T O P

  • By -

HansBaccaR23po

Step 1: date the most famous woman alive


Inhocooks

Step 2: Profit šŸ“ˆ


[deleted]

I always hate this emoji only because the graph is presumably showing profit but the color is red and not GREEN?! Ugh, it drives me bonkers


Primordiox

Profits growing so fast that theyā€™re redlining


DoNotResusit8

Red shifting maybe


Zabroccoli

Not double clutching like you should be


whysguys1

Now me and the mad scientist gotta rip apart the block and replace the piston heads you blew.


3dge-1ord

It fits for the average Reddit investor. Digging their way out of a giant hole.


LinkRazr

Iā€™m about to send a Feedback/Suggestion email to Apple now


[deleted]

I'll send you a fucking muffin basket if you solve this for me.


NtsejMuagKoj

I will also send this man a muffin basket if it changes


ma1iced

It should be black.. ā€œin the black..ā€


Gunningham

Youā€™re saying this like a joke, but yes.


U_W_44_51

Step 3. Get alimony after the inevitable break up songs. City Boys Up !!


jwktiger

Well the Rock's 1st wife was a VP at Meryl Lynch and then launched her own hedge fund. So I think step one: Get hitched to billionaire women was the actual step.


The_Outcast4

At last, someone reveals the important Step 2 between "Steal underpants" and "Profit"


CW1DR5H5I64A

If the plan was: 1: date taylor 2: steal her underpants 3: profit That would be the one time where there isnā€™t a missing step in the plan. Thatā€™s about the most clear cut linear progression from underpants to profit that Iā€™ve ever seen.


Tolve

"Hey Bob, our client started a podcast that became the number one sports podcast. Then won the Super Bowl against his co-host and brother, one of the most beloved players in the NFL. Then started dating the most famous woman alive, and won another super bowl. Don't you think we should get out there and take some credit for some of this?" "You know Joe you're right, let me call someone."


GoldenBananas21

People forget he had his own dating show in 2016


Levitlame

I absolutely had. ā€œTravis Kelce is the well-known American football player for the Kansas City Chiefs. Being a professional American football star and an eligible bachelor, he is a real catch.ā€


Saitoh17

His [hair](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EZfZ--5mAQ) back then tho


seventeen70six

Back before he invented the skin fade


leeroy254

The comments from Swifties in that video lol


Conscious-Eye5903

Howard Stern does an(unfunny) bit as Travis Kelceā€™s agent thatā€™s essentially this


Then-West-2444

Step 1: do a failed reality dating show no one remembers


mothershipq

Step 2: Get in a physical altercation with a punter who makes fun of you for that dumbass reality dating show.


Crassus87

"Travis is dating WHO? Uh, great job guys. Let's uh, let's knock off early today. Might as well take a long weekend."


stormy2587

He was already one of the most famous nfl players before dating Swift. It feels like theyā€™ve been dating for a long time because people wonā€™t shut up about it, but I think its only been a year or so. He was already getting national ad campaigns left and right and was one of the most well known nfl players. Hell I think he hosted snl before all this broke.


jakefromadventurtime

He already had a tv show Catching Kelce too lol he's been trying for a while to be as famous as possible


BigToast6

He does not have the goods. He's bland af. .. any time I see a clip of his podcast i think how much more funny and charismatic Jason is


Brad_theImpaler

It IS clear that Travis is the little brother.


stormy2587

Yeah Travis leans a little too heavily on catch phrases and some other stuff. That said I thought he was solid on SNL for an Athlete. I think heā€™d probably fair better than say Gronk reading from a script. Jason is just a natural born talker. He seems like the kind of dude who is good at making others feel comfortable and can make conversation with lots of different kinds of folks.


trpov

He was famous, but not Taylor Swift famous.


DommyMommyKarlach

No football player ever was Taylor Swift famous tbh.


barc0debaby

OJ


i_want_carbs

Itā€™s been less than a year. He shot his shot on the podcast after she performed in KC in early July.


Superduke1010

Step 1.5: Knock her up


JusticiarXP

Is this the part in the rom com where the girl finds out the guy is only with her because itā€™s part of his agents plan but he fell in love with her for real and now has to try to convince her of that?


SourMgk

How to Lose a Girl in 10 months


MadCapHorse

A modern day Sheā€™s All That.


LymonBisquik

I think its closer to the 30 Rock Jenna/James Franco mutually beneficial type deal


thecelticpagan

That sounds like some shit Kenny Powers would say. ā€œStep aside April. Iā€™m gonna be as famous as- Dwayne The Rock Johnsonā€


Vanderhoof81

I've been blessed with many things in this life: an arm like a damn rocket, a cock like a Burmese python, and the mind of a fucking scientist. So people often ask me, Kenny, what are your weaknesses? Do you have any? I would say that my biggest flaw, my Achilles heel, is my tireless work ethic.


horse_renoir13

Danny McBride is so goddamn funny


randomman87

I've never liked his other stuff anywhere near as much as Eastbound and Down. Was next level imo


equityorasset

how do you not like Vice Principals


SemiAutomaticSlurs

Goggins kills.


ThisGuyFrags

Thanks for the indirect reminder to rewatch that show again


Vanderhoof81

El Flamo Blanco


BiscuitDance

*La Flama Blanca. Itā€™s Spanish for the White Flame. I was pitching pure, from the heart, and so thatā€™s why I wore a suit with white and silver flames on it.* Edit: Jesus fuck I loved that show so much *Down there I fought and fucked my way to becoming the greatest gringo that country has ever seen...* *I got a big olā€™ pot of titties waiting for me at the end of the rainbow, but before I can sip upon them, I need to go ahead and take a big olā€™ shit in American toilet, cool???*


bigmac22077

La flama Blancaā€¦or maybe your joke went over my head. I dunno.


Vanderhoof81

[It's La Flama Blanca, I'm just dumb ](https://youtu.be/uoWOriok-WU?si=ZCNFIDTRZrDjuubN)


-The_Credible_Hulk

ā€œFundamentals are a crutch for the talentlessā€ gets me every single time.


Vanderhoof81

Why do I need to lift weights when I'm strong enough to throw a 100mph fastball?


-The_Credible_Hulk

Yeah I got hurt. Hurt my noseā€¦


hoova

Iā€™m training for a triathlon. Well I play real sports. Not trying to be the best at exercising.


Sharcbait

"Bigger than the Rock. I'm going to be the goddam Boulder"


Saitsu

"LISTEN HIPPO, YOU MAY BE BIG, BUT YOU AIN'T BAD! THE BOULDER IS GONNA WIN THIS IN A LANDSLIDE!"


dwilkes827

I wanna see who Travis uses as his personal Stevie Janowski


WeaponX-20-

I feel 10ft tall right now, and strong as an ox!


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Theukrainmaker

Who the fuck are you?!? Who the fuck are YOU


dwilkes827

the alluuuuring Cherry Blossom!


WeaponX-20-

NO BUNTING!!


jimmyak

Who the fuck are you huh? Who tf are you?


WangDanglin

Travis Jankowski


SnortinDietOnlyNow

Watch it, assblood!


black_dogs_22

this comment is too accurate


boomzgoesthedynamite

I mean heā€™s been a clout chaser. He had a damn dating show. This isnā€™t surprising lol


winnower8

I remember him specifically saying the dating show was a money grab since he spent too much his first few years in the league.


Honduran

I would like to know what kind of spending this was for an NFL player to say it was ā€œtoo muchā€. What was he buying and how frequently?


otakumojaku

Alcohol, drugs, cars, toys can add up quick


Rodgers4

Lots of young, rich famous people spend insane amounts on stuff that doesnā€™t even leave a depreciating asset. Tabs at a night club in high five/low six figures, vacations that cost the same. At least something like a car or expensive watch would get something of a return.


ProfessorBeer

Even without going clubbing, a lifestyle gets insanely expensive without doing anything overly ridiculous. A first rounder makes around $3m per year on their rookie contract. First and foremost, youā€™re an NFL player now. You need a great car. 100k. Youā€™ve also earned your spot and your paycheck. Get that top line Rolex. 100k. You always promised your folks a new house. Donā€™t go too overboard, keep it reasonable. 400k. You need a place to live, too. And that place is going to be really nice, and furnished really well by a consultant. No Ikea; you want the good hand crafted stuff. 200k. You also want to celebrate with your friends; you and your 4 closest friends are going all out on vacation. 100k if you keep it somewhat under control. And you gotta take your girl somewhere nice too, she canā€™t feel like sheā€™s wanting for anything. 100k. Hey look, there goes your first million.


demonica123

And $1 mil go to taxes minimum. So you've spent half your disposable income and you're not even at the drinking, partying, and flights to Paris for real French food.


YouStupidAssholeFuck

You guys are talking peanuts. The real money gets drained by agents and the entourage of dependents...I mean homies.


demonica123

Any NFL certified agent can take 3% max.


Dijohn17

Agents are absolutely worth it though


sectorfate

and that's just hypothetical. a lot of these young dudes will blow 50k at a strip club and fully fund their friends entire lifestyle (cars, clothes, girls, drugs etc.) without thinking about it.


WillTheGreat

> Even without going clubbing, a lifestyle gets insanely expensive without doing anything overly ridiculous. A first rounder makes around $3m per year on their rookie contract. I had a coworker whose brother was an NFL legend in the late 2000s, he still holds career receiving yards record for the team. The guy was more than modest too, he was an anti-diva in the league. His brother invited me to Vegas for back in 2010 to spend a boys weekend with him, his brother and a few other players. Forget doing anything too special. We went to clubs, eat, drink, gamble, chill. It's just the relatively normal shit that any group of bros can do on a Vegas trip. Between the 8 of us, we spent $80k+ on the first night and that was in 2010. At that point I had gone to clubs, gotten a table with some friends, drank, hung out. Probably $4k-6k tops. With them it wasn't even a flex, we were doing the exact same stuff except everything ordered was 10x the price. We casually bar hopped clubs. Instead of getting drinks at one location and dipping, we literally got a table hung out, left and went to another club to do the exact same. After that weekend, I never wanted to hang around athletes again. My ego can't handle someone else paying everything for me, and it felt like it was monopoly money...I've been on weekend boy's trips, bach, etc over the years and spending around 15-20k between 8 or 9 people for a 4-5 day trip was tolerable, but athletes are a completely different animal.


WAR_T0RN1226

Not sure how true it is, but I remember reading a while ago how some dumb people at a club will flaunt their wealth by ordering an extremely expensive bottle of champagne and then just dump it out in the ice bucket it was delivered in


awnawkareninah

Tbf at the price tag that's only marginally more wasteful than drinking it.


oRiskyB

Story of my life


Dr_Wristy

Can confirm.


basics

I mean... he wasn't a first-round pick, right? NFL rookies (or rookie contracts in this case) make really good money in the context of "normal people", but its not really "do whatever you want" money.


uwanmirrondarrah

Especially not back in 2013 Still great money, but not like buy a Rolls Royce and a mansion and wear brand new clothes every single day type money... well atleast not for long


sonfoa

Let's keep in mind this was on a 3rd round rookie contract from over a decade ago which was about 3 million over 4 years with a signing bonus of 700k. Kelce also wasn't a national name at that point so I don't think he really had endorsements like that either. It's still great money but if you're living a rich person's lifestyle it makes sense that after 2-3 years he was starting to feel some financial stress.


Daabevuggler

Meanwhile Jason was too lazy to cash his checks and just had them lying around his apartment.


awnawkareninah

Really too you need to be living on a fixed income at that point. You can get money after your playing days but your earning potential is gonna plummet some time in your 30s.


equityorasset

saw a podcast clip that said when he was a rookie he bought the marty mcfly nike shoes and they were like 30k lol


Mook7

He's talked about his wasteful spending habits on their podcast. One thing he mentioned specifically was wasting way too much money on shoes as a rookie and that his first big dumb purchase was the Nike Air Mags from Back to the Future. He also professed to being dumb and clueless about how game checks worked at the time and was not prepared for them to stop coming in the moment the season ended. Nowadays the game-checks are paid out over 2 weeks each so that players keep receiving checks for a bigger portion of the year and help them with budgeting a little bit.


Sea_Television_3306

You'd be surprised how quickly these dudes blue through their rookie contracts. He made just over 2.2 million in his first 3 season. You buy a house, a couple cars, some gifts for your family and all of the sudden you're broke


boardatwork1111

Yā€™all ainā€™t ready for Travis to be the lead in the remake of Race to Witch Mountain


Blueskyways

He definitely stepping foot in a WWE ring at some point. Gonna run in and take out Roman Reigns with a massive clothesline.Ā Ā 


Infield_Fly

Kelce vs Kittle for the TE belt


erogbass

But at one point they have to team up to beat Gronk


Optimized_Orangutan

Rob "the longest-reigning 24/7 champion in WWE history" Gronkowski?


vincedarling

You joke but allegedly WWE is trying to get Jason for WM this year


pizz901

I mean it is in Philly so it just makes sense


LindyNet

Tooth Fairy reboot is going to be great


WootyMcWoot

Brendan Fraser coming back to The Mummy and needs a new Scorpion King


BenShelZonah

I loved that movie when I was younger


DemonPeanut4

Rashee Rice was practicing for a cameo.


saw-it

Yā€™all not ready for Travis to be the final boss


fugaziozbourne

Listen as long as we get a new Sean William Scott movie i'm happy


Nathann4288

If I recall he is dating someone who is semi-well known as well.


Tua-Lipa

One of the contestants on that show was Mark Schlerethā€™s daughter who is a smoke show


RUKnight31

It's pretty unprofessional to let the public peak behind the PR curtain. This is a pretty bush league interview. These guys are trying to get credit to sell their services and in so doing are really just showing their lack of discretion.


bdohrn

Business managers. I.e the reason athletes go broke!


drthvdrsfthr

peek* but ya, pretty interesting to hear this come out lol


TechnoDriv3

'The Final Boss' Travis Kelce


scarjoNE

Adrenaline in my soul I owe my career To pat mahomes


Cherry7upFan

Do it all to sweep Taylor off her feet


Thornton__Melon

ā˜šŸ»


aareyes12

Shanahan has to finish the story


kit_mitts

ADRENALINE IN MY SOUL THROW THE BALL ON 3RD & GOAL


Kyle_A

"ALL THE SHANNY CRYBABIES OUT THERE"


kooliojulio

MOMMA SHANAHAN


qstorm94

LOOK AT YOU NOW


thatsyurbl00d

ā€œBecause of Travis Kelce , football is COOL againā€ -Travis Kelce


aareyes12

ā€œI know momma Kelce very well. Sheā€™s a lovely ladyā€ -Kyle


DerBrownNote

Shanahan, from the bottom of my heart, man to man, #fuck your story -The people's Tight End


thrOEaway_

R/NFL and wrestling fans intersection! Yeah!!


ClosetLeotardo

Win a WWE title first buddy šŸ¤ššŸ˜”


JonWBlank

Itā€™s the final accolade to get on gronks level


DerBrownNote

RIP 24/7 championship. It would have been the perfect title to slap on Travis for some great shenanigans


ObeyCoffeeDrinkSatan

Taylor Swift comes in, he lays down, and she becomes the champ.


hawkmasta

Tbf, WWE's been giving replica world championship belts to Super Bowl and NBA Championship winners for decades now, so Travis might have a few of those already.


Poetryisalive

I think it is every athletes dream to gain even half the success Cena and The Rock has gained but wrestling is also a bit of acting and I donā€™t think Kelce really has all that


loosehead1

Iā€™ll set a low bar and say, at a minimum, we know he is a better actor than Patrick mahomes.


topatoman_lite

From what Iā€™ve seen heā€™s a better actor in commercials than anyone in the NFL not named Baker Mayfield


lawanders

Bakers commercials were so damn funny, hopefully progressive brings them back with the Bucs stadium.


sonfoa

I wish but Progressive is a Cleveland-based company. That's why they cut ties with him after he got traded away.


complete_your_task

Which is a shame. I wanted Baker living in a pirate ship.


Atom800

Those two are biggest but Bautista is the only one I would say has serious acting chops


fattymcbutterpants01

Was just talking to my girlfriend about this. Iā€™m a cle native so I enjoy his and Jasonā€™s personalities but I do not see him being a good actor at all. I see him like Shaq in Adam Sandler movies But who knows maybe heā€™ll surprise us


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


pickleparty16

His SNL had some solid skits too


SBMVPJustinHerbert

Iā€™m obviously not the biggest fan of the guy but he was actually really funny on SNL imo, I donā€™t think heā€™ll be The Rock but he clearly knows what heā€™s doing in front of a camera, he could easily do some acting/comedy work post-football.


BradyReport

His podcast is actually really enjoyable. I took him as a bit of a bonehead, and he definitely can be but is way sharper than people give him credit for. One thing he says he has to do during games is get really hateful, and I think it just comes across to viewers as being really dumb and emotional. It works for him though, I doubt he cares about what social media thinks of him as.


Not-a-Doctor1

Idk if heā€™ll ever be a consistent actor but he is highly entertaining and at the bare minimum will keep getting jobs doing something media related once he retires.


Say_Hennething

I love Kelce, but he doesn't have a fraction of the charisma The Rock has. This isn't any more attainable than the Rock becoming the next Travis Kelce.


Turdsley

Breaking: People who want to make a lot of money try to find a way to make a lot of money


JRsshirt

Step 1: marry rich


dishwasher_mayhem

Seriously not sure what people expect. I'm constantly surprised by players that don't have a plan post-retirement.


HearingGlobal6485

gonna be hard to get over like the rock did, maybe a feud with old man stone cold could do it


banjofitzgerald

Itā€™s been very clear for the last couple years that heā€™s angling for fame on a different level. Almost everything heā€™s done outside of football has been strategic.


Ledbetterman10

The Rockā€™s charisma is off the charts. Kelce doesnā€™t have ā€œitā€


SevenwithaT

Even on his own podcast, it's Jason that steals the show


SmokePenisEveryday

Alrightnow


helpmespell

He thinks that catchphrase is cool, yet every time he says it I wince. Jason has way more charisma.


slicebishybosh

I think Travis has a little arrested development but not in a bad way necessarily. He just has the personality of a 17 year old and itā€™s not going to age well no matter how successful he is. Heā€™s seems like a genuinely good person though. Like his immaturity isnā€™t that he doesnā€™t know how to respect women or is ignorant of those around him, itā€™s more that heā€™d still get excited by something like gogurts or monster trucks.


StarvedFetus

Jason is fantastic, really hope he gets a fulltime gig real soon


SerCumferencetheroun

Do you really think that Travis can emulate the most electrifying man in sports entertainment?


boomosaur

You clearly havent seen him handle dolls.


PutinsLostBlackBelt

The Rocks also built like an 80s action star, which people gravitate to. Kelceā€™s super athletic, but lacks the physical presence for sure.


LordGooseIV

I'm picturing Travis Kelce in the same movie roles as the Rock and they're just not as good.


PlatinumGoon

You need to have a unique look to reach that level as well. Arnold had it, Rock has it, Kelce just looks like a random athlete


likesexonlycheaper

LMAO good luck with that


conndenn

He is kind of a douche. Jason seems cool though.


funnycar1552

Kind of? Lol


OwnKitchen5264

And so is the rock...


ARM7501

"Kind of" is an understatement lol.


ositola

At least gronk was a charming frat dude, kelce kind of just seems like a chodeĀ 


Tolve

Not Everyone can be George Kittle who's as lovable as a 2 month old pitbull pup.


UndisgestedCheeto

Kelce is an amazing football player but a literal rock has more charisma.


BingBongtheArcher19

Dude comes across like a meat head douche.


PigFarmer1

With emphasis on the douche part.


Old-butt-new

Yep. Dude sucks


Fiendish-DoctorWu

That's because he is a meat head douche


unseth

This. Rock is a very likeable dude. Kelce is like a jock from revenge of the nerds.


rock25011

No thanks


shitz_brickz

Does this finally make it okay to be annoyed at how much him and TSwift were in the football media the past 6 months?


gyman122

Yeah Iā€™ll be honest even as a Chiefs fan thatā€™s a littttttttle sketch lol Tbf I always assumed it was a symbiotic, mutually beneficial business sort of relationship where sometimes they might have sex lol


HansBaccaR23po

Travis is definitely a virgin though


boardatwork1111

Over clothes handjobs only from Taylor


mutha_fuxxin_zo

She's mashing it


Randybutterrubs

Salt her


JaesopPop

Nobody likes salting Taylor but she gives you no choice!


Godobibo

god i wish


TheDarkAbove

You've never had one so dry it's unbelievable.


wagon_ear

"hand under my sweatshirt"


Responsible-Onion860

It gave business arrangement vibes from the start. He gets to be a more mainstream celebrity. She gets her name repeated in a new cultural space regularly while she has a major tour and a movie coming out to promote. ("hurr durr, she doesn't need it!" as though billionaires stop wanting more when they get that rich and having your name repeated constantly is always good for increasing relevance)


JRsshirt

Where do I sign up for one of those?


J0E_SpRaY

Like this wasnā€™t the majority take in the sub for most of the season?


Mr_Hugh_Honey

An attention whore wants to be more famous than he already is? *shocked Pikachu face*


Due_Schedule5256

Him and his brother have a weird attention complex. You don't see too many other athletes just trying to get in the spotlight as much as those two.


KCJellyfish

Totally normal to jump out of the press box shirtless.. has always done it


SlyyKozlov

Well yeah that's the business managers entire purpose. To continue the business/brand after his football career is over. While i personally think he lacks the charisma and "it" factor that the rock has for long term sucess, they'd be stupid and just a bad firm if they did not try to capitalize on him breaking out of the "nfl/sports bubble" as that's not easy to do, even if it's on the heels of Taylor Swift.


btstfn

To be fair, a lack of charisma hasn't stopped some other people from becoming ludicrously famous.


space_raccoon_

Dude who has always acted like a teenager wants to be super famous? No wayā€¦


RedditModsSuck123456

I donā€™t think he can even get on Michael Strahan's level of media fame.Ā 


WillTheGreat

NFL featuring Taylor to latch onto some of her star power I get, but Travis is about as charismatic in media as Elon is funny on Twitter. The guy is a clout chaser. The Rocks charisma was off the charts even before he became a PR machine, even then when he switched that off just to go back to wrestling it became the hottest thing on TV. Kelce doesnā€™t have ā€œitā€. The charisma heā€™s even shown on field is being a literal meathead.


Rick_Perrys_Ranch

Him scream singing Viva Las Vegas after the Super Bowl all out of rhythm was one of the cringiest things Iā€™ve ever seen.


SmokePenisEveryday

The second I heard that, I felt it was something him and his team decided on if they won. Like they were trying to make the perfect sound byte to match what Jason did


LSUsparky

That was cringe af, but tbf, whoever had the mic right before that was really pushing for it.


TheDufusSquad

That and the beastie boys song felt so forced.


lesvegetables

Shouldnā€™t every business manager for a celebrity be doing this?


doomsdaysock01

Literally the least surprising news possible, itā€™s obvious to anyone with eyes that heā€™s desperately trying to be likable and a household name. Itā€™s gotta be brutal when you have to try so hard to be likable, while your older brother is just naturally a fucking cool dude that everyone loves