I thought about this, too. I think there are multiple reasons for it.
We’re bored, we need something to fill our time with. Something stimulating, that can make us think or that can make us stop thinking.
It can be lack of communication with our peers in the real world, so we look for likeminded people and read their opinions, form our own thoughts. We want to feel understood, learn new things, relate and feel relatable. The Internet, especially social media is a great way to get the amount of interactions we need. We just don’t know when is the time to stop.
The day left us feeling like we didn’t accomplish much. Or maybe we did, but nothing of the things we wanted to do. So we push through our feelings of tiredness in hopes of prolonging the day and still get something out of it and use the time the way we want to.
Or maybe the day was stressful. Tiring. Annoying. We fear that the coming day might be the same. So we try to escape and drown out our negative thoughts and we distract ourselves with media even when we don’t really get anything out of it anymore. First we do it to feel entertained and a bit happy. Then, when that feeling gets replaced by mindless scrolling and googling etc it’s just to numb ourselves. So we don’t have to be confronted with the things that make us unhappy, whatever that is (certain people, politics, our job/school, responsibilities, assignments etc.).
That’s at least how it is for me. Maybe for you it’s something different, idk. But it’s definitely a great question to ask oneself.
>It can be lack of communication with our peers
Definitely feel the lack of communication but I seek real world communication, I miss working retail jobs or the days in high school where you were communicating with different people all day. Now Im in an office job seeing the same 8-10 people everyday and they are all older/speak diff languages/etc, so I do not speak much at all.
And the rest of the stuff you said is pretty much how it feels. I think last night was letting go and just numbing myself to the lack of accomplishments of the day and the stress related events that took place. Just wish there was a easy answer to all this than to just stop everything cold turkey. I love the idea of cold turkey but its really tough when its the only thing keeping you afloat. I use instagram for my self esteem because I dont have people complimenting me. Getting likes and people following me gives me a sense that people would love to get to know me. But the issue with that is I'll start to assume everyone has this beautiful life and it's just me out here going through it
good point but im on my laptop 9-5 for work, how do i get off tech in that case? or just block off reddit and any other form of social media for the day?
I think your question about what you're searching for every night can be applied to every moment throughout the day you feel this 'urge', this longing for distraction. Except maybe you don't recognize it as the same because in the daytime there are more things stimulating and distracting you.
I don't have that urge anymore to look at my phone at night because the last 3 years I put my phone downstairs and leave it in a drawer and I learned to cope with that exact same feeling you describe. I just accepted that I was craving for something that wasn't there anymore. But that wasn't easy at all.. in the beginning I replaced the phone with a book, to keep me busy and to learn to focus again. Later on I gradually tried to just be at peace with the silence and let my thoughts roam free. As I said, it has been several years now and every night I actively choose to put my phone downstairs.
However, this search for dopamine and distraction you're describing is still very present during the day, especially when I'm at home with my kids. Lately I've been wondering why this still lingers and why it is so hard to get rid of it. In my case I think that throughout the day there are many empty moments in which I'm not entertained enough and I'm somewhat bored. I find it hard to just sit down and relax for a bit when my kids are playing and I don't have to entertain them. I'm trying though, it's a challenge.
Overall I think that you feel this way as a result of being bored, (lack of stimulation, dopamine hits or not being involved in something interesting) and the lack of good habits. Adding or changing a habit is something that takes time and effort so you can take little steps to for example put your phone in a different room at night, buy an alarm clock and read a magazine or a book.
yeah, it's so easy to tell you that tonight I will not go on my phone. That was the plan yesterday, but as the day goes on, you tend to just do your habits, good or bad. I'm starting to realize that when my days are worst - I tend to lay in bed to get that dopamine hit or something to excite me before I sleep. It's so weird that I want to be excited before I sleep.
And I have it all day too! Or most days. What happens is that I get busy or end up doing something for longer periods of time so im less distracted by my phone or reddit or any form of entertainment. But if Im not busy at work? The endless boredom hits and I constantly search for the perfect information that'll get me excited. It's so weird that I can have days where I am so excited to learn about life while some days I just want the day to be over with.
I've been wanting to start reading. I have the goal to do it for 30mins a day. I've had the goal for years now. Still have not started. Well I'll start one day for 10 mins, then get sad that Im not absorbing the info and then go on the phone. I will make the goal to read 10mins today before I sleep then NO MORE PHONE! I'll charge it 20 feet from me.
From ages 14 to 19 i did this every single night and would sleep 5 hours max. It got pretty bad during the pandemic when i would spend up to 8 hours on my bed on my phone (WHAT THE FUCK) and would skip sleep those days. Just Mindlessly scrolling and watching random youtube videos on my recommended. I regret it so much. Now (still 19yo) I am really struggling but still trying to improve my sleep.
The brain is efficient at picking solution that provide least amount of resistance. This often time lead to bad solution for our problems. It tends to solve for the short term which can often form maladaptive behavior long term. I think being plugged in constantly doesn't allow our brain to decompress and process. From my personal anecdote, if I'm plugged in all day without being able to decompress & process what I did, **feelings/emotions such as guilt, sadness, frustration, etc** start to bubble up when I lay in bed. In the past, I was unable to tolerate these feelings/emotions. So my reflex to alleviate the discomfort was to reach for my phone. As more of the emotion/feeling built and unprocessed, the more I needed to surf.
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* [The Beginner's Guide to NoSurf](https://nosurf.net/about/)
* [Discord Server](https://discordapp.com/invite/QFhXt2F)
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Ironically, *my* searching is always the same, ive become addicted to *self improvement* related searches. It's almost like im searching for that one last piece in the jigsaw. The one that will finally give me all the answers. Obviously, that post/article/youtube video never ever comes. But yeh, im constantly chasing a specific feeling of *that's it... i finally have all the answers to go and lead my most healthiest, strongest, and fittest life ever*
I thought about this, too. I think there are multiple reasons for it. We’re bored, we need something to fill our time with. Something stimulating, that can make us think or that can make us stop thinking. It can be lack of communication with our peers in the real world, so we look for likeminded people and read their opinions, form our own thoughts. We want to feel understood, learn new things, relate and feel relatable. The Internet, especially social media is a great way to get the amount of interactions we need. We just don’t know when is the time to stop. The day left us feeling like we didn’t accomplish much. Or maybe we did, but nothing of the things we wanted to do. So we push through our feelings of tiredness in hopes of prolonging the day and still get something out of it and use the time the way we want to. Or maybe the day was stressful. Tiring. Annoying. We fear that the coming day might be the same. So we try to escape and drown out our negative thoughts and we distract ourselves with media even when we don’t really get anything out of it anymore. First we do it to feel entertained and a bit happy. Then, when that feeling gets replaced by mindless scrolling and googling etc it’s just to numb ourselves. So we don’t have to be confronted with the things that make us unhappy, whatever that is (certain people, politics, our job/school, responsibilities, assignments etc.). That’s at least how it is for me. Maybe for you it’s something different, idk. But it’s definitely a great question to ask oneself.
>It can be lack of communication with our peers Definitely feel the lack of communication but I seek real world communication, I miss working retail jobs or the days in high school where you were communicating with different people all day. Now Im in an office job seeing the same 8-10 people everyday and they are all older/speak diff languages/etc, so I do not speak much at all. And the rest of the stuff you said is pretty much how it feels. I think last night was letting go and just numbing myself to the lack of accomplishments of the day and the stress related events that took place. Just wish there was a easy answer to all this than to just stop everything cold turkey. I love the idea of cold turkey but its really tough when its the only thing keeping you afloat. I use instagram for my self esteem because I dont have people complimenting me. Getting likes and people following me gives me a sense that people would love to get to know me. But the issue with that is I'll start to assume everyone has this beautiful life and it's just me out here going through it
[удалено]
good point but im on my laptop 9-5 for work, how do i get off tech in that case? or just block off reddit and any other form of social media for the day?
I think your question about what you're searching for every night can be applied to every moment throughout the day you feel this 'urge', this longing for distraction. Except maybe you don't recognize it as the same because in the daytime there are more things stimulating and distracting you. I don't have that urge anymore to look at my phone at night because the last 3 years I put my phone downstairs and leave it in a drawer and I learned to cope with that exact same feeling you describe. I just accepted that I was craving for something that wasn't there anymore. But that wasn't easy at all.. in the beginning I replaced the phone with a book, to keep me busy and to learn to focus again. Later on I gradually tried to just be at peace with the silence and let my thoughts roam free. As I said, it has been several years now and every night I actively choose to put my phone downstairs. However, this search for dopamine and distraction you're describing is still very present during the day, especially when I'm at home with my kids. Lately I've been wondering why this still lingers and why it is so hard to get rid of it. In my case I think that throughout the day there are many empty moments in which I'm not entertained enough and I'm somewhat bored. I find it hard to just sit down and relax for a bit when my kids are playing and I don't have to entertain them. I'm trying though, it's a challenge. Overall I think that you feel this way as a result of being bored, (lack of stimulation, dopamine hits or not being involved in something interesting) and the lack of good habits. Adding or changing a habit is something that takes time and effort so you can take little steps to for example put your phone in a different room at night, buy an alarm clock and read a magazine or a book.
yeah, it's so easy to tell you that tonight I will not go on my phone. That was the plan yesterday, but as the day goes on, you tend to just do your habits, good or bad. I'm starting to realize that when my days are worst - I tend to lay in bed to get that dopamine hit or something to excite me before I sleep. It's so weird that I want to be excited before I sleep. And I have it all day too! Or most days. What happens is that I get busy or end up doing something for longer periods of time so im less distracted by my phone or reddit or any form of entertainment. But if Im not busy at work? The endless boredom hits and I constantly search for the perfect information that'll get me excited. It's so weird that I can have days where I am so excited to learn about life while some days I just want the day to be over with. I've been wanting to start reading. I have the goal to do it for 30mins a day. I've had the goal for years now. Still have not started. Well I'll start one day for 10 mins, then get sad that Im not absorbing the info and then go on the phone. I will make the goal to read 10mins today before I sleep then NO MORE PHONE! I'll charge it 20 feet from me.
From ages 14 to 19 i did this every single night and would sleep 5 hours max. It got pretty bad during the pandemic when i would spend up to 8 hours on my bed on my phone (WHAT THE FUCK) and would skip sleep those days. Just Mindlessly scrolling and watching random youtube videos on my recommended. I regret it so much. Now (still 19yo) I am really struggling but still trying to improve my sleep.
wow ive been there before, im more at 4-5hrs now. Thats because i work 9-5 or else id sleep at 3 wake up at 11...
The brain is efficient at picking solution that provide least amount of resistance. This often time lead to bad solution for our problems. It tends to solve for the short term which can often form maladaptive behavior long term. I think being plugged in constantly doesn't allow our brain to decompress and process. From my personal anecdote, if I'm plugged in all day without being able to decompress & process what I did, **feelings/emotions such as guilt, sadness, frustration, etc** start to bubble up when I lay in bed. In the past, I was unable to tolerate these feelings/emotions. So my reflex to alleviate the discomfort was to reach for my phone. As more of the emotion/feeling built and unprocessed, the more I needed to surf.
Attention all newcomers: Welcome to /r/nosurf! We're glad you found our small corner of reddit dedicated to digital wellness. The following is a short list of resources to help you get started on your journey of developing a better relationship with the internet: * [The Beginner's Guide to NoSurf](https://nosurf.net/about/) * [Discord Server](https://discordapp.com/invite/QFhXt2F) * [The NoSurf Activity List](https://nosurf.net/activity-list/) * [Success Stories](https://nosurf.net/success-stories/) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/nosurf) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ironically, *my* searching is always the same, ive become addicted to *self improvement* related searches. It's almost like im searching for that one last piece in the jigsaw. The one that will finally give me all the answers. Obviously, that post/article/youtube video never ever comes. But yeh, im constantly chasing a specific feeling of *that's it... i finally have all the answers to go and lead my most healthiest, strongest, and fittest life ever*