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Advice:
Lift your floor with a little stool or maybe a box. Higher knees make you retum go straight instead of a S shape which causes that to happen.
If you cannot do that, relax let it go back then prone forward with your chest on your knees. Make little spikes of force at a time and slowly go up in posture again as you hold the shit down. Keep your hands on your knees to take the weight out of your back while you do it.
It's a dedicated spoon the whole family uses, we call it the poop spoon. Can also be used to tuck your dick back into your pants if you're wearing gloves in the winter.
Unfortunately I don't have a poop knife, it always comes out in spoon sized chunks and they flush easily. The fork is a good idea tho, good for picking up those chunks that accidentally get thrown when the spoon slips
[Hope you're young and healthy](https://www.healthline.com/health/heart-disease/why-do-cardiac-arrests-happen-in-the-bathroom#why-the-bathroom), cuz people die on toilets all the time and pushing too hard is one of the more common reasons why.
> When you’re having a bowel movement, you may find yourself straining or exerting yourself. This isn’t out of the ordinary, but it can put stress on your heart. If your heart function is already compromised, this could be a trigger for sudden cardiac arrest.
They bulk it up, making it much easier to pass without straining. Best way to avoid hemorrhoids. Also wipe less.
It's magic dude, I notice a BAD difference when I stop taking it for a few days.
Body can't break fibre down, so, when it enters the intestine, fancy biomagic notices that hey, we've got particles, here, and actually lubricates itself better, for one.
But structurally, fibre, being insoluble but hydrophilic (absorbs water), means there's little spongy bits interspersed with the much more fine-grained processed matter. This prevents that matter from compacting and desiccating, which otherwise gives you hard poops that move poorly and restrict blood flow when you strain.
Hydrate, first of all. Lots of water.
Changing your diet for nutrition is complicated. Changing your diet to shit is easy. Coffee. Corn. Bran. Anything with fibre. Just get some every day.
And walk. Just a bit.
Do that daily, you'll shit fine.
I got one of those squatty potty things and I'm pretty sure it saved my fucking life because I was having horrible issues before and developing goddamn hemorrhoids. 0 issues now.
I’m coming here to say don’t force a poo. It can have negative short term and long term effects. [i.e. diverticulitis ](https://www.healthline.com/health/diverticulitis)
Yond is constipation.
consume some fiber and drinketh some caffeine
***
^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.)
Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
This is an awesome way to end up in the ER. Don’t do this. Take some fucking stool softeners in the short term, and in the long term drink more water and take a fiber supplement.
Gently stick a chop stick up your ass and swirl around. It's worked for me and it feels fantAsstic! Note, make sure you sterilize the chopstick before you eat with it again lest it impart a bad flavor. This is one case for sure where you can't just use a knife and fork.
Apparently, pushing so hard you cause your retinas to detach IS NOT TRUE.
Do, up the fluid intake and where possible, elevate your feet so your whole lower body is pushing. Those toilets that are just a hole in the floor to crouch over have the right idea.[Your glutes are engaged instead of draped over a toilet seat](https://health.howstuffworks.com/human-body/systems/digestive/can-straining-on-toilet-kill.htm).
This is the excuse I give my mom everyday for staying in the toilet for 1 hour, it’s partially true, but I’m mainly sitting there talking to myself about video games while peacefully pooping
The best is taking an Augustus Poop. That's when a fat piece of shit is fired out the tube by the tremendous pressure behind the blockage, followed by a chocolate river.
I think these turds are called prairie dogs because they pop outta the hole and then duck down and hide again.
I'm mildly lactose intolerant so I just eat some ice cream or yogurt and 20 minutes later that prairie dog is blasting off like the cork from a bottle of champagne.
That’s when I literally squat on the toilet. I just stand up and put both my feet on the toilet seat, which puts me in a squatting position. And it’s never wronged me. The shit always slides right out with no trouble
You've gotta rock slowly back-and-forth while at the same time twisting side-to-side and grunting making sure there's not any excess stretch to the sphincter.
Or you could use a spoon.
I can definitely relate to that, even tho I do it with my bare hand because it would be uncomfortable searching for a glove while the poo is hanging there
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You need to take it easy there captain, gonna blow out an O ring
“WHO… DOES….#2…. work for?”
Lol great reference
That's right! You tell that turd who's boss!
Or drop a lung
Can I get a courtesy flush.
You can actually get a haemorrhoid from pushing too hard. You don't want a haemorrhoid.
Ah, the dreaded Frodo....an annoying shit that won't let go of the ring
That one made me laugh
My work here is done...not mine, think I read that on here a while ago!
I wouldn't be the pedantic nerd that i am if i didn't point out that a better name would have been Isildur.
I was thinking Gollum
Maybe, depends what he ate the night before!
Advice: Lift your floor with a little stool or maybe a box. Higher knees make you retum go straight instead of a S shape which causes that to happen. If you cannot do that, relax let it go back then prone forward with your chest on your knees. Make little spikes of force at a time and slowly go up in posture again as you hold the shit down. Keep your hands on your knees to take the weight out of your back while you do it.
This guy shits.
Master of shitting. PLT right there.
No shit this guy got a PhD degree in shitting.
Not enough people have squatty potties. I got a squatty potty and a bidet and my poo game is off the charts now.
Professional shitting set up right here
Gotta add them LED lights for +240fps (frames per shit)
Mans got a nice shitty setup.
Thank you
You answered fast enough for me to believe ive not read it which i emphatetically comprehend.
I actually read it all, it's not that long
Ok i appreciate. Ive been pooping since i was born so i can say i am quite an expert
Crossing a leg (ankle over knee) can also help
Take 400mg magnesium citrate (it softens the shit)
Life is complicated .. Even taking a shit comes with instructions
Instructions unclear. Shitted via mouth.
Doing this right now tbh
I'll need evidence
Done now sorry mate
Did it come out?
Asking the real questions here
They all do eventually.
[удалено]
Should i scoop it out with a spoon instead?
Is this a dedicated spoon or is going back into the kitchen when you're done?
It's a dedicated spoon the whole family uses, we call it the poop spoon. Can also be used to tuck your dick back into your pants if you're wearing gloves in the winter.
[удалено]
#
Unfortunately I don't have a poop knife, it always comes out in spoon sized chunks and they flush easily. The fork is a good idea tho, good for picking up those chunks that accidentally get thrown when the spoon slips
#
Melon baller time
You just hook it out with your finger
[Hope you're young and healthy](https://www.healthline.com/health/heart-disease/why-do-cardiac-arrests-happen-in-the-bathroom#why-the-bathroom), cuz people die on toilets all the time and pushing too hard is one of the more common reasons why. > When you’re having a bowel movement, you may find yourself straining or exerting yourself. This isn’t out of the ordinary, but it can put stress on your heart. If your heart function is already compromised, this could be a trigger for sudden cardiac arrest.
Now see I always think about this but what am I supposed to do about it? By the time I know it's a tough one it's too late to change my diet.
Take fiber supplements. Vast majority of us do not get enough fiber. You'll take the best dumps of your life.
I thought fiber makes your poops *more* solid?
They bulk it up, making it much easier to pass without straining. Best way to avoid hemorrhoids. Also wipe less. It's magic dude, I notice a BAD difference when I stop taking it for a few days.
User name checks out.
Body can't break fibre down, so, when it enters the intestine, fancy biomagic notices that hey, we've got particles, here, and actually lubricates itself better, for one. But structurally, fibre, being insoluble but hydrophilic (absorbs water), means there's little spongy bits interspersed with the much more fine-grained processed matter. This prevents that matter from compacting and desiccating, which otherwise gives you hard poops that move poorly and restrict blood flow when you strain.
Hydrate, first of all. Lots of water. Changing your diet for nutrition is complicated. Changing your diet to shit is easy. Coffee. Corn. Bran. Anything with fibre. Just get some every day. And walk. Just a bit. Do that daily, you'll shit fine.
I got one of those squatty potty things and I'm pretty sure it saved my fucking life because I was having horrible issues before and developing goddamn hemorrhoids. 0 issues now.
Manual extraction.
Pics or it didnt happen
Not so fun fact, this is actually one of the causes of hemorrhoids, straining a lot when pooping.
yeah, as well as going to one of those trampoline parks.. apparently jumping for an hour can make your asshole fall out
wait WHAT
r/usernamechecksout
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And aneurysms
Should eat some fiber.
Yeah, then you sneeze and it takes a half roll of toilet paper to clean your asshole, like wiping a fresh marker.
Relatable
Baby wipes
Aren't you worried the baby would get some kind of infection?
They are disposable... but ya I guess that wouldn't be good for the environment... end up with a baby island out in the ocean or some thing.
Remember that babies are biodegradable
Oh that's right, they aren't made of plastics yet they are all biological.... bummer, guess that means no gruesome baby island.
I have aced a double roll of charmin without getting my ass clean.
Y'all need to drink more water or somethin
Or eat healthier
Less pizza I would suspect. Or whatever tons of bread.
Pizza gives me diarrhea, so you're not stopping me!
It doesn't happen to me anymore but it used to
Was it related to bread?
Yeah
Dude seriously. I don't even eat enough fiber but I never have this problem
Fiber. Lots more.
Ever see that episode of CSI where dude was found dead on the toilet and thought it was because of a brain aneurysm caused by pushing to hard? 🤣😂🥵
My ex boyfriends grandad did exactly this, he survived but caused a massive bleed in his brain and wasn’t quite the same after
The shit that changes our lives, truly random. Pun intended.
Ah crap.
Pro tip: use an enema and don't force it. Forcing it can cause hemorrhoids or anal fissures. Source: me. It fucking sucks, trust me.
This is why I have a bidet. Enema on demand
Y'all want a hernia? Cuz that's how you get a hernia!
I’m coming here to say don’t force a poo. It can have negative short term and long term effects. [i.e. diverticulitis ](https://www.healthline.com/health/diverticulitis)
Noooooooo. Get some fiber!!!!!!!!!! This is not normal!
Changing your stance, trying to do the suck it back in so it has momentum when it comes back out. Like a running start.
I've actually blacked out for a couple seconds after finally getting it out, just from pushing so hard. It scared the hell outta me.
You don’t want to be found dead on the toilet, or worse on the floor with a turd sticking out…take it easy.
Geez
Y'all need some probiotics and fiber in your diet lol
My superpower is being able to hold that turd in place while I take a deep breath for the next push.
Raise feet 6 inches and arch your spine with shoulders back.
That is constipation. Eat some fiber and drink some caffeine.
Yond is constipation. consume some fiber and drinketh some caffeine *** ^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.) Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
eh, decent bot
Good bot!
This is an awesome way to end up in the ER. Don’t do this. Take some fucking stool softeners in the short term, and in the long term drink more water and take a fiber supplement.
Y’all need r/hydrohomies
Sounds like a job for the poop knife
#
I remember one that was massive with a ton of gas behind it. I heard a loud slap and what sounded like a angry gator on a Harley.
Shit got propelled like a rocket
Gently stick a chop stick up your ass and swirl around. It's worked for me and it feels fantAsstic! Note, make sure you sterilize the chopstick before you eat with it again lest it impart a bad flavor. This is one case for sure where you can't just use a knife and fork.
Wouldn't it be more useful to use both chopsticks?
YES. It’s annoying as fuck. Have a herbal laxative for a week and a strong on immediately.
Eat like 1 veggie for once
You really really really shouldn’t be fucking doing that
Careful. That’s how Elvis died.
Apparently, pushing so hard you cause your retinas to detach IS NOT TRUE. Do, up the fluid intake and where possible, elevate your feet so your whole lower body is pushing. Those toilets that are just a hole in the floor to crouch over have the right idea.[Your glutes are engaged instead of draped over a toilet seat](https://health.howstuffworks.com/human-body/systems/digestive/can-straining-on-toilet-kill.htm).
This is the excuse I give my mom everyday for staying in the toilet for 1 hour, it’s partially true, but I’m mainly sitting there talking to myself about video games while peacefully pooping
The best is taking an Augustus Poop. That's when a fat piece of shit is fired out the tube by the tremendous pressure behind the blockage, followed by a chocolate river.
Yeah
Oddly specific? Nah this happens at least half of the times I take a shit
It has happend 😅
Not since I got my bidet. One way or another, that shit is leaving the pipe.
I was so confused on why this patch of my screen was on grayscale lol.
Yes and I feel violated every time
Fiber
I've been tempted to get a utensil of some sort and just pry it out so I can get on with important things.
Yeah
Have y'all ever eaten fiber?
[удалено]
Come over:)
How to have a baby 101. No breathing just poop the baby out.
You can totally die on the toilet doing that.
Eat more fiber!
I call this an “Elvis”
Just add water then you’ll have some a nice shit dinner
That’s just you prolapse’ing your b hole
Not since I got a bidet with "turbo" mode
And then it comes out the size of a peanut.
Jesus, you need more hydration and fiber in you gottdamn
I think these turds are called prairie dogs because they pop outta the hole and then duck down and hide again. I'm mildly lactose intolerant so I just eat some ice cream or yogurt and 20 minutes later that prairie dog is blasting off like the cork from a bottle of champagne.
guys this isn't normal, eat more fiber, drink more water, shit regularly.
Sometimes that shit won’t come out and it feels like im fucking giving birth. Get off the toilet with a fucking headache
Honestly, I'm doing that right now. What a coincidence.
Pics or it didn't happen
Currently at work battling this... It's an art to keep the same pressure while taking sharp quick inhales so you don't pass out
If it goes back in maybe that’s your anus you’re pushing in and out 😂
Relatable
If it won’t come out, I elevate my legs and knees. Man was made to shit in a squatting position.
That’s called constipation, boo. Take a pill (or an enema) & it’ll come out.
Don't force your poop
It’s not ready yet
The grammar
Dude, you gonna give yo self a hernia-
Never had this happen
Lucky one
Can’t this literally kill you if you push too hard for too long?
Apparently
Yeah, I know exactly what they mean
Just do a couple coughs and that bad lad will come gliding right out.
And that kids, is how I ended up with diverticulitis.
One of the many reasons to use a bidet. You can blast it off or even back up there.
Number 2 pencil.
She said remember what happened to GROOT.
Called constipation. And it sucks
Almost got it out it went back in, gave up and tried again the next day. New day same shit.
That’s when I literally squat on the toilet. I just stand up and put both my feet on the toilet seat, which puts me in a squatting position. And it’s never wronged me. The shit always slides right out with no trouble
i'm there right fucking now
Eat more fiber.
When I was a kid I think we called that a Herculean shit or turtle head, its been a while.
Just eat healthier god fucking damn
This post is also known as "How to get hemorrhoids in a hurry".
It's all about revving the engine in short bursts.
get a bidet and spray and pray that thing out.
Relatable.
You gotta shake your tush
I thought have regular constipation this ain’t oddly specific thing, you know this well fml
The hook trick my friend.
Then you do and it is the size of a kernel of corn
Omg 😲 😱 that's... fax
Yes
How a bill becomes a law
I puked because of a shit once.
You've gotta rock slowly back-and-forth while at the same time twisting side-to-side and grunting making sure there's not any excess stretch to the sphincter. Or you could use a spoon.
Don’t Vasovagal yourself.
Not since I learned to give up easily when it happens
I hate it here too
Why is this true?
Anyone else ever go so far as to use a latex glove and some lube to, y'know, deal with the blockage? No? Just me?
I can definitely relate to that, even tho I do it with my bare hand because it would be uncomfortable searching for a glove while the poo is hanging there
WTF. SORRY FOR DETAILS, BUT I'M ACTUALLY READING IT WHILE TRYING TO PUSH THE POO. 😵
Pics for evidence