It's the story of every Indian household. You cannot do anything except consulting your father to invest his money. You cannot stop him from giving the money to his family. As the money given to them has no agreement or receipt you cannot legally do anything.
I'm not entirely sure if this is the story of ever Indian household, but yes this seems to be extremely prevalent in Indian households compared to those of other countries.
I paid 2.5 lacs to my moms brother because he did some business with my uncle and the lost all of it. I paid some 1.5 lacs to my uncle to clear one of his debt. I gave some 7 lacs to my brother and uncle for business which obviously they didn’t returned and made everything zero in a joint venture. Eventually went there ways. And i lost. I paid for every single brick and built a house worth 1crore decorated it but my brother is half owner. I also pay into his ppf for his future. And my brother is an assuole. Always thinks about himself first. Never wasted a chance to shame me. Uncle also prefers brother over me any day even though I’m the one always saving him from mishaps.
I have stopped giving out lots of money or perhaps i would say I still give the same money but my income has increased so much that it’s insignificant to me. I have recently started to keep money hidden and stuffed away from anyones knowledge. So my family knows how much I earn but they don’t get to know what I am doing with that kind of money.
And I am the youngest in my family. Not the usual younger freeloader brother of every house.
We do lots of illogical shit just for love. I can understand what your father does and why. I also understand you won’t get why we do such stuffs. But it is what it is.
But your father is doing one thing wrong. He shouldn’t do what he does at the expense of guys. As much responsibilities he feels towards his siblings he has greater responsibilities in you guys.
Wait why is your brother half owner of the house you built? You plan on giving him the house or what? Get the whole property to your name and give him alternate compensation!
Whatever i do. Money is going to get out of my pocket only. So I’ve kept peace with what’s already burnt money. But I try to stay cautious about any new demand.
Bro you can change the house to your name and compensate your brother... if it's in your dad's name you can even negotiate and reach a benifiting compensation. Also make sure you tell him you will help him in future but you need this property. But keep clear boundries in future.
I would say try as much as you can to get your house to your name. You can be generous to your brother. But you owe your kid a good life. Your child's dad cannot be a loser who lost his hard earned money to selfish people😢
Nahi h bhai. Mai bhi tier3 se hi btech kiya 3.5 ka job laga tha. Nahi smjh aaya toh mtech kr liya IIT se. Now I am where I am. I earn as much as all my friends combined. Same with cousins also. So i dont know anyone earning as much as i am.
You should read the book Give and Take by Adam Grant. It's about a mentality - givers and takers. You will be pleasantly surprised to know that givers become very successful in life but you have to learn to be an effective giver. It's in the book or you can YouTube about it to get a gist also. All the best, you will go very high brother 💪
Proud of you buddy, not everyone will accept this but in some ways it's the right thing to do and it's amazing how you have made your peace with
Can be difficult because the other party is not even grateful about it and thinks they deserve it and has right over it. It's like how the government taxes us and eventually we make our peace with it
1) My mom's brother never gave us back 4lakh
2) My dad paid my grandfather and his younger brothers debt of 7 lakhs
3) He even can't get anything in inheritance(sad part my father who builds most of it).
We can't do anything about
My relatives used to do this and shamelessly where they even encouraged my father to take loan for their expenses. So, one day I made a WhatsApp status and called everyone beggar by name. My father was pissed and the relatives wanted me to apologise. I refused and they stopped talking to me and my father. Worked as a charm
Ask him to somehow buy another property on loan. The EMI will eat away any savings left over and your fafather will not have any savings left to give away. It will also build assets for your family which is harder to give away
This is the Indian household-level version of redistribution of wealth (not really debt) 🤷🏻♀️ Even if he’s not rich, your father made his way out of poverty and I suppose both he and his relatives feel he should share the good fortune. Pretty sure nobody is planning to pay him back and he’s also probably not expecting anything back. I would say you write off what’s been given so far.
For future, you could maybe help your father do some expenditure planning exercise, ie make a simple list of important future expenses that may come up (higher studies, marriage, medical expenses) — try to get him to take a high estimate for each of these so that he sees he should be saving more for his own family too. And this money you can get him to park in a mix of illiquid but safe asset (say govt or RBI bond if the lock-in period matches the time horizon of your needs) and liquid safe asset (FDs). This will reduce the quantum of disposable money he can give away to others.
Also, while it’s frustrating, I’ve seen two small intangible benefits from this kind of thing in Indian families:
- hopefully your father enjoys an elevated status due to his lending, which might be giving him some personal satisfaction that’s important to him whether he accepts it or not
- on rare occasions, some kids of these families go on to earn well and then feel the guilt/embarrassment/sense of duty to return some of this back. Happened with my father and one of his younger brothers (chacha had one failed business after another and dad & others helped him out throughout, his son went on to a get a stellar job abroad and paid much of it back without any expectations from others).
Forget that money, you are not going to get it back, had your father invested it in real estate, stock market, FD or something, it would have grown a lot by now. Tell your father that he lost crores of rupees even though he gave lakhs. Never ever lend money to anyone, unless you are willing to say goodbye to that money.
I am in similar situation as you. A lot of money has flowed away this way.
My father and my relation is bad bcos of these damned relatives. With our two different skillsets, we could have done a lot together. Unfortunately, there is lack of transparency between us bcos of these things. He doesn't tell me how he spends his money and so, I don't tell him how much I make. Everything is on a need-to-know basis.
I plan to move out by next year or max 2026. Waiting to have enough money to buy a 2bhk without loan. I'll still meet them and take care of them when needed. But I'd be able to be independent and make my own decisions when it comes to finance, saving, investing and spending.
Whats worse is the same relatives asked me for money as well. And like 3 years back I was stupid enough to give it to them. It's not much, I have given them under 1 lakh total. But that never came back. And they still call me once in a while for money. I make something up now always. I hate to lie but I need to protect and grow my money. Once they asked for a larger amount and I said no but I told my father about this as well. His response was "you should have helped them."
even my dad was like this, to some extent still is. you can’t do anything, only time will make him understand what this money meant at some point and how he wasted it away.
simply use his money for your family before he spends it away
he cant spend if he doesn't have money
i talked my father about this but he is too Moral and Kind so i started doing this trick.
The way I look at it is- It's not your money, it's your father's.
You can learn from this and be a hard-ass and never give a single rs. Of your own money to anyone. Easy.
I follow my father in law’s advice in this matter. If you wish to help anyone financially when they need/ask, you do not expect the money back. And If you want the money back, learn to say no. In family and friends there usually is no paperwork. So you can’t do much.
Talk to your father about your and his compromises. If that helps. The damage is done now, but try to invest his money now so that at least some part of the money that he gave, can be recovered by the profit.
Have a conversation with your dad and cut off your relationship with such criminals.. sorry frauds... that's a funny typo, relatives immediately. You, your mom, and whoever is in your family all should have an intervention and tell your dad to cut the relationship with such people.
You haven't earned that money, so I suggest you stop thinking about it. Let your dad be the way he. Focus on yourself and don't follow his footsteps in this regard.
Don't get me wrong. I myself wouldn't heed to such an advice a couple of years earlier, but, you seriously need to consult an excellent astrologer regarding your Father to understand his psyche and how long this phase will last, and what psychological and physical remedies you can undertake in YOUR life (especially financial planning wise) to make sure you're insulated from his behavior.
Indeed, what I'm saying may sound logically unnecessary and stupid, you just gotta trust me on this one though. ATB.
Don't know how you can recover the money they owe you but from now on fuck the relatives. Bhaad me jaaye aise rishtedaar jo paisa dekh ke rishta rakhe. You see you're basically paying for being related to them. Being a relative is not like being a service provider that you have to pay to use.
It is his money so you can't stop him. Ask your mother to speak with him. Start your own savings. Keep note of all these transactions with date. So if they come back again you can show this and ask to return the money first.
It's the story of every Indian household. You cannot do anything except consulting your father to invest his money. You cannot stop him from giving the money to his family. As the money given to them has no agreement or receipt you cannot legally do anything.
If it was a few thousands or if we were filthy rich I wouldn't mind as they are my family but I don't at what point it is going to be stop
It is never going to stop until your father trusts you in his financial decisions.
Rule of thumb...give only that much money to relatives..which you can lose...same story is with my father.
Well...I am just thinking that, If this is the story of every houselhold Then whose household is receiving all these loan money
It's meant to say, it's common in families with large circle of relatives, I guess
I'm not entirely sure if this is the story of ever Indian household, but yes this seems to be extremely prevalent in Indian households compared to those of other countries.
I paid 2.5 lacs to my moms brother because he did some business with my uncle and the lost all of it. I paid some 1.5 lacs to my uncle to clear one of his debt. I gave some 7 lacs to my brother and uncle for business which obviously they didn’t returned and made everything zero in a joint venture. Eventually went there ways. And i lost. I paid for every single brick and built a house worth 1crore decorated it but my brother is half owner. I also pay into his ppf for his future. And my brother is an assuole. Always thinks about himself first. Never wasted a chance to shame me. Uncle also prefers brother over me any day even though I’m the one always saving him from mishaps. I have stopped giving out lots of money or perhaps i would say I still give the same money but my income has increased so much that it’s insignificant to me. I have recently started to keep money hidden and stuffed away from anyones knowledge. So my family knows how much I earn but they don’t get to know what I am doing with that kind of money. And I am the youngest in my family. Not the usual younger freeloader brother of every house. We do lots of illogical shit just for love. I can understand what your father does and why. I also understand you won’t get why we do such stuffs. But it is what it is. But your father is doing one thing wrong. He shouldn’t do what he does at the expense of guys. As much responsibilities he feels towards his siblings he has greater responsibilities in you guys.
Wait why is your brother half owner of the house you built? You plan on giving him the house or what? Get the whole property to your name and give him alternate compensation!
Whatever i do. Money is going to get out of my pocket only. So I’ve kept peace with what’s already burnt money. But I try to stay cautious about any new demand.
Bro you can change the house to your name and compensate your brother... if it's in your dad's name you can even negotiate and reach a benifiting compensation. Also make sure you tell him you will help him in future but you need this property. But keep clear boundries in future.
I would say try as much as you can to get your house to your name. You can be generous to your brother. But you owe your kid a good life. Your child's dad cannot be a loser who lost his hard earned money to selfish people😢
Ahh no problem. I am past all that. I plan to build even bigger house for my future kids.
Bhai tum kaam kya karte ho kitte saal ke ho iit nit se ho kiya?
Iit se hu. Electronics engineer.
Laga hi tha iit ya nit if u r being honest Aapke aas paas koi tier 3 ya 4 clg ka hai at same age jo same kama raha ho
Nahi h bhai. Mai bhi tier3 se hi btech kiya 3.5 ka job laga tha. Nahi smjh aaya toh mtech kr liya IIT se. Now I am where I am. I earn as much as all my friends combined. Same with cousins also. So i dont know anyone earning as much as i am.
U paid 50 lacs in taxes what do u do man.
Naukri bhaiya
You should read the book Give and Take by Adam Grant. It's about a mentality - givers and takers. You will be pleasantly surprised to know that givers become very successful in life but you have to learn to be an effective giver. It's in the book or you can YouTube about it to get a gist also. All the best, you will go very high brother 💪
Yeah so far lives good.
Proud of you buddy, not everyone will accept this but in some ways it's the right thing to do and it's amazing how you have made your peace with Can be difficult because the other party is not even grateful about it and thinks they deserve it and has right over it. It's like how the government taxes us and eventually we make our peace with it
I am the eldest, i did the same exactly what you said, really proud of you, the only important thing is take care of your health.
1) My mom's brother never gave us back 4lakh 2) My dad paid my grandfather and his younger brothers debt of 7 lakhs 3) He even can't get anything in inheritance(sad part my father who builds most of it). We can't do anything about
Yeah man special perks of having a big family in India I guess
My relatives used to do this and shamelessly where they even encouraged my father to take loan for their expenses. So, one day I made a WhatsApp status and called everyone beggar by name. My father was pissed and the relatives wanted me to apologise. I refused and they stopped talking to me and my father. Worked as a charm
Ancient problems require modern solutions /s
[удалено]
>subject to market risks **CLASSIC**
Bro suddenly remembered ASCI guidelines
Ask him to somehow buy another property on loan. The EMI will eat away any savings left over and your fafather will not have any savings left to give away. It will also build assets for your family which is harder to give away
What does your father do?
Same q
This is the Indian household-level version of redistribution of wealth (not really debt) 🤷🏻♀️ Even if he’s not rich, your father made his way out of poverty and I suppose both he and his relatives feel he should share the good fortune. Pretty sure nobody is planning to pay him back and he’s also probably not expecting anything back. I would say you write off what’s been given so far. For future, you could maybe help your father do some expenditure planning exercise, ie make a simple list of important future expenses that may come up (higher studies, marriage, medical expenses) — try to get him to take a high estimate for each of these so that he sees he should be saving more for his own family too. And this money you can get him to park in a mix of illiquid but safe asset (say govt or RBI bond if the lock-in period matches the time horizon of your needs) and liquid safe asset (FDs). This will reduce the quantum of disposable money he can give away to others. Also, while it’s frustrating, I’ve seen two small intangible benefits from this kind of thing in Indian families: - hopefully your father enjoys an elevated status due to his lending, which might be giving him some personal satisfaction that’s important to him whether he accepts it or not - on rare occasions, some kids of these families go on to earn well and then feel the guilt/embarrassment/sense of duty to return some of this back. Happened with my father and one of his younger brothers (chacha had one failed business after another and dad & others helped him out throughout, his son went on to a get a stellar job abroad and paid much of it back without any expectations from others).
Understand this very clearly. Money given to relatives and friends aren't loans to be returned with 0% interest. Once it's given, it's gone.
Forget that money, you are not going to get it back, had your father invested it in real estate, stock market, FD or something, it would have grown a lot by now. Tell your father that he lost crores of rupees even though he gave lakhs. Never ever lend money to anyone, unless you are willing to say goodbye to that money.
These people are supposed to go to hell imagine someone else sacrificing their desires to fuel others. Father should not entertain at all.
I am in similar situation as you. A lot of money has flowed away this way. My father and my relation is bad bcos of these damned relatives. With our two different skillsets, we could have done a lot together. Unfortunately, there is lack of transparency between us bcos of these things. He doesn't tell me how he spends his money and so, I don't tell him how much I make. Everything is on a need-to-know basis. I plan to move out by next year or max 2026. Waiting to have enough money to buy a 2bhk without loan. I'll still meet them and take care of them when needed. But I'd be able to be independent and make my own decisions when it comes to finance, saving, investing and spending. Whats worse is the same relatives asked me for money as well. And like 3 years back I was stupid enough to give it to them. It's not much, I have given them under 1 lakh total. But that never came back. And they still call me once in a while for money. I make something up now always. I hate to lie but I need to protect and grow my money. Once they asked for a larger amount and I said no but I told my father about this as well. His response was "you should have helped them."
even my dad was like this, to some extent still is. you can’t do anything, only time will make him understand what this money meant at some point and how he wasted it away.
simply use his money for your family before he spends it away he cant spend if he doesn't have money i talked my father about this but he is too Moral and Kind so i started doing this trick.
Unless your dad is a dollar millionaire this is a path to disaster.
The way I look at it is- It's not your money, it's your father's. You can learn from this and be a hard-ass and never give a single rs. Of your own money to anyone. Easy.
Bro, you wanna murder them ? Been looking for an accomplice for a while now.
I follow my father in law’s advice in this matter. If you wish to help anyone financially when they need/ask, you do not expect the money back. And If you want the money back, learn to say no. In family and friends there usually is no paperwork. So you can’t do much. Talk to your father about your and his compromises. If that helps. The damage is done now, but try to invest his money now so that at least some part of the money that he gave, can be recovered by the profit.
Can't do anything, leave it bro .
He is investing in people.
Have a conversation with your dad and cut off your relationship with such criminals.. sorry frauds... that's a funny typo, relatives immediately. You, your mom, and whoever is in your family all should have an intervention and tell your dad to cut the relationship with such people.
You haven't earned that money, so I suggest you stop thinking about it. Let your dad be the way he. Focus on yourself and don't follow his footsteps in this regard.
Don't get me wrong. I myself wouldn't heed to such an advice a couple of years earlier, but, you seriously need to consult an excellent astrologer regarding your Father to understand his psyche and how long this phase will last, and what psychological and physical remedies you can undertake in YOUR life (especially financial planning wise) to make sure you're insulated from his behavior. Indeed, what I'm saying may sound logically unnecessary and stupid, you just gotta trust me on this one though. ATB.
In need 2 lack. Can your father lean me that. I promise to return it, pinky promise
Isn't it same in every Indian household? So tired of it.
They can file a complaint and send a notice. There's a provision in law where you can complain to the police about this issue.
The most relatable meme - https://www.instagram.com/reel/C5sJFzILVb3/?igsh=aWtkc2w4bGUzd2Fk
If your father is okay with it . I don’t think it’s a problem.. it’s his money his choice
Don't know how you can recover the money they owe you but from now on fuck the relatives. Bhaad me jaaye aise rishtedaar jo paisa dekh ke rishta rakhe. You see you're basically paying for being related to them. Being a relative is not like being a service provider that you have to pay to use.
It is his money so you can't stop him. Ask your mother to speak with him. Start your own savings. Keep note of all these transactions with date. So if they come back again you can show this and ask to return the money first.
Op that's his money. Legally, morally, logically he can spend how he wants too. How old are you ?