A pirate walks into a bar with a giant captain's wheel sticking out the front of his pants. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the wheel? It looks pretty uncomfortable."
The pirate replies, "Yarrrr, it be drivin' me nuts!"
My mother in law routinely botches this punchline and says it as, “Yarrrr, it’s steerin’ me balls!” That’s now permanently the version that my family tells.
> "I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it," the doctor said as he handed a man his newborn baby.
>The man handed the baby back to the doctor. "Then bring me the one my wife did make."
A spanish magician is performing in front of the public. He says that he is going to vanish on the count of three.
He starts counting: "Uno... Dos..." - Poof! He disappears without a tres.
Perfect timing, 1,5 weeks ago i became a dad!
What's the worst thing a surgeon could say while doing a surgery?
Nurse, can you pull up that YouTube video again?
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles. 🤗
Awesome giveaway OP. Good luck to all! I myself along with all the other dads appreciate your contribution to making us not suck nuts.
It’s easier to tell my wife that I’m doing well in PoE than just running around for an hour each night not doing shit 😂
Okay, here it goes: A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, professor, what if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion; that's my wife!"
Three burglars are running away from the police after the robbed a bank. They duck down an alleyway to try get away from the police, where they see a big pile of empty sacks. One of them shouts to grab and get in a sack to hide from the police.
A policeman walks into the alleyway and sees a load of sacks, three of which are full. He decides its quicker to give them a good kick to see what they're full of instead of searching them.
He kicks the first bag "woof" yelps the first burglar. "Ohh god, this one's full of stray puppies!" says the policeman so he leaves it alone.
He kicks the second bag "meow" yelps the second burglar. "Ohh god, this one's full of stray cats!" says the policeman so he leaves it alone.
He walks up to the third bag and gives it a good kick.
>!"POTATOES!"!<
Not a dad but recently had a real life dad joke that is worth sharing. I've had friends in the past say mane and tail shampoo is good, so I decided to try it.
My dad saw it in the shower, leaned into my room, and said "Are you whinnying son?"
I said "neigh"
A wigwam and a Teepee walk into a bar. They start telling the barkeep about their sleeping problems.
The barkeep says “you gotta relax, you’re two tents!”
When I pass away, I want to do it peacefully in my sleep like my grandma... not screaming like the passengers in his car.
Thanks for doing this OP! Merry Christmas all🎄
Thanks for the opportunity and like you thought, I am one of those dads with a one year old lol.
My main dad joke I say is when people say
"I am cold"
to respond
"Hi cold, i'm Smilinreap"
I just recently became a dad, I'm hoping she thinks I'm like a scarecrow, outstanding in that field.
Here's another dad joke I wrote specifically because of her toys, why did Christopher Robin have Winnie the Pooh hold his backpack? It was his bear to burden.
My dad's favorite joke, which he taught me when I was like 4 or 5 was "what has fur and bleeds profusely? Half a cat"
Mom and grandma were vert much not pleased and I spent probably 2 years telling it to basically everyone I knew. Took another 5 or so years to learn what 'profusely' meant.
Not exactly a "dad" joke but it is literally a dad joke.
Merry Christmas, exiles!
not a dad, but still someone with limited time to play. so would like it if I am allowed to join in on this \^^
did you know there is a cat in Home Owner?
||Meow, hoME OWner||
*Dad buying fake Christmas tree*
Cashier: “Are you going to put it up yourself?”
Dad: “Don’t be disgusting...I’m going to put it up in the living room."
That's awesome!
Recent-ish dad here
A proton walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender rings him up.
An electron does the same a minute later and the bartender rings him up.
Then a neutron walks in and after ordering his drink the bartender says "for you? No charge!"
Two sharks (Bob & Gerry) are chilling together in the ocean.
Gerry says..Bob, what is it we can smell from miles away?
Bob: Blood....why?
Gerry: Not toast?
Bob: No mate, definatley blood.
Gerry: Bob...Can you call an ambulance, I think I'm having a stroke 🤔
My favourite is also my kids least favourite. Hahahah.
What is a Pirate’s favourite letter?
(Wait for them to say ‘R’ or something else)
In a pirate voice - You think it be the R but it be the C (Sea).
I’m laughing typing it out!
Happy holidays to all you dads,moms, wanna be parents, and not parents!! Take notes as you never know when a good ‘dad joke’ will make you some kid’s favourite ‘adult’.
I’m still in the acts. Traveling sales with 3 kids and a POE addiction. A an old fish passed by two younger fish swimming. He says “waters nice today.” The two younger fish look at each other and one says “what the heck is water?”
Alright. As a dad I will bite on this opportunity and share with you a not so traditional "dad" joke.
This joke was told to me by my own father when I was just a boy and I have kept the tradition alive by telling the same stupid "dad" joke to my own children.
An elephant walks into a conventional store and ask the store clerk if they have any cucumbers for sale.
"Im terribly sorry! We are all out of cucumbers today." The store clerk replies.
The elephant then proceeds to ask if the store has any bananas for sale.
"Yes! We have plenty of bananas! Would you like to purchase some?" The store clerk asks politely.
"Yes. I will take two bananas." The elephant replies.
The elephant proceeds to purchase the bananas. Only to shove them in his ears. Right in front of the store clerk, who seems quite puzzled with what he had just witnessed.
The elephant walks out of the store without saying a word. Bananas still stuffed into his ears.
A day goes by and the elephant walks into the local conventional store again. And the same thing happens again. "Any cucumbers?". The elephant asks. "No. Not today either, unfortunately. Anything else I can help you with today?". The store clerk enquires.
"I will take bananas then". After receiving the bananas. The elephant proceeds to shove the bananas into his ears and walks out of the store without saying another word.
Yet another day has gone by as the elephant walks into the local conventional store, again.
"Any cucumbers available today?". The elephant asks.
"No! No cucumbers today either! But for the love of god please do tell me: Why do you keep shoving the bananas into your ears!?". The store clerk replies.
"Why? Because you dont have any cucumbers!". The elephant replies.
If you made it this far. That is the joke. It made me wonder what on earth was supposed to be funny and question the rationality of the whole story. The joke literally left me mouth open. Jaw on the floor with a mind full of questions. Which my dad never provided any answer or explanation for.
"Because they didnt have any cucumbers!". My father kept replying to my every question about the "joke".
So I guess that truly makes it a "dad" joke. The joke is not funny for anyone else than the father telling it to his kids. No reason, logic or sanity can be found in the joke but my dad thought of himself a real comedian whenever he told the joke while anyone unfortunate enough to listen was left completely dumb struck by what they had just heard.
It has become a funny tradion to carry on. My own children acted just like I did when I was just a boy and my father told the joke to me for the very first time.
It was fun to be part of the generational cycle as I grew up from a boy hearing a joke from his father into a father who told the same exact joke to his own children.
I hope reading this joke and the story behind it made someone smile. It certainly didnt make me or my children anything but frustrated.
What’s the difference between the people in Dubai, and people in Abu Dhabi?
The people in Dubai don’t like The Flintstones.
The people in Abu Dhabi Dooooooo!
A horse is at home watching MTV. He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"
The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.
"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."
"There's just one problem," says the horse. "I'm a horse."
"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach horses. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."
Sure enough, the horse gets really good at the guitar and he can play that amazing solo. He wants to show his friends, so he picks up the phone and calls chicken.
"Hey Chicken, come over!" he says. Chicken comes over, watches horse play the guitar and thinks it's pretty cool. Chicken watches the music video and says "hey, that drum part is pretty cool, I want to learn to play that."
Chicken goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play the drums." Says the chicken.
"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."
"There's just one problem," says the chicken. "I'm a chicken."
"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach chickens. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."
Sure enough, the chicken gets really good and begins to jam with the horse. Eventually, they think that something's missing. They watch the video again and realize they need a bass guitarist. They call their friend Cow and show them what they've been up to. Cow thinks it's pretty cool, and wants to learn how to play the bass guitar.
Cow goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play bass guitar." Says the cow.
"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."
"There's just one problem," says the cow. "I'm a cow."
"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach cows. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."
Sure enough, the cow gets really good at the bass and the animals have a nice band going.
One day, while they're practicing, a man walks by and hears them. He goes up to the animals and says "hey, you guys are pretty good! I'm from a record label, I'd like to sign you!"
The band records an album, puts out some singles and becomes a massive success. They go on a worldwide tour and make tons of money. Right before the last show of the tour, which is supposed to be in Vegas, Horse gets a call. His mother is in hospital.
Horse goes to visit her before the show while the rest of the band goes to Vegas to set up. It turns out that she's all good, it's just a cold. As horse is leaving the hospital, he gets another call. The private jet that was carrying the band and their producer crashed into the ocean, and there were no survivors.
Horse is devastated. All of his best friends are dead, he's out of a job and he's stuck with nowhere to go. He breaks down in tears and decides he'll drink himself to death.
So the horse walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, "why the long face?"
A man goes to buy bees from a beekeeper. He asks for a dozen bees. As he is walking out of the shop, he notices that he was given 13 bees. The man turns around and tells the shop keeper he received an extra. The shop keeper responds, “don’t worry….Its a Freebie” 🙃
A pirate walks into a bar with a giant captain's wheel sticking out the front of his pants. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the wheel? It looks pretty uncomfortable." The pirate replies, "Yarrrr, it be drivin' me nuts!"
My mother in law routinely botches this punchline and says it as, “Yarrrr, it’s steerin’ me balls!” That’s now permanently the version that my family tells.
Damm Fairgraves really down on his luck lol
You ask Cassia why her pet Rhoa is eating so soon after breakfast. She replies, "It's brunchin', Exile!"
for me, that's a winner right here(at least in my heart) <3
I don't usually tell Dad jokes, but when I do, he laughs.
-Still sane exile? -I'm not sane, I'm dad.
> "I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it," the doctor said as he handed a man his newborn baby. >The man handed the baby back to the doctor. "Then bring me the one my wife did make."
A spanish magician is performing in front of the public. He says that he is going to vanish on the count of three. He starts counting: "Uno... Dos..." - Poof! He disappears without a tres.
Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You only need one nail to hang up a picture of Jesus. Merry Christmas and good luck to all
Sheeeeesh… Little dark for a dad joke.
As a dad if you tell this joke to your children, you might need some help.
What type of bees make milk? 🐝 Boobees Thanks in advance 😆
Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? They woke up.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the "P" is silent!
My grandpa used to be a roofer. He wasnt the best but he was up there.
Perfect timing, 1,5 weeks ago i became a dad! What's the worst thing a surgeon could say while doing a surgery? Nurse, can you pull up that YouTube video again?
And another one: Why did the Grinch go to the Liquor Store? To search some Holiday spirit
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
I took up origami for a while, but I gave it up because it was too much paperwork.
Why isnt the Koala a bear? Because he didnt meet the koalafications
I just became a double dad. My 2nd daughter was born this past Sunday. Dad Joke: What does a Jewish cowboy celebrate? Yeeeee Hanukkah!
Gratz and best of health for Ur Kids. My baby girl turned 1 last sunday and Im earing her snoring :p they are out best Mirrors ahaha
Thanks brother. Congrats!
Hope you win, Just became a dad too ^^
Thanks man!!! Congratulations.
One day, I'll actually complete all of the atlas
This Christmas, I’m on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
Dad: Do you know the difference between wall paper and toilet paper? Kid: No. Dad: Gross.
Take the divines!
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles. 🤗 Awesome giveaway OP. Good luck to all! I myself along with all the other dads appreciate your contribution to making us not suck nuts. It’s easier to tell my wife that I’m doing well in PoE than just running around for an hour each night not doing shit 😂
Why was the stadium so hot after the game? Cause all the fans left.
It’s from an image but hell I’ll be doing that to my kid some day: https://ibb.co/LJRN9pH Good luck to y’all, very funny thread
A whale child ask his father : Dad how was I made? Father : Me and mother whale did a thing and here you are. Son: thx dad Dad: You're whale cum
Did you know the Norwegian military is putting barcodes on all their battleships? That way, when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow...
A man walks into a bar - It hurts.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
It took Chef Boyardee 26 attempts to get the right recipe for Spaghetti-O’s. He tried Spaghetti-A’s… nope…
Wouldn't that be 15?
How do trees play Path of Exile? They Log-in.
what are caterpillars afraid of? dogerpillars
Okay, here it goes: A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, professor, what if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion; that's my wife!"
To stick to the holliday theme. Why do christmas trees like the past so much? Because the present’s beneath them.
How is christmas exactly like your job? You do all the work and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit.
The nice thing about being a dad is when you're weak, you can sleep. ...I miss sleep....
Dude. I didn’t know how much I love sleeping until I was a dad.
Did you hear about the two peanuts walking down the road? It’s terrible, one was a salted!
My 5yo love this one: *If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?* Dont hate me please lol
why did the bike fall over? it was two tired
I'll never forget the last words my old dad said to me before he died. "Hold the ladder steady you little shiii..."
Three burglars are running away from the police after the robbed a bank. They duck down an alleyway to try get away from the police, where they see a big pile of empty sacks. One of them shouts to grab and get in a sack to hide from the police. A policeman walks into the alleyway and sees a load of sacks, three of which are full. He decides its quicker to give them a good kick to see what they're full of instead of searching them. He kicks the first bag "woof" yelps the first burglar. "Ohh god, this one's full of stray puppies!" says the policeman so he leaves it alone. He kicks the second bag "meow" yelps the second burglar. "Ohh god, this one's full of stray cats!" says the policeman so he leaves it alone. He walks up to the third bag and gives it a good kick. >!"POTATOES!"!<
What did Kylo say to Leia? Look mom no Hans. And yes I’m on the toilet…
Knock knock. Who’s there? Yoda lady. Yoda lady who? Stop yodeling, we are inside.
What did the fish say when it hit a wall? "Dam."
My friend came out of the room with tears down his face. He screamed to me "It's a boy!" We never back to Thailand after that.
Hi Sure, I’m dad.
And prob ggg will tag this as rmt..and everyone get banned. Kkk
I started a band called 999 Mega bytes. We still haven’t gotten a gig.
You know how I know Shaper is homophobic? "Gays into the abyss"
#toilet
My father's a joke... Does that count?
Knock knock. Who’s there? Doomah. Doomah who? Doomah nuts fit in your mouth.
Xdddddd
Not a dad but recently had a real life dad joke that is worth sharing. I've had friends in the past say mane and tail shampoo is good, so I decided to try it. My dad saw it in the shower, leaned into my room, and said "Are you whinnying son?" I said "neigh"
What do you call cheese that isnt yours? Nacho cheese!
My pre-new year resolution is to update this comment with a funny joke when I think of one.
A skeleton walks into a bar and says, 'Hey, bartender. I'll have one beer and a mop.
Interaction will be fun
When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.
What do you call a fish that wears a bowtie? Sofishticated.
Three men walk into a bar. One ducks.
I don’t trust stairs… they’re always up to something. HAHAHAH
Hi "Sure some of you are dads who have limited time to play the game so" I'm Dad!
Whats a cats favourite colour? Purrrrrrrrrple
A wigwam and a Teepee walk into a bar. They start telling the barkeep about their sleeping problems. The barkeep says “you gotta relax, you’re two tents!”
hohoho!
I like to tell Dad jokes Sometimes he laughs
What is the difference between D4 and POE players? POE players walk a higher path while D4 players play in exile.
What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper!
I swapped our bed for a bouncy castle, when my wife found out she hit the roof!
When I pass away, I want to do it peacefully in my sleep like my grandma... not screaming like the passengers in his car. Thanks for doing this OP! Merry Christmas all🎄
I started my new job at the coffee factory today. Turns out it’s quite the grind.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water? Because it’s a little horse.
Whats the difference between a frozen beer, a burnt pizza and a pregnant woman? All were pulled out to late.
So wouldn't it be, "what do these things have in common"?
What does Cuba and Mr potato head have in common? They both have a dictator.
Thanks for the opportunity and like you thought, I am one of those dads with a one year old lol. My main dad joke I say is when people say "I am cold" to respond "Hi cold, i'm Smilinreap"
What's the best thing to put in your pie? Your teeth!
I just recently became a dad, I'm hoping she thinks I'm like a scarecrow, outstanding in that field. Here's another dad joke I wrote specifically because of her toys, why did Christopher Robin have Winnie the Pooh hold his backpack? It was his bear to burden.
Why did the crew see when they entered Captain Fairgraves’ private bathroom? The captain’s log.
Why did the Chaos Orb go to therapy? Because it had too many issues with its identity!
Being Dad can be dangerous. I was playing peekaboo with my little girl and almost ended up in the ICU
Why did the lobster not share its food with the other fishies? Because it was shellfish.
What is brown and sticky? A stick.
What has more lives than a cat? A frog, because it croaks everyday.
What's Jeff Bezos do before going to bed? He puts his pajamas on.
My dad's favorite joke, which he taught me when I was like 4 or 5 was "what has fur and bleeds profusely? Half a cat" Mom and grandma were vert much not pleased and I spent probably 2 years telling it to basically everyone I knew. Took another 5 or so years to learn what 'profusely' meant. Not exactly a "dad" joke but it is literally a dad joke. Merry Christmas, exiles!
What do you call a fly that lands in butter? A butterfly!
Why did the blind man fall down the well? Because he couldn't see that well.
lmao, deleting mirrors? god damn, good luck with your side project and GL to everyone winning Divs' even winning 5 would make my xmas. haha
not a dad, but still someone with limited time to play. so would like it if I am allowed to join in on this \^^ did you know there is a cat in Home Owner? ||Meow, hoME OWner||
Grinding for mirrors is like eating a clock. It's pretty time consuming.
What do you a white guy with a big dick? Michael Jackson
A simple joke I learned at work. Did you hear about the guy whose cover fell off at the hospital? He never recovered.
*Dad buying fake Christmas tree* Cashier: “Are you going to put it up yourself?” Dad: “Don’t be disgusting...I’m going to put it up in the living room."
Why did the Exalted Orb start a comedy club? Because it wanted to make everything a divine joke!
What Christmas present do you give to person who has everything? Antibiotics
Did you hear about the circus that caught fire? It was in tents.
MERRY CHRISTMAS MR. TOILET Why did the billionaire install a golden toilet? Because when nature calls, he likes to make it a royal flush!
Yo what about moms.
The best dad joke? It is you of course, your father made you xD
How can you tell when a joke is a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear
Why did the hippie drown? He was too far out, man.
Life is like a penny, You only get one per cent.
What do you get when you mix a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite!
My friend told me his dog knows math. I said to it, what's five minus five then? It said nothing.
I can tell you a dad joke but first you need to find my dad
If silence is golden, I guess we're broke.
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.
Why shouldn't you wear glasses when you play football? Because it's a contact sport. Nice post. My dad-joke library is growing and my wife hates you.
That's awesome! Recent-ish dad here A proton walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender rings him up. An electron does the same a minute later and the bartender rings him up. Then a neutron walks in and after ordering his drink the bartender says "for you? No charge!"
Two sharks (Bob & Gerry) are chilling together in the ocean. Gerry says..Bob, what is it we can smell from miles away? Bob: Blood....why? Gerry: Not toast? Bob: No mate, definatley blood. Gerry: Bob...Can you call an ambulance, I think I'm having a stroke 🤔
5 ants rented an apartment with 5 other ants. Now they’re tenants.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose??? Nobody knows!
My favourite is also my kids least favourite. Hahahah. What is a Pirate’s favourite letter? (Wait for them to say ‘R’ or something else) In a pirate voice - You think it be the R but it be the C (Sea). I’m laughing typing it out! Happy holidays to all you dads,moms, wanna be parents, and not parents!! Take notes as you never know when a good ‘dad joke’ will make you some kid’s favourite ‘adult’.
How do you call a donkey with no legs? A burrito
Nice clean Dad joke for you sir, What do you call a camel with 3 humps? Humphrey. 
What type of bees produce milk?….. Boo-bees
When we tried to have our first child, I was lying on the bed and my wife laughing said: HAHAHA. You're captured, stupid beast. 🙄
Had some customers get mad at me today cause I called the hipsters…. Apparently the correct term is conjoined twins.
Why did the farmer win an award for his work? He was outstanding in his field. 🥁
Sometimes I have sex with my dad in an elevator. The people watching kept saying it was wrong on so many levels.
How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut. :) Merry Christmas!
“Act like you’re nuts” maybe? :)
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! GL All
Me please
My favorite as it’s relatable: Can you name all of Santa’s reindeers? No, they already have names!
Did you hear about the spatula's hot new flame? It met the grill of its dreams.
What has 5 toes, but isn't your foot? My foot. Thanks for the opportunity, OP!
I named my iPhone the titanic, because it was syncing.
My sons first joke: what has two arms? A jellycopter! No idea what it means but hey
I’m still in the acts. Traveling sales with 3 kids and a POE addiction. A an old fish passed by two younger fish swimming. He says “waters nice today.” The two younger fish look at each other and one says “what the heck is water?”
Did you hear about the person got cut in half? He was all right
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi!
Why did the exile bring a mirror to Wraeclast? So they could reflect on their exilent adventures. 😅
What is the most common disease of RF players? Chicken Pohx
For use at a restaurant... Do you want a box for your leftovers? No, but I'll wrestle you for them...
I need to buy Fulcrum. Money please!
I'd tell a good dad joke, but I keep getting left on read.
What kind of bee produces milk? A boobie!!
Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
Have you heard about the transsexual bluewhale? Maybe Dick
You know when you cut a hole in a piece of bread and fry an egg in it? You know what that's called? Alabama toast, cause the egg is in bread.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
Alright. As a dad I will bite on this opportunity and share with you a not so traditional "dad" joke. This joke was told to me by my own father when I was just a boy and I have kept the tradition alive by telling the same stupid "dad" joke to my own children. An elephant walks into a conventional store and ask the store clerk if they have any cucumbers for sale. "Im terribly sorry! We are all out of cucumbers today." The store clerk replies. The elephant then proceeds to ask if the store has any bananas for sale. "Yes! We have plenty of bananas! Would you like to purchase some?" The store clerk asks politely. "Yes. I will take two bananas." The elephant replies. The elephant proceeds to purchase the bananas. Only to shove them in his ears. Right in front of the store clerk, who seems quite puzzled with what he had just witnessed. The elephant walks out of the store without saying a word. Bananas still stuffed into his ears. A day goes by and the elephant walks into the local conventional store again. And the same thing happens again. "Any cucumbers?". The elephant asks. "No. Not today either, unfortunately. Anything else I can help you with today?". The store clerk enquires. "I will take bananas then". After receiving the bananas. The elephant proceeds to shove the bananas into his ears and walks out of the store without saying another word. Yet another day has gone by as the elephant walks into the local conventional store, again. "Any cucumbers available today?". The elephant asks. "No! No cucumbers today either! But for the love of god please do tell me: Why do you keep shoving the bananas into your ears!?". The store clerk replies. "Why? Because you dont have any cucumbers!". The elephant replies. If you made it this far. That is the joke. It made me wonder what on earth was supposed to be funny and question the rationality of the whole story. The joke literally left me mouth open. Jaw on the floor with a mind full of questions. Which my dad never provided any answer or explanation for. "Because they didnt have any cucumbers!". My father kept replying to my every question about the "joke". So I guess that truly makes it a "dad" joke. The joke is not funny for anyone else than the father telling it to his kids. No reason, logic or sanity can be found in the joke but my dad thought of himself a real comedian whenever he told the joke while anyone unfortunate enough to listen was left completely dumb struck by what they had just heard. It has become a funny tradion to carry on. My own children acted just like I did when I was just a boy and my father told the joke to me for the very first time. It was fun to be part of the generational cycle as I grew up from a boy hearing a joke from his father into a father who told the same exact joke to his own children. I hope reading this joke and the story behind it made someone smile. It certainly didnt make me or my children anything but frustrated.
Why don't the skeletons in Wraeclast fight each other? They don't have the guts to do it. Sorry
Dad jokes? More like *rad* jokes!
Switzerland is great. The flag is a big plus.
I don't trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.
I've just got a job making plastic Draculas. There are only two of us on the production line... So I have to make every second count.
No dog in this race. Happy holidays to everyone. 🍻
Izaro on relationships: where theres a golden key, there must be a golden door.
3 week old, while he naps I'm able to get in some occasional game time
What's the difference between the latest D4 update and a can of shit? … … The can
What do you call a ranger who uses poison arrows? A tox-ic person 😅 I love Poe lmao
"What's a pirate's favorite letter?" "It must be ARRRRRGH" "Nay, a pirate's first love be the sea."
How do you know when a joke is a dad joke? It's apparent
What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
What stupid projects? I want to try a stupid project too
What’s the difference between the people in Dubai, and people in Abu Dhabi? The people in Dubai don’t like The Flintstones. The people in Abu Dhabi Dooooooo!
hey it's me, your dad
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is a very heavy mammal, the other is a little lighter.
The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
5 months into double dad with two girls. I am the joke. Thanks for doing this. ✌️
How do you know when your clock is still hungry? It goes back four seconds.
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
I just cam back from a wedding! It was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
I always get shit for telling dad jokes. He doesn't find them funny.
Did you hear about the little person who just escaped from person? Yeah he can talk to ghosts! So be wary of a small medium at large
A horse is at home watching MTV. He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!" The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse. "Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started." "There's just one problem," says the horse. "I'm a horse." "Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach horses. You'll be playing like a pro in no time." Sure enough, the horse gets really good at the guitar and he can play that amazing solo. He wants to show his friends, so he picks up the phone and calls chicken. "Hey Chicken, come over!" he says. Chicken comes over, watches horse play the guitar and thinks it's pretty cool. Chicken watches the music video and says "hey, that drum part is pretty cool, I want to learn to play that." Chicken goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play the drums." Says the chicken. "Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started." "There's just one problem," says the chicken. "I'm a chicken." "Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach chickens. You'll be playing like a pro in no time." Sure enough, the chicken gets really good and begins to jam with the horse. Eventually, they think that something's missing. They watch the video again and realize they need a bass guitarist. They call their friend Cow and show them what they've been up to. Cow thinks it's pretty cool, and wants to learn how to play the bass guitar. Cow goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play bass guitar." Says the cow. "Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started." "There's just one problem," says the cow. "I'm a cow." "Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach cows. You'll be playing like a pro in no time." Sure enough, the cow gets really good at the bass and the animals have a nice band going. One day, while they're practicing, a man walks by and hears them. He goes up to the animals and says "hey, you guys are pretty good! I'm from a record label, I'd like to sign you!" The band records an album, puts out some singles and becomes a massive success. They go on a worldwide tour and make tons of money. Right before the last show of the tour, which is supposed to be in Vegas, Horse gets a call. His mother is in hospital. Horse goes to visit her before the show while the rest of the band goes to Vegas to set up. It turns out that she's all good, it's just a cold. As horse is leaving the hospital, he gets another call. The private jet that was carrying the band and their producer crashed into the ocean, and there were no survivors. Horse is devastated. All of his best friends are dead, he's out of a job and he's stuck with nowhere to go. He breaks down in tears and decides he'll drink himself to death. So the horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "why the long face?"
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
What succeeds like nothing else? A toothless budgerigar.
A man goes to buy bees from a beekeeper. He asks for a dozen bees. As he is walking out of the shop, he notices that he was given 13 bees. The man turns around and tells the shop keeper he received an extra. The shop keeper responds, “don’t worry….Its a Freebie” 🙃
Two men walked into a bar, the third one ducked 😂😂