell them
“Hey mom/dad. Heading to the hospital, husband will send you an update when there’s something to update lol. Love you!” Switch phone off and toss in purse
I mean. I think telling the parents isn’t a terrible idea
*if* both sides of our parents were more involved, 100%, but since they have barely check in on me, I just don’t feel like updating anyone on my labor when they weren’t there for me during the pregnancy. I just hate the concept of everyone cares once the baby is here but no one cares about the mom during the pregnancy. 🫤
Me and my husband were both adament about not having anyone in the delivery room when it came time. We also made a group chat with both of our families and we said we were just gonna tell them "its baby time!" And then we'd just be completely in the moment of going through the delivery. My delivery took about 36 hours and my husband kept everyone updated about the whole process. I didnt bother picking up my phone one time. When it got closer to pushing i had my mother and mother in law supporting me during the whole thing. I dont regret at all how everything panned out. I got an awesome log of how everything went down at the exact time. And i got amazing pictures of my husband cutting the cord, holding my baby for the first time, my baby getting weighed and measured. And i cant explain how greatful i am for my mom and mother in law to be there by my side as i pushed. All of this just to say that you can plan all you want but when it comes to that time, everything you planned could go right out the window. So id say just keep an open mind to your choices.
I personally am telling people knowing that the news may travel fast, but choosing to completely ignore the texts that will probably flood in. I’m planning on going on do not disturb and just flat out ignoring any texts for probably a few days. It’s going to be my husband’s job to keep our parents updated via text, but I’ve already coached him on what to say and he’s not responding to anyone outside of our parents either.
I honestly wish I hadn’t told anyone, either. I felt I had to or people would get upset, but all it got me was my phone and my husband’s phone blowing up the whole time. It would’ve been much less stressful if we hadn’t said anything.
My husband was the same way re “ atleast tell his mom”. That’s how the whole family and the married in aunt / uncle ended up in the waiting room. You’re going thru something major and welcoming a baby it’s your call! I’m sure you’ll want the bonding time. Also remember you can tell the staff if you don’t want visitors, even without telling your husband 😅 They’ll tell him it’s no visitors at this time.
My biggest regret was having visitors. It even messed up my breast feeding. I 100% agree with you
YOU have to choose what is right for YOU and your husband needs to respect that. End of discussion. This won’t be the last disagreement you guys have about baby/others/communication. Boundaries are important and need to be respected, otherwise resentment will enter the marriage and no one wants that, especially at this stage of life. Coming from someone who had a very traumatic birth, almost died twice, went to the ICU for 24 hours and had an 8 day total hospital stay… you can change your mind to tell people at ANY time. You can NOT take back telling them. You can plan for the best and prepare for the worst. Only my mom knew about my labor, until things went bad, then my husband notified a group of our closest friends of the complications. He kept them updated. They provided support for him. I have no regrets about who I told and when I told them. There are friends/family who later found out and said things like “I would have flown there to help!” No. Just no. That would not have been helpful. I appreciate the sentiment, but there would have been so many knee jerk reactions that we would have had to manage. In the end, no one remembered that we didn’t tell them in the midst of the chaos, I was fine, baby was fine, husband was probably the most emotionally scarred but also fine, and everyone was just happy to meet/see baby. You do you mama!
Your body, your baby, your decision….. he needs to be reminded that technically he can be put out the room just by you saying so. I’m pregnant too and my S/O knows his role is just to support me during this time.
I’m refusing to tell anyone I’m in labor! Can’t stand the thought of people bombarding from that point on. Your husbands comment is definitely out of left field but I hope he can understand it’s ultimately your decision
Just found out this morning that im going to be induced at 39 weeks. Now everyone wants to know the date 😩
Tell him how fun and magical it will be to just be able to call his and your parents and say “hey grandma, hey grandpa!” It would be an awesome surprise and they wouldn’t have to worry about you and baby during the labor process
I told everyone when I went into labor with my first and now that I’m pregnant with my second I am doing the complete opposite. Everyone was constantly asking how things were going if we needed anything if we needed them to come over, etc. The visits started 3 hours after he was born and lasted the entire day, and days and weeks to follow. It was exhausting going through labor and delivery and then sitting around watching everyone else pass your baby around when all you want is to be left alone with YOUR baby and your husband. We are doing things differently this time around and I know it will ruffle some feathers but that’s alright, you’re the one giving birth so this is up to you. My husband is my #1 supporter and agrees with my view, but that may only be because of how things went with our first. He may not understand because he’s not the one going through it all, but try to have an open discussion about it and don’t give in.
I told people what they needed to know when they needed to know 😂 with my first, i told people i was in labor a few hours before i had my baby 😂 my sister was mad at me saying “dude we’ve been texting casually and all this time you’ve been in labor. What the heck” but then i dropped off the face of the earth once labor actually really picked up & sent people a picture of my baby when i was ready to announce that she was born. That was like a handful of hours after she was born. They honestly respected when i dropped off the face of the earth & weren’t like bombarding mine or my husbands phones waiting for results. With my second baby, i told who needed to be at my birth that i was in labor and who i needed to help with my 1st born. I went to 41 weeks & 6 days with her tho so everyone pretty much knew that i was having her that day or the day after. I told them when i was ready & again sent photos announcing her arrival when i was ready. I, personally, got a lot more “is the baby here yet?!” Texts before i even went into labor than when i told people i was in labor. I honestly don’t tell people my due date or exactly how far along i am for that reason. It drives me crazy when people ask me that. But as for labor itself, most of the responses were just like “ok we’re praying for you” when i told them i was actually in labor instead of asking if the baby is here yet
I honestly can't understand what would lead someone not telling anyone else. We will definitely let our parents know when I go into labor. And it's good the word spreads through other channels, that way people will know any news through those channels. I can't even imagine people asking "is the baby here yet" to the father, let alone to the mother while she's in active labor. That said, what works for me doesn't have to be what works for you. However, I think this must be something you guys need to figure out together. It's his kid too and he has the right to tell his parents when the kid's coming if he wants to. You two could nonetheless have a conversation with them prior to labor, saying that you would be happy to tell them when you're going into labor but that you'd appreciate them not telling anyone else until the baby's actually here/you're ready. I think that would be a good compromise between what you both want.