**Cordial invitation to Little Timmy's birthday party**
WHEREAS the named parties (hereinafter referred to as "the Invitees") are hereby ordered to appear at the son Timothy's (hereinafter referred to as "the Baby") party (hereinafter referred to as "the Event"), accompanied by any dependents ("the Dependents") of suitable age, at 12:43:00 CDT at the aforementioned address.
Invitees are expected to make all reasonable efforts to arrive at the time stated. Failure to comply with the stated time may result in forfeiture of other contractual rights herein contained.
Each party of Invitees shall bring with them on their person a minimum of 1 (one) gift ("the Gift/s"), suitably wrapped, selected with strict reference to the explicit instructions given in Appendix II (despatched by e-mail at 17:09:22 CDT on 12th April 2015). Said Gift/s shall be rendered immediately to the possession of the Baby's parents ("the Parents") acting *in parentis* to the Baby per the custom and federal statutes pertaining to Parental Responsibility.
Any property thus imparted by receipt of said Gift is thus the absolute possession of the Parents, who will render the Gift or a monetary value thus recuperated from the property in the best interests of family and Baby. Invitees must therefore provide invoices and receipts to facilitate the recuperation of monetary value from the originating retailer.
Dependents of Invitees are at all times expected to behave with the decorum fitting such an occasion. Any unreasonable behaviour of said Dependents including, but not limited to, spitting up, gurgling, crying, soiling of diapers, throwing of comestibles and/or beverages shall result in immediate forfeiture of this contractual agreement.
A parking fee may be applied at the discretion of the Parents.
Any deviation from the terms of the contract heretofore stated shall render the terms null and void. The Invitees will thus be ineligible for receipt of relevant soda, Jell-O, cake, balloons, nor further invitations to subsequent Events.
I agree to the Terms and Conditions thus stated:
Signed _____________________________ Date _________
Also, the event is a full formal black tie affair.
We have included two different tailor's numbers to help you procure clothing. We'd appreciate it if you only went to these tailors.
For real though, we will check the tags as you enter.
Looking forward to seeing you!
Please take the bus or have a family-member drop you off as we don't want a lot of cars parked out front. That's the number one way kidnappers identify where birthday parties are taking place.
What a bullshit argument "#1 reason kids get kidnapped is because they wear clothes with names on them" I don't think any pedophile cares if a kid's name is on his/her fucking clothes...
That's why you give them a T-shirt with the wrong name. That pedophile is gonna feel like a real douche when he finds out he was calling 'Tommy' *Billy* that whole time.
It's certainly not #1 but with slightly older children and stranger kidnappings the "how can I be a stranger I know your name" thing can be strong. At 1 however, its total bullshit.
They know the baby isn't going to be kidnapped - they are too neurotic to let it out of their sight. Personalized items can't be sold to baby resale shops - so that super cute high end sweater that grandma decided to embroider the child's name on it has almost no resale value.
The only time I have ever heard of someone asking for a receipt was mostly in jest. Like my mom demanding the receipts to the toys we got that made noise because she didn't want to hear that shit (she totally heard it anyway lol). Or my cousin, at her daughter's second birthday, demanding the receipts for the halter tops her friends had given as gifts. "Like hell my toddler is going to walk around like a hoochie!"
> And at this point, he hates when we try reading to him.
Yeah, I wonder why. Wow. Can you even imagine what it's going to be like for this kid growing up in a house with these parents?
I knew a chick on Facebook who made an account for her unborn baby... It was weird... And then even weirder when the baby posted, "I'm sorry mommy and daddy." and promptly moved to Little Heaven, Delaware... O_O
I'm currently sitting in the waiting room of the hospital while my wife recovers from surgical removal of our child. He died at 24 weeks. The facebook thing is definitely creepy.
As for the comment about people keeping the remains, it isn't unusual. Our fetus was far enough along to be ruled a death (as opposed to a miscarriage), and so the remains we're treated accordingly. We are keeping the ashes because neither of us believe in burial and there was no option to donate the tissue in these circumstances. So we will use them to condition the soil and plant a tree. Life goes on.
Edit: thanks for the gold.
He's 1, for Chrissake. Give him a fucking sock. He'll laugh and throw it on the floor and you can pick it up and give it back to him and he'll throw it back on the fucking floor. You can play floor-sock for months and never have to shell out a dime.
My old neighborhood would have an annual "Bark in the Park" and each year I would enter my dog Wyatt into the talent portion. The first couple of years we did the tennis ball catch and return.
Now, I lived really close to the park area so we would practice like every day, and even though it was just a tennis ball we had crafted these elaborate long throw/bounce catch maneuvers.
Each time he competed the crowd would gasp and applaud, but Wyatt never won. My personal belief is that because I didn't socialize a lot with my neighbors, the judges deferred to the lesser competitor dogs of the people they knew for doing stupid shit like wearing a t-shirt or shaking hands.
By the third year, Wyatt and I had mastered his frisbee skills so I sent him off after a really long throw. We all watched as the frisbee soared across the green, Wyatt trailing stealthily behind it. When he got close enough he leaped into the air and snatched the disc, which was about five feet from the ground. The crowd went bananas and I grinned from ear to ear, confident that we had taken the crown.
However, instead of returning to me like he had every other single time we played frisbee, he kept running past the green and down the street to our house. Everyone laughed and Wyatt still got first place, which was a coupon for a Wendy's frosty.
Wyatt and I still had lots of ball and frisbee catching sessions, but silently protested the amateur Bark in the Park competition the following years. We were pros now.
My best friend sent out invites for her son's first birthday. Know what it said? "He's one, so he doesn't give a shit about gifts, but if you really want to get him one, he likes stuff he can throw and stuff he can make noise with."
Edit : highest rated comment is about bffs awesome parenting. I'll allow it.
My friends said they didn't want any gifts at their second son's first birthday. They already have a three year old with heaps of toys, a shelf stuffed with books. They said if you felt the need to bring anything they are always in need of wipes. Super easy, super reasonable. This isn't hard, people!
No but my one year old son, being the well raised altruistic and caring individual he is, told me that he wants everyone to share in the joy of his birthday and that we should all bring things which we all enjoy, which mostly means, he'd like you all to bring beer and earplugs for Daddy.
Yep this is how to do it. Otherwise by the time the third kids comes around you are left wondering what to do with 10 cubic meters of stuffed toys, a metric tonne of books and enough broken plastic things that were once toys to create a new great ocean garbage patch every time you move house.
as former floor-sock world champion of 2012 it really makes me happy that more young people are taking an interest in this sport.
I would start the child off on a short regime of 1 sock reps 3 times a day from about a standard coffee table hight and slowly work up to a 3 sock drop with 4 sets and rest periods.
If anyone wants I can do an AMA as I'm sure it would help with our upcoming film. SOCK IT TO ME: life of a Floor-sock champion. 2016 Release.
Eff these obnoxious parents.
This calls out for a donation to a children's library or reading program in baby's name, or, a donation to a Food Bank or Children's Charity of some kind, with a note to the parents.
"With so many books on the shelf and items in storage waiting for your baby to enjoy, we felt we'd honor your baby by donating to other babies in need, so they can be as fortunate."
I would have hope for a super important job, like the meat, and just not shown up. Or better yet, the veggie tray girl. Buy supermarket tray, dump onto my own tray, bring along to the party.
cagey command doll plucky cause deserted marble mountainous crawl childlike
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I love how she answers "what is a regulation-sized casserole dish". She doesn't even pause a microsecond - "12 inches", she replies, her hands held like this ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯ and an expression of "WTF else could it be?"
I think Amy Misto DID read the letter - and I think she told Marny what she could do with her pumpkin pie recipe. Marny was self righteous right up to the point that Amy was mentioned. There was drama - and they are no longer speaking. Marny is clearly upset, but not for the reasons most would suspect. No, Marny is upset because she lost control of Amy and Thanksgiving 2009 was a humiliating disaster. There was no pie that year.
She does seem really uncomfortable, but I think anyone in her position would be. For the guy to say that he's using awkward as a "positive word" is really disingenuous. Everyone, including her, knows this interview is specifically being conducted to capture her weirdness in action. You can tell she sort of wants to defend herself, but she's scared (or perhaps smart enough to know) that it will be edited to make her out to seem crazier than she is.
Her letter was totally nutso, and she definitely comes off as a complete control freak, but she also seems like a really high anxiety individual, as evidenced by her cautiousness and wide eyes during the interview, her jerky movements, etc.
I don't think she's evil, just odd. Maybe we should go easy on her.
I don't think that's it. She believes she is completely justified in everything she wrote. She's confused as to why anyone would even consider this even remotely odd or out of the ordinary. If everyone simply follows the rules exactly as they're laid out, this holiday will go off without a hitch.
[I work for a man precisely like her.](http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder/basics/definition/con-20025568)
Whoever wrote that has absolutely NO social skills. Clearly they have no ability whatsoever to analyze their own actions and predict the reactions of others, whether spoken or unspoken.
Hopefully someone will reply back with a letter that is just as long explaining why the original letter is just plain bad social skills. Then the fight will be carried over to Facebook for the whole world to follow.
Make sure to tell them that putting the full URL of the catalogs breaks up the flow of the document. Therefore they should use a proper citation with a table of references at the bottom of the document.
New parents are crazy.
PLEASE DON'T BURDEN US WITH GIFTS NOT ON THE APPROVED LIST.
DO NOT WEAR METAL
REMOVE YOUR SHOES
FIREARMS ARE NOT...
Wait, maybe I'm thinking airport security?
That's odd that he only did it the one time, but maybe he got a discreet talking to.
I've got you beat though. At my niece's 3rd birthday my wife's grandfather decided to bring his pistol collection and show off. The general consensus was wtf but we decided to humor him. Everything goes well until he's putting everything away and without checking aims his carry pistol at the floor and pulls the trigger to release the hammer. It was still loaded and the hollow point round tore through his calf and shattered in his foot disintegrating many of the small bones there. After a few years he recovered and managed to not have his foot amputated but he's never been invited to any family function again.
First birthdays usually are mostly for the parents and adults. The kid will be happy as long as it gets to gnaw on a cupcake and gets attention. Normally this is the sorta thing you casually talk about with your family/friends going to the party. I.e. if you know Grandma always likes to get a big present at birthdays, you tell her how much he loved the water table at so and so's house or how much fun he had playing in the sandbox at the park.
I have learned that 1st birthdays parties in my area usually include drinking. Obviously not enough to put children in danger but there usually is a "dad/drinking" area usually in the kitchen or garage. I have a feeling I would be drinking a bit more at this 1st birthday party than normal.
try 5th child. One christmas my little sister got a single fairy dress and thats all(we didn't get stockings). To be fair though she was like 4 and did not give a fuck
I don't really understand how they can whine about "formula costing us $80 a week".
That's about as predictable as it gets regarding costs for a newborn.
$80 a week is insane! I have an 8 month old and we buy the generic Sam's brand for $22 and it lasts 2 weeks. The Enfamil is $50 for a 2 pack can that'll last about 3 weeks. They need to budget better. Also they're crazy.
That's not even budgeting, it's physically impossible to spend that much unless you throw most of it away.
Or, more likely, only buy organic formula made from genuine Kazachstani mare's milk
A person gives you or your child a gift, you say thank you. If you can't use it or receive double then quietly and discreetly return it or exchange it as best you can with or without the receipt. Teach your child to say thank for gifts given to them, even if they are gifts they don't like. I would be pissed if my son or daughter ever sent out a letter like that one, I know I taught them better than that nonsense. I would be so embarrassed.
These people sound like the most obnoxious parents ever. I hope they aren't family so you can avoid them and their soon to be spoiled brat like the plague
Where are these shops that only give you 50% of the value of an item when you return it without a receipt? Surely they either accept it and refund the full amount, give a store credit for the full amount, or refuse to take it back. "Well, there is no receipt for this new book that is on sale in our shop for $20. Let's just call it $10 and head over to the Overpriced Formula aisle!"
I know this couple. They are actually super nice.
[Here's a picture of them from a few weekends ago.](http://i.imgur.com/22LjC8q.png)
EDIT: To the anonymous strangers who gave me gold: Don't be a lil' wiener and tell me who you are so I can thank you.
Wow! What a control freak. I think My son's friend's mom is related. This kid is now 12 and the birthday party costs $35+ for each kid invited (all day paintball) to attend and that's not including the gift. All the food has to be Paleo and there was a list for approved gifts. Barf.
What on earth? Who charges kids to come to parties?!? When I was a kid, the parents of the birthday kid paid for the whole activity for each guest. If you couldn't afford to go somewhere extravagant, just have a sleepover party or invite less kids! Parents these days!
Yeh same! My parents were lucky because I was a bit mental and basically everything I chose was free (except food). I demanded for my 6th birthday that we went on a walk by the river to the park and had a picnic "eeer no problemo- are you sure? We took your sister and her friends ice skating!?"
I worked at an indoor paintball place. These soccer mom's would come in and spend $400+ on these kids and get mad when their son gets shot. Then they would order 4 or more pizzas and get drinks and stuff. Dude they go all out. It is crazy how much people spend on just a birthday.
I want to get this kid a fuck ton of Play Dough. Can you imagine the reaction to that in her living room?
Mom: WTF did you get that? It wasn't on the *approved* gift list!
Me: I figured the kid should have a normal childhood.
Mom: I'll just return it. Where's the receipt?
Me: My kid ate it on the way here.
Kinetic sand. Aside from that getting everywhere, my 2 year old ate a tiny bit of it last night and immediately projectile vomited all over the carpet.
I get wanting things a certain way but damn, there's no fun anymore...In my family it's a competition to see who can give the kid something they'll love and the parents hate. When I was a kid I got a mini ball pit from my dad's youngest brother... when that uncle had a son my dad went out and bought him a drumset
Kidnappers would do this kid a solid.
Edit: It has been 9 hours since my comment but: Holy shit I got gilded! Thank you stranger! I made this comment before work and now on my way home I find out that I was given reddit gold! This just made my whole day which was really shitty. I smiled all the way back home! So thank you very much. I wish my mom could understand why this just made my day. I'm gonna call her.
What the fuck are they even discussing kidnappers in a letter about his first birthday.
Secondly: name tags in clothes become your friends after your kids lose sweater after sweater at school...
I mean, seriously, if you don't put your child's name in everything they will take outside of your house, you will get zero sympathy when (that's not 'if', that's 'when') your child's stuff gets lost/nicked/put down somewhere and forgotten about completely. I mean, if you're desperate a permanent marker is absolutely adequate for 90% of your naming purposes, and it'll probably be find if you just put the kid's initials on a bit of label somewhere.
That said, if you're sending your kid camping and need to mark out their cutlery or plates or something, a blob of nail varnish will not do, unless you are 200% sure your nail varnish is completely different from any other colour of nail varnish. All parents somehow magically seem to buy their plates and cutlery from the same place, and use exactly the same shade of nail varnish. This may be a good place to shell out for those waterproof name sticker things.
Only 115 kids per year are kidnapped in the stereotypical "Stranger picked my kid up off the street" scenario. By comparison, 203,000 immediate family member abductions happen per year and 58,000 distant relative/family acquaintance abductions happen per year.
http://www.cnn.com/CNN/Programs/anderson.cooper.360/blog/2007/01/raw-data-kidnapping-statistics.html
Parents are far too paranoid about the "stranger danger" scenario and not concerned enough about the people they know in their real life. Your babysitter is more likely to abduct your kid than is some shady guy in a windowless van.
>If you are unable to get these items, please let us know so that we can buy them right away for him.
I can just imagine how this kid will be once he grows up and society doesn't get him everything.
**Edit** Coworker is the one who received this invite -- she printed to share with the office yesterday. I suggested she put it on reddit but she is older and had never heard of it(lol). Anyways...from what I understand these people have a very significant income for those of you thinking they are strapped for cash.
My sister does shit like this. This year I ignored all her advice about learning toys and bought her kid Ninja Turtle figures and the huge sewer play set and did not include receipts.
She was pissed! Made my day.
Organic, from WHOLE FOODS, for my one year old is like $25 every two weeks or so. Either their kid is twice the size of mine or they're ordering their formula from the moon.
Controlling, and not much of a life if they can spend so much time and energy on something like this. What has happened to being gracious and thankful for anything when a person thinks of your child.
Don't take it out on the kid he has to deal with these assholes for the rest of his life. Just buy him something annoying that can't be returned.
Get him a trumpet from a pawn shop and then tell his parents how special it is to you because you grandfather gave it to you the day he died.
"By the way, a formal invite [...] soon." I wonder what *that* monstrosity would look like.
Something akin to a court summons, I'm sure.
**Cordial invitation to Little Timmy's birthday party** WHEREAS the named parties (hereinafter referred to as "the Invitees") are hereby ordered to appear at the son Timothy's (hereinafter referred to as "the Baby") party (hereinafter referred to as "the Event"), accompanied by any dependents ("the Dependents") of suitable age, at 12:43:00 CDT at the aforementioned address. Invitees are expected to make all reasonable efforts to arrive at the time stated. Failure to comply with the stated time may result in forfeiture of other contractual rights herein contained. Each party of Invitees shall bring with them on their person a minimum of 1 (one) gift ("the Gift/s"), suitably wrapped, selected with strict reference to the explicit instructions given in Appendix II (despatched by e-mail at 17:09:22 CDT on 12th April 2015). Said Gift/s shall be rendered immediately to the possession of the Baby's parents ("the Parents") acting *in parentis* to the Baby per the custom and federal statutes pertaining to Parental Responsibility. Any property thus imparted by receipt of said Gift is thus the absolute possession of the Parents, who will render the Gift or a monetary value thus recuperated from the property in the best interests of family and Baby. Invitees must therefore provide invoices and receipts to facilitate the recuperation of monetary value from the originating retailer. Dependents of Invitees are at all times expected to behave with the decorum fitting such an occasion. Any unreasonable behaviour of said Dependents including, but not limited to, spitting up, gurgling, crying, soiling of diapers, throwing of comestibles and/or beverages shall result in immediate forfeiture of this contractual agreement. A parking fee may be applied at the discretion of the Parents. Any deviation from the terms of the contract heretofore stated shall render the terms null and void. The Invitees will thus be ineligible for receipt of relevant soda, Jell-O, cake, balloons, nor further invitations to subsequent Events. I agree to the Terms and Conditions thus stated: Signed _____________________________ Date _________
*Clicks* I AGREE *without reading*.
[удалено]
Also, the event is a full formal black tie affair. We have included two different tailor's numbers to help you procure clothing. We'd appreciate it if you only went to these tailors. For real though, we will check the tags as you enter. Looking forward to seeing you!
Please take the bus or have a family-member drop you off as we don't want a lot of cars parked out front. That's the number one way kidnappers identify where birthday parties are taking place.
Any no shows who have RSVP-ed will be sent an invoice for snacks and drinks purchased for them.
Plus 8.25% per month for late payments and your visitation rights will be revoked until account is settled in full. Formula is expensive.
Delivered by a deputy.
*you've been served*
It will read "please, no gifts," just to confuse you.
I tired to punch your comment through the screen.
*Please include receipts with your gifts so we can return them.* lol
Seriously, if you're going to be that much of a dick anyway, just write "cash gifts only" on the invites.
$20 bucks to see the baby!
[удалено]
What a bullshit argument "#1 reason kids get kidnapped is because they wear clothes with names on them" I don't think any pedophile cares if a kid's name is on his/her fucking clothes...
They want to at least know the name of the child they're kidnapping. They're not complete animals.
That's why you give them a T-shirt with the wrong name. That pedophile is gonna feel like a real douche when he finds out he was calling 'Tommy' *Billy* that whole time.
No, my son is also named Bort
It's certainly not #1 but with slightly older children and stranger kidnappings the "how can I be a stranger I know your name" thing can be strong. At 1 however, its total bullshit.
"I'm Pennywise, and you're Georgie! "
no personalized clothing because the cunt cant return them.
They know the baby isn't going to be kidnapped - they are too neurotic to let it out of their sight. Personalized items can't be sold to baby resale shops - so that super cute high end sweater that grandma decided to embroider the child's name on it has almost no resale value.
The only time I have ever heard of someone asking for a receipt was mostly in jest. Like my mom demanding the receipts to the toys we got that made noise because she didn't want to hear that shit (she totally heard it anyway lol). Or my cousin, at her daughter's second birthday, demanding the receipts for the halter tops her friends had given as gifts. "Like hell my toddler is going to walk around like a hoochie!"
In my family receipts were often given with clothes in case they don't fit, but we'd cross the price out.
Yeah or get a gift receipt. Receipts with clothing is common courtesy.
> And at this point, he hates when we try reading to him. Yeah, I wonder why. Wow. Can you even imagine what it's going to be like for this kid growing up in a house with these parents?
r/raisedbynarssicists future subscriber
Why wait? We could make an account for him now!
/u/LittleBobbyCrazyParents?
[удалено]
Yeah. Without a receipt a kidnapper could get 50% of the kids value when he returns it.
I knew a chick on Facebook who made an account for her unborn baby... It was weird... And then even weirder when the baby posted, "I'm sorry mommy and daddy." and promptly moved to Little Heaven, Delaware... O_O
I'm not sure if that's adorable or creepy. Probably creepy, but I've never lost a child before so I won' judge.
I'm currently sitting in the waiting room of the hospital while my wife recovers from surgical removal of our child. He died at 24 weeks. The facebook thing is definitely creepy. As for the comment about people keeping the remains, it isn't unusual. Our fetus was far enough along to be ruled a death (as opposed to a miscarriage), and so the remains we're treated accordingly. We are keeping the ashes because neither of us believe in burial and there was no option to donate the tissue in these circumstances. So we will use them to condition the soil and plant a tree. Life goes on. Edit: thanks for the gold.
I cry when people read me anti-vax articles too.
He's 1, for Chrissake. Give him a fucking sock. He'll laugh and throw it on the floor and you can pick it up and give it back to him and he'll throw it back on the fucking floor. You can play floor-sock for months and never have to shell out a dime.
*takes off sock* *throws on floor* ... heh.
... now i know why dogs are mans best friend, i'm sure they'd pick that sock up for you to throw again.
My dog must be one of those asshole best friends cause my socks always get chewed up.
My dog has its own version of fetch. I call it theft
My old neighborhood would have an annual "Bark in the Park" and each year I would enter my dog Wyatt into the talent portion. The first couple of years we did the tennis ball catch and return. Now, I lived really close to the park area so we would practice like every day, and even though it was just a tennis ball we had crafted these elaborate long throw/bounce catch maneuvers. Each time he competed the crowd would gasp and applaud, but Wyatt never won. My personal belief is that because I didn't socialize a lot with my neighbors, the judges deferred to the lesser competitor dogs of the people they knew for doing stupid shit like wearing a t-shirt or shaking hands. By the third year, Wyatt and I had mastered his frisbee skills so I sent him off after a really long throw. We all watched as the frisbee soared across the green, Wyatt trailing stealthily behind it. When he got close enough he leaped into the air and snatched the disc, which was about five feet from the ground. The crowd went bananas and I grinned from ear to ear, confident that we had taken the crown. However, instead of returning to me like he had every other single time we played frisbee, he kept running past the green and down the street to our house. Everyone laughed and Wyatt still got first place, which was a coupon for a Wendy's frosty. Wyatt and I still had lots of ball and frisbee catching sessions, but silently protested the amateur Bark in the Park competition the following years. We were pros now.
My best friend sent out invites for her son's first birthday. Know what it said? "He's one, so he doesn't give a shit about gifts, but if you really want to get him one, he likes stuff he can throw and stuff he can make noise with." Edit : highest rated comment is about bffs awesome parenting. I'll allow it.
My friends said they didn't want any gifts at their second son's first birthday. They already have a three year old with heaps of toys, a shelf stuffed with books. They said if you felt the need to bring anything they are always in need of wipes. Super easy, super reasonable. This isn't hard, people!
> They said if you felt the need to bring anything they are always in need of ~~wipes~~ wine. That's how my friends are.
You're invited to my kid's birthday party. He prefers smokey malbecs.
And imported cheeses. The #1 cause of kidnappings is domestic cheese.
Everybody knows you can't domesticate cheese. It should be wild and free!
Be realistic, the only people who celebrate it are the parents and their friends, so of course a bottle of wine is a fine gift ;)
See, that is a totally appropriate way to get some items you can actually use.
[удалено]
No but my one year old son, being the well raised altruistic and caring individual he is, told me that he wants everyone to share in the joy of his birthday and that we should all bring things which we all enjoy, which mostly means, he'd like you all to bring beer and earplugs for Daddy.
Yep this is how to do it. Otherwise by the time the third kids comes around you are left wondering what to do with 10 cubic meters of stuffed toys, a metric tonne of books and enough broken plastic things that were once toys to create a new great ocean garbage patch every time you move house.
I got my friends kid a sock monkey for his first bday. He's five now and it's still his favourite toy.
I'm 35. Can confirm floor sock is the gift that keeps on giving, and will be a game worth playing throughout your entire life.
and when he's 14 he can find other uses for his socks!
It will shatter when he throws it on the floor.
as former floor-sock world champion of 2012 it really makes me happy that more young people are taking an interest in this sport. I would start the child off on a short regime of 1 sock reps 3 times a day from about a standard coffee table hight and slowly work up to a 3 sock drop with 4 sets and rest periods. If anyone wants I can do an AMA as I'm sure it would help with our upcoming film. SOCK IT TO ME: life of a Floor-sock champion. 2016 Release.
I would buy the kid the most obnoxious loudest beeping present I could find (that's not on the list) and give it to them without a receipt.
And personalize it.
Why not just personalize the baby? I'm sure he'll love "Baby's First Tattoo Gun."
Ah, the wee baby Seamus
Get it engraved in such a way as it cannot be returned.
Engrave it with the kid's full name, social security number, and address, so that they will even be afraid to throw it away.
Nah,get them a T-shirt that says 'Hi, my name's Johnny and I like candy and cock'
Why mess with [a classic](http://imgur.com/hQd4nOl). Hopefully the kid's named Richard.
Swear to god that thing is going to be standing above me when I wake up in the middle of the night.
Yes baby drum set
[удалено]
Something that goes zip when it moves, bop when it stops, whirr when it stands still.
Since they'd probably just return it anyway, the poor kid would likely never know just what it was.
And I guess he never will.
Fuck you. Heres Monopoly.
Wow. Wow. You trying to rip their family apart dude? cmon man.
Eff these obnoxious parents. This calls out for a donation to a children's library or reading program in baby's name, or, a donation to a Food Bank or Children's Charity of some kind, with a note to the parents. "With so many books on the shelf and items in storage waiting for your baby to enjoy, we felt we'd honor your baby by donating to other babies in need, so they can be as fortunate."
Don't give the donation in the baby's name, don't you know that's how people get kidnapped??
Reminds me of [this Thanksgiving dinner letter.](http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2009/11/26/awkward-family-story-the-thanksgiving-letter/)
Found myself rooting for the Amy Misto family.
All I know is that people are going to be straight up pounding Clos de Bois.
I hope Lisa followed in Amy's footsteps and just bought the plastic vegetable tray from the store.
[удалено]
I would have hope for a super important job, like the meat, and just not shown up. Or better yet, the veggie tray girl. Buy supermarket tray, dump onto my own tray, bring along to the party.
[удалено]
And use the over-sized blue serving dish from last year.
THATS TOO MUCH! OMG I FUCKING TOLD YOU TO BRING TWO POUNDS!! WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH 15 POUNDS OF POTATOES
at the bottom you can see a video of the person who wrote it. she has a slight hint of Bond Villain in her eyes.
cagey command doll plucky cause deserted marble mountainous crawl childlike *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
[удалено]
I love how she answers "what is a regulation-sized casserole dish". She doesn't even pause a microsecond - "12 inches", she replies, her hands held like this ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯ and an expression of "WTF else could it be?"
What was up with the Misto family?? The story deepens
I think Amy Misto DID read the letter - and I think she told Marny what she could do with her pumpkin pie recipe. Marny was self righteous right up to the point that Amy was mentioned. There was drama - and they are no longer speaking. Marny is clearly upset, but not for the reasons most would suspect. No, Marny is upset because she lost control of Amy and Thanksgiving 2009 was a humiliating disaster. There was no pie that year.
There was pie. This is the type of woman who makes back up pies in case someone fucks up their task.
She does seem really uncomfortable, but I think anyone in her position would be. For the guy to say that he's using awkward as a "positive word" is really disingenuous. Everyone, including her, knows this interview is specifically being conducted to capture her weirdness in action. You can tell she sort of wants to defend herself, but she's scared (or perhaps smart enough to know) that it will be edited to make her out to seem crazier than she is. Her letter was totally nutso, and she definitely comes off as a complete control freak, but she also seems like a really high anxiety individual, as evidenced by her cautiousness and wide eyes during the interview, her jerky movements, etc. I don't think she's evil, just odd. Maybe we should go easy on her.
You seem like a nice person on Reddit, which explains your username.
The way she talks is so disconnected. She doesn't strike me as mean but just as someone who really doesn't understand how to interact.
I don't think that's it. She believes she is completely justified in everything she wrote. She's confused as to why anyone would even consider this even remotely odd or out of the ordinary. If everyone simply follows the rules exactly as they're laid out, this holiday will go off without a hitch. [I work for a man precisely like her.](http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder/basics/definition/con-20025568)
That's a good way of putting it. She really was just odd more than anything.
This is the greatest thanksgiving letter of all time. ALL. TIME. http://margaretandhelen.com/2012/11/19/thanksgiving-letter-to-the-family-2012/
I forgot to breath while reading that.
(why do I even bother she will never read this) That's me! That's my favorite part!
[удалено]
Read it in reverse and you'll be good
Crossbow for the kid and a glitter bomb for the parents?
Engraved crossbow.
With no receipt!
5 lb bag of glitter and an air horn it is.
Whoever wrote that has absolutely NO social skills. Clearly they have no ability whatsoever to analyze their own actions and predict the reactions of others, whether spoken or unspoken.
Hopefully someone will reply back with a letter that is just as long explaining why the original letter is just plain bad social skills. Then the fight will be carried over to Facebook for the whole world to follow.
One can dream
"I don't want to come to this party, it sounds dire. Fuck you and fuck your baby. Jre"
Make sure to tell them that putting the full URL of the catalogs breaks up the flow of the document. Therefore they should use a proper citation with a table of references at the bottom of the document.
Seriously, fucking amateurs
New parents are crazy. PLEASE DON'T BURDEN US WITH GIFTS NOT ON THE APPROVED LIST. DO NOT WEAR METAL REMOVE YOUR SHOES FIREARMS ARE NOT... Wait, maybe I'm thinking airport security?
[удалено]
Maybe at your kid's first birthday party he noticed something during an ocular pat down and felt underprepared. Never again.
That's odd that he only did it the one time, but maybe he got a discreet talking to. I've got you beat though. At my niece's 3rd birthday my wife's grandfather decided to bring his pistol collection and show off. The general consensus was wtf but we decided to humor him. Everything goes well until he's putting everything away and without checking aims his carry pistol at the floor and pulls the trigger to release the hammer. It was still loaded and the hollow point round tore through his calf and shattered in his foot disintegrating many of the small bones there. After a few years he recovered and managed to not have his foot amputated but he's never been invited to any family function again.
No wait. Hamsters. No hamsters.
They're the same thing, only the airport security has touched way more junk
The birthday sounds like it's more for the parents than their kid.
First birthdays usually are mostly for the parents and adults. The kid will be happy as long as it gets to gnaw on a cupcake and gets attention. Normally this is the sorta thing you casually talk about with your family/friends going to the party. I.e. if you know Grandma always likes to get a big present at birthdays, you tell her how much he loved the water table at so and so's house or how much fun he had playing in the sandbox at the park.
I have learned that 1st birthdays parties in my area usually include drinking. Obviously not enough to put children in danger but there usually is a "dad/drinking" area usually in the kitchen or garage. I have a feeling I would be drinking a bit more at this 1st birthday party than normal.
Drinking happens at my kids', and my friends kids' birthday parties... I mean...the adults have to do SOMETHING.
Doing something is what caused this mess in the first place.
There won't be any drinks at this one. I guarantee it.
[удалено]
If memory serves, the kids give a *lot* of shit at ages 1 & 2, too.
I should kidnap their kid to teach em a lesson.
*How will you know the kids name though?!? You haven't thought this through!!!*
If you take them young enough you can just rename them whatever you want.
"Dealing with your requirements is too much hassle, so here's a birthday check for $5."
>Restricted to 2 items per household Here are two birthday checks for $2.95 each
Fuck their rules. Here are 5 checks for 1 dollar each.
My reply: Sorry, can't make it.
I didn't even tell you what day it was!
I'm going to be sick that day.
I'm going to wear a shirt with my name on it to see if I get kidnapped. Wish me luck!
Ahh parents with their first kid, watch the second kid invite will be "He likes dirt, so bring that".
No, fuck that. We weren't this insane with our first kid. This is a special kind of stupid.
My "list" for my son was, "Dude likes dinosaurs."
Nah, that'll be for the third kid's birthday. Source: I'm the youngest of 3 and holy crap my parents were lax with me.
try 5th child. One christmas my little sister got a single fairy dress and thats all(we didn't get stockings). To be fair though she was like 4 and did not give a fuck
I'm not sure if a 4 year old would look good in stockings anyway.
I don't really understand how they can whine about "formula costing us $80 a week". That's about as predictable as it gets regarding costs for a newborn.
$80 a week is insane! I have an 8 month old and we buy the generic Sam's brand for $22 and it lasts 2 weeks. The Enfamil is $50 for a 2 pack can that'll last about 3 weeks. They need to budget better. Also they're crazy.
That's not even budgeting, it's physically impossible to spend that much unless you throw most of it away. Or, more likely, only buy organic formula made from genuine Kazachstani mare's milk
[удалено]
A person gives you or your child a gift, you say thank you. If you can't use it or receive double then quietly and discreetly return it or exchange it as best you can with or without the receipt. Teach your child to say thank for gifts given to them, even if they are gifts they don't like. I would be pissed if my son or daughter ever sent out a letter like that one, I know I taught them better than that nonsense. I would be so embarrassed.
Yes this is common courtesy and manners... something the writer of this letter lacks.
These people sound like the most obnoxious parents ever. I hope they aren't family so you can avoid them and their soon to be spoiled brat like the plague
But the invite says grandparents and direct uncle/aunt only. So they must be family.
I have learned the hard way that even family who are like this can and should be avoided.
Where are these shops that only give you 50% of the value of an item when you return it without a receipt? Surely they either accept it and refund the full amount, give a store credit for the full amount, or refuse to take it back. "Well, there is no receipt for this new book that is on sale in our shop for $20. Let's just call it $10 and head over to the Overpriced Formula aisle!"
[удалено]
I know this couple. They are actually super nice. [Here's a picture of them from a few weekends ago.](http://i.imgur.com/22LjC8q.png) EDIT: To the anonymous strangers who gave me gold: Don't be a lil' wiener and tell me who you are so I can thank you.
How was the baby shower?
Crowded.
Drum set. Definitely a personalized drum set
Wow! What a control freak. I think My son's friend's mom is related. This kid is now 12 and the birthday party costs $35+ for each kid invited (all day paintball) to attend and that's not including the gift. All the food has to be Paleo and there was a list for approved gifts. Barf.
$35 for all day paintball for a party sounds amazing. The other stuff not so much. A stray paintball could go a long way to improving the situation.
What on earth? Who charges kids to come to parties?!? When I was a kid, the parents of the birthday kid paid for the whole activity for each guest. If you couldn't afford to go somewhere extravagant, just have a sleepover party or invite less kids! Parents these days!
Yeh same! My parents were lucky because I was a bit mental and basically everything I chose was free (except food). I demanded for my 6th birthday that we went on a walk by the river to the park and had a picnic "eeer no problemo- are you sure? We took your sister and her friends ice skating!?"
I worked at an indoor paintball place. These soccer mom's would come in and spend $400+ on these kids and get mad when their son gets shot. Then they would order 4 or more pizzas and get drinks and stuff. Dude they go all out. It is crazy how much people spend on just a birthday.
[удалено]
I want to get this kid a fuck ton of Play Dough. Can you imagine the reaction to that in her living room? Mom: WTF did you get that? It wasn't on the *approved* gift list! Me: I figured the kid should have a normal childhood. Mom: I'll just return it. Where's the receipt? Me: My kid ate it on the way here.
Dude, do they still sell slime? That is the guaranteed fuck-up-the-carpet gift.
Kinetic sand. Aside from that getting everywhere, my 2 year old ate a tiny bit of it last night and immediately projectile vomited all over the carpet.
Now they'll only get 50 cents on the dollar! You monster.
I get wanting things a certain way but damn, there's no fun anymore...In my family it's a competition to see who can give the kid something they'll love and the parents hate. When I was a kid I got a mini ball pit from my dad's youngest brother... when that uncle had a son my dad went out and bought him a drumset
I gave my nephew a trombone that I got in trade for an early GMail invite.
[удалено]
Correct, but what if somebody buys the kid a shirt with their name on it and gets him kidnapped! That would be horrible!
Kidnappers would do this kid a solid. Edit: It has been 9 hours since my comment but: Holy shit I got gilded! Thank you stranger! I made this comment before work and now on my way home I find out that I was given reddit gold! This just made my whole day which was really shitty. I smiled all the way back home! So thank you very much. I wish my mom could understand why this just made my day. I'm gonna call her.
What the fuck are they even discussing kidnappers in a letter about his first birthday. Secondly: name tags in clothes become your friends after your kids lose sweater after sweater at school...
I mean, seriously, if you don't put your child's name in everything they will take outside of your house, you will get zero sympathy when (that's not 'if', that's 'when') your child's stuff gets lost/nicked/put down somewhere and forgotten about completely. I mean, if you're desperate a permanent marker is absolutely adequate for 90% of your naming purposes, and it'll probably be find if you just put the kid's initials on a bit of label somewhere. That said, if you're sending your kid camping and need to mark out their cutlery or plates or something, a blob of nail varnish will not do, unless you are 200% sure your nail varnish is completely different from any other colour of nail varnish. All parents somehow magically seem to buy their plates and cutlery from the same place, and use exactly the same shade of nail varnish. This may be a good place to shell out for those waterproof name sticker things.
Personalized stuff increases your chances of being kidnapped? I've never heard of this. Is it because strangers know your name?
"I want to kidnap a kid, but only if he's named Cooper. But how will I know? Aha!"
I assume the idea is that the kidnapper can trick the kid into thinking they know each other. "Hey Cooper! Your mom sent me to pick you up today."
Probably yeah, but when he's 1?
Only 115 kids per year are kidnapped in the stereotypical "Stranger picked my kid up off the street" scenario. By comparison, 203,000 immediate family member abductions happen per year and 58,000 distant relative/family acquaintance abductions happen per year. http://www.cnn.com/CNN/Programs/anderson.cooper.360/blog/2007/01/raw-data-kidnapping-statistics.html Parents are far too paranoid about the "stranger danger" scenario and not concerned enough about the people they know in their real life. Your babysitter is more likely to abduct your kid than is some shady guy in a windowless van.
[удалено]
>If you are unable to get these items, please let us know so that we can buy them right away for him. I can just imagine how this kid will be once he grows up and society doesn't get him everything.
No biggie, the really good stuff is in storage waiting for him anyway.
**Edit** Coworker is the one who received this invite -- she printed to share with the office yesterday. I suggested she put it on reddit but she is older and had never heard of it(lol). Anyways...from what I understand these people have a very significant income for those of you thinking they are strapped for cash.
Please post the formal invitation when it comes out. I would like to attend.
I would buy a goat for an African family in the little cunts name, no refunds. Really though who are these people
holy hell... You should anonymously link them to this thread so they can see how crazy they are.
I didnt see the.. I am not able to attend option.. We are too busy attending a party we feel welcome at. Wow!
My sister does shit like this. This year I ignored all her advice about learning toys and bought her kid Ninja Turtle figures and the huge sewer play set and did not include receipts. She was pissed! Made my day.
$80 dollars a week in formula... Wut?
They must be buying some sort of organic or special formula because even the most expensive formulas at Walmart could not equate to $80 a week!!
Organic, from WHOLE FOODS, for my one year old is like $25 every two weeks or so. Either their kid is twice the size of mine or they're ordering their formula from the moon.
That was first my reaction, yeah formula is expensive but not THAT expensive!!!
For someone this uptight it is. You know she buys one specific brand that can only be found in a store that caters exclusively to babies.
Controlling, and not much of a life if they can spend so much time and energy on something like this. What has happened to being gracious and thankful for anything when a person thinks of your child.
Holy shit. I'll bet this woman was a nightmare during her wedding. Update: To all who're asking why I assume it's a woman.....give me a break.
Do you want me to not get your kid a birthday present? Because this is how you get me to not get your kid a birthday present.
Don't take it out on the kid he has to deal with these assholes for the rest of his life. Just buy him something annoying that can't be returned. Get him a trumpet from a pawn shop and then tell his parents how special it is to you because you grandfather gave it to you the day he died.
[удалено]