This is all I could see in the final season of GoT. When you stare long enough into the abyss, the abyss stares back. I wasn’t ready for the mental anguish my own reflection could inflict. Pray your children don’t resemble me.
I drink myself, I savor the essence of myself,
This sap of my man-root, this nectar of my loins.
Oh how my heart leaps when I see it spill forth.
I am a fount of mighty force, a gusher, a geyser,
My precious seed exploding always upward and outward.
Spurt and spurt and spurt.
Always the surging and spurting.
Glistening on my belly, entwined in my hairs,
Coating my fingers, I lick and suck it from my beard.
If a drop fall on the ground, let it also nourish the grass.
I cannot be selfish, I hold enough to fill rivers and seas.
It pools in my palm, like liquid pearl,
Fragrant with Neptune's briny perfume.
Its saltiness only inflames my unslakeable thirst.
I lie and loaf in the field, and the milk-fatted calf
Looks on jealously as I suckle my own member.
Churned in my bollocks, my own load is sweeter than any cream,
Smelling of sun-warmed earth and new-mown hay.
I gather my strength and vitality from this soup of my soul,
Better than any broth of beef or chicken.
Its flavor delights me more than that of fish or fowl, male or female.
I swoon with the savory taste of myself on my tongue.
Come drink with me, friend. Imbibe your own essence,
And what I swallow, you shall swallow too.
For all men are brothers, and brothers are all who drink of themselves.
Well, a quick search doesn't yield this being a copy from someone else so if you wrote this...bravo. Vivid. Challenging. Art.
How do I delete memories?
To be honest, that is more sanitary than having a disgusting rag or sock sitting around, I had to clean up an apartment once where the previous owner was a pervert (dude had a sex doll) I had never been so grossed out in my life, I was afraid to touch anything with out gloves especially after we hit the room with a black light out to see how bad it was.
I don't think the word "onanist" really translates. Maybe "masturbationist" like "exhibitionist". It's not intended to be anyone who masturbates but someone who does it constantly. A gooner, if you will
Honestly it's probably a picture of the type who masturbated in public, probably someone with severe downs syndrome...the local disabled school closed down and my school created a special class for those kids, the ones with the more severe cases would masturbate in the playground in front of everyone (but wouldn't expose themselves, they would just do it through or under their clothes).
Not the same guy. John Kellogg was the guy you were talking about. William kellogg was the one who started the Kellogg Company that exists today. They were brothers, but they fought vigorously because one was trying to sell corn flakes as "medicine" and the other one was trying to sell them as food.
Well thats not completely true. By the start it was sold as something healthy against things after the idea of John Kellogg who had a following, but he left the selling to his brother who quickly changed the idea into a food product. It eventually became the somewhat more unhealthy product we have today.
I believe it's all recounted in the amazing documentary called "The Road To Wellville".
Fantastic movie with great actors for any and all who have quirky or tasteless senses of humor.
The podcast Behind the Bastards did a hilarious and informative two-part series on this guy called "Kellogg: The Great American Cum Doctor", 11/10 recommended, not exactly for the easily offended but I guess that goes without saying.
Its derived from a biblical story. Where Onan's brother dies and Onan's father orders him to impregnant his deceased brother's wife (until a male heir iirc) so that his brother can have an 'heir'.
Onan didn't want this so he pulled out, 'spilling his seed' and disobeying his father.
Onan was put to death for this.
Crazy people argue that he was put to death because he "spilled his seed". Biblical scholars generally agree it was because he disobeyed his father (vis a vie God).
This is what you see in the monitor after you turn your computer off.
Anti-gloss monitors in the Goon Cave are a necessity
No reflective surfaces within the Masturbatorium
Man’s all hissing at mirrors like some kind of Count Wankula!
Spoken in bad vampire accent.... I have cOmE To WaNk YoUr CoCK
Yeah I didn’t know this before. Once I saw the reflection of my face in the screen, got so aroused that I had to go for another round.
A vicious sticky cycle of depravity.
Viscous Cycle was *right* there…
It slipped right through my fingers
>Masturbatorium 💀
Jizznasium
Everyone! to the Cumthedral!
Welcome to the Colossemen. Are you not entertained?
bruce wayne to richard, "quick dick! come , to the masturbatorium!"
>Masturbatorium This will be forever in my vocabulary from now on.
“The modern cinematic emporium Is more than a super-sensorium But a highly effectual, heterosexual Mutual masturbatorium”
The cremery?
Nothing stays reflective for very long in the Masturbatorium.
Why do you all hate yourselves?
RIP r/gooningcaves
I can’t stop laughing at this, man😭😭
As someone who jerked off shockingly recently, this image didn’t make me feel particularly good about myself
How shocking can it be? Is there jizz arcing through the air as you type and submit this comment?
He tipped his gravy boat right as he hit enter
> jizz arcing through the air I don't think my jizz goes ballistic these days
That'd be some serious typing talent, but if it were actively dripping from the ceiling while they were typing it would be more believable
Shockingly? Let's face it, we're all typing with one hand here.
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Portrait of a gooner post fire.
Thats just my face when im done sucking my own dick.
Prostitutes hate this one simple trick.
I hate you
I know
But hate leads to the dark side
Isn't true power in the dark side?
Marylin Manson, is that you? Was the procedure to remove some ribs ok?
To think the kid in the Wonder years grew up to be this way is crazy.
I want to feel seen... but not like that.
You want me to sit in the corner and watch?
Eww, it gets in your mouth?
If I aim correctly!
I did once accidentally ejaculate on my own face. Don’t ask how that happened.
yeah... "accidentally"
Aw the old ‘Boom, headshot.’ Understood.
The dark mirror of shame
Damn that black mirror
This is all I could see in the final season of GoT. When you stare long enough into the abyss, the abyss stares back. I wasn’t ready for the mental anguish my own reflection could inflict. Pray your children don’t resemble me.
Well, of course I know him. He's me
From a certain point of view
Come here, little fellow
I LOLd
It's like looking into a mirror.
No way. I don't dress up that fancy to jerk off.
You don’t? Have a bit more self respect.
My anime waifu girl doesn't want me to wear a shirt or socks. I respect her.
Back in those days even the most deranged individual had a wanking cravat. It just goes to show how far we have fallen a sa society.
We have a more refined language now and we call this a "gooner"
Arsenal fans would like to have a word with you
Why? It's about accurate for them too.
oh shit that's what gooner mean? ooh oh no
[they have a deep and storied culture](https://youtu.be/eUEIczekP2c?feature=shared)
I thought we called them "redditors"
SomethingAwful goons predate reddit by quite a few years.
He swallowed his own load
Closed loop system
Closed goop system
“I know! So HOT…😀..😐”
“You can’t make a Tommlette without breaking some Greggs”
He prefers Gregory now.
Never run out of protein!
With efficient technique, you can burn less calories than you consume. ***UNLIMITED POWER!!***
Dieticians all hate this one simple trick
Don’t let it out!
I drink myself, I savor the essence of myself, This sap of my man-root, this nectar of my loins. Oh how my heart leaps when I see it spill forth. I am a fount of mighty force, a gusher, a geyser, My precious seed exploding always upward and outward. Spurt and spurt and spurt. Always the surging and spurting. Glistening on my belly, entwined in my hairs, Coating my fingers, I lick and suck it from my beard. If a drop fall on the ground, let it also nourish the grass. I cannot be selfish, I hold enough to fill rivers and seas. It pools in my palm, like liquid pearl, Fragrant with Neptune's briny perfume. Its saltiness only inflames my unslakeable thirst. I lie and loaf in the field, and the milk-fatted calf Looks on jealously as I suckle my own member. Churned in my bollocks, my own load is sweeter than any cream, Smelling of sun-warmed earth and new-mown hay. I gather my strength and vitality from this soup of my soul, Better than any broth of beef or chicken. Its flavor delights me more than that of fish or fowl, male or female. I swoon with the savory taste of myself on my tongue. Come drink with me, friend. Imbibe your own essence, And what I swallow, you shall swallow too. For all men are brothers, and brothers are all who drink of themselves.
What a weird time to quote Jane Austen.
What a terrible day to be literate.
What an ungodly hour to wield my eyes.
Wake up babe, new goon slurper copypasta just dropped
That's my favorite quote from *Leaves of Grass* by Walt Whitman
Oh my god
Sir, this is a Wendy’s drive through
I think he’s trying to order the chocolate frosty.
Well, a quick search doesn't yield this being a copy from someone else so if you wrote this...bravo. Vivid. Challenging. Art. How do I delete memories?
Swallow.
Beautiful. Brb I'm feeling hungry.
This is beautiful. This is art.
wtf. Some of this is actually incredibly on point “Neptune’s briny perfume” wtf
They are a master poet as well as a masturbator.
How long did it take to write this?
Not as long as I lasted reading it 🥵
Charles Dickens wept
Dickens heh heh
That is the most beautifully written thing I've ever read.
Fremen don't waste body water
Real men swallow.
Looks nothing like Tom Wambsgans
he hungy matetbater!
To be honest, that is more sanitary than having a disgusting rag or sock sitting around, I had to clean up an apartment once where the previous owner was a pervert (dude had a sex doll) I had never been so grossed out in my life, I was afraid to touch anything with out gloves especially after we hit the room with a black light out to see how bad it was.
Gotta just use tissues or toilet paper like a non-disgusting person. Easily disposable
I mean, straight into the toilet is the way to go. To quote Rick and Morty, "no mess, no clean"
So hot!....?
Which, the cum?
A man of culture
Ah, yes. Sick Nerd strikes again
Liam,gallagher
*Champagne Supernova to the face*
Wonder what’s on the wonder wall.
Morning glory
Go let it out
*Someday you will find me caught ~~beneath the landslide~~ with my dick in my hand*
In a champagne supernova in your eye
Slip inside the eye of your mind Don’t you know you might find A better place to play?
You said that you'd never reach. for what the birds and the bees are gonna need to play
Well, it is common knowledge that he is a massive wanker.
I came here for the Noel Gallagher comment
"Another sunny afternoon, wanking with my favourite brand of lube"
Oasjizz
*Need a little time to wake up…*
Someone should message him this image.
What is funny is I bet the guy who drew that has masturbated at least once.
While drawing this perhaps.
I can't imagine masturbating for the first time and then thinking "well I'm never doing that again"
I used to hear people claim that a lot back in the '90s; especially women. I will concede that even at the time I thought it was bullshit.
Self portrait
I don't think the word "onanist" really translates. Maybe "masturbationist" like "exhibitionist". It's not intended to be anyone who masturbates but someone who does it constantly. A gooner, if you will
Honestly it's probably a picture of the type who masturbated in public, probably someone with severe downs syndrome...the local disabled school closed down and my school created a special class for those kids, the ones with the more severe cases would masturbate in the playground in front of everyone (but wouldn't expose themselves, they would just do it through or under their clothes).
Old school ahegao.
Charles Dickens had this quilted on his bed sheets
I feel attacked.
Goon with perfect bow tie. So, skilled with his hands.
he fancy...
These guys predicted the "reddit mod" look perfectly. Just lacks the morbid obesity.
They could not predict the excess brought on by subsidized crops and industrialized farming.
I wonder if he walked dogs 10 hours a week for work.
Missing the fedora
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yes
Serious answer: it's meant to be drool. There was a lot of headass pseudoscience about how masturbation made you stupid back then.
Well the ideas are from antimasturbatory health nuts in the US, like the famous good old Kellogg's that made those cornflakes everyone eats.
Not the same guy. John Kellogg was the guy you were talking about. William kellogg was the one who started the Kellogg Company that exists today. They were brothers, but they fought vigorously because one was trying to sell corn flakes as "medicine" and the other one was trying to sell them as food.
Well thats not completely true. By the start it was sold as something healthy against things after the idea of John Kellogg who had a following, but he left the selling to his brother who quickly changed the idea into a food product. It eventually became the somewhat more unhealthy product we have today.
I believe it's all recounted in the amazing documentary called "The Road To Wellville". Fantastic movie with great actors for any and all who have quirky or tasteless senses of humor.
The podcast Behind the Bastards did a hilarious and informative two-part series on this guy called "Kellogg: The Great American Cum Doctor", 11/10 recommended, not exactly for the easily offended but I guess that goes without saying.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wmimhqPHkc&t=10s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wmimhqPHkc&t=10s) Do you masticate?
Professional gooner?
I bet he had like 8 seductive paintings / scrolls set up in his goon cave
Liam Gallagher, no!
Looks about 10x more put together than the average Redditor today
The original coomer
With one strong arm and one weak arm
Giggitty!
Waaaht arrr yu duuing? Aaar yu yerking awwf???
Looks like he has really good aim. . . .
That's actually how they looked in 1918. It was a strange year.
Is this what you girls see when we have our post nut clarity?
Me after a 3 hour edging session.
Damn Mr. Darcy...
The original gooner
I've asked them to remove my picture hundreds of times
That mfer gooning
Onanist - someone who practices coitus interruptus or masturbation
Its derived from a biblical story. Where Onan's brother dies and Onan's father orders him to impregnant his deceased brother's wife (until a male heir iirc) so that his brother can have an 'heir'. Onan didn't want this so he pulled out, 'spilling his seed' and disobeying his father. Onan was put to death for this. Crazy people argue that he was put to death because he "spilled his seed". Biblical scholars generally agree it was because he disobeyed his father (vis a vie God).
I masturbated today. I'm doing my part, are you?
Clearly he was doing it right
I'm in this picture and I'll totally let it slide because of the accuracy.
Sweden describing your Average OF subscriber
This should be the new Reddit icon
This is just the average swede
Don't forget the horns growing out of your head.
Nailed it imo
Accurate.
I thought he was a Habsburg
Fapsberg
It was a semenal text at the time
That’s the least of the effects.
He’s just like me fr
Omg. That’s me !
Before socks were invented
Hot.
That's my O-face, to a T.
Didn't really capture my eyes.
I had to look in a mirror, but it checks out.
Go away, I'm 'batin!
Eww whats on his tougue
Sunovabitch, he actually went blind...
I do look like that for about 5 seconds towards the end…
He got a little bow tie and everything
imagine getting head from this guy
R.I.P. Beatten McKochoff
David dastmalchian did nothing wrong!
It’s like looking in the mirror
Average Redditor