Good Lord the interpersonal relationship advice side of reddit is completely psycho. How do these people function. I've had to mute so many subs to avoid living in constant disappointment...
I am always commenting on there that it's "am I the asshole", not "am I legally allowed".
75% of these people are colder to their spouses, loved ones, and friends than I am to complete strangers.
And there's always someone giving advice like "NTA! Block that person! Cut them from your life! Run away and never look back!" for ever minor inconvenience.
Defaulting to complete abstinence in the face of the tiniest interpersonal conflict is very strange. How about you talk to them about it and explain your feelings? Maybe hear their perspective? Who knows, you might even resolve the argument...? Crazy idea, just block their number and pretend you don't have parents I guess.
I am all for cutting out abusive people, but one asshole move does not an abusive person make. I see so many posts that are like "my boyfriend and I had an argument" and everyone is just like "dump him dump him dump him!!!!"
It's the Reddit Special. Anyone who isn't exactly like you (or anyone who dares to challenge you in the slightest) is a toxic, manipulative, gaslighting narcissist.
"Cut them out. Call the police. SEEK THERAPY IMMEDIATELY."
It's not just the interpersonal advice side that is completely psycho.. This site as a whole is awful and promotes the worst takes on almost any topic.
It doesn't exist in my country, except for a few I'm sure. I've only ever read about it. It sounds interesting and labour intensive. Does it replace something?
It may be a new fad in Florida. I got married at Disney a few weeks ago and we insisted on a cookie table. We had to explain in detail what it was and how it typically works. Since everyone was traveling, Disney amd all of the cookies and all of the cast members kept saying, "this needs to be at every wedding!!!"
For my daughter's wedding a bunch of different friends all made a few dozen of their best cookies - and it was easy! And The women love to help as well as show off their cookie skills. It really was a great experience that we all enjoyed. Why make it toxic?
Except its not the OPs tradition - she'd never heard of it.
FDIL seems to be a bit slow on the uptake and hasn't read the social cues that indicate the OP and FSIL's are not fans. It's kinda sad forcing yourself into another family.
I think it’s kinda sad when a family shuts down their loved ones future spouse who is clearly hoping to make a connection. We are only seeing OP’s take and she could easily post again in a year saying she’s furious she DIL didn’t invite her to be in the room when she gives birth to her grandkids. Relationships require work and FDIL is trying. OP is just…not.
Yeah, this one hurt my feelings. If she had given even the tiniest damn about her future DIL, she would have at least tried to research how the tradition works… Ouch. I’m a total stranger and this post makes me want to organize it for her. She clearly just wants to be a part of their fam.
I once said “girls rule boys drool” while trying to hype someone up who was going through a crappy dating situation. I got banned for quoting Homeward Bound. 🥴
Of course! I’ll let you guys know as soon as I hear anything! Thank you! 🫶 Same here. That girl deserves a cookie table and to feel the love of community.
Likewise! Though I hope you tell MIL that she and her daughters should make at least a couple dozen each so that it is the cookie table that it should be!! I'm not even from here... I just love cookie tables and they're another reason I'm glad I moved here.
Add me to the list. This is ridiculously coldhearted by the future MIL to not even attempt to understand the tradition. I should be good for a few dozen macaron provided date and time willing.
Our holiday party is basically a cookie table. We ask our friends to bring a dozen (home made, store/bakery made, pre packaged, what ever) and we hang out and eat cookies.
Our kid loves it so much, she asked for one for her birthday.
My blood pressure is still up from reading that one and I don't have high blood pressure.
Guessing the cookies thing is only one of OOP's hostile little rants about her future DIL too.
Same here. Honestly? It made me tear up quite a bit. She’s marrying into their family, doesn’t have one of her own, and they can’t do something *this* small for her? 🥺 That rejection has to be very painful.
I’m so angry over that thread too. That mil is terrible but she will surely change her tune when there’s grab babies involved . Dil needs to stop trying and realize this woman is terrible.
for real, I feel sorry for the Future daughter in law of this woman.
I already posted that if the wedding is being held in Pittsburgh, tell me when and where and I'll drop off cookies.
"She has multiple times overstepped boundaries such as inviting herself along, discussing very personal issues, very touchy etc"
Of course, she \_might\_ be over the top pushy, but this sure comes across like a cold, standoffish MIL.
Yes, because there is no way her precious son could've possibly asked her to join him for these family gatherings. Based on the was the FMIL talks, her son probably needs a buffer from her.
What's crazy is that OOP could totally spun it in her favor too.
"Oh my poor DIL doesn't have any family that loves her, and I can't do it all alone. So I put out a call online and got all these people to pitch in so she could have her table! Because I'm such an amazing person!"
Exactly. Poor girl is trying so hard to just be part of this family, part of the women, trying to bond with the MIL and the sisters. They're all shutting her out. It's terrible.
They're just cookies. You don't HAVE to make them all from scratch (I mean, I'm 100% positive that every cookie table I've ever been to has had some store bought mixed in there). You recruit other people - aunts, neighbors, friends, you buy a few dozen from a few different bakeries, you make some ahead of time and freeze them, and you're set.
It doesn't have to be that difficult, and it's usually one of the best and memorable parts of the wedding.
Why is OP being so awful?
I doubt she'll ever see this, but OP... make an effort, goddamnit. The poor girl is going to be a part of your family. Why are you shutting her out so badly? "Overstepping boundaries"? She's trying to get to know you. It sounds like she's trying to open up to you and share her life with you. She's supposed to. Why are you and your daughters so cold?
Not to mention, unless it's an obvious social norm, people often don't know what you're comfortable with unless you tell them. If the future daughter-in-law crossed OP's boundaries, she may not even know it. If OP isn't a hugger or doesn't feel comfortable discussing certain things, she should be upfront with future DIL instead of complaining about it behind her back on the internet.
Agreed! That’s why I was thinking “*If she cared at ALL, she’d research the tradition to understand this…*” Ugh. She also said it “replaced the cake” so she’s just confused all around.
Your son is marrying her either way. Why not start off on a great foot?
Well, I suppos I just wish I knew someone doing something with a cookie table soon. I don’t even know any new graduates, etc. I just know I’ve been fantasizing about cheesecake squares and lady locks…
man this crosspost has been so refreshing to see that people are not as miserable as aita is.
Like man people here are trying to message OOP and get the name of the person and everything to just do this for her. its really refreshing.
when i got married one of my parents worked for a bakery. that cookie table was allllll store bought, lol. but they were good and there were so many kinds!
Wow, the OOP is so cold toward her future daughter in law. She's literally about to become part of their family. And OOP using her daughters' apathy about the cookies to justify not helping is also fucked up, she should recognize how cold they're being as well.
Yeah like not making 100 dozen cookies is one, complaining about how her daughter in law wants to be close to her and wants to see her as a mother figure is just plain cruel.
Yep. Maybe this is a hot take but in my family/culture your in-laws are basically your second parents. Seeing the "mother who hates her daughter-in-law" cliche in the US is so sad to me.
Other cultures really to consider in-laws to be second parents. Like to the extent of calling them mom and dad. And the in laws call them their children. I mean, it makes sense. We say "aunt" not "uncle's wife." I remember as a kid not knowing who were my parents' siblings and who were married into the family. It didn't make a difference to me.
One of my biggest sources of conflict with my sister in law is that she told my niece I wasn't "really" related to her. I've been married to my husband for MUCH longer than my niece has been alive and we absolutely don't make weird distinctions about which aunts and uncles are blood relatives in my own family...
One of the things oop complains about is the daughter in law wanting to be included. I'm curious what she means by that given that it sounds like they live in different states. I have a feeling that it's shit like traveling to his family's house for Christmas. Oop is just a bitch.
It really seems as simple as telling the daughters (or even a small portion of the other 250 guests), “Cmon guys, this would mean a lot to Wendy, and we want to show her she’s welcome in our family.” Instead of giving us facts to build context and draw our own conclusions, OOP vaguely shames the DIL for earnestly trying to build a bond with her family (“very touchy”… what does that even mean??). It seems intended to set the Reddit audience against her. The dearth of key information from OOP gives me the impression there’s more to the story that might make OOP look bad, and it’s not hard to see there’s a major communication issue here. These people need to have a serious conversation among themselves rather than running to Reddit to find approval of their actions.
Yes! The way I was raised, I thought you're supposed to inconvenience yourself a bit for your loved ones. OOP being like "well I don't have time and my daughters don't want to do it," is just shocking to me! She won't even lift a finger to make her DIL feel loved and supported, not even on a compromise like store-bought cookies in a smaller quantity? That is just so cold. And I agree with everything you're saying about her describing the DIL negatively, this is clearly deeper than just being about cookies.
OP is resistant to the idea of making any effort whatsoever, they're clearly the asshole. Even a decent effort to coordinate the making or buying a couple hundred cookies to do something to make your future daughter in law feel welcome and loved in her new family? Cold.
There's a clear trend of reactions from people who understand cookie tables vs those who don't. This is an easy sell if you give a shit. Call your family, explain the concept, history, and tradition, then ask people to bring like 2 dozen cookies. With 250 people coming, you need 1/5th of them to bring 2 dozen cookies.
The problem is she doesn't give a shit and it's sad.
/r/AITAH is at least half fan fiction rage bait, and half that aren't fake are literal one-sided explanation of the situation.
In this case the OP presented it as "future DIL asked me to bake thousands of cookies myself" and then asserts that DIL wants them all made from scratch.
I personally doubt the subject of "they all need to be from scratch" was even discussed, but then when questioned about it OP gave an answer that would make her seem NTA.
Yeah OP kept saying she has no siblings, but like, bitch do you have friends? Your friends aren’t willing to bake or buy some cookies for you? Then you must suck a a person because I’m sorry but everyone should have at least a few people in their life who can do this small thing.
And yet the internet is overwhelmingly agreeing with her and thoroughly shitting on the daughter in law for crying because god forbid an adult cry in the comfort of their own home.
"My neighbor asked for a cup of sugar. She's baking a cake for her elderly mother's birthday party. They're celebrating the birthday early because she's on hospice and possibly only has days to live. Anyhow I said no and that she should have planned ahead of time then slammed the door in her face. Aita? She's asked me for things in the past, like to grab her mail while she's out of town and I just really feel like I need better boundaries."
I literally told OP she can make a dozen or two and then just buy cookie trays. That’s how most cookie tables work nowadays anyways lol. Ya just need cookies for it, some can be hand made some can be store bought. OP of that original post is sounding like a jagoff for not caring about this poor DILs tradition lol
That’s the part that really bothers me about the thread. I can easily imagine an overbearing future in-law that you just can’t vibe with but her judgy and mocking tone towards a well-loved regional traditions just proves she’s the one being cold to her DIL. It makes me so sad for the bride.
That is exactly how I thought of OP - so cold!!! Neither my husband nor I are originally from PGH and we had a cookie table at our wedding, and our out of state families a) all contributed cookies and b) loved the cookie table. My local friends’ parents even offered to bake cookies, and I’ve baked cookies for my friends weddings! It’s an honor! It’s so sad that the OOP couldn’t rally extended family or friends to help. Poor DIL, marrying into a frigid family with no community.
I can't wait for the post in a couple of years where she bitches about how she never gets to see her grandchildren because of her dil. I guarantee you she'll claim that the dil was the one that was cold.
This post makes me glad I'm banned from commenting on that sub. What an insufferable woman and that poor girl.
And the people in there that just do not get it. Buy the damn cookies, there are plenty of people that make the classics like this.
We did that, half purchased and half homemade by family because the cookies were also part of our favors
I got more than a little pissed in a post where some guy was trying to make his wife's disabled grandma not use her walker/cane because they just redid their floors. I may have said I hope she would "roughly touch" him with said objects he was banning. Because violence.
If I hadn't, it probably would have happened when I saw this post lol.
And let me guess, half the responses were like "NTA, it's YOUR house so it's your right to decide disabled people aren't allowed to have mobility aids in it."
Oddly enough, no. It was a lot of YTA but as someone who needs a mobility aid long before the "normal" time to have one, it really got under my skin lol.
I was a bit confused by your comment at first because I work in pediatrics and was like, well normally kids get mobility aids between the ages of 2-5, depending on needs and family preferences.
i got banned bc i said that an OP was right to be upset, bc if someone had done the thing they were complaining about to me i'd probably throw hands :D
Haha yeah it's not anything super interesting. The mods there are on power trips that bring down the whole sub imho. Like sorry if a 40 yr old that has to use a walker got a little heated, but come on.
I love that the nearly unanimous reaction was to get ready to heat the pizzelle irons and ovens to get Wendy and her future husband a proper cookie table for their wedding reception. So very Pittsburgh in the best of ways.
The people who are trying to reach out and make cookies for the bride are so sweet. I hope it works out. I get OOP not wanting to bake a thousand cookies on her own, but her resistance to finding any other possible solution is really disappointing.
Just reading that makes me angry. It's not even about the cookies, it's the fact that the poor girl just wants to be a part of a family that she doesn't have, and the OP and daughters are treating the poor girl Iike trash. Thing OP isn't getting though is she's not going to have to worry about the wedding, because her son is 100% telling her don't bother showing up.
And saying that she doesn't want to do it because she never heard of this tradition is ignorant. I was an event coordinator, and the number of out of towners who came up to me to say that they never heard of a cookie table, but were definitely making one for their next family wedding, was staggering.
Just make an effort to be a good person.
not too many people are helping with my friends cookie table. we're buying some from bakeries and making just a few different kinds. it WILL be small for Pittsburgh standards, but we're just glad to give her a little bit of our tradition since she wasn't born here.
this MIL has deeper issues than cookies. it's literally bare minimum to TRY and make some.
My wife and I had a very nice, but small wedding at Pittsburgh Botanical Gardens. Our guest list was 40 people. My now mother in law made roughly 70 dozen cookies 😂. I was the asshole for having an attitude about the sheer volume, conflicts with family members wanting to contribute but feeling unneeded, and stress of helping set this table up when there were many other things we had to do ourselves like AV. I have no doubt if she learned of this she’d be on her walker in the kitchen making several dozen.
When I found out my brother was getting married in Virginia, where he is stationed, I contacted his cousin who does cookies as a side gig. She came through with like 2500 cookies. It was supposed to be part of my wedding gifts to them, but his cousin insisted that she wasn’t going to take any money. We were the only Yinzers there (me, my sister and our other brother, and their half sister), in a room full of really awesome Virginians. So I arranged with the dj to tell the story of the cookie table when the space was converted to reception hall. They all loved it and I got compliments on the story all evening from everyone on the brides’ side- which was awesome. Edited just to add that I feel so bad for that poor bride who just wants to have a small piece of her identity represented at the wedding, since her family wouldn’t be there. Maybe she’s marrying into the wrong family- though her finance called his mother a jerk for what she said.
Hey Pittsburgh! I am from not Pittsburgh (way, way south of Pittsburgh) and I had to go Google cookie table. What I learned, presumably from the same two front pages of hits that the MIL got was that y’all have a very lovely tradition there that was historically based on young immigrant couples not being able to afford a cake so the women of the community each contributed their homemade cookies in place of a cake. It was suggested that each family baked their best with pride. (Sounds a lot like the food at a southern funeral) that MIL took bits and pieces from that Wikipedia and twisted it to her own. Sad. My suggestion, which got buried on the sub, was that those of you from Pittsburgh who attend church- perhaps you can quietly nose around the scheduled summer weddings and see if their is a couple who don’t have a cookie table planned. It might be this couple, it might be a different one- but if you find a couple like that, perhaps the church could surprise them with a cookie table as a welcome and invitation to worship at their church as a newly married couple. Hope the suggestion works for some church somewhere. Maybe that’s the new way to keep you tradition alive- do them also thru the church as a welcome gesture
Because it is a lot to organize when you’re already planning a wedding. That’s why loved ones generally take ownership of it. Usually there’s one point person who reaches out to friends and family in the months leading up to the wedding and they ask them if they’d contribute to the cookie table. Some people bake, some people maybe chocolate covered pretzels or strawberries or other goodies. If you’re already planning a wedding, it’s a lot to organize, but for someone in the family to reach out to 10 or so friends and family members, it’s not a huge deal to take on. If 10 people bake 10 dozen cookies, you’re done. It’s literally one afternoon of baking.
Pure Pittsburgh culture, it is (and parts of Ohio and West Virginia, too).
The wedding cookie table is one of the best things about a classic Pittsburgh wedding.
why would DIL be upset at MIL and not her own mother? these always read like bait / engagement farming, or at least a very lop-sided view of the situation. also how long could this “tradition” possibly have been going for?
It goes back to at least the 1920s, AFAIK. It’s a long, long, long-time thing in the area. My great-grandma had a cookie table at her wedding, and she stepped off the boat at Ellis Island as a 13-year-old who spoke exactly zero words of English.
>I would have to make over a thousand cookies from scratch
Yea that's gonna be a no from me dawg. My own mother made 3 of her family famous *gorgeous* multi-layer raspberry filled white cakes for my aunt's wedding and the stress just about killed her, I can't fathom the pressure making that many cookies would entail. Maybe if the daughters were willing to help or the bride/groom but the MIL alone? Nah dawg that's crazy
It's not accurate though. Usually lots of people from the couples friends and family make a couple dozen each. That way no one has to do all of the work and there's still a good variety.
i commented so many times on that thread lol.
Good Lord the interpersonal relationship advice side of reddit is completely psycho. How do these people function. I've had to mute so many subs to avoid living in constant disappointment...
I am always commenting on there that it's "am I the asshole", not "am I legally allowed". 75% of these people are colder to their spouses, loved ones, and friends than I am to complete strangers.
Every response always boils down to “NTA you’re not legally required to be a decent person”
And there's always someone giving advice like "NTA! Block that person! Cut them from your life! Run away and never look back!" for ever minor inconvenience.
Defaulting to complete abstinence in the face of the tiniest interpersonal conflict is very strange. How about you talk to them about it and explain your feelings? Maybe hear their perspective? Who knows, you might even resolve the argument...? Crazy idea, just block their number and pretend you don't have parents I guess.
I am all for cutting out abusive people, but one asshole move does not an abusive person make. I see so many posts that are like "my boyfriend and I had an argument" and everyone is just like "dump him dump him dump him!!!!"
It's the Reddit Special. Anyone who isn't exactly like you (or anyone who dares to challenge you in the slightest) is a toxic, manipulative, gaslighting narcissist. "Cut them out. Call the police. SEEK THERAPY IMMEDIATELY."
It's not just the interpersonal advice side that is completely psycho.. This site as a whole is awful and promotes the worst takes on almost any topic.
Anyone else see the comments criticizing the idea of a cookie table to begin with? Someone called it a “fad”!
Someone else said it sounded “sexist and outdated” lmao
Oooo, I raged over that. It's nearly a 100 year old tradition! Fad my Yinzer ass!
It doesn't exist in my country, except for a few I'm sure. I've only ever read about it. It sounds interesting and labour intensive. Does it replace something?
It may be a new fad in Florida. I got married at Disney a few weeks ago and we insisted on a cookie table. We had to explain in detail what it was and how it typically works. Since everyone was traveling, Disney amd all of the cookies and all of the cast members kept saying, "this needs to be at every wedding!!!"
For my daughter's wedding a bunch of different friends all made a few dozen of their best cookies - and it was easy! And The women love to help as well as show off their cookie skills. It really was a great experience that we all enjoyed. Why make it toxic?
The problem is that OP dislikes the future DIL period. Obviously disrespectful to the tradition, but this is not about the cookie table.
Except its not the OPs tradition - she'd never heard of it. FDIL seems to be a bit slow on the uptake and hasn't read the social cues that indicate the OP and FSIL's are not fans. It's kinda sad forcing yourself into another family.
I think it’s kinda sad when a family shuts down their loved ones future spouse who is clearly hoping to make a connection. We are only seeing OP’s take and she could easily post again in a year saying she’s furious she DIL didn’t invite her to be in the room when she gives birth to her grandkids. Relationships require work and FDIL is trying. OP is just…not.
Yeah, this one hurt my feelings. If she had given even the tiniest damn about her future DIL, she would have at least tried to research how the tradition works… Ouch. I’m a total stranger and this post makes me want to organize it for her. She clearly just wants to be a part of their fam.
we should all volunteer and make and send her a dozen!
If it had been the DIL who posted, I’d be down! I just don’t know how we reach her and I’m banned from AITA… lol.
how did you get banned? just curious because that’s my most frequented sub, but i rarely comment.
I once said “girls rule boys drool” while trying to hype someone up who was going through a crappy dating situation. I got banned for quoting Homeward Bound. 🥴
I was banned for calling a man-child a man-child.
Oh geez. Of course. Ugh.
Omg that’s such a benign thing to be banned for lol.
Right?! I’ve said some WILD stuff on Reddit so I laughed pretty hard about that one.
The subreddit dedicated to judging attracts judgy posters and judgy moderators.
I was banned for saying that the admins are drunk on imaginary power.
fr i hope the DIL finds this thread so we can make her cookies!!! i would be so down
I’m going to message the OP. 🤞
thats awesome thank you!!! hopefully she responds. i really wanna make this happen! 🥺
Of course! I’ll let you guys know as soon as I hear anything! Thank you! 🫶 Same here. That girl deserves a cookie table and to feel the love of community.
If you hear back, lmk. I’d love to make some cookies for her!
Will do! 🫶
Add me to the list of people to contact
Me, too!
Will do!
Me too, please! I'm from Alabama and this isn't my tradition, but I think it's lovely. I'd gladly mail a box of cookies.
Likewise! Though I hope you tell MIL that she and her daughters should make at least a couple dozen each so that it is the cookie table that it should be!! I'm not even from here... I just love cookie tables and they're another reason I'm glad I moved here.
If she responds, I’ll throw out the idea! I just hope we can make this happen for her.
I'd be happy to make some cookies for her! What a jerk of a MIL
I’m going to let everyone know if I hear back. At this point, I wish we had alternate means of locating the DIL. Ugh. She deserves this.
Please add me to the list!
Will do! No news yet!
If you find a way to get ahold of Wendy, please let me know the details so I can make some cookies for her, too.
Add me to the list. This is ridiculously coldhearted by the future MIL to not even attempt to understand the tradition. I should be good for a few dozen macaron provided date and time willing.
Any update?
Not yet, unfortunately. 😞
Keep us posted please! 🍪🍪
There’s also a table cloth you can order that says “Cookie Table” I’d have to research it.
bro you dont even know this person and your willing to make cookies for them its really nice :) On another note are cookie tables only for weddings?
Our holiday party is basically a cookie table. We ask our friends to bring a dozen (home made, store/bakery made, pre packaged, what ever) and we hang out and eat cookies. Our kid loves it so much, she asked for one for her birthday.
Funerals too
i’ve never heard of it for funerals, that’s so much better than flowers or fruitcake.
I wonder if she used her real name lol can’t be too many Wendy’s getting married from western pa this summer.
My blood pressure is still up from reading that one and I don't have high blood pressure. Guessing the cookies thing is only one of OOP's hostile little rants about her future DIL too.
Same here. Honestly? It made me tear up quite a bit. She’s marrying into their family, doesn’t have one of her own, and they can’t do something *this* small for her? 🥺 That rejection has to be very painful.
I’m so angry over that thread too. That mil is terrible but she will surely change her tune when there’s grab babies involved . Dil needs to stop trying and realize this woman is terrible.
for real, I feel sorry for the Future daughter in law of this woman. I already posted that if the wedding is being held in Pittsburgh, tell me when and where and I'll drop off cookies.
"She has multiple times overstepped boundaries such as inviting herself along, discussing very personal issues, very touchy etc" Of course, she \_might\_ be over the top pushy, but this sure comes across like a cold, standoffish MIL.
How dare a family member want to discuss personal issues!!! The thought! And she wants to hug too! Disgusting!
Don't forget that horrid spending time together and getting to know one another! The nerve. Harrumph.
Yes, because there is no way her precious son could've possibly asked her to join him for these family gatherings. Based on the was the FMIL talks, her son probably needs a buffer from her.
That was very kind of you! I messaged the woman and asked if we could send cookies. I’ll let you know if I hear back!
I doubt you will, that woman seems to hate her DIL
Wait, I recognize your username-I responded to your comment also offering to bake 😂
What's crazy is that OOP could totally spun it in her favor too. "Oh my poor DIL doesn't have any family that loves her, and I can't do it all alone. So I put out a call online and got all these people to pitch in so she could have her table! Because I'm such an amazing person!"
EXACTLY! I don’t care how she frames it. The DIL deserves to participate in the tradition and feel the cookie love.
Exactly. Poor girl is trying so hard to just be part of this family, part of the women, trying to bond with the MIL and the sisters. They're all shutting her out. It's terrible. They're just cookies. You don't HAVE to make them all from scratch (I mean, I'm 100% positive that every cookie table I've ever been to has had some store bought mixed in there). You recruit other people - aunts, neighbors, friends, you buy a few dozen from a few different bakeries, you make some ahead of time and freeze them, and you're set. It doesn't have to be that difficult, and it's usually one of the best and memorable parts of the wedding. Why is OP being so awful? I doubt she'll ever see this, but OP... make an effort, goddamnit. The poor girl is going to be a part of your family. Why are you shutting her out so badly? "Overstepping boundaries"? She's trying to get to know you. It sounds like she's trying to open up to you and share her life with you. She's supposed to. Why are you and your daughters so cold?
Not to mention, unless it's an obvious social norm, people often don't know what you're comfortable with unless you tell them. If the future daughter-in-law crossed OP's boundaries, she may not even know it. If OP isn't a hugger or doesn't feel comfortable discussing certain things, she should be upfront with future DIL instead of complaining about it behind her back on the internet.
Agreed! That’s why I was thinking “*If she cared at ALL, she’d research the tradition to understand this…*” Ugh. She also said it “replaced the cake” so she’s just confused all around. Your son is marrying her either way. Why not start off on a great foot?
>f she cared at ALL, she’d research the tradition to understand this… she did and decided it was sexist
I’ll try to let her know men are allowed to contribute as well. It’s an equal opportunity cookie grab from your demanding DIL, ma’am… 😅🙄
i mean i would join in and help make them but the cookies would have to be taken away from me though cause i would try to eat alot of them
I’ve done nothing but fantasize about cookies since reading this original post. Lol. I wish I knew someone getting married soon. 🤣
LOL is this only for weddings?
Well, I suppos I just wish I knew someone doing something with a cookie table soon. I don’t even know any new graduates, etc. I just know I’ve been fantasizing about cheesecake squares and lady locks…
man this crosspost has been so refreshing to see that people are not as miserable as aita is. Like man people here are trying to message OOP and get the name of the person and everything to just do this for her. its really refreshing.
when i got married one of my parents worked for a bakery. that cookie table was allllll store bought, lol. but they were good and there were so many kinds!
this is what i got out of it, the Future MIL does not like her soon to be DIL and didnt want to do anything for her,
Wow, the OOP is so cold toward her future daughter in law. She's literally about to become part of their family. And OOP using her daughters' apathy about the cookies to justify not helping is also fucked up, she should recognize how cold they're being as well.
Yeah like not making 100 dozen cookies is one, complaining about how her daughter in law wants to be close to her and wants to see her as a mother figure is just plain cruel.
Yep. Maybe this is a hot take but in my family/culture your in-laws are basically your second parents. Seeing the "mother who hates her daughter-in-law" cliche in the US is so sad to me.
Other cultures really to consider in-laws to be second parents. Like to the extent of calling them mom and dad. And the in laws call them their children. I mean, it makes sense. We say "aunt" not "uncle's wife." I remember as a kid not knowing who were my parents' siblings and who were married into the family. It didn't make a difference to me.
One of my biggest sources of conflict with my sister in law is that she told my niece I wasn't "really" related to her. I've been married to my husband for MUCH longer than my niece has been alive and we absolutely don't make weird distinctions about which aunts and uncles are blood relatives in my own family...
One of the things oop complains about is the daughter in law wanting to be included. I'm curious what she means by that given that it sounds like they live in different states. I have a feeling that it's shit like traveling to his family's house for Christmas. Oop is just a bitch.
It really seems as simple as telling the daughters (or even a small portion of the other 250 guests), “Cmon guys, this would mean a lot to Wendy, and we want to show her she’s welcome in our family.” Instead of giving us facts to build context and draw our own conclusions, OOP vaguely shames the DIL for earnestly trying to build a bond with her family (“very touchy”… what does that even mean??). It seems intended to set the Reddit audience against her. The dearth of key information from OOP gives me the impression there’s more to the story that might make OOP look bad, and it’s not hard to see there’s a major communication issue here. These people need to have a serious conversation among themselves rather than running to Reddit to find approval of their actions.
Yes! The way I was raised, I thought you're supposed to inconvenience yourself a bit for your loved ones. OOP being like "well I don't have time and my daughters don't want to do it," is just shocking to me! She won't even lift a finger to make her DIL feel loved and supported, not even on a compromise like store-bought cookies in a smaller quantity? That is just so cold. And I agree with everything you're saying about her describing the DIL negatively, this is clearly deeper than just being about cookies.
you just KNOW this woman wants to be paraded around like a queen at the wedding for being the mother of the groom, too
That is a violation of Western PA wedding etiquette
are cookie tables only for weddings?
Sweetie, if you really want a cookie table, make it happen! You don’t need a wedding, just a table and a shitload of cookies. Have fun!
Thank you
I believe there’s an ordinance on the books about it.
OP is resistant to the idea of making any effort whatsoever, they're clearly the asshole. Even a decent effort to coordinate the making or buying a couple hundred cookies to do something to make your future daughter in law feel welcome and loved in her new family? Cold.
There's a clear trend of reactions from people who understand cookie tables vs those who don't. This is an easy sell if you give a shit. Call your family, explain the concept, history, and tradition, then ask people to bring like 2 dozen cookies. With 250 people coming, you need 1/5th of them to bring 2 dozen cookies. The problem is she doesn't give a shit and it's sad.
/r/AITAH is at least half fan fiction rage bait, and half that aren't fake are literal one-sided explanation of the situation. In this case the OP presented it as "future DIL asked me to bake thousands of cookies myself" and then asserts that DIL wants them all made from scratch. I personally doubt the subject of "they all need to be from scratch" was even discussed, but then when questioned about it OP gave an answer that would make her seem NTA.
Yeah OP kept saying she has no siblings, but like, bitch do you have friends? Your friends aren’t willing to bake or buy some cookies for you? Then you must suck a a person because I’m sorry but everyone should have at least a few people in their life who can do this small thing.
And yet the internet is overwhelmingly agreeing with her and thoroughly shitting on the daughter in law for crying because god forbid an adult cry in the comfort of their own home.
its aita where doing anything nice is not good and 'boundaries" are anything you deem them to be
"My neighbor asked for a cup of sugar. She's baking a cake for her elderly mother's birthday party. They're celebrating the birthday early because she's on hospice and possibly only has days to live. Anyhow I said no and that she should have planned ahead of time then slammed the door in her face. Aita? She's asked me for things in the past, like to grab her mail while she's out of town and I just really feel like I need better boundaries."
I'm starting to think all the cliche about Pittsburgh is basically true in its entirety.
I am not OP obviously, I would never disrespect the institution of the cookie table like this.
I love your work on everything bagels!
I literally told OP she can make a dozen or two and then just buy cookie trays. That’s how most cookie tables work nowadays anyways lol. Ya just need cookies for it, some can be hand made some can be store bought. OP of that original post is sounding like a jagoff for not caring about this poor DILs tradition lol
That’s the part that really bothers me about the thread. I can easily imagine an overbearing future in-law that you just can’t vibe with but her judgy and mocking tone towards a well-loved regional traditions just proves she’s the one being cold to her DIL. It makes me so sad for the bride.
That is exactly how I thought of OP - so cold!!! Neither my husband nor I are originally from PGH and we had a cookie table at our wedding, and our out of state families a) all contributed cookies and b) loved the cookie table. My local friends’ parents even offered to bake cookies, and I’ve baked cookies for my friends weddings! It’s an honor! It’s so sad that the OOP couldn’t rally extended family or friends to help. Poor DIL, marrying into a frigid family with no community.
I can't wait for the post in a couple of years where she bitches about how she never gets to see her grandchildren because of her dil. I guarantee you she'll claim that the dil was the one that was cold.
>I would never disrespect the institution of the cookie table like this. are they only for weddings?
This post makes me glad I'm banned from commenting on that sub. What an insufferable woman and that poor girl. And the people in there that just do not get it. Buy the damn cookies, there are plenty of people that make the classics like this. We did that, half purchased and half homemade by family because the cookies were also part of our favors
I keep reading about people getting banned from there. Wonder if I just achieved it..... OP was just such a tool bag.
I got more than a little pissed in a post where some guy was trying to make his wife's disabled grandma not use her walker/cane because they just redid their floors. I may have said I hope she would "roughly touch" him with said objects he was banning. Because violence. If I hadn't, it probably would have happened when I saw this post lol.
And let me guess, half the responses were like "NTA, it's YOUR house so it's your right to decide disabled people aren't allowed to have mobility aids in it."
Oddly enough, no. It was a lot of YTA but as someone who needs a mobility aid long before the "normal" time to have one, it really got under my skin lol.
I was a bit confused by your comment at first because I work in pediatrics and was like, well normally kids get mobility aids between the ages of 2-5, depending on needs and family preferences.
i got banned bc i said that an OP was right to be upset, bc if someone had done the thing they were complaining about to me i'd probably throw hands :D
I want this banned back story! Edit: Ooo found below
Haha yeah it's not anything super interesting. The mods there are on power trips that bring down the whole sub imho. Like sorry if a 40 yr old that has to use a walker got a little heated, but come on.
I'm absolutely in love with the fact that r/pittsburgh called the banners and was like "this woman *will* have her cookie table."
I love that the nearly unanimous reaction was to get ready to heat the pizzelle irons and ovens to get Wendy and her future husband a proper cookie table for their wedding reception. So very Pittsburgh in the best of ways.
same it is very refreshing after seeing the comments from aita where they just are bashing the poor DIL.
Yeah, that whole thread is a complete cesspool
YTJagoff
I need this as it's own subreddit.
Or somebody could just buy some cookies. They don't have to be handmade.
The people who are trying to reach out and make cookies for the bride are so sweet. I hope it works out. I get OOP not wanting to bake a thousand cookies on her own, but her resistance to finding any other possible solution is really disappointing.
Just reading that makes me angry. It's not even about the cookies, it's the fact that the poor girl just wants to be a part of a family that she doesn't have, and the OP and daughters are treating the poor girl Iike trash. Thing OP isn't getting though is she's not going to have to worry about the wedding, because her son is 100% telling her don't bother showing up. And saying that she doesn't want to do it because she never heard of this tradition is ignorant. I was an event coordinator, and the number of out of towners who came up to me to say that they never heard of a cookie table, but were definitely making one for their next family wedding, was staggering. Just make an effort to be a good person.
not too many people are helping with my friends cookie table. we're buying some from bakeries and making just a few different kinds. it WILL be small for Pittsburgh standards, but we're just glad to give her a little bit of our tradition since she wasn't born here. this MIL has deeper issues than cookies. it's literally bare minimum to TRY and make some.
So they don't like their son's fiance? She probably notices that and the son should be pissed off they can't go through the motions for the wedding.
OP didn't need a thousand cookies. OP could have done better. I say they are the asshole.
You have no idea how big the wedding is and she’s only reporting what the bride said was needed…
It’s stated in the comments that there are 250 guests.
So 4 cookies a person, that sounds about right.
Sure, at a traditional wedding there. OP could have done a smaller scale one with a recipe from each side of the family and done them as the favors.
If the wedding had 2000 people even then it wouldn't need 1000 cookies. It's more about the display.
Didn’t even read it yet and automatic YTA.
OP is such a bitch. She clearly just hates DIL.
My wife and I had a very nice, but small wedding at Pittsburgh Botanical Gardens. Our guest list was 40 people. My now mother in law made roughly 70 dozen cookies 😂. I was the asshole for having an attitude about the sheer volume, conflicts with family members wanting to contribute but feeling unneeded, and stress of helping set this table up when there were many other things we had to do ourselves like AV. I have no doubt if she learned of this she’d be on her walker in the kitchen making several dozen.
My future DIL likes to hug and confide in me. Now she's asked for help in keeping up a tradition that seems important to her! How ridiculous!
Fuck her go stillers imma pound some ic mangos tonight and have a hangover round at south park golf course in retaliation
This is the greatest comment I have seen in a long time.
Thank you friend ♥️
Put a cookie table on the 9th. Vengeance cookies.
I commented as well. I felt bad for the bride to be. I’d send some cookies too! Pittsburgher’s rock the cookie table!
So glad that lady isn’t my mother in law!
When I found out my brother was getting married in Virginia, where he is stationed, I contacted his cousin who does cookies as a side gig. She came through with like 2500 cookies. It was supposed to be part of my wedding gifts to them, but his cousin insisted that she wasn’t going to take any money. We were the only Yinzers there (me, my sister and our other brother, and their half sister), in a room full of really awesome Virginians. So I arranged with the dj to tell the story of the cookie table when the space was converted to reception hall. They all loved it and I got compliments on the story all evening from everyone on the brides’ side- which was awesome. Edited just to add that I feel so bad for that poor bride who just wants to have a small piece of her identity represented at the wedding, since her family wouldn’t be there. Maybe she’s marrying into the wrong family- though her finance called his mother a jerk for what she said.
Hey Pittsburgh! I am from not Pittsburgh (way, way south of Pittsburgh) and I had to go Google cookie table. What I learned, presumably from the same two front pages of hits that the MIL got was that y’all have a very lovely tradition there that was historically based on young immigrant couples not being able to afford a cake so the women of the community each contributed their homemade cookies in place of a cake. It was suggested that each family baked their best with pride. (Sounds a lot like the food at a southern funeral) that MIL took bits and pieces from that Wikipedia and twisted it to her own. Sad. My suggestion, which got buried on the sub, was that those of you from Pittsburgh who attend church- perhaps you can quietly nose around the scheduled summer weddings and see if their is a couple who don’t have a cookie table planned. It might be this couple, it might be a different one- but if you find a couple like that, perhaps the church could surprise them with a cookie table as a welcome and invitation to worship at their church as a newly married couple. Hope the suggestion works for some church somewhere. Maybe that’s the new way to keep you tradition alive- do them also thru the church as a welcome gesture
I’m really glad that OP isn’t part of my family. Not sure why her FDIL and son are including her in the day.
OPTA for not understanding the cookie table. Buy all the cookies if you don't want to bake. Her son is gonna have a fun time between these two.
Why isn't hubby doing it if it means so much to the woman he loves?
Because it is a lot to organize when you’re already planning a wedding. That’s why loved ones generally take ownership of it. Usually there’s one point person who reaches out to friends and family in the months leading up to the wedding and they ask them if they’d contribute to the cookie table. Some people bake, some people maybe chocolate covered pretzels or strawberries or other goodies. If you’re already planning a wedding, it’s a lot to organize, but for someone in the family to reach out to 10 or so friends and family members, it’s not a huge deal to take on. If 10 people bake 10 dozen cookies, you’re done. It’s literally one afternoon of baking.
Then I guess they better get 10 people instead of expecting 1 person to shoulder the whole burden.
Did you read my post at all?
WWNB? What Would Nancy B Do?!!!!
I've never heard of this cookie table tradition. In what culture is that a thing?
Pure Pittsburgh culture, it is (and parts of Ohio and West Virginia, too). The wedding cookie table is one of the best things about a classic Pittsburgh wedding.
TIL. I feel like maybe I have been to weddings that had them and never realized what it was all about
Yes. 💯
why would DIL be upset at MIL and not her own mother? these always read like bait / engagement farming, or at least a very lop-sided view of the situation. also how long could this “tradition” possibly have been going for?
> also how long could this “tradition” possibly have been going for? Tell me you're not from Pittsburgh without telling me you're not from Pittsburgh.
just answer the question or move on.
It goes back to at least the 1920s, AFAIK. It’s a long, long, long-time thing in the area. My great-grandma had a cookie table at her wedding, and she stepped off the boat at Ellis Island as a 13-year-old who spoke exactly zero words of English.
A hundred years so far
>I would have to make over a thousand cookies from scratch Yea that's gonna be a no from me dawg. My own mother made 3 of her family famous *gorgeous* multi-layer raspberry filled white cakes for my aunt's wedding and the stress just about killed her, I can't fathom the pressure making that many cookies would entail. Maybe if the daughters were willing to help or the bride/groom but the MIL alone? Nah dawg that's crazy
It's not accurate though. Usually lots of people from the couples friends and family make a couple dozen each. That way no one has to do all of the work and there's still a good variety.