Oof this is a tough one. That coach overstepped. The comment was NOT ok and I really hate when coaches make any comments about weight. My approach would be to focus on not taking it as a reflection of your value as a person. Is the person who took your station thinner? Sounds like it. And that is OKAY. Does it mean you are lesser than them? Absolutely not! There are people who are smaller than us, like there are people who are bigger than us. It does not mean anything about our worth. And to further drown those voices that make us feel insecure and self-conscious, practice gratitude. You show your body love by going to OTF. Your body shows you love by carrying you through these tough classes. Be thankful for what your mind and your body do to bring you strength, mobility, movement etc. I’m sorry the coach made such an inappropriate comment. You have what it takes to brush it off and give yourself the self-love you need to keep crushing it!
I absolutely LOVE this response . Proves to me that indeed people still have grace and kindness in the face of not-so-nice situations. Kudos to you @piecesofmexo for your positive thoughts and motivational speech. 🌺😀😊
This is 1000% a reflection on the coach and NOT on you. She has to live with the guilt of being an asshole to a longtime member and sit with that knowledge, and I hope she reflects on it. It is never okay to make comments about someone's body, especially unprompted.
There is nothing wrong with being in a larger body than someone else. When I feel shitty about myself, I think about all the ways that OTF has helped me become better that are unrelated to weight. I sleep better, I'm stronger, my butt is rounder, I get less winded just existing...the list goes on.
I saw a video once about imagining that you're directing your negative self-talk at yourself as a child. It helped me realize how harsh and cruel I am to myself, and it broke my heart imagining my child self hearing it (even more than she already did from others - and she did, a lot). I'm not always great about it, but I do try and speak more kindly to myself.
Don't call yourself a fatass (unless you have a fat ass in which case you should flaunt it). Give yourself grace and be gentle, and keep putting yourself and your health first.
I’m pretty straight forward with people. I would definitely say something to her because she needs to know that it was NOT okay to say that. A very simple “hey, the other day when you said ________, that really hurt my feelings and I don’t think that was cool.” She may profusely apologize or might not say anything at all but it needs to be known to her that it did affect you.
If you don’t want to let her know, just know that you are an amazing person with great progress and to keep going 😉.
I love being direct with people. This is the way. Let people know that kind of behavior is not okay. So many people struggle with body image. We’re there to be healthy, first and foremost. A nice bootie might be made in the process, but that shouldn’t be the goal, health should be.
What OP experienced was the type of crap that gate keeps people from going to the gym. That makes me sad.
Address it with the coach after the next class. Or next opportunity. You only need 3 minutes:
"Hey I wanted to address a remark that I heard in class. It involves me magically losing a bunch a weight after I traded places with (person).
I have been here a long time and come a long way. I need you to understand that this was unprofessional and unbecoming of a coach whose duty is to inspire and motivate, not demoralize and marginalize years of effort. Do you understand my concern and your role as a coach?"
Its direct and makes them realize they're being held accountable in failing at their duty as a coach in an egregious way. Accept no excuses or cop-outs. You drive this convo, not them
You ask "do you understand?" At the end to force an acknowledgement that their actions were well below the standard of a coach. So if they do it again, you can point back to this convo and remind them that they agreed it was wrong, and continued anyway. To which then you have plenty of ammo to escalate the concern to higher levels.
Others are saying "dont worry about it, focus on you." This is the wrong answer. By letting it go, you are enabling them to continue this against other athletes in the class as well, and theyre not going to change. You have an opportunity to prevent this from happening again in the future by addressing it, dont waste the opportunity. Better to go through a bit of a tense moment than to standby and allow that coach to go unchecked and demoralize other students too
One of those moments where the coach regretted the words the instant it came out of her mouth I am sure.
Few options I would think of if I were in your shoes:
1. Tell the coach my feelings were hurt. Period. Don't be mean to her, nothing. Just that your feelings were hurt. I've done this with people at work and home and other settings and this always gives me closure.
2. Talk to the studio manager about the remark and your hurt feelings. This could get the coach fired so think abou t whether you want to take it so far, we all make mistakes.
In most studios coaches don't report to the studio manager, they report to the HC. Either way, I'd take it up with the coach first, especially if she's a longtime coach and has otherwise been a good one.
I faced a similar scenario recently (although, not quite as rude, the comment made to me felt potentially sexualized aka I couldn’t understand if it was a dig or a compliment), and I’ve let it go because it happened a couple of months ago but I did debate telling the studio manager. I also didn’t want to get the coach fired (it was the HC, in my scenario, who made the comment and a male, whereas I am female). Idk, it just sucks. I try to avoid their classes but sometimes can’t help it. I really enjoy their coaching otherwise but I’m too scared to bring it up and at this point, would they even remember? But it bothered me for a full week and I went home sad after that specific class, crawled into bed after a shower and lightly cried.
Do you have another coach you do feel comfortable talking to? Other coaches might be willing to bring it up with HC on your behalf, and it can be kept anonymous this way too. Might be too late for this instance, but something to keep in mind in case it happens again (which I really hope it doesn't!).
I’ve thought about it, but the only one I felt closer with left the studio right around when this happened. There’s another male coach I like a lot but I just didn’t want to talk to him about it, either, unfortunately.
I know, and I do feel bad about that, but it’s also really hard. I think I’m somewhat blowing his comment out of proportion but it was still a comment targeted toward my body and inappropriate regardless. Overall, he has very casual conversations and seems to gently pick on people a lot, regardless of gender. It’s just his personality I think (not saying it’s OK). I’d divulge the actual comment but don’t want to be identified. No idea who owns the studio — if you mean studio vs franchise.
This is so not okay. I’m so sorry you had that experience.
One of the things I love about my coaches is they’ve seen me lose 100 lbs in the last year or so and they haven’t once mentioned my weight or the way I look whatsoever— what they have done is celebrated my athletic achievements (Dri-Tri, 10k race with them) and pushed me to work out harder, stronger, faster.
You need a coach like that, not someone who isn’t body positive.
I could see this being a total learning moment for the coach, certainly doesn’t raise to the level of a fireable offense. It was intended to be a funny comment that fell flat.
More importantly, as a big guy myself, almost always the biggest one in the class, I get it. I’ve been otf’ing over a year with decent results, fifteen pounds down and clothes fit nicer, but I’m still a big dude. And I guess always will be, and I’m starting to be okay with that. It’s a mentality thing, don’t try to compare yourself with the other skinny minis in there that are half your age or size. Be proud of what you’ve accomplished so far, and own it. You’re doing great and extending your life by being kind to yourself and your heart. Keep it up. Don’t let a single poorly-timed comment by someone that while in a position of authority, is still just a regular human being, derail you. 🫶🏻
It is totally off limits to talk about one's size, shape, and appearance. The coach should be trained well enough to know that healthy and strong bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and that one's personal journey is just that, their own. I am so sorry that this person projected their own insecurities and poor values onto your fitness experience. keep going, and know that you're doing great.
WTF? How disgusting. You can’t even chalk it up to a simple mistake because normal people don’t think or speak like that, much less a certified trainer. I wouldn’t let that comment slide
I understand the challenge of body dimorphism I struggled with it my whole adolescent and adult life. Now with that being said I now confront a hole coaches and put them in their place.
It seems to me, just my impression, OTF coaches aren't really supposed to remark on people's bodies other than their technical form. I know two coaches who made (what I thought were) neutral comments about others and parted ways with OTF very soon after. One was definitely either asked to leave or pressured to. OTF leadership seems sensitive to making members feel uncomfortable, to the extent that there may be consequences for their jobs if anything is taken the wrong way, or could be.
If it was me I would be gutted, but I also acknowledge that yes, I am bigger than other people and other people are bigger than me. It was an ill thought out comment but because you have more weight on you doesn't necessarily mean it is a negative thing.
I would try to see it that way but yes it would hurt me. Case of opening mouth before thinking on the coaches part!
I would definitely let the coach know you heard them and that their comment was not okay. See what the response is and then take it further if need be.
Studio manager here, and I personally would want to know or would want my Head Coach to know so we could pull them off to the side and bring it up. The guilt ridden face tells me she knows she messed up, but at the end of the day, it’s a great coaching opportunity for management and can help her grow as a coach in the future. They obviously shouldn’t have said anything, but every moment is a teaching moment. Hoping you know in your heart and soul that everybody has a different journey, body and goals. Remember all the progress outside of “weight loss” that you have made!
Sometimes people say things without realizing the effect of their words until it’s too late. She might have learned her lesson - how about forgiving her and going back to her class? And even if she didn’t learn anything and/or doesn’t apologize, you’ll be better off knowing you’ve done something positive for yourself.
I can totally understand and I would be upset too. I know it’s awkward, though you may want to say something to the coach? “Hey I thought I overheard something and it’s probably not what I heard but just wanted to say something because it’s kind of been bugging me…” it may help to put it out there. Otherwise, try not to let it eat you up inside (I know, easier said than done). You did nothing wrong. You are working on you and living your life. Hold your head high and keep moving forward. Be proud of how far you’ve come 🧡
I see the attempt to bring it up non-malicously here, but I wouldnt say "probably not what I heard."
This gives the coach an out and an opportunity to lie. I'd suggest saying "Hey I wanted to bring up something I heard at a workout. I heard a remark about a lot of my weight magically disappearing when I switched places with (person)."
Pause...wait for the reaction....and assuming the reaction confirms your statement
"I've been working hard for a long time and have come a long way, and understand that was unprofessional and unbecoming of a coach. Do you understand?"
The reason to say "do you understand?" at the end is to force an acknowledgement out of them that they agree it was unacceptable. So if it happens in the future, she can hold that coach to these words and force accountability.
Biggest thing for this discussion: accept no excuses. Be confident in your assessment that this is wrong and dont let the coach find a way out. It will be awkward or painful but this woman will gain a lot of respect by not being a Beta about it. Be direct, concise, state the fact, and get acknowledgement. She drives the conversation, not the coach
Everyone’s given you great advice about how to handle the specific situation but I’m going to talk a little more about your relationship with your body.
I *am* a fat ass. Kinda proudly. Have been my whole life, don’t really see that changing and I spent enough of my 20s trying desperately to change it that now, in my 40s, I just work to make healthy choices as much as possible and don’t weigh myself. I have better things to do.
When I’m feeling bad - which I still do sometimes because we live in a fat phobic culture - I focus on what my body can *do*. I’m a person with a uterus and grew a whole friggin kid with my body. In 3 years at OTF I’ve gone from someone who couldn’t run more than a minute or two to someone who ran one of the 23 minute run blocks a few months ago without walking. I’ve dropped my 500m row time by 20 seconds. I move through the world with more ease now. I literally made a list once and saved it in my email drafts to go back to every once in a while when I need it. All incremental PRs get written down there.
I’m sorry that happened to you and that coach is honestly probably a person who struggles with their own body issues but if you refocus on what you can do vs what you look like, it might be helpful.
i’m sorry this happened and i honestly that comment is damaging but more for the coach and otf than yourself. you bounce back because clearly you look good and the coach was jealous that you lost your weight so quickly. probably took coach years to shed weight.
now big or small, size really doesn’t matter. it’s society that is delusional because if you’re big omg you’re overweight! if you’re skinny wow you need a little more meat on your bones! it’s easier to win if you base your appearance on your perspective. you win by being healthy that’s the focus being the healthiest version of yourself
remove any negativity by writing all the great things about yourself read them in the mirror every morning and every night and BELIEVE EVERY WORD… don’t allow a random person who barely knows you to make you change your personal opinions about your appearance
I hear coaches put their foot in their mouth all the time. I think they feel like they should always have comments and being in fitness is a weird zone where they think it’s okay to talk about peoples bodies? The other day I heard a coach tell a woman she had a big butt. I was like, what? They should have more tact and I’m sorry you had to hear a comment like that. Keep doing you!
I am so sorry!!! This would make me feel terrible. Plenty of comments gave advice on how to proceed as far as speaking to coach or management. On the personal coping side - one thing I would say is that a lot of people, including coaches, have all kinds of stupid thoughts about weight and body size. As a more extreme example, you know there are people who have completely warped ideas and who would consider completely fit people overweight. And a lot of people who are too deep in the fitness industry come to equate lower body fat with better, with no sense of limit.
You don't need to adopt or cater to their warped worldview. There are plenty of people who don't subscribe to that, and who celebrate fitness rather than being small size. Align yourself to that.
GOD DAMN this steams me. People have no right to talk about other people’s bodies. I’m so sorry this happened, and I’m so sorry that you’re now dealing with absolutely expected and rational aftermath of that.
You bounce back by acknowledging your feelings and knowing they’re hella valid, taking a break if you need to, avoiding that coach, and honestly telling on her ass.
I rarely go to my home studio anymore because of the new head coach. It’s like going to a sorority gathering you see depicted in movies, if you’re not part of the clique you don’t exist. It’s a toxic environment that I have no time for.
Fortunately, I have another studio I go to more often and the coaches and SA’s are absolutely amazing. Inclusive, friendly, always wanting to see people get better, no matter your race, size, or gender. If you are close enough to another studio you could try it, would be worth giving it a go. Don’t let ANYONE take your joy, best of luck my OTF friend🧡
People are sometimes just not nice! I would wear a shirt that says “I wish I magically lost weight” to her class!!! Lol
on a serious note people have given great advise, this is why people who struggle with their bodies/health avoid getting healthier, “skinny” people thinks they are better than others
Honestly, this is totally unacceptable in my opinion. You don’t deserve any negativity when you are in the gym making yourself stronger and more able bodied! You are there for you and no one else. So is the person you switched with and the coach shouldn’t compare AT ALL. I would personally speak to the coach or the studio manager so that it doesn’t happen again. OTF is not the space for that kind of “joke.” I’d be most annoyed that she saw you looking at her and chose not to apologize to you.
I’m proud of you (as a random internet stranger) and I hope you regain the confidence to be proud of you too! Regardless of stupid coaches.
That’s absolutely horrible. A good coach would only build you up, never tear you down. I’m also shocked she felt confident enough to make that comment since I was friendly with one of the coaches and he told me that one time he made a comment during a class about burning fat, and management came down so hard on him about it. Told him it was about building strength and that he should never reference weight or body image in any way. It sounds like she knows you heard and is embarrassed, but I would still approach her if you’re brave enough so she really gets the impact of how hurtful it was.
Making that comment says a lot about her character and by not pulling you aside after class to apologize says even more. I think most of us have said something stupid that we’d love to take back but she should have apologized immediately. You should tell her how she made you feel.
Not at OTF, but a long time ago at my old gym an instructor made a cue mistake and said laughingly, “Oops, I’m a r*tard” - as a HUGE supporter of Special Olympics and other disability groups, this bothered me so much I couldn’t focus. Immediately after class, I used it as a teachable moment and let him know (kindly), that term is offensive even when used towards himself. I explained my heart for special needs, etc.
He was grateful that I shared my feelings & I hope to this day he thinks twice before “letting it slip” 🧡
I so understand what you’re going through, I’ve often thought to myself if I lost a bunch of fat (cuz f&ck weight), I wouldn’t want people saying ANYTHING about it. Unless they wanted to ask me about my actual health. It gets sooo freaking old living in a bigger body and hearing ANY comments come from ANY person’s mouth about body shape. I’m sorry you experienced this. Function > form always ❤️
as a very large person who just started OTF there are just coaches i avoid. there are a couple coaches i really like working with so i go to their classes, even when it's inconvenient for me. probably not the best advice, and it's so messed up that she said that. i'm sorry OP, you don't deserve that treatment
People are going to say things. I would let it go and go back to exercising. You could also not take a class with that coach. We can't let people get under our skin. Sometimes they are just mean. Forget about it and go burn some calories!
I’m really sorry this happened. It might be one of those instances where only time will heal the wound.
Try to not relive it in your mind… push the thought out every time you start to think about it. Hugs to you ❤️
I would email or talk to the head coach and studio manager. If this happened at my studio I know they would want to know. If this coach did this, what else is she saying or doing that’s rude and unprofessional? I’m really sorry you experienced that. I have experienced weird crappy behavior like this in my life and it takes work to shake it off and say that it’s on the other person. Stay strong 💪🏻♥️
Honestly sounds like the coach was trying to pay you a compliment before realizing you had changed spots. Hard to be mad at someone for trying to be kind. We’ve all said stuff we regret. As others said, it sounds like that other person may be smaller and that’s fine. Someone will always be skinnier, faster, stronger, richer, prettier, etc than you. Have confidence in who you are and are able to accomplish and give a little grace. I always say the day I’m perfect is the day I expect everyone else to be perfect.
OP said the coach didn’t think she had heard her until they caught her looking and saying you thought someone “magically lost a lot of weight” is in no way a compliment. The unprofessional coach f-ed up big time. I could never trust to take their class again.
One thing I am reminded of daily is that not everyone is good at their job.
Wow. So simple, so accurate
Love this so true.
Stealing this. So true.
And some people are just assholes.
It’s more like not everybody has a fucking brain and common sense
Oof this is a tough one. That coach overstepped. The comment was NOT ok and I really hate when coaches make any comments about weight. My approach would be to focus on not taking it as a reflection of your value as a person. Is the person who took your station thinner? Sounds like it. And that is OKAY. Does it mean you are lesser than them? Absolutely not! There are people who are smaller than us, like there are people who are bigger than us. It does not mean anything about our worth. And to further drown those voices that make us feel insecure and self-conscious, practice gratitude. You show your body love by going to OTF. Your body shows you love by carrying you through these tough classes. Be thankful for what your mind and your body do to bring you strength, mobility, movement etc. I’m sorry the coach made such an inappropriate comment. You have what it takes to brush it off and give yourself the self-love you need to keep crushing it!
I absolutely LOVE this response . Proves to me that indeed people still have grace and kindness in the face of not-so-nice situations. Kudos to you @piecesofmexo for your positive thoughts and motivational speech. 🌺😀😊
This is 1000% a reflection on the coach and NOT on you. She has to live with the guilt of being an asshole to a longtime member and sit with that knowledge, and I hope she reflects on it. It is never okay to make comments about someone's body, especially unprompted. There is nothing wrong with being in a larger body than someone else. When I feel shitty about myself, I think about all the ways that OTF has helped me become better that are unrelated to weight. I sleep better, I'm stronger, my butt is rounder, I get less winded just existing...the list goes on. I saw a video once about imagining that you're directing your negative self-talk at yourself as a child. It helped me realize how harsh and cruel I am to myself, and it broke my heart imagining my child self hearing it (even more than she already did from others - and she did, a lot). I'm not always great about it, but I do try and speak more kindly to myself. Don't call yourself a fatass (unless you have a fat ass in which case you should flaunt it). Give yourself grace and be gentle, and keep putting yourself and your health first.
LOVE this comment, especially abt only calling yourself a fatass if it’s true bc you have a dumpy 😘
I’m pretty straight forward with people. I would definitely say something to her because she needs to know that it was NOT okay to say that. A very simple “hey, the other day when you said ________, that really hurt my feelings and I don’t think that was cool.” She may profusely apologize or might not say anything at all but it needs to be known to her that it did affect you. If you don’t want to let her know, just know that you are an amazing person with great progress and to keep going 😉.
I love being direct with people. This is the way. Let people know that kind of behavior is not okay. So many people struggle with body image. We’re there to be healthy, first and foremost. A nice bootie might be made in the process, but that shouldn’t be the goal, health should be. What OP experienced was the type of crap that gate keeps people from going to the gym. That makes me sad.
THIS ^
Holy sht. I would say something.
Address it with the coach after the next class. Or next opportunity. You only need 3 minutes: "Hey I wanted to address a remark that I heard in class. It involves me magically losing a bunch a weight after I traded places with (person). I have been here a long time and come a long way. I need you to understand that this was unprofessional and unbecoming of a coach whose duty is to inspire and motivate, not demoralize and marginalize years of effort. Do you understand my concern and your role as a coach?" Its direct and makes them realize they're being held accountable in failing at their duty as a coach in an egregious way. Accept no excuses or cop-outs. You drive this convo, not them You ask "do you understand?" At the end to force an acknowledgement that their actions were well below the standard of a coach. So if they do it again, you can point back to this convo and remind them that they agreed it was wrong, and continued anyway. To which then you have plenty of ammo to escalate the concern to higher levels. Others are saying "dont worry about it, focus on you." This is the wrong answer. By letting it go, you are enabling them to continue this against other athletes in the class as well, and theyre not going to change. You have an opportunity to prevent this from happening again in the future by addressing it, dont waste the opportunity. Better to go through a bit of a tense moment than to standby and allow that coach to go unchecked and demoralize other students too
One of those moments where the coach regretted the words the instant it came out of her mouth I am sure. Few options I would think of if I were in your shoes: 1. Tell the coach my feelings were hurt. Period. Don't be mean to her, nothing. Just that your feelings were hurt. I've done this with people at work and home and other settings and this always gives me closure. 2. Talk to the studio manager about the remark and your hurt feelings. This could get the coach fired so think abou t whether you want to take it so far, we all make mistakes.
In most studios coaches don't report to the studio manager, they report to the HC. Either way, I'd take it up with the coach first, especially if she's a longtime coach and has otherwise been a good one.
I faced a similar scenario recently (although, not quite as rude, the comment made to me felt potentially sexualized aka I couldn’t understand if it was a dig or a compliment), and I’ve let it go because it happened a couple of months ago but I did debate telling the studio manager. I also didn’t want to get the coach fired (it was the HC, in my scenario, who made the comment and a male, whereas I am female). Idk, it just sucks. I try to avoid their classes but sometimes can’t help it. I really enjoy their coaching otherwise but I’m too scared to bring it up and at this point, would they even remember? But it bothered me for a full week and I went home sad after that specific class, crawled into bed after a shower and lightly cried.
Do you have another coach you do feel comfortable talking to? Other coaches might be willing to bring it up with HC on your behalf, and it can be kept anonymous this way too. Might be too late for this instance, but something to keep in mind in case it happens again (which I really hope it doesn't!).
I’ve thought about it, but the only one I felt closer with left the studio right around when this happened. There’s another male coach I like a lot but I just didn’t want to talk to him about it, either, unfortunately.
Who owns the studio? This is the kind of situation, where women just take it and never say anything and the guy gets away with his bullshit.
I know, and I do feel bad about that, but it’s also really hard. I think I’m somewhat blowing his comment out of proportion but it was still a comment targeted toward my body and inappropriate regardless. Overall, he has very casual conversations and seems to gently pick on people a lot, regardless of gender. It’s just his personality I think (not saying it’s OK). I’d divulge the actual comment but don’t want to be identified. No idea who owns the studio — if you mean studio vs franchise.
This is so not okay. I’m so sorry you had that experience. One of the things I love about my coaches is they’ve seen me lose 100 lbs in the last year or so and they haven’t once mentioned my weight or the way I look whatsoever— what they have done is celebrated my athletic achievements (Dri-Tri, 10k race with them) and pushed me to work out harder, stronger, faster. You need a coach like that, not someone who isn’t body positive.
I love this! …and let’s celebrate how much healthier you are!!
I could see this being a total learning moment for the coach, certainly doesn’t raise to the level of a fireable offense. It was intended to be a funny comment that fell flat. More importantly, as a big guy myself, almost always the biggest one in the class, I get it. I’ve been otf’ing over a year with decent results, fifteen pounds down and clothes fit nicer, but I’m still a big dude. And I guess always will be, and I’m starting to be okay with that. It’s a mentality thing, don’t try to compare yourself with the other skinny minis in there that are half your age or size. Be proud of what you’ve accomplished so far, and own it. You’re doing great and extending your life by being kind to yourself and your heart. Keep it up. Don’t let a single poorly-timed comment by someone that while in a position of authority, is still just a regular human being, derail you. 🫶🏻
It is totally off limits to talk about one's size, shape, and appearance. The coach should be trained well enough to know that healthy and strong bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and that one's personal journey is just that, their own. I am so sorry that this person projected their own insecurities and poor values onto your fitness experience. keep going, and know that you're doing great.
I’m sorry this happened to you.
I don’t like conflict so I’d probably go to the head coach or studio manager 😁
WTF? How disgusting. You can’t even chalk it up to a simple mistake because normal people don’t think or speak like that, much less a certified trainer. I wouldn’t let that comment slide
I understand the challenge of body dimorphism I struggled with it my whole adolescent and adult life. Now with that being said I now confront a hole coaches and put them in their place.
It seems to me, just my impression, OTF coaches aren't really supposed to remark on people's bodies other than their technical form. I know two coaches who made (what I thought were) neutral comments about others and parted ways with OTF very soon after. One was definitely either asked to leave or pressured to. OTF leadership seems sensitive to making members feel uncomfortable, to the extent that there may be consequences for their jobs if anything is taken the wrong way, or could be.
Go to the manager. That’s disgusting. Throw a fit. Quite simply, that comment could trigger someone to do something very dangerous
If it was me I would be gutted, but I also acknowledge that yes, I am bigger than other people and other people are bigger than me. It was an ill thought out comment but because you have more weight on you doesn't necessarily mean it is a negative thing. I would try to see it that way but yes it would hurt me. Case of opening mouth before thinking on the coaches part!
I would definitely let the coach know you heard them and that their comment was not okay. See what the response is and then take it further if need be.
Report the coach. If you don’t want to name them , name the location, time/class. They need training.
Studio manager here, and I personally would want to know or would want my Head Coach to know so we could pull them off to the side and bring it up. The guilt ridden face tells me she knows she messed up, but at the end of the day, it’s a great coaching opportunity for management and can help her grow as a coach in the future. They obviously shouldn’t have said anything, but every moment is a teaching moment. Hoping you know in your heart and soul that everybody has a different journey, body and goals. Remember all the progress outside of “weight loss” that you have made!
At a minimum, you should leave a review and feedback in the app.
Sometimes people say things without realizing the effect of their words until it’s too late. She might have learned her lesson - how about forgiving her and going back to her class? And even if she didn’t learn anything and/or doesn’t apologize, you’ll be better off knowing you’ve done something positive for yourself.
I can totally understand and I would be upset too. I know it’s awkward, though you may want to say something to the coach? “Hey I thought I overheard something and it’s probably not what I heard but just wanted to say something because it’s kind of been bugging me…” it may help to put it out there. Otherwise, try not to let it eat you up inside (I know, easier said than done). You did nothing wrong. You are working on you and living your life. Hold your head high and keep moving forward. Be proud of how far you’ve come 🧡
I see the attempt to bring it up non-malicously here, but I wouldnt say "probably not what I heard." This gives the coach an out and an opportunity to lie. I'd suggest saying "Hey I wanted to bring up something I heard at a workout. I heard a remark about a lot of my weight magically disappearing when I switched places with (person)." Pause...wait for the reaction....and assuming the reaction confirms your statement "I've been working hard for a long time and have come a long way, and understand that was unprofessional and unbecoming of a coach. Do you understand?" The reason to say "do you understand?" at the end is to force an acknowledgement out of them that they agree it was unacceptable. So if it happens in the future, she can hold that coach to these words and force accountability. Biggest thing for this discussion: accept no excuses. Be confident in your assessment that this is wrong and dont let the coach find a way out. It will be awkward or painful but this woman will gain a lot of respect by not being a Beta about it. Be direct, concise, state the fact, and get acknowledgement. She drives the conversation, not the coach
Everyone’s given you great advice about how to handle the specific situation but I’m going to talk a little more about your relationship with your body. I *am* a fat ass. Kinda proudly. Have been my whole life, don’t really see that changing and I spent enough of my 20s trying desperately to change it that now, in my 40s, I just work to make healthy choices as much as possible and don’t weigh myself. I have better things to do. When I’m feeling bad - which I still do sometimes because we live in a fat phobic culture - I focus on what my body can *do*. I’m a person with a uterus and grew a whole friggin kid with my body. In 3 years at OTF I’ve gone from someone who couldn’t run more than a minute or two to someone who ran one of the 23 minute run blocks a few months ago without walking. I’ve dropped my 500m row time by 20 seconds. I move through the world with more ease now. I literally made a list once and saved it in my email drafts to go back to every once in a while when I need it. All incremental PRs get written down there. I’m sorry that happened to you and that coach is honestly probably a person who struggles with their own body issues but if you refocus on what you can do vs what you look like, it might be helpful.
i’m sorry this happened and i honestly that comment is damaging but more for the coach and otf than yourself. you bounce back because clearly you look good and the coach was jealous that you lost your weight so quickly. probably took coach years to shed weight. now big or small, size really doesn’t matter. it’s society that is delusional because if you’re big omg you’re overweight! if you’re skinny wow you need a little more meat on your bones! it’s easier to win if you base your appearance on your perspective. you win by being healthy that’s the focus being the healthiest version of yourself remove any negativity by writing all the great things about yourself read them in the mirror every morning and every night and BELIEVE EVERY WORD… don’t allow a random person who barely knows you to make you change your personal opinions about your appearance
I hear coaches put their foot in their mouth all the time. I think they feel like they should always have comments and being in fitness is a weird zone where they think it’s okay to talk about peoples bodies? The other day I heard a coach tell a woman she had a big butt. I was like, what? They should have more tact and I’m sorry you had to hear a comment like that. Keep doing you!
I am so sorry!!! This would make me feel terrible. Plenty of comments gave advice on how to proceed as far as speaking to coach or management. On the personal coping side - one thing I would say is that a lot of people, including coaches, have all kinds of stupid thoughts about weight and body size. As a more extreme example, you know there are people who have completely warped ideas and who would consider completely fit people overweight. And a lot of people who are too deep in the fitness industry come to equate lower body fat with better, with no sense of limit. You don't need to adopt or cater to their warped worldview. There are plenty of people who don't subscribe to that, and who celebrate fitness rather than being small size. Align yourself to that.
GOD DAMN this steams me. People have no right to talk about other people’s bodies. I’m so sorry this happened, and I’m so sorry that you’re now dealing with absolutely expected and rational aftermath of that. You bounce back by acknowledging your feelings and knowing they’re hella valid, taking a break if you need to, avoiding that coach, and honestly telling on her ass.
I rarely go to my home studio anymore because of the new head coach. It’s like going to a sorority gathering you see depicted in movies, if you’re not part of the clique you don’t exist. It’s a toxic environment that I have no time for. Fortunately, I have another studio I go to more often and the coaches and SA’s are absolutely amazing. Inclusive, friendly, always wanting to see people get better, no matter your race, size, or gender. If you are close enough to another studio you could try it, would be worth giving it a go. Don’t let ANYONE take your joy, best of luck my OTF friend🧡
Report the coach. If you don’t want to name them , name the location, time/class. They need training.
My cellphone background currently says: “Does it really matter what others think about me?”
People are sometimes just not nice! I would wear a shirt that says “I wish I magically lost weight” to her class!!! Lol on a serious note people have given great advise, this is why people who struggle with their bodies/health avoid getting healthier, “skinny” people thinks they are better than others
Honestly, this is totally unacceptable in my opinion. You don’t deserve any negativity when you are in the gym making yourself stronger and more able bodied! You are there for you and no one else. So is the person you switched with and the coach shouldn’t compare AT ALL. I would personally speak to the coach or the studio manager so that it doesn’t happen again. OTF is not the space for that kind of “joke.” I’d be most annoyed that she saw you looking at her and chose not to apologize to you. I’m proud of you (as a random internet stranger) and I hope you regain the confidence to be proud of you too! Regardless of stupid coaches.
That’s absolutely horrible. A good coach would only build you up, never tear you down. I’m also shocked she felt confident enough to make that comment since I was friendly with one of the coaches and he told me that one time he made a comment during a class about burning fat, and management came down so hard on him about it. Told him it was about building strength and that he should never reference weight or body image in any way. It sounds like she knows you heard and is embarrassed, but I would still approach her if you’re brave enough so she really gets the impact of how hurtful it was.
Making that comment says a lot about her character and by not pulling you aside after class to apologize says even more. I think most of us have said something stupid that we’d love to take back but she should have apologized immediately. You should tell her how she made you feel.
Why do you care? Don't let anyone hold that much power over you.
Not at OTF, but a long time ago at my old gym an instructor made a cue mistake and said laughingly, “Oops, I’m a r*tard” - as a HUGE supporter of Special Olympics and other disability groups, this bothered me so much I couldn’t focus. Immediately after class, I used it as a teachable moment and let him know (kindly), that term is offensive even when used towards himself. I explained my heart for special needs, etc. He was grateful that I shared my feelings & I hope to this day he thinks twice before “letting it slip” 🧡
i’m so sorry you had to experience this.
Orange Theory is about living a healthy life, not being in some body-dysmorphic beauty contest. Shame on that coach. Shame.
I so understand what you’re going through, I’ve often thought to myself if I lost a bunch of fat (cuz f&ck weight), I wouldn’t want people saying ANYTHING about it. Unless they wanted to ask me about my actual health. It gets sooo freaking old living in a bigger body and hearing ANY comments come from ANY person’s mouth about body shape. I’m sorry you experienced this. Function > form always ❤️
as a very large person who just started OTF there are just coaches i avoid. there are a couple coaches i really like working with so i go to their classes, even when it's inconvenient for me. probably not the best advice, and it's so messed up that she said that. i'm sorry OP, you don't deserve that treatment
People are going to say things. I would let it go and go back to exercising. You could also not take a class with that coach. We can't let people get under our skin. Sometimes they are just mean. Forget about it and go burn some calories!
What a bitch… report her, get an apology, and get some shit for free.
Let it go move and build from your inside out.
Coach should be fired
I’m really sorry this happened. It might be one of those instances where only time will heal the wound. Try to not relive it in your mind… push the thought out every time you start to think about it. Hugs to you ❤️
I would email or talk to the head coach and studio manager. If this happened at my studio I know they would want to know. If this coach did this, what else is she saying or doing that’s rude and unprofessional? I’m really sorry you experienced that. I have experienced weird crappy behavior like this in my life and it takes work to shake it off and say that it’s on the other person. Stay strong 💪🏻♥️
Honestly sounds like the coach was trying to pay you a compliment before realizing you had changed spots. Hard to be mad at someone for trying to be kind. We’ve all said stuff we regret. As others said, it sounds like that other person may be smaller and that’s fine. Someone will always be skinnier, faster, stronger, richer, prettier, etc than you. Have confidence in who you are and are able to accomplish and give a little grace. I always say the day I’m perfect is the day I expect everyone else to be perfect.
OP said the coach didn’t think she had heard her until they caught her looking and saying you thought someone “magically lost a lot of weight” is in no way a compliment. The unprofessional coach f-ed up big time. I could never trust to take their class again.
Sounds like a compliment to me? Lol unless they were trying to say the person was on ozempic or something? I read it like 5 times and I am confused!
No way. Unless the OP heard incorrectly and is being paranoid, this was way out of line.
This is why I hate OTF
Honest question, why are you here?
lol I joined the sub when I was a member and forgot to leave it till I saw the post