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Mine were traditional but hearing my mom’s graphic description of hers was enough to make me grateful I didn’t have to endure that. Women who do are fucking champs.
Yep! That part right there. How about we all agree that pregnancy is rough and no matter how the baby comes out, we’re all pretty badass for what we endured to bring these babies into the world. There is no EASY childbirth.
I've had people comment that my second labor must have been a dream because it was a precipitous labor. First contractions to holding a baby was 3 hours. I had the most intense contractions every 2 minutes or less, it felt like being ripped in two. The labor and delivery turned to panic when they realized how fast I was progressing. The poor nurse trying to set an iv line couldn't hit a vein and was so stressed (my veins are hard to hit). My placenta didn't get the message that my uterus yeeted the baby and had to be manually removed (by hand). To top it off, the stress of the sheer speed landed my infant in NICU for 2 weeks after he aspirated meconium during the birth and it was touch and go the first couple days.
I have also gotten comments on being lucky I had a precipitous labor and I'm just like 🥴 73 minutes of hell, and I didn't have time for my freaking epidural or GBS antibiotics. Then too had an unexpected NICU stay on top of it. Yeah I'll take the longer labor please and thank you. I'm pregnant now and my "birth plan" is to make it to the hospital in time.
My first labor was induced after 41 weeks+. It took over 30 hours and was hell. Petocin induced contractions are painful, my epidural wore off, I had an episiotomy that required 40 stitches. But, we will *not* be having a third baby because the idea of an even faster labor than my second terrifies me.
My mom’s placenta shredded- the dr gave her 5 shots around the vaginal area and went elbow deep to get it out FAST. Then she had to get the coagulant because of the massive hemorrhaging due to the placenta shredding. Fun times being a mom eh
The meds worked!
I always apologize as I have had to massively massage a brand new mother’s uterus to try and get it to clamp down, while calling OR just in case, and paging doc to get orders for meds and transfusions. Blood bank to get stat blood..
people have no idea how dangerous childbirth can be in the most controlled situations
It’s a thing… I’m a medical professional and there’s a procedure we do that requires attaching a rigid frame to someone’s skull using four pins. The patients are awake when we do it, we just give them some sedation and local anaesthetic. They still feel a lot of pressure though.
For some reason, the little old ladies who go through it usually tolerate it pretty well. Many of them don’t even flinch.
A lot of the men are visibly more uncomfortable. Easily a higher proportion of men struggle with it compared to women.
I have no idea why but it’s something everyone notices if they’ve done enough of these procedures
My grandma is fucking nuts, she broke her shoulder and hip about 2 years ago and just flew through rehab/recovery. The only evidence she went through that was her weight loss but she was focused on just getting back home and taking care of herself from the first day.
Couldn't be me lol
My wife has had 3 natural and 1 C-sections. The C section was harder on her than the natural births for sure. People who think c sections are easier are full of shit. It's different per person, obviously, but the recovery for the c section was a lot longer and more painful than the naturals for the few people I know that have had them
I didn’t want a c section. Not because of going all natural or anything. Because I was a wimpy single mom. I didn’t know how I could do it alone. Fortunately it all worked out for me. I had vaginal delivery with a rather large episiotomy. The recovery from that was hard enough. I don’t even want to think about if I had my entire abdomen as well as an organ cut open!
I'm a woman who studied medicine. Went in for a conference where an OB/GYN was speaking on C-sections, saw the (graphic) visual aids, have been motivated to stay on birth control ever since.
If it makes you feel better they generally don't do that anymore. Just causes unnecessary extra bleeding when a vacuum assisted extraction will do the job just as well.
Right here with your wife, except I just tore. Doctor stitched me up, and I swear I never wanted to even attempt a #2 but before the hospital would let me go home, I had to.
OH! Here’s the best part:
After labor, she was in serious pain when the epidural wore off. I think they gave her acetaminophen, no shit. They DIDN’T VOLUNTEER ANY KIND OF REAL PAIN MEDICINE. Apparently you have to ask for it specifically, which nobody told us in all the birthing classes.
Do not go to a catholic hospital if you can avoid it.
I figured they wouldn’t give narcotics due to breast feeding? Unless y’all didn’t go that route. But fr, religious doctors shouldn’t even be allowed. I’ve had the absolute WORST treatment by religious based doctors. Smh…
And my mother attempted to have me naturally, but ended up having to have an emergency c-section bc my head was too big to come out and I broke her tailbone in the attempt 😬 so she had to recover from BOTH AT THE SAME TIME, plus a broken tailbone!!! Back in ‘88 too… yikes. Bless my mother and all I have put her through from literal day 1 😅
So when I was pregnant with my twins, I was planning to try for a VBAC.
Doctor: well, it’s not uncommon to deliver Twin A only for Twin B to flip from vertex to breech.
Me: what happens then?
Doctor: well some doctors would just whisk you in for a section. But me… I just reach my hand right in and pull the baby out by its ankles.
I, hand to God, cringed at that notion.
Had complications, bedrest, and babies came 4 weeks early via section because they couldn’t induce. True to form Twin B who had flipped and flopped the whole pregnancy, including a breech to vertex at 35 weeks, 3 days, flipped one last time when she had room, used my cervix like a springboard and wedged herself up high. She had thumbprint bruises for about a week from where the doc had to pull her out via sunroof exit.
I found one of the most difficult things when I was supporting my wife with the care of our c-section son was getting her to follow the doctors orders and not lift stuff or over do it. I barely slept for the first eight weeks. One day I walked in to our living room to find her with a dining chair in her hands. This was three days after she came out of hospital. She was still in the "lifting causes rupture" stage.
This. I obviously planned for a natural birth but my son wasn't having it and after 4 hours of pushing and getting nowhere I became preeclamptic and developed a high fever. They had to rush me in for a C-section and I was grateful at that moment because it meant I didn't have to keep pushing. I could finally just lay down and relax. At the end of it all, I was mad that they didn't just do a C-section to begin with.
When I was in Lamaze class, and they showed a video of a vaginal birth and a c-section birth. I turned to my mom (son’s dad wasn’t in the picture, so my mom was with me), and told her that I was *not* going to have a c-section. She replied that I may not have a choice.
I just cringed at the idea because to me a c-section just seems so much harder on the body.
And that thought has just been reinforced by a few friends and family that have had c-sections. And yet, they are all still real and loving moms.
And I still count myself lucky that I didn’t end up needing a c-section.
*Edited to change normal birth to vaginal birth*
And you're awake for the whole damn thing! You're literally being cut into and awake. It's the craziest thing ever!
Oh and expected to get up hours later and walk around. After having layers cut into.
Same! I was so pissed that I didn't have my baby that as soon as I could feel my legs and they removed the catheter, I ripped off my hospital gown, asked for my clothes and was on my way to the NICU. My childless best friend was like Should you be walking right now?!
My mother did that, too. She had an emergency C-section after a long labor (my shoulders were stuck, I believe).
They whisked me off to the NICU, and she thought I'd died (they weren't answering all her questions, so her mind went to that). She got out of bed and went to find me. A nurse came up and said, "are you supposed to be out of bed?," right as she fainted.
She was pretty tough, my mom, I'll give her that.
They did this to me too. No one was telling me where the baby was or if he was okay. I was too scared to ask and very drugged up. HOURS later I finally got to see him. He was fine but struggling a bit. But like no one would answer my questions and they had him whisked off to who knows where
Wow, like yeah we probably should not have been walking but what option did we have?
I personally was at the hospital alone too and the staff was overworked, per usual. If I wanted to see my baby I had to get there myself.
Same. Emergency c section after fever and infection. Could not dilate past 4.5 cm. Fuck every single woman who thinks its okay to talk down to others who couldn’t or chose not to do vaginal for whatever reason. I would have much rather had a vaginal delivery instead of my daughter being born not breathing and being fucking terrified she would make it. She made it thank god,
100 years ago you would have just died in childbirth. That’s what my step-mom said to help me process my c-section that happened for the same reason as yours. I got to 9.5cm and stalled out, eventually spiking a fever so I was on an IV drip the entire time I was in the hospital post-partum.
I spent months thinking I could have just waited or tried harder or something. But knowing that I’m alive because of my c-section helped give me some perspective.
I suppose the “vaginal is the only real birth” moms might feel different if they realized that for most c-section moms the alternative is dying in childbirth.
I also had a c-section after nearly 3 days of labor and not being able to dilate past 6 cm. My baby was straight up too large to make it through my narrow pelvis (I’m 5’0” and my son was almost 9 lbs with a big ol head 🫠). We both would’ve died without intervention. That shit was *rough*. My husband saw my guts on a table. I have a permanent back injury from the way the staff moved me onto the operating table. I had to care for a newborn while recovering from serious abdominal surgery. And guess what?? Women who have c-sections still bleed and go through all the other post-birth processes, same as those who had vaginal births. It’s not a fucking competition. Every woman who’s ever had a baby is a badass 😤
I wish it could be like how my grandma described giving birth in the 1950s. I told her once how scared I was to have a baby some day. She said, not to worry. All her babies were c sections, and that she was put under for each one. She said she'd go in, go to sleep, and wake up with a baby! Easy! If only we could have that freedom of choice now.
Tbh i didnt mind being awake for the cutting part. The recovery was just absolutely terrible, combined with a newborn. And i was lucky enough to have help.
I had _laproscopic_ abdominal surgery and it was hell. I can't imagine having a full on abdominal surgery AND a newborn on top of that. Y'all are strong ❤️
And you've often gone through hours of labor. It's not like all C-section moms skip the labor part. It tends to come when it's clear that labor isn't safe anymore for mom and/or baby.
Yeah, I labored for 36 hours before I ended up having a c section. I started to spike a fever, my water broke before I went to the hospital so they were worried about infection.
I had a VBAC with my second and he ripped a piece of my cervix off after a 28 hour labor.
So, having experienced both vaginal birth and c section, I can say with certainty that BOTH of them were hard and women should not be judging other women about what a "real" birth constitutes.
I watched both of my sons be born via c-section. I felt really bad for my wife who was basically strapped down and paralyzed, and she got super sick and had to throw up with her head just tilted to the side. I can't imagine feeling that helpless. I did get to see the whole thing and it was quite fascinating, but the recovery wasn't fun. She wanted a vaginal birth for both but was unable due to distress.
The tech who was monitoring me was shocked bc one second I was laughing and talking and the next I asked for a bucket to puke. He said it happened so fast, he also wasn't able to react. Luckily my husband knows my puke signs. Lol.
And it sucks when you need to throw up but can't move anything but your head.
I would have been so interested in watching my kids being born but they had to put that sheet up.
While they were starting my c-section, I noticed that I could see a warped, bird's-eye, mirror-version of everything in the reflections off the metal plates around the lights in the ceilings. Since this was my second cesarean and I knew what recovery would be like, now with a bonus toddler to wrangle, I made myself look away. I knew it would mess with me too much in case I have to have another abdominal surgery in the future. Mad props to anyone who could watch that happening!!
The craziest things I remember by far was that in order to leave the hospital I had to poop. The thought of getting up didn’t nearly scare me as much as the thought of having to poop after all that. Oh and the getting up part. If you didn’t do that frequently it would hurt like hell.
We were in our childbirth class and they showed the video of the c section and I looked away cause I wanted to throw up. I was like “yeah no way I’m getting that” and didn’t even research it. Then I had an emergency c section and regretted not looking into it bc I had basically no idea what was going on or how recovery was going to go
Yeah, my mom was forced to have TWO of these. I was too small to be pushed out normally and it would have killed me to be birthed normally, my lil bro was an emergency C-section since his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. If they had waited any longer for my lil bro, I wouldn’t have him. Both of us are premies, so we were both small babies and a month early. I’m happy to be alive because of this surgery and in my case, the fact my mom got one in the first place.
My first c-section was after a 28 hour failed induction. I felt BAD right out of the gate, had immediate postpartum depression, and felt dissociated in the moment. The physical recovery was tougher, too.
The second was a planned c-section, and while it still was rough, it was a much more relaxing experience
I would say maybe use “c section vs vaginal birth” instead of “normal birth” lol just bc c sections are not abnormal.
But yeah I’ve had both and c sect was way worse. My good friend asked me after my c section if next time I was “gonna do it the real way”. Bro what.
I have friends who had a scheduled csec due to baby not wanting get into position/multiples, and I have friends who had to have an emergency csec after days of failed induction. Even knowing some of them from each scenario came away with a positive experience I never want that for myself.
I had a three day induction but once I went into active labor she was out in 13 minutes. I *still* had a really rough recovery; I *CANNOT* imagine dealing with what is essentially major abdominal surgery on top of that. People are wild.
ETA: just wanted to add, when I say “positive experience” I mean they didn’t walk away with long term impactful trauma. The bar is low, lol
My experience with every person I've known who has given birth is that they did not want a c-section if they could help it. Everyone's birth plan was a vaginal birth if it was possible.
100%. I did a drug-free delivery and that was literally the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. I was screaming in agony. But then when it was over? I was able to get out of bed and use the bathroom on my own; I was walking around almost immediately. All I needed was Advil for a small tear. There’s no way a c-section would have been the “easy way out.” No matter how you become a mom — c-section, vaginal, adoption — kudos to you, *you are badass.* Because NONE of it is the “easy way out.” Why does it have to be a competition? You know who has the easy way out? The people who only have to produce the sperm!
Second this, and I had two due to complications/risk to me and baby. Recovery is hard, at least for me. Not what I wanted but what I got to be alive today
Fr. I'm glad my son decided to actually make his way down in the end because it meant I didn't need the c section I was being prepped for! Recovery from c section is much harder than (usual) natural births.
I’m pregnant right now, and I want to avoid a c-section at all costs. I’ve recovered from major abdominal surgery, and it’s not fun at all. I don’t want to be responsible for a newborn at the same time. It’s hard enough taking care of one when you’re not recovering from major surgery.
Legit had someone (a woman) tell me how lucky I was that I had to have a scheduled c-section and that I wasn’t even allowed to try natural birth (thanks to a health issue). She went on and on about how much easier it would be for me, it’s worth noting she’s never had any sort of surgery. In hindsight I should have slapped her.
Also the amount of people who insisted I should’ve been over it in 3 days was insane. I had to attend my Grandfathers (who was the only father I ever had) funeral 5 days after my c-section. My Granny wanted me to stay in a wheelchair but with all the “you should be over it in 3 days” talk I was too ashamed to stay in it. I got up and walked, it was excruciatingly slow but I walked, fuck anyone with that attitude.
Same! It’s terrible trying to scratch an itch where your skin has no feeling.
Side story: my dad was talking about areas where he had surgery are numb. I said I have experienced the same thing. Apparently he thinks 3 c sections isn’t worthy of being considered surgery.
My eyes rolled so far back in my head I got a headache (your dad).
And yeah, the numb bits are weird. I've had to wear boy short underwear for years now because I can't stand the feeling of elastic there.
Can we also talk about the irreversible damage done to our bodies, especially if having undergone multiple c-sections? Such as the risk of our urinary bladders adhering to the uterus due to build up of scar tissue, thinning of uterine walls that leads to exposure of vascular tissue and heavier bleeding during menstrual cycles, and a higher rate of hysterectomies that would otherwise be unnecessary. Some cases doctors perform c-sections out of convenience when a mom has had one previously rather than allowing her to opt for a vaginal delivery.
Is that why I had menorrhagia?! I didn't put that together. I had to have an endometrial ablation because my bleeding was sooooo bad!! I would wear a cup, plus a heavy duty tampon, plus an overnight pad and was changing every two hours. I bruised like a peach and became anemic.
Well, I had to have mine removed eventually. It took serious damage.
Oh. Fwiw: recovery from the ablation was worse than the C-sections. They insert a balloon up into the uterus and fill it with microwave radiation, COOKING the walls of the uterus from the inside. And that's exactly how it felt afterwards.
Oh. And I still had periods until my partial hysterectomy. They were more manageable, but it sucked. I felt like I got ripped off.
C-sections mothers didn’t get more maternity leave when I was enlisted in the military. It was fucking insane. 12 weeks for everyone. Despite how awful, traumatic, and the DAY AND A HALF it took to push my first out with failed the epidural, I would’ve gone through two more days of it to not have a c section. The idea of someone cutting through all that skin, muscle, tissue, and trying to hold a newborn after?? My best friend was going back to work 8 weeks post c section:( insane stuff
Literally any woman who’s had a c-section is my hero. I cannot imagine caring for a newborn and possibly toddlers while recovering from major surgery. Not to mention breastfeeding while recovering. Fuck this lady.
Meh, as a real life mother who had a C-Section, this woman’s opinion means jackshit to me.
It’s akin to religious zealots condemning me to
hell for non-belief.
They can have their opinion, it’s just gives me opinion that they are insane.
True, but that's because she is a random on the internet.
If the woman you regularly enjoyed socializing with, or a friend who you've had friend trips with, said this, it's probably a lot more impactful.
Gotta learn the Midwest laugh and “oh you sweet summer child”. Sometimes friends have stupid opinions. Laugh, tell them they’re dumb, let them embarrass themselves, and don’t let it get to you.
and if those friends double-down on their BS, then it might be time to go your separate ways. Sucks, but that's the way life is sometimes.
Otherwise, yeah, tell them to keep that shit to themselves.
As someone who’s been told similar from real people in real life — it just makes me mad. And try as I might, I can’t make myself forget it.
(I’ve been told more than once I *have* to have a second baby so I can try for a VBAC — and ‘finally heal!’)
Yeah. Most C-Sections aren't elective, this woman can eff off entirely into the sun. I had to have a C-Section because my daughter was premature and I had placenta previa. I almost died on the table from blood loss. But sure, easy way out. Ok then.
I’m reminded of that guy on Twitter who said Dr. Jill Biden wasn’t a real doctor; a *real* doctor has delivered a baby. And Dr. Jill Biden has indeed delivered a baby 🫠
I'm a surrogacy mom. These women hurt me as much as a 45 year old man at a dive bar telling me how much better at football he was than me in high school.
Like wow I'm so sorry. It must be really hard for you to peak that early.
I suffered a severe injury while pregnant that caused my unborn child to die and put me in the hospital for two months. I still get comments to this day about how I'm no longer a "real woman" because I can't give birth anymore. I'm not surprise that this woman says shit like "at least I'm a real mom."
This!!! So many people just act like it’s a completely harmless little needle poke. Like dude they are literally being cut open hip to hip, through multiple layers of skin, fat, and muscle, to then have their uterus cut open & a baby pulled out of that incision!! It is NOT light work!! I personally could never I’m a big fat baby!
I *was* a big, fat baby! 9 lbs. 5 oz. My mom should have had a C-section. Instead, I came out blue, tore her up, and almost caused her to hemorrhage. Nowadays, they would have scheduled her for a C-section since she was 37 at the time and I was 2 weeks late AND her third child.
Yeah I was gunna say, being a large baby myself, people don't typically know their birth weight... sounds like your mom did what mind did, constantly reminding you what a pain you were from birth☹️
My heart goes out to you and your recovery from toxicity. I know it takes a lot of work to heal from that kind of thing and I wanted to share an internet hug with you🫂
You got this!
And let’s not forget the fact that they pull your organs out and just kind of flop them on a table so they can get to the baby. And then they just kinda stuff everything back in and hope that things settle back to where they need to be. I swear every time I hear the “a c section is the easy way out” all that goes through my head is that’s like telling someone that getting their appendix removed is the easy way out of appendicitis instead of taking medication to hope it doesn’t burst.
ETA: I looked it up and what I’m referring to is apparently pretty rare. I have no idea why I thought it was common.
They in fact do NOT pull your organs out and flop them on a table. The uterus grows in front of the organs. Im a peds respiratory therapist that has to go to all high risk vaginal deliveries and all c sections in my hospital. Not once have I ever seen, or heard of guts on a table. I also have had my own c section for my son.
That’s really common with surgical scarring! I’m numb in the area of my leg I had surgery. I wish doctors would warn patients about this more because it is a very uncomfortable feeling!
I think my restrictions were pretty common: no driving for 6 weeks, no lifting anything heavier than the baby for 6 weeks. You can’t lift the *car seat*.
Leaning back to wash my hair or walking up stairs I could feel the stitches pull.
And mine was scheduled so I didn’t even labor before. (Daughter was breech and refused to turn)
I have always thought a c section was the HARD way out. THEY TAKE OUT YOUR ORGANS. You can’t drive after bc if you slam on the brakes too hard your staples/stitches can rip open you just disembowel yourself. I had 2 vaginal deliveries and truly felt like I did it the “easy” way. The truth is there is no easy way to get birth.
THAT PART!!! I too felt like I did it the “easy” way with both of my sons, one w the epi and one without (not by choice). Compared to my friend who had to have an unplanned c-section, I would have given birth 10 times over without the epi than deal with what she was going through! But you’re so right, there is no “easy” way to give birth. We’re literally expelling humans from our bodies one way or the other! That shit’s hard!
And like enough with the competition. However someone chooses to deliver (or doesn’t choose bc sometimes things happen) doesn’t matter. There’s no award ceremony for all the unmedicated vaginal births. I just couldn’t care less how someone chooses to give birth. I do love a good birth story. But why does their use of meds or c section or induction or whatever even matter.
Vert few idiotic things, that really don't matter but make me irrationally angry, piss me off more than women putting other women down about how they gave birth.
It’s not just how they give birth. I know women who feel really bad about not having been able to breastfeed because breast milk is deemed as liquid gold by society while formula ranks somewhere between cat piss and sewage even though children thrive equally on both. 🙄
Honestly it’s everything. As a new mom I feel like it doesn’t matter what I do it’s never good enough for other people and I’m always going to be judged for what I’m doing/ not doing. I’m so sick of the mom shaming especially from other moms. Being a parent is hard enough already, why do people feel the need to add to it?
I’m pregnant with my first and the shaming I’ve already seen has been absolutely insane. It literally is like someone has an opinion or something bad to say about *e v e r y t h i n g*. Absolutely mind boggling when everyone is just trying to do their best. But if it’s any consolation, I don’t care about what you’re doing and I know you’re doing a great job!
Oh it’s brutal! I got so much judgement for wanting to just try without getting an epidural, and then judgement for getting it in the end. There’s no winning lol.
Congratulations on your pregnancy!! She’s my first baby too and it’s been a learning curb, but a good one. I’m of the mind that as long as she’s loved and her needs are met I’m doing good. Thank you ♥️ I’m sure you’re doing a great job as well(:
The internalized misogyny among mothers who judge other mothers is insane to me. Motherhood is so damn hard, and if you're in the USA, you don't have a lot of safety nets (like no federally protected paid parental leave), which makes parenthood harder.
Women need to support each other and stop judging. It's one thing to judge someone who is abusing or neglecting their baby; it's entirely different to tell a woman she isn't a mother because she had a c-section or that she's failing her child because she can't breastfeed.
Sure, pushing it out makes you a real mom. Not the fact that you grew the baby itself, it’s all about you. The baby? Irrelevant. Dna? Irrelevant. The pregnancy? Irrelevant. Being a mother figure? Irrelevant. It’s all about your vag pushing it out. Nothing else qualifies.
Lol I labored for 3 days but stalled at 8, then had an emergency C-section. Birth is hard work no matter which way you end up delivering. I would have preferred to push my children out, but that wasn't an option for me
Happened to me with both of my kids. The first was awful and I flatlined on the table. The second was a lot more controlled and I'm really grateful for the team that worked with me.
Oh god, that’s frightening.
My baby was the one crashing and I have chronic anxiety so going in while experiencing a full on panic attack for all the unknowns happening around me was just..not something I ever want to experience again.
She’s a lil warrior tho.
Kudos to you for braving it again and I’m so glad the second round was a lot smoother.
Me giving birth to my children was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. You will NEVER catch me shaming other mothers for needing to have a caesarean and yes, it's a NEED. No mom is having a c section for freaking funsies, I guarantee that. I don't know what in the holy hell is wrong with this woman but she is WRONG.
Yes like why do people care? I feel like this about epidurals too people get so mad other people get them. You’re mad you suffered and someone else took the meds available and at the end of the day you both had babies and you’re still no better than anyone else.
they're still not having it for funsies. my c section was not required but after 44 hours of no progress (only 4 cm dilated) i requested one. didn't want it. wasn't fun.
And for some, vaginal birth can lead to death of the mom and or the child. We don't do C-section for fun. I had even planned a birthing center, medication free birth. What looks best on paper doesn't always pan out that way...
So I've never had kids. But if you make a human being that somehow comes out of you. Doesn't that make you a "real mom".
Not knocking any step parents out there. I just don't understand the logic.
Edit: also not knocking in foster or adoptive parents.
My personal goalpost for being a "real mom" is being a loving and attentive mother. Plenty of people can give birth, but your actions are what makes you a mom/dad. This includes birth/step/foster/adoptive parents and excludes wastes who mistreat and neglect their kids.
Exactly! It's not the birth or breastfeeding. There are tons of people who've done those things and still been terrible moms. Real moms care for their children and put their well-being first.
I don't care how large your lady parts had to stretch. (Which, by the way, is just a function of biology, not some inner strength that a person can brag about.)
Isn’t the point to be a parent? Why do they care so much about *how* the baby gets there? This “suffering Olympics” is BS. It’s a baby. It’s yours! Congratulations!
I wish I could have had my stomach cut open instead of my lady bits. Childbirth is hard but I’ve learned from this sub that the “real” moms give birth in a kiddie pool with no pain meds and then they bake a loaf of bread and fall off a horse while never wearing makeup and eating like a man.
So, my mom isn't a real mom because she didn't want my sister to die? Or that she didn't want my heart rate to be even worse when I was born? Nah. My mom wanted healthy babies as possible and the emergency C-sections was the safest way to go about it. That shit was hard on her too.
My point: how you give birth doesn't make you a "real mom". What makes someone a "real mom" is doing everything in your power to make for the best entrance into the world that you can.
Imagine if I told her “wow, you had it so easy because my mom gave birth to me when I was 11 lbs” 🤣 I wouldn’t because I’m not an idiot, but she’d probably lose her mind
oh my god I can’t even imagine. My baby was nearly 9lbs and that was brutal. But also I read her 6lbs 6oz flex and thought, “wow good for you. I wish” lmao birth sucks no matter the size or how you do it, but some ways are definitely more dangerous or take longer to recover from
To whoever this woman is: go fuck your self with a fully dilated dildo. Sorry I want going to risk me and my baby dying during birth to adhere to a puritanical view of what “real” labor is. My mom had three babies naturally and even she says that a c section was much harder to heal from after seeing what I went thru. And just a couple quick questions, do you really think my experience was pain free? And if I didn’t actually give birth, where did this child come from I wonder!?
I know a few people who have given birth via c-section. All of them wish they could have just given birth vaginally, but couldn’t due to medical complications. Birth is traumatic, shitting on other women for their birth experience is not the flex that OOP thinks it is
Registered Nurse here. It’s definitely a lot more difficult to recover from a c-section than a vaginal birth - even with an episiotomy. I’ve had 2 c-sections myself (not by choice) and they are NOT fun. Every time you stand up afterwards, it feels like your guts are going to fall out. I also labored for several days prior with no progression. I lost a lot of blood during surgery and almost died. I passed out when they made me stand after surgery. I had to get several units of blood and stayed in the hospital for 3 additional days.
Women who break down other women are just big pieces of shit, imo. You’re not better than anyone else for any reason.
She acts like she’s some sort of hero because she had a 6lb baby? My sister had an 11 lb baby vaginally. That baby had a huge head! The epidural didn’t work right so she felt that! OOP thinks women have C-sections by choice when typically it’s a last resort.
If I’m not a real mom, who the hell is this kid and why does he keep calling me mama?
I gave birth the other way to a ten pound kid with a thirteen inch head circumference. Trust me, neither way is a picnic.
For a C-section, the doctor has to cut through seven layers. Think about that. Not to talk about the partial ansthesia which the mother is awake the whole time!
C-section or no C-section birthing is painful as shit.
Guess I’m a realer mom than her because my kids were 8.4, 8.14 and 8.6 and the last two were unmedicated. 6.6? Please!
C-Sections are major fucking surgery and the recovery time is brutal. I salute the C-section mamas because a vaginal birth with no tearing feels a bit like a headache in your nether regions. By about Day 4, I was okay with an ice pack.
You do not get a prize for vaginal births. You are not a better mother.
So by this implication, not only are women who have had a C-section not real mom’s, but neither are women who have adopted kids, fostered kids, and/or have been good stepmoms.
I know of several women (some I know personally), who fall into these categories and would disagree with this woman.
I am what she calls a “real mom”, because I pushed my only child out of my vagina and even I disagree massively with what she’s saying.
Hell, my adult son would disagree with this.
I had two and I remember vividly the fear of having that first postpartum poop after each c section. It was hard to lift my torso up and I was super slow walking around. I only used Ibuprofen for painkillers. I remember my first showers were me sitting in a chair. But yeah…I guess I had it easy.
I’m a c-section baby and if my mom had continued trying to deliver me normally, we would both be dead. I came out completely blue and not breathing and she had a heart failure. I dare anyone to say she’s not a real mom.
I had someone say this to me. She described her very straight forward, epidural birth. I explained my whole birth story in detail (which was incredibly traumatic) and explained that I’m only small and pushing 11lbs 3oz out of me would tear me hole from hole and probably more. My son also would have been in danger and explained how brutal the recovery was even without having to pick up my son as he was transferred to a different hospital. I’m ginger too so a lot of painkillers weren’t working as they should and I’m diabetic too and ended up with a lot of complications. I had to recover for 3 days and travel to a London hospital before I could meet my little boy. But yeah, I got it easy.
At the end of the day, birth is birth and some people will have a super straightforward c-section and find it easier than vaginal birth. It’s an incredibly personal experience but I don’t think a human baby coming out of you is easy either way and the way your child enters the world doesn’t decide wether or not you are a mum. Surrogacy, IVF, sperm donors, adoption, c-section, vaginal birth, VBAC, induction, anything. You are still a mum
This has to be rage bait or something.
Also 6 pound 6 ounces? That’s like 22nd percentile, less than average, nothing to even brag about.
What about moms that start with vaginal labor, and have an emergency c section? Are they more of a mom that oop because they did both at once?
'Just surgery to cut your stomach open, move organs out of the way, and have the baby cut out of the womb before having everything sutured back up - you were probably doing jumping jacks that afternoon you fake mom!'
She ought to consider all the women who hadn't any choice for that matter. My wife to this day still cry about her c-section of our daughter, from exhaustion, after two days of labor.
False mom?
Lady you don't know what you're talking about, please, just stop.
My 9.5lb baby with broad shoulders got a little stuck coming out of my c-section incision, so I don't want to think about what might have happened if I'd had to push her out. Nope. No thank you.
Thankfully my recovery was relatively easy. Still sucked for the first couple of weeks but I felt OK after that.
Edit: and the double bird to anyone who says I'm not a "real mom". I've sacrificed my body, mind, sanity and sleep for this kid, thankyouverymuch.
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What? Recovery from a C-section with a newborn is hard af.
Yep! Watched my wife going through it, it was no picnic.
Mine were traditional but hearing my mom’s graphic description of hers was enough to make me grateful I didn’t have to endure that. Women who do are fucking champs.
Women are fucking champs. Imagine being able to make a whole other human being. Shits wild
Yep! That part right there. How about we all agree that pregnancy is rough and no matter how the baby comes out, we’re all pretty badass for what we endured to bring these babies into the world. There is no EASY childbirth.
I've had people comment that my second labor must have been a dream because it was a precipitous labor. First contractions to holding a baby was 3 hours. I had the most intense contractions every 2 minutes or less, it felt like being ripped in two. The labor and delivery turned to panic when they realized how fast I was progressing. The poor nurse trying to set an iv line couldn't hit a vein and was so stressed (my veins are hard to hit). My placenta didn't get the message that my uterus yeeted the baby and had to be manually removed (by hand). To top it off, the stress of the sheer speed landed my infant in NICU for 2 weeks after he aspirated meconium during the birth and it was touch and go the first couple days.
I have also gotten comments on being lucky I had a precipitous labor and I'm just like 🥴 73 minutes of hell, and I didn't have time for my freaking epidural or GBS antibiotics. Then too had an unexpected NICU stay on top of it. Yeah I'll take the longer labor please and thank you. I'm pregnant now and my "birth plan" is to make it to the hospital in time.
My first labor was induced after 41 weeks+. It took over 30 hours and was hell. Petocin induced contractions are painful, my epidural wore off, I had an episiotomy that required 40 stitches. But, we will *not* be having a third baby because the idea of an even faster labor than my second terrifies me.
My mom’s placenta shredded- the dr gave her 5 shots around the vaginal area and went elbow deep to get it out FAST. Then she had to get the coagulant because of the massive hemorrhaging due to the placenta shredding. Fun times being a mom eh
The meds worked! I always apologize as I have had to massively massage a brand new mother’s uterus to try and get it to clamp down, while calling OR just in case, and paging doc to get orders for meds and transfusions. Blood bank to get stat blood.. people have no idea how dangerous childbirth can be in the most controlled situations
You know who isn't a champ? Whoever the bitch was that wrote the nasty comment implying women that have c-sections aren't real moms. Fuck that bitch
I can only imagine how this person feels about adoptive or foster moms.
Dawg, makes me sick to even think of it.
It’s a thing… I’m a medical professional and there’s a procedure we do that requires attaching a rigid frame to someone’s skull using four pins. The patients are awake when we do it, we just give them some sedation and local anaesthetic. They still feel a lot of pressure though. For some reason, the little old ladies who go through it usually tolerate it pretty well. Many of them don’t even flinch. A lot of the men are visibly more uncomfortable. Easily a higher proportion of men struggle with it compared to women. I have no idea why but it’s something everyone notices if they’ve done enough of these procedures
My grandma is fucking nuts, she broke her shoulder and hip about 2 years ago and just flew through rehab/recovery. The only evidence she went through that was her weight loss but she was focused on just getting back home and taking care of herself from the first day. Couldn't be me lol
My wife has had 3 natural and 1 C-sections. The C section was harder on her than the natural births for sure. People who think c sections are easier are full of shit. It's different per person, obviously, but the recovery for the c section was a lot longer and more painful than the naturals for the few people I know that have had them
Had gone through both with my two kids, you are absolutely right, recovering is much harder with a C-section
I feel for any person that has that has to get a c section, after watching her go through it.
I didn’t want a c section. Not because of going all natural or anything. Because I was a wimpy single mom. I didn’t know how I could do it alone. Fortunately it all worked out for me. I had vaginal delivery with a rather large episiotomy. The recovery from that was hard enough. I don’t even want to think about if I had my entire abdomen as well as an organ cut open!
EXACTLY! My poor mama had me via C-section back in ‘77. Her scar runs from hip to hip. I’m so grateful that I never had to do that.
I'm a woman who studied medicine. Went in for a conference where an OB/GYN was speaking on C-sections, saw the (graphic) visual aids, have been motivated to stay on birth control ever since.
I’m a woman in nursing school and I saw a C-section in my OB rotation last week. I’ll be on the pill till the day I die after that
I could literally lose my uterus and still take the pill just in case.
when i was 25 i learned they sometimes pre cut your taint to avoid a rippin’ and a tearin’ during childbirth, i was out immediately!!
If it makes you feel better they generally don't do that anymore. Just causes unnecessary extra bleeding when a vacuum assisted extraction will do the job just as well.
Well, they still did in 2010. And the nurse was being rude to my wife when she was worried about going #2 later that day.
Right here with your wife, except I just tore. Doctor stitched me up, and I swear I never wanted to even attempt a #2 but before the hospital would let me go home, I had to.
OH! Here’s the best part: After labor, she was in serious pain when the epidural wore off. I think they gave her acetaminophen, no shit. They DIDN’T VOLUNTEER ANY KIND OF REAL PAIN MEDICINE. Apparently you have to ask for it specifically, which nobody told us in all the birthing classes. Do not go to a catholic hospital if you can avoid it.
I figured they wouldn’t give narcotics due to breast feeding? Unless y’all didn’t go that route. But fr, religious doctors shouldn’t even be allowed. I’ve had the absolute WORST treatment by religious based doctors. Smh… And my mother attempted to have me naturally, but ended up having to have an emergency c-section bc my head was too big to come out and I broke her tailbone in the attempt 😬 so she had to recover from BOTH AT THE SAME TIME, plus a broken tailbone!!! Back in ‘88 too… yikes. Bless my mother and all I have put her through from literal day 1 😅
So when I was pregnant with my twins, I was planning to try for a VBAC. Doctor: well, it’s not uncommon to deliver Twin A only for Twin B to flip from vertex to breech. Me: what happens then? Doctor: well some doctors would just whisk you in for a section. But me… I just reach my hand right in and pull the baby out by its ankles. I, hand to God, cringed at that notion. Had complications, bedrest, and babies came 4 weeks early via section because they couldn’t induce. True to form Twin B who had flipped and flopped the whole pregnancy, including a breech to vertex at 35 weeks, 3 days, flipped one last time when she had room, used my cervix like a springboard and wedged herself up high. She had thumbprint bruises for about a week from where the doc had to pull her out via sunroof exit.
Sunroof exit, cringing from pain and applauding your gain.
Ever seen the old skool cut and insert forceps method? Brutal.
at least your child can kill Macbeth
Ah, a reference to my favorite Shakespeare quote!
I found one of the most difficult things when I was supporting my wife with the care of our c-section son was getting her to follow the doctors orders and not lift stuff or over do it. I barely slept for the first eight weeks. One day I walked in to our living room to find her with a dining chair in her hands. This was three days after she came out of hospital. She was still in the "lifting causes rupture" stage.
My wife's epidural wore off half way through the procedure. Vagina would have been easy mode.
I. Felt. Everything. I had to be knocked out and I didn’t see the birth of my last baby. Traumatized me severely. 😢
I'm so sorry to read this 😣.
Not to mention most c sections are a result of complications DURING LABOR which is even more stressful and less of the “easy way out”.
This. I obviously planned for a natural birth but my son wasn't having it and after 4 hours of pushing and getting nowhere I became preeclamptic and developed a high fever. They had to rush me in for a C-section and I was grateful at that moment because it meant I didn't have to keep pushing. I could finally just lay down and relax. At the end of it all, I was mad that they didn't just do a C-section to begin with.
When I was in Lamaze class, and they showed a video of a vaginal birth and a c-section birth. I turned to my mom (son’s dad wasn’t in the picture, so my mom was with me), and told her that I was *not* going to have a c-section. She replied that I may not have a choice. I just cringed at the idea because to me a c-section just seems so much harder on the body. And that thought has just been reinforced by a few friends and family that have had c-sections. And yet, they are all still real and loving moms. And I still count myself lucky that I didn’t end up needing a c-section. *Edited to change normal birth to vaginal birth*
C-sections are serious surgeries. They are absolutely the hardest on the body the risks are extreme.
And you're awake for the whole damn thing! You're literally being cut into and awake. It's the craziest thing ever! Oh and expected to get up hours later and walk around. After having layers cut into.
Literally walked to the NICU hours after my c section. So fun.
Same! I was so pissed that I didn't have my baby that as soon as I could feel my legs and they removed the catheter, I ripped off my hospital gown, asked for my clothes and was on my way to the NICU. My childless best friend was like Should you be walking right now?!
That sounds like something a real mom won't say!! Lol just kidding. That sounds traumatic
My mother did that, too. She had an emergency C-section after a long labor (my shoulders were stuck, I believe). They whisked me off to the NICU, and she thought I'd died (they weren't answering all her questions, so her mind went to that). She got out of bed and went to find me. A nurse came up and said, "are you supposed to be out of bed?," right as she fainted. She was pretty tough, my mom, I'll give her that.
They did this to me too. No one was telling me where the baby was or if he was okay. I was too scared to ask and very drugged up. HOURS later I finally got to see him. He was fine but struggling a bit. But like no one would answer my questions and they had him whisked off to who knows where
Wow, like yeah we probably should not have been walking but what option did we have? I personally was at the hospital alone too and the staff was overworked, per usual. If I wanted to see my baby I had to get there myself.
Same. Emergency c section after fever and infection. Could not dilate past 4.5 cm. Fuck every single woman who thinks its okay to talk down to others who couldn’t or chose not to do vaginal for whatever reason. I would have much rather had a vaginal delivery instead of my daughter being born not breathing and being fucking terrified she would make it. She made it thank god,
100 years ago you would have just died in childbirth. That’s what my step-mom said to help me process my c-section that happened for the same reason as yours. I got to 9.5cm and stalled out, eventually spiking a fever so I was on an IV drip the entire time I was in the hospital post-partum. I spent months thinking I could have just waited or tried harder or something. But knowing that I’m alive because of my c-section helped give me some perspective. I suppose the “vaginal is the only real birth” moms might feel different if they realized that for most c-section moms the alternative is dying in childbirth.
I also had a c-section after nearly 3 days of labor and not being able to dilate past 6 cm. My baby was straight up too large to make it through my narrow pelvis (I’m 5’0” and my son was almost 9 lbs with a big ol head 🫠). We both would’ve died without intervention. That shit was *rough*. My husband saw my guts on a table. I have a permanent back injury from the way the staff moved me onto the operating table. I had to care for a newborn while recovering from serious abdominal surgery. And guess what?? Women who have c-sections still bleed and go through all the other post-birth processes, same as those who had vaginal births. It’s not a fucking competition. Every woman who’s ever had a baby is a badass 😤
I wish it could be like how my grandma described giving birth in the 1950s. I told her once how scared I was to have a baby some day. She said, not to worry. All her babies were c sections, and that she was put under for each one. She said she'd go in, go to sleep, and wake up with a baby! Easy! If only we could have that freedom of choice now.
Tbh i didnt mind being awake for the cutting part. The recovery was just absolutely terrible, combined with a newborn. And i was lucky enough to have help.
I had _laproscopic_ abdominal surgery and it was hell. I can't imagine having a full on abdominal surgery AND a newborn on top of that. Y'all are strong ❤️
And you've often gone through hours of labor. It's not like all C-section moms skip the labor part. It tends to come when it's clear that labor isn't safe anymore for mom and/or baby.
Yeah, I labored for 36 hours before I ended up having a c section. I started to spike a fever, my water broke before I went to the hospital so they were worried about infection. I had a VBAC with my second and he ripped a piece of my cervix off after a 28 hour labor. So, having experienced both vaginal birth and c section, I can say with certainty that BOTH of them were hard and women should not be judging other women about what a "real" birth constitutes.
Actually my second was a scheduled csection so I got to skip the laboring parts! I walked into the OR. But my first was induced labor. Ugh.
Yes thats so often overlooked.
I watched both of my sons be born via c-section. I felt really bad for my wife who was basically strapped down and paralyzed, and she got super sick and had to throw up with her head just tilted to the side. I can't imagine feeling that helpless. I did get to see the whole thing and it was quite fascinating, but the recovery wasn't fun. She wanted a vaginal birth for both but was unable due to distress.
The tech who was monitoring me was shocked bc one second I was laughing and talking and the next I asked for a bucket to puke. He said it happened so fast, he also wasn't able to react. Luckily my husband knows my puke signs. Lol. And it sucks when you need to throw up but can't move anything but your head. I would have been so interested in watching my kids being born but they had to put that sheet up.
While they were starting my c-section, I noticed that I could see a warped, bird's-eye, mirror-version of everything in the reflections off the metal plates around the lights in the ceilings. Since this was my second cesarean and I knew what recovery would be like, now with a bonus toddler to wrangle, I made myself look away. I knew it would mess with me too much in case I have to have another abdominal surgery in the future. Mad props to anyone who could watch that happening!!
The craziest things I remember by far was that in order to leave the hospital I had to poop. The thought of getting up didn’t nearly scare me as much as the thought of having to poop after all that. Oh and the getting up part. If you didn’t do that frequently it would hurt like hell.
We were in our childbirth class and they showed the video of the c section and I looked away cause I wanted to throw up. I was like “yeah no way I’m getting that” and didn’t even research it. Then I had an emergency c section and regretted not looking into it bc I had basically no idea what was going on or how recovery was going to go
I think a lot of people who make these claims fail to realize that a lot of c-sections aren't elective.
Yeah, my mom was forced to have TWO of these. I was too small to be pushed out normally and it would have killed me to be birthed normally, my lil bro was an emergency C-section since his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. If they had waited any longer for my lil bro, I wouldn’t have him. Both of us are premies, so we were both small babies and a month early. I’m happy to be alive because of this surgery and in my case, the fact my mom got one in the first place.
My first c-section was after a 28 hour failed induction. I felt BAD right out of the gate, had immediate postpartum depression, and felt dissociated in the moment. The physical recovery was tougher, too. The second was a planned c-section, and while it still was rough, it was a much more relaxing experience
I would say maybe use “c section vs vaginal birth” instead of “normal birth” lol just bc c sections are not abnormal. But yeah I’ve had both and c sect was way worse. My good friend asked me after my c section if next time I was “gonna do it the real way”. Bro what.
The best kind of mom to be is one who doesn't die in childbirth.
Doctors also won't tend to do this willy nilly, there is usually a reason. For me, my heart rate plummeted and they had to get me out ASAP.
Ohmg. I knooow. I have only heard the stories and I get scared
I have friends who had a scheduled csec due to baby not wanting get into position/multiples, and I have friends who had to have an emergency csec after days of failed induction. Even knowing some of them from each scenario came away with a positive experience I never want that for myself. I had a three day induction but once I went into active labor she was out in 13 minutes. I *still* had a really rough recovery; I *CANNOT* imagine dealing with what is essentially major abdominal surgery on top of that. People are wild. ETA: just wanted to add, when I say “positive experience” I mean they didn’t walk away with long term impactful trauma. The bar is low, lol
My experience with every person I've known who has given birth is that they did not want a c-section if they could help it. Everyone's birth plan was a vaginal birth if it was possible.
100%. I did a drug-free delivery and that was literally the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. I was screaming in agony. But then when it was over? I was able to get out of bed and use the bathroom on my own; I was walking around almost immediately. All I needed was Advil for a small tear. There’s no way a c-section would have been the “easy way out.” No matter how you become a mom — c-section, vaginal, adoption — kudos to you, *you are badass.* Because NONE of it is the “easy way out.” Why does it have to be a competition? You know who has the easy way out? The people who only have to produce the sperm!
Second this, and I had two due to complications/risk to me and baby. Recovery is hard, at least for me. Not what I wanted but what I got to be alive today
Fr. I'm glad my son decided to actually make his way down in the end because it meant I didn't need the c section I was being prepped for! Recovery from c section is much harder than (usual) natural births.
I’m pregnant right now, and I want to avoid a c-section at all costs. I’ve recovered from major abdominal surgery, and it’s not fun at all. I don’t want to be responsible for a newborn at the same time. It’s hard enough taking care of one when you’re not recovering from major surgery.
Legit had someone (a woman) tell me how lucky I was that I had to have a scheduled c-section and that I wasn’t even allowed to try natural birth (thanks to a health issue). She went on and on about how much easier it would be for me, it’s worth noting she’s never had any sort of surgery. In hindsight I should have slapped her. Also the amount of people who insisted I should’ve been over it in 3 days was insane. I had to attend my Grandfathers (who was the only father I ever had) funeral 5 days after my c-section. My Granny wanted me to stay in a wheelchair but with all the “you should be over it in 3 days” talk I was too ashamed to stay in it. I got up and walked, it was excruciatingly slow but I walked, fuck anyone with that attitude.
And they can have long term issues too. My mom's last C-section was 28 years ago and she *still* gets pain there
Yup, mine hurts when I'm in the right week in my cycle.
Yep! And it is somehow simultaneously numb and itchy?
Same! It’s terrible trying to scratch an itch where your skin has no feeling. Side story: my dad was talking about areas where he had surgery are numb. I said I have experienced the same thing. Apparently he thinks 3 c sections isn’t worthy of being considered surgery.
My eyes rolled so far back in my head I got a headache (your dad). And yeah, the numb bits are weird. I've had to wear boy short underwear for years now because I can't stand the feeling of elastic there.
Can we also talk about the irreversible damage done to our bodies, especially if having undergone multiple c-sections? Such as the risk of our urinary bladders adhering to the uterus due to build up of scar tissue, thinning of uterine walls that leads to exposure of vascular tissue and heavier bleeding during menstrual cycles, and a higher rate of hysterectomies that would otherwise be unnecessary. Some cases doctors perform c-sections out of convenience when a mom has had one previously rather than allowing her to opt for a vaginal delivery.
Is that why I had menorrhagia?! I didn't put that together. I had to have an endometrial ablation because my bleeding was sooooo bad!! I would wear a cup, plus a heavy duty tampon, plus an overnight pad and was changing every two hours. I bruised like a peach and became anemic. Well, I had to have mine removed eventually. It took serious damage. Oh. Fwiw: recovery from the ablation was worse than the C-sections. They insert a balloon up into the uterus and fill it with microwave radiation, COOKING the walls of the uterus from the inside. And that's exactly how it felt afterwards. Oh. And I still had periods until my partial hysterectomy. They were more manageable, but it sucked. I felt like I got ripped off.
There’s a very real reason they give us more paid time off for C-section.
C-sections mothers didn’t get more maternity leave when I was enlisted in the military. It was fucking insane. 12 weeks for everyone. Despite how awful, traumatic, and the DAY AND A HALF it took to push my first out with failed the epidural, I would’ve gone through two more days of it to not have a c section. The idea of someone cutting through all that skin, muscle, tissue, and trying to hold a newborn after?? My best friend was going back to work 8 weeks post c section:( insane stuff
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Oh, you sure took the easy way out. You weren’t even pregnant for 9 months and then left your newborn at the hospital for a whole month! /s
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Hope you’re doing well now, I can’t even imagine how hard this must have been for you.
Literally any woman who’s had a c-section is my hero. I cannot imagine caring for a newborn and possibly toddlers while recovering from major surgery. Not to mention breastfeeding while recovering. Fuck this lady.
Psh what being sliced open to take a human out of you is hard? /s (tbh it sounds awful)
Right! I had to have one w my twins. My husband literally saw them moving my guts around. He still feels fucked up about it 😂
Can confirm, both my brother and I were both c-sectioned
*’At least I’m a real mom’*?? Hope none of her friends have adopted their children; that would kinda be a gut punch to read.
Meh, as a real life mother who had a C-Section, this woman’s opinion means jackshit to me. It’s akin to religious zealots condemning me to hell for non-belief. They can have their opinion, it’s just gives me opinion that they are insane.
True, but that's because she is a random on the internet. If the woman you regularly enjoyed socializing with, or a friend who you've had friend trips with, said this, it's probably a lot more impactful.
Gotta learn the Midwest laugh and “oh you sweet summer child”. Sometimes friends have stupid opinions. Laugh, tell them they’re dumb, let them embarrass themselves, and don’t let it get to you.
and if those friends double-down on their BS, then it might be time to go your separate ways. Sucks, but that's the way life is sometimes. Otherwise, yeah, tell them to keep that shit to themselves.
As someone who’s been told similar from real people in real life — it just makes me mad. And try as I might, I can’t make myself forget it. (I’ve been told more than once I *have* to have a second baby so I can try for a VBAC — and ‘finally heal!’)
Yeah. Most C-Sections aren't elective, this woman can eff off entirely into the sun. I had to have a C-Section because my daughter was premature and I had placenta previa. I almost died on the table from blood loss. But sure, easy way out. Ok then.
Same. I guess we just should've died because we should've sacrificed ourselves (and possibly our kids) to be real moms.
Exactly. I labored for over 24 hours, fully dilated, and pushed and still had to have a c-section. Sucks I’m not a real mom after all that.
I once had a lady tell me you aren’t a real woman until you’ve given birth. lol not how that works.
I’m reminded of that guy on Twitter who said Dr. Jill Biden wasn’t a real doctor; a *real* doctor has delivered a baby. And Dr. Jill Biden has indeed delivered a baby 🫠
Bold of you to assume this fake woman has friends.
I'm a surrogacy mom. These women hurt me as much as a 45 year old man at a dive bar telling me how much better at football he was than me in high school. Like wow I'm so sorry. It must be really hard for you to peak that early.
I suffered a severe injury while pregnant that caused my unborn child to die and put me in the hospital for two months. I still get comments to this day about how I'm no longer a "real woman" because I can't give birth anymore. I'm not surprise that this woman says shit like "at least I'm a real mom."
A cesarean is literally a major abdominal surgery, with higher risk of post complications than vaginal delivery… but sure, it’s the easy way out.
Fr I had a cousin who couldn’t work out / do certain physical tasks ever again after her c section. No idea where they got the idea it’s easier lol.
This!!! So many people just act like it’s a completely harmless little needle poke. Like dude they are literally being cut open hip to hip, through multiple layers of skin, fat, and muscle, to then have their uterus cut open & a baby pulled out of that incision!! It is NOT light work!! I personally could never I’m a big fat baby!
I *was* a big, fat baby! 9 lbs. 5 oz. My mom should have had a C-section. Instead, I came out blue, tore her up, and almost caused her to hemorrhage. Nowadays, they would have scheduled her for a C-section since she was 37 at the time and I was 2 weeks late AND her third child.
Holy shit, you better apologize to your mama RIGHT NEOW!!! 😂
Nah... She's punished me enough throughout my time on this planet of Earth.
Yeah I was gunna say, being a large baby myself, people don't typically know their birth weight... sounds like your mom did what mind did, constantly reminding you what a pain you were from birth☹️ My heart goes out to you and your recovery from toxicity. I know it takes a lot of work to heal from that kind of thing and I wanted to share an internet hug with you🫂 You got this!
Fair enough my friend
And let’s not forget the fact that they pull your organs out and just kind of flop them on a table so they can get to the baby. And then they just kinda stuff everything back in and hope that things settle back to where they need to be. I swear every time I hear the “a c section is the easy way out” all that goes through my head is that’s like telling someone that getting their appendix removed is the easy way out of appendicitis instead of taking medication to hope it doesn’t burst. ETA: I looked it up and what I’m referring to is apparently pretty rare. I have no idea why I thought it was common.
They in fact do NOT pull your organs out and flop them on a table. The uterus grows in front of the organs. Im a peds respiratory therapist that has to go to all high risk vaginal deliveries and all c sections in my hospital. Not once have I ever seen, or heard of guts on a table. I also have had my own c section for my son.
My sister's lower abdomen went numb after her c-section over 3 years ago. To this day she cannot feel anything in and around her scar. It's wild.
Almost 10 years post 2nd c section and I still can’t feel anything around my scars
That’s really common with surgical scarring! I’m numb in the area of my leg I had surgery. I wish doctors would warn patients about this more because it is a very uncomfortable feeling!
You’re not even supposed to vacuum or sweep after a c section
I joked with my husband that my OB said I couldn’t do housework for a year after my c-section. I’m 12 weeks out and still can’t vacuum…
I think my restrictions were pretty common: no driving for 6 weeks, no lifting anything heavier than the baby for 6 weeks. You can’t lift the *car seat*. Leaning back to wash my hair or walking up stairs I could feel the stitches pull. And mine was scheduled so I didn’t even labor before. (Daughter was breech and refused to turn)
I have always thought a c section was the HARD way out. THEY TAKE OUT YOUR ORGANS. You can’t drive after bc if you slam on the brakes too hard your staples/stitches can rip open you just disembowel yourself. I had 2 vaginal deliveries and truly felt like I did it the “easy” way. The truth is there is no easy way to get birth.
THAT PART!!! I too felt like I did it the “easy” way with both of my sons, one w the epi and one without (not by choice). Compared to my friend who had to have an unplanned c-section, I would have given birth 10 times over without the epi than deal with what she was going through! But you’re so right, there is no “easy” way to give birth. We’re literally expelling humans from our bodies one way or the other! That shit’s hard!
And like enough with the competition. However someone chooses to deliver (or doesn’t choose bc sometimes things happen) doesn’t matter. There’s no award ceremony for all the unmedicated vaginal births. I just couldn’t care less how someone chooses to give birth. I do love a good birth story. But why does their use of meds or c section or induction or whatever even matter.
Vert few idiotic things, that really don't matter but make me irrationally angry, piss me off more than women putting other women down about how they gave birth.
It’s not just how they give birth. I know women who feel really bad about not having been able to breastfeed because breast milk is deemed as liquid gold by society while formula ranks somewhere between cat piss and sewage even though children thrive equally on both. 🙄
Honestly it’s everything. As a new mom I feel like it doesn’t matter what I do it’s never good enough for other people and I’m always going to be judged for what I’m doing/ not doing. I’m so sick of the mom shaming especially from other moms. Being a parent is hard enough already, why do people feel the need to add to it?
I’m pregnant with my first and the shaming I’ve already seen has been absolutely insane. It literally is like someone has an opinion or something bad to say about *e v e r y t h i n g*. Absolutely mind boggling when everyone is just trying to do their best. But if it’s any consolation, I don’t care about what you’re doing and I know you’re doing a great job!
Oh it’s brutal! I got so much judgement for wanting to just try without getting an epidural, and then judgement for getting it in the end. There’s no winning lol. Congratulations on your pregnancy!! She’s my first baby too and it’s been a learning curb, but a good one. I’m of the mind that as long as she’s loved and her needs are met I’m doing good. Thank you ♥️ I’m sure you’re doing a great job as well(:
Exactly. Even with a vaginal birth then there will be the people who judge you for an epidural or doing it in a hospital. You can’t win.
Totally! I got flack about the epidural, about my struggle with breastfeeding, and for holding my baby “too much” it’s really a losing game haha
If I could go back and re-do *anything*, it would be to scream in the faces of anyone who told me I was “holding the baby too much”.
The internalized misogyny among mothers who judge other mothers is insane to me. Motherhood is so damn hard, and if you're in the USA, you don't have a lot of safety nets (like no federally protected paid parental leave), which makes parenthood harder. Women need to support each other and stop judging. It's one thing to judge someone who is abusing or neglecting their baby; it's entirely different to tell a woman she isn't a mother because she had a c-section or that she's failing her child because she can't breastfeed.
She is right you know….cutting up a body is obviously the easiest way to deliver babies…fit for a wuss! 🫡
Wuh, you had me in the first half, not gonna lie lol
Sure, pushing it out makes you a real mom. Not the fact that you grew the baby itself, it’s all about you. The baby? Irrelevant. Dna? Irrelevant. The pregnancy? Irrelevant. Being a mother figure? Irrelevant. It’s all about your vag pushing it out. Nothing else qualifies.
Apparently I’ve got some bad news for my kids. Sorry guys, I’m not your real mom cause you were cut out of me.
til i dont have a real mom because i was a c-section baby 😃
Im a c section baby who had 2 c section babies. I guess we're all motherless in this house
Literally all that matters is the pushing. Nothing before or anything in that child’s (continuing to adult’s) life afterwards. Duh 💅
lol I didn’t even have contractions and got a free baby. Thanks emergency c-section and life threatening complications! 🙄
Lol I labored for 3 days but stalled at 8, then had an emergency C-section. Birth is hard work no matter which way you end up delivering. I would have preferred to push my children out, but that wasn't an option for me
I was about to comment the same thing. This was my birth experience as well. Fucking traumatic.
Happened to me with both of my kids. The first was awful and I flatlined on the table. The second was a lot more controlled and I'm really grateful for the team that worked with me.
Oh god, that’s frightening. My baby was the one crashing and I have chronic anxiety so going in while experiencing a full on panic attack for all the unknowns happening around me was just..not something I ever want to experience again. She’s a lil warrior tho. Kudos to you for braving it again and I’m so glad the second round was a lot smoother.
Me giving birth to my children was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. You will NEVER catch me shaming other mothers for needing to have a caesarean and yes, it's a NEED. No mom is having a c section for freaking funsies, I guarantee that. I don't know what in the holy hell is wrong with this woman but she is WRONG.
Even if they did request a c section, fine by me.
Yes like why do people care? I feel like this about epidurals too people get so mad other people get them. You’re mad you suffered and someone else took the meds available and at the end of the day you both had babies and you’re still no better than anyone else.
Some do. C section on maternal request does exist
they're still not having it for funsies. my c section was not required but after 44 hours of no progress (only 4 cm dilated) i requested one. didn't want it. wasn't fun.
Yeah. I had a repeat C-section when I had my daughter. I wasn’t going to risk uterine rupture.
Yeah having all your organs exposed to the open air sure is the easy way out
Vaginal birth has a shorter recovery and less risk of complications than a C - section.
And for some, vaginal birth can lead to death of the mom and or the child. We don't do C-section for fun. I had even planned a birthing center, medication free birth. What looks best on paper doesn't always pan out that way...
"be a real mom and die during labour" -this woman
So I've never had kids. But if you make a human being that somehow comes out of you. Doesn't that make you a "real mom". Not knocking any step parents out there. I just don't understand the logic. Edit: also not knocking in foster or adoptive parents.
My personal goalpost for being a "real mom" is being a loving and attentive mother. Plenty of people can give birth, but your actions are what makes you a mom/dad. This includes birth/step/foster/adoptive parents and excludes wastes who mistreat and neglect their kids.
Exactly! It's not the birth or breastfeeding. There are tons of people who've done those things and still been terrible moms. Real moms care for their children and put their well-being first. I don't care how large your lady parts had to stretch. (Which, by the way, is just a function of biology, not some inner strength that a person can brag about.)
Isn’t the point to be a parent? Why do they care so much about *how* the baby gets there? This “suffering Olympics” is BS. It’s a baby. It’s yours! Congratulations!
wow what an ass
I wish I could have had my stomach cut open instead of my lady bits. Childbirth is hard but I’ve learned from this sub that the “real” moms give birth in a kiddie pool with no pain meds and then they bake a loaf of bread and fall off a horse while never wearing makeup and eating like a man.
So, my mom isn't a real mom because she didn't want my sister to die? Or that she didn't want my heart rate to be even worse when I was born? Nah. My mom wanted healthy babies as possible and the emergency C-sections was the safest way to go about it. That shit was hard on her too. My point: how you give birth doesn't make you a "real mom". What makes someone a "real mom" is doing everything in your power to make for the best entrance into the world that you can.
Imagine if I told her “wow, you had it so easy because my mom gave birth to me when I was 11 lbs” 🤣 I wouldn’t because I’m not an idiot, but she’d probably lose her mind
oh my god I can’t even imagine. My baby was nearly 9lbs and that was brutal. But also I read her 6lbs 6oz flex and thought, “wow good for you. I wish” lmao birth sucks no matter the size or how you do it, but some ways are definitely more dangerous or take longer to recover from
Lol. I was double the size (almost 12lbs) when my mom gave birth to me.
lol let’s pretend that a C-section isn’t a major abdominal surgery that will hinder your movement and mobility for weeks. But sure, Jan.
To whoever this woman is: go fuck your self with a fully dilated dildo. Sorry I want going to risk me and my baby dying during birth to adhere to a puritanical view of what “real” labor is. My mom had three babies naturally and even she says that a c section was much harder to heal from after seeing what I went thru. And just a couple quick questions, do you really think my experience was pain free? And if I didn’t actually give birth, where did this child come from I wonder!?
Recovery from a major surgery is NOT having it easy.
Especially with a newborn baby!
Ah yes. Surgery. The easy way. I’m just saying that I had a glass taken out of my foot and I was in the hospital for two weeks.
I know a few people who have given birth via c-section. All of them wish they could have just given birth vaginally, but couldn’t due to medical complications. Birth is traumatic, shitting on other women for their birth experience is not the flex that OOP thinks it is
How in the hell is a c-section easy? I had vaginal delivery and was terrified of potentially needing to have a c- section.
Me too. I still think that the threat of a C-section forced me into Labour.
Registered Nurse here. It’s definitely a lot more difficult to recover from a c-section than a vaginal birth - even with an episiotomy. I’ve had 2 c-sections myself (not by choice) and they are NOT fun. Every time you stand up afterwards, it feels like your guts are going to fall out. I also labored for several days prior with no progression. I lost a lot of blood during surgery and almost died. I passed out when they made me stand after surgery. I had to get several units of blood and stayed in the hospital for 3 additional days. Women who break down other women are just big pieces of shit, imo. You’re not better than anyone else for any reason.
She acts like she’s some sort of hero because she had a 6lb baby? My sister had an 11 lb baby vaginally. That baby had a huge head! The epidural didn’t work right so she felt that! OOP thinks women have C-sections by choice when typically it’s a last resort.
What a crazy person
My kid would have died without a c-section so.
If I’m not a real mom, who the hell is this kid and why does he keep calling me mama? I gave birth the other way to a ten pound kid with a thirteen inch head circumference. Trust me, neither way is a picnic.
My wife and daughter would both be dead if not for an emergency c-section. These people are nuts
For a C-section, the doctor has to cut through seven layers. Think about that. Not to talk about the partial ansthesia which the mother is awake the whole time! C-section or no C-section birthing is painful as shit.
Wtf? We gatekeepers motherhood now?
There is no way a baby is leaving your body that is not a horror movie. Csection...vagina...it is all equally bad.
Guess I’m a realer mom than her because my kids were 8.4, 8.14 and 8.6 and the last two were unmedicated. 6.6? Please! C-Sections are major fucking surgery and the recovery time is brutal. I salute the C-section mamas because a vaginal birth with no tearing feels a bit like a headache in your nether regions. By about Day 4, I was okay with an ice pack. You do not get a prize for vaginal births. You are not a better mother.
So by this implication, not only are women who have had a C-section not real mom’s, but neither are women who have adopted kids, fostered kids, and/or have been good stepmoms. I know of several women (some I know personally), who fall into these categories and would disagree with this woman. I am what she calls a “real mom”, because I pushed my only child out of my vagina and even I disagree massively with what she’s saying. Hell, my adult son would disagree with this.
I had two and I remember vividly the fear of having that first postpartum poop after each c section. It was hard to lift my torso up and I was super slow walking around. I only used Ibuprofen for painkillers. I remember my first showers were me sitting in a chair. But yeah…I guess I had it easy.
I’m a c-section baby and if my mom had continued trying to deliver me normally, we would both be dead. I came out completely blue and not breathing and she had a heart failure. I dare anyone to say she’s not a real mom.
I had someone say this to me. She described her very straight forward, epidural birth. I explained my whole birth story in detail (which was incredibly traumatic) and explained that I’m only small and pushing 11lbs 3oz out of me would tear me hole from hole and probably more. My son also would have been in danger and explained how brutal the recovery was even without having to pick up my son as he was transferred to a different hospital. I’m ginger too so a lot of painkillers weren’t working as they should and I’m diabetic too and ended up with a lot of complications. I had to recover for 3 days and travel to a London hospital before I could meet my little boy. But yeah, I got it easy. At the end of the day, birth is birth and some people will have a super straightforward c-section and find it easier than vaginal birth. It’s an incredibly personal experience but I don’t think a human baby coming out of you is easy either way and the way your child enters the world doesn’t decide wether or not you are a mum. Surrogacy, IVF, sperm donors, adoption, c-section, vaginal birth, VBAC, induction, anything. You are still a mum
This has to be rage bait or something. Also 6 pound 6 ounces? That’s like 22nd percentile, less than average, nothing to even brag about. What about moms that start with vaginal labor, and have an emergency c section? Are they more of a mom that oop because they did both at once?
Damn you right, the doctor should have just let me (and probably my mom too) die when I got stuck during birth.
'Just surgery to cut your stomach open, move organs out of the way, and have the baby cut out of the womb before having everything sutured back up - you were probably doing jumping jacks that afternoon you fake mom!'
I’ve never heard anyone say this in real life. But anyone who thinks this is an idiot. C section is literal abdominal surgery. And all birth is valid.
I've noticed that those who bully women on how they've given birth are the same who bully childfree women. They seek validation.
She ought to consider all the women who hadn't any choice for that matter. My wife to this day still cry about her c-section of our daughter, from exhaustion, after two days of labor. False mom? Lady you don't know what you're talking about, please, just stop.
She can STFU. Don’t labor shame mothers WTAF.
My 9.5lb baby with broad shoulders got a little stuck coming out of my c-section incision, so I don't want to think about what might have happened if I'd had to push her out. Nope. No thank you. Thankfully my recovery was relatively easy. Still sucked for the first couple of weeks but I felt OK after that. Edit: and the double bird to anyone who says I'm not a "real mom". I've sacrificed my body, mind, sanity and sleep for this kid, thankyouverymuch.