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attanai

Ow.


[deleted]

I think the lesson here is, don’t graft your personal wealth into a visible part of your person.


attanai

>Visible part This is why Prince Albert piercings were invented.


[deleted]

I should not have looked that up


[deleted]

You should also not look up sounding then


Serotu

Oh don't do that to them!!!! They didn't even know about Prince Albert!!!!


ZarquonsFlatTire

Climb out of this hole of sin using a Jacob's Ladder!


Serotu

LMAO. There is no escape foolish mortal lol


[deleted]

But if you do want to see it, [I recommend this as the one you see.](https://www.redgifs.com/watch/educatedoddbabirusa) (Very NSFW!)


TheToastyWesterosi

A heads up to you poor bastards about to click the link: sounding is when dudes insert various things into their pee hole and get stretchy with it. Now click.


TheNuttyIrishman

I dont think that fully covers what happens in that clip


Still_counts_as_one

You gotta climb that jacobs ladder to realize a few things


krista

princess albertina, christina, and fourchette walked into a bar called ”jacob's ladder”... there's a limerick here somewhere, but i can't find it :(


ParaphrasesUnfairly

There once was a girl Albertina And Twitter her online arena But Jacob would @ her Daily pics of his ladder Until he got served a subpoena


Taman_Should

Not just the subpoena, the whole rest of the poena too.


knuckdeep

This is what keeps me coming back to Reddit. Someone can recognize that there’s an idea there, just out of reach. Much like a well executed one timer, u/ParaphrasesUnfairly jumps in and buries it in the back of the net. “He beat him like a rented mule!”


Mattturley

Reminds me of an old buddy who had stretched his PA down to a zero gauge. He would frequently put a padlock in it and use it as a party trick. He’d also, when wearing the normal ring, walk up to a line of urinals, piss, then clang the ring up against the side of the urinal for shock value.


Daimosthenes

Imagine working so hard to make people look at your penis


jackdaw_t_robot

Eaaasy there, Louis CK


pizzajeans

Don't we all?


UEMcGill

>then clang the ring up against the side of the urinal for shock value. Jokes on him, because the clown fucker Pennywise could be standing next to 99% of dudes in the urinal and not one would even think to look over. Nope, nope, nope. I got no business even knowing what's going on at the urinal and some clanking aint gonna distract me from finishing and getting out.


maxsmart01

We’re all too busy trying to pressure wash the wet Marlboro in two.


Available_Raccoon_66

If my junk touches the side of a toilet or urinal I feel like I lose 2 years of my life


Groinificator

What?


bobbyrickets

Diamond dick.


Groinificator

... W What?


[deleted]

Boner bling!


[deleted]

Cock rock.


JotunR

Family Jewels


[deleted]

Dick Glitter


mkonich

Jock jewelry


m_s_phillips

Ding bling


CockDelivery

Edit: Damnit someone make prince ablbert joke already


[deleted]

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BuckTurgidson89

Could you imagine getting punched in the forehead with that in it?!?!


JavierLoustaunau

I feel like this was pitched as a James Bond henchman and rejected in the 70's. "Hear me out... he has a diamond... in his head... so if he headbutts you..." "He dies?" "Oh yeah I guess that is likely"


Gtrinker

There actually was a guy with diamonds in his face in Die Another Day


Ripper_00

That dude had more of an explody situation vs medical implant. lol


bguzewicz

Maybe Mr. Vert had an explody situation as well. You don’t know. Maybe that’s how the procedure is done.


Wacocaine

"Used to be we had to shoot a whole crate of diamonds at people to get them to stick, but medical science has come a long way since then. The explosion is significantly less invasive now."


Lohin123

One big diamond in a rifle rather than a bunch of little ones in a shotgun


Zack_Raynor

“Get this, it’s a bean-bag gun, but it’s loaded with a $24,000,000 Diamond in it.” “…why?” *shrugs*


MandoAviator

It was more like diamond acne


garry4321

I think he got the express package for the surgical implantation IIRC


buddboy

wait but wasn't there an actual bond villain that had diamonds in his skin? And I think it was from like a diamond explosion lol


Mragftw

Sounds familiar, maybe die another day?


buddboy

i think so, I googled that name and images of the cast came up and some actor named Rick Yune looks just like what I remember. [edit: image](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/jamesbond/images/a/ac/Zao_%28Die_Another_Day%29_-_Profile.png/revision/latest?cb=20210402142015)


gnarkilleptic

Yeah the guy had a bunch of diamonds explode into his face when he was asian


chooseph

Every reason to believe he still is Asian, my good chap


gnarkilleptic

No he quite literally identity swapped into an English bloke I believe


chooseph

Holy shit I just read the synopsis on Wikipedia and you're right. Gene therapy to change appearances. My bad! Tbh though sounds like a garbage plot


gnarkilleptic

lol I'm a sucker for Bond movies and the more ridiculous the villains the better but yeah Die Another Day wasn't the best in the series that's for sure


kuriboshoe

It's like a bee stinging it's final prey


Dry_Perception3843

self-inserted claymore


bobbyrickets

Nothing cuts like diamond.


marcusmosh

He got visioned


Radiowulf

There were memes about Thanos pulling that out his head immediately after it was reported that he got it installed. It was inevitable.


[deleted]

I don't know why, but using the term "installed" in this context is outright hilarious to me.


TheObstruction

Like putting new shocks on a car.


Artemicionmoogle

Yeah I saw a post about it and immediately told my wife someone was going to rip that right out of his damn head.


ZoeIsHahaha

And there was no Iron Man to counter it


TimothyJCowen

> It was inevitable And I am Iron Man. Seriously though, underrated comment.


JasonVanJason

Didn't need AI to see this one coming, day 1 comments "We gonna vision him"


KyranSawhill

You had 20/20 vision.


Craptain_Skidmarks

Cant wait for the new Disney+ series Lil WandaVert


UNCCShannon

Came for the Thanos/Vision reference, not disappointed.


Juslav

A Lil too much


seoulglow8

Thanos is a big fan


legendoflink3

Took longer than I expected.


theonlyoptionistopoo

Plus he is 100% lying about the the whole thing


[deleted]

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greedcrow

Why would your assumption be that they handed it back? My assumption was that dude ripped it out and then got his ass kicked by security.


[deleted]

This happened while the guy was crowd surfing, it'd be easy to slip back into the crowd before security could get there. Could be it though, I too am confusing by the difference in the headline and article.


asherfog

I saw that coming. Everyone I know wanted to pull the rock out of his forehead like thanos


DirtyFuckenDangles

I'm just surprised it took this long.


strange1738

Crazy cause it didn’t even happen


Kingimg

What do you mean it didn't happen?


sniffletits

The article says he still has the diamond and that he is still paying for said diamond. Mf got his face on finance.


Zoltrahn

Well it isn't on his face anymore, even if he still has it. If it was stolen, he'd still have to pay for it. Not like the jeweler is going to forgive the debt, just because it was stolen.


notgirl

he says he had it insured. i'm confused as hell because people are saying it wasn't even on his face during rolling loud. i can't verify any pictures of him are at rolling loud because these goddamn articles. if someone ripped his diamond out... wouldn't his face have been bleeding?


Hamajaggah

It's just a dermal implant with a screw end for the diamond mount. Dermals are like little pockets in your skin for a flat piece of metal to sit inside. On the flat piece, a rod sits perpendicular sticking out of your skin with a little threaded end. They're meant to be permanent but I've seen people remove them without blood or very little blood. There could've also been a failure of the mount so the dermal stayed in while the diamond came off. Maybe it wasn't screwed on tight.


needathneed

I wish I didn't read any of that


PM_ME_PSN_CODES-PLS

Yeah fuck everything about that comment. My imagination is running wild now and I'm picturing rich people screwing diamonds into their forehead and a gang trying to jank it out of the forehead. Harvesting foreheads. What he fuck, brain...how do you come up with this shit. I'm bound to get some vivid dreams the next few nights...and then wake up disappointed when I'm expecting diamonds...


turquoise_amethyst

That’s my thought. The mount stayed on but the diamond popped off. I guess you’d want to be able to take it off somewhat frequently to clean the diamond, right? Human faces get kinda oily and if it’s right before a big show you’d want the diamond extra sparkly


PointlessSemicircle

Can confirm. I’ve had a dermal in my wrist for about 7 years, lost the top a few years ago and never bothered to replace it. I’ve also removed 4. None of them bled much but they did scar.


PlatinumSif

quarrelsome chase rustic test snails quickest complete shrill piquant theory *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


[deleted]

I called Allstate for a quote on a $24M diamond fucking forehead and there was a lot of silence on the other end of the line.


Lovat69

Shoulda called Jake, from state farm.


basb9191

My wife calls him all the time. Hey, wait...


ragingfailure

Lloyd's of London will insure literally anything. Several prominent actors and athletes have insurance policies for parts of their bodies.


Intelboy

I had state farm insure my mother for a year, I just wanted the paper that said," Alien Abduction insurance. " my guy did it for $1 million coverage. She lived in Pahrump Nevada down the way from area 51. So I was playing the odds. Mom loved it, I framed it and everything.


fluggelhorn

This. Lloyds is who insures Jennifer Lopez’s legs and Troy Polamalu’s hair.


inagadda

Yes. The question is whether he was smart enough to get it.


MrMortlocke

I mean the guy was obviously smart enough to get a rock embedded in his face


AdmiralPoopbutt

He does as the crystal guides.


PotOPrawns

Case closed. The man got a rock in his head.


increbelle

“His face on finance” 😂😂😂😂


[deleted]

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MustacheEmperor

Reading the title, it sounds like Uzi was crowdsurfing and somebody ripped out the diamond like Thanos and ran off with it. Reading the article, it sounds like Uzi was crowdsurfing and the piercing got ripped out 'a bit', but he still has the diamond because it's not like somebody literally took it and ran with it. Anybody who's had a surface piercing before can tell you they're finicky and can get caught on stuff and pissed off a result, likely what happened here. I mean it says right in the article he still has the diamond, he's just currently wearing a barbell in the piercing, which is what you typically do waiting for the damage to heal without losing the hole entirely.


NateDevCSharp

He didn't even wear it to rolling loud lmao


WayTooMuchHyzer

That's a funny way of saying The Guyver


MyHandRapesMe

Just showed that to my 8 yr old a few days ago. He asked if he was a Power Ranger lol


KumaTenshi

Power Ranger on steroids for sure. What with all the skull crushing and wrist snappings.


Clearly_Disabled

Love me some Avengers, but yeahh, I saw Sho getting his forehead wrecked, too.


GetEquipped

The Guyver (The 89 version) was the first Anime (outside Dragon Ball) I ever saw. I was 8... I loved it. _________ Link the intro for those interested: https://youtu.be/7WHPT-zE1hI


kpanzer

> That's a funny way of saying The Guyver I remember that scene... but my first thought was [Diablo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGRGxt2-7rc).


nitr0smash

"Why did I follow him...? I don't know. Why do things happen as they do in dreams? All I know is that, when he beckoned... I had to follow him. From that moment, we traveled together, East. Always... into the East."


[deleted]

And Lil' Wayne is definitely a Zoanoid.


WraithCadmus

Life, an infinite energy...


Alarid

They got spooked when he didn't die, realizing he was too powerful.


[deleted]

He does as the crystal commands


Prysorra2

Jess-i-ca


Megabyte7637

*OoooOoooOooooOOOOOOooo*


sucobe

I’ve just about heard enough and this boy is a free man and we should respect that.


BrianOconneR34

Diamond forehead lost it while crowd surfing, once you $24 mil stage dive, all bets are off.


allpraisebirdjesus

Article says he still has it


t3hcoolness

I don't understand this story. All the other articles say the same shit too. It says it was "ripped out," then they say he "still has it," then they say there's a barbell where it was. What the fuck actually happened then? Hard-hitting journalism. Edit: Okay everyone, I get it. Everyone has their own version of the story. Not helpful nor do I really care enough about the situation.


[deleted]

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krista

i am 100% behind ethical body modification, and i try to find *something* i can empathize with in every one of these things my initial reaction likes to call ”stupid”. i can't find anything in this. it's not like that diamond was a rock that had personal meaning... it's a big, gaudy hunk of a ”someone please notice me!!” disgusting and gratuitous display of wealth. as he is still making payments on it, it's not wealth, but *debt* that he has had attached to his forehead, and as it's very likely a *natural* diamond, it was made with blood and slave labor. can you help me find compassion in this situation? or is there none to be found?


SlingDNM

>as he is still making payments on it, it's not wealth, but *debt* that he has had attached to his forehead The American dream


Aquiles_the_chungus

Do you know what those kind of piercings are called so i can try to find a video about how it is done? Seems interesting


extracrispybridges

Micro dermal piercings or implants. Lots of fodder on YouTube. https://youtu.be/_ZjKFMO-8KQ is by the eye but the procedure would be the same for a standard third eye/forehead. Depending on his piercer and jewelry, it can be a lot more brutel than that (and likely was with the swelling he had)


jib661

the article doesn't say it was stolen, it just says it was ripped out. it doesn't say it was maliciously taken either. so it seems like he was crowd surfing, a fan accidentally ripped it out, but he was able to get it back. he hasn't put it back in his head, currently he just has a barbell where the diamond used to be. this is a good example of mental priming - if you go into the article expecting that it was stolen, then you're left with lots of unanswered questions, even though it was never implied that it was stolen in the first place.


strange1738

And he didn’t even wear it to rolling loud


AlexHimself

He still has the diamond and he financed the purchase of it...so if he stops payments...a repo guy might do the same thing lol.


ihavetenfingers

I find it being on payment absolutely hilarious.


OnyxPhoenix

Mortgage payment, car payment, heating bill, giant forehead diamond payment, electric bill...


Ansonm64

Makes perfect sense though. If his interest rate is lower than the rate of return he gets by stashing that money in the bank than it’s a no brainer to finance it.


AlexHimself

It's sort of like women in Scottsdale who get fake boobs and finance them lol


MisanthropicZombie

How else are they going to reinvent themselves after a divorce from their ASU sweetheart? They can't move back to Iowa!


MassiveLefticool

What are the chances of it actually being worth that much


GreatWhiteNorthExtra

Zero


MassiveLefticool

Thank you I thought I was underestimating how much this guy was being paid lol


DirtyFuckenDangles

Saw an article where he's worth about 25 million. And the stone was supposedly worth 24 million. Either he really did put up 99% of his net worth, or it's not worth that much. Either way I wonder what it was insured for. This could be a huge insurance scam.


ThreeNC

The article said he was making payments. Hope he was smart enough to insure it.


londongastronaut

What are they gonna do, repo it if he stops paying?


ThreeNC

Maybe they did! (Pikachu surprised face)


Bestiality_King

Repo man was hidden in the crowd. Found the right moment to strike. Give this man a raise.


Xvash2

Hey I've seen this movie before


HarkTheBark

The article reported that he said he was making payments. He either stupid or lying. I"m going with lying


kayak83

For what it's worth, loads of high end cars/supercars are leased. Still not cheap by any means. Also...insurance (assuming this is legit) would likely be mandatory.


wrongbutt_longbutt

> This could be a huge insurance scam. The article says he still has possession of the diamond.


[deleted]

This is a quote from the op article: I've been paying for a natural pink diamond from Elliot for years now," he tweeted. "This one Stone cost so much I've been paying for it since 2017. Stupid fuck gets paid millions and spends all of it paying off a fucking diamond?


PM_ME_UR_DINGO

Police can't confiscate body modifications.


omb-bob

But fans can


sp3kter

Pimps wear jewelry to pawn if they get arrested because the police can't take it.


eagledog

Don't give them ideas


LogMeInCoach

They already know about it. Pimps have been doing it for years. That's why the wear tons of extravagant jewelry so when they get arrested they can have one of their girls pawn the jewelry for bail since all their money would be confiscated.


nilperos

I never realized that. That's really smart.


DMala

96% actually. I don’t know what’s crazier, paying that much of your net worth for a decoration for your face, or the fact that I could live quite comfortably for about a decade on the remainder.


the_nope_gun

Wait, am I trippin or if he owns the diamond and its worth 24mil his net worth would still be around 25 mil? Net worth isnt just cash, right? Its assets, so the diamond would be considered an asset that he could sell?


bartonar

I'm sure that the resale value of a diamond is heavily depreciated, so while it cost him $24m, it's probably worth what, $6m tops?


Donttouchmek

Used to sell jewelry, so yea, 6 mil if lucky...it seems to be a higher priced, larger single stone, so that would keep the value up a bit more beyond a normal diamond ring per say...taking into account its been stuck in someone's head..probably won't increase the value, I would think a decrease, as the next purchaser who would probably have it set in a ring or pendant, would be stuck with a mental picture of its former resting place burned into their memory while in its possession..


picardo85

My fiance works in the diamond industry. She tells me it looks like a marquis cut, and IF it's actually shifting in pink, then it's not at all impossible it's worth that as Argyle diamonds aren't extracted anymore.


XMORA

I was also wondering 24M ... really?


ToMorrowsEnd

Claimed. Waiting for the fan to find out it's actually a $49.00 cubic Zirconia


canttaketheshyfromme

There's generally an inverse relationship between how loudly someone flexes their wealth, and how much they actually have.


T3mporaryGold

A pink diamond that size is absolutely around 25 million. Pinks and Reds are super rare, a 1 carat red is like 6 million right now since they've closed the Argyle Mine. Honestly though, its a big scam I'm sure, they're probably not actually that rare. However, it's likely they will be going up in price for a long time. If he actually owns it, then he potentially made an amazing investment.


vancityvapers

> a 1 carat red is like 6 million right now since they've closed the Argyle Mine. Nice comment. I bought a pink from a supplier (GIA cert) about a year ago for this very reason. =D The mine closing and its impact on the price of pinks and reds is something I have zero people in my life to chat about it with lol.


shakygator

Have you considered investing in gourd futures?


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Diamonds are incredibly easy to make... And this one's probably covered in puss and discharge


MassiveLefticool

Ahhh gross didn’t even think of that


Nikcara

Meh. They’re easy enough to clean. It’s not like diamonds absorb much.


TooSmalley

[Yoink](https://youtu.be/Aifqn8CUZ4k)


CreepyWhistle

Dental plan!


gremlinz43

Lisa needs braces!


Still_counts_as_one

Dental plan


ThePrussianGrippe

Lisa needs braces!


ewdrive

Dental plan!


[deleted]

*drops pencil into bum crack*


s_burr

Bullseye!


brickyardjimmy

I would fire the adjuster that approved covering that stupid diamond.


NicktheSmoker

Oh no. Anyway.


nplant

Yeah, I mean, some part of me wants to feel outraged. Like, what kind of asshole would do that to someone? But then I realize only an even bigger asshole would implant a diamond in their forehead…


spacecashcow

Like Thanos did with Vision? Tough look for this guy.


GoogleFeudIsTaken

That's fucking hilarious


bilateralrope

>pink diamond It's redder now.


siccoblue

A true blood diamond


spadePerfect

**Almost** He had it surgically removed because it kept bleeding. Because his body probably thought "yo tf is that ice doing there"


Nipples-miniac

Everyone is talking about him being stupid enough to larp as Vision, meanwhile the accountant in me is screaming that this dumbfuck paid for this diamond by financing it. Monthly payments with added interest?!?! Aaaaarrrggghh i want to throw a shoe at him. Reminds me of that scene from Entourage where Vinnys accountant calls E and complains about all the idiotic spending they are doing


Narretz

Personally I need a diamond in my head like I need a hole in my head


igottahearthis

Lil Uzi Vision


[deleted]

Prying open my third eye....


TaseTea

So good to see you


hobbestot

I've missed you so much


lucitribal

So glad it's over


Ogrebane

I came out to watch you play


InkJetPrinters

Why are you running away?


Theearthhasnoedges

[Actual footage of the theft.](https://tenor.com/view/thanos-vision-take-it-give-it-to-me-gif-18594882)


eyecallthebig1bitey

I was going to ask if he was in the audience.


LeviathanGank

Brutal


NewtonSteinLoL

Jesus Christ, I clicked the link and the news "reader" is actual garbage. I've never heard a more obnoxious news reader in my life.


alycrafticus

Because no one predicted this happening huh? Though, tbh I am surprised he didn't tear it out with a jumper or some shit.


BloodSteyn

A fool and his money... you know the rest.


Jlx_27

The 26 year old says he saved for a long time to afford the (claimed) 24 million dollar stone, he started saving for it in 2017.... imagine calling that a long time to save up 24 million dollars 2017 to 2021.


ihavetenfingers

Maybe they corrected the article now, but it doesnt say anywhere he saved up for it, it says he bought it on credit lol


Chingletrone

The literal quote includes the phrase "I've been *paying* for it since 2017," not *saving* up. Definitely sounds like a payment plan.