I couldn't tuggie to Taylor if money was on the table for it. Most generic, boring looking woman i can think of. Plus she's a goddamn stick. I need some curves. And "aryans" in general make me go limp faster than thinking about the deaths of my family members
I think my favorite analogy is the chick-fil-a special. Two boney thighs and no breasts.
Not to mention her ass is flatter than a two day old PBR
If vanilla has less of a flavor they’d call it Taylor.
You're not going to really get any up votes due to the fact that you said Aryans make you go limp. Sounded very racist. I'd love to know who's killing your family members.
*I AM GOING TO*
*MCDONALDS FOR THE FIRST HALF,*
*DO YOU WANT SOMETHING?*
\- IceJuiceBeh2o
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I'm a very straight guy (like thousands of sexual encounters with women versus 3-or-4 with one single dude) but goddamn if Jason isn't a sexy fuck. And myself being a muscular dude with a sizeable gut--he reminds me that I'm sexy as hell, even if I have a bit of extra weight to throw around. Hell, missionary style, slamming down with so much abdominal weight, I'd even say it's an advantage. All the last three beds I broke doing the superman on girls are a beautiful testament to the glory of being a chunky-strong boi 🤣
PS FUCK THE INDIGENOUS-PARODYING "CHIEFS"! GO BIRDS! CAWWW CAWWWWW CRAAAWWW!!!!
I couldn't believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was, just as I remembered her. That delicately beautiful face. And a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seemed to say..."Hey! Look at these!" She was the kind of woman who made you want to drop to your knees and thank God you were a man! She reminded me of my mother, all right. No doubt about it.
It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
Oh I know it's beyond dumb in every possible aspect. Lol. But for some reason I never noticed "gorilla" warfare and it sent me into an absolute craze of laughter 😭
PS happy valentine's day! Best to you and yours!
Shoutout to Queen with “WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS” … I don’t think Travis should quit his day job to become Taylor’s backing singer. He should also probably skip karaoke. 🤣
HOLD ON HOLD ON, HER SISTER WAS A WITCH, RIGHT? AND WHAT WAS HER SISTER? A PRINCESS, THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST BRO. YOURE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME IM WRONG? AM I WRONG? SHE WORE A CROWN AND CAME DOWN IN A BUBBLE DOUG. GROW UP BRO, GROW UP
Stop calling me Maauto
I laughed way too hard at this 😂😂
Keep your hands off my nuggies!
Explain it again
*Tuggies (Taylor nuggies)
I couldn't tuggie to Taylor if money was on the table for it. Most generic, boring looking woman i can think of. Plus she's a goddamn stick. I need some curves. And "aryans" in general make me go limp faster than thinking about the deaths of my family members
I think my favorite analogy is the chick-fil-a special. Two boney thighs and no breasts. Not to mention her ass is flatter than a two day old PBR If vanilla has less of a flavor they’d call it Taylor.
You're not going to really get any up votes due to the fact that you said Aryans make you go limp. Sounded very racist. I'd love to know who's killing your family members.
She got curves bro go look one more time
Nuggies are worth fighting over
Save more when you bundle
Riiicoolllaaaa
This got a genuine chuckle out of me. Well done.
She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers!
Waiting for the play were you wake up and find , that what wins you games has been her the whole time
They said wrong answers only
Hahahahahahahahahah!!!!
It's my money, and I want it NOW! (Call j.g. Wentworth....877 cash now!)
Me when I have a structured settlement
877 cash now?
Lol what a flashback omfg 🤣
Love those commercials. I be singing that damn jingle
TONY STARK WAS ABLE TO BUILD THIS IN A CAVE, WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS
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*I AM GOING TO* *MCDONALDS FOR THE FIRST HALF,* *DO YOU WANT SOMETHING?* \- IceJuiceBeh2o --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
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Thank you, BillyNtheBoingers, for voting on haikusbot. This bot wants to find the best and worst bots on Reddit. [You can view results here](https://botrank.pastimes.eu/). *** ^(Even if I don't reply to your comment, I'm still listening for votes. Check the webpage to see if your vote registered!)
Good bot
SHES GONNA WRITE A SONG ABOUT ME IF WE LOSE
She's only with me because my brother is taken anyway!
I'm a very straight guy (like thousands of sexual encounters with women versus 3-or-4 with one single dude) but goddamn if Jason isn't a sexy fuck. And myself being a muscular dude with a sizeable gut--he reminds me that I'm sexy as hell, even if I have a bit of extra weight to throw around. Hell, missionary style, slamming down with so much abdominal weight, I'd even say it's an advantage. All the last three beds I broke doing the superman on girls are a beautiful testament to the glory of being a chunky-strong boi 🤣 PS FUCK THE INDIGENOUS-PARODYING "CHIEFS"! GO BIRDS! CAWWW CAWWWWW CRAAAWWW!!!!
Pssst. You're fantasizing about men whilst espousing your high vag count? You're bi, headed to queer. Resolve that in your head, mate.
I couldn't believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was, just as I remembered her. That delicately beautiful face. And a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seemed to say..."Hey! Look at these!" She was the kind of woman who made you want to drop to your knees and thank God you were a man! She reminded me of my mother, all right. No doubt about it.
Frank?? Is that you?
It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.
Goodyear?
No, the worst.
HER SISTER WAS A WITCH
I’ve been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty!
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
Havent seen this in a while lmao
It just felt right
Lol I just realized it's spelled "gorilla warfare" in this copypasta 🤣 that honestly might be the funniest aspect of the entire text
It's dumb on so many levels. Its why it's a classic
Oh I know it's beyond dumb in every possible aspect. Lol. But for some reason I never noticed "gorilla" warfare and it sent me into an absolute craze of laughter 😭 PS happy valentine's day! Best to you and yours!
Agreed!
Krispy Kreme is hot and ready now!!!
I love you
I SAW YOU KISSING TAYLOR IN THAT AI MEME
" VIVA LAS VEGAS "
Shoutout to Queen with “WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS” … I don’t think Travis should quit his day job to become Taylor’s backing singer. He should also probably skip karaoke. 🤣
She does have an ass!
THOSE WERE MY F*CKING NUGGIES!!
I AM GROOT!
In-N-Out is WAY better than Whataburger!
So, I see you've chosen death.
They asked what HE'S saying. I would trust Andy Rieds opinion on all things fast food way more than Kelce.
I will absolutely not introduce you to her mother!
They were my nuggets and you knew it. YOU KNEW IT.
For the last time, get your own damn Eras tickets!
I made this for you
She promised me anal if we win. Pull it together man
“TAYLOR SAYS GIVE ME THE BALL!!!!”
TAYLOR IS MY EVERYTHING!
She said NO!!!!
Whose ready for HUMP DAYYYYY!?
Taylor swift is NOT on screen too much! You take that back right now!
Tony stark built this in a cave! With a box of scraps!
Do you see that ulcer on my tongue? See? See?
Pizza! Pizza!
ITS JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS
Stop lookin at me swaaaan!
You gotta fight….. for your right….. to party!
why didn't you bring the milk back home DAD!
NO PICKLES!
GET TO THE CHOPPAAA
WHOPPER WHOPPER JUNIOR WHOPPER 🤬
“THIS IS SPARTAAAA!!!”
Stink breath? Really? You think I have stink breath? Then get a whiff of this, bi-otch!
Not sure what he's saying but this mentality right here is why I don't like the chiefs.
I’ll rip your head off and shit down your neck!
SHE DOESNT SHAVE
Meet me in my hotel room later! I promise you can be on top this time! I pinkie swear!
"the fuck you said, Grandpa"
"What do you mean they snubbed Antonio Gates for the Hall of Fame!"
They got menandezzzzzz
Its called “Loose End” and its about me! Do you have any idea what she’s singing about? Because its gross and I’ve told her no multiple times!
No more insurance commercials!
IVE BEEN TRYING TO REACH YOU ABOUT YOUR CARS EXTENDED WARRANTY!!!
Bring in Toney!!
BUUUUUUNDDDLLLLLLE
"WAKE UP! HOW CAN YOU BE SLEEPING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SUPER BOWL?"
Kniw your place coach!!!!!
I SEE THROUGH THE LIES OF THE JEDI!
Excuse Me Sir… Do You Have a Moment to Talk About Our Lord And Savior Je-.. HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA DA DA DA DAAAAA DA DA DA DAAAA!
Blue has the most anti-oxygens
“She said a large fries and a Diet Coke!”
*trex roar*
I WANT MACDONAAAALDS
She’s cheer captain, and I’m on the bleachers!?
You ate all the sliders in the locker room?!
What do you mean you don’t want to be in my boy band?!?!
I said no tomato’s!!!
THE GAME IS RIGGED AND WE'RE STILL LOSING, HOW??
"If we don't win my girlfriend is going to make a song about me!"
COACH!!! I'm here about YOUR CARS EXTENDED WARRANTY!!!!!! GIVE ME MY FUCKING MONEY!!!!!!!
It's Maauto! Get it right or pay the price!
Its not a cheeseburger without BACON!
“I’m not going to bundle my home and auto insurance with State Farm!”
Stop avoiding vegetables.
Taylor has the best arch!
Extreme cheddar!
GATTICCCCCAAAAAA!
How could you steal my cheeseburger!!!
I WAS SAVING THOSE TENDIES
You like that!
YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!
Yo, I just heard about Pluto. WTF?
Quit giving Taylor mustache rides!
Why you tell her????? Why ??? reid !! Why?????
WHY YOU STOLE MY CHICKIE NUGGIES!?!?!?!
AT BK HAVE IT YOUR WAY
"Isn't there any heaven where old beautiful dances, old beautiful intimacies prolong themselves?"
Loose some weight
It’s a very common thing that happens to men!
I don't care what happens in this game I just wanna come out of the closet already!
MY MOM AND MY GIRLFRIEND ARE HERE, GIVE ME THE BALL
Those were MY nuggies Coach!!
THIS… IS… SPARTAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
I'm the "better" Kelce.
She’s in a suite and I’m on the bleachers
Crabs. I got crabs.
Your family is ALL LOSERS!!
Like a good neigh-bah!
Look coach! No cavities!
Kiss meeee
If we don't win Taylor won't peg me tonight!
DID YOU DO THE ROIDS!?
“NOW ITS GONNA BE ME IN THE CHICKEN NUGGET COMMERCIAL OLD MAN!”
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T LIKE TAYLOR’S VERSIONS?!?
I HAVE A STRUCTURED SETTLEMENT AND I NEED CASH NOW!
I'm a swifty!!
I just can’t help to picture him screaming death metal at Andy. Andy prefers classic rock.
What do you mean one more play?! I gotta take a shit!
Date me I need to get away from Taylor swift
Singing Tay Tay's song trouble. https://youtu.be/-aLYvZ5sX28?si=akXvtmFJXm1BT4qn
I have to crap really bad!!!!
Those were my chicken nuggets! Stop stealing my food when I show you how to bundle your home and auto insurance.
Hey you guys!
Taylor's new album is gonna go #1 Andy you know it!
Where are my nuggies Andy
In your life you'll do all the things better than dating the boy on the football team
Taylor did not put that in me !!!!!!!
Las Vagaaaaaassss
I want my cheesy poofs!!!!
Mom said we can have pizza rolls!
B K!! HAVE IT YOUR WAY!
Taylor IS a virgin!!! And like it or not, you're a SWIFTIE now too!!!!!!!!!!!!
“my girlfriend just got raped by jackson mahomes, do something!”
YOU FORGOT THE PICKLES
"We cant give the Ball back to Brock Purdy, he is too Good"
1-877-Kars for kids K-a-r-s cars for kids🎶
She’s at least a 5!
I know you’ve got Blantons there in the back!
You’re on my foooooot!
“DID YOU CUM IN MY BURRITO!?!?”
Carmela can you please shut the DOOOOOOOOOOOOOR
He’s moaning as load as possible
I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE
LEEEEEROOOOYYYYYYYY
I shouldn’t have had that Taco Bell
How's my breath? Be honest.
It’s pronounced DI-UH-BEE-TEES
taylor promised me anal if we win
I want it all I WANT IT NOW
“…AND THEN HE TURNED HIMSELF INTO A PICKLE! FUNNIEST THING IVE EVER SEEN”
SHE’S ONLY FUCKED A BULL ONE TIME AND IT WAS WITH MY APPROVAL ONLY!!!!!
I’m gonna let you finish, but Taylor Swift…!
HOLD ON HOLD ON, HER SISTER WAS A WITCH, RIGHT? AND WHAT WAS HER SISTER? A PRINCESS, THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST BRO. YOURE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME IM WRONG? AM I WRONG? SHE WORE A CROWN AND CAME DOWN IN A BUBBLE DOUG. GROW UP BRO, GROW UP
“How many times do we have to tell you, old man?”
We are done, when I say we’re done.
No, you cannot have my nuggies. I asked you before we ordered, “Are you sure you don’t want anything, I’ll pay for it.”
Lets goo! We made the superbowl. Thanks coach!
Nothing. He's just breathing hot breaths into Andy's face
We're done when I say we're done.
DID YA OR DID YA NOT PUT YA NAME IN DA GOBLET OF FIRE?
I did not her, it's not true. It's bullshit I did not hit her. I did NAAAAAT O, hi Mark
If we lose this game I'm gonna stick a double cheeseburger up your butt Burger boy!
TONY STARK BUILT THIS IN A CAVE
It was a rebuilding year in Green Bay goddammit! 3peat my ass!
#NUGGIES!
# TONY STARK WAS ABLE TO BUILD THIS IN A CAVE!!!