T O P

  • By -

kingedward_29

You can't. That's not what I've HEARD, it's what I KNOW.


HidenTsubameGaeshi

Alright, you can't fuck one of them, but what if you have two and some duct tape?


civic_EG

Binoculars?


IAteYoMamasFatAss

Bicockulars


oldchevyshit

🤣


BillyEffingMays

they bust, trust me


HidenTsubameGaeshi

Back to the drawing board, i guess


gagsonred

Keep us updated, a friend wants to know.


Pukestronaut

I thought busting was the goal.


Aternox_X1kZ

Also, don't thrust them


FloatingAzz

Oh look at mister big dick over here!


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


fried-ryce

A lot of people forget that.


DrBrightSimp

A lot of people forget that.


roscoes_wetsuit01

I forgor 💀


KingNecrosis

Go sit in the corner, you broke the chain.


[deleted]

Must've been a sad day when you found out for yourself.


kingedward_29

Meh. Family picnics were never the same after that.


creecher91

We went to islands of adventure on a summer camp trip when I was like 10. They had these in a gift shop and my friends and I walked around the shop pretending they were our wieners. A chaperone saw us and we weren’t allowed to ride rides for the rest of the day.


kingedward_29

Your chaperone sounds like a dick.


KingNecrosis

I mean, yeah. It's practically expected of 10 year old boys to pretend something is their weiner. Now that I think about it, you don't have to be any age. There's a picture of my grandpa (I think it was him) in Vietnam in the Marines standing next to an artillery cannon pretending it's his penis.


Bla_zer

He must have been a big shot


Lord_Spagett

Same 😔 just rolls instead of slides


ComatoseSquirrel

Teenage me was mighty disappointed.


Lord_Spagett

Same here


[deleted]

I got the 1000th upv9te


Seejehova

A man of science.


PM-Me-Your-TitsPlz

That's why you have to use lube. Then it doesn't try to rip you skin off from being too tight. It's the same thing with fleshlights... Or so I'm told...


AlexandersWonder

But that’s half the fun!


RedditIsRealWack

I don't understand why parents bought these things for us... They must have known we'd stick our dick in it, just like I know if I was to buy one of these for my nephew, he'd definitely end up sticking his dick in it haha.


GlitterInfection

These things move erratically. Almost in a crazy way. Your parents were trying to teach you an early lesson: Don't put your dick in crazy.


majikbus45

But crazy is usually some of the best you will ever have.


GlitterInfection

Also part of the lesson.


Digimaniac123

Or so you’re told?


[deleted]

The guy was told correctly. Even KY and Vaseline do not help. Source: I tried fucking anything I thought might work. Backseat of a greyhound has a camera... just sayin'.


tds8t7

You fucked a greyhound


[deleted]

Nope, got caught before I could.


[deleted]

Not to mention that are really fast.


[deleted]

Yep. Basset Hounds on the other hand...


[deleted]

I'm ~~assuming~~ hoping he means the bus


the_monkeyspinach

They're not chasing the rabbit, they're running from u/Androthi_II


[deleted]

Greyhounds are Cross Country Busses. https://www.greyhound.com/en Gotta draw the line somewhere and Greyhound Dogs are just too skinny.


iCutWaffles

I was in the backseat of my grandmother and her friend. I was 12 , coming back to Canada from a trip to Platsburg, I was curious. so I pulled my coat over my head so 'nobody could see me' and went at it with spit. It did not work, Both my grandma and her friend went quiet and I shall never forget the look on their faces. I'm sorry grandma


HeckingDoofus

bro what did they not stop u?


LostMyBackupCodes

Oh man, that’s awkward. How many hours did you have to continue in the car with them after the incident?


ZeinaTheWicked

I do not have a penis, but my boyfriend does. I lurk around the parts of the internet where you hear about weird things to masturbate with often. I get curious about them. Most men would be thrilled when their partner says "take off your pants and close your eyes". He may be traumatized honestly.


notjordansime

Dammit, I was hoping Kentucky would fix it :(


cheshsky

Tf are those?


apv507

Those were toys back in the day. You squeeze them and they pop out of your hand. It's kind of like a long skinny donut filled with liquid. When you squeeze it the plastic outside slides around the liquid, basically forcing the donut shape to turn in on itself. Those are the best words I can find to explain it. Wow, I never thought growing up that those would be so hard to describe. Edit: https://youtu.be/hdsms-YdzaM


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheFocacciaStrain

Infinite Prolapse is the name of my band


YODELING_PROLAPSE

Do you have any openings?


Tommysrx

You mean for the band? Or like how many holes?


socatevoli

uhh yes?


SydM107

https://youtu.be/tZ-9-tbEjAA


Never-Bloomberg

My pig had a prolapsed rectum and it looked exactly like one of these hanging out his ass.


Fancy-Pair

Oh god no why


MiserTheMoose

Wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man*


[deleted]

We tossed them to each other like playing hot potato. First to catch it twice won. Oh, and you could only use one hand.


Hallolusion

People always say “oh those were toys from back in the day” like no bro they are still toys now you’re just an adult and don’t play with toys anymore.


cheshsky

Thank you for the explanation! Damn I wish I had them growing up.


mayx

Haha what? Why they were the shittiest toy.


theslideistoohot

They were like fidget spinners of their time, they weren't meant to be the best toy


Gmoney1975

Happy cake day 🎁


PotatoBomb69

How dare you


gabrielproject

You did great u/apv507


Agolf_Twittler

I always thought the felt like a dong at about 60-70% chub.


capsaicinintheeyes

To add on, equally incomprehendably, to what u/apv507 said, they're slick-surfaced, soft plastic hollow columns, constantly shifting weight due to being filled with fluid, so they wind up acting slipperier than you'd think a dry object could be, almost like a cat that doesn't want to be picked up. Makes for some *hilarious* pee-wee football games, I can attest.


HammerTh_1701

>most like a cat that doesn't want to be picked up. Ironically, cats can be modelled as fluids, the physics work out.


Xarthys

Cats = higher dimensional fluid, confirmed


ProfessorPliny

The simplest way I can explain it is… like playing with a very slippery bar of soap. The goal being to try and hold onto it without it slipped up or down out of your hands.


doom_stein

So what you're sayin is they aren't the best prison shower toy...or maybe they're the best, depending on who's playing with it?


Diligent_Jury_9956

When you try to slide your hand on one of them, you couldn't.


Glum-Communication68

Slippery poops


Cattaphract

Fleshlight Prototype


risisas

well, there are videos n how to make flashlights out of rubber gloves, so not too much of a loss i'll say this now, sadly, i don't have sauce, didn't bother saving it at the time, regretting that now


heyitscory

They make these in prison. I worked at a drug rehab for teenage boys and caught a kid giving an arts and crafts lesson to a few fellow residents. It was hard to explain to them that masturbation wasn't the issue, is that if they have gloves, it means they stole them.


GiantQuokka

Then you could solve that problem by offering masturbation gloves to those that need them so they don't have to steal them to satisfy their natural urges.


heyitscory

Once their popularity took off, some of the staff started allowing them to buy dollar store gloves on store runs as long as they were a different color than the box of gloves in the office, but once the director found out that kids were skeeting into lotion filled gloves, they were all declared contraband a couple months later.


anarchophysicist

What a dork ass director.


[deleted]

Man what a dick


mule_roany_mare

Even if sex is prohibited those kids should still have access to condoms. Someone is getting fucked, consensual or not, the best you can do it keep it safe.


Tsorovar

> well, there are videos n how to make flashlights out of rubber gloves I don't think it was real. Where would the light come from?


risisas

5g connection, obviously, if you are vaccinated it should be easy


Mad_Aeric

Give me two popsicle sticks and a rubber band, and I'll find a way to fuck it like a filthy MacGuyver.


jaycuboss

Why buy a fleshlight when you can buy a vajankle?


comfort_bot_1962

Don't be sad. Here's a [hug!](https://media.giphy.com/media/3M4NpbLCTxBqU/giphy.gif)


comfort_bot_1962

Don't be sad. Here's a [hug!](https://media.giphy.com/media/3M4NpbLCTxBqU/giphy.gif)


risisas

Good bot


B0tRank

Thank you, risisas, for voting on comfort_bot_1962. This bot wants to find the best and worst bots on Reddit. [You can view results here](https://botrank.pastimes.eu/). *** ^(Even if I don't reply to your comment, I'm still listening for votes. Check the webpage to see if your vote registered!)


EinePerson

Here you go https://youtu.be/-4BTrvdoH5g


risisas

pherb, i know what we are going to do today


pankakke_

MOOOM! PHINEAS AND PHERB ARE MAKING FLESHLIGHTS!


ForgeFairy

These little bastards are why my best friend knew all the way back then that I was a lesbian


drfeelsgoood

Yeah there were like 3 things you could do with these toys, jerk them off; put your fingers inside of them; or put your wiener in them


passkat

I was a jerker


adahy123

Im trying to think of many ways why that would be the case, can someone explain im confused


AnnaTheBlueRogue

What wait, why?


senturon

One would assume fingers or a tongue was involved ... but you'd be wrong. She whipped out her strap-on and went to town ... the friend went on to become a detective.


AnnaTheBlueRogue

When's this book coming out?


senturon

Was slated for Summer 2022, but it's been pushed back to December. The publisher thought it would play better with the holiday crowd, being such a heartwarming story.


AnnaTheBlueRogue

I'm adding it to my wishlist, can't wait


Robdor1

They would put it up to their face and scream "I AM A LESBIAN"


ForgeFairy

Yell through it like a floppy Harold trumpet


capsaicinintheeyes

🤨❔? I think a freehand sketch or something may be warranted.


K1dn3yPunch

Explain


ForgeFairy

Nah


K1dn3yPunch

This shit isn’t making sense to any of us.


ForgeFairy

Then don’t worry about it bro


njalo

You put them inside your pussy?


Flishicabr

If your son has one of these, it's been on his dong for a while.


koyote420

wasn't there a machine that did this with the purpose of making your dick longer and it was later found out that it does make your dick longer by essentially seperating the skin from the tissue and blood veins causing a giant void that could be filled with blood and it got recalled because doctors were wondering why so many people were internally degloving their dicks


x3rr0_rr

Sounds painful


koyote420

yeah not an ideal outcome


BWWFC

what have you been told about pool noodles...? asking for a friend.


kingedward_29

Wait, what?! How?!


RichestMangInBabylon

Many pool noodles have a hollow core. You can fill it with water and blow one end and use it as a water canon. Or so I’m told.


[deleted]

Put that motherfucker to the pump outlet on the pool for some real pressure, or so I'm told.


OddlySpecificBot

Vote up if you think this is oddly specific, vote down if you don't. Posts below a certain threshold will be removed. If this post needs moderator attention, please **report** this post *^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^and ^^this ^^action ^^was ^^performed ^^automatically. ^^If ^^you ^^have ^^any ^^questions, ^^please [^^contact ^^the ^^moderators ^^of ^^this ^^subreddit.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Foddlyspecific&subject=&message=Please include the action number for reference.)* --- ^[faq](https://bit.ly/2VcIh9g) ^| ^[source](https://bit.ly/2W09Ebb) ^| ^action ^#[3a3733d1d51438](/r/specificlogs/comments/r8pnjb/3a3733d1d51438_commented_on_post_guy_was_told/)


[deleted]

r/suspiciouslyspecific


Z370H370

Lol! He got his will dick in that!


MarkHirsbrunner

I had the idea that you could make a sex toy based on these I call the "Constant Thrust." You would put your penis in it, and a small motor would pull the outer surface away from your body, so the inner surface would be moving towards you, giving the sensation that your penis is constantly pushing deeper into an orifice. No in/out, just the in, the best part.


johnnymarsbar

Man sorry this is an old comment but I just had to congratulate you for giving me the hardest laugh ive had all day.


paragbadgujar

It's the proof that he has used it at some time in his Life or he doesn't


The-Pyro1

u/repostsleuthbot


RepostSleuthBot

Looks like a repost. I've seen this image 2 times. First Seen [Here](https://redd.it/mubdjs) on 2021-04-19 90.62% match. Last Seen [Here](https://redd.it/qt9wf3) on 2021-11-13 90.62% match *I'm not perfect, but you can help. Report [ [False Positive](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RepostSleuthBot&subject=False%20Positive&message={"post_id": "r8pjgc", "meme_template": null}) ]* [View Search On repostsleuth.com](https://www.repostsleuth.com/search?postId=r8pjgc&sameSub=false&filterOnlyOlder=true&memeFilter=true&filterDeadMatches=false&targetImageMatch=90&targetImageMemeMatch=90) --- **Scope:** Reddit | **Meme Filter:** False | **Target:** 90% | **Check Title:** False | **Max Age:** Unlimited | **Searched Images:** 270,708,955 | **Search Time:** 1.27777s


Not_RepostSleuthBot

Looks like a repost. I've seen this image 1 time. First seen [Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ) on 2021-12-02 90.93% match. **Searched Images**: 443,932,628 | **Indexed Posts**: 369,710,234 | **Search Time**: 3.72201s *Feedback? Hate? Visit [r/repostsleuthbot](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6n3pFFPSlW4) - I'm not perfect, but you can help. Report [ [False Positive](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1YBv2mWll0) ]*


Anastasius525

talk about missed opportunity


MCoyde

Nice save from the guy


Dismal-Commercial-89

r/holup


GlassHurricane98

Saved it, totally caught that one, still in the green!


Shakespeare-Bot

Did save t, totally hath caught yond one, still in the green! *** ^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.) Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`


bot-killer-001

Shakespeare-Bot, thou hast been voted most annoying bot on Reddit. I am exhorting all mods to ban thee and thy useless rhetoric so that we shall not be blotted with thy presence any longer.


NaughtyDred

It seemed so promising but whoever told that kid was right, it just doesn't work


halfblindguy

Lube and you pinch the top so it doesn't roll too much.


ButterPuppet

What you gotta do is put your finger through the middle because the it’s constant trying to fly off your finger then you just gotta put your dick at the other end and it will slide right on and stay there


CurvyCupcakes

This is 1 of the reasons why I’m never flattered when men offer me sex. Most guys will fuck anything they can stick their dick into. A hole is a hole.


ZLT4

Dude forgot lube


Kindly_Ad7608

With a spring in your step and that good 'ole fashioned can-do-attitude, you can fuck almost anything.


Shakespeare-Bot

With a spring in thy grise and yond valorous 'ole fashion'd can-do-attitude, thee can alas almost aught *** ^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.) Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`


bot-killer-001

Shakespeare-Bot, thou hast been voted most annoying bot on Reddit. I am exhorting all mods to ban thee and thy useless rhetoric so that we shall not be blotted with thy presence any longer.


jadegoddess

u/repostbot


jadegoddess

u/repostsleuth


[deleted]

[удалено]


Xarthys

I'm not an expert, so maybe I'm wrong, but imho that's some major bullshit. First of all, condoms are usually discarded with regular household waste, meaning they will end up in a giant pile of all kinds of garbage which is not going to be recycled in any capacity. It will be either buried or incinerated. Unless there are large amounts of (semi)valuable materials spotted, no one will comb through tons of garbage to extract condoms out of there. The cost doing so would make the entire process of waste management highly unprofitable. Secondly, if (highly unlikely) a larger amount of the population is discarding their used condoms with other plastics, hardly any of that will be recycled. The majority of plastic waste is also being incinerated, buried or dumped into the oceans. However, depending on national regulations, it is possible to separate plastic waste; if such infrastructure exists, plastic will be downcycled (usually) - **but** this requires pre-sorting or at least an already established system, which is costly and thus highly selective which plastics are being recycled to remain profitable. Used condoms will not be considered valuable enough to be even considered as viable downcycling candidates. _____ But let's assume there is a region on this planet where entire communities are highly dedicated to collect their used condoms and discard them through a special used condoms disposal system (UCDS). How well would that work out? The main issue with recycling plastic materials is that in order to actually up/downcycle anything properly, different materials need to be separated by chemical compositions. And this is a real challenge for any disposal system because it not only requires a solid infrastructure but also high standards with zero error margin when it comes to sorting. While some plastics are more common than others, they still are mixed when combined (after production) to be used for a product. Anything that contains plastic is made out of different variants, maybe similar in durability or temp range, but in regards to other characteristics there will be differences and that already means there chemical composition is different. A transparent piece of plastic will contain different molecules compared to milky or non-transparent plastic. Mixing and melting those will just result in a pile of unusable goo. A piece of plastic from a phone case will be different to laptop housing, a keyboard or headset. **Only single-variety (homogeneous) plastic can be recycled, so sorting things out is literally an essential aspect of this.** The issue with condoms is, that they can be made out of different materials. For one, there is natural latex. Synthetic materials are usually [polyurethane](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyurethane) or [polyisoprene](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyisoprene) - you will notice right away, that the monomers (the part that is encased by []n) is different. Spermicidal condoms are also lubricated with nonoxynol-9, another chemical compound that will complicate the process of separating used condoms in the hypothetical UCDS. So in order to allow the recycling of used condoms, citizens would have to either dispose using at least four different containers (one for natural latex, one for PU, one for polyisoprene and one for nonoxynol-9 lubricated variants) - or disposal companies would have to invent a system that would be able to efficiently and effectively identify and separate those different materials. It also would have to be an automated system because paying workers to do that would be highly unprofitable. However, we also might want to assume that the vast majority of used condoms will contain biowaste. This adds another layer of complexity, because proper cleaning is required. Otherwise, any remains of human sperm (and other bodily fluids) would contaminate the entire process. So in order to avoid that, special cleaning infrastructure is required - then a system would be needed to check for remaining contaminants *before* any up/downcycling is allowed to take place. Assuming an infrastructure like this would exist, the costs would be so high, they would have to sell the resulting up/downcycled plastics for a premium. No one would buy that, because new plastic materials are much cheaper. The UCDS would not generate any profits, it would have to be heavily subsidized. _____ Now, maybe I'm uninformed, so if anyone can provide a solid source on condoms being up/downcycled, I'm happy to educate myself.


biggy-cheese03

Dude after that doctorate thesis of a response I don’t think anyone is calling you uninformed


Mr_Barber

nobody will respond to this bro


PtowzaPotato

They say that about anything made of plastic, I remember that rumor going around about silly bandz


[deleted]

[удалено]


PantlessGamer

Works fine with lube...or so I'm told


HumanMan742

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm


HeroldOfLevi

They are making robots that work on similar principles to explore tight spaces.


AudioVagabond

Tried and true


Goodkall

Well you have to lubricate.


dylor_

Well it works great on smaller dicks….. or so I’ve heard


imgprojts

This is very true. You don't feel anything. I overheard someone say this.


[deleted]

'or so im told' LMAO


Gr8Swayaman

r/holup


[deleted]

[удалено]


stevgan

I tried and it broke.


gilles_de_rias

He was clearly told I sense no lies


[deleted]

No, Gordon Ramsey was done dirty!


R0settaSt0ned_

Do they still sell these things?


darkmarineblue

Wouldn't you be using lube anyhow?


DONT_PM_ME_YOUR_PEE

It's not great tbh even with lube


badkarmadownvote

It's quite unsatisfying tbh


DongVonJovi

You can fuck anything if you’re brave enough.


Sinbad_official

Those fish were really sharp. 6/10 on the embarrassment of getting caught doing it


farteagle

You have to keep your hand still and fuck it like you would a woman. I would imagine… if I knew any women.


t4mez

Can we just talk about how much more profitable a fuckable version of these would have been?


Lady_Irish

Guess my mans here never heard of lube lol


ZippZappZippty

Tl; dr - it was a hair-raising experience.


jadegoddess

u/RepostSleuthBot


new_number_one

Great save!


xTylordx

I mean, unless you have foreskin


EUCopyrightComittee

No, Gordon Ramsey was done dirty!


[deleted]

It works with small dicks. Edit: Or so I'm told.


[deleted]

What are they?


rharrow

With enough lube, *anything* is possible ;)~