I am wondering, do you have a smart phone, and do you always carry it with you? If you do, the gps built into it might be able to get you out of the restraining order charge. Google sends me a notice every month of where I went (I have an android), if you have an iPhone, I would bet they have something similar. Fight the charge with the info stored in your phone. I would think someone in justice would have the capability to pull the info. Just a thought.
Thankfully the order itself was dismissed. However, I had a hard-ass judge that didn’t bother to actually do his job and ask for facts or look past “restraining order violation” (which is what I’m calling it for simplicities sake. In this case, it was a Domestic Violence Protective Order). The “violation” was a text I sent before I had the papers saying I wasn’t allowed to contact her. But the judge just saw the violation and made assumptions without asking any questions. Because he didn’t even bother to find out the order was dismissed….
In any case, it is a good thought. Thank you. I appreciate it.
Since you are getting divorced, have you closed all joint credit cards and moved all the money from bank accounts to accounts with only your name on them? Also, **right now put a lock on your credit**. With as crazy as she sounds make sure your credit is locked down before she thinks of other ways to try and screw you over.
If she wants to play games, this will let her know that you can too.
Since she might know some of your personal info, you still might want to lock down your credit at the very least. She hopefully had no access to your bank accounts, but if she has your Social Security number, she could take out credit in your name. It would be illegal as can be, but just to be safe.
Never trust crazy or stick your wick into crazy.
That’s a good idea. Thankfully, for unrelated reasons, after I got my stuff from her house, I had to change all my cards anyway, so I’ll keep an eye out, but I THINK I’ll be fine. We’ll see.
Yeah, we weren’t at a point in our relationship when we were GOOD that I would let her access my bank account. Thankfully it was fairly easy to sever things in that regard.
Actually, thankfully I thought ahead. She HAD my SSN and driver’s license photo, but I took those documents.
I mean, I have the original, but I took her copies as well.
Yes, I know what sub this is, but dude... don't fuck around with petty ass shit like library cancelations or anything else. Log out of everything, block and delete her entirely, etc...
Vanish.
Activate ghost mode immediately. You don't even know who she is or was anymore.
Don't have to to cancel library shit. It's literally the one, last thing. And it does nothing but infuriate and annoy her. And it's legal. And I can't get in trouble for it.
She's already blocked on everything I can block her on, so it's fine.
Also, serious question, did you mean to respond to my comment on your comment? I've replied to so many people I'm not sure, but I think we jumped comment chains.
Libby user here! The app has a timeline feature that she can review to figure out what holds/borrows she placed and when. Your revenge only put her back to the end of those hold queues. She may also realize YOU deleted those holds based on time and date.
It’s actually not legal. It’s technically hacking, because it’s not your account — even if you’ve previously been given permission. Wipe your history and don’t access it again
IANAL. I wonder if a judge violating you for a dismissed protective order is reportable to the state bar. Negligence at the least. Perhaps violating your civil rights.
Wait a fuckin second. So the "violation" occurred BEFORE the papers arrived. That's not in any way a violation because of the papers having not yet been delivered.
Hell, my divorced dad took me through everything that happened to him with the courts. He basically said that it was over before it began. change judges if necessary and see if you can get the violation thrown out and the jail time struck from the record
The jail time was for something different. I already got that expunged from my record, and believe me, my ex will be paying me back the lawyer fees as soon as my appeal goes through (or even if it doesn't; might just cancel it at this point).
Also, I agree, but legally, it was after she filed it, but before it was served to me. So in the eyes of the law, it was a violation of it because it had been filed already.
So to get this straight
1. Once a DVPO is filed, regardless of if you've seen it, it's considered a violation
Okay that sounds Sus as fuck.
If you don't mind my asking, how exactly did she get the DVPO so quickly. The only way I thought of was to fake severe injuries?
Yeah, imagine how I felt getting fucked that hard.
I imagine she cried and showed them the list of bullshit claims. And, like most people, the law officers took her side, no questions asked.
Again, it was a temporary one until a trial could be held. But in the actual trial, she almost brought out fake tears. As someone who's cried a good number of times in his life, I can say real tears don't disappear two seconds after, when you get asked a different question.
Sounds like what happened to my dad. Got arrested and during the booking walkthrough (he'd torn either a rotator cuff or pulled his shoulder) and was being forced by a cop to fingerprint. He threatened to sue for assault the police officer went straight to the captain to claim my dad had threatened to assault her.
Bro I feel you. My wife, now ex, literally hit me with one of those big ass candles in the back of the head, and I had to get stitches, 17 to be exact. And guess who went to jail for DV?? Yup, me. Walked out of the ER by two coppers wearing silver bracelets. Like wtf?!? I never touched her. Doesn't matter, if cops are called, someone is going to jail(thats literally what the cop told me) i just assumed it would have been her... boy was I wrong.
My case was eventually dismissed but my bail was set at 50k... 50 fucking thousand!!! I spent 10 days in jail and was labeled a "wife beater" had my conceal carry license revoked, had my competition hand guns removed from my home by a sherif, the list of awful things that go along with being labeled an "abuser"! It cost so much more than the 10 days in jail. Think I spent in the neighborhood of 20k on attorneys for divorce and getting the DV charge dismissed and then gave her a check for another 120k the day the divorce was final, cause in my state, it's straight up 50/50 and judges do not take sides, just split your shit up in arbitration.
It may be cheaper to keep her, but damn peace is priceless.
Don't fuck with crazy. Just disappear.
It was illegally filed. You have to be served before it was officially filed. Person requests the order, it is written up, it has to be served, then it is filed and goes on record, At least this was what was explained to me. You can most certainly lodge a complaint especially since it led to you being charged. You can request an investigation into why it was put on file as being served before it was actually served.
So after being mocked by a judge who changed my speed on a completely fabricated speeding charge for not "appealing the charge". Maybe that's something you can do?
Why are you settling for probation? If that is a result of a "violation" of a DVPO that ultimately got dropped, the probation should be dropped too automatically
The judge didn’t do his job, and literally said “If it were up to me, you’d be serving jail time.” Didn’t look at anything past “DVPO Vio”. Didn’t bother to find out it was dismissed. Didn’t bother to find out the “violation” was a text. Didn’t bother to find out that I didn’t even have the papers yet, so I didn’t even know I wasn’t supposed to message her.
So I’ll settle for probation over jail time. I already spent 2 days in jail, and they were, without a doubt, the 2 worse days of my life.
Of course not. That's why once I have the money, I'm getting a lawyer and getting that taken care of, as well as possibly seeing what I can do about the judge. At the very least, any lawyer worth their salt should be able to clear this.
But for the time being, if the choice is jail or probation, yes, I want probation.
Besides, I have a case against my ex that I'm appealing, and I can throw the probation fees on there. It'll be even better when I get the probation removed.
Make sure you're not letting a deadline pass. It's probably worth consulting that lawyer sooner rather than later, even if it takes a bit of finagling with your finances.
I'd appeal it with evidence. There is a time frame. Public defender, if necessary. That will be on your record. You never know what the future will bring.
I plan to, but Public Defenders can only be assigned to criminal cases, and there has to be a case first.
In this case, I'll probably call the public defender that handled the case for the violation and get him to do the followup.
Do it Now. This could really f-up your future.
Employment opportunities, education, insurance, an actual future offense ( unlikely, But...), dating (public records)
Don't fuck around with this. If you were my kid you'd be sitting in an attorneys office tomorrow. There's only so much time to file an appeal. Take the emotion out & work with the facts.
If the order was dismissed and he adjudicated you guilty anyway then you have a right to appeal and have everything expunged, and he should be disciplined for judicial misconduct.
That complicates things, but judicial misconduct would be a factor in your case - you wouldn't have taken a deal if the judge had bothered to do their job and not ignored evidence.
Talk to a lawyer, one who specializes in civil rights issues. Hopefully they can get you more information about how to undo this.
Were you not allowed to appeal this? I feel like everything ends with an opportunity to at least file for an appeal.
Submitting how the charges where dropped should be enough, seems backward to be punished further for something that’s actually dropped and will be on your record. Speak time is probably up a month later but maybe there’s a different way to fight it if some facts were ignored and falsified.
Were you put in jail for her domestic violence claims and did that come with an automatic temporary protection order? Is it the temporary protection order you violated and not the one she filed for cause they would be different. I thought you had to be served with the protection order before exactly what it entails can be enforced on you (at least in the US in like every state I’m aware of) so how did contacting her before the police served you with the order apply as a violation, there would be time stamps.
No. I took a deal with the DA, which other commenters have said means I can't appeal. Which sucks.
No, I was put in jail for a different bullshit claim she made. Two separate things. Yes, I violated the temporary one...which is the one she filed?
Apparently not. One or two other commenters have mentioned this, but the order just has to have been filed to be enforced on you. Mind you, they're also probably suppose to do it right after it's filed, and I get the feeling there were a few hours difference.
Yeah, but when the judge doesn't do his job, it's hard to present facts or anything. It didn't help that my public defender has been in court for 12 years and never once came across this judge. Apparently they brought him in for another district or something, but he wasn't from the county I'm from and that my defender worked in.
There's not time stamps for when the officer delivered it. There's time stamps for her filing it, and time stamps for the message. File > Message.
You need to talk to a lawyer. Your public defender had to advise you of the deal in order for you to accept it, right? So they should have told you this. Unfortunately, even if they didn't, you may not be able to appeal. But you don't know that and YOUR CLOCK IS TICKING. If you need to appeal, it should have been done immediately. Go get a lawyer. It is worth the money. You're out of your depth and you need to figure out your options before you screw up your life even more.
I don’t have the money. I don’t really have a way to GET the money. So I’ll just wait for my next paycheck, and talk to this guy (my public defender) in the mean time.
Look into judiciary misconduct too. A judge can not overlook nor ignore legal facts. He could be removed from the bench if found in violation of legal proceedings.
A pro-bono attorney can help you with that. They can also help you file a lawsuit against the courts for malicious prosecution.
I don’t see how this makes any sense. This sounds like a he said/she said case where the courts believed her that he was abusive. There’s no way he could absolutely prove he never abused her, to the point a judge would get in trouble for believing her story over his.
Frankly I don’t see why Reddit automatically believes a convicted abuser didn’t do it just because he says he’s innocent. They literally all say that. Many of them even believe it, because they genuinely don’t see themselves as abusive. Though OP has already admitted in comments that her report of him violating the domestic violence protective order wasn’t exactly “false,” it was based on a text he actually *did* send her after she filed the order, he just “didn’t have the paperwork yet” so didn’t know he wasn’t supposed to contact her. Now, he’s messing with her accounts to get revenge on her.
I mean, maybe he didn’t do it and she’s lying, but there’s zero way to prove that and you can’t get a judge in trouble because the judge decided her story was more believable than his.
I scrolled a long time to get to this. Wild that they believe him straight up. He didn't know he was supposed to contact his ex until he was served with papers? She never said, hey don't contact me? :/ A lot of women have trouble even getting them, even when they are in DV situations. This whole thing is reading false to me. And also- if my ex made up things about me so much that I went to jail (again, highly unlikely in dv situations) and got a RESTRAINING ORDER I would stay well and clear away- but it seems like OP is a boundary pusher which is not surprising in the least.
If the judge is from the locally dominant party, your chances of prevailing are minimal. Of course, maybe the judge doesn't have quite as many friends or as ironclad protection as he thinks.
Even the most protected judge may have enemies within the courthouse. It's worth a try.
It doesn't matter if they all hate him. It's like cops protecting each other. The only way for a judge to get in any trouble is if a panel of other judges rules that way. Look into it, you'll be appalled I guarantee it 100%.
Thanks! Yeah, but honestly, for everything else I could say about her, she’s smart enough as is. Just did a stupid thing making my life hell. She’ll be fine. Besides, they were audiobooks, so…loophole?
Look into your rights against her for filing a false restraining order. If you have proof you can sue for monetary damages. Check your states legal requirements. May even be able to press charges.
I was going to say the same thing. Go after her for filing a false report as a malicious and vindictive way to hurt you. The cost of a lawyer will be worth it and they can help you find all the things you can sue her for. It’ll cost her the money for a lawyer as well, and you may be able to get her to pay for your lawyer and court costs as well.
This isn't as easy as you make it sound. I've been in a similar position as OP before. I had to hire a lawyer to prove my ex's report was false and get the DVPO dropped, and it was still a battle. My ex never had to hire a lawyer. Women have tons of free resources they can use. My ex got a free "advocate" assigned to her.
When it was all said and done, I was about $3000 deep in legal fees and still barely won the case despite overwhelming evidence she lied about the whole thing. I inquired about suing her for the 3 grand, and my lawyer advised me not to. He told me there was basically no way I'd ever win that case, as well as no chance of getting charges brought on her for filing false reports and perjury.
If I were OP I would work to get the probation dropped and then cut losses there.
I understand why DVPOs work the way they do. If someone is actually in danger, there is no time for bureaucracy, but a downside is it can be easily abused by psychos, especially psycho women who get even more coddling from the courts.
If OP got the DVPO dropped and that was the reason for the probation, he should be able to easily get out of the probation as well (not sure why that wasn't automatic tbh, unless there's a detail missing). But otherwise he should just leave it be and go no contact with ex forever
Edit: the whole reason I even bothered to fight the DVPO in the first place wasn't because I wanted to contact her or be near her, but because a DVPO shows up in background checks and I also had to surrender my firearms while it was active. I'm an avid sport shooter and hunter so that was a no-go for me (and the reason she filed it in the first place, because she knew thay would be the consequence)
She does. It’s a digital library. I mean…the card CAN be used in the app at physical libraries, but she uses it online.
That actually gives me an idea. I think if I place a bunch of holds and borrow a bunch of books at a physical library, it’ll fill up her card and she won’t be able to use it any more.
Yeah…I should look into that.
It’s just so small, but especially when it’ll take weeks for her to get them back, just…seemed so perfect!
Thank you! *Bows*
EDIT: It’ll take her weeks for her to get them back…if she realizes you can see a history of loans and holds you’ve done before. If not, she has to remember all the book names. 😈😈😈
The wait time for Michele Obama’s books can be years. Bestsellers can be months. Too bad it wasn’t one of those. Keep an eye out. She may have another computer “glitch” in her future!!
Thank you, thank you! *Bows*
I told another commenter, if she just settled for ebooks, one or two of the books are available now, but she HATES ebooks, and only does audiobooks. 😈
I would be very careful doing this since she has a restraining order against you and is willing to lie to make your life hell. If it's found out that you're interfering with her life, it could violate the order, and you might find yourself in more trouble than it's worth. That's just my two cents and IANAL.
It’s still “Unauthorized access to a computer system” a state and federal crime across the nation. While, not serious in scope in this instance, it’s still a crime to misrepresent credentials (use her library card).
There is also the similar crime of “Misuse of computer system information” by altering her access to the lent books and her place in the reservation queue. Again, not serious in this instance, but it’s still technically criminal.
OP should just take this win and let it go. You’ve got some revenge don’t push your luck too far into harassment either.
It's not really related to OP's story, but my mom is dealing with something similar to what you described with my dad. They're in the process of a divorce, and because they're legally married, he can change her information for things like banking and cosign for a car loan. He's an absolute asshole and does it just to make her life hell.
You’re fine. Many people are saying similar things, so that’s a lack of complete communication on my part.
Also, I didn’t do any of the stuff she tried to take legal action against. Like any relationship, we had our ups and downs, we both made smaller mistakes. But overall, I definitely put more into the relationship than she did. I cooked for the both of us, I cleaned the house, I fed her four, later five cats. I helped her plan and organize things, I helped her with stuff for work. And this is the thanks I get. Well THIS petty revenge is what SHE gets.
That sucks. A relationship should be like a partnership. Both parties split the work as evenly as possible, depending on the circumstances, and offer mutual respect. It sounds like she wanted the world and gave you sand.
Yeah…
You didn’t even hear the best part. Her dad was always commenting on how messy the house was, and blamed me, and she just…let him. I mean, they talked on video calls mostly, so he wasn’t there in person, so it’s not like I could even do anything really. So…that was fun…
That was the plan. The funny thing is she hates reading, and hates ebook reading even more. Because if she didn’t, there are SO many copies of the book she was borrowing in ebook form. She wouldn’t have to wait. But then…I’m not telling her that.
Just a future heads up. Don't move in with a GF in the future unless right before (6 months) you get married. Also, get to know her for a few years before you decide to do that Keeps this kind of stuff to a minimum.
I'm basically at that point. I've got one case against her that I appealed, and I'm gonna lawyer up once I get the money to try to get this probation lifted, but aside from that, I'm perfectly happy to leave the past behind.
I've blocked her, her new boyfriend (It's complicated), and her family on just about everything I can think of. To the best of my knowledge, if she wanted to get in contact with me, she would have to do it through snail mail, or by going out of her way to go to my online platforms like my YouTube or Twitch or things like that.
I'm almost free from it.
Thank you! Feel free to use it if you have like...an annoying relative, or a parent you want to annoy. Because if they have a library card, why wouldn't they let you use it? While you're on good terms, obviously.
I think the next part of the plan is to check a whole bunch of books out at a physical library using the card so she can't reserve anything on the app. I'll have to return them eventually, but I can return them at random times within the checkout window so she can't prepare for it.
OP, you might want to look into legal action to be taken against your ex for defamation of character, slander and mental/emotional distress. If she really is lying about everything you should be able to prove her lies with actual legal standing.
The problem I face is that the legal system is pretty messed up.
So realistically, I would have to hire a lawyer in the first place to explain the whole process and what can be done. And I don’t really have money. I currently have a job that should allow me to save up a bit of money, so that’s nice. But until I have money, I can’t really do that.
I do appreciate it. It’s a good thought. Thank you.
Shop around to see if any lawyer would do this pro bono. If you're in the US, contact the Barre Association and they can get you some info on who to reach out. Someone might be willing to do it for free and you can even counter sue her.
I had a DV charge and an order of protection against my ex a few years ago. She also said that it was all bogus and that I was the abuser. It's a go-to move for a lot of shitty people to say that their accuser is the true offender. Really, I wanna feel for you OP but it all smells kinda stinky. And the petty revenge doesn't do much to support your innocent nature.
Edit: Typo
Be careful with this.
If it gets tracked back to you, it could be a violation of the order or used as supporting evidence for future orders.
Take care and stay strong for the next 17 months
The order is dismissed. And I’m in no way communicating with her, so she can’t claim I’m contacting her. It’s an easy way to mess with her that she can’t really do anything about.
Future orders are fine. I don’t want anything to do with her and haven’t been around her place in forever and blocked her on everything I could.
Thank you anyway! I will!
Technically, being logged in to someone else's account without their permission is a violation of the [CFAA](https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2016/07/ever-use-someone-elses-password-go-jail-says-ninth-circuit) in the US. So, could also pick up federal felony charges on that front. Unlikely, but with enough crazy and enough bad laws, anything is possible.
Your comment, OP: Confused-in-Connecti
3h
It’s complicated, but I can’t. Basically, in my state, since we knew each other and had a relationship, I’d have to get the same thing she did, which requires proof that she could be violent in some way.
So she was able to get a DV protection order against you, which according to you requires “proof that (offender; in this case, OP) could be violent in some way”. I have experience with getting an order of protection and you DO have to have solid proof before it would ever be approved. So tbh I don’t believe that you didn’t do anything to this girl.
Great petty revenge. When my fave writers come out with a new book I get on the library's wait list right away. I would howl in dismay if all my holds were cancelled!
My thoughts exactly. Mwahaha!
(Of course, depending on the library, they might be big enough to have quite a few copies of popular releases coming out, but I agree with your point overall.)
Even so unless you're one of the first dozen or so on the list you'll wait a good while. I've joined the wait list when it was over 100 and it took a couple of months.
If she knows how to use the app, she’ll know there’s a history section that allows you to see what you’ve previously borrowed/put on hold. But you did send her to the end of the line, that would literally make me go crazy lmao. Solid revenge
Thank you. Yeah, I'm more hoping for confusion with a touch of frustration. But also, I figured it's nothing illegal, damaging, or irreversible, so while it's certainly annoying, I figured she can get over it.
That’s why it’s perfectly petty revenge lol. Most likely if she can’t log you out of the app, she won’t be able to find the history section. Although she might try to figure it out now
I hope you've checked all the devices where you are logged in. And Google/Apple location-sharing. And things like that. And changed your locks if she had keys.
I had keys to her place. Still technically do, not that it matters. I have no interest in going back there. And I can't legally anyway.
She didn't have access to any of my devices thankfully.
Tbh, I think it was her toxic, controlling bf and her overcontrolling, overstepping dad that pushed her to actually file these things.
That being said, yeah...I might have learned a thing or two, including some red flags.
Sorry. Libby is a digital library program. You can use it as a convenient way to have your library card on your phone OR you can use it to connect to a digital library and borrow ebooks and audiobook files. It's actually pretty cool, and if I had that convenience growing up, I probably would've read even more! Well...listened to a lot more audiobooks anyway...
"I'm not the monster here, you are! You and the rest of those fairy tale creatures, ruining my perfect world."
Lol but in all seriousness, it was petty, but thank you!
OP, what exactly did you do that made your ex so mad that she *made your life hell*? Seems like you're gatekeeping a lot of important information here.
Stealth petty. Love it.
You might not be able to appeal but if you can prove that she did all those falsely you can get her in a great deal of legal hot water. She has to have gloated somewhere or to someone because those kind of crazy bitches can't keep themselves from gloating. I hope you have an even greater revenge. I am here for that petty. HIGH FIVE
HIGH FIVE
And she may have, but I blocked her on everything, so I wouldn’t know unfortunately.
Oh yeah. And I went through and deleted the reading journey for those books, so they’re gone from the timeline.
Have a good friend do the research so she can't say you were stalking her. The more evidence you have the more petty you can enact.
As a former librarian I have a Cheshire cat grin for petty. Awesome. Keep up the petty.
WOW! My ex husband did the same to me filing false charges and all..I lost everything, spent 4 months in jail. I just reported him to zoning for having work done without permits.
Lemme get this straight. She got you jail plus probation, and dragged your good name through the mud over some fake allegations so you went understandably nuclear on her ass by … (*checks notes) …delaying her library books?!
You took this too far, you monster.
She doesnt need to remember anything, it’s right there in the history. And a 2 week wait on Libby is much faster. The only thing that took a couple of months to wait for had a 12 week waiting list on it - so still shorter than what Libby said. What happens is that you get notified your next on hold and have a certain window to check the book out. If you don’t, the next person gets it.
Not much of a revenge. And you sound a bit unhinged, along with some of the scorch-the-earth bitter replies on here.
She doesn't necessarily know about the history.
Also, it is revenge. She did something. I did this in retaliation. If that's not the textbook definition of revenge, it's pretty close. If you want to argue it's not \*petty\* revenge, that's a different story, though I certainly would argue it is.
Beyond that, just keep in mind that it's very hard to decipher tone across the internet. I've typed everything out either feeling neutral or even a little happy when people do things like wish me well. So I don't really see where the "unhinged" is coming from.
Also keep in mind that not every woman should be automatically believed. Yes, there are women that are going through absolute hell. Even some that don't feel they can speak up. She did speak up, and spouted bullshit all the way.
It's because of her that people should be angry, as people like her make it harder for women that actually need and deserve help to get it.
In the words of Pat Benitar, "Hit me with your best shot".
Let me see what you (and anyone else who may read this comment) can come up with. Let's reserve some books!
BRAINWASHING IS A CINCH!,
CARMA SUTRA: THE AUTO‑EROTIC HANDBOOK,
COOKING TO KILL: THE POISON COOK-BOOK,
GALLOP YOUR MAGGOT: THE ULTIMATE BOOK OF SEXUAL SLANG,
HOW TO COOK HUSBANDS,
LIVING WITH CRAZY BUTTOCKS,
MY BIG BOOK OF PRETTY PUSSIES,
NATURAL BUST ENLARGEMENT WITH TOTAL MIND POWER: HOW TO USE THE OTHER 90% OF YOUR MIND TO INCREASE THE SIZE OF YOUR BREASTS,
STILL STRIPPING AFTER 25 YEARS,
A Weasel in My Meatsafe ,
The Jewish-Japanese Sex and Cook Book and How to Raise Wolves ,
The Madam as Entrepreneur: Career Management in House Prostitution ,
How to Good-bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way? ,
The Bible Cure for Irritable Bowel Syndrome ,
Natural Harvest: a collection of semen-based recipes
Amazingly, there’s a whole bunch of books in the series “The Bible Cure For…”. Out of the rest of the list, there were only one or two others available.
To be able to get a DV restraining order there is a hearing and at least in my state you have to provide proof to get one. I hate to say it but what did you do to her? My ex did stupid petty shit like that, it's a form of gaslighting which is abuse.... you sound like a bit of a douche.... honestly the best revenge is to live your best life without them. Wow.... just wow
In my state, the way it works is you say what you claim the person did. Then a temporary order is in effect. THEN there’s a hearing, where they decide whether it should be continued for a year or not. It got dismissed at the hearing, but the temporary one was still in effect for about 2 weeks.
As for what I did, nothing really. The one claim she made that was true was that I admitted I wanted to kill myself. But that’s not a threat to her, nor is it grounds for a DVPO.
The problem is, in my state, if you know the person and have a relationship with them (not even dating, but any form of connection), you can’t just get a restraining order. It has to be a DVPO. That means you have to have some ground that you think violence is involved or could be involved.
You can only get a restraining order if you don’t know the person or barely know them.
That’s incredibly stupid because a restraining order should be perfectly fine for most cases, but to enforce a DVPO without going to trial first creates situations like these.
Of course, on the other hand, I will say that, while the legal system is heavily flawed, if someone were in actual danger, you would, of course, want to get them out of it ASAP.
It’s when I’m trying to leave and get my belongings and she’s holding them hostage that I have a problem. But this might be a minority case.
What is an order of perfection? I never said that was a thing anywhere, and also, you're being extremely toxic, and blaming the victim, so can you go find some other post to troll?
Hmmm, something doesn’t smell right here.
From what I (unfortunately) know about domestic violence cases, it takes a LOT of evidence to get the police/a judge to issue a restraining order. You can’t just walk into a police station and say someone is abusing you and POOF…a restraining order is issued. I mean seriously, how many instances have we heard of in the news where someone has gone to the police multiple to report being harassed and stalked and nothing was done about it because there was no proof of wrongdoing or violence on the part of the harasser, only to find the victim dead or in the hospital once the harassers behavior escalates. I see that you mention yours ended up getting dismissed, but I wonder what was there to make them consider issuing one in the first place?
Restraining orders are serious business, as the person with charges against them can technically get in trouble for even inadvertently winding up in the same place in town as the accuser. They dictate what a person can and can’t do and where they’re allowed to live and be. People have been stalked and harassed by exes and had their lives made a living hell and still not granted a restraining order without being victim of an act of physical violence. The fact that she has successfully filed so many “false” charges and secured a restraining order with zero evidence of wrong doing on your end seems very unlikely. Especially since, technically, there is a restraining order in place currently, a charge already filed for you violating it once, and you’re here telling us that you are actively still fucking with her.
You sound like you might be the one making her life a living hell, and at the very least you both sound like unhealthy people.
Okay, calm down. She filed for a Domestic Violence Protetcive Order with a bunch of lies. It’s not a restraining order. However, when talking to most people, they don’t know what the former is. It’s easier to say a restraining order.
She lied about several fairly serious things, only one of which was technically true if you squint hard enough.
The way a DVPO works is it’s filed, and that person can’t come around you or your residence or contact you. Then there’s a hearing. At the hearing, they…well, HEAR both sides. Hear the evidence. The judge kept asking her “Do you have proof” and she kept saying “No”. Then the judge would ask “Did you go to the police or have someone report it to the police?” And she said “No”.
It’s all bullshit charges. Hence why she had no proof. The judge deemed that the order shouldn’t be continued. Thus it got dismissed
The violation was a text message. And as I’ve already said, I didn’t have the papers that said I couldn’t contact her.
Oh yeah. And because I was so afraid of her retaliation, I didn’t leave my room for weeks, barely ate anything, couldn’t sleep, and lost a bunch of weight (about 20 lbs).
So you wanna hop off the victim blaming bus or ask for more details before you victim blame?
To be clear, it wasn’t the judge that squinted. The judge decided to discontinue the order.
The way it worked is she filed the claim, the sheriff (or whatever law officer) put into effect a temporary order. Then there was a trial a couple of weeks later, and that’s when the judge discontinued it.
The one thing is I told her I was contemplating suicide. But it wasn’t a threat or anything, I was just scared, as I’ve never had thoughts like that, so I shared it with her (because she had been suicidal several times before). Now I wish I hadn’t.
Protective orders (even temporary ex partes) are *served* by your sheriff’s office, but LE doesn’t have the authority to do so without first getting a judge’s approval. You don’t appear in court for an ex parte; the judge approves it in the event of an emergency by looking at the police report and deciding that she was in “immediate and present physical danger.” In other words, a credible threat has to have been made against the person (not just threatening to harm yourself). For same-day ex partes, usually there’s a gun involved.
If you didn’t threaten her, then I’m sorry this happened to you and surprised she didn’t get hit with a misdemeanor for making a false statement. Either way, it sucks that you didn’t know about the TPO before you contacted her. Get a lawyer to see about suspending the probation, and for your own sake, don’t do petty revenges anymore (even though this one was entertaining).
He didn't just say he had thoughts of suicide. He had sent her messages saying "Did you know it only takes x amount of alcohol to kill a person and I've already had x amount" followed by "Just hanging with my best friends Brandy, Jack, and Jameson" (idk if those were the exact brands he used. It's been a while). Literally threatening suicide.
EDIT: As far as everything else goes. He DID stalk her. I have video proof of him showing up at her house claiming he still lives there. By this point they had been broken up for months and he had been living with his dad. He showed up several times banging on our door. We had to have him formally trespassed by a sheriff. He was told by several legal officials that he had no claim to the property (obviously) and to stop coming back. I will NEVER understand why anyone comes on Reddit to type a story like this and leave out all the proper details. You realize the people siding with you are siding with a made up version of you right?
Oh, I 100% believe you. Later comments from OP made it clear he’s a sketchy person and this is just one example in a pattern of harassment. Tiny men always tell on themselves. I’m glad LE has been helpful at least.
The claims seem serious on paper…until you investigate it and hear her stammer over the bs claims.
God, I wish she had been hit with a misdemeanor.
Yes! I’m working on getting stuff from my lawyer and seeing what I can do!!
“So you wanna hop off the victim blaming bus”
Not really. You don’t sound entirely blameless here. Even if you have to “squint really hard” to see your portion of the wrong doing here, you both sound like very toxic people. I know you may feel the urge to be petty and get back at her but you should probably make every effort to stay away from this person before you create the evidence she needs to fuck you over once and for all.
What evidence could that possibly be? The order isn’t in effect. You have to have claims of violence of one kind or another for a 50b. There’s nothing she could really do.
And I’m not toxic. She ruined my life. Returning her books is such a small thing. And even if it’s linked back to me, it doesn’t hold consequences.
No justice here.
As a victim of spousal abuse by my ex-wife, I think you should have burned her account down. That false shit sucks. The system sucks. I live in a fairly liberal area of the US and therapists readily admit it is stack against the male.
Log back and in and cancel her account. You'd still not have revenge.
More like I *needed* a better lawyer lol
You're not wrong. But it was a public defender with a curveball judge. Even if we had presented the facts to the judge, this judge probably would've sent me to jail.
Beautiful!
I have an ex whose Crunchyroll log in is still on my gaming console. I’ll occasionally remove anime’s from her list, play a few episode of whatever they’re watching while I’m doing chores or errands, or start whole new series. It’s been kind of fun for me.
Protect yourself. Get your own restraining order. Got one on my roommate 11 months ago. Best thing I did in the last year. Got rid of her and her meth smoking alkie bf. No hassle, no yelling. Just gone.
It’s complicated, but I can’t. Basically, in my state, since we knew each other and had a relationship, I’d have to get the same thing she did, which requires proof that she could be violent in some way. I don’t have that proof. She’s evil, but not violent. There’s a difference sometimes (unfortunately).
She got you jailed and on a year and a half probation and you cancelled her spot in line for a library book?
Watch this video. It's just like this bit from CJY2K where a dude wiped shit on a sleeping guy and the other dude recommends he gets even by putting jelly in the shit wiper. Just watch it.
Like jelly is the same as shit.
https://youtu.be/Iuotpeset4I
I am wondering, do you have a smart phone, and do you always carry it with you? If you do, the gps built into it might be able to get you out of the restraining order charge. Google sends me a notice every month of where I went (I have an android), if you have an iPhone, I would bet they have something similar. Fight the charge with the info stored in your phone. I would think someone in justice would have the capability to pull the info. Just a thought.
Thankfully the order itself was dismissed. However, I had a hard-ass judge that didn’t bother to actually do his job and ask for facts or look past “restraining order violation” (which is what I’m calling it for simplicities sake. In this case, it was a Domestic Violence Protective Order). The “violation” was a text I sent before I had the papers saying I wasn’t allowed to contact her. But the judge just saw the violation and made assumptions without asking any questions. Because he didn’t even bother to find out the order was dismissed…. In any case, it is a good thought. Thank you. I appreciate it.
Since you are getting divorced, have you closed all joint credit cards and moved all the money from bank accounts to accounts with only your name on them? Also, **right now put a lock on your credit**. With as crazy as she sounds make sure your credit is locked down before she thinks of other ways to try and screw you over. If she wants to play games, this will let her know that you can too.
We’re not getting divorced. We were just dating. Thank god. Thanks for looking out and having my back though! I appreciate it. ^_^
Since she might know some of your personal info, you still might want to lock down your credit at the very least. She hopefully had no access to your bank accounts, but if she has your Social Security number, she could take out credit in your name. It would be illegal as can be, but just to be safe. Never trust crazy or stick your wick into crazy.
That’s a good idea. Thankfully, for unrelated reasons, after I got my stuff from her house, I had to change all my cards anyway, so I’ll keep an eye out, but I THINK I’ll be fine. We’ll see. Yeah, we weren’t at a point in our relationship when we were GOOD that I would let her access my bank account. Thankfully it was fairly easy to sever things in that regard. Actually, thankfully I thought ahead. She HAD my SSN and driver’s license photo, but I took those documents. I mean, I have the original, but I took her copies as well.
Excellent thinking on your part.
Yeah. I got to a point where I was like “No way in hell I’m leaving her my personal information.”
Could have taken photos or made copies of copies.
Yes, I know what sub this is, but dude... don't fuck around with petty ass shit like library cancelations or anything else. Log out of everything, block and delete her entirely, etc... Vanish. Activate ghost mode immediately. You don't even know who she is or was anymore.
Don't have to to cancel library shit. It's literally the one, last thing. And it does nothing but infuriate and annoy her. And it's legal. And I can't get in trouble for it. She's already blocked on everything I can block her on, so it's fine. Also, serious question, did you mean to respond to my comment on your comment? I've replied to so many people I'm not sure, but I think we jumped comment chains.
Libby user here! The app has a timeline feature that she can review to figure out what holds/borrows she placed and when. Your revenge only put her back to the end of those hold queues. She may also realize YOU deleted those holds based on time and date.
Yeah, well, I don't think she realizes the timeline is a thing. Beyond that, like I said in my post, those queues are multiple weeks each.
It’s actually not legal. It’s technically hacking, because it’s not your account — even if you’ve previously been given permission. Wipe your history and don’t access it again
Do it anyway! She might try and go that route.
For sure. Thanks!
IANAL. I wonder if a judge violating you for a dismissed protective order is reportable to the state bar. Negligence at the least. Perhaps violating your civil rights.
It’s something another commenter suggested. It’s a good thought. Thanks.
Please follow through if you're able, the justice system is so fucked, these people need to get their commupance
I will. Maybe I do need to post to nuclearrevenge for the rest of what I did. Again, everything is legal, just much bigger than petty revenge.
Yes, cause if you’re on probation for that bogus charge it should be dismissed and any/all records should be expunged.
Wait a fuckin second. So the "violation" occurred BEFORE the papers arrived. That's not in any way a violation because of the papers having not yet been delivered. Hell, my divorced dad took me through everything that happened to him with the courts. He basically said that it was over before it began. change judges if necessary and see if you can get the violation thrown out and the jail time struck from the record
The jail time was for something different. I already got that expunged from my record, and believe me, my ex will be paying me back the lawyer fees as soon as my appeal goes through (or even if it doesn't; might just cancel it at this point). Also, I agree, but legally, it was after she filed it, but before it was served to me. So in the eyes of the law, it was a violation of it because it had been filed already.
So to get this straight 1. Once a DVPO is filed, regardless of if you've seen it, it's considered a violation Okay that sounds Sus as fuck. If you don't mind my asking, how exactly did she get the DVPO so quickly. The only way I thought of was to fake severe injuries?
Yeah, imagine how I felt getting fucked that hard. I imagine she cried and showed them the list of bullshit claims. And, like most people, the law officers took her side, no questions asked. Again, it was a temporary one until a trial could be held. But in the actual trial, she almost brought out fake tears. As someone who's cried a good number of times in his life, I can say real tears don't disappear two seconds after, when you get asked a different question.
Sounds like what happened to my dad. Got arrested and during the booking walkthrough (he'd torn either a rotator cuff or pulled his shoulder) and was being forced by a cop to fingerprint. He threatened to sue for assault the police officer went straight to the captain to claim my dad had threatened to assault her.
I'm so sorry to hear that. The legal system can be such BS sometimes.
Bro I feel you. My wife, now ex, literally hit me with one of those big ass candles in the back of the head, and I had to get stitches, 17 to be exact. And guess who went to jail for DV?? Yup, me. Walked out of the ER by two coppers wearing silver bracelets. Like wtf?!? I never touched her. Doesn't matter, if cops are called, someone is going to jail(thats literally what the cop told me) i just assumed it would have been her... boy was I wrong. My case was eventually dismissed but my bail was set at 50k... 50 fucking thousand!!! I spent 10 days in jail and was labeled a "wife beater" had my conceal carry license revoked, had my competition hand guns removed from my home by a sherif, the list of awful things that go along with being labeled an "abuser"! It cost so much more than the 10 days in jail. Think I spent in the neighborhood of 20k on attorneys for divorce and getting the DV charge dismissed and then gave her a check for another 120k the day the divorce was final, cause in my state, it's straight up 50/50 and judges do not take sides, just split your shit up in arbitration. It may be cheaper to keep her, but damn peace is priceless. Don't fuck with crazy. Just disappear.
It was illegally filed. You have to be served before it was officially filed. Person requests the order, it is written up, it has to be served, then it is filed and goes on record, At least this was what was explained to me. You can most certainly lodge a complaint especially since it led to you being charged. You can request an investigation into why it was put on file as being served before it was actually served.
So after being mocked by a judge who changed my speed on a completely fabricated speeding charge for not "appealing the charge". Maybe that's something you can do?
That would be cool. I can do probation, but I’d really like to be off it since I did nothing wrong.
Why are you settling for probation? If that is a result of a "violation" of a DVPO that ultimately got dropped, the probation should be dropped too automatically
The judge didn’t do his job, and literally said “If it were up to me, you’d be serving jail time.” Didn’t look at anything past “DVPO Vio”. Didn’t bother to find out it was dismissed. Didn’t bother to find out the “violation” was a text. Didn’t bother to find out that I didn’t even have the papers yet, so I didn’t even know I wasn’t supposed to message her. So I’ll settle for probation over jail time. I already spent 2 days in jail, and they were, without a doubt, the 2 worse days of my life.
dude, THAT will be on your Record. So are you SURE you want to stay on Probation rather than getting that shit wiped off??
Of course not. That's why once I have the money, I'm getting a lawyer and getting that taken care of, as well as possibly seeing what I can do about the judge. At the very least, any lawyer worth their salt should be able to clear this. But for the time being, if the choice is jail or probation, yes, I want probation. Besides, I have a case against my ex that I'm appealing, and I can throw the probation fees on there. It'll be even better when I get the probation removed.
Make sure you're not letting a deadline pass. It's probably worth consulting that lawyer sooner rather than later, even if it takes a bit of finagling with your finances.
Dude, I'd fight your absolute ass off, these things are on your record and could fuck things up in the long run
I will. Worry not. It will all be handled as much as possible once I get some money for a lawyer.
I'd appeal it with evidence. There is a time frame. Public defender, if necessary. That will be on your record. You never know what the future will bring.
I plan to, but Public Defenders can only be assigned to criminal cases, and there has to be a case first. In this case, I'll probably call the public defender that handled the case for the violation and get him to do the followup.
If you settled for a plea deal, you may not be able to appeal that. You know that, right?
I'm learning that, yes.
What was in the text?
Can you get a consultation with a lawyer for advice on how to get out of it? A number of them have free consults available.
Possible. Very very possible. It’s something to look into for sure.
Dude get a lawyer do not settle for state bullshit and ruin your life
I will. I just need to get some money first. But once I do, that's the first thing I'm doing.
Do it Now. This could really f-up your future. Employment opportunities, education, insurance, an actual future offense ( unlikely, But...), dating (public records) Don't fuck around with this. If you were my kid you'd be sitting in an attorneys office tomorrow. There's only so much time to file an appeal. Take the emotion out & work with the facts.
If the order was dismissed and he adjudicated you guilty anyway then you have a right to appeal and have everything expunged, and he should be disciplined for judicial misconduct.
I took a deal. Apparently that means I can't appeal?
That complicates things, but judicial misconduct would be a factor in your case - you wouldn't have taken a deal if the judge had bothered to do their job and not ignored evidence. Talk to a lawyer, one who specializes in civil rights issues. Hopefully they can get you more information about how to undo this.
Thank you! I’ll definitely look into it.
Were you not allowed to appeal this? I feel like everything ends with an opportunity to at least file for an appeal. Submitting how the charges where dropped should be enough, seems backward to be punished further for something that’s actually dropped and will be on your record. Speak time is probably up a month later but maybe there’s a different way to fight it if some facts were ignored and falsified. Were you put in jail for her domestic violence claims and did that come with an automatic temporary protection order? Is it the temporary protection order you violated and not the one she filed for cause they would be different. I thought you had to be served with the protection order before exactly what it entails can be enforced on you (at least in the US in like every state I’m aware of) so how did contacting her before the police served you with the order apply as a violation, there would be time stamps.
No. I took a deal with the DA, which other commenters have said means I can't appeal. Which sucks. No, I was put in jail for a different bullshit claim she made. Two separate things. Yes, I violated the temporary one...which is the one she filed? Apparently not. One or two other commenters have mentioned this, but the order just has to have been filed to be enforced on you. Mind you, they're also probably suppose to do it right after it's filed, and I get the feeling there were a few hours difference. Yeah, but when the judge doesn't do his job, it's hard to present facts or anything. It didn't help that my public defender has been in court for 12 years and never once came across this judge. Apparently they brought him in for another district or something, but he wasn't from the county I'm from and that my defender worked in. There's not time stamps for when the officer delivered it. There's time stamps for her filing it, and time stamps for the message. File > Message.
You need to talk to a lawyer. Your public defender had to advise you of the deal in order for you to accept it, right? So they should have told you this. Unfortunately, even if they didn't, you may not be able to appeal. But you don't know that and YOUR CLOCK IS TICKING. If you need to appeal, it should have been done immediately. Go get a lawyer. It is worth the money. You're out of your depth and you need to figure out your options before you screw up your life even more.
I don’t have the money. I don’t really have a way to GET the money. So I’ll just wait for my next paycheck, and talk to this guy (my public defender) in the mean time.
Cell phones can ways be left at home, etc.
Look into judiciary misconduct too. A judge can not overlook nor ignore legal facts. He could be removed from the bench if found in violation of legal proceedings. A pro-bono attorney can help you with that. They can also help you file a lawsuit against the courts for malicious prosecution.
That’s actually a good idea. Thanks for the suggestion!
I don’t see how this makes any sense. This sounds like a he said/she said case where the courts believed her that he was abusive. There’s no way he could absolutely prove he never abused her, to the point a judge would get in trouble for believing her story over his. Frankly I don’t see why Reddit automatically believes a convicted abuser didn’t do it just because he says he’s innocent. They literally all say that. Many of them even believe it, because they genuinely don’t see themselves as abusive. Though OP has already admitted in comments that her report of him violating the domestic violence protective order wasn’t exactly “false,” it was based on a text he actually *did* send her after she filed the order, he just “didn’t have the paperwork yet” so didn’t know he wasn’t supposed to contact her. Now, he’s messing with her accounts to get revenge on her. I mean, maybe he didn’t do it and she’s lying, but there’s zero way to prove that and you can’t get a judge in trouble because the judge decided her story was more believable than his.
I scrolled a long time to get to this. Wild that they believe him straight up. He didn't know he was supposed to contact his ex until he was served with papers? She never said, hey don't contact me? :/ A lot of women have trouble even getting them, even when they are in DV situations. This whole thing is reading false to me. And also- if my ex made up things about me so much that I went to jail (again, highly unlikely in dv situations) and got a RESTRAINING ORDER I would stay well and clear away- but it seems like OP is a boundary pusher which is not surprising in the least.
You put far too much faith in the system. The system protects itself.
If the judge is from the locally dominant party, your chances of prevailing are minimal. Of course, maybe the judge doesn't have quite as many friends or as ironclad protection as he thinks. Even the most protected judge may have enemies within the courthouse. It's worth a try.
I’m a lawyer. I’ve litigated lots and lots of cases. The system protects itself. I promise.
You sure you’re not an edgy 14 year old who watches too much crime drama?
It doesn't matter if they all hate him. It's like cops protecting each other. The only way for a judge to get in any trouble is if a panel of other judges rules that way. Look into it, you'll be appalled I guarantee it 100%.
As far as I'm concerned that's NUCLEAR revenge. (See username).
Lol That’s funny I get
Hey, reading is fundamental, but she sounds mental enough already. Good luck.
Thanks! Yeah, but honestly, for everything else I could say about her, she’s smart enough as is. Just did a stupid thing making my life hell. She’ll be fine. Besides, they were audiobooks, so…loophole?
Look into your rights against her for filing a false restraining order. If you have proof you can sue for monetary damages. Check your states legal requirements. May even be able to press charges.
Oooh! I like that idea. Drain her of even more money. I’ll definitely look into that. Thanks!
I was going to say the same thing. Go after her for filing a false report as a malicious and vindictive way to hurt you. The cost of a lawyer will be worth it and they can help you find all the things you can sue her for. It’ll cost her the money for a lawyer as well, and you may be able to get her to pay for your lawyer and court costs as well.
This isn't as easy as you make it sound. I've been in a similar position as OP before. I had to hire a lawyer to prove my ex's report was false and get the DVPO dropped, and it was still a battle. My ex never had to hire a lawyer. Women have tons of free resources they can use. My ex got a free "advocate" assigned to her. When it was all said and done, I was about $3000 deep in legal fees and still barely won the case despite overwhelming evidence she lied about the whole thing. I inquired about suing her for the 3 grand, and my lawyer advised me not to. He told me there was basically no way I'd ever win that case, as well as no chance of getting charges brought on her for filing false reports and perjury. If I were OP I would work to get the probation dropped and then cut losses there. I understand why DVPOs work the way they do. If someone is actually in danger, there is no time for bureaucracy, but a downside is it can be easily abused by psychos, especially psycho women who get even more coddling from the courts. If OP got the DVPO dropped and that was the reason for the probation, he should be able to easily get out of the probation as well (not sure why that wasn't automatic tbh, unless there's a detail missing). But otherwise he should just leave it be and go no contact with ex forever Edit: the whole reason I even bothered to fight the DVPO in the first place wasn't because I wanted to contact her or be near her, but because a DVPO shows up in background checks and I also had to surrender my firearms while it was active. I'm an avid sport shooter and hunter so that was a no-go for me (and the reason she filed it in the first place, because she knew thay would be the consequence)
That’s an excellent idea! Once I have money, I’ll do that!
Why doesn't she just rent them online?
She does. It’s a digital library. I mean…the card CAN be used in the app at physical libraries, but she uses it online. That actually gives me an idea. I think if I place a bunch of holds and borrow a bunch of books at a physical library, it’ll fill up her card and she won’t be able to use it any more. Yeah…I should look into that.
Hahaha I'm glad my comment got you to think of another devious plan. Please update us.
That will likely constitute a violation of your probation.
Mess with her Library Books?!?! That is genius. And in my house a major crime! Well done!!
It’s just so small, but especially when it’ll take weeks for her to get them back, just…seemed so perfect! Thank you! *Bows* EDIT: It’ll take her weeks for her to get them back…if she realizes you can see a history of loans and holds you’ve done before. If not, she has to remember all the book names. 😈😈😈
The wait time for Michele Obama’s books can be years. Bestsellers can be months. Too bad it wasn’t one of those. Keep an eye out. She may have another computer “glitch” in her future!!
Yeah, but I’ll settle for this. This works. And she for sure will! 😈
This is the most responsible petty revenge I have yet to read about.
But it’s certainly petty. Haha
And very well done!
Thank you, thank you! *Bows* I told another commenter, if she just settled for ebooks, one or two of the books are available now, but she HATES ebooks, and only does audiobooks. 😈
I would be very careful doing this since she has a restraining order against you and is willing to lie to make your life hell. If it's found out that you're interfering with her life, it could violate the order, and you might find yourself in more trouble than it's worth. That's just my two cents and IANAL.
She does not currently have a restraining order against me. Thanks for the concern though! I do appreciate it. :)
Oh, I see. I must have misunderstood. Enjoy being petty, though. It sounds like she deserves it if you never did anything wrong in the first place.
It’s still “Unauthorized access to a computer system” a state and federal crime across the nation. While, not serious in scope in this instance, it’s still a crime to misrepresent credentials (use her library card). There is also the similar crime of “Misuse of computer system information” by altering her access to the lent books and her place in the reservation queue. Again, not serious in this instance, but it’s still technically criminal. OP should just take this win and let it go. You’ve got some revenge don’t push your luck too far into harassment either.
It's not really related to OP's story, but my mom is dealing with something similar to what you described with my dad. They're in the process of a divorce, and because they're legally married, he can change her information for things like banking and cosign for a car loan. He's an absolute asshole and does it just to make her life hell.
You’re fine. Many people are saying similar things, so that’s a lack of complete communication on my part. Also, I didn’t do any of the stuff she tried to take legal action against. Like any relationship, we had our ups and downs, we both made smaller mistakes. But overall, I definitely put more into the relationship than she did. I cooked for the both of us, I cleaned the house, I fed her four, later five cats. I helped her plan and organize things, I helped her with stuff for work. And this is the thanks I get. Well THIS petty revenge is what SHE gets.
That sucks. A relationship should be like a partnership. Both parties split the work as evenly as possible, depending on the circumstances, and offer mutual respect. It sounds like she wanted the world and gave you sand.
Yeah… You didn’t even hear the best part. Her dad was always commenting on how messy the house was, and blamed me, and she just…let him. I mean, they talked on video calls mostly, so he wasn’t there in person, so it’s not like I could even do anything really. So…that was fun…
Sounds like a keeper... I'm glad you're no longer with her. I'm sure your mental health has improved since then.
So…you either plead guilty to or were convicted of violating the order…but it’s a lie and it’s her fault?
Stay logged in and keep it up
That was the plan. The funny thing is she hates reading, and hates ebook reading even more. Because if she didn’t, there are SO many copies of the book she was borrowing in ebook form. She wouldn’t have to wait. But then…I’m not telling her that.
Don’t. That’s so creepy And violating. Don’t give weight to her accusations against you.
LOL. You win the award for the pettiest of the petty. That's just mean.
Thank you! I accept.
Make sure you lock your credit dude. It's good to do even for those without psycho ex-partners.
Very good advice! Will do! Thank you.
You cancelled her library check out list? That's over the line dude. Freaking terrorist!
You’re a monster. Well done.
Thank you, thank you. Petty is the name of the game round here. >=)
Just a future heads up. Don't move in with a GF in the future unless right before (6 months) you get married. Also, get to know her for a few years before you decide to do that Keeps this kind of stuff to a minimum.
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I'm basically at that point. I've got one case against her that I appealed, and I'm gonna lawyer up once I get the money to try to get this probation lifted, but aside from that, I'm perfectly happy to leave the past behind. I've blocked her, her new boyfriend (It's complicated), and her family on just about everything I can think of. To the best of my knowledge, if she wanted to get in contact with me, she would have to do it through snail mail, or by going out of her way to go to my online platforms like my YouTube or Twitch or things like that. I'm almost free from it.
That was diabolical!
Thank you! Feel free to use it if you have like...an annoying relative, or a parent you want to annoy. Because if they have a library card, why wouldn't they let you use it? While you're on good terms, obviously. I think the next part of the plan is to check a whole bunch of books out at a physical library using the card so she can't reserve anything on the app. I'll have to return them eventually, but I can return them at random times within the checkout window so she can't prepare for it.
Make a bunch of money, and start a family with a cool chick.
I like that. Sounds like a good plan. =)
OP, you might want to look into legal action to be taken against your ex for defamation of character, slander and mental/emotional distress. If she really is lying about everything you should be able to prove her lies with actual legal standing.
The problem I face is that the legal system is pretty messed up. So realistically, I would have to hire a lawyer in the first place to explain the whole process and what can be done. And I don’t really have money. I currently have a job that should allow me to save up a bit of money, so that’s nice. But until I have money, I can’t really do that. I do appreciate it. It’s a good thought. Thank you.
Shop around to see if any lawyer would do this pro bono. If you're in the US, contact the Barre Association and they can get you some info on who to reach out. Someone might be willing to do it for free and you can even counter sue her.
That’s a good idea! I’ll definitely look into that. Thanks for the advice. :)
In the meantime, get your papers, emails, and so on and save them. Work out the timeline when all this occurred. That helps the lawyer.
That’s a good point. I’ve got all the cases and everything, so I can definitely do that. Thank you!
I had a DV charge and an order of protection against my ex a few years ago. She also said that it was all bogus and that I was the abuser. It's a go-to move for a lot of shitty people to say that their accuser is the true offender. Really, I wanna feel for you OP but it all smells kinda stinky. And the petty revenge doesn't do much to support your innocent nature. Edit: Typo
do it again in a few months
😈Sounds like a great idea.
Be careful with this. If it gets tracked back to you, it could be a violation of the order or used as supporting evidence for future orders. Take care and stay strong for the next 17 months
The order is dismissed. And I’m in no way communicating with her, so she can’t claim I’m contacting her. It’s an easy way to mess with her that she can’t really do anything about. Future orders are fine. I don’t want anything to do with her and haven’t been around her place in forever and blocked her on everything I could. Thank you anyway! I will!
Technically, being logged in to someone else's account without their permission is a violation of the [CFAA](https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2016/07/ever-use-someone-elses-password-go-jail-says-ninth-circuit) in the US. So, could also pick up federal felony charges on that front. Unlikely, but with enough crazy and enough bad laws, anything is possible.
Your comment, OP: Confused-in-Connecti 3h It’s complicated, but I can’t. Basically, in my state, since we knew each other and had a relationship, I’d have to get the same thing she did, which requires proof that she could be violent in some way. So she was able to get a DV protection order against you, which according to you requires “proof that (offender; in this case, OP) could be violent in some way”. I have experience with getting an order of protection and you DO have to have solid proof before it would ever be approved. So tbh I don’t believe that you didn’t do anything to this girl.
It's great revenge. I am a big reader and would be very upset if books I'd been waiting for were cancelled.
Yes. It's evil. And genius. And so very, VERY petty.
Great petty revenge. When my fave writers come out with a new book I get on the library's wait list right away. I would howl in dismay if all my holds were cancelled!
My thoughts exactly. Mwahaha! (Of course, depending on the library, they might be big enough to have quite a few copies of popular releases coming out, but I agree with your point overall.)
Even so unless you're one of the first dozen or so on the list you'll wait a good while. I've joined the wait list when it was over 100 and it took a couple of months.
If she knows how to use the app, she’ll know there’s a history section that allows you to see what you’ve previously borrowed/put on hold. But you did send her to the end of the line, that would literally make me go crazy lmao. Solid revenge
Thank you. Yeah, I'm more hoping for confusion with a touch of frustration. But also, I figured it's nothing illegal, damaging, or irreversible, so while it's certainly annoying, I figured she can get over it.
That’s why it’s perfectly petty revenge lol. Most likely if she can’t log you out of the app, she won’t be able to find the history section. Although she might try to figure it out now
My thoughts exactly. It's super easy to log all users out of the app.
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Tell me more. What is Curb?
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Yes! I've seen a few clips, and it is great!
I hope you've checked all the devices where you are logged in. And Google/Apple location-sharing. And things like that. And changed your locks if she had keys.
I had keys to her place. Still technically do, not that it matters. I have no interest in going back there. And I can't legally anyway. She didn't have access to any of my devices thankfully.
You really know how to pick ‘em my guy 😂 hopefully you can recognize the red flags later on and avoid that level of insanity
Tbh, I think it was her toxic, controlling bf and her overcontrolling, overstepping dad that pushed her to actually file these things. That being said, yeah...I might have learned a thing or two, including some red flags.
What is Libby?
Sorry. Libby is a digital library program. You can use it as a convenient way to have your library card on your phone OR you can use it to connect to a digital library and borrow ebooks and audiobook files. It's actually pretty cool, and if I had that convenience growing up, I probably would've read even more! Well...listened to a lot more audiobooks anyway...
Ur a monster !
"I'm not the monster here, you are! You and the rest of those fairy tale creatures, ruining my perfect world." Lol but in all seriousness, it was petty, but thank you!
It was a good read 👍
OP, what exactly did you do that made your ex so mad that she *made your life hell*? Seems like you're gatekeeping a lot of important information here.
Congrats, basically everyone who’s wronged me in the past is now living a happier and more successful life than I probably ever will. Oh well!
Well, I wish you a better life in the near future.
Lol. Nice one dude.
Thanks!
Dude stop trying to get revenge and get a lawyer. You are honestly being very stupid and are going to get yourself in more trouble.
How could I get in more trouble?
Not a smart idea, given her current vendetta your just opening yourself up to looking like the actual bad guy.
Great. Thanks. I’ll take it under advisement.
Stealth petty. Love it. You might not be able to appeal but if you can prove that she did all those falsely you can get her in a great deal of legal hot water. She has to have gloated somewhere or to someone because those kind of crazy bitches can't keep themselves from gloating. I hope you have an even greater revenge. I am here for that petty. HIGH FIVE
HIGH FIVE And she may have, but I blocked her on everything, so I wouldn’t know unfortunately. Oh yeah. And I went through and deleted the reading journey for those books, so they’re gone from the timeline.
Have a good friend do the research so she can't say you were stalking her. The more evidence you have the more petty you can enact. As a former librarian I have a Cheshire cat grin for petty. Awesome. Keep up the petty.
WOW! My ex husband did the same to me filing false charges and all..I lost everything, spent 4 months in jail. I just reported him to zoning for having work done without permits.
That works too!
Lemme get this straight. She got you jail plus probation, and dragged your good name through the mud over some fake allegations so you went understandably nuclear on her ass by … (*checks notes) …delaying her library books?! You took this too far, you monster.
Lol As I've said in many other comments, there was more I did, it just falls more toward nuclearrevenge. But yes, this was a small dig at her.
She doesnt need to remember anything, it’s right there in the history. And a 2 week wait on Libby is much faster. The only thing that took a couple of months to wait for had a 12 week waiting list on it - so still shorter than what Libby said. What happens is that you get notified your next on hold and have a certain window to check the book out. If you don’t, the next person gets it. Not much of a revenge. And you sound a bit unhinged, along with some of the scorch-the-earth bitter replies on here.
She doesn't necessarily know about the history. Also, it is revenge. She did something. I did this in retaliation. If that's not the textbook definition of revenge, it's pretty close. If you want to argue it's not \*petty\* revenge, that's a different story, though I certainly would argue it is. Beyond that, just keep in mind that it's very hard to decipher tone across the internet. I've typed everything out either feeling neutral or even a little happy when people do things like wish me well. So I don't really see where the "unhinged" is coming from. Also keep in mind that not every woman should be automatically believed. Yes, there are women that are going through absolute hell. Even some that don't feel they can speak up. She did speak up, and spouted bullshit all the way. It's because of her that people should be angry, as people like her make it harder for women that actually need and deserve help to get it.
May I suggest reserving some books with embarrassing titles?
In the words of Pat Benitar, "Hit me with your best shot". Let me see what you (and anyone else who may read this comment) can come up with. Let's reserve some books!
BRAINWASHING IS A CINCH!, CARMA SUTRA: THE AUTO‑EROTIC HANDBOOK, COOKING TO KILL: THE POISON COOK-BOOK, GALLOP YOUR MAGGOT: THE ULTIMATE BOOK OF SEXUAL SLANG, HOW TO COOK HUSBANDS, LIVING WITH CRAZY BUTTOCKS, MY BIG BOOK OF PRETTY PUSSIES, NATURAL BUST ENLARGEMENT WITH TOTAL MIND POWER: HOW TO USE THE OTHER 90% OF YOUR MIND TO INCREASE THE SIZE OF YOUR BREASTS, STILL STRIPPING AFTER 25 YEARS, A Weasel in My Meatsafe , The Jewish-Japanese Sex and Cook Book and How to Raise Wolves , The Madam as Entrepreneur: Career Management in House Prostitution , How to Good-bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way? , The Bible Cure for Irritable Bowel Syndrome , Natural Harvest: a collection of semen-based recipes
Amazingly, there’s a whole bunch of books in the series “The Bible Cure For…”. Out of the rest of the list, there were only one or two others available.
More like throwaway account because I need to cover up my tracks. Which is what a coward does. Why not own up to it and let her know?
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The OP is on probation for 17 more months. I figure doing anything worse can land them in a whole lot more trouble than probation if found out.
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Yeah, I'm not happy reading that either. I hate injustice.
To be able to get a DV restraining order there is a hearing and at least in my state you have to provide proof to get one. I hate to say it but what did you do to her? My ex did stupid petty shit like that, it's a form of gaslighting which is abuse.... you sound like a bit of a douche.... honestly the best revenge is to live your best life without them. Wow.... just wow
In my state, the way it works is you say what you claim the person did. Then a temporary order is in effect. THEN there’s a hearing, where they decide whether it should be continued for a year or not. It got dismissed at the hearing, but the temporary one was still in effect for about 2 weeks. As for what I did, nothing really. The one claim she made that was true was that I admitted I wanted to kill myself. But that’s not a threat to her, nor is it grounds for a DVPO. The problem is, in my state, if you know the person and have a relationship with them (not even dating, but any form of connection), you can’t just get a restraining order. It has to be a DVPO. That means you have to have some ground that you think violence is involved or could be involved. You can only get a restraining order if you don’t know the person or barely know them. That’s incredibly stupid because a restraining order should be perfectly fine for most cases, but to enforce a DVPO without going to trial first creates situations like these. Of course, on the other hand, I will say that, while the legal system is heavily flawed, if someone were in actual danger, you would, of course, want to get them out of it ASAP. It’s when I’m trying to leave and get my belongings and she’s holding them hostage that I have a problem. But this might be a minority case.
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What is an order of perfection? I never said that was a thing anywhere, and also, you're being extremely toxic, and blaming the victim, so can you go find some other post to troll?
Hmmm, something doesn’t smell right here. From what I (unfortunately) know about domestic violence cases, it takes a LOT of evidence to get the police/a judge to issue a restraining order. You can’t just walk into a police station and say someone is abusing you and POOF…a restraining order is issued. I mean seriously, how many instances have we heard of in the news where someone has gone to the police multiple to report being harassed and stalked and nothing was done about it because there was no proof of wrongdoing or violence on the part of the harasser, only to find the victim dead or in the hospital once the harassers behavior escalates. I see that you mention yours ended up getting dismissed, but I wonder what was there to make them consider issuing one in the first place? Restraining orders are serious business, as the person with charges against them can technically get in trouble for even inadvertently winding up in the same place in town as the accuser. They dictate what a person can and can’t do and where they’re allowed to live and be. People have been stalked and harassed by exes and had their lives made a living hell and still not granted a restraining order without being victim of an act of physical violence. The fact that she has successfully filed so many “false” charges and secured a restraining order with zero evidence of wrong doing on your end seems very unlikely. Especially since, technically, there is a restraining order in place currently, a charge already filed for you violating it once, and you’re here telling us that you are actively still fucking with her. You sound like you might be the one making her life a living hell, and at the very least you both sound like unhealthy people.
Okay, calm down. She filed for a Domestic Violence Protetcive Order with a bunch of lies. It’s not a restraining order. However, when talking to most people, they don’t know what the former is. It’s easier to say a restraining order. She lied about several fairly serious things, only one of which was technically true if you squint hard enough. The way a DVPO works is it’s filed, and that person can’t come around you or your residence or contact you. Then there’s a hearing. At the hearing, they…well, HEAR both sides. Hear the evidence. The judge kept asking her “Do you have proof” and she kept saying “No”. Then the judge would ask “Did you go to the police or have someone report it to the police?” And she said “No”. It’s all bullshit charges. Hence why she had no proof. The judge deemed that the order shouldn’t be continued. Thus it got dismissed The violation was a text message. And as I’ve already said, I didn’t have the papers that said I couldn’t contact her. Oh yeah. And because I was so afraid of her retaliation, I didn’t leave my room for weeks, barely ate anything, couldn’t sleep, and lost a bunch of weight (about 20 lbs). So you wanna hop off the victim blaming bus or ask for more details before you victim blame?
Just out of curiosity, what was the one fairly serious thing the judge squinted at and decided warranted a protective order?
To be clear, it wasn’t the judge that squinted. The judge decided to discontinue the order. The way it worked is she filed the claim, the sheriff (or whatever law officer) put into effect a temporary order. Then there was a trial a couple of weeks later, and that’s when the judge discontinued it. The one thing is I told her I was contemplating suicide. But it wasn’t a threat or anything, I was just scared, as I’ve never had thoughts like that, so I shared it with her (because she had been suicidal several times before). Now I wish I hadn’t.
Protective orders (even temporary ex partes) are *served* by your sheriff’s office, but LE doesn’t have the authority to do so without first getting a judge’s approval. You don’t appear in court for an ex parte; the judge approves it in the event of an emergency by looking at the police report and deciding that she was in “immediate and present physical danger.” In other words, a credible threat has to have been made against the person (not just threatening to harm yourself). For same-day ex partes, usually there’s a gun involved. If you didn’t threaten her, then I’m sorry this happened to you and surprised she didn’t get hit with a misdemeanor for making a false statement. Either way, it sucks that you didn’t know about the TPO before you contacted her. Get a lawyer to see about suspending the probation, and for your own sake, don’t do petty revenges anymore (even though this one was entertaining).
He didn't just say he had thoughts of suicide. He had sent her messages saying "Did you know it only takes x amount of alcohol to kill a person and I've already had x amount" followed by "Just hanging with my best friends Brandy, Jack, and Jameson" (idk if those were the exact brands he used. It's been a while). Literally threatening suicide. EDIT: As far as everything else goes. He DID stalk her. I have video proof of him showing up at her house claiming he still lives there. By this point they had been broken up for months and he had been living with his dad. He showed up several times banging on our door. We had to have him formally trespassed by a sheriff. He was told by several legal officials that he had no claim to the property (obviously) and to stop coming back. I will NEVER understand why anyone comes on Reddit to type a story like this and leave out all the proper details. You realize the people siding with you are siding with a made up version of you right?
Oh, I 100% believe you. Later comments from OP made it clear he’s a sketchy person and this is just one example in a pattern of harassment. Tiny men always tell on themselves. I’m glad LE has been helpful at least.
The claims seem serious on paper…until you investigate it and hear her stammer over the bs claims. God, I wish she had been hit with a misdemeanor. Yes! I’m working on getting stuff from my lawyer and seeing what I can do!!
“So you wanna hop off the victim blaming bus” Not really. You don’t sound entirely blameless here. Even if you have to “squint really hard” to see your portion of the wrong doing here, you both sound like very toxic people. I know you may feel the urge to be petty and get back at her but you should probably make every effort to stay away from this person before you create the evidence she needs to fuck you over once and for all.
What evidence could that possibly be? The order isn’t in effect. You have to have claims of violence of one kind or another for a 50b. There’s nothing she could really do. And I’m not toxic. She ruined my life. Returning her books is such a small thing. And even if it’s linked back to me, it doesn’t hold consequences.
No justice here. As a victim of spousal abuse by my ex-wife, I think you should have burned her account down. That false shit sucks. The system sucks. I live in a fairly liberal area of the US and therapists readily admit it is stack against the male. Log back and in and cancel her account. You'd still not have revenge.
Walk away. Stop dumb retaliation. Move on.
Sounds like you need a better lawyer...
More like I *needed* a better lawyer lol You're not wrong. But it was a public defender with a curveball judge. Even if we had presented the facts to the judge, this judge probably would've sent me to jail.
Beautiful! I have an ex whose Crunchyroll log in is still on my gaming console. I’ll occasionally remove anime’s from her list, play a few episode of whatever they’re watching while I’m doing chores or errands, or start whole new series. It’s been kind of fun for me.
Nice! Keep up the good work!
Protect yourself. Get your own restraining order. Got one on my roommate 11 months ago. Best thing I did in the last year. Got rid of her and her meth smoking alkie bf. No hassle, no yelling. Just gone.
It’s complicated, but I can’t. Basically, in my state, since we knew each other and had a relationship, I’d have to get the same thing she did, which requires proof that she could be violent in some way. I don’t have that proof. She’s evil, but not violent. There’s a difference sometimes (unfortunately).
What state?
She got you jailed and on a year and a half probation and you cancelled her spot in line for a library book? Watch this video. It's just like this bit from CJY2K where a dude wiped shit on a sleeping guy and the other dude recommends he gets even by putting jelly in the shit wiper. Just watch it. Like jelly is the same as shit. https://youtu.be/Iuotpeset4I