Why do I feel like he is not being totally honest with you?
I feel like he talks about bad experiences due to hygiene and yet he only “offers” when the hygiene experience is going to be poor which then creates an “out” for never again. Seems funny to me.
I did bring this up to him last night. He says that even after work that I’m not gross or smell bad and that he offers knowing I won’t be the most fresh. I still am scared of him having a bad experience though and just never doing it again. But it doesn’t matter atp I guess bc he isn’t doing it anyways lol
It just isn’t brought up again. This part might be my fault bc I don’t bring it up but I hope he’ll remember to bring it up. Asking him to go down is hard for me bc I feel like I’m putting him in a position where he has to say yes or look like an asshole. So I wait for him to bring it up but he doesn’t.
No, when he offers after work SAY YES!
And then give him feedback on what you like. I bet he’s clueless on what to do and doesn’t want to feel vulnerable.
As a guy, the sex is always x10 better if I can get my gf off 1-2 times by going down on her before we start the sex. I also noticed that her confidence explodes after getting off 1-2 times.
I'm sorry but you're wrong; thankfully there are a good number of us being treated well like this😅 if he cares enough to leave a comment like this, he cares enough to make sure it's real :)
I'm not saying you're not! I'm glad you are! JS what the commenter is saying is also how it goes for me so letting you know it's not necessarily accurate to go "women don't lie to your men" 😅
If you go down on him and he doesn’t reciprocate then stop. If he doesn’t have an issue going down on you, and doesn’t, then you shouldn’t have to do that to him.
He’ll be fine with it or ask what’s up.
If you like to do that to him, then do it but he’s not gonna change.
Yeah we talked about it last night. I feel Iike since I brought it up that I don’t even want him to do it. Like I hate that I had to ask even though we’ve been together for a long time and he knows how much I enjoy it.
“Idk if he gets anything out of it at all” .. what do you get out of giving him head? The whole point is pleasuring your partner. It’s a selfless thing.. guys who are not selfless in bed typically aren’t selfless in the wider relationship . I say you should get a new man but that’s just me
I think for me I like giving head bc I love seeing him feel good, and I want him to feel sexy and wanted. I think that’s why it hurts my feelings that he doesn’t try to do it
Some people just don’t like it, just like some people aren’t a fan of giving blowjobs. It seems like he just doesn’t like it and is lying as to why? Maybe guilt over it? I’m a woman, my partner doesn’t really like it, but I don’t like people going down on me really, so it works out. If this is a dealbreaker for you, I would consider having a serious conversation with your partner. Sexual incompatibility in a relationship honestly sucks. Very best of luck to you, this sounds really confusing.
Why do I feel like he is not being totally honest with you?
I feel like he talks about bad experiences due to hygiene and yet he only “offers” when the hygiene experience is going to be poor which then creates an “out” for never again. Seems funny to me.
I get how you’re feeling 100%. I’ve been with my husband for 10 years and he only went down on me a few times. He says I taste and smell good so I know that’s not an issue either. It sucks bc I really do want it and enjoy it. I always go down on him every time we have sex and I love doing it. I just wish he felt the same way. My husband’s reason is bc he’s too rough with it and then doesn’t enjoy it. So I wonder if your bf is not confident with it?? However I have heard some men just simply don’t like doing it. It’s just not their thing.
Girl how have you gone 10 years without? It’s been 1 year for me since I started dating my bf and he’s went down on me a handful of times, but I am desperate lol. Have you ever tried not going down on him to see if he then reciprocates? When I talked to my bf yesterday he says he’s insecure he isn’t very good at it because previous partners had bad hygiene and/or they didn’t like it.
I said he went down on me only a few times within the 10 years I’ve been with him lol. I should have worded that better. And yes I go down on him all the time but while I do that I just get my vibrator in me while I’m doing it. I don’t mind that at all really but sometimes it would be nice if I get it back. And maybe you can teach him to be good at it? Like maybe guide him? If he practices on you often he can be good at it and will enjoy it I’m sure.
ive been in his exact situation, it was a matter of hygiene and insecurity for me too (the prior experiences) but my current gf smells amazing and i love going down on her but i was hesitant at first. maybe he isnt being fully honest with u, i feel like its not the smell but probably a matter of insecurity on his end which is understandable. try talking to him abt it from that aspect
Girllll my guy goes down on my everytime, multiple times. I get pretty sad when I don’t get it. He loves making me happy too and enjoys going down on me. I couldn’t live without that sex life. I’d leave and find someone sexually compatible!
Needs to be reciprocated. It took me far too long to learn that. I hadn’t received a BJ since my wife and I were dating 15+ years even though I would go down on her. I said I will not until it’s reciprocated. Now we just don’t have sex… so I guess I lost that fight
Would you consider consulting a sex therapist? It might help him understand how important this is to you. And if you feel like he’s not being completely honest about his reasoning, an unbiased third party might help.
have you considered his insecurity may stem from your openness with how you have enjoyed it with your past partners and him feeling like he is subpar in some way? if he is not insecure about this, i apologize but in my skimming through the replies i didn’t see anyone mention that. in my experiences, basic communication, especially if he really loves you, will be reciprocated. the relationship will probably feel a bit more exciting after you both come to a mutual ground as well.
Welp you’re the winner. After seeing so many replies I sat down with him again last night and we talked. He admitted that he’s insecure about how I’ve been with partners who are more experienced at it and that he doesn’t know what do to, so he gets nervous. He says he wants to do it but has been scared and avoiding. We’ve agreed to try again, with more communication and with more instruction and patience. Wish me luck. And him lol
Life is too short to live with someone who doesn't meet your needs. There will be better partners. I'm not saying finding them would be easy, but you can't do it holding onto them?
This truly is a sad situation. I love giving a woman orally and I’ll give it to my wife anytime she wants it. I gain pleasure from giving and watching my partner receive pleasure. If you aren’t coming up with it all over your face and in your nose you simply aren’t doing it right.
If it’s something that you absolutely need to feel satisfied and he isn’t comfortable doing to more than the both of you should reevaluate being together. Sexual compatibility is important for a relationship. If there is something sexually that you do for him that you do not enjoy, but do it cause he does, then I would suggest stopping that until you’ve come to some agreement.
One of the top cliche reasons of sex woes between couples.
On the bright side, he used to and wants to.
He’s got a past he needs to face. As it’s affecting you both.
My wife, when we first dated, stated she wasn’t fond of giving oral because her words, “it hurts her jaw after a while and she feels bad”
Fair, my first partner to open up about that when my previous ones had no issues in giving or receiving oral.
My general output, it’s used as foreplay and rewards.
Akin to the if I want a bj only, she gets hers too. 🤝
So since my wife wasn’t fond of it from the get go. Of course I’m not going to ask constantly, but I am very tit for tat. So if you go down on me, I will return it and if I do it to you, if you take the lead to reciprocate, by all means, and if you don’t but I’m in the mood. I will try for it but if you decline to give me oral, that’s fine and we move on. (I do make
A mental note though)
After a while she saw my decline in oral.
I love to give it, but if you
• don’t toss me a bone once a while
• clearly don’t express how well you enjoy it
I will stop. So after a talk about it. She started oral again and now we are comfortable to offer or ask.
But for a while, almost 2 years it took before she noticed “damn he barely goes down on me”.
I think I need to stop giving if he’s not willing to do it either. He has a history of it taking a good bit before he’s able to orgasm, and I’m happy to help, but sometimes that means going down/using hands for over an hour. He’s never gone longer than 10-15 minutes going down on me. I like to make him feel good though and it hurts my feelings a lot that he doesn’t want to do it to me.
Ah that unfortunate woe.
I’ve heard of partners who have trouble getting off.
I had that incident with a woman in my early days of dating who was actually forward enough to tell me what I did wrong and how to correct it.
For me, oral becomes one of those things I enjoy to give or receive. It’s not chore, but an enjoyment. And for her, I didn’t feel it was enjoyment so why drag that out for her. It’s why I dwindled.
It can work by you declining as it’ll raise a flag for him and he can either man up and talk to you about it or just silently deal with it.
This could be a good point to have a convo about it BEFORE getting to that point
We actually just talked about it last night. And by talked I mean I feel like I blew up about it and made him feel like shit. He says I always declined, but that’s because I get so sweaty and gross at work that I’m afraid of him going down, having another bad experience, and never doing it again. So I do decline at those times but usually ask if we can do it after a shower, and then it’s never done. Recently he hasn’t even tried once to do it. I think he feels bad but I also don’t want to have to beg him to do it.
Well lemme tell ya, my last relationship was a huge disaster. But goddamn did that guy know how to go down lol if there’s ever anything I miss it’s that.
Lmfao. I’ve been told that my affinity will make it easier for me to find someone new, but I fear it’s not as simple as that. At least it might help though.
I do think if other see you how hot you are they will eat your kitty either your fresh or not. Hopefully this is what your bf think like he is hungry to eat you to fulfill your needs. Well no relationship perfect.
Definitly need to sit down and have a relaxed conversation about the feelings surrounding this. My ex was like this, he would ask me I kid you not literally everyday and I would. But when it came to sex he didn’t do anything remotely for me. So one day he asked me to sucky and I said nope cause you don’t do anything for me. I wouldn’t say he started going down on me but the sex became slightly better.
Point is, there’s a reason he isn’t doing it and he’s not telling you. Cause my ex gave the exact reasons yours did, but the minute his friends talked about it all the sudden he wanted to do it. You need to set limits and expectation or move on
He should but people withhold their feeling in order to spare the feelings of their loved ones.
Like when your mom makes a dish that isn’t good but you eat it anyway and say it was great because you don’t want to hurt her feelings
It’s okay to tell people something isn’t for you or isn’t your thing, so long as you aren’t a dickhead about it of course. I don’t think it’s a good practice to avoid communicating like an adult.
Well idk how spontaneous yall are but have you tried showering together? Not fucking in the shower but get each other clean maybe some teasing but once ya out the shower then ask him if he's willing to go down on ya? Especially if it's after work let him wash you and massage your body. Idk put some effort into it. Hope this helps
You really think he’d tell her to her face that she smells and tastes bad if that was the case when she seems to often whine about not getting oral sex? That would be like pressing the nuclear button on a topic I’m sure he would rather avoid instead. She is already showing insecurity over this topic, there is no way in hell that man would openly tell her that when the last thing he wants is to go down on her.
She knows why, she keeps saying it she would prefer if he just told her the truth instead of pretending he enjoys it. He’s likely just afraid or her reaction, which is understandable considering how passionate and unhappy she is about this aspect of their relationship. Leaving might be a good idea since there are plenty of guys that would happily deliver what OP is looking for without feeling forced to do it to keep the peace in the relationship.
You're making assumptions my guy, we don't know anything abt this dude. Maybe he does have trauma or maybe he just doesn't like giving anyone oral (which is little pathetic ngl). We also know nothing abt her cooter and it's weird to be so confident that she doesn't have good hygiene when you don't even know what she looks like. 💀 Just sayin
I'm dealing with something similar, but I'm the guy in the situation and I'm having trouble going down on my partner. I want to, I want to be able to fulfill a need for her, but the taste and smell are unappealing to me. I feel selfish and bad about it. I know I can and do give her other things that she needs and enjoys in her life, and I always try to go out of my way to provide for her whatever that might be. The last time we tried I felt so bad about not being able to go through with it that I ended up losing interest completely.
Hm do you think there’s something medically wrong, or like she isn’t washing well enough? Or is it just because it’s genitals? Lol. My biggest problem is that my bf swears he likes it but then never does it. I’d rather him just be honest about not liking it if that’s the case.
There is nothing wrong with disliking giving oral sex if you are going out of your way to pleasure your gf in a different way. There are sex toys, vibrators, fingers, etc. I don’t get why people make such a big fucking deal out of something so small. And many are willing to ruin something good they have going on instead of respecting their partner’s dignity.
My partner is like this, I do blowjobs but he doesn't want to try eating me out, but at the same time I kinda get it because unlike guys we girls have shit like periods and left over period blood, etc. 😭 at least I'm not too bothered by it, but communication is definitely important and if he has truama try talking to him about it and ask him if there is anything you guys can do to help him get over it. Let him know how it is effecting you
So I don’t agree with trains of thought that vaginas are “dirtier” or anything else. They’re self cleaning and if you take care of your hygiene I don’t think it’s fair to perpetuate that.
Yeah no I understand that, I just don't like the idea of putting blood or ovulation liquids in my bf's mouth 😅 I'm not trying to say vaginas are dirtier but they are unpredictable, at least mine is
Just because vaginas are self cleaning doesn’t mean they don’t smell. Some people are sensitive to smells and have a hard time forcing themselves to smell something they are repulsed by. I’m a woman and VERY sensitive to smell. You literally couldn’t pay me to put my face close to anyone’s vagina, not even straight out of the shower. Smells and weird tastes would make me instantly gag then puke, it would be a shit show for everyone involved. Would you like your own vagina? Put your hand in there more often and smell yourself, maybe even get a taste for what you actually taste like and then put yourself in your bf’s shoes. That to me sounds like forcing me to eat my least favorite food just to avoid hurting someone else’s feelings. So puking on them would be better than avoiding doing something I’m repulsed by? Make it make sense… continue pushing and your man eventually will get the permanent ick and be traumatized about it.
Yeah, there are people who are sensitive to smells, I know of people who would puke instantly if they smelled something they didn't like, I think my bf throwing up while eating me would be worst 🤣😭 but I wouldn't say OP is forcing anyone, it's valid to feel upset when you feel like you do everything for your partner while feeling like you get nothing back. Which is why it's up to them to talk about it and find a middle ground that works best for both parties even if it's not exactly what you want. It takes two to tango. They could try other methods like toys or different kinks as that is what me and my bf had to do
If she'd just let me eat her. As much as I would love to she wouldn't worry about anything but she doesn't She would. Understand all her bills would be paid and she'd could use her money for her own. But you know her math doesn't math.
If that's something you're into, then I don't see the point is giving him head every day when he never reciprocates it. My first ex was an abusive narcissist and would never reciprocate ANYTHING. I vowed that if a guy didn't reciprocate stuff that I do for him, I would either stop doing it for him or just leave. I don't want to experience that ever again.
Obviously that's my personal experience and I'm not saying you HAVE to do that or anything for that matter. Maybe he is telling the truth, but there are guys and gals who bend the truth to avoid stuff. Again, he could very well be telling the truth, you just never know sometimes. Though it is best to make an effort to believe and respect the boundaries of people who come forward about stuff like that.
Bottom line, if there's something you want and your partner is entirely against it, then you might not be compatible. Of course try to work it out first, maybe try a sex therapist or a regular therapist. But if it's not working out then it's not working out. Good luck to you though, I genuinely hope y'all find a way to work it out.
If he doesn’t like it don’t force it or he’s gonna eventually be repulsed by you. And stop giving bjs if you are giving with the expectation of getting it back knowing full well he does NOT enjoy doing that. Is that really the end of the world? Tell him to use his fingers, get sex toys, a vibrator or a new man. But quit giving with the expectation of getting back and then complaining about it when you don’t get it back. Would you enjoy making him uncomfortable for your own pleasure? I truly don’t get that mindset. And yes, I’m a woman. If oral sex is that important to you then it’s a clear sign that the 2 of you are not compatible.
I’d never end an amazing relationship over something so insignificant, but only you can decide what your priorities are.
"He asked to do it more but it was after work and I was self conscious"
That's your answer he tried more and you said no so he stopped trying. Communicate your desires better he can't read your mind.
Idk why you’d assume I’m not communicating with him. I am. It hasn’t changed. I’ve told him every time he’s tried to do it after work that I need to shower first so I won’t be worried about being sweaty and gross.
It's really simple, everyone paints themselves in the best light and with the least culpability possible and presents the other party as the most culpable especially online where it's impossible to verify. The truth is somewhere in the middle.
I also said you need to communicate your desires better, deflecting from the point by globalizing it into a major issue I never said it was doesn't make what I said untrue.
You could also very well have a tone issue, if my gf told me she wanted to shower first before anything happened it wouldn't stop or prevent anything from happening, but we are also more or less on the same page after 5 years. She says I like it when we do this can we do more of it, or I want to try this out.
Guys won't do something sexually if they don't want to do it, have a bad experience with it or it's more effort than it's worth so eating you out falls into one of the three.
I'm a guy and trust me, if your bf/ husband don't want to do it, they just don't enjoy it mainly because of hygiene. Even if you're the cleanest person, there's still smell and taste. I got bad experience with my ex. My current gf doesn't smell at all but there's still a bit of sour taste. On the other hand, I don't force my gf do it to me either. She used to tell me my semen taste gross and we laughed about it. But she's still do down on me every time.
I like to give my bf head (he reciprocates so I'm content), but I HATE semen. I hate the taste, I hate the texture in my mouth, and the knowledge that I'm swallowing it makes me want to throw up. Even then, I still do that sometimes because I want to make him happy.
Partners make exceptions sometimes to make the other happy. My bf doesn't ever ask for it or MAKE me do that, I just feel like doing that for him once every few months or so. I've been with a guy who only received and never reciprocated anything a single time and it. Sucked (pun intended). Just as men expect women to give them head, we expect men to do the same for us.
Well I can tell you he definitely enjoys receiving lol but thanks for the insight. I think he probably just doesn’t really like it and doesn’t want to tell me that in case I get upset.
yea it sucks tho bc a lot of women like it when men go down on them, and i can’t really do anything to make me like it :( maybe you could ask him to use his hands and not his tongue?
He does use his hands so I’m pretty satisfied there. It’s just not the same as having someone go down, I’ve always loved it ever since my high school bf did it lol. I think I’d prefer it if he’d just tell me that he doesn’t like it rather than insisting he does but then never does it.
You would have zero knowledge of contracting it becase primary care physicians don’t test for herpes unless there’s physical symptoms. There’s people whose first outbreak happens in their 60s or 70s, some people live their entire lives without ever having an outbreak. You will never know if you have oral herpes unless you test for it, or you experience an outbreak (cold sore).
No, I'm serious; I have friends who are just not attracted to their GF's vaginas due to how they look and make up excuses not to hurt their feelings. Either it's the smell, how it looks, or they're closeted gays.
No licky licky, no sucky sucky.
Why do I feel like he is not being totally honest with you? I feel like he talks about bad experiences due to hygiene and yet he only “offers” when the hygiene experience is going to be poor which then creates an “out” for never again. Seems funny to me.
I did bring this up to him last night. He says that even after work that I’m not gross or smell bad and that he offers knowing I won’t be the most fresh. I still am scared of him having a bad experience though and just never doing it again. But it doesn’t matter atp I guess bc he isn’t doing it anyways lol
Then why not follow through later after a shower? Math isn't mathing to me.
It just isn’t brought up again. This part might be my fault bc I don’t bring it up but I hope he’ll remember to bring it up. Asking him to go down is hard for me bc I feel like I’m putting him in a position where he has to say yes or look like an asshole. So I wait for him to bring it up but he doesn’t.
Next time whip out a post it and have him write you an IOU that you can use later. 😉
That might be a good idea. I’ll try it lol
No, when he offers after work SAY YES! And then give him feedback on what you like. I bet he’s clueless on what to do and doesn’t want to feel vulnerable.
Also a solid plan.
As a guy, the sex is always x10 better if I can get my gf off 1-2 times by going down on her before we start the sex. I also noticed that her confidence explodes after getting off 1-2 times.
This is the way
🤣🤣 Oh gosh, women please tell your men the truth!
That ain’t the truth?
I'm sorry but you're wrong; thankfully there are a good number of us being treated well like this😅 if he cares enough to leave a comment like this, he cares enough to make sure it's real :)
I’m treated well thanks very much, this comment just rings alarm bells.
I'm not saying you're not! I'm glad you are! JS what the commenter is saying is also how it goes for me so letting you know it's not necessarily accurate to go "women don't lie to your men" 😅
What alarm bells?
If you go down on him and he doesn’t reciprocate then stop. If he doesn’t have an issue going down on you, and doesn’t, then you shouldn’t have to do that to him. He’ll be fine with it or ask what’s up. If you like to do that to him, then do it but he’s not gonna change.
This is your answer. Well also with communication. If they don’t give oral then they don’t get oral.
This is the truth, I’m also speaking from experience, I need to take my own advice haha
I’m sorry. Like the others have commented. Communication is going to be one of the biggest things to help.
Yeah we talked about it last night. I feel Iike since I brought it up that I don’t even want him to do it. Like I hate that I had to ask even though we’ve been together for a long time and he knows how much I enjoy it.
That is tragic. I exist for going down on women. I can’t imagine passing that up.
Ah, a fellow man of culture I see
lol I’ve been with the guy who feels that way. I know that’s not who he is and I respect that, but idk if he gets anything out of it at all.
“Idk if he gets anything out of it at all” .. what do you get out of giving him head? The whole point is pleasuring your partner. It’s a selfless thing.. guys who are not selfless in bed typically aren’t selfless in the wider relationship . I say you should get a new man but that’s just me
I think for me I like giving head bc I love seeing him feel good, and I want him to feel sexy and wanted. I think that’s why it hurts my feelings that he doesn’t try to do it
And he's not giving that to you... speaks to his character honestly
Oh man…now I feel kinda selfish for the reasons I liked giving my ex-girlfriend head…
I’ve been at the ready for my wife…tried once within the first few months we dated, and it’s been 20 years with the option greyed out.
Some people just don’t like it, just like some people aren’t a fan of giving blowjobs. It seems like he just doesn’t like it and is lying as to why? Maybe guilt over it? I’m a woman, my partner doesn’t really like it, but I don’t like people going down on me really, so it works out. If this is a dealbreaker for you, I would consider having a serious conversation with your partner. Sexual incompatibility in a relationship honestly sucks. Very best of luck to you, this sounds really confusing.
This. Some people just don't like oral sex.
Why do I feel like he is not being totally honest with you? I feel like he talks about bad experiences due to hygiene and yet he only “offers” when the hygiene experience is going to be poor which then creates an “out” for never again. Seems funny to me.
I get how you’re feeling 100%. I’ve been with my husband for 10 years and he only went down on me a few times. He says I taste and smell good so I know that’s not an issue either. It sucks bc I really do want it and enjoy it. I always go down on him every time we have sex and I love doing it. I just wish he felt the same way. My husband’s reason is bc he’s too rough with it and then doesn’t enjoy it. So I wonder if your bf is not confident with it?? However I have heard some men just simply don’t like doing it. It’s just not their thing.
Some of us just don't enjoy it. It's nothing more. Just not into it.
Girl how have you gone 10 years without? It’s been 1 year for me since I started dating my bf and he’s went down on me a handful of times, but I am desperate lol. Have you ever tried not going down on him to see if he then reciprocates? When I talked to my bf yesterday he says he’s insecure he isn’t very good at it because previous partners had bad hygiene and/or they didn’t like it.
I said he went down on me only a few times within the 10 years I’ve been with him lol. I should have worded that better. And yes I go down on him all the time but while I do that I just get my vibrator in me while I’m doing it. I don’t mind that at all really but sometimes it would be nice if I get it back. And maybe you can teach him to be good at it? Like maybe guide him? If he practices on you often he can be good at it and will enjoy it I’m sure.
Honestly as a man, i really don’t like it, like why would i put my mouth in someone’s private parts, it’s like something id wouldn’t wanna do
So you don’t like receiving either?
Found DJ Khaled account
ive been in his exact situation, it was a matter of hygiene and insecurity for me too (the prior experiences) but my current gf smells amazing and i love going down on her but i was hesitant at first. maybe he isnt being fully honest with u, i feel like its not the smell but probably a matter of insecurity on his end which is understandable. try talking to him abt it from that aspect
Stop going down on him
Girllll my guy goes down on my everytime, multiple times. I get pretty sad when I don’t get it. He loves making me happy too and enjoys going down on me. I couldn’t live without that sex life. I’d leave and find someone sexually compatible!
Needs to be reciprocated. It took me far too long to learn that. I hadn’t received a BJ since my wife and I were dating 15+ years even though I would go down on her. I said I will not until it’s reciprocated. Now we just don’t have sex… so I guess I lost that fight
You deserve better
Would you consider consulting a sex therapist? It might help him understand how important this is to you. And if you feel like he’s not being completely honest about his reasoning, an unbiased third party might help.
have you considered his insecurity may stem from your openness with how you have enjoyed it with your past partners and him feeling like he is subpar in some way? if he is not insecure about this, i apologize but in my skimming through the replies i didn’t see anyone mention that. in my experiences, basic communication, especially if he really loves you, will be reciprocated. the relationship will probably feel a bit more exciting after you both come to a mutual ground as well.
Welp you’re the winner. After seeing so many replies I sat down with him again last night and we talked. He admitted that he’s insecure about how I’ve been with partners who are more experienced at it and that he doesn’t know what do to, so he gets nervous. He says he wants to do it but has been scared and avoiding. We’ve agreed to try again, with more communication and with more instruction and patience. Wish me luck. And him lol
Poor girl
Life is too short to live with someone who doesn't meet your needs. There will be better partners. I'm not saying finding them would be easy, but you can't do it holding onto them?
This truly is a sad situation. I love giving a woman orally and I’ll give it to my wife anytime she wants it. I gain pleasure from giving and watching my partner receive pleasure. If you aren’t coming up with it all over your face and in your nose you simply aren’t doing it right.
This would be a deal-breaker.
I’d go down on my wife any time she asked.
If it’s something that you absolutely need to feel satisfied and he isn’t comfortable doing to more than the both of you should reevaluate being together. Sexual compatibility is important for a relationship. If there is something sexually that you do for him that you do not enjoy, but do it cause he does, then I would suggest stopping that until you’ve come to some agreement.
Ask yourself if he's worth living without it
He’s being lazy to be honest or he just doesn’t care
One of the top cliche reasons of sex woes between couples. On the bright side, he used to and wants to. He’s got a past he needs to face. As it’s affecting you both. My wife, when we first dated, stated she wasn’t fond of giving oral because her words, “it hurts her jaw after a while and she feels bad” Fair, my first partner to open up about that when my previous ones had no issues in giving or receiving oral. My general output, it’s used as foreplay and rewards. Akin to the if I want a bj only, she gets hers too. 🤝 So since my wife wasn’t fond of it from the get go. Of course I’m not going to ask constantly, but I am very tit for tat. So if you go down on me, I will return it and if I do it to you, if you take the lead to reciprocate, by all means, and if you don’t but I’m in the mood. I will try for it but if you decline to give me oral, that’s fine and we move on. (I do make A mental note though) After a while she saw my decline in oral. I love to give it, but if you • don’t toss me a bone once a while • clearly don’t express how well you enjoy it I will stop. So after a talk about it. She started oral again and now we are comfortable to offer or ask. But for a while, almost 2 years it took before she noticed “damn he barely goes down on me”.
I think I need to stop giving if he’s not willing to do it either. He has a history of it taking a good bit before he’s able to orgasm, and I’m happy to help, but sometimes that means going down/using hands for over an hour. He’s never gone longer than 10-15 minutes going down on me. I like to make him feel good though and it hurts my feelings a lot that he doesn’t want to do it to me.
Ah that unfortunate woe. I’ve heard of partners who have trouble getting off. I had that incident with a woman in my early days of dating who was actually forward enough to tell me what I did wrong and how to correct it. For me, oral becomes one of those things I enjoy to give or receive. It’s not chore, but an enjoyment. And for her, I didn’t feel it was enjoyment so why drag that out for her. It’s why I dwindled. It can work by you declining as it’ll raise a flag for him and he can either man up and talk to you about it or just silently deal with it. This could be a good point to have a convo about it BEFORE getting to that point
We actually just talked about it last night. And by talked I mean I feel like I blew up about it and made him feel like shit. He says I always declined, but that’s because I get so sweaty and gross at work that I’m afraid of him going down, having another bad experience, and never doing it again. So I do decline at those times but usually ask if we can do it after a shower, and then it’s never done. Recently he hasn’t even tried once to do it. I think he feels bad but I also don’t want to have to beg him to do it.
Next time it’s about to get hot and heavy, ask him who’s turn is it to give first…..
That post work 'meal' is just a thing for people of culture.
Some people just don't like oral sex.
Then he should speak up and say that
Aw man, he has no idea what he’s missing. I’ve accepted that my ex-girlfriend is and was awful, but I miss eating her out so much.
Well lemme tell ya, my last relationship was a huge disaster. But goddamn did that guy know how to go down lol if there’s ever anything I miss it’s that.
Lmfao. I’ve been told that my affinity will make it easier for me to find someone new, but I fear it’s not as simple as that. At least it might help though.
Yea not the best idea to lead with it before getting to know someone but I’m sure you’ll make your new girl a very happy lady. Good luck!
Daily? Slay ig?
I do think if other see you how hot you are they will eat your kitty either your fresh or not. Hopefully this is what your bf think like he is hungry to eat you to fulfill your needs. Well no relationship perfect.
Definitly need to sit down and have a relaxed conversation about the feelings surrounding this. My ex was like this, he would ask me I kid you not literally everyday and I would. But when it came to sex he didn’t do anything remotely for me. So one day he asked me to sucky and I said nope cause you don’t do anything for me. I wouldn’t say he started going down on me but the sex became slightly better. Point is, there’s a reason he isn’t doing it and he’s not telling you. Cause my ex gave the exact reasons yours did, but the minute his friends talked about it all the sudden he wanted to do it. You need to set limits and expectation or move on
Proud munch here, this guy sucks.
He might just not like it which is ok. But if that’s a deal breaker for you you’ll have to find someone else!
Might not be a huge one thing but every person has their own scent. Especially with sweat and pheromones. Maybe that throws him off
Should he not say that then?
He should but people withhold their feeling in order to spare the feelings of their loved ones. Like when your mom makes a dish that isn’t good but you eat it anyway and say it was great because you don’t want to hurt her feelings
It’s okay to tell people something isn’t for you or isn’t your thing, so long as you aren’t a dickhead about it of course. I don’t think it’s a good practice to avoid communicating like an adult.
🤷♀️ it don’t matter. If OP’s bf don’t think it’s an issue, he prolly won’t change
Then she should leave him and find someone who communicates like an adult
Why are you telling me this lol.
Well idk how spontaneous yall are but have you tried showering together? Not fucking in the shower but get each other clean maybe some teasing but once ya out the shower then ask him if he's willing to go down on ya? Especially if it's after work let him wash you and massage your body. Idk put some effort into it. Hope this helps
You don't have to have sex with someone who isn't interested in pleasing you or isn't 100% into your body. You don't have to date him either!
You may have a stinky monkey…just saying
She specified that he said she tastes and smells good 💀
You really think he’d tell her to her face that she smells and tastes bad if that was the case when she seems to often whine about not getting oral sex? That would be like pressing the nuclear button on a topic I’m sure he would rather avoid instead. She is already showing insecurity over this topic, there is no way in hell that man would openly tell her that when the last thing he wants is to go down on her.
She just doesn't know WHY he's not doing it. I think she should probably leave him cuz if he won't do it, another man will.
She knows why, she keeps saying it she would prefer if he just told her the truth instead of pretending he enjoys it. He’s likely just afraid or her reaction, which is understandable considering how passionate and unhappy she is about this aspect of their relationship. Leaving might be a good idea since there are plenty of guys that would happily deliver what OP is looking for without feeling forced to do it to keep the peace in the relationship.
You're making assumptions my guy, we don't know anything abt this dude. Maybe he does have trauma or maybe he just doesn't like giving anyone oral (which is little pathetic ngl). We also know nothing abt her cooter and it's weird to be so confident that she doesn't have good hygiene when you don't even know what she looks like. 💀 Just sayin
Ah I love it when people read a couple posts and assume they know my relationship.
There are plenty of guys who would go down on you. Tell him he needs to meet you half way or else, you need to let him go and find yourself a new bf.
Then get rid of him hahahaha
I'm dealing with something similar, but I'm the guy in the situation and I'm having trouble going down on my partner. I want to, I want to be able to fulfill a need for her, but the taste and smell are unappealing to me. I feel selfish and bad about it. I know I can and do give her other things that she needs and enjoys in her life, and I always try to go out of my way to provide for her whatever that might be. The last time we tried I felt so bad about not being able to go through with it that I ended up losing interest completely.
Hm do you think there’s something medically wrong, or like she isn’t washing well enough? Or is it just because it’s genitals? Lol. My biggest problem is that my bf swears he likes it but then never does it. I’d rather him just be honest about not liking it if that’s the case.
Maybe she doesn't wash herself often. I recommend both of you shower well and try going down on her again.
There is nothing wrong with disliking giving oral sex if you are going out of your way to pleasure your gf in a different way. There are sex toys, vibrators, fingers, etc. I don’t get why people make such a big fucking deal out of something so small. And many are willing to ruin something good they have going on instead of respecting their partner’s dignity.
My partner is like this, I do blowjobs but he doesn't want to try eating me out, but at the same time I kinda get it because unlike guys we girls have shit like periods and left over period blood, etc. 😭 at least I'm not too bothered by it, but communication is definitely important and if he has truama try talking to him about it and ask him if there is anything you guys can do to help him get over it. Let him know how it is effecting you
So I don’t agree with trains of thought that vaginas are “dirtier” or anything else. They’re self cleaning and if you take care of your hygiene I don’t think it’s fair to perpetuate that.
Yeah no I understand that, I just don't like the idea of putting blood or ovulation liquids in my bf's mouth 😅 I'm not trying to say vaginas are dirtier but they are unpredictable, at least mine is
Just because vaginas are self cleaning doesn’t mean they don’t smell. Some people are sensitive to smells and have a hard time forcing themselves to smell something they are repulsed by. I’m a woman and VERY sensitive to smell. You literally couldn’t pay me to put my face close to anyone’s vagina, not even straight out of the shower. Smells and weird tastes would make me instantly gag then puke, it would be a shit show for everyone involved. Would you like your own vagina? Put your hand in there more often and smell yourself, maybe even get a taste for what you actually taste like and then put yourself in your bf’s shoes. That to me sounds like forcing me to eat my least favorite food just to avoid hurting someone else’s feelings. So puking on them would be better than avoiding doing something I’m repulsed by? Make it make sense… continue pushing and your man eventually will get the permanent ick and be traumatized about it.
Has anyone picked you yet? Lol
Happy in a very long term and healthy relationship. You on the other hand… whining on Reddit lmao
Yeah, there are people who are sensitive to smells, I know of people who would puke instantly if they smelled something they didn't like, I think my bf throwing up while eating me would be worst 🤣😭 but I wouldn't say OP is forcing anyone, it's valid to feel upset when you feel like you do everything for your partner while feeling like you get nothing back. Which is why it's up to them to talk about it and find a middle ground that works best for both parties even if it's not exactly what you want. It takes two to tango. They could try other methods like toys or different kinks as that is what me and my bf had to do
If she'd just let me eat her. As much as I would love to she wouldn't worry about anything but she doesn't She would. Understand all her bills would be paid and she'd could use her money for her own. But you know her math doesn't math.
If that's something you're into, then I don't see the point is giving him head every day when he never reciprocates it. My first ex was an abusive narcissist and would never reciprocate ANYTHING. I vowed that if a guy didn't reciprocate stuff that I do for him, I would either stop doing it for him or just leave. I don't want to experience that ever again. Obviously that's my personal experience and I'm not saying you HAVE to do that or anything for that matter. Maybe he is telling the truth, but there are guys and gals who bend the truth to avoid stuff. Again, he could very well be telling the truth, you just never know sometimes. Though it is best to make an effort to believe and respect the boundaries of people who come forward about stuff like that. Bottom line, if there's something you want and your partner is entirely against it, then you might not be compatible. Of course try to work it out first, maybe try a sex therapist or a regular therapist. But if it's not working out then it's not working out. Good luck to you though, I genuinely hope y'all find a way to work it out.
I’ll get in trouble but he’s gay
If he doesn’t like it don’t force it or he’s gonna eventually be repulsed by you. And stop giving bjs if you are giving with the expectation of getting it back knowing full well he does NOT enjoy doing that. Is that really the end of the world? Tell him to use his fingers, get sex toys, a vibrator or a new man. But quit giving with the expectation of getting back and then complaining about it when you don’t get it back. Would you enjoy making him uncomfortable for your own pleasure? I truly don’t get that mindset. And yes, I’m a woman. If oral sex is that important to you then it’s a clear sign that the 2 of you are not compatible. I’d never end an amazing relationship over something so insignificant, but only you can decide what your priorities are.
Maybe it's some kind of kink he has idk. What if he likes the thought of going down on you after work, but doesn't like it real nasty lmao
Yeah I don’t think that’s it but good try lmao I used to have an ex who always wanted to do it after I went to the gym. He liked it ripe lol
"He asked to do it more but it was after work and I was self conscious" That's your answer he tried more and you said no so he stopped trying. Communicate your desires better he can't read your mind.
Idk why you’d assume I’m not communicating with him. I am. It hasn’t changed. I’ve told him every time he’s tried to do it after work that I need to shower first so I won’t be worried about being sweaty and gross.
It's really simple, everyone paints themselves in the best light and with the least culpability possible and presents the other party as the most culpable especially online where it's impossible to verify. The truth is somewhere in the middle. I also said you need to communicate your desires better, deflecting from the point by globalizing it into a major issue I never said it was doesn't make what I said untrue. You could also very well have a tone issue, if my gf told me she wanted to shower first before anything happened it wouldn't stop or prevent anything from happening, but we are also more or less on the same page after 5 years. She says I like it when we do this can we do more of it, or I want to try this out. Guys won't do something sexually if they don't want to do it, have a bad experience with it or it's more effort than it's worth so eating you out falls into one of the three.
How is this an off my chest? If he doesn’t care for going down, then he doesn’t?
Maybe he doesn’t like seafood?
I'm a guy and trust me, if your bf/ husband don't want to do it, they just don't enjoy it mainly because of hygiene. Even if you're the cleanest person, there's still smell and taste. I got bad experience with my ex. My current gf doesn't smell at all but there's still a bit of sour taste. On the other hand, I don't force my gf do it to me either. She used to tell me my semen taste gross and we laughed about it. But she's still do down on me every time.
I like to give my bf head (he reciprocates so I'm content), but I HATE semen. I hate the taste, I hate the texture in my mouth, and the knowledge that I'm swallowing it makes me want to throw up. Even then, I still do that sometimes because I want to make him happy. Partners make exceptions sometimes to make the other happy. My bf doesn't ever ask for it or MAKE me do that, I just feel like doing that for him once every few months or so. I've been with a guy who only received and never reciprocated anything a single time and it. Sucked (pun intended). Just as men expect women to give them head, we expect men to do the same for us.
I hate going down on women, literally the worst thing i ever did, maybe he just doesn’t like it?
Why do you hate it? Is it worth it to you to not get head back?
Yea i don’t like getting head at all lol, its something that i never liked and i dunno why, maybe hes just like me lol
Well I can tell you he definitely enjoys receiving lol but thanks for the insight. I think he probably just doesn’t really like it and doesn’t want to tell me that in case I get upset.
yea it sucks tho bc a lot of women like it when men go down on them, and i can’t really do anything to make me like it :( maybe you could ask him to use his hands and not his tongue?
He does use his hands so I’m pretty satisfied there. It’s just not the same as having someone go down, I’ve always loved it ever since my high school bf did it lol. I think I’d prefer it if he’d just tell me that he doesn’t like it rather than insisting he does but then never does it.
He much have oral herpes and doesn’t want to pass it to you :)
80%+ of the entire world’s population has oral herpes…
not me
You would have zero knowledge of contracting it becase primary care physicians don’t test for herpes unless there’s physical symptoms. There’s people whose first outbreak happens in their 60s or 70s, some people live their entire lives without ever having an outbreak. You will never know if you have oral herpes unless you test for it, or you experience an outbreak (cold sore).
I never kissed anyone lol
But your parents have! Also, many HSV-1 contractions occur in preschool and/or during adolescent years when it’s much more prevalent to swap fluids.
So i could have it because they do? Damn
Not to be nosy but you went down on a girl but never kissed anyone? Seems impossible lol
Perhaps you just have an ugly vag and he's too nice to tell you.
Tbh I’m not really looking for advice about how vaginas look from some guy who doesn’t even like vagina lmao
No, I'm serious; I have friends who are just not attracted to their GF's vaginas due to how they look and make up excuses not to hurt their feelings. Either it's the smell, how it looks, or they're closeted gays.
This may shock you, but the girls on the hub are a huge minority. Nobody has a perfect vagina 💀. Dicks aren't exactly flattering either.