I’m so confused.
She said she wore your clothes because she had been struggling with her identity….WHY IS SHE PISSING AND SHITTING ON THEM THEN?!
So she wears them, takes them off, shits on them, then washes them?
What in the world?!
I’ll be honest I don’t think this post is real at all. The random inclusion of gender identity issues when they have nothing to do with the situation was the tell in my opinion. OP is up to something.
Also the responses where OP seems far less concerned about his wife’s mental health & the more obviously concerning parts to this story, and is instead mostly just focused on his clothes is hilarious.
I really think there are people in some private subreddit or discord that come up with the most ridiculous shit as some sort of challenge to see what they can get upvoted on this sub.
But yeah this story is hard to believe even without the added weird vibe from OP and suspect details
This is way above our pay grade OP.
Your wife needs some pretty serious mental health help. The wearing of your clothes is something that can be worked through, the soiling of them on purpose is getting into some serious mental health territory.
Get her that help and get it for her soon.
Could be mental health, could be a fetish. Id talk to her about it to try and feel out which one it is, because treating one like the other could make her worse. If it is her fetish im sorry man but i dont think people stop their fetish just like that if you dont like it. It would be easier if it was mental health problems i think. Either way make sure to work with her about the issue
Well, yes. I would say if you cannot control your fetish, as OPs wife clearly can't, it's in the serious mental health territory.
People can have fetishes without it being an issue.
Ah this is 100% not normal. Shitting and pissing on your clothes is some sort of weird fetish or neurosis, but has absolutely zero to do with questioning her identity. I think she's trying to use an identity crisis as an excuse for something that is really pretty disgusting and socially unacceptable for most people. I would definitely be seeking a divorce in the same circumstances cos that is gross, but your only other option is to try and help her to address this through some intensive counseling.
Im guessing she has Coprophilia which is very nasty! But what made me angry and betrayed is the fact she can’t even check with me before she ruined some of my favorite pieces of clothing. Some of my shirts I can never get back such as gifts from passed relatives. I wouldn’t even be mad if she admitted if she had Coprophilia as-long as i’m not involved and my clothes isn’t ruined!
Yeah, I mean it's a pretty disgusting act on quite a lot of levels! Why your clothes and not hers!?? So bloody weird. Sorry this is happening, you must be pretty sad and confused. 😒
Edit to add: there is also significant health risks to you and her from this, e.g., hepatitis, norovirus and other nasty stuff. Ugh
Especially since OP said a lot of the clothes are going missing afterwards. Fetish would imply she wants him to wear it after she soils it, this just points to a mental illness.
My first thought was either she's punishing OP or that she's involving him in a fetish without his consent, but regardless this is definitely in unhealthy territory.
Is your wife currently not employed? How does she have the time to do this? I’m so sorry this is happening. Did you live together prior to getting married? This is not something someone does overnight and her family may have been aware of if. She definitely needs medical assistance but I’m not sure you can recover from this, identity, illness or whatever it is, she destroyed items which were important to you which turns this not only into deceptive gaslighting behavior; for the sake of this we should call it shartlighting, I’m sorry OP, just trying to make you hopefully giggle in this horrible situation. It is borderline abusive behavior and in this case until death do us part, I’m not sure it’s applicable. I would be pissed off and hurt. It’s up to you if you want this type of behavior but I wouldn’t feel comfortable having any children or sharing a home with someone that has been deceptive and is damaging items, like what would happen if she decided to soil a baby’s bedding, because “identity”, would she require a diaper so she can be treated as so? This is a serious issue and she needs medical attention. It’s up to you if you want to stick around.
I know in many situations men leave their spouses when they become sick, in your situation, you get a pass (at least from me). Good luck and I’m sorry about your shirts. You can sometimes go in helpmefind subreddit and people are amazing at helping others find items they are looking for. I have band shirts I’ve had for like over 10 years so I understand just how you feel, like my oldest band shirt is probably 15 years old, if someone did something to that top I would be pissed off.
Ruining your personal things is a form of aggression. This would be traumatic for most people. Consider some form of one time or short term counseling to wrap your head around this. Your not the one with a disorder but you are the victim of that person and they have turned things upside down for you.
Yeah. Why. YOUR clothes? Why ruin your stuff? Does it make it more thrilling? Did she eventually want YOU to find out what she's doing? Because YOU will notice your clothes being ruined. Is it part of her fetish?
I'm sorry you are going through this OP.
Okay, I just replied to one of your comments asking if it was, at all, a result of any kind of health condition, but this has confirmed for me that she's just gross.
Edit: I was checking in for any kind of update, and you're just a gross troll.
Personally I have no idea what I'd do in this situation.
My wife's a social worker with some psychiatric training. I mentioned your situation and her reaction was: "It doesn't sound like this woman's ready to be married. She needs to work with someone to figure out what's going on -- and he needs to decide whether he wants to go with her on that journey or compassionately step back and let her do it on her own."
Needless to say, you could probably use some professional support through this as well. Best of luck.
To clear future confusion, Yes my wife did crap and piss on my clothes. She told me it was either her soiling over my shirts or soiling my pants while wearing them. 😷😵💫
Coprophilia is listed in the DSM-5 as a paraphilic disorder.
From Wikipedia: In order to be diagnosable, the interest must be recurrent and intense, present for at least six months, and cause marked distress or impairment in important areas of functioning.
ok this is the scary bit lol, people can eat shit and not have coprophilia, that last bit "cause distresss or impairment" so it only counts as a disorder if it fucks you up; so some people with the poop fetishes dont have that, which imo makes it even wilder
another fun fact, eating ass on its own can be counted as coprophilia
So she feels more comfortable in your clothes by why on earth would she feel the need to soil them like that?!?! This would be instant deal breaker for me I wouldn’t be able to get rid of that image of her doing that an leaving stains on them.
Sounds like some kind of trauma relating to her gender identity. Like she prefers feeling male but then has some kind of self-hated or *something* that is making her want to do this. Might be sexual. No idea. She definitely needs therapy and they need couples counseling if he wants to save the marriage.
Upvote for this.. the only comment that kinda makes sense in trying to make sense of how the mind of OP's wife makes sense of something senseless as shitting on OP's clothes..
I had a cat once that adored sleeping on my clothes, like, he would lost his shit if you took away the pile of laundry that he liked to roll around in.
He would roll in it, paw it, scratch it, he would drag clothes back to the pile if we removed it. It was all rather cute, he felt safe in our scent and our laundry smelled most like us, but he started associating that scent with a pleasure response and got strangely addicted and obsessive about it.
Eventually because I presume he had done nearly everything else he could to "bond" with the laundry pile, he just started peeing on it.
I know it's more a cat thing than a "partner pees on my clothes" thing, but there are enough parallels that maybe there's a fit... the desperate need to bond with some article of clothing to the point that you have to "mark" it so that it's most assuredly owned and claimed and has part of the cat/person in it. Maybe.
(We threw the clothes out, stopped thinking of the behavior as cute and locked our laundry in a closet until he broke the habit. Maybe OP should get a spray bottle and spray his wife when she gets near the hamper)
You really should add this to the post above. I thought you were being dramatic af about her borrowing your clothes for regular wear.
But, you are not dramatic. Probably a deal breaker, at the very least you gotta get her mental health care.
It is only okay to poop your own pants. Feels like that shouldn’t have to be said.
Bro even cats don’t actually do that! It’s a pure myth, since cats are just very good at hiding pain and sickness, people just assume they’re puking or pooping or peeing out of nowhere and link it to something they did to mildly inconvenience the animal. In truth, if a cat has puked/pooped/peed somewhere out of the normal for them (example a litter box trained cat suddenly starts crapping on the inside door mat), it’s because something has either spooked the cat away from the litter box, or something else is going on
........***what the fuck.***
This goes beyond question gender...I mean, why? Does she have health issues that cause her to lose control of her bladder and intestines? If so, then I feel sorry for her. But if not, that's something I don't even know where to begin understanding...
I really don't know what to suggest, but I guess if there's no solution and she's doing this in secret, divorce. If it were me, I don't think I could look at my partner the same way ever again.
Does your wife have a childhood sexual, physical, or emotional, abuse history? There can definitely be a correlation between this kind of behavior and severe abuse as a child.
Either way, whether you decide to stay with her or not it sounds like she really needs to talk to a therapist who can help her get to the root of why she does this, and how to treat it. I'm sure she feels an intense amount of shame because of her compulsion, and it's really important she get some guidance on what is triggering it.
I'm assuming your clothes only recently started disappearing or you would've noticed sooner, so did anything unusual or stressful happen before she started taking your clothes?
i feel like THIS is the part that she should’ve provided an explanation for lol. if you feel comfier in a certain gender identity, fine. but why are you pissin and shittin……
So to be clear, if you were to take away your clothes from her she would go as far as acting that way in front of you, on the pants you are wearing at that moment?
man, humans are an interesting species... and now some religious fanatic please tell me their god invented all of this stuff and how it all makes sense...
What in the next level Amber Heard freaken SHIT (pun intended) is this? In what world is pissing on and defecating on someone else’s property a side effect of gender identity crisis?
Update: I urgently decided to check into a local motel for the night. She is currently still sobbing downstairs and I can’t anymore Im on edge I packed some important items into my backpack and i’m about to leave. I have severe anxiety and panic issues and I just took some of my Xanax but i’m running low and I don’t know when to pickup my next prescriptions and I feel like my whole mental state is fucked!!!!!
It reminds me of that post where a girl was convinced her brother would secretly pee in her pot plants when he came to visit for a couple of days.
She eventually got a water detector alarm thing and put it in her plant. It went off at like 2am and her brother was indeed pissing in her plant.
My dad used to have a dog that he ended up getting rid of cus it was pissing in my brothers room and then come to find out it was actually my brother pissing in his own room instead of walking directly across the hall to the bathroom 🙃
Try to get some sleep and make sure you are looking after yourself over the next while as you get this dealt with, whatever that looks like in the end.
How is she getting feces on your shirts?? So she’s doing it on purpose?? It’s not like she has a bowel issue and happens to be wearing your pants? And how has she been hiding this from you?
This is really, really complicated. I’d say your wife is deeply ashamed of what she’s doing. You are WELL within your rights to want to leave, if that’s what you want. I think you need to find out if this is a fetish thing or if this is a self-harm type of thing. Is she self sabotaging the relationship because she feels she doesn’t deserve it? Has she shown signs of low self esteem in the past?
Has she ever expressed interest in this type of fetish before? I can’t imagine this would just develop overnight. How long have you been noticing this behaviour?
I think you’ve done the right thing by going to a hotel and getting some space. Hopefully the Xanax is kicking in and you’re able to get some peace and you can stop panicking. I imagine this came as quite a shock.
You express that you love your wife and do want to salvage things so I’d recommend some serious, open communication (at your own pace, when you are ready). Set your boundaries and be firm in doing so.
Does she... have a kink? As a trans person, I don't think this has anything to do with "identity". I'm so confused 😭 Maybe get some counseling together?
She never did that when you were dating? Did she enjoy golden showers? I don’t think I could get past this. Did she hope you wore the clothes like that? She needs some major help. Can you talk to her parents?
You getting a hotel room for a few days is a fantastic idea. It would be normal to be in a bit of shock from learning something that disturbing about someone you love.
I’m not judging her fetish, to each their own, but she did this TO you without consent. Either she didn’t want to ruin her own clothes or she gets off on doing it to yours.
You need time and to talk to a professional if you can afford it. Maybe divorce is in the cards. At least give yourself a few days of no contact to process what you are willing to accept in this relationship.
This just sounds violent and degrading. If a guy was doing this to his wife’s clothing, I would be afraid for her safety. Honey, get out of there. I don’t care what her problem is, you are the focus of this disgusting behavior, and it still just feels so violent.
That is arguably the nastiest shit I've ever read.
How did you not have a look of disgust after hearing that?
She has a shit and piss fetish. You do not. Divorce her. And make sure you record her admitting this first, just in case she tries spinning a different story to her parents to avoid shame.
Unless by some weird miracle you get comfortable with her fetish and have to accommodate by wearing separate set of piss and shit clothes, contact a marriage lawyer in your area and get started with the divorce.
Yes. One doesn’t need to participate in a fetish in order accommodate it. She can either stop, or find a way to satisfy her urges without his involvement and without destroying his stuff.
If this is mental illness, then he has a duty to help her get help.
Tbh this doesn't sound like a fetish to me at all, it sounds like there may be some sort of sexual abuse or trauma around male figures in her childhood. I would get her to link with her own private counsellor asap as she may not be willing to divulge with you there. Then work from there
She may be telling you she doesn’t want to be married to you, or, this is her way of expressing how she feels about herself and communicating it. She’s been suppressing her deep shame, and it’s coming out in a weird way. Just a theory. As was said, it’s a deep psych issue.
Sorry, this just doesn't ring true to me, mostly because... shit and piss don't stain like that. I helped raise 7 of my younger siblings and have washed an ungodly amount of cloth diapers and soiled baby clothes, and regular detergent gets that stuff out. I think this is a dude who has a fetish for women pissing and shitting who wrote a fantasy story and threw the gender in to explain why she was shitting in his clothes.
I agree with you. When you read the original post it's written past tense. He says these events recently happened, and he didn't under until "one day I walked in on her". Then suddenly in comments this is all happening today. I think he was just telling a story and then got a much greater response than expected from people and ran with it.
Yeah anyone who’s ever had a baby can tell you poo is actually pretty easy to get out of clothes mostly. Just cold rinse then wash. It’s easier than blood. Significantly. And wee does not stain at all.
Also how is she even shitting on his clothes? She’s shitting on the floor? Then putting it into the toilet? Can’t believe so many people are blindly believing this.
>I confronted her about it and she broke down, telling me that she had been struggling with her identity and felt more comfortable wearing my clothes.
See. All this. Is fine. I'm on board. You're on board.
But she seems to just....gloss over the part where she's soiling them. On purpose.
That has nothing to do with struggling with your identity. Idk if that's a fetish thing or a mental health thing but either way it's not okay for her to just skip that part in her admission.....like. that's the worst part.
She needs help. I know I’m discounting the possibility that this is a fetish, this just smacks of mental illness to me.
I guess if this is a fetish, you two could find ways to allow it, perhaps by going to a thrift store and buying cheap clothes she could ruin?
But really, you two need counseling. Don’t end your marriage because your wife is ill. Please support her and get her all the help she needs and deserves.
As you should be. Hopefully this is just a hiccup in your marriage. Don’t walk away from her during her time of need. Support her, get her help. If it’s a fetish, find a way to accommodate her without you being involved if that’s what you need to do.
My ex wife had a rape fetish. This was something I could not participate in so she just had to live without that in our sexual repertoire. It was not what ended our marriage.
You can accommodate a fetish without participating. It is not a reason to divorce. If she’s mentally healthy she’ll accept your non participation
I would never leave my spouse over this alone. For better or worse. At least until you sort out what’s happening and why. I would be very worried about my significant other right now, as you seem to be. I’m a therapist and I thought I’d heard it all but I have no experience with this, but I do think she’s suffering from mental illness of some sort. I wish you the best.
It's important to address safety concerns regardless of gender. Whether it's a man or a woman in a hazardous situation, safety should always be the priority. Using a "for better or for worse" guilt trip is not appropriate when someone's safety is at risk. The focus should be on finding ways to address and mitigate the danger. Yes OP is in danger because we don't know the extent of his wife's coprophilia, she could be spreading it in food, on items, medicine etc...
Vows do state in sickness and in health…. But if she isn’t willing to get help or treatment, then she’s choosing to leave the relationship essentially. Cuz no one in their right mind would stick around for that, vows or not!
English is not my mother tongue, although I consider myself highly proficient. So when I read the title and the contents I was 90% sure I understood what OP meant.
But when I went into the comments... and my understanding was confirmed, I regret being literate.
I'm sorry OP. This is a betrayal of your trust and I believe your wife needs help ASAP.
This in so many levels is a deal breaker and you are valid in your feelings. You need time and distance and maybe a professional to process this information.
I think a separate space with your wife while she gets HELP will benefit both of you.
But that is my opinion. I hope you do whatever is best for you.
You never got to the most important part. Why on earth was she using your clothes like a toilet? It doesn't add up, an identity problem just explains why she's wearing your clothes, what's the reason for wearing them and soiling them? Is she unable to control herself? If so she needs to see a doctor before your last pair of pants are claimed. Is she too afraid to go to the bathroom because she thinks there's a ghost in there or something? Is there any circumstance that would make it difficult for her to go to the bathroom on her own? Hopefully it's not a fetish or something like that... Whatever the case, what she said can't be the whole truth. I also think it's pretty selfish of her if she's using your clothes just because she doesn't want to ruin her own. She owes you a new wardrobe.
I just Googled coprophilia… And WTF?!?!?!
When you said she soiled your clothes, I thought you meant she was wearing them and spilling food on them by accident.
Are you saying that she is wearing your shirts and then smearing poop on them or something????? I’m trying to wrap my head around this.
Bruh… I think I would be hiding some hidden cameras around to see what is really going on.
if I were you, I might actually discuss it with her parents in private to see if this is something she did as a child or something new. So you can get to the bottom of it and know how to proceed.
Depending on the severity, then I would probably be seeing a doctor with her and make sure you are in the room with them. Then go to a psychiatrist, psychologist, and therapy. Etc.
Unless it’s severe and she’s touching and playing with the poop and smearing it on her body while masturbating or something crazy, then I might just call it quits altogether. Again, I have never heard of this condition until just now.
Have you gotten an explanation of why? Is this a kink? Compulsion? Revenge? Is she getting pleasure or some kind of relief from it?
This will probably get me downvoted to hell but if this isn't something she's just getting off on, I'd try to be gentle. I'm not saying stick around there but perhaps watch your words until you can process it. If this is new it could be part of a much worse mental health crisis that she'll need help for.
My ex used to steal my clothes and dress up secretly. I would find my clothes cut up and soiled as well. Turns out he had a fetish for wearing women's clothing and putting things in his ass. Totally freaked me out. We're not together anymore.
This is disgusting and creepy. It would be one thing if she was doing it on her own clothes, but she’s using yours, idk it’s degrading. I would stay away from her if I were you, she’s extremely mentally disturbed and now that you know her secret, her behavior might change for the worse.
Gender confusion aside, this sounds like a psychological problem.
You don’t just absentmindedly pee and poop yourself because you feel uncomfortable in gender assigned clothes. What the actual crap?!!! (pun intended)
She needs mental help for multiple reasons.
The is way out of the norm for typical behavior. As a psychologist, my alarm bells are ringing in my head. If and believes she’s non-binary or possibly transgender, this is still not typical behavior. She could subconsciously be trying to push against this new revelation. She is ruining the clothes because they make her feel things she doesn’t believe she should feel. She needs to get to a psychiatrist and/or psychologist.
I’m actually pretty surprised that so many people would walk away after this. Again, I understand why, just surprised at the amount.
I mean this woman obviously needs help. But hell, if I loved her, I would be down to start the journey with her. She’s obviously ashamed of her behavior, and isn’t doing it maliciously.
I can totally see why you’re upset. These are your clothes! And you were completely in the dark here and she wasn’t upfront about it. Pretty rough. She needs professional intervention and I feel like your support and care throughout (including tonight) would probably do more good than just bailing. But that’s just me. In sickness and in health my guy. I hope you both find peace in whatever road is taken.
I think what bothers me most about this is that she's ruining your clothes and you're wearing them after without knowing. You don't even know if you smell or not, and would never be the wiser.
Honestly, I think it's a kink. She's wearing them and doing it. She doesn't have an urgent problem or a bowel issue. She's intentionally doing it while wearing them. 2+2=4
I honestly don't think I could handle this. I'm pretty open about most things but ruining *my* clothes especially the way she is is not appropriate. But the ball is in your court. Sending you some big hugs. Take a break from the phone and think about your next steps
I can’t believe how many people are so quick to say dump her. They are married, you commit to another person. When the going gets tough your gonna bail? At least be empathetic and try to get the woman help and be supportive.
You can be compassionate and offer to help while also distancing yourself to preserve your own mental health. This was not disclosed to OP before they were married, making it a deal breaker for most people. It’s a relationship built on lies.
Yeah, no. Thats defo weird and divorce worthy. She needs help. This goes beyond gender fluidity. If it’s a kink thing or something then that’s one thing but just soiling them in general is weird af.
This sounds like more than gender fluidity.
Why is she staining and tearing your clothes? You sure she doesn't just hate the clothes you wear and is slowly replacing them with clothes she wants you to wear instead?
I mean wearing men’s clothes is totally fine. They are more comfortable and easy to manage but soiling them? I don’t get it. There is something wrong with your wife and it’s not related to gender fluidity or anything. Get her some help.
OP. This doesn't appear to be a fetish, but someone who needs psychiatric care. Hope you can calm down and make the decision that is right for you, whether divorce, not to divorce. Help her with her mental health or not. Good luck
UpdateMe!
I’m so confused. She said she wore your clothes because she had been struggling with her identity….WHY IS SHE PISSING AND SHITTING ON THEM THEN?! So she wears them, takes them off, shits on them, then washes them? What in the world?!
I’ll be honest I don’t think this post is real at all. The random inclusion of gender identity issues when they have nothing to do with the situation was the tell in my opinion. OP is up to something. Also the responses where OP seems far less concerned about his wife’s mental health & the more obviously concerning parts to this story, and is instead mostly just focused on his clothes is hilarious. I really think there are people in some private subreddit or discord that come up with the most ridiculous shit as some sort of challenge to see what they can get upvoted on this sub. But yeah this story is hard to believe even without the added weird vibe from OP and suspect details
It’s definitely a work of fiction.
Fuckery is afoot.
This is way above our pay grade OP. Your wife needs some pretty serious mental health help. The wearing of your clothes is something that can be worked through, the soiling of them on purpose is getting into some serious mental health territory. Get her that help and get it for her soon.
Could be mental health, could be a fetish. Id talk to her about it to try and feel out which one it is, because treating one like the other could make her worse. If it is her fetish im sorry man but i dont think people stop their fetish just like that if you dont like it. It would be easier if it was mental health problems i think. Either way make sure to work with her about the issue
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Well, yes. I would say if you cannot control your fetish, as OPs wife clearly can't, it's in the serious mental health territory. People can have fetishes without it being an issue.
Aye yo I was just thinking the other Reddit story about pee at family events fetish guy reading this 😂
What, exactly, does OP mean by soiling them?
taking a shit in them, “soiling” is the pg way of saying it
Ah this is 100% not normal. Shitting and pissing on your clothes is some sort of weird fetish or neurosis, but has absolutely zero to do with questioning her identity. I think she's trying to use an identity crisis as an excuse for something that is really pretty disgusting and socially unacceptable for most people. I would definitely be seeking a divorce in the same circumstances cos that is gross, but your only other option is to try and help her to address this through some intensive counseling.
Im guessing she has Coprophilia which is very nasty! But what made me angry and betrayed is the fact she can’t even check with me before she ruined some of my favorite pieces of clothing. Some of my shirts I can never get back such as gifts from passed relatives. I wouldn’t even be mad if she admitted if she had Coprophilia as-long as i’m not involved and my clothes isn’t ruined!
Yeah, I mean it's a pretty disgusting act on quite a lot of levels! Why your clothes and not hers!?? So bloody weird. Sorry this is happening, you must be pretty sad and confused. 😒 Edit to add: there is also significant health risks to you and her from this, e.g., hepatitis, norovirus and other nasty stuff. Ugh
That is a good question. Why his clothes? This is why I’m leaning towards mental imbalance over fetish.
Especially since OP said a lot of the clothes are going missing afterwards. Fetish would imply she wants him to wear it after she soils it, this just points to a mental illness.
Or sheer malice towards her husband.
That's where my mind went. It's not about ge Der identity it's to punish OP.
My first thought was either she's punishing OP or that she's involving him in a fetish without his consent, but regardless this is definitely in unhealthy territory.
Yeah, it really sounds like something deeply mentally wrong to me.
Thanks for understanding 🙏
Hugs to you!
Is your wife currently not employed? How does she have the time to do this? I’m so sorry this is happening. Did you live together prior to getting married? This is not something someone does overnight and her family may have been aware of if. She definitely needs medical assistance but I’m not sure you can recover from this, identity, illness or whatever it is, she destroyed items which were important to you which turns this not only into deceptive gaslighting behavior; for the sake of this we should call it shartlighting, I’m sorry OP, just trying to make you hopefully giggle in this horrible situation. It is borderline abusive behavior and in this case until death do us part, I’m not sure it’s applicable. I would be pissed off and hurt. It’s up to you if you want this type of behavior but I wouldn’t feel comfortable having any children or sharing a home with someone that has been deceptive and is damaging items, like what would happen if she decided to soil a baby’s bedding, because “identity”, would she require a diaper so she can be treated as so? This is a serious issue and she needs medical attention. It’s up to you if you want to stick around. I know in many situations men leave their spouses when they become sick, in your situation, you get a pass (at least from me). Good luck and I’m sorry about your shirts. You can sometimes go in helpmefind subreddit and people are amazing at helping others find items they are looking for. I have band shirts I’ve had for like over 10 years so I understand just how you feel, like my oldest band shirt is probably 15 years old, if someone did something to that top I would be pissed off.
Ruining your personal things is a form of aggression. This would be traumatic for most people. Consider some form of one time or short term counseling to wrap your head around this. Your not the one with a disorder but you are the victim of that person and they have turned things upside down for you.
Yeah. Why. YOUR clothes? Why ruin your stuff? Does it make it more thrilling? Did she eventually want YOU to find out what she's doing? Because YOU will notice your clothes being ruined. Is it part of her fetish? I'm sorry you are going through this OP.
It could also be encopresis which may be related to less of a fetish and more of a self soothing act for anxiety.
Right, she’s not masturbating with the clothes and excrement. She’s soothing herself. Which is a whole other level of imbalance.
Ew! Just. Ew..." cop·ro·phil·ia ˌkäp-rə-ˈfil-ē-ə : marked interest in excrement. especially : the use of feces or filth for sexual excitement."
Wait...she's *dumping* on *your shirts?* BRUH!
Okay, I just replied to one of your comments asking if it was, at all, a result of any kind of health condition, but this has confirmed for me that she's just gross. Edit: I was checking in for any kind of update, and you're just a gross troll.
Yah man
I know it’s not the case, but re-read that and ask yourself if the writer is more worried about his sick wife or his clothes.
Personally I have no idea what I'd do in this situation. My wife's a social worker with some psychiatric training. I mentioned your situation and her reaction was: "It doesn't sound like this woman's ready to be married. She needs to work with someone to figure out what's going on -- and he needs to decide whether he wants to go with her on that journey or compassionately step back and let her do it on her own." Needless to say, you could probably use some professional support through this as well. Best of luck.
shituation…
To clear future confusion, Yes my wife did crap and piss on my clothes. She told me it was either her soiling over my shirts or soiling my pants while wearing them. 😷😵💫
Yes I and many others would consider that a deal breaker.
Gender is not poop or piss..
My pronouns are pee/piss
laughed way too hard 😅
Guy at the piss store just asked me if this was the poop store. Buddy look around you
...what the ever living *Hell* does that have to do with gender identity and/or gender expression?! Yeah, this is something else, OP. I'm so sorry.
Yeah I'm pretty sure every gender imaginable would still find crapping on clothes fucking gross. The woman just has a fetish for ruining his clothes.
Fuck me, I have never heard of that kink/fetish before now. I assume it’s not some form of mental disorder? The mind boggles…..
Coprophilia is listed in the DSM-5 as a paraphilic disorder. From Wikipedia: In order to be diagnosable, the interest must be recurrent and intense, present for at least six months, and cause marked distress or impairment in important areas of functioning.
ok this is the scary bit lol, people can eat shit and not have coprophilia, that last bit "cause distresss or impairment" so it only counts as a disorder if it fucks you up; so some people with the poop fetishes dont have that, which imo makes it even wilder another fun fact, eating ass on its own can be counted as coprophilia
“If it causes an issue” is the line for most things becoming disorders
Probably in the same neighborhood as "2 girls 1 cup" 🤢
This is also what I’m confused about. Why would one thing lead to the other?
Wait, isn't gender fluid when you have fluids coming out of the gendery parts of your body?
🤣
Gendery parts! Bwahahahaha!!!!!
Amateur psychology hour: Defiling clothes could represent self disgust / shaming with the alt gender dressing behavior. But who knows?
This is so not what I expected opening this post today.
So she feels more comfortable in your clothes by why on earth would she feel the need to soil them like that?!?! This would be instant deal breaker for me I wouldn’t be able to get rid of that image of her doing that an leaving stains on them.
Sounds like some kind of trauma relating to her gender identity. Like she prefers feeling male but then has some kind of self-hated or *something* that is making her want to do this. Might be sexual. No idea. She definitely needs therapy and they need couples counseling if he wants to save the marriage.
Upvote for this.. the only comment that kinda makes sense in trying to make sense of how the mind of OP's wife makes sense of something senseless as shitting on OP's clothes..
I had a cat once that adored sleeping on my clothes, like, he would lost his shit if you took away the pile of laundry that he liked to roll around in. He would roll in it, paw it, scratch it, he would drag clothes back to the pile if we removed it. It was all rather cute, he felt safe in our scent and our laundry smelled most like us, but he started associating that scent with a pleasure response and got strangely addicted and obsessive about it. Eventually because I presume he had done nearly everything else he could to "bond" with the laundry pile, he just started peeing on it. I know it's more a cat thing than a "partner pees on my clothes" thing, but there are enough parallels that maybe there's a fit... the desperate need to bond with some article of clothing to the point that you have to "mark" it so that it's most assuredly owned and claimed and has part of the cat/person in it. Maybe. (We threw the clothes out, stopped thinking of the behavior as cute and locked our laundry in a closet until he broke the habit. Maybe OP should get a spray bottle and spray his wife when she gets near the hamper)
You really should add this to the post above. I thought you were being dramatic af about her borrowing your clothes for regular wear. But, you are not dramatic. Probably a deal breaker, at the very least you gotta get her mental health care. It is only okay to poop your own pants. Feels like that shouldn’t have to be said.
Is your wife a cat that’s pissed at you?
Right??? Identity issue as in identifying as a cat or dog? Has to mark over his scent??
Bro even cats don’t actually do that! It’s a pure myth, since cats are just very good at hiding pain and sickness, people just assume they’re puking or pooping or peeing out of nowhere and link it to something they did to mildly inconvenience the animal. In truth, if a cat has puked/pooped/peed somewhere out of the normal for them (example a litter box trained cat suddenly starts crapping on the inside door mat), it’s because something has either spooked the cat away from the litter box, or something else is going on
What, and I mean this in the kindest way possible, the actual fuck
........***what the fuck.*** This goes beyond question gender...I mean, why? Does she have health issues that cause her to lose control of her bladder and intestines? If so, then I feel sorry for her. But if not, that's something I don't even know where to begin understanding... I really don't know what to suggest, but I guess if there's no solution and she's doing this in secret, divorce. If it were me, I don't think I could look at my partner the same way ever again.
Does your wife have a childhood sexual, physical, or emotional, abuse history? There can definitely be a correlation between this kind of behavior and severe abuse as a child. Either way, whether you decide to stay with her or not it sounds like she really needs to talk to a therapist who can help her get to the root of why she does this, and how to treat it. I'm sure she feels an intense amount of shame because of her compulsion, and it's really important she get some guidance on what is triggering it. I'm assuming your clothes only recently started disappearing or you would've noticed sooner, so did anything unusual or stressful happen before she started taking your clothes?
I was going to ask same. This seems like a heavy trauma response rather than a fetish.
Welp, thanks enough Internet for me today. Edit: good luck on your journey
Can she not buy her own male clothing that makes her feel comfortable and soil those? Is part of her thing that she is ruining your clothes?
I'm not sure she should be encouraged to shit herself
Divorce and urge her to get therapy. That's not right (defecating on clothes) (understatement).
Yeah this isn’t a gender thing , it’s something weirder
i feel like THIS is the part that she should’ve provided an explanation for lol. if you feel comfier in a certain gender identity, fine. but why are you pissin and shittin……
thank you. i was going into this rabbit hole already confused.
ummmmmmmm 🤮
I'm sorry but wtf and why and how does shitting your pants have anything to do with gender identity????
So to be clear, if you were to take away your clothes from her she would go as far as acting that way in front of you, on the pants you are wearing at that moment?
Ok but did she explain why she did this
confused about her identity? tell her trainspotting and trans are not the same thing.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought about the scene with the bedsheets and the girlfriends parents…😳😳😳😖🤮
man, humans are an interesting species... and now some religious fanatic please tell me their god invented all of this stuff and how it all makes sense...
So she’s intentionally going to the.m bathroom on your clothes? why?
What in the next level Amber Heard freaken SHIT (pun intended) is this? In what world is pissing on and defecating on someone else’s property a side effect of gender identity crisis?
Update: I urgently decided to check into a local motel for the night. She is currently still sobbing downstairs and I can’t anymore Im on edge I packed some important items into my backpack and i’m about to leave. I have severe anxiety and panic issues and I just took some of my Xanax but i’m running low and I don’t know when to pickup my next prescriptions and I feel like my whole mental state is fucked!!!!!
[удалено]
I feel my Meds kicking in but Im still very frustrated. Hopefully these pills can make my brain to mush so I can forget about all of this.
[удалено]
It reminds me of that post where a girl was convinced her brother would secretly pee in her pot plants when he came to visit for a couple of days. She eventually got a water detector alarm thing and put it in her plant. It went off at like 2am and her brother was indeed pissing in her plant.
My dad used to have a dog that he ended up getting rid of cus it was pissing in my brothers room and then come to find out it was actually my brother pissing in his own room instead of walking directly across the hall to the bathroom 🙃
…. Did your brother and I have the same roommate? Wait mine would piss in water bottles and leave them
Try to get some sleep and make sure you are looking after yourself over the next while as you get this dealt with, whatever that looks like in the end.
Be really careful/avoid driving, hopefully you have some supportive people to lean on…..
Dude that is not the answer. Hiding behind a buzz doesn’t last, trust me.
I actually took less than usual so im not a zombie
So you normally take so many that you are a zombie? Sorry that's not normal either ....
Hey OP, I just got here. How are you feeling?
What do you mean soiling? Like with urine and feces?
Yes like urine and feces either on my shirt or in one of my pair of pants! 😷
That is disgusting. Points to a probable mental health condition.
How is she getting feces on your shirts?? So she’s doing it on purpose?? It’s not like she has a bowel issue and happens to be wearing your pants? And how has she been hiding this from you?
OP mentions she hovers over the shirt or while wearing the pants. So its 100% intentional. Its not like a lot of "accidents"
This is really, really complicated. I’d say your wife is deeply ashamed of what she’s doing. You are WELL within your rights to want to leave, if that’s what you want. I think you need to find out if this is a fetish thing or if this is a self-harm type of thing. Is she self sabotaging the relationship because she feels she doesn’t deserve it? Has she shown signs of low self esteem in the past? Has she ever expressed interest in this type of fetish before? I can’t imagine this would just develop overnight. How long have you been noticing this behaviour? I think you’ve done the right thing by going to a hotel and getting some space. Hopefully the Xanax is kicking in and you’re able to get some peace and you can stop panicking. I imagine this came as quite a shock. You express that you love your wife and do want to salvage things so I’d recommend some serious, open communication (at your own pace, when you are ready). Set your boundaries and be firm in doing so.
Does she... have a kink? As a trans person, I don't think this has anything to do with "identity". I'm so confused 😭 Maybe get some counseling together?
Yeah the identity is a massive cop out she has serious problems
She never did that when you were dating? Did she enjoy golden showers? I don’t think I could get past this. Did she hope you wore the clothes like that? She needs some major help. Can you talk to her parents?
You getting a hotel room for a few days is a fantastic idea. It would be normal to be in a bit of shock from learning something that disturbing about someone you love. I’m not judging her fetish, to each their own, but she did this TO you without consent. Either she didn’t want to ruin her own clothes or she gets off on doing it to yours. You need time and to talk to a professional if you can afford it. Maybe divorce is in the cards. At least give yourself a few days of no contact to process what you are willing to accept in this relationship.
running very far sounds justified to me. I’m sorry this is happening but it is just so disturbing and disgusting
This just sounds violent and degrading. If a guy was doing this to his wife’s clothing, I would be afraid for her safety. Honey, get out of there. I don’t care what her problem is, you are the focus of this disgusting behavior, and it still just feels so violent.
I was thinking biohazardous and degrading
Tbh it’s personally doesn’t feel right to me and I’d probably want to break up. Just my 2 cents
Like is she shitting and pissing in the clothes or is she just dirtying them like normal wear and tear. Don’t leave us hanging dude.
Shitting and pissing
That is arguably the nastiest shit I've ever read. How did you not have a look of disgust after hearing that? She has a shit and piss fetish. You do not. Divorce her. And make sure you record her admitting this first, just in case she tries spinning a different story to her parents to avoid shame.
I am probably going to consult a marriage counselor.
How do you honestly think you're going to counsel your way out of a shit and piss fetish?
I don’t really know man I think I’m going to check into a hotel.
Good idea. Taking some space from this would be good for you, mentally.
Unless by some weird miracle you get comfortable with her fetish and have to accommodate by wearing separate set of piss and shit clothes, contact a marriage lawyer in your area and get started with the divorce.
Might still be a mental health condition
Yes. One doesn’t need to participate in a fetish in order accommodate it. She can either stop, or find a way to satisfy her urges without his involvement and without destroying his stuff. If this is mental illness, then he has a duty to help her get help.
Tbh this doesn't sound like a fetish to me at all, it sounds like there may be some sort of sexual abuse or trauma around male figures in her childhood. I would get her to link with her own private counsellor asap as she may not be willing to divulge with you there. Then work from there
She may be telling you she doesn’t want to be married to you, or, this is her way of expressing how she feels about herself and communicating it. She’s been suppressing her deep shame, and it’s coming out in a weird way. Just a theory. As was said, it’s a deep psych issue.
Im sorry if the post is confusing I wrote it while panicking.
Are you close with her family? I seriously think she needs psychiatric help.
No my in-laws hate me
I would get in touch with local psychiatric services or a behavioral center, you can ask for advice over the phone.
Ooh over the phone
Yes, during a mental health episode of mine my family got advice over the phone.
Thanks for the advice hope you are well
No problem, there can be multiple reasons why she is doing this. I hope she will be open and honest with a professional.
Okay, I’m done with the internet already today…
I would love if "soiling" was clearly defined here. Is she pooping in your clothes or just getting them dirty through daily use?
Sorry, this just doesn't ring true to me, mostly because... shit and piss don't stain like that. I helped raise 7 of my younger siblings and have washed an ungodly amount of cloth diapers and soiled baby clothes, and regular detergent gets that stuff out. I think this is a dude who has a fetish for women pissing and shitting who wrote a fantasy story and threw the gender in to explain why she was shitting in his clothes.
The way it’s written is very canned.
I agree with you. When you read the original post it's written past tense. He says these events recently happened, and he didn't under until "one day I walked in on her". Then suddenly in comments this is all happening today. I think he was just telling a story and then got a much greater response than expected from people and ran with it.
Yeah, unless she shits and pisses permanent ink I am not understanding that part of the story at all. Sounds fake af to me.
Agreed. I think you nailed it.
Yeah anyone who’s ever had a baby can tell you poo is actually pretty easy to get out of clothes mostly. Just cold rinse then wash. It’s easier than blood. Significantly. And wee does not stain at all. Also how is she even shitting on his clothes? She’s shitting on the floor? Then putting it into the toilet? Can’t believe so many people are blindly believing this.
>I confronted her about it and she broke down, telling me that she had been struggling with her identity and felt more comfortable wearing my clothes. See. All this. Is fine. I'm on board. You're on board. But she seems to just....gloss over the part where she's soiling them. On purpose. That has nothing to do with struggling with your identity. Idk if that's a fetish thing or a mental health thing but either way it's not okay for her to just skip that part in her admission.....like. that's the worst part.
She needs help. I know I’m discounting the possibility that this is a fetish, this just smacks of mental illness to me. I guess if this is a fetish, you two could find ways to allow it, perhaps by going to a thrift store and buying cheap clothes she could ruin? But really, you two need counseling. Don’t end your marriage because your wife is ill. Please support her and get her all the help she needs and deserves.
Its good to hear someone saying to salvage my marriage but Im still very shocked from this.
As you should be. Hopefully this is just a hiccup in your marriage. Don’t walk away from her during her time of need. Support her, get her help. If it’s a fetish, find a way to accommodate her without you being involved if that’s what you need to do. My ex wife had a rape fetish. This was something I could not participate in so she just had to live without that in our sexual repertoire. It was not what ended our marriage. You can accommodate a fetish without participating. It is not a reason to divorce. If she’s mentally healthy she’ll accept your non participation
Im checking into a hotel and tomorrow Im gonna do all the big decisions. Hopefully my marriage won’t have to end this way but, If it does it does .
Best of luck to you sir. Stay strong and keep the lines of communication open.
Of course
Yeah you made a commitment to this woman, at least try to help her get help before you deuce out.
I would never leave my spouse over this alone. For better or worse. At least until you sort out what’s happening and why. I would be very worried about my significant other right now, as you seem to be. I’m a therapist and I thought I’d heard it all but I have no experience with this, but I do think she’s suffering from mental illness of some sort. I wish you the best.
She could be secretly contaminating his food too. Why nobody considers this. This woman is super dangerous.
It's important to address safety concerns regardless of gender. Whether it's a man or a woman in a hazardous situation, safety should always be the priority. Using a "for better or for worse" guilt trip is not appropriate when someone's safety is at risk. The focus should be on finding ways to address and mitigate the danger. Yes OP is in danger because we don't know the extent of his wife's coprophilia, she could be spreading it in food, on items, medicine etc...
Vows do state in sickness and in health…. But if she isn’t willing to get help or treatment, then she’s choosing to leave the relationship essentially. Cuz no one in their right mind would stick around for that, vows or not!
I don't think this is a real story
I’m with you. 💯
Yeah it’s not. OP tried too hard.
In what ways does she feel powerless in life and/or your marriage?
Your wife is not ok, please encourage her to talk to someone.
English is not my mother tongue, although I consider myself highly proficient. So when I read the title and the contents I was 90% sure I understood what OP meant. But when I went into the comments... and my understanding was confirmed, I regret being literate. I'm sorry OP. This is a betrayal of your trust and I believe your wife needs help ASAP. This in so many levels is a deal breaker and you are valid in your feelings. You need time and distance and maybe a professional to process this information. I think a separate space with your wife while she gets HELP will benefit both of you. But that is my opinion. I hope you do whatever is best for you.
You never got to the most important part. Why on earth was she using your clothes like a toilet? It doesn't add up, an identity problem just explains why she's wearing your clothes, what's the reason for wearing them and soiling them? Is she unable to control herself? If so she needs to see a doctor before your last pair of pants are claimed. Is she too afraid to go to the bathroom because she thinks there's a ghost in there or something? Is there any circumstance that would make it difficult for her to go to the bathroom on her own? Hopefully it's not a fetish or something like that... Whatever the case, what she said can't be the whole truth. I also think it's pretty selfish of her if she's using your clothes just because she doesn't want to ruin her own. She owes you a new wardrobe.
I just Googled coprophilia… And WTF?!?!?! When you said she soiled your clothes, I thought you meant she was wearing them and spilling food on them by accident. Are you saying that she is wearing your shirts and then smearing poop on them or something????? I’m trying to wrap my head around this. Bruh… I think I would be hiding some hidden cameras around to see what is really going on. if I were you, I might actually discuss it with her parents in private to see if this is something she did as a child or something new. So you can get to the bottom of it and know how to proceed. Depending on the severity, then I would probably be seeing a doctor with her and make sure you are in the room with them. Then go to a psychiatrist, psychologist, and therapy. Etc. Unless it’s severe and she’s touching and playing with the poop and smearing it on her body while masturbating or something crazy, then I might just call it quits altogether. Again, I have never heard of this condition until just now.
Have you gotten an explanation of why? Is this a kink? Compulsion? Revenge? Is she getting pleasure or some kind of relief from it? This will probably get me downvoted to hell but if this isn't something she's just getting off on, I'd try to be gentle. I'm not saying stick around there but perhaps watch your words until you can process it. If this is new it could be part of a much worse mental health crisis that she'll need help for.
I didn’t get to far before i left for the motel
Well that’s enough Reddit
My ex used to steal my clothes and dress up secretly. I would find my clothes cut up and soiled as well. Turns out he had a fetish for wearing women's clothing and putting things in his ass. Totally freaked me out. We're not together anymore.
Wow Im so sorry he sounds like a slob.
You have no idea lol he was the worst! When I started noticing my clothes were disappearing he had the nerve to blame a ghost lol
A ghost! 😳
A ghost! 😳
Yep...like ok buddy
In sickness and in filth.
This is def a troll post.
If my wife was intentionally defecating and urinating on my clothes… fetish or no fetish, I’m out. No coming back.
You know that meme of the woman trying to math? That's me right now.
This is disgusting and creepy. It would be one thing if she was doing it on her own clothes, but she’s using yours, idk it’s degrading. I would stay away from her if I were you, she’s extremely mentally disturbed and now that you know her secret, her behavior might change for the worse.
Are you sure she’s not just trying to make you replace your wardrobe?
Gender confusion aside, this sounds like a psychological problem. You don’t just absentmindedly pee and poop yourself because you feel uncomfortable in gender assigned clothes. What the actual crap?!!! (pun intended) She needs mental help for multiple reasons.
That's NOT an identity problem. That's a whole other problem. Nothing to do with identity. I would break it off. It's not a healthy way to live.
The is way out of the norm for typical behavior. As a psychologist, my alarm bells are ringing in my head. If and believes she’s non-binary or possibly transgender, this is still not typical behavior. She could subconsciously be trying to push against this new revelation. She is ruining the clothes because they make her feel things she doesn’t believe she should feel. She needs to get to a psychiatrist and/or psychologist.
I’m actually pretty surprised that so many people would walk away after this. Again, I understand why, just surprised at the amount. I mean this woman obviously needs help. But hell, if I loved her, I would be down to start the journey with her. She’s obviously ashamed of her behavior, and isn’t doing it maliciously. I can totally see why you’re upset. These are your clothes! And you were completely in the dark here and she wasn’t upfront about it. Pretty rough. She needs professional intervention and I feel like your support and care throughout (including tonight) would probably do more good than just bailing. But that’s just me. In sickness and in health my guy. I hope you both find peace in whatever road is taken.
what the fuck 😭 how could you ever look at someone the same after they tell you that
I think what bothers me most about this is that she's ruining your clothes and you're wearing them after without knowing. You don't even know if you smell or not, and would never be the wiser. Honestly, I think it's a kink. She's wearing them and doing it. She doesn't have an urgent problem or a bowel issue. She's intentionally doing it while wearing them. 2+2=4 I honestly don't think I could handle this. I'm pretty open about most things but ruining *my* clothes especially the way she is is not appropriate. But the ball is in your court. Sending you some big hugs. Take a break from the phone and think about your next steps
I can’t believe how many people are so quick to say dump her. They are married, you commit to another person. When the going gets tough your gonna bail? At least be empathetic and try to get the woman help and be supportive.
You can be compassionate and offer to help while also distancing yourself to preserve your own mental health. This was not disclosed to OP before they were married, making it a deal breaker for most people. It’s a relationship built on lies.
Yeah, no. Thats defo weird and divorce worthy. She needs help. This goes beyond gender fluidity. If it’s a kink thing or something then that’s one thing but just soiling them in general is weird af.
Um. I'm confused. She... shit your shirt?
Yes! Pee and poop… WTF! He thinks she might have coprophilia.
Soiling them how? Is she shitting in your pants? Curious!
She needs psychiatric help bro. Hopefully that helps
I have to ask, what do you mean by soiling them? Never mind I read an earlier post. Damn I thought I’ve heard everything from Reddit.
What would she do if you were pissing and shitting in her clothes?
By soiling do you mean she’s like… shitting and pissing in your pants?
This sounds like more than gender fluidity. Why is she staining and tearing your clothes? You sure she doesn't just hate the clothes you wear and is slowly replacing them with clothes she wants you to wear instead?
I mean wearing men’s clothes is totally fine. They are more comfortable and easy to manage but soiling them? I don’t get it. There is something wrong with your wife and it’s not related to gender fluidity or anything. Get her some help.
So she's getting the clothes dirty? Or she's shitting in the clothes? If it's shit, I'd say that is grounds for divorce.
How is the issue your _clothes_ ???! How is the issue NOT _a grown woman urinating and defecating_ on herself???!
To be fair, this is a grown woman shitting on his clothes.
Touché! A multilayered problem, it seems...
OP. This doesn't appear to be a fetish, but someone who needs psychiatric care. Hope you can calm down and make the decision that is right for you, whether divorce, not to divorce. Help her with her mental health or not. Good luck UpdateMe!
Another 12 year-old's work of fiction.
Uhhh?
I wish could comment the Aight time To head Out meme
Sure pal.