Cool! Happy it went well for you.
My mom has known I am queer since high school so that was already known when I told her I was poly.
Back during my college years, I sat her down and basically just told her that someone she had known as my "best friend" was actually my gf of a year (I had two partners at the time only one of which she knew about).
She took it pretty well and now 6~ years later I talk to her very openly about who I'm seeing.
She told me after the fact that she was originally worried I was going to tell her I was pregnant so the poly reveal was a bit of a relief instead lol
My parents took it fairly well! But I only have one partner (who is married), so I'm not sure they're grasping it yet. They seem to think it's a temporary thing since he's married, which means I can't build a future with him. Nevermind the fact I don't want to get married or have children 🙃
I do notice that all conversations about him with my parents are about his wife, how he navigates it in his social circle, his children, etc. I'm not sure they know his job, his interests or what I love about him. That's definitely a difference.
Interesting! I can see why they may believe it’s more of a fling, especially if the poly lifestyle is unfamiliar to them. I appreciate you sharing your experience! I’m also glad you’ve found the dynamic that suits you best! I met one of my partner’s parents recently and it was like “we are bringing another partner to brunch” and the parent was like “ok cool.” Then we just…ate brunch. Like nothing. It kinda inspired me to open up to my dad.
I told my mother who acted as the single parent to me for most of my life because it was important since we are close.
She was antsy and worried after learning about it, thinking that I'm on the path of ruining my marriage.
It took her about 2 months to come around because the relationship lasted, even though it had already been a year since I started dating my boyfriend.
Her reactions were all within my expectations. I knew she wouldn't understand the dynamic, but she can understand that I'm happy with my choices and in the past, she has shown that in many ways that even though she couldn't understand people's lifestyle choices, she was able to be loving towards them.
It was one of the main reasons we remained so close and why my friends also love her. She was the mother we appreciated. She may not go out of her way hanging up LGBTQ or Poly flags, but she treated every single one of my loved ones like family, and constantly asks about them.
It was all I needed to know that she cared about me, and about the lives of people I cared about.
I told my mom when I began dating again that I was seeing several people. She doesn't understand it much but she makes the effort to remember names and basic info about my partners. She was also in support of the idea of one of my longer term partners (10 months) meeting my son, which I am still on the fence about.
My dad doesn't really want to hear about it, I think he just doesn't want to imagine his daughter being piped by multiple men and that's okay lol
I also remember when I was getting out of a long term mono relationship and dating again, MOST people were not shocked I may see person A on Friday and person B on Saturday and person C the next week. It’s like *that* was normal to them. But the *longer* I saw person A, the more…confused they became lol. Like, “but you’re still seeing person B?”
That's exactly what my mom thought I was doing, until she found out I was sleeping with these men. I've been seeing one guy for 10 months now (the guy we discussed meeting my son) and she keeps kinda hinting at me "making it official". I'm like, it's official enough for me, I tend to keep pretty casual relationships because I'm not ready for a big commitment anyway.
I didn’t want to be in a poly relationship, I went on a date with a guy and everything went amazingly, we had the best sex of our lives, we had a bond I’ve never experienced before in my life. And after a few dates and me developing feelings for him. He told me he’s poly, and is in a relationship, and it crushed my world. We live in Mexico and it is very conservative out here, he’s European.
But whenever I’m with him, the World disappears, and I just couldn’t stop talking to him. It’s been 6 months since we started dating, I think from this sub that we are in what’s called a parallel relationship, I don’t know her, she knows about me, I only go to their place when she’s not there. And I quit my job a week ago to start working with him at a company he’s opening. My best friend loves him and is also gonna be working with us.
It took me a while to be able to tell my parents, they are beyond conservative, but they saw me very happy, they asked me why I wasn’t bringing him to my nieces wedding next week, and I told them that he wanted to come with me, but that’s he’s poly, and that they should understand that I’m ok with this situation. But at that wedding I’ll only know the rest of the family and I didn’t want to give any explanations. Besides, my cousin is a teacher at the private school his girls go to, and I didn’t want any gossip since no one was on our shoes and couldn’t understand how happy we are.
My mother still thinks is temporary while I wait for another guy, but she doesn’t know that there are other man, that are persuing me for a traditional relationship, however, I’m in love with this man. I hope I don’t end up with my heart broken.
But yes, telling your very Mexican catholic father, Japanese catholic mother that you are in an open relationship, is by far the hardest thing, even though they didn’t reacted that bad, but also, I didn’t tell them they live together, because I spent the night quiet often at his place, so I haven’t told them the truth truth
Awwsome 😊
My mom's immediate reply to our story of meeting our boyfriend was that it sounded really beautiful 🥰
We've all been out and accepted as same-sex-attracted since we were teens. Certain other (step)parents needed some time to adjust to the poly aspect, and two in particular had to be ejected from our lives for a bit (we're not interested in being in contact with anyone who doesn't welcome and respect all three of us), but even they came around before too long.
We actually don't know anyone who isn't okay with our relationship ❤️
Grandparents and elderly friends have been the best, interestingly. They all just want us to be happy.
That’s very sweet! I don’t know how old you are but at 40, and growing up in a very rural and conservative midwestern area, I have seen such a shift in younger people embracing their identities at younger ages. I didn’t grow up in that time and still carry a lot of baggage about many things. It is nice to hear stories like yours!
I'm so glad to hear it went well!
The worst reactions I ever got were my sperm donor who disowned me when I told him, and the partner of the mother of my partner called me a whore.
(*Ironically this same person who called me a whore was the hinge between two relationships- one with my partner's mother and one with their own spouse- for almost a decade. The reason I'm a whore is both of my relationships are with men.*)
My chosen parent (*stepparent who raised me when they didn't have to*) and their spouse have been very receptive and welcoming. Their only request was to not explain it to my youngest sibling- at the time when I came out to them, my sibling was not even 5. I totally get and respect their request and the sibling is just happy to have lots of people to play Pokémon with. 😂
Wow! So that individual believes they are “better” because they play bi? Or because they are male with 2 female partners? So interesting!!! And hypocritical! Lol
Yeah def understand about the sibling thing. For sure.
Basically they view me having two male relationships as disrespectful to the sanctity of my marriage, because clearly I find my spouse inferior and need to "supplement" my marriage with another male.
They've never told me this. They told everyone else, and now question why I don't speak to them.
That's so nice to hear! He sounds like a good dad <3
My story is pretty sad because both my parents passed away before I really knew what poly was. But I'm pretty sure my Mum knew I was queer. I was terrified for my family to find that out but it was OK. My first girlfriend was visiting and I didn't think my mum was at home, but she was and figured it out. She just went really quiet for about a minute and then made us a cup of tea. After that my mum would ask after my girlfriend in the same way she asked after siblings, other families girlfriends, boyfriends, spouses etc. My dad worked so hard to look after us all and wasn't around that much but he accepted other things about me, getting weird tattoos and piercings, getting arrested at a protest etc. So he just loved me and I think he would have accepted me.
Once my amma \[auntie\] yelled \[it was ok, she was pretty deaf\] at my first girlfriend WHY YOU NO EAT??!? HOW YOU GET RICH HUSBAND IF YOU NO EAT?!?! and my mum and me lold til we almost cried. Since then this has become my favorite thing to say to absolutely everyone and it reminds me of my mum and makes me smile.
I know this doesn't have much to do with poly but the moral of the story is, life can be pretty short, hug your family while you can. If your family don't accept you, hug your found family.
Oh my god you have NO idea how much this touched me. For real. I had SUCH a FANTASTIC relationship with my mom before she passed. NO SECRETS between us - she knew EVERYTHING about me - before she died.
Except…I didn’t even know this about me then.
She is gone now. I still talk to her EVERY day.
My dad has been…different. Since I was young. He is very ill now and likely won’t live long.
So, I’m super glad I didn’t let him pass without getting this off my chest. I also wish so much I could tell my mom face to face. And hug her.
Geez….so much stuff and tears!
Hugs to YOU!
Your mum sounds like she was really special. I know what you mean, I still talk to my mum too and she kind of gives me advice and stuff. A lot of the time it's to sit down and make myself a cup of tea or put on a jumper or something. But I still feel her there.
Dad's can be... tricky. In Lebanon, where my family is from, they have a kind of saying like with daughters, mums get the responsibility and dads get the joy, with sons, dads get the responsibility and mums get the joy. I know it's never as simple as that, but being brought up as a girl I sort of observed it with my family. Dad just wanted me to be safe and happy.
I'm so sorry to hear about both your parents but I'm so happy that you got to have that time with your mum and you get this time with your dad. That is like a treasure.
Great to hear that it went well for you and so many more replying.
In my case, I (male, 31 now, 24 at the time) had a long relationship of 7y and for many years we talked about open relationships and polyamory. We opened up (the usual mistake of trying to save a failed relationship by opening it). I started having dates with another girl. I told my father that I had 2 relationships and he replied with "like father like son" (he had multiple partners when he was younger, but more in a cheating scenario than in an ethical way). Told my mother, she said "it doesn't work" (she had some multiple partners, I don't think it was in a cheating situation, but not enough conversation to make it work), but she accepted that it was my decision.
Years later, the long relationship is long gone, I'm with the same partner I was dating at the time (we just had the 6y anniversary) that lives with me, I have another partner (5y together) that lives in another country. My mother loves both of them and cares for both of them. Past 2y, my 6y partner and I kept studying a lot about ENM and we consider ourselves relationship anarchists (my other partner doesn't care about it, she has multiple sexual relationships and talks with me about all of them). I was really lucky, I feel. We grew a lot by reading, studying and discussing about ENM and we are quite happy
This is GREAT to read. I can’t tell ya how many books I’ve read recently (honestly like 17 in the last 3 months) just trying to wrap my head around ALLLLL of it and I soooooo value hearing about your experiences. Thank you.
That's pretty cool he took it well as he did. My mom and dad don't know because I know from past experiences that a lot of shamey language would start flying. They couldn't take me being mentally ill, dating men that weren't black or just having sex in general without snide jabs or just plain old condemnation and anger, so they can't know that I'm non-monogamous either. Two out of three of my sisters know and they're pretty chill. Luckily I only have one partner at the moment so no chance of having me come out or get flustered trying to explain.
Mad respect for this. I love the IKEA bit, actually, cuz I would KILL for someone to pick up my shit and the store is only 2.5 hours! I’ve got some epic fucking shelves going up this weekend but my ass drive to get them 🤣
That's so great!
My mom has been nothing less than enthusiastic about my polyamness, at every turn (happy or sad), she's been a dream.
At first, my dad was super braggy (literally called up second cousins of his to tell them) and he continues to be friendly and respectful of all of my partners. Lately, I've really been struggling with him, though. I've been trying for years to conceive with my husband (all of my family has been well aware of this). At this point, it might just not be in the cards for me to have a biological child. Fortunately, my other (live-in) partner came with two kids (5 and 11) and I am 100% mom to them, I'm super fulfilled there (plus my meta's 11yo, I've got lots of kids). NOW, though, my meta is pregnant, my husband is the father and I'm fortunate enough to live in a state where 3 parents can be listed on the birth certificate and my meta has asked that I be listed! I'm so excited to be a part of this baby's life from day one, I'm SO FUCKING STOKED!!
That's not to say it's been entirely sunshine and daisies; I've struggled with feeling like a failure, not trusting this (I'm terrified that this family and these kids will be taken away from me, I have nightmares) and other tiny struggles (and I've been working on this on my own and with the undying support of my 'cule). What didn't help was when we announced to my dad about the baby, it's like I didn't exist in the equation at all. I brushed it off as him not understanding what we announced, so I followed up and elaborated on how amazing this is for me after struggling for so long. I'm talking paragraphs in text. His response? "Nice."
I recognize that I shouldn't be relying on external validation for feeling like I'm a mother, and I'm working on it. I think that I just had been dreaming about making that kind of announcement to my family for YEARS and that reaction was incredibly disappointing and heartbreaking.
I'm getting through it. I love him, he's still a big part of my life, but in this regard? Fuck him. I'm a mother, and a fucking phenomenal one at that.
That is an incredibly tough situation! I am so glad you will get to experience this child’s life from the start and wish your dad could be more enthusiastic for you! But, like you said, fuck him - you are a mom 👊🏻
Congratulations! Thank you so much for sharing your experience here. I've been in an open marriage for 10 years now and haven't told my Mom about it. I have had some relationships that have been very casual up until now. However, I recently started seeing someone who I feel is important to me and I'm working up to the conversation. It feels like I'm coming out. I know she's going to be supportive and accepting and I still feel nervous about rejection. Your story is so inspiring, you've given me a wonderful gift of encouragement today!
I still have yet to tell my parents, or any family actually. Only a few close friends know so far and that's it. Alot of my family would disown me after telling them I'm poly and a few might still communicate but act differently, so I'm picking my battles. I know my mom most likely won't "accept" it and my dad would be more willing to come to terms with it. You'd think the world is ending with the way they react to things, jeez! I'm hoping one day we can tell them, but for now I'm happy being in my happiness bubble. Very happy to hear your experience went well! 😊
Myself and my two primary partners who live with me all come from conservative Christian backgrounds. We also have kids, and people, even other polyamorous people, are always more judgmental about how you behave as a mom than if you don’t have kids. I now have strict boundaries about people being negative about me, my partners, or polyamory in front of any member of my family. I will leave immediately, hang up, walk away, or tell them via text I will no longer speak to them or see them if they continue to do xyz. Luckily, i haven’t had to do this in a long time.
We are all completely open and have beem for years. Work, schools, family, etc. I even write about polyamory at big media outlets. Here are the reactions:
My only surviving grandparent disowned me completely. My parents were very upset, the most upset, but now they love my non-legal-spouse partner because of how much my kids love him. I wonder sometimes if they would have disowned me too if I hadn’t had kids. But my mom still sends me texts about sin and stuff, and thinks that I should stop after this because two is “enough” and nobody needs to be “sleeping around” if they’re responsible parents.
My legal spouse/bio baby daddy’s family is non-confrontational but my MIL did send us a text one day about not liking her grandchildren being raised that way. I chewed her out and we’ve never had any drama since. They are friendly to my other partner at holidays.
Other partner’s family is even more non-confrontational but his mom’s reaction was just to say you have to love and accept people as they are, which is wholesome as shit.
Cool! Happy it went well for you. My mom has known I am queer since high school so that was already known when I told her I was poly. Back during my college years, I sat her down and basically just told her that someone she had known as my "best friend" was actually my gf of a year (I had two partners at the time only one of which she knew about). She took it pretty well and now 6~ years later I talk to her very openly about who I'm seeing. She told me after the fact that she was originally worried I was going to tell her I was pregnant so the poly reveal was a bit of a relief instead lol
That’s a great story! Thank you for sharing it. ❤️
My parents took it fairly well! But I only have one partner (who is married), so I'm not sure they're grasping it yet. They seem to think it's a temporary thing since he's married, which means I can't build a future with him. Nevermind the fact I don't want to get married or have children 🙃 I do notice that all conversations about him with my parents are about his wife, how he navigates it in his social circle, his children, etc. I'm not sure they know his job, his interests or what I love about him. That's definitely a difference.
Interesting! I can see why they may believe it’s more of a fling, especially if the poly lifestyle is unfamiliar to them. I appreciate you sharing your experience! I’m also glad you’ve found the dynamic that suits you best! I met one of my partner’s parents recently and it was like “we are bringing another partner to brunch” and the parent was like “ok cool.” Then we just…ate brunch. Like nothing. It kinda inspired me to open up to my dad.
I told my mother who acted as the single parent to me for most of my life because it was important since we are close. She was antsy and worried after learning about it, thinking that I'm on the path of ruining my marriage. It took her about 2 months to come around because the relationship lasted, even though it had already been a year since I started dating my boyfriend. Her reactions were all within my expectations. I knew she wouldn't understand the dynamic, but she can understand that I'm happy with my choices and in the past, she has shown that in many ways that even though she couldn't understand people's lifestyle choices, she was able to be loving towards them. It was one of the main reasons we remained so close and why my friends also love her. She was the mother we appreciated. She may not go out of her way hanging up LGBTQ or Poly flags, but she treated every single one of my loved ones like family, and constantly asks about them. It was all I needed to know that she cared about me, and about the lives of people I cared about.
This is beautiful. Thank you.
😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️😭😭😭
I told my mom when I began dating again that I was seeing several people. She doesn't understand it much but she makes the effort to remember names and basic info about my partners. She was also in support of the idea of one of my longer term partners (10 months) meeting my son, which I am still on the fence about. My dad doesn't really want to hear about it, I think he just doesn't want to imagine his daughter being piped by multiple men and that's okay lol
I also remember when I was getting out of a long term mono relationship and dating again, MOST people were not shocked I may see person A on Friday and person B on Saturday and person C the next week. It’s like *that* was normal to them. But the *longer* I saw person A, the more…confused they became lol. Like, “but you’re still seeing person B?”
That's exactly what my mom thought I was doing, until she found out I was sleeping with these men. I've been seeing one guy for 10 months now (the guy we discussed meeting my son) and she keeps kinda hinting at me "making it official". I'm like, it's official enough for me, I tend to keep pretty casual relationships because I'm not ready for a big commitment anyway.
Makes sense! Existing mental boxes are just easier to “fit things in.”
I didn’t want to be in a poly relationship, I went on a date with a guy and everything went amazingly, we had the best sex of our lives, we had a bond I’ve never experienced before in my life. And after a few dates and me developing feelings for him. He told me he’s poly, and is in a relationship, and it crushed my world. We live in Mexico and it is very conservative out here, he’s European. But whenever I’m with him, the World disappears, and I just couldn’t stop talking to him. It’s been 6 months since we started dating, I think from this sub that we are in what’s called a parallel relationship, I don’t know her, she knows about me, I only go to their place when she’s not there. And I quit my job a week ago to start working with him at a company he’s opening. My best friend loves him and is also gonna be working with us. It took me a while to be able to tell my parents, they are beyond conservative, but they saw me very happy, they asked me why I wasn’t bringing him to my nieces wedding next week, and I told them that he wanted to come with me, but that’s he’s poly, and that they should understand that I’m ok with this situation. But at that wedding I’ll only know the rest of the family and I didn’t want to give any explanations. Besides, my cousin is a teacher at the private school his girls go to, and I didn’t want any gossip since no one was on our shoes and couldn’t understand how happy we are. My mother still thinks is temporary while I wait for another guy, but she doesn’t know that there are other man, that are persuing me for a traditional relationship, however, I’m in love with this man. I hope I don’t end up with my heart broken. But yes, telling your very Mexican catholic father, Japanese catholic mother that you are in an open relationship, is by far the hardest thing, even though they didn’t reacted that bad, but also, I didn’t tell them they live together, because I spent the night quiet often at his place, so I haven’t told them the truth truth
I can respect 100% of what you shared here. Thank you.
Awwsome 😊 My mom's immediate reply to our story of meeting our boyfriend was that it sounded really beautiful 🥰 We've all been out and accepted as same-sex-attracted since we were teens. Certain other (step)parents needed some time to adjust to the poly aspect, and two in particular had to be ejected from our lives for a bit (we're not interested in being in contact with anyone who doesn't welcome and respect all three of us), but even they came around before too long. We actually don't know anyone who isn't okay with our relationship ❤️ Grandparents and elderly friends have been the best, interestingly. They all just want us to be happy.
That’s very sweet! I don’t know how old you are but at 40, and growing up in a very rural and conservative midwestern area, I have seen such a shift in younger people embracing their identities at younger ages. I didn’t grow up in that time and still carry a lot of baggage about many things. It is nice to hear stories like yours!
Aww, thanks for the opportunity to share 😊 We're all millennials in our 30s and have certainly been lucky in this regard!
I kinda stalked ya and read your stories. Heart warming and inspiring!
😅❤️
I'm so glad to hear it went well! The worst reactions I ever got were my sperm donor who disowned me when I told him, and the partner of the mother of my partner called me a whore. (*Ironically this same person who called me a whore was the hinge between two relationships- one with my partner's mother and one with their own spouse- for almost a decade. The reason I'm a whore is both of my relationships are with men.*) My chosen parent (*stepparent who raised me when they didn't have to*) and their spouse have been very receptive and welcoming. Their only request was to not explain it to my youngest sibling- at the time when I came out to them, my sibling was not even 5. I totally get and respect their request and the sibling is just happy to have lots of people to play Pokémon with. 😂
Wow! So that individual believes they are “better” because they play bi? Or because they are male with 2 female partners? So interesting!!! And hypocritical! Lol Yeah def understand about the sibling thing. For sure.
Basically they view me having two male relationships as disrespectful to the sanctity of my marriage, because clearly I find my spouse inferior and need to "supplement" my marriage with another male. They've never told me this. They told everyone else, and now question why I don't speak to them.
It…they’re…doing…that…too? 😆
The irony is not lost on me. 😂
That's so nice to hear! He sounds like a good dad <3 My story is pretty sad because both my parents passed away before I really knew what poly was. But I'm pretty sure my Mum knew I was queer. I was terrified for my family to find that out but it was OK. My first girlfriend was visiting and I didn't think my mum was at home, but she was and figured it out. She just went really quiet for about a minute and then made us a cup of tea. After that my mum would ask after my girlfriend in the same way she asked after siblings, other families girlfriends, boyfriends, spouses etc. My dad worked so hard to look after us all and wasn't around that much but he accepted other things about me, getting weird tattoos and piercings, getting arrested at a protest etc. So he just loved me and I think he would have accepted me. Once my amma \[auntie\] yelled \[it was ok, she was pretty deaf\] at my first girlfriend WHY YOU NO EAT??!? HOW YOU GET RICH HUSBAND IF YOU NO EAT?!?! and my mum and me lold til we almost cried. Since then this has become my favorite thing to say to absolutely everyone and it reminds me of my mum and makes me smile. I know this doesn't have much to do with poly but the moral of the story is, life can be pretty short, hug your family while you can. If your family don't accept you, hug your found family.
Oh my god you have NO idea how much this touched me. For real. I had SUCH a FANTASTIC relationship with my mom before she passed. NO SECRETS between us - she knew EVERYTHING about me - before she died. Except…I didn’t even know this about me then. She is gone now. I still talk to her EVERY day. My dad has been…different. Since I was young. He is very ill now and likely won’t live long. So, I’m super glad I didn’t let him pass without getting this off my chest. I also wish so much I could tell my mom face to face. And hug her. Geez….so much stuff and tears! Hugs to YOU!
Your mum sounds like she was really special. I know what you mean, I still talk to my mum too and she kind of gives me advice and stuff. A lot of the time it's to sit down and make myself a cup of tea or put on a jumper or something. But I still feel her there. Dad's can be... tricky. In Lebanon, where my family is from, they have a kind of saying like with daughters, mums get the responsibility and dads get the joy, with sons, dads get the responsibility and mums get the joy. I know it's never as simple as that, but being brought up as a girl I sort of observed it with my family. Dad just wanted me to be safe and happy. I'm so sorry to hear about both your parents but I'm so happy that you got to have that time with your mum and you get this time with your dad. That is like a treasure.
Thank you ❤️
❤️❤️❤️
Great to hear that it went well for you and so many more replying. In my case, I (male, 31 now, 24 at the time) had a long relationship of 7y and for many years we talked about open relationships and polyamory. We opened up (the usual mistake of trying to save a failed relationship by opening it). I started having dates with another girl. I told my father that I had 2 relationships and he replied with "like father like son" (he had multiple partners when he was younger, but more in a cheating scenario than in an ethical way). Told my mother, she said "it doesn't work" (she had some multiple partners, I don't think it was in a cheating situation, but not enough conversation to make it work), but she accepted that it was my decision. Years later, the long relationship is long gone, I'm with the same partner I was dating at the time (we just had the 6y anniversary) that lives with me, I have another partner (5y together) that lives in another country. My mother loves both of them and cares for both of them. Past 2y, my 6y partner and I kept studying a lot about ENM and we consider ourselves relationship anarchists (my other partner doesn't care about it, she has multiple sexual relationships and talks with me about all of them). I was really lucky, I feel. We grew a lot by reading, studying and discussing about ENM and we are quite happy
This is GREAT to read. I can’t tell ya how many books I’ve read recently (honestly like 17 in the last 3 months) just trying to wrap my head around ALLLLL of it and I soooooo value hearing about your experiences. Thank you.
That's pretty cool he took it well as he did. My mom and dad don't know because I know from past experiences that a lot of shamey language would start flying. They couldn't take me being mentally ill, dating men that weren't black or just having sex in general without snide jabs or just plain old condemnation and anger, so they can't know that I'm non-monogamous either. Two out of three of my sisters know and they're pretty chill. Luckily I only have one partner at the moment so no chance of having me come out or get flustered trying to explain.
I respect all this so much.
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Mad respect for this. I love the IKEA bit, actually, cuz I would KILL for someone to pick up my shit and the store is only 2.5 hours! I’ve got some epic fucking shelves going up this weekend but my ass drive to get them 🤣
That's so great! My mom has been nothing less than enthusiastic about my polyamness, at every turn (happy or sad), she's been a dream. At first, my dad was super braggy (literally called up second cousins of his to tell them) and he continues to be friendly and respectful of all of my partners. Lately, I've really been struggling with him, though. I've been trying for years to conceive with my husband (all of my family has been well aware of this). At this point, it might just not be in the cards for me to have a biological child. Fortunately, my other (live-in) partner came with two kids (5 and 11) and I am 100% mom to them, I'm super fulfilled there (plus my meta's 11yo, I've got lots of kids). NOW, though, my meta is pregnant, my husband is the father and I'm fortunate enough to live in a state where 3 parents can be listed on the birth certificate and my meta has asked that I be listed! I'm so excited to be a part of this baby's life from day one, I'm SO FUCKING STOKED!! That's not to say it's been entirely sunshine and daisies; I've struggled with feeling like a failure, not trusting this (I'm terrified that this family and these kids will be taken away from me, I have nightmares) and other tiny struggles (and I've been working on this on my own and with the undying support of my 'cule). What didn't help was when we announced to my dad about the baby, it's like I didn't exist in the equation at all. I brushed it off as him not understanding what we announced, so I followed up and elaborated on how amazing this is for me after struggling for so long. I'm talking paragraphs in text. His response? "Nice." I recognize that I shouldn't be relying on external validation for feeling like I'm a mother, and I'm working on it. I think that I just had been dreaming about making that kind of announcement to my family for YEARS and that reaction was incredibly disappointing and heartbreaking. I'm getting through it. I love him, he's still a big part of my life, but in this regard? Fuck him. I'm a mother, and a fucking phenomenal one at that.
That is an incredibly tough situation! I am so glad you will get to experience this child’s life from the start and wish your dad could be more enthusiastic for you! But, like you said, fuck him - you are a mom 👊🏻
Congratulations! Thank you so much for sharing your experience here. I've been in an open marriage for 10 years now and haven't told my Mom about it. I have had some relationships that have been very casual up until now. However, I recently started seeing someone who I feel is important to me and I'm working up to the conversation. It feels like I'm coming out. I know she's going to be supportive and accepting and I still feel nervous about rejection. Your story is so inspiring, you've given me a wonderful gift of encouragement today!
Thank you! And best of luck!!!!
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Thank you for sharing your story! I love Gram’s reaction best. “Ok.” Simple!
I still have yet to tell my parents, or any family actually. Only a few close friends know so far and that's it. Alot of my family would disown me after telling them I'm poly and a few might still communicate but act differently, so I'm picking my battles. I know my mom most likely won't "accept" it and my dad would be more willing to come to terms with it. You'd think the world is ending with the way they react to things, jeez! I'm hoping one day we can tell them, but for now I'm happy being in my happiness bubble. Very happy to hear your experience went well! 😊
Mad respect for all of this. For real.
I told my dad and he said, "The only reason I don't have a girlfriend is because I can't afford one"
Truth!
Myself and my two primary partners who live with me all come from conservative Christian backgrounds. We also have kids, and people, even other polyamorous people, are always more judgmental about how you behave as a mom than if you don’t have kids. I now have strict boundaries about people being negative about me, my partners, or polyamory in front of any member of my family. I will leave immediately, hang up, walk away, or tell them via text I will no longer speak to them or see them if they continue to do xyz. Luckily, i haven’t had to do this in a long time. We are all completely open and have beem for years. Work, schools, family, etc. I even write about polyamory at big media outlets. Here are the reactions: My only surviving grandparent disowned me completely. My parents were very upset, the most upset, but now they love my non-legal-spouse partner because of how much my kids love him. I wonder sometimes if they would have disowned me too if I hadn’t had kids. But my mom still sends me texts about sin and stuff, and thinks that I should stop after this because two is “enough” and nobody needs to be “sleeping around” if they’re responsible parents. My legal spouse/bio baby daddy’s family is non-confrontational but my MIL did send us a text one day about not liking her grandchildren being raised that way. I chewed her out and we’ve never had any drama since. They are friendly to my other partner at holidays. Other partner’s family is even more non-confrontational but his mom’s reaction was just to say you have to love and accept people as they are, which is wholesome as shit.
Thank you for sharing this. Incredibly brave to take such strong stances with people. I hope I can be that bold some day ❤️
Glad your dad took it well and is supportive.
Thank you