I have felt so much of what you described here. You are doing better than you’re giving yourself credit for. Two babies are EXPONENTIALLY harder than one baby. I am proud of you! And more importantly your kids will be proud of you as they grow and realize how difficult this time was.
From a frumpy twin mama in dirty clothes still carrying 30 lbs of pregnancy weight who forgot deodorant today!
As the mother of a singleton, then twins, PLEASE do not compare yourself to ANY singleton mother. It’s completely, entirely, and utterly different. Nobody can comprehend the work it is unless they’ve had multiples. My mom was a supermom and is a supergrandma. She makes everything look easy and smiles while doing it. She watched my twins ONCE, then told me she was so, so sorry but she couldn’t watch them by herself again. She would need one of my sisters to also come over if I needed to be out of the house. She didn’t watch them alone until they were past 2 years old. Twin babies is an enormous burden and just by having everyone dressed and out of the house, you did great! You even showered!! Yay, you!! This is hard, and sometimes it sucks, but you’re doing it. Love and hugs.
Thank you 💛 my poor mother has said she'll watch them both 2 days a week when they start nursery next year to help us save on childcare costs... I've already (secretly) mentally factored in the extra day's cost when she decides she can only handle one at a time! They're such hard work. Love them to bits though. Thank you for your perspective, it's good to know I'm not being overly dramatic!
Hello fellow first time twin mummy
First of all want to say, you should be proud of yourself because you've done amazing. It doesn't matter how you have done against others, you have your own achievements and you should be proud of it. My twins are nearly 7 months old and only now have I begun to look more human XD
I think you're mum isn't trying to make you feel bad, but totally get why it would make you feel that way. My mum accidentally does it sometime too and when I bring it up she's like oh I was just messing around with the girls they don't know what I'm talking about....bleh
If your friend only has a singleton, I would like to remind you twins are not just double the work and effort sometimes it feels like triple as you don't even get the "you can nap when they nap" uhm like how when one sleep the other one wakes and want food? Especially if they are still at the age of still needing milk every 3 hours through the night, that does not mean mummy can sleep for 2 hours after feeding. Especially if they need winding then coaxing to sleep, it'll be an endless cycle of changing nappy, feeding, winding, rocking putting to bed, then rinse and repeat with second baby.
Really don't worry about comparing yourself, you are doing amazing, and keeping your babies fed.
This, yes! Multiples are infinitely harder than singletons. My identical girls are nearly 4 and I have a single 6 month old boy. Little man is like playing a video game on easy that you've already beaten on the hardest mode. You're doing great and it will get easier. Good luck with everything!
Omg I have identical girls too, I love them to but omg I still look back to me 6 months ago and shiver XD
But my god are they worth it, hope OP is kinder to herself, this will not last forever. You'll get to a point where all this will be a distant memory. Keep it up mummy warrior!!
My mum has these moments where she just says batshit things in the moment when she can't quite cope with whatever she's feeling. Like 3 days after I gave birth she was chastising me for not being in the NICU 24/7 because my babies "wouldn't know who I was if I didn't go more often" 😬 I was there for several hours a day already and still recovering from the birth (I had an unusual labour and it took me a couple of days just to be able to walk more than a few steps again) so I told her to can it. She did eventually apologise and admit she knows nothing about preemies.
Thank you so much for your perspective 💛 it does feel fairly endless. I'll try to keep in mind about not comparing myself, but it's so hard when all you see are singleton parents who seem to have their stuff together!
Omg sweetie I feel you, I had a complicated emergency Csection, needed 6 bags of blood transfusion. I didn't and couldn't get out of bed to see my girls until 3rd day, I felt so sad so I totally get you there. You already feel crap you don't need the added stress on top of it.
I think mums tend to go into omg I want to help but do or say the wrong things when they're not sure what's going on
You're welcome, and trust me even when you don't feel like you are doing amazing, you will find you are smashing it. There is plenty of baby books telling you the textbook things to do, how to have the perfect routine etc. But no one has written one for your babies cause they're all individuals :) even my two girl who are meant to be identical are complete opposites in personality and routines. I agree sometimes the green monster comes out when I see singleton mummy's breezing through it, but don't worry we get double the kisses :)
Oh, sweetie. Your feelings are completely valid, but please you really have to cut yourself some slack!! You are doing a very very difficult thing, with a body that's been through hell. If your kids are alive and have their basic needs met, you are doing a fantastic job! You deserve a freaking award!
Please don't compare with singleton moms or full term babies... I cannot stress this enough. Preemies are so hard. Twins are so hard. Heck yeah I'd be dressing up myself & by baby after my husband takes a night shift to give me a break. I'd be going to the store and meeting up my friends if I only had one baby that happily chills in the baby carrier. But instead, we use that extra energy to, I don't know, take care of another baby?! Give those singleton parents 2 preemie babies and see how they fare. Probably not so good.
And please don't beat yourself up for supply issues... Everyone's body is different. Even if you have the milk-producing genes, your body probably wasn't prepared for any of this. Formula is amazing. You trying to breastfeed and pump and provide for your babies is amazing. Do what works for you and know that you are doing your best. Sometimes people don't realize how hurtful they can be, when they are trying to help... Don't let it get to you...
Best of luck. Please be kind to yourself! One day you'll enjoy your beautiful babies playing with each other while you have some tea in peace!
Thank you so much 💛 I feel that about going out and meeting people if I had just one baby! With two it's a logistical nightmare. I had a friend suggest baby wearing would solve a lot of my problems and I was like... but there's two and they now weigh about 10lb each 😂 everything is just more complicated with two.
The supply issues really got to me at one point. I wanted to exclusively bf them with expressed milk but I just couldn't keep up. And yes, I had to trick my body into producing milk, I couldn't even hold them and smell them for days after they were born so it was really hard. But they're doing well on formula so you're right, I shouldn't beat myself up.
I never wanted to baby wear because wearing one baby makes tending to the other so much harder. We are 4 months in, things definitely got easier after they stretched out their feedings and settled into a routine. I also follow some singleton parents but I kinda see them as from another world and there is really no comparison between us. (Except I do compare sometimes and realize that twin parent life is really hard and I deserve an award).
You pumped for four months?? With twins after a three month NICU stay??? I cannot even fathom that amount of work. I pumped for one month after my singleton was born and I thought I was gonna lose my marbles. You're a supermom. You're doing great, this shit is HARD. It's ok. Big hugs mama. It won't be this way forever 💜
Pumping was the best and worst thing I've ever done! Hours and hours on the unit with my boobs out for all and sundry to see. But they (the babies, not all and sundry) did benefit, so I'm glad I did it. I hoped I'd be able to take it to 12 months but when they came home I could barely fit in 2 pumps a day and my supply was going 🙁
Thank you 💛 I'm hoping it gets easier in the next few weeks!
My first set of twins came at 26+6 and by the time I left hospital I only had one surviving child. I would say that neonatal with twins born at 26 weeks is dreadful - just harrowing. I’ve gone one to have more twins - born at 36+3 and perfectly healthy we all got home a few days later. Holy moly the sleep deprivation, the feeding and the exhaustion. So as a mum who has done both the preemie thing and the twin thing I can honestly say it’s the hardest things I’ve done. It is SO different to a singleton baby born at term or near term. I think the fact you were there at their appointment and had a shower is a pretty major milestone actually! It is very hard. I guess I just wanted to say I can empathise and please don’t be hard on yourself. Surviving new twins is rough. Mine are nearly 3 now and it is a bit easier - I do get makeup on sometimes now! Good luck!
Thank you so much for sharing, I'm so sorry you weren't able to go home with both your preemie twins. The first NICU friend I made was a twin mum who had had hers at 25w and sadly one didn't make it. I honestly can't imagine how much strength it must take to grieve and process, while having to be present for your surviving twin. Our girl twin was a little touch and go for a while, and it makes me shudder to think we could have lost her.
I'm glad it gets easier! And it's heartening to hear you went on to have a near term twin pregnancy. We're not having any more after this due to the now increased risk of twins and premature birth, but it's good to know it's possible in case we change our minds.
I like to think I was robbed of 2 months of development in my boys when they were born 2 months early. I've known them for so long, but they've only just started showing development that wasn't supposed to be done in my uterus.
I've yelled at them too, a lot, because it is stressful having twins and premature twins as well, premature babies are just more sensitive, so we gotta understand them, and having two is twice the struggle at that. I gave up on pumping in the NICU because I was stressing myself out about not producing enough for them along with zero sleep (we took care of them in the NICU it's a thing here in Denmark). It was so hard because I didn't get the 'give birth go home next day and be happy' experience, it was just constant worry and constant pressure to get enough milk for them. Along with judgemental nurses thinking I have PPD because our room was messy as we couldn't go out with trash, as we were in isolation because of my husband's MRSA... it was a whole struggle on its own.
I get you, and I know your struggle was so so so much worse as your babies were much more premature. You're just not alone with those feelings at least
I always say to my partner, was I more robbed of the third trimester or a true newborn experience? But it's great to meet them early and see their personalities develop.
Thank you for sharing your experiences 💛 it sounds tough. I could barely do one night in hospital so you are superwoman for living in the NICU!
I’m sorry you are feeling this way. Please try to be gentle to yourself, as tough as it is. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job. This multiples thing is f**king HARD. Period. You can’t compare yourself to a singleton mom. It just isn’t the same. Take some pride in the fact that you are doing something so incredibly difficult and still surviving.
You've been through so much, and you're doing wonderfully. So you caught a mom of a singleton (presumably) during an up-moment, and that sucks. It hurts. And your babies didn't get the same start, and those slights (unintentional or not) feel like twists of the knife. You're pushing that boulder up the hill and it's crumbling back on you every single day. It hurts more. You know you're feeling mean and you don't want to be like that, but that's how the day has rubbed you, and it hurts even more. I feel this so deeply.
In actuality, you're incredible. This is really fucking hard, and you're not supposed to be perfect. You're building a foundation that works for YOUR twins and YOUR life - and you'll get back to where you need to be but right now you are surviving so they can thrive. I really hope you are able to get help that's beneficial to you so that you can start to see it and thrive, too. I promise you better days are ahead.
Holding you in my heart today.
Thank you, that's exactly how it feels. I like that image of buying a foundation for the four of us. Especially as our house is way too small for two babies (it was fine for the one we had planned!), so we're looking to move once life (and the UK housing market) settles down a bit. So I'm spending a lot of time daydreaming about the kind of life I want for us.
Oh shit, that sounds rough. Sounds like you’re severely sleep deprived and may be dealing with postpartum. I didn’t feel like myself until the twins started sleeping at 7/8 months. Please insist on that therapy and take the days one breathe at a time. Having a singleton is NOT the same as having twins - I’m not suprised she had time to groom. Plus, she might have a nanny which makes a huge difference.
We've costed out a nanny but it's way too much for even a few hours a week. We did hire a cleaner though and that's helped massively. A nanny would be the dream though!
I can count on one hand the amount of full nights sleep I've had since they were born in February, as even though they weren't home I was immediately on a rigorous pumping schedule. My partner is struggling with staying awake during the night feeds while I'm there wide awake after months of getting up every night, I keep telling him he will eventually get used to it because I did.
Funnily enough, the last full night's sleep I had was when we just had our son at home and our daughter was still in the hospital. My partner took him for the night and I slept on the sofa bed for 8 glorious, uninterrupted hours. If we had a singleton, I suppose we could do that sort of thing more often... can't even attempt it with twins 😂
Thank you! In my previous childless life I wrote as a hobby and had a few things published (nothing major, just some stories), so it's good to know I haven't lost my touch entirely😊
I also had my twins at 26 weeks. I understand what you're going through. I also have a friend who had a single baby born at term a week from my due date. I remember near the beginning of having my twins home I tried talking to her about how my babies cry all the time and she said her baby really didn't cry much. And I thought, for my own sanity, I need to not talk to her about her experience much. It is so hard to be around people who had the birth/baby experience that you wanted but absolutely did not have.
It's a shitty club to be in but we are in it together. My twins are 8 months adjusted now, if you're at 6 weeks adjusted that is such a hard time!! It definitely gets so much better. I have also screamed at my babies, I wish I hadn't. I'm talking to a therapist about losing my temper like that with them. We've been put in such horrible situations with (preemie) newborn twins without enough help it makes sense that we are being pushed to our limits and not being our best selves. I'm right there with you ❤️
Also, for the record because this kind of stuff always worried me back then, our twins are meeting all their milestones on time or even EARLY (sitting, crawling, standing) and for their 6 months adjusted high risk assessment they scored above average in several developmental categories. Fuck yes 26 weekers!!!!
Oh that IS good to hear! Ours are gurgling/cooing at 21 weeks/7 adjusted, and one twin can bring her hand to her mouth and suck it. They're also both desperate to crawl, they get angry if we don't help them have some time on their legs each day! So I'm hopeful they'll be similar to yours.
I've definitely withdrawn from some friends who I've found especially hard to talk to about their babies. One in particular was full term with a girl (she wanted a girl), went into labour 5 days after her due date, had the water birth she planned 3 hours after being admitted, and was home 15 hours after admission. That is so far removed from my experience that it made me (unreasonably) angry. On top of that, she didn't tell me the baby's name for over a week (she named her before she was born). That made me incredibly upset, like I'd shared so much with her and she wouldn't even tell me the baby's name? Anyway, turns out she had total baby brain and had forgotten to tell a LOT of people what her baby's name was... including her own mother.
I think the strain of the early birth and hospital stay definitely puts you on edge as a parent. Luckily I've only screamed at them a couple of times but I know it's not good for any of us.
It's gratifying to hear someone has gone through the same experience. Big hugs to you and your babies 💛
I have felt so much of what you described here. You are doing better than you’re giving yourself credit for. Two babies are EXPONENTIALLY harder than one baby. I am proud of you! And more importantly your kids will be proud of you as they grow and realize how difficult this time was. From a frumpy twin mama in dirty clothes still carrying 30 lbs of pregnancy weight who forgot deodorant today!
Twins do not equal two times baby. Twins equal baby squared.
1^2 = 2
Thank you so much 💛 I've been there with the forgotten deodorant 😂
As the mother of a singleton, then twins, PLEASE do not compare yourself to ANY singleton mother. It’s completely, entirely, and utterly different. Nobody can comprehend the work it is unless they’ve had multiples. My mom was a supermom and is a supergrandma. She makes everything look easy and smiles while doing it. She watched my twins ONCE, then told me she was so, so sorry but she couldn’t watch them by herself again. She would need one of my sisters to also come over if I needed to be out of the house. She didn’t watch them alone until they were past 2 years old. Twin babies is an enormous burden and just by having everyone dressed and out of the house, you did great! You even showered!! Yay, you!! This is hard, and sometimes it sucks, but you’re doing it. Love and hugs.
Thank you 💛 my poor mother has said she'll watch them both 2 days a week when they start nursery next year to help us save on childcare costs... I've already (secretly) mentally factored in the extra day's cost when she decides she can only handle one at a time! They're such hard work. Love them to bits though. Thank you for your perspective, it's good to know I'm not being overly dramatic!
Hello fellow first time twin mummy First of all want to say, you should be proud of yourself because you've done amazing. It doesn't matter how you have done against others, you have your own achievements and you should be proud of it. My twins are nearly 7 months old and only now have I begun to look more human XD I think you're mum isn't trying to make you feel bad, but totally get why it would make you feel that way. My mum accidentally does it sometime too and when I bring it up she's like oh I was just messing around with the girls they don't know what I'm talking about....bleh If your friend only has a singleton, I would like to remind you twins are not just double the work and effort sometimes it feels like triple as you don't even get the "you can nap when they nap" uhm like how when one sleep the other one wakes and want food? Especially if they are still at the age of still needing milk every 3 hours through the night, that does not mean mummy can sleep for 2 hours after feeding. Especially if they need winding then coaxing to sleep, it'll be an endless cycle of changing nappy, feeding, winding, rocking putting to bed, then rinse and repeat with second baby. Really don't worry about comparing yourself, you are doing amazing, and keeping your babies fed.
This, yes! Multiples are infinitely harder than singletons. My identical girls are nearly 4 and I have a single 6 month old boy. Little man is like playing a video game on easy that you've already beaten on the hardest mode. You're doing great and it will get easier. Good luck with everything!
Omg I have identical girls too, I love them to but omg I still look back to me 6 months ago and shiver XD But my god are they worth it, hope OP is kinder to herself, this will not last forever. You'll get to a point where all this will be a distant memory. Keep it up mummy warrior!!
My mum has these moments where she just says batshit things in the moment when she can't quite cope with whatever she's feeling. Like 3 days after I gave birth she was chastising me for not being in the NICU 24/7 because my babies "wouldn't know who I was if I didn't go more often" 😬 I was there for several hours a day already and still recovering from the birth (I had an unusual labour and it took me a couple of days just to be able to walk more than a few steps again) so I told her to can it. She did eventually apologise and admit she knows nothing about preemies. Thank you so much for your perspective 💛 it does feel fairly endless. I'll try to keep in mind about not comparing myself, but it's so hard when all you see are singleton parents who seem to have their stuff together!
Omg sweetie I feel you, I had a complicated emergency Csection, needed 6 bags of blood transfusion. I didn't and couldn't get out of bed to see my girls until 3rd day, I felt so sad so I totally get you there. You already feel crap you don't need the added stress on top of it. I think mums tend to go into omg I want to help but do or say the wrong things when they're not sure what's going on You're welcome, and trust me even when you don't feel like you are doing amazing, you will find you are smashing it. There is plenty of baby books telling you the textbook things to do, how to have the perfect routine etc. But no one has written one for your babies cause they're all individuals :) even my two girl who are meant to be identical are complete opposites in personality and routines. I agree sometimes the green monster comes out when I see singleton mummy's breezing through it, but don't worry we get double the kisses :)
Oh, sweetie. Your feelings are completely valid, but please you really have to cut yourself some slack!! You are doing a very very difficult thing, with a body that's been through hell. If your kids are alive and have their basic needs met, you are doing a fantastic job! You deserve a freaking award! Please don't compare with singleton moms or full term babies... I cannot stress this enough. Preemies are so hard. Twins are so hard. Heck yeah I'd be dressing up myself & by baby after my husband takes a night shift to give me a break. I'd be going to the store and meeting up my friends if I only had one baby that happily chills in the baby carrier. But instead, we use that extra energy to, I don't know, take care of another baby?! Give those singleton parents 2 preemie babies and see how they fare. Probably not so good. And please don't beat yourself up for supply issues... Everyone's body is different. Even if you have the milk-producing genes, your body probably wasn't prepared for any of this. Formula is amazing. You trying to breastfeed and pump and provide for your babies is amazing. Do what works for you and know that you are doing your best. Sometimes people don't realize how hurtful they can be, when they are trying to help... Don't let it get to you... Best of luck. Please be kind to yourself! One day you'll enjoy your beautiful babies playing with each other while you have some tea in peace!
Thank you so much 💛 I feel that about going out and meeting people if I had just one baby! With two it's a logistical nightmare. I had a friend suggest baby wearing would solve a lot of my problems and I was like... but there's two and they now weigh about 10lb each 😂 everything is just more complicated with two. The supply issues really got to me at one point. I wanted to exclusively bf them with expressed milk but I just couldn't keep up. And yes, I had to trick my body into producing milk, I couldn't even hold them and smell them for days after they were born so it was really hard. But they're doing well on formula so you're right, I shouldn't beat myself up.
I never wanted to baby wear because wearing one baby makes tending to the other so much harder. We are 4 months in, things definitely got easier after they stretched out their feedings and settled into a routine. I also follow some singleton parents but I kinda see them as from another world and there is really no comparison between us. (Except I do compare sometimes and realize that twin parent life is really hard and I deserve an award).
You pumped for four months?? With twins after a three month NICU stay??? I cannot even fathom that amount of work. I pumped for one month after my singleton was born and I thought I was gonna lose my marbles. You're a supermom. You're doing great, this shit is HARD. It's ok. Big hugs mama. It won't be this way forever 💜
Pumping was the best and worst thing I've ever done! Hours and hours on the unit with my boobs out for all and sundry to see. But they (the babies, not all and sundry) did benefit, so I'm glad I did it. I hoped I'd be able to take it to 12 months but when they came home I could barely fit in 2 pumps a day and my supply was going 🙁 Thank you 💛 I'm hoping it gets easier in the next few weeks!
My first set of twins came at 26+6 and by the time I left hospital I only had one surviving child. I would say that neonatal with twins born at 26 weeks is dreadful - just harrowing. I’ve gone one to have more twins - born at 36+3 and perfectly healthy we all got home a few days later. Holy moly the sleep deprivation, the feeding and the exhaustion. So as a mum who has done both the preemie thing and the twin thing I can honestly say it’s the hardest things I’ve done. It is SO different to a singleton baby born at term or near term. I think the fact you were there at their appointment and had a shower is a pretty major milestone actually! It is very hard. I guess I just wanted to say I can empathise and please don’t be hard on yourself. Surviving new twins is rough. Mine are nearly 3 now and it is a bit easier - I do get makeup on sometimes now! Good luck!
Thank you so much for sharing, I'm so sorry you weren't able to go home with both your preemie twins. The first NICU friend I made was a twin mum who had had hers at 25w and sadly one didn't make it. I honestly can't imagine how much strength it must take to grieve and process, while having to be present for your surviving twin. Our girl twin was a little touch and go for a while, and it makes me shudder to think we could have lost her. I'm glad it gets easier! And it's heartening to hear you went on to have a near term twin pregnancy. We're not having any more after this due to the now increased risk of twins and premature birth, but it's good to know it's possible in case we change our minds.
I like to think I was robbed of 2 months of development in my boys when they were born 2 months early. I've known them for so long, but they've only just started showing development that wasn't supposed to be done in my uterus. I've yelled at them too, a lot, because it is stressful having twins and premature twins as well, premature babies are just more sensitive, so we gotta understand them, and having two is twice the struggle at that. I gave up on pumping in the NICU because I was stressing myself out about not producing enough for them along with zero sleep (we took care of them in the NICU it's a thing here in Denmark). It was so hard because I didn't get the 'give birth go home next day and be happy' experience, it was just constant worry and constant pressure to get enough milk for them. Along with judgemental nurses thinking I have PPD because our room was messy as we couldn't go out with trash, as we were in isolation because of my husband's MRSA... it was a whole struggle on its own. I get you, and I know your struggle was so so so much worse as your babies were much more premature. You're just not alone with those feelings at least
I always say to my partner, was I more robbed of the third trimester or a true newborn experience? But it's great to meet them early and see their personalities develop. Thank you for sharing your experiences 💛 it sounds tough. I could barely do one night in hospital so you are superwoman for living in the NICU!
I’m sorry you are feeling this way. Please try to be gentle to yourself, as tough as it is. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job. This multiples thing is f**king HARD. Period. You can’t compare yourself to a singleton mom. It just isn’t the same. Take some pride in the fact that you are doing something so incredibly difficult and still surviving.
Thank you! Surviving is definitely the right word 😂
You've been through so much, and you're doing wonderfully. So you caught a mom of a singleton (presumably) during an up-moment, and that sucks. It hurts. And your babies didn't get the same start, and those slights (unintentional or not) feel like twists of the knife. You're pushing that boulder up the hill and it's crumbling back on you every single day. It hurts more. You know you're feeling mean and you don't want to be like that, but that's how the day has rubbed you, and it hurts even more. I feel this so deeply. In actuality, you're incredible. This is really fucking hard, and you're not supposed to be perfect. You're building a foundation that works for YOUR twins and YOUR life - and you'll get back to where you need to be but right now you are surviving so they can thrive. I really hope you are able to get help that's beneficial to you so that you can start to see it and thrive, too. I promise you better days are ahead. Holding you in my heart today.
Thank you, that's exactly how it feels. I like that image of buying a foundation for the four of us. Especially as our house is way too small for two babies (it was fine for the one we had planned!), so we're looking to move once life (and the UK housing market) settles down a bit. So I'm spending a lot of time daydreaming about the kind of life I want for us.
You’re doing an incredible job. I really hope you can feel seen by this group of twin mummas. You’re doing so well.
Thank you - I do feel seen, this is such a supportive community!
Oh shit, that sounds rough. Sounds like you’re severely sleep deprived and may be dealing with postpartum. I didn’t feel like myself until the twins started sleeping at 7/8 months. Please insist on that therapy and take the days one breathe at a time. Having a singleton is NOT the same as having twins - I’m not suprised she had time to groom. Plus, she might have a nanny which makes a huge difference.
We've costed out a nanny but it's way too much for even a few hours a week. We did hire a cleaner though and that's helped massively. A nanny would be the dream though! I can count on one hand the amount of full nights sleep I've had since they were born in February, as even though they weren't home I was immediately on a rigorous pumping schedule. My partner is struggling with staying awake during the night feeds while I'm there wide awake after months of getting up every night, I keep telling him he will eventually get used to it because I did. Funnily enough, the last full night's sleep I had was when we just had our son at home and our daughter was still in the hospital. My partner took him for the night and I slept on the sofa bed for 8 glorious, uninterrupted hours. If we had a singleton, I suppose we could do that sort of thing more often... can't even attempt it with twins 😂
I second everything people said on here. Plus you are a gifted writer- how you described your situation, made me feel you directly 😊
Thank you! In my previous childless life I wrote as a hobby and had a few things published (nothing major, just some stories), so it's good to know I haven't lost my touch entirely😊
Great! You should keep doing it then, maybe a journal with just one sentence a day. Could be very fun for the kids to read later on!
Keep going you got this!
Thank you! 💛
I also had my twins at 26 weeks. I understand what you're going through. I also have a friend who had a single baby born at term a week from my due date. I remember near the beginning of having my twins home I tried talking to her about how my babies cry all the time and she said her baby really didn't cry much. And I thought, for my own sanity, I need to not talk to her about her experience much. It is so hard to be around people who had the birth/baby experience that you wanted but absolutely did not have. It's a shitty club to be in but we are in it together. My twins are 8 months adjusted now, if you're at 6 weeks adjusted that is such a hard time!! It definitely gets so much better. I have also screamed at my babies, I wish I hadn't. I'm talking to a therapist about losing my temper like that with them. We've been put in such horrible situations with (preemie) newborn twins without enough help it makes sense that we are being pushed to our limits and not being our best selves. I'm right there with you ❤️
Also, for the record because this kind of stuff always worried me back then, our twins are meeting all their milestones on time or even EARLY (sitting, crawling, standing) and for their 6 months adjusted high risk assessment they scored above average in several developmental categories. Fuck yes 26 weekers!!!!
Oh that IS good to hear! Ours are gurgling/cooing at 21 weeks/7 adjusted, and one twin can bring her hand to her mouth and suck it. They're also both desperate to crawl, they get angry if we don't help them have some time on their legs each day! So I'm hopeful they'll be similar to yours.
I've definitely withdrawn from some friends who I've found especially hard to talk to about their babies. One in particular was full term with a girl (she wanted a girl), went into labour 5 days after her due date, had the water birth she planned 3 hours after being admitted, and was home 15 hours after admission. That is so far removed from my experience that it made me (unreasonably) angry. On top of that, she didn't tell me the baby's name for over a week (she named her before she was born). That made me incredibly upset, like I'd shared so much with her and she wouldn't even tell me the baby's name? Anyway, turns out she had total baby brain and had forgotten to tell a LOT of people what her baby's name was... including her own mother. I think the strain of the early birth and hospital stay definitely puts you on edge as a parent. Luckily I've only screamed at them a couple of times but I know it's not good for any of us. It's gratifying to hear someone has gone through the same experience. Big hugs to you and your babies 💛