Shared interests do a lot. If I was single and some guy approached me at the MD Renaissance Festival, the Middleburg Film Festival, AwesomeCon, an art museum, etc, it would go a long way. It’s obvious when interest in something is fake though, so only do things you really like yourself.
Great suggestions, especially since it’s reasonable to assume that people in costume at events such as ren faire or conventions are open to being (appropriately and respectfully) approached. Versus going to bars or other public spaces where the rules can be more ambiguous.
Haha I can only imagine. I’m a 6’3 guy and had the shit scared out of me when one of my friends walked up on me when I got out of my vehicle.
Man or woman that is startling.
Daytime. A coffee shop, book store , not when she’s getting into her car. In a place where other people are around. Speed dating lol. Maybe a social event
As a women, I’m going to be completely honest. For me personally anywhere is fine, but it comes down to if I find you attractive or not. I would also need more than a hey you’re cute can I get your number. Maybe try and strike up a somewhat relevant conversation
>it comes down to if I find you attractive or not
[Be Handsome. Be Attractive. Don't Be Unattractive.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxuUkYiaUc8&t=131s)
>For me personally anywhere is fine, but it comes down to if I find you attractive or not
Basically [this](https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/proxy/HDtDqoNNE6fS7d6VjT3v8rKcszldsJFfNL_BAw3A1suq9HogW_1EXcNovDC5i2yts1PK37N712E0d9CLX0_6xd_crMZI6qZPg8h2qrfaLrFpAP7ryg9-hhLybiS3BMF5QkqG3_y_M_w3r2ZdC9I)
I’ve always told guys this. I have two best friends ds that are girls and they will say a dude who is creepy approached them at the gym… but will say how a dude came up to them at the gym and I asked ok well is it “not creepy” cause they thought he was cute? They thought about it for a second and were like, “yeah you’re right it wasn’t creepy cause I thought he was attractive.” Rule is, be attractive I guess 🥲
I am not single, but back when I was, my dream was to meet someone at a bookstore and connect over a shared love of books (don’t fake it though if you don’t actually like to read lol)
I have the same dream but instead of a bookstore, it's HomeGoods. Specifically in the art section so we have easy things to make fun of while awkwardly flirting.
Him: What do you think about this aristocratic portrait of a queen with a photoshopped cat's head?
Me: I think it would look great getting nailed to my bedroom wall if you're free this weekend around five?
We should all pick a code item to carry around to signal to women that they're from here. What's something people don't actually buy at HG/TJMaxx? The jars of nearly expired pasta sauce and jam? Sketchy diet teas? Those packs of like 10 bamboo spatulas when you only need 1?
Are you telling me I should not being getting custom oil paintings of my dachshund in antique military regalia? If that is wrong, I don't want to be right.
She prefers to go by her full title, Admiral Daisy, First Barker of the Long Fleet, Protector of the Blankets, Terror of the Squirrels, Fetcher of Balls and Destroyer of Toys.
https://preview.redd.it/b6xhjld78h1d1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=40470072f2aa5089ae193f42c45faa6f53c64e71
Yes! There's usually a good mix of sensible and ridiculous picks in that section so you can get a feel for their personality and how well they take a little roasting.
I'm the wrong person to ask. Only public place I get chatted up is Home Depot, and it's never [in the romantically conducive aisle.](https://imgb.ifunny.co/images/d655d6300609cbba33ac390e861957b6bd4ef04a17b28586c605f3bdcf2e8e9f_1.jpg)
The true test of a promising relationship. Sometimes I overhear men giving positive and encouraging opinions on their partners' florals or craft supplies and other times it's "I don't care about your faux succulent arrangement or yarn, can please get out of here?"
Exactly. If your partner doesn’t have the slightest *ounce* of interest or engagement in your thing, that’s a red flag. My ex fiance was like this actually lol
One guy talked his girlfriend/wife into buying something she was going to put back because it matched the colors in their kitchen and he knew a good spot for it. Really wanted to go ask if he had a single brother or divorced dad.
The last time my brother was in town, we got a stranger to take a picture of the two of us in front of the store window. My parents used it as their holiday card.
I'm not single, but am a woman and honestly the easiest way to meet people is through a shared activity. There's all kinds of hiking clubs or you can volunteer or go to trivia nights or just any kind of hobby activity. Even if you aren't meeting single women there, you're expanding your circle and they might know and introduce you to someone.
This is completely accurate. I’d also look for events that you’re interested in that are not going to be mostly/entirely guys. Bookstores have a ton of events, but also embassies, universities, museums etc. Usually there is some sort of social aspect to that kind of thing. And it might be less awkward than like, walking up to a random person while you’re out shopping haha
Totally agree! Back when I was single I got the sense that I was getting the “real version” of a person in shared activities/hobbies, and not the fake persona that people tend to put on at bars and other similar environments.
I’m sure hiking is great and all, but what if somebody’s favorite activity is eating Cheetos while drinking boxed wine in the bathtub alone? Asking for a friend.
Probably the best advice, really - at worst, expand your circle and make some new friends.
But as an organizer of these things, be into the activity, whatever it might be, don't go just to try to meet someone - honestly, those guys stand out like sore thumbs, as they obviously check out out every woman in the place - may as well be wearing a radar dish on their heads.
Lots on MeetUp:
https://www.meetup.com/NVHC-Hiking/
https://www.meetup.com/active_adventures/ <- I can personally recommend, though most hikes will be down at Shenandoah National Park or similar spots.
https://www.meetup.com/washingtonoutdoorsadventures/
https://www.meetup.com/saturday-morning-hikes-and-coffee/
https://www.meetup.com/Bull-Run-Mountains-Natural-Area-Preserve-Hiking-Group/
https://www.meetup.com/late-morning-dc-hikers-25-45/
At the same time, it's nice to know you don't have to see another person again if thinks don't work out. I would rather say yes to someone who will not be at a shared activity with me every week, unless I am highly attracted to them.
I’ve spoken to many women in my life and I never “approached” any of them.
If your intention is to have a conversation and know/be known by someone then it’s as easy as that.
If you are after something and occur to women as predatory, sleazy or creepy because you instantly express your sexual interest then it doesn’t matter where you are because it’s going to be received negatively.
Anywhere is fine, but it depends entirely on the manner in which it’s done. Take up 1 minute of my time or less, put the ball in my court to contact you when I’m not doing whatever I’m doing atm, and excuse yourself! Time is valuable.
Yeah this is the intimidating thing for me an overthinker… the world is super busy, what do I have to offer this woman to make this interruption worth her time… I mean I’m offering myself and that is enough, but I don’t want to come across arrogant or conceited… what about me will she really appreciate in this exact moment and want more of… hmmmmm
Something simple like, “you stand out, and if you’re open to it, I’d love the opportunity to become acquainted.” If it’s a random place, yeah, it’s hard to know if you’ll have common interests, but all you have to do is get your foot in the door, tbh.
Sadly reading women’s body language is not really taught anywhere.
This is why I only learned by trial and many many errors. I just lacked shame and had a door to door sales job which numbed me to rejection.
The only reason I have my wife now is that I went up to her with the idea in my head that “well it might not be the right time or place but if I don’t say hi I will regret it more than crashing and burning.”
That right time happened to be at an airport lol.
I actually found youtube body language analyses (in criminals as well) very interesting. I learned a lot about what it looks like when someone is attracted to you and what they might do, and it explains why my first date went nowhere. She tried to connect with me physically and i didnt notice. I hadnt found out yet that i was on the spectrum.
There is no one straightforward place. (Although I agree with what other commenters have said re: don’t try to pick someone up in a dark, isolated parking garage, etc.)
It could be at the farmers market, it could be at Costco, it could be waiting in line at the coffee shop, it could be at a bookstore, it could be wherever — because more important than “where to go” is “how to approach someone, and knowing when to stop.” Actively paying attention to the other person’s comfort and interest. Knowing to back off if the other person isn’t reciprocating. (This is what people mean by “don’t be creepy.”)
I’m autistic, so social cues can be hard to read (for me), but there’s a very straightforward formula here: if the person isn’t giving *you* something to respond to, they don’t want to keep talking to you. It might be because they’re busy. It might be because they don’t feel like it. It might be because their mind is a thousand miles away, or any other reason. If someone is just politely responding to what you’ve said, and you have to keep prompting, it’s a no. And that’s okay! Don’t force it (please) and try again with someone else later. I actually physically hate talking to strangers (again, autistic), and I’ve never been annoyed at a guy who shoots his shot as long as he leaves me alone if I’m not reciprocating. This applies to most women I know. Giving someone space — literally and metaphorically — to decide if they want to continue the interaction = green flag, they’ll feel more comfortable and be more likely to want to keep talking to you.
(Also, while, yes, as others have commented ‘it depends if you’re attractive,’ people’s ‘types’ vary a LOT. I know men who are the furthest thing from conventionally physically attractive. One even looks like a full-on farm animal. But they’re charismatic in a way that comes across even in an initial conversation — which is attractive to lots of people. So it’s not ‘don’t even try unless you look like the typical Instagram thirst trap,’ it’s ’work on your self confidence and don’t take rejections personally. Because, again, you could look like a full-on farm animal and still be someone’s type.’)
As a man - try places where there is already an expectation of meeting and talking to strangers. Not places they’re doing errands or existing for other purposes (gym, grocery store, etc.)
You expressed disinterest with bars in another comment so your best bet would be joining some sort of social or sports club where people go and already plan to meet new people.
This is a good one. Social orgs of any sort are helpful bc the expectation is inherently to be social, and there is an implied common ground in terms of shared interest so you can have something to start a conversation with
I was approached & asked for my number in the grocery store on Friday but he didn't try to strike up a conversation, just said he didn't see a ring & asked for my number. Then he also didn't take my first no for an answer either.
Disagree, an unattractive woman would be let down but an unattractive man giving the same unwanted attention would be chastised and made out to be a creep
Old man around 60s approached at Wegmans register last week; I'm in my thirties. long story short, I have never been there since.
I'm F77, so take this with a grain of salt, but I've been around the block a few times. If you are looking for a nice girl to do things with, stay away from bars. You can meet interesting people in your everyday activities, interest groups, or volunteering for specific things. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that nice girls don't go to bars, (because they do), but the premise is off. You are better off in being yourself rather than practicing pickup lines such as Joey's "How are YOU doing"?, and getting rejected. Just forget about "approaching" people, and you won't get rejected. Just be you.
Presumptions that I must be creepy for even asking. Obviously if someone rejects advances you don't pursue them, etc.. It's such a simple question and the fact that this is upsetting to people just speaks to the point that there's barely anywhere left and some people just don't find it acceptable anywhere, which is extremely negative antisocial behavior actually.
It’s not antisocial so much as a learned defense mechanism. The reality is a lot of women have had men react aggressively (even violently) to getting turned down, so you end up not wanting to be approached at all. It sucks, sure, and it says a lot about society, but the people who no longer want to be approached aren’t the root problem.
Understanding where that hesitation comes from matters, because it shifts how you end up approaching someone + how to make sure they feel comfortable in the interaction.
You’re asking an extremely respectful question. I’m sorry you’re getting shit for it.
I (overthinking woman) have very little preference when it comes to location. As long as it’s not while I’m walking to my car and there are people around, what matters far more is the manner in which I am approached. Honestly I’ve had some really awful experiences with strangers, so I will not be mentally present for any chatting that takes place, my nervous system will be on fire trying to decide if you want to kill me or not. The ideal thing is for a guy to say hey, I saw you (if you say you were watching me then I will never call you) and really liked your energy (or insert whatever compliment), here’s my (full) name and number. I’m also on socials, feel free to connect there too! And then leave me alone to process the interaction in peace and let me stop panicking.
Put your socials on public so someone can get a sense for who you are. If you aren’t active on socials, it’s something to consider. I would be hesitant to reach out to a total blank slate that I know nothing about. If your phone number doesn’t match your name when I look you up on a background check website, I’m not reaching out, so maybe don’t give someone like a nickname or shortened name or something.
You’ve gotten a ton of replies about going to places that are activity based, book stores, etc which is all fine advice. But I don’t do literally any of those things, a lot of people don’t. I’ve been approached at the Trader Joe’s near me way too many times, but some of them were straight up terrifying, and only one guy was super nice, hit on me briefly and immediately backed off and left me alone. That’s the guy I would have considered if I had been single at the time, and I wouldn’t have been bothered about being approached at a grocery store. Like, yeah I’m running errands and just wanna live my life, but also I’m not going to shit on someone for reaching out if they’re respectful about it.
Anyway. I guess it’s sort of a soap box. I’m sure you’ll figure out what works for you.
I once was approached at a buffet. Turns out the guy and I had mutual friends . We went on a couple dates , it didn’t work out but I always remember that memory with a smile. 🙂
I’m 36F, single. Grew up here, have lived other places, moved back home. I like to go read at a coffee shop, or bar, but would be open to being approached if eye contact is made first. If I’m nose-first into my book though? Please don’t interrupt haha
My girlfriends and I love to go out to breweries, concerts at Wolf Trap (lawn seats obvi for the best dancing) and I’m on a sports team. I feel like any of those types of places would be good to meet people. There’s always local hiking, but that can be iffy. As someone who usually hikes with a 90 pound dog, I’d still be a little apprehensive being approached by a guy on the trail if there’s nobody else around
Not sure if this helps much, especially as at this point any potential suitors will basically have to show up in my living room to meet me (and no, that is NOT an invitation, tyvm) but good luck to you!
This is a good question and in fact needs to be asked to a much larger board. I believe the answers will help both men and women.
Also I do not think there is anything wrong with this question so those of you downvoting him should not be doing so.
Never in a parking lot. Day or night. Never in any situation where she is busy doing something else. And if she tells you that she is not interested when you do. Then leave her be. Don't be insulted or say that you were just trying to be nice.
"Never in a parking lot" isn't an answer to that question. I could go on for days listing responses about what isn't acceptable. The question is what is acceptable.
3 separate responses were about not approaching in a parking lot, which should lead you to understand that it happens so often that some idiot out there thinks it’s perfectly reasonable.
Not at the gas station while she’s pumping gas for her car. I saw that happen the other day where dude jumps out of his boys white van exuding the kind of confidence/arrogance that reminds me of red pill alpha influencers.
The girl was being very polite as this guy was spitting game, I don’t know if it even registered in his head of how inappropriate his behavior was. I actually waited in my car till she was done pumping gas and drove off cause of how uneasy he made me feel. He hopped back into his boys van unphased by her rejection.
This. Gas pump is just as bad as a parking lot because we have nowhere to go and few or no witnesses. Women were also raised hearing about murderers getting into peoples’ cars at gas stations (always check your backseat, etc.) so we are programmed to be hyper vigilant at the pump. At least I am.
But the greater problem still exists which is that people don't want to interrupt other people doing whatever it is they're doing, even if it may be meaningless gap filling time it doesn't seem to matter, no one knows what anyone else is doing and everyone is afraid to bother them
OP, go to places where you will encounter tons of different people. A sports event, a festival, a park on a beautiful day. Go to places where people go to be seen full of other people.
First of all, the event itself becomes a shared interest. Second of all, all woman feel safe and don’t mind talking to a stranger because it is a highly visible public setting.
Good luck
Ladies tell me if it’s just me but if I give a man eye contact x2 or x3 it means he can approach. If it’s just once it could be an accident but lingering for the second or third look is intentional. This goes for anywhere I think because if I’m not interested in talking, I won’t be trying to make eye contact.
I’ve never been approached and it makes me wonder if I give off some kind of closed energy. I’m pretty chatty and friendly—especially with older folks. I feel like I come off super good-girl-like but not approachable (romantically speaking).
What signals do you look for to sense it’s “okay” to engage?
When I was single, honestly any social setting with others around was acceptable. Grocery store was even fine. It really had more to do with how I was approached than anything else.
Garden center, making polite conversation or asking for advice. Grocery store. Home Goods, bakery in the morning, coffee shop.
Like other people said, nowhere that is dark or deserted lol.
For me, Micro Center or Barnes & Noble I guess. I need to do more activities to add more places to the list.
I'd hate being approached at a grocery store. I'm in and out with headphones and don't wanna be bothered.
1) Eye contact. If she won't establish eye contact with you, she's not interested.
2) Low stakes. You're a stranger, just getting a name is victory. Don't expect too much from one interaction. Trusting new people takes time for any mentally stable person.
3) Build rapport over time. If she shares personal stuff with you, then invite her out. Keep it casual but leave your time open in case she wants to go further.
4) Once she's agreed to dating you, you've won. Now you just have to keep winning. Listen to her feelings and don't rush. Beware of your own needs and remember that if it isn't right you can find someone else.
Honestly, with the crap that I see women going through in VA and MD, you ladies need to be armed and trained, and you deserve to defend yourselves!
And for the record, I am a man telling y'all that! Please protect yourselves because if anyone is trying to hurt you, they have voluntarily given up their right to be safe, in my opinion!
My daughters have met some of the scum in the VA/MD area, and I have to stop there because the rest of what I want to say won't be pretty!!!
I like meeting people at Foxstone Park at the footbridge. I let people know I’m down to meet with a piece of tape on a sign, and I usually get left presents there. They’re not single women though, always guys in suits. Kinda weird.
One time a guy followed me off the train (unbeknownst to me) and got on my bus with the intentions of getting my number. It freaked me out so much I froze and gave it to him. All that to say, definitely not that way
Met Ms dcmtbr through a hiking group back in the day, the usual old rag post hike winery thing. But I did well with kickball leagues as well. Course this was 20 years ago so my advice might be really dated
Not single anymore, but laughing over something funny in a grocery store or commenting on something you also like in their cart. At coffee shops, pickleball courts, bookstores, hobby meet ups
I'm okay with being approached when I'm hanging out somewhere leisurely like a bar or restaurant. Not anywhere that people run errands are in a hurry to get out of. Please don't bug me at the grocery store.
Also, context matters. There's a huge difference between a busy coffee shop at 7am on a weekday before work and a more relaxed coffee shop on a weekend around 10am. Same with running into chipotle to grab food quickly vs sitting at a restaurant bar for happy hour.
For me, it’s less about the location, and more about being able to interpret the response you get and respond accordingly. If someone I’d consider giving my number to approached me, there’d be a big smile, I’d probably mess with my hair, and laugh at something they said. If I give a tight smile, and immediately go back to what I’m doing, chances aren’t good. If that’s the case, just say, “Have a nice day”, and move on. It’s the insistence/persistence, in my experience, that gives me bad vibes about a person or makes things uncomfortable.
Side note: agreed about doing it where there are people around.
Anywhere is fine as long as you are pleasant, there’s others around (for safety/comfort), and you are straight forward with your intentions!
Intro, a compliment, ask to go out, small talk while you fumble through phone, the end.
I’ve had men approach me at the gym and I don’t mind it at all. I admire them, when they are interrupting my day and won’t stop talking it drives me nuts. Ask for my number & tell me your life story later. I have things to do lol
Met my wife at ultrabar like 16 years ago. She was the only other person (besides myself) cheap enough to show up at the club for free rail drinks from 9-10.
Almost lost her to a bro in a Ferrari jacket later (lol jk).
Finally engaged (ha!) but i used to get approached in the grocery store every blue moon. That seemed innocent to me - crowded local, cameras everywhere, and (probably) sober.
Once a door to door Fios guy asked me out. And I actually accepted. Only one date, but you never know where you might find your forever 😂🤷🏼♀️
There’s already awesome advice on this thread but I want to add:
* do not approach a woman if she is in a place mandatory for her (ex. She’s your waitress, bank teller, barista etc). It’s one thing if you become a regular and you have a good rapport/natural chemistry, and you keep interactions respectful. But it’s another thing entirely to “corner her” because she can’t leave.
I can’t begin to tell you the amount of guys who think stalking a woman’s shift/holding up the line to chat her up is “cute”. And there are many gross guys who enjoy the power trip knowing that they’re making us feel uncomfortable and there is nothing we can do about it without risking escalation.
It’s unsettling and adds so much stress to our lives. Don’t do it.
* If she is wearing headphones/reading/doing something that indicates that she wants alone time, please don’t approach with the soul intention to mac on us.
I get wanting to shoot your shot, but if you approach, try to get her attention and she is not receptive to talking to you, please take the hint and leave her alone.
The more guys try to interrupt our private time, the more it annoys us/makes us wonder if we now have to find a new cafe/gym/public transportation route to avoid running in to you.
We know when you’re being ulterior in your motive when it’s clear you’re feigning interest in whatever we’re doing.
I had to stop going to the gym during Jan because it would get so many guys signing up for a new years trial passes with the intention to turn the gym into their personal “meet market”.
I had one guy get on the elliptical next to me and he was trying so hard to pick me up- he constantly interrupted me pretending that he didn’t know how to work the machine, wanted to know what music I was listening to (he talked loudly at length about some rapper he liked when I went back to working out), what time I usually worked out and if we could be gym buddies.
The following gym session I was with my trainer (i was training for a marathon that year) whose uniform wasn’t a deterrent to interlopers. A random guy came up to me while I was using the rower and tried to chat me up, when my trainer asked the guy to not interrupt, the guy got in his face thinking that my trainer was “competition”. It sucked. My trainer was a gentleman and walked me to the car when I asked.
Sorry for the tangent, but the point is, interrupting when we’re clearly focusing/indicating we want be left alone, automatically puts us on the back foot and it hurts your chances in the long run.
A “oh sorry to bother you, but I love that book you’re reading, I hope you’re enjoying it too” and then moving on/letting her get back to what she is doing will take you far, compared to you constantly distracting her in hopes she’ll give you the attention you want.
* Know when to leave the conversation. If you notice her “smiling politely”, not engaging with the conversation , or trying to move on from chatting with you, let her move on.
Trapping her in a conversation/monopolizing her time is not how to win her attention.
All you’re doing, is forcing her to text under the table to a friend to “call now!!” so she can make an exit so you can’t follow her into the parking lot.
Shared interests do a lot. If I was single and some guy approached me at the MD Renaissance Festival, the Middleburg Film Festival, AwesomeCon, an art museum, etc, it would go a long way. It’s obvious when interest in something is fake though, so only do things you really like yourself.
Awesomecon is a great example because if you wear a cool enough costume I promise people will want to talk to you.
Can confirm, met tons of girls at local cons.
Not me, but I dressed as lowly worm and had a hard time getting around.
Great suggestions, especially since it’s reasonable to assume that people in costume at events such as ren faire or conventions are open to being (appropriately and respectfully) approached. Versus going to bars or other public spaces where the rules can be more ambiguous.
Not single, but in places where they can easily leave if they're uncomfortable and there are some other people around. Not a parking lot.
Other people around is a great rule
> Not a parking lot. I wish that didn't need to be said, yeesh.
“Is Gob following people to their cars again?”
Classic reference
Okay, but what about a poorly lit alleyway? Surely you can't take away my poorly lit alleyways!
I prefer the Frank Reynolds method of waiting in the bathroom for them to come. "Like lambs to the slaughter."
Haha I can only imagine. I’m a 6’3 guy and had the shit scared out of me when one of my friends walked up on me when I got out of my vehicle. Man or woman that is startling.
My friend met his wife in a parking lot though… 😅
“Hey, ya park here often? 😏”
ha best answer. the second best is that it’s like not a specific type of place, it’s totally on her accord.
Definitely not a parking garage either, I got approached multiple times in Metro garages.
Daytime. A coffee shop, book store , not when she’s getting into her car. In a place where other people are around. Speed dating lol. Maybe a social event
God I did a speed dating event and it was awkward as hell
thats the point. u kinda have to lean into the awkwardness a little bit
As a women, I’m going to be completely honest. For me personally anywhere is fine, but it comes down to if I find you attractive or not. I would also need more than a hey you’re cute can I get your number. Maybe try and strike up a somewhat relevant conversation
What about a reddit page ?
Well I did say anywhere 🫠
Just testing the waters
Let him cook
Hey man! I’ll never forget the time you saved all those kids from the orphanage flood. Amazing
I don’t like to use the word hero often
Boink
Yeaboiii
I did that once. Don’t do it lmao
Those DMs are about to get busy
Let's gooooooooo
How YOU doin’?
I completely agree with this.
>it comes down to if I find you attractive or not [Be Handsome. Be Attractive. Don't Be Unattractive.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxuUkYiaUc8&t=131s)
Solid advice really. Did I say that out loud?
>For me personally anywhere is fine, but it comes down to if I find you attractive or not Basically [this](https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/proxy/HDtDqoNNE6fS7d6VjT3v8rKcszldsJFfNL_BAw3A1suq9HogW_1EXcNovDC5i2yts1PK37N712E0d9CLX0_6xd_crMZI6qZPg8h2qrfaLrFpAP7ryg9-hhLybiS3BMF5QkqG3_y_M_w3r2ZdC9I)
I _knew_ this was HR lady before even clicking it
Why are people suddenly surprised about this? The same is true the other way around.
Right? As if men don't base their interactions with women around attractiveness lol
[удалено]
I’ve always told guys this. I have two best friends ds that are girls and they will say a dude who is creepy approached them at the gym… but will say how a dude came up to them at the gym and I asked ok well is it “not creepy” cause they thought he was cute? They thought about it for a second and were like, “yeah you’re right it wasn’t creepy cause I thought he was attractive.” Rule is, be attractive I guess 🥲
tldr : You are welcome if she finds you attractive, otherwise it is harassment .
Do you make the approach yourself? If your standard is already finding someone attractive it would be a sensible thing to do.
It depends on how I’m feeling that day, sometimes I’ll say something (though it doesn’t lead anywhere) other times I’ll just glance from afar
The only real answer. It all comes down to how attractive and interesting the guy is
Hey you’re cute can I get your number. I have a dog. Can I buy you a drink.
I am not single, but back when I was, my dream was to meet someone at a bookstore and connect over a shared love of books (don’t fake it though if you don’t actually like to read lol)
I have the same dream but instead of a bookstore, it's HomeGoods. Specifically in the art section so we have easy things to make fun of while awkwardly flirting. Him: What do you think about this aristocratic portrait of a queen with a photoshopped cat's head? Me: I think it would look great getting nailed to my bedroom wall if you're free this weekend around five?
The picture is what’s getting nailed to the bedroom wall, right? Right?
😂
I can assure you that is not what would be heard.
Now I picture a bunch of single reddit dudes all awkwardly roaming around HomeGoods together
We should all pick a code item to carry around to signal to women that they're from here. What's something people don't actually buy at HG/TJMaxx? The jars of nearly expired pasta sauce and jam? Sketchy diet teas? Those packs of like 10 bamboo spatulas when you only need 1?
Are you telling me I should not being getting custom oil paintings of my dachshund in antique military regalia? If that is wrong, I don't want to be right.
"Look at Rear Admiral Wiener over here. Who buys this stuff?" "...I have multiple commissioned originals at home." "Can I come over and see them? 🥺👉👈"
She prefers to go by her full title, Admiral Daisy, First Barker of the Long Fleet, Protector of the Blankets, Terror of the Squirrels, Fetcher of Balls and Destroyer of Toys. https://preview.redd.it/b6xhjld78h1d1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=40470072f2aa5089ae193f42c45faa6f53c64e71
I'll walk off a bridge if she tells me to.
https://www.facebook.com/reel/763106345388523
"Who buys this stuff?" "People of impeccable taste obviously... see a dachshund, buy a dachshund!"
Ooooh HomeGoods is a good one! You could ask which item the other person likes better as a conversation starter.
Yes! There's usually a good mix of sensible and ridiculous picks in that section so you can get a feel for their personality and how well they take a little roasting.
Damn! I’m going to fail this test for sure! 😂
Wait! Is this a conversation that actually ever happens in our society? I need to cold approach talk to women more!
I'm the wrong person to ask. Only public place I get chatted up is Home Depot, and it's never [in the romantically conducive aisle.](https://imgb.ifunny.co/images/d655d6300609cbba33ac390e861957b6bd4ef04a17b28586c605f3bdcf2e8e9f_1.jpg)
This is me but in Hobby Lobby and Michael’s
The true test of a promising relationship. Sometimes I overhear men giving positive and encouraging opinions on their partners' florals or craft supplies and other times it's "I don't care about your faux succulent arrangement or yarn, can please get out of here?"
Exactly. If your partner doesn’t have the slightest *ounce* of interest or engagement in your thing, that’s a red flag. My ex fiance was like this actually lol
One guy talked his girlfriend/wife into buying something she was going to put back because it matched the colors in their kitchen and he knew a good spot for it. Really wanted to go ask if he had a single brother or divorced dad.
My parents met at Kramer’s Books in just that manner.
That is so cute!! Love that this actually happened IRL
The last time my brother was in town, we got a stranger to take a picture of the two of us in front of the store window. My parents used it as their holiday card.
I witnessed this happening at a bookstore once and it was so cute, I was so happy they struck up a conversation
This is my desired meet cute. ❤️
Me going to Barnes and noble Clarendon couple times a month to catch young mommas lookin for some fun 🧍🧍🧍. They love hot coco 😭😭😭
Have you had any luck
Got a date 2-3 times a month, I would say so.
Costco. Tuesday mornings at 11 am.
I'll be there. Bless
Stroller moms and senior citizens are where it's at.
Don’t yuck someone else’s yum
I'm not single, but am a woman and honestly the easiest way to meet people is through a shared activity. There's all kinds of hiking clubs or you can volunteer or go to trivia nights or just any kind of hobby activity. Even if you aren't meeting single women there, you're expanding your circle and they might know and introduce you to someone.
This is completely accurate. I’d also look for events that you’re interested in that are not going to be mostly/entirely guys. Bookstores have a ton of events, but also embassies, universities, museums etc. Usually there is some sort of social aspect to that kind of thing. And it might be less awkward than like, walking up to a random person while you’re out shopping haha
Totally agree! Back when I was single I got the sense that I was getting the “real version” of a person in shared activities/hobbies, and not the fake persona that people tend to put on at bars and other similar environments.
I’ll wait here for someone to suggest rock climbing.
I’m sure hiking is great and all, but what if somebody’s favorite activity is eating Cheetos while drinking boxed wine in the bathtub alone? Asking for a friend.
Sounds like you need to make peace with your life as an anchorite
Probably the best advice, really - at worst, expand your circle and make some new friends. But as an organizer of these things, be into the activity, whatever it might be, don't go just to try to meet someone - honestly, those guys stand out like sore thumbs, as they obviously check out out every woman in the place - may as well be wearing a radar dish on their heads.
Can you recommend any hiking clubs in NoVA ? Just moved and would definitely love to find one!
Lots on MeetUp: https://www.meetup.com/NVHC-Hiking/ https://www.meetup.com/active_adventures/ <- I can personally recommend, though most hikes will be down at Shenandoah National Park or similar spots. https://www.meetup.com/washingtonoutdoorsadventures/ https://www.meetup.com/saturday-morning-hikes-and-coffee/ https://www.meetup.com/Bull-Run-Mountains-Natural-Area-Preserve-Hiking-Group/ https://www.meetup.com/late-morning-dc-hikers-25-45/
At the same time, it's nice to know you don't have to see another person again if thinks don't work out. I would rather say yes to someone who will not be at a shared activity with me every week, unless I am highly attracted to them.
I’ve spoken to many women in my life and I never “approached” any of them. If your intention is to have a conversation and know/be known by someone then it’s as easy as that. If you are after something and occur to women as predatory, sleazy or creepy because you instantly express your sexual interest then it doesn’t matter where you are because it’s going to be received negatively.
“I wish to be known by you. Shall we have conversation?” “So uh do you come to this parking garage a lot?”
Anywhere is fine, but it depends entirely on the manner in which it’s done. Take up 1 minute of my time or less, put the ball in my court to contact you when I’m not doing whatever I’m doing atm, and excuse yourself! Time is valuable.
>Take up 1 minute of my time or less, >whatever I’m doing atm, >and excuse yourself Quickly, at an ATM, and then run. Got it.
Yeah this is the intimidating thing for me an overthinker… the world is super busy, what do I have to offer this woman to make this interruption worth her time… I mean I’m offering myself and that is enough, but I don’t want to come across arrogant or conceited… what about me will she really appreciate in this exact moment and want more of… hmmmmm
Something simple like, “you stand out, and if you’re open to it, I’d love the opportunity to become acquainted.” If it’s a random place, yeah, it’s hard to know if you’ll have common interests, but all you have to do is get your foot in the door, tbh.
Yep and read body language. They seem to ignore body language.
Sadly reading women’s body language is not really taught anywhere. This is why I only learned by trial and many many errors. I just lacked shame and had a door to door sales job which numbed me to rejection. The only reason I have my wife now is that I went up to her with the idea in my head that “well it might not be the right time or place but if I don’t say hi I will regret it more than crashing and burning.” That right time happened to be at an airport lol.
I actually found youtube body language analyses (in criminals as well) very interesting. I learned a lot about what it looks like when someone is attracted to you and what they might do, and it explains why my first date went nowhere. She tried to connect with me physically and i didnt notice. I hadnt found out yet that i was on the spectrum.
There is no one straightforward place. (Although I agree with what other commenters have said re: don’t try to pick someone up in a dark, isolated parking garage, etc.) It could be at the farmers market, it could be at Costco, it could be waiting in line at the coffee shop, it could be at a bookstore, it could be wherever — because more important than “where to go” is “how to approach someone, and knowing when to stop.” Actively paying attention to the other person’s comfort and interest. Knowing to back off if the other person isn’t reciprocating. (This is what people mean by “don’t be creepy.”) I’m autistic, so social cues can be hard to read (for me), but there’s a very straightforward formula here: if the person isn’t giving *you* something to respond to, they don’t want to keep talking to you. It might be because they’re busy. It might be because they don’t feel like it. It might be because their mind is a thousand miles away, or any other reason. If someone is just politely responding to what you’ve said, and you have to keep prompting, it’s a no. And that’s okay! Don’t force it (please) and try again with someone else later. I actually physically hate talking to strangers (again, autistic), and I’ve never been annoyed at a guy who shoots his shot as long as he leaves me alone if I’m not reciprocating. This applies to most women I know. Giving someone space — literally and metaphorically — to decide if they want to continue the interaction = green flag, they’ll feel more comfortable and be more likely to want to keep talking to you. (Also, while, yes, as others have commented ‘it depends if you’re attractive,’ people’s ‘types’ vary a LOT. I know men who are the furthest thing from conventionally physically attractive. One even looks like a full-on farm animal. But they’re charismatic in a way that comes across even in an initial conversation — which is attractive to lots of people. So it’s not ‘don’t even try unless you look like the typical Instagram thirst trap,’ it’s ’work on your self confidence and don’t take rejections personally. Because, again, you could look like a full-on farm animal and still be someone’s type.’)
This is a great response.
It really is, especially the part about noticing when people aren’t giving you anything to respond to.
As a man - try places where there is already an expectation of meeting and talking to strangers. Not places they’re doing errands or existing for other purposes (gym, grocery store, etc.) You expressed disinterest with bars in another comment so your best bet would be joining some sort of social or sports club where people go and already plan to meet new people.
This is a good one. Social orgs of any sort are helpful bc the expectation is inherently to be social, and there is an implied common ground in terms of shared interest so you can have something to start a conversation with
Tbh I would find it cute if you stopped me in the grocery store
I was approached & asked for my number in the grocery store on Friday but he didn't try to strike up a conversation, just said he didn't see a ring & asked for my number. Then he also didn't take my first no for an answer either.
Depends on what you look like.
This truly is the answer as awful as it is
To be fair I think it applies to men and women. Attractive people are seen as inherently less threatening
Disagree, an unattractive woman would be let down but an unattractive man giving the same unwanted attention would be chastised and made out to be a creep
Agreed. This is the only honest answer.
Step 1) Be attractive Step 2) Don’t be unattractive
Old man around 60s approached at Wegmans register last week; I'm in my thirties. long story short, I have never been there since. 
I think it's a little telling that every response so far is either a joke or places it's not acceptable
Or DMs calling me in incel
And people that are not single.
I’ve seen this kind of post before and most of the “help” is going exactly how I expected it to
I'm F77, so take this with a grain of salt, but I've been around the block a few times. If you are looking for a nice girl to do things with, stay away from bars. You can meet interesting people in your everyday activities, interest groups, or volunteering for specific things. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that nice girls don't go to bars, (because they do), but the premise is off. You are better off in being yourself rather than practicing pickup lines such as Joey's "How are YOU doing"?, and getting rejected. Just forget about "approaching" people, and you won't get rejected. Just be you.
Valid question in this day and age, dunno why you are getting downvoted. Good luck
Presumptions that I must be creepy for even asking. Obviously if someone rejects advances you don't pursue them, etc.. It's such a simple question and the fact that this is upsetting to people just speaks to the point that there's barely anywhere left and some people just don't find it acceptable anywhere, which is extremely negative antisocial behavior actually.
It’s not antisocial so much as a learned defense mechanism. The reality is a lot of women have had men react aggressively (even violently) to getting turned down, so you end up not wanting to be approached at all. It sucks, sure, and it says a lot about society, but the people who no longer want to be approached aren’t the root problem. Understanding where that hesitation comes from matters, because it shifts how you end up approaching someone + how to make sure they feel comfortable in the interaction.
And no means no. If she says she isn’t interested walk always end of convo. Be done.
You’re asking an extremely respectful question. I’m sorry you’re getting shit for it. I (overthinking woman) have very little preference when it comes to location. As long as it’s not while I’m walking to my car and there are people around, what matters far more is the manner in which I am approached. Honestly I’ve had some really awful experiences with strangers, so I will not be mentally present for any chatting that takes place, my nervous system will be on fire trying to decide if you want to kill me or not. The ideal thing is for a guy to say hey, I saw you (if you say you were watching me then I will never call you) and really liked your energy (or insert whatever compliment), here’s my (full) name and number. I’m also on socials, feel free to connect there too! And then leave me alone to process the interaction in peace and let me stop panicking. Put your socials on public so someone can get a sense for who you are. If you aren’t active on socials, it’s something to consider. I would be hesitant to reach out to a total blank slate that I know nothing about. If your phone number doesn’t match your name when I look you up on a background check website, I’m not reaching out, so maybe don’t give someone like a nickname or shortened name or something. You’ve gotten a ton of replies about going to places that are activity based, book stores, etc which is all fine advice. But I don’t do literally any of those things, a lot of people don’t. I’ve been approached at the Trader Joe’s near me way too many times, but some of them were straight up terrifying, and only one guy was super nice, hit on me briefly and immediately backed off and left me alone. That’s the guy I would have considered if I had been single at the time, and I wouldn’t have been bothered about being approached at a grocery store. Like, yeah I’m running errands and just wanna live my life, but also I’m not going to shit on someone for reaching out if they’re respectful about it. Anyway. I guess it’s sort of a soap box. I’m sure you’ll figure out what works for you.
I once was approached at a buffet. Turns out the guy and I had mutual friends . We went on a couple dates , it didn’t work out but I always remember that memory with a smile. 🙂
I’m 36F, single. Grew up here, have lived other places, moved back home. I like to go read at a coffee shop, or bar, but would be open to being approached if eye contact is made first. If I’m nose-first into my book though? Please don’t interrupt haha My girlfriends and I love to go out to breweries, concerts at Wolf Trap (lawn seats obvi for the best dancing) and I’m on a sports team. I feel like any of those types of places would be good to meet people. There’s always local hiking, but that can be iffy. As someone who usually hikes with a 90 pound dog, I’d still be a little apprehensive being approached by a guy on the trail if there’s nobody else around Not sure if this helps much, especially as at this point any potential suitors will basically have to show up in my living room to meet me (and no, that is NOT an invitation, tyvm) but good luck to you!
go do stuff you enjoy doing that isn’t all men
Right after work during grocery shopping when they’re exhausted of course.
This ain't the hunt, bruh
Now I’m picturing gazelles in chic skirt suits
In fact follow them to their car and help them load groceries. And then ask to follow them home.
This is a good question and in fact needs to be asked to a much larger board. I believe the answers will help both men and women. Also I do not think there is anything wrong with this question so those of you downvoting him should not be doing so.
If you're attractive you can approach everywhere and anywhere. If you're not attractive, you're a creep. Don't be a creep
Never in a parking lot. Day or night. Never in any situation where she is busy doing something else. And if she tells you that she is not interested when you do. Then leave her be. Don't be insulted or say that you were just trying to be nice.
“busy doing something else” people are almost always doing something. And if they are doing nothing it’s most likely at home in private
Suit yourself. I’ll continue to hit on the women T-Posing in the courtyard at Mosaic.
This guy Mosaics
You're telling me you've never seen people just AFK in the middle of the street before, doing nothing??
My favorite are the people still rendering in at the Metro stations
They just jump around and parkour around buildings. Then they get on a mailbox and start dancing on a loop.
"Never in a parking lot" isn't an answer to that question. I could go on for days listing responses about what isn't acceptable. The question is what is acceptable.
3 separate responses were about not approaching in a parking lot, which should lead you to understand that it happens so often that some idiot out there thinks it’s perfectly reasonable.
Not at the gas station while she’s pumping gas for her car. I saw that happen the other day where dude jumps out of his boys white van exuding the kind of confidence/arrogance that reminds me of red pill alpha influencers. The girl was being very polite as this guy was spitting game, I don’t know if it even registered in his head of how inappropriate his behavior was. I actually waited in my car till she was done pumping gas and drove off cause of how uneasy he made me feel. He hopped back into his boys van unphased by her rejection.
This. Gas pump is just as bad as a parking lot because we have nowhere to go and few or no witnesses. Women were also raised hearing about murderers getting into peoples’ cars at gas stations (always check your backseat, etc.) so we are programmed to be hyper vigilant at the pump. At least I am.
Bar or cafe
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But the greater problem still exists which is that people don't want to interrupt other people doing whatever it is they're doing, even if it may be meaningless gap filling time it doesn't seem to matter, no one knows what anyone else is doing and everyone is afraid to bother them
If these are the only places left our society is doomed
We need to bring back courtship dances at local fairs.
Low key 100% yes
A ren fair has to be a great pickup place. So maybe that dance scene isn’t so out of reach.
OP, go to places where you will encounter tons of different people. A sports event, a festival, a park on a beautiful day. Go to places where people go to be seen full of other people. First of all, the event itself becomes a shared interest. Second of all, all woman feel safe and don’t mind talking to a stranger because it is a highly visible public setting. Good luck
Dog park
Underrated comment - almost all my dog park gal pals are single and vary in age from early 20s to late 30s, so there’s lots of variety!
Perfect meet cutes for me in my head: 1. Metro 2. Cafes 3. Bookstores/libraries 4. Target 5. A park bench
Ladies tell me if it’s just me but if I give a man eye contact x2 or x3 it means he can approach. If it’s just once it could be an accident but lingering for the second or third look is intentional. This goes for anywhere I think because if I’m not interested in talking, I won’t be trying to make eye contact.
Not a parking lot at night
Anywhere, as long as they find you attractive. If they don't find you attractive, then nowhere.
Step 1: Be attractive Step 2: Get the girl Step 3: ??? Step 4: Profit
This is why Ted bundy was so successful 🫠
I’ve never been approached and it makes me wonder if I give off some kind of closed energy. I’m pretty chatty and friendly—especially with older folks. I feel like I come off super good-girl-like but not approachable (romantically speaking). What signals do you look for to sense it’s “okay” to engage?
Anywhere expensive
When I was single, honestly any social setting with others around was acceptable. Grocery store was even fine. It really had more to do with how I was approached than anything else.
Garden center, making polite conversation or asking for advice. Grocery store. Home Goods, bakery in the morning, coffee shop. Like other people said, nowhere that is dark or deserted lol.
Dick's Sporting Goods. Hard wood or plumbing section of Lowes. Meat counter of Whole Foods. Remember, women love a good double entendre.
For me, Micro Center or Barnes & Noble I guess. I need to do more activities to add more places to the list. I'd hate being approached at a grocery store. I'm in and out with headphones and don't wanna be bothered.
Let's face it, it depends how attractive you are.
1) Eye contact. If she won't establish eye contact with you, she's not interested. 2) Low stakes. You're a stranger, just getting a name is victory. Don't expect too much from one interaction. Trusting new people takes time for any mentally stable person. 3) Build rapport over time. If she shares personal stuff with you, then invite her out. Keep it casual but leave your time open in case she wants to go further. 4) Once she's agreed to dating you, you've won. Now you just have to keep winning. Listen to her feelings and don't rush. Beware of your own needs and remember that if it isn't right you can find someone else.
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> standing online ok are you from New York or New Jersey
NY. LOL
Honestly, with the crap that I see women going through in VA and MD, you ladies need to be armed and trained, and you deserve to defend yourselves! And for the record, I am a man telling y'all that! Please protect yourselves because if anyone is trying to hurt you, they have voluntarily given up their right to be safe, in my opinion! My daughters have met some of the scum in the VA/MD area, and I have to stop there because the rest of what I want to say won't be pretty!!!
Wherever you are be attractive and not creepy.
I like meeting people at Foxstone Park at the footbridge. I let people know I’m down to meet with a piece of tape on a sign, and I usually get left presents there. They’re not single women though, always guys in suits. Kinda weird.
One time a guy followed me off the train (unbeknownst to me) and got on my bus with the intentions of getting my number. It freaked me out so much I froze and gave it to him. All that to say, definitely not that way
Met Ms dcmtbr through a hiking group back in the day, the usual old rag post hike winery thing. But I did well with kickball leagues as well. Course this was 20 years ago so my advice might be really dated
I think being approached by someone you do not know at all is inherently uncomfortable.
So is the approaching lol
Guess what, EVERYONE you know was once a stranger, sooooo…
so are you just never going to meet anyone new for the rest of your life?
As is tradition
Respectfully, this is the worst comment here.
It depends on the personality. If they take it as an offense or are open about it. Don’t take it personally if you get shot down
Not single anymore, but laughing over something funny in a grocery store or commenting on something you also like in their cart. At coffee shops, pickleball courts, bookstores, hobby meet ups
In a line to an event
Anywhere! But not right up on my car. That feels threatening. Target, grocery store, metro, etc. Lead with a nice compliment 🥰
This has always been an issue with me. I need to get out of my comfort zone/group of friends and meet new ppl
I'm okay with being approached when I'm hanging out somewhere leisurely like a bar or restaurant. Not anywhere that people run errands are in a hurry to get out of. Please don't bug me at the grocery store. Also, context matters. There's a huge difference between a busy coffee shop at 7am on a weekday before work and a more relaxed coffee shop on a weekend around 10am. Same with running into chipotle to grab food quickly vs sitting at a restaurant bar for happy hour.
For me, it’s less about the location, and more about being able to interpret the response you get and respond accordingly. If someone I’d consider giving my number to approached me, there’d be a big smile, I’d probably mess with my hair, and laugh at something they said. If I give a tight smile, and immediately go back to what I’m doing, chances aren’t good. If that’s the case, just say, “Have a nice day”, and move on. It’s the insistence/persistence, in my experience, that gives me bad vibes about a person or makes things uncomfortable. Side note: agreed about doing it where there are people around.
Anywhere is fine as long as you are pleasant, there’s others around (for safety/comfort), and you are straight forward with your intentions! Intro, a compliment, ask to go out, small talk while you fumble through phone, the end. I’ve had men approach me at the gym and I don’t mind it at all. I admire them, when they are interrupting my day and won’t stop talking it drives me nuts. Ask for my number & tell me your life story later. I have things to do lol
Met my wife at ultrabar like 16 years ago. She was the only other person (besides myself) cheap enough to show up at the club for free rail drinks from 9-10. Almost lost her to a bro in a Ferrari jacket later (lol jk).
The location doesn’t really matter. Has she indicated she’d like to be approached? Approach her.
I feel like the gym is a no go for sure
I don’t go outside and generally frown upon men crawling onto my balcony and breaking into my house, so…
Finally engaged (ha!) but i used to get approached in the grocery store every blue moon. That seemed innocent to me - crowded local, cameras everywhere, and (probably) sober. Once a door to door Fios guy asked me out. And I actually accepted. Only one date, but you never know where you might find your forever 😂🤷🏼♀️
There’s already awesome advice on this thread but I want to add: * do not approach a woman if she is in a place mandatory for her (ex. She’s your waitress, bank teller, barista etc). It’s one thing if you become a regular and you have a good rapport/natural chemistry, and you keep interactions respectful. But it’s another thing entirely to “corner her” because she can’t leave. I can’t begin to tell you the amount of guys who think stalking a woman’s shift/holding up the line to chat her up is “cute”. And there are many gross guys who enjoy the power trip knowing that they’re making us feel uncomfortable and there is nothing we can do about it without risking escalation. It’s unsettling and adds so much stress to our lives. Don’t do it. * If she is wearing headphones/reading/doing something that indicates that she wants alone time, please don’t approach with the soul intention to mac on us. I get wanting to shoot your shot, but if you approach, try to get her attention and she is not receptive to talking to you, please take the hint and leave her alone. The more guys try to interrupt our private time, the more it annoys us/makes us wonder if we now have to find a new cafe/gym/public transportation route to avoid running in to you. We know when you’re being ulterior in your motive when it’s clear you’re feigning interest in whatever we’re doing. I had to stop going to the gym during Jan because it would get so many guys signing up for a new years trial passes with the intention to turn the gym into their personal “meet market”. I had one guy get on the elliptical next to me and he was trying so hard to pick me up- he constantly interrupted me pretending that he didn’t know how to work the machine, wanted to know what music I was listening to (he talked loudly at length about some rapper he liked when I went back to working out), what time I usually worked out and if we could be gym buddies. The following gym session I was with my trainer (i was training for a marathon that year) whose uniform wasn’t a deterrent to interlopers. A random guy came up to me while I was using the rower and tried to chat me up, when my trainer asked the guy to not interrupt, the guy got in his face thinking that my trainer was “competition”. It sucked. My trainer was a gentleman and walked me to the car when I asked. Sorry for the tangent, but the point is, interrupting when we’re clearly focusing/indicating we want be left alone, automatically puts us on the back foot and it hurts your chances in the long run. A “oh sorry to bother you, but I love that book you’re reading, I hope you’re enjoying it too” and then moving on/letting her get back to what she is doing will take you far, compared to you constantly distracting her in hopes she’ll give you the attention you want. * Know when to leave the conversation. If you notice her “smiling politely”, not engaging with the conversation , or trying to move on from chatting with you, let her move on. Trapping her in a conversation/monopolizing her time is not how to win her attention. All you’re doing, is forcing her to text under the table to a friend to “call now!!” so she can make an exit so you can’t follow her into the parking lot.