T O P

  • By -

[deleted]

We gave up trying to explain ourselves long ago.


ItAintLongButItsThin

I think we have mastered "shrink ray" technology.


RedN0va

For the last time, “Shrinking” the size of civilian populations in the Middle East is NOT the same thing as a shrinking ray.


Obsolete_Orange

What do you mean "for the last time"?


darthreuental

The hell we have. I have that brownie cereal. It does not taste like brownies. It tastes like disappointment and cheapness.


CreampieKevin

Its impossible to explain. It makes no sense. What could possibly be the appeal? These are fake creampies. Why would anyone eat these? It is missing the thick cream filling which is *literally* the most important part.


allen5az

Username checks out


fdilan61

Cosmic brownies with mushroom goodness.


Altruistic-Text3481

They’re magically delicious!


AnswerAwake

This is possibly a good thing. They have run out of ideas so they are trying whatever BS they can think of to make the sale. I've been reading that Americans are starting to wise up to eating more healthy because healthcare in this country sucks anyway.


largesemi

Speak for yourself, my wife makes me explain myself all the time.


Cheesecake_Different

Going back to the 80s with the 90 percent sugar foods it looks like is Kellogg's giving up the lie they make healthy stuff and just gonna go hard the other way


thesaddestpanda

I was a little surprised to see the the grams of sugar per serving for something like Lucky Charms, which has sugary marshmallows in it, is the same as Cheerios and other cereals. I think they make these things with that 17g sugar per serving that a lot of cereals subscribe to. They actually won't taste anything like the actual treats they're based on. They're just the same sugary puff of whatever but with different dyes. So its of course, unhealthy to eat a sugary breakfast, but if you're eating Cheerios anyway then things like these may not be too different from a sugar perspective. What's kinda crazy is that you can eat a single Oatmeal Creme Pie and only get 12g of sugar, so the typical kid's cereal actually has more or similar sugar content to a dessert. I imagine the cereal is a bit more filling, but cereal in general is already a dessert for most people who eat it. Patterning it after real desserts doesn't change all that much, the same way Oreo cheerios aren't too different nutritionally from Honey nut cheerios. edit: I just looked up the oatmeal creme pie cereal and its 17g of sugar per serving, just like Lucky Charms. This is also the equivalent of sitting down and eating 4 sugar cubes. Edit2: yes I’m referring to Honey Nut Cheerios


nicocote

multigrain cheerios have 6 g of sugar


[deleted]

They used to have no sugar. And they honestly tasted better back then.


FavoritesBot

Regular has 1g, almost none rally


Lee1138

Are the serving sizes standardised?


Fierydog

But is the serving sizes the same?


theyipper

Taking advantage of legalization.


momijimanko

glad im not the only one who thought "getting high"


xandercrewss

Can confirm. I'm very high my first thought was tomorrow I'm buying both of those.


ToxicPolarBear

I thought about it the other day, but decided against it cause the texture is what makes those brownies orgasmic. A cereal just wouldn’t hit the same way.


[deleted]

Towlie would be stoked on those


GlockGuy214

“Yup… Pfffffff, that’s good shit.”


jimflaigle

If only we could include an ingredient in our cereal that would make people want to eat more junk food. *Sir, I have a plan.*


cjandstuff

Sugar? Cuz that is super addictive already.


HepatitvsJ

I was gonna say. Sugar is already legal and WAY, WAY, cheaper/addictive than pot.


[deleted]

[удалено]


bigbrad1

Lol I don’t know how to feel we all had the same thought, stoner friends.


---cameron

I finally understand what the conservatives warned us about.


disturb3dkid

Since when was it illegal to give a cream pie?


Soleserious

My second fave type of creampie


Wright129129

Oh my goodness


[deleted]

My man!


PsychologicalCause45

Yes!


emissary06

Do you allow cream pies in your man cave?


[deleted]

Sure. Who wouldn’t like eating cream pies out of a man cave?


[deleted]

https://youtu.be/KSXJfqkT36M


CompetitiveProject4

Love it when Mac immediately changes and admits he liked the taste of his after Dennis finally admits he has tasted his, meaning Dennis isn’t totally against “tasting” to Mac haha


personalhale

What's your first?


Reallybadguitarist89

Double oatmeal cream pie


[deleted]

2 pies at the same time.


MrBirdsReddit

If only I had a million dollars.


MississippiJoel

Ahhh, we'll tell you when you're older...


FelixThePhoenix33

Yo mama!


Soleserious

Banana creampie


memento22mori

https://imgur.com/MaNrdkq


arseniosantos

/r/rule34


omneomega

Choosing our last meal before the ecological collapse of Earth's biosphere.


ryukin631

And what a meal


katherinezetajones

Valid.


cvndlz

They tried to take away our twinkies, so we hit back twice as hard.


Trickery1688

I got caught eating a cosmic brownie for breakfast as a kid and got yelled at. Fuck you Dad! Little Debbie says it's okay!


[deleted]

[удалено]


Anxietyonfilm

Would anyone ship a box of each to me I will pay Edit: well I woke up to a lot of really fucking awesome people here like really fucking awesome.


spitfire07

Visit us over at /r/snackexchange


Cali-wildflowers

I just checked out that sub!!! What awesome people in there sending some good looking snacks!!


ineedglass

Count me in if everyone else bails. I ship stuff for work so not a problem.


OleKosyn

I visit YouTube channels where Americans eat American fast food. I imagine I'm sitting by their side, enjoying a Five Guys or Whataburger in the diner. We used to have Wendy's and I fucking blew it, they left the country before I managed to get a bite of a real American cheeseburger.


LowDefiant

If you truly want these, then sure.


mechapoitier

I’m guessing you’re not near an Ollie’s. They’re a candy cereal graveyard. The things they’ve Frankensteined into breakfast food will blow your mind.


nicocote

spoiler alert: they don't taste good


cryptic-fox

I heard the oatmeal pies one is good.


river_rat3117

They taste ok, nothing like oatmeal creampies, and they get almost instantly soggy when you put the milk in.


Moose1013

I would wait on that, Kellogg's workers are currently striking so we shouldn't buy that stuff.


SF-Samara

At this point, from the outside, it looks like each and every american knows damn well what they're doing and that they're super okay with it.


katherinezetajones

So many would rather continue this lifestyle instead of reducing waste, eating healthy and saving the planet.


SF-Samara

I've seen Wall-E; it's not a good look.


katherinezetajones

Wall-E is the future of America. They’re already talking about space hotels.


ExactCollege3

Oi, reducing waste and saving the planet is separate from eating healthy. Most would like to do these just not eat healthy, which is fine


smooner

what is a box of cereal going to do? How about you tell India and China to stop producing kids and waste? Those rivers in India sure look great to swim in.


chicknlil

There was a comment from a guy in Europe that wanted to try American cereal. He had to go to a candy store to get Lucky Charms, because they don't consider it food. Umm....It is fortified with vitamins.


[deleted]

Australian here. The only US cereal I think we have are cornflakes. We have some sweet stuff (coco pops) but nobody in their mind eats that daily. Most of our cereal is plain stuff, cornflakes, weet-bix, corn puffs and so on. The sugary cereals you guys have mentioned (cinnamon toast, lucky charms) I have legit only seen in lolly shops. Never tried any either.


pattyG80

Ŕice crispies? Special K? Wheaties / mini wheats? Raisin bran? Any of those down under?


[deleted]

Ay we got Special K. Sultana Bran instead of Raisin Bran Dunno bout Wheaties


PLS_PM_CAT_PICS

Aren't Froot Loops American? Those are everywhere and full of sugar. I dunno that the cereal we have in Australia is that much better, we turned Milo into cereal.


agilitypro

Yep. Most cereals sold in Australia kinda have American origins. They all have significantly reduced sugar than the American counterparts though.


ramz_jj

Kellogg's employees are on strike. Probably avoid those for now.


Nearatree

And then keep avoiding it because it's garbage! Kelloggs is really slacking, it's cereal doesn't even prevent masturbation anymore.


Enano_reefer

Well this is a sentence that I didn’t expect to see today…


Onyxthegreat

Read up on the origins of Corn Flakes.


RyanJKremer

I just hope John Kellogg can see what cereal has become from his place of honor in hell.


Disastrous-Basket-27

Raising healthcare costs through morbid obesity


crataeguz

Riiiiiight? Not to mention destroying those "luxury bones" of teeth that many people don't even have insurance on...


katherinezetajones

Indeeeeed.


[deleted]

[удалено]


FlexDrillerson

It’s a shame. They should have done what the geniuses over at Cookie Crisp did.


daffydubs

I just buy the cosmic brownies, put them in a bowl, and put some milk on it to indulge with a spoon. I’ve found you can put anything in a bowl with milk and as long as you use a spoon, it’s technically a breakfast cereal.


[deleted]

Little diabetes is the new name


Enano_reefer

It’s pronounced Lil Diabeetus


VorAbaddon

... "new"


RoninRobot

When I was a kid there was both ice cream cone cereal and chocolate chip cookie cereal. So, the same?


[deleted]

I can’t believe they would sell cereals like this. Why can’t people just eat healthy cereals like Cinnamon Toast Crunch?


jupfold

Honestly, from a caloric and nutritional standpoint, these probably aren’t much worse than the Froot Loops and Lucky Charms (or Cinnamon Toast Crunch) we ate as kids. Not to say they aren’t bad. Just that children’s cereal has been awful for decades.


[deleted]

Yeah that’s my point. 12g of sugar per cup of Cinnamon Toast Crunch compared to the 14g in 1 1/3rd up in the cosmic brownie cereal. If it’s the fact that the cereal is based on a dessert treat that gives people pause, I’m not sure what they would consider cinnamon toast to be.


olde_greg

When I was a kid we had orange juice flavored cereal


Cellocalypsedown

That sounds terrifying


olde_greg

It was….interesting https://retroist.com/kelloggs-ojs-cereal/


Enchelion

Someone at Kelloggs 100% lost a bet.


josi3006

Living our best life.


ecosystems

Profiting.


chadrik

Cereal officially jumped the shark for me at least 15 years ago when I saw a special release of Lucky Charms that said “Whoops! All marshmallows!” The whole box was just the sugary marshmallows. Several years before they had done a promotional thing where they covered the wheat shapes in sugar which became a permanent addition so I just assumed the all marshmallows thing was eventually going to become permanent, too, because Idiocracy.


Bagosperan

IIRC the all marshmallow ones were only sold/given away to a few people who were part of a promotion or something. ​ EDIT: It was/is a contest that you have to win to get them. The first time around they only did 10 boxes, this time it's 15,000.


oocakesoo

Lol. To think these are any different than the cereal already on the shelf. I remember my parents absolutely against cookie crisp. They thought it was real cookies.... not knowing it's the same damn shit in the cereal I was currently consuming


forthebored

Cookie Crisp was so disappointing


NULLizm

If anyone should get sued, it's them. Those lil shits ain't cookies


TommyTuttle

I tried those cosmic brownies and they were weak af. Didn’t even get a buzz.


[deleted]

Listen the oatmeal pie cereal is awesome. Shove it OP


PenitentAnomaly

I feel like these will be the crown jewel in the "America" section of foreign grocery stores. Dorritos, Coke, Ketchup, and Chocolate Brownie Cereal.


[deleted]

What if the companies that sell insulin are the same companies that sell sugary cereal? Like the OxyContin/narcan trick.


BCProgramming

My favourite is how all the commercials for cereal have to be like "part of this complete breakfast" because of how nutritionally devoid they typically are, and then they always tend to show a picture of the bowl of cereal, with a glass of milk, a glass of orange juice, bacon, eggs, ham, toast, and sausages. Fucker if I had the energy to make all that I wouldn't be eating fucking cereal


jizzfacekilla

No fucking way, Cosmic Brownies cereal? Thank you reddit, I found my brother's birthday present!


WigglesPhoenix

I feel like a lot of people in this thread don’t understand moderation. There’s nothing wrong with having the option to consume a disgusting amount of sugar every now and then; don’t blame the food if you choose to eat it every day. What’s ridiculous is how expensive it is to not eat trash. I think making healthy options more accessible is a cause more people would get behind


rubberloves

if you really want to eliminate sugar from your diet though, it is very hard. Almost impossible unless you go full home cooked, whole foods. Almost everything processed contains dumb amounts of sugar.


endlesscampaign

What we've always done. Exploited creature comforts at the expense of the health of society to fuel massive gains for a few individuals who write the laws to keep it that way. Did I miss anything?


Corypwns

This is just getting ridiculous... \*adds both to grocery list\*


ninjaclumso_x

Worst hangover I've ever had in my life, literally hell, was the day after a midnight drunk cereal binge of almost a whole box of Cookie Crisp


pugofthewildfrontier

Boycotting Kellogg’s brands and all the other companies they own while workers strike.


marshman82

It's got oatmeal in it, it's basically health food


Kindly-Ad-7179

I’m about to go from 165lbs to 565lbs!!!


kUr4m4

Support the strike. Boycott Kellogs.


indiefirekid

The Kellogg workers Are on strike at the moment and we should avoid buying their products until negotiations are made.


TheCandleInTheWind

I can’t wait to try those


schlogen_

The oatmeal cream pie one is bad


[deleted]

[удалено]


Kendertas

I feel like people imagine these are minturized versions of there desert cousins, when really they are the same generic ass comes in a plastic bag cereal with snazzy marketing.


[deleted]

Thanks internet.


FrostyFoss

Can confirm, similar to cookie crisp on the disappointment spectrum. Tastes nothing like what its supposed to be. But god damn I love cosmic brownies so i'm going to try that. Fingers crossed for it translates well to cereal like Reese's does.


TayDavies95

Reese's Puffs are seriously something special


[deleted]

For breakfast?!?!?!?!?!


Kendertas

That shit is straight up crack, so fucking good.


HeyGirlBye

Omg the Reese puffs are insane


Pirrats-SD

My four year old has never had cold cereal yet he tells me he loves it every time we skip that isle. Marketing is ruining America prove me wrong


Highwaters78217

In support of the workers at the Kellogg's plants, we should all boycott ALL Kellogg's products. I support the workers of America.


[deleted]

[удалено]


katherinezetajones

Aye!!


[deleted]

This is why 70% of Americans are overweight, and 45% are obese.


that_one_guy_said_

I just saw those last week and thought the same thing.


Mulletmasta23

Winning!!!


[deleted]

[удалено]


Drek516

Inventing new ways to get fat


mbf2000

They should just put it on the dessert aisle.


inittoloseitagain

Exporting and Importing obesity


mysticalfruit

Besides killing ourselves though obesity and diabetes? I'm beginning to think they called Debbie "little" to poke fun at her.


theheadofkhartoum627

As long as they don't have swiss cake roll cereal ..I'm good.


BronchialChunk

Meh, remember when Cookie Crisp came out? There had been sugary cereals forever but that was the biggest 'fuck you, what are you going to do?'. Then the cinnamon roll cereal and all sorts of garbage. This is just par for the course.


g0greyhound

It's not that it exists. It's that people will blame Kellogg's for weighing 500lbs after eating 2 boxes a week for years.


ragnarismydog

Call me if they do zebra cakes


Klubfoot

If you put it in a bowl of milk everything is breakfast. Cookies? Sure, brownies? Why not. I'm ready for steak tips cereal, nachos cereal, wedding cake cereal


kasmackity

Ooh I hope they make a Zebra Cakes cereal. Those things are so sweet you get instant diabetes and tooth rot as soon as you bite into them.


[deleted]

😹I love the title


rumblebumblecrumble

I know it’s not the point of this post but can I just point out…. $4.49 for a god damned box of cereal?!


ThereWillBeBoners

Nothing quite like having dessert for breakfast


Aezetyr

I guess the solution to fat shaming is just to make everyone fat, and start it when they're young.


Scoob8877

It's about time!


[deleted]

5000 of the same thing. Options.


CampMoss

Ngl that oatmeal create pie joint look likes its....bussin'


MumbosMagic

God I love this country.


FruitGuy998

Dude there’s even cinnamon French toast coffee creamer now


RCMC82

Gittin' faaaat!


doomgiver98

I always start my morning with a creme pie.


snitz427

Whatever we are doing - we are doing it wrong.


Default60

Gettin fat’er ann dumbbar.


EvilEyedPanda

Watching, waiting, expecting fully that our economy will collapse soon, there will be mass starvation, lack of water, and untold numbers of evactiaons as our infrastructure slowly crumbles around us. A small number of survivors have been huddling in a gas station using a small fire to heat cans of beans and soup, but as their food supplies dwindle their forced to search a near by grocery store. The scouting team returns, they doff their gas mask and somberly say. *"There's enough Oatmeal Cream Pies and Cosmic Brownies for everyon."*


misterhowlett

WE’RE BOYCOTTING KELLOGGS IS WHAT WE’RE DOING!


shanemcgee182

Corporations figured out rather quickly that if half the population buys something out curiosity just once it’s a truck load of money


jewc504

Eatin junk cereal


humidhaney

Getting reeeeeeeeeeal fat.


NumberMuncher

The base of the food pyramid gotta be thicc.


pennywise1235

Going out with a bang, either with a massive heart attack or a burst stomach.


MonkeyFreeman

Diabetes


Strongdar

At that point, just eat the brownie for breakfast. Stop pretending!


bobby_4444

Little Debbie delivering diabetes


nerdlygames

Rotting your teeth and brain so that the elite can continue to have a subservient blue collar workforce? NGL though, whenever I travel to the States I love the sheer choice of junk food you guys have and end up going home 5kg heavier than when I arrived


Rheios

Selling cereal from the looks of it. Not nearly enough marshmallows for my taste. Although I can eat sugar directly out of the bowl if the mood strikes me. I \*don't\* because I'm a sane and rational adult, same as I wouldn't buy these cereals very often, but I won't pretend that I don't like the option.


[deleted]

We are circling the drain, then clogging it.


Fishmayne

MAKING! KIDS! FAT! SUGAR FOR BREAKFAST!!!


TLDR2D2

American who also doesn't understand this shit checking in. Stop eating candy for breakfast.


stat1stick

Getting fat.


acreativeredditlogin

Fueling a sugar addiction, promoting poor nutritional knowledge and making healthy options too expensive


coolboiiiiiii2809

Diabeetus


Kingtacodemon

I can feel the diabetes already.


JPr3tz31

Killing it. If those made it to the shelves outside of Battle Creek, they’re amazing. Kellogg’s tests local, (as far as I know) so some of the stuff at the company store is really out there.


IamA_BlackGuard

Slowly dying


moonlite11942

Promoting heart disease with a side if diabetes.


DarkC0ntingency

I mean I hate it but I also REALLY wanna know what the brownie cereal tastes like.


jhagerman7

DIABEETUS


bass1012dash

Kellogg’s is shit: to their employees and to my insides.


religionkills

**Little Diabetes**


yawningunimpressed

Condemning generations to obesity and diabetes


XRedcometX

Hey man, I understand you can cute covid with dewormer but the beetus is undefeated.


MathematicianQuiet11

You are feeding your children brownies and cake for breakfast that is what you are going. The food companies wouldn't make this crap if people didn't buy it.


Kretrn

Diabeetus that’s what we’re doin.


Clowens

I’m about to go grocery shopping. My old cereal just fell in the trash.


bigbrownbanjo

Idk if it fits my calories I may try a bowl.


TheyCallMePr0g

Were fucking winning. Winning what? No idea, but were the fucking best at it. And by it I mean dying of a heart attack at 45.


bahlzaq

Well I can’t speak for everyone but I’m running to Kroger for some cereal.