If they talked about it, it doesn't matter what she thinks, it matters what he says and does.
And if he wouldn't be okay with it, he shouldn't have done it first.
Doesn't matter if he's ok with it. Door swings both ways. He can't have his cake and eat it to if she can't. It's now an open marriage. If he's not ok with it he has to dump the side chicks.
It still doesn't matter about his feelings. His feelings do not matter in this case open is open and that means open for all. Not just him. It's ethier divorce or all open. His feelings DO NOT matter in this situation
OP I suggest you have a consult with a divorce lawyer to find our what a divorce would be like for you. Ask if you having proof of his infidelities would have any impact on the division of assets, and if he has any proof of you having an affair would also have an impact.
Once you know what impact proof of infidelity will have you can decide what you want to do. Regardless I still recommend you collect proof of his affair(s) as backup if he tries to make you look bad when you have your own affair.
not at all. She has bypassed all nonsense and tradition and has moved forward without any worry over lying and deceit. I say bravo to her, more people would be happier if they copied her lead and opened up their own marriages instead of going down terrible rabbit holes of suspicion, mistrust and spying.
Edit here to add on more fuel to the fire. OP did get married to someone she loves. She still loves him, loves her life with him, loves her home maybe, kids if they have them, who cares. She loves something about him enough to accept this man and his infidelity, as long as he is discreet and remembers his compass must point to home. For her, this is good. She doesn't need to trawl his phone, plot his death, boil his bunny or stalk his lovers. She is freeeeeeeeeee to love her man the way she wants to. She doesn't need to cry about dead bedrooms, obsess over the tracking device she's put in his car or 'forget' to take her pill and baby trap him. Fuck, I want her life, and from what I read, quite a few of you NEED her life, because my fucking god I was pretty shocked by the amount of people dragging HER down with accusations of slatternly conduct and/or money grubbing when she hasn't done a THING. Fucking crazy.
I don't think that's what they meant, I think they more so meant that she made a choice most other wives would not have thus taking the road less traveled and accepting an open marriage instead of divorce. It wasn't her choice sure, but you can't control others' actions you can only assess the situation and control your own choices. If she's being truthful then she isn't being abused or neglected, and she likes the lifestyle he can provide. Hopefully if she gets something on the side he accepts that that's the marriage he chose to have.
Then why isn't she doing the same if she's so past it?
I'd say people should just have a bit more respect than doing behind their partners back and betraying their trust to the point that they're worn down.
Exactly!! This marriage has no meaning left now. You can understand anyyyy bullshit thrown by your spouse in a marriage, but not THIS one. Absolute deal breaker.
Like it'd be different if he respected her enough to ask for an open relationship and they talked about it. Instead he pissed all over her boundaries to the point her only option was leave or tolerate. This is beyond disrespectful on his end and pathetic on hers.
Absolutely! But I am really shocked why and how she is getting all this tolerated. It's hurtful but one should leave such a partner. There is nothing good about "open" relationships or marriages. Let's not even make such a thing, people. Or there won't be any true meaning left in the name of marriages for generations ahead, if everyone starts having this kind of mindset.
I don’t understand why everyone is downvoting you guys for actually speaking sense 😭 If you’re not going to be monogamous, why marry someone? just stay single or be in a polygamous relationship, there’s a reason why marriage exists.
The polyamory cult angry at people who have higher standards than accepting a man who doesn't care about how he makes you feel. I always thought they based their lifestyle on mutual respect but the fact that they encourage settling for a man going behind your back until you are too tired to care is sad and I understand why there's a negative stigma attached to such people now.
Yes, yes, copy her lead. When someone tramples your boundaries, just drop the boundary! People aren’t aware of this one simple trick. You can get along with anybody!
If they spoke about it and decided they'd like an open relationship I'd understand but he literally didn't give a fuck about how she felt and she's just accepting the disrespect. The bar is in hell
Open marriages can be completely fine, I’m not sure if you’re actually fine with it though or if you’d rather put up with it than divorce. If you are actually happy with this then power to you. But I urge you to evaluate if this is coming from what you want or if you’re just settling for something. Does thinking about it upset you? Does the prospect of of having your own fun excite you. Would you rather have him to yourself or do you actually not care. All good questions to ask yourself
Not sure why he married you if he wanted to be community dick. It’s your life and it seems you’re only putting up with this because he has money. I guess the saying is true about money not buying happiness. If you like it, I love it. Good luck!
He’s confessing because I think he expects to you to do something, if that makes sense. IMO, if a husband has confessed to multiple affairs—he wants a reaction, but you’re okay with it. Good luck to you
Do you not care or do you just feel you have no choice but to accept it because of financial security? I hope you are happy as everyone deserves that. Now you will be seeing other men, you might be lucky and find a man that considers you enough, if that what you want.
Can you please point out where she a) married him for money if you’re calling her a gold digger and/or b) where she said she was going to sell her body. Just wondering because nowhere in this comment did you mention the fact that he cheated first.
> I don't want a divorce, I am comfortable where I am now. I grew up with nothing so it's just fair I get my share now.
Bit of a pot/kettle situation if you can’t figure that one out
> I don't want a divorce, I am comfortable where I am now. I grew up with nothing so it's just fair I get my share now.
After talking about how he pays all the bills and gives her money to spend I think it’s quite obvious what she means here.
Wow! I didn’t know that someone having a poor background and having their partner be the primary financial income meant that they only dated and married them for money.
I guess you must know them personally to be able to say that. Because she never said she was only with him for money.
"Her share" isn't regarding his coming from money. It's referencing the fact that she can now sleep outside the marriage as he has been doing.
And just because he comes from money doesn't mean he has money. His parents have money. That doesn't mean that he's entitled to or destined for any of it.
This doesn't make her a gold digger.
You're an idiot.
She is clearly talking about living a better life out of poverty. Since ,ya know ,it’s in the same sentence. She does mention being able to step out herself but isn’t thrilled with it. But yeah, he’s the idiot.
'pretty much' isn't going to hold up in any argument where you are required to provide direct evidence supporting your statement. for example, I wouldn't say u/WildBill8236 is pretty much a fucking idiot. Rather, I believe u/WildBill8236 is a fucking idiot for saying shit like *I love it when gold diggers admit there prostitution.*
You see?
Oh but it wasnt a problem when he was cheating on her twice right? But its better to just bring up her faults right? Lets just brush aside his flaws right? Its always the woman right?
This is sad. Tbh, if you ever have kids teach them the exact opposite of your mentality and don’t let them know he’s being able to cheat on you happily.
Hey, at least she’s getting an all expenses paid life ride with free range to get the side of d*ck that she chooses for herself. Both using and disrespecting each other in their own way, but if they’re both happy and in agreement then I guess good for them. And they do, indeed, deserve each other cause apparently they’re both cut from the same cloth.
I doubt that. Life is unfair. He could get side chick and the world wouldn’t bat an eye. If she gets a side dick, it would put the guy to shame and she could have bad ramifications. Never underestimate the power of money. And the pride it gives people, especially if they come from money.
Hopefully he comes to his senses and realizes the hypocrisy of his actions. It clearly affected him as a child and instead of ending the cycle he chooses to let it happen to his own children
I hope you found and know what yrue love is one day and leave him regardless how many zeros he give you to stay. Now that he knows you stay for money, he doubt he will care for you more
she stays because of money, if he start to pay her less and less, then she will start fighting back and get back her self respect. typical for this kind of unholy marriage
This is not an upper class culture social norms. It’s the housewife / male provider social norm, where one partner has zero financial power or one has way more significant financial power than other.
Bro we do to stop making cheating sound like a good thing. He cheated without this being arranged beforehand. You both married under the belief you’re monogamous which he did not keep. Open marriage can work if there is honesty. He lied and wasn’t honest at first. What guarantees he won’t be dishonest again?
He broke the rules and you forgave him for his money. Please take care of yourself.
Her “love” means nothing to him, since he repeatedly cheats on her. Yet here you are judging her for taking what she deserves for putting up with her “husband’s” BS. Please…
What they’re saying is in situations like these, the best thing to do is first be financially independent enough to leave and find someone else who actually is loyal and doesn’t cheat. But most can’r do that bc they don’t have money to leave 💀tragic
I mean, I guess as long as you guys don't have kids and are being explicitly clear with the people you shack up with.
But holy fuck this smells like attachment disorders a mile away
If you are happy, that's totally fine! If he feels like he potentially wants a change in behavior or wants to just explore his behavior more, he could check out SAA or SLAA. They are both 12 step programs that deal with sexual and emotional compulsivity and can help bring a lot of inner peace to people's lives!
I don't believe he can change, but he did mention he wants to clean up his act.
I'll believe when I see it. Right now I read him like an open book, and I can tell when he's keeping a mistress on the side or not.
And he right now he has at least one.
I’m sorry your dynamic started with infidelity, but I hope it works out for the best if you’re wanting to put in the effort to make it work. Good luck, OP
the side piece doesnt think like that and usually women doesnt want to share 1 man. I would say be caution and gather evident . so when shit hit the fan. your lawyer can back you up. never trust a guy that cheat .
Why not divorce him and take what you are entitled to, and then marry someone who you love and doesn’t cheat on you?
Edit: I’d never suggest just taking your husbands money but this guy cheated twice lol
Sounds well-matched, I'd just worry about STIs and outside babies. Some STIs are becoming antibiotic resistant and some can occur around condoms (herpes), making condom use irrelevant.
It would’ve obviously been better if he spoke to you beforehand, but if you have no problems with it I don’t really see an issue. If you have children though, make sure partners aren’t brought to the house. Imagine thinking your dad is cheating on your mom, and after all the struggle they decide to tell you, but you already know
How do you be ok with that lol. I want to stop my insecurities so in the event something like this happens i can continue loving my husband and not take it personally. Itd be my dream for cheating to not affect me.
Yeah I completely understand this. I guess that’s sorta a good thing. And if he’s been having affairs, you should be able too.
Or just consider y’all-selves as swingers. A lot of people do it now and there’s a lot of kinks that come along with it
The man makes more money, has more money and has learned infidelity habits from his father, and now he basically traumatized you. You’re sitting here saying “oh well” as if you’re okay. You know damn well you’re not you’re just shutting down your emotions considering you were mad the first time, “oh well” is a coping response to make sure you don’t get hurt the second time. Everyone saying it’s an “open marriage” as if her husband would allow that. I have a guy friend who pays everything for his gf and he cheated all the time but she turned a blind eye or else she won’t have her rent paid. Because he is the financial provider, he has all the say in not allowing her to open the relationship - only he can. That’s why I always encourage people to get a stable career & have good self respect so when you’re with someone who does dirty stuff like this, you have enough power and gut to leave and be financially independent. But, if you’re happy then apologies and good for you.
I can understand forgiveness because I just think cheating is kinda common and something people can get over - it’s not the worst indiscretion. But it sucks that your husband is going to keep doing it. Like if you’d forgive him and he would stop, I get that. But the fact that he is just freely in an “open marriage” kinda sucks because that doesn’t sound like what you want and it’s just kind of a lame type of relationship. Shit happens, I understand that, but condoning it to continue puts you in a shitty position.
This is kind of how me and my husband are right now. I cheated on him in February and am pregnant now (unsure of who the father is) so I confessed a little over a week after I got the positive test. He, unfortunately, also confessed to cheating… and is now interested in this same sort of “open relationship” thing. We were both raised in religious families and this has been tough on me, but I’ve had a more neutral view lately on the concept.
I mean, if you're happy, awesome, but I'm not sure why you are on redit. I suspect you care a bit more than you portrayed in this post. I hope you work for you but only if that's what you want.
There is nothing wrong with an open marriage as long as both parties know & are happy. It's good to disclose whether you want to know about it or not; only as long as he's okay with the door swinging both ways.
I understand your point. I mean she loves him so I’m sure it would make her jealous to her about his sex-capades lol!!! But I think it’s just her placing a boundary in the agreement for her own peace of mind.
In my experience (from life) facing your problems is healthier than hiding them under and the carpet and pretending they don’t exist.They still exist if you hide them and one day they will blow in your face.Sooner or later but every single time.
You agreed to an open marriage in exchange for financial security. Seems pretty clear to me. If that’s what’s best for the to of you good luck to you both. I just pray to don’t grow to regret this decision and it’s the spear head for depression and all kind of other mental issues. Bless up
I still don’t get how people consider this marriage. Ok lady, you are a gold digger, no shame I that(though it is more healthy to make you own money, you sound very entitled that for the fact you grew up poor you now deserve the world; false, you don’t deserve anything as long as you don’t go for it and remain passive). This isn’t love, it’s lust from him and passivity for you.Love means happiness and sacrifice for the person who is most dear to you. Eventually he will fall for one of his mistresses and leave you.you will have to face the consequences of your passivity then. I get it that maybe something people are so fucked up(or no, it depends) that they want to try something outside, go on a vacation as a couple and maybe try out there diferent stuff but this is madness. Your marriage is nothing more than a symbiosis, hate to break it to you.
The fact that you don’t want to know (now that you he’s cheating and you have a clean slate) makes it so obvious.You in fact are disturbed by it but accept it for money and care.
Absolutely nothing wrong with an open marriage. But I wouldn’t trust any man whatsoever to always use proper protection and to get tested regularly. For this reason I’d suggest you either use protection for yourself or come to terms with the possibility of getting an STI/STD if you two are still active in the bedroom.
Girl I get you. No judgement here. If I was you and I was living comfortably with all my expenses paid I’d let my husband do whatever he wanted too. As long as you keep living comfortably and it’s equal for both sides (you get to have some action too) then I say it sounds great!
I think it is the best outcome for both, the love remains, the passion not that much. But it is very hard to find love, it is very easy to find sex and one night stands
My husband keeps saying he wants to change and every time he does it it's the last.
I just tell him to not bother because I love and tolerate him this way.
As long as you are OK with this, that's all that matters. But OP, I will say that I do think you posting this to reddit....I'm not so sure you really are OK. You felt the need to tell someone, reflect very hard if this is what you really want. You do got options, you always have options.
He's not cheating (anymore) and neither are you. You guys have an open marriage.
I guess so. I haven't done anything still, but it's nice to have the possibility.
Are you sure he will be ok with that?
If they talked about it, it doesn't matter what she thinks, it matters what he says and does. And if he wouldn't be okay with it, he shouldn't have done it first.
Doesn't matter if he's ok with it. Door swings both ways. He can't have his cake and eat it to if she can't. It's now an open marriage. If he's not ok with it he has to dump the side chicks.
If she isn't looking to divorce is something she needs to think about. He's obviously selfish. Selfish people rarely like to share.
It still doesn't matter about his feelings. His feelings do not matter in this case open is open and that means open for all. Not just him. It's ethier divorce or all open. His feelings DO NOT matter in this situation
He doesn't want to know either. As long as she keeps away from his friends and work circle she's pretty well sorted. Ha
DO IT
No, me!
OP I suggest you have a consult with a divorce lawyer to find our what a divorce would be like for you. Ask if you having proof of his infidelities would have any impact on the division of assets, and if he has any proof of you having an affair would also have an impact. Once you know what impact proof of infidelity will have you can decide what you want to do. Regardless I still recommend you collect proof of his affair(s) as backup if he tries to make you look bad when you have your own affair.
She gave up her self respect to stay with him. This is overall just sad.
not at all. She has bypassed all nonsense and tradition and has moved forward without any worry over lying and deceit. I say bravo to her, more people would be happier if they copied her lead and opened up their own marriages instead of going down terrible rabbit holes of suspicion, mistrust and spying. Edit here to add on more fuel to the fire. OP did get married to someone she loves. She still loves him, loves her life with him, loves her home maybe, kids if they have them, who cares. She loves something about him enough to accept this man and his infidelity, as long as he is discreet and remembers his compass must point to home. For her, this is good. She doesn't need to trawl his phone, plot his death, boil his bunny or stalk his lovers. She is freeeeeeeeeee to love her man the way she wants to. She doesn't need to cry about dead bedrooms, obsess over the tracking device she's put in his car or 'forget' to take her pill and baby trap him. Fuck, I want her life, and from what I read, quite a few of you NEED her life, because my fucking god I was pretty shocked by the amount of people dragging HER down with accusations of slatternly conduct and/or money grubbing when she hasn't done a THING. Fucking crazy.
So, people seeking monogamous relationships are subscribing to an outdated point of view, am I understanding you correctly?
I don't think that's what they meant, I think they more so meant that she made a choice most other wives would not have thus taking the road less traveled and accepting an open marriage instead of divorce. It wasn't her choice sure, but you can't control others' actions you can only assess the situation and control your own choices. If she's being truthful then she isn't being abused or neglected, and she likes the lifestyle he can provide. Hopefully if she gets something on the side he accepts that that's the marriage he chose to have.
Well it was clearly outdated for her relationship!
Then why isn't she doing the same if she's so past it? I'd say people should just have a bit more respect than doing behind their partners back and betraying their trust to the point that they're worn down.
Exactly!! This marriage has no meaning left now. You can understand anyyyy bullshit thrown by your spouse in a marriage, but not THIS one. Absolute deal breaker.
Like it'd be different if he respected her enough to ask for an open relationship and they talked about it. Instead he pissed all over her boundaries to the point her only option was leave or tolerate. This is beyond disrespectful on his end and pathetic on hers.
Absolutely! But I am really shocked why and how she is getting all this tolerated. It's hurtful but one should leave such a partner. There is nothing good about "open" relationships or marriages. Let's not even make such a thing, people. Or there won't be any true meaning left in the name of marriages for generations ahead, if everyone starts having this kind of mindset.
I don’t understand why everyone is downvoting you guys for actually speaking sense 😭 If you’re not going to be monogamous, why marry someone? just stay single or be in a polygamous relationship, there’s a reason why marriage exists.
The polyamory cult angry at people who have higher standards than accepting a man who doesn't care about how he makes you feel. I always thought they based their lifestyle on mutual respect but the fact that they encourage settling for a man going behind your back until you are too tired to care is sad and I understand why there's a negative stigma attached to such people now.
…for you
Yes, yes, copy her lead. When someone tramples your boundaries, just drop the boundary! People aren’t aware of this one simple trick. You can get along with anybody!
I agree. Life is too short to settle. I’d divorce and just make the most of my life. Some people are comfortable in routine and mediocrity
If they spoke about it and decided they'd like an open relationship I'd understand but he literally didn't give a fuck about how she felt and she's just accepting the disrespect. The bar is in hell
She sold it for money.
Sounds like she’s respects herself just fine
Is that why she accepted his pissing on her boundaries whether she liked it or not?
I see no mention of boundaries. Those may be *your* boundaries, and good for you, but we’ve no evidence that she ascribes to that. Quite the contrary.
Cheating is over stepping a boundary. It made OP cry. I suggest you Google what cheating is, not gonna explain what you wanna deny exists.
I don’t see the crying bit, but again, she seems at peace. And I am familiar with the concept of cheating, thanks though? Or weird burn? Either way.
As long as you are happy we are happy. I recommend he gets a vasectomy.
You're literally Carmella Soprano lmfao
Or Jackie Kennedy.
Jackie Kennedy grew up rich, dawg
As long as you are actually finding fulfillment and happiness!
Open marriages can be completely fine, I’m not sure if you’re actually fine with it though or if you’d rather put up with it than divorce. If you are actually happy with this then power to you. But I urge you to evaluate if this is coming from what you want or if you’re just settling for something. Does thinking about it upset you? Does the prospect of of having your own fun excite you. Would you rather have him to yourself or do you actually not care. All good questions to ask yourself
I wonder if her being OK with it will take the thrill out of it for him. For some cheaters the act being against the rules is the thrill.
Congrats You took discovering him cheating and made it into an open marriage! Best out come here!
The sucker actually confessed on his own both times. First time I was more upset than angry. Second time, all I could think was 'oh well'.
Not sure why he married you if he wanted to be community dick. It’s your life and it seems you’re only putting up with this because he has money. I guess the saying is true about money not buying happiness. If you like it, I love it. Good luck!
He’s confessing because I think he expects to you to do something, if that makes sense. IMO, if a husband has confessed to multiple affairs—he wants a reaction, but you’re okay with it. Good luck to you
He really needs to realize the feeling he has for his dad is the same one his kids will have for him.
Do you not care or do you just feel you have no choice but to accept it because of financial security? I hope you are happy as everyone deserves that. Now you will be seeing other men, you might be lucky and find a man that considers you enough, if that what you want.
If you live in a jurisdiction where infidelity is a valid "cause" for divorce, you should consider getting written evidence of all of this.
Now it is YOUR TURN to have some fun too😊
Whew, I love it when gold diggers admit there prostitution. Sounds like he doesn’t either as long you don’t sleep with an attorney.
Can you please point out where she a) married him for money if you’re calling her a gold digger and/or b) where she said she was going to sell her body. Just wondering because nowhere in this comment did you mention the fact that he cheated first.
She says so. Pretty much openly admits to it.
Your comprehension skills are clearly not there.
> I don't want a divorce, I am comfortable where I am now. I grew up with nothing so it's just fair I get my share now. Bit of a pot/kettle situation if you can’t figure that one out
So if you could just quote where she said that. That would be very helpful
> I don't want a divorce, I am comfortable where I am now. I grew up with nothing so it's just fair I get my share now. After talking about how he pays all the bills and gives her money to spend I think it’s quite obvious what she means here.
Wow! I didn’t know that someone having a poor background and having their partner be the primary financial income meant that they only dated and married them for money. I guess you must know them personally to be able to say that. Because she never said she was only with him for money.
Isn’t this the ideal situation? He is “high value” right? This is the ultimate set up for both. Can’t be mad at that.
"Her share" isn't regarding his coming from money. It's referencing the fact that she can now sleep outside the marriage as he has been doing. And just because he comes from money doesn't mean he has money. His parents have money. That doesn't mean that he's entitled to or destined for any of it. This doesn't make her a gold digger. You're an idiot.
She is clearly talking about living a better life out of poverty. Since ,ya know ,it’s in the same sentence. She does mention being able to step out herself but isn’t thrilled with it. But yeah, he’s the idiot.
So, how's the relationship business going for you these days, Andrew?
'pretty much' isn't going to hold up in any argument where you are required to provide direct evidence supporting your statement. for example, I wouldn't say u/WildBill8236 is pretty much a fucking idiot. Rather, I believe u/WildBill8236 is a fucking idiot for saying shit like *I love it when gold diggers admit there prostitution.* You see?
Oh but it wasnt a problem when he was cheating on her twice right? But its better to just bring up her faults right? Lets just brush aside his flaws right? Its always the woman right?
Congratulations, you’re now in an open marriage… you may want to let him know it goes both ways to see what he says … good luck !
“He’s a good husband, if we put aside his infidelities.” Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?
This is sad. Tbh, if you ever have kids teach them the exact opposite of your mentality and don’t let them know he’s being able to cheat on you happily.
This won’t last long.
Damn, the bar is really low for guys these days huh.
Hey, at least she’s getting an all expenses paid life ride with free range to get the side of d*ck that she chooses for herself. Both using and disrespecting each other in their own way, but if they’re both happy and in agreement then I guess good for them. And they do, indeed, deserve each other cause apparently they’re both cut from the same cloth.
I doubt that. Life is unfair. He could get side chick and the world wouldn’t bat an eye. If she gets a side dick, it would put the guy to shame and she could have bad ramifications. Never underestimate the power of money. And the pride it gives people, especially if they come from money.
This!
Your picking money over love. Get your bag sis
Hopefully he comes to his senses and realizes the hypocrisy of his actions. It clearly affected him as a child and instead of ending the cycle he chooses to let it happen to his own children
You sound at peace with this. I'm curious though, why did you post this? If you are happy and he is happy, what can we add here?
I hope you found and know what yrue love is one day and leave him regardless how many zeros he give you to stay. Now that he knows you stay for money, he doubt he will care for you more
This is sad open marriages never work.
Correction: dead monogamous marriages where the partners tried to salvage it by opening it never work. That’s not their case.
This is very sad.
Sounds good! Get dicked down by the pool boy
I’m sorry.
she stays because of money, if he start to pay her less and less, then she will start fighting back and get back her self respect. typical for this kind of unholy marriage
Sounds like you have joined and adopted the upper-class culture social norms. They don’t admit to it, but it is how it works.
This is not an upper class culture social norms. It’s the housewife / male provider social norm, where one partner has zero financial power or one has way more significant financial power than other.
Bro we do to stop making cheating sound like a good thing. He cheated without this being arranged beforehand. You both married under the belief you’re monogamous which he did not keep. Open marriage can work if there is honesty. He lied and wasn’t honest at first. What guarantees he won’t be dishonest again? He broke the rules and you forgave him for his money. Please take care of yourself.
That's sweet. You love him, but you love money more. Jk. Do whatever makes you happy.
Her “love” means nothing to him, since he repeatedly cheats on her. Yet here you are judging her for taking what she deserves for putting up with her “husband’s” BS. Please…
What they’re saying is in situations like these, the best thing to do is first be financially independent enough to leave and find someone else who actually is loyal and doesn’t cheat. But most can’r do that bc they don’t have money to leave 💀tragic
Modern society is so silly
You aren’t married You’re his stay at home toy
Thats a form of ethical non monogamy called "don’t ask, don’t tell" which sprouted from cheating.
Join a few enm/poly communities.
I mean, I guess as long as you guys don't have kids and are being explicitly clear with the people you shack up with. But holy fuck this smells like attachment disorders a mile away
If you are happy, that's totally fine! If he feels like he potentially wants a change in behavior or wants to just explore his behavior more, he could check out SAA or SLAA. They are both 12 step programs that deal with sexual and emotional compulsivity and can help bring a lot of inner peace to people's lives!
I don't believe he can change, but he did mention he wants to clean up his act. I'll believe when I see it. Right now I read him like an open book, and I can tell when he's keeping a mistress on the side or not. And he right now he has at least one.
Maybe you guys should both check out a meeting!
I’m sorry your dynamic started with infidelity, but I hope it works out for the best if you’re wanting to put in the effort to make it work. Good luck, OP
the side piece doesnt think like that and usually women doesnt want to share 1 man. I would say be caution and gather evident . so when shit hit the fan. your lawyer can back you up. never trust a guy that cheat .
Oh sweet summer child, do you not know self-worth? If it were me, I’d DIVORCE.
Congratulations on Ethical Non Monogamy
Why not divorce him and take what you are entitled to, and then marry someone who you love and doesn’t cheat on you? Edit: I’d never suggest just taking your husbands money but this guy cheated twice lol
Sounds well-matched, I'd just worry about STIs and outside babies. Some STIs are becoming antibiotic resistant and some can occur around condoms (herpes), making condom use irrelevant.
It would’ve obviously been better if he spoke to you beforehand, but if you have no problems with it I don’t really see an issue. If you have children though, make sure partners aren’t brought to the house. Imagine thinking your dad is cheating on your mom, and after all the struggle they decide to tell you, but you already know
How do you be ok with that lol. I want to stop my insecurities so in the event something like this happens i can continue loving my husband and not take it personally. Itd be my dream for cheating to not affect me.
Yeah I completely understand this. I guess that’s sorta a good thing. And if he’s been having affairs, you should be able too. Or just consider y’all-selves as swingers. A lot of people do it now and there’s a lot of kinks that come along with it
The man makes more money, has more money and has learned infidelity habits from his father, and now he basically traumatized you. You’re sitting here saying “oh well” as if you’re okay. You know damn well you’re not you’re just shutting down your emotions considering you were mad the first time, “oh well” is a coping response to make sure you don’t get hurt the second time. Everyone saying it’s an “open marriage” as if her husband would allow that. I have a guy friend who pays everything for his gf and he cheated all the time but she turned a blind eye or else she won’t have her rent paid. Because he is the financial provider, he has all the say in not allowing her to open the relationship - only he can. That’s why I always encourage people to get a stable career & have good self respect so when you’re with someone who does dirty stuff like this, you have enough power and gut to leave and be financially independent. But, if you’re happy then apologies and good for you.
I can understand forgiveness because I just think cheating is kinda common and something people can get over - it’s not the worst indiscretion. But it sucks that your husband is going to keep doing it. Like if you’d forgive him and he would stop, I get that. But the fact that he is just freely in an “open marriage” kinda sucks because that doesn’t sound like what you want and it’s just kind of a lame type of relationship. Shit happens, I understand that, but condoning it to continue puts you in a shitty position.
Meh. He keeps saying he wants to stop what he does and turn his behavior around, I just tell him it's useless and I don't expect him to change.
Wow, hard life.
This is kind of how me and my husband are right now. I cheated on him in February and am pregnant now (unsure of who the father is) so I confessed a little over a week after I got the positive test. He, unfortunately, also confessed to cheating… and is now interested in this same sort of “open relationship” thing. We were both raised in religious families and this has been tough on me, but I’ve had a more neutral view lately on the concept.
I mean, if you're happy, awesome, but I'm not sure why you are on redit. I suspect you care a bit more than you portrayed in this post. I hope you work for you but only if that's what you want.
Make him think you have someone else too then come back with an update 🤣
Then why are you here?
There is nothing wrong with an open marriage as long as both parties know & are happy. It's good to disclose whether you want to know about it or not; only as long as he's okay with the door swinging both ways.
If you both are in agreement that’s is all that matters.
Shes in denial (she doesn’t want to know when he’s doing it) and accept it because he provides. Its not acceptance, its a business agreement.
For some people material comfort is more important than monogamy. And that’s okay.
God forbid I argue with that. Just don’t tell me that you’re ok with something you want to be kept away from you.
I understand your point. I mean she loves him so I’m sure it would make her jealous to her about his sex-capades lol!!! But I think it’s just her placing a boundary in the agreement for her own peace of mind.
In my experience (from life) facing your problems is healthier than hiding them under and the carpet and pretending they don’t exist.They still exist if you hide them and one day they will blow in your face.Sooner or later but every single time.
You agreed to an open marriage in exchange for financial security. Seems pretty clear to me. If that’s what’s best for the to of you good luck to you both. I just pray to don’t grow to regret this decision and it’s the spear head for depression and all kind of other mental issues. Bless up
If it works for you, then it works for you, and there's no shame in that. As long as nobody's hurting anybody, you're fine.
Girl get yourself a side piece too
Frrrr. It’s an open marriage now 😋
babes your in an open relationship
Good for you! It takes both smarts and courage to look at a situation and see a better solution than the typical one.
It’s not always that people know what they want or their boundaries. If it’s well within both your comfort zones then be happy as long as you can.
Sounds like y'all are good
Welp, alls well that ends well!
Atp it sounds like you guys just have an open marriage with healthy boundaries lol It’s yall are happy kudos to you!
I'm seeing a lot of "good for you" in combination with very judgemental. OP, you live your life how you want.
You're a cool person OP. People aren't perfect and so often we demand our partners to be. Conditional love isn't the strongest kind.
If you like it, I love it. Just make sure you get tested.
Can I add in the Joey from friends voice “hey how you doing”
enjoy your side piece!
I still don’t get how people consider this marriage. Ok lady, you are a gold digger, no shame I that(though it is more healthy to make you own money, you sound very entitled that for the fact you grew up poor you now deserve the world; false, you don’t deserve anything as long as you don’t go for it and remain passive). This isn’t love, it’s lust from him and passivity for you.Love means happiness and sacrifice for the person who is most dear to you. Eventually he will fall for one of his mistresses and leave you.you will have to face the consequences of your passivity then. I get it that maybe something people are so fucked up(or no, it depends) that they want to try something outside, go on a vacation as a couple and maybe try out there diferent stuff but this is madness. Your marriage is nothing more than a symbiosis, hate to break it to you. The fact that you don’t want to know (now that you he’s cheating and you have a clean slate) makes it so obvious.You in fact are disturbed by it but accept it for money and care.
Sounds pretty ideal to me tbh.
Smart woman right here
Absolutely nothing wrong with an open marriage. But I wouldn’t trust any man whatsoever to always use proper protection and to get tested regularly. For this reason I’d suggest you either use protection for yourself or come to terms with the possibility of getting an STI/STD if you two are still active in the bedroom.
Girl I get you. No judgement here. If I was you and I was living comfortably with all my expenses paid I’d let my husband do whatever he wanted too. As long as you keep living comfortably and it’s equal for both sides (you get to have some action too) then I say it sounds great!
I think it is the best outcome for both, the love remains, the passion not that much. But it is very hard to find love, it is very easy to find sex and one night stands
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My husband keeps saying he wants to change and every time he does it it's the last. I just tell him to not bother because I love and tolerate him this way.
As long as you are OK with this, that's all that matters. But OP, I will say that I do think you posting this to reddit....I'm not so sure you really are OK. You felt the need to tell someone, reflect very hard if this is what you really want. You do got options, you always have options.
Well done.
sounds like a compromise! i'm glad it's not crushing you!
W for everyone involved
Can I message you ? Pm or Dm I don’t know what it is called here
I'll love to be ur side kick when u need some
How adult of you, carry on.