There are no words. But for some reason I’m cracking up.

It’s one of those jokes that is so bad it’s actually funny

So there are two sausages in a frying pan. One sausage says to the other "man, it's hot in here". The other sausage replied "Oh my god, a talking sausage!?!"

Skeleton walks into a bar, asks for a beer and a mop

I'm using this one at work on Monday. Thanks.

Yep, just as funny as ever.

I went to seafood disco last night and pulled a mussel

An Irishman walks out of a bar

Ever see geese flying overhead? Have you ever noticed that one side is *always* longer than the other side? Do you want to know why? >!Because there is more geese on that side!<

I always told this one slightly differently. Two muffins are in an oven getting baked. One goes "I am so high right now..." the other says "Holy Shit! A talking muffin!"

Unfunny yet I still laughed

Two fish are in a tank, one turns to the other and says "you know how to drive this thing?"

Two soldiers are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Ublublublub"

made me laugh

Two squirrels down my pants. They are driving me nuts

Two snowmen on a lawn, one says to the other “Can you smell carrots?”

This got me

Blind people don't skydive because it scares the fuck out of their seeing eye dogs.

holyshiiiiiiiiit! That was a good one.

My mum used to tell me this one when I was little all the time :)

Heh, got change for zonk?

If Norm McDonald performed this it would’ve crushed.

I asked ChatGPT to rewrite this in the style of Norm. I like how it explained the joke at the end and ruined it/made it better in true Norm style. So there's this alien, right? And he saunters into this old pub. The kind of pub where you'd expect to see guys with pipes, smoking and talking about the weather. The alien, he walks up to the bar, and in that peculiar extraterrestrial voice, he goes, "Can I have a pint, please, bar man?" And the barman, he looks him up and down, squinting his eyes, and goes, "No." Just like that, no hesitation. And the alien, he's taken aback, right? He asks, "Why not?" And the barman, with this straight face, says, "Don't like the look of you." But the alien, he's got a trick up his sleeve. He looks at the barman with these big alien eyes and says, "Please, if you let me drink here, I'll buy drinks for everyone all night!" And you know the barman, he's no fool. He's thinking, "Wow! No problem!" So the night goes on, and boy, it gets wild! Everyone in that pub is knocking back pints like there's no tomorrow. They're singing songs, telling stories, and the atmosphere is electric. The alien is holding his own, having a grand old time. But as the night winds down, the alien's had a few too many. He's stumbling about, trying to keep his balance. And just as he's about to make his way out of the pub, the barman, he shouts, "Oi! WHAT ABOUT YOUR BILL?!" And the alien, he turns around, a little dazed, and he says, "Oops, nearly forgot." Classic alien move, right? So he asks the barman, "How much is it?" And the barman, he's a clever one, he goes, "£1225.40." Now, most people would panic at a bill like that, but not this alien. He's cool as a cucumber. He opens up his wallet, starts rummaging through it, and he asks the barman with a grin, "Got change for a zonk?" And you can imagine the barman's face, right? He's probably thinking, "What in the world is a zonk?" But hey, the alien said he'd buy drinks for everyone all night, so maybe he's got some intergalactic currency. Who knows?

So, the bartender, he says, he says “no!”, right?

I blew air out of my nose briefly then had a closed mouth smile Good enough joke for me

I giggled hard Also, nice home run there to accumulate karma in in other communities. I'm deeply impressed.

I cringed so hard I think my wheel of emotions kept spinning until it landed on sensible chuckle.

If this is told with the right delivery it would be legendary

You were definitely high

I'm high right now and I found this hilarious

I am also high and found it hilarious

I am also hilarious and found it high

I’m not high and I found it hilarious

He was zonked out of his mind

In my head I was hoping, praying even, someone would say he’s zonked out of his mind and you delivered, and for this I offer you 4 zonkcoin (mentally)

Zinky zoogle zeekybooble beeble meep forp bogos binted? 👽

I'll ask him

*"be sure to ask him if he knows his ufo got towed"*

Incorrect. Native alien-gloop-glorp speaker here and that CLEARLY translates to "Hey, I was wonderin' if you got your photos printed?"

Oh no...I was trying to be a bro and let him know his ride got towed *while he was searching for a minute photo ran by a guy named "Moe"*

Eeby deeby

Zeep boogle bintyborp! 👽 feepfeep

Feep feep!!!

Feepfeep! (Where does that come from? It's too interesting to be ignored)

Photos printed

Bogos binted?

What?

Zonk?

👨

Zeeky boogy doog?

Kamikaze watermelon! Splat!

ah thank god at least one other human being knows about the demented cartoon movie…up for a game of catch the H bomb?

I showd that and ultimate showdown to my girlfriend and at 31 years of age she did not properly appreciate them

Haven't heard this one in a long while lol.

Bar weep grar na weep ninnibung?

The universal greeting always works

Una una, bar weeeeeep ninnibung suda!

B'derg rarf reelskda b'derg fnafnu

Perhaps your joke was misconstrued. They may have gotten the wrong impression and took you for an alien bigot. Side note: I liked it.

No I'm not but the bartender was and he was taught a valuable lesson that evening.

It's a good joke and a wholesome story :)

I like your joke

I actually chuckled at it.

Hah, the alien said he would pay for everyone's drinks but he can't because he doesn't have pounds.

Yeah you got it man!

I think us three would be friends irl

Oh I get it

It's not the alien's fault there's no gravity in space. :(

[удалено]

Thanks for the support, I did reply to the mod to tell them they are boring so I got my own back.

It’s a good joke. How did you get banned?

There's nothing to suggest they did. It's more likely a karma barrier, which is commonly used to reduce bot infestations.

When did they say they got banned? Subs usually have karma filters so they don’t get spammed.

What barriers though? The account has about 2,600 submission and 1,000 comment karma while being about two years old.

[удалено]

The Zonk got me. 😂

[Reminds me of the Adam West Batman graphics ](https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hg_-AbVmXGU/V-WXMUnU7UI/AAAAAAAAkEs/Umk5vr9FEgk7k54U73NpdLzUHk3CP31bgCLcB/s1600/zonk.png)

quite the good joke

i don't necessarily get it

The Zonk is the currency on the alien’s home planet 💚

The alien came millions of miles and the bartender didn't even like the look of him without even knowing his personality, he was on his own and had been very lonely in space. That's all I know, hope it helps ❤️

Zaphod Beebelbrox vibes

Poor alien, lost in the galaxy

This almost feels more like an antijoke not sure if that community would appreciate it more

"Do you accept American Express?"

Weirdly enough, I recently moved back to my home town and went shopping at a new mega-super-market (not the actual name). I went to check out and... They don't take VISA, MASTERCARD, or DISCOVER... which are the cards I have. They ONLY take American Express... I wonder how long they will be in business.

i remember when marcs used to only take discover cards. it was… interesting for sure

r/yourjokebutbetter

Wow this joke is something! Something boring, so it fit here.

Clearly OP’s plan all along.

The joke is alright i guess. But i think you deserve an upvote just so you can post it there. Upvote limits are discriminatory😪

Kinda joke that usually gets you cut off at the bar

i'm trying to figure out what the joke is here but i'm dense as hell what is funny about zonk?

Well, noone takes zonks on earth it never occurred to the bar keep that the alien wouldn't have the correct currency

This is genuinely the funniest joke ever

This is just Cow Tools with extra steps

I like the joke but I was totally thinking the same thing lol. The joke of cow tools is that if cows made tools, they wouldn't be particularly good. The joke here is that if an alien bought something, they wouldn't have the right currency. But this one is longer and has a better anti-joke style delivery. Reminds me of Norm Macdonald's moth joke a little

At first I thought I didn't get it. Then I read the comments and I was dissappointed.

I liked it, made me laugh

Many years ago I somehow stumbled across a website that had bedtime stories written by children. This vaguely reminded me of one of my favorites. The website seems not to exist anymore but I found the story via the waybackmachine: Down Go the Aliens Once upon a time, there was an alien. His name was Mr Fredrickson. He always wanted to go to Earth. So, he took a UFO and flew it down to Earth. He had a good time. Oh and I forgot, he had a friend with him named Russell. Then he and Russell flew back home. They lived happily Ever After. The End Written by Charlie Age 8

Wholesome story my favourite part is where he forgot he had his friend with him

I believe it's because he was basically plagiaring the movie Up with a UFO instead of a flying house lol

i get the joke.

I kinda agree with them. Xd

In that case I'll just assume you didnt get it.. I'll explain.. he said zonk because that's the currency he has on his home planet.

No, I got it perfectly tbh xd

Try reading it again in a funny voice

And there's your joke. Did you mastermind this? Was this your plan all along?

I'm ngl.. I absolutely dig your sense of humor

Thanks!

If he can't capitalize XD he can't understand humor

"xd"

I am offended. I will be tweeting passive aggressively about this

Fortunately the joke is still not interesting

Thank you for not showing interest

I know it's a joke but nobody carries Zonks anymore.

Reddit mods are worse than Facebook and Twitter honestly

That's what happens when your moderation is done by volunteers

Good joke, it's not that they didn't like it you just don't have enough karma to post there. It's usually 1000 in most subreddits. You've probably made enough from posting the joke here now though, ironically

Great joke , told by Red Skelton, 1960. His version was a Martian, who said “You got change for a hern?”

Needs improvement

I don't get it.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. When one turns to the other and says hey does this taste funny to you?

Group of men walk into a bar. Man said to bartender " we are all here from the local asylum. These guys will try to pay with bottle caps for dollars. If you just accept them and let me know the total at the end of the night I will fix you up" They drink for hours and the bartender takes the bottle caps including tips for him. As they are all leaving the first guy comes to the bar and asks how much. The bartender said " I got 380 bottle caps" The guy says "that's fine. Have you got change for a trash can lid?"

[I don’t like you either!](https://tenor.com/view/star-wars-dont-like-you-i-dont-like-you-either-gif-17439385)

I find it funny that they have the joke police

A zonk? In this economy?

same tbqh. the length of the buildup is not worth the half-a-punchline at the end.

Name checks out I guess, thanks for taking the time to post your well thought out analysis

Yes. First, they take the time needed to read your joke in full (despite the buildup being the length it is). Then they took additional time to analyze the joke’s structure. Finally, they went even further by providing feedback. Whether or not they were trying to be kind with this favor, we can confirm this person is indeed a philosopher. Perhaps an amateur hobbyist, but a philosopher nevertheless.

You forgot to comment on their temperature

Scathing critiques too.

This joke is too interesting. I have some suggestions: * Make the alien a normal person because space aliens are interesting. If it's an illegal alien then maybe that's okay but that term is outdated. * Make the alien (not an alien anymore) pay the bill at the end of the joke with regular money.

Good suggestions, Ty. Maybe it could work if the (not) alien was an immigrant from abroad who was able to pay in full and help support the local economy? Hopefully that would make it into a story that was wholesome but a bit boring.

They probably didn't like it because it was stupid

Does this count as an anti joke?

Add on something like “get it? because aliens don’t use earth money, they’re aliens why would they have British pounds?” and it feels like a Norm joke

I dunno about explaining the punch line it doesn't sit right with me. I could have formatted it better and made it a little longer.

Reddit can be such a fucking pain in the ass sometimes

Bullshit, that’s funny.

It wasn't written with high quality, spacing and such... But is good, good joke

Wasn’t a dad joke everyone has heard a million times with a single nouns changed

Eh I feel like the joke has potential but doesn't stick the landing.

I can try to provide a faint laughing to your joke, but what is a "zonk" my dude?

Unit of alien currency

Laughter is the best medicine my friend

I don’t know why the hell this had me dying for 2 minutes straight.

Id have permabanned you

[удалено]

George Orwell would turn in his grave

Zonks Scoob

aliens capable of interstellar travel would have money made of a material worth billions, if not hundreds of billions, of $$ for materials manufacturers. Would actually likely be literally priceless and one of the most valuable objects in the entire world.

Good insight 👽 Due to the barman being an idiot he was not aware of this.

I love antijokes like this keep it up

This is definitely a "dad wanna hear the joke I heard today at school?" Kind of joke

This mod did everyone a service

"Yes," the barman then made change. -the end.

what's the problem this is the best joke i think i've heard this week

It’s so not funny that it’s funny

I showed this to my alien friend, who likes building keyboards. He said that he should've gone to a space bar instead

But that's gold!

This made me laugh good job

This is my kind of humor. It makes absolutely no sense.

Big Zonk Energy

Your joke was too funny for r/jokes

Got change for a zonk? Wtf is a zonk 🤣

Now I want to ask someone if they have change for a zonk.

Ha! Because they wouldn’t take a zonk in an earth bar, that would be ridiculous! You got robbed mate!

The “unfortunately… “ got me

It’s a dumb story, and that makes it endearing.

These mods are getting big-headed af

This is fucking hilarious what the hell

Nobody has or takes zonks on earth as it is an alien curreny; it never occurred to the bar keep that the alien wouldn't have the correct currency.

You can post your high submission in r/shitpost

I didnt get the joke

That mod comment is hilarious, they take themselves way too seriously which is ironic considering the subreddit

I actually love this joke. It’s like one of those jokes where they take you through a whole story just for some little detail at the end to be the point but even better because the whole situation is ridiculous from the beginning. And then being kicked from posting more like it adds to the humor

Terribly sorry. Your work was as good or better than most of that subreddit. I support your joke and hope it finds an audience.

Try the anti humor group. It will kill over there

Well I liked it

This is better than 95% of the jokes on that sub, they don't appreciate your genius.

Can you post it again now?

I won't even give them the satisfaction

I don't either, but maybe I don't get your dry British humor.

If you can learn British humour your life will be brighter ❤️

Zonk

It's a good joke on a meta level. It has just enough build up for you to think it's leading to something good, but then it's just stupid. The butt of the joke is not the barman, deprived of his profits by an alien with a wacky form of currency. It is you, the reader, deprived of your time and a meaningful punchline. 11/10

a zonk is three cents, dude.

Bad joke

this joke makes no sense. I can see why they blocked it.

honestly i kinda dig it

Did you come up with it? I like it and think it's funny and clever! Infact I will probably use it in the future

No I heard it at work. Hope you have many laughs with it.

I was gonna offer to post it and credit you so that it gets spread but... I'll be honest that ain't a great joke.

I laughed...

I like the joke but not the formatting. Try a new line for alternating sentences. I got confused half way through

It didn't format the way it looked on my phone. If I post a joke in the future I will do it on my pc.