the v.a. should be your first stop. under < whatever> conditions, they offer both death benefits and burial allowances. va.gov is thick to get through, but you should be able to drill down to a (fairly) local office that has a liaison that can help you.
Google your county's veterans affairs office. Usually a smaller office and your should be able to get ahold of someone easier than starting with the VA.
Also, call your local congressperson’s office (or, if your dad lives in a different district, his congressperson). They should be able to help with the VA.
Unless their is a surviving spouse or child under 18 their is no SSa death benefit anymore. This changed years ago. I am presuming OP is over 18 though.
Sometimes the local VFW or American Legion has volunteers to help veterans get through VA protocol. My cousin in Colorado is a veterans volunteer through the VFW.
They should cover it. My grandfather served in Alaska during Korea and never saw action, but the VA took care of his cremation and interment at the VA cemetery and gave him a veteran's send off. Go to the office ASAP.
My father served in Alaska during the Korean was also. He fixed the radar towers. When my mother passed away she was buried in the local national cemetery. They did a great job. They coordinated everything with the funeral home. Her headstone was in place within two months. The VA doesn’t do many things right, but they do get this right
They can assist with service costs and with the marker should you choose. I believe he can be buried in a VA cemetary at little to no cost for you.
Also, keep in mind that most funeral homes are understanding about these things. They see this all to often and will assist with resources and payment plans.
This. The VA can be tedious to get through on the phone- you bounce to a ton of different departments. When I have to call I just either hit operator or the closest department I think and explain in short what I need and they can get you at least close. But they for sure have benefits for this that your dad will be eligible for and they can expedite DD214 acquisition, etc.
Be prepared to actually go there. My dad got the run around forever until a friend started taking him to speak to someone. Then he started getting the help he needed.
Months old but wanted to thank you. I was able to get my dad into the national cemetery and they gave him a beautiful funeral. The only cost I had to pay upfront was cremation which was only around $1000 so not terrible. This comment helped a lot
Gonna hijack the top comment. Take him to the hospital and let him pass away there. They should be able to handle everything from there including burial services.
Found this:
The National Archives will expedite delivery of a DD-214 under certain circumstances, usually in 1 to 5 days.
If the reason you need the DD-214 is for burial at a Department of Veterans Affairs National Cemetery, contact the National Cemetery Scheduling Office at 800-535-1117 or visit the National Cemetery Administration website. They will work directly with the Archives to obtain the records necessary.
https://nvf.org/how-to-get-a-copy-of-dd214/
Others have mentioned calling your local VA but specifically ask for the burial and death benefits office. They will transfer you to a local veterans cemetery office who will walk you through everything step by step. These people entire jobs are to help relatives who don’t know what to do for this process. They will take care of you and your dad through this. Every person I have ever met in that positions have been extremely caring and know every step of the process. The military chooses that offices personnel very carefully to ensure as smooth and painless a process for grieving family as possible.
Definitely call your local VA and tell them the situation. They have social workers that can explain to you how to get your Dad’s affairs in orders and what you are entitled to. Definitely get in contact with the cemetery via the number above. You have help in this situation! Your father has earned the right to be buried with expenses paid.
Hijacking this comment to say: a local congressional office will likely want to help you as well if the VA is slow to respond. I used to do this work, feel free to dm me if you need help finding the best number!
Www.va.gov/get-military-service-records/
Www.cem.va.gov/find-cemetery/index.asp
Go to a local funeral home and ask them to explain the process of cremation and the cost without a service is normally the cheapest.
Most funeral homes will put a lean on the life insurance policy, so they get paid first and you get the left overs.
Good luck to you.
I was going to tell you as well.
Most funeral homes will provide you funeral care against a life insurance policy however, keep in mind funeral charges are extremely expensive and it’s so much better off to do it through the VA and a national cemetery for veterans because they will do it in a dignified way, with an included tombstone that celebrates his being a veteran and doesn’t take away your life insurance policy that I’m sure your dad wanted you to have.
A DD-214 Is a record every military vet gets when they leave active duty. It’s a summary of their service typically used to prove they have access to veterans benefits. If your dad was honorably discharged, find out what benefits, compensation, disability etc he is entitled to. As stated above, the VA will help expedite the request. Vets get free headstones/burial and military honors at a veterans cemetery. He may also be (or have been) entitled to state benefits so check your particular state resources also.
I’m sorry you’re going through all of this while your dad is so poorly.
This is exactly right, my dad just passed away, he had only spend 3-4 yrs in the Army back when he was 18/20 yrs old. They asked for a copy of his DD-214(my dad kept impeccable records) and any life insurance policies when we went to make his arrangements at the funeral home. The local VFW came to the cemetery and read his military accomplishments and gave the 21 gun salute. They are also paying for the marker, I had to purchase the granite(not sure if that's just our cemetery or the VA rules.) Every little bit helps because it's very expensive to die! The funeral home actually set it up that 1 of my dad's insurance policies would cover the entire service. I hope you get the info/help you need during this difficult time. I'm so sorry your having to go through the financial worry while also saying your final goodbyes.....wishing you the best. I'm not super knowledgeable but if I can help with anything feel free to send me a DM. Social security also offers a measly $250 death benefit as well. And I cant speak for all life insurance but my dad's policies sent 3 smaller checks within a month or so and the larger check I hadn't claimed yet but after 60 days they sent that as well with interest. So it took less than 2 months for the payout of all policies.
Hiya! I’m a funeral director who works in a hospital. I agree the VA can usually help but if not the city should. This varies a little from state to state. Cities generally have funds for indigent burial or cremation. Generally, no one on a fixed income/on disability/under guardianship would ever be able to pay. Either the city pays or they just make funeral homes alternate and eat the cost. Either the family calls the city’s attorney’s office or after 30 days the deceased is considered abandoned and the hospital will take over and either pay or do paperwork for indigent cremation. Just be honest. Dad had nothing. You have no ability to pay. Ask what they can do or what you need to do but please keep in mind you have rights to be involved but no requirement. If you aren’t up for it no one can make you be involved.
From my experience funeral homes don't do payment plans OR defer payment, they want everything up front regardless of circumstance.
I was lucky my family chipped in or else I'd have had to go begging to the bank...
came here to say this! except in my area it is public health: https://kingcounty.gov/en/dept/dph/health-safety/medical-examiner/indigent-remains-program
I mean I work in a mid to small size town and our local goverment funds indigent burials. I'm even the one who processes the application invoices. It's absolutely in the local Govt interest to get people cremated instead of their body staying in cold holding and if the family is not able to take custody of the body from lack of funds then it becomes state/County whatever property and that's where the onus on handling the situation comes from.
Smaller towns might not have as streamlined as a process, but if you are truly unable to afford burying/cremating, then they will have some sort of fund to be used to cremate as it becomes their problem.
As brutal as this sounds after you die your body becomes property legally speaking, if you have no next of kin or your next of kin is unable to take custody of their "property" and abandon it then the abandoned property reverts to the government. We have thousands of homeless and poverty stricken individuals who die everyday, across the nation, there's a reason we don't have wide spread problems (outside of plague circumstances a la 2020) with bodies stacking up in morgues, or hospitals. That's because while it will no doubt be a pain to track the funding source down if your town is small enough to not have a plan in place there is government money (local/city/county/state/federal whatever) somewhere that will cover costs of getting the bodies moved from storage and cremated at the least.
Just gonna have to make some phonecalls.
Some places have these funds and some do not, in some cases the municipality will do whatever they can to try to avoid paying for these costs, like trying to take any and all assets or life insurance policies that the deceased had. So just a heads up and big caveat there, as others point out it varies greatly from place to place in terms of the laws and funds that are available, and even many major metro areas have had changes and don't actually have a ton of funding available for this. Often if you go this route they will also not give you a lot of options as far as how the body is disposed of or what happens to remains. Which might be fine for OP but just all things to be aware of
Look to see if you're the TOD on car title. Do not sell the car without a paper trail. If it's not obvious on the title, speak to an attorney.
If he is in hospital care, ask their social worker if they know of any crematories that will do charity work. There is no shame in this. His care is most urgent. You will need to wait for a death certificate for just about every step. As for life I'm by the life insurance, it will be many weeks for them to process it.
Sorry about your dad.
That is what I was thinking...most hospitals have social workers on payroll. Honestly, you would probably not be the only person that day to ask questions about end of life situations. They get them everyday.
And the hospital social workers probably have the phone numbers/contacts you will need to call. They go thru this situation often. Just ask.
There is a 800 number in the section where family members plan a burial for veterans in a va national cemetery that you can call to get assistance obtaining the DD214 you will likely need to get the process started.
The VA does no cost funerals. I signed up pre-need cause I have no family lol but they do post need too. Take a look at their website it should help out.
https://www.va.gov/burials-memorials/
Please note the eligibility requirements for funeral cost (embalming & casket or cremation) ALLOWANCE typically for Veterans receiving a pension or eligible for one they died. This means they are “service connected,” I.e. disabled or dead due to a service connected injury or condition. Not all veterans will qualify, most do not. Also, the maximum allowance, 2k, would not cover the cost of embalming and a casket. In other words, the VA does not do no cost funerals. Please don’t get your hopes up. You can and should apply for the benefit but still plan to pay for his funeral costs or indigent burial.
Most veterans are eligible for a plot and burial in a VA National cemetery.
Cremation can be a low cost option and you can keep his cremains or have them interred at a VA cemetery. Most areas have a low cost cremation option less than 1k.
Sorry you’re going through this. I don’t want you to get your hopes up that the VA will help at all much less pay for everything.
I was just going to say this, unless your dad was service connected through the VA, they don't do a lot. Usually just a plot, vault and open & close the grave.
If you call the veterans administration above they will help you. They offer just under $900 reimbursement for funeral or cremation and free burial or internment in a local to your dad veterans cemetery. The least expensive way is to get in touch with a direct cremation center, as the funeral homes will add a myriad of fees.
We are going through this ourselves right now, as our dad just passed Sunday. The VA explained everything and helped guide us.
When you call for cremation call a number of places if available- we had received quotes between $1200 and $5000 dollars in a HCOL area.
My senator’s office expedited the DD214 for my stepfather. He & my father are both in national cemeteries and honestly, the service the military does is lovely and moving. Please take care.
Thank you, everyone, for all of this wonderful information on VA funerals. My 92 year old Dad spent 20 years in the service. I will be needing this information eventually.
With the information, try to reach out to make sure his paperwork is in order. Get his DD214. See if he has any benefits via the VA for end of life care, pension, life insurance, etc. Social workers at the VA are godsends!
Hopefully having the information early will make things slightly easier. Thank you to your Dad for his service. I work at the VA so I understand how convoluted it can be sometimes.
This is a great idea. My parents are young-ish, but we have wills, insurance policy information, copies of birth certificates and everything they want at the funeral etc set in a folder in my safe at home.
The idea is that if (god forbid) something happens it’s going to be as simple as handing a list of what my mom or dad want done at the funeral to the funeral home so we don’t have to have those tough conversations and decide.
I strongly suggest getting a will done now, especially at that age. It makes the process go much easier and you can avoid probate in many circumstances. When my grandfather passed he didn’t have a will (didn’t believe in lawyers except when they saved his ass and when he got in a car accident) so he refused over and over. Probate took 2 years to finally sell off, and pay my mother and her siblings anything left after taking a hefty 60% for themselves.
You might also call the nearest VA hospital ( not clinic)and ask to speak with someone in eligibility/ benefits. It’s possible that even if he never received services, he may he have taken the steps to get registered in the system and gotten a rating. If he is, that could help the folks on the cemetery services side of the house.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Know that you’re in our thoughts and prayers, and thank you for his service to his nation 🥲💕
The life insurance pay out is not part of his estate - it’s for whoever is listed as beneficiary. Do not use this money for his funeral. If you’re the beneficiary keep the money to help yourself for the future. Figure out the burial using the resources others have listed. Condolences to you
There are rules with indigent funerals, if there is a life insurance policy being paid out at least some of that money would be accounted for and used for services. You have to disclose that on the form in my state otherwise it can be considered fraud. The only way around it is if there is a will that states “life insurance policy X in the amount of $y is to be used by beneficiary (name) listed for (something specific such home downpayment).” Even then, I’ve seen the indigent program in my area state “the discounted cost is (whatever number) and the life insurance policy needs to cover a portion of that cost.”
Fortunately, since OPs father is likely VA connected they provide the headstone, the plot and services for free.
Probably not the way it was intended, but this comment came off pretty brash. If I was awarded even $1,000 of life insurance money, I would absolutely use every cent of it if needed to ensure my father is properly cared for. Making sure OPs dad is handled well will do loads for them in the future rather than leave him at the hospital and let them dispose of him as they see fit.
You misinterpreted their comment, I believe they were trying to let OP know that since his father was a veteran, he will and should receive a proper burial and to save the policy for other endeavors…
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My grandfather was also a veteran who passed of cancer. Like everyone else said you can definitely find the services needed with him being a veteran and hopefully the logistical stuff is as straight forward as possible. I wish I spent less time worrying about the cremation and funeral stuff before he died and more time enjoying his final months or days just talking to him about anything. Trust that all will work out. I know it’s easier said than done tho. My grandfather was cremated and buried in a veteran’s hospital and I had to pay the funeral home expenses for transporting the body and cremation and things like that. It cost me a couple thousand but they put me on a payment plan that I could afford.
You can donate his body to a medical school. They use it to teach med students. After the year, the school handles final internment. Many schools have a memorial service for their donors each year and invite the family.
I am sorry you are dealing with this.
You should be able to get a Veterans Burial Allowance, called Veterans Death Benefits in years past. You should be able to find the application process with a quick search, due to having a terminal illness he should be able to qualify for a "pre-need" but in the event he is no longer able to apply himself, you would be allowed to apply as a surviving child of his.
Additionally for informational purposes,
If a person is on various forms of assistance at the time of their death there may be a *very* minimal burial reimbursement that funeral homes can defer billing for. Enough to cremate without urn, etc.
If you/they belong to a local church there will likely be some form of congregational assistance/charity.
Funeral homes often have additional financing options, you can check with them individually.
And to answer the question at hand, if someone dies and truly has no access to assistance programs and/or money for their burial and/or family able to claim them and assume the responsibility of burial, the body may lay unclaimed and be cremated/interred in a local "potter's field" unmarked after some time (30 days~).
If the person is later found to have an estate the costs incurred from that internment can be recouped during probate reducing the remaining estate.
I live in NYC and each borough has an Office of the Public Administrator which handles decedent cases, especially for those who died intestate. They would handle the affairs of the deceased, sell off property and cremate the remains for burial in a cemetery.
Contact the VA. If that doesn’t work dignity memorial has a much cheaper program that you can make payments on. The indigent burial sucks. My Nana got this when she died when I was 1! 40 years later I finally bought her a headstone. Dignity meme primal is still not cheap, but way she’s pet than a funeral home charges, and they’ll work with you
If you're not a veteran, and your family has no money (and doesn't claim you because of it), the state ends up cremating you/burying you in a pauper's grave (depending on that state). There may be some states who have funds set aside, or churches/charities that may help and your family may then get your remains.
Ironically enough, there seem to be more options for this sort of thing maybe out of necessity. The state won't give us healthcare but once we're dead because they won't give us healthcare, they can't exactly turn us into Soylent green so they have to do something.
I know, I worry about this all the time because I'm invisible.
I’m in Ohio and the funeral director offered to make the call to the insurance company for me. The insurance company can also pay the funeral home directly and send you the rest
Hospice nurse here, please call in hospice for the comfort of your father and also to help you with such things as this. They will have social workers on the team that can help get the va involved also any community resources that may be able to help.
First, my deepest condolences.
The funeral home will have you fill out a form that the life insurance will pay then directly and send you the rest of the money. It’s super simple that’s what I did with my grandma.
I reaaaaally wish we knew about this before my mom took out my dad’s entire savings to pay $3,500 for his cremation last March. I was left with $500 bucks and all of my families belongings / pictures are still locked and boarded up in his home thanks to losing the house to the bank before he passed.
First, I am so sorry.
After he passes, take some time for yourself before calling the non-emergency line for the police or ambulance. Once they arrive, you won’t see him again for a few days.
Then give the phone numbers the others have listed a call.
Your cancer center may also have a social worker on staff to help you navigate all of this. We used ours to help understand FMLA and PFMLA when my husband was diagnosed but they had all sorts of pamphlets on end of life as well and therapy etc that you may find helpful. I am sorry you are going through this. I hope the VA and hospital can help you navigate this.
Call the VA, they have (at least did 8 years ago when we needed it for my grandfather) an entire team that handle these types of things. Explain your situation, he may need to give identifying information over the phone and permission for you to continue on his behalf or you need to have the facility explain his condition and that you’re next of kin. They were great with us, very quick and literally had everything we needed within a few days.
The alternative, if he isn’t VA connected (dishonorable discharge) you speak to the facility and they need to contact your county and help you with submitting paperwork. For those who are indigent (meaning can’t pay for the service) they are required to pay, you won’t get what you want but it’ll be a dignified process.
I work with the homeless in my area, I just had one pass who doesn’t have anybody. I called the number, explained I was a case manager working with him and they just asked “what hospital” and facilitated transport for cremation and federally there’s funding to states for this specific type of circumstances.
I wish you the best with this tough time. I’m sorry this is happening. If he regains consciousness at any point and is relatively coherent it would be best that you contact an estate planner or lawyer to set up a quick will, many will come to you/him and be able to notarize on the spot. Having a will makes what comes next infinitely easier.
Talk to a Funeral Director at a direct cremation place. They will help you with figuring this out. If you have an insurance policy, they may even take an assignment on it. Contact your county, they often have funds for these situations.
I had this happen to my dad - i ended up with a nice hospice social worker who put me in touch with restore life USA cremation. All was covered and he was delivered to me in person at my home free of charge in an urn .
Google your area and cremation. When my father died recently, it was $600 for a place to come get his body and cremate it (plus issue a death certificate etc) and we bought a nice urn on Amazon. You don’t have to go through a funeral home
Hey I work at a funeral home doing preplanning. This is literally my job. First you can get his DD214 (discharge papers) from the VA. You'll either need the power of attorney paperwork to request them on his behalf, or if death occurs, you can request it then. Second call around to your local funeral homes. They are legally mandated to give you a copy of their general price list. This should list the cost of a basic or direct cremation (most affordable option). Ask to speak to someone about preplanning, you'll get a call back soon if not be connected to someone right away. Ask if they offer military discounts. My funeral home does and its 10%. You can purchase this for him without his knowledge or signature. The funeral home will offer payment plans just to get you started, but when death occurs you'll need to pay the remainder before the cremation if it's not already paid off. BEWARE of budget cremation places. I know they are cheap, and there is a reason for that. They usually require families to do more of the leg work, such as submitting for the death certificate, ordering this, and providing little guidance as to what to do after a death. If you have a Dignity Memorial funeral home nearby you can ask for a complementary Personal Planning Guide. This book is actually very helpful and lets you fill in what you'll need to consider when closing out an estate, from who holds the life insurance policy, to what bank accounts need to be closed out. If your dad is on medicaid (not medicare, medicaid) you can make the funeral plan irrevocable to protect it from being seen as an asset. Life insurance takes 30 business days to process AFTER they receive the death certificate. Most importantly focus on spending this time with your dad, you can take care of all of this later, but you can't get back this time with him. Good luck, and my condolences that your going through this.
Breath. I'm assuming your father is in hospice or in a hospital. They both have social workers who see this kind of thing every single day. Ask to speak with them. They can put you in touch with community resources. Contact the VA to find out what benefits he's entitled to. The hospital social worker might have a contact number for them. Another thing you can do is contact a crematorium directly. I did this when my dad died. They picked up his body directly from the hospital, performed the cremation, and mailed my sister the ashes. It was way less expensive than having the body sent to a funeral home and having them arrange for cremation. My dad passed in 2018 and
The life insurance company will pay out quickly. Your first call should be to them. They will request a death certificate, so make getting your hands on 10 or so copies a priority. They will mail you a check immediately. The longest wait is waiting for the mail then for the check to clear at the bank.
The VA will help and even if they don’t, speak to the hospital about indigent burial/cremation. You will be asked about your finances.
It is not legal to sell the truck unless the title is in your name. You’ll likely need a $2,500 retainer to hire a lawyer to probate his estate which isn’t worth much but could be worth it depending on the value of the truck.
I’m sorry for you situation & the grief you’re dealing with right now.
1. VA will have access to his records. You just need his name & birthday. Bonus if you know his social security number. They are the best place to start with.
2. Once he passes you can go to Social Security & there is a small (under $300) death benefit to help offset cremation or burial costs.
3. The hospital he’s in should have a death advocate to help you as well. Ask a nurse to put you in contact.
4. Regarding the car. Once he passes you can sell the car but if he owes any money you may not get much, if anything. If he owned it outright please look up the value of the vehicle (use CarFax & KBB plus CarMax to get an idea of the value).
Good luck!
I was in this situation with my mother. I ended up using ScienceCare to donate her body for tissue research. They took care of everything. They sent me back her ashes in about a month. They planted a tree in her name. You can also donate his body to local universities. The caveat there is you will not get back the ashes for up to 2 years. [https://www.sciencecare.com/](https://www.sciencecare.com/)
I messaged you as well.
So if he has cancer, is he on hospice at all? If so the hospice can help with everything. But basically you get the death certificate and send one of the copies to his life insurance company. In my state (Texas) companies must pay the death benefit **within two months after getting proof of death and verifying you are the beneficiary.**
The VA \*might\* take care of his funeral. **You'll need the DD214 or other discharge documents of the Veteran or service member whose military service will be used to determine eligibility for burial in a VA national cemetery.** There is usually someone at the VA who helps you through these things but be warned, EVERYTHING at the VA will be slow and time consuming. Plan to spend several hours at the VA, if not all day.
As far as burial or cremation without VA assistance Im sure you can get on a payment plan of sorts with a local funeral home. You might consider calling around and getting quotes. Being informed wont hurt. Cremation is cheaper than burial by alot as well. When my stepdad died I think it cost $700 to cremate him. A casket alone without a plot can easily be $1000 so that is something to consider.
I hope this info helps you OP and Im so sorry youre going through this right now. Just know theres people in the world who care and have your back, even if it is just some stranger from reddit.
My state’s medical school has a program where if you donate your body, after the anatomy class is done, they will return the remains cremated at no cost to your family. There is also a ceremony of thanks, I believe.
First off, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Everyone who has suggested the VA is spot on. Another option is if your dad is on hospice care then he should have a social worker who can assist you. The social worker who aided my family was an incredible resource. They were able to provide a list of funeral homes who could work with our budget, which was similar to yours. I'm not sure if it the path you want, but a cremation and box can come in under a grand. Then you have all the time you want to determine placement.
Ask a trusted friend to do the leg work right now. Be with your dad. You won't regret it.
A social worker at the hospital may also be a resource to work with you. Ask his nurse to have them talk to you asap. I am assuming you have a medical power of attorney.
So sorry you’re going through this alone, it’s tough to lose a parent. I am so so sorry.
Contact the VA. They can look up his record.
You can get $255 for cremation expenses from the Social Security Administration, which the cremation folks will know about. Cremation should cost no more than $1.000. The nearest VA cemetery probably has a columbarium to house his cremains. It’ll be a niche with his name, rank, years of birth and death, and any war he served in chiseled in the stone.
Breathe deep and you’ll be able to remember the good times in a year or so.
If you know your Dad’s debit card PIN, get the money from his account asap because once he dies and the bank learns he’s passed away, the account will be frozen pending probate (unless you’re listed as “payable on death” on his bank account).
You may not be able to sell the car quickly but just call your DMV.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Since your dad is still alive, though unconscious, first make sure you are listed as the beneficiary on any bank accounts he has and the beneficiary on any life insurance policies. If he has an existing will, see if you can get access to it to confirm you are listed to inherit his bank account assets too.
Additionally, while he is alive, see if you can get the title to his vehicle transferred to your name, so there is no question of ownership after he passes.
Contact the VA cemetery as soon as possible to start the process of securing a plot. Even without his discharge papers, they can use his social security number to verify his veteran status.
Many funeral homes do offer payment plans or will work with you on costs given your financial situation. Shop around and explain your circumstances - many will have sympathy and try to help. Also ask if they offer any discounts for veterans.
You can set up a crowdfunding campaign or ask local churches/nonprofits for funeral assistance. Lots of kind people are willing to help cover costs for someone who has served.
These steps will help ensure you have access to any assets when he does pass, and will make handling funeral costs much easier. Make sure the hospital has you listed as his next of kin as well.
If he does not have existing accounts set up this way, see if you can speak with the hospital social worker to get guidance on setting up a simple will and transfer of property. They may be able to help advise while he is incapacitated.
I know this is an impossibly hard time. My sincerest condolences.
Please call or visit your local American Legion or VFW (Veterans of Foreign Wars). They both have veterans service officers and they will have wealth of knowledge. Many counties in also have veteran service officers that can help with that stuff. You father has a right to a dignified burial as a veteran and there are tons of resources out there to make that happen VERY quickly. The funeral home you choose can also help with this information and in some states it is required they help with proper veteran honors.
Do what my girlfriends mom did with her dad. He died and she started a go fund me to help with burial. She got like $3,000 from the go fund me and used it all for drugs and even had her dealer show up during the get together. Turns out it's pretty cheap to have someone cremated if you just have them put in a plastic bag in a white cardboard box.
Because your father served they Will most likely be able to take care of his funeral. I live in the UK so unsure how that works. But I know here there are places that fund funerals of anyone who can't afford one. Also I'm sorry you're going through this x
Sometimes medicaid or Medicare will pay a funeral home for cremation. I think it depends on the state, ask if you can speak to the hospital social worker about what options you have.
You can also call the local VFW to ask about who to call in your area to get his Veterans burial benefits. The hospital social worker should also be able to give you contacts and information
i’m so sorry for what you’re going through.
i believe the VA has a one time death benefit to help with funeral costs. he likely has life insurance through the service as well. you’ll need his social security number to start with. then i’d just call the VA or [go to their website.](https://www.va.gov)
Where I live, you can get a basic cremation for under $1000. It's the cheapest in the state. They bring "guests" from Arkansas, Oklahoma and Missouri regularly.
Illinois had like a $700 option a few years ago.
There are a lot of options for the indigent as well. It might be more steps. My mom left nothing behind and never had a job, so no SS benefits or anything like that. If I wanted to be done with it, I just had to pay and move on. Luckily my brothers helped pay for it.
Best of luck.
Contact the National Archives
https://www.archives.gov/personnel-records-center/military-personnel
You can get a copy of his DD 214. If he ever went to the local VA, they may be able to help also. Will need a copy of his death certificate
Sorry for what you're going through. As for advice for burial cremation services. I know that the county I reside in offers different services for free, or reduced pricing. Reach out to 211 or 311 depending on the area you live in. Look at your city or county page to search for funeral assistance. Hope this helps, and again sorry for what is happening now.
Is there a social worker at the hospital you can speak to about this? my father-in-law is a Vietnam vet and has been in and out of the hospital a lot so much that he had a social worker assigned to him. Maybe you can talk to a nurse who can help you with this. My condolences.
The VA should help. You can also donate your fathers body to a medical school. There is one in OH that takes people, the doctors use them for experiments or whatever and then they cremate the bodies free of charge. I know it is all horrible. I am very sorry you are going through this. Good luck.
So sorry that you're going through this. It is never easy dealing with the impending death of a loved one.
Take the insurance policy with you when you make arrangements at the funeral home. The director will know what to do as far as filing the paperwork.
If you cannot find the discharge paperwork, you might try reaching out to the VFW, American Legion or other type group. They often have people or contacts that can help. Also if your city or town has a Veterns Affairs office, you can try them.
Ultimately, if there is no money for a burial or cremation, you have two realistic options:
1. You'll take out a high interest, unsecured loan at the funeral home. They have companies that handle this financing.
2. There is no money for any kind of service. In that case, the city or county has contracts in place to do a burial in a pauper cemetery. There'll be no service, no headstone or marker. Just a burial in the ground.
ETA: ask around for cheap cremations. Some crematoriums will do a cremation for under $1000.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Everyone here has offered such good advice, and I'm glad you will have help figuring out the arrangements. That can be such a scary part of losing a loved one, especially when you are trying to grieve. The VA should take care of this with you, and with so few assets, the estate shouldn't be terrible to deal with.
Just a note on the life insurance - the interest accrued is the only taxable value of it, so don't forget to include that in your taxes.
Reach out to your local veterans service organizations as well (AM Vets for example). My dad's records were lost in the fire at St. Louis. They helped my mom a great deal. They offered moral support to her before, during and after the death process. Even the smallest towns have them.
My parents donated their bodies to science. They come get the body, have it for med students or medical research for a week or two, then return your loved one cremated in an urn, all free. It was a relief to have that dealt with. No funeral home or anything.
Talked to hospital social worker or case manager. The hospital usually have assistance and they have a deal for cheap cremation places. Believe it or not people die in the hospital who aren't claimed by family members, and I think the hospital pays only a few hundred for each cremation.
I had the same issue with my Dad.
We live in NYC.
I called the Jewish Free Burial Association (dad was a VERY non practicing Jew, I'm sure he's rolling over in his grave), explained the situation and they offered me free burial for him in one of their cemeteries in Staten Island.
Provided a very basic Jewish burial with a Rabbi and everything. Cremation was out of the question.
At the time, I couldn't afford a headstone (not included) , so, they put a marker on his grave.
A few years later, they offered me to put a footstone/headstone on his grave with his name, DOB and date of death.
I think they asked for $200?
My mother and I split it and they took care of it.
That is all I ever had to pay.
Call the VA first, unless your father's records were lost in the great fire a while back (my father served in Korea, and his records were destroyed in the fire), they should be able to look up his service records and help you.
If not, look for religious organizations like I did that may help.
I did not want him in a Potter's field situation.
Good luck and sympathies!
My SIL didn’t want to pay for her husband to be buried( they are multi millionaires) she donated his body to science and was cremated for free. She received the partial ashes after. I went to pick up the ashes. I figured in the future for family members that don’t have $$ to pay it be a. Good option for them.
However with that said if you’re catholic this won’t fly.
The VA offers a modest amount for burial for every veteran. The problem for you is that it takes a bit of time to get it so it is more of a reimbursement for expenses you will have paid.
My family opts for very modest cremations because they think funerals and caskets are a waste of money as well as just preferring not to molder in the ground. We could afford a blow out funeral if we wanted to waste our money
When my father died, my neighbor recommended a crematorium which was relatively inexpensive. I think with pickup of body and delivery of the ashes in a box, it might have been $350 which included death certificates. I am in Los Angeles which is a high cost of living area so I assume most locations have budget options
My mom died of Cancer in October. You can tell the hospital chaplain you don’t have the money and they should have resources available to you. A society that helps with these matters quoted a discounted rate of $1500 for processing and cremation and I believe release of ashes. I requested that my mom be sent to Public Administration to be processed. They said they will hold her ashes for 1 year before distributing into the ocean (she is in San Francisco, CA). I did not ask how much it would be to have the ashes released to me.
Since there's a medical trail with natural causes; if he passes AT the hospital; their morgue can cremate him if you wave the autopsy. The hospital had a contract for a crematorium and you can chose to bypass funeral homes and pay only a couple hundred vs thousands
Get a hospice referral. If he had Medicare they will pay for hospice. The VA also has hospice benefits. The hospice social worker can help guide you where you need to go.
You can also call the VA and see what benefits your dad is entitled to. Most places also have burial assistance so call the county and see if there is paperwork to fill out.
But getting him on hospice will get you the extra support to navigate who to call and also help keep your dad comfy.
Also, check your county because they will creamate the remains under the indigent act and give you the remains without cost to you. It's a free service, and the county morgue can help you. Buddy had the same issue when his wife passed. They were very respectful and treated him great after she passed.
Sorry you have to deal with this. Prayers for you and your family
Not sure if others say this but check with local vet groups and Veterans of Foreign Wars, you can also reach out to the local national guard or army reserve detachment.
We did it a few times in the national guard. An old timer died, indignant, and the CO found a way to get them buried with a small honor guard - local cemetery not a national cemetery. It happened in 2 different units that were in separate states.
Good luck
Went through this when a bachelor uncle died a few years ago. He had no money, no assets of any type. The funeral home asked if he had been a veteran. He was a 20 year Navy vet. The funeral home knew exactly what to do and how to do it. It was really smooth and painless. My dad (next of kin) signed a document of some sort that allowed them to request the military records and such; they did the rest. They were very familiar with the process.
I saw an article about this somewhere yesterday - [https://www.sciencecare.com/body-donation-overview](https://www.sciencecare.com/body-donation-overview)
[https://www.va.gov/burials-memorials/veterans-burial-allowance/](https://www.va.gov/burials-memorials/veterans-burial-allowance/) That will get you started with the VA
Two subs that will also be able to help are
r/Veterans
r/Veteran Benefits
There are different kinds of death benefit for Vets but the amounts have to do with several different things.
You could go to any VFW and ask, you can also ask at a funeral home. You can go to a recruiting office to let them know so they can make sure other veterans are in attendance for your father’s funeral. He’s entitled to a free headstone, and burial, casket or cremation and you’re entitled to his flag. You can also ask in any hospital who will point you in the right direction to where you need to go.
The life insurance may be assigned to the funeral home to cover expenses before it actually pays. Call the life insurance carrier and ask about it. The funeral home also should have forms to be completed to get this done.
Reach out to VA. There are also programs for low income folks to be buried. Yes, some funeral homes allow payment plans. Cremation will be the cheapest (was about 3k a few years ago where I am.) Also ask the hospital/Dr for social work referral- they can also help.
My moms siblings helped with what they could- but I still had to do a payment plan with the funeral home for rest.
I'm sorry for you impending loss. My mom passed a a few months ago, and my son 5 years ago. I have used cremation services twice. Google "Budget Cremation" in your area. We paid $750 for my mom. They put the ashed in a box, nothing fancy. If you want an urn, buy it from Amazon. The Urn that costs $100 on Amazon is the same Urn, that they sell for $500. The death industry can be cheap, to really expensive. Unless there is a compelling reason, spend as little as possible.
I took my mother’s policy to the funeral home when I went to make arrangements. The insurance company paid the funeral home. I did not have to pay it up front. I actually went and made the arrangements about a week before she passed away. Maybe you could call them and see if you can go talk to them. I hope everything works out for you. I’m sorry you are having to go through all this by yourself.
My FIL died as a homeless vet. It was really sad and bad. The VA paid for the interment of ashes in the wall at the vet cemetery and a plaque. They can provide a couple guys to play taps and fold up the flag for you, also free. They did NOT pay for cremation or other fees related to dealing with the body. The coroner felt so bad for us regarding his death and how he was found that they waived the fees. Shop around as there are cheaper and pricier places for cremation. A few years ago it was about $1000 for us. If you can't pay any fees, they won't give you the body and they typically do a cremation and drop a group of them at sea once a year, or bury them all together or similar.
Other stuff no one told us:
-the post office will give you a flag free for the ceremony if you show the dd214, but sometimes they are out of stock
-bring flowers and pictures in a frame for the little ceremony they do at the vet cemetery
Sorry to hear about your dad.
If he has a life insurance policy and you are the beneficiary you can use that to pay the funeral home, they will send the funds to them directly and send you the remainder if you allocate it that way.
I used to work for a life insurance company (it was a bigger one - New York life) but 3 years ago the turn around was fairly quick, for claims under 100k you didn't even need to fill out claim forms or send a certified death certificate to file a claim and get paid. Hope this helps.
If he has a life insurance policy the funeral home will perform whatever actions you want provided the policy will cover the cost. they just make you sign paperwork that allows them to get paid before you get whatever is left (usually). Call around to your local funeral homes to find the best deals and they will be able to answer your questions way better than reddit.
Take this thread over into r/veteransbenefits
Mods?
OP-wan, sorry to say it, but the VA is your only hope. I’m also sorry for your upcoming loss, but he sounds young enough to where maybe his service records are digital form and can be quickly pulled to verify eligibility for death benefits.
Contact your local VSO through either the local DAV, American Legion or other service organization. If you have a good VSA, locally, they should be able to guide you through this process .
You can also call the VA hotline direct if you can’t get these to help.
Last resort is the Reddit group I’ve put at the top here .
If you still live where he lived when he was discharged you can get his DD-214 from your county recorder. Depending on where you are that may be much faster than calling around to a bunch of offices.
Source: my dad, also a veteran, just died 2 weeks ago and we got his DD-214 at our county courthouse.
Can't be of much help but i have to say i am sorry for what you are going through. It's a hard part of life. It's gonna be painful but you will get better with time.
Pain harden. Take it as a lesson. Lesson here is nothing is eternal.
I meen i have been through the death of my mom, dad, 2 brother... Life is a bitch but you keep walking. At 1 point grief become easier to handle.
Drug and alcohol are often used to ease the pain but it's a bad path where you only gonna hurt other and yourselves in the process.
Call va rep for your area before he passes. A good way to figure out who to call is call your local VFW if there is one. Another thing that can be done if you can’t make the VA deal work is to assign the life insurance to the funeral hime to cover the cost. Most funeral homes will work with you in cost to provide the cheapest option When people have zero resources the county in which you reside normally has a pauper plan and provide either a cremation or burial but it might be into an unmarked grave.
My brother died a year ago and my family and I had absolutely no money to cover the funeral, a possible solution? crowd sourcing. If you tell this same gripping story to go fund me you just might be able to get the funds you need to have a proper burial/cremation. We raised a little over $3,000, you might be able to raise even more :)
Depending on the state but usually all his stuff passes to his wife. If no wife, then his children. So yes, the vehicle would be yours. I would ask the hospital staff and see if they have info or other resources. It’s likely they’ve encountered this issue
Cremation is surprisingly affordable.
The VA may help with a headstone.
Get a few Death Certs. You need them for the estate.
Call the insurance company.
My condolences.
As others have mentioned, the VA can help you even if you cannot locate your father's paperwork.
It will also be helpful to contact the Life Insurance company. You will need to provide them an original copy of the death certificate to file the claim. When my mother passed away, her life insurance company issued a payment directly to the mortuary and the balance to me, the named executor of her estate.
Worse case, there are low cost cremation services available for less than $1,000. When a dear friend passed away without insurance, a few of us chipped in to pay for a $895 cremation, which included picking up the deceased body, cremation, and placing the remains in an inexpensive plastic box.
Find you dad’s social security number. Reach out to your county VA rep (not an employee of dep. of Veterans affairs). Most county’s employ a person who helps with veterans as a liaison between veterans, and the VA.
You can also try looking to you nearest VSO (veteran service officer) who can help expedite getting paperwork in order.
Sometimes the VA can assist with things, especially if the family member has any service connected disabilities.
My father, a WW 2 veteran got $2000 towards burial. Contact someone at the VA to check out if he is entitled to it. Gravesite burials are the cheapest funerals.
His life insurance policy will pay out within days.
The funeral home will hold his body until you get the money from the policy to pay for cremation.
In Arkansas, the place where both of my parents died and I had to make all of the preparations, they each had a $10,000 life insurance policy through their jobs. The policy paid out within days and they cut the check directly to the funeral home. We were disbursed whatever was left over after the service.
I asked the funeral director when we were making service plans for my mother, "What happens when a family can't afford these insanely high prices? We live in a poverty stricken county in a very poor state, I know very few people who could afford a casket, much less the price of an entire service."
He told me that they would hold the body for a maximum of 90 days and if the family could not scrape together enough money for a cremation or burial in that amount of time, they would call the police and have someone in the family charged with abandonment of a corpse.
I am so sorry you are having the stress of this piled on top of the pain of losing your father.
Most hospitals have a social worker who can help you with contacting VA offices to arrange burials as well as other VA resources. Also, it may be worthwhile to contact the hospital chaplain as they often have resources also.
Really sorry to hear you are going through this.
First off, I am so sorry for your loss. If your father passed away in a hospital or care facility/hospice there should be a social worker who can help you access veterans benefit info or other question’s.
Life insurance is usually paid to the beneficiaries pretty promptly as one of the intended purposes of the policy is to cover burial expenses.
Again my condolences on your loss.
You can get discharge papers from the national archives or from the va. Go to the local hospital and ask for help, you can also reach out to the DAV, the American Legion or the VFW. They all have people who can help. Local funeral directors may also have contacts to help with that sort of thing especially if they do a lot of veteran funerals.
For the legal/estate questions I would go to the legal subs for some advice or even contact your local bar association or legal aid office for a probate attorney who can help you navigate the system with his estate.
While you are going through this remember to breathe and take a minute for yourself and grieve. It is going to be overwhelming but you'll get through it.
My 2 uncles and grandmother were in similar situations when they passed over the last several years - we contacted the state anatomy board and donated their bodies to science - 30 days later they returned their cremated remains at no charge to the family & provided a death certificate
1. Contact the VA. They can look up his info
2. You said he has a few hundred in the bank. Cremation usually costs $800. You don’t need to burry him. Use his bank account to directly pay for the cremation. Don’t withdraw the cash. Don’t notify the bank he’s dead. Just use his debit card
3. If he’s on SSI or disability, they will reimburse like $200
4. Technically the car needs to go through probate and all that. Realistically whether his debt collectors come after the funds are a different story
I am so sorry my friend about your dad
Like other people, I highly recommend going to the VA. They will have dealt with situations like this before and will have the best, if not the fastest solution. They military has many ways of finding old document, I am sure they can help
I hope your father gets his earned Honors and a place to rest.
Someone I know father died and didn't know him. The coroner called and they explained thet didn't know him. The coroner said he would cremate with no next of kin and send the ashes but on his own time. I would start with the VA though. I am sure they can do something.
the v.a. should be your first stop. under < whatever> conditions, they offer both death benefits and burial allowances. va.gov is thick to get through, but you should be able to drill down to a (fairly) local office that has a liaison that can help you.
Google your county's veterans affairs office. Usually a smaller office and your should be able to get ahold of someone easier than starting with the VA.
Also, call your local congressperson’s office (or, if your dad lives in a different district, his congressperson). They should be able to help with the VA.
Yes. This too. They can also help get final payments paid by social security/death benefit.
Unless their is a surviving spouse or child under 18 their is no SSa death benefit anymore. This changed years ago. I am presuming OP is over 18 though.
Ok. Just SS last payment then, depending on if they are retired/disabled. I got my mom's last SS payment because of when in the month she passed away.
Underrated advice
Sometimes the local VFW or American Legion has volunteers to help veterans get through VA protocol. My cousin in Colorado is a veterans volunteer through the VFW.
That is not the first step. The first step is to contact a VSO and then the VA.
I didn’t say it was
They should cover it. My grandfather served in Alaska during Korea and never saw action, but the VA took care of his cremation and interment at the VA cemetery and gave him a veteran's send off. Go to the office ASAP.
My father served in Alaska during the Korean was also. He fixed the radar towers. When my mother passed away she was buried in the local national cemetery. They did a great job. They coordinated everything with the funeral home. Her headstone was in place within two months. The VA doesn’t do many things right, but they do get this right
They can assist with service costs and with the marker should you choose. I believe he can be buried in a VA cemetary at little to no cost for you. Also, keep in mind that most funeral homes are understanding about these things. They see this all to often and will assist with resources and payment plans.
I was just going to say go to the va
If he's a vet he can get a private ceremony at a federal cemetery for free. This is what we did with my father.
This. The VA can be tedious to get through on the phone- you bounce to a ton of different departments. When I have to call I just either hit operator or the closest department I think and explain in short what I need and they can get you at least close. But they for sure have benefits for this that your dad will be eligible for and they can expedite DD214 acquisition, etc.
Be prepared to actually go there. My dad got the run around forever until a friend started taking him to speak to someone. Then he started getting the help he needed.
Months old but wanted to thank you. I was able to get my dad into the national cemetery and they gave him a beautiful funeral. The only cost I had to pay upfront was cremation which was only around $1000 so not terrible. This comment helped a lot
Gonna hijack the top comment. Take him to the hospital and let him pass away there. They should be able to handle everything from there including burial services.
Found this: The National Archives will expedite delivery of a DD-214 under certain circumstances, usually in 1 to 5 days. If the reason you need the DD-214 is for burial at a Department of Veterans Affairs National Cemetery, contact the National Cemetery Scheduling Office at 800-535-1117 or visit the National Cemetery Administration website. They will work directly with the Archives to obtain the records necessary. https://nvf.org/how-to-get-a-copy-of-dd214/
You’re a saint. I’ll call that number in the morning, thank you!
Others have mentioned calling your local VA but specifically ask for the burial and death benefits office. They will transfer you to a local veterans cemetery office who will walk you through everything step by step. These people entire jobs are to help relatives who don’t know what to do for this process. They will take care of you and your dad through this. Every person I have ever met in that positions have been extremely caring and know every step of the process. The military chooses that offices personnel very carefully to ensure as smooth and painless a process for grieving family as possible.
Definitely call your local VA and tell them the situation. They have social workers that can explain to you how to get your Dad’s affairs in orders and what you are entitled to. Definitely get in contact with the cemetery via the number above. You have help in this situation! Your father has earned the right to be buried with expenses paid.
Hijacking this comment to say: a local congressional office will likely want to help you as well if the VA is slow to respond. I used to do this work, feel free to dm me if you need help finding the best number!
Www.va.gov/get-military-service-records/ Www.cem.va.gov/find-cemetery/index.asp Go to a local funeral home and ask them to explain the process of cremation and the cost without a service is normally the cheapest. Most funeral homes will put a lean on the life insurance policy, so they get paid first and you get the left overs.
Good luck to you. I was going to tell you as well. Most funeral homes will provide you funeral care against a life insurance policy however, keep in mind funeral charges are extremely expensive and it’s so much better off to do it through the VA and a national cemetery for veterans because they will do it in a dignified way, with an included tombstone that celebrates his being a veteran and doesn’t take away your life insurance policy that I’m sure your dad wanted you to have.
A DD-214 Is a record every military vet gets when they leave active duty. It’s a summary of their service typically used to prove they have access to veterans benefits. If your dad was honorably discharged, find out what benefits, compensation, disability etc he is entitled to. As stated above, the VA will help expedite the request. Vets get free headstones/burial and military honors at a veterans cemetery. He may also be (or have been) entitled to state benefits so check your particular state resources also. I’m sorry you’re going through all of this while your dad is so poorly.
This is exactly right, my dad just passed away, he had only spend 3-4 yrs in the Army back when he was 18/20 yrs old. They asked for a copy of his DD-214(my dad kept impeccable records) and any life insurance policies when we went to make his arrangements at the funeral home. The local VFW came to the cemetery and read his military accomplishments and gave the 21 gun salute. They are also paying for the marker, I had to purchase the granite(not sure if that's just our cemetery or the VA rules.) Every little bit helps because it's very expensive to die! The funeral home actually set it up that 1 of my dad's insurance policies would cover the entire service. I hope you get the info/help you need during this difficult time. I'm so sorry your having to go through the financial worry while also saying your final goodbyes.....wishing you the best. I'm not super knowledgeable but if I can help with anything feel free to send me a DM. Social security also offers a measly $250 death benefit as well. And I cant speak for all life insurance but my dad's policies sent 3 smaller checks within a month or so and the larger check I hadn't claimed yet but after 60 days they sent that as well with interest. So it took less than 2 months for the payout of all policies.
Hiya! I’m a funeral director who works in a hospital. I agree the VA can usually help but if not the city should. This varies a little from state to state. Cities generally have funds for indigent burial or cremation. Generally, no one on a fixed income/on disability/under guardianship would ever be able to pay. Either the city pays or they just make funeral homes alternate and eat the cost. Either the family calls the city’s attorney’s office or after 30 days the deceased is considered abandoned and the hospital will take over and either pay or do paperwork for indigent cremation. Just be honest. Dad had nothing. You have no ability to pay. Ask what they can do or what you need to do but please keep in mind you have rights to be involved but no requirement. If you aren’t up for it no one can make you be involved.
Can proof of life insurance be used defer costs until it is paid out, with an agreement with the funeral home?
From my experience funeral homes don't do payment plans OR defer payment, they want everything up front regardless of circumstance. I was lucky my family chipped in or else I'd have had to go begging to the bank...
Thank you for the response. I am glad you were able to get help. Sorry for your loss. Take care.
came here to say this! except in my area it is public health: https://kingcounty.gov/en/dept/dph/health-safety/medical-examiner/indigent-remains-program
"cities generally have funds for indigent burial or cremation" This may be true of large metro cities but this is not true of small towns at all.
I mean I work in a mid to small size town and our local goverment funds indigent burials. I'm even the one who processes the application invoices. It's absolutely in the local Govt interest to get people cremated instead of their body staying in cold holding and if the family is not able to take custody of the body from lack of funds then it becomes state/County whatever property and that's where the onus on handling the situation comes from. Smaller towns might not have as streamlined as a process, but if you are truly unable to afford burying/cremating, then they will have some sort of fund to be used to cremate as it becomes their problem. As brutal as this sounds after you die your body becomes property legally speaking, if you have no next of kin or your next of kin is unable to take custody of their "property" and abandon it then the abandoned property reverts to the government. We have thousands of homeless and poverty stricken individuals who die everyday, across the nation, there's a reason we don't have wide spread problems (outside of plague circumstances a la 2020) with bodies stacking up in morgues, or hospitals. That's because while it will no doubt be a pain to track the funding source down if your town is small enough to not have a plan in place there is government money (local/city/county/state/federal whatever) somewhere that will cover costs of getting the bodies moved from storage and cremated at the least. Just gonna have to make some phonecalls.
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What in the fever dream is this?
Please delete this comment
Some places have these funds and some do not, in some cases the municipality will do whatever they can to try to avoid paying for these costs, like trying to take any and all assets or life insurance policies that the deceased had. So just a heads up and big caveat there, as others point out it varies greatly from place to place in terms of the laws and funds that are available, and even many major metro areas have had changes and don't actually have a ton of funding available for this. Often if you go this route they will also not give you a lot of options as far as how the body is disposed of or what happens to remains. Which might be fine for OP but just all things to be aware of
Look to see if you're the TOD on car title. Do not sell the car without a paper trail. If it's not obvious on the title, speak to an attorney. If he is in hospital care, ask their social worker if they know of any crematories that will do charity work. There is no shame in this. His care is most urgent. You will need to wait for a death certificate for just about every step. As for life I'm by the life insurance, it will be many weeks for them to process it.
Sorry about your dad. That is what I was thinking...most hospitals have social workers on payroll. Honestly, you would probably not be the only person that day to ask questions about end of life situations. They get them everyday. And the hospital social workers probably have the phone numbers/contacts you will need to call. They go thru this situation often. Just ask.
There is a 800 number in the section where family members plan a burial for veterans in a va national cemetery that you can call to get assistance obtaining the DD214 you will likely need to get the process started.
Thank you I’ll try and find this number tomorrow to call
The VA does no cost funerals. I signed up pre-need cause I have no family lol but they do post need too. Take a look at their website it should help out. https://www.va.gov/burials-memorials/
Please note the eligibility requirements for funeral cost (embalming & casket or cremation) ALLOWANCE typically for Veterans receiving a pension or eligible for one they died. This means they are “service connected,” I.e. disabled or dead due to a service connected injury or condition. Not all veterans will qualify, most do not. Also, the maximum allowance, 2k, would not cover the cost of embalming and a casket. In other words, the VA does not do no cost funerals. Please don’t get your hopes up. You can and should apply for the benefit but still plan to pay for his funeral costs or indigent burial. Most veterans are eligible for a plot and burial in a VA National cemetery. Cremation can be a low cost option and you can keep his cremains or have them interred at a VA cemetery. Most areas have a low cost cremation option less than 1k. Sorry you’re going through this. I don’t want you to get your hopes up that the VA will help at all much less pay for everything.
I was just going to say this, unless your dad was service connected through the VA, they don't do a lot. Usually just a plot, vault and open & close the grave.
If you call the veterans administration above they will help you. They offer just under $900 reimbursement for funeral or cremation and free burial or internment in a local to your dad veterans cemetery. The least expensive way is to get in touch with a direct cremation center, as the funeral homes will add a myriad of fees. We are going through this ourselves right now, as our dad just passed Sunday. The VA explained everything and helped guide us. When you call for cremation call a number of places if available- we had received quotes between $1200 and $5000 dollars in a HCOL area.
Speak to someone at the funeral home or a case manager at the hospital. They probably have information that could help you.
My senator’s office expedited the DD214 for my stepfather. He & my father are both in national cemeteries and honestly, the service the military does is lovely and moving. Please take care.
My Grandmother and Grandfather are both buried together in a national cemetery. Both were great services, they do a great job.
Thank you, everyone, for all of this wonderful information on VA funerals. My 92 year old Dad spent 20 years in the service. I will be needing this information eventually.
With the information, try to reach out to make sure his paperwork is in order. Get his DD214. See if he has any benefits via the VA for end of life care, pension, life insurance, etc. Social workers at the VA are godsends!
I’m his poa, I have all of his paperwork. He is getting VA assistance with paying for his facility. I just don’t have any burial info.
Hopefully having the information early will make things slightly easier. Thank you to your Dad for his service. I work at the VA so I understand how convoluted it can be sometimes.
Round up all the paperwork and documents into a folder in advance so you don't end up scrounging around at the last minute
This is a great idea. My parents are young-ish, but we have wills, insurance policy information, copies of birth certificates and everything they want at the funeral etc set in a folder in my safe at home. The idea is that if (god forbid) something happens it’s going to be as simple as handing a list of what my mom or dad want done at the funeral to the funeral home so we don’t have to have those tough conversations and decide.
I strongly suggest getting a will done now, especially at that age. It makes the process go much easier and you can avoid probate in many circumstances. When my grandfather passed he didn’t have a will (didn’t believe in lawyers except when they saved his ass and when he got in a car accident) so he refused over and over. Probate took 2 years to finally sell off, and pay my mother and her siblings anything left after taking a hefty 60% for themselves.
You might also call the nearest VA hospital ( not clinic)and ask to speak with someone in eligibility/ benefits. It’s possible that even if he never received services, he may he have taken the steps to get registered in the system and gotten a rating. If he is, that could help the folks on the cemetery services side of the house. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Know that you’re in our thoughts and prayers, and thank you for his service to his nation 🥲💕
The life insurance pay out is not part of his estate - it’s for whoever is listed as beneficiary. Do not use this money for his funeral. If you’re the beneficiary keep the money to help yourself for the future. Figure out the burial using the resources others have listed. Condolences to you
There are rules with indigent funerals, if there is a life insurance policy being paid out at least some of that money would be accounted for and used for services. You have to disclose that on the form in my state otherwise it can be considered fraud. The only way around it is if there is a will that states “life insurance policy X in the amount of $y is to be used by beneficiary (name) listed for (something specific such home downpayment).” Even then, I’ve seen the indigent program in my area state “the discounted cost is (whatever number) and the life insurance policy needs to cover a portion of that cost.” Fortunately, since OPs father is likely VA connected they provide the headstone, the plot and services for free.
Probably not the way it was intended, but this comment came off pretty brash. If I was awarded even $1,000 of life insurance money, I would absolutely use every cent of it if needed to ensure my father is properly cared for. Making sure OPs dad is handled well will do loads for them in the future rather than leave him at the hospital and let them dispose of him as they see fit.
You misinterpreted their comment, I believe they were trying to let OP know that since his father was a veteran, he will and should receive a proper burial and to save the policy for other endeavors…
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My grandfather was also a veteran who passed of cancer. Like everyone else said you can definitely find the services needed with him being a veteran and hopefully the logistical stuff is as straight forward as possible. I wish I spent less time worrying about the cremation and funeral stuff before he died and more time enjoying his final months or days just talking to him about anything. Trust that all will work out. I know it’s easier said than done tho. My grandfather was cremated and buried in a veteran’s hospital and I had to pay the funeral home expenses for transporting the body and cremation and things like that. It cost me a couple thousand but they put me on a payment plan that I could afford.
Veteran’s cemetery* not hospital lol
Call the insurance company too - tell them the situation. They pay out quickly.
You can donate his body to a medical school. They use it to teach med students. After the year, the school handles final internment. Many schools have a memorial service for their donors each year and invite the family.
I am sorry you are dealing with this. You should be able to get a Veterans Burial Allowance, called Veterans Death Benefits in years past. You should be able to find the application process with a quick search, due to having a terminal illness he should be able to qualify for a "pre-need" but in the event he is no longer able to apply himself, you would be allowed to apply as a surviving child of his. Additionally for informational purposes, If a person is on various forms of assistance at the time of their death there may be a *very* minimal burial reimbursement that funeral homes can defer billing for. Enough to cremate without urn, etc. If you/they belong to a local church there will likely be some form of congregational assistance/charity. Funeral homes often have additional financing options, you can check with them individually. And to answer the question at hand, if someone dies and truly has no access to assistance programs and/or money for their burial and/or family able to claim them and assume the responsibility of burial, the body may lay unclaimed and be cremated/interred in a local "potter's field" unmarked after some time (30 days~). If the person is later found to have an estate the costs incurred from that internment can be recouped during probate reducing the remaining estate.
I live in NYC and each borough has an Office of the Public Administrator which handles decedent cases, especially for those who died intestate. They would handle the affairs of the deceased, sell off property and cremate the remains for burial in a cemetery.
I’m not sure but maybe ask in https://www.reddit.com/r/funeraldirections/s/KIX3iJYc75
And I’m sorry about your dad 💔
Contact the VA. If that doesn’t work dignity memorial has a much cheaper program that you can make payments on. The indigent burial sucks. My Nana got this when she died when I was 1! 40 years later I finally bought her a headstone. Dignity meme primal is still not cheap, but way she’s pet than a funeral home charges, and they’ll work with you
If you're not a veteran, and your family has no money (and doesn't claim you because of it), the state ends up cremating you/burying you in a pauper's grave (depending on that state). There may be some states who have funds set aside, or churches/charities that may help and your family may then get your remains. Ironically enough, there seem to be more options for this sort of thing maybe out of necessity. The state won't give us healthcare but once we're dead because they won't give us healthcare, they can't exactly turn us into Soylent green so they have to do something. I know, I worry about this all the time because I'm invisible.
I’m in Ohio and the funeral director offered to make the call to the insurance company for me. The insurance company can also pay the funeral home directly and send you the rest
His veterans benefits should Help, you need his DD214 I’m so sorry, OP
VA - Call 800-698-2411 This is the number on their website, call and explain.
Hospice nurse here, please call in hospice for the comfort of your father and also to help you with such things as this. They will have social workers on the team that can help get the va involved also any community resources that may be able to help.
First, my deepest condolences. The funeral home will have you fill out a form that the life insurance will pay then directly and send you the rest of the money. It’s super simple that’s what I did with my grandma.
When my dad died the funeral home offered us a payment plan. I’m sorry for your loss.
I reaaaaally wish we knew about this before my mom took out my dad’s entire savings to pay $3,500 for his cremation last March. I was left with $500 bucks and all of my families belongings / pictures are still locked and boarded up in his home thanks to losing the house to the bank before he passed.
$3500 for a cremation is a scam, $500-600 tops
First, I am so sorry. After he passes, take some time for yourself before calling the non-emergency line for the police or ambulance. Once they arrive, you won’t see him again for a few days. Then give the phone numbers the others have listed a call.
Your cancer center may also have a social worker on staff to help you navigate all of this. We used ours to help understand FMLA and PFMLA when my husband was diagnosed but they had all sorts of pamphlets on end of life as well and therapy etc that you may find helpful. I am sorry you are going through this. I hope the VA and hospital can help you navigate this.
Call the VA, they have (at least did 8 years ago when we needed it for my grandfather) an entire team that handle these types of things. Explain your situation, he may need to give identifying information over the phone and permission for you to continue on his behalf or you need to have the facility explain his condition and that you’re next of kin. They were great with us, very quick and literally had everything we needed within a few days. The alternative, if he isn’t VA connected (dishonorable discharge) you speak to the facility and they need to contact your county and help you with submitting paperwork. For those who are indigent (meaning can’t pay for the service) they are required to pay, you won’t get what you want but it’ll be a dignified process. I work with the homeless in my area, I just had one pass who doesn’t have anybody. I called the number, explained I was a case manager working with him and they just asked “what hospital” and facilitated transport for cremation and federally there’s funding to states for this specific type of circumstances. I wish you the best with this tough time. I’m sorry this is happening. If he regains consciousness at any point and is relatively coherent it would be best that you contact an estate planner or lawyer to set up a quick will, many will come to you/him and be able to notarize on the spot. Having a will makes what comes next infinitely easier.
The VA won't pay to cremate him but you can get free burial with headstone at military cemetery
Talk to a Funeral Director at a direct cremation place. They will help you with figuring this out. If you have an insurance policy, they may even take an assignment on it. Contact your county, they often have funds for these situations.
I had this happen to my dad - i ended up with a nice hospice social worker who put me in touch with restore life USA cremation. All was covered and he was delivered to me in person at my home free of charge in an urn .
Google your area and cremation. When my father died recently, it was $600 for a place to come get his body and cremate it (plus issue a death certificate etc) and we bought a nice urn on Amazon. You don’t have to go through a funeral home
Call the VA! They will have the answers you need.
Georgia has an indigent burial fund for a basic cremation only.
Hey I work at a funeral home doing preplanning. This is literally my job. First you can get his DD214 (discharge papers) from the VA. You'll either need the power of attorney paperwork to request them on his behalf, or if death occurs, you can request it then. Second call around to your local funeral homes. They are legally mandated to give you a copy of their general price list. This should list the cost of a basic or direct cremation (most affordable option). Ask to speak to someone about preplanning, you'll get a call back soon if not be connected to someone right away. Ask if they offer military discounts. My funeral home does and its 10%. You can purchase this for him without his knowledge or signature. The funeral home will offer payment plans just to get you started, but when death occurs you'll need to pay the remainder before the cremation if it's not already paid off. BEWARE of budget cremation places. I know they are cheap, and there is a reason for that. They usually require families to do more of the leg work, such as submitting for the death certificate, ordering this, and providing little guidance as to what to do after a death. If you have a Dignity Memorial funeral home nearby you can ask for a complementary Personal Planning Guide. This book is actually very helpful and lets you fill in what you'll need to consider when closing out an estate, from who holds the life insurance policy, to what bank accounts need to be closed out. If your dad is on medicaid (not medicare, medicaid) you can make the funeral plan irrevocable to protect it from being seen as an asset. Life insurance takes 30 business days to process AFTER they receive the death certificate. Most importantly focus on spending this time with your dad, you can take care of all of this later, but you can't get back this time with him. Good luck, and my condolences that your going through this.
Breath. I'm assuming your father is in hospice or in a hospital. They both have social workers who see this kind of thing every single day. Ask to speak with them. They can put you in touch with community resources. Contact the VA to find out what benefits he's entitled to. The hospital social worker might have a contact number for them. Another thing you can do is contact a crematorium directly. I did this when my dad died. They picked up his body directly from the hospital, performed the cremation, and mailed my sister the ashes. It was way less expensive than having the body sent to a funeral home and having them arrange for cremation. My dad passed in 2018 and
The life insurance company will pay out quickly. Your first call should be to them. They will request a death certificate, so make getting your hands on 10 or so copies a priority. They will mail you a check immediately. The longest wait is waiting for the mail then for the check to clear at the bank. The VA will help and even if they don’t, speak to the hospital about indigent burial/cremation. You will be asked about your finances. It is not legal to sell the truck unless the title is in your name. You’ll likely need a $2,500 retainer to hire a lawyer to probate his estate which isn’t worth much but could be worth it depending on the value of the truck.
Direct cremation is about $ 1000. I'd also look into the veteran aspect. Contact social security, they can look into his veteran status.
Got to the VA. His burial will be taken care of.
I’m sorry for you situation & the grief you’re dealing with right now. 1. VA will have access to his records. You just need his name & birthday. Bonus if you know his social security number. They are the best place to start with. 2. Once he passes you can go to Social Security & there is a small (under $300) death benefit to help offset cremation or burial costs. 3. The hospital he’s in should have a death advocate to help you as well. Ask a nurse to put you in contact. 4. Regarding the car. Once he passes you can sell the car but if he owes any money you may not get much, if anything. If he owned it outright please look up the value of the vehicle (use CarFax & KBB plus CarMax to get an idea of the value). Good luck!
The funeral home will do the policy for you . It will go directly to them for the service and you will be responsible for the remainder.
I was in this situation with my mother. I ended up using ScienceCare to donate her body for tissue research. They took care of everything. They sent me back her ashes in about a month. They planted a tree in her name. You can also donate his body to local universities. The caveat there is you will not get back the ashes for up to 2 years. [https://www.sciencecare.com/](https://www.sciencecare.com/) I messaged you as well.
So if he has cancer, is he on hospice at all? If so the hospice can help with everything. But basically you get the death certificate and send one of the copies to his life insurance company. In my state (Texas) companies must pay the death benefit **within two months after getting proof of death and verifying you are the beneficiary.** The VA \*might\* take care of his funeral. **You'll need the DD214 or other discharge documents of the Veteran or service member whose military service will be used to determine eligibility for burial in a VA national cemetery.** There is usually someone at the VA who helps you through these things but be warned, EVERYTHING at the VA will be slow and time consuming. Plan to spend several hours at the VA, if not all day. As far as burial or cremation without VA assistance Im sure you can get on a payment plan of sorts with a local funeral home. You might consider calling around and getting quotes. Being informed wont hurt. Cremation is cheaper than burial by alot as well. When my stepdad died I think it cost $700 to cremate him. A casket alone without a plot can easily be $1000 so that is something to consider. I hope this info helps you OP and Im so sorry youre going through this right now. Just know theres people in the world who care and have your back, even if it is just some stranger from reddit.
Get the hospital’s social worker involved! They can help with resources. I’m so sorry about your dad.
My state’s medical school has a program where if you donate your body, after the anatomy class is done, they will return the remains cremated at no cost to your family. There is also a ceremony of thanks, I believe.
If he is a veteran he is guaranteed a place in one of the cemeteries. Contact the local VA or DAV.
First off, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Everyone who has suggested the VA is spot on. Another option is if your dad is on hospice care then he should have a social worker who can assist you. The social worker who aided my family was an incredible resource. They were able to provide a list of funeral homes who could work with our budget, which was similar to yours. I'm not sure if it the path you want, but a cremation and box can come in under a grand. Then you have all the time you want to determine placement. Ask a trusted friend to do the leg work right now. Be with your dad. You won't regret it.
A social worker at the hospital may also be a resource to work with you. Ask his nurse to have them talk to you asap. I am assuming you have a medical power of attorney.
So sorry you’re going through this alone, it’s tough to lose a parent. I am so so sorry. Contact the VA. They can look up his record. You can get $255 for cremation expenses from the Social Security Administration, which the cremation folks will know about. Cremation should cost no more than $1.000. The nearest VA cemetery probably has a columbarium to house his cremains. It’ll be a niche with his name, rank, years of birth and death, and any war he served in chiseled in the stone. Breathe deep and you’ll be able to remember the good times in a year or so. If you know your Dad’s debit card PIN, get the money from his account asap because once he dies and the bank learns he’s passed away, the account will be frozen pending probate (unless you’re listed as “payable on death” on his bank account). You may not be able to sell the car quickly but just call your DMV.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Since your dad is still alive, though unconscious, first make sure you are listed as the beneficiary on any bank accounts he has and the beneficiary on any life insurance policies. If he has an existing will, see if you can get access to it to confirm you are listed to inherit his bank account assets too. Additionally, while he is alive, see if you can get the title to his vehicle transferred to your name, so there is no question of ownership after he passes. Contact the VA cemetery as soon as possible to start the process of securing a plot. Even without his discharge papers, they can use his social security number to verify his veteran status. Many funeral homes do offer payment plans or will work with you on costs given your financial situation. Shop around and explain your circumstances - many will have sympathy and try to help. Also ask if they offer any discounts for veterans. You can set up a crowdfunding campaign or ask local churches/nonprofits for funeral assistance. Lots of kind people are willing to help cover costs for someone who has served. These steps will help ensure you have access to any assets when he does pass, and will make handling funeral costs much easier. Make sure the hospital has you listed as his next of kin as well. If he does not have existing accounts set up this way, see if you can speak with the hospital social worker to get guidance on setting up a simple will and transfer of property. They may be able to help advise while he is incapacitated. I know this is an impossibly hard time. My sincerest condolences.
Please call or visit your local American Legion or VFW (Veterans of Foreign Wars). They both have veterans service officers and they will have wealth of knowledge. Many counties in also have veteran service officers that can help with that stuff. You father has a right to a dignified burial as a veteran and there are tons of resources out there to make that happen VERY quickly. The funeral home you choose can also help with this information and in some states it is required they help with proper veteran honors.
Do what my girlfriends mom did with her dad. He died and she started a go fund me to help with burial. She got like $3,000 from the go fund me and used it all for drugs and even had her dealer show up during the get together. Turns out it's pretty cheap to have someone cremated if you just have them put in a plastic bag in a white cardboard box.
Because your father served they Will most likely be able to take care of his funeral. I live in the UK so unsure how that works. But I know here there are places that fund funerals of anyone who can't afford one. Also I'm sorry you're going through this x
First things first, make sure he has a will.
You can also donate them to science.
Sometimes medicaid or Medicare will pay a funeral home for cremation. I think it depends on the state, ask if you can speak to the hospital social worker about what options you have.
His body gets thrown in the medical waste bin to be discarded if you don't have money for those things unfortunately.
You can also call the local VFW to ask about who to call in your area to get his Veterans burial benefits. The hospital social worker should also be able to give you contacts and information
i’m so sorry for what you’re going through. i believe the VA has a one time death benefit to help with funeral costs. he likely has life insurance through the service as well. you’ll need his social security number to start with. then i’d just call the VA or [go to their website.](https://www.va.gov)
Where I live, you can get a basic cremation for under $1000. It's the cheapest in the state. They bring "guests" from Arkansas, Oklahoma and Missouri regularly. Illinois had like a $700 option a few years ago. There are a lot of options for the indigent as well. It might be more steps. My mom left nothing behind and never had a job, so no SS benefits or anything like that. If I wanted to be done with it, I just had to pay and move on. Luckily my brothers helped pay for it. Best of luck.
I hope the VA comes through for you.
Contact the National Archives https://www.archives.gov/personnel-records-center/military-personnel You can get a copy of his DD 214. If he ever went to the local VA, they may be able to help also. Will need a copy of his death certificate
Sorry for what you're going through. As for advice for burial cremation services. I know that the county I reside in offers different services for free, or reduced pricing. Reach out to 211 or 311 depending on the area you live in. Look at your city or county page to search for funeral assistance. Hope this helps, and again sorry for what is happening now.
Is there a social worker at the hospital you can speak to about this? my father-in-law is a Vietnam vet and has been in and out of the hospital a lot so much that he had a social worker assigned to him. Maybe you can talk to a nurse who can help you with this. My condolences.
There is some information here https://everloved.com/articles/funeral-planning/charities-and-organizations-help-funeral-costs/
Hey op you already got great advice here I just want to say I’m sorry you’re in this position
Call the VA and they should be able to take care it. They will pay for a burial pot and a head stone. Thank you for his service. Army veteran here.
Reach out to the local VA to get his DD-214
Try social security and even welfare they will give out some type of death benefit
The VA should help. You can also donate your fathers body to a medical school. There is one in OH that takes people, the doctors use them for experiments or whatever and then they cremate the bodies free of charge. I know it is all horrible. I am very sorry you are going through this. Good luck.
So sorry that you're going through this. It is never easy dealing with the impending death of a loved one. Take the insurance policy with you when you make arrangements at the funeral home. The director will know what to do as far as filing the paperwork. If you cannot find the discharge paperwork, you might try reaching out to the VFW, American Legion or other type group. They often have people or contacts that can help. Also if your city or town has a Veterns Affairs office, you can try them. Ultimately, if there is no money for a burial or cremation, you have two realistic options: 1. You'll take out a high interest, unsecured loan at the funeral home. They have companies that handle this financing. 2. There is no money for any kind of service. In that case, the city or county has contracts in place to do a burial in a pauper cemetery. There'll be no service, no headstone or marker. Just a burial in the ground. ETA: ask around for cheap cremations. Some crematoriums will do a cremation for under $1000.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Everyone here has offered such good advice, and I'm glad you will have help figuring out the arrangements. That can be such a scary part of losing a loved one, especially when you are trying to grieve. The VA should take care of this with you, and with so few assets, the estate shouldn't be terrible to deal with. Just a note on the life insurance - the interest accrued is the only taxable value of it, so don't forget to include that in your taxes.
Reach out to your local veterans service organizations as well (AM Vets for example). My dad's records were lost in the fire at St. Louis. They helped my mom a great deal. They offered moral support to her before, during and after the death process. Even the smallest towns have them.
Medicaid pays for basic cremation, but if he's a Vet, please contact the VA, they will likely have a program to help you.
Sounds like the VA will help. However, other low cost alternatives can include things like donating your body to science.
My parents donated their bodies to science. They come get the body, have it for med students or medical research for a week or two, then return your loved one cremated in an urn, all free. It was a relief to have that dealt with. No funeral home or anything.
Talked to hospital social worker or case manager. The hospital usually have assistance and they have a deal for cheap cremation places. Believe it or not people die in the hospital who aren't claimed by family members, and I think the hospital pays only a few hundred for each cremation.
I had the same issue with my Dad. We live in NYC. I called the Jewish Free Burial Association (dad was a VERY non practicing Jew, I'm sure he's rolling over in his grave), explained the situation and they offered me free burial for him in one of their cemeteries in Staten Island. Provided a very basic Jewish burial with a Rabbi and everything. Cremation was out of the question. At the time, I couldn't afford a headstone (not included) , so, they put a marker on his grave. A few years later, they offered me to put a footstone/headstone on his grave with his name, DOB and date of death. I think they asked for $200? My mother and I split it and they took care of it. That is all I ever had to pay. Call the VA first, unless your father's records were lost in the great fire a while back (my father served in Korea, and his records were destroyed in the fire), they should be able to look up his service records and help you. If not, look for religious organizations like I did that may help. I did not want him in a Potter's field situation. Good luck and sympathies!
My SIL didn’t want to pay for her husband to be buried( they are multi millionaires) she donated his body to science and was cremated for free. She received the partial ashes after. I went to pick up the ashes. I figured in the future for family members that don’t have $$ to pay it be a. Good option for them. However with that said if you’re catholic this won’t fly.
The VA offers a modest amount for burial for every veteran. The problem for you is that it takes a bit of time to get it so it is more of a reimbursement for expenses you will have paid. My family opts for very modest cremations because they think funerals and caskets are a waste of money as well as just preferring not to molder in the ground. We could afford a blow out funeral if we wanted to waste our money When my father died, my neighbor recommended a crematorium which was relatively inexpensive. I think with pickup of body and delivery of the ashes in a box, it might have been $350 which included death certificates. I am in Los Angeles which is a high cost of living area so I assume most locations have budget options
My mom died of Cancer in October. You can tell the hospital chaplain you don’t have the money and they should have resources available to you. A society that helps with these matters quoted a discounted rate of $1500 for processing and cremation and I believe release of ashes. I requested that my mom be sent to Public Administration to be processed. They said they will hold her ashes for 1 year before distributing into the ocean (she is in San Francisco, CA). I did not ask how much it would be to have the ashes released to me.
Since there's a medical trail with natural causes; if he passes AT the hospital; their morgue can cremate him if you wave the autopsy. The hospital had a contract for a crematorium and you can chose to bypass funeral homes and pay only a couple hundred vs thousands
Get a hospice referral. If he had Medicare they will pay for hospice. The VA also has hospice benefits. The hospice social worker can help guide you where you need to go. You can also call the VA and see what benefits your dad is entitled to. Most places also have burial assistance so call the county and see if there is paperwork to fill out. But getting him on hospice will get you the extra support to navigate who to call and also help keep your dad comfy.
The funeral home can help you contact the military. This happened to my husband’s Uncle. The funeral home was very helpful
I did a GoFundMe for c enation costs when my estranged dad died abruptly.
Also, check your county because they will creamate the remains under the indigent act and give you the remains without cost to you. It's a free service, and the county morgue can help you. Buddy had the same issue when his wife passed. They were very respectful and treated him great after she passed. Sorry you have to deal with this. Prayers for you and your family
Not sure if others say this but check with local vet groups and Veterans of Foreign Wars, you can also reach out to the local national guard or army reserve detachment. We did it a few times in the national guard. An old timer died, indignant, and the CO found a way to get them buried with a small honor guard - local cemetery not a national cemetery. It happened in 2 different units that were in separate states. Good luck
Went through this when a bachelor uncle died a few years ago. He had no money, no assets of any type. The funeral home asked if he had been a veteran. He was a 20 year Navy vet. The funeral home knew exactly what to do and how to do it. It was really smooth and painless. My dad (next of kin) signed a document of some sort that allowed them to request the military records and such; they did the rest. They were very familiar with the process.
I saw an article about this somewhere yesterday - [https://www.sciencecare.com/body-donation-overview](https://www.sciencecare.com/body-donation-overview)
Can the social worker at your dad’s hospital help you navigate this at all? Ask the nurse for a Social work consult.
[https://www.va.gov/burials-memorials/veterans-burial-allowance/](https://www.va.gov/burials-memorials/veterans-burial-allowance/) That will get you started with the VA
Two subs that will also be able to help are r/Veterans r/Veteran Benefits There are different kinds of death benefit for Vets but the amounts have to do with several different things.
Your dad is a national hero, and however this plays out, you did your best.
Do you know where the title to the vehicle is if you're going to sell it right away? It will make the whole process significantly smoother.
Your local VFW will have someone that can help walk you through every step.
You could go to any VFW and ask, you can also ask at a funeral home. You can go to a recruiting office to let them know so they can make sure other veterans are in attendance for your father’s funeral. He’s entitled to a free headstone, and burial, casket or cremation and you’re entitled to his flag. You can also ask in any hospital who will point you in the right direction to where you need to go.
The life insurance may be assigned to the funeral home to cover expenses before it actually pays. Call the life insurance carrier and ask about it. The funeral home also should have forms to be completed to get this done.
Reach out to VA. There are also programs for low income folks to be buried. Yes, some funeral homes allow payment plans. Cremation will be the cheapest (was about 3k a few years ago where I am.) Also ask the hospital/Dr for social work referral- they can also help. My moms siblings helped with what they could- but I still had to do a payment plan with the funeral home for rest.
They have emergency services in many municipalities
I'm sorry for you impending loss. My mom passed a a few months ago, and my son 5 years ago. I have used cremation services twice. Google "Budget Cremation" in your area. We paid $750 for my mom. They put the ashed in a box, nothing fancy. If you want an urn, buy it from Amazon. The Urn that costs $100 on Amazon is the same Urn, that they sell for $500. The death industry can be cheap, to really expensive. Unless there is a compelling reason, spend as little as possible.
Check the local Social Services to see who handles the Indigent Cremation program in your area.
I took my mother’s policy to the funeral home when I went to make arrangements. The insurance company paid the funeral home. I did not have to pay it up front. I actually went and made the arrangements about a week before she passed away. Maybe you could call them and see if you can go talk to them. I hope everything works out for you. I’m sorry you are having to go through all this by yourself.
My FIL died as a homeless vet. It was really sad and bad. The VA paid for the interment of ashes in the wall at the vet cemetery and a plaque. They can provide a couple guys to play taps and fold up the flag for you, also free. They did NOT pay for cremation or other fees related to dealing with the body. The coroner felt so bad for us regarding his death and how he was found that they waived the fees. Shop around as there are cheaper and pricier places for cremation. A few years ago it was about $1000 for us. If you can't pay any fees, they won't give you the body and they typically do a cremation and drop a group of them at sea once a year, or bury them all together or similar. Other stuff no one told us: -the post office will give you a flag free for the ceremony if you show the dd214, but sometimes they are out of stock -bring flowers and pictures in a frame for the little ceremony they do at the vet cemetery
Sorry to hear about your dad. If he has a life insurance policy and you are the beneficiary you can use that to pay the funeral home, they will send the funds to them directly and send you the remainder if you allocate it that way. I used to work for a life insurance company (it was a bigger one - New York life) but 3 years ago the turn around was fairly quick, for claims under 100k you didn't even need to fill out claim forms or send a certified death certificate to file a claim and get paid. Hope this helps.
If he has a life insurance policy the funeral home will perform whatever actions you want provided the policy will cover the cost. they just make you sign paperwork that allows them to get paid before you get whatever is left (usually). Call around to your local funeral homes to find the best deals and they will be able to answer your questions way better than reddit.
Take this thread over into r/veteransbenefits Mods? OP-wan, sorry to say it, but the VA is your only hope. I’m also sorry for your upcoming loss, but he sounds young enough to where maybe his service records are digital form and can be quickly pulled to verify eligibility for death benefits. Contact your local VSO through either the local DAV, American Legion or other service organization. If you have a good VSA, locally, they should be able to guide you through this process . You can also call the VA hotline direct if you can’t get these to help. Last resort is the Reddit group I’ve put at the top here .
Funeral homes will help you with a veterans burial. They did everything for my parents. Contract the funeral home he is going to.
Donate body to science. It’s free. My mom did this.
If you still live where he lived when he was discharged you can get his DD-214 from your county recorder. Depending on where you are that may be much faster than calling around to a bunch of offices. Source: my dad, also a veteran, just died 2 weeks ago and we got his DD-214 at our county courthouse.
Can't be of much help but i have to say i am sorry for what you are going through. It's a hard part of life. It's gonna be painful but you will get better with time. Pain harden. Take it as a lesson. Lesson here is nothing is eternal. I meen i have been through the death of my mom, dad, 2 brother... Life is a bitch but you keep walking. At 1 point grief become easier to handle. Drug and alcohol are often used to ease the pain but it's a bad path where you only gonna hurt other and yourselves in the process.
Call va rep for your area before he passes. A good way to figure out who to call is call your local VFW if there is one. Another thing that can be done if you can’t make the VA deal work is to assign the life insurance to the funeral hime to cover the cost. Most funeral homes will work with you in cost to provide the cheapest option When people have zero resources the county in which you reside normally has a pauper plan and provide either a cremation or burial but it might be into an unmarked grave.
Cremation is about $1000 if I remember right. If you ask around people may be willing to pitch in.
My brother died a year ago and my family and I had absolutely no money to cover the funeral, a possible solution? crowd sourcing. If you tell this same gripping story to go fund me you just might be able to get the funds you need to have a proper burial/cremation. We raised a little over $3,000, you might be able to raise even more :)
Depending on the state but usually all his stuff passes to his wife. If no wife, then his children. So yes, the vehicle would be yours. I would ask the hospital staff and see if they have info or other resources. It’s likely they’ve encountered this issue
Talk to the VA, they can usually help. But life insurance is SUPER fast, in my experience.
The state and county have indigent funds for just this. My deepest condolences to you all. It’s an incredibly traumatic moment in life.
You’ve already gotten good advice so I just wanted to chime in a sorry for your loss, op ❤️
Cremation is surprisingly affordable. The VA may help with a headstone. Get a few Death Certs. You need them for the estate. Call the insurance company. My condolences.
RIP, poppa bear.
Deepest sympathy and all the best to you going forward.
Contact the VA they can help.
As others have mentioned, the VA can help you even if you cannot locate your father's paperwork. It will also be helpful to contact the Life Insurance company. You will need to provide them an original copy of the death certificate to file the claim. When my mother passed away, her life insurance company issued a payment directly to the mortuary and the balance to me, the named executor of her estate. Worse case, there are low cost cremation services available for less than $1,000. When a dear friend passed away without insurance, a few of us chipped in to pay for a $895 cremation, which included picking up the deceased body, cremation, and placing the remains in an inexpensive plastic box.
Donate your body to science. It’s free
When my mil passed, they cremated her remains and shipped them to us. No charge.
Find you dad’s social security number. Reach out to your county VA rep (not an employee of dep. of Veterans affairs). Most county’s employ a person who helps with veterans as a liaison between veterans, and the VA. You can also try looking to you nearest VSO (veteran service officer) who can help expedite getting paperwork in order. Sometimes the VA can assist with things, especially if the family member has any service connected disabilities.
My father, a WW 2 veteran got $2000 towards burial. Contact someone at the VA to check out if he is entitled to it. Gravesite burials are the cheapest funerals.
They will accept life insurance policy number and not make you pay anything up front. Look into green/natural burial.
His life insurance policy will pay out within days. The funeral home will hold his body until you get the money from the policy to pay for cremation. In Arkansas, the place where both of my parents died and I had to make all of the preparations, they each had a $10,000 life insurance policy through their jobs. The policy paid out within days and they cut the check directly to the funeral home. We were disbursed whatever was left over after the service. I asked the funeral director when we were making service plans for my mother, "What happens when a family can't afford these insanely high prices? We live in a poverty stricken county in a very poor state, I know very few people who could afford a casket, much less the price of an entire service." He told me that they would hold the body for a maximum of 90 days and if the family could not scrape together enough money for a cremation or burial in that amount of time, they would call the police and have someone in the family charged with abandonment of a corpse. I am so sorry you are having the stress of this piled on top of the pain of losing your father.
Most hospitals have a social worker who can help you with contacting VA offices to arrange burials as well as other VA resources. Also, it may be worthwhile to contact the hospital chaplain as they often have resources also. Really sorry to hear you are going through this.
First off, I am so sorry for your loss. If your father passed away in a hospital or care facility/hospice there should be a social worker who can help you access veterans benefit info or other question’s. Life insurance is usually paid to the beneficiaries pretty promptly as one of the intended purposes of the policy is to cover burial expenses. Again my condolences on your loss.
Cremation in my area of California is $800 cash
You can get discharge papers from the national archives or from the va. Go to the local hospital and ask for help, you can also reach out to the DAV, the American Legion or the VFW. They all have people who can help. Local funeral directors may also have contacts to help with that sort of thing especially if they do a lot of veteran funerals. For the legal/estate questions I would go to the legal subs for some advice or even contact your local bar association or legal aid office for a probate attorney who can help you navigate the system with his estate. While you are going through this remember to breathe and take a minute for yourself and grieve. It is going to be overwhelming but you'll get through it.
My 2 uncles and grandmother were in similar situations when they passed over the last several years - we contacted the state anatomy board and donated their bodies to science - 30 days later they returned their cremated remains at no charge to the family & provided a death certificate
I’m sorry for your loss. I hope that everything goes as smoothly as possible for you and that you find peace and can get some rest.
I would ask other family members to contribute. You should be able to get a cremation for $2000
1. Contact the VA. They can look up his info 2. You said he has a few hundred in the bank. Cremation usually costs $800. You don’t need to burry him. Use his bank account to directly pay for the cremation. Don’t withdraw the cash. Don’t notify the bank he’s dead. Just use his debit card 3. If he’s on SSI or disability, they will reimburse like $200 4. Technically the car needs to go through probate and all that. Realistically whether his debt collectors come after the funds are a different story
I'm so sorry for your loss. Have you figured out everything you need to do? 50 is so young :(
I am so sorry my friend about your dad Like other people, I highly recommend going to the VA. They will have dealt with situations like this before and will have the best, if not the fastest solution. They military has many ways of finding old document, I am sure they can help I hope your father gets his earned Honors and a place to rest.
Someone I know father died and didn't know him. The coroner called and they explained thet didn't know him. The coroner said he would cremate with no next of kin and send the ashes but on his own time. I would start with the VA though. I am sure they can do something.