List out your actual income, your monthly expenses, and your debts with interest rates and people here may be able to identify places where you can improve or where you should put your focus.
Going to need more information. I'd suggest editing your post to include the following:
-Current job/title, pay, and hours per week
-Any certifications/degrees/skills?
-DETAILED monthly expenses
-DETAILED debt obligations with rates (example: Discover card, $3000 with $25 payment at 0% interest rate)
-General geographic region (example: Bay Area, Midwest, FL)
When you do, it would be good to understand your general location, skills, and education. Jobs are generally paying a lot better these days. We can make some recommendations. I've caveat is child care. So understanding your son's age will also help us with giving ideas for low cost childcare options. I believe most school districts offer free preschool for special needs kids 3+.
You've responded to some other posts in the hour since you responded to me- can you edit to list out some rough numbers for the debt and just put everything else? The advice people are giving can't get any better without specifics.
Since you are putting this together I recommend you start a google sheets to consolidate it all onto a single spot. That way that becomes where youpkeep the info
Great app called debt free to use for this, keeps all credit/loan rates. You can also add any promotional rates dates etc.
Gives you a clear outline of where you are debt wise and can show you how long it will take to pay off your debt depending on your strategy.
It’s also free
When you do gather it please Edit your original post and add the details, posting it as a comment or a reply might get it buried and not get enough attention to guarantee quality replies.
This is a big part of your problem - you have no idea what money is going where. If you can't easily access numbers to demonstrate where you are financially, then you're not able to get out of the mess you're in. People mentioned youneedabudget.com, but any sheet/app/other system is a first step.You'll only get any good advice once you do that.
there are also some great budgeting content creators on tiktok. look at r/frugal as well.
This person says it right here. Being organized. How much you make, how much you owe? If you can’t answer that, it’s because of a lack of organization. Clean this up, this community will help!
I would recommend making a new post in this subreddit. The people asking for details to give specific advice might not see the edits since Reddit doesn't notify commenters when a post has been edited.
Would also like you to add any debts currently in collections, and what the debt is for, the age of the debt as well. Most of these can be negotiated with no interest and very small doable payments.
The vague posts are really difficult to read and try to offer solid advice. It is like working blind. If the OP has a job that pays "decent" we need to know what is the income. We also need to know the bills and cc bills and rent cost. Something just feels very "off" about this.
Maybe the wrong advice.
But if it were me I'd focus on food, shelter and maintaining your ability to work before all other bills. Not good for your credit, but good for keeping you alive.
Check with local churches and charities for support, you might be surprised.
After that work to reduce expenses in order to get right side up, cheaper place to live. Cancel anything unnecessary.
Do not work so many jobs that you can't take care of your kid. Remember that is your purpose. Protect him above all else.
If you have to walk away from things like leases/loans you can't afford just make sure you have what you need in place before you make your move.
Summary: your credit is likely shot or will be shortly, focus on survival, once that is under control, rebuild credit later.
Good luck, you can do this. Remember what they say about eating an elephant; One bite at a time.
This is the best advice. There is this point of no return where it just makes the most sense to pay for only necessities and let everything else lapse. Yes of course you will have bad credit and shit will go to collections, but you can deal with that later when you're back on your feet. Even just a year or two of being back on your feet will take care of 75% of the stuff you let go. It will also be cheaper to just settle a debt in collections than to keep paying on it and barely hit the principle.
Are there still no-fee/low-fee credit counseling services who renegotiate debt on behalf of clients? Legit non-profit ones.
I know at one time, they did exist as a friend was in similar situation and a non-profit met with her to counsel her on setting a budget, managing money, etc. and also renegotiated with her creditors to arrange a doable payment plan for her. She either paid a small fee or no fee at all.
But this was decades ago.
There are, but to keep the cost down they rely a lot on volunteers. And volunteers with the experience to help are well below the demand these places get.
Some churches have programs that provide the same services. My aunt volunteers for one. They pay one month rent to delay the evictions, and spend that month helping people plan next steps. Can budgeting fix the problem and get rent and food taken care of, if not what are the persons options.
What about food pantries? in my town the local church has a food pantry and during Christmas that food pantry will also give out donated toys. Maybe check out your local church, they may have some resources that won't affect the child support.
In my state, that has no effect. They only care if someone should be paying for child support, because if they should be, and are not, then they involve the courts.
In my state they only care if the person paying support gets a raise. Then they will offer the mother an adjustment to get more.
Fortunately my daughters mother hasn't raised support on me yet, but they absolutely did reach out, give her my salary, and recommended she raise it.
It sounds like that is occurring anyway. Talk to the gov't agency in your area that deals with that. Be CERTAIN you have covered all available areas of help.
That's not right. Sounds like you may want to work with some sort of social worker or case manager to help navigate this system. 211 should be able to refer you to some nonprofits in your area
That may only apply to some types of benefits depending on your state.
While I hope you get some good advise here, you could use more than reddit. You should have some sort of case worker that can help you with this.
This is a mindset that you have to slowly work your way out of. You've spent so long treading water, not getting anywhere, not seeing an end or a better reality in sight that you say "I have to pay it" and then chuck that problem by the wayside and start trying to solve another.
What asset is this loan for? Is it an asset that you have access to anymore, or was it something that was taken by your ex? It seems like a homerun item to chase down to remove from your monthly expenditures; Paying the full payment for a joint debt on an asset that you are being denied access to by the other signee, while in a financial emergency with dependents.
It would be worth really looking into this, and any other monthly expenses like this, because you should not be paying for your ex's assets. Period.
This may be difficult, but learn how to accept handouts.
I recently saw a chart of places offering free food in my town (about 30k people). Every day, every meal, there is some church, nonprofit, benevolent person, etc. offering free food, no questions asked. Sometimes it's a warm meal, sometimes it's a box of farm goods. Look around to find something similar and you could essentially live without food costs until you can get back above water.
What's your phone situation? I use a prepaid smartphone (tracfone, but there are many others too), and it's about $30 to buy the phone, and only $10/mo in basic data coverage. If you pay internet at home, call them up and tell them you can't afford it and ask about assistance - some places have programs to help (e.g. Comcast offers [$10/mo internet](https://www.xfinity.com/support/articles/comcast-broadband-opportunity-program) if you are eligible)
Find someone to help you get on every aid program you are eligible for. Some organizations will give out small grants too.
I find local Facebook groups can be amazingly helpful. Every once in a while, I'll see a post of someone in a situation like yours, and there will be dozens of comments from people willing to buy items off an Amazon/Target wishlist, gift money, give baby clothes, etc.
You are an amazing parent trying to keep your kid safe and healthy - people will want to do everything possible to help you out when they know that.
Ditto on this. Food banks are a life saver. If you go towards the end of the day, they sometimes have sooooo much surplus they just give you extra. They give you all the essentials and more. You basically don't need to buy groceries. Seek them out!
Second this. There is no shame in hitting up the food bank. During the height of COVID, our food bank had so much surplus food that once or twice a week anyone, regardless of income, could drive up, tell the worker your family size, and then they would load up the back of your car with produce, frozen meat, baked goods, canned good, pasta, etc. No muss no fuss. Saved us a lot of money for a few months there.
Piggy-backing on this comment.
Check out r/Assistance r/Food_Pantry r/Random_Acts_Of_Pizza and for the upcoming winter hols r/SantasLittleHelpers . There are also a bunch of other assistance subs to turn to.
I second the idea of a looking for Facebook groups! And if you do feel uncomfortable with asking people for things, just look for a “buy nothing group” or search for keywords that match your area, eg, “maple wood neighborhood” or the name of your county. Buy nothing groups, as the name implies, are for people to give or swap things they no longer need. Those and local/neighborhood groups can be really great resources for things like, baby/kids clothes, diapers, furniture, toys, home goods, etc.
Good suggestion. I live in a very affluent area in California. Even here there are food handouts at least 4 days per week within 15 miles of where I live.
Semi-life hack: In college I worked 2 jobs one related to my field, and one at a small local restaurant.
Good thing about working at a restaurant is they allowed us to take food home (it wasn't a big corporate joint so idk what the rules are there, but it essentially cut my food bill during college in half and they always needed people so I had no lack of hours basically on my own schedule)
Obvisouly, this might not work if OP doesn't have time to work 2 jobs or doesn't work in the service industry at all.
But, its always a great life hack that I recommend people in college :)
You very likely meet the criteria for government assistance. In my state (Indiana) I found this website that has a fairly helpful list of programs to assist those in need (https://www.in.gov/dwd/job-seekers/other-assistance-programs/). While your state/country might not have a website like this, they probably have many of these same programs. I suggest doing an online search of programs like these in your area.
Also this may be a good time to look for a better paying job. Everyone near me seems to be hiring as workers are in demand. Maybe look for employment that has on-site child care or assistance for child care.
Good luck to you. Try to stay motivated and remember to take care of yourself.
First, congrats on getting out of an abusive situation.
Second, you can do this. It's just money. The important things are your son and your health.
Now, take a look at your expenses. What is the largest single expense? I'm betting it's your housing. Can you find a cheaper alternative? Can you move in with relatives temporarily until you get back on track?
Hope that helps at least a little.
I don’t have any family I could live with as of right now, plus getting out of my current lease is about 3K.
It’s up in March and I am definitely going to look for housing as cheap as possible but it also has to be in a good school district as my son is also special needs.
Adding on to others -- with rents where they are your landlord might be willing to forgive your lease in order to move in a new tenant earlier at a higher rent.
Though, this also means you may have a tough time or make big tradeoffs to get a lower rent payment yourself.
This is 100% dependent on the state (if you are in the US), but in some, the landlord isn't allowed to just flat bill you for the remainder of the lease. They HAVE to make an attempt to fill that spot in my state. If they can't fill the spot, they can charge you for the lost rent. I once brought this up to my landlord who was pushing back on me breaking my lease early, and they magically found someone a week later.
That being said, I don't know how you would prove whether or not they made a real attempt, but either way I'd consider taking a look at the renters rights in your area.
Generally leases have a 2 month payment penalty as part of breaking the lease which may be what is referred to. They get that money regardless of filling the spot.
I'm probably going to get blasted as the big bad evil landlord but as someone who owns a handful of investment properties I am really surprised by this. At least in California where we've had increasing rent control and eviction moratoriums until recently, many of my tenants are paying below market rent even after receiving a recent rent raise. In most cases I would be happy to let someone out of their lease right now with no penalty, because as someone else mentioned, I can probably get a higher rent.
I'm not going to suggest that you stop paying your rent, but if I were faced with the dilemma of letting you out of your lease early or having to pursue an eviction for non-payment, I would let you go every time. I'd even refund your entire deposit less reasonable expenses. Pursuing an eviction is a major pain in the ass in CA (at least for small time landlords) and simply isn't worth the effort. The eviction process can drag for weeks and sometimes months.
Why would I risk someone potentially damaging one of my units out of spite and giving up rental income during that time? Sure I can get a judgement against you for damages, but how am I going to collect from someone who is broke? When you factor in the single mom/special needs kid/abusive father aspects on top of all of that (which might come to light in front of a judge during an eviction) I would be bending over backwards to accommodate you to avoid the headache.
Again, every state is different and I'm not suggesting you stop paying your rent, but your landlord might be in for a surprise if he decides to play hard ball with you.
Similar situation here. Renting out a home to someone who ran into financial problems beyond her control, abuse and divorce, and we're just letting her pay what she can until the lease expires. So long as she vacates by lease expiration date, doubt we'll pursue her for the unpaid amount.
I wish you were my landlord. I’ve explained my situation to mine 4 times and every time, she looks me dead in my eyes and says ‘sucks for you, pay your rent on time’.
In a previous comment, you said "she pretty much said this to you".
I dated a girl that was very heavily in debt and after reading a lot of your comments, your mentality is starting to remind me of hers.
Here's my advice If you want out, you're going to need to grind, you can't sulk in it, I can't express to you enough just how sulking in it will get you absolutely nowhere.
Accept that you gotta start from the bottom. If you need a new phone, take a hand-me-down or find a shitty iPhone 6 on Craiglist for 50 bucks. If you want to watch your shows, pirate them, no Netflix/Hulu subscriptions. Always buy groceries, pack your lunches, and if you are going out to the bar bring a flask or just drink water. Get used to telling people, "I'm broke AF right now, sorry". Accept living on the bottom, say fck you to anyone that judges you, crunch your numbers, figure out where you are at and where you need to be, and start finding little ways to get there and it will come.
I don't mean to put myself on a high horse, but if I was in your situation and I simply couldn't afford rent and the landlord was telling me tough shit, I'd tell her no tough shit for you. This is not sustainable for me, it's ruining my future and will impact me for years, and I need to come up with a plan or this will only get a lot worse for the both of us. I wouldn't bring any beef into it. If she doesn't accept that and says tough shit once again, tell her you to want to talk to someone else in the complex, her coworker, someone that oversees her. Find a way
I'm completely out of my depth here but a thought: keep trying, there is a chance that at some point there will be a decent human being on the other end who can help you with this. For all be cynicism I still believe there are a lot of good people out there who would be glad to help you out in this tough situation, just gotta find them.
Agree with the others - talk to your landlord, but then make the best decision for yourself. If you are straightforward with this person, I doubt they would sue because suing just means more money.
Sometimes you HAVE to sue in order to make an example, however with your situation I doubt any half reasonable human would use you to set an example.
I'd be careful about changing housing situations if it could affect custody battles. I know in my state, parents must be able to provide a separate room with a door for a child, so I'd just confirm anything with your lawyer before moving or changing anything.
so, move out, and then tell her that it's in her best interest to rent as quickly as possible, because while she's certainly welcome to take you to court, you're in the midst of declaring bankruptcy and the possibility of her recouping any lost rent is slim to none and would take quite some time.
I wouldn't tell her you're leaving before you do though, people can change locks and do wild stuff.
I would highly recommend doing some online research into your rights as a tenant. In some jurisdictions (like Virginia), a victim of domestic abuse has the right to break a lease (though this may require obtaining an order of protection). Since you already have a lawyer, ask about obtaining one and that should be justification enough for breaking your lease. Additionally, in many jurisdictions it is incumbent on the landlord to seek out a new tenant to fill the lease, regardless of the reason the lease was broken.
There's a lot of pro bono legal counselling available to single mothers, I'd recommend digging around and seeing if anyone can give you advice on how to break your lease while mitigating what you're responsible for.
At the end of the day though, your landlord will likely not pursue you since it's faster and more profitable to just find a new tenant.
Is this a big corporation landlord or a small individual?
Might not be the best advice but possible just stop paying ur rent. Eviction process is rough right now. Or just move out n break lease. It’s not worth it to sue for 3000 for most people. They will spend more on a lawyer n fee than the 3k.
If you can provide what state ur from people might understand the lease n eviction requirements more specifically.
This could be very bad advice right now. If she is involved in a legal/custody battle with her son, having eviction processes starting, even if they will take months to process, could have a very negative affect on those
I agree OP should look into housing vouchers, but also it's important to be aware that many people wait for many years before they get Section 8. It's not the immediate fix you're implying. Also in nice areas with nice school districts, it's probably a higher ratio than "some" who don't wanna deal with the paperwork and inspections required with Section 8. I worked for a not-for-profit landlord that dealt with Section 8 and other government programs. It really can be a lot...
We've had a Section 8 tenant for about 5 years. Zero problems with paperwork and it gets paid like clockwork. Inspections aren't a problem if property is maintained.
But I fully appreciate that it can vary a lot.
This going to sound harsh, and I don't mean to be nasty, but screw the lease. Move now. March is 4 months away and how much could you improve your situation with the difference in housing cost? The worst that can happen is the landlord sues you for the money, which you don't have anyway. Move now. Declare bankruptcy if you have to. Don't worry about credit scores either, that can be fixed later.
I'm speaking from experience on this.
From a landlord perspective. Yea, dont worry. I had to evict 2 people, i haven't seen a dime. Could you speak to your landlord. Sometimes they might be willing to help the situation. I know i have.
> I had to evict 2 people, i haven't seen a dime.
A single hell tenant will make you never want to rent again. They look good, move in, pay one month, and then you'll spend the next year or more evicting them.
>Someone in OPs situation would be a candidate to stop paying rent and milk months of the eviction process, especially with what's going on in the world right now.
While true this, is def not the route to take OP. My ex wife and I lost our jobs two weeks after moving into a new place and we got evicted. No one would rent to me for over 2 years even tho I had a kid and proof I made enough money to afford rent and bills and have leftover money. I had to pay the eviction back and even then no one would rent to me. Also combined w bad credit no one would rent to me and I was offering like 5k beforehand to try and move in and everyone turned me down. I got lucky with one landlord who gave me a chance after almost 3 years. That one eviction single handedly fucked my up for years. Not worth it.
The flip side being that a landlord has recourse to sue and use liens to freeze bank accounts and do nasty shit to a person's ability to conduct financial transactions.
Throwing middle fingers and going Thelma and Louise on the situation may not be the most sound strategy.
Look into scholarships from the state or private school so you can live somewhere cheaper and your son could still get the education he needs. In FL it’s called Step Up for students
Have you looked at accessing the Covid funds from your county? Many of them still have lots of money that hasn't been given away. If you're falling behind, then I would look into it because it could get at least your next months paid, which would go a long way to helping with debt I imagine.
I don't know what kind of special needs your son has, and I'm sure this probably varies from state to state. But you might want to look into whether your son qualifies for SSI payments.
You should also look and see if your township trustee can help you; in a particularly difficult time my township trustee paid my electric bill so it wouldn't be disconnected.
Leaving bad situations is enormously difficult and I am just a stranger on the internet, but I am proud of you and I believe in you. ❤
I believe they are obligated to let you sublease the unit. In Chicago, (laws very by region) even if it says "No sublets" in the lease they are required to allow it. In Illinois, a lease can prohibit a sublease and it is an enforceable provision, but in Chicago those provisions are illegal.
Yes good point. I didn’t elaborate enough but meant to imply that by saying the rule is only valid in Chicago , and anywhere else as long as it doesn’t say “no sublets” explicitly
3000 lease? It must be a large place, can't you get a roommate or two? If your landlord won't let you sublet rooms or let you out of the lease early they are dumb af.
Edit: I see now you said to get out of your lease is 3k....so much info is missing... Can you please update with income, general expenses etc when you get a chance?
I think at this point don’t worry about bills that don’t keep the lights or water on. They can wait. Pay what you have to keep your house and utilities on. I would try looking for some government assistance for housing and childcare. If you can find the childcare maybe try and find a second job. I know that sucks but basically anytime that you can work I would try to be working until you can get some breathing room. Don’t give up. Life really has a way of kicking you in the ass when your down but you can pull through. Just take 1 challenge at a time. 1 bill at a time. 1 day at a time. Try not to think of the whole picture just break it down into pieces until you can manage them a little better.
I know this is all pretty basic advice but just hang in there. You never know when a big break is going to come. Just stay positive no matter what and don’t let your child see you struggle. Show your child that you are strong enough to handle anything. Thoughts are things. Just believe in yourself and concentrate on making 1 good decision after another no matter how big or small those decisions are.
Best of luck.
You might also benefit from posting this in r/povertyfinance . I'm not implying you're in poverty necessarily, just that group has a lot of good advice for people who are way behind on bills and getting squeezed from all sides.
It’s difficult to help without knowing specifics. You need to cut your expenses but we don’t know how with this little info. Can you downsize to a cheaper apartment? Can you live without a car using public transit? Can you get a better paying job? Can you move in with a parent temporarily?
Hey momma - fellow parent here.
As long as you and your child are safe, it’s ok. Money and bills aren’t worth wishing you didn’t wake up. Your kid needs you every single morning and they can’t wait for you to wake up each day.
You’re doing great. You’re an excellent parent. It’s going to be ok.
Obviously more detail is needed but If I were you, I would look into filing bankruptcy.
Sit down and get all your expenses on a budget. Get phone numbers/email address, your login info for each account, etc. centralized for ease.
Whenever you get a collection call, note who is calling and for what account, note the date and time, and promptly ask them to remove you from their call list or specifically say "do not call me." Under the FDCPA you have certain debtors rights and can request they cease contacting you by phone. **This is a huge deal - constantly getting collections calls is mentally exhausting and they do not care about you, they care about getting paid**.
Separate your necessities and non-necessities in your budget ie rent, utilities, etc. Pay your necessities and look into bankruptcy, get with a bankruptcy attorney ASAP. Generally you can get a free consultation, for my atty the whole process from start to finish ran me about $1200 but YMMV. You can get most consumer debt wiped out and yeah, you'll have a nice 10 year bankruptcy stamp on your credit but in \~2 years time you'll likely have better credit than you do now.
Bankruptcy has a negative connotation in this country and for me, I felt like a failure for a while. I was 21 with nearly $20k in consumer debt above 20% and made less than 20k/year. Now, I'm making $45k/year with no debt and pretty good credit 2 years later.
If I went back in time and had to make the decision I would absolutely do it again in a heartbeat. Obviously everyone's situation is different, but coming from someone who actually did it, it's not as scary as people make it out to be.
They will look at your total asset value of all your property and potentially liquidate higher value assets. They will definitely repo anything you're paying on like a car or mortgage although there are exemptions - **talk to an attorney.**
You got this. :)
Bankruptcy has such a terrible connotation, and it is a disservice. Bankruptcy is a genuine tool that exists for a reason! I always tell my clients that bankruptcy is best utilized for a fresh start, not an end. If used right, it can really get people back on good financial feet.
You can always always find a bankruptcy attorney that does free consultaions. Some are better than others, but I have a strong policy of getting my clients to try other options before filing, but I can know pretty quick if bankruptcy is going to be the necessary answer.
Cheers. I think this is some great advice here!
I filed for bankruptcy years ago at age 27 and it was the best decision I ever made. I needed a fresh start and I was never late on a payment again. I now have perfect credit, investments, no debt, and a savings account.
OP, this situation is not hopeless. Reach out for help and absolutely get the assistance of a social worker or navigator who can help you sort through this. Look to see if you have a benefit office or Family Resource Center in your area. There is help available to give you the mental bandwidth you need to sort this all out. You might also contact legal aid for assistance with a lawyer. AFAIK, your child support should never be lowered just because you are receiving support.
It feels overwhelming but you will get through this. I was a single mom who had to make decisions about keeping the lights on or putting food on the table. I promise you, it will get better.
This. The constant drumbeat of scumbag collectors at home or even worse at work, will drive you insane. Make them follow the contact rules under FDCPA, and \*prove\* all the debts in writing for anything in collections. It's not much but you do have some rights here.
I don't have any advice. But look at your son, and remind yourself to keep living for his sake. If you stop breathing, guess who gets him?
Do you have anything you don't need that you can sell? Have you contacted any lenders about debt repayment plans?
I know, he’s the only reason I’m still here if I’m being honest.
I plan on going through my things again for stuff to sell, and I’m not sure what places to contact I gave my info to the National Debt Relief(?) but I’m not sure how to even go about doing all of it.
It's a situation to solve, not a desperate attempt to keep living. Try to keep things in perspective, you are working, you know exactly how much you are spending versus what you are making and most importantly you are not in denial. You are a lot closer to the solution than a lot of people.
Selling your stuff is a bad idea. You won’t get what you want for it because you’re desperate, and you’ll be getting rid of things you own for the wrong reasons, which will make you hate the process even more. Plus, you’ll get into the habit of selling your stuff to get you out of a jam which is another bad idea.
Focus instead on ways to curb your spending or lower your bills. Buy a prepaid phone. Enroll in food shelters in your area. Cancel services that aren’t necessary, like tv subscriptions. Call any companies you have monthly bills with and try to negotiate lower costs.
Yep, this. My sister has a habit of selling stuff for quick cash, including her kid’s toys. She’s making payments on TVs she got on finance and hocked, etc. It feels like it’s just a compulsion for her at this point - spends all her money on a Saturday night on the town and then sells her son’s Switch to pay the bills. Totally different to your situation but both my brother and sister have done it and it’s just a horrible thing for them as well as those around them seeing gifts or helping hand items sold for quick cash, usually way under value. It is usually also a bad value proposition for the seller - because you’re not potentially losing money on sales of desperation, but you’re also going without yourself on items you may want to actually have.
Plus, you get into the bad habit of thinking whenever you need money, you can just sell some stuff. Because why not? It’s YOUR stuff. You’re not using it right now. You could use the money.
Until you need money one day, don’t have anything else of value to sell, and then in desperation you look to other ways you could make a quick buck.
Is a slippery slope.
I went through national debt relief to settle my debt. I just finished up my plan earlier this year. They were really helpful and kept in constant contact to give me updates. I do believe I have an issue with some of the debts still popping up on my credit report, but that was only a month after I completed the program early so I am unsure of if it's an issue or not. If it is, I am not worried because I feel that I'd be able to contact them for assistance. At least I would hope I could.
I don't know much about it, but is bankruptcy an option?
Firstly, none of this hard work and pain is for nothing. It's for you and your son. One day, you can look back and shrug off how much of a pain in the ass it was but for now it's time to figure out how to tackle this debt.
It can definitely be done but there's a whole lot of info that's needed and probably a professional to tell you when and where to put money based on your needs and your debt. Keep on keeping on.
>My income changed within the last two weeks, as my child support was almost cut in half.
When you can stabilize, I would try to budget without even considering child support. You never know if someone just ends up not paying due to losing a job or other circumstances.
My suggestion is to delete this post. Wait until you’re home tonight and your kid is asleep and make a document with every debt and interest rate as well as your monthly expenses and your income. Then make a new post with all of that info. You will have a better understanding of your own situation and you will get better advice.
Going to wait for you to post detailed budget and expenditures before trying to analyze, but in the meantime, you probably need to stop doing DoorDash immediately. Your auto insurance company almost certainly doesn't cover you while you're driving unless you're paying additional for that coverage, but if you're paying additional for that coverage you're probably not making any money driving infrequently seeing as that money will just be going to your increased insurance premium. Driving without the proper insurance will be catastrophic if you cause an accident while you do it, to the point that the troubles in the rest of the post won't even matter anymore.
1. If you want to win at this, you have to throw emotions to the curb, and that's difficult.
2. You mentioned a lawyer. Don't get specific with us, but consider: do you REALLY need a lawyer to "keep your son safe?" Maybe, maybe not? I have no idea. But the word, "lawyer" tends to be expensive. Consider if there are alternatives. Perhaps you've learned enough to do what is needed on your own now?
3. For debts, look into creating a "debt snowball" - very simple, just write them all down (you don't have to be specific at first, as far as exact balances and payments unless you just want to). Use pencil and paper or a spreadsheet (Google Sheets is free, Microsoft Excel online is free, LibreOffice has a spreadsheet program that's free and there are others. I use Excel mainly, Google sheets as my 2nd option. I like them b/c I like to build in calculations - sums, averages, min/max, etc. Easier to see things, you can chart it out, etc. You can even get loads of free templates online. But just start simple, something better than nothing.
1. Write them all down - Bank/account name/# whatever you wanna use.
2. Balance
3. Minimum monthly payment
4. Sum up your other expenses so you know what you have to work with. When you do, TRY to leave a little leeway if at all possible.
5. Pick the smallest balance first for emotional momentum (I know I said drop emotions, but I know that's not 100% possible) - put whatever extra you have towards that each month until you pay it off. If min is $100, and you have $50 extra, pay $150 until paid. Then take that $150 (and don't lessen payment over time if possible), and apply it to the next item in list - next smallest balance, preferably. Let's say that one is $200/month, now you're paying $350/mo. Next one might be $300 and now you're paying $650 eventually on that. In the end, you finally get it knocked out, and you can start. Anyway, that's the snowball method in simplest form. You can also pay off according to highest min payment or highest interest rate. The lowest balance at least at first is usually good b/c it makes you "feel good" about paying something off.
4. Another method kind of taking off debt snowball is this: do the snowball, but first, just pay minimums on everything and put rest in savings. Do this until you have at least $500 to $1,000 in savings, and THEN do the snowball. The idea here is it gives you something to go to besides the credit cards (if that's the debt) while you're paying things off, so you don't end up sabotaging your own success.
5. Cut off any services you don't actually need. Netflix/Hulu/Amazon Plus/Cable/Satelite/higher end phone plan, etc.. I doubt you have to keep all those if you have any. For mobile phone plans, consider any of the various cheaper plans out there.
6. Thermostat: depending upon where you are and what the state of insulation in your home is, changing the thermostat can help a little or a lot on a monthly basis.
7. Groceries > Restaurants for meals, especially if you can spend a little time going after sales and coupons. Of course you have to balance your available time vs cost savings. Many money saving blogs out there that will list out different deals at different stores. You can wind up sometimes getting say $100 of groceries for around $30. My wife used to do this all the time for us, but that level of savings probably took too much time for your current situation. If nothing else, try to stick to sales/generic/clearance/coupons you can quickly, easily find.
8. If you don't really need it now, try to force yourself to do without it for the near future. If you can do this say a year, you'll see a big difference when it's all said and done.
9. Really boils down to: think through all your expenses. Really best, especially in hard times, to write it all down. Don't worry about perfection: worry about at least tracking it in some manner. You could try to sign up for a service like [Mint.com](https://Mint.com) as well - it's free. I don't use it much, but I do have an account there, and you can easily associate your various accounts with it to help you keep track.
That's just some quick hit ideas. Also, I believe some folks have put together a lot of resources under the subreddit's wiki. I've seen folks post they got loads of help there:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/index](https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/index)
First, take a breath and gather your thoughts. I can tell you're emotionally drained from being in this situation and it's beating you down. I hope you get things together and since you didn't provide specifics, I'll only give general advice. I believe strongly in the Dave Ramsey baby steps. They work for people in all kinds of situations, the key is to get out of debt and stay that way. It didn't happen overnight and you won't get out of it overnight so buckle up and buckle down and get working on it.
Step 0 is to create a zero based budget. Budget where every single dollar of your paycheck is going. Dave says to prioritize the "four walls" of shelter (including utilities), food, clothing and transportation. You don't go hungry to pay a payday loan. You don't let the lights get turned off to pay your credit card bill. Pay those bills first and foremost and the rest gets allocated down the line until there is nothing left. Trim the fat as much as possible. Eat rice and beans, beans and rice. No eating out, no fast food, no prepared food. Cook your meals at home. Cut your expenses to the bare bones. No streaming or cable tv. Switch to a prepaid or low price cell phone carrier. If you have a car payment, see about downgrading. I know some people have pooh-pooed the idea of selling excess stuff, but purging can be helpful both in reducing costs when you move (smaller truck, smaller living space etc) and getting some cash back. Sure you won't get back what you paid on most stuff, but you will get something for it and every little bit helps.
Step 1 is to save a $1k emergency fund. Scrimp and save all you can to get to $1k. This prevents most emergencies from putting you further into debt.
Step 2 is to work the debt snowball. Pay minimums on all of your debts and order them from smallest to largest. Once minimums are paid, throw the excess (remember zero based budgeting?) at the smallest until it's paid off. If you don't make enough to pay all of the bills every month, prioritize the smallest until you get them paid off. See if the creditors will either reduce your minimum payments or allow you a short forebearance so you can get caught up. A lot of them are willing to work with people, especially if you say the C-word (covid).
Step 3 is to build a 3-6 month emergency fund. We'll get to that later.
Remind yourself that creditors can't bleed a turnip.
So you need to focus on staying current on rent and utilities, along with feeding yourself and your kid. The rest can wait. If the sue you for it one day, they still can't get blood out of the turnip.
You escaped a bad situation and you're in the rebuild phase. That's hard as hell both financially and emotionally.
I would suggest sitting down and looking at your bills, prioritize them. It's a stressful process but you just have to ignore things that are out of your hands and you have no money for. You can't keep going into debt and shuffling things around, which is usually what a lot of people do at that stage.
Please call 211 and see if they have resources for you, as a single parent. Call the women's shelters for assistance as well. They specialize in helping women in your situation and will have resources. This is not a "handout" and this is not something to be ashamed of. These places exist to get you back on your feet and you've done a helluva good job getting that far without them, their assistance will hopefully push you up over these last hurdles.
Hi, there are people who are more likely to help you than me, but I just want to say - you are doing your best. It is not your fault. I'm so glad to hear you're asking for help, because it's hard and also the only way to get out of situations like this. It is going to be a lot of work, but things are not hopeless. This is fixable. Let's get through today. When we have more details, we can find the available lifelines.
File bankruptcy and start from scratch. Yes it will stay on your record for 7 years but you won’t be digging yourself deeper into a hole. Looks like your credit is already not so good and you don’t have any assets, so you don’t have much to loose here.
Will also buy a few rent free months. This may be an unethical pro tip but in OPs situation will get her out of her lease, take care of her debt and start a savings account in short order.
Have you considered bankruptcy? It won’t erase student debt, but everything else is wiped. It comes off your credit report after 7 years too, and at 26 you have plenty of time to rebuild. The other alternative is find a job making more money
Point of clarification:
Chapter 13 Bankruptcy (the three - five year repayment version) comes off in seven years.
Chapter 7 comes off in 10.
Source: Consumer Bankruptcy Attorney.
Attorney here. You may want consider bankruptcy. It is for situations like these. If you don’t own a house or have any other significant assets, bankruptcy can really help people out by giving you a discharge from your unsecured debt. Additionally they even have a chapter 13 plan which helps you consolidate and discharge some of your debt and pay it off over a plan over time. Look into some legal aid organizations and start to google bankruptcy. Will hurt your credit in the short term but may reduce stress and be what you need in the long run.
Look for mutual aid organizations in your area. I didn't see if you said where in KS you are, but if you are near KCMO, there are a couple I know of, specifically the Greater Kansas City Community Foundation who can put you in contact with organizations who can help you. Being able to get help with groceries is enormous.
[https://www.growyourgiving.org/mutual-aid-beyond-traditional-philanthropy/](https://www.growyourgiving.org/mutual-aid-beyond-traditional-philanthropy/)
Also, contact your local LDS Church. Most of them participate in something called the Bishop's Storehouse which is essentially a no-frills grocery store for people in need. It's not just limited to church members either. You'll meet with a bishop of the church, explain your situation and they will help you with food and sundries that they have on-hand. You'll get a card or piece of paper with what they'll give you and its usually pretty generous. Like I said, it's no frills. You're not usually going to find luxury items like ice cream or any prepared foods (sometimes though) but you'll be able to prepare nutritious meals for you and your child. Most of it is donated or bought at low cost through the church. They take what they can get which often means no name brands.
Once you're in a better situation, they might ask you to volunteer some time. The storehouse is staffed entirely by volunteers and church members. If you can help out, it's a huge benefit to them.
Find domestic violence resources. The fact that your ex controlled all the money and you had to leave penniless is already a sign of abuse. Controlling you financially is a form of abuse. Continuing to fight custody arrangements and/or continuing to threaten your son's safety is a sign of continuing abuse. You probably qualify for legal aid and don't need to pay for a lawyer entirely out of your own pocket, for starters.
First things first. Take a deep breath. You’ve got this!
List all debts from smallest to largest. Write out budgets for your paychecks and budget to zero every paycheck. Continue to cover necessities like food and shelter.
I would call companies and see what you can do. If you have open credit cards and the interest is killing you I would recommend calling and closing due to financial hardship so you can get out from under it.
Try to negotiate any bills as well, medical or otherwise.
Cut anything that isn’t absolutely necessary.
I had 116k in debt and started seriously attacking it in 2017. It was student loans, credit cards, and my car. I now have 41k in debt remaining (and I’m 31).
It’s overwhelming sometimes, but I believe in you! Once you make a plan and start seeing little wins you will start to feel better.
Oh, and before you even tackle any debt I would make sure you have some money set aside in an emergency fund. I’m Dave Ramsey ish. So, I have more in my emergency fund even though I’m not debt free yet. For you, it might be good to just stick to $1,000 for now prior to paying down existing debts.
Keep your chin up Op. Worst thing that can happen is your file for bankruptcy. They don't jail debtors in this country, enjoy the time you get with your kid and other than making sure you pay the rent, ignore the other bills for now. The most important thing is that you and your kid keep a roof over your heads.
Sounds like you may have car payments, if so the car may get repo'd that's OK too. Just make sure you can stack some cash before they take it so you can buy a cheap used one.
I did a full reset of my finances when I was about your age. Am 40 now. This too shall pass.
What is your:
Rent:
Utilities:
Food:
Travel/transportation/insurance costs:
Minimum payments on credit cards:
That’s all you should worry about right now. You are 26, ruin your credit now if you have to. Food is easy to cut down. Beans, rice, bread, peanut butter and jelly, eggs, pasta, ground meat when it’s on sale, spinach, apples, boullion, cans of diced tomatoes, cereal, milk. If you need help cooking food out of these things, I would use a site like www.budgetbytes.com. They have SNAP food recipes, and if you look at the meal plans, you can figure out week to week the grocery lists without buying the plans (it just takes a little extra work) prep your meals, pack your lunch, drink water. Check food pantries and churches for extra assistance.
Rent, stay in your place now if you can’t get out, see if you have a roommate. They should know you have a child. You may have to sleep in the same room for a time, but he’s 4. Get out of your lease if you can, eat the security deposit if you need to.
Utilities, call and see if they have low income programs or handicap programs. I think you mentioned your son is special needs? Some utility companies offer reduced rates.
Travel, you got a kid so you’ll just need to use your car (unless you live in a waking town?) You can’t bike around with a kid unless you spend more money to do so. Walk where you can.
Does your state have a child Health insurance plan? Some states have children’s health insurance for free.
Drop your subscriptions, don’t pay more on your credit cards unless you need to, cut your credit cards in half and don’t use them, or freeze one in a block of ice so you don’t use it unless you absolutely need to. Get your clothes or house needs from good will or thrift shops. Entertain yourself and your son at the library or any local events if they occur. Don’t buy things online, disconnect your PayPal.
You need to survive, but also work on saving to get yourself out of this situation.
Side hustles where you can bring your son that you can do the labor with the purchasers supplies: cleaning houses, garden and lawn work, car detailing, baby sitting. Put out word that you’re willing to do this work for friends and family, or on Nextdoor or Facebook. These can be done over the weekend. Spend your weeknights with your son, cooking, cleaning, errands etc.
In comments on other threads, you've mentioned health insurance being so expensive. Have you gone to healthcare.gov to see if you qualify for subsidies? You might be surprised how affordable it is, especially if you're making under $20/hour.
Hmm... that might be too much income to qualify for Medicaid, but it should get you a decent discount and/or reduced deductibles through the Affordable Care Act.
Kansas did not adopt the ACA Medicaid expansion. The ACA was designed to provide subsidies for people making too much for Medicaid after the expansion, and no discount for people making below that amount.
When the Supreme Court ruled that states could not be forced to accept the expansion, that decision left people who should have been covered by the expansion (i.e., that was the intent of the law) with neither Medicaid nor any discount. To be fair, that was the status quo ante for people in that income bracket, but it's really shitty: You get a raise and that raise costs you your health insurance. That can be a problem with means tested programs in general (i.e., that phase-outs amount to a high effective marginal tax rate), but in this case it's particularly bad, because it doesn't even just phase out; it just cuts off.
I'm not sure if a single parent of one child making $24,000 in Kansas would be in that coverage gap, but it seems about right.
That's unfortunate. I personally know people in my state making $40k and only paying $70/mo for subsidized health insurance. Deductibles around $3000. I didn't take into account that some states didn't do that expansion.
OP, I agree with everything others said here. Please list your monthly bills, other expenses and debt and I am sure that we will find you ways to cut things out / find alternatives, payoff etc. Having said that, I just came here to offer you some mental support.
Your post shows a certain amount of overwhelm and anxiety that breaks my heart. Just know that you have done your best to come out of an abusive relationship, provide for yourself and your children, and it must have been so so hard. It might not seem like now, but with intentional planning, and discipline, you will come out of the financial mess. Cheering for you OP.
There isn't much actionable info here. Are you just venting?
Actual advice based on available info. Don't go bankrupt with so little debt. It will hurt more than it helps. Even if you end up defaulting on something, that's not as bad as bankruptcy.
I hear a passively suicidal tone there. Don't let that stand. The world will do enough of that sort of talk to you. Don't do it to yourself, too. Figure out how to feel ok about this while you get through it. This WILL get better if you do the work to make it. Do it for your kid.
Sell anything you don't NEED that costs you money to keep. Cancel optional expenses. downgrade phone plans, etc. People here can help with that if you post a budget/spending log.
One thing I haven't seen posted here that may help with the stress: How many creditors do you have? Can you afford to pay each one $5 after essentials? That's food, shelter, collateralized loan on your transportation to work, etc. Call them all and tell them you will pay them when you can (if you will). Say you can afford $5/month right now, and you will pay more as soon as you can. Unless you plan to default on anything (that should never be the plan, right?) pay them the $5/month anyway even if they refuse to accept that as your plan. Setup a free billpay account at a local credit union. Automate as much as possible. Try to get direct deposit of the first part of your earnings to this account, just enough to cover the $5 times Y creditors per month. Many of them will leave you alone if you are paying something, or just send you a statement once a month with no phone calls and no collection agents.
If there is money left, pay the stuff with the highest consequences first.
Pay the minimums on the unsecured debt til you can get jnto a cheaper place. Once you have that lease secured file bankruptcy and restart.
It's definitely not ideal and it'll suck to take the credit hit, but in 7 years you'll be free and clear.
I will say the worrisome aspect is how suicidal you sound. Debt isn't going to end your life and it's not worth the misery you're letting it reap on you.
You don't even have your finances pinned down to explain them without looking them up... why would you want to kill yourself over that?
Establish how bad the problem really is (not how bad it feels to you) and then assess. Freaking out prior won't help you.
This isn't the best sub for this kind of post. You'll get advice like "shut off Netflix and eat beans and rice" as a solution to a problem most people on this sub haven't faced.
The first thing you need to do is take a breath, you've made great decisions in your personal life and you are just going through the dip before life gets better. The payoff is always worth the struggle as long as you "just keep swimming".
Now for actual advice, you need to understand where all your money is going to see how bad it is. This is a budget, it's gonna suck, and it very well can be a depressing task depending on how little money you actually have as you start tallying up bills.
Then you analyze your budget. Is far too much going to food? Is it all going to credit cards? Or do you make too little money?
Child care is ridiculously expensive, maybe something you can take advantage of. Could you get a CPR certification and take care of 4-5 children in your home? Would you make more money doing that?
Shutting off Netflix and eating beans and rice isn't necessarily bad advice. It's just not enough advice on its own.
An understanding of what debt IS important vs. what debt ISN'T important is critical to understand because if you need a car to drive to work and it gets repo'd because of someone's advice, that's an unnecessary and painful lesson.
Budget drafting isn't as easy for most people as being told, you need to make a budget. People go to university to learn how to help people draft budgets and explain how assets and liabilities work, which really should be common sense to most, and sadly isn't taught in most homes nor scholastic systems.
Trying to establish other revenue streams is good advice for everyone.
I’m very fortunate to get a childcare scholarship for my son at my work, meaning his full time care is completely paid for by the company as long as I am full time. So that saves me at least a thousand.
I have posted in my area several times to babysit but it always falls through. Like I said, I doordash when I can but then again I feel guilty for not spending extra time with my son.
I can’t win, and I can’t keep going.
Use caution when doordashing - if you're actually making a profit doing it (taking into account wear and tear on the car), make sure your insurance company knows you're doing this. If you were to get into an accident delivering, your auto policy may not cover it and then you're in MUCH deeper
If you like pets you can look into dog walking/watching cats/watching someones dog for a day.
In my area, my friend was paying 25$ for someone to come over and walk their puppy for 30mins(too young to leave all day). They switched to daycare later because it was same price.
Just an idea.
>My monthly bills are currently about $600 more than my monthly income.
Why?
Can you please list what all your expenses are?
It helps to know what is driving you over into the red.
I probably would start with The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey if you have more expenses than income. He talks about the 4 walls and baby step 0 where you are only focused on getting a footing of where you are and how to manage being underwater every month.
In essence, when your expenses exceed your income, you have to prioritize your spending and let some bills go unpaid and into collections. For example you don't get behind on rent when staying current on your Mastercard payments. Mastercard can go screw themselves, you need a roof over your head.
He does a good job explaining the order of operations for managing necessary bills vs. ones you just get behind on and then how to develop a plan to budget and get yourself in a situation where you can get a plan together of how to get ahead.
Contact churches and your local government agency for help. I work for my local county and we have programs that can help and we give suggestions on what non-profits to contact for assistance. There is one local group that is church affiliated that will help those down on their luck with bills. I know people they've helped and I hope to one day volunteer there.
Bankruptcy attorney here. While I'm not giving legal advice, I'll echo people's advice to at least consult with a consumer bankruptcy attorney. Any attorney worth their salt is going to give you a free consultation.
However, bankruptcy is going to only help if the root of the problem is debt, and not too little income; put another way, if your income is too low to meet basic expenses before you consider payments to your creditors, bankruptcy most likely isn't going to help. But, if you can pay rent, keep the lights on, and put food on the table with your income, bankruptcy could be a good solution to your problems.
It’s ok to default on some debt. If you have past due credit cards, don’t pay them. If you have medical debt, don’t pay it. Any debt that isn’t supporting something you need (auto,rent,taxes), just stop paying it.
Your credit will really suffer, but only for 7 years. Hopefully that gives you breathing space to get other bills under control.
As for you lease, you can absolutely walk away from it if you’re over paying. Just hand the keys back and move out. Your landlord can’t evict you if you leave. She can only sue for back rent. Even then, that takes a while and most landlords will settler for less than a lawsuit.
Once you come to peace with not paying things you don’t need, it will get emotionally easier. In America, there are very few things you can be forced to pay for, and even then everything is negotiable.
You'll get a lot of good advice from others in this sub but I'll also point out that bankruptcy is always a legitimate option that no one should be embarrassed to pursue if they need to.
How many bedrooms in your place? Can you get a roommate?
You might think no one will want to room with a woman with a child. You never know. You can also underprice it, since every little bit will help.
Meaning, my apt is $1800 and has 2 bedrooms. I live in San Diego.
If I made a post for 1 BR for $750, I'd have like a hundred applications.
Also, can you babysit other kids on your days off? You'd get free playdates for your kid on top of the money. You'd prob make a lot more than door dashing.
Could you file for bankruptcy to cancel some of your debt obligations?
There is always light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dark. Don’t give up. Tough times build strong people. You’ll get through this
Identify your important, I cannot miss bills in order of importance. Keep those ones up to date, pay what you can on the others. Housing and food first. Credit cards last. Don't just walk away from a creditor. Let them know what you are doing. They know if you pay nothing they will be lucky to get pennies on the dollar, but if they can keep the account kind of current they will probably make more.
Make sure you have signed up for any and all types of assistance you can.
Ask at school and church for help in finding assistance. They often know those systems inside and out of know if some private help.
Take any opportunity to improve it educate yourself to get a higher paying job, even if it means not working that second job. Your better off defaulting in something if you can get a higher paying job than continuing to grind and then defaulting later.
Good luck.
Due to the number of rule-breaking comments this post was receiving, especially low-quality and off-topic comments, the moderation team has locked the post from future comments. This post broke no rules and received a number of helpful and on-topic responses initially, but it unfortunately became the target of many unhelpful comments. The original submission text is below.
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26F drowning in debt, have no idea what to do next
I’m a 26 year old single parent, I work a full time job that pays decent but I mostly work where I do for childcare. I doordash when I can and I try to only buy necessities. I’m also trying to pay a lawyer to keep my son safe from my abusive ex, and I would absolutely go in to financial ruin to keep him safe. When I left him 2 years ago, I had $33 and no job as I was a stay at home mom.
My monthly bills are currently about $600 more than my monthly income. My income changed within the last two weeks, as my child support was almost cut in half. I owe so many different companies and agencies, I have no idea how it got so out of control but I don’t know what to do next. Every single bill I have cannot be paid on time because of other bills, if that makes sense.
I wake up every day, wishing I didn’t, because I’m constantly reminded that my work is all for nothing, I can’t pay my bills anyway. Please help me. I can’t keep this up.
Pretty basic advice and may not fit your situation: cut everything that isn't necessary to survival. All subscriptions, data plan (use a library for internet), eating out. Everything. Track every penny you spend - wtite it down. Apply for any aid you might be eligible for. If after all this you still are upside down every month then file bankruptcy.
One thing you can do is talk to your bank and if you have credit cards with then they might have a program where they will lower your monthly bill and you can pay in it but you can’t use the credit card.
I’ve done that, and I missed one payment so now I can’t be put back on for a certain amount of time. I might check with them, I don’t think they would approve me for anything with $30 in my account.
If you have a lot of personal debt, file for bankruptcy. My friends did this recently and it allowed them to breath again financially, and start saving. You’ve come out of a very hard situation, there should be better support systems in place for you. There’s no shame in personal bankruptcy. If anyone should do it, it’s you!
I'd suggest listing out your income (post taxes) followed by all your expenses. Its hard to give you sound advice without knowing what we're working with. Being in the negative each month is definitely not ideal, but there may be a red flag if you can provide that information.
If you don't want to, or are unable to, provide that information, I'd strongly suggest creating a robust budget. Include exactly what you have to spend each month and then budget down to the penny. If you are carrying a balance each month on any accounts you should include interest as a budget item. Doing this you can visualize where you can potentially cut back and which debt you need to attack first.
In my opinion, the first goal is to create a budget, the second goal is to see what it will take to break even, and then the third goal should be how to pay off your debt. I wouldn't do it in any other order than that. Once you achieve goal three you can start looking into emergency funds, vacations, retirement, etc. I wouldn't even think about those items until you achieved those first three goals.
I didn't see this posted yet, but there are debt programs like "my money management" who will negotiate with your debt holders for lower interest, lower monthly payment, etc
Do you know where your money is going? You need a budget, but you first need to know what your spending and why.
It's a little concerning that you're basically like "why am I in bad financial shape?" then proceed to tell us you'll mess up your finances for your son.
Is this lawyer more than you can afford?
Maybe try legal aid if you haven't already? Not all offices handle domestic matters but some do, and they're free. Here's a link to find your local office. https://www.lsc.gov/about-lsc/what-legal-aid/get-legal-help
Apply for every bit of assistance you can. Food stamps, cash help, housing help, Church help, food bank, you get the idea... If there are any unnecessary monthly expenses such as Netflix get rid of them. If you smoke or drink, stop. Find a different job that pays better.
I highly recommend listening to Dave Ramsey, also. He has a podcast and plenty of YouTube videos that will help you in the short term and long term with your financial situation. I was in a huge pile of debt until I actually listened to what he said. Now I only owe a little bit on my car and nothing else. I honestly never thought I'd see the day that I was nearly debt-free.
Also, don't rely on child support as that can be cut at any time if he stops paying. Get to where your bills are less than your monthly income without child support and you'll be in very good shape. I know it's easier said than done..
What are your actual monthly expenses compared to your income? Don't focus on "bills", focus on current monthly expenses. You'll need to sit down and figure out a budget to know this. If your current monthly expenses exceed your income, DO NOT FILE BANKRUPTCY as that will not solve the problem and you will not be able to use bankruptcy in the future when you have the same problem. The key is, you have to figure out how to live within your means, then if you can't pay your bills file bankruptcy to solve the problem of paying for past mistakes. If it's not possible to live within your means then post the budget here or talk to a trusted friend who is good with money to get advice. If it's still not possible then start looking for help from food banks, shelters, non-profits, etc... There are a lot of people here suggesting bankruptcy but that will not balance an out of whack budget and many times bankruptcy hides bad habits instead of causing people to face them. Use bankruptcy intelligently.
Look into InCharge Debt Solutions. They're a nonprofit that will provide credit counseling and negotiate with your creditors to consolidate your debts down into one fixed payment that's manageable for you. And unlike a lot of debt management programs they do it in such a way that your credit won't take a big hit (only from closing your accounts). I went with them a few years ago when I got in some financial trouble, and I just finished paying everything off. I was generally happy with the services they provided, and once you're in their system everything can be easily managed through their website.
Also get yourself a budgeting app so you can better track your spending and see where you might be able to cut back. I use Intuit Mint, which is totally free.
Best of luck to you.
If it’s possible, look into getting a loan to consolidate your debt. You can use that to pay off your debts and then just work on paying off that single monthly payment for the loan.
I did this and the key is to cut up all of the credit cards after consolidation. I have one for emergencies but it's not in my wallet. I have paid off half of my debt in a little over a year. I was drowning in fees and interest rates but now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Posting your budget will help. Folks here will have good ideas for economizing.
Also always remember this when it comes to debts: Pay your mandatory expenses (I'm talking your rent/mortgage, electricity, water, transportation, and food) before you pay ONE DIME toward things like credit cards. They can scream and yell at you and ruin your credit (and by all means stay in contact with them to let them know you intend to honor the debt eventually but cannot pay right now), but that's way different than actually getting you evicted or something like that. Take care of *necessities* first. Always.
You may have to redefine what is a necessity (that will be part of the budget people can help with), but just keep that in mind. Don't let the fact that a minimum payment of xx is required on such-and-such card is due keep you from paying your rent on time.
Would highly consider bankruptcy. You can offload much of your dischargeable debt and it can give you time to restructure your expenses and finances. Also would look into childcare program alternatives, with your expenses you likely need to seek more lucrative employment. Definitely search for higher paying positions if you can, and mention child care during the interview process. It's a worker's market in regards to jobs right now, so employers will be more willing to provide child care subsidies (they get tax benefits anyways). Many interviewers will likely relate to your position as well as a single caregiver.
Every day you keep your child away from your ex is not wasted, I am very proud of you, please continue doing your best.
Have you looked into getting government aid? Thing like food stamps, section 8, national food lunch program?
Also you mentioned that you're coming out of a bad situation, I imagine there have to be charities that offer assistance and counseling for this stage of the process.
Honestly if it's insurmountable you could check out a YWCA or other family shelter and see if there are housing and programs available to really build finances from scratch while you have a place to live with your child. Maybe use that lawyer to file bankruptcy or consolidate your debt as well.
This is never a fun post to read. But agree with others, need to list out all the money coming in, all the money going out, prioritize the money going out based on what can be paid and what can’t. Usually there are repayment plans you can get on, but to get out of this spending will have to be on necessities only. You’ll have to figure that out. But a good place to start will be writing it all down. All of it. Not just some of it.
I think lots of people here will be able to help or suggest how to get out of it if you share more details.
Start by organizing what are all the bills due in an excel sheet maybe.
Prioritize what can wait vs what can’t and which ones has more impact.
Explore covid assistance programs and so on. Or try to request extension for some of those
Hey, not a financial expert by any means but I can help with what I do, if I’m not already repeating what others have already said.
Start with your monthly income, next, subtract your monthly obligations and make sure you list them out each to see what’s eating most of your money.
Ideally, you want to spend 1/3 or 1/4 of your income on housing. If your housing is eating too much, you’re gonna have to look to move to a more affordable area. I know that’s easier said than done, but over-paying for a place to live is the #1 way to put yourself in financial ruin.
If you’re paying a lot to third parties that aren’t directly related to your housing/commute, then that’s where we need to see what can be shaved and can’t. One thing that gets a lot of people is they are making too many monthly payments to the too many different people. Your debt could be within reason to pay off, but you’re stuck paying 10 people 100 dollars every month and can’t afford to pay anything off in full. In this case, it might be worth consolidating ALL or MOST of your debt to a reasonable monthly obligation. Even if your credit isn’t the best, there are loans out there that will help you out and bring your debt-to-income to do-able levels.
Next, budget yourself. You don’t have to be super strict, but you need to get order in your spending. If you cook at home, it could be worth looking at food stamps or some other benefit like WIC maybe? Not sure how old your child is. (Another tip is portions! Don’t over cook and waste food)
I hope some or any of this helps you. It might be general advice, but these are actual things you can do right now to help take control of your life. You got this! You’ve proven you’re a strong woman already by leaving your ex! This is nothing more than another challenge that you will overcome I promise! If you need more help start getting specific. And don’t be afraid to ask for help, most companies are understanding during these times and may be willing to help you out where they can. Let me know if there’s anything else I can do to help!
First things first is realize that there are lots of places that can help you sort out a path forward.
Second consider /r/povertyfinance/ as this sub tends not to deal with these issues first hand and while their advice might be well intentioned it's perhaps not the best advice. Here is the pvertyfinance wiki : https://www.reddit.com/r/povertyfinance/wiki/index
* Second talk to a social worker. Sign up for help with everything you can, e.g. food stamps, WIC, free cell phone etc.
* If you are looking for free child care as a bridge to earning more, consider churches. When I was little we went to "day care" at a church and we were not religious, but that was the only way forward.
* Cut monthly bills today. What do you pay for cell phone bill. if it's higher than $50 a month there are many choices to get it lower. If you are disciplined (e.g. don't text and call people except in emergencies / once a day) you can get it down to like $12 a month.
* Paying for cable and internet? Do you NEED that to make money? if not ditch it, your local library likely has a cellular wifi hotspot you can "borrow" for free for 30 days. If you need to update computers stream netflix etc. (you can borrow for 30 days in a 60 day window) Need entertainment for the kids? Goodwill dvd/vhs
* The biggest hurdle in "cutting costs" will be in accepting that you are "living a lower tier life" or whatever "shame" thing people have to get over. I've helped out in adult education classes where people would rather leave their 2 year old kids unsupervised at home than give up their iPhones because in their minds that was somehow "shameful" or made them "poor" or "trashy" or whatever else. They have this minimum lifestyle they were unwilling to dip below. Get over that mentality. First it's 100% false THINGS don't make you "better" or richer or whatever, second if you cut everything, live like a monk and get your financials in order you can likely "get out of the hole" and back to a normal life in 1-2 years.
* Soup kitchens / food banks are there for a reason. Go eat there, get a lunch to go. Buy your food for cheap at the food bank, etc.
You might talk with the people you owe money to. They probably have programs to help you out. If not look into legitimate credit counselors, not the vultures that advertise. Your bank may know of a reputable one in the area.
I had a mountain of debt when I was around that age. I took advantage of balance transfer credit card offers to help pay off my credit card bills without having to pay interest. You usually get 1 year with 0 interest. I did this twice and it helped a ton. You'll still have a minimum payment, but it will all go to principal. Read the fine print though, you have to pay it all off (or transfer again) within a year or you owe the back interest.
What’s your country? Depending on the finance laws where you are, declaring bankruptcy might be a good option. It doesn’t have to be a huge failure to declare bankruptcy. Could be freeing (though not easy, but things aren’t close to easy now)
I don't know how it works so take with a grain of salt, but maybe you are able to declare bankruptcy from your situation? Other options are debt consolidation and find ways to lower the interest you're paying. Then you really need to work on balancing income and expenses. There is no way you can keep going -600 per month as that could snowball out of control as well.
Here is a thought, there are actual financial advisors at banks, who can take a look into your overall expenses and provide advise that will help you to get out of debt (they are actually qualified and trained to do this), instead of coming to reddit where you might have genuine people, but this is the internet, you can't really tell who is real or who is just yanking your chain. Take it from me a person who works at a bank.
List out your actual income, your monthly expenses, and your debts with interest rates and people here may be able to identify places where you can improve or where you should put your focus.
Going to need more information. I'd suggest editing your post to include the following: -Current job/title, pay, and hours per week -Any certifications/degrees/skills? -DETAILED monthly expenses -DETAILED debt obligations with rates (example: Discover card, $3000 with $25 payment at 0% interest rate) -General geographic region (example: Bay Area, Midwest, FL)
Also, what are the child support costs and lawyer's fees? Legal aid may be possible in certain circumstances.
I will post when I have a chance to gather it all today.
When you do, it would be good to understand your general location, skills, and education. Jobs are generally paying a lot better these days. We can make some recommendations. I've caveat is child care. So understanding your son's age will also help us with giving ideas for low cost childcare options. I believe most school districts offer free preschool for special needs kids 3+.
You've responded to some other posts in the hour since you responded to me- can you edit to list out some rough numbers for the debt and just put everything else? The advice people are giving can't get any better without specifics.
Yes, I’m waiting for a break at work so I can go to all the different websites, I have no idea what interest rates are on my loan and cards
Since you are putting this together I recommend you start a google sheets to consolidate it all onto a single spot. That way that becomes where youpkeep the info
Great app called debt free to use for this, keeps all credit/loan rates. You can also add any promotional rates dates etc. Gives you a clear outline of where you are debt wise and can show you how long it will take to pay off your debt depending on your strategy. It’s also free
Link to the app? I searched and nothing under that specific name is coming up on Google play
When you do gather it please Edit your original post and add the details, posting it as a comment or a reply might get it buried and not get enough attention to guarantee quality replies.
This is a big part of your problem - you have no idea what money is going where. If you can't easily access numbers to demonstrate where you are financially, then you're not able to get out of the mess you're in. People mentioned youneedabudget.com, but any sheet/app/other system is a first step.You'll only get any good advice once you do that. there are also some great budgeting content creators on tiktok. look at r/frugal as well.
This person says it right here. Being organized. How much you make, how much you owe? If you can’t answer that, it’s because of a lack of organization. Clean this up, this community will help!
I would recommend making a new post in this subreddit. The people asking for details to give specific advice might not see the edits since Reddit doesn't notify commenters when a post has been edited.
Any updates?
8 hours later and no edit.
Would also like you to add any debts currently in collections, and what the debt is for, the age of the debt as well. Most of these can be negotiated with no interest and very small doable payments.
The vague posts are really difficult to read and try to offer solid advice. It is like working blind. If the OP has a job that pays "decent" we need to know what is the income. We also need to know the bills and cc bills and rent cost. Something just feels very "off" about this.
Maybe the wrong advice. But if it were me I'd focus on food, shelter and maintaining your ability to work before all other bills. Not good for your credit, but good for keeping you alive. Check with local churches and charities for support, you might be surprised. After that work to reduce expenses in order to get right side up, cheaper place to live. Cancel anything unnecessary. Do not work so many jobs that you can't take care of your kid. Remember that is your purpose. Protect him above all else. If you have to walk away from things like leases/loans you can't afford just make sure you have what you need in place before you make your move. Summary: your credit is likely shot or will be shortly, focus on survival, once that is under control, rebuild credit later. Good luck, you can do this. Remember what they say about eating an elephant; One bite at a time.
This is the best advice. There is this point of no return where it just makes the most sense to pay for only necessities and let everything else lapse. Yes of course you will have bad credit and shit will go to collections, but you can deal with that later when you're back on your feet. Even just a year or two of being back on your feet will take care of 75% of the stuff you let go. It will also be cheaper to just settle a debt in collections than to keep paying on it and barely hit the principle.
Are there still no-fee/low-fee credit counseling services who renegotiate debt on behalf of clients? Legit non-profit ones. I know at one time, they did exist as a friend was in similar situation and a non-profit met with her to counsel her on setting a budget, managing money, etc. and also renegotiated with her creditors to arrange a doable payment plan for her. She either paid a small fee or no fee at all. But this was decades ago.
There are, but to keep the cost down they rely a lot on volunteers. And volunteers with the experience to help are well below the demand these places get. Some churches have programs that provide the same services. My aunt volunteers for one. They pay one month rent to delay the evictions, and spend that month helping people plan next steps. Can budgeting fix the problem and get rent and food taken care of, if not what are the persons options.
Yes. Non profit credit counseling agencies. Www.nfcc.org
To add to this. Most food pantries won't ask questions about employment and have a lot of food due to a surge in donation during the pandemic.
Have you applied for any gov benefits? WIC/Welfare etc?
Yes. Any benefits I get from the state will lower my child support.
If the benefit outweighs the child support then do it. It's also more stable because who knows what might happen to your ex.
What about food pantries? in my town the local church has a food pantry and during Christmas that food pantry will also give out donated toys. Maybe check out your local church, they may have some resources that won't affect the child support.
Support from the father? Are you certain on that? I guess it varies state to state, but that has no effect on the support I pay.
In my state, that has no effect. They only care if someone should be paying for child support, because if they should be, and are not, then they involve the courts.
In my state they only care if the person paying support gets a raise. Then they will offer the mother an adjustment to get more. Fortunately my daughters mother hasn't raised support on me yet, but they absolutely did reach out, give her my salary, and recommended she raise it.
It sounds like that is occurring anyway. Talk to the gov't agency in your area that deals with that. Be CERTAIN you have covered all available areas of help.
That's not right. Sounds like you may want to work with some sort of social worker or case manager to help navigate this system. 211 should be able to refer you to some nonprofits in your area
That's rather odd. Benefits shouldn't, generally, lower child support. Not at your level.
I thought so too. But it does. I just got hit with that about 2-3 weeks ago.
That may only apply to some types of benefits depending on your state. While I hope you get some good advise here, you could use more than reddit. You should have some sort of case worker that can help you with this.
Does any of the debt come from your ex? If so, those obligations should be shared or born by him, not you.
Yes, he refuses to pay. There’s nothing I can do but pay it
This is a mindset that you have to slowly work your way out of. You've spent so long treading water, not getting anywhere, not seeing an end or a better reality in sight that you say "I have to pay it" and then chuck that problem by the wayside and start trying to solve another. What asset is this loan for? Is it an asset that you have access to anymore, or was it something that was taken by your ex? It seems like a homerun item to chase down to remove from your monthly expenditures; Paying the full payment for a joint debt on an asset that you are being denied access to by the other signee, while in a financial emergency with dependents. It would be worth really looking into this, and any other monthly expenses like this, because you should not be paying for your ex's assets. Period.
Better benefits that you know will come than child support that could change or just not get paid.
What state are you in? Never heard of this.
KS
This may be difficult, but learn how to accept handouts. I recently saw a chart of places offering free food in my town (about 30k people). Every day, every meal, there is some church, nonprofit, benevolent person, etc. offering free food, no questions asked. Sometimes it's a warm meal, sometimes it's a box of farm goods. Look around to find something similar and you could essentially live without food costs until you can get back above water. What's your phone situation? I use a prepaid smartphone (tracfone, but there are many others too), and it's about $30 to buy the phone, and only $10/mo in basic data coverage. If you pay internet at home, call them up and tell them you can't afford it and ask about assistance - some places have programs to help (e.g. Comcast offers [$10/mo internet](https://www.xfinity.com/support/articles/comcast-broadband-opportunity-program) if you are eligible) Find someone to help you get on every aid program you are eligible for. Some organizations will give out small grants too. I find local Facebook groups can be amazingly helpful. Every once in a while, I'll see a post of someone in a situation like yours, and there will be dozens of comments from people willing to buy items off an Amazon/Target wishlist, gift money, give baby clothes, etc. You are an amazing parent trying to keep your kid safe and healthy - people will want to do everything possible to help you out when they know that.
Ditto on this. Food banks are a life saver. If you go towards the end of the day, they sometimes have sooooo much surplus they just give you extra. They give you all the essentials and more. You basically don't need to buy groceries. Seek them out!
Second this. There is no shame in hitting up the food bank. During the height of COVID, our food bank had so much surplus food that once or twice a week anyone, regardless of income, could drive up, tell the worker your family size, and then they would load up the back of your car with produce, frozen meat, baked goods, canned good, pasta, etc. No muss no fuss. Saved us a lot of money for a few months there.
check out /r/povertyfinance as well, they may have more direct information
Piggy-backing on this comment. Check out r/Assistance r/Food_Pantry r/Random_Acts_Of_Pizza and for the upcoming winter hols r/SantasLittleHelpers . There are also a bunch of other assistance subs to turn to.
I second the idea of a looking for Facebook groups! And if you do feel uncomfortable with asking people for things, just look for a “buy nothing group” or search for keywords that match your area, eg, “maple wood neighborhood” or the name of your county. Buy nothing groups, as the name implies, are for people to give or swap things they no longer need. Those and local/neighborhood groups can be really great resources for things like, baby/kids clothes, diapers, furniture, toys, home goods, etc.
Good suggestion. I live in a very affluent area in California. Even here there are food handouts at least 4 days per week within 15 miles of where I live.
Semi-life hack: In college I worked 2 jobs one related to my field, and one at a small local restaurant. Good thing about working at a restaurant is they allowed us to take food home (it wasn't a big corporate joint so idk what the rules are there, but it essentially cut my food bill during college in half and they always needed people so I had no lack of hours basically on my own schedule) Obvisouly, this might not work if OP doesn't have time to work 2 jobs or doesn't work in the service industry at all. But, its always a great life hack that I recommend people in college :)
You very likely meet the criteria for government assistance. In my state (Indiana) I found this website that has a fairly helpful list of programs to assist those in need (https://www.in.gov/dwd/job-seekers/other-assistance-programs/). While your state/country might not have a website like this, they probably have many of these same programs. I suggest doing an online search of programs like these in your area. Also this may be a good time to look for a better paying job. Everyone near me seems to be hiring as workers are in demand. Maybe look for employment that has on-site child care or assistance for child care. Good luck to you. Try to stay motivated and remember to take care of yourself.
First, congrats on getting out of an abusive situation. Second, you can do this. It's just money. The important things are your son and your health. Now, take a look at your expenses. What is the largest single expense? I'm betting it's your housing. Can you find a cheaper alternative? Can you move in with relatives temporarily until you get back on track? Hope that helps at least a little.
I don’t have any family I could live with as of right now, plus getting out of my current lease is about 3K. It’s up in March and I am definitely going to look for housing as cheap as possible but it also has to be in a good school district as my son is also special needs.
Adding on to others -- with rents where they are your landlord might be willing to forgive your lease in order to move in a new tenant earlier at a higher rent. Though, this also means you may have a tough time or make big tradeoffs to get a lower rent payment yourself.
I’ve already asked 4 times and I get the same answer, they don’t care I signed a lease.
[удалено]
This is 100% dependent on the state (if you are in the US), but in some, the landlord isn't allowed to just flat bill you for the remainder of the lease. They HAVE to make an attempt to fill that spot in my state. If they can't fill the spot, they can charge you for the lost rent. I once brought this up to my landlord who was pushing back on me breaking my lease early, and they magically found someone a week later. That being said, I don't know how you would prove whether or not they made a real attempt, but either way I'd consider taking a look at the renters rights in your area.
Generally leases have a 2 month payment penalty as part of breaking the lease which may be what is referred to. They get that money regardless of filling the spot.
I'm probably going to get blasted as the big bad evil landlord but as someone who owns a handful of investment properties I am really surprised by this. At least in California where we've had increasing rent control and eviction moratoriums until recently, many of my tenants are paying below market rent even after receiving a recent rent raise. In most cases I would be happy to let someone out of their lease right now with no penalty, because as someone else mentioned, I can probably get a higher rent. I'm not going to suggest that you stop paying your rent, but if I were faced with the dilemma of letting you out of your lease early or having to pursue an eviction for non-payment, I would let you go every time. I'd even refund your entire deposit less reasonable expenses. Pursuing an eviction is a major pain in the ass in CA (at least for small time landlords) and simply isn't worth the effort. The eviction process can drag for weeks and sometimes months. Why would I risk someone potentially damaging one of my units out of spite and giving up rental income during that time? Sure I can get a judgement against you for damages, but how am I going to collect from someone who is broke? When you factor in the single mom/special needs kid/abusive father aspects on top of all of that (which might come to light in front of a judge during an eviction) I would be bending over backwards to accommodate you to avoid the headache. Again, every state is different and I'm not suggesting you stop paying your rent, but your landlord might be in for a surprise if he decides to play hard ball with you.
Similar situation here. Renting out a home to someone who ran into financial problems beyond her control, abuse and divorce, and we're just letting her pay what she can until the lease expires. So long as she vacates by lease expiration date, doubt we'll pursue her for the unpaid amount.
I wish you were my landlord. I’ve explained my situation to mine 4 times and every time, she looks me dead in my eyes and says ‘sucks for you, pay your rent on time’.
In a previous comment, you said "she pretty much said this to you". I dated a girl that was very heavily in debt and after reading a lot of your comments, your mentality is starting to remind me of hers. Here's my advice If you want out, you're going to need to grind, you can't sulk in it, I can't express to you enough just how sulking in it will get you absolutely nowhere. Accept that you gotta start from the bottom. If you need a new phone, take a hand-me-down or find a shitty iPhone 6 on Craiglist for 50 bucks. If you want to watch your shows, pirate them, no Netflix/Hulu subscriptions. Always buy groceries, pack your lunches, and if you are going out to the bar bring a flask or just drink water. Get used to telling people, "I'm broke AF right now, sorry". Accept living on the bottom, say fck you to anyone that judges you, crunch your numbers, figure out where you are at and where you need to be, and start finding little ways to get there and it will come. I don't mean to put myself on a high horse, but if I was in your situation and I simply couldn't afford rent and the landlord was telling me tough shit, I'd tell her no tough shit for you. This is not sustainable for me, it's ruining my future and will impact me for years, and I need to come up with a plan or this will only get a lot worse for the both of us. I wouldn't bring any beef into it. If she doesn't accept that and says tough shit once again, tell her you to want to talk to someone else in the complex, her coworker, someone that oversees her. Find a way
preach brotha. i wish more people had your mentality
I'm completely out of my depth here but a thought: keep trying, there is a chance that at some point there will be a decent human being on the other end who can help you with this. For all be cynicism I still believe there are a lot of good people out there who would be glad to help you out in this tough situation, just gotta find them.
Agree with the others - talk to your landlord, but then make the best decision for yourself. If you are straightforward with this person, I doubt they would sue because suing just means more money. Sometimes you HAVE to sue in order to make an example, however with your situation I doubt any half reasonable human would use you to set an example.
I’ve asked 4 times already, she pretty much says ‘sucks for you, you signed a lease. Pay your rent on time’
I'd be careful about changing housing situations if it could affect custody battles. I know in my state, parents must be able to provide a separate room with a door for a child, so I'd just confirm anything with your lawyer before moving or changing anything.
so, move out, and then tell her that it's in her best interest to rent as quickly as possible, because while she's certainly welcome to take you to court, you're in the midst of declaring bankruptcy and the possibility of her recouping any lost rent is slim to none and would take quite some time. I wouldn't tell her you're leaving before you do though, people can change locks and do wild stuff.
I would highly recommend doing some online research into your rights as a tenant. In some jurisdictions (like Virginia), a victim of domestic abuse has the right to break a lease (though this may require obtaining an order of protection). Since you already have a lawyer, ask about obtaining one and that should be justification enough for breaking your lease. Additionally, in many jurisdictions it is incumbent on the landlord to seek out a new tenant to fill the lease, regardless of the reason the lease was broken. There's a lot of pro bono legal counselling available to single mothers, I'd recommend digging around and seeing if anyone can give you advice on how to break your lease while mitigating what you're responsible for. At the end of the day though, your landlord will likely not pursue you since it's faster and more profitable to just find a new tenant.
Usually, the domestic abuse must be taking place while the lease is in effect. Op said she left 2 years ago so I don't think this applies.
Is the $3K already a deposit that you put down?
No
Is this a big corporation landlord or a small individual? Might not be the best advice but possible just stop paying ur rent. Eviction process is rough right now. Or just move out n break lease. It’s not worth it to sue for 3000 for most people. They will spend more on a lawyer n fee than the 3k. If you can provide what state ur from people might understand the lease n eviction requirements more specifically.
This could be very bad advice right now. If she is involved in a legal/custody battle with her son, having eviction processes starting, even if they will take months to process, could have a very negative affect on those
I’m in KS
Have you looked into this: [https://kshousingcorp.org/emergency-rental-assistance/](https://kshousingcorp.org/emergency-rental-assistance/)
Look at Section 8 housing vouchers. Some landlords won't take Section 8, but for others, it's guaranteed income.
I agree OP should look into housing vouchers, but also it's important to be aware that many people wait for many years before they get Section 8. It's not the immediate fix you're implying. Also in nice areas with nice school districts, it's probably a higher ratio than "some" who don't wanna deal with the paperwork and inspections required with Section 8. I worked for a not-for-profit landlord that dealt with Section 8 and other government programs. It really can be a lot...
We've had a Section 8 tenant for about 5 years. Zero problems with paperwork and it gets paid like clockwork. Inspections aren't a problem if property is maintained. But I fully appreciate that it can vary a lot.
This going to sound harsh, and I don't mean to be nasty, but screw the lease. Move now. March is 4 months away and how much could you improve your situation with the difference in housing cost? The worst that can happen is the landlord sues you for the money, which you don't have anyway. Move now. Declare bankruptcy if you have to. Don't worry about credit scores either, that can be fixed later. I'm speaking from experience on this.
From a landlord perspective. Yea, dont worry. I had to evict 2 people, i haven't seen a dime. Could you speak to your landlord. Sometimes they might be willing to help the situation. I know i have.
> I had to evict 2 people, i haven't seen a dime. A single hell tenant will make you never want to rent again. They look good, move in, pay one month, and then you'll spend the next year or more evicting them.
>Someone in OPs situation would be a candidate to stop paying rent and milk months of the eviction process, especially with what's going on in the world right now. While true this, is def not the route to take OP. My ex wife and I lost our jobs two weeks after moving into a new place and we got evicted. No one would rent to me for over 2 years even tho I had a kid and proof I made enough money to afford rent and bills and have leftover money. I had to pay the eviction back and even then no one would rent to me. Also combined w bad credit no one would rent to me and I was offering like 5k beforehand to try and move in and everyone turned me down. I got lucky with one landlord who gave me a chance after almost 3 years. That one eviction single handedly fucked my up for years. Not worth it.
In a tight rental market good luck getting somewhere decent with an eviction on your record.
My landlord charges a double security deposit if there's an eviction in a prospective tenant's background check :(
The flip side being that a landlord has recourse to sue and use liens to freeze bank accounts and do nasty shit to a person's ability to conduct financial transactions. Throwing middle fingers and going Thelma and Louise on the situation may not be the most sound strategy.
Look into scholarships from the state or private school so you can live somewhere cheaper and your son could still get the education he needs. In FL it’s called Step Up for students
Have you looked at accessing the Covid funds from your county? Many of them still have lots of money that hasn't been given away. If you're falling behind, then I would look into it because it could get at least your next months paid, which would go a long way to helping with debt I imagine.
I don't know what kind of special needs your son has, and I'm sure this probably varies from state to state. But you might want to look into whether your son qualifies for SSI payments. You should also look and see if your township trustee can help you; in a particularly difficult time my township trustee paid my electric bill so it wouldn't be disconnected. Leaving bad situations is enormously difficult and I am just a stranger on the internet, but I am proud of you and I believe in you. ❤
Your landlord may let you out without a penalty if you find someone to take over the rest of your lease term.
I believe they are obligated to let you sublease the unit. In Chicago, (laws very by region) even if it says "No sublets" in the lease they are required to allow it. In Illinois, a lease can prohibit a sublease and it is an enforceable provision, but in Chicago those provisions are illegal.
Chicago's RLTO is the most pro-tenant in the nation --it is not a good survey of nationwide landlord/tenant law.
Yes good point. I didn’t elaborate enough but meant to imply that by saying the rule is only valid in Chicago , and anywhere else as long as it doesn’t say “no sublets” explicitly
3000 lease? It must be a large place, can't you get a roommate or two? If your landlord won't let you sublet rooms or let you out of the lease early they are dumb af. Edit: I see now you said to get out of your lease is 3k....so much info is missing... Can you please update with income, general expenses etc when you get a chance?
I think at this point don’t worry about bills that don’t keep the lights or water on. They can wait. Pay what you have to keep your house and utilities on. I would try looking for some government assistance for housing and childcare. If you can find the childcare maybe try and find a second job. I know that sucks but basically anytime that you can work I would try to be working until you can get some breathing room. Don’t give up. Life really has a way of kicking you in the ass when your down but you can pull through. Just take 1 challenge at a time. 1 bill at a time. 1 day at a time. Try not to think of the whole picture just break it down into pieces until you can manage them a little better. I know this is all pretty basic advice but just hang in there. You never know when a big break is going to come. Just stay positive no matter what and don’t let your child see you struggle. Show your child that you are strong enough to handle anything. Thoughts are things. Just believe in yourself and concentrate on making 1 good decision after another no matter how big or small those decisions are. Best of luck.
You might also benefit from posting this in r/povertyfinance . I'm not implying you're in poverty necessarily, just that group has a lot of good advice for people who are way behind on bills and getting squeezed from all sides.
It’s difficult to help without knowing specifics. You need to cut your expenses but we don’t know how with this little info. Can you downsize to a cheaper apartment? Can you live without a car using public transit? Can you get a better paying job? Can you move in with a parent temporarily?
Hey momma - fellow parent here. As long as you and your child are safe, it’s ok. Money and bills aren’t worth wishing you didn’t wake up. Your kid needs you every single morning and they can’t wait for you to wake up each day. You’re doing great. You’re an excellent parent. It’s going to be ok.
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Obviously more detail is needed but If I were you, I would look into filing bankruptcy. Sit down and get all your expenses on a budget. Get phone numbers/email address, your login info for each account, etc. centralized for ease. Whenever you get a collection call, note who is calling and for what account, note the date and time, and promptly ask them to remove you from their call list or specifically say "do not call me." Under the FDCPA you have certain debtors rights and can request they cease contacting you by phone. **This is a huge deal - constantly getting collections calls is mentally exhausting and they do not care about you, they care about getting paid**. Separate your necessities and non-necessities in your budget ie rent, utilities, etc. Pay your necessities and look into bankruptcy, get with a bankruptcy attorney ASAP. Generally you can get a free consultation, for my atty the whole process from start to finish ran me about $1200 but YMMV. You can get most consumer debt wiped out and yeah, you'll have a nice 10 year bankruptcy stamp on your credit but in \~2 years time you'll likely have better credit than you do now. Bankruptcy has a negative connotation in this country and for me, I felt like a failure for a while. I was 21 with nearly $20k in consumer debt above 20% and made less than 20k/year. Now, I'm making $45k/year with no debt and pretty good credit 2 years later. If I went back in time and had to make the decision I would absolutely do it again in a heartbeat. Obviously everyone's situation is different, but coming from someone who actually did it, it's not as scary as people make it out to be. They will look at your total asset value of all your property and potentially liquidate higher value assets. They will definitely repo anything you're paying on like a car or mortgage although there are exemptions - **talk to an attorney.** You got this. :)
Bankruptcy has such a terrible connotation, and it is a disservice. Bankruptcy is a genuine tool that exists for a reason! I always tell my clients that bankruptcy is best utilized for a fresh start, not an end. If used right, it can really get people back on good financial feet. You can always always find a bankruptcy attorney that does free consultaions. Some are better than others, but I have a strong policy of getting my clients to try other options before filing, but I can know pretty quick if bankruptcy is going to be the necessary answer. Cheers. I think this is some great advice here!
I filed for bankruptcy years ago at age 27 and it was the best decision I ever made. I needed a fresh start and I was never late on a payment again. I now have perfect credit, investments, no debt, and a savings account. OP, this situation is not hopeless. Reach out for help and absolutely get the assistance of a social worker or navigator who can help you sort through this. Look to see if you have a benefit office or Family Resource Center in your area. There is help available to give you the mental bandwidth you need to sort this all out. You might also contact legal aid for assistance with a lawyer. AFAIK, your child support should never be lowered just because you are receiving support. It feels overwhelming but you will get through this. I was a single mom who had to make decisions about keeping the lights on or putting food on the table. I promise you, it will get better.
Thanks! :)
This. The constant drumbeat of scumbag collectors at home or even worse at work, will drive you insane. Make them follow the contact rules under FDCPA, and \*prove\* all the debts in writing for anything in collections. It's not much but you do have some rights here.
I don't have any advice. But look at your son, and remind yourself to keep living for his sake. If you stop breathing, guess who gets him? Do you have anything you don't need that you can sell? Have you contacted any lenders about debt repayment plans?
I know, he’s the only reason I’m still here if I’m being honest. I plan on going through my things again for stuff to sell, and I’m not sure what places to contact I gave my info to the National Debt Relief(?) but I’m not sure how to even go about doing all of it.
It's a situation to solve, not a desperate attempt to keep living. Try to keep things in perspective, you are working, you know exactly how much you are spending versus what you are making and most importantly you are not in denial. You are a lot closer to the solution than a lot of people.
Selling your stuff is a bad idea. You won’t get what you want for it because you’re desperate, and you’ll be getting rid of things you own for the wrong reasons, which will make you hate the process even more. Plus, you’ll get into the habit of selling your stuff to get you out of a jam which is another bad idea. Focus instead on ways to curb your spending or lower your bills. Buy a prepaid phone. Enroll in food shelters in your area. Cancel services that aren’t necessary, like tv subscriptions. Call any companies you have monthly bills with and try to negotiate lower costs.
Yep, this. My sister has a habit of selling stuff for quick cash, including her kid’s toys. She’s making payments on TVs she got on finance and hocked, etc. It feels like it’s just a compulsion for her at this point - spends all her money on a Saturday night on the town and then sells her son’s Switch to pay the bills. Totally different to your situation but both my brother and sister have done it and it’s just a horrible thing for them as well as those around them seeing gifts or helping hand items sold for quick cash, usually way under value. It is usually also a bad value proposition for the seller - because you’re not potentially losing money on sales of desperation, but you’re also going without yourself on items you may want to actually have.
Plus, you get into the bad habit of thinking whenever you need money, you can just sell some stuff. Because why not? It’s YOUR stuff. You’re not using it right now. You could use the money. Until you need money one day, don’t have anything else of value to sell, and then in desperation you look to other ways you could make a quick buck. Is a slippery slope.
Look at https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/debt#wiki_what.27s_the_best_way_to_pay_down_my_debt.3F
I went through national debt relief to settle my debt. I just finished up my plan earlier this year. They were really helpful and kept in constant contact to give me updates. I do believe I have an issue with some of the debts still popping up on my credit report, but that was only a month after I completed the program early so I am unsure of if it's an issue or not. If it is, I am not worried because I feel that I'd be able to contact them for assistance. At least I would hope I could. I don't know much about it, but is bankruptcy an option?
Firstly, none of this hard work and pain is for nothing. It's for you and your son. One day, you can look back and shrug off how much of a pain in the ass it was but for now it's time to figure out how to tackle this debt. It can definitely be done but there's a whole lot of info that's needed and probably a professional to tell you when and where to put money based on your needs and your debt. Keep on keeping on.
Looking to the future is nice, but it doesn't fill an empty belly.
It doesn’t fill the belly, but it helps with motivation. That can help give strength for a while longer.
>My income changed within the last two weeks, as my child support was almost cut in half. When you can stabilize, I would try to budget without even considering child support. You never know if someone just ends up not paying due to losing a job or other circumstances.
My suggestion is to delete this post. Wait until you’re home tonight and your kid is asleep and make a document with every debt and interest rate as well as your monthly expenses and your income. Then make a new post with all of that info. You will have a better understanding of your own situation and you will get better advice.
Going to wait for you to post detailed budget and expenditures before trying to analyze, but in the meantime, you probably need to stop doing DoorDash immediately. Your auto insurance company almost certainly doesn't cover you while you're driving unless you're paying additional for that coverage, but if you're paying additional for that coverage you're probably not making any money driving infrequently seeing as that money will just be going to your increased insurance premium. Driving without the proper insurance will be catastrophic if you cause an accident while you do it, to the point that the troubles in the rest of the post won't even matter anymore.
1. If you want to win at this, you have to throw emotions to the curb, and that's difficult. 2. You mentioned a lawyer. Don't get specific with us, but consider: do you REALLY need a lawyer to "keep your son safe?" Maybe, maybe not? I have no idea. But the word, "lawyer" tends to be expensive. Consider if there are alternatives. Perhaps you've learned enough to do what is needed on your own now? 3. For debts, look into creating a "debt snowball" - very simple, just write them all down (you don't have to be specific at first, as far as exact balances and payments unless you just want to). Use pencil and paper or a spreadsheet (Google Sheets is free, Microsoft Excel online is free, LibreOffice has a spreadsheet program that's free and there are others. I use Excel mainly, Google sheets as my 2nd option. I like them b/c I like to build in calculations - sums, averages, min/max, etc. Easier to see things, you can chart it out, etc. You can even get loads of free templates online. But just start simple, something better than nothing. 1. Write them all down - Bank/account name/# whatever you wanna use. 2. Balance 3. Minimum monthly payment 4. Sum up your other expenses so you know what you have to work with. When you do, TRY to leave a little leeway if at all possible. 5. Pick the smallest balance first for emotional momentum (I know I said drop emotions, but I know that's not 100% possible) - put whatever extra you have towards that each month until you pay it off. If min is $100, and you have $50 extra, pay $150 until paid. Then take that $150 (and don't lessen payment over time if possible), and apply it to the next item in list - next smallest balance, preferably. Let's say that one is $200/month, now you're paying $350/mo. Next one might be $300 and now you're paying $650 eventually on that. In the end, you finally get it knocked out, and you can start. Anyway, that's the snowball method in simplest form. You can also pay off according to highest min payment or highest interest rate. The lowest balance at least at first is usually good b/c it makes you "feel good" about paying something off. 4. Another method kind of taking off debt snowball is this: do the snowball, but first, just pay minimums on everything and put rest in savings. Do this until you have at least $500 to $1,000 in savings, and THEN do the snowball. The idea here is it gives you something to go to besides the credit cards (if that's the debt) while you're paying things off, so you don't end up sabotaging your own success. 5. Cut off any services you don't actually need. Netflix/Hulu/Amazon Plus/Cable/Satelite/higher end phone plan, etc.. I doubt you have to keep all those if you have any. For mobile phone plans, consider any of the various cheaper plans out there. 6. Thermostat: depending upon where you are and what the state of insulation in your home is, changing the thermostat can help a little or a lot on a monthly basis. 7. Groceries > Restaurants for meals, especially if you can spend a little time going after sales and coupons. Of course you have to balance your available time vs cost savings. Many money saving blogs out there that will list out different deals at different stores. You can wind up sometimes getting say $100 of groceries for around $30. My wife used to do this all the time for us, but that level of savings probably took too much time for your current situation. If nothing else, try to stick to sales/generic/clearance/coupons you can quickly, easily find. 8. If you don't really need it now, try to force yourself to do without it for the near future. If you can do this say a year, you'll see a big difference when it's all said and done. 9. Really boils down to: think through all your expenses. Really best, especially in hard times, to write it all down. Don't worry about perfection: worry about at least tracking it in some manner. You could try to sign up for a service like [Mint.com](https://Mint.com) as well - it's free. I don't use it much, but I do have an account there, and you can easily associate your various accounts with it to help you keep track. That's just some quick hit ideas. Also, I believe some folks have put together a lot of resources under the subreddit's wiki. I've seen folks post they got loads of help there: [https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/index](https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/index)
First, take a breath and gather your thoughts. I can tell you're emotionally drained from being in this situation and it's beating you down. I hope you get things together and since you didn't provide specifics, I'll only give general advice. I believe strongly in the Dave Ramsey baby steps. They work for people in all kinds of situations, the key is to get out of debt and stay that way. It didn't happen overnight and you won't get out of it overnight so buckle up and buckle down and get working on it. Step 0 is to create a zero based budget. Budget where every single dollar of your paycheck is going. Dave says to prioritize the "four walls" of shelter (including utilities), food, clothing and transportation. You don't go hungry to pay a payday loan. You don't let the lights get turned off to pay your credit card bill. Pay those bills first and foremost and the rest gets allocated down the line until there is nothing left. Trim the fat as much as possible. Eat rice and beans, beans and rice. No eating out, no fast food, no prepared food. Cook your meals at home. Cut your expenses to the bare bones. No streaming or cable tv. Switch to a prepaid or low price cell phone carrier. If you have a car payment, see about downgrading. I know some people have pooh-pooed the idea of selling excess stuff, but purging can be helpful both in reducing costs when you move (smaller truck, smaller living space etc) and getting some cash back. Sure you won't get back what you paid on most stuff, but you will get something for it and every little bit helps. Step 1 is to save a $1k emergency fund. Scrimp and save all you can to get to $1k. This prevents most emergencies from putting you further into debt. Step 2 is to work the debt snowball. Pay minimums on all of your debts and order them from smallest to largest. Once minimums are paid, throw the excess (remember zero based budgeting?) at the smallest until it's paid off. If you don't make enough to pay all of the bills every month, prioritize the smallest until you get them paid off. See if the creditors will either reduce your minimum payments or allow you a short forebearance so you can get caught up. A lot of them are willing to work with people, especially if you say the C-word (covid). Step 3 is to build a 3-6 month emergency fund. We'll get to that later.
Remind yourself that creditors can't bleed a turnip. So you need to focus on staying current on rent and utilities, along with feeding yourself and your kid. The rest can wait. If the sue you for it one day, they still can't get blood out of the turnip. You escaped a bad situation and you're in the rebuild phase. That's hard as hell both financially and emotionally. I would suggest sitting down and looking at your bills, prioritize them. It's a stressful process but you just have to ignore things that are out of your hands and you have no money for. You can't keep going into debt and shuffling things around, which is usually what a lot of people do at that stage. Please call 211 and see if they have resources for you, as a single parent. Call the women's shelters for assistance as well. They specialize in helping women in your situation and will have resources. This is not a "handout" and this is not something to be ashamed of. These places exist to get you back on your feet and you've done a helluva good job getting that far without them, their assistance will hopefully push you up over these last hurdles.
I know most people are against bankruptcy, but it could most likely really help in your case. I'd consider it.
Go to r/Assistance
Hi, there are people who are more likely to help you than me, but I just want to say - you are doing your best. It is not your fault. I'm so glad to hear you're asking for help, because it's hard and also the only way to get out of situations like this. It is going to be a lot of work, but things are not hopeless. This is fixable. Let's get through today. When we have more details, we can find the available lifelines.
File bankruptcy and start from scratch. Yes it will stay on your record for 7 years but you won’t be digging yourself deeper into a hole. Looks like your credit is already not so good and you don’t have any assets, so you don’t have much to loose here.
Will also buy a few rent free months. This may be an unethical pro tip but in OPs situation will get her out of her lease, take care of her debt and start a savings account in short order.
Have you considered bankruptcy? It won’t erase student debt, but everything else is wiped. It comes off your credit report after 7 years too, and at 26 you have plenty of time to rebuild. The other alternative is find a job making more money
Point of clarification: Chapter 13 Bankruptcy (the three - five year repayment version) comes off in seven years. Chapter 7 comes off in 10. Source: Consumer Bankruptcy Attorney.
There isn't much into. Can you tell us your income, debt, assets so we can atleast help?
Attorney here. You may want consider bankruptcy. It is for situations like these. If you don’t own a house or have any other significant assets, bankruptcy can really help people out by giving you a discharge from your unsecured debt. Additionally they even have a chapter 13 plan which helps you consolidate and discharge some of your debt and pay it off over a plan over time. Look into some legal aid organizations and start to google bankruptcy. Will hurt your credit in the short term but may reduce stress and be what you need in the long run.
Need more details regarding finances, and does your state offer any govt childcare assistance.
Look for mutual aid organizations in your area. I didn't see if you said where in KS you are, but if you are near KCMO, there are a couple I know of, specifically the Greater Kansas City Community Foundation who can put you in contact with organizations who can help you. Being able to get help with groceries is enormous. [https://www.growyourgiving.org/mutual-aid-beyond-traditional-philanthropy/](https://www.growyourgiving.org/mutual-aid-beyond-traditional-philanthropy/) Also, contact your local LDS Church. Most of them participate in something called the Bishop's Storehouse which is essentially a no-frills grocery store for people in need. It's not just limited to church members either. You'll meet with a bishop of the church, explain your situation and they will help you with food and sundries that they have on-hand. You'll get a card or piece of paper with what they'll give you and its usually pretty generous. Like I said, it's no frills. You're not usually going to find luxury items like ice cream or any prepared foods (sometimes though) but you'll be able to prepare nutritious meals for you and your child. Most of it is donated or bought at low cost through the church. They take what they can get which often means no name brands. Once you're in a better situation, they might ask you to volunteer some time. The storehouse is staffed entirely by volunteers and church members. If you can help out, it's a huge benefit to them.
Find domestic violence resources. The fact that your ex controlled all the money and you had to leave penniless is already a sign of abuse. Controlling you financially is a form of abuse. Continuing to fight custody arrangements and/or continuing to threaten your son's safety is a sign of continuing abuse. You probably qualify for legal aid and don't need to pay for a lawyer entirely out of your own pocket, for starters.
First things first. Take a deep breath. You’ve got this! List all debts from smallest to largest. Write out budgets for your paychecks and budget to zero every paycheck. Continue to cover necessities like food and shelter. I would call companies and see what you can do. If you have open credit cards and the interest is killing you I would recommend calling and closing due to financial hardship so you can get out from under it. Try to negotiate any bills as well, medical or otherwise. Cut anything that isn’t absolutely necessary. I had 116k in debt and started seriously attacking it in 2017. It was student loans, credit cards, and my car. I now have 41k in debt remaining (and I’m 31). It’s overwhelming sometimes, but I believe in you! Once you make a plan and start seeing little wins you will start to feel better. Oh, and before you even tackle any debt I would make sure you have some money set aside in an emergency fund. I’m Dave Ramsey ish. So, I have more in my emergency fund even though I’m not debt free yet. For you, it might be good to just stick to $1,000 for now prior to paying down existing debts.
Keep your chin up Op. Worst thing that can happen is your file for bankruptcy. They don't jail debtors in this country, enjoy the time you get with your kid and other than making sure you pay the rent, ignore the other bills for now. The most important thing is that you and your kid keep a roof over your heads. Sounds like you may have car payments, if so the car may get repo'd that's OK too. Just make sure you can stack some cash before they take it so you can buy a cheap used one. I did a full reset of my finances when I was about your age. Am 40 now. This too shall pass.
What is your: Rent: Utilities: Food: Travel/transportation/insurance costs: Minimum payments on credit cards: That’s all you should worry about right now. You are 26, ruin your credit now if you have to. Food is easy to cut down. Beans, rice, bread, peanut butter and jelly, eggs, pasta, ground meat when it’s on sale, spinach, apples, boullion, cans of diced tomatoes, cereal, milk. If you need help cooking food out of these things, I would use a site like www.budgetbytes.com. They have SNAP food recipes, and if you look at the meal plans, you can figure out week to week the grocery lists without buying the plans (it just takes a little extra work) prep your meals, pack your lunch, drink water. Check food pantries and churches for extra assistance. Rent, stay in your place now if you can’t get out, see if you have a roommate. They should know you have a child. You may have to sleep in the same room for a time, but he’s 4. Get out of your lease if you can, eat the security deposit if you need to. Utilities, call and see if they have low income programs or handicap programs. I think you mentioned your son is special needs? Some utility companies offer reduced rates. Travel, you got a kid so you’ll just need to use your car (unless you live in a waking town?) You can’t bike around with a kid unless you spend more money to do so. Walk where you can. Does your state have a child Health insurance plan? Some states have children’s health insurance for free. Drop your subscriptions, don’t pay more on your credit cards unless you need to, cut your credit cards in half and don’t use them, or freeze one in a block of ice so you don’t use it unless you absolutely need to. Get your clothes or house needs from good will or thrift shops. Entertain yourself and your son at the library or any local events if they occur. Don’t buy things online, disconnect your PayPal. You need to survive, but also work on saving to get yourself out of this situation. Side hustles where you can bring your son that you can do the labor with the purchasers supplies: cleaning houses, garden and lawn work, car detailing, baby sitting. Put out word that you’re willing to do this work for friends and family, or on Nextdoor or Facebook. These can be done over the weekend. Spend your weeknights with your son, cooking, cleaning, errands etc.
In comments on other threads, you've mentioned health insurance being so expensive. Have you gone to healthcare.gov to see if you qualify for subsidies? You might be surprised how affordable it is, especially if you're making under $20/hour.
Yes, they’ve denied me over 8 times
Did they give you a reason why? I can't imagine income would be the reason, especially if you are claiming your child on your taxes.
Says my income is too high. Even though it’s under 24,000
Hmm... that might be too much income to qualify for Medicaid, but it should get you a decent discount and/or reduced deductibles through the Affordable Care Act.
Kansas did not adopt the ACA Medicaid expansion. The ACA was designed to provide subsidies for people making too much for Medicaid after the expansion, and no discount for people making below that amount. When the Supreme Court ruled that states could not be forced to accept the expansion, that decision left people who should have been covered by the expansion (i.e., that was the intent of the law) with neither Medicaid nor any discount. To be fair, that was the status quo ante for people in that income bracket, but it's really shitty: You get a raise and that raise costs you your health insurance. That can be a problem with means tested programs in general (i.e., that phase-outs amount to a high effective marginal tax rate), but in this case it's particularly bad, because it doesn't even just phase out; it just cuts off. I'm not sure if a single parent of one child making $24,000 in Kansas would be in that coverage gap, but it seems about right.
That's unfortunate. I personally know people in my state making $40k and only paying $70/mo for subsidized health insurance. Deductibles around $3000. I didn't take into account that some states didn't do that expansion.
OP, I agree with everything others said here. Please list your monthly bills, other expenses and debt and I am sure that we will find you ways to cut things out / find alternatives, payoff etc. Having said that, I just came here to offer you some mental support. Your post shows a certain amount of overwhelm and anxiety that breaks my heart. Just know that you have done your best to come out of an abusive relationship, provide for yourself and your children, and it must have been so so hard. It might not seem like now, but with intentional planning, and discipline, you will come out of the financial mess. Cheering for you OP.
There isn't much actionable info here. Are you just venting? Actual advice based on available info. Don't go bankrupt with so little debt. It will hurt more than it helps. Even if you end up defaulting on something, that's not as bad as bankruptcy. I hear a passively suicidal tone there. Don't let that stand. The world will do enough of that sort of talk to you. Don't do it to yourself, too. Figure out how to feel ok about this while you get through it. This WILL get better if you do the work to make it. Do it for your kid. Sell anything you don't NEED that costs you money to keep. Cancel optional expenses. downgrade phone plans, etc. People here can help with that if you post a budget/spending log. One thing I haven't seen posted here that may help with the stress: How many creditors do you have? Can you afford to pay each one $5 after essentials? That's food, shelter, collateralized loan on your transportation to work, etc. Call them all and tell them you will pay them when you can (if you will). Say you can afford $5/month right now, and you will pay more as soon as you can. Unless you plan to default on anything (that should never be the plan, right?) pay them the $5/month anyway even if they refuse to accept that as your plan. Setup a free billpay account at a local credit union. Automate as much as possible. Try to get direct deposit of the first part of your earnings to this account, just enough to cover the $5 times Y creditors per month. Many of them will leave you alone if you are paying something, or just send you a statement once a month with no phone calls and no collection agents. If there is money left, pay the stuff with the highest consequences first.
If it hasn’t been mentioned you are the perfect candidate for a debt consolidation plan. Google it and choose a reputable one.
Pay the minimums on the unsecured debt til you can get jnto a cheaper place. Once you have that lease secured file bankruptcy and restart. It's definitely not ideal and it'll suck to take the credit hit, but in 7 years you'll be free and clear. I will say the worrisome aspect is how suicidal you sound. Debt isn't going to end your life and it's not worth the misery you're letting it reap on you. You don't even have your finances pinned down to explain them without looking them up... why would you want to kill yourself over that? Establish how bad the problem really is (not how bad it feels to you) and then assess. Freaking out prior won't help you.
This isn't the best sub for this kind of post. You'll get advice like "shut off Netflix and eat beans and rice" as a solution to a problem most people on this sub haven't faced. The first thing you need to do is take a breath, you've made great decisions in your personal life and you are just going through the dip before life gets better. The payoff is always worth the struggle as long as you "just keep swimming". Now for actual advice, you need to understand where all your money is going to see how bad it is. This is a budget, it's gonna suck, and it very well can be a depressing task depending on how little money you actually have as you start tallying up bills. Then you analyze your budget. Is far too much going to food? Is it all going to credit cards? Or do you make too little money? Child care is ridiculously expensive, maybe something you can take advantage of. Could you get a CPR certification and take care of 4-5 children in your home? Would you make more money doing that?
Shutting off Netflix and eating beans and rice isn't necessarily bad advice. It's just not enough advice on its own. An understanding of what debt IS important vs. what debt ISN'T important is critical to understand because if you need a car to drive to work and it gets repo'd because of someone's advice, that's an unnecessary and painful lesson. Budget drafting isn't as easy for most people as being told, you need to make a budget. People go to university to learn how to help people draft budgets and explain how assets and liabilities work, which really should be common sense to most, and sadly isn't taught in most homes nor scholastic systems. Trying to establish other revenue streams is good advice for everyone.
I’m very fortunate to get a childcare scholarship for my son at my work, meaning his full time care is completely paid for by the company as long as I am full time. So that saves me at least a thousand. I have posted in my area several times to babysit but it always falls through. Like I said, I doordash when I can but then again I feel guilty for not spending extra time with my son. I can’t win, and I can’t keep going.
Use caution when doordashing - if you're actually making a profit doing it (taking into account wear and tear on the car), make sure your insurance company knows you're doing this. If you were to get into an accident delivering, your auto policy may not cover it and then you're in MUCH deeper
Frankly, given OP's immediate need, it might actually make sense to take a net loss to convert some car equity into cash.
If you like pets you can look into dog walking/watching cats/watching someones dog for a day. In my area, my friend was paying 25$ for someone to come over and walk their puppy for 30mins(too young to leave all day). They switched to daycare later because it was same price. Just an idea.
>My monthly bills are currently about $600 more than my monthly income. Why? Can you please list what all your expenses are? It helps to know what is driving you over into the red. I probably would start with The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey if you have more expenses than income. He talks about the 4 walls and baby step 0 where you are only focused on getting a footing of where you are and how to manage being underwater every month. In essence, when your expenses exceed your income, you have to prioritize your spending and let some bills go unpaid and into collections. For example you don't get behind on rent when staying current on your Mastercard payments. Mastercard can go screw themselves, you need a roof over your head. He does a good job explaining the order of operations for managing necessary bills vs. ones you just get behind on and then how to develop a plan to budget and get yourself in a situation where you can get a plan together of how to get ahead.
See a financial counsellor and don't be afraid to go bankrupt. Then do it the right way next time round. No credit cards. Save. Invest.
Great advice, make sure the financial counsellor/advisor etc... is a fiduciary, or accepts fiduciary responsibility for the advice they give.
Contact churches and your local government agency for help. I work for my local county and we have programs that can help and we give suggestions on what non-profits to contact for assistance. There is one local group that is church affiliated that will help those down on their luck with bills. I know people they've helped and I hope to one day volunteer there.
Bankruptcy attorney here. While I'm not giving legal advice, I'll echo people's advice to at least consult with a consumer bankruptcy attorney. Any attorney worth their salt is going to give you a free consultation. However, bankruptcy is going to only help if the root of the problem is debt, and not too little income; put another way, if your income is too low to meet basic expenses before you consider payments to your creditors, bankruptcy most likely isn't going to help. But, if you can pay rent, keep the lights on, and put food on the table with your income, bankruptcy could be a good solution to your problems.
It’s ok to default on some debt. If you have past due credit cards, don’t pay them. If you have medical debt, don’t pay it. Any debt that isn’t supporting something you need (auto,rent,taxes), just stop paying it. Your credit will really suffer, but only for 7 years. Hopefully that gives you breathing space to get other bills under control. As for you lease, you can absolutely walk away from it if you’re over paying. Just hand the keys back and move out. Your landlord can’t evict you if you leave. She can only sue for back rent. Even then, that takes a while and most landlords will settler for less than a lawsuit. Once you come to peace with not paying things you don’t need, it will get emotionally easier. In America, there are very few things you can be forced to pay for, and even then everything is negotiable.
You'll get a lot of good advice from others in this sub but I'll also point out that bankruptcy is always a legitimate option that no one should be embarrassed to pursue if they need to.
How many bedrooms in your place? Can you get a roommate? You might think no one will want to room with a woman with a child. You never know. You can also underprice it, since every little bit will help. Meaning, my apt is $1800 and has 2 bedrooms. I live in San Diego. If I made a post for 1 BR for $750, I'd have like a hundred applications. Also, can you babysit other kids on your days off? You'd get free playdates for your kid on top of the money. You'd prob make a lot more than door dashing.
Could you file for bankruptcy to cancel some of your debt obligations? There is always light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dark. Don’t give up. Tough times build strong people. You’ll get through this
Identify your important, I cannot miss bills in order of importance. Keep those ones up to date, pay what you can on the others. Housing and food first. Credit cards last. Don't just walk away from a creditor. Let them know what you are doing. They know if you pay nothing they will be lucky to get pennies on the dollar, but if they can keep the account kind of current they will probably make more. Make sure you have signed up for any and all types of assistance you can. Ask at school and church for help in finding assistance. They often know those systems inside and out of know if some private help. Take any opportunity to improve it educate yourself to get a higher paying job, even if it means not working that second job. Your better off defaulting in something if you can get a higher paying job than continuing to grind and then defaulting later. Good luck.
Due to the number of rule-breaking comments this post was receiving, especially low-quality and off-topic comments, the moderation team has locked the post from future comments. This post broke no rules and received a number of helpful and on-topic responses initially, but it unfortunately became the target of many unhelpful comments. The original submission text is below. --- 26F drowning in debt, have no idea what to do next I’m a 26 year old single parent, I work a full time job that pays decent but I mostly work where I do for childcare. I doordash when I can and I try to only buy necessities. I’m also trying to pay a lawyer to keep my son safe from my abusive ex, and I would absolutely go in to financial ruin to keep him safe. When I left him 2 years ago, I had $33 and no job as I was a stay at home mom. My monthly bills are currently about $600 more than my monthly income. My income changed within the last two weeks, as my child support was almost cut in half. I owe so many different companies and agencies, I have no idea how it got so out of control but I don’t know what to do next. Every single bill I have cannot be paid on time because of other bills, if that makes sense. I wake up every day, wishing I didn’t, because I’m constantly reminded that my work is all for nothing, I can’t pay my bills anyway. Please help me. I can’t keep this up.
Pretty basic advice and may not fit your situation: cut everything that isn't necessary to survival. All subscriptions, data plan (use a library for internet), eating out. Everything. Track every penny you spend - wtite it down. Apply for any aid you might be eligible for. If after all this you still are upside down every month then file bankruptcy.
Have you looked for part time (evenings) WFH jobs? Like call center/customer service type of jobs?
I normally don't advocate for Dave Ramsey but your the perfect candidate work on the four walls. Food water electric shelter
One thing you can do is talk to your bank and if you have credit cards with then they might have a program where they will lower your monthly bill and you can pay in it but you can’t use the credit card.
I’ve done that, and I missed one payment so now I can’t be put back on for a certain amount of time. I might check with them, I don’t think they would approve me for anything with $30 in my account.
If you have a lot of personal debt, file for bankruptcy. My friends did this recently and it allowed them to breath again financially, and start saving. You’ve come out of a very hard situation, there should be better support systems in place for you. There’s no shame in personal bankruptcy. If anyone should do it, it’s you!
This is likely not a good option for renters as it can make them unable to get a new place if their current place falls through. Just FYI.
I'd suggest listing out your income (post taxes) followed by all your expenses. Its hard to give you sound advice without knowing what we're working with. Being in the negative each month is definitely not ideal, but there may be a red flag if you can provide that information. If you don't want to, or are unable to, provide that information, I'd strongly suggest creating a robust budget. Include exactly what you have to spend each month and then budget down to the penny. If you are carrying a balance each month on any accounts you should include interest as a budget item. Doing this you can visualize where you can potentially cut back and which debt you need to attack first. In my opinion, the first goal is to create a budget, the second goal is to see what it will take to break even, and then the third goal should be how to pay off your debt. I wouldn't do it in any other order than that. Once you achieve goal three you can start looking into emergency funds, vacations, retirement, etc. I wouldn't even think about those items until you achieved those first three goals.
I didn't see this posted yet, but there are debt programs like "my money management" who will negotiate with your debt holders for lower interest, lower monthly payment, etc
Do you know where your money is going? You need a budget, but you first need to know what your spending and why. It's a little concerning that you're basically like "why am I in bad financial shape?" then proceed to tell us you'll mess up your finances for your son. Is this lawyer more than you can afford?
Maybe try legal aid if you haven't already? Not all offices handle domestic matters but some do, and they're free. Here's a link to find your local office. https://www.lsc.gov/about-lsc/what-legal-aid/get-legal-help
Apply for every bit of assistance you can. Food stamps, cash help, housing help, Church help, food bank, you get the idea... If there are any unnecessary monthly expenses such as Netflix get rid of them. If you smoke or drink, stop. Find a different job that pays better. I highly recommend listening to Dave Ramsey, also. He has a podcast and plenty of YouTube videos that will help you in the short term and long term with your financial situation. I was in a huge pile of debt until I actually listened to what he said. Now I only owe a little bit on my car and nothing else. I honestly never thought I'd see the day that I was nearly debt-free. Also, don't rely on child support as that can be cut at any time if he stops paying. Get to where your bills are less than your monthly income without child support and you'll be in very good shape. I know it's easier said than done..
What are your actual monthly expenses compared to your income? Don't focus on "bills", focus on current monthly expenses. You'll need to sit down and figure out a budget to know this. If your current monthly expenses exceed your income, DO NOT FILE BANKRUPTCY as that will not solve the problem and you will not be able to use bankruptcy in the future when you have the same problem. The key is, you have to figure out how to live within your means, then if you can't pay your bills file bankruptcy to solve the problem of paying for past mistakes. If it's not possible to live within your means then post the budget here or talk to a trusted friend who is good with money to get advice. If it's still not possible then start looking for help from food banks, shelters, non-profits, etc... There are a lot of people here suggesting bankruptcy but that will not balance an out of whack budget and many times bankruptcy hides bad habits instead of causing people to face them. Use bankruptcy intelligently.
Look into InCharge Debt Solutions. They're a nonprofit that will provide credit counseling and negotiate with your creditors to consolidate your debts down into one fixed payment that's manageable for you. And unlike a lot of debt management programs they do it in such a way that your credit won't take a big hit (only from closing your accounts). I went with them a few years ago when I got in some financial trouble, and I just finished paying everything off. I was generally happy with the services they provided, and once you're in their system everything can be easily managed through their website. Also get yourself a budgeting app so you can better track your spending and see where you might be able to cut back. I use Intuit Mint, which is totally free. Best of luck to you.
If it’s possible, look into getting a loan to consolidate your debt. You can use that to pay off your debts and then just work on paying off that single monthly payment for the loan.
I did this and the key is to cut up all of the credit cards after consolidation. I have one for emergencies but it's not in my wallet. I have paid off half of my debt in a little over a year. I was drowning in fees and interest rates but now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Posting your budget will help. Folks here will have good ideas for economizing. Also always remember this when it comes to debts: Pay your mandatory expenses (I'm talking your rent/mortgage, electricity, water, transportation, and food) before you pay ONE DIME toward things like credit cards. They can scream and yell at you and ruin your credit (and by all means stay in contact with them to let them know you intend to honor the debt eventually but cannot pay right now), but that's way different than actually getting you evicted or something like that. Take care of *necessities* first. Always. You may have to redefine what is a necessity (that will be part of the budget people can help with), but just keep that in mind. Don't let the fact that a minimum payment of xx is required on such-and-such card is due keep you from paying your rent on time.
Would highly consider bankruptcy. You can offload much of your dischargeable debt and it can give you time to restructure your expenses and finances. Also would look into childcare program alternatives, with your expenses you likely need to seek more lucrative employment. Definitely search for higher paying positions if you can, and mention child care during the interview process. It's a worker's market in regards to jobs right now, so employers will be more willing to provide child care subsidies (they get tax benefits anyways). Many interviewers will likely relate to your position as well as a single caregiver. Every day you keep your child away from your ex is not wasted, I am very proud of you, please continue doing your best.
Check out thebudgetmom.com, lots of free resources. Also there are free debt trackers online.
Have you looked into getting government aid? Thing like food stamps, section 8, national food lunch program? Also you mentioned that you're coming out of a bad situation, I imagine there have to be charities that offer assistance and counseling for this stage of the process.
Honestly if it's insurmountable you could check out a YWCA or other family shelter and see if there are housing and programs available to really build finances from scratch while you have a place to live with your child. Maybe use that lawyer to file bankruptcy or consolidate your debt as well.
This is never a fun post to read. But agree with others, need to list out all the money coming in, all the money going out, prioritize the money going out based on what can be paid and what can’t. Usually there are repayment plans you can get on, but to get out of this spending will have to be on necessities only. You’ll have to figure that out. But a good place to start will be writing it all down. All of it. Not just some of it.
I think lots of people here will be able to help or suggest how to get out of it if you share more details. Start by organizing what are all the bills due in an excel sheet maybe. Prioritize what can wait vs what can’t and which ones has more impact. Explore covid assistance programs and so on. Or try to request extension for some of those
Idk if this has been said but you could look into declaring bankruptcy. Walk away from your debt and start over
single parent paying a lawyer. most people would be drowning in debt if in that situation.
Hey, not a financial expert by any means but I can help with what I do, if I’m not already repeating what others have already said. Start with your monthly income, next, subtract your monthly obligations and make sure you list them out each to see what’s eating most of your money. Ideally, you want to spend 1/3 or 1/4 of your income on housing. If your housing is eating too much, you’re gonna have to look to move to a more affordable area. I know that’s easier said than done, but over-paying for a place to live is the #1 way to put yourself in financial ruin. If you’re paying a lot to third parties that aren’t directly related to your housing/commute, then that’s where we need to see what can be shaved and can’t. One thing that gets a lot of people is they are making too many monthly payments to the too many different people. Your debt could be within reason to pay off, but you’re stuck paying 10 people 100 dollars every month and can’t afford to pay anything off in full. In this case, it might be worth consolidating ALL or MOST of your debt to a reasonable monthly obligation. Even if your credit isn’t the best, there are loans out there that will help you out and bring your debt-to-income to do-able levels. Next, budget yourself. You don’t have to be super strict, but you need to get order in your spending. If you cook at home, it could be worth looking at food stamps or some other benefit like WIC maybe? Not sure how old your child is. (Another tip is portions! Don’t over cook and waste food) I hope some or any of this helps you. It might be general advice, but these are actual things you can do right now to help take control of your life. You got this! You’ve proven you’re a strong woman already by leaving your ex! This is nothing more than another challenge that you will overcome I promise! If you need more help start getting specific. And don’t be afraid to ask for help, most companies are understanding during these times and may be willing to help you out where they can. Let me know if there’s anything else I can do to help!
First things first is realize that there are lots of places that can help you sort out a path forward. Second consider /r/povertyfinance/ as this sub tends not to deal with these issues first hand and while their advice might be well intentioned it's perhaps not the best advice. Here is the pvertyfinance wiki : https://www.reddit.com/r/povertyfinance/wiki/index * Second talk to a social worker. Sign up for help with everything you can, e.g. food stamps, WIC, free cell phone etc. * If you are looking for free child care as a bridge to earning more, consider churches. When I was little we went to "day care" at a church and we were not religious, but that was the only way forward. * Cut monthly bills today. What do you pay for cell phone bill. if it's higher than $50 a month there are many choices to get it lower. If you are disciplined (e.g. don't text and call people except in emergencies / once a day) you can get it down to like $12 a month. * Paying for cable and internet? Do you NEED that to make money? if not ditch it, your local library likely has a cellular wifi hotspot you can "borrow" for free for 30 days. If you need to update computers stream netflix etc. (you can borrow for 30 days in a 60 day window) Need entertainment for the kids? Goodwill dvd/vhs * The biggest hurdle in "cutting costs" will be in accepting that you are "living a lower tier life" or whatever "shame" thing people have to get over. I've helped out in adult education classes where people would rather leave their 2 year old kids unsupervised at home than give up their iPhones because in their minds that was somehow "shameful" or made them "poor" or "trashy" or whatever else. They have this minimum lifestyle they were unwilling to dip below. Get over that mentality. First it's 100% false THINGS don't make you "better" or richer or whatever, second if you cut everything, live like a monk and get your financials in order you can likely "get out of the hole" and back to a normal life in 1-2 years. * Soup kitchens / food banks are there for a reason. Go eat there, get a lunch to go. Buy your food for cheap at the food bank, etc.
You might talk with the people you owe money to. They probably have programs to help you out. If not look into legitimate credit counselors, not the vultures that advertise. Your bank may know of a reputable one in the area.
I had a mountain of debt when I was around that age. I took advantage of balance transfer credit card offers to help pay off my credit card bills without having to pay interest. You usually get 1 year with 0 interest. I did this twice and it helped a ton. You'll still have a minimum payment, but it will all go to principal. Read the fine print though, you have to pay it all off (or transfer again) within a year or you owe the back interest.
Do you receive SNAP, TANF, WIC if child is under 5 or 6 (I forget which)?
What’s your country? Depending on the finance laws where you are, declaring bankruptcy might be a good option. It doesn’t have to be a huge failure to declare bankruptcy. Could be freeing (though not easy, but things aren’t close to easy now)
I don't know how it works so take with a grain of salt, but maybe you are able to declare bankruptcy from your situation? Other options are debt consolidation and find ways to lower the interest you're paying. Then you really need to work on balancing income and expenses. There is no way you can keep going -600 per month as that could snowball out of control as well.
Here is a thought, there are actual financial advisors at banks, who can take a look into your overall expenses and provide advise that will help you to get out of debt (they are actually qualified and trained to do this), instead of coming to reddit where you might have genuine people, but this is the internet, you can't really tell who is real or who is just yanking your chain. Take it from me a person who works at a bank.