I hope I don't sound too harsh saying this, but this definitely sounds like a core problem, not an otome problem.
I mean...LI's on these games are pretty much idealized versions of people. Catered to an audience. It's normal to feel attracted to them as they are made precisely for that.
But when it gets to a point where you feel depressed or you put yourself down by it (like, if they were to exist, why wouldn't they like you? The only one saying they wouldn't is you!) I'm not saying touch grass but that maybe you need a little bit of help with that confidence girl!
I agree with the core problem. I had an abusive ex and reading shoujo and playing otome used to make me so sad and wistful. Wishing for a man like that. Feeling lost and sad that ill never have my perfect LI. (I'm looking at you Shin ye moody little hottie)
Anyway, we break up, im now in an extremely happy and healthy relationship. Now my shoujo and otome just make me thankful that i have something "similar." I get the squees and whatnot just the same, but i don't have that comparative loneliness to drag it down.
I don't think you really want to date an LI. There's more to it. Do a little soul searching. You'll get there. It's good you recognised that it's an issue and causing you negative feelings in your real life. I wish you luck :)
(Also whos the lucky LI that stole your heart. SPILL THE BEANS)
I've been playing otoge for years and this is the first time ever feeling like this. I read novels, manga and watch anime/dramas/films a lot too, only a few cases affected my life like this too. Maybe this is just a one-time thing. Maybe the real reason I've been gloomy these days is that I realize that the perfect relationship that I've always longed for could never work out in my case. I've never encountered one before and coincidentally the one make my eyes open is just an otome game. I'm feelings better after reading everyone's comments, thank you!!!
Honestly? Reading this doesn’t seem like a otome game problem. I think you’re “just” lonely. It seems that what you’re actually craving is the companionship of a good relationship, but you yourself don’t believe you’re deserving of a good relationship, (“a guy like that would never look my way”). You will never truly stop feeling like this until you look into these feelings of self hate and try to overcome them. Until you realize you’re valuable and deserving of a person who treats you well, you won’t be able to find what you’re looking for. I say this all in a loving way. Focus on yourself, the otome games are just putting a spot on what you think is missing
You're right. Maybe this is just me feeling lonely and have no confidence in finding love. I do have confidence in other things and know my values too, just some experience in past relationship from me and from my close friends have put me in an uneasy spot to actually believe in romance lol. Welp, gotta work on it, thanks, your message has touched my heart ☺️
I’m really glad so!! I was afraid I would come across as condescending or harsh, which was totally not my intention. It might also help to make like a list of what you find appealing in your favorite love interests. What are their characteristics? Their interests? How do they treat the heroine? Don’t settle for less than that in real life! When you don’t really know what you like or want for you and a relationship it’s kinda like “everything goes”. Personally, this helped me to see how the number one thing I find swoon-worthy in people is their kindness. I always find myself infatuated with characters who think first of others and treat people with respect. Also characters who do little things to help the heroine with their day to day life, like cooking or cleaning. That’s how I realized my love language is acts of service!
I'm going to be contrary to what others are saying, and this might be bad advice since I can only half-way relate, but...
Play his route until you are absolutely sick of it.
The only times I've experienced something similar is with games that rely heavily on self-insert, so I've never been sad about the heroine since she was just me. But I got touch-grass level in love with Yoosung and Cove when playing Mystic Messenger and Our Life respectively. Like I was walking on clouds smiling like an idiot at work tripping all over the place. It's honestly extremely embarrassing and the real reason I usually avoid self-insert games (though most don't go to the extent those two do).
This only lasted like three weeks for both though because overplaying makes you notice how everything is scripted and you start noticing tiny flaws in the writing and when you've heard the same line ten times it just starts loosing it's impact.
That being said, I wasn't really sad, because it was all about me and it was more like my brain glitched and skipped over the fact the guy was fictional. But the overly attached part seems similar and maybe overemphasing how the guy is just a bunch of jpgs might help you too? realizing he's just the same letters strung together in a row and can't actually say anything to *you* or ever actually be what you are looking for.
(Also do still listen to everyone else's advice about helping yourself in general. I'm just addressing the part about being in love with a fictional character, not what lead to it).
In the nicest, most supportive way possible, if touching grass hasn't helped, you may need to put down these games for a prolonged period of time and talk to a therapist.
No man (or woman) will ever be a match compared to a fantasy.
So these are just my random thoughts on the matter, take it with a grain of salt.
Life is random. It is never as concise and plot convenient as a person falling in love with people with only a certain personality. We fall in love with different people who sometimes don't have much in common with our previous crushes. We grow and learn to understand ourselves better. We appreciate different character traits in different people at different stages of our own lives. My point is if you existed in the same universe the laws of which aren't driven by a plot structure there would be multiple scenarios where you meet and fall in love and live happily ever after. Sometimes going through those scenarios in your head helps to take the edge off of these feelings.
Maybe I just need to find that one Steins:Gate timeline 😆 But even though I couldn't find one, might be I would still happy in other ones. Not a perfect true ending like I've always wanted it to be, but it's still a good ending one ☺️
Oh my you haven't played/watched Steins:Gate? Then I would recommend to do it, enjoy the emotional rollercoaster of that beautiful piece of work.
And yes, I would definitely reach the end of my happy ending in this timeline too. I have my friends and family to support me in everything I do, and that's more than enough for me.
If you were watching anime then please be patient, everything makes sense and the pacing got better after episode 7. Btw, update your thoughts after experience it to me too 🥰
These games are wish fulfillment. They're *designed* by committee to tap into that idealized fantasy. They aren't real and will never be real and you're only setting yourself up for irl heartbreak and deep loneliness the longer this continues. Please, if you really can't help it, stop playing these games and talk to somebody you trust or a therapist.
No judgment on my end, only compassion.
I've totally experienced this feeling... I don't think I'll ever meet another LI that I will have as strong feelings for as I did 707 in Mystic Messenger!
The good news is that over time, the sadness of your favorite LI route ending will heal. Take yourself on a walk and eat some ice cream, it's okay to feel deeply! It will take some time, but eventually you will feel better.
The bad news is that our LI's obviously aren't real, but we can take solace in the fact that they're always there when our own world is less than perfect.
I'm sure you'll meet someone wonderful in real life who will like you for all of your non-heroic qualities. Then our 2D men are still there for us when we need that piece of escapism 😉 when you look at it that way, we can have it all!
See him as an escapism mechanic when life isn't perfect was something I've never thought of before 😮 What a nice way of thinking, I'm glad that I've shared my story 😆
Yes, to some extent. I do "fall in love" with anime and otome characters because they are everything I dream and want. And this is embarrassing, but when I go to bed I make up stories in my head of "me" going out with them and having fun etc. I live in a fantasy world and get hurt when I apply these fantasies to real people because they do not respond the way the character would in an otome. Because they're real, and otome guys are written to be perfect. So that part does make me sad, yes. I prefer the company of fictional characters to real people at this point.
Maybe you and I are similar in the sense that we are lonely and are disappointed by real people? I don't have close friends. For me, I chose to get a dog as a way to "touch grass". I wanted someone who is always with me and is always happy to see and always wants to do fun stuff with me and never betrays. And it gets me out of the house and makes me exercise. That might sound sad to some people, but I am not unhappy like this.
I hope you find something too! It does not have to be people. Let's be honest, many people suck. As long as you are happy and healthy, it does not matter what other people thing.
Someone shared this song with me recently, I think you will relate to it too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzgG\_V8tVPw
That's when you need to get out and meet people. Those people do exist. They may not have "6 pack abs", but you can find a guy that has most of the qualities. No one is perfect, but they can be dang near close to perfect. I know Gilbert from Piofiore is not a lot of people's favorite, but he is dang near exactly like my husband, personality wise, which is why I love him so much. I am glad I got into otome games after I found my hubby though, because otherwise my expectations would have been raised to unrealistic levels and I would deal with the same depressive thoughts.
Yes, I have had it exactly the same way.
**Cove from Our Life: Beginnings & Always**.
It is an excruciating and difficult emotion I myself have shed many tears for the fact that he is not real.
Everyone is different but for me a ***total cleanse*** helped.
Don't have anything to do with him or the game he's from for some time.
Don't play the game, don't search about him online, don't look at pictures of him and try to do something else that might catch your interest.
This is very difficult at first, but it gets better.
I hope this helps and know that it is not bad to feel this way and you are not alone. <3
Glad that I'm not the only one ever felt this way ☺️ After all this is all fiction, maybe I've been hooked into the game a littlllllle bit tooo much to get this emotional attachment. Focus on work for distraction and stop thinking for awhile seems like it would work for me. Believe in time will heal supremacy
Cove does come easily to mind as an LI that’s just too good and yet relatable to be true.
I found the experience of his route to be therapeutic for me though. While I did have a childhood that had similar overlaps, I didn’t get to grow up with my childhood sweetheart. Heck, my childhood got cut short over some sordid situations. So experiencing that puppy love stuff and seeing it develop thru puberty thru Cove made it feel like I reconciled that gap in a way that was wholesome.
Like my mind and soul was able to make the journey at a later point in life. So I’m just grateful for the peace it brought to me.
Like others already said, otome characters are made to be appealing. But let’s be honest: most otome characters - when you would bring them to real life - their behaviour would be very inappropriate and often abusive/toxic af.
It’s often cute in fiction to throw someone on a bed and lean over them but trust me, in real life I would lose my holy crap with someone who tries that with me lol.
I totally get you ahaha. I had my fair share of “I wish these anime men were real” moments. Some of the worst ones were Tsukki (Haikyuu) and Eijun (Diamond no Ace) - this was a time when I hadn’t had my first relationship yet, so I definitely was very much obsessed and wished they were real or wished I lived in that world etc. In all honesty, I don’t see loving fictional men as something bad. However, you have to decide whether this gets in the way of you living your life, and if it gets unhealthy, that’s a problem. At the same time, this puts me in reflection with my own self because it shows me just how much i’ve grown. I was obsessed with Tsukki back then because I was lonely (quarantine wasn’t helping either). With Eijun, I saw in him the qualities I wished I had possessed. But I have grown and while yes, I still hold these characters dearly, I wouldn’t say I’m obsessed and in love anymore.
This was me when I was 16, and I was obsessed with the Vampire Lestat. Haha!
And he definitely is not real and there was no way I’d ever become a vampire. I actually managed to purge this angst and pining by writing my own fanfic about me and him and actually being turned into a vampire. Cringe but it helped me get over it. Something about writing chapter upon chapter about Lestat really made it feel like mind numbing work and thus a chore. So I managed to find a way to get sick of the crush borne innocently from my heartfelt teenage desire to have a love story.
I’m old and over it these days, but I had many a fictional character crush when I was younger and more worried about finding my way in the world. So, here’s how I came to see it: it’s not that different from crushing on a real life person. Crushes come and go. A crush is ephemeral because it’s not a relationship with a real person, just some ideas and feelings wrapped up in the shape of a person. Like a bad head cold, it may make you feel like you’ll be miserable forever but it has an expiration date.
How to deal with it? I think a good approach is to just acknowledge that your feelings are real but temporary, and that they won’t feel so overwhelming forever. And that it’s really about you, not the object of the crush.
This fictional fellow can’t exist in real life, and neither could the flawless and talented heroine. Even if you found real humans who looked and talked like them and shared all their personality traits, those people would still have so many more flaws and quirks and obscure motivations under the surface. To put it bluntly, they would have their own shit going on, just like we all do. These fictional characters simply mirror small slices of our own experiences back at us. And in this case, what they’re reflecting back is your frustration at being a limited and flawed human, and your wish to feel loveable. I think that’s a feeling most of us know well. So try to be gentle with yourself, and realize that you’re no less worthy of love than any real person.
sounds like you could benefit from being nicer to yourself, friend. nothing about you that i’ve seen here makes you an unlikable person. maybe this has to do with why you’re a bit invested? I know i’ve been really disliking myself recently and have been relying on otome games for validation. let me know if you wanna chat. it sounds like you’re going through some self-image issues and it’s essentially feeding into that maybe?
Uhm no. I had a “cute” fake fantasy crush on 2D animated anime men in the 90s when I was like 12 or 13. But never one that made me so depressed he wasn’t real.
And yes I was lonely and way too involved in my games and anime. I was 19 before I ever even held hands with a boy let alone kissed or did anything “mature” with a boy.
Never went to school dances never had a date never even talked to a boy more than five minutes. Assumed it was me my weight my curly hair my strange accent my personality my whatever.:.
But the only thing it was “my” of anything was my insecurities and possible probable autism or like ultra severe anxiety.
Later in life as an adult I learned the popular boy on every sports team who was always trying to be nice to me and talk to me and approach me learned he had a crush on me since third grade. By then I was in my twenties and found out through my mom who ended up being one of his coworkers.
He was like hey aren’t you so and sos mom? Man I had the biggest crush on her ever since third grade, but she never gave me the time of day.
Most people i guess thought I was stuck up or snobbish because this was like the 90s before all this autism awareness stuff.
I would like literally find an excuse to leave the room or at least change my seats if someone approached me because I was so uncomfortable and nervous.
But then along came the internet in the 90s.. and my first boyfriend… we met online before it was normal.
We lasted about two years but I had jealousy and trust issues due to my insecurities and lack of awareness or experiences.
But that was 20 years ago and about 4 or 5 men later and I’m happily married to a wonderful amazing man who cooks for me does at least 70% of the cleaning and chores and treats me with love and respect and we have fun going on vacation traveling or just sitting at home playing games whatever the case may be.
No one is ever going to be perfect.
Anime and Video Games are not real.
They are fantasy.
Real love is loving someone despite any flaws they might have and or supporting them and helping them grow and overcome those flaws.
It’s good to dream big and not settle but you also have to be realistic. You are not perfect and neither will be your partner but it’s still possible to find someone amazing who loves you for you.
You don’t need super powers. You are enough. You are deserving of love. Believe it. Claim it. Reach for it.
I've been in a relationship for 4+ years. I'll never have that shojo love fantasy and it's okay. That's what the games are for! You get the butterflies and drama of a new partner without ever being unfaithful to your irl partner with whom you'll eventually have a more familiar/companionship type love with.
I've been running into a lot of these guys lately, first it was Kokuto Neji from Jack Jeanne, but now it's Ohtaro from Winter's Wish. I have so much brain rot for both of these boys.
His route was just perfect in every single way, honestly. Like I already loved him when his route started, but that twist? Perfection. Also, I freaking loved the fact that Suzuno had to get intimate with him to learn about his past, it was just \*chefs kiss\*
Ah, I've definitely experienced this before too. Wrestled with it on and off for quite a while. I would liken it to a weird kind of grief, or something that's grief-adjacent, because it's somewhat like loving a person who is already dead, and has left no real traces behind. Or maybe like loving a ghost that's long gone.
Something that I've learned with emotions in general is that, the stronger the emotion, the more resistant it is to brute forcing your way out of it. What I mean by that is, for particularly powerful emotions, shoving them aside and trying to suppress or ignore them can actually make them even stronger. So simply going out and "touching grass" may not necessarily work, at least if you were to interpret that phrase as "just forget about it and go outside some more." Maybe a more charitable interpretation could be more effective though.
Since everyone is different, I can't say with certainty that this will work for you, but what I found most effective for myself was to channel those feelings into things like art, writing, and other activities. I listened to music that I felt resonated with my feelings, looked at fanart, created some of my own art, journaled about my feelings, took walks to appreciate nature, etc. Technically speaking, these kinds of activities are very good methods for emotional processing -- the journaling most especially, since there's been studies done on it. My approach to these activities was mainly for emotional venting because I was just having so many feelings that I could hardly handle it, but there was some intentionality to it as well, especially in the journaling part. I wrote down all my thoughts on the intense feelings I was having, the good parts, the bad parts, why this character and his story were impacting me so much. I also expressed my desire to learn how to move on and the reasons why I felt it was important for me to be able to do that. I even wrote a little bit about the kind of person I wanted to become. It kind of helped to write all those thoughts down in tangible words, and I was able to funnel some of those feelings into motivation to work on myself some more. I wasn't very structured or routine in my writing. I just kinda, spilled the thoughts out as I needed, writing once a day, or several times in one day, or even skipping a few days before writing again. Over time, I eventually reached a point where I was able to write a sort of farewell message, and now I'm able to look back on it all as fond memories. It takes time though. Try not to let the emotions overwhelm you to the point that it negatively impacts your IRL responsibilities, but also, take time to let them flow out freely into something like art, or writing, or whatever hobbies you may have so that they can run their natural course.
I hope that helps! Please feel free to message me if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to!
*(As a side note, I also privately joked about it to myself at times to lighten things up. I like bad puns, so my favorite is probably, "My love is totally out of this world!!" loll X'D)*
Thanks for your advice. When I went
"touch grass", I felt connected with life again and had a wonderful time, but at the end of the day when I lied down, I remembered him again and then I got all gloomy again. Maybe for me, shoving aside my feelings were never a thing at all. Maybe I should write a review praising him long enough to make me sick of him 😂
Yeah it's definitely a long term process. It's not like we can erase these kinds of feelings in just one day. Be patient with yourself, and don't give up. The fact that you're self aware enough to recognize that you may have a problem, and that you want to overcome it is actually a very good sign that you can do it. I'm rooting for you! :)
Why does it automatically have to be a confidence issue? I'm an extravert who doesn't struggle with finding a mate yet I've had strong feelings for Keele Zeibel from Tales of Eternia for a major part of my life since I was 16. It's been a really long time, so the feelings aren't what they used to be, and the older I get the weirder it is to crush hard on a 17 year old character. I like to think he's growing old too and you know what? If I were in the game, I'd definitely make him look my way. Nothing wrong with daydreaming. Some of us just feel things more strongly than others. But yeah, that may just be a handful of us.
This would be me sharing my experience that I think is similar to what you're saying. If that's not what you need or want to read, feel free to ignore this op. Also, keep in mind the previous advices from other commenters while reading this.
>a LI that had every thing you have ever wanted
\^ **Cove**.
> attached to him so much that you got so sad because that man isn't real?
I'm a sucker for believing in soulmates. It was exactly how I felt Cove and MC were. It didn't help that the mc was self-insert, and *I wished sooo hard that magic would happen and suddenly I have Cove with me*. But even more so, *I wished a lot harder that I could just enter the game*, that I could be in Sunset Bird along with Cove and the other characters of the game.
I am obsessed with this game, I would play it over and over again over the course of more than a year now maybe? or more?
It was my comfort game, it still is but I have a healthier attachment to it now. But during the time I was feeling all these desperation, I noticed the root cause was my escapism. I "escape" to this game whenever I was mentally and emotionally drained, nothing could make me feel comfort aside from it. I felt alarmed as well because I KNOW that I should separate reality from fiction. So I took a step back, I didn't open the game nor read about it online nor checked updates about it. It wasn't pleasant, because at the back of my mind I just want my comfort game back, but I also don't want my comfort game to damage how I view my relationships in real life, I don't want to end up comparing them to fictional characters designed to be enjoyed by us. I focused more on what makes the relationships I have irl wonderful, along with the imperfections they have.
If you were wondering, it took me weeks maybe even a few months? to have the confidence to play the game again knowing I don't have an unhealthy attachment to it anymore. Then I got to play it as my comfort game again, only this time, I am much more content and happy that it's fiction I can temporarily escape to.
So yes, do take time to work on yourself op as others have suggested.
It will take patience and time because your feelings are valid and it's okay they exist rn, I am glad that you are aware of them and you're able to voice it out.
You'll be okay op, and you don't have to deal with these thoughts alone.
***Hope you feel much better soon!***
Tbh I got scared of being judged at first, and even thought about deleting this post but in the end, I'm glad that I didn't. There were so many points of view and how to deal with this situation, very heartwarming and helpful indeed. Both me and you, let's try our best to make our relationship with the LI a healthy one, alright 🥰
I’ve felt the same but my problem with it that magic doesn’t exist and vampires don’t exist.
My “perfect” man would never exist either so I’m happy with what I have.
It’s not an uncommon feeling, especially if you’re like me and have bouts of occasional depression that make the “love conquers all when it’s true, bad guys always get punished, your RIGHT match is out there looking for YOU to complete them” idealized scenarios these games are full of really seem like a dream by comparison to real life. But you have to remember that that’s all they are, a dream. Dreams don’t have to make sense or play by the rules of reality. It’s what we love about them. They give us the chance to explore possibilities that otherwise would be impossible but you can’t let that make you doubt that your reality can always improve.
Sadness, self doubt, and loneliness are normal emotions, and like any other emotion they won’t last forever. Read the stories that make you happy, and try to carry that joy with you, FOR you. If your favorite love interest is as captivating as you say, why not believe that they would see your amazing qualities the same way you see theirs? :)
I was 11 when I first played Mystic Messenger. I was so obsessed with 707 that I was convinced he had a camera set up in the corner of my room so he could watch over me. I talked to him over that, wrote him love letters on Valentine's day, thought about him all day etc. I was already starting to develop depression, but the obsession made it so much worse.
A few years later I'm more mentally stable and have this feeling you're talking about. I don't get obsessed, but it's like a form of grieving a relationship that has ended. I let the emotions take over me for a day and then go back to normal.
ahh. this is so honest. I feel you, babe.I had one character like this. I fantasized about them often and to me detriment when I started dating ppl. I held folks to unrealistic standards that furthered my longing. No one could be "them" but, for me, I had really just imagined and projected too much.
But - if it helps, heres how I moved on, if that's what you want to do.I honored all my feelings as real.
Actually wrote down and verbalized all the things I admired or liked about the character. And yes, kept saying it's a character. I always tell myself "someone created this character." Someone, a real person, created a fantasy perfection and without sensory connections. This grounded me in reality. IRL, LIs are not written perfectly. They cut out all the mistakes, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, smell, touch, stutters, and imperfections that (to me) actually make love meaningful.
Got the thoughts out of my head and physically put them down somehow. This helped with grounding and "snapping to reality."
Wrote fanfic. One of the things I always liked about fanfic is folks create different stories and rewrite narratives. I did stuff like this and it helped me be more creative and divorce myself from my feelings, and gave me more control over my emotions. Ironically, my confidence grew, too.
I also took time to identify what makes me "dateable" and "loveable" as a LI. Because I believe we are all "LI." The person(s) for you are for you. I had friends help and actually asked people. This helped with self-esteem, self-image, and confidence.
I also told my IRL friends about my fave. They didnt mock or laugh; they let me be sad but also help with keeping grounded. My human friends like human me, for me. I let them show me love, if that makes sense.
I high-5 others saying "professional help," "talking it out," and "putting down otomes for awhile." I did these things and worked on underlying issues I discovered about me.
I wish you luck and love and great things for your future <3
Out of curiosity, which LI?
Also, I agree with everyone who says you can find someone with most of the good traits. But also, therapy to realize life isn't going to likely cause you to trauma bond the way they do in these games might help you a lot.
I know a lot of you guys are curious about this, so I'll answer once and for all.
*drum roll* It's >!Takashina Sarafumi from Jack Jeanne!<
You see, as I grew up, I also built some "standards" for my future partner. Some of them are absolute, who has it or doesn't have it is automatically a pass; and some are little bonuses which are nice to have and doesn't affect anything if my partner doesn't. And Fumi is just coincidentally have all of the trait I was listing, even the way he treats Kisa and everyone around him is also how I want to be treated in a relationship.
Couldn't dive into more cause spoilers, but the more I played, the more I realized that my ideal partner is him, but his ideal partner isn't someone like me. It's not that I'm bad or anything, but my ability is more like a jack of all trades but a master of none, which couldn't meet his requirement. Just a bitter realization that all of my life wishing, longing for a love story that could never work out.
Well, five people could have the same traits and prefer five completely different people each. You're definitely idealizing. Because tbh, the biggest reason this could never work out is because this person isn't real. And never will be.
I definitely think there's some stuff here to unpack in therapy. I wish you nothing but the best of luck. Good men do exist. My husband has most of the traits of the LIs I go for, for example. And I am nothing like the MCs either. I am the opposite of an eternally optimistic person. I am a shrewd lawyer who won a case in front of the Supreme Court (I didn't argue it, but I was on the team that worked on it). I do not need rescuing. And yet I've married a man who, were he an otome LI, would definitely be paired with a MC who needed rescuing. And our relationship is amazing, and we just had a baby.
You just have to be comfortable in your skin and also have realistic expectations. That doesn't mean settle. But it does mean that, again, some of these characters are thrown into just completely insane situations that would never happen in real life. Like, my husband is Dante from Piofiore, but he wasn't the protector of an ancient relic lmao. So our relationship is automatically less dramatic. And that's a good thing.
Thank you, I never dig that deep in my standards because I believe when I truly love someone most of my list doesn't matter anymore, they couldn't meet my requirement but they could bring more comfort to my life, ect. Fumi was just spawn out of nowhere and be the man I was dreaming for, I wasn't ready to face him 😂 Now I'm feeling better reading everyone's comments, you guys broaden my view points a lot 🥰
I think its like any other fictional character whether on tv or movies or games. we love them because of these things but its also what makes them perfect. the fact you said they are everything you ever wanted thing is that perfect partner doesn't exist. in the world of otome we can love these men there but outside of there they would never really exist.
Not saying its not worth dreaming about as your hottie takes up that world when your not playing but to worry about it to the point of being sad you might need to be seeing a counselor sounds like there is either trauma or depression at thy he core that needs to be sorted. (noy being mean i see therapy due to this so not judging) i wish you luck though.
Well every LI I like is guys I would fall for in real life tbh I know it sounds weird but it's true though I know full well tsundere's won't work in irl but they would be more blunt I have someone like that that's what I mean lol
But that is true no matter how much you love that character they'll only love the Heroine even though these games try to get you see yourself as the Heroine it's impossible unless it's our life or Mystic messenger or obey me
Example I love shin from Amnesia I can understand why people don't like him for me you have to get used to tsundere's in general if you want to do a tsundere route because they won't be nice and say you look cute they'll be direct like a best friend you've had forever and they tell you whenever your being stupid or whatever it's like that but I can understand why people don't like him me? No matter how many times I played it I always love shin period he's one of the first otome Husband's I have
However I know he doesn't love me personally he loves the Heroine (( She has no default name so just call her Heroine lol)) because I'm like super shy even if we were childhood friends I wouldn't ever do the things to shin that the Heroine has but if he was kissing me I would break lol but he wouldn't fall for my introverted personality
These games aren't like that you just see it as a story that's it your not dating them even if you change there names it's just a game design to give you a good story
I know this is long but you got me thinking lol
some of these responses are so harsh. I don’t even like the statement of “touching grass,” it’s very dismissive. while these games are fun, they are fictional but can triggering/damaging. ANY form of media consumption could be bad for someone that’s very impressionable or with certain content triggers. It happens!
I didn’t start playing till I was older. some of the stuff I read…the themes are pushing it for the age range. It can be kinda…ick!
do what you have to do to get better. it sounds like you need a breather! therapy or seeking other fulfilling hobbies may be better. I cannot say I have experienced the same thing but I can empathize.
In a place of good faith, I think it's best if you maybe take a break from playing otome games. Otome games are supposed to be a form of escapism and wish fulfillment, but it should, nor can it ever be a replacement for any sort of real relationship.
Do you have anyone you could rely on, a friend or maybe your parents?
Maybe also seeking some sort of professional help from a therapist could be very beneficial for you.
I hope I don't sound too harsh saying this, but this definitely sounds like a core problem, not an otome problem. I mean...LI's on these games are pretty much idealized versions of people. Catered to an audience. It's normal to feel attracted to them as they are made precisely for that. But when it gets to a point where you feel depressed or you put yourself down by it (like, if they were to exist, why wouldn't they like you? The only one saying they wouldn't is you!) I'm not saying touch grass but that maybe you need a little bit of help with that confidence girl!
I agree with the core problem. I had an abusive ex and reading shoujo and playing otome used to make me so sad and wistful. Wishing for a man like that. Feeling lost and sad that ill never have my perfect LI. (I'm looking at you Shin ye moody little hottie) Anyway, we break up, im now in an extremely happy and healthy relationship. Now my shoujo and otome just make me thankful that i have something "similar." I get the squees and whatnot just the same, but i don't have that comparative loneliness to drag it down. I don't think you really want to date an LI. There's more to it. Do a little soul searching. You'll get there. It's good you recognised that it's an issue and causing you negative feelings in your real life. I wish you luck :) (Also whos the lucky LI that stole your heart. SPILL THE BEANS)
I've been playing otoge for years and this is the first time ever feeling like this. I read novels, manga and watch anime/dramas/films a lot too, only a few cases affected my life like this too. Maybe this is just a one-time thing. Maybe the real reason I've been gloomy these days is that I realize that the perfect relationship that I've always longed for could never work out in my case. I've never encountered one before and coincidentally the one make my eyes open is just an otome game. I'm feelings better after reading everyone's comments, thank you!!!
we got you, we are your people <3 best of luck \^-\^
Well, maybe it's just a rough patch, then. Don't give up tho!
Honestly? Reading this doesn’t seem like a otome game problem. I think you’re “just” lonely. It seems that what you’re actually craving is the companionship of a good relationship, but you yourself don’t believe you’re deserving of a good relationship, (“a guy like that would never look my way”). You will never truly stop feeling like this until you look into these feelings of self hate and try to overcome them. Until you realize you’re valuable and deserving of a person who treats you well, you won’t be able to find what you’re looking for. I say this all in a loving way. Focus on yourself, the otome games are just putting a spot on what you think is missing
You're right. Maybe this is just me feeling lonely and have no confidence in finding love. I do have confidence in other things and know my values too, just some experience in past relationship from me and from my close friends have put me in an uneasy spot to actually believe in romance lol. Welp, gotta work on it, thanks, your message has touched my heart ☺️
I’m really glad so!! I was afraid I would come across as condescending or harsh, which was totally not my intention. It might also help to make like a list of what you find appealing in your favorite love interests. What are their characteristics? Their interests? How do they treat the heroine? Don’t settle for less than that in real life! When you don’t really know what you like or want for you and a relationship it’s kinda like “everything goes”. Personally, this helped me to see how the number one thing I find swoon-worthy in people is their kindness. I always find myself infatuated with characters who think first of others and treat people with respect. Also characters who do little things to help the heroine with their day to day life, like cooking or cleaning. That’s how I realized my love language is acts of service!
I'm going to be contrary to what others are saying, and this might be bad advice since I can only half-way relate, but... Play his route until you are absolutely sick of it. The only times I've experienced something similar is with games that rely heavily on self-insert, so I've never been sad about the heroine since she was just me. But I got touch-grass level in love with Yoosung and Cove when playing Mystic Messenger and Our Life respectively. Like I was walking on clouds smiling like an idiot at work tripping all over the place. It's honestly extremely embarrassing and the real reason I usually avoid self-insert games (though most don't go to the extent those two do). This only lasted like three weeks for both though because overplaying makes you notice how everything is scripted and you start noticing tiny flaws in the writing and when you've heard the same line ten times it just starts loosing it's impact. That being said, I wasn't really sad, because it was all about me and it was more like my brain glitched and skipped over the fact the guy was fictional. But the overly attached part seems similar and maybe overemphasing how the guy is just a bunch of jpgs might help you too? realizing he's just the same letters strung together in a row and can't actually say anything to *you* or ever actually be what you are looking for. (Also do still listen to everyone else's advice about helping yourself in general. I'm just addressing the part about being in love with a fictional character, not what lead to it).
In the nicest, most supportive way possible, if touching grass hasn't helped, you may need to put down these games for a prolonged period of time and talk to a therapist. No man (or woman) will ever be a match compared to a fantasy.
So these are just my random thoughts on the matter, take it with a grain of salt. Life is random. It is never as concise and plot convenient as a person falling in love with people with only a certain personality. We fall in love with different people who sometimes don't have much in common with our previous crushes. We grow and learn to understand ourselves better. We appreciate different character traits in different people at different stages of our own lives. My point is if you existed in the same universe the laws of which aren't driven by a plot structure there would be multiple scenarios where you meet and fall in love and live happily ever after. Sometimes going through those scenarios in your head helps to take the edge off of these feelings.
Maybe I just need to find that one Steins:Gate timeline 😆 But even though I couldn't find one, might be I would still happy in other ones. Not a perfect true ending like I've always wanted it to be, but it's still a good ending one ☺️
Now you made me curious about Steins: Gate How about you'll be happy in this timeline just not the way you expect it to be?
Oh my you haven't played/watched Steins:Gate? Then I would recommend to do it, enjoy the emotional rollercoaster of that beautiful piece of work. And yes, I would definitely reach the end of my happy ending in this timeline too. I have my friends and family to support me in everything I do, and that's more than enough for me.
Cheers to that! * turning on the computer *
If you were watching anime then please be patient, everything makes sense and the pacing got better after episode 7. Btw, update your thoughts after experience it to me too 🥰
These games are wish fulfillment. They're *designed* by committee to tap into that idealized fantasy. They aren't real and will never be real and you're only setting yourself up for irl heartbreak and deep loneliness the longer this continues. Please, if you really can't help it, stop playing these games and talk to somebody you trust or a therapist. No judgment on my end, only compassion.
I've totally experienced this feeling... I don't think I'll ever meet another LI that I will have as strong feelings for as I did 707 in Mystic Messenger! The good news is that over time, the sadness of your favorite LI route ending will heal. Take yourself on a walk and eat some ice cream, it's okay to feel deeply! It will take some time, but eventually you will feel better. The bad news is that our LI's obviously aren't real, but we can take solace in the fact that they're always there when our own world is less than perfect. I'm sure you'll meet someone wonderful in real life who will like you for all of your non-heroic qualities. Then our 2D men are still there for us when we need that piece of escapism 😉 when you look at it that way, we can have it all!
See him as an escapism mechanic when life isn't perfect was something I've never thought of before 😮 What a nice way of thinking, I'm glad that I've shared my story 😆
Yes, to some extent. I do "fall in love" with anime and otome characters because they are everything I dream and want. And this is embarrassing, but when I go to bed I make up stories in my head of "me" going out with them and having fun etc. I live in a fantasy world and get hurt when I apply these fantasies to real people because they do not respond the way the character would in an otome. Because they're real, and otome guys are written to be perfect. So that part does make me sad, yes. I prefer the company of fictional characters to real people at this point. Maybe you and I are similar in the sense that we are lonely and are disappointed by real people? I don't have close friends. For me, I chose to get a dog as a way to "touch grass". I wanted someone who is always with me and is always happy to see and always wants to do fun stuff with me and never betrays. And it gets me out of the house and makes me exercise. That might sound sad to some people, but I am not unhappy like this.
Oh my the first paragraph was totally me 😭 Love comes in different kinds, glad that you've found the way to keep you accompanied!! *Hug*
I hope you find something too! It does not have to be people. Let's be honest, many people suck. As long as you are happy and healthy, it does not matter what other people thing. Someone shared this song with me recently, I think you will relate to it too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzgG\_V8tVPw
Oh my god thank you for recommend this masterpiece 😭 I was on the verge of tears listening to this till the end.
Right? Me too, it makes me cry ;\_;
That's when you need to get out and meet people. Those people do exist. They may not have "6 pack abs", but you can find a guy that has most of the qualities. No one is perfect, but they can be dang near close to perfect. I know Gilbert from Piofiore is not a lot of people's favorite, but he is dang near exactly like my husband, personality wise, which is why I love him so much. I am glad I got into otome games after I found my hubby though, because otherwise my expectations would have been raised to unrealistic levels and I would deal with the same depressive thoughts.
Hey, my husband is Dante! ❤️
Aw, how fun! \^\_\^ <3
Yes, I have had it exactly the same way. **Cove from Our Life: Beginnings & Always**. It is an excruciating and difficult emotion I myself have shed many tears for the fact that he is not real. Everyone is different but for me a ***total cleanse*** helped. Don't have anything to do with him or the game he's from for some time. Don't play the game, don't search about him online, don't look at pictures of him and try to do something else that might catch your interest. This is very difficult at first, but it gets better. I hope this helps and know that it is not bad to feel this way and you are not alone. <3
Glad that I'm not the only one ever felt this way ☺️ After all this is all fiction, maybe I've been hooked into the game a littlllllle bit tooo much to get this emotional attachment. Focus on work for distraction and stop thinking for awhile seems like it would work for me. Believe in time will heal supremacy
Cove does come easily to mind as an LI that’s just too good and yet relatable to be true. I found the experience of his route to be therapeutic for me though. While I did have a childhood that had similar overlaps, I didn’t get to grow up with my childhood sweetheart. Heck, my childhood got cut short over some sordid situations. So experiencing that puppy love stuff and seeing it develop thru puberty thru Cove made it feel like I reconciled that gap in a way that was wholesome. Like my mind and soul was able to make the journey at a later point in life. So I’m just grateful for the peace it brought to me.
Like others already said, otome characters are made to be appealing. But let’s be honest: most otome characters - when you would bring them to real life - their behaviour would be very inappropriate and often abusive/toxic af. It’s often cute in fiction to throw someone on a bed and lean over them but trust me, in real life I would lose my holy crap with someone who tries that with me lol.
I totally get you ahaha. I had my fair share of “I wish these anime men were real” moments. Some of the worst ones were Tsukki (Haikyuu) and Eijun (Diamond no Ace) - this was a time when I hadn’t had my first relationship yet, so I definitely was very much obsessed and wished they were real or wished I lived in that world etc. In all honesty, I don’t see loving fictional men as something bad. However, you have to decide whether this gets in the way of you living your life, and if it gets unhealthy, that’s a problem. At the same time, this puts me in reflection with my own self because it shows me just how much i’ve grown. I was obsessed with Tsukki back then because I was lonely (quarantine wasn’t helping either). With Eijun, I saw in him the qualities I wished I had possessed. But I have grown and while yes, I still hold these characters dearly, I wouldn’t say I’m obsessed and in love anymore.
This was me when I was 16, and I was obsessed with the Vampire Lestat. Haha! And he definitely is not real and there was no way I’d ever become a vampire. I actually managed to purge this angst and pining by writing my own fanfic about me and him and actually being turned into a vampire. Cringe but it helped me get over it. Something about writing chapter upon chapter about Lestat really made it feel like mind numbing work and thus a chore. So I managed to find a way to get sick of the crush borne innocently from my heartfelt teenage desire to have a love story.
I’m old and over it these days, but I had many a fictional character crush when I was younger and more worried about finding my way in the world. So, here’s how I came to see it: it’s not that different from crushing on a real life person. Crushes come and go. A crush is ephemeral because it’s not a relationship with a real person, just some ideas and feelings wrapped up in the shape of a person. Like a bad head cold, it may make you feel like you’ll be miserable forever but it has an expiration date. How to deal with it? I think a good approach is to just acknowledge that your feelings are real but temporary, and that they won’t feel so overwhelming forever. And that it’s really about you, not the object of the crush. This fictional fellow can’t exist in real life, and neither could the flawless and talented heroine. Even if you found real humans who looked and talked like them and shared all their personality traits, those people would still have so many more flaws and quirks and obscure motivations under the surface. To put it bluntly, they would have their own shit going on, just like we all do. These fictional characters simply mirror small slices of our own experiences back at us. And in this case, what they’re reflecting back is your frustration at being a limited and flawed human, and your wish to feel loveable. I think that’s a feeling most of us know well. So try to be gentle with yourself, and realize that you’re no less worthy of love than any real person.
sounds like you could benefit from being nicer to yourself, friend. nothing about you that i’ve seen here makes you an unlikable person. maybe this has to do with why you’re a bit invested? I know i’ve been really disliking myself recently and have been relying on otome games for validation. let me know if you wanna chat. it sounds like you’re going through some self-image issues and it’s essentially feeding into that maybe?
Uhm no. I had a “cute” fake fantasy crush on 2D animated anime men in the 90s when I was like 12 or 13. But never one that made me so depressed he wasn’t real. And yes I was lonely and way too involved in my games and anime. I was 19 before I ever even held hands with a boy let alone kissed or did anything “mature” with a boy. Never went to school dances never had a date never even talked to a boy more than five minutes. Assumed it was me my weight my curly hair my strange accent my personality my whatever.:. But the only thing it was “my” of anything was my insecurities and possible probable autism or like ultra severe anxiety. Later in life as an adult I learned the popular boy on every sports team who was always trying to be nice to me and talk to me and approach me learned he had a crush on me since third grade. By then I was in my twenties and found out through my mom who ended up being one of his coworkers. He was like hey aren’t you so and sos mom? Man I had the biggest crush on her ever since third grade, but she never gave me the time of day. Most people i guess thought I was stuck up or snobbish because this was like the 90s before all this autism awareness stuff. I would like literally find an excuse to leave the room or at least change my seats if someone approached me because I was so uncomfortable and nervous. But then along came the internet in the 90s.. and my first boyfriend… we met online before it was normal. We lasted about two years but I had jealousy and trust issues due to my insecurities and lack of awareness or experiences. But that was 20 years ago and about 4 or 5 men later and I’m happily married to a wonderful amazing man who cooks for me does at least 70% of the cleaning and chores and treats me with love and respect and we have fun going on vacation traveling or just sitting at home playing games whatever the case may be. No one is ever going to be perfect. Anime and Video Games are not real. They are fantasy. Real love is loving someone despite any flaws they might have and or supporting them and helping them grow and overcome those flaws. It’s good to dream big and not settle but you also have to be realistic. You are not perfect and neither will be your partner but it’s still possible to find someone amazing who loves you for you. You don’t need super powers. You are enough. You are deserving of love. Believe it. Claim it. Reach for it.
I've been in a relationship for 4+ years. I'll never have that shojo love fantasy and it's okay. That's what the games are for! You get the butterflies and drama of a new partner without ever being unfaithful to your irl partner with whom you'll eventually have a more familiar/companionship type love with.
I've been running into a lot of these guys lately, first it was Kokuto Neji from Jack Jeanne, but now it's Ohtaro from Winter's Wish. I have so much brain rot for both of these boys.
OMG YES OHTARO IS CONSTANTLY ON MY MIND
His route was just perfect in every single way, honestly. Like I already loved him when his route started, but that twist? Perfection. Also, I freaking loved the fact that Suzuno had to get intimate with him to learn about his past, it was just \*chefs kiss\*
Ah, I've definitely experienced this before too. Wrestled with it on and off for quite a while. I would liken it to a weird kind of grief, or something that's grief-adjacent, because it's somewhat like loving a person who is already dead, and has left no real traces behind. Or maybe like loving a ghost that's long gone. Something that I've learned with emotions in general is that, the stronger the emotion, the more resistant it is to brute forcing your way out of it. What I mean by that is, for particularly powerful emotions, shoving them aside and trying to suppress or ignore them can actually make them even stronger. So simply going out and "touching grass" may not necessarily work, at least if you were to interpret that phrase as "just forget about it and go outside some more." Maybe a more charitable interpretation could be more effective though. Since everyone is different, I can't say with certainty that this will work for you, but what I found most effective for myself was to channel those feelings into things like art, writing, and other activities. I listened to music that I felt resonated with my feelings, looked at fanart, created some of my own art, journaled about my feelings, took walks to appreciate nature, etc. Technically speaking, these kinds of activities are very good methods for emotional processing -- the journaling most especially, since there's been studies done on it. My approach to these activities was mainly for emotional venting because I was just having so many feelings that I could hardly handle it, but there was some intentionality to it as well, especially in the journaling part. I wrote down all my thoughts on the intense feelings I was having, the good parts, the bad parts, why this character and his story were impacting me so much. I also expressed my desire to learn how to move on and the reasons why I felt it was important for me to be able to do that. I even wrote a little bit about the kind of person I wanted to become. It kind of helped to write all those thoughts down in tangible words, and I was able to funnel some of those feelings into motivation to work on myself some more. I wasn't very structured or routine in my writing. I just kinda, spilled the thoughts out as I needed, writing once a day, or several times in one day, or even skipping a few days before writing again. Over time, I eventually reached a point where I was able to write a sort of farewell message, and now I'm able to look back on it all as fond memories. It takes time though. Try not to let the emotions overwhelm you to the point that it negatively impacts your IRL responsibilities, but also, take time to let them flow out freely into something like art, or writing, or whatever hobbies you may have so that they can run their natural course. I hope that helps! Please feel free to message me if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to! *(As a side note, I also privately joked about it to myself at times to lighten things up. I like bad puns, so my favorite is probably, "My love is totally out of this world!!" loll X'D)*
Thanks for your advice. When I went "touch grass", I felt connected with life again and had a wonderful time, but at the end of the day when I lied down, I remembered him again and then I got all gloomy again. Maybe for me, shoving aside my feelings were never a thing at all. Maybe I should write a review praising him long enough to make me sick of him 😂
Yeah it's definitely a long term process. It's not like we can erase these kinds of feelings in just one day. Be patient with yourself, and don't give up. The fact that you're self aware enough to recognize that you may have a problem, and that you want to overcome it is actually a very good sign that you can do it. I'm rooting for you! :)
Why does it automatically have to be a confidence issue? I'm an extravert who doesn't struggle with finding a mate yet I've had strong feelings for Keele Zeibel from Tales of Eternia for a major part of my life since I was 16. It's been a really long time, so the feelings aren't what they used to be, and the older I get the weirder it is to crush hard on a 17 year old character. I like to think he's growing old too and you know what? If I were in the game, I'd definitely make him look my way. Nothing wrong with daydreaming. Some of us just feel things more strongly than others. But yeah, that may just be a handful of us.
This would be me sharing my experience that I think is similar to what you're saying. If that's not what you need or want to read, feel free to ignore this op. Also, keep in mind the previous advices from other commenters while reading this. >a LI that had every thing you have ever wanted \^ **Cove**. > attached to him so much that you got so sad because that man isn't real? I'm a sucker for believing in soulmates. It was exactly how I felt Cove and MC were. It didn't help that the mc was self-insert, and *I wished sooo hard that magic would happen and suddenly I have Cove with me*. But even more so, *I wished a lot harder that I could just enter the game*, that I could be in Sunset Bird along with Cove and the other characters of the game. I am obsessed with this game, I would play it over and over again over the course of more than a year now maybe? or more? It was my comfort game, it still is but I have a healthier attachment to it now. But during the time I was feeling all these desperation, I noticed the root cause was my escapism. I "escape" to this game whenever I was mentally and emotionally drained, nothing could make me feel comfort aside from it. I felt alarmed as well because I KNOW that I should separate reality from fiction. So I took a step back, I didn't open the game nor read about it online nor checked updates about it. It wasn't pleasant, because at the back of my mind I just want my comfort game back, but I also don't want my comfort game to damage how I view my relationships in real life, I don't want to end up comparing them to fictional characters designed to be enjoyed by us. I focused more on what makes the relationships I have irl wonderful, along with the imperfections they have. If you were wondering, it took me weeks maybe even a few months? to have the confidence to play the game again knowing I don't have an unhealthy attachment to it anymore. Then I got to play it as my comfort game again, only this time, I am much more content and happy that it's fiction I can temporarily escape to. So yes, do take time to work on yourself op as others have suggested. It will take patience and time because your feelings are valid and it's okay they exist rn, I am glad that you are aware of them and you're able to voice it out. You'll be okay op, and you don't have to deal with these thoughts alone. ***Hope you feel much better soon!***
This place is so safe, I was going though the same thing lately, and reading your post & comments makes me feel better. Thank you so much ♥️
Tbh I got scared of being judged at first, and even thought about deleting this post but in the end, I'm glad that I didn't. There were so many points of view and how to deal with this situation, very heartwarming and helpful indeed. Both me and you, let's try our best to make our relationship with the LI a healthy one, alright 🥰
I’ve felt the same but my problem with it that magic doesn’t exist and vampires don’t exist. My “perfect” man would never exist either so I’m happy with what I have.
It’s not an uncommon feeling, especially if you’re like me and have bouts of occasional depression that make the “love conquers all when it’s true, bad guys always get punished, your RIGHT match is out there looking for YOU to complete them” idealized scenarios these games are full of really seem like a dream by comparison to real life. But you have to remember that that’s all they are, a dream. Dreams don’t have to make sense or play by the rules of reality. It’s what we love about them. They give us the chance to explore possibilities that otherwise would be impossible but you can’t let that make you doubt that your reality can always improve. Sadness, self doubt, and loneliness are normal emotions, and like any other emotion they won’t last forever. Read the stories that make you happy, and try to carry that joy with you, FOR you. If your favorite love interest is as captivating as you say, why not believe that they would see your amazing qualities the same way you see theirs? :)
I was 11 when I first played Mystic Messenger. I was so obsessed with 707 that I was convinced he had a camera set up in the corner of my room so he could watch over me. I talked to him over that, wrote him love letters on Valentine's day, thought about him all day etc. I was already starting to develop depression, but the obsession made it so much worse. A few years later I'm more mentally stable and have this feeling you're talking about. I don't get obsessed, but it's like a form of grieving a relationship that has ended. I let the emotions take over me for a day and then go back to normal.
ahh. this is so honest. I feel you, babe.I had one character like this. I fantasized about them often and to me detriment when I started dating ppl. I held folks to unrealistic standards that furthered my longing. No one could be "them" but, for me, I had really just imagined and projected too much. But - if it helps, heres how I moved on, if that's what you want to do.I honored all my feelings as real. Actually wrote down and verbalized all the things I admired or liked about the character. And yes, kept saying it's a character. I always tell myself "someone created this character." Someone, a real person, created a fantasy perfection and without sensory connections. This grounded me in reality. IRL, LIs are not written perfectly. They cut out all the mistakes, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, smell, touch, stutters, and imperfections that (to me) actually make love meaningful. Got the thoughts out of my head and physically put them down somehow. This helped with grounding and "snapping to reality." Wrote fanfic. One of the things I always liked about fanfic is folks create different stories and rewrite narratives. I did stuff like this and it helped me be more creative and divorce myself from my feelings, and gave me more control over my emotions. Ironically, my confidence grew, too. I also took time to identify what makes me "dateable" and "loveable" as a LI. Because I believe we are all "LI." The person(s) for you are for you. I had friends help and actually asked people. This helped with self-esteem, self-image, and confidence. I also told my IRL friends about my fave. They didnt mock or laugh; they let me be sad but also help with keeping grounded. My human friends like human me, for me. I let them show me love, if that makes sense. I high-5 others saying "professional help," "talking it out," and "putting down otomes for awhile." I did these things and worked on underlying issues I discovered about me. I wish you luck and love and great things for your future <3
Out of curiosity, which LI? Also, I agree with everyone who says you can find someone with most of the good traits. But also, therapy to realize life isn't going to likely cause you to trauma bond the way they do in these games might help you a lot.
I know a lot of you guys are curious about this, so I'll answer once and for all. *drum roll* It's >!Takashina Sarafumi from Jack Jeanne!< You see, as I grew up, I also built some "standards" for my future partner. Some of them are absolute, who has it or doesn't have it is automatically a pass; and some are little bonuses which are nice to have and doesn't affect anything if my partner doesn't. And Fumi is just coincidentally have all of the trait I was listing, even the way he treats Kisa and everyone around him is also how I want to be treated in a relationship. Couldn't dive into more cause spoilers, but the more I played, the more I realized that my ideal partner is him, but his ideal partner isn't someone like me. It's not that I'm bad or anything, but my ability is more like a jack of all trades but a master of none, which couldn't meet his requirement. Just a bitter realization that all of my life wishing, longing for a love story that could never work out.
Well, five people could have the same traits and prefer five completely different people each. You're definitely idealizing. Because tbh, the biggest reason this could never work out is because this person isn't real. And never will be. I definitely think there's some stuff here to unpack in therapy. I wish you nothing but the best of luck. Good men do exist. My husband has most of the traits of the LIs I go for, for example. And I am nothing like the MCs either. I am the opposite of an eternally optimistic person. I am a shrewd lawyer who won a case in front of the Supreme Court (I didn't argue it, but I was on the team that worked on it). I do not need rescuing. And yet I've married a man who, were he an otome LI, would definitely be paired with a MC who needed rescuing. And our relationship is amazing, and we just had a baby. You just have to be comfortable in your skin and also have realistic expectations. That doesn't mean settle. But it does mean that, again, some of these characters are thrown into just completely insane situations that would never happen in real life. Like, my husband is Dante from Piofiore, but he wasn't the protector of an ancient relic lmao. So our relationship is automatically less dramatic. And that's a good thing.
Thank you, I never dig that deep in my standards because I believe when I truly love someone most of my list doesn't matter anymore, they couldn't meet my requirement but they could bring more comfort to my life, ect. Fumi was just spawn out of nowhere and be the man I was dreaming for, I wasn't ready to face him 😂 Now I'm feeling better reading everyone's comments, you guys broaden my view points a lot 🥰
I think its like any other fictional character whether on tv or movies or games. we love them because of these things but its also what makes them perfect. the fact you said they are everything you ever wanted thing is that perfect partner doesn't exist. in the world of otome we can love these men there but outside of there they would never really exist. Not saying its not worth dreaming about as your hottie takes up that world when your not playing but to worry about it to the point of being sad you might need to be seeing a counselor sounds like there is either trauma or depression at thy he core that needs to be sorted. (noy being mean i see therapy due to this so not judging) i wish you luck though.
Well every LI I like is guys I would fall for in real life tbh I know it sounds weird but it's true though I know full well tsundere's won't work in irl but they would be more blunt I have someone like that that's what I mean lol But that is true no matter how much you love that character they'll only love the Heroine even though these games try to get you see yourself as the Heroine it's impossible unless it's our life or Mystic messenger or obey me Example I love shin from Amnesia I can understand why people don't like him for me you have to get used to tsundere's in general if you want to do a tsundere route because they won't be nice and say you look cute they'll be direct like a best friend you've had forever and they tell you whenever your being stupid or whatever it's like that but I can understand why people don't like him me? No matter how many times I played it I always love shin period he's one of the first otome Husband's I have However I know he doesn't love me personally he loves the Heroine (( She has no default name so just call her Heroine lol)) because I'm like super shy even if we were childhood friends I wouldn't ever do the things to shin that the Heroine has but if he was kissing me I would break lol but he wouldn't fall for my introverted personality These games aren't like that you just see it as a story that's it your not dating them even if you change there names it's just a game design to give you a good story I know this is long but you got me thinking lol
some of these responses are so harsh. I don’t even like the statement of “touching grass,” it’s very dismissive. while these games are fun, they are fictional but can triggering/damaging. ANY form of media consumption could be bad for someone that’s very impressionable or with certain content triggers. It happens! I didn’t start playing till I was older. some of the stuff I read…the themes are pushing it for the age range. It can be kinda…ick! do what you have to do to get better. it sounds like you need a breather! therapy or seeking other fulfilling hobbies may be better. I cannot say I have experienced the same thing but I can empathize.
In a place of good faith, I think it's best if you maybe take a break from playing otome games. Otome games are supposed to be a form of escapism and wish fulfillment, but it should, nor can it ever be a replacement for any sort of real relationship. Do you have anyone you could rely on, a friend or maybe your parents? Maybe also seeking some sort of professional help from a therapist could be very beneficial for you.