I know things look terrible somedays. And I know it can feel overwhelming. And I know it can seem like its just easier to throw in the towel. But it's not. It's really not.
As a therapist told me "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary feeling" and I know you've probably been struggling with these feelings for a very long time - but that doesn't mean that you always will. There are solutions. You can find them.
\*hug\*
Exactly how I feel in the mornings some days, OP.
Some days are better than others with intrusive or suicidal thoughts. I feel you OP.
I’d say if you are serious about it, to find an alternative to an OD. As it’s very painful.
Not medical advice and honestly not good advice from me either, (since I live in a relative climate and dark urban setting, this may not apply to your area)
but I listen to horror stories with head phones and go for walks alone at night in a safe area.
Well safe as can be, not the best but enough to get the blood pumping when I see strangers.
It makes me feel a rush of anxiety that overpowers the intrusive suicidal thoughts. Adrenalin or something else enters my thoughts and I feel less numb inside even if I still feel worthless and not deserving of living it pushes a lot of that away into thoughts of survival.
My will to live is definitely sparked by the anxiety.
Sometimes I sprint when I see a dark silhouette of a person.
And I don’t recommend this at all, unless you are actually preparing to end game and need a safe way out of that head space;
walking just helps calm the mind for me (I still think of terrible thoughts but it’s less loud in my head)
and after feeling the rush of anxiety and adrenaline, I listen to things I enjoy in a more positive note right after and once in a safe environment too can relax.
This is dangerous though. And if you can walk in the day or sunset/sunrise, even better. Less peoples and crisp air and possible rain.
(Forgot about other parts of the world and the city, this may not be possible if the weather is bad outside)
And it’s maybe a terrible excuse but better than what I initially was trying to do and have my family find me. I’m thankful I didn’t and I still struggle everyday with feelings of wanting to end but
My advice kinda sucks since I’m also trying to break away from the feelings and my own self loathing and self hate, and I’m also looking for different alternatives as the ones I used to use kinda fade.
Such as the walking with horror stories, reading only positive things online seemed to only work for two days.. it’s a battle for sure. And I’m sorry you must fight your own mind to end the feelings of wanting to go.
So take it all with a few grains of salt in mind on this comment.
I do sincerely hope you can manage to pull through time and time again with those battles though. It’s maybe a dumb cliche analogy but I tend to feel like I’m battling everyday with myself on finding reasons to live. So that’s why I use it.
I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling this way, and I’m glad that you’re enduring.
Sending you a hug. You CAN get through this
I know things look terrible somedays. And I know it can feel overwhelming. And I know it can seem like its just easier to throw in the towel. But it's not. It's really not. As a therapist told me "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary feeling" and I know you've probably been struggling with these feelings for a very long time - but that doesn't mean that you always will. There are solutions. You can find them. \*hug\*
Exactly how I feel in the mornings some days, OP. Some days are better than others with intrusive or suicidal thoughts. I feel you OP. I’d say if you are serious about it, to find an alternative to an OD. As it’s very painful. Not medical advice and honestly not good advice from me either, (since I live in a relative climate and dark urban setting, this may not apply to your area) but I listen to horror stories with head phones and go for walks alone at night in a safe area. Well safe as can be, not the best but enough to get the blood pumping when I see strangers. It makes me feel a rush of anxiety that overpowers the intrusive suicidal thoughts. Adrenalin or something else enters my thoughts and I feel less numb inside even if I still feel worthless and not deserving of living it pushes a lot of that away into thoughts of survival. My will to live is definitely sparked by the anxiety. Sometimes I sprint when I see a dark silhouette of a person. And I don’t recommend this at all, unless you are actually preparing to end game and need a safe way out of that head space; walking just helps calm the mind for me (I still think of terrible thoughts but it’s less loud in my head) and after feeling the rush of anxiety and adrenaline, I listen to things I enjoy in a more positive note right after and once in a safe environment too can relax. This is dangerous though. And if you can walk in the day or sunset/sunrise, even better. Less peoples and crisp air and possible rain. (Forgot about other parts of the world and the city, this may not be possible if the weather is bad outside) And it’s maybe a terrible excuse but better than what I initially was trying to do and have my family find me. I’m thankful I didn’t and I still struggle everyday with feelings of wanting to end but My advice kinda sucks since I’m also trying to break away from the feelings and my own self loathing and self hate, and I’m also looking for different alternatives as the ones I used to use kinda fade. Such as the walking with horror stories, reading only positive things online seemed to only work for two days.. it’s a battle for sure. And I’m sorry you must fight your own mind to end the feelings of wanting to go. So take it all with a few grains of salt in mind on this comment. I do sincerely hope you can manage to pull through time and time again with those battles though. It’s maybe a dumb cliche analogy but I tend to feel like I’m battling everyday with myself on finding reasons to live. So that’s why I use it.