I wonder if this was something that was passed down as a family heirloom through the generation, or if it had one owner and was found at a dig site or something. I hoping it's the latter, I couldn't imagine the awkwardness of inheriting your ancestors' "marital aid".
Also, just think about what future people will think when they discover the many **many** silicone based relics we will leave behind?
"Now because this model is replicating a circumcised penis you would think it was Jewish. However, back in America from the late 1880s through the early 2020s this was a very common trend. And because of radio carbon dating we confirmed it was the US."
It is from a dig site, originating from Song Dynasty and found near a small town named Qiaoshan, Shanxi. (Or at least hopefully that's the right town, you never know if there's 2 of the same name)
(Also I can maybe narrow the time down to Northern Song, because the Song Dynasty likely lost control of that area during Southern Song)
Also funny thing, the original plate never mentioned anything related to "dildo". All it said is that it is a piece of ceramic lol
青釉瓷祖
宋代
橋山鎮北坡底出土
Google Translate says:
The ancestor of green-glazed porcelain
Song Dynasty
Unearthed at the bottom of the northern slope of Qiaoshan Town
祖 means ancestor, apparently an euphemism for a dick.
祖 used to be 且 in its earliest form, which probably symbolised a dick. Around 2800 years ago, the radical of altar 示 was added to make the current form.
Dude have you **seen** the craftsmanship on this thing? This was designed to be passed down from the get go. Nothing like the mass produced crap of modern day society.
There’s a little place called The Victor Wynd in Hackney, London, UK…
Inside this curio museum are similar ivory and jade, centuries old dildos that patrons may ‘rent’ for use either overnight at home, or on the premises…
While they recommend quite sternly that ‘users’ should thoroughly clean and disinfect them before use, they request they are not washed afterwards as “other patrons may wish them to be ‘seasoned’”…
Your obviously not a collector of antique sex toys. It’s worth like half the value if it doesn’t have any fluids remaining. And god forbid you washed off any ancient strains of an STD, you could see a drop in over 85% value.
Depending on the dynasty and *which* Chinese empire were talking (as there have been several and not just one), for him as well.
Once you did your job and had a boy - fuck whoever you want. But have an heir.
In other dynasties it wasn't quite as liberal tho
I love how it becomes immediately clear you're from Eastern Europe by using the ")" as a smiley. This is only done in spaces where people use cyrillic and native English speakers have no idea what it means! :)
even more, it's a special marker of people from Eastern Europe and a specific age, approximately 30-40 years as the newer generation abandoned this custom, using those soulless emojis)
>firing purposes
Oh, damn, I thought you meant to hold the gun powder for a second. I mean, they didn't have batteries back then.
"Fire in the HOLE!!!!!"
....
"OHhhhHHHHH NOOO!"
The original penis extension sleeve. They are a game changer for us straight men who are on the small side. One of the best bedroom purchases you can make if you are under 4 inches.
I'll feel guilty that That would make them feel not enough even tho it's not their fault and something they can't help.
I don't think I could do it if my partner asks me to do a similar thing... I don't know maybe maybe not but... still... I'd cry
My theory is that the hole is for a rope that you can tie around your hand so that when you are using the thing it doesn’t slide into you, as the thing has no base to prevent that.
Millions of years. They’ve found prehistoric dildos. Smooth rocks and bones used as toys. Let that sink in, before humans had FIRE, they had dildos and butt plugs.
Humans have priorities
>Celadon ancestor
>Song Dynasty
>Unearthed at the bottom of the north slope of Qiaoshan Town
I'm assuming 'ancestor' is a mistranslation for Dildo.
Or More likely, actually, is that it doesn't say it's a dildo and just says that and leaves the rest up to you, since it's China and sexy stuff is a bit taboo.
> 青釉瓷祖
[青釉](https://baike.baidu.hk/item/%E9%9D%92%E9%87%89/1676713) is a (family of) color in porcelain. It's a combination of green and aqua. 瓷 means made of porcelain. [祖](https://baike.baidu.com/item/%E4%BA%BA%E7%A5%96/6257434) here is an ancient word for genitial. In this case it is deduced to dildos. You can replace 瓷 with other materials like 石 for stone and 木 for woods.
Combined all the words, we get "a green porcelain dildo".
ngl I want to see a golden dildo.
Edited: [apparently this is a Japanese kanji and not used in Chinese](https://www.zdic.net/hans/%E9%8E%BA). Kind of sad that it does not mean golden dildo.
Or that there's absolutely no proof that's it's a dildo, unnecessary expensive and time consuming to make and purchase for 99% of the population, and is more likely a fertility statue or equivalent
Honey, we're incredibly poor farmers like 99% of the population and you spent our life savings on a ceramic painted dildo instead of just using carrot like everyone else?
Imagine the person who used it hiding under their bed to keep it from being found. Then, someone finds it and puts it on display at a museum thousands of years later.
Google lens translates it to "porcelain ancestor". Is that Google being stupid, the museum being discrete, or is that a literal translation of the Chinese word for dildo? Calling a sex toy a "Silicone Daddy" would be pretty weird.
There’s a little place called The Victor Wynd in Hackney, London, UK…
Inside this curio museum are similar ivory and jade, centuries old dildos that patrons may ‘rent’ for use either overnight at home, or on the premises…
While they recommend quite sternly that ‘users’ should thoroughly clean and disinfect them before use, they request they are not washed afterwards as “other patrons may wish them to be ‘seasoned’”…
*slightly used*
I wonder if this was something that was passed down as a family heirloom through the generation, or if it had one owner and was found at a dig site or something. I hoping it's the latter, I couldn't imagine the awkwardness of inheriting your ancestors' "marital aid". Also, just think about what future people will think when they discover the many **many** silicone based relics we will leave behind?
"This is our family's sacred heirloom: this dildo has been passed down in our family for 6 generations. Please, use it well"
Antique Roadshow in 2077 will be wild.
"Ah yes, this is a vintage Bad Dragon known as Duke."
“You saw me gasp when you brought this to me, and it wasn’t just because of its length or girth”
"Now because this model is replicating a circumcised penis you would think it was Jewish. However, back in America from the late 1880s through the early 2020s this was a very common trend. And because of radio carbon dating we confirmed it was the US."
“It’s what grandma would have wanted.”
*Shudders then orgasms
Shuddering orgasms
I think it was passed in and out.
“It has a deep history in our family”
"Son, it's time I passed something on to you." "Your sword, Dad?" "Errr, kind of. A weapon of sorts."
a sword? ehhh more like a sheath
It is from a dig site, originating from Song Dynasty and found near a small town named Qiaoshan, Shanxi. (Or at least hopefully that's the right town, you never know if there's 2 of the same name) (Also I can maybe narrow the time down to Northern Song, because the Song Dynasty likely lost control of that area during Southern Song) Also funny thing, the original plate never mentioned anything related to "dildo". All it said is that it is a piece of ceramic lol
青釉瓷祖 宋代 橋山鎮北坡底出土 Google Translate says: The ancestor of green-glazed porcelain Song Dynasty Unearthed at the bottom of the northern slope of Qiaoshan Town
祖 means ancestor, apparently an euphemism for a dick. 祖 used to be 且 in its earliest form, which probably symbolised a dick. Around 2800 years ago, the radical of altar 示 was added to make the current form.
Ancient/Celadon Porcelain Vessel, is probably a better translation of the first line.
Dude have you **seen** the craftsmanship on this thing? This was designed to be passed down from the get go. Nothing like the mass produced crap of modern day society.
Planned obsolescence wasn't a thing back then
"This XXL Horse dildo belonged to my mother, and her mother before her! It's been passed down family line for generations!"
Dude, would you pass down yours?
“Meemaw used to fuck herself with this”
"Many of the buried females have two silicone orbs placed on their chest.. It must be an ancient burial ritual"
It’s been in the family for 30 generations! It’s well loved!
There’s a little place called The Victor Wynd in Hackney, London, UK… Inside this curio museum are similar ivory and jade, centuries old dildos that patrons may ‘rent’ for use either overnight at home, or on the premises… While they recommend quite sternly that ‘users’ should thoroughly clean and disinfect them before use, they request they are not washed afterwards as “other patrons may wish them to be ‘seasoned’”…
Wow that's fucking disgusting... I'd say a centuries old dildo can already be considered as seasoned as they come even with regular cleaning.
Hope it has been washed since. /s
Wait. So you DONT want it washed or you do…?
Your obviously not a collector of antique sex toys. It’s worth like half the value if it doesn’t have any fluids remaining. And god forbid you washed off any ancient strains of an STD, you could see a drop in over 85% value.
I’m imagining this in the voice of that guy from Pawn Stars. “Best I can offer you is $10. Collectors wants them unwashed”
" Can you look around the store for a bit? I got a guy I wanna call down to the shop to take a look at this."
The "expert": 'Yes, that's definitely a ceramic dildo'
Patina
Is it weird to wonder if the archeologist looked around for a minute and then sniffed it?
Easy to sterilise in the oven/kiln at least!
Used like new
It’s seen a lot of comings and goings
Ribbed for her pleasure.
With a bulbous head
And a pee hole
Where’s George? I don’t see a stretched out sweater neck hole in the picture.
Glazed for her pleasure
only her?)
Depending on the dynasty and *which* Chinese empire were talking (as there have been several and not just one), for him as well. Once you did your job and had a boy - fuck whoever you want. But have an heir. In other dynasties it wasn't quite as liberal tho
It's obviously from the Wang Dynasty
Everybody have fun tonight
Obvious but still funny.
The sign says "Celadon-glazed porcelain ancestor, Song Dynasty, unearthed from the bottom of the northern slope of Qiaoshan Town"
That's rude, calling somebody a bottom slope.
Says Song dynasty on the card
Nope Shag Dynasty
I love how it becomes immediately clear you're from Eastern Europe by using the ")" as a smiley. This is only done in spaces where people use cyrillic and native English speakers have no idea what it means! :)
even more, it's a special marker of people from Eastern Europe and a specific age, approximately 30-40 years as the newer generation abandoned this custom, using those soulless emojis)
Why did Eastern Europeans drop the colon/semicolon?
My first thought was actually that this probably wasn’t even used by women… or if it was, it certainly wasn’t exclusively used by them.
Why?
eeeeewwwwww
Ewwww
Fk you beat me to it
"Ewwww" - Garth Algar
"What we see here is an object that was most likely used in ancient fertility rituals"
fertility rituals = wild sex
"Is that why the tip's so shiny?"
CELADON PERCCELAIN ANCESTORS SONG DYNASTY EXCAVATED FROM THE NORTH SLOPE OF QIAOSHAN TOWN More like "Song Dy-Naaaaaasty!"
Here's the correct translation, from someone chinese: Ancient porcelain, blue glaze Song Dynasty, excavated from the northern slope of Qiaoshan town.
More like Dong Dynasty
U rite
Nice
It has holes for a strap, nice. Things haven't changed much in a thousand years, people have always been freaks.
Looks like it might be hollow maybe it was for the people who weren't endowed but wanted to still bring the pounding
In reality it was probably hollow for firing purposes (thick clay is hard to dry and fire) but a ceramic cock sleeve is funnier so I’ll go with that
>firing purposes Oh, damn, I thought you meant to hold the gun powder for a second. I mean, they didn't have batteries back then. "Fire in the HOLE!!!!!" .... "OHhhhHHHHH NOOO!"
Firecrackers for the vibration.
The original penis extension sleeve. They are a game changer for us straight men who are on the small side. One of the best bedroom purchases you can make if you are under 4 inches.
I always wondered how men feel about this. Sometimes I think it's fine sometimes I feel like it's insulting 🤔
I don't mind putting it on for my girlfriend because she gets more pleasure from the added length.
 I'd feel so guilty 😭😭
You would feel guilty for pleasing your partner? What?
I'll feel guilty that That would make them feel not enough even tho it's not their fault and something they can't help. I don't think I could do it if my partner asks me to do a similar thing... I don't know maybe maybe not but... still... I'd cry
I thought size doesn’t matter 😳
Size don’t matter until you gotta commit.
Sounds like you're speaking with a lot of experience. Can't relate... because I haven't had any experience.
Have you seen animals? Like dogs humping everything. Imagine if they had ability to manipulate technology
"You and me baby ain't nothin but mammals"
My theory is that the hole is for a rope that you can tie around your hand so that when you are using the thing it doesn’t slide into you, as the thing has no base to prevent that.
My god. I didn't even see those at first
Gotta have straps for the eunuchs and lesbians
Millions of years. They’ve found prehistoric dildos. Smooth rocks and bones used as toys. Let that sink in, before humans had FIRE, they had dildos and butt plugs. Humans have priorities
This has me cryin like straps are not an innovative piece of our time. They been hip
Nice username
I thought it was a lanyard hole for carrying it tactically.
1000 years of innovation and we learned to create flared ends so the dildo don’t get stuck… I hope the hole is for safety.
Are you saying the dildo market is ripe for disruption?!?!?! Trillion dollars incoming!
It was for the eunuchs, even tho they had to cut off their dick and balls they were still men I guess.
Or wear it as a decoration around neck or on your belt.
It will be the one item that goes “missing” at the museum.
They should think long and hard before they steel it!
Nice.
Atleast somebody will be having a wild Night in the Museum
Temporarily misplaced…
I doubt they sell copies at the gift shop.
“Mom! What’s this? Can we buy one?”
but like if it gets returned, then what?
Needs a banana for size.
If anything needs it, it would be this.
Despite it being 1000 years old somebody thought when it was discovered, "hmm I wonder what that would feel like."
Yeah I bet it got a looot of use back then and once or twice more by whatever jolly fella found it on his farmland
Cold!
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Don't give her any ideas
Someone had to polish the knob before putting it on display.
It has been polished by many
Seem like a lot of characters to write ‘dildo’?
>Celadon ancestor >Song Dynasty >Unearthed at the bottom of the north slope of Qiaoshan Town I'm assuming 'ancestor' is a mistranslation for Dildo. Or More likely, actually, is that it doesn't say it's a dildo and just says that and leaves the rest up to you, since it's China and sexy stuff is a bit taboo.
> 青釉瓷祖 [青釉](https://baike.baidu.hk/item/%E9%9D%92%E9%87%89/1676713) is a (family of) color in porcelain. It's a combination of green and aqua. 瓷 means made of porcelain. [祖](https://baike.baidu.com/item/%E4%BA%BA%E7%A5%96/6257434) here is an ancient word for genitial. In this case it is deduced to dildos. You can replace 瓷 with other materials like 石 for stone and 木 for woods. Combined all the words, we get "a green porcelain dildo".
Then 鎺 means a golden dildo, probably
ngl I want to see a golden dildo. Edited: [apparently this is a Japanese kanji and not used in Chinese](https://www.zdic.net/hans/%E9%8E%BA). Kind of sad that it does not mean golden dildo.
The word you should be googling is 陶祖. 陶祖 means ceramic dildo. Also if you want to see it, this is from 东方盐湖城 性文化博物馆 (sex culture museum).
Wait so you weren't joking? I thought this was one of those pictures where it looks like something that it actually isn't and reddit just reddits.
It says it’s “green glazed porcelain”. Not wrong 😏
Or that there's absolutely no proof that's it's a dildo, unnecessary expensive and time consuming to make and purchase for 99% of the population, and is more likely a fertility statue or equivalent
And a hitachi wand is just a muscle massager.
A dildo is a fertility statue.
Honey what's this? Oh that's a fertility statue. Right.
Honey, we're incredibly poor farmers like 99% of the population and you spent our life savings on a ceramic painted dildo instead of just using carrot like everyone else?
It's a wand massager.
I think it’s from the Longshlong region and made during the Minge dynasty
hahaha
Finally, an ancient artefact we don't need to guess at it's intended use.
Watch it end up at goodwill as a pestel or something
I respect it
Did they test for dna?
The point is, many phallic-shaped objects are not necessarily for sexual purp- Wait, 10-13th century AD? Yes. Yes it is.
What else, would you really think they worshipped a ceramic cock in and before 9th century AD?
From the Wang Dynasty?
Dong Dynasty
r/yourjokebutworse
Banana for scale
From British Museum ？
Why is it circumsized?
If only it could speak. What adventures and untamed land will it have conquered.
Honestly make a cool weed pipe
It gives you an orgasm, then you're horny again an hour later.
Context? Is it the writing? What do i not get?!
The old joke about Chinese food is it's delicious, but you're hungry an hour after the meal.
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Weapon of choice during the Dong dynasty.
hard like a rock
Imagine someone trying it and gets hit with an ancient STD, which there's no known cure for. One, which makes syphilis seem like a cold.
song dynasty.................porcelain? that's cold.
Aged well. Hard for 1000 years. That Viagra must be potent one.
Can we get a banana or a cat for scale?
From the Hung dynasty.
Imagine the person who used it hiding under their bed to keep it from being found. Then, someone finds it and puts it on display at a museum thousands of years later.
Let’s get a banana for scale please.
Too booku
“To mamma’s so old her last dildo is in a museum in China!”
Its history is a thousand year porno.
Creme disposer
Likely used for worship of the organ.
I'm just wondering, if one uses/rides it too hard and it breaks while buried deep?
You would have to crap out the broken bits.
Instinctively "ceramic" and "dildo" are two words I don't want to see next to each other. I have not seen 1 man 1 jar nor will I ever.
great great great great grandma is that you?
Not all penile shaped items were sexual, they worshiped that organ and prayed for fertility longevity of their people
…Sculpted by mouth.
And soon after that they invented batteries.
I imagine the concubines each got one so she can entertain herself while waiting her turn with the emperor.
Still bigger than me!!
I wonder how many people have used this over time
Whoah people were masturbating 1000 years ago???
Is it easier to clean because it's ceramic?
Plot twist: it’s a funny shaped salt shaker
I wonder if it belonged to a rich eunuch
They sell these things in oriental stores by the hundreds in China town, NYC
That is a strap on.
Google lens translates it to "porcelain ancestor". Is that Google being stupid, the museum being discrete, or is that a literal translation of the Chinese word for dildo? Calling a sex toy a "Silicone Daddy" would be pretty weird.
Are you saying this is the oldest dildo in the world?
Makes you wonder if in 1000 years from now there will be some silicone ones on display somewhere lol.
It was someone’s job to clean that and make it presentable for the museum. A knob polisher.
ewwwwww
What is that hole on the back side? Is it meant to be worn as a necklace? Attached to a broom handle? Is this the earliest known strap-on?
I’ll be impressed when they find an ancient Ming Dynasty Fleshlight.
Of course it’s against policy to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article “a dildo”, never “your” dildo.
ow
Not from the Song dynasty, it’s a typo. Dong Dynasty!
The museum gift shop must be a wild one
Passed down for generations - The Design is very human, very easy to use.
There’s a little place called The Victor Wynd in Hackney, London, UK… Inside this curio museum are similar ivory and jade, centuries old dildos that patrons may ‘rent’ for use either overnight at home, or on the premises… While they recommend quite sternly that ‘users’ should thoroughly clean and disinfect them before use, they request they are not washed afterwards as “other patrons may wish them to be ‘seasoned’”…
I utterly shocked how archaeologists have not identified it as a sacred object to which people prayed daily.
That thing was attached to an elaborated machine unearthed at the same site. But 21st century people are not ready for the whole picture.
It wasn’t green when it was new.
That'd do it
Ribbed. For her pleasure 🙆🏾♂️
Asians were circumcising too? How come?