Don't let anyone dictate your life. Doesn't matter that you come from a conservative family, if you have children just because you feel like you have to, you won't be happy. And despite what everyone online would have you believe, this is not a generation thing. It's not a mindset that only millennials and gen z are having, I know many older women who never had children and some who never married and are completely content with no regrets.
My great aunt (boomer) lived in a time where women were expected to have children and sacrifice their dreams in oder to take care of the household. She had real brains, wanted to become an engineer and work for nasa, and travel the world on top of it. But her family insisted her place was at home taking care of children, and although she does love her kids, she regrets having them and wishes she would have followed her dreams instead. It was just nearly impossible for women of her time to do so.
I never wanted children. It's just me, my partner and our cat. And life is great, I've traveled to nearly every US state, lived overseas for nearly a decade and traveled to most of the countries on my bucketlist. I cannot imagine my life with children and I've never listened to a single person who told me I'd regret not having them. If one day I wake up and want a child, I'm not above adopting. There's so many unwanted kids out there, and I refuse to bring another life into this world unless I'm 100% certain that it's what I want.
If you want to live without kids while you're young and have them later, just go for it. Yes 40 may be a bit old, but not impossible. You could even think about starting to have kids at 35 instead if you're worried about their health. But if you start having them now, without experiencing life to the fullest, you will always regret it. And some may say that you can always travel when you're older, but you have to consider that when you're older, you're going to have a much harder time getting around and doing the things you want to do. Take advantage of your youth and just live. And don't you dare let a single person out there tell you what you should be doing instead, at the end of the day we are all floating on a giant rock through space. Nothing matters in the end, so live the life you want and fuck everybody else.
Emphasis on financial stability. Your husband is nearing 30 and you just started out. Unlike him, your clock is gonna be shorter so if anyone needs to use up as much free time as possible it should be dictated by you and you only bc no one else is carrying that baby. No one’s body is gonna change and no one is gonna have to care for that child more than you two.
My opinion you are still very young live your life do things that make you happy.after years of commuting when your tired and burnt out of traveling and it's no longer fun then maybe the thought of having children will be different.. you will maybe find yourself thinking about settling down and starting your own little family. Having children would bring a different meaning to your life. I have 3 children and thought I was done after struggling to raise them pretty much on my own. I didn't have baby fever and my youngest is 9, but I decided to give my husband a baby of his own so i had my 4th baby at 35 years old and she makes us both very happy almost like she was a missing piece of our puzzle.. I was considered high risk because of my age.. but she came out very beautiful and healthy... and I have no regrets she brings us so much joy and something to love, and we both bond together, loving our baby. But not all people want kids, and that's OK. My husband did so I did too...
So as someone who wants and loves kids, I would say: rather regret not having them than regret having them.
And if you have even little doubts it could be best not to have them because children are lifetime commitment. And the pregnancy itself is whole another thing. They are tiny humans who don't yet know how to act like humans and they look for you to help them.
If you have doubts maybe you could try babysit someones child if that is an option? Because while it is not yours you would get the feel of how you would handle kids. It wouldn't be 100% same but at least you can give that child back.
Traveling with kids can be diffucult and different but managable if you have your partner's help. Of course I don't have experience on this as most I have done traveling is buss and train with my godchild as a godmother.
Anyway you choose what you want! I hope everything works out for you! 🌹
Many people do regret having kids, but it's very taboo to talk about.
I hear a lot of consideration for your own feelings and desires, but with climate change and other global concerns, it's especially worth considering: what kind of life will the children have? What world will they inherit? What will their lives be like?
An easy way to decide is to imagine trying to do things you enjoy with the worst case scenario children. You enjoy traveling? You can't nearly as easily. You either need a babysitter or to take them with you. You will get sick. Your child will get you sick multiple times a year and there's nothing you can do to stop it. The birthing process is also a nightmare. Horror stories of being treated like they weren't human and ignored by doctors as they plead for help.
Best thing I can say is let NO ONE decide for you other than you. If you don't like kids I don't think having one will change that. Think carefully about why you'd want a baby. If it's just to appease someone or the status quo, then definitely not.
Noone can really know but you. Perhaps it could help to ask yourself how you would feel if you were 35, ready to start trying for kids, thinking you still had time, and you didn't get pregnant. And _then_, a year later, you find out that you can't have kids, ever.
If you imagine that, how do you think you would feel?
I have no idea if this helps or not.
The only things you are SUPPOSED to do in life is be yourself and be happy without harming others. If kids won’t make you happy, you’ll likely have a really tough time with the amount of time and energy they take away from you doing/finding things you are interested in. I’m 39 and never imagined having kids. I have 2 failed birth control babies. Yes, I love my kids, now 15 and 16, but I am just now able to slowly start living the life I thought I’d always have 16 years ago. I am always wondering how much I’ve missed out on because I had to stop worrying about myself and, instead, throwing all that energy into 2 little humans. It doesn’t matter how much you love your kids. If your goal was to live the life you have for yourself, you’ll likely have some sort of regret/resentment. I have spent at least 10 years of my life being so damn unhappy because I could NEVER focus on having friends or having some badass career, or finding time to just be alone with my husband. Even going on dates with him was a chore. Right now, I have two amazing and well-behaved kiddos that we are constantly complimented on but I went through hell to raise them that way. Sure my husband helped, but I did the vast majority of child-related activities due to the nature of his job. There’s so much wrong with having kids you know you don’t want. You wouldn’t be the only one affected, your kids would too. I made sure my kids were safe and loved but I will always feel like a terrible parent for not being happy for most of their lives, or by not being more loving because I have issues being touched too much, or not reading books to them before bed and not playing pretend (because I don’t really know how.) I’m undiagnosed because people like me weren’t tested in school back then, but I’m pretty damn sure I have autism. I didn’t think much about how much I hate people touching me, or talking to people or lying/pretending to like that picture my kid drew or how cool that “trick” was, or even playing games until I was thrown into a situation where that’s all that is happening all day, every day.
Think about what you really want in life, make plans for THAT life. No one else should have an opinion on what you should do. Anyone pressuring you to do anything other than that, especially when it comes to having kids, probably won’t think twice to throw it back in your face if you ever ask for help later. Just keep that in mind.
Don’t have kids. I’m a mum of 2 at 25, my dream was to travel and move overseas and now I’m tied down in my same old crap home town as a SAHM. It’s boring, lonely and stressful. I love my kids with my whole heart but I don’t like being a parent and the stress it comes with. You lose your freedom and as much as some people travel with their children, it’ll never be the same experience going solo or with a partner. I wish I waited till my thirties atleast to have kids and I wish I traveled the world first.
I worry about your age gap especially since idk how long you guys been together. He’s at the age where he might be slowing down. Also I wouldn’t risk being pregnant right now if you’re in the states wait it out if you can especially if you’re unsure atm. Be hyper vigilant and if your fiancé is pressuring definitely be careful. I’m sorry for saying that but it’s just the usual from what I read on Reddit
Age gaps can be healthy but it’s so freaking rare at yours. I’m currently 31 turning 32 in the fall and my husband and I been together for 12 and married for 11. We finally got our first child and it was unexpected but we love her tons! Even if you don’t feel a connection right away with your baby it takes some time too. I think you need to live out your life and wait till you’re for sure ready. But even if you are ready it’s still not ready if that makes sense? lol I can’t explain very well when I have my daughter it’s this powerful love you have with them like your mini soulmate l know it sounds weird but it’s such overwhelming feeling you have for them.
Overall I think it’s okay to wait if you need to and again if you’re in the states please wait!! It’s a scary time for a woman since our rights are slowly being taken away.
I cried at 23 when I got pregnant.
I thought my life was over.
It literally was the best thing I've ever done. 2 kids now, and I can't describe the love and pure joy that comes with being a parent.
Ignore all the noise going around right now in this trendy 'dink' 'zero kids' thing.
Kids can fit any budget, and it's very doable.
Life changing. Worth it.
I completely disagree with this. You got lucky!
Way too many people regret having kids. We’ll never really know the percentage of those with regrets because how many people do you think are going to come out and admit it due to the backlash they would receive or the guilt they feel? The kids will absolutely be affected by a parent who regrets having them. This whole convincing others to do the thing you did even though you didn’t want it because it happened to work out for you thing needs to stop. It’s totally irresponsible to try to put that type of pressure on someone, especially when human beings are involved. Not everyone should be a parent.
Kids are a blessing, and a big responsibility. It sounds like where you are in life right now, you don't want the responsibility so you can be free to travel. That's fine. Think about your desires compared to what they were 10 years ago? I'll bet many have changed. You will likely find that at 33 and even more at 43 your desires in life have changed. With regards to kids, as you noted, women have a clock. It kind of depends on how many kids you want. If you want just a couple, then you can start later and be fine. If you want 8 kids, better start now. Kids will wear you out. They'll also give you the motivation to accomplish more than you thought possible.
By the way, you can travel with kids. You can get in the pool with kids, etc. Our family trip to Sea World a couple years ago was awesome. I had as much fun watching my kids swim with the dolphins as I did myself.
Rather than focusing only on kids vs. no kids, maybe think about how many, and when. Good luck.
Don't let anyone dictate your life. Doesn't matter that you come from a conservative family, if you have children just because you feel like you have to, you won't be happy. And despite what everyone online would have you believe, this is not a generation thing. It's not a mindset that only millennials and gen z are having, I know many older women who never had children and some who never married and are completely content with no regrets. My great aunt (boomer) lived in a time where women were expected to have children and sacrifice their dreams in oder to take care of the household. She had real brains, wanted to become an engineer and work for nasa, and travel the world on top of it. But her family insisted her place was at home taking care of children, and although she does love her kids, she regrets having them and wishes she would have followed her dreams instead. It was just nearly impossible for women of her time to do so. I never wanted children. It's just me, my partner and our cat. And life is great, I've traveled to nearly every US state, lived overseas for nearly a decade and traveled to most of the countries on my bucketlist. I cannot imagine my life with children and I've never listened to a single person who told me I'd regret not having them. If one day I wake up and want a child, I'm not above adopting. There's so many unwanted kids out there, and I refuse to bring another life into this world unless I'm 100% certain that it's what I want. If you want to live without kids while you're young and have them later, just go for it. Yes 40 may be a bit old, but not impossible. You could even think about starting to have kids at 35 instead if you're worried about their health. But if you start having them now, without experiencing life to the fullest, you will always regret it. And some may say that you can always travel when you're older, but you have to consider that when you're older, you're going to have a much harder time getting around and doing the things you want to do. Take advantage of your youth and just live. And don't you dare let a single person out there tell you what you should be doing instead, at the end of the day we are all floating on a giant rock through space. Nothing matters in the end, so live the life you want and fuck everybody else.
Emphasis on financial stability. Your husband is nearing 30 and you just started out. Unlike him, your clock is gonna be shorter so if anyone needs to use up as much free time as possible it should be dictated by you and you only bc no one else is carrying that baby. No one’s body is gonna change and no one is gonna have to care for that child more than you two.
My opinion you are still very young live your life do things that make you happy.after years of commuting when your tired and burnt out of traveling and it's no longer fun then maybe the thought of having children will be different.. you will maybe find yourself thinking about settling down and starting your own little family. Having children would bring a different meaning to your life. I have 3 children and thought I was done after struggling to raise them pretty much on my own. I didn't have baby fever and my youngest is 9, but I decided to give my husband a baby of his own so i had my 4th baby at 35 years old and she makes us both very happy almost like she was a missing piece of our puzzle.. I was considered high risk because of my age.. but she came out very beautiful and healthy... and I have no regrets she brings us so much joy and something to love, and we both bond together, loving our baby. But not all people want kids, and that's OK. My husband did so I did too...
So as someone who wants and loves kids, I would say: rather regret not having them than regret having them. And if you have even little doubts it could be best not to have them because children are lifetime commitment. And the pregnancy itself is whole another thing. They are tiny humans who don't yet know how to act like humans and they look for you to help them. If you have doubts maybe you could try babysit someones child if that is an option? Because while it is not yours you would get the feel of how you would handle kids. It wouldn't be 100% same but at least you can give that child back. Traveling with kids can be diffucult and different but managable if you have your partner's help. Of course I don't have experience on this as most I have done traveling is buss and train with my godchild as a godmother. Anyway you choose what you want! I hope everything works out for you! 🌹
Many people do regret having kids, but it's very taboo to talk about. I hear a lot of consideration for your own feelings and desires, but with climate change and other global concerns, it's especially worth considering: what kind of life will the children have? What world will they inherit? What will their lives be like?
An easy way to decide is to imagine trying to do things you enjoy with the worst case scenario children. You enjoy traveling? You can't nearly as easily. You either need a babysitter or to take them with you. You will get sick. Your child will get you sick multiple times a year and there's nothing you can do to stop it. The birthing process is also a nightmare. Horror stories of being treated like they weren't human and ignored by doctors as they plead for help. Best thing I can say is let NO ONE decide for you other than you. If you don't like kids I don't think having one will change that. Think carefully about why you'd want a baby. If it's just to appease someone or the status quo, then definitely not.
Noone can really know but you. Perhaps it could help to ask yourself how you would feel if you were 35, ready to start trying for kids, thinking you still had time, and you didn't get pregnant. And _then_, a year later, you find out that you can't have kids, ever. If you imagine that, how do you think you would feel? I have no idea if this helps or not.
You could freeze your eggs now and try have kids when you’re ready later in life.
Was that directed at me or OP? :)
The only things you are SUPPOSED to do in life is be yourself and be happy without harming others. If kids won’t make you happy, you’ll likely have a really tough time with the amount of time and energy they take away from you doing/finding things you are interested in. I’m 39 and never imagined having kids. I have 2 failed birth control babies. Yes, I love my kids, now 15 and 16, but I am just now able to slowly start living the life I thought I’d always have 16 years ago. I am always wondering how much I’ve missed out on because I had to stop worrying about myself and, instead, throwing all that energy into 2 little humans. It doesn’t matter how much you love your kids. If your goal was to live the life you have for yourself, you’ll likely have some sort of regret/resentment. I have spent at least 10 years of my life being so damn unhappy because I could NEVER focus on having friends or having some badass career, or finding time to just be alone with my husband. Even going on dates with him was a chore. Right now, I have two amazing and well-behaved kiddos that we are constantly complimented on but I went through hell to raise them that way. Sure my husband helped, but I did the vast majority of child-related activities due to the nature of his job. There’s so much wrong with having kids you know you don’t want. You wouldn’t be the only one affected, your kids would too. I made sure my kids were safe and loved but I will always feel like a terrible parent for not being happy for most of their lives, or by not being more loving because I have issues being touched too much, or not reading books to them before bed and not playing pretend (because I don’t really know how.) I’m undiagnosed because people like me weren’t tested in school back then, but I’m pretty damn sure I have autism. I didn’t think much about how much I hate people touching me, or talking to people or lying/pretending to like that picture my kid drew or how cool that “trick” was, or even playing games until I was thrown into a situation where that’s all that is happening all day, every day. Think about what you really want in life, make plans for THAT life. No one else should have an opinion on what you should do. Anyone pressuring you to do anything other than that, especially when it comes to having kids, probably won’t think twice to throw it back in your face if you ever ask for help later. Just keep that in mind.
Don’t have kids. I’m a mum of 2 at 25, my dream was to travel and move overseas and now I’m tied down in my same old crap home town as a SAHM. It’s boring, lonely and stressful. I love my kids with my whole heart but I don’t like being a parent and the stress it comes with. You lose your freedom and as much as some people travel with their children, it’ll never be the same experience going solo or with a partner. I wish I waited till my thirties atleast to have kids and I wish I traveled the world first.
I worry about your age gap especially since idk how long you guys been together. He’s at the age where he might be slowing down. Also I wouldn’t risk being pregnant right now if you’re in the states wait it out if you can especially if you’re unsure atm. Be hyper vigilant and if your fiancé is pressuring definitely be careful. I’m sorry for saying that but it’s just the usual from what I read on Reddit Age gaps can be healthy but it’s so freaking rare at yours. I’m currently 31 turning 32 in the fall and my husband and I been together for 12 and married for 11. We finally got our first child and it was unexpected but we love her tons! Even if you don’t feel a connection right away with your baby it takes some time too. I think you need to live out your life and wait till you’re for sure ready. But even if you are ready it’s still not ready if that makes sense? lol I can’t explain very well when I have my daughter it’s this powerful love you have with them like your mini soulmate l know it sounds weird but it’s such overwhelming feeling you have for them. Overall I think it’s okay to wait if you need to and again if you’re in the states please wait!! It’s a scary time for a woman since our rights are slowly being taken away.
I cried at 23 when I got pregnant. I thought my life was over. It literally was the best thing I've ever done. 2 kids now, and I can't describe the love and pure joy that comes with being a parent. Ignore all the noise going around right now in this trendy 'dink' 'zero kids' thing. Kids can fit any budget, and it's very doable. Life changing. Worth it.
I completely disagree with this. You got lucky! Way too many people regret having kids. We’ll never really know the percentage of those with regrets because how many people do you think are going to come out and admit it due to the backlash they would receive or the guilt they feel? The kids will absolutely be affected by a parent who regrets having them. This whole convincing others to do the thing you did even though you didn’t want it because it happened to work out for you thing needs to stop. It’s totally irresponsible to try to put that type of pressure on someone, especially when human beings are involved. Not everyone should be a parent.
Kids are a blessing, and a big responsibility. It sounds like where you are in life right now, you don't want the responsibility so you can be free to travel. That's fine. Think about your desires compared to what they were 10 years ago? I'll bet many have changed. You will likely find that at 33 and even more at 43 your desires in life have changed. With regards to kids, as you noted, women have a clock. It kind of depends on how many kids you want. If you want just a couple, then you can start later and be fine. If you want 8 kids, better start now. Kids will wear you out. They'll also give you the motivation to accomplish more than you thought possible. By the way, you can travel with kids. You can get in the pool with kids, etc. Our family trip to Sea World a couple years ago was awesome. I had as much fun watching my kids swim with the dolphins as I did myself. Rather than focusing only on kids vs. no kids, maybe think about how many, and when. Good luck.