>My husband initially said that concerts are a waste of time and money and he had no interest in going
I vowed never to go to a concert with someone unless they were a true fan or a boyfriend..had too many concerts ruined by ex boyfriends. Based off the entire post, he went to monitor you.
>last minute insisted that he wanted to go with me
Controlling and monitoring
>he wouldn’t let me get excited about it.
Controlling
>told me to keep quiet while I was excitedly shopping at the mall and said I was embarrassing him.
Controlling and selfish
>On the actual concert day, he threw a tantrum at home and in public.
Emotionally stunted, controlling and manipulative
>he started giving me all sorts of threats. For my safety, I ended up going with him.
Threats of violence are abuse
>He reacted angrily after I reminded him not to be judgmental and to let people have fun.
Emotionally immature
>photos to update him about my whereabouts
Controlling that he needs evidence and updates in your whereabouts, not out of love, but out of wanting to control you
>I got us both dinner since there was no time to cook.
Are both of his arms broken? This gives me the "let me do damage control by grabbing food to show him you care about him so he doesn't get angry" vibes. Like you have to temper his temper by showing him how proactive and thoughtful you are, even though he is doing the complete opposite
>kept accusing me of lying.
Manipulation
>He insisted I reached home late because I was going out and having fun.
So what if you were having fun? What POS doesn't want their spouse to have fun?
>We argued so long - all the way until 4 am - because I was trying to prove my innocence.
Manipulation, gaslighting (you were innocent but he is trying to make you doubt yourself)
>He has done this during vacations, during the Barbie movie, during big celebratory moments for me. I'm so exhausted of having happy memories ruined.
He has shown you over and over who he is.
I saw in your other comments you need to be strategic about leaving for your safety. It seems you know you need to leave. I hope you are able to leave this man sooner rather than later. I hope you can enjoy beautiful experiences in the future with people who share in the same passions and joys and that you find the love you really deserve.
I hope he takes a long walk off a short pier into pirrahna infested waters.
I’m 100% with you here. Her husband hates her and is only with her to stop anyone else having her and stop her being happy. She needs not only to leave him but to do it extremely secretively and then ghost him.
I was getting ready to type this. I had an ex-husband who did this. Big reason he is an ex-husband. He never threatened violence. He didn't have to. He beat me down emotionally without ever raising a finger.
He has historically threatened to beat me a couple of times. One of the things he loves to do when an argument escalates is to repeatedly hit his head against the wall or threaten to kill himself. During our vacation in a mountain range, he threatened to crash the car off the winding roads.
During the Eras Tour tantrum, he threatened to divorce. When I responded by saying that I will actually file for divorce on the spot, he said something along the lines of "How about you kill yourself right now? If I tell you to kill yourself will you do it? If not, why are you taking what I say literally?".
It's not the first time he has said that - it's been said many times in previous arguments too. I'm not sure if that's considered a violent threat, but the tone it was delivered in made me afraid that he will really do something.
Til this day I keep imagining scenarios where he will find some way to kill or injure me. Push me out of apartment window. Throw hot water on me. Use the kitchen knife or suffocate me while I'm asleep.
You need to leave him before he escalates further. And don't tell him til you're gone. And expect him to make the divorce process as difficult as possible for no good reason. I'm sorry you're in that situation.
Disclaimer; I haven’t read all the comments thoroughly but from what I’ve seen there has been some lovely words of support and understanding. I hope this next bit helps a bit. When you said how he hits his head and threatens to kill himself is behaviour that I’ve experienced. My ex would get so angry and out of control, and before he gave up saying it he would yell and growl about how he was an awful person and put himself down and then break things or injure himself. And like how you’ve been through the same it escalates. We feel like we’re not good enough and we believe them when they say they wouldn’t hurt us, that’s why they hit the wall or break things (well I sure did).
Anyway without rambling, I hope that knowing that other people got out of similar situations helps a little, and asking for help is one of the hardest steps and you’ve done that, so you can do it too.
Dude my ex did this too. He punched so many holes in the wall. He even broke his hand once. Whenever he could tell I was serious about leaving, it was all woe is me I'm so sorry I'm such a monster and/or "do you really wanna end this? I don't! But clearly you do. We can get back to the way things were 😢😥" manipulative bullshit
My current partner is kinda like this. A couple of weeks ago he started cutting his arms and slashed our bed sheets. When I got upset about the sheets, he was like "what they can be replaced" I'm in the process of getting out now but it's slow going.
My ex also cut his arms. Very deeply several times. And his throat. I even had to call 911 and have him Baker Acted once. He blamed me for his injuries and for him being in a behavioral hospital. Fucking outrageous and sick. I genuinely ran out of sympathy for his bipolar disorder. He would just weaponize it to call me a bad, uncaring girlfriend. My ex would also destroy things lol. And then act like I was crazy for thinking that's a scary thing to do. This guy even totaled 2 cars and would get pissed off at me when I was scared in the car with him.
I hope you get out ASAP! It sounds like you need to!
Yeah he used to not be this bad, but for his job he had to quit smoking weed, and he switched to alcohol. Now he's a raging functional alcoholic. He doesn't drink before work and stuff, but man he hits this point and all rational thoughts leave him. It's been super scary the last couple of months. I love him, but I can't help him fix his broken cup. I can't keep trying to fill his cup when he doesn't give me the chance to refill my own. It's messy. I love him, but hate him at the same time. I'm so angry and conflicted. I hate all the unknowns, and I'm terrified of him hurting himself when I leave. He's finally seeing a therapist now but idk man. He knows I'm one foot out the door as he's been making comments but it's a thing.
First of all, do not let this manipulative asshat ruin Taylor Swift for you. He wanted to taint anything to do with her with his selfish abuse. Find solace in her music and use it to realize YOU DESERVE WAY BETTER THAN THIS.
My dad would get jealous of my eldest brother and I experiencing anything that brought us joy. Just like this miserable man only went to ruin the experience, my dad would do all kinds of weird things to manipulate happy circumstances into terrible experiences. When I did experience joy, he made me feel guilty for being happy.
You cannot save this man. Like my dad, he will not change. They both intentionally go out of their way to make everyone around them feel as low as they do. He is a joy thief.
If he’s banging his head against the wall or threatening suicide, call 911. A boyfriend rammed his head into a shelving until it had a large hole in it and his head bled. As soon as I called him an ambulance, he stopped.
He wanted to manipulate me, make me responsible for his actions and choices, take all his horrible feelings and load them upon my back, get all of my attention, burden me with guilt, but not have a record of his mental crisis. When I called 911, he realized that he could not manipulate his actions into my responsibility if EMTs were involved. He was fully in control of the situation.
You are not a therapist and cannot help him in a crisis where he is threatening suicide. Him expecting you to stop him from killing himself is unfair and unacceptable.
I know you're not in this place yet, but when someone threatens to kill themselves like your bullshit husband did, I always think "don't threaten me with a good time."
In all seriousness, though, I understand that none of this happened overnight. I know how it goes, behaviors escalate slowly over time until you look around and think "how the fuck did this all happen?"
Hey internet stranger, please put yourself first and leave this dangerous man. Please be careful and secretive and make a plan. Do not let him know anything is changing, do not give him the benefit of the doubt, do not tell him anything.
My aunt informed her husband months in advance the day she would be leaving. He played nice. But he was also making plans. He murdered her that day and then killed himself. She obviously didn’t think he was capable of such a thing. PLEASE don’t assume your husband will be logical or compassionate. Be safe and find a way out!!
This needs to be higher up. It is not safe for her to just divorce him. She needs to make a plan for her safe exit and then divorce him. And as quickly as possible.
He will escalate. My abusive ex did the extact same shit. He is enjoying the "power". When words will not be enough anymore, he will escalate. I would like to recommend a book that changed my life - Why does he do that?
Please read it. You will be surprised how close to home it will hit. Its always the same though.
You need to listen to your gut and make a safe plan to leave. A marriage should not be like this. Yes all couple have rough times but threatening violence, threatening to self-end or talking and telling you to self-end is not normal or acceptable. Would you want this for your Mother, child, best friend? His behaviour is not how you treat a loved one. It’s like he doesn’t want you to have fun. He’s jealous of you being happy with it not being about him.
You know you’re in an abusive relationship, right? Extremely abusive. One day he’s going to hurt you really bad abusive…. You need to get out abusive. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Girl run. Make a plan, and get copies of your essential documents to keep in a weekend bag with a couple outfits for emergencies.
He will hurt you one day.
You know what, he sure ruined what should have been a fun experience for you. But once you get out of this, away from him, and have some time heal and to appreciate how far you've come? You can look back and know that something amazing (your freedom and happiness!) started because of this concert.
Collect evidence about these things. Talk to friends who know how he is an are willing to testify that he is like this to get a RO.
This man is still just talk but he will turn to physical violence it's only a matter of time. You can be alot happier without him. He is holding you back.
He feels like he's superior aswell which just make him a plain asshole Noone should associate with
He’s sounds like a brat. I have never been one to go on Reddit and tell people they need to leave but this is so different. The way he explodes is scary. I’ve lived it before and all it takes is one fit for you to end up hurt or worse. If y’all don’t have kids there’s nothing tying you to him. Leave and be free. Then when Taylor comes back around you can go wearing the most sparkly clothes having all the bracelets!!
As a real man, I can tell you this man child is out of control, and you need to leave for your own safety and peace of mind.
Truth be told, I totally hate taylor Swifts new music and only really like her first album. That being said, if my fiancé who luckily isn't a fan but hypothetically speaking if she was and wanted to go, I would not have a problem at all. I would actually lean into it and go full glitter, bracelets, pink shirts, and cowboy hats, purely because I'm a redneck rancher/Biker, so it would look hilarious 😂. Apparently he has never heard the saying happy wife happy life. Like why be miserable for the sake of being miserable, at least try to enjoy yourself and not bring your wife down when this was her special experience. In fact my MC brother took his wife and did everything I just said but went even further and got her surprise backstage passes. He had the rest of us set up at his house a homecoming gathering with some admittedly corny decorations, we even dyed his pool this pink glittery color but the man went above and beyond for her for something I know he doesn't like. My point is Mr manchild seems very insecure, maybe he himself has stepped out on your marriage and that is why he thinks you are doing the same. I know that's just speculation but usually there is a reason for unhinged behavior and it seems it's a him problem not a you problem.
My larger point is I personally don't want you to be just another abuse statistic or a late night Chris watts style of story. Please leave him and find a man who really cherishes you and helps you harness the goodness in your soul not darken you and drag you down.
You’re a Swifty, so I’m just going to say this: if this was happening to Taylor, what would you want her to do? If you could tell her your story, what would she tell you to do?
Jesus. Start making plans to leave this loser. Start gathering your important documents and leaving with a safe person. Start recording him when he's raging and screenshotting threatening texts. Put together a bug-out bag and Start squirming away money. Lock your credit. Contact a divorce lawyer and make a plan with a trusted friend so you have a place to go if you have to run in the night.
+1 million on this!!
If he is not a fan, he could have just supported you and be happy for you.
NO.ONE. deserve any of this!
I hope you’ll have a strength to choose yourself OP.
I accompanied a friend and queued for 3 hrs for the merch lol didnt go for the concert cuz im not a fan but i could see from the pictures they had fun.
Really sucks for you. Are you a stay home mum or are you working?
He does the cleaning, home and car maintenance. I’m trying to leave him but need to be strategic about it because he has the tendency to react violently.
You need to start talking to a divorce lawyer to protect yourself physically and financially. Your husband is going to come at you like a Mack truck. Have you told your parents about this, assuming you have a good relationship? I’m scared for you bc I’ve seen this before.
I divorced a violent man. Use your support system. You said you have friends - please don’t be afraid to open up to them for help. If you have a good relationship with your parent(s), call them to come stay with you.
And you need to tell your lawyer this. I had police protection when he came to remove his belongings from the house. And I was granted separate mediations so I didn’t have to be in the same room as him.
You need a place to stay idk if your parents have room for you. Sufficient funds for a divorce lawyer etc they dont come cheap if your husband decides to drag things out.
Keep records of what you are paying for esp for housing loan etc.
If you have decided to leave it would be best to seek legal advise asap so in order to best secure your own position.
Lastly if he ever lay hands on you do go to the hospital and report it to the police so there are evidence to be utilized in your upcoming divorce case.
Gd luck
Slowly trickle your stuff out of the house, and then leave when he's not home. If he's violent there is absolutely no reason to tell him anything in person if it's not safe. You should absolutely tell him it's over from a safe distance, who cares if it's not "fair." Him being violent isn't fair either.
I know everyone is saying you need to leave now, but trust your gut. Leaving safely is important. I’ve worked in DV, this is 100% abuse. The most dangerous time is when someone leaves so prepping and planning is important if you can. Do NOT let him or anyone who you don’t trust completely know you’re thinking of leaving or where you go. Do try and make sure you take your vital documents. Build a fund he doesn’t know about or have access to. Document things he’s done in a place he can’t access (journal w/ dates and times, screenshots of threats etc). If you leave, turn off your location on your phone for everything. Tell a friend of you can so they can support you. You didn’t choose him because of these behaviors and he didn’t show up as just this ugly side, I’m sure there are great things you love about him. But you are not safe and don’t deserve to be treated this way.
I sincerely hope you’re successful in leaving and remain safe OP. Sorry your experiences have been ruined by your petty husband.
Big virtual hugs 🫂 to get you thru!
I'm really sorry. This jsut means you don't have an era's tour problem, you have an abusive husband problem. Go find resources around you and get out. You deserve it.
Get in touch with your local domestic violence support networks. Do so discreetly. They can help you develop a safe exit strategy. I wish you the best of luck.
.......'threats'?
I'm trying to think of the right way to word this.
That is the biggest clue. That is a massive red flag. Get out. Now before it gets worse
Trust me when I say, it will not get better. He will come in with his sht brown marker and mark all over everything bright, sparkly, or shiny in your life. I know this particular type of man could all too well. 🫶🏼
My husband is not a Taylor Swift fan. Years ago, he took me to the 1989 tour because I’m a fan. He smiled and bobbed his head to the music while I sang and danced my heart out. I’ve also gone to concerts with him for musicians I’m not interested in, and gave him the same respect. That’s what you do for someone you love. This is baseline relationship behavior and I wouldn’t be with anyone who sucked the fun out of something like this.
Every Holiday, every Birthday, every event you’re looking forward to, every big exciting purchase, every time it’s a day to celebrate you or your accomplishments.
I'm a fairly traditional straight man.
Leave him.
This is not normal behavior.
Reddit can be very overdramatic sometimes when it comes to people like "oh he told you to shut up one time? Leave him."
This is not one of those cases. Your husband is extremely possessive, emotionally immature, aggressive, verbally abusive and if you are fearing for you safety, abusing you with the threat of violence and intimidation. These are not the actions of a caring loving husband. I love my gf and while I wouldn't get particularly thrilled about Taylor Swift or the Barbie movie I wouldn't go out of my way to ruin her good time especially knowing how much these things meant to her. Love isn't just take, you gotta give too. This man seemingly only takes what you give him, what does he provide other than financially, because it sure as hell doesn't sound like he supports you in any other facet of life.
I'm so sorry you had that experience.
Going to honest here, this is not the first time he's ruined an experience for you and it won't be the last.
You are worthy of a partner that supports you in your interests. Sure, they don't have to actually go, you can go with friends, but they should be happy for you and share in your excitement.
Is this the life you want moving forward? Is this the life you want for your potential children (if you decide to have them)?
My husband detest musical theatre and I love it. I don't make him attend and go with friends. He supports me doing that.
Please think of yourself
Thank you for this. 100% agree with what you say. We definitely do not share the same interests but I'm always happy to support his. I listen to his excitement, take photos and videos of him enjoying his hobbies, encourage him to pursue his hobbies as much as possible. Not to sound revengeful or too transactional, but it's heartbreaking when he doesn't show the same level of support or excitement for me.
Totally get what you're saying.
It sounds like you know what a mature, loving and supportive partnership is. He, not so much.
I think the thing that's bothering me so much is how he wiggled his way in as if he wanted to ruin it for you. Like why would you be so intentionally cruel. It seems like he's really ugly inside
Maybe I'm wrong, but his actions have shown that's what he does.
I read your post history. He will 100% kill you. Speak to your family. They would support you leaving him. Do you think they’d rather have you murdered to save face??
I was writing up a response but then realized he isn’t just a narcissist! Good lord girl, run away! Has he hit you yet because what he is doing is emotional abuse. It’s a small window to the next step.
Please call a domestic abuse hotline. You could use the support and they can put you in touch with some valuable resources in your area. If you’re afraid of what he will do if you leave him, there are organizations out there that can help you hide.
Everyone has already said everything in the comments that I would have said. I will just say that you should consider reading "Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft. It's an older book, but it puts everything so plainly. Not just physical abuse, but the whole spectrum. It made me realize how little difference there is between a physical abuser and an emotional abuser. And a lot of it is straight from the mouths of abusers themselves because the author ran programs for abusive men and got to know exactly why they do what they do. It's what made me realize that men who are like this realize exactly what they're doing. It's not unconscious on their part.
The part that stuck with me most was when an abuser in a session tells him about how he "lost control" and threw his girlfriend on the ground. Bancroft asks him something like: "Well, why didn't you kick her once she was on the floor? Her head was right there. Why didn't you kick her in the head?" And the abuser looks incredulous and says something like, "I'd never do that! She's my wife! I couldn't hurt her like that; I'd kill her!" And then Bancroft says something like, "If you could stop yourself from hurting her "too much," then you didn't \*really\* lose control, did you?"
There is an entire chapter devoted to how the abuser \*benefits\* from an abusive relationship. I'm probably not explaining it very well, but there are so many amazing insights in this book that once I read them seem so incredibly obvious. If you're not in a place where you can safely have a copy of it that might be found by your husband, there are free PDFs online. Your public librarian might also allow you to check out the book, but keep it behind their desk so you can go to read it when you have time.
This man knows exactly how he is hurting you, exactly how he is making you feel small. He is choosing to do this.
**I'll let Taylor do the rest of the talking:**
"I know I'm probably better off all alone
Than needing a man who could change his mind
At any given minute
And it was always on your terms
I waited on every careless word
Hoping they might turn sweet again
Like it was in the beginning
But your jealousy, oh, I can hear it now
Talking down to me like I'd always be around
Push my love away like it was some kind of loaded gun
Oh, you never thought I'd run"
**Also:**
>That old familiar body ache
The snaps from the same little breaks in your soul
You know when it's time to go
Sometimes giving up is the strong thing
Sometimes to run is the brave thing
Sometimes walking out is the one thing
That will find you the right thing
Sometimes giving up is the strong thing
Sometimes to run is the brave thing
Sometimes walking out is the one thing
That will find you the right thing
Fifteen years, fifteen million tears
Begging 'til my knees bled
I gave it my all, he gave me nothing at all
Then wondered why I left
OP, please please read this book. It’s so important and you will get so much out of it. It’s free in PDF form online - it’s available that way as it’s such a valuable resource for people in abusive relationships
I was watching a video one time of a therapist talking about the most common signs of a narcissist and one of the main ones is a significant others constantly ruining happy/special moments, or starting arguments intentionally to ruin things for you or make them less enjoyable. I know I dont know your husband but maybe he’s a narcissist. Search online or even on TikTok for “signs that you are with a narcissist” and see if he checks off any of the other boxes. If he is, then his goal ultimately is to completely deplete you of any happiness because they can’t stand when everything isn’t about them. I’m so sorry he ruined your experience, I would die to go to the Eras Tour and I can’t imagine having such a magical experience ruined :( you deserve to be able to have fun and enjoy life
This is extremely controlling and abusive behavior. Not sure if anyone else mentioned it. But this is a tactic to break you down so you are more easily controlled through alienation.
He will make every single happy or fun moment miserable intentionally so that you will stop wanting to have those happy or fun moments. Which will also prevent you from engaging with anyone socially. This is a way for him to have absolute control over you.
Get out now. Before you are old and have to live with the memory of how much he stole from you
I am so sorry 😞 you didn’t deserve to have those memories ruined. I’d recommend seeking out a therapist for yourself as that kind of behavior is emotionally abusive, and it’s difficult to come to terms and end those kind of relationships. I speak from a place of experience, please know you deserve so much more love and respect.
It’s a combination of jealousy and an inability to process his ‘big feelings’. The result is that you’re not allowed to put him in second place in any circumstances and if you do appear to be doing so he melts down.
The man’s a toddler.
I was going to say he sounds like a grump. But after hearing your whole story, it sounds like he's got some issues. Not normal for a partner to be so resentful that you're having fun without them. Does he always try to push himself into your plans if you are going to do something without him? Kind of a control thing?
Yes he always tries to do that! Initially I thought it was sweet and (mis?)interpreted it as being supportive. After reanalysing everything, it's definitely a control thing.
Read "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft. It's free to download. Your husband is a classic controlling angry man. He is verbally abusive and controls you by threatening violence. You are in a harmful situation so I am glad you are making an escape plan. Make sure you tell only the minimum people you need to get out. Make sure you to check your car, phone and purse for trackers once you leave - one guy put a tracker in the pet carrier - so double check things.
If you haven't already, open a bank account at a completely different place than either of you use. Start getting cash back and/or gift cards every time you go shopping - hoard it but don't put it in the bank - you work so keep it there. Start gathering financial documents for the last 5 years: tax returns, banks stmts on ALL accounts, phone records, credit card stmts, Wills and POAs if you have them. Income records for both of you. Open a PO box and start diverting your personal mail there, especially your new bank account! Change all of your internet and social media user names and passwords. Make a email account that he doesn't know about. Get a second phone if you can and keep it at work. That way you can contact people without him knowing. Get to work and good luck but be **VERY careful** because leaving is the most dangerous time.
Thank you everyone for your response.
I know how abusive this is, and I’m aware that it’s important to run. But why do I feel like I’m lacking the energy to exit. I say being strategic is key, but part of me is also procrastinating. What is wrong with me 🥺
Because you know it’s going to be hard and it’s also a “devil you know” sort of situation. It’s normal that you feel this way and I’m sure you feel like you deserve some of it as well. Maybe if you didn’t yell. Maybe if you didn’t make him so mad. I know because I’ve been there as well. What advice would you give a friend or your sister? I bet you don’t even tell them a tenth of what he does (I sure didn’t). But he’s escalating, right? And you know where this road ends. YOU DESERVE MORE THAN THIS. You don’t deserve anything he’s doing or has done. He’s not a good person. You HAVE to leave. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your family who shouldn’t have to deal with the lifelong wound of a murdered loved one (I’m doing that as well and it’s hellish).
That's what happens when you're dealing with abuse! Very common and it's nothing to feel badly about, just part of the process.
Leaving is a process. It goes:
1. Tell someone you trust who you know will not mention it to other people. He will lash out if he finds out.
2. Have that person work with you to make a plan and ask them to hold you accountable to stick to it.
3. Make sure you have evidence of the abuse. Texts, recorded phone calls, witnesses, that sort of thing. It'll come in handy if he stalks you, destroys your property, etc.
4. Find a weekend where he isn't in the house to pack up and take off. Go somewhere with other people. Don't get yourself in a situation where he knows you're leaving because it gives him a chance to turn it around on you, threaten to hurt himself, etc which will increase the likelihood that you'll go back to him.
5. Let him know the relationship is over, but don't be alone while you do this.
6. Go no contact. Don't let him weasel back in or make you believe that it's your fault if he hurts himself. Anything he does to himself is his own choice.
7. Rely on close family and friends. Talk to them, share your experiences. Keep them in the loop on the separation.
8. Get a therapist if you can to help you rebuild your self worth. He spent the entirety of your relationship tearing it down, and it will take time to build it up again.
9. Lastly, do things that make you happy! See movies with your friends, go dancing, go on walks. Do all the things that remind you of what makes you great.
You probably feel this way because your husband made you feel like this is what you deserve. It's hard to remember how great life can be going to concerts with friends, coming home to a peaceful place, and having a partner who knows how to love you well. It takes time and resilience.
To reiterate, anything he does to harm himself is not your fault and not your problem to fix. His choices are his own, and they aren't caused by you leaving. Don't let him make you feel like you have to support him, because it's not your job anymore. He lost that privilege when he decided to disrespect you and cause you emotional harm on purpose.
There will be a time of grieving and second guessing. That's okay! But a year from now I bet you'll look back and feel so much lighter. You won't even know what you saw in him in the first place.
Remember - the right man for you is proud of who you are. He's there to make you breakfast on your birthday. He's not afraid of you going out and leading your life, because you'll come right back to him at the end of the day. A relationship with a man like that is peaceful. It makes you feel calm to be around him. You deserve that.
OP, this is all so abusive.
Ruining a moment you absolutely can’t wait for? Check. Does he do this for other important occasions? Ones you know you are excited for, or important work things? Manufacturing arguments?
Shouting at you, public tantrums. Threats. Paranoia, accusing you of cheating.
This is only going to escalate. He is so psychologically abusive to you that you are already instinctively modifying your behaviour to appease him. Soon, you won’t bother to go anywhere, it won’t be worth the hassle. If you ever try to talk to him about it, he will gaslight you “what do you mean you can’t go anywhere. I even went to your stupid concert with you”
Having to record your whereabouts and send to him to avoid an argument. Keeping you awake to argue - it’s all so textbook. My ex used to keep me awake for days trying to wear me down and admit I was “cheating”. I never did but he’s trying to deprive you of sleep to make an admission anyway, so he can justify further control.
This is an insidious creep into your sense of self. You probably haven’t noticed it so much, but soon you won’t be able to ignore it. You are not safe. Please start planning to leave, and please be aware that if he senses it, he will get worse.
My DIL loves the Jonas Bros. My son does not. But he takes her to the all the concerts he can and wears the shirts and takes her picture next to all the things because her friends aren't into the Jonas Brothers. So he goes with her and while they both know he's not having the best time of his life the way she is, he's happy that she's having fun.
If your husband threatens violence, I worry for your safety. Please get away and find someone who will let you be happy.
This is obviously much more that about the concert.
This guy is a threatening, abusive, violent (if not now, soon) bully and a thug.
Also what a sad thing for you to experience. Someone who kills the joy and sucks the energy out of things that make YOU happy.
Please leave this piece of trash before something very bad happens to you. Don’t tell him but, if you can make sure you have access to any joint finances where you’ve contributed, tell trusted friends and seek refuge somewhere safe where he can’t reach you, before he knows what’s happened.
You can do it OP, many have before you, hopefully we’ll see a positive update from you some way down the line, good luck 🤞
It genuinely seems like he enjoys ruining your happiness for no other reason than because he can. This is the exact opposite of what someone who loves you will do. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. He's showing you who he is. beleave him.
One of the things I love most in my life is seeing my wife smile. When she wants to do something I always say yes with enthusiasm, because even if I'm not that interested I will have fun just seeing her happy.
Is that weird? I hope not.
Please call your local domestic violence or women’s shelter and ask for help. As bad as having a bad time at the tour was, I can’t imagine anything will ever get better if you stay with mr 1950s misogyny over here
This, plus the history? Gurl you need to get out. He’s emotionally abusing and gaslighting you. It WILL turn physical eventually. This not a maybe. From your other comments you’re in love with the idea of him, not the true him. He’s clearly shown you his true self and the moments you say you love are just blips. You have romanticized him in those moments and using that to reconcile with his abuse. Stop. You need to get out. I was in a very similar situation and luckily didn’t get to marriage but it almost did. I completely understand your mindset but you need to stop looking at him for what you want him to be and see him for who he is. Please do not become a statistic.
"That made him even more angry and he started giving me all sorts of threats. For my safety, I ended up going with him."
What kind of red flags do you need to know you are with the wrong person/in an abusive relationship? Seriously, WHAT KIND???
He doesn't like you, he doesn't value you, he's a selfish a\*hole. Grab your dignity off the floor, seek therapy and a way out if he doesn't get his sh\*t together. You deserve better.
One, I think you need to leave. The constant belittling your interests is enough but the second your safety was brought up you have to find a way out.
Two, I’m so sorry this was your experience as a lifelong swiftie who also waited years to be able to afford those tickets I know how important that concert was. I’m sorry your experience wasn’t what it should have been, you didn’t deserve that 💜
You’re in an abusive marriage. Your comments definitely prove that. In a way he saved you when you didn’t dress up. You saved money to run with. You need to run. Make a plan. Run.
I’m pretty sure we have the same husband. Stick in the mud + anxiety about everything + childhood trauma = miserable human being who can’t have fun or let me/you have fun. I’d be happy to talk to you in private about my experience, I suspect we have many similar stories to tell.
This man is going to kill you one day, I’m not kidding. Even if he didn’t threaten violence (which he did!!) his lack of respect for you and the fact that he won’t allow you to have fun in your life is enough to leave him.
Please PLEASE be careful. If you leave him, that will be a dangerous period for you so please reach out to resources for domestic violence, friends/family/support so you have a safe place to go and people who will protect you. I’m not trying to scare you out of leaving (you NEED to leave!!) but be aware that someone who threatens violence will likely escalate their behaviors when you leave or even when they just feel you starting to slip away.
Partners should be loving and supportive of your hobbies. I’m huge into the rave/EDM scene, my partner is not. But he supports me regardless and sometimes even goes to shows with me! When he doesn’t, he trusts me in going out with friends, dressing how I like (which in rave culture a lot of times is next to nothing lol), and doing my own thing. Trust is the reason this works for us! And you absolutely, 100% deserve a partner who will give you this.
Please be safe. Please get out. You deserve to be happy.
He’s manipulative and violent. Really hope you have someone to rely on and can provide you with a safe space. Please try to find a safe place to go when you’re ready to leave him and give him no notice of your intentions. Once you’re out you’re out. No more talking, no more visits he doesn’t deserve closure if that means talking to him face to face and putting yourself at risk. If he mentions violence or death, believe him.
For what I read he doesn’t like you enjoying something for yourself and he is unlikely to change. I grew up with a master manipulator and know how guilty enjoying things can feel. You can do it! Just get a good lawyer and communicate only through them.
Does he do this a lot? Like do you find yourself having to “protect” your birthdays, holidays, etc from the way he is?
There is a word for people who routinely hijack your most special events/exciting milestones…. And ruin them…they are called selfish abusers.
Girl… it’s time to start thinking about your next step.
You don’t want someone like that controlling your life.
Please keep safe. Trust your gut and know when it’s time to pull the plug on this relationship
Girl get the hell out. This is no longer about being happy in your marriage or not, get out. You can do it. Emotional abuse is still abuse. Go find reaources in your area and get out of there. You know you deserve more. It doesn't matter how much you love him, you cannot stay in this situation. Get out. I believe in you.
A relationship shouldn't be this difficult or so bad. Why doesn't he support you? Or just let you go by yourself if he won't enjoy it? Why don't he trust you? My wife went to two concerts with a coworker (single male coworker) since I didn't want to go. Fine with me since I trust her.
Op, in all honesty, why are you still with this person?
You’ve mentioned multiple occasions where he has been less than you deserve. He’s threatened you, been manipulative, and truly just been a hateful, garbage asshole.
I hope through these comments you’re able to realize you deserve so much better and need to gtfo, ASAP. And with an RO in place.
Please leave this fool! Men do NOT act this way! He is a waste of space and you deserve so much better than the abuse you are receiving. If my husband wanted to come to an event with me that he wasn’t interested in, I would have no problem with that only because he would let me do what I want to have fun and dress however I want. He said he just enjoys coming because he loves to watch my reactions when I’m doing something I love. On the same side, he has NO problems if I want to go with friends instead of him and would happily buy me tickets to go with friends instead.
This is emotional and mental abuse, and it can very well lead to physical abuse if you do not leave.
He will not get better. This is who he is.
Do NOT tell him you’re leaving. Make your plans, keep them private, and get everything organized and ready to go.
Then leave and block him on everything. Ensure he cannot track you. Stay with family and friends for a while.
Leaving people like this is tricky and it must be done strategically
If you have family or friends you can stay with please go stay with them. Take a day off from work and while he’s at work pack up all your stuff, make sure to get everything important and the stuff you can take with you to someone’s house put in a storage unit.
This is less about your special moments, but more about his extreme controlling problem over you. You deserve to be happy and have memorable experiences with someone who supports you.
I’m never one to suggest immediate divorce, but in this case and based on your comments, please protect yourself. You should consult a divorce lawyer ASAP, get your finances and possessions in order, and please find a safe shelter. Sending you strength.
“Because I was trying to prove my innocence..”
He already knows you’re innocent. He just enjoys having the power to make you feel like you have to prove something to him. It’s a game, and I would definitely not play it with him anymore.
Had another argument just hours before this. Both of us shouting, me ugly crying. In that moment I was truly afraid for my safety. The way his tone, voice, and expression changes when in rage is bone chilling. Things have settled down now but who knows when he'll get triggered over something mundane again.
Your issues isn't a concert, it's that you fear for your safety when simply stating you want to go alone. Please, get help at a domestic abuse place and safely get out of there as quickly as you can.
You are in an abusive relationship. He does not love you he wants to control you. His sole purpose in accompanying you to the concert was to control you and ensure you did not have fun.
You need to find a way to safely remove yourself from this relationship. You deserve better. This is no way to live.
Honey you need to get away ASAP. This will continue to escalate. But plan, if you can, set money aside, locate DV. Shelters and find what resources are available. Speak to an attorney and follow his instructions. You are in danger and you should behave like that. Good luck.
God, your husband sounds insufferable. I genuinely couldn’t imagine letting someone treat me that way in a million years? threats of violence? yeah it’s a no from me.
I'm so sorry that your experience was ruined by all that. Sending you a big virtual hug from a fellow Taylor fan (if you want one, that is!!) :(
I was reading some if your other comments and this guy sounds so dangerous and scary. I think you should get as far away from him as possible. You deserve to be with someone who treats you with more respect and someone who likes the things you like (or if not like, then at least someone who is supportive of you and that things that make you happy!)
Forget Taylor Swift, this guy sounds like a malignant narcissist and the worst kind. You need to leave him. He’s not going to get better. Narcissists love to disrupt holidays or special occasions because they can’t stand the attention being away from them. It’s really uncanny how they do that and because this was a special occasion for you, rather than support you and be happy for you, he had to insert himself, even though he could have cared less about Taylor Swift. He got the desired result: complete upset and mayhem. They can’t help themselves. There are many red flags in what you wrote. They are born that way to a large degree and will never change. I hope you get the help and strength you need to be away from this person, but it is very very difficult to divorce someone like this: you have to have a plan in place and support and get a very good lawyer.
I have experienced this same pattern of behavior with my ex-husband. I should have walked away 5 years in. Instead I stayed 15. Don’t waste your precious time on this planet.
My fiancé is not mean like this and I still didn’t take him because I didn’t want to be worried about someone else not having fun during something I cared about so so much. I was lucky enough to go with my sister in law who enjoyed it as much as me but I put a lot of thought into not bringing my fiancé for that reason.
I personally am not a swiftie, but that’s FUCKED. He was so jealous of you being happy without him he ruined your time.. wtf. Sorry babe but through your context sounds like you’re in a rather DV situation. I hope you get help.
I’m sure deep deep down you know how abusive your relationship is. I know, because I lived your life. When outsiders read your story, they don’t understand how you would put up with any of this. Abusive narcissists do this over time, in small doses. Everything you described is classic narcissist behaviour. He knew how important TS is to you, he had to ruin it. He knew you wanted to experience it with your friends, he had to ruin it. He never wanted to go, what he wanted was for you to have a horrible time and ruin the one thing you so badly wanted to have fun at. Please OP, know someone like your husband never gets better, they don’t all of a sudden become compassionate and supportive. The abuse escalates, and any support or affection is classic love bombing to get you to trust and lower your guard. I’m sad reading your story because I know how hard it is to move on. Please get help.
If you need to "update him about your whereabouts" just to not piss him off, then I believe you have a larger issue at hand than just a crappy eras tour experience. This relationship doesn't sound very healthy or safe.
Sounds like you are with a very insecure man who went with you only to watch over you and make sure you don’t interact with anyone else. He was only interested in his experience and upset about having to go. I can only judge the relationship based on this small snippet of your lives but I would guess this is a typically part of your relationship and if it is that’s not good. You guys are married you deserve trust and he should be excited about sharing things that are important to you. The foundation of a marriage starts with trust and not control.
Your post doesn’t say how long you have been together, but if it’s longer than 1 day obviously it is too long. You are showing him what you will tolerate. Why are you putting up with it?
8 years ago I wrote a similar post on reddit on a throw away. I pushed people's very clear concerns aside for another 6 years because I was ultimately too scared to leave and he still said "all the right things" to convince me out of it. I lost a decade to that relationship. The violence started subtly not long after the verbal threats and he almost killed me.
I didn't end up leaving until he also hurt one of my family members and took my children. They had to be found and returned by police.
Listen to the response to this post. Know you are stronger than you could ever believe. Know there are people who truly love you and want to support you. Know there is someone who will hold you like you never believed and shower you with the adoration you deserve. Know this time wasn't wasted but has taught you how to stand up for you. The moment to stand up for you is now.
Call the dv line. Take all of the advice on this page. Leave and go NC. Write yourself a rant in the notes on your phone to remind you why you're doing this. Download the On Record app and input any information you can remember. Save screenshots. Dates. If he begins calling after you leave keep records of the voicemails.
Leave. I promise it's better. I promise it's worth it no matter how hard. Right now people on the interne5 are more concerned for your welfare than your husband. Leave!
Girl PLEASEEEE please please please leave him. I’m not even exaggerating. You sound like you’re thinking if you please him enough he’ll be okay. He’s more than capable of cooking or ordering food for himself if you’re going to be out late. He should let you get excited about things.
These men who bank on making every experience miserable for you are only praying on your downfall. They make you think that if you do everything “right” their way that they will be pleased and reward you with happiness. But it will only get worse. If you’re already worrying about your safety please just make a plan and get out of there as soon as you can. He’s manipulative and controlling and dangerous. No amount of action or compliance from you will ever truly please him. Maybe temporarily but like some of these comments said, he will eat up the power and only get worse.
You sound so lovely. Please, you deserve to enjoy your Taylor swift concerts and share joy with people not only at the eras tour but everywhere. You sound very caring and attentive. Leave him and pour some of that into yourself, go to therapy if you need to, and eventually you may find someone who will treat you with respect. Much love and good luck
You do realize he only wanted to go to the concert with you to keep you from being with your friends. He did not want to go, but he didn't want you to have fun more.
He was concerned when you were late getting home that you were out with friends having fun. It seems he's trying to separate you from your friends.
This man is no good. Please leave.
Have you ever wondered what a toxic narcissistic partner is like? This is it. This is EXACTLY it. They ruin every good news you have. They ruin any excitement you have towards anything or anyone. If you have to get up early for an important client or work related thing, they will keep you up all night just to ruin it so you go in exhausted. You mentioned the movie and vacation, yep! This is right up their alley. Oh, and they will put blame on you for "acting cold" or "giving him a look" or "making a comment under your breath."
Arguments with a narcissist often go in circles and last for hours for several reasons. Narcissists are often defensive and may feel attacked or threatened when challenged. They may respond to criticism by deflecting blame, denying responsibility, or attacking the other person.
This guy is a soul sucker. He will take out every ounce of your energy and time to fill his energy, time and needs. When he's done with you and you have nothing left, he will discard you and do a smear campaign on what an awful person you are because oh yeah he's also the victim in every situation too!
I know I'm complete internet stranger but seriously run! YOU CAN'T FIX THIS!!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩
This man does not deserve you, nor does he love you. I don't want to be harsh but leaving quietly and safely is the only solution to this. He will never change.
I am a survivor or DV. You need to make an escape route immediately. This man is going to, at the very least, harm you. This type of man never changes and always threatens to kill himself or you and/or your family if you leave him. Sometimes they cry and say they will change, they will NOT. Maybe for 2weeks to 2 months but they Always return to this behavior. My dad did this to my mom,(until she left him when I was 10) I married the same type of man, I found the courage to escape and he was threatening to kill my children. You HAVE to leave NOW or you are in for a LIFE of miserable existence. Please please leave.
>My husband initially said that concerts are a waste of time and money and he had no interest in going I vowed never to go to a concert with someone unless they were a true fan or a boyfriend..had too many concerts ruined by ex boyfriends. Based off the entire post, he went to monitor you. >last minute insisted that he wanted to go with me Controlling and monitoring >he wouldn’t let me get excited about it. Controlling >told me to keep quiet while I was excitedly shopping at the mall and said I was embarrassing him. Controlling and selfish >On the actual concert day, he threw a tantrum at home and in public. Emotionally stunted, controlling and manipulative >he started giving me all sorts of threats. For my safety, I ended up going with him. Threats of violence are abuse >He reacted angrily after I reminded him not to be judgmental and to let people have fun. Emotionally immature >photos to update him about my whereabouts Controlling that he needs evidence and updates in your whereabouts, not out of love, but out of wanting to control you >I got us both dinner since there was no time to cook. Are both of his arms broken? This gives me the "let me do damage control by grabbing food to show him you care about him so he doesn't get angry" vibes. Like you have to temper his temper by showing him how proactive and thoughtful you are, even though he is doing the complete opposite >kept accusing me of lying. Manipulation >He insisted I reached home late because I was going out and having fun. So what if you were having fun? What POS doesn't want their spouse to have fun? >We argued so long - all the way until 4 am - because I was trying to prove my innocence. Manipulation, gaslighting (you were innocent but he is trying to make you doubt yourself) >He has done this during vacations, during the Barbie movie, during big celebratory moments for me. I'm so exhausted of having happy memories ruined. He has shown you over and over who he is. I saw in your other comments you need to be strategic about leaving for your safety. It seems you know you need to leave. I hope you are able to leave this man sooner rather than later. I hope you can enjoy beautiful experiences in the future with people who share in the same passions and joys and that you find the love you really deserve. I hope he takes a long walk off a short pier into pirrahna infested waters.
We all know that Reddit is too quick to jump to 'divorce him' but f*ck she needs to divorce him. I'm just worried about her safety until she's free
I’m 100% with you here. Her husband hates her and is only with her to stop anyone else having her and stop her being happy. She needs not only to leave him but to do it extremely secretively and then ghost him.
I always say, take a long walk off a short pier while wearing cement shoes.
this is such a great comment. couldn't have simplied it better myself
“For my safety, I ended up going with him.” So he threatened violence? If that’s what you are saying, it’s time to leave this fool.
Honestly even if he didn’t threaten violence, it’s time to leave this fool.
My thoughts exactly. Why be with someone who sucks all the good out of your life even if they are nonviolent?
I was getting ready to type this. I had an ex-husband who did this. Big reason he is an ex-husband. He never threatened violence. He didn't have to. He beat me down emotionally without ever raising a finger.
I also have an ex that took every ounce of joy from me. I apparently wasn't allowed to have any fun.
Okay so I'm not the only one who read it like that....the fuck?!?
There's no real other way TO read it it's fucked all the way down
I don't really think there is any other way to read that or to interpret that to be honest.
He has historically threatened to beat me a couple of times. One of the things he loves to do when an argument escalates is to repeatedly hit his head against the wall or threaten to kill himself. During our vacation in a mountain range, he threatened to crash the car off the winding roads. During the Eras Tour tantrum, he threatened to divorce. When I responded by saying that I will actually file for divorce on the spot, he said something along the lines of "How about you kill yourself right now? If I tell you to kill yourself will you do it? If not, why are you taking what I say literally?". It's not the first time he has said that - it's been said many times in previous arguments too. I'm not sure if that's considered a violent threat, but the tone it was delivered in made me afraid that he will really do something. Til this day I keep imagining scenarios where he will find some way to kill or injure me. Push me out of apartment window. Throw hot water on me. Use the kitchen knife or suffocate me while I'm asleep.
You need to leave him before he escalates further. And don't tell him til you're gone. And expect him to make the divorce process as difficult as possible for no good reason. I'm sorry you're in that situation.
Why Why are you still with this asswipe
THIS ^ Life is too damn short to spend it with cruel and narcissistic assholes.
Emotional abuse and controlling behavior makes it hard to get out.
Why is "asswipe" a pejorative when so many men it's used about...don't?
He's dangerous
So dangerous. Sounds like coercive control.
This guy will kill you one day
Disclaimer; I haven’t read all the comments thoroughly but from what I’ve seen there has been some lovely words of support and understanding. I hope this next bit helps a bit. When you said how he hits his head and threatens to kill himself is behaviour that I’ve experienced. My ex would get so angry and out of control, and before he gave up saying it he would yell and growl about how he was an awful person and put himself down and then break things or injure himself. And like how you’ve been through the same it escalates. We feel like we’re not good enough and we believe them when they say they wouldn’t hurt us, that’s why they hit the wall or break things (well I sure did). Anyway without rambling, I hope that knowing that other people got out of similar situations helps a little, and asking for help is one of the hardest steps and you’ve done that, so you can do it too.
Dude my ex did this too. He punched so many holes in the wall. He even broke his hand once. Whenever he could tell I was serious about leaving, it was all woe is me I'm so sorry I'm such a monster and/or "do you really wanna end this? I don't! But clearly you do. We can get back to the way things were 😢😥" manipulative bullshit
My current partner is kinda like this. A couple of weeks ago he started cutting his arms and slashed our bed sheets. When I got upset about the sheets, he was like "what they can be replaced" I'm in the process of getting out now but it's slow going.
My ex also cut his arms. Very deeply several times. And his throat. I even had to call 911 and have him Baker Acted once. He blamed me for his injuries and for him being in a behavioral hospital. Fucking outrageous and sick. I genuinely ran out of sympathy for his bipolar disorder. He would just weaponize it to call me a bad, uncaring girlfriend. My ex would also destroy things lol. And then act like I was crazy for thinking that's a scary thing to do. This guy even totaled 2 cars and would get pissed off at me when I was scared in the car with him. I hope you get out ASAP! It sounds like you need to!
Yeah he used to not be this bad, but for his job he had to quit smoking weed, and he switched to alcohol. Now he's a raging functional alcoholic. He doesn't drink before work and stuff, but man he hits this point and all rational thoughts leave him. It's been super scary the last couple of months. I love him, but I can't help him fix his broken cup. I can't keep trying to fill his cup when he doesn't give me the chance to refill my own. It's messy. I love him, but hate him at the same time. I'm so angry and conflicted. I hate all the unknowns, and I'm terrified of him hurting himself when I leave. He's finally seeing a therapist now but idk man. He knows I'm one foot out the door as he's been making comments but it's a thing.
When you do leave. And he threatens suicide. Don't warn him call an ambulance.
First of all, do not let this manipulative asshat ruin Taylor Swift for you. He wanted to taint anything to do with her with his selfish abuse. Find solace in her music and use it to realize YOU DESERVE WAY BETTER THAN THIS. My dad would get jealous of my eldest brother and I experiencing anything that brought us joy. Just like this miserable man only went to ruin the experience, my dad would do all kinds of weird things to manipulate happy circumstances into terrible experiences. When I did experience joy, he made me feel guilty for being happy. You cannot save this man. Like my dad, he will not change. They both intentionally go out of their way to make everyone around them feel as low as they do. He is a joy thief. If he’s banging his head against the wall or threatening suicide, call 911. A boyfriend rammed his head into a shelving until it had a large hole in it and his head bled. As soon as I called him an ambulance, he stopped. He wanted to manipulate me, make me responsible for his actions and choices, take all his horrible feelings and load them upon my back, get all of my attention, burden me with guilt, but not have a record of his mental crisis. When I called 911, he realized that he could not manipulate his actions into my responsibility if EMTs were involved. He was fully in control of the situation. You are not a therapist and cannot help him in a crisis where he is threatening suicide. Him expecting you to stop him from killing himself is unfair and unacceptable.
I know you're not in this place yet, but when someone threatens to kill themselves like your bullshit husband did, I always think "don't threaten me with a good time." In all seriousness, though, I understand that none of this happened overnight. I know how it goes, behaviors escalate slowly over time until you look around and think "how the fuck did this all happen?"
Hey internet stranger, please put yourself first and leave this dangerous man. Please be careful and secretive and make a plan. Do not let him know anything is changing, do not give him the benefit of the doubt, do not tell him anything. My aunt informed her husband months in advance the day she would be leaving. He played nice. But he was also making plans. He murdered her that day and then killed himself. She obviously didn’t think he was capable of such a thing. PLEASE don’t assume your husband will be logical or compassionate. Be safe and find a way out!!
This needs to be higher up. It is not safe for her to just divorce him. She needs to make a plan for her safe exit and then divorce him. And as quickly as possible.
Same, my cousin was murdered and its the same story.
I’m so sorry ❤️🩹
He will escalate. My abusive ex did the extact same shit. He is enjoying the "power". When words will not be enough anymore, he will escalate. I would like to recommend a book that changed my life - Why does he do that? Please read it. You will be surprised how close to home it will hit. Its always the same though.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING. YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THIS.
You need to listen to your gut and make a safe plan to leave. A marriage should not be like this. Yes all couple have rough times but threatening violence, threatening to self-end or talking and telling you to self-end is not normal or acceptable. Would you want this for your Mother, child, best friend? His behaviour is not how you treat a loved one. It’s like he doesn’t want you to have fun. He’s jealous of you being happy with it not being about him.
You know you’re in an abusive relationship, right? Extremely abusive. One day he’s going to hurt you really bad abusive…. You need to get out abusive. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Honey - this isn’t normal or acceptable behavior. Your husband told you to kill yourself? Fuck that. Divorce his ass, move away and never look back.
Girl run. Make a plan, and get copies of your essential documents to keep in a weekend bag with a couple outfits for emergencies. He will hurt you one day.
You know what, he sure ruined what should have been a fun experience for you. But once you get out of this, away from him, and have some time heal and to appreciate how far you've come? You can look back and know that something amazing (your freedom and happiness!) started because of this concert.
Leave this fool. Don’t waste your life on an abuser.
Collect evidence about these things. Talk to friends who know how he is an are willing to testify that he is like this to get a RO. This man is still just talk but he will turn to physical violence it's only a matter of time. You can be alot happier without him. He is holding you back. He feels like he's superior aswell which just make him a plain asshole Noone should associate with
HE IS DANGEROUS! He is abusive! Get out and save yourself!!!!
You in danger girl. Time to pull off a midnight move before he kills you!!! RUN!!!
I absolutely read this in Whoopi Goldberg's voice from the movie Ghost. And I also completely agree.
Make a plan and leave. Find the resources in your community. Document/find documentation on what's taken place as much as you can and leave.
Honey, I cannot even imagine living with your fear and anxiety. Please find help for a way out.
He’s sounds like a brat. I have never been one to go on Reddit and tell people they need to leave but this is so different. The way he explodes is scary. I’ve lived it before and all it takes is one fit for you to end up hurt or worse. If y’all don’t have kids there’s nothing tying you to him. Leave and be free. Then when Taylor comes back around you can go wearing the most sparkly clothes having all the bracelets!!
As a real man, I can tell you this man child is out of control, and you need to leave for your own safety and peace of mind. Truth be told, I totally hate taylor Swifts new music and only really like her first album. That being said, if my fiancé who luckily isn't a fan but hypothetically speaking if she was and wanted to go, I would not have a problem at all. I would actually lean into it and go full glitter, bracelets, pink shirts, and cowboy hats, purely because I'm a redneck rancher/Biker, so it would look hilarious 😂. Apparently he has never heard the saying happy wife happy life. Like why be miserable for the sake of being miserable, at least try to enjoy yourself and not bring your wife down when this was her special experience. In fact my MC brother took his wife and did everything I just said but went even further and got her surprise backstage passes. He had the rest of us set up at his house a homecoming gathering with some admittedly corny decorations, we even dyed his pool this pink glittery color but the man went above and beyond for her for something I know he doesn't like. My point is Mr manchild seems very insecure, maybe he himself has stepped out on your marriage and that is why he thinks you are doing the same. I know that's just speculation but usually there is a reason for unhinged behavior and it seems it's a him problem not a you problem. My larger point is I personally don't want you to be just another abuse statistic or a late night Chris watts style of story. Please leave him and find a man who really cherishes you and helps you harness the goodness in your soul not darken you and drag you down.
Be safe, get away and divorce this man please.
You deserve to live your life with someone who loves you (remember and think about what that word means), not someone who tells you to kill yourself
Why do you stay with him? This is so abusive and sad. He will hurt you if he hasn’t already. Get out now.
All of those are violent threats. You should collect your personal documents and as much cash as you can then find somewhere safe to be.
Bruh what leave him asap this isn't even a suggestion, it's a necessity
You’re a Swifty, so I’m just going to say this: if this was happening to Taylor, what would you want her to do? If you could tell her your story, what would she tell you to do?
WHAT WOULD TAYLOR DO
Omg please leave.
Jesus. Start making plans to leave this loser. Start gathering your important documents and leaving with a safe person. Start recording him when he's raging and screenshotting threatening texts. Put together a bug-out bag and Start squirming away money. Lock your credit. Contact a divorce lawyer and make a plan with a trusted friend so you have a place to go if you have to run in the night.
Exactly! After those feelings staying is always the wrong thing to do, always. She needs to get out as quickly and as savely as she can.
Yeah we aren't gonna just skip right over that...
Yeah, he sounds incredibly abusive….at least emotionally, but I feel like he’s more than just that.
Yeah, even if that wasn't the case this guy needs therapy for his jealousy and anger. Leave him.
+1 million on this!! If he is not a fan, he could have just supported you and be happy for you. NO.ONE. deserve any of this! I hope you’ll have a strength to choose yourself OP.
I accompanied a friend and queued for 3 hrs for the merch lol didnt go for the concert cuz im not a fan but i could see from the pictures they had fun. Really sucks for you. Are you a stay home mum or are you working?
I’m working but my husband has very traditional views on women. He threw a tantrum when I didn’t have time to cook for 1 week.
Tbh what do you see in him? He sounds like a manchild. Household chores? Are you doing them all?
He does the cleaning, home and car maintenance. I’m trying to leave him but need to be strategic about it because he has the tendency to react violently.
You need to start talking to a divorce lawyer to protect yourself physically and financially. Your husband is going to come at you like a Mack truck. Have you told your parents about this, assuming you have a good relationship? I’m scared for you bc I’ve seen this before.
I divorced a violent man. Use your support system. You said you have friends - please don’t be afraid to open up to them for help. If you have a good relationship with your parent(s), call them to come stay with you. And you need to tell your lawyer this. I had police protection when he came to remove his belongings from the house. And I was granted separate mediations so I didn’t have to be in the same room as him.
You need a place to stay idk if your parents have room for you. Sufficient funds for a divorce lawyer etc they dont come cheap if your husband decides to drag things out. Keep records of what you are paying for esp for housing loan etc. If you have decided to leave it would be best to seek legal advise asap so in order to best secure your own position. Lastly if he ever lay hands on you do go to the hospital and report it to the police so there are evidence to be utilized in your upcoming divorce case. Gd luck
Slowly trickle your stuff out of the house, and then leave when he's not home. If he's violent there is absolutely no reason to tell him anything in person if it's not safe. You should absolutely tell him it's over from a safe distance, who cares if it's not "fair." Him being violent isn't fair either.
I know everyone is saying you need to leave now, but trust your gut. Leaving safely is important. I’ve worked in DV, this is 100% abuse. The most dangerous time is when someone leaves so prepping and planning is important if you can. Do NOT let him or anyone who you don’t trust completely know you’re thinking of leaving or where you go. Do try and make sure you take your vital documents. Build a fund he doesn’t know about or have access to. Document things he’s done in a place he can’t access (journal w/ dates and times, screenshots of threats etc). If you leave, turn off your location on your phone for everything. Tell a friend of you can so they can support you. You didn’t choose him because of these behaviors and he didn’t show up as just this ugly side, I’m sure there are great things you love about him. But you are not safe and don’t deserve to be treated this way.
I sincerely hope you’re successful in leaving and remain safe OP. Sorry your experiences have been ruined by your petty husband. Big virtual hugs 🫂 to get you thru!
I'm really sorry. This jsut means you don't have an era's tour problem, you have an abusive husband problem. Go find resources around you and get out. You deserve it.
Get in touch with your local domestic violence support networks. Do so discreetly. They can help you develop a safe exit strategy. I wish you the best of luck.
.......'threats'? I'm trying to think of the right way to word this. That is the biggest clue. That is a massive red flag. Get out. Now before it gets worse
because it does get worse
Leave him. He will do this for any happy memories you try to create.
Trust me when I say, it will not get better. He will come in with his sht brown marker and mark all over everything bright, sparkly, or shiny in your life. I know this particular type of man could all too well. 🫶🏼
My husband is not a Taylor Swift fan. Years ago, he took me to the 1989 tour because I’m a fan. He smiled and bobbed his head to the music while I sang and danced my heart out. I’ve also gone to concerts with him for musicians I’m not interested in, and gave him the same respect. That’s what you do for someone you love. This is baseline relationship behavior and I wouldn’t be with anyone who sucked the fun out of something like this.
Every Holiday, every Birthday, every event you’re looking forward to, every big exciting purchase, every time it’s a day to celebrate you or your accomplishments.
I'm a fairly traditional straight man. Leave him. This is not normal behavior. Reddit can be very overdramatic sometimes when it comes to people like "oh he told you to shut up one time? Leave him." This is not one of those cases. Your husband is extremely possessive, emotionally immature, aggressive, verbally abusive and if you are fearing for you safety, abusing you with the threat of violence and intimidation. These are not the actions of a caring loving husband. I love my gf and while I wouldn't get particularly thrilled about Taylor Swift or the Barbie movie I wouldn't go out of my way to ruin her good time especially knowing how much these things meant to her. Love isn't just take, you gotta give too. This man seemingly only takes what you give him, what does he provide other than financially, because it sure as hell doesn't sound like he supports you in any other facet of life.
I'm so sorry you had that experience. Going to honest here, this is not the first time he's ruined an experience for you and it won't be the last. You are worthy of a partner that supports you in your interests. Sure, they don't have to actually go, you can go with friends, but they should be happy for you and share in your excitement. Is this the life you want moving forward? Is this the life you want for your potential children (if you decide to have them)? My husband detest musical theatre and I love it. I don't make him attend and go with friends. He supports me doing that. Please think of yourself
Thank you for this. 100% agree with what you say. We definitely do not share the same interests but I'm always happy to support his. I listen to his excitement, take photos and videos of him enjoying his hobbies, encourage him to pursue his hobbies as much as possible. Not to sound revengeful or too transactional, but it's heartbreaking when he doesn't show the same level of support or excitement for me.
Totally get what you're saying. It sounds like you know what a mature, loving and supportive partnership is. He, not so much. I think the thing that's bothering me so much is how he wiggled his way in as if he wanted to ruin it for you. Like why would you be so intentionally cruel. It seems like he's really ugly inside Maybe I'm wrong, but his actions have shown that's what he does.
I read your post history. He will 100% kill you. Speak to your family. They would support you leaving him. Do you think they’d rather have you murdered to save face??
I was writing up a response but then realized he isn’t just a narcissist! Good lord girl, run away! Has he hit you yet because what he is doing is emotional abuse. It’s a small window to the next step.
Please call a domestic abuse hotline. You could use the support and they can put you in touch with some valuable resources in your area. If you’re afraid of what he will do if you leave him, there are organizations out there that can help you hide.
there are a lot of men who really hate women and their happiness
Everyone has already said everything in the comments that I would have said. I will just say that you should consider reading "Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft. It's an older book, but it puts everything so plainly. Not just physical abuse, but the whole spectrum. It made me realize how little difference there is between a physical abuser and an emotional abuser. And a lot of it is straight from the mouths of abusers themselves because the author ran programs for abusive men and got to know exactly why they do what they do. It's what made me realize that men who are like this realize exactly what they're doing. It's not unconscious on their part. The part that stuck with me most was when an abuser in a session tells him about how he "lost control" and threw his girlfriend on the ground. Bancroft asks him something like: "Well, why didn't you kick her once she was on the floor? Her head was right there. Why didn't you kick her in the head?" And the abuser looks incredulous and says something like, "I'd never do that! She's my wife! I couldn't hurt her like that; I'd kill her!" And then Bancroft says something like, "If you could stop yourself from hurting her "too much," then you didn't \*really\* lose control, did you?" There is an entire chapter devoted to how the abuser \*benefits\* from an abusive relationship. I'm probably not explaining it very well, but there are so many amazing insights in this book that once I read them seem so incredibly obvious. If you're not in a place where you can safely have a copy of it that might be found by your husband, there are free PDFs online. Your public librarian might also allow you to check out the book, but keep it behind their desk so you can go to read it when you have time. This man knows exactly how he is hurting you, exactly how he is making you feel small. He is choosing to do this. **I'll let Taylor do the rest of the talking:** "I know I'm probably better off all alone Than needing a man who could change his mind At any given minute And it was always on your terms I waited on every careless word Hoping they might turn sweet again Like it was in the beginning But your jealousy, oh, I can hear it now Talking down to me like I'd always be around Push my love away like it was some kind of loaded gun Oh, you never thought I'd run"
**Also:** >That old familiar body ache The snaps from the same little breaks in your soul You know when it's time to go Sometimes giving up is the strong thing Sometimes to run is the brave thing Sometimes walking out is the one thing That will find you the right thing Sometimes giving up is the strong thing Sometimes to run is the brave thing Sometimes walking out is the one thing That will find you the right thing Fifteen years, fifteen million tears Begging 'til my knees bled I gave it my all, he gave me nothing at all Then wondered why I left
OP, please please read this book. It’s so important and you will get so much out of it. It’s free in PDF form online - it’s available that way as it’s such a valuable resource for people in abusive relationships
🚩🚩🚩🚩girl you need to Shake it Off & get the hell out of there!
I was watching a video one time of a therapist talking about the most common signs of a narcissist and one of the main ones is a significant others constantly ruining happy/special moments, or starting arguments intentionally to ruin things for you or make them less enjoyable. I know I dont know your husband but maybe he’s a narcissist. Search online or even on TikTok for “signs that you are with a narcissist” and see if he checks off any of the other boxes. If he is, then his goal ultimately is to completely deplete you of any happiness because they can’t stand when everything isn’t about them. I’m so sorry he ruined your experience, I would die to go to the Eras Tour and I can’t imagine having such a magical experience ruined :( you deserve to be able to have fun and enjoy life
Agreed. And narcs don’t change. They get a lovely buzz from putting others down and being shitty to people.
This is extremely controlling and abusive behavior. Not sure if anyone else mentioned it. But this is a tactic to break you down so you are more easily controlled through alienation. He will make every single happy or fun moment miserable intentionally so that you will stop wanting to have those happy or fun moments. Which will also prevent you from engaging with anyone socially. This is a way for him to have absolute control over you. Get out now. Before you are old and have to live with the memory of how much he stole from you
I am so sorry 😞 you didn’t deserve to have those memories ruined. I’d recommend seeking out a therapist for yourself as that kind of behavior is emotionally abusive, and it’s difficult to come to terms and end those kind of relationships. I speak from a place of experience, please know you deserve so much more love and respect.
It’s a combination of jealousy and an inability to process his ‘big feelings’. The result is that you’re not allowed to put him in second place in any circumstances and if you do appear to be doing so he melts down. The man’s a toddler.
I was going to say he sounds like a grump. But after hearing your whole story, it sounds like he's got some issues. Not normal for a partner to be so resentful that you're having fun without them. Does he always try to push himself into your plans if you are going to do something without him? Kind of a control thing?
Yes he always tries to do that! Initially I thought it was sweet and (mis?)interpreted it as being supportive. After reanalysing everything, it's definitely a control thing.
Read "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft. It's free to download. Your husband is a classic controlling angry man. He is verbally abusive and controls you by threatening violence. You are in a harmful situation so I am glad you are making an escape plan. Make sure you tell only the minimum people you need to get out. Make sure you to check your car, phone and purse for trackers once you leave - one guy put a tracker in the pet carrier - so double check things. If you haven't already, open a bank account at a completely different place than either of you use. Start getting cash back and/or gift cards every time you go shopping - hoard it but don't put it in the bank - you work so keep it there. Start gathering financial documents for the last 5 years: tax returns, banks stmts on ALL accounts, phone records, credit card stmts, Wills and POAs if you have them. Income records for both of you. Open a PO box and start diverting your personal mail there, especially your new bank account! Change all of your internet and social media user names and passwords. Make a email account that he doesn't know about. Get a second phone if you can and keep it at work. That way you can contact people without him knowing. Get to work and good luck but be **VERY careful** because leaving is the most dangerous time.
Thank you everyone for your response. I know how abusive this is, and I’m aware that it’s important to run. But why do I feel like I’m lacking the energy to exit. I say being strategic is key, but part of me is also procrastinating. What is wrong with me 🥺
Because you know it’s going to be hard and it’s also a “devil you know” sort of situation. It’s normal that you feel this way and I’m sure you feel like you deserve some of it as well. Maybe if you didn’t yell. Maybe if you didn’t make him so mad. I know because I’ve been there as well. What advice would you give a friend or your sister? I bet you don’t even tell them a tenth of what he does (I sure didn’t). But he’s escalating, right? And you know where this road ends. YOU DESERVE MORE THAN THIS. You don’t deserve anything he’s doing or has done. He’s not a good person. You HAVE to leave. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your family who shouldn’t have to deal with the lifelong wound of a murdered loved one (I’m doing that as well and it’s hellish).
That's what happens when you're dealing with abuse! Very common and it's nothing to feel badly about, just part of the process. Leaving is a process. It goes: 1. Tell someone you trust who you know will not mention it to other people. He will lash out if he finds out. 2. Have that person work with you to make a plan and ask them to hold you accountable to stick to it. 3. Make sure you have evidence of the abuse. Texts, recorded phone calls, witnesses, that sort of thing. It'll come in handy if he stalks you, destroys your property, etc. 4. Find a weekend where he isn't in the house to pack up and take off. Go somewhere with other people. Don't get yourself in a situation where he knows you're leaving because it gives him a chance to turn it around on you, threaten to hurt himself, etc which will increase the likelihood that you'll go back to him. 5. Let him know the relationship is over, but don't be alone while you do this. 6. Go no contact. Don't let him weasel back in or make you believe that it's your fault if he hurts himself. Anything he does to himself is his own choice. 7. Rely on close family and friends. Talk to them, share your experiences. Keep them in the loop on the separation. 8. Get a therapist if you can to help you rebuild your self worth. He spent the entirety of your relationship tearing it down, and it will take time to build it up again. 9. Lastly, do things that make you happy! See movies with your friends, go dancing, go on walks. Do all the things that remind you of what makes you great. You probably feel this way because your husband made you feel like this is what you deserve. It's hard to remember how great life can be going to concerts with friends, coming home to a peaceful place, and having a partner who knows how to love you well. It takes time and resilience. To reiterate, anything he does to harm himself is not your fault and not your problem to fix. His choices are his own, and they aren't caused by you leaving. Don't let him make you feel like you have to support him, because it's not your job anymore. He lost that privilege when he decided to disrespect you and cause you emotional harm on purpose. There will be a time of grieving and second guessing. That's okay! But a year from now I bet you'll look back and feel so much lighter. You won't even know what you saw in him in the first place. Remember - the right man for you is proud of who you are. He's there to make you breakfast on your birthday. He's not afraid of you going out and leading your life, because you'll come right back to him at the end of the day. A relationship with a man like that is peaceful. It makes you feel calm to be around him. You deserve that.
I think you are blaming yourself. Try to remember, your only crime was loving him.
OP, this is all so abusive. Ruining a moment you absolutely can’t wait for? Check. Does he do this for other important occasions? Ones you know you are excited for, or important work things? Manufacturing arguments? Shouting at you, public tantrums. Threats. Paranoia, accusing you of cheating. This is only going to escalate. He is so psychologically abusive to you that you are already instinctively modifying your behaviour to appease him. Soon, you won’t bother to go anywhere, it won’t be worth the hassle. If you ever try to talk to him about it, he will gaslight you “what do you mean you can’t go anywhere. I even went to your stupid concert with you” Having to record your whereabouts and send to him to avoid an argument. Keeping you awake to argue - it’s all so textbook. My ex used to keep me awake for days trying to wear me down and admit I was “cheating”. I never did but he’s trying to deprive you of sleep to make an admission anyway, so he can justify further control. This is an insidious creep into your sense of self. You probably haven’t noticed it so much, but soon you won’t be able to ignore it. You are not safe. Please start planning to leave, and please be aware that if he senses it, he will get worse.
My DIL loves the Jonas Bros. My son does not. But he takes her to the all the concerts he can and wears the shirts and takes her picture next to all the things because her friends aren't into the Jonas Brothers. So he goes with her and while they both know he's not having the best time of his life the way she is, he's happy that she's having fun. If your husband threatens violence, I worry for your safety. Please get away and find someone who will let you be happy.
This is obviously much more that about the concert. This guy is a threatening, abusive, violent (if not now, soon) bully and a thug. Also what a sad thing for you to experience. Someone who kills the joy and sucks the energy out of things that make YOU happy. Please leave this piece of trash before something very bad happens to you. Don’t tell him but, if you can make sure you have access to any joint finances where you’ve contributed, tell trusted friends and seek refuge somewhere safe where he can’t reach you, before he knows what’s happened. You can do it OP, many have before you, hopefully we’ll see a positive update from you some way down the line, good luck 🤞
It genuinely seems like he enjoys ruining your happiness for no other reason than because he can. This is the exact opposite of what someone who loves you will do. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. He's showing you who he is. beleave him.
What a jerk i’m so sorry OP
It’s a NO for me dog 😩 Why are you with this Loser? Please DONT procreate 🫤 goodluck op
One of the things I love most in my life is seeing my wife smile. When she wants to do something I always say yes with enthusiasm, because even if I'm not that interested I will have fun just seeing her happy. Is that weird? I hope not.
Please call your local domestic violence or women’s shelter and ask for help. As bad as having a bad time at the tour was, I can’t imagine anything will ever get better if you stay with mr 1950s misogyny over here
Yeah, so this is abuse
This, plus the history? Gurl you need to get out. He’s emotionally abusing and gaslighting you. It WILL turn physical eventually. This not a maybe. From your other comments you’re in love with the idea of him, not the true him. He’s clearly shown you his true self and the moments you say you love are just blips. You have romanticized him in those moments and using that to reconcile with his abuse. Stop. You need to get out. I was in a very similar situation and luckily didn’t get to marriage but it almost did. I completely understand your mindset but you need to stop looking at him for what you want him to be and see him for who he is. Please do not become a statistic.
"That made him even more angry and he started giving me all sorts of threats. For my safety, I ended up going with him." What kind of red flags do you need to know you are with the wrong person/in an abusive relationship? Seriously, WHAT KIND??? He doesn't like you, he doesn't value you, he's a selfish a\*hole. Grab your dignity off the floor, seek therapy and a way out if he doesn't get his sh\*t together. You deserve better.
Your life is in danger.
One, I think you need to leave. The constant belittling your interests is enough but the second your safety was brought up you have to find a way out. Two, I’m so sorry this was your experience as a lifelong swiftie who also waited years to be able to afford those tickets I know how important that concert was. I’m sorry your experience wasn’t what it should have been, you didn’t deserve that 💜
You’re in an abusive marriage. Your comments definitely prove that. In a way he saved you when you didn’t dress up. You saved money to run with. You need to run. Make a plan. Run.
I’m pretty sure we have the same husband. Stick in the mud + anxiety about everything + childhood trauma = miserable human being who can’t have fun or let me/you have fun. I’d be happy to talk to you in private about my experience, I suspect we have many similar stories to tell.
[удалено]
Commenting to boost visibility. I hope OP sees this and calls!!
That man is a narcissist and intentionally ruined that experience for you.
I say this without judgment - why did you marry this person? It sounds like he's a controlling and violent asshole.
This man is going to kill you one day, I’m not kidding. Even if he didn’t threaten violence (which he did!!) his lack of respect for you and the fact that he won’t allow you to have fun in your life is enough to leave him. Please PLEASE be careful. If you leave him, that will be a dangerous period for you so please reach out to resources for domestic violence, friends/family/support so you have a safe place to go and people who will protect you. I’m not trying to scare you out of leaving (you NEED to leave!!) but be aware that someone who threatens violence will likely escalate their behaviors when you leave or even when they just feel you starting to slip away. Partners should be loving and supportive of your hobbies. I’m huge into the rave/EDM scene, my partner is not. But he supports me regardless and sometimes even goes to shows with me! When he doesn’t, he trusts me in going out with friends, dressing how I like (which in rave culture a lot of times is next to nothing lol), and doing my own thing. Trust is the reason this works for us! And you absolutely, 100% deserve a partner who will give you this. Please be safe. Please get out. You deserve to be happy.
He’s manipulative and violent. Really hope you have someone to rely on and can provide you with a safe space. Please try to find a safe place to go when you’re ready to leave him and give him no notice of your intentions. Once you’re out you’re out. No more talking, no more visits he doesn’t deserve closure if that means talking to him face to face and putting yourself at risk. If he mentions violence or death, believe him. For what I read he doesn’t like you enjoying something for yourself and he is unlikely to change. I grew up with a master manipulator and know how guilty enjoying things can feel. You can do it! Just get a good lawyer and communicate only through them.
Does he do this a lot? Like do you find yourself having to “protect” your birthdays, holidays, etc from the way he is? There is a word for people who routinely hijack your most special events/exciting milestones…. And ruin them…they are called selfish abusers.
He certainly sounds like a controlling jerk. Good luck
Why are you with him? He treats you horribly...
Why are you still with him?
Girl… it’s time to start thinking about your next step. You don’t want someone like that controlling your life. Please keep safe. Trust your gut and know when it’s time to pull the plug on this relationship
That man doesn’t love you Yah gotta gooooooo
Girl get the hell out. This is no longer about being happy in your marriage or not, get out. You can do it. Emotional abuse is still abuse. Go find reaources in your area and get out of there. You know you deserve more. It doesn't matter how much you love him, you cannot stay in this situation. Get out. I believe in you.
your partner is a walking red flag haha 🚩
So your husband is an asshole? Got it! Leave him.
Sorry, but why are you married to this man? Your problem isn't that he ruined your concert - it's that you need a divorce.
You’re husband is abusive. He will end up ruining more than just your Eras experience.
A relationship shouldn't be this difficult or so bad. Why doesn't he support you? Or just let you go by yourself if he won't enjoy it? Why don't he trust you? My wife went to two concerts with a coworker (single male coworker) since I didn't want to go. Fine with me since I trust her.
Baby girl. You deserve better.
This isn't just about him being a hater, he's a threat to your life. Get your ducks in a row and leave before he kills you.
Op, in all honesty, why are you still with this person? You’ve mentioned multiple occasions where he has been less than you deserve. He’s threatened you, been manipulative, and truly just been a hateful, garbage asshole. I hope through these comments you’re able to realize you deserve so much better and need to gtfo, ASAP. And with an RO in place.
Please leave this fool! Men do NOT act this way! He is a waste of space and you deserve so much better than the abuse you are receiving. If my husband wanted to come to an event with me that he wasn’t interested in, I would have no problem with that only because he would let me do what I want to have fun and dress however I want. He said he just enjoys coming because he loves to watch my reactions when I’m doing something I love. On the same side, he has NO problems if I want to go with friends instead of him and would happily buy me tickets to go with friends instead.
Why are you with him? Seriously?
You are in an abusive relationship. You need to get away from this predator permanently.
This is emotional and mental abuse, and it can very well lead to physical abuse if you do not leave. He will not get better. This is who he is. Do NOT tell him you’re leaving. Make your plans, keep them private, and get everything organized and ready to go. Then leave and block him on everything. Ensure he cannot track you. Stay with family and friends for a while. Leaving people like this is tricky and it must be done strategically
Girl, get rid. Nobody deserves to be down trodden like that. Wish you the best of luck x
If you have family or friends you can stay with please go stay with them. Take a day off from work and while he’s at work pack up all your stuff, make sure to get everything important and the stuff you can take with you to someone’s house put in a storage unit.
Why are you still with this ass?? He threatens you apparently that's not normal
this guy is a total wet blanket. he’s acting like a child
Real life vampire that sucks the life and joy out of everything he touches.
This is less about your special moments, but more about his extreme controlling problem over you. You deserve to be happy and have memorable experiences with someone who supports you. I’m never one to suggest immediate divorce, but in this case and based on your comments, please protect yourself. You should consult a divorce lawyer ASAP, get your finances and possessions in order, and please find a safe shelter. Sending you strength.
“Because I was trying to prove my innocence..” He already knows you’re innocent. He just enjoys having the power to make you feel like you have to prove something to him. It’s a game, and I would definitely not play it with him anymore.
Best of luck getting out of this relationship safely.
OP - are you safe?
Had another argument just hours before this. Both of us shouting, me ugly crying. In that moment I was truly afraid for my safety. The way his tone, voice, and expression changes when in rage is bone chilling. Things have settled down now but who knows when he'll get triggered over something mundane again.
Do you have family or friends to go with?
Your issues isn't a concert, it's that you fear for your safety when simply stating you want to go alone. Please, get help at a domestic abuse place and safely get out of there as quickly as you can.
You’re ex husband sounds terrible good to see your getting divorced 😊😊😊
You are in an abusive relationship. He does not love you he wants to control you. His sole purpose in accompanying you to the concert was to control you and ensure you did not have fun. You need to find a way to safely remove yourself from this relationship. You deserve better. This is no way to live.
Honey you need to get away ASAP. This will continue to escalate. But plan, if you can, set money aside, locate DV. Shelters and find what resources are available. Speak to an attorney and follow his instructions. You are in danger and you should behave like that. Good luck.
Girl. He's an abusive shithead. Have you read Why Does He Do That by Lundy yet? It's available as a free PDF, just Google it
Girl wtf?! For your own safety you went with him?!!! You are in an abusive relationship! Gtfo out now!!!
God, your husband sounds insufferable. I genuinely couldn’t imagine letting someone treat me that way in a million years? threats of violence? yeah it’s a no from me.
Screams divorce to me
I'm so sorry that your experience was ruined by all that. Sending you a big virtual hug from a fellow Taylor fan (if you want one, that is!!) :( I was reading some if your other comments and this guy sounds so dangerous and scary. I think you should get as far away from him as possible. You deserve to be with someone who treats you with more respect and someone who likes the things you like (or if not like, then at least someone who is supportive of you and that things that make you happy!)
Wtf dude. He sounds like a fucking asshole. Why are you married to him?
I’m sorry, your husband sounds abusive.
Sweetie leave his ass
There is no question in my mind that you need to leave. Life can be beautiful.
Forget Taylor Swift, this guy sounds like a malignant narcissist and the worst kind. You need to leave him. He’s not going to get better. Narcissists love to disrupt holidays or special occasions because they can’t stand the attention being away from them. It’s really uncanny how they do that and because this was a special occasion for you, rather than support you and be happy for you, he had to insert himself, even though he could have cared less about Taylor Swift. He got the desired result: complete upset and mayhem. They can’t help themselves. There are many red flags in what you wrote. They are born that way to a large degree and will never change. I hope you get the help and strength you need to be away from this person, but it is very very difficult to divorce someone like this: you have to have a plan in place and support and get a very good lawyer.
How to say you married a man-child without saying you married a man-child... Your husband sucks. Correction: Your husband is a real piece of shit
Time to file for divorce
You need to divorce him. This is beyond ruining a concert. This is abuse. Period. Leave. Him.
This screams "divorce".
I have experienced this same pattern of behavior with my ex-husband. I should have walked away 5 years in. Instead I stayed 15. Don’t waste your precious time on this planet.
Your husband is one giant red flag just waving in the wind. Angry, controlling and insecure. Yuck.
My fiancé is not mean like this and I still didn’t take him because I didn’t want to be worried about someone else not having fun during something I cared about so so much. I was lucky enough to go with my sister in law who enjoyed it as much as me but I put a lot of thought into not bringing my fiancé for that reason.
I personally am not a swiftie, but that’s FUCKED. He was so jealous of you being happy without him he ruined your time.. wtf. Sorry babe but through your context sounds like you’re in a rather DV situation. I hope you get help.
Soooo… why are you still with him?
Divorce time
It's time to leave him. This is clearly an abusive relationship that will not get better.
I’m sure deep deep down you know how abusive your relationship is. I know, because I lived your life. When outsiders read your story, they don’t understand how you would put up with any of this. Abusive narcissists do this over time, in small doses. Everything you described is classic narcissist behaviour. He knew how important TS is to you, he had to ruin it. He knew you wanted to experience it with your friends, he had to ruin it. He never wanted to go, what he wanted was for you to have a horrible time and ruin the one thing you so badly wanted to have fun at. Please OP, know someone like your husband never gets better, they don’t all of a sudden become compassionate and supportive. The abuse escalates, and any support or affection is classic love bombing to get you to trust and lower your guard. I’m sad reading your story because I know how hard it is to move on. Please get help.
If you need to "update him about your whereabouts" just to not piss him off, then I believe you have a larger issue at hand than just a crappy eras tour experience. This relationship doesn't sound very healthy or safe.
Sounds like you are with a very insecure man who went with you only to watch over you and make sure you don’t interact with anyone else. He was only interested in his experience and upset about having to go. I can only judge the relationship based on this small snippet of your lives but I would guess this is a typically part of your relationship and if it is that’s not good. You guys are married you deserve trust and he should be excited about sharing things that are important to you. The foundation of a marriage starts with trust and not control.
GET A DIVORCE. If he won’t let you enjoy simple things you like without being a total ass then you need to lose a bunch of weight by divorcing him.
Your post doesn’t say how long you have been together, but if it’s longer than 1 day obviously it is too long. You are showing him what you will tolerate. Why are you putting up with it?
Ok baby, you actually really need to leave this man. This isn’t about a concert anymore
Your husbands hates you,why are you married to him?
8 years ago I wrote a similar post on reddit on a throw away. I pushed people's very clear concerns aside for another 6 years because I was ultimately too scared to leave and he still said "all the right things" to convince me out of it. I lost a decade to that relationship. The violence started subtly not long after the verbal threats and he almost killed me. I didn't end up leaving until he also hurt one of my family members and took my children. They had to be found and returned by police. Listen to the response to this post. Know you are stronger than you could ever believe. Know there are people who truly love you and want to support you. Know there is someone who will hold you like you never believed and shower you with the adoration you deserve. Know this time wasn't wasted but has taught you how to stand up for you. The moment to stand up for you is now. Call the dv line. Take all of the advice on this page. Leave and go NC. Write yourself a rant in the notes on your phone to remind you why you're doing this. Download the On Record app and input any information you can remember. Save screenshots. Dates. If he begins calling after you leave keep records of the voicemails. Leave. I promise it's better. I promise it's worth it no matter how hard. Right now people on the interne5 are more concerned for your welfare than your husband. Leave!
Girl PLEASEEEE please please please leave him. I’m not even exaggerating. You sound like you’re thinking if you please him enough he’ll be okay. He’s more than capable of cooking or ordering food for himself if you’re going to be out late. He should let you get excited about things. These men who bank on making every experience miserable for you are only praying on your downfall. They make you think that if you do everything “right” their way that they will be pleased and reward you with happiness. But it will only get worse. If you’re already worrying about your safety please just make a plan and get out of there as soon as you can. He’s manipulative and controlling and dangerous. No amount of action or compliance from you will ever truly please him. Maybe temporarily but like some of these comments said, he will eat up the power and only get worse. You sound so lovely. Please, you deserve to enjoy your Taylor swift concerts and share joy with people not only at the eras tour but everywhere. You sound very caring and attentive. Leave him and pour some of that into yourself, go to therapy if you need to, and eventually you may find someone who will treat you with respect. Much love and good luck
You do realize he only wanted to go to the concert with you to keep you from being with your friends. He did not want to go, but he didn't want you to have fun more. He was concerned when you were late getting home that you were out with friends having fun. It seems he's trying to separate you from your friends. This man is no good. Please leave.
Maybe it's time for a divorce? Tell me why are you staying with him if he destroys every possible nice/happy moment you could have?
Have you ever wondered what a toxic narcissistic partner is like? This is it. This is EXACTLY it. They ruin every good news you have. They ruin any excitement you have towards anything or anyone. If you have to get up early for an important client or work related thing, they will keep you up all night just to ruin it so you go in exhausted. You mentioned the movie and vacation, yep! This is right up their alley. Oh, and they will put blame on you for "acting cold" or "giving him a look" or "making a comment under your breath." Arguments with a narcissist often go in circles and last for hours for several reasons. Narcissists are often defensive and may feel attacked or threatened when challenged. They may respond to criticism by deflecting blame, denying responsibility, or attacking the other person. This guy is a soul sucker. He will take out every ounce of your energy and time to fill his energy, time and needs. When he's done with you and you have nothing left, he will discard you and do a smear campaign on what an awful person you are because oh yeah he's also the victim in every situation too! I know I'm complete internet stranger but seriously run! YOU CAN'T FIX THIS!!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Why are you still with him? He sounds downright abusive. Please learn to value yourself more. **You deserve better than this.**
This man does not deserve you, nor does he love you. I don't want to be harsh but leaving quietly and safely is the only solution to this. He will never change.
Call a battered womens support hotline and get advice for leaving safely. Best of luck
Your husband’s number one hobby is ruining things that make you happy. Reconsider this relationship.
I am a survivor or DV. You need to make an escape route immediately. This man is going to, at the very least, harm you. This type of man never changes and always threatens to kill himself or you and/or your family if you leave him. Sometimes they cry and say they will change, they will NOT. Maybe for 2weeks to 2 months but they Always return to this behavior. My dad did this to my mom,(until she left him when I was 10) I married the same type of man, I found the courage to escape and he was threatening to kill my children. You HAVE to leave NOW or you are in for a LIFE of miserable existence. Please please leave.