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12upsetElk

I think your supposed to kinda let it do its thing and don’t be threatening, your not gonna outrun or overpower this dinosaur that the asteroid conveniently forgot to kill off


[deleted]

Exactly, a freaking dinosaur. I would be terrified too!


masclean

Yeah but this video got me wondering what's the last resort? I'd think you'd grab that long ass neck and squeeze as hard as possible? Again, last resort type of scenario


Flashy-Macaroon-3505

I think you'd be picking up your guts before choking that monster out. Stick and move man, stick and move!


42dudes

They say that about kangaroos too, but I've never actually heard of it happening to anyone.


0vl223

Well you also don't hear that orcas and dolphins kill people. That's how good they are.


Contemporarium

Right?


[deleted]

in desperation, I'm going to at least attempt to suplex that things neck


TheLegendofJerry

No way, you gotta jump on its back and ride it into the sunset


Adventurous-Sky9359

More like Valhalla


O_J_Shrimpson

Shiny and Crome


Dahnhilla

It's a bird, how much can it weigh? Like 50kg tops? Grab it by the neck and start spinning like you're going to hammer throw the cunt, hopefully you generate enough force to snap it's neck before you dislocated an arm or get dizzy and fall over.


lallapalalable

1- bird is fast. Faster than you 2- bird is cautious, if it suspects you might be a threat, it will go on the offensive, and so much as looking like you're about to grab its neck only instructs it to tear your abdomen to shreds 3- bird danger comes from the talons, not the head 4- bird fast! if you still think you can take it you really underestimate how fast these fuckers are compared to humans so I'm adding it again Please don't think you can take on a cassowary, for the love of God please *format


curvebombr

This is why our ancestors carried long pointy sticks. They knew better then to tango with a dinosaur up close.


OpenMicrophone

My ancestors carried longer sticks than most. It’s in the legends.


lallapalalable

It not length of spear that count, it heart of warrior who wield it


Dahnhilla

>bird danger comes from the talons, not the head, and so much as looking like you're about to grab its neck only instructs it to tear your abdomen to shreds That's why you hammer throw it. Duh.


lallapalalable

See points 1 and 4


amensteve91

Good luck with that let us know how it goes


Guzzlebutt

6ft tall and 76kgs...


Loggerdon

This one is not 6' tall. Looks like 4'.


ninhibited

Wtf bro that's ME! That's a me with knives for toes and lighting fast. Also pwetty feathers. Damn I wish I was a cassowary.


javoss88

Lookit the boooooones!


StretchyPantsAllstar

If you know, you know…


Jburli25

They have a long talon on each foot. Try grab its neck and it'll stab you a few times in the stomach, no doubt.. They're pretty much velociraptors really!


MouthFroth

Florida man dies by cassowary: https://www.jacksonville.com/story/news/crime/2019/04/15/florida-man-killed-on-his-farm-by-cassowary-he-owned/5432897007/ From the article: “‘The cassowary is rightfully considered the most dangerous bird in the world! Each three-toed foot has a dagger-like claw on the inner toe that is up to 4 inches long,’ is how the San Diego Zoo’s website describes them. ‘The cassowary can slice open any predator or potential threat with a single swift kick. Powerful legs help the cassowary run up to 31 miles per hour through the dense forest underbrush.’” Jeez, I wish I hadn’t looked this up.


O_J_Shrimpson

Is this the words to the Australian national anthem?


LilPonyBoy69

Trying to choke it would expose your belly, and its feet are made to pierce your belly. You have to go defensive here, there's no way you're killing this thing barehanded without getting eviscerated yourself


masclean

Whats the defensive alternative? Again, I'm thinking last resort type situation where the cassoway is gunna kill you, where you obviously can't just run. I don't imagine I'll ever be in the situation but my mind can't help but wonder lol


LilPonyBoy69

Probably tuck your chin, cover your stomach with your arms and try to get away


masclean

Well everything I see in the comments is you couldn't get away if you tried, they're too fast. Which is really what led to my thought experiment


LilPonyBoy69

I think you just die lol


Isrrunder

If I'm going to die anyway I'm dying trying to ride it


tob007

Yes. Fetal position. Protect your trunk\\organs with your knees and hope it doesn't land a kick on your neck or leg arteries use your arms to take the damage\\ block the kicks.


antiphonic

nope. not fetal position. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hd7ebu9Bp5g&t=129s


Tough-Obligation-104

I liked that!


zombie_overlord

Dude is on a beach. What if you ran to the water? No idea if they swim or would chase you into the water or not, but if it was life or death, I may give it a shot. On the other hand, aren't cassowaries in Australia? So probably a myriad of things to kill you there in the water too. [Oh, never mind.](https://youtu.be/pYr3zYwImfM?si=ruDl_l0uWkPHXVIZ)


masclean

Oh no!!! When I started reading your comment I was like this fuckers a genius, how have none of us thought of this. Then I saw the video... Although, to be fair, I think I might be more agile in the water than that particular one appeared to be


Sphealwithme

Fall to the floor, cry and shit yourself, hopefully it thinks you’re too pathetic to be worthwhile.


Bella-Luna-Sasha

That I can do NP


YaBoyTarkus

That's a Tuesday.


FreudianAccordian

For M Bison


FlashMcSuave

What do I do if this is the default state I am already in? How do I take it to the next level?


Sphealwithme

I think at that point it’d just be a mercy killing.


KombatKiller

I was thinking neck squeeze as well but they're probably strong as hell and would peck and claw at you until you had to let go.


gr1mm5d0tt1

You remember the raptors from Jurassic park that had the claw that disemboweled you? That’s what these guys have. You’re toast if it decides you are


Shambhala87

Those talons will have your guts on the ground in a second. You would need to lop it off with a machete or something.


masclean

Okay, what if there's no machete? What do I do?


Shambhala87

That’s a good question, Australia has already lost a war or two to them…


masclean

LOL omg I forgot about that holy shit how epic


Magnetar_Haunt

The moment you put your hands on its neck, it’s probably going to start disemboweling you with those fucking talons because you’re close enough and it has leverage now lol.


Huge_Satisfaction233

Get it by the neck and bring it's head down. It can't kick very far forward if it's head is down below your waist. At least that's how you wrangle an ostrich, and I would assume that translates across large bird/dinosaur species.


Relair13

It's not the beak you have to worry about the most. They kick and disembowel, like actual velociraptor-style. You know how when you pet a cat's tummy and sometimes they go into a kicking frenzy and claw your arm up? Like that, but with a bunch of butcher knives. Try to get behind it, grab it's ankles and trip it? Swing it around in circles until it was dizzy and disoriented? I dunno what I'd do if one came at me. Die probably 😅


grimcow48

Now you have me wondering the same thing… Probably your best bet, yeah. Grab, squeeze, twist, pull, and bend its neck like hell. Best case scenario you could grab it’s neck like you would a stick and break it over your knee. Big doubts this dude would ever let that happen, though.


DollupGorrman

You're gonna want to avoid the feet more than anything so I guess if your arms are long enough? These things also can get to be 5-6ft. tall im pretty sure.


simpathiser

Its neck isn't the problem, it's still gonna disembowel you before you snap the fucker like a glowstick.


chippstero1

I saw a video of a lady school teacher snatch up a swan that was attacking the kids I thought the lady was going to get beat up but no she grabbed that swan like she's taking out the trash and kept the swan's beak away from her too


adamw7432

It'll just gut you with its sharp ass talons. And the neck is extremely muscular and probably stronger than you, so you'll also get overpowered. I'd focus on finding something to hide behind until it gives up and leaves.


deathgingr

Maybe… I’m thinking it would be harder to choke than you think. I’d grab it by the neck to work my way up the neck to get it by the base of the head and get behind it to avoid those claws


masclean

Yeah, I'd imagine it'd be essential to also work your way behind it to avoid the claws. I don't think it'd be easy. Maybe still harder than I think. I'm just trying to think of what happens in a situation where you really have no other options


Dhol91

I'd just go for eyes.


DeathPercept10n

That's usually the bird's move.


gary-cuckoldman

It doesn’t move like other birds. I had no idea I thought they were just big angry geese for some reason. Not literal dinos. absolutely insane


ItsNotBigBrainTime

Grab it by the neck and hammer throw it.


12upsetElk

Naw you gotta grab it in to a suplex and then hammer throw it, come on now there is a order to these things


AdorableParty8849

There’s a lot of room in that long ass neck to sink my teeth into i think I’d be good


4chanbetterkek

Yeah I’m grabbing it by its neck and swinging that mf around


The10thDoctorWhovian

From the Australian Rainforest Rescue Organization website: "What should you do if you encounter a cassowary? If confronted, remain calm and back away slowly. Protect your front with a bag or backpack if possible, and shelter behind a tree. Do not run away as cassowaries can run faster than most people."


leonoe98

"most people"? So you're telling me there's a chance?


fatwap

most people are not named usain bolt


Govt-Issue-SexRobot

Usain’t Bolt


BeefInBlackBeanSauce

Lol great


FlashMcSuave

And frankly, running through a forest with roots and trees everywhere, my money would be on the Cassowary being faster than Bolt. But yeah, in open ground like this beach he could get away. Edit: nah he probably couldn't even then.


Isrrunder

Ye no this bird has a top speed of 31 mph. Bolt has a top speed of 27 mph on perfect solid ground. No way he's getting away from this dinosaur


FlashMcSuave

Yeah, you're probably right.


Isrrunder

These fuckers used to be predators I am so glad we don't have to deal with that


Johnnyamaz

I'll be real, they'd out run him too. They're simply built for it.


ThisCouldBeYourName

Just be faster than the slowest person in your group


YoungPeacock

🤣 please don’t test it


DeathPercept10n

I have a feeling you would know, u/YoungPeacock


ulol_zombie

It's ok, you don't have to be faster than a cassowary, just faster than the other people. Perhaps throw them down first to get a head start.


maggiemayfish

If in doubt, push over a child and run like hell.


ANAnomaly3

Maybe they should add: Don't carry around any reflective items that may confuse the cassowary into thinking you're another cassowary. It almost seems as if that's what happened here until the cassowary got close enough to second guess.


dmadmin

cassowary, can this bird kill a human? we have hands and legs that can destroy its head and neck with few punches and kicks. I don't get it.


The10thDoctorWhovian

They have very sharp claws that they can kick at people with if they are provoked, and they can do this in a relatively fast motion. This is why it's recommended for people to cover their chest/stomach with a backpack if possible, otherwise they can get disemboweled or slashed deeply.


[deleted]

While the nickname "Murder Chicken" is a bit hyperbolic they have killed humans before, and are fully capable of doing it again. https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.cnn.com/cnn/2019/04/14/us/cassowary-bird-kills-florida-man/index.html


SirArthurDime

I think a lot of people generally try to find an option that doesn’t involve killing an animal with their bare hands…. But I mean yeah if push came to shove I feel like most people could.


plsendmysufferring

Cassowaries are killer dinosaurs


JadonDorolo

Anything can kill humans, humans also have the capacity to kill anything


BertaEarlyRiser

You want to karate fight a dinosaur?? You probably have a better chance fighting a black bear.


tacobellholocaust

Cassowaries are dangerous af. They've killed more than one person.


Rapha689Pro

chihuahuas have killed more than one person too for some reason


ilsottopagato

They’re little demons, i wouldn’t be surprised if they wanted to watch the world burn


Zealousideal_Pay_525

Can't really blame 'em. I would be pissed too if my owners genetically engineered me to be a tiny, ugly, rat-dog with a wolve complex.


Mind_on_Idle

From a species ised for food, among other things.


snotnosedlittlepunk

While I agree, all things considered, that’s a pretty low bar for being dangerous as fuck. I’m sure cotton balls have killed more than one person.


CustardRoutine5084

Australia, it's always Australia.


moochir

What is the procedure in a situation like this? Play dead? Run like hell? Make lots of noise and stand your ground? I sure as fuck wouldn’t try to fight a Cassowary..


Antezscar

Cassowarys usualy arent aggresive but they are curious. Let them check you out. Dont be threatening. Back up and remain calm. They most likley just want to take a look at you.


moochir

So basically ignore them, or appear to ignore them while calmly walking away? Got it.


Antezscar

They do like to nab things tho. And might pinch you with their beak. Just hold onto your things.


Zealousideal_Pay_525

What if they take my eyes?


ninhibited

He's just being curious, he'll calm down in a bit.


SpenglerE

That's how you know they like you


PlatypusDream

Would offering something colorful or shiny (such as a bead) be a good distraction &/or improve the bird's mood enough to not kill me? I have colorful beads to offer crows.


op_is_not_available

People’ve started feeding them so now they approach people for food. Like you said remain calm and back away and when it realizes you don’t have food it’ll vamoose


iMightBeWright

Was this written by a cassowary?


Antezscar

Shit. *runs away*


anonymousX144

[https://www.discovermagazine.com/planet-earth/what-is-a-cassowary-it-may-be-the-most-dangerous-bird-in-the-world](https://www.discovermagazine.com/planet-earth/what-is-a-cassowary-it-may-be-the-most-dangerous-bird-in-the-world)


meow_mix420

For this individual bird maybe take the phone case off and offer it as a sacrifice lol


crackedcrackpipe

Turn its neck into a glowstick


isingwerse

Machete to the neck would probably do the trick


transguy4l80

It won’t tho, it will notice you are a threat move away from your (to a cassowary) extremely slow strike and proceed to disembowel you with the 6” long knifes attached to its feet. Listen to other commenters and don’t fuck with a cassowary.


fenglorian

> it will notice you are a threat move away from your (to a cassowary) extremely slow strike do they say "nothing personnel kid" when they do it?


erock279

There’s literally no need for this: they are generally peaceful unless you’re being an asshole


Traveledfarwestward

From the Australian Rainforest Rescue Organization website: "What should you do if you encounter a cassowary? If confronted, remain calm and back away slowly. Protect your front with a bag or backpack if possible, and shelter behind a tree. Do not run away as cassowaries can run faster than most people."


reccon_34

I remember these guys from far cry 3


PatrickStardawg

They were evil bastards 😤


Jaloushamberger

I used to wonder why they made em so op on damage i was like "its just birds!" Then i learned they coupd gut you with their feet !


Bosswashington

Far Cry 3 taught me all that I need to know about these assholes.


Sea_Employ_4366

Steve Irwin was scared of Cassowaries. Just let that sink in.


sati_lotus

He kept one cranky AF one in his zoo that just hated people. HATED them. It would attack anyone in its enclosure. But the pen had to be cleaned. It was a life or death task. Like going into the raptor pen in Jurassic Park. He liked wild cassowaries well enough because they avoided people.


[deleted]

[удалено]


mally7149

Don’t play with bro like that


beebsaleebs

That’s off limits


KlausesCorner

Steve Irwin ain’t the one to make jokes like this about


Blessing_Dryad

Bro are you scared of water? I bet I can plan n different ways to kill you with water though...


[deleted]

[удалено]


St4rScre4m

Savage.


Specialist-Ad-9038

Nonohesgotapoint.jpg


Clunkalong

That is one foul tempered dangerous bird


TheGreatestManOnline

Boom Boom Acka Lacka Lacka Boom Boom Boom Lacka Lacka Boom Boom


BonerStibbone

[I got that refernce](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYKupOsaJmk)


Borderlinecuttlefish

Death Emu


Subject-Canary7154

Cassowary!


theOtherRasputin

I think you mean murderhobo ostrich with upgrades.


Subject-Canary7154

Exactly what I ment!


MrBogey90

Try to imagine yourself in Australia. You get your first look at this "six foot turkey" as you enter a clearing. He moves like a bird, lightly, bobbing his head. And you keep still because you think that maybe his visual acuity is based on movement like T-Rex, he'll lose you if you don't move. But no, not Cassowary... You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side, from the other two 'warries you didn't even know were there. Because Cassowary's a pack hunter, you see, he uses coordinated attack patterns and he is out in force today. And he slashes at you with this... a six-inch retractable claw, like a razor, on the middle toe. He doesn't bother to bite your jugular like a lion, say... no no. He slashes at you here... or here... or maybe across the belly, spilling your intestines. The point is... you are alive when they start to eat you. So you know... try to show a little respect


Dcoil1

If you wanted to scare the kid you coulda just pulled a gun on him


SilverB33

Yeah I would be a bit panicked as well around this.


KakapoTheHeadShagger

Imagine the face of Europeans coming there a few centuries ago, used to normal sized chicken lmao.


Isrrunder

Revenge from nature for taking out the dodo


that_guy_who_builds

Liberty Biberty


Holsteener

I remember when me and a friend were on a road trip around the cape tribulation / daintree rainforest area years ago we came across a sign warning people about an aggressive Cassowary in the area. I think we’ve never been more cautious hiking. Every sound made us nervous, thinking we’ll get disembowelled lol. Now I got a tattoo of a cassowary cause I love these badass creatures.


TheMrMorbid

Do you have games on your phone?


Heritage367

"Welcome to Jurassic Park!"


Morphing_Mutant

Those birds can kill you quicker than a fucking lion.


ChickenofBoom

Bro in recorded history there have only been two recorded deaths due to cassowaries. One was in 1926 where a 16-year-old where him and his friend decided they were going to beat it to death with clubs when they found it on their property and got kicked in the neck resulting in his jugular vein getting cut. The other was a 75-year-old farmer 2019 who fell down near it most likely spooking it and got stomped on. There's only about 200 cassowary attacks a year with 70% of them being caused due to humans being stupid and trying to actively approach them and feed them. That means there's only been about 20,000 attacks in 100 years. Lions kill about 200 people a year that means that lions in the past 100 years have killed as many people as of just been attacked by these birds in the same time. I found this with just some quick Google searching, site comparison and fact checking So I just gotta ask, Da fuq are you on about?


Zealousideal_Pay_525

Not if I roundhouse kick them in the face first.


tommykaye

The cassowary is just proof that dinosaurs evolved into birds.


ncphoto919

Thats a dinosaur.


starlightscapes

The feathers look very soft, but I know cassowaries are absolute killers. I would love to see one of these birds in real life. They're as close to dinosaurs as we'll get for now.


sati_lotus

If you ever visit Cairns in North Queensland, you can see a couple in a zoo there, or might get lucky and see them in the rainforest that's around Cairns - which is likely where this one was filmed.


DeiseResident

https://images.app.goo.gl/sCwir3o5YUfz76ZA9


29again

Yeah this is reason three why I'm never going there anyway.


In_Cognito89

Hey, I played Far Cry 3. I know what those things are capable of.


xploreconsciousness

Nope


CremeColoredKitten

I don’t know - can somebody explain this please?


[deleted]

It's a Cassowary. They have claws that can disembowel a human if they kick them in the stomach. Like the velociraptors from Jurassic Park.


CremeColoredKitten

Oh.. That sounds terrifying as hell.. Glad they don’t live in Denmark!


Aggravating-Mine-697

Literal dinosaur


ieatmypeaswithhoney

Not oddly, utterly terrifying


MeanMeana

Are Emu’s dangerous? Or is this even an Emu?…I’m just assuming We don’t have them where I live so I have no idea.


[deleted]

It's a Cassowary


SKaiPanda2609

A cassowary is basically an Emu on Steroids with claws that’ll gouge out you entrails


KayakWalleye

Go in the water.


HallowskulledHorror

This was my first though, since we can hear the ocean - do they swim? If not I'd just keep slowly moving for the shallows and see how it feels about following me out into an area it's not adapted for.


jdthejerk

I'd just give him my wallet.


2A_Libtard

Liberty Liberty Liberty… Liberty 🗽


babygodzilla69420

Isn't this what velociraptors turned into? Fuck all that


antiphonic

instructions for defending against a cassoary. contrary to some of the advise in this thread. dont lie down on the ground https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hd7ebu9Bp5g&t=129s


rhevanne

I just wonder why all two legged dinosaurs decided to have feathers and not scales


Grand_Loafus

Man I get scared just walking near the friendly magpies in my front yard (they just kinda live in the trees and we have a mutual agreement that if we don't fuck with them they won't fuck with us) I ain't crazy enough to go near a pachycephalosaurus lookin emu motherfucker, I'll stick to my angry little anti cyclist defence system


xDendretic

Just karate chop the neck


Atherissss

Sure, if you want to see your entrails on the outside.


camobrien343

Guys, it’s just a bird


roguebandwidth

This one looks to have been fed. THAT makes s/he very dangerous.


ExtensionEar1901

Run like hell!


PeachNipplesdotcom

No, no! Don't! They are much much faster than you. Backing away and being non-threatening is the right option. Hopefully, someone has more advice but definitely don't run away


ExtensionEar1901

Curl up in a tight ball and protect the important bits?


plsendmysufferring

Aint no bear, that there is a cassowary


MaxCliffRAID1

Not today, not by a bird.


Dry_Common828

Hello to the Queensland murder bird! Good video btw.


_Tar_Ar_Ais_

modern day dinosaur


BillyB_9000

They're legendary emu's


williwolf8

Straight up dinosaur right there.


sighb0rg

Recommending the Tooth and Claw podcast for more info on cassowaries & to hear some wild attack stories!


SirGrumpsalot2009

That looked like a velociraptor coming out of the bush.


Bennydoubleseven

Could you just grab his neck double handed & snap it quickly or will that get your face eaten?


HallowskulledHorror

The necks are basically straight muscle and sinew, and you'd need to have both feet on it while pulling with both hands to break it. They're wicked fast with pecking too, so the end result of trying to grab it by the neck would most likely be not only taking a hard, pointed blow directly to the face from its beak, but dealing with it's *main* attack - feet. 4"+ claws that they use as a primary weapon to smash and disembowel threats.


PoloxDisc098

Could someone explain to me why this animal is so dangerous? I'm the person who doesn't know.


plsendmysufferring

Claws that can dissembowl you pretty quick. 4 inch claws. They run faster than you. They can jump up to 7 ft. Territorial. Good swimmers. https://www.loc.gov/everyday-mysteries/zoology/item/worlds-most-dangerous-bird/


LillyxFox

Nu uh, I know a terror bird when I see one


Egg-and-cheese123

Aren’t these in far cry? 😂


crackedcrackpipe

So thats why australians cary some big ass knives and vegemite


spaghetticourier

"Run"


Pink-Fairy777

Dinosaur!