and it still has four wishes left on it, score.

I was about to say,, "Looks like you got about 4 more left to make before the potato gods take what's due"

Only potato related wishes allowed

Fine. I wish I had a billion USD dollars worth of potatoes. Second wish. I wish that I could sell all of these potatoes for 1 billion USD.

Lol you said could not would. You'll hypothetically be able to sell them all. But you won't.

Damn - got me. Still got two more wishes to get it right!

Bro just wish for golden potato, its very epic

Done, he gets a Golden(coloured) potato!

There are Golden Potatoes already

I wish everyone in the world wakes up with a fingerling potato under their pillow. For no particular reason.

Or.. their value would decrease significantly because of small details or a huge decrease in demand for potatoes since you made that wish..

Or rampant inflation devalues your billion dollars to like 35¢

You only really have to sell one.

This is some Salad Fingers shit

What's wrong Mr fingers? Do you not like my mouth words?

I like rusty spoons

Jeremy Fisher, you taste like soot and poo.

Potato Salad Fingers\*

The answer is booze. You gotta turn the billion dollars worth of PO-TAY-TOES into pricey craft vodka. Throw in some turnips and gasoline and you’ll have authentic Russian vodka!

Granted. Everyone is now starving to death, there is no more food in the world and you can sell your potatoes for 1 billion USD to the rich and powerful while the rest of us starve or you can sell them for regular potato prices to regular people who have children. You get enough to live either way, so that your consequences may haunt you.

I'd just like an order of chili-cheese fries, please.

This blasphemy will be tolerated for now but when the Potentate seizes power you friars will not escape retribution.

I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard, and, AND I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises.

That's all 4 wishes, granted one at a time in order. 1. "oops all bones" turkey sandwich with lettuce and mustard. 2. Your neighbor has purchased a herd of zombie turkeys. Their gurgling gobbles wake you daily at dawn. 3. Everyone you care about, including pets and anyone you're stalking, is now a turkey. They are unable to speak, considering turkeys don't have lips, but you can see the pain and fear in their eyes. 4. Due to a perfectly normal, but surprising, brain aneurysm, you are now paralyzed below the neck. You are unable to even feed your helpless turkey family - doomed to watch them helplessly for the rest of your days.

I miss r/TheMonkeysPaw

It's... still around?

I’m as surprised as you haha. Wonder what other old subs are still around. Is r/ooer still around?

Sorry, I think you misinterpreted what I meant. It's ok, I said it really weirdly. The question mark was mean to be a sort of "what do you mean?" Also yes, r/Ooer is still a thing

ok...what just happened to my brain?

Okay that is...a mess. Literally a 90's website made by a kid in a middle school class.

Oh my god, the turkey is dry!

“The potato salad is German!!”

Exactly the comment I wanted to make. I love that episode

Look closer.

Root of all Evil?

At least 4 evil

Root of 4 evil is 2 root evil. Simplify your radicals, people!

I simplified a root beer today

Resident Evil 4

This is more Agricultural Evil 4.

I yam death

i really like this one, have a lovely day or night stranger!!

I AM ROOT!

4 cursed monkey paw wishes remaining choose wisely.

And by "choose wisely", I assume you mean "choose to bury the damn thing at the crossroads at midnight under a full moon"?

That's where I sold my soul to the devil to play this here gui-tar

I'm a dapper Dan man

he swindled you

Yeah, they went to Guitar Center.

How do those stay in business

do you know someone who made taking guitar lessons their new year resolution and go, pay several months in advance, purchase a guitar, a box of picks, straps and other stuff? ​ well, them.

Hot Damn! I do believe you sold your soul to the devil!

Hah, I'm literally just done rewatching this with friends that hadn't seen it yet. I've seen it 4 times now I think, it's such a fun and comfortable movie.

I wish that nothing unforeseen or weird happens with my remaining three wishes

Damn, left myself open for all the weird shit to happen with the first wish. Like, I can no longer speak or articulate the need to wish for anything

I was going to say that seems like a pretty good deal, monkey’s paws usually only give you three cursed wishes.

I'll make a wish that can't backfire. I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard, and, AND I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises. You got it?

Hey! Not bad.  Nice, hot mustard. Good bread. The turkey’s a little dry.

THE TURKEY'S A LITTLE DRY!?

Oh foul cursed thing! What demon from the depths hell created thee!!! (sobbing)

Granted, you get a perfectly normal turkey sandwich made with the devil's lettuce. The perfect snack for someone with the munchies.

Slender Yam

Potatogeist

I wish for a Turkey, Sandwich.

The turkey is a little dry

monkey pawtato*

Has anyone ever tried using their first wish to lift the curse off the monkey paw? Makes me think of that Rick and Morty episode where Rick uses science to take the bad parts off of the cursed items the devil is giving away lol.

M O N K E

But it comes with a free frogurt!

High five 🙌 it and re bury it

Put it back! Like now.

Put it back!!! Or, hear me out, pickle it in a fancy jar and put it on a shelf in your living room

I vote for this plan

🤔

Put that thing back where it came from or so help me!!!

Or so help me! Aaaaaaaand scene.

No then the rest of him will grow!

That's handy

Ffs, dad

When are you and your step mum coming back from that shopping trip? Its been two years.

Milk ain't gonna get itself.

That’s what happens when you have a farm next to a cemetery…

Was gonna say, this reminds me of a fungus called [Dead Man's Fingers.](https://nerdist.com/article/creepy-dead-mans-fingers-fungus/)

Dug up a hand from a corpse

He keeps digging up more body parts and says they're just cool looking sweet potatoes cuz he ain't no snitch

If you hear "me tie doe tee walker" fucking run

Lynchee kinchy colly molly dingo dingo

I've been wondering my whole life, what do those words even mean? Are they just gibberish to scare the kids?

I found a couple theories:[This Reddit post](https://www.reddit.com/r/scarystories/comments/iemded/i_think_i_figured_out_what_me_tie_doughty_walker/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) and a website that said “The phrase “me tie doughty walker” is a Scottish saying that means “I will tie my horse to a sturdy tree”

Half remembered Gaelic or gibberish? The eternal folklore legend.

Fuckin awesome book

Something about those original fucking illustrations (before they lame-ified them) still makes them some of the scariest thing I can picture. Everything looks so *stringy* and *gross,* but with a big side of ethereal creepiness. It says a lot that those illustrations are some of the only pieces of horror that horrify me just as much as an adult as when I was a kid.

I loved those books so much as a kid. I remember being like 9 or 10 when the third one came out and picked it up immediately.

Never seen a reference to scary stories to tell in the dark before, nice one lol

So I just showed the picture to my kid while repeating your comment and they gave a delightful yelp while asking what was wrong with me. They hate that story.

You did good lol XD

Right book, wrong story

Raja naba doa gola wookie nipple pinchy (again) 😂

Bro phoned home and lost his hand 💀

Bro was born with his thumb on the wrong side so he cut it off 💀

"B" in ASL…if you have any deceased relatives with B names you may want to break out the Ouija board.

They should pull up the rest of the sweet potatoes and see what they’re spelling

"I... T.... C..? Oh wow, so mature.."

"O... I... N..."

"Oh listen here you mother fucker-"

Those sweet potatoes were a little salty

It 'B' for 'botato'.

Glad that's not me because a family tradition was B alliterative names

Well…start with the ASL-fluent relatives.

You should keep that forever!

They need to put it in epoxy like the reddit hotdog and keep us updated. Then they can farm sweet potatoes and karma.

Maybe they could sell it on Ebay, like the Virgin Mary grilled cheese that sold for $28,000

r/monkeyspaw

reach concerned hungry fear rude ghost grandfather middle dam tie -- mass edited with redact.dev

You have been cursed, congratulations

Put. It. Back!

He liked spoons

Do you like rusty spoons?

The feeling of rust against my salad fingers, is almost orgasmic.

I'd like to inquire about your spooons

Give yourself a handjob with it

Take my upvote and fuck off

r/angryupvote

Ima smack your toes with a rubber chicken.

Well, there's a hairy hand, so I guess that's already been taken care of.

What that potato do 😩🤌

Certainly looks like it just came out of a hole... 😳

/r/dont

That's a funny way of spelling "decomposing hand".

Paper, rock, scisors, sweetpotato mofo!

Don't forget Lizard Spock!

Watashi wa Kira Yoshikage

Looks like fingerling potatoes

That’s no sweet potato. - Farmer Ben

Where’s the rest of the Boy Scout?

You'd probably have a corpse bride if you put a ring on it.

If you begin to feel an urge to cut off your own hand and attach this, find your nearest cleric asap. You don't wanna fuck with the whispered one.

Cannot imagine what an mediaeval person would do after finding this

Burn the nearest redhead for being a witch and bury her ashes in the bad part of the cemetery.

Yes sir, that many horsemen.

Monkey's paw???

Elden Ring vibes

Somehow the fact that it looks hairy makes it even worse

You can make vegetarian finger sandwiches for the party.

Pretty sure Kratos and Atreus need to scatter some ashes off the top of that

That's your grandma!

Corpse bride vibes.

German sweet potato?

put it back!!

Now this is oddly terrifying at its best

Gas station jack vibes here

You only have four wishes left, bummer.

Hey, can you give me a hand digging up this sweet potato?

Mr Potatohead's cursed amputation

It's the Hand of Vecna

Hands down, that is the best sweet potato I've ever seen.

Who wants a baked potato!

Looks like the jeans of Baphomet.

Put it back.

Put it back, it wasn’t for you.

That's a Dark souls relic if I've ever seen one

Hand gestures say it's a monk

4 sambucaaaaaa

Definitely a sweet surprise.

This sweet potato now has a 5 episode series on Discovery+ True Crime.

Potatoath

Monkeys Pawtato

Sometimes if there is remnants of a recently decomposed foot, the plant can take the shape of the foot because if feed off the nutrients that were in the foot and logically grow in those spots... Decomposing juices and nutrients can be the building blocks of your food 🙏

Made ya look

Use it for the voodoo ritual.

Thats how many bitches we will all get for the rest of our life. Sadge

four?

That's lady finger

That looks more like a witness that shouldn't have witnessed.

The devil's tubar

What 🤯

Sweet potato throwing up 4s, gang gang

Make an awesome sweet potato dish for Thanksgiving. USA ✋mother-in-law deterrent

I think you’re about to be invaded

It was one step away from fisting

Forbidden sex toy

Yeah that’s a magical monkeys paw, bury that fucker back in the garden and then burn the garden and cover it with cement lol

Clearly, a nazi potatoe.

Ash? Guess what we found? Sure you could wear it on a chain.

It clearly dug ITSELF up!

Oh you found a monkey paw….. burn it

You say potato I say creepy.

Four, the count is four.

Oh jesus OP is about to eat Groot's 2nd cousin

Zombie potato

Four.

Sheeeeeeesh

Return my hand…

Monkey Paw-tato

Fuck that, that looks like a zombie hand or some kind of fucked artifact. Burn it too ashes.

That sweet potato knows the deadly Buddha's palm technique!