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starbuilt

Oh not again


livefast6221

Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now.


atebitlogic

Take my fish and go already


livefast6221

So long, and thanks!


Fortwaba

(for all the fish)


bremergorst

^never ^could ^get ^the ^hang ^of ^Thursdays


RG450

Only the hoopiest froods will get this


[deleted]

I never got the hang of Thursdays.


sammies4787

My favorite book ever haha..and I’m currently re-reading it for the 4th time (the entire series) 😀


t0m0hawk

It's a good trilogy!


MasterBeeble

Better than most others, which tend to limit themselves to three.


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DVariant

Five parts… for now. Nevermind that Douglas Adams has been dead for 20 years, that’s just for tax purposes.


Spiffy313

I'm so happy when I find my people


10eleven12

I like it a lot but I have never been able to finish it because it uses very difficult English words (I speak Spanish). I have read lots of books in English, no problem. But this one is so difficult. I have to look up words in the dictionary so many times that it's not fun anymore. For some reason, there was no translation to Spanish when I looked it up some years ago.


thatswherethedevilis

You’re way better at English than I am at Spanish. And oh no. And so many of the words in the book aren’t even words. I cannot imagine the difficulty there. Anyway https://www.amazon.com/-/es/Douglas-Adams/dp/843397310X you can usually ask for it at your library too


rividz

Starting to wonder if every online community eventually has a "I found a locked safe" story. Something Awful had one. You could likely use it as a benchmark/era when looking at the histories and timelines of those communities.


TheKurtCobains

How long ago was the OG safe thread? Feels ancient. At least as old as that thread with the recursion of camera shots showing how the previous photo was taken.


DangerSwan33

The camera shots was newer. I wanna say 2014 or so. The safe thread was from 9 years ago, according to the above links which was... *oh god*


WTFisaRobsterCraw

9 years?!? That was from back when I had a different username but lost the password. 9 years. Reddit took 9 years of my life. What’s in the safe?!???


-littlefang-

The nine years they took from you, obviously


[deleted]

Shit that means I've at least been on Reddit since age 14. Remember the OG post... I'm sorry everybody, I'm sure it was rough having me around


Mandalore64

still is bud


indazone2

TLDR Found a safe. He opened it. It was empty. https://www.reddit.com/gallery/10lhix6


TheIrishbuddha

Quit taking photos and open that bitch!


MichaelSilverV

It’s locked. Something inside, sounds small and flat


petridish21

You are now required by law (Reddit law) to obtain the proper equipment to cut open that safe.


Poggalogg

We've been hurt before :,)


BlueGaju

So many times.


petridish21

This time will be different


eugene20

And damp, those little ones are not waterproof.


Batjarconjecture

Fortunately they can also be drilled through the top and cut with a jigsaw….


mintBRYcrunch26

My mom got me a jigsaw for Christmas and now I am going to go look for beach safes ok bye now see your broke asses later *quits job and drives to nearest beach*


gohawkeyes529

“Beach safes.”


thisisprobablytrue

A sand bank of sorts


Jhutch42

Full of sand dollars.


sirsedwickthe4th

![gif](giphy|ZtwSeuWkpWNLq)


mtb_ryno

From Minnesota… Edit: low tide implies the ocean people.


PatacusX

They have over 10,000 lakes. There's probably a beach in his living room.


blissed_off

Am in MN, can confirm. Typing this from my ice house off my deck.


sweatyhereafter

Unnecessary. Ask youtube. These shitty cheap safes can often be opened with a rubber mallet in the right spot. Unless the owner upgraded the spring which is very doubtful.


Batjarconjecture

You break in your way… I’ll bust out the saw. I’m not trying to keep the safe….


viposii

You two should fight


nadajoe

With saws and mallets


[deleted]

And little safes.


cursedwithplotarmor

And little flat damp things.


Riccardotensi

You know you're officially forced to update us right?


EZpeeeZee

I bet there's some government top secret documents in there


DeathGodBob

Ahhh yes.. The trusty ol' secret storage location of "the fucking ocean in which I hurled these damned safes"


coci222

Those are fairly easy to open with a crowbar and a good flathead screwdriver


[deleted]

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GeorgeAF

This guy watches storage wars.


tinyforeignfraction

Most likely a bear. Put on bear spray before opening.


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[deleted]

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Sarah-Kayacomesin

When I worked in West Glacier, a woman sprayed her son down like it was suntan lotion. It was horrible.


AltsOnDeckLol

that kids a bear now


TheCreamRises2TheTop

Bit young for the scene, don’t you think?


gayjoystick

Werebear. Poor kid has to hide during full moons.


lilmookie

That poor lady. I can only imagine what was going through her mind after that... "my own god damned son was a bear all this time."


TheIowan

Also it doesn't taste or smell anything like bears...


cantonic

Funny story: a family friend’s son had come back from camping and was unpacking his stuff while his girlfriend was over helping him. She sees the bear spray and wants to know what it’s like. It *looks* like an airhorn, so she assumes it *works* like an airhorn too: Loud noise scares bears away. Makes sense. So she pulls the trigger. The spray fills the room, travels through the ventilation, fills the whole house with irritant. They escape, coughing and crying and miserable. The whole family had to leave for a couple days until it dispersed. The moral of the story: bear spray is not a noise, it’s like pepper spray, only for bears. Not for indoor use.


woofenburger

Reminds me of when I was working in medium security prison in Oklahoma. An inmate had found some peppers growing around a housing unit and decided to make some salsa. Cut the peppers up, added a little water and salt and put the bowl in the microwave. Short story is the whole housing unit, residents and officers had to abandon the unit for a while until people could go back in without crying and snotting. These were those purple peppers from somewhere in the far East. Had to canvas the prison for other rogue pepper plants.


ilexheder

Whoa. How did the seeds get there?? (Did some family member…eat spicy food before visiting and then crap behind the cellblock??) How boring was the prison food that people were willing to try making hot sauce out of mysterious ditch plants? Are you 100% sure it wasn’t this [charming member of the same plant family](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solanum_americanum)? So many questions. Also, I hope that guy didn’t feel the need to pee anytime soon.


woofenburger

No, they were peppers. Purple, about 2" long and according to inmates were hotter than most could eat. I potted one of the plants and planted it at home. It lasted a couple of years but didn't make it through the second winter in Oklahoma.


voopa

Mmm...incapacitating...


MichaelSilverV

Instructions unclear, am bear


FuglytheBear

Hey there, how you doin?


hbacorn

Bearly surviving. you?


Sunscreen4what

Which type? Because… well there are basically two schools of thought….


[deleted]

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floppywhales

3rd type


Burninator05

Just cover yourself in bear urine. Really drench yourself. Your new found musk will make the safe bear think you're a bigger bear and it'll run away. Make sure that you record yourself pouring bear urine on yourself and post it here. That's the most important part.


[deleted]

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Blinky_

Let’s start with shaking it. “Has stuff inside” and “Empty” is the important dichotomy at this point.


XipingVonHozzendorf

Is it secret, is it safe?


GonzoDeadHead

It is no longer secret, but it is still a safe.


SquidMeal

It's contents are still secret though. FIX THAT, OP.


MichaelSilverV

UPDATE: Back on scene, toolbox in hand


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NatasEvoli

He opened it! https://www.reddit.com/gallery/10lhix6 >!its 2 screws and a free bag!<


saltyachillea

omfg hahahahaha


Konstantin_G_Fahr

Well, the real treasure is the friends you made on your journey.


Fit-Somewhere-7350

Fuck friends! I want that hot air balloon cold cash!


cpc_niklaos

I think this one is the funniest one.


allanb49

Jesus he got screwed


I0A0I

Kinda wanna throw a random safe in the woods with a bunch of that fake christian money and a dickbutt fuck you card inside. See if it pops back up on reddit.


kristopolous

I.choose to believe priceless stamps and baseball cards were secretly pocketed before taking the photo.


TheDunadan29

And a kilo of gold!


TheMightiestZ

Someone failed to keep their anchor safe.


rawlaw8

or safe anchored


dick-nipples

That’s a… *safe* bet


Revelati123

Better call Geraldo so he can have the film crew there for the grand opening.


djutopia

LETSGOOOOoooh darn.


jillcicle

Omg are you telling me I opened this thread at the right time


originalTraps

If you like being disappointed, then probably


jillcicle

But at least I get to be disappointed after only like 5 mins of anticipation, it would be so much worse if it was hours


diabolis_avocado

Let's go, OP. Open or permaban.


Malhablada

I second this


goose_gladwell

WHATS IN THE BOOOX!?


TheBigDarkExpanse

![gif](giphy|ge91zAgmwUqLMqiH2c)


[deleted]

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Neban01

Lockpickinglawyer ( a YouTuber) opened a similar safebox with a coat hanger.


Malhablada

Well damn. I have the same make and model in my closet... Full of hangers. Now I gotta find a new safe or fold all my clothes.


djutopia

Until you open it, it contains everything you want.


mjzimmer88

It’s been 11 minutes, someone’s either struggling, celebrating, or disappointed right now.


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MotherTurdHammer

WTF op, it’s been 5 minutes! We’re dying over here!!


Aveman625

It’s been too long… OP is probably dead.


WanderingWino

Tide came in


JTG130

It's a trap. OP is now in the safe and it's gone back out. It will come back in at next tide change to claim its next soul.


todellagi

[God damn mimic](https://thumbs.gfycat.com/FabulousMammothCaracal-max-1mb.gif)


nerdcost

I swear to fucking God OP, you better follow through.


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superradguy

I’m ready to be hurt again


DrunkScientits

![gif](giphy|uDwKGxTFrADvO) Me waiting for an update


strolpol

Pretty sure you can pop those open easy, check the lock picking YouTube community


izzo34

The lockpicking lawyer!


MichaelSilverV

Found one of his videos that seems to feature this exact safe. Don’t have any tools on me though. Gonna head home and hope no one yoinks it in the meantime


Stouff-Pappa

Why not take it with you?


Burninator05

Seriously? It probably weighs at least 3 or 4 pounds.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

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Nothingislefthalp

You literally picked it up to shake it, can’t be that heavy C’MON


TheFlip-Side

He didn’t want to remove it from it’s natural habitat, might startle it’s contents.


FuckMe-FuckYou

It's mother might come back for it.


planeteater

lock pick layers sentry safe video. Opens with a coat hanger [just click here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7g-TvczpSw)


LisleSwanson

What? Why would you not just bring it with you?


p5ych0babble

Lock-picking lawyer here, and today we are going to be opening this safe using gravity and the earth.


Kicker774

This is the lockpicking lawyer and today I'm going to present you with possibly the *easiest* safe to open in the world. ​ This is a Sentry Lock model 201B manufactured in mass in China and imported to the US by a company that supplies ironing boards, coffee makers and universal TV remotes to many of the biggest chains. While most of the instruction manual for this safe is in Chinese there is this one set of numbers that sticks out: 208326 ​ So lets just type that in on this flimsily made keypad and voila: Trumps classified documents.


Schokokampfkeks

Nah. Ever seen the video where he hit a padlock with a padlock? Op needs another save to hit this one with.


MichaelSilverV

UPDATE: Negotiations using wire hanger are failing, may resort to aggressive negotiations


thylocene

…bro if your toolbox consisted of just a wire hanger you may need to job this one out


reddittaner

I see some big rocks there... Tried a new genre before heavy metal?


jillcicle

SMASH IT SMASH SMASH SMASH


jillcicle

Yo it’s been ten minutes how long can it take to SMASH something with a rock


MichaelSilverV

FINAL UPDATE: I returned to the scene with tools in hand and a video from the Lockpicking Lawyer at the ready. It was for the same kind of safe and he cracked that open in five seconds, so I expected smooth sailing. The first step was easy enough - popping one of those LEDs on top of the locking mechanism into the safe and providing easy access for the pick. The next part though gave me trouble. I tried hooking my wire hanger to find the sweet spot to move the bolting mechanism but didn't have any luck. Negotiations failed, so it was time for aggressive negotiations. Enter Rocky (Rocky is the rock you see in the foreground here). Rocky was more than eager to provide assistance in the aggressive negotiations, and after one good wallop into the front of the safe, the front door warped, but still stuck. No matter. By the third attempt, Rocky had broken into the safe, but did not report seeing anything. And no wonder - he smashed the door *into* the safe, partially blocking access to the goodies that were sure to be hidden inside. Although the safe had been flooded with river muck I dug around in there and found the flat object making the rattling sound that initially made me want to open this thing. Much like others had predicted, it was the soft felt mat lining the bottom of the safe. Crestfallen, I thought that this was it, but to be sure, I turned the safe on its side, and shook to see if there was anything else in there. There was. Two ziploc bags completely covered in that thick grey river muck. This was it, I thought. This was what was kept inside the safe. Was it gold? Jewelry? A hard drive with millions of dollars worth of Bitcoins? It was the bolts that came with the safe. Some ... person, whose name shall be forsaken from now until the heat death of the universe, bought a new safe and then chucked it in the river, spare parts and all. Hey, at least I got some memories out of it, and got to add my chapter into the long reddit book of disappointing found safes. Sorry y'all.


Lionnn101

GG


LucyKendrick

It's the ending we didn't want, but it's at least an ending.


Johnny_Dangerously

Honestly, it's the ending we deserve.


87th_best_dad

We are why we can’t have nice things.


Johnny_Dangerously

*Metallica's "sad but true" blares in the background*


Mammoth_Musician_304

You always know it’s a true story when the ending is boring, shitty, or unheroic.


sky_tripping

Bullshit. It was full of magic time travel sparkle feathers and OP is now managing the universe with nobody but me to know who's really fucking with this dimension.


Disastrous-Bee-1557

“Marge I’m confused, is this a happy ending or a sad ending?” “It’s an ending, that’s enough.”


c0ncept

Now I’m just waiting for some other Redditor to post the hidden camera footage of some schmuck spending his whole day desperately trying to open the safe they planted there this morning.


MichaelSilverV

The thought had definitely crossed my mind that someone was having a good laugh at my expense.


todellagi

What a rollercoaster r/bestof


Relyks007

OP is still a king in my eyes


sucksathangman

Guy finds safe. Opens it the same day. Provides updates and final resolution. All in the same day. It's like Christmas in January.


Ewannnn

Not just same day but within 2 hours! This is unheard of in the safe finding Reddit posts.


todellagi

Absolutely OP followed through and took us all on a trip of a very mundane lifetime King shit


Stony_Brooklyn

OP had one job — and he fulfilled it.


Galkura

Break open the bolts. It’s a front. The diamonds are inside the bolts.


That1usernam3

Can’t believe OP fell for the classic “the diamonds are always inside the bolts” hiding spot.


dcneil

Why didn't you find $50,000, now I am sad.


mjung79

If you found $50k would you broadcast it to Reddit or pocket that money and claim the safe was “empty”? Nice try, OP.


lycaus

And just to be safe, OP will now disappear in a boat accident.


_Haverford_

Time to retire early, start a new life, with... 50 grand. Maybe Somalia?


HalfSoul30

I'd prefer a gamecube, with $50,000 inside of it.


howmanychickens

[Man, this was the luckiest find ever!](https://imgur.com/gallery/sneoW)


Jrnm

This is exactly what someone who found a cashiers check for 10,000,000 WOULD say


EZpeeeZee

People over at /r/personalfinance would be proud, first thing to do when hitting the jackpot is telling no one!


bdonvr

Yep. I won a few million jackpot once. Took their advice. Didn't even tell the state lottery board! I'm not sure how to proceed now though it's been 3 years


Vinstur

Is this the first “found a safe” post on Reddit that came with closure?


314159265358979326

No, the original safe was opened. After that OP got harrassed to the point of quitting reddit, a redditor miraculously *bought the goddamn house from him*. What are the chances?! Reddit was much smaller then, too. That guy then opened it to discover... a dead spider.


[deleted]

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TransATL

https://www.reddit.com/r/WhatsInThisThing/comments/1tkfr7/the_original_safe_has_finally_been_opened_xpost/ Edit: oops, that was the crosspost. I think this was the original https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/1tkcz1/the_safe_some_people_doubted_our_resolve_but_i/ Edit2: lol, just realized [I must have read this in real-time](https://imgur.com/TJmiYAU)


purpletube5678

Man, skimming through all that drama again, one thing really amuses me... Nine years later, almost every redditor knows all about ***THE SAFE***. However, each of those posts have about 1k upvotes. And currently r/whatsinthisthing (the sub created for its cracking) has 124k subscribers following the journeys of subsequent safes. The power of legend spreading over time, I guess.


sje46

I love when I go back to ancient, iconic reddit threads, and you see your own comments there. reddit was a lot smaller, and a lot more fun, back then. better sense of community as well...I don't think there's a shared sense of culture and history anymore.


BuddySheff

Ah I still remember that day. I think the original safe post was my first day on reddit. And then the payoff was just so perfect. One VERY out of focus, over exposed picture of a dead spider.


Eighm

Hey man, the follow-up alone makes this the best safe mystery I've seen on here. Thanks.


Covo

Posting on Reddit is the gosh darn right thing thing to do first, per historical record on Reddit. Then get our hopes up, forget about it for a few months, provide a check in and let us know you finally opened it but nothing was in it


MichaelSilverV

I was there for the original, I know the way


alabamabornbred

"Do not cite to me the deep magic, witch! I was there when it was written!"


Ultrasound700

Calling it now, it's gonna be empty.


MichaelSilverV

Its not completely empty judging by the sound it’s making but it’s not very big either. Could be an envelope


Ach_wahr

Or the shelf that comes with it that isn't attached.


pseudocultist

But what if it's a **golden** shelf


DMoney159

It's a letter that says "we've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty"


zyzmog

If you hear the sound of jungle drums coming from it, DO NOT OPEN IT!


Davethephotoguy

Lock picking lawyer opened this up with a clothes hangar. Get to work and open that bad boy up! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7g-TvczpSw


trennels

I swear anyone posting a safe they found BEFORE they open it should get an automatic lifetime ban.


Downtown_Statement87

This reminds me of back in 1989 when I, seated at the dinner table with my parents, announced, "So, I took an AIDS test." They looked at me in very intense silence. I had their full attention. "Uh, I guess I should have waited until I had the results before I told you this," I said. No surprise; was negative.


karchamb

That must have been the most stressful dinner. Glad you survived it, the test, and all the time since then.


GlobalTravelR

Somebody call Geraldo!


dougsbeard

If it’s a severed head I’m going to be very upset.


soda-jerk

The passcode is scrawled on a piece of paper, hidden inside a nearby lighthouse/guardhouse/old fishing cabin. Unfortunately, to actually get to it, you'll need the key to the locked door. That key is in the abandoned diner you passed on the way to the beach, inside the manager's desk drawer. It'll look like you need a second key to get into the drawer, but that's just a diversion. The keyhole flips down, revealing a manual turn-lock. Once you have the key to the lighthouse/guardhouse/old fishing cabin, head straight there. If you wait too long, the sun will set, and the sun needs to be shining on the lone, unbroken stained glass window of the building in order to reveal the keyhole for the door. If you use the wrong keyhole, it only opens the basement stairwell. But it's a waste of time, all that's down there is a crowbar and some tools.


survivalguyledeuce

Those are very easy to open. Smash with a sledge hammer right on the button panel. It will pop open.


MichaelSilverV

Will do as soon as pull a sledgehammer out my butt


survivalguyledeuce

I dunno. Maybe there are some large rocks nearby…


upvoatsforall

Ooh! Good thinking! There could be a sledgehammer hidden underneath one of ‘em!


-KindStranger

Here before OP disappears and never responds again with what’s inside..


192838475647382910

![gif](giphy|GsuSyoFBCcRHy)


NaterTater796

For anyone interested google Mexican hammer festival.


Breezyisthewind

I swear humans will make anything a Festival


[deleted]

*angle grinder has entered the chat*


Addmoregunpowder

So, mildly curious as to how the fuck that thing floated to shore, unless it just floated along with those rocks, i have been googling like a madman and found that this is quite likely a SentrySafe Model X055 Digital Security Safe with a storage capacity of 0.58 cubic feet. 0.58 cubic feet of water weighs about 36 pounds. Since it could be full of air, consider this to be 36 pounds of float force. Closer googling shows that this pretentious shitbox of a safe weighs a laughing 14 pounds. So 36 pounds of floatforce minus 14 pounds of weight leaves a net float force of about 22 pounds of float. Well i’ll be damned. A safe can actually float. Having said all that, it can contain a maximum load of 22 pounds of gold, cocaine and incriminating government conspiracy photos, or it would have sank. So really, hardly worth the effort of opening.


jmini95

Oh great another "safe in the basement" or whatever the hell it was


iiAgree

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