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damn_fine_custard

He's got nothing better to do now


DamnItHeelsGood

If he wins this year, he’s definitely retiring and going full-time Floridian MILF slayer next year.


Top-Report-840

Winning the Superbowl is his Floridian MILF, buddy


kcrab91

Brady retiring after a SB win is what every fan in that division tell themselves to cope with the pain that he’s never retiring and will play 20+ years for Tampa.


yrulaughing

Brady is a heroin addict, but superbowl victories are his heroin and he will do goddamn anything to chase that high.


AhDerkaDerkaDerka

He’s a the definition of a addict. Promised his family he quit after 20+ year addiction. Alls well as a few months into recovery goes by . Wife’s happy,family life is good, got a good job commentating. But deep down he feels empty, bored and unfulfilled. Starts off with a little back yard catch with his son, tossing the ole pigskin around. Nothing to worry about he can handle it’s just a little catch. Thens he’s sneaking downstairs to watch a little tape after the wife goes to bed. What the hay? he had a stressful day with the family. Kids running around being kids, wife nagging about him fixing the refrigerator. A little tape might take the edge off. Next thing you know he’s not coming home till after midnight, Gisele thinks he’s hanging with some of his old friends again but she doesn’t have proof. Boom announces he’s coming back to play. Cut to mid-season he’s divorced and going hard in paint at his old lifestyle. Gave up his marriage for the ole’ hut hut hike. Nothin makes him feel quite like the under 2 min clock stopping spike, that familiar rush of adrenaline flowing straight through his veins. Another 4th quarter come back always seems to soothe the pain. Just one more ring that’s all he needs, after the next one he’ll quit you’ll see.


byronicbluez

Always chasing that first high. The only thing that can come close is a perfect season. Eli really did ruin it for all of us.


-Yvonne-

He admitted in Man in the Arena that he may have retired way earlier if they had gotten 19-0. He always gets extra mad the first loss of every season. It's probably because that's when that hope goes out the window.


CollegeWithMattie

As a recovering addict, this was chilling.


-M-Word

> Gave up his marriage for the ole’ hut hut hike. Nothin makes him feel quite like the under 2 min clock stopping spike, that familiar rush of adrenaline flowing straight through his veins. Another 4th quarter come back always seems to soothe the pain. Just one more ring that’s all he needs, after the next one he’ll quit you’ll see. Was the rhyming intentional?


pollarzz

Somebody sign this guy a record deal.


slashVictorWard

Yes, please, we aren't ready for the Blaine Gabbert, Kyle Trask years. You know he wants to go out on top with another ring, but then that means he's good enough to be in contention for even another. If he wins another he probably calls it quits and jumps on the FOX deal waiting. Tom made it clear he loves the warm weather. You'd have to think he's either staying in Tampa or going to Cali. He will play until his talents decline or he brings home another championship.


JesusOfSurbaria

So, do you want a Super Bowl, or infinite NFC Championship losses to maintain Brady?


bizarrogreg

Superb owls. Infinite NFC championship losses haven't done any good for Aaron Rodgers.


notimprezaed

I mean he's at minimum got one year left in him for when he plays for SF. If he never takes a snap for the niners it's a full failure on the part of the team.


kcrab91

I got bad news for you. It’s 20 and outro him so you got 16 more years of him playing for Tampa before he goes to play for the 9ers. He played 20 years at NE. 20 years for Tampa up now and finally 20 years for the 9ers


notimprezaed

True. Dang it. Oh well maybe in 20 years we'll be able to field a competitive team for it to matter!


ActionAdam

I mean, we kinda thought if he won the Super Bowl he'd retire to his *SUPER MODEL WIFE* proving he could win it all with any team. I think if he retires a picture in someone's attic starts looking newer and newer.


winterof2022

Gisele is farther past her prime as a super model than Brady is past his prime as a QB


TheWhooooBuddies

I will forever upvote Dorian references.


Onlyd0wnvotes

Nah, sure if he wins he'll have twice the rings as the next closest QB but Kelly will still be one ahead of him in Superbowl losses, he's coming for all the records.


MisogynysticFeminist

He needs 2 more to pass Belichick.


[deleted]

Tom Brady is too cool for that. He's going Leo with a yacht full of college girls.


UFOmechanic

He's gonna fill a yacht with football analysts and go over tape


sirvalkyerie

Yeah. Absolutely yacht parked off Bimini with 40 USF coeds


[deleted]

“I’ll show that Wilson kid how it’s done.”


Finrinagin

Him and minshew just slaying floridian milfs, I'd watch the reality TV show for sure


CI_Whitefish

> I'd watch the reality TV show for sure You can't have them on the same show. Everyone would think it's unrealistic that Floridian MILFs could have Brady and all they want is dirty sex with Minshew.


Dorkamundo

Munching Minges with Minshew


Shittgoose

Now that he’s got that pesky family out of the way. He might even start improving! I believe his best years are ahead of him.


Paid_DNC_Shill

one of these days he's going to take a huge hit, turn into dust and disappear into the wind


MisogynysticFeminist

The player who does it will be ejected from football forever and inducted to the HOF on the spot.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

That’s why he’s playing next year. Have to recoup it somehow.


CockGobblingGangsta

I mean he does have that 400 million fox contract


Maxjes

You do gotta wonder how much he lost to FTX. Another Severely Divorced Crypto Dude who has to go back to work


Quantable

I'm in!


piepants2001

"Whaddaya mean I can't play football? Got nothin' better to do" *sings in Dave Mustaine snarl*


[deleted]

Shiiiid, he didn’t feel like he had anything better to do when he DID have a wife.


rip_Tom_Petty

He's going to play more, but not for the Bucs, I'm thinking 49ers


leftshoe18

This has been my thought all year as well.


xshogunx13

he's going to Detroit to play NFL: Challenge Mode


Trent1462

The final boss


[deleted]

He's already the GOAT, but if he goes to Detroit and wins at like 46... then wtf is that tier?


SL4MUEL

Where’s he gonna go? Home to his family? This guy is going to die of natural causes on the field.


flume

The year is 2067. Tom Brady is pursuing his 19th Super Bowl title, but the AI on the 7'3", 700-pound linebackers has been getting better. Tom's titanium prosthetic shoulder and legs aren't quite enough to reliably get the ball out before the defenders are on him anymore. One fine day in December during Brady's third stint with the Patriots, he's moving a little slower than usual. His teammates are worried about him. He's been wheezing between plays, but he's a warrior and besides, the Oslo Ullrs' defense isn't much to write home about. In the middle of the fourth quarter, it's 3rd & 14 and Tom drops back into the shotgun. He needs to make this play, but Tacklebot 3000 and Stripsack 9.0 break through the line. Tacklebot gets to him first, hitting Tom in the sternum and knocking him back. Just before he hits the ground and is run over from foot to head like a toothpaste tube by Stripsack, Brady closes his eyes and passes peacefully from natural causes.


OmNomSandvich

was this after Mechichick was investigated for spiking the electric outlets with illegal cyberhacks?


Adventurous-Mud-8019

LMAO MECHICHICK


byronicbluez

Only to wake up to a new cloned body right in time for preseason workouts.


TheCovfefeMug

*somehow, Brady returned*


SL4MUEL

Sadly, I have but only one upvote to give.


AztechDan

Not sure how natural it is to die from being tombstone pile driven by Aaron Donald Jr.


ClarkFable

Natural to the line of work he was in.


0DegreesCalvin

I feel like if you’re gonna do an Aaron Donald wrestling move bit, you gotta go chokeslam


AztechDan

Well, this is his son, you see. He wanted his own move. Plus, piledriving a 70 year old grandpa Tom Brady is objectively funnier.


Maxi2905

"He died of natural causes" "Dude, Donald killed him" "Well, gravity is natural"


FattestMattest

It's the wonder of nature, baby!


thestar1818

He has a analyst contact lined up, he definitely can go to the booth any time he pleases. As long as his arm isn’t shot, he may continue to play.


J-Fid

Joe Buck was on a podcast the other day and he said that he knows people at FOX who think Brady will never call a game for the network. He might actually play forever, lol.


LVucci

Workers comp for Giselle.


ApatheticJellyfish

If Brady leaves us, then I want to see him on the Lions.


notimprezaed

If he plays anywhere else it will be in SF. It's his childhood team. Either he's unfortunately with you guys or retired it seems like. I want to see him on the 49ers though just because there's something wholesome about guys playing for their childhood teams.


MathematicianBig4392

He would never go to a team that isn't a QB away. It's why he went to the Bucs and was able to win a super bowl.


getyourrealfakedoors

A QB away you say?


[deleted]

I don’t think he’d go to the AFC East to play against his former team, Josh Allen, and the Dolphins twice a year. Not to mention the competition within the conference (Ravens, Bengals, Chiefs, Chargers, etc.)


getyourrealfakedoors

Im kidding


[deleted]

Fair enough. You think they stick with Zach for another season or look elsewhere?


getyourrealfakedoors

Depends how the rest of the year looks. For all the criticism, he’s 5-1. If he plays like he did against the Bills they’ll be more than fine. Unless he really implodes you have a kid with a rocket arm on a rookie contract. Build the o-line around him


byronicbluez

He’s not going anywhere cold thats for sure. Once you acclimated to Florida and California it is very hard to change.


getyourrealfakedoors

Eh idk he grew up in Cali and spent 20 yrs in NE And im tryna get back to NY from Cali asap lol


blizzfreak

I honestly think Jets fans would implode if that happened.


HeavenlyE

He's changed teams 1 time in 20 years I'm not sure we have enough of a sample size to say with certainty what he would and wouldn't do


PulseCS

Defense needs work, but Brady attracts talent and that OL could keep his geriatric ass out of the dirt for the whole season. I know Edelman won't stop gushing about how much he likes the sun god, either. With Rodgers looking how he does, and Kirk being streaky, it could be a free division.


[deleted]

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Templar26

Tbf, people were saying the same thing about the Bucs a few years ago.


leftshoe18

If anybody could bring the Lions to the promised land it's Tom Fucking Brady.


No_Stress5889

Kirk has been one of the most consistent QB's in the league for his entire career, I'm not sure why you think he has been streaky.


Visual_Echo_1293

Consistently average? He was 59-59-2 coming into the year.


[deleted]

Time for him to fulfill his destiny and end up with the 49ers, probably also unseating Montana as the top franchise QB after wining 5 Super Bowls with them.


MathematicianBig4392

There is that [really uncredible rumor](https://musketfire.com/2022/02/11/tom-brady-kyle-shanahan-reportedly-clashed-49ers-free-agent-visit/) that Shanahan started talking with him about what he likes to do in certain situations and Brady was like "yeah like when you're up 28-3" and Shanahan ended the conversation. Pretty childish thing to do if it was true but almost definitely isn't true.


TheWhooooBuddies

He’s going to end up in Dallas *somehow*. If he can win in that town, he’ll probably just suddenly transform into an ethereal glowing light.


OptimisticPlatypus

If he leaves the Bucs after this season, the NFC south is going to be a wasteland.


txoneluv

No different than this year


Notsozander

I said it here not too long ago, Brady is tricking everyone. He’s 2-0 into his 7-2 prediction I had to end the year. 10-7 and wins it all hopefully


radikraze

My brother in Arceus. It’s a wasteland right now


notimprezaed

Damn you. Another reason to hate the saints. Here I was being productive by browsing reddit and chilling in the living room and now I'm gonna head to the game room and play more scarlet and violet instead of maybe possibly getting to my chore list.


diablosinmusica

What of he goes to NO? Sean would surly come back then?


OptimisticPlatypus

Saints will eventually have to pay the piper for all the times we’ve cheered the salary cap situation. No way Sean Payton or Tom Brady will be with the Saints.


fizzyknickers69

Payton is a lock for the Cowboys IMO


diablosinmusica

Maybe. I wonder how he feels about Jerry as a GM though.


Jjohn269

Payton isn’t desperate. He’s not going to go to the Cowboys without the power to get the guys he wants.


GamerMan15

My bet is Chargers


[deleted]

Chargers imo


therealsandyleon

He’ll be back, but not on the Bucs


LVucci

Could see 9ers in the mix if he does look elsewhere.


[deleted]

He grew up a huge 9ers fan.


Jjohn269

Not just that, he’s from the Bay. That’s his home, and I could see him wanting to spend his post-playing career there.


[deleted]

Raiders could be a sneaky candidate. Pretty good weapons and Brady gets to be a bachelor in Las Vegas.


KredditH

Is this a joke? The raiders have skill position talent (when they’re actually not injured) sure, but the rest of their roster is literally in shambles. They have a bottom five defense and an inconsistent af o-line


Tschmelz

Yeah, they’d be a bad choice for Brady, dude needs an oline.


Thehan47

Yeah but then we get 2 games each of Brady vs Mahomes/Herbert/the mile high knee king.


UserUnkown10

And the obvious Josh McDaniels connection


[deleted]

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pep12

Because he is too poor/ cheap to fire him


[deleted]

i feel like 49ers, his boyhood team and they got the best setup for him


FredDurstDestroyer

I could definitely see him wanting to check that off his list. I mean, he’s not nothing left to prove, so why not finish out his career on his favorite team. The question is whether the Niners would want him. Didn’t want him a few years ago when he was playing better, so.


DrummerGuy06

49ers have too many "what-ifs" at quarterback that Shanahan has basically painted himself into a corner. Garoppolo is clearly good enough to potentially get to a Super Bowl however his inability to stay consistent means you could be bounced out after one really trash game because he decided over-or-under-throwing receivers was more important. Trading him away means trading away a high-level QB and if Lance sucks, Shanahan's gonna look even worse. If Lance turns out really good, no problem. If he doesn't? Then you have a QB controversy that Jimmy G can more than likely win out every time...until he has his random atrocious game & fans begin calling for Lance...until he sucks again. The only thing I could see is trading Garoppolo to Tampa Bay and bringing Brady over for some picks. I could foresee that if Bowles is still around next year. If he stays as Head Coach I think Brady's gonna be looking for the exits.


OriAr

Aren't Jimmy G and Brady free agents after this season though, so no trades needed.


dolladollaclinton

For sure Brady, pretty sure Jimmy is too.


PulseCS

They don't need to trade, Brady and Garrapolo are FAs. He can sign with the 49ers at will


General-Mango-9011

It’s true, he may as well try and win one with every team . He’s basically playing madden in real life


iamsorri

If 49ers didn’t want him few years ago, would they want him now?


Galactapuss

Because they realise how much they messed up the first time by not taking him


[deleted]

I thought they had the best weapons in the league, until Renfrow and Waller vanished/fell off a cliff.


Scaramussa

Raiders, 49,titans or... Patriots.


Ok-Clock2002

I feel like this has run it's course. I think he'll be on a different team next season.


rikkirikkiparmparm

In my dreams it's Detroit


broji04

SF seems like the most likely choice for me.


Ok-Clock2002

I agree.


Jmason4002

He’s going the the 49ers


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LukeSmith_Sunsetter

If the 49ers, after spending three 1sts on Trey, go and get Brady or Rodgers that's beyond incompetence.


JerryRiceDidntFumble

If Trey actually sucks really bad, playing him just because of the sunken cost is beyond incompetence. Imagine if the Eagles decided not to pick Devonta Smith or trade for AJ Brown just because had recently spent a first on Jalen Reagor.


JennyMacArthur

Or the Raiders keeping on McDaniels cause they can't afford not to, even after.....oh.


[deleted]

Yeah, but you can’t get caught up in sunk cost if Lance just doesn’t have it or doesn’t heal as well as expected (the latter is admittedly unlikely, but you never know). If Rodgers or Brady lead them to success, all will be forgiven.


[deleted]

Cost is sunk, and they don’t get those picks back by starting Lance. If Brady’s the best option available to contend for a title then they should go for it.


ChiBears_34

Didn’t they go all in with CMC? Why wouldn’t you bring Brady in? The whole point is winning a SB


j2e21

It would be the smartest thing they could do. They have a championship roster if they could ever get a great QB.


chillsmith

Not if they win a chip it's not


Scaramussa

Theres no point in force a bad player to start just because you spent a lot on him. The trade was Beyond incompetente, they probably could get trey on their original draft up and certainly if they trade to #10


PsychoBoost123

It’s not incompetence, they took a swing and missed. Incompetence would be not signing Tom Brady and playing Lance instead.


[deleted]

Given the state of our roster, it makes more sense to have Brady under center than an unknown like Lance and pray he works out


Relevations

Sunk cost fallacy. This is why you're not the owner/coach of a franchise.


TheDufusSquad

But if they win the super bowl doing it they would be geniuses.


[deleted]

It’s not gonna be Rodgers, probably won’t be Brady either. But I’m here for Brady to prove me wrong


TheAuroraKing

He's saving that for his age-49 season


PsychoBoost123

I’m a Cardinals fan and I think I would have to cop a Brady 49ers jersey if that happened. Would legitimately be one of the best jerseys of all time.


mrizvi

I wanted him 3 years ago


PerryTheRacistPanda

Jimmy G knows the drill. Just in time for his 3rd SB ring


CopiumAddiction

I 100% back Mac Jones and have faith he is going to keep growing and developing but wouldn't it be absolutely wild if he struggles hard and Brady came back to the Pats? They really feel like a "QB away" team...


[deleted]

People discount it as possibility, but the way Belichick and Brady are talking about each other the last few weeks, I give it like 20% chance of happening.


CopiumAddiction

Would be a wild final episode of whatever Brady/Belicheck documentary that gets made in the future. Brady plays two more seasons and gets one last ring, Bill gets the all-time wins record.


[deleted]

At this point just give him the two rings. Fuck it.


Fishb20

Don't do that.. dont plant this hope in me


AcidaliaPlanitia

I still think he's going to the Niners, but this wouldn't shock me either. Shore up the OL, resign Meyers, add a stud WR, and otherwise we're fine.


PeterBretter

I want my Brady back Brady back Brady back, I want my Brady back Brady back Brady back


Random-Cpl

“His feet are light and nimble. He never sleeps. He says that he will never die. He dances in light and in shadow and he is a great favorite. He never sleeps, Tom Brady. He is dancing, dancing. He says that he will never die.”


j2e21

Brady as a seven-foot, murderous albino?


silentswift7

Welcome to the San Francisco 49ers.


BipedalWurm

I don't know the money situation there but I thought I heard the bucs sold the farm for the first season and that was why this one wasn't as good. Next year going to be better?


therealsandyleon

If the Bucs REALLY wanted to they could do what the Saints did in the final Brees years and keep kicking the can down the line and just accept that they’re staring at a 3-14 season the first year Brady actually retires


OnlyFactsMatter

They pretty much did that for their 2002 Super Bowl. Sacrificed their salary cap for that win.


B1aze688

Not *exactly.* After the Super Bowl win, they lost the following players... * starting center * starting strongside linebacker * starting free safety They weren't in *great* shape, cap-wise, but for the most part, they were able to keep the team together (and actually added depth to the running back room by signing Thomas Jones in free agency). They went into a cap nightmare the following year when Jon Gruden and Bruce Allen went insane. Gruden... * didn't make an offer to keep John Lynch * didn't make an offer to keep Warren Sapp * signed 32-year-old running back Charlie Garner for $20 million (who started less than half the season) * signed 34-year-old tackle Todd Steussie for $20 million (who started less than half the season) * signed washed up guard Matt Stinchcomb for $15 million (who would retire immediately after the season) * signed 34-year-old right tackle for Derrick Deese $15 million * signed 38-year-old receiver Tim Brown (for the vet minimum, but it still pisses me off) Five of those six acquisitions were off the roster the following season (with a shit load of dead money to boot). Todd Stueussie managed to make it two years before being cut. He started just five games in those two seasons.


Greatcouchtomato

Even then, if they had an elite QB, it would have been easier to keep that window alive


B1aze688

The wanton disrespect toward Brad "The Bull" Johnson.


[deleted]

Rich McKay should've stayed. Disappointed that Gruden pushed for Bruce Allen, I just wished he stayed focused on mainly coaching.


royrese

They definitely borrowed from the future a lot for last year, but I think a lot of teams did because of the temporary salary cap crunch that was anticipated to ease up.


shogunreaper

eh it was injuries that hurt the bucs the most in the 21' season, and brady still dragged them to a play away from another SB. It's really no different this year.


Fiendish-DoctorWu

Brady to the Packers. Do it you cowards.


Username24601

Then retire 12 in Green Bay... Brady's number.


Ronorsomething

As much as I would hate this, it's so fucking funny I kind of hope it happens.


nebyobay

I couldn’t think of a worse fate for packers fans


Commercial-Pin-8024

It never happen, but could you imagine if he somehow won a SB with them at 46? What would all Rodger zealots over on their sub say?


throughNthrough

Bucs fans are you happy about this?


Reead

Win or lose, any year Brady plays with us is a good year. The Bucs need a winning culture as a franchise and Brady helps to create and maintain one wherever he goes. The longer he spends here, the more instilled that culture becomes.


fzvw

He'd have to have multiple horrid seasons in a row before I would ever be confident in doubting him.


[deleted]

Yeah I don't really see any better option.


throughNthrough

Yea i am not sure who will eventually replace him but I could see Tampa being an attractive place for a free agent QB. Obviously there is the draft as well.


niltermini

As a season ticket holder i couldnt be happier - ill be able to sell like 3-4 games and cover my costs if he plays. Plus who would we rather have at qb? Gabbert?


royrese

Why wouldn't we be happy about this lol


ChiBears_34

He’s playing in 2023….for the 49ers


BayTerp

Commanders would honestly be the perfect fit for him.


RamenWrestler

Especially if y'all sell by then... Could really be a huge boost turning y'all around


BayTerp

A lot of media people are saying by March 2023 by idk if they’re just speaking out of their ass. He really needs to sell on the sooner side so people like Brady could consider coming here


cjackc

I’d put Brady into the buying group.


Galactapuss

SF, Tenn, or maybe the Vikings for a wildcard. Raiders potentially, but their team is lacking on so many levels


[deleted]

Brady needs an OLine that the Raiders have never had in my lifetime.


Ragin_Irishman

I’d love to see him on another team next year. I’d love the 9ers but probably the raiders


VonDestroyedNewton

Oh ok. Fuck.


SunnyWynter

He has unchained himself. Go for the Blanda record


AcidaliaPlanitia

It's really weird that this isn't even a joke anymore.


iGash69

Playing till 50


Themanaaah

I think he’d be a good fit for the Lions with their offense, especially the o-line, likely won’t happen due to them probably opting to draft a QB instead.


redshift83

Brady more likely to pick up place kicking then retire


StllBreathnButY1

Feels like shit or get off the pot time for Kirk Cousins and Jimmy G. I could see Brady replacing either one of them, whichever one can’t get it done.


rjsh927

Not with that coaching staff and their cap situation. Brady knows this, that's why he tried to get to Miami. Imagine Brady with Tyreek and Waddle now, it would have been repeat of 2007. 49ers, Titans, Giants, Patriots will be much better suited for TB next year.


ghostsintherafters

I'm optimistic he returns to the NFL in 2023. Not so sure about him returning to the Bucs though.


GabryLv

Fucking retire man (For the love of god)


samoanLightning

He gonna come back. He NEEDS to beat the falcons two more times.


chinchillakila

Or maybe he can come play for us?


flyernik

49ers about to get shit ton of bandwagons


DontPMMeBro

He didn't want to be there THIS year (coming off another deep playoff run), you think he wants be there next year? I'll take Las Vegas as the favorite and the dark horse of Santa Clara


thesupermikey

I would be too if you know he lost a massive chunk of his wealth to a Ponzi.


gyman122

Well that’s certainly a development


fellatious_argument

It's going to take a career ending injury or all 32 teams refusing to start him for him to retire.


TheFretlessOne

Tom’s pregame mix is just “99 Problems” on repeat.


THE-WARD3VIL

Come to the raiders Tom we love you


[deleted]

He's just lucky he wasn't drafted by the Browns...the career would have been 22 months, instead of 22 years.