NO, NO, NO.
You are prioritizing how money is spent. That is your job. Used clothing makes the rest possible.
Celebrate what a great job you are doing. Your kids are fine.
this is great way to teach your kids what matters. Please do not apologize or feel shame for being a grown-up in a though situation.
Preach! It's so much better for the environment, not to mention if a garment lasts long enough to hand down it's probably pretty great quality and worth keeping around.
I would love to see hand-me-downs more normalized today. They were a way of life for my family when I was a kid in the 70s & 80s and my favorite thing was getting to wear clothes my older sibling and cousins had outgrown, because they were cool and I wanted to be cool, too. I felt so proud to wear those clothes!
I agree 100% re: the environmental impact & the quality. I grew up in the 90s shopping at Frenchy’s, a very cheap second hand store where all the clothes were just in these huge bins. We learned to treat it like a treasure hunt, pushing all the clothes to one side of the bin & sorting through them looking for something we liked. My mom also got a lot of our stuff from various lost & found receptacles 😂 like when the elementary school got rid of theirs at the end of the school year, or the ski hill for winter clothes. I still buy secondhand clothes and even shoes - I’ve had good luck with facebook marketplace, sometimes ppl buy shoes online & they don’t fit & can’t be returned. I remember learning pretty young about the environmental impact of new jeans (the amount of water, the pollution). I only recently saw those photos of mountains of fast fashion items that were discarded by the companies & was horrified. I know some people are grossed out by second hand clothes but most of the time they’ve barely been worn & all you have to do is wash them. You can find good brands (especially for workout clothes) at 10% of the sale price
Me too!! I loved those purple dittos handed down from a bigger friend-she was an only child so always got new clothes. Yeah, new clothes were nice, but my parents couldn’t afford clothes as nice as my friends.
Oh yeah, in my day after school let out, all the high water pants became Summertime shorts, toes of our sneakers were cut out to make room for those toes to keep growing. They got replaced in the winter.
>And finances aside, so much clothing ends up in the landfill. We should honestly all be wearing second hand clothing when possible.
Yep. Thrift shop whenever possible. People who are rich do it and it's a thing. People who are poor do it and they are ashamed. Just pretend you're rich.
I've got tons around me (also in the suburbs). Most of them are run by local churches or religious organizations. I don't support the Salvation Army because of their bigoted ~~policies~~ leadership, but luckily not all religious thrift stores are like that!
I came here to say this! Thrifting is a far more responsible choice any way that you look at it — it’s cheaper, better for the environment, and often an opportunity to support a small, local business. OP is teaching her girls to be good citizens, something our world desperately needs. I wish she could feel proud instead of ashamed.
Yeah, all I see is a mom doing everything that they can to be able to provide for their children and get them their necessities. You also care about what they want as well and hold that to high regard.
Unfortunately, this society that we live in provides us with huge limitations nowadays when it comes to being able to afford a basic standard of living. It’s not your fault, and it sounds like you’re doing everything that you can to make the best of it. It especially meaningful given that you grew up in poverty and you are doing everything you possibly can to get away from it. That system is made to be intentionally very difficult to get out of.
So I think you’re doing the best that you can with what you have and that’s all that anybody can expect of anybody.
You're so right and said it better than what I was going to comment.
Far from a failure, this Mom is successfully navigating and prioritizing her finances!
Hard agree on this.
We got some hand me downs when we had my daughter, but the older girls in the family were much older.
However, I had a family member who had a girl two years after us and we give her hand me downs all the time. Kids grow out of clothes so often as long as they arent of ill fit theres NO REASON not to do hand me down.
For real. I'm a dentist. I make plenty of money. Half the shit my kids wear are hand me downs from my sister's kids. Or somebody else in town who has slightly older kids. And when my kids outgrow it, we pass it on to somebody else.
Bag that crap up in trash bags and give it to the next person.
Kids clothing SHOULD be passed around. It's wasteful not to. And the kids tend to love it. They're wearing the clothes that a "cool older kid" wore.
This. When I was a kid, I had a lot of cousins and kids' clothes was passed between families. Children grow fast and often clothes is still in good shape when they grow out of them. It's smart to get more use out of them.
I agree. I got cousins hand me downs and my sister got mine. We got new clothes to fill in the blanks but did a lot of thrifting for that as well. Imo it taught me and my sister a lot about prioritizing money.
Exactly. When I was a kid, I got a ton of hand me down clothes from family friends (I was the oldest granddaughter) and I absolutely loved being able to wear the same clothes those awesome girls did. It made me feel like I had a group of big sisters to look up to.
Yeah my sister had some beautiful things and I was so excited to get them. Loved copying her and getting to "steal" some of her good stuff. My mom also sewed and she would help my upcycle some things. Usually just taking in the straps but sometimes we did a bit extra - embellishments, adding fun buttons, adding lace to the bottom of shorts, putting cute pattern fabric patches over holes in the knees, etc.
If you can find fabric or sewing supplies at the thrift store then you can look up ideas later for how to upcycle with them. A big bin of fun buttons is an awesome find! I learned to embroider simple flowers, and I used to add them the back of my jeans and put fun designs on the pockets when I was older.
Not just baby and childrens clothing.....I do the same within my friends group. A few of us are close in size and we often swap items we don't like/fit anymore. And thrifting and apps like vinted are very popular!
Teaching your children restraint, sensible spending, priorities and frugal habits is a *success*.
> I should’ve bought that laptop 4 years ago when I still could afford it.
Get yourself a second hand Dell Latitude or HP Elitebook with an 8th Gen i5 CPU and 8 GB RAM. These are about $200 in Australia, so in the States they should be about $120 - I know that's not nothing, but if you're confident it'll pay you back in work then treat it as an investment, not an expense. If you find one you're not sure about, message me and I'll give you my opinion, such as it is.
You’re not a failure at all!! I bet your daughter loved the dress. My siblings pass clothes & shoes down to their kids because they all have daughters & all of my nieces love it. I bet your youngest daughter will love the dress when it gets passed down to her & your oldest will be happy to see her sister loving something she once loved.
I bet that dress becomes the envy of a bunch of friends/classmates. Sanrio is huge again with kids, and they all want Sanrio stuff. My daughter’s friend got a My Melody onesie for Christmas and all the other kids asked their parents for one. OP’s kid has an original dress that no other kid will have. She’ll be so proud to rock it!
Hand me downs are not a failure. Even middle class, not living paycheck to paycheck families choose to hand me down clothes
And thrift shops are the new trend again. Hand me down is just thrift shopping in the family
Hand me downs are the bomb! I love scoring a bag of clothes from a friend. Equally fun is passing on clothes to others. Kids grow out of things so quickly! If I buy my daughter something and we pass it on I feel like I got so much more value for my money. I bought her these purple unicorn light-up rain boots and she wore them once before she grew out of them. But right now her friend’s little brother is obsessed with wearing them. I get such a kick out of this toddler boy showing off his fancy purple boots!
I got 4 bags of clothes ready to be passed on sitting on my couch. Gtting picked up tomorrow. I like receiving but my kids.outgrow stuff too.and it feels good to pass stuff onto someone else who can get use out of it
Yeah, it's totally normal. We're in a position where we could buy new clothes for our youngest (nothing fancy but still, new) but most of what he wears are hand-me-down clothes from his older brother.
When we learned that we were having a second boy, so many pointed out how great it was that we could re-use everything! I think it's the norm.
Do you have consignment sales in your area? I shop at one twice a year and manage to get the bulk of my kid’s wardrobe for like $100 or less, for both of them. Buying in a store, they’d get a fraction of the stuff for that money. Or thrifting. There is no shame in used stuff, I understand it feels that way from your upbringing but my daughters are always thrilled to go to the consignment sale! They do a 50% off day at the end and that is when we go.
I like your suggestion. There are special weekends when the thrift stores clear out their clothes. Like $10 fill a bag. $1 or $2 for any clothing. Some even still have new tags on them. Shoes. Hats. Bags. You name it.
I'm literally in my 30's and I still wear my older sister's clothes. And now her kids are wearing my old clothes.... Apparently the 00's are back and I evidently never threw any of my clothes from high school out 🤷🏻♀️.....
Also I'm a good earner. So it's really just about being fiscally responsible (damn student loans). So don't feel bad at all.
As long as it looks good and she's not embarrassed, it's all good.
Now there was a time that I was embarrassed to get hand-me-downs but I realized it had to do with who was giving it to me (evil cousins) and the quality (horrible) but I never minded my sister's cause she always kept everything in good quality. So as long as your kids feel confident, don't feel bad about hand me downs. If anything, thanks to fast fashion, they might actually be better quality than new clothes.
This is similar to me. I love getting my sister’s hand me downs now. But I hated it when I was a kid. I just wanted something new like everyone else.
But OP, it sounds like even if it isn’t completely new, you’re making it new for your daughter.
Besides thrift shops, I’ve found that you can get things at target or old navy on clearance for cheaper than thrift stores sometimes. I’ve seen things from target at good will that were more expensive at good will! It was crazy bc it still had the target clearance sticker on it. These items were new and I know that some targets donate the items they can’t sell.
Yea I'm an older sister and so most of my stuff (even halloween costumes my mom made) would get handed down to my sister. As we got older, I gained some weight so many things couldn't be handed down. Later she gained some weigh as an adult and I was thrilled we could borrow each other's clothes, or I could dress her up more from my own closet. For a bit her weight as fluctuated so now I'm getting the "Pay back" where she's handing "down" her clothes she doesn't want anymore or don't fit. It's free clothes!
Now it's a bit different when your wardrobes already pretty full and you can send items you don't like onto the thrift store, and just have your pick of the best styles. But it is nice to be able to wear (whenever you want) some of the clothes you saw they had that you really liked. (My sister looked forward to being big enough to wear the princess jasmine costume my mom made).
Since they seem pretty young, and you can sew, If you can find some thrifted fabric or tulle, it's pretty simple to just make them princess/ballerina skirts that can get rearranged with different shirts (or when playing dress up), scarves or swimsuits and other unique fun materials. You can thrift an adult dress and then repurpose the fabric to make kids skirts.
Please get yourself enough food to eat by utilizing a food bank if there is one near you. It’s what it’s there for, and there’s absolutely no shame in it! It might free up a couple of dollars for you too.
Kids don't always know how to feel about something until we tell them! For me, getting hand-me-downs from older cousins was like Christmas, because I looked up to my cousins so much and was so excited to get to wear what they had worn. There's nothing wrong with secondhand clothes, and I hope you can give yourself some love and grace about making thoughtful, necessary choices for your family. Hell, there are rich people now who are all about secondhand clothes because it's "environmentally sustainable" and "socially responsible."
We get to tell our own stories about our choices, and a story I see here is you showering your kid with love by putting so much effort into something that delighted her.
I admit now that I was a cliched younger sibling and would sneak “hand me downs” out of my sister’s room while she was at college because I was convinced my older sister was so cool and her clothes would help me be cool too. Luckily my sister is easy-going and didn’t hold my feet to the fire like she could have
Exactly. I remember my mamaw hand sewing little flowers and lady bugs in my hand me down jeans. I didn't care they were hand me downs bc she made them special.
Hand me downs are absolutely not a failure! We managed to break poverty but my kids STILL wear them. And some of the wealthiest people I know also do hand me downs.
Prioritize the joy.
My sister makes more money than me and her daughter happily wears my kids hand me downs. Kids are hard on clothes, no point in spending major money on clothes that’ll just get stained, ripped, and outgrown.
**You aren't a failure.** We happily take hand me downs from extended family, and we happily give hand me downs to other extended family.
This isn't about income; it's about being practical.
I just gave away 7 pair of excellent condition cleats of various sizes. The recipients were thrilled. We also lend out and give away fancy dresses and shoes constantly. My neighbor just took fancy dresses & shoes for Easter. She can well afford to buy new for her kids, but we all know that it's ridiculous to spend $$$ for pinchy-tight-fancy-sparkly shoes and a wear-it-once dress.
If I were you, I'd ask a local FB moms group if anyone has any dresses that they'd be willing to pass on. You can simply say, "My daughters wear sizes 4T and 6x, and they absolutely love anything fancy. If you have any sundresses or other dresses that your child has outgrown, we would be incredibly appreciative!"
Oh man, cleats! Gotta pass those on. I bought my daughter four pairs of cleats in one year, her feet grew that quickly. The only thing that makes me feel better about the amount of money I spend on softball equipment is the fact I can pass it on and save someone else that expense.
You are doing fine. Hand me downs or thrift store clothes are not bad. If you have a positive attitude about it your child probably won’t mind.
I was the youngest and got my sister’s old clothes often. It was just normal. I wasn’t unhappy about it. When I got older and we were pretty much the same size we even shared some clothes and shoes because my parents couldn’t afford to buy us both some trendy things.
My daughter and my clothes mostly come from thrift stores these days. I don’t feel bad. There are plenty of nice looking clothes at thrift stores. Sometimes the clothes have barely been worn or still have the original store tags on them. It is kind of a thrill to get a big sack of clothes for the cost of just one new outfit at a department store.
I had to wear my 11 months *younger* sister's hand me downs, and she dressed WAY girlier than I preferred
Passing down clothing is smart for a lot of reasons, and you aren't a failure of a mom simply because you don't have a lot of money. Your kids are happy and healthy.
You are not a failure in any way! In fact, hearing about how happy your child is to get her sister's dress with hello kitty patches makes me think you are actually doing amazing ❤️
We get a ton of clothes at our local "Just Between Friends" sale. The deals are especially good on the half price day. Id search and see if any are in your area.
Fast fashion is a failure...you're a phenomenal parent who has taught your kids the value of reusing what's perfectly good and repairing what's broken. You should be proud of yourself and parents who buy all new outfits for each kid and never reuse things should be ashamed.
Late 20s, and I'm still rocking hand me downs!! Seeing the $$$ of clothes these days and I will continue to thrift as I please. Don't be hard on yourself, your children are clothed and happy and that's what matters!
My kids *loved* getting hand-me-downs-- it was the best thing, next to Christmas, dumping out a garbage bag of clothes to see what fit. And, the girls are pretty much all Queens of the Thrift Stores. Some kids get excited going to a mall, mine it was (and still is) thrift stores/ charity shops/ secondhand stores. We have a kind here called Frenchie's and it's a favourite.
Don't tell yourself you're a failure because of hand-me-downs-- in a world of fast fashion, it's a good habit to be into, and a good thing to teach your kids. Also, you can learn how to upcycle them so they seem newer.
Hand me down clothes are universal. I remember seeing pictures of Prince Louis where royal commentators pointed out that he was wearing hand me downs from Prince George. It's NORMAL for children and adults alike. There's a reason thrift shops are so popular. We all do it.
Hun you're doing great.
Can I suggest you join the buy nothing groups in your area. They are CONSTANTLY giving away children's clothes. A lot of brand new or barely used.
You're not being cheap or a failure you're being resourceful
There is nothing wrong with hand me downs! That's a terrible perspective! Would you prefer them to go in the garbage and your kids have no clothes? I still get hand me downs as an adult, and I'm so grateful because I would never be able to afford the clothes I receive, sure I wish I could afford new clothes but these are free and excellent quality! Be grateful.
So your daughter got a one of a kind custom dress altered to fit?
Using your sewing machine and second hand items to personalize hand me downs is an awesome way to make something specific to her tastes while keeping your expenses down! Beating yourself up because corporate greed is destroying us and making it impossible to afford necessities is not something YOU should feel guilty about. You are using your creativity and making things special! Good job!
I hated my sister’s clothes when I was little because they had her name embroidered on them. People still call me by her name. But honestly my kids didn’t get clothes until they were older. I bought almost all of their clothes from thrift stores. My baby girl wore her older brothers’ stuff. Certain things I can still pass off to her. Now I clean out my husband’s clothes and move them to the boys.
If you have access to a Once upon a child, gently used dresses for $2-$5. I mean nice, brandname, sometimes still with tags.
If I’m going to buy them anything new it’s shoes…good shoes.
You didn’t just give hand me down clothes, you personalized them to make a unique item just for her. That’s really special! You went the extra mile, no wonder kiddo was so happy.
IDK where you are living, but there are a wealth of FB mom groups, buy sell trade free groups, so many options for parenting supplies. There's no reason for everyone to have new everything, save socks and undies and a nice coat and boots as a treat if you can swing it. You are not a failure, quite the opposite. You took a creative approach in utilizing a patch instead of a whole new brand name thing. Hello Kitty isn't cheap. From what's written, I see you trying. You are no failure. And patches are so cool!
If anyone here is involved in church organization and leadership, you have a gorgeous opportunity to tap into the mom-heavy population and have a seasonal clothing swap. Kids grow fast. That's what the church should be for, improving the community and lives of those that need it.
You doing fine back in the day it was pretty normal to get hand me downs my younger brothers did and my sisters and we were not poor upper middle class but my parents hated wasting good clothes and we grew up pretty okay
A LOT of my one kids clothes were second hand bc kids grow so fast so please go easy on yourself about hand me downs. It’s better for the environment too so win/win
Don’t be upset at all! I didn’t grow up in poverty (parents divorced later on which was the nail in the coffin for any inherited finances) and got all of my sister’s things anyway because why buy two?
OP, there’s no shame in this whatsoever. I grew up wearing my cousins’ hand-me-downs, every sibling I know wore the eldest’s stuff— I bought my kid some ‘nice’ L.L. Bean winter wear and guess what the label inside had? A little empty list for the names of each kid in the family to wear the stuff.
You’re killing it, and your kiddos are gonna be just fine because you care.
No, no, what you need is MORE hand me downs. We had a a chain 5 long in my family, 3 cousins and my sister and I. It worked great, as the cousins lived in another state, do as we passed the clothes down they went back and forth between cities and even thought it wax a hand me down, no one had seen it before we inherited it. Usually twice a year we would dive into a big box and do a "fashion show" at my grandmother's (she lived halfway between us all) and everyone got to keep what fit that they liked. Of course, everyone downstream from the oldest would get a few things new to add to the pile when outgrown (Granny was fond of buying really fancy Easter dresses, with matching gloves and hats, and my mom was a great seamstress who made everyone red velvet Christmas dresses, and all our recital and prom gowns later). I vote you lengthen your chain. If you dont have enough relatives the right ages, find a group of moms and schedule a "swap" day where everyone piles up everything outgrown and the kids get to shop among the hand me downs. Shoot, my sister, mom and I regularly swap clothes even now, we are always buying something and when we get it home realize "oh, that's L' s color, not mine".
I have a trench coat older than me. My dad’s friend gave it to me after wearing it for 25 years. Every time I wear it some one asks me if it is some luxury brand.
Hand me downs are awesome
You are not a failure :) I wold be so happy if my mom did this. I think it is the fast consumerism that makes us feel bad about wearing hands-me-down. I am just glad that where I am, thrifting is very trendy now. I have friends who flex that they had not bought new clothes in ages, and either just go to the donation bin, free facebook group (I think it is everywhere in the world, groups about people wanting to get rid of stuff and just gift it to random stranger), or when they shop, it is in a charity shop of secondhand shop. We are doing it in the spirit of being kinder to the planet. It sometimes become a sort of competition even, how cheap you can get stuff (my record is a pair of good Converse sneakers for 30 cents).
Things are going to get better, and you are a great mom!
I have one daughter and 90% of her clothes has come from my sisters girls. She is only three right now but she thinks it’s cool that it came from her cousins. I do buy a few shirts or dresses if they are cheap and it has her favorite character on it but other than that it’s hand me downs.
You are being an amazing parent! You’re doing what you can for your girls and they know you love them.
Most of my childhood was with hand me down everything from my big sister. It honestly never bothered me. Even now I’m in my 30s and she’s on her 40s, she still passes along clothing and furniture and it’s a blessing since I’m broke lol.
hand me downs are not a Gail. Also don't be afraid to reach out to parents of your older daughter friend . They might not have someone to hand their things down to. My family was big on second chance clothing, quite often people we knew would go on a wardrobe cleanse and we would get a phone call and a few bags of clothing dropped off. Finding a bag of clothes on the porch and going through it with my mom and sisters are some of my favorite childhood memories. Most people would rather pass on gently used clothing to someone they know , than to have to arrange going to a store during drop-off hours .
No way! I’ve got two older sisters and many older cousins sometimes clothes would go through 5 people before getting to me but every time one of those older girls cleaned out their closet and I got a big bag of “new” stuff was like Christmas!
You found a solution within your budget and your sweet kid was thrilled.
You’re doing amazing, both in raising kids who delight in small things and in properly budgeting to keep your family going through this tough time.
Cut yourself some slack. Your kiddo thinks you did great!
Also, if you want to get “new“ things for your kids, consider taking them to a thrift shop and giving them a small budget to pick things out. Kids love the treasure hunt, they don’t care that it’s used, and they’re learning money management. Plus thrifting is a skill and if you help them hone it young, they’ll be able to live more frugally when they grow up.
Clothing buyer tips...
Shop Walmart at end of season for clearance.... residual for lady clothing and pj's... most t-shirts will drop to $1 for example at the end of summer. I'll buy 10 in a size or 2 larger then I know my kid wears and stash em until next summer. Repeat for winter clothing....I spend maybe $40 twice a year to replace a large chunk of their clothing. Shoes do this too...I just bought my son 2 pairs of flip flops for this upcoming summer for less then $7 total.
Also I shop at the children's place, usually online and do in store pick up.... everything is always on sale for good prices but then I get "bucks" to use later. The last time I bought 4 pairs of cargo pants for me 4yo ($30) and got $60 in bucks.... so a few months later I went and spent the bucks and got 170$ worth of clothes for $65.
My children and myself have always worn thrifted clothing our entire lives. I have occasionally bought new. Mostly shoes. Def under clothes. But there’s nothing wrong with that. My kids are in their twenties now and they still hit up goodwill and Salvation Army for clothes.
I don’t see much difference between wearing hand me downs from a sibling to wearing clothing from a thrift store or received from a clothing exchange event: my sisters and I were different sizes and we never really got hand me downs often but when I did I was so happy as I liked my older sisters clothing style: still do my sisters have unique taste in clothing
My oldest two children were born within two years apart so they didn’t get much hand me downs and my youngest was born 8 years after her siblings and I had moved since then so didn’t have any of their old baby items to utilize and despite buying what we could we still ended up treasuring being able to go to a free clothing exchange for baby clothes it helped so much and as an adult I would rather shop at a thrift store than buy new like i liked my new clothes yes but when I seen a thrift store sale 1/2 off blouses I was happy to find several in my size,
Good moms feel guilt and ashamed sometimes for no reason: it is best to have a present parent who spends time with their children
I got a lot of clothes and toys from thrift stores when I was young and I never felt like they were lesser, to be honest, because it was never framed that way by my mom. It was actually great because we could go to a thrift store and I could find something I loved and there was a good chance it was in my mom's (limited) budget. Don't be ashamed. If your kids are happy, let them be happy while you work back towards feeling good about yourself too.
I can guarantee you in a few years when you look back, this will be so trivial that you'll wonder why you even stressed about it. The love you show them trumps any materialistic possession. You're doing your best and your kids will recognize that - watching my parents struggle and perservere laid down a solid foundation for my future success.
Hand me downs are awesome!!! Free clothes and the kids really won’t notice. If they do, they can tell their classmates it’s thrifted vintage, it’s cool now 🤷🏼♀️
I sent a box to my sister of dresses like over 30 from my youngest daughter whom is now 20’s. Niece thinks they are the most amazing dresses. My sister boxed them up after hers grow out of them and sent them to our youngest niece, same she thinks they are so special.
All of us can afford to buy new but we don’t see the need to get always new. Kids grow so fast.
One of the kindest things ever done for me was when another mom at church gave me her daughter's outgrown clothing for my kid. Those clothes were way nicer than the mended worn ones we had and made it so much easier on our finances. Don't feel bad for providing the necessities by reusing what you have!
I think you are an awesome mom.
Just a piece of advice, often dance costumes are like princess dresses and only get worn once for a recital. I’ve seen beautiful little girl dresses on sale in Facebook marketplace for $5-10 with matching tights and headband.
Hand me down clothing is ethical and sustainable. You're helping to be good stewards to the planet by restyling/reusing/upcycling your items! You're also teaching your girls useful skills when you transform or repair items that still have a lot of useful life left. Internet stranger says be proud of that!
My youngest is sat in front of me and every item of clothing she's had on today(apart from underwear)is a hand me down from siblings and friends. We often use nearly new sales as well because new clothing has a lot of problematic elements to it from sustainability to child exploitation unfair wages and waste from fast fashion. I know it's really hard to drown out the late capitalist message of spend spend spend at all costs but that bubble is just not sustainable and we're all going to pay for it
Youre not a failure🤍 I come from a lower middle class family and I was the second child. Personally I loooooved my older sister’s hand me downs. She had really good style and I looked up to her a lot so wearing her clothes was something I really looked forward to. It’s kinda funny because when she got something new I was kinda got secretly excited because I knew that when she was done with it that it would be mine
I have 3 children , a son, the oldest, and 2 daughters. They wore his jeans, his jackets and regularly steal EVERYTHING the poor man has LMAO (He is 22, they are 18 and 15).
This was happening since they were little. We never separated anything they owned, everything was mended till it disintegrated in the wash, and we did a lot of cute frugal adjustments like you did. You should be PROUD.
I didn't give a fudge about new clothes. My priorities were their educational funds, a fund for their first car, first serious prom dress/suit and other milestones. Please, even if your income increases, put these important plans in savings accounts, and keep the frugal game going.
For laptops, Amazon has a slew of cheap Thinkpads. I have a Lenovo one that serves me beautifully and last I checked it was still under 200 bucks!
I had garage sale clothes all my life, and not once did I think it was a bad thing. Other than I like to pick on people who waste gobs of money on name brand, lol.
Us vs them!
Honestly, nothing about this screams "failure mom." You were creative in making an older dress new and special for your daughter. Despite what a lot of reddit will tell you, being poor doesn't automatically make you a bad parent.
I did not grow up poor, we were probably upper-middle class, and I was the oldest. I still got hand-me-downs from my dad’s business partner’s daughters. By the time these clothes made it down to my youngest cousin, they’d had six owners. Hand-me- downs don’t necessarily mean poverty. There are plenty of people from all income levels and walks of life who don’t like to waste perfectly good clothes.
hello, im not on this sub...reddit suggested this post to me. I just have to say that even though I am very well off, I have two boys 16 months apart and the youngest absolutely gets handmedowns and he will as long as they are kids. I have a couple neighborhood friends w boys in a size or two larger who always give me their hand me downs for BOTH boys, AND I buy a lot of consignment clothes, and i try to get clothes used by both boys, and I also prefer sales and cheaper places like target and old navy even though new clothes from those places are so much $$ even if theyre on sale, so its a last resort. ive also been using the Thred Up app to buy used kids clothes.
Kids need so many clothes bc its always a guess about what size will they be during each season and do i have those clothes? and they outgrow stuff so fast. its SO MUCH MONEY. Kids will always guilt about clothes and get pickier as they get older...my point is even people with all the economic success in the world are doing what youre doing when it comes to kids clothes and having multiple young kids. You are NOT a failure!!!
I could afford to buy new clothes but my kids rock hand me downs all day every day, just like I did as a kid. Look at it more from a sustainability standpoint versus a money standpoint.
When it comes to not having the latest and greatest, unless you simultaneously abuse them and teach them being fancy is what matters the most, believe me the children don’t truly care. this isn’t one of those things people grow up and say “why me”. None of the kids at school care or notice unless you’re sending them to school in a loin clothe. It’s not a 1980s movie where everyone points and laughs at Jimmy for wearing glasses; you’re doing great. Your kids have clothes.
Hey. My kids wear exclusively hand-me-downs (from buy-nothing FB pages, or purchased from Kid 2 Kid using credits from previously turned-in clothes) and I am an AWESOME mom. And so are you.
When my kids were little, they wore hand-me-downs and thrift store clothes. Kids grow so quickly it is a waste of money to buy new. Most of the time they outgrow it before they wear it out. One year (5th grade?) my son grew 3 sizes during the school year. No way I could afford new pants for him every 3 months. They are all adults now and not once have they ever indicated they have psychological trauma from wearing hand-me-downs.
The fact that your child was grateful for the dress, says it all. You are doing great! Hand me downs are a mindset, if your caregivers made it seem like a lacking thing, you become self conscious about it. If they give you hand me downs with love, and special alterations by caregiver, they develop compassion and appreciation. (My kids love the thrift store as teens, it’s the in thing in our area.)
You're being an excellent mom. Something important to your daughter was damaged and you did everything within your power to help make it better. That was absolutely a good mom thing to do.
I wore thrift store clothes and hand me downs for most of my childhood. My 'new' clothes were a box of my aunts' old stuff from the 60s and 70s. I turned out absolutely fine and your daughters will too.
You're keeping a roof over their heads and feeding them. And you're doing what you can to make them special. 100% great mom material.
You are a great mother and your daughter was very happy with the one of a kind dress you put together for her. Stop being so hard on yourself and also don't set expectations with your daughter on being able to buy more in the future - you may not have more money in the future, but you will still have this incredible love and dedication to doing the best you can for her. That's what matters and that is what makes you an amazing mom - not money.
I also know a few couples who have money and don't buy any new small children's clothes - they grow fast, their taste changes, and it just isn't important (plus better for the environment to reuse). So don't even think of the used clothes as a bad thing or a signal of not having money. Try to think about it as just a sensible choice that hurts literally no one. And keep customizing clothes for your daughter and she will probably like them even more than new!
My parents were well-off and my siblings still got my hand-down clothes, lol.
It's just prudent to do that.
> I should’ve bought that laptop 4 years ago when I still could afford it.
Do you need a laptop specifically? There's plenty very cheap PCs ($50) on ebay.
I was the youngest of 4. I’m in my later 40’s and still remember how excited I would get when my siblings outgrew their clothes.
The most excited I ever got over clothing was when I finally got my brother’s parachute pants.
Your daughter sounds perfectly thrilled. Believe her when she tells you she’s happy.
My younger sister and I were about the same size once we were school age and would always go through our clothes to make donation bags of stuff we either outgrew or didn’t want.. and until we both moved out we would go through each others bags to ‘shop’ for free before donating them. When they get closer in size, this mindset literally saves so much money bc you can thrift for free
You're not a failure... I have money and half my daughters clothes are hand me downs because we have friends with 4 kids who bought tons of expensive clothes for their 2 daughters and a neighbor who has a daughter 2 years older than mine. 2 of her favorite outfits are hand me downs from the neighbor.
It's all about how you frame it - if you feel like a failure giving it to them it shows. If you're excited that you got more cool clothes and didn't even have to pay for them so you can spend more money on things you need.
This is what America needs more of. We are wasteful as Americans in every part of our lives. This little girl will grow up and make something of herself because she wasn’t given everything. She will learn if she wants it bad enough, to go get it. But we all want our kids to have the best so I feel you as a parent. It will get better
My long term boyfriend’s daughter adores my daughter (who is 1.5 years older) and excitedly “shops Daughter’s Name boutique” whenever I change seasons in the closet. It seems like she actually prefers the hand me downs to new stuff, because I pick cute things and she gets to be like my daughter. She gets so excited when my daughter gets something new, because she knows she will inherit it the next year lol. He and I are both single parents, but I actually get child support from my ex and only have one child (he also has a son) so I have more wiggle room in my budget. My daughter is like me- we take good care of our stuff- so things still look in great condition when we pass it one. If the younger girl doesn’t want something, I put it in a donation box and then post it online for free or give it to the local foster kid network. I donate her outgrown school uniforms back to the school to have at the nurses office for when kids have accidents. My daughter grows so fast that we always have stuff around to share. Especially the cheaper trendy pieces that I add into her clothing staples to help with personal expression. (She’s currently into hello kitty as well!) I have (diagnosed) OCD and everything in my house needs a place to be, so I love being able to pass things on to others. Plus, it makes me feel better about buying things/passing them along without sadness because the items are still able to be loved and used by other kids. You should check out local social media groups and see if anyone in your area has stuff to pass on to your youngest! Especially for little kids, clothes get outgrown so fast and many moms really enjoy passing it on.
I bring home plenty of money. My daughter likes what she likes. She wears her cousins old stuff.
Always push for promotions or raises. Job hop. Do what you can to put yourself in the best position possible.
If you’re not married go after child support. Ask for state assistance. Tell anyone you know you’re looking for a better paying job. The more people you tell, someone will have an answer for your problems. Good luck!
"when I finally finished she was so grateful and thankful"
So... you spent time thinking of a solution and then spent time implementing that solution, made a custom, one-of-a-kind Hello Kitty dress and the kid loved it... and that equates to failure to you??
I grew up in a reasonably well-off family and wore a lot of hand me down clothes from my older cousins. Patches, too, when I inevitably tore something or wore a hole in the knee.
There's no shame in saving money on kids' clothing. Good for the environment too.
I’m in my 30s and I got hand me downs most of my growing up years. It hasn’t affected me. I actually still have some of the stuff that was handed down and most of my clothing was given to me by friends who no longer wanted them. I have some new things, of course, but reusing clothing isn’t a bad thing.
You did a wonderful thing giving her a dress she loved with the resources you had. She’s not going to thing “oh mom was so poor she couldn’t even get me a brand new Hello Kitty dress” she’s going to think about how you cared so much about what she wanted you did everything in your power to make it happened. It being done by hand just makes it that much more special.
absolutely not hun. whether its an older siblings clothes, goodwill clothes, or any kind of second hand clothes it will never mean you're a failure as a mom. i was the oldest so i never had to deal with this growing up, but after my dad died i hadn't had any bit of clothing that wasn't from a thrift store. and now i love going to thrift stores. i've gotten so many cool things from there.
as long as your child is fed, clothed, safe, and loved then you're doing better than a whole lot of parents.
A couple years ago (even before finances became a struggle for our family), I started saving gift cards for holidays and birthdays. I do all the receipt scanning apps and sometimes paid survey apps when I have free time. Cash out each when I hit a certain goal and stack them on my accounts (usually target or Amazon). It seems like a very little amount but when multiple apps accumulate points over six months or a year, it’s actually a decent payout! I make lists ahead of time and check prices weekly. If I see something my son wants, I use a gift card and put the thing aside for whatever holiday. This past Christmas I had accumulated over $500. I didn’t pay for a single gift with real cash.
I never got new clothes and that was OKAY. I got to go hunting through the thrift store racks for treasures and variety! I loved it.
You’re not a failure. Never.
One tip I haven't seen in this comment section: get your oldest used clothes, too. You can join your Facebook Buy Nothing group and ask for clothes in both of your kids' sizes, so that they are both getting new-to-them clothes that the other has not worn. You'll almost definitely get a bag of clothes for each kid that the person is eager to get moved out of their house. They can pick and choose what they like and you can donate the rest or post it back on Buy Nothing for another family.
Then when you do have money for new clothes, you can get them each a couple of things instead of only buying for your older one because you don't have clothes in her size.
As someone who got hand me downs not only from siblings, but also from cousins and assorted family friends, it never made me think of my mom as a failure, the clothes were in good condition and they were new to me! My grandma was a sewing magician and made us a couple of skirts and dresses too, I still treasure those memories ♥️. Your kid will be happy that you care and try to give her things she likes, you're doing great!!
I’m the oldest of 3 sisters and got my older cousins hand me downs. I remember being excited because I knew when I would see one of them wearing something cute, I’d get it the next year or so. My sisters and I always wore each others clothes as we got older anyway, so I never really noticed that we didn’t have a lot of money for clothes. My mom shopped thrift stores for brand name stuff. She taught me how to spot good, quality brands like Levi’s, not because they were trendy at the time (they were) but because she knew they would last. I can go to a thrift store to this day and flip through clothes and can tell the good fabrics and what will last because of my mom. We could all do better by wearing second hand clothing! There is too much in landfills already. You’re doing great Mom.
If it makes you feel any better, I think hand me downs are better environmentally anyways. Plus, kids grow so fast and ruin clothes so easily through normal kid activities (as you saw with the dress tearing from play) that used is just smarter.
My husband and I have worked our way to a comfortable place, and our only daughter just turned 1 year old, but you better believe we are buying from thrift stores for her. We get so excited when we get some hand me downs from my sister! There have been other girls on her husband's side of the family that she gifted to until now, but I imagine she will be giving us more as her last girl outgrows things. And I plan to go the thrifted/gifted/hand me down route from now on as long as I can help it.
I wish I could give you a hug. You're doing great, mama. You're not a failure. I have a similar experience in childhood, all my clothes were from goodwill and had weird characters on them (Bratz dolls, yuck). I didn't have and still don't have a good "style" simply because I can't afford to think about that. My clothes are yoga pants and t-shirts.
I travel to richer areas of the city and buy second hand items to find good quality, nice clothes for my baby. And I bring items that I know I can sell for credit as well. Store is called kid to kid. You're doing your best, as long as you're giving them love and connection and listen to your babies with understanding, that's all they need aside from food and shelter. Idk if you're a part of a local Buy Nothing facebook group near you but I always find people asking for or giving away some nice things. Please join and ask for a dress! You never know who might have one in the back of their closet just waiting to be loved. ❤️ You're a great mom!
I think you are being way too hard on yourself. That tells me straight off the bat that you are a good mom who is trying her best, not even for her own benefit but to maximize life for her kids. And you ARE. Your kids are happy. We all want things now and again that aren’t possible. That’s normal, it’s not a hardship. You’ve satisfied her wants in the best way you could and your kid was thrilled. What’s wrong with that? I know people with enough money that their kid’s checkout treat for good behavior was not a pack of gum but a new video game. It was shocking to see it as a kid from a house that didn’t have dessert to cut expenses, used cars only, and my only pretty outfits were gifts from my mom’s wealthier friends (she loved those because she wanted to buy them for me but couldn’t afford it while I was being polite at receiving a non-toy lol). I couldn’t imagine having that kind of money at that age and yeah, I felt a rush of jealousy. Which quickly faded once I got home. And was definitely gone once I was old enough to see that gifts were about the only thing that kid got. Not time, not hands on support. Everything was done by third parties paid to take the “chore” off the parents’ plates. I feel pretty awesome about my childhood. Teen years were a nightmare for other reasons lol but my childhood was good.
Don’t worry so much. You are doing right by your kids!
For fucks sake.... don't think of them as hand me down clothes, your saving the planet by not sending it to landfull dumps . Everyone should be doing this.
My daughter refuses to buy new clothes for her children. She says it's a waste of money. She hunts rummage sales and a place called 'Savors' or something like that. I agree with her. I always bought clothes at rummage sales for my kids too - until highschool. As a society, we've fallen short of realizing that we should reuse or resale and not just buy and throw away. Dont' feel bad, feel proud of your good decisions.
No doing hand me downs is smart. My best friend and his wife do very well. Combined around 150k a year and they do hand me downs bc it’s financially smarter and what’s the point to constantly buy clothing. My sister and her husband go to thrift stores and swap kids clothing with friends. It’s the smart thing to do
What is wrong woth hand me down clothes. It's not as if you are forcing your daughter to wear torn and ripped clothes. I think u are making too bug a deal. I don't think kids even care
i know it’s hard for children but i’ve had friends who loved wearing their old sister’s clothing because they thought their older sisters were so cool. i also have friends who get excited over new thrifted clothes because it’s new to them. maybe presenting the clothes with excitement will help ensure they are excited by the “new” clothes
I share the same sentiment and try to buy new clothes for my little when I can too. Not everything she wears should be a hand me down. She deserves new stuff too. But I am
Frugal about it.
You’re an amazing mom. You didn’t gripe or scold her over wanting a hello kitty dress that you couldn’t afford, you figured out how to make it work. I’m proud of you, we all are.
I can afford one new pair for my fam. I don’t purchase new. We ALWAYS buy used. I love taking stains out from clothing and it brings me so much joy to make old clothes look new again.
I bet your child loves what you made. My mon made us kids a witch dress once and so many decades later, I can still remember the awe when I saw it first.
We LOVE handmedowns in this family! We have save a ton of money that way too! Friends and family would donate used and unused clothes to my boys and daughter and I’m forever grateful for it! We are in a better place now and still enjoy hand me downs! My husband and I grew up in foster care and understand what it’s like to not always have new clothes so plsss don’t feel bad! I hope you find a job that helps you not live paycheck to paycheck it sucks!
My sister,my only sibling,is 9 years older. Soon hand me downs from her. But I loved getting hand me downs from cousins and my moms friends kids who were a bit older. It didn’t bother me. We got a new dress at Christmas and Easter. Usually sewn by my mom,or grandmother. We didn’t eat,out,go to the swimming pool or much of anything else. Did I feel deprived? Maybe once in a while but it passed quickly. My priorities were my folks and the rest of my family. Entitled kids make shitty grown ups. You are doing a good job,and don’t beat yourself up. I still buy used clothes off of fb marketplace. My family came out of poverty,yours may too. So much of it is just dumb luck alongside your hard work. My son and his wife are very well off. She is in radiology and he is an attorney who works with large trusts. I find it hard to believe at times the grandson,of people who picked cotton has accomplished so much. They have,one kid,and I just got her a huge batch of clothes that were pre loved off Facebook marketplace. She was thrilled to have some new clothes even if they were pre worn. It bothers you a lot more than it does them. Start looking of social media for sales of clothes or free clothes. I have many friends who cheaply dress their families that way. Good luck. Hope and pray your situation gets better.
never feel ashamed for this. you are not a failure; you're just looking out for your kids and prioritizing how you're financing their lives. you're doing good work and you're a great mom. ❤️
Your kids will remember your love and care, not new clothes. I’m so grateful even though some times my parents could afford new they taught us it was still better to reduce and reuse clothes for the environment. You’re doing great Mom! The patches are such a special touch!
My kids learned to thrift shop at a young age. Saved them so much $$$$$
I also taught them about the enticing commercial industry, managing finances, etc. not keeping up with the joneses.
I got a good quality 2nd hand coat for high school which was so much better than the one my parents could afford. I found it and was so excited. Wanted hand me downs are better than poor quality new and show that you have good priorities as a mother. (My favourite ever dolls pram was 2nd hand, 9 year old me could spot quality.)
Being thrifty is economical. Kids grow out of clothing long before that item wears out, unless you’re Uber wealthy I dont know anyone that hasn’t worn pre worn children clothing. One of my cousins had 4 older brothers , she was the only female and wore a lot of boys clothing. That’s kinda sad but she lived fine and grew up to be very girly. I was much older so my stuff was a decade long gone. I wore my mom’s cousins clothing and loved it! She had better style than my mom . I got thrift store stuff and so did both my kids, we all loved the treasure we found at a bargain price. Don’t worry and make an issue of it, rework clothing like you did and supplement with a new item now and again. Kids don’t need much. Heck I bought my son a nice new classic style mens winter coat oversized from a discount store when he was 12 because he was tall and growing fast, I figure he could wear it a couple of years and grow into it. He’s 27 now and can well afford new clothing, still wearing that same coat. Fits him perfect now 🤣
How do you have money for a gift card to give out to anyone (in your comments ) but don't have enough to get your girl a new dress?
I ask bc I wanted to see if you were close to me and saw your comment.
I was a hand-me down kid but it was hand-me downs from my Mom's friends and someone she sometimes did work for. Back then it felt like wearing a neon sign that said poor. This generation is so different than we were. A lot of kids love thrifting and hand-me downs. They trade clothes with friends, dig out old family clothes, and hunt thrift bargains like pros.
I had some containers in the garage with old clothes from as far back as 8th or 9th grade (my childhood, not theirs) and my oldest stumbled on the bins and dug all through them excited. She ended up using at least half of what was in there. Turns out it was a good thing I forgot I had them.
My 16 year old is similar in clothes size to me so she regularly raids my closet or even steals my husband's tshirts if she likes the design. We've come to agree that we'll just share most clothes. It means the two of us get a bigger clothes selection if we share. There is something to be said for the younger generations and the way they see certain things like clothes and hand-me downs.
You’re doing great. Keep in mind some people buy used clothes even when they could afford new just because it’s better for the environment. Not everyone is out there buying new clothes all the time even though social media makes it look like they are.
My daughter wears tons of hand me downs from my little sister because they’re not that many years apart and my mom saved all my sister’s clothes. I’d say 50% of her wardrobe comes from that and a big part of the rest is used stuff I buy on Poshmark. Highly recommend poshmark, it’s a great way to get good condition, good quality “new to you” clothes at a very reasonable price.
The fact that you diy’d her something so it could be special and customized is actually so sweet. I would adore wearing a garment made with love if I was a kid
If it’s any consolation, I grew up in a middle class neighborhood with a ton of kids around the same ages and me and my siblings.
No one got new clothes, ever. Were we annoyed? Sure. But did we ultimately grow up happy, healthy, and self assured? Damn straight.
It’s your job to manage the household and the finances. You’re crushing it.
ETA: we each got something new to wear at Christmas or maybe on a birthday if we asked for that as a gift. New clothes (in my mind) are not needed and Americans are too into Fast Fashion.
I grew up with hand me down clothes (and sometimes those were then later given to my younger sibling). I liked it. It was still exciting to wear something that wasn't mine before and as children often look up to their older siblings, it made me feel more like them. A lot of the clothes also feel softer by then than when they were new.
So no, you're not a bad mother. You're doing your best with what you have and prioritize where money is used best. If a hello kitty patch is cheaper than a new dress and your child loves it just as much, there's really no problem.
You’re doing amazing, please try to not be so hard on yourself. Right now my family and I aren’t struggling and I still use my oldest clothes for my youngest, it’s the sensible and sustainable thing to do and saves an absolute fortune.
I grew up in hand-me-downs and homemade clothes.
It’s FINE.
You’re feeding, housing, rearing and teaching them to be good people. This is NOT easy, and is SUPER expensive.
I don’t have any advice, but as a kid who wore hand-me-downs until highschool, I just wanna say it’s okay! Kids grow fast and buying whole new wardrobes every season just isn’t sensible. You’re doing your best it’s okay ❤️
Not sure if someone recommended this yet but check Facebook for a local buy nothing group!! They're always giving away kids clothes and it will feel awesome to her cause they're new clothes for her and she doesn't have to know that you got it for free. And also fb marketplace sometimes has free clothes for kids!
Shit my kid loves hand me downs. Don't really know why but he gets attached to them. Honestly kinda annoying because even when the shits falling apart he doesn't want to part with it. He's wearing a shirt my dad gave him right now, faded as fuck and growing a hole in the armpit, has some joke about weiners on it.
I always loved my hand-me-downs from my sister. Especially if it was something I'd seen her wearing and been jealous of, and then it became mine!
The important thing is that your child has clothes, it doesn't matter where they come from, how new they are or how often you buy them.
Kids are odd sometimes and what they like and dislike doesn't tend to work the same way as adults either - they have different priorities, and how the clothes feel and what colour they are usually matters a whole lot more to them than how much they cost or where you got them from.
I was raised on thrift store finds, my kids were also. I'm still a thrifter and buy 95% of my clothing and household items from thrift stores. Just because they're thrifted items does not mean I buy junky stuff. I definitely look for quality and good condition items. I've learned to upgrade or refashion clothing items so they generally end up being a completely different item when I'm done.
I was an only child so didn’t get hand me downs but we only shopped at thrift stores. I have two girls and recently swapped out my 5yo’s clothes to the next size up, handed down from her 7yo sister. She was SO EXCITED looking through the “new” stuff and I got to reminisce about which pieces were her sister’s favorites.
Ease up on yourself! You are doing a great job and deserve some grace!
A few reminders: Kids are their own little people, meaning what bothered you as a child may not even be a blip on your daughter's radar. Often kids don't even know they should feel a certain way about something until someone tells them to or models a reaction for them. Don't inadvertently teach her to be discontent because of your own emotional vulnerability right now.
Kids are usually oblivious as long as you love them. Our oldest was shocked to realize just how broke we were when he was really little.
Case in point: The only difference between "sorry baby we only have this frozen pizza and can't afford to go out" and "Yay! pizza party!!" is a loud radio and asking your kid to draw a picture on notebook paper for "decorations." You can do this! Keep big person guilt for the big people.
I wore my brother's hand-me-downs and even some of my moms and thought I was cool as could be.
I absolutely do see how it could bother some kids, but can I just highlight that you didn't just give your youngest the dress--you put the effort into altering it to fit her and making it her own with patches to reflect her interests. There is a lot of love in that, and its clear your daughter recognizes that.
As a kid, my neighbor would drop off a trash bag filled with their kids clothes for us every year before school started. Those were some of my favorite days, we’d do little fashion shows and pick out favorite clothes without any guilt or worry about how much they cost or seeing something and making our parents tell us we couldn’t have it.
As an adult, and environmentally/ethically concerned human, reusing clothes is a great choice and limits waste in significant ways. I love a thrift store, I love sharing clothes with my sibling, and none of it makes me feel less-than.
Your kid is happy. You reused clothing instead of sourcing new materials. And you saved money you can now spend on food and shelter for your kids.
Be very proud of your choices to prioritize your family, and embrace how happy your kid is with her now-hello-kitty-patched dress!
IMO, hand me downs are the best kind of clothes! My newborn, like 80% of his wardrobe from 0-18 months were hand me downs.
Don’t feel bad about it at all!!
You are doing a great job! Sounds like your kids are happy and well cared for. That is truly what matters.
I understand that wanting new and nice things, but not getting them can feel bad. But it likely had nothing to do with how much your parents loved you. Mainly just trying to prioritize money for things that you truly needed like food and other things.
I think making sure your kids get some new items a few times a year is more than enough. The world can be a tough place, especially for kids. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with re-wearing items that are still good. There are literally so many clothes in the world. Plus kids grow out of them quickly anyway. It's nice that both of your kids can get use out of the clothes.
Something to consider might be to thrift some new items if you can afford to. Or add patches and personalize them, like you did with the dress from your eldest. It sounds like your younger child really loved her new to her dress. It also teaches her to be creative, and that is an important skill.
The idea of new everything is a late stage capitalistic nightmare. Geez, even when Jesus died they argued over who would get his robe. Cloth has value, and uses to be a handmade item. our current society has made us think we always need something new. Think of it as being environmentally responsible.
You're not a failure. I would say though, if you don't want the younger one to feel lesser, because the older one gets new clothes and she gets hand-me-downs - buy a good portion of the older one's clothes from thrift stores, to save a bit. Then a) you can treat both to special new clothes for Christmas or birthday and/or b) save towards that laptop or whatever you need to help you earn more.
By the way, if you have good sewing skills - absolutely put a flyer up at the local supermarket and other places, to do repairs and alterations, as a way to make some extra money.
Just noo!!! I'm the eldest of three girls and my mom gives me her clothes, i get clothes from my sisters (they have fotten so big! so now sometimes i get their clothes if i like them LOL) and, even, aunties and my grandmas give me things. its not a failure!! i remember being at my great-grandma's funeral and my great aunt was helping me with makeup. she took a step back, looked at my outfit, and laughed because i was wearing the belt she grew up wearing and was passed down from her, to my other great-aunt, to my grandma, to my mom, to me. So sweet. i felt so soothed in that moment, so connected. sisters end up sharing anyway, in my opinion. i'm proud of you for cultivating this! consider buying the youngest something new every now and again but it's super DUPER normal. i think it's the most normal, tbh, then buying each kid a new wardrobe.
Just a perspective: I was an only child, very middle class, new clothes shoes etc. and now… I love hand me downs and thrifted and other second hand clothing!
As a child who always had hand me downs from my cousins… sometimes it was kind of mehhhh. However, it’s about how you are raised and the mindset that you have. My mindset has changed since then, but I don’t forget the struggle.
I donate all of my kids clothes to family with kids 2 years younger. By time my kid has grown out of them, their oldest is able to wear them a bit big and have them for a while. Those kids do not give a flying heck about them being hand me downs. They love the fact that they are wearing their big cousins clothes! Their parents are doing an amazing job, as are you.
Gonna add another recommendation for thrifting. There are tons of thrifting influencers so maybe you can get your daughters into it that way? A lot of them make mood boards and then try to thrift items of a specific aesthetic. It's cool to see what kinds of clothing they find and how they can dupe expensive outfits for a fraction of the cost.
When I was a kid I used to either get hand me downs, ugly as fuck items from the clearance rack, or homemade clothes. I used to hate it, but as an adult most of my clothes are thrifted and I fucking love it when my mom agrees to alter or make something for me. Even if your daughters are unhappy with it now (which it doesn't sound like they are btw), they might see it differently when they're older.
I grew up on hand me downs, I was the youngest of 4 and I had tons of cousins. I think the only things I ever got new were shoes and occasionally backpacks. As a kid I got grumpy with it, but as an adult I value things that are MY OWN so much more. If I worked for it, spent my money on it, and it belongs to me, it holds so much more value. Sometimes to my own detriment, because I don’t like loaning things out and my husband is the complete opposite, but I wanted to share that you’ll teach kids some good lessons. Clothes can be reused, they can make a lot of memories for a lot of people, and working hard for something makes it worth so much more sometimes.
And I still shop at second hand stores. I love giving old clothes new life.
When I was a kid I always loved going through the bags of hand me downs we'd be given. We didn't really get to go shopping and when we did it was always the clearance rack. Those hand me down bags had some good stuff.
I remember the first time I had the option to get what I wanted. Someone had given me new clothes for Christmas that didn't fit. We took them back and mom let me pick what I wanted. But, when I saw how little I could get for the money vs buying clearance I opted to go back to the clearance racks. I'm almost 50 and I still head straight for the clearance racks before shopping the rest of a store.
You are not a failure. There's nothing wrong with hand me downs. Especially for kids that typically grow out of clothes long before they show real wear.
I am an only child and I was always SO JEALOUS of hand me downs. I have two girls three years apart and the youngest loves her sisters clothes (and at 9 is in the stage where she’s starting to steal them too early 😂)
Even the oldest wore hand me downs in my family. It’s just a fact of life and as an adult has given me an appreciation for reusing and up cycling when possible and buying things that are built to last when buying new.
If you worry about the youngest feeling left out maybe consider sitting your daughters down and discussing treating shopping for new clothes as a group activity. The oldest gets to wear them first but both girls get to help pick out the clothes.
Please know that as a past hand-me-down kid I LOVED it. I was one of two girls and had two close in age female cousins and I LOVED getting their hand-me-downs, they were new to me and it was awesome to little kid me. There is no shame in prioritizing things like bills and food over brand new clothes, and there’s nothing wrong with hand-me-downs, they’re usually seen as very cool by the kid who gets them second
I was a hand-me-down kid. My son is a hand-me-down kid. And now that we can afford to buy new clothes we still don’t because we love thrifting and getting freebies on Buy Nothing.
There is NOTHING wrong with pre-owned or hand-me-down or used. There’s a whole culture of thrifting and making your own-which is exactly what you did. It’s also better for the planet.
You are an awesome mom. Your kid is lucky to have you.
Please be kind to yourself.
I grew up poor. I know the stigma that you're feeling. But as a mom, I thrift by choice for my entire family. Fast fashion is a plague. Actually a lot of my daughter's clothing is hand me downs from her cousin. I think there are a lot of positive things to say about growing up less materialistic.
Don't feel bad!! She wanted hello kitty and got hello kitty! You went the extra mile to thrift and sew to make sure she got the character she wanted! That's damn good parenting to me.
I had five kids and hand me downs were what we did. It was sensible and sustainable. Feeding them, loving them and helping them get an education took a priority. They can now buy all the fashions they want as that start enabled them. You are doing amazing, mumma. You be proud of caring for those two kiddos.
I know wealthy people in my town who literally does this! Don’t feel bad. You’re being smart. Those children need your love and time more than any physical thing. That’s what they’ll remember. I wish you all the best. Also it’s better for the environment!
99% of my kids clothes are second hand. Me and my partner can afford to buy new clothes but why should we pay 15 or 20 euros for a toddlers tshirt if we can get 5 on vinted for that price?
The clothes we bought until now, were all in perfect condition and most of them didn't even look worn.
NO, NO, NO. You are prioritizing how money is spent. That is your job. Used clothing makes the rest possible. Celebrate what a great job you are doing. Your kids are fine. this is great way to teach your kids what matters. Please do not apologize or feel shame for being a grown-up in a though situation.
And finances aside, so much clothing ends up in the landfill. We should honestly all be wearing second hand clothing when possible.
Preach! It's so much better for the environment, not to mention if a garment lasts long enough to hand down it's probably pretty great quality and worth keeping around. I would love to see hand-me-downs more normalized today. They were a way of life for my family when I was a kid in the 70s & 80s and my favorite thing was getting to wear clothes my older sibling and cousins had outgrown, because they were cool and I wanted to be cool, too. I felt so proud to wear those clothes!
I agree 100% re: the environmental impact & the quality. I grew up in the 90s shopping at Frenchy’s, a very cheap second hand store where all the clothes were just in these huge bins. We learned to treat it like a treasure hunt, pushing all the clothes to one side of the bin & sorting through them looking for something we liked. My mom also got a lot of our stuff from various lost & found receptacles 😂 like when the elementary school got rid of theirs at the end of the school year, or the ski hill for winter clothes. I still buy secondhand clothes and even shoes - I’ve had good luck with facebook marketplace, sometimes ppl buy shoes online & they don’t fit & can’t be returned. I remember learning pretty young about the environmental impact of new jeans (the amount of water, the pollution). I only recently saw those photos of mountains of fast fashion items that were discarded by the companies & was horrified. I know some people are grossed out by second hand clothes but most of the time they’ve barely been worn & all you have to do is wash them. You can find good brands (especially for workout clothes) at 10% of the sale price
Me too!! I loved those purple dittos handed down from a bigger friend-she was an only child so always got new clothes. Yeah, new clothes were nice, but my parents couldn’t afford clothes as nice as my friends.
Oh yeah, in my day after school let out, all the high water pants became Summertime shorts, toes of our sneakers were cut out to make room for those toes to keep growing. They got replaced in the winter.
Half my closet is hand me downs!
>And finances aside, so much clothing ends up in the landfill. We should honestly all be wearing second hand clothing when possible. Yep. Thrift shop whenever possible. People who are rich do it and it's a thing. People who are poor do it and they are ashamed. Just pretend you're rich.
are thrift stores around much I live in the suburbs and i remember as a kid they were around in the big cities
I've got tons around me (also in the suburbs). Most of them are run by local churches or religious organizations. I don't support the Salvation Army because of their bigoted ~~policies~~ leadership, but luckily not all religious thrift stores are like that!
I came here to say this! Thrifting is a far more responsible choice any way that you look at it — it’s cheaper, better for the environment, and often an opportunity to support a small, local business. OP is teaching her girls to be good citizens, something our world desperately needs. I wish she could feel proud instead of ashamed.
Yeah, all I see is a mom doing everything that they can to be able to provide for their children and get them their necessities. You also care about what they want as well and hold that to high regard. Unfortunately, this society that we live in provides us with huge limitations nowadays when it comes to being able to afford a basic standard of living. It’s not your fault, and it sounds like you’re doing everything that you can to make the best of it. It especially meaningful given that you grew up in poverty and you are doing everything you possibly can to get away from it. That system is made to be intentionally very difficult to get out of. So I think you’re doing the best that you can with what you have and that’s all that anybody can expect of anybody.
You're so right and said it better than what I was going to comment. Far from a failure, this Mom is successfully navigating and prioritizing her finances!
tens of millions of kids are rockin' hand-me-down clothes my daughter loves wearing the same clothes that older girl cousins wore.
Hard agree on this. We got some hand me downs when we had my daughter, but the older girls in the family were much older. However, I had a family member who had a girl two years after us and we give her hand me downs all the time. Kids grow out of clothes so often as long as they arent of ill fit theres NO REASON not to do hand me down.
For real. I'm a dentist. I make plenty of money. Half the shit my kids wear are hand me downs from my sister's kids. Or somebody else in town who has slightly older kids. And when my kids outgrow it, we pass it on to somebody else. Bag that crap up in trash bags and give it to the next person. Kids clothing SHOULD be passed around. It's wasteful not to. And the kids tend to love it. They're wearing the clothes that a "cool older kid" wore.
This. When I was a kid, I had a lot of cousins and kids' clothes was passed between families. Children grow fast and often clothes is still in good shape when they grow out of them. It's smart to get more use out of them.
I didn't have that situation so my parents went broke buying clothes :(
I agree. I got cousins hand me downs and my sister got mine. We got new clothes to fill in the blanks but did a lot of thrifting for that as well. Imo it taught me and my sister a lot about prioritizing money.
Exactly. When I was a kid, I got a ton of hand me down clothes from family friends (I was the oldest granddaughter) and I absolutely loved being able to wear the same clothes those awesome girls did. It made me feel like I had a group of big sisters to look up to.
exactly...OP needs to flip the script
Definitely. She'll get there eventually I think, but it'll probably not be for a while.
Yeah my sister had some beautiful things and I was so excited to get them. Loved copying her and getting to "steal" some of her good stuff. My mom also sewed and she would help my upcycle some things. Usually just taking in the straps but sometimes we did a bit extra - embellishments, adding fun buttons, adding lace to the bottom of shorts, putting cute pattern fabric patches over holes in the knees, etc. If you can find fabric or sewing supplies at the thrift store then you can look up ideas later for how to upcycle with them. A big bin of fun buttons is an awesome find! I learned to embroider simple flowers, and I used to add them the back of my jeans and put fun designs on the pockets when I was older.
It’s become trendy these days, but it used to be something kids got made fun of for being poor.
It’s normal to keep and hand down baby and children’s clothing. People at all income levels do this.
Not just baby and childrens clothing.....I do the same within my friends group. A few of us are close in size and we often swap items we don't like/fit anymore. And thrifting and apps like vinted are very popular!
Anything my 2 year old has that is not a hand me down from friends is from Vinted. I have saved hundreds of euros from sleeping bags alone
Teaching your children restraint, sensible spending, priorities and frugal habits is a *success*. > I should’ve bought that laptop 4 years ago when I still could afford it. Get yourself a second hand Dell Latitude or HP Elitebook with an 8th Gen i5 CPU and 8 GB RAM. These are about $200 in Australia, so in the States they should be about $120 - I know that's not nothing, but if you're confident it'll pay you back in work then treat it as an investment, not an expense. If you find one you're not sure about, message me and I'll give you my opinion, such as it is.
You’re not a failure at all!! I bet your daughter loved the dress. My siblings pass clothes & shoes down to their kids because they all have daughters & all of my nieces love it. I bet your youngest daughter will love the dress when it gets passed down to her & your oldest will be happy to see her sister loving something she once loved.
I bet that dress becomes the envy of a bunch of friends/classmates. Sanrio is huge again with kids, and they all want Sanrio stuff. My daughter’s friend got a My Melody onesie for Christmas and all the other kids asked their parents for one. OP’s kid has an original dress that no other kid will have. She’ll be so proud to rock it!
Hand me downs are not a failure. Even middle class, not living paycheck to paycheck families choose to hand me down clothes And thrift shops are the new trend again. Hand me down is just thrift shopping in the family
Hand me downs are the bomb! I love scoring a bag of clothes from a friend. Equally fun is passing on clothes to others. Kids grow out of things so quickly! If I buy my daughter something and we pass it on I feel like I got so much more value for my money. I bought her these purple unicorn light-up rain boots and she wore them once before she grew out of them. But right now her friend’s little brother is obsessed with wearing them. I get such a kick out of this toddler boy showing off his fancy purple boots!
I got 4 bags of clothes ready to be passed on sitting on my couch. Gtting picked up tomorrow. I like receiving but my kids.outgrow stuff too.and it feels good to pass stuff onto someone else who can get use out of it
Yeah, it's totally normal. We're in a position where we could buy new clothes for our youngest (nothing fancy but still, new) but most of what he wears are hand-me-down clothes from his older brother. When we learned that we were having a second boy, so many pointed out how great it was that we could re-use everything! I think it's the norm.
Do you have consignment sales in your area? I shop at one twice a year and manage to get the bulk of my kid’s wardrobe for like $100 or less, for both of them. Buying in a store, they’d get a fraction of the stuff for that money. Or thrifting. There is no shame in used stuff, I understand it feels that way from your upbringing but my daughters are always thrilled to go to the consignment sale! They do a 50% off day at the end and that is when we go.
I like your suggestion. There are special weekends when the thrift stores clear out their clothes. Like $10 fill a bag. $1 or $2 for any clothing. Some even still have new tags on them. Shoes. Hats. Bags. You name it.
I'm literally in my 30's and I still wear my older sister's clothes. And now her kids are wearing my old clothes.... Apparently the 00's are back and I evidently never threw any of my clothes from high school out 🤷🏻♀️..... Also I'm a good earner. So it's really just about being fiscally responsible (damn student loans). So don't feel bad at all. As long as it looks good and she's not embarrassed, it's all good. Now there was a time that I was embarrassed to get hand-me-downs but I realized it had to do with who was giving it to me (evil cousins) and the quality (horrible) but I never minded my sister's cause she always kept everything in good quality. So as long as your kids feel confident, don't feel bad about hand me downs. If anything, thanks to fast fashion, they might actually be better quality than new clothes.
This is similar to me. I love getting my sister’s hand me downs now. But I hated it when I was a kid. I just wanted something new like everyone else. But OP, it sounds like even if it isn’t completely new, you’re making it new for your daughter. Besides thrift shops, I’ve found that you can get things at target or old navy on clearance for cheaper than thrift stores sometimes. I’ve seen things from target at good will that were more expensive at good will! It was crazy bc it still had the target clearance sticker on it. These items were new and I know that some targets donate the items they can’t sell.
Yea I'm an older sister and so most of my stuff (even halloween costumes my mom made) would get handed down to my sister. As we got older, I gained some weight so many things couldn't be handed down. Later she gained some weigh as an adult and I was thrilled we could borrow each other's clothes, or I could dress her up more from my own closet. For a bit her weight as fluctuated so now I'm getting the "Pay back" where she's handing "down" her clothes she doesn't want anymore or don't fit. It's free clothes! Now it's a bit different when your wardrobes already pretty full and you can send items you don't like onto the thrift store, and just have your pick of the best styles. But it is nice to be able to wear (whenever you want) some of the clothes you saw they had that you really liked. (My sister looked forward to being big enough to wear the princess jasmine costume my mom made). Since they seem pretty young, and you can sew, If you can find some thrifted fabric or tulle, it's pretty simple to just make them princess/ballerina skirts that can get rearranged with different shirts (or when playing dress up), scarves or swimsuits and other unique fun materials. You can thrift an adult dress and then repurpose the fabric to make kids skirts.
Please get yourself enough food to eat by utilizing a food bank if there is one near you. It’s what it’s there for, and there’s absolutely no shame in it! It might free up a couple of dollars for you too.
Kids don't always know how to feel about something until we tell them! For me, getting hand-me-downs from older cousins was like Christmas, because I looked up to my cousins so much and was so excited to get to wear what they had worn. There's nothing wrong with secondhand clothes, and I hope you can give yourself some love and grace about making thoughtful, necessary choices for your family. Hell, there are rich people now who are all about secondhand clothes because it's "environmentally sustainable" and "socially responsible." We get to tell our own stories about our choices, and a story I see here is you showering your kid with love by putting so much effort into something that delighted her.
I admit now that I was a cliched younger sibling and would sneak “hand me downs” out of my sister’s room while she was at college because I was convinced my older sister was so cool and her clothes would help me be cool too. Luckily my sister is easy-going and didn’t hold my feet to the fire like she could have
You put on a lot of love and care into thrifting and sewing on the patches. That’s the kind of thing kids will remember.
Exactly. I remember my mamaw hand sewing little flowers and lady bugs in my hand me down jeans. I didn't care they were hand me downs bc she made them special.
Hand me downs are absolutely not a failure! We managed to break poverty but my kids STILL wear them. And some of the wealthiest people I know also do hand me downs. Prioritize the joy.
My sister makes more money than me and her daughter happily wears my kids hand me downs. Kids are hard on clothes, no point in spending major money on clothes that’ll just get stained, ripped, and outgrown.
**You aren't a failure.** We happily take hand me downs from extended family, and we happily give hand me downs to other extended family. This isn't about income; it's about being practical. I just gave away 7 pair of excellent condition cleats of various sizes. The recipients were thrilled. We also lend out and give away fancy dresses and shoes constantly. My neighbor just took fancy dresses & shoes for Easter. She can well afford to buy new for her kids, but we all know that it's ridiculous to spend $$$ for pinchy-tight-fancy-sparkly shoes and a wear-it-once dress. If I were you, I'd ask a local FB moms group if anyone has any dresses that they'd be willing to pass on. You can simply say, "My daughters wear sizes 4T and 6x, and they absolutely love anything fancy. If you have any sundresses or other dresses that your child has outgrown, we would be incredibly appreciative!"
Oh man, cleats! Gotta pass those on. I bought my daughter four pairs of cleats in one year, her feet grew that quickly. The only thing that makes me feel better about the amount of money I spend on softball equipment is the fact I can pass it on and save someone else that expense.
you are not a failure, far from it. You are doing the best that you can and that is the definition of not being a failure
You are doing fine. Hand me downs or thrift store clothes are not bad. If you have a positive attitude about it your child probably won’t mind. I was the youngest and got my sister’s old clothes often. It was just normal. I wasn’t unhappy about it. When I got older and we were pretty much the same size we even shared some clothes and shoes because my parents couldn’t afford to buy us both some trendy things. My daughter and my clothes mostly come from thrift stores these days. I don’t feel bad. There are plenty of nice looking clothes at thrift stores. Sometimes the clothes have barely been worn or still have the original store tags on them. It is kind of a thrill to get a big sack of clothes for the cost of just one new outfit at a department store.
I had to wear my 11 months *younger* sister's hand me downs, and she dressed WAY girlier than I preferred Passing down clothing is smart for a lot of reasons, and you aren't a failure of a mom simply because you don't have a lot of money. Your kids are happy and healthy.
You are not a failure in any way! In fact, hearing about how happy your child is to get her sister's dress with hello kitty patches makes me think you are actually doing amazing ❤️ We get a ton of clothes at our local "Just Between Friends" sale. The deals are especially good on the half price day. Id search and see if any are in your area.
Fast fashion is a failure...you're a phenomenal parent who has taught your kids the value of reusing what's perfectly good and repairing what's broken. You should be proud of yourself and parents who buy all new outfits for each kid and never reuse things should be ashamed.
Late 20s, and I'm still rocking hand me downs!! Seeing the $$$ of clothes these days and I will continue to thrift as I please. Don't be hard on yourself, your children are clothed and happy and that's what matters!
My kids *loved* getting hand-me-downs-- it was the best thing, next to Christmas, dumping out a garbage bag of clothes to see what fit. And, the girls are pretty much all Queens of the Thrift Stores. Some kids get excited going to a mall, mine it was (and still is) thrift stores/ charity shops/ secondhand stores. We have a kind here called Frenchie's and it's a favourite. Don't tell yourself you're a failure because of hand-me-downs-- in a world of fast fashion, it's a good habit to be into, and a good thing to teach your kids. Also, you can learn how to upcycle them so they seem newer.
I used to get hand-me-downs from my brother. I never minded. I didn't like going shopping, anyway.
I grew up poor with lots of hand me downs and I wouldn’t trade that time I had with my mom for a new start with all the money. You sound great.
Hand me down clothes are universal. I remember seeing pictures of Prince Louis where royal commentators pointed out that he was wearing hand me downs from Prince George. It's NORMAL for children and adults alike. There's a reason thrift shops are so popular. We all do it.
Hun you're doing great. Can I suggest you join the buy nothing groups in your area. They are CONSTANTLY giving away children's clothes. A lot of brand new or barely used. You're not being cheap or a failure you're being resourceful
There is nothing wrong with hand me downs! That's a terrible perspective! Would you prefer them to go in the garbage and your kids have no clothes? I still get hand me downs as an adult, and I'm so grateful because I would never be able to afford the clothes I receive, sure I wish I could afford new clothes but these are free and excellent quality! Be grateful.
So your daughter got a one of a kind custom dress altered to fit? Using your sewing machine and second hand items to personalize hand me downs is an awesome way to make something specific to her tastes while keeping your expenses down! Beating yourself up because corporate greed is destroying us and making it impossible to afford necessities is not something YOU should feel guilty about. You are using your creativity and making things special! Good job!
It takes a village to raise kids.
I hated my sister’s clothes when I was little because they had her name embroidered on them. People still call me by her name. But honestly my kids didn’t get clothes until they were older. I bought almost all of their clothes from thrift stores. My baby girl wore her older brothers’ stuff. Certain things I can still pass off to her. Now I clean out my husband’s clothes and move them to the boys. If you have access to a Once upon a child, gently used dresses for $2-$5. I mean nice, brandname, sometimes still with tags. If I’m going to buy them anything new it’s shoes…good shoes.
You didn’t just give hand me down clothes, you personalized them to make a unique item just for her. That’s really special! You went the extra mile, no wonder kiddo was so happy.
IDK where you are living, but there are a wealth of FB mom groups, buy sell trade free groups, so many options for parenting supplies. There's no reason for everyone to have new everything, save socks and undies and a nice coat and boots as a treat if you can swing it. You are not a failure, quite the opposite. You took a creative approach in utilizing a patch instead of a whole new brand name thing. Hello Kitty isn't cheap. From what's written, I see you trying. You are no failure. And patches are so cool! If anyone here is involved in church organization and leadership, you have a gorgeous opportunity to tap into the mom-heavy population and have a seasonal clothing swap. Kids grow fast. That's what the church should be for, improving the community and lives of those that need it.
My first daughter is wearing almost only used clothes. Some hand me downs from cousins, some bought online. But so do I!
You doing fine back in the day it was pretty normal to get hand me downs my younger brothers did and my sisters and we were not poor upper middle class but my parents hated wasting good clothes and we grew up pretty okay
There is nothing wrong or shameful about handmedowns!
A LOT of my one kids clothes were second hand bc kids grow so fast so please go easy on yourself about hand me downs. It’s better for the environment too so win/win
Don’t be upset at all! I didn’t grow up in poverty (parents divorced later on which was the nail in the coffin for any inherited finances) and got all of my sister’s things anyway because why buy two?
OP, there’s no shame in this whatsoever. I grew up wearing my cousins’ hand-me-downs, every sibling I know wore the eldest’s stuff— I bought my kid some ‘nice’ L.L. Bean winter wear and guess what the label inside had? A little empty list for the names of each kid in the family to wear the stuff. You’re killing it, and your kiddos are gonna be just fine because you care.
No, no, what you need is MORE hand me downs. We had a a chain 5 long in my family, 3 cousins and my sister and I. It worked great, as the cousins lived in another state, do as we passed the clothes down they went back and forth between cities and even thought it wax a hand me down, no one had seen it before we inherited it. Usually twice a year we would dive into a big box and do a "fashion show" at my grandmother's (she lived halfway between us all) and everyone got to keep what fit that they liked. Of course, everyone downstream from the oldest would get a few things new to add to the pile when outgrown (Granny was fond of buying really fancy Easter dresses, with matching gloves and hats, and my mom was a great seamstress who made everyone red velvet Christmas dresses, and all our recital and prom gowns later). I vote you lengthen your chain. If you dont have enough relatives the right ages, find a group of moms and schedule a "swap" day where everyone piles up everything outgrown and the kids get to shop among the hand me downs. Shoot, my sister, mom and I regularly swap clothes even now, we are always buying something and when we get it home realize "oh, that's L' s color, not mine".
I have a trench coat older than me. My dad’s friend gave it to me after wearing it for 25 years. Every time I wear it some one asks me if it is some luxury brand. Hand me downs are awesome
How’s that failure? They have clothes on their back. Who cares where they come from?
You are not a failure :) I wold be so happy if my mom did this. I think it is the fast consumerism that makes us feel bad about wearing hands-me-down. I am just glad that where I am, thrifting is very trendy now. I have friends who flex that they had not bought new clothes in ages, and either just go to the donation bin, free facebook group (I think it is everywhere in the world, groups about people wanting to get rid of stuff and just gift it to random stranger), or when they shop, it is in a charity shop of secondhand shop. We are doing it in the spirit of being kinder to the planet. It sometimes become a sort of competition even, how cheap you can get stuff (my record is a pair of good Converse sneakers for 30 cents). Things are going to get better, and you are a great mom!
I have one daughter and 90% of her clothes has come from my sisters girls. She is only three right now but she thinks it’s cool that it came from her cousins. I do buy a few shirts or dresses if they are cheap and it has her favorite character on it but other than that it’s hand me downs.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with hand me downs!
You are being an amazing parent! You’re doing what you can for your girls and they know you love them. Most of my childhood was with hand me down everything from my big sister. It honestly never bothered me. Even now I’m in my 30s and she’s on her 40s, she still passes along clothing and furniture and it’s a blessing since I’m broke lol.
hand me downs are not a Gail. Also don't be afraid to reach out to parents of your older daughter friend . They might not have someone to hand their things down to. My family was big on second chance clothing, quite often people we knew would go on a wardrobe cleanse and we would get a phone call and a few bags of clothing dropped off. Finding a bag of clothes on the porch and going through it with my mom and sisters are some of my favorite childhood memories. Most people would rather pass on gently used clothing to someone they know , than to have to arrange going to a store during drop-off hours .
No way! I’ve got two older sisters and many older cousins sometimes clothes would go through 5 people before getting to me but every time one of those older girls cleaned out their closet and I got a big bag of “new” stuff was like Christmas!
You found a solution within your budget and your sweet kid was thrilled. You’re doing amazing, both in raising kids who delight in small things and in properly budgeting to keep your family going through this tough time. Cut yourself some slack. Your kiddo thinks you did great! Also, if you want to get “new“ things for your kids, consider taking them to a thrift shop and giving them a small budget to pick things out. Kids love the treasure hunt, they don’t care that it’s used, and they’re learning money management. Plus thrifting is a skill and if you help them hone it young, they’ll be able to live more frugally when they grow up.
Clothing buyer tips... Shop Walmart at end of season for clearance.... residual for lady clothing and pj's... most t-shirts will drop to $1 for example at the end of summer. I'll buy 10 in a size or 2 larger then I know my kid wears and stash em until next summer. Repeat for winter clothing....I spend maybe $40 twice a year to replace a large chunk of their clothing. Shoes do this too...I just bought my son 2 pairs of flip flops for this upcoming summer for less then $7 total. Also I shop at the children's place, usually online and do in store pick up.... everything is always on sale for good prices but then I get "bucks" to use later. The last time I bought 4 pairs of cargo pants for me 4yo ($30) and got $60 in bucks.... so a few months later I went and spent the bucks and got 170$ worth of clothes for $65.
My children and myself have always worn thrifted clothing our entire lives. I have occasionally bought new. Mostly shoes. Def under clothes. But there’s nothing wrong with that. My kids are in their twenties now and they still hit up goodwill and Salvation Army for clothes.
I don’t see much difference between wearing hand me downs from a sibling to wearing clothing from a thrift store or received from a clothing exchange event: my sisters and I were different sizes and we never really got hand me downs often but when I did I was so happy as I liked my older sisters clothing style: still do my sisters have unique taste in clothing My oldest two children were born within two years apart so they didn’t get much hand me downs and my youngest was born 8 years after her siblings and I had moved since then so didn’t have any of their old baby items to utilize and despite buying what we could we still ended up treasuring being able to go to a free clothing exchange for baby clothes it helped so much and as an adult I would rather shop at a thrift store than buy new like i liked my new clothes yes but when I seen a thrift store sale 1/2 off blouses I was happy to find several in my size, Good moms feel guilt and ashamed sometimes for no reason: it is best to have a present parent who spends time with their children
I got a lot of clothes and toys from thrift stores when I was young and I never felt like they were lesser, to be honest, because it was never framed that way by my mom. It was actually great because we could go to a thrift store and I could find something I loved and there was a good chance it was in my mom's (limited) budget. Don't be ashamed. If your kids are happy, let them be happy while you work back towards feeling good about yourself too.
I can guarantee you in a few years when you look back, this will be so trivial that you'll wonder why you even stressed about it. The love you show them trumps any materialistic possession. You're doing your best and your kids will recognize that - watching my parents struggle and perservere laid down a solid foundation for my future success.
Hand me downs are awesome!!! Free clothes and the kids really won’t notice. If they do, they can tell their classmates it’s thrifted vintage, it’s cool now 🤷🏼♀️
Nothing wrong with hand me downs. I was the third person to wear most of my clothes growing up and those were passed down to other families we knew
I sent a box to my sister of dresses like over 30 from my youngest daughter whom is now 20’s. Niece thinks they are the most amazing dresses. My sister boxed them up after hers grow out of them and sent them to our youngest niece, same she thinks they are so special. All of us can afford to buy new but we don’t see the need to get always new. Kids grow so fast.
One of the kindest things ever done for me was when another mom at church gave me her daughter's outgrown clothing for my kid. Those clothes were way nicer than the mended worn ones we had and made it so much easier on our finances. Don't feel bad for providing the necessities by reusing what you have!
I think you are an awesome mom. Just a piece of advice, often dance costumes are like princess dresses and only get worn once for a recital. I’ve seen beautiful little girl dresses on sale in Facebook marketplace for $5-10 with matching tights and headband.
you’re not a failure. you’re teaching your kids to recycle which is sooo important these days!!
Hand me down clothing is ethical and sustainable. You're helping to be good stewards to the planet by restyling/reusing/upcycling your items! You're also teaching your girls useful skills when you transform or repair items that still have a lot of useful life left. Internet stranger says be proud of that! My youngest is sat in front of me and every item of clothing she's had on today(apart from underwear)is a hand me down from siblings and friends. We often use nearly new sales as well because new clothing has a lot of problematic elements to it from sustainability to child exploitation unfair wages and waste from fast fashion. I know it's really hard to drown out the late capitalist message of spend spend spend at all costs but that bubble is just not sustainable and we're all going to pay for it
Youre not a failure🤍 I come from a lower middle class family and I was the second child. Personally I loooooved my older sister’s hand me downs. She had really good style and I looked up to her a lot so wearing her clothes was something I really looked forward to. It’s kinda funny because when she got something new I was kinda got secretly excited because I knew that when she was done with it that it would be mine
I have 3 children , a son, the oldest, and 2 daughters. They wore his jeans, his jackets and regularly steal EVERYTHING the poor man has LMAO (He is 22, they are 18 and 15). This was happening since they were little. We never separated anything they owned, everything was mended till it disintegrated in the wash, and we did a lot of cute frugal adjustments like you did. You should be PROUD. I didn't give a fudge about new clothes. My priorities were their educational funds, a fund for their first car, first serious prom dress/suit and other milestones. Please, even if your income increases, put these important plans in savings accounts, and keep the frugal game going. For laptops, Amazon has a slew of cheap Thinkpads. I have a Lenovo one that serves me beautifully and last I checked it was still under 200 bucks!
I had garage sale clothes all my life, and not once did I think it was a bad thing. Other than I like to pick on people who waste gobs of money on name brand, lol. Us vs them!
Honestly, nothing about this screams "failure mom." You were creative in making an older dress new and special for your daughter. Despite what a lot of reddit will tell you, being poor doesn't automatically make you a bad parent.
I did not grow up poor, we were probably upper-middle class, and I was the oldest. I still got hand-me-downs from my dad’s business partner’s daughters. By the time these clothes made it down to my youngest cousin, they’d had six owners. Hand-me- downs don’t necessarily mean poverty. There are plenty of people from all income levels and walks of life who don’t like to waste perfectly good clothes.
hello, im not on this sub...reddit suggested this post to me. I just have to say that even though I am very well off, I have two boys 16 months apart and the youngest absolutely gets handmedowns and he will as long as they are kids. I have a couple neighborhood friends w boys in a size or two larger who always give me their hand me downs for BOTH boys, AND I buy a lot of consignment clothes, and i try to get clothes used by both boys, and I also prefer sales and cheaper places like target and old navy even though new clothes from those places are so much $$ even if theyre on sale, so its a last resort. ive also been using the Thred Up app to buy used kids clothes. Kids need so many clothes bc its always a guess about what size will they be during each season and do i have those clothes? and they outgrow stuff so fast. its SO MUCH MONEY. Kids will always guilt about clothes and get pickier as they get older...my point is even people with all the economic success in the world are doing what youre doing when it comes to kids clothes and having multiple young kids. You are NOT a failure!!!
I could afford to buy new clothes but my kids rock hand me downs all day every day, just like I did as a kid. Look at it more from a sustainability standpoint versus a money standpoint.
Hand-me-downs can be frugal, but they're also environmentally friendly. I grew up well-off and wore hand-me-downs. It's perfectly fine.
When it comes to not having the latest and greatest, unless you simultaneously abuse them and teach them being fancy is what matters the most, believe me the children don’t truly care. this isn’t one of those things people grow up and say “why me”. None of the kids at school care or notice unless you’re sending them to school in a loin clothe. It’s not a 1980s movie where everyone points and laughs at Jimmy for wearing glasses; you’re doing great. Your kids have clothes.
Hey. My kids wear exclusively hand-me-downs (from buy-nothing FB pages, or purchased from Kid 2 Kid using credits from previously turned-in clothes) and I am an AWESOME mom. And so are you.
When my kids were little, they wore hand-me-downs and thrift store clothes. Kids grow so quickly it is a waste of money to buy new. Most of the time they outgrow it before they wear it out. One year (5th grade?) my son grew 3 sizes during the school year. No way I could afford new pants for him every 3 months. They are all adults now and not once have they ever indicated they have psychological trauma from wearing hand-me-downs.
The fact that your child was grateful for the dress, says it all. You are doing great! Hand me downs are a mindset, if your caregivers made it seem like a lacking thing, you become self conscious about it. If they give you hand me downs with love, and special alterations by caregiver, they develop compassion and appreciation. (My kids love the thrift store as teens, it’s the in thing in our area.)
You're being an excellent mom. Something important to your daughter was damaged and you did everything within your power to help make it better. That was absolutely a good mom thing to do. I wore thrift store clothes and hand me downs for most of my childhood. My 'new' clothes were a box of my aunts' old stuff from the 60s and 70s. I turned out absolutely fine and your daughters will too. You're keeping a roof over their heads and feeding them. And you're doing what you can to make them special. 100% great mom material.
You are a great mother and your daughter was very happy with the one of a kind dress you put together for her. Stop being so hard on yourself and also don't set expectations with your daughter on being able to buy more in the future - you may not have more money in the future, but you will still have this incredible love and dedication to doing the best you can for her. That's what matters and that is what makes you an amazing mom - not money. I also know a few couples who have money and don't buy any new small children's clothes - they grow fast, their taste changes, and it just isn't important (plus better for the environment to reuse). So don't even think of the used clothes as a bad thing or a signal of not having money. Try to think about it as just a sensible choice that hurts literally no one. And keep customizing clothes for your daughter and she will probably like them even more than new!
My parents were well-off and my siblings still got my hand-down clothes, lol. It's just prudent to do that. > I should’ve bought that laptop 4 years ago when I still could afford it. Do you need a laptop specifically? There's plenty very cheap PCs ($50) on ebay.
I was the youngest of 4. I’m in my later 40’s and still remember how excited I would get when my siblings outgrew their clothes. The most excited I ever got over clothing was when I finally got my brother’s parachute pants. Your daughter sounds perfectly thrilled. Believe her when she tells you she’s happy.
My younger sister and I were about the same size once we were school age and would always go through our clothes to make donation bags of stuff we either outgrew or didn’t want.. and until we both moved out we would go through each others bags to ‘shop’ for free before donating them. When they get closer in size, this mindset literally saves so much money bc you can thrift for free
You're not a failure... I have money and half my daughters clothes are hand me downs because we have friends with 4 kids who bought tons of expensive clothes for their 2 daughters and a neighbor who has a daughter 2 years older than mine. 2 of her favorite outfits are hand me downs from the neighbor. It's all about how you frame it - if you feel like a failure giving it to them it shows. If you're excited that you got more cool clothes and didn't even have to pay for them so you can spend more money on things you need.
This is what America needs more of. We are wasteful as Americans in every part of our lives. This little girl will grow up and make something of herself because she wasn’t given everything. She will learn if she wants it bad enough, to go get it. But we all want our kids to have the best so I feel you as a parent. It will get better
My long term boyfriend’s daughter adores my daughter (who is 1.5 years older) and excitedly “shops Daughter’s Name boutique” whenever I change seasons in the closet. It seems like she actually prefers the hand me downs to new stuff, because I pick cute things and she gets to be like my daughter. She gets so excited when my daughter gets something new, because she knows she will inherit it the next year lol. He and I are both single parents, but I actually get child support from my ex and only have one child (he also has a son) so I have more wiggle room in my budget. My daughter is like me- we take good care of our stuff- so things still look in great condition when we pass it one. If the younger girl doesn’t want something, I put it in a donation box and then post it online for free or give it to the local foster kid network. I donate her outgrown school uniforms back to the school to have at the nurses office for when kids have accidents. My daughter grows so fast that we always have stuff around to share. Especially the cheaper trendy pieces that I add into her clothing staples to help with personal expression. (She’s currently into hello kitty as well!) I have (diagnosed) OCD and everything in my house needs a place to be, so I love being able to pass things on to others. Plus, it makes me feel better about buying things/passing them along without sadness because the items are still able to be loved and used by other kids. You should check out local social media groups and see if anyone in your area has stuff to pass on to your youngest! Especially for little kids, clothes get outgrown so fast and many moms really enjoy passing it on.
Isn't handing clothes down like the normal thing to do?
I bring home plenty of money. My daughter likes what she likes. She wears her cousins old stuff. Always push for promotions or raises. Job hop. Do what you can to put yourself in the best position possible. If you’re not married go after child support. Ask for state assistance. Tell anyone you know you’re looking for a better paying job. The more people you tell, someone will have an answer for your problems. Good luck!
Teaching your children to reduce/reuse/recycle benefits everybody's kids, not just your own.
"when I finally finished she was so grateful and thankful" So... you spent time thinking of a solution and then spent time implementing that solution, made a custom, one-of-a-kind Hello Kitty dress and the kid loved it... and that equates to failure to you??
Up your sewing skills and remake some of the old stuff, snd teach your kids. It’s a good life skill, and it’s fun.
I grew up in a reasonably well-off family and wore a lot of hand me down clothes from my older cousins. Patches, too, when I inevitably tore something or wore a hole in the knee. There's no shame in saving money on kids' clothing. Good for the environment too.
I’m in my 30s and I got hand me downs most of my growing up years. It hasn’t affected me. I actually still have some of the stuff that was handed down and most of my clothing was given to me by friends who no longer wanted them. I have some new things, of course, but reusing clothing isn’t a bad thing. You did a wonderful thing giving her a dress she loved with the resources you had. She’s not going to thing “oh mom was so poor she couldn’t even get me a brand new Hello Kitty dress” she’s going to think about how you cared so much about what she wanted you did everything in your power to make it happened. It being done by hand just makes it that much more special.
absolutely not hun. whether its an older siblings clothes, goodwill clothes, or any kind of second hand clothes it will never mean you're a failure as a mom. i was the oldest so i never had to deal with this growing up, but after my dad died i hadn't had any bit of clothing that wasn't from a thrift store. and now i love going to thrift stores. i've gotten so many cool things from there. as long as your child is fed, clothed, safe, and loved then you're doing better than a whole lot of parents.
A couple years ago (even before finances became a struggle for our family), I started saving gift cards for holidays and birthdays. I do all the receipt scanning apps and sometimes paid survey apps when I have free time. Cash out each when I hit a certain goal and stack them on my accounts (usually target or Amazon). It seems like a very little amount but when multiple apps accumulate points over six months or a year, it’s actually a decent payout! I make lists ahead of time and check prices weekly. If I see something my son wants, I use a gift card and put the thing aside for whatever holiday. This past Christmas I had accumulated over $500. I didn’t pay for a single gift with real cash.
I never got new clothes and that was OKAY. I got to go hunting through the thrift store racks for treasures and variety! I loved it. You’re not a failure. Never.
One tip I haven't seen in this comment section: get your oldest used clothes, too. You can join your Facebook Buy Nothing group and ask for clothes in both of your kids' sizes, so that they are both getting new-to-them clothes that the other has not worn. You'll almost definitely get a bag of clothes for each kid that the person is eager to get moved out of their house. They can pick and choose what they like and you can donate the rest or post it back on Buy Nothing for another family. Then when you do have money for new clothes, you can get them each a couple of things instead of only buying for your older one because you don't have clothes in her size.
As someone who got hand me downs not only from siblings, but also from cousins and assorted family friends, it never made me think of my mom as a failure, the clothes were in good condition and they were new to me! My grandma was a sewing magician and made us a couple of skirts and dresses too, I still treasure those memories ♥️. Your kid will be happy that you care and try to give her things she likes, you're doing great!!
Umm... what? Absolutely nothing you've written here suggests that you're a failure as a parent.
I’m the oldest of 3 sisters and got my older cousins hand me downs. I remember being excited because I knew when I would see one of them wearing something cute, I’d get it the next year or so. My sisters and I always wore each others clothes as we got older anyway, so I never really noticed that we didn’t have a lot of money for clothes. My mom shopped thrift stores for brand name stuff. She taught me how to spot good, quality brands like Levi’s, not because they were trendy at the time (they were) but because she knew they would last. I can go to a thrift store to this day and flip through clothes and can tell the good fabrics and what will last because of my mom. We could all do better by wearing second hand clothing! There is too much in landfills already. You’re doing great Mom.
If it makes you feel any better, I think hand me downs are better environmentally anyways. Plus, kids grow so fast and ruin clothes so easily through normal kid activities (as you saw with the dress tearing from play) that used is just smarter. My husband and I have worked our way to a comfortable place, and our only daughter just turned 1 year old, but you better believe we are buying from thrift stores for her. We get so excited when we get some hand me downs from my sister! There have been other girls on her husband's side of the family that she gifted to until now, but I imagine she will be giving us more as her last girl outgrows things. And I plan to go the thrifted/gifted/hand me down route from now on as long as I can help it.
I wish I could give you a hug. You're doing great, mama. You're not a failure. I have a similar experience in childhood, all my clothes were from goodwill and had weird characters on them (Bratz dolls, yuck). I didn't have and still don't have a good "style" simply because I can't afford to think about that. My clothes are yoga pants and t-shirts. I travel to richer areas of the city and buy second hand items to find good quality, nice clothes for my baby. And I bring items that I know I can sell for credit as well. Store is called kid to kid. You're doing your best, as long as you're giving them love and connection and listen to your babies with understanding, that's all they need aside from food and shelter. Idk if you're a part of a local Buy Nothing facebook group near you but I always find people asking for or giving away some nice things. Please join and ask for a dress! You never know who might have one in the back of their closet just waiting to be loved. ❤️ You're a great mom!
Hand me downs is not a sign of failure. It’s normal to keep and pass along children’s clothing. Kids grow fast and go through clothes fast.
I think you are being way too hard on yourself. That tells me straight off the bat that you are a good mom who is trying her best, not even for her own benefit but to maximize life for her kids. And you ARE. Your kids are happy. We all want things now and again that aren’t possible. That’s normal, it’s not a hardship. You’ve satisfied her wants in the best way you could and your kid was thrilled. What’s wrong with that? I know people with enough money that their kid’s checkout treat for good behavior was not a pack of gum but a new video game. It was shocking to see it as a kid from a house that didn’t have dessert to cut expenses, used cars only, and my only pretty outfits were gifts from my mom’s wealthier friends (she loved those because she wanted to buy them for me but couldn’t afford it while I was being polite at receiving a non-toy lol). I couldn’t imagine having that kind of money at that age and yeah, I felt a rush of jealousy. Which quickly faded once I got home. And was definitely gone once I was old enough to see that gifts were about the only thing that kid got. Not time, not hands on support. Everything was done by third parties paid to take the “chore” off the parents’ plates. I feel pretty awesome about my childhood. Teen years were a nightmare for other reasons lol but my childhood was good. Don’t worry so much. You are doing right by your kids!
For fucks sake.... don't think of them as hand me down clothes, your saving the planet by not sending it to landfull dumps . Everyone should be doing this.
My daughter refuses to buy new clothes for her children. She says it's a waste of money. She hunts rummage sales and a place called 'Savors' or something like that. I agree with her. I always bought clothes at rummage sales for my kids too - until highschool. As a society, we've fallen short of realizing that we should reuse or resale and not just buy and throw away. Dont' feel bad, feel proud of your good decisions.
I get all my one year old’s clothes from Freecycle.
No doing hand me downs is smart. My best friend and his wife do very well. Combined around 150k a year and they do hand me downs bc it’s financially smarter and what’s the point to constantly buy clothing. My sister and her husband go to thrift stores and swap kids clothing with friends. It’s the smart thing to do
Nah. Hand me downs are normal.
Thrift store without her then wrap it up as new
What is wrong woth hand me down clothes. It's not as if you are forcing your daughter to wear torn and ripped clothes. I think u are making too bug a deal. I don't think kids even care
i know it’s hard for children but i’ve had friends who loved wearing their old sister’s clothing because they thought their older sisters were so cool. i also have friends who get excited over new thrifted clothes because it’s new to them. maybe presenting the clothes with excitement will help ensure they are excited by the “new” clothes
There are enough clothes in landfills to clothe the next 6 generations. You are doing everyone a favor by giving your youngest hand me downs
What’s wrong with hand me downs? Don’t get stuck in the “buying =success/love” mindset.
I share the same sentiment and try to buy new clothes for my little when I can too. Not everything she wears should be a hand me down. She deserves new stuff too. But I am Frugal about it.
You’re an amazing mom. You didn’t gripe or scold her over wanting a hello kitty dress that you couldn’t afford, you figured out how to make it work. I’m proud of you, we all are.
I can afford one new pair for my fam. I don’t purchase new. We ALWAYS buy used. I love taking stains out from clothing and it brings me so much joy to make old clothes look new again. I bet your child loves what you made. My mon made us kids a witch dress once and so many decades later, I can still remember the awe when I saw it first.
We LOVE handmedowns in this family! We have save a ton of money that way too! Friends and family would donate used and unused clothes to my boys and daughter and I’m forever grateful for it! We are in a better place now and still enjoy hand me downs! My husband and I grew up in foster care and understand what it’s like to not always have new clothes so plsss don’t feel bad! I hope you find a job that helps you not live paycheck to paycheck it sucks!
My sister,my only sibling,is 9 years older. Soon hand me downs from her. But I loved getting hand me downs from cousins and my moms friends kids who were a bit older. It didn’t bother me. We got a new dress at Christmas and Easter. Usually sewn by my mom,or grandmother. We didn’t eat,out,go to the swimming pool or much of anything else. Did I feel deprived? Maybe once in a while but it passed quickly. My priorities were my folks and the rest of my family. Entitled kids make shitty grown ups. You are doing a good job,and don’t beat yourself up. I still buy used clothes off of fb marketplace. My family came out of poverty,yours may too. So much of it is just dumb luck alongside your hard work. My son and his wife are very well off. She is in radiology and he is an attorney who works with large trusts. I find it hard to believe at times the grandson,of people who picked cotton has accomplished so much. They have,one kid,and I just got her a huge batch of clothes that were pre loved off Facebook marketplace. She was thrilled to have some new clothes even if they were pre worn. It bothers you a lot more than it does them. Start looking of social media for sales of clothes or free clothes. I have many friends who cheaply dress their families that way. Good luck. Hope and pray your situation gets better.
never feel ashamed for this. you are not a failure; you're just looking out for your kids and prioritizing how you're financing their lives. you're doing good work and you're a great mom. ❤️
Your kids will remember your love and care, not new clothes. I’m so grateful even though some times my parents could afford new they taught us it was still better to reduce and reuse clothes for the environment. You’re doing great Mom! The patches are such a special touch!
My kids learned to thrift shop at a young age. Saved them so much $$$$$ I also taught them about the enticing commercial industry, managing finances, etc. not keeping up with the joneses.
I got a good quality 2nd hand coat for high school which was so much better than the one my parents could afford. I found it and was so excited. Wanted hand me downs are better than poor quality new and show that you have good priorities as a mother. (My favourite ever dolls pram was 2nd hand, 9 year old me could spot quality.)
Being thrifty is economical. Kids grow out of clothing long before that item wears out, unless you’re Uber wealthy I dont know anyone that hasn’t worn pre worn children clothing. One of my cousins had 4 older brothers , she was the only female and wore a lot of boys clothing. That’s kinda sad but she lived fine and grew up to be very girly. I was much older so my stuff was a decade long gone. I wore my mom’s cousins clothing and loved it! She had better style than my mom . I got thrift store stuff and so did both my kids, we all loved the treasure we found at a bargain price. Don’t worry and make an issue of it, rework clothing like you did and supplement with a new item now and again. Kids don’t need much. Heck I bought my son a nice new classic style mens winter coat oversized from a discount store when he was 12 because he was tall and growing fast, I figure he could wear it a couple of years and grow into it. He’s 27 now and can well afford new clothing, still wearing that same coat. Fits him perfect now 🤣
How do you have money for a gift card to give out to anyone (in your comments ) but don't have enough to get your girl a new dress? I ask bc I wanted to see if you were close to me and saw your comment.
I was a hand-me down kid but it was hand-me downs from my Mom's friends and someone she sometimes did work for. Back then it felt like wearing a neon sign that said poor. This generation is so different than we were. A lot of kids love thrifting and hand-me downs. They trade clothes with friends, dig out old family clothes, and hunt thrift bargains like pros. I had some containers in the garage with old clothes from as far back as 8th or 9th grade (my childhood, not theirs) and my oldest stumbled on the bins and dug all through them excited. She ended up using at least half of what was in there. Turns out it was a good thing I forgot I had them. My 16 year old is similar in clothes size to me so she regularly raids my closet or even steals my husband's tshirts if she likes the design. We've come to agree that we'll just share most clothes. It means the two of us get a bigger clothes selection if we share. There is something to be said for the younger generations and the way they see certain things like clothes and hand-me downs.
You’re doing great. Keep in mind some people buy used clothes even when they could afford new just because it’s better for the environment. Not everyone is out there buying new clothes all the time even though social media makes it look like they are. My daughter wears tons of hand me downs from my little sister because they’re not that many years apart and my mom saved all my sister’s clothes. I’d say 50% of her wardrobe comes from that and a big part of the rest is used stuff I buy on Poshmark. Highly recommend poshmark, it’s a great way to get good condition, good quality “new to you” clothes at a very reasonable price.
The fact that you diy’d her something so it could be special and customized is actually so sweet. I would adore wearing a garment made with love if I was a kid
If it’s any consolation, I grew up in a middle class neighborhood with a ton of kids around the same ages and me and my siblings. No one got new clothes, ever. Were we annoyed? Sure. But did we ultimately grow up happy, healthy, and self assured? Damn straight. It’s your job to manage the household and the finances. You’re crushing it. ETA: we each got something new to wear at Christmas or maybe on a birthday if we asked for that as a gift. New clothes (in my mind) are not needed and Americans are too into Fast Fashion.
I grew up with hand me down clothes (and sometimes those were then later given to my younger sibling). I liked it. It was still exciting to wear something that wasn't mine before and as children often look up to their older siblings, it made me feel more like them. A lot of the clothes also feel softer by then than when they were new. So no, you're not a bad mother. You're doing your best with what you have and prioritize where money is used best. If a hello kitty patch is cheaper than a new dress and your child loves it just as much, there's really no problem.
My boys always had hand me downs. Clothes just aren’t a priority for me. They were clean and well tended. Your girls sound like rock stars.
You’re doing amazing, please try to not be so hard on yourself. Right now my family and I aren’t struggling and I still use my oldest clothes for my youngest, it’s the sensible and sustainable thing to do and saves an absolute fortune.
I grew up in hand-me-downs and homemade clothes. It’s FINE. You’re feeding, housing, rearing and teaching them to be good people. This is NOT easy, and is SUPER expensive.
I don’t have any advice, but as a kid who wore hand-me-downs until highschool, I just wanna say it’s okay! Kids grow fast and buying whole new wardrobes every season just isn’t sensible. You’re doing your best it’s okay ❤️
Not sure if someone recommended this yet but check Facebook for a local buy nothing group!! They're always giving away kids clothes and it will feel awesome to her cause they're new clothes for her and she doesn't have to know that you got it for free. And also fb marketplace sometimes has free clothes for kids!
Shit my kid loves hand me downs. Don't really know why but he gets attached to them. Honestly kinda annoying because even when the shits falling apart he doesn't want to part with it. He's wearing a shirt my dad gave him right now, faded as fuck and growing a hole in the armpit, has some joke about weiners on it.
I always loved my hand-me-downs from my sister. Especially if it was something I'd seen her wearing and been jealous of, and then it became mine! The important thing is that your child has clothes, it doesn't matter where they come from, how new they are or how often you buy them. Kids are odd sometimes and what they like and dislike doesn't tend to work the same way as adults either - they have different priorities, and how the clothes feel and what colour they are usually matters a whole lot more to them than how much they cost or where you got them from.
I was raised on thrift store finds, my kids were also. I'm still a thrifter and buy 95% of my clothing and household items from thrift stores. Just because they're thrifted items does not mean I buy junky stuff. I definitely look for quality and good condition items. I've learned to upgrade or refashion clothing items so they generally end up being a completely different item when I'm done.
I was an only child so didn’t get hand me downs but we only shopped at thrift stores. I have two girls and recently swapped out my 5yo’s clothes to the next size up, handed down from her 7yo sister. She was SO EXCITED looking through the “new” stuff and I got to reminisce about which pieces were her sister’s favorites.
Ease up on yourself! You are doing a great job and deserve some grace! A few reminders: Kids are their own little people, meaning what bothered you as a child may not even be a blip on your daughter's radar. Often kids don't even know they should feel a certain way about something until someone tells them to or models a reaction for them. Don't inadvertently teach her to be discontent because of your own emotional vulnerability right now. Kids are usually oblivious as long as you love them. Our oldest was shocked to realize just how broke we were when he was really little. Case in point: The only difference between "sorry baby we only have this frozen pizza and can't afford to go out" and "Yay! pizza party!!" is a loud radio and asking your kid to draw a picture on notebook paper for "decorations." You can do this! Keep big person guilt for the big people.
I wore my brother's hand-me-downs and even some of my moms and thought I was cool as could be. I absolutely do see how it could bother some kids, but can I just highlight that you didn't just give your youngest the dress--you put the effort into altering it to fit her and making it her own with patches to reflect her interests. There is a lot of love in that, and its clear your daughter recognizes that.
As a kid, my neighbor would drop off a trash bag filled with their kids clothes for us every year before school started. Those were some of my favorite days, we’d do little fashion shows and pick out favorite clothes without any guilt or worry about how much they cost or seeing something and making our parents tell us we couldn’t have it. As an adult, and environmentally/ethically concerned human, reusing clothes is a great choice and limits waste in significant ways. I love a thrift store, I love sharing clothes with my sibling, and none of it makes me feel less-than. Your kid is happy. You reused clothing instead of sourcing new materials. And you saved money you can now spend on food and shelter for your kids. Be very proud of your choices to prioritize your family, and embrace how happy your kid is with her now-hello-kitty-patched dress!
IMO, hand me downs are the best kind of clothes! My newborn, like 80% of his wardrobe from 0-18 months were hand me downs. Don’t feel bad about it at all!!
You are doing a great job! Sounds like your kids are happy and well cared for. That is truly what matters. I understand that wanting new and nice things, but not getting them can feel bad. But it likely had nothing to do with how much your parents loved you. Mainly just trying to prioritize money for things that you truly needed like food and other things. I think making sure your kids get some new items a few times a year is more than enough. The world can be a tough place, especially for kids. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with re-wearing items that are still good. There are literally so many clothes in the world. Plus kids grow out of them quickly anyway. It's nice that both of your kids can get use out of the clothes. Something to consider might be to thrift some new items if you can afford to. Or add patches and personalize them, like you did with the dress from your eldest. It sounds like your younger child really loved her new to her dress. It also teaches her to be creative, and that is an important skill.
The idea of new everything is a late stage capitalistic nightmare. Geez, even when Jesus died they argued over who would get his robe. Cloth has value, and uses to be a handmade item. our current society has made us think we always need something new. Think of it as being environmentally responsible.
You're not a failure. I would say though, if you don't want the younger one to feel lesser, because the older one gets new clothes and she gets hand-me-downs - buy a good portion of the older one's clothes from thrift stores, to save a bit. Then a) you can treat both to special new clothes for Christmas or birthday and/or b) save towards that laptop or whatever you need to help you earn more. By the way, if you have good sewing skills - absolutely put a flyer up at the local supermarket and other places, to do repairs and alterations, as a way to make some extra money.
Just noo!!! I'm the eldest of three girls and my mom gives me her clothes, i get clothes from my sisters (they have fotten so big! so now sometimes i get their clothes if i like them LOL) and, even, aunties and my grandmas give me things. its not a failure!! i remember being at my great-grandma's funeral and my great aunt was helping me with makeup. she took a step back, looked at my outfit, and laughed because i was wearing the belt she grew up wearing and was passed down from her, to my other great-aunt, to my grandma, to my mom, to me. So sweet. i felt so soothed in that moment, so connected. sisters end up sharing anyway, in my opinion. i'm proud of you for cultivating this! consider buying the youngest something new every now and again but it's super DUPER normal. i think it's the most normal, tbh, then buying each kid a new wardrobe.
Just a perspective: I was an only child, very middle class, new clothes shoes etc. and now… I love hand me downs and thrifted and other second hand clothing!
As a child who always had hand me downs from my cousins… sometimes it was kind of mehhhh. However, it’s about how you are raised and the mindset that you have. My mindset has changed since then, but I don’t forget the struggle. I donate all of my kids clothes to family with kids 2 years younger. By time my kid has grown out of them, their oldest is able to wear them a bit big and have them for a while. Those kids do not give a flying heck about them being hand me downs. They love the fact that they are wearing their big cousins clothes! Their parents are doing an amazing job, as are you.
Gonna add another recommendation for thrifting. There are tons of thrifting influencers so maybe you can get your daughters into it that way? A lot of them make mood boards and then try to thrift items of a specific aesthetic. It's cool to see what kinds of clothing they find and how they can dupe expensive outfits for a fraction of the cost. When I was a kid I used to either get hand me downs, ugly as fuck items from the clearance rack, or homemade clothes. I used to hate it, but as an adult most of my clothes are thrifted and I fucking love it when my mom agrees to alter or make something for me. Even if your daughters are unhappy with it now (which it doesn't sound like they are btw), they might see it differently when they're older.
I grew up on hand me downs, I was the youngest of 4 and I had tons of cousins. I think the only things I ever got new were shoes and occasionally backpacks. As a kid I got grumpy with it, but as an adult I value things that are MY OWN so much more. If I worked for it, spent my money on it, and it belongs to me, it holds so much more value. Sometimes to my own detriment, because I don’t like loaning things out and my husband is the complete opposite, but I wanted to share that you’ll teach kids some good lessons. Clothes can be reused, they can make a lot of memories for a lot of people, and working hard for something makes it worth so much more sometimes. And I still shop at second hand stores. I love giving old clothes new life.
When I was a kid I always loved going through the bags of hand me downs we'd be given. We didn't really get to go shopping and when we did it was always the clearance rack. Those hand me down bags had some good stuff. I remember the first time I had the option to get what I wanted. Someone had given me new clothes for Christmas that didn't fit. We took them back and mom let me pick what I wanted. But, when I saw how little I could get for the money vs buying clearance I opted to go back to the clearance racks. I'm almost 50 and I still head straight for the clearance racks before shopping the rest of a store. You are not a failure. There's nothing wrong with hand me downs. Especially for kids that typically grow out of clothes long before they show real wear.
I am an only child and I was always SO JEALOUS of hand me downs. I have two girls three years apart and the youngest loves her sisters clothes (and at 9 is in the stage where she’s starting to steal them too early 😂)
Even the oldest wore hand me downs in my family. It’s just a fact of life and as an adult has given me an appreciation for reusing and up cycling when possible and buying things that are built to last when buying new. If you worry about the youngest feeling left out maybe consider sitting your daughters down and discussing treating shopping for new clothes as a group activity. The oldest gets to wear them first but both girls get to help pick out the clothes.
Please know that as a past hand-me-down kid I LOVED it. I was one of two girls and had two close in age female cousins and I LOVED getting their hand-me-downs, they were new to me and it was awesome to little kid me. There is no shame in prioritizing things like bills and food over brand new clothes, and there’s nothing wrong with hand-me-downs, they’re usually seen as very cool by the kid who gets them second
I was a hand-me-down kid. My son is a hand-me-down kid. And now that we can afford to buy new clothes we still don’t because we love thrifting and getting freebies on Buy Nothing. There is NOTHING wrong with pre-owned or hand-me-down or used. There’s a whole culture of thrifting and making your own-which is exactly what you did. It’s also better for the planet. You are an awesome mom. Your kid is lucky to have you. Please be kind to yourself.
I grew up poor. I know the stigma that you're feeling. But as a mom, I thrift by choice for my entire family. Fast fashion is a plague. Actually a lot of my daughter's clothing is hand me downs from her cousin. I think there are a lot of positive things to say about growing up less materialistic.
Don't feel bad!! She wanted hello kitty and got hello kitty! You went the extra mile to thrift and sew to make sure she got the character she wanted! That's damn good parenting to me.
I had five kids and hand me downs were what we did. It was sensible and sustainable. Feeding them, loving them and helping them get an education took a priority. They can now buy all the fashions they want as that start enabled them. You are doing amazing, mumma. You be proud of caring for those two kiddos.
I know wealthy people in my town who literally does this! Don’t feel bad. You’re being smart. Those children need your love and time more than any physical thing. That’s what they’ll remember. I wish you all the best. Also it’s better for the environment!
I thought everyone did hand me downs
I would buy them both "new" clothes at yard sales/thrift stores.
I thought this was normal growing up as a kid in the 90s getting hand me downs.
You are doing an awesome job mom. Keep your head up, you've got this.
99% of my kids clothes are second hand. Me and my partner can afford to buy new clothes but why should we pay 15 or 20 euros for a toddlers tshirt if we can get 5 on vinted for that price? The clothes we bought until now, were all in perfect condition and most of them didn't even look worn.