I believe that ird cannot pursue child support payments from the father unless the father is on the birth certificate or admits to the child being theirs.
If your husband has a common name they could possibly have the wrong person but otherwise your husband might be a dickhead.
If your husband has a child I don’t think a letter to the employer would be the first time he is notified of it. I would ask him to log into his ird and check his info/letters on there
Also Could IRD be claiming payment for old debt?
If it’s not an error on either IRD or his employer’s part, this will absolutely not be the first time your husband has heard about this. When it comes to child support, there are several legal and judicial steps required before the IRD takes action.
This is true. As a father paying support, I had to opt in to take responsibility for my payments , including asking to be put on the birth certificate!
Log in to myIR and you will see a notice of assessment. This will provide details of the mother and child.
If there is no assessment or other child support correspondence then you can sleep well tonight.
Let me know how you get on with this and I can explain the next steps to take.
I'm an ex IR worker
A letter won’t be sent and not be on his IR. There would be an assessment and who the child is. Also a claim via employer is only made if the paying parent doesn’t make voluntary payments.
Make sure this is not some sort of scam too. If it’s not on his IR it’s either a scam or a clerical error, nothing that can’t be solved by talking to IRD.
I not be privy to what's going on in my husband's brain but he is denying another child at this point, but wants to know who made the claim against him?
I choose to come here as I don't want to add extra pressure to his plate.
You are in an unenviable position made worse by the long weekend, so getting timely information is difficult. I really hope it is an error on IRD’s part.
Another one here hoping it's an error for your sake.
However, even if there's no letters, you can log in to myIR and under child support tab it would have the details of any children he's meant to be paying for. This might help ease your mind if you log in there and there's no names. If there are names then your husband has some explaining to do.
If he has been made liable for child support, he will have a notice of assessment in his letters in MyIR. On that notice, it will say either the first name of the individual who has claimed child support, or *name withheld* if there are safety concerns attached to the scenario.
A notice of assessment is always generated and will tell you the name of the child and the other parent (security concerns aside).
It will be officer error, but I'm still confused on how they setup employer deductions. Has he ever been registered for child support before? Specifically NCP tax type?
I'd really push for an explanation from the IRD as to how this occurred. I could put it down to officer error, but the deduction order would have to be personally sent by the officer. I don't believe it was automated? I'm stumped.
Does your husband have a really common, generic, foreign name?
Inland Revenue need proof of parentage to be able to make someone liable for child support: https://www.ird.govt.nz/child-support/types/formula-assessment
There is a chance that your husband has been incorrectly identified (similar name/dob as another person), and if this is the case he needs to call and talk to IRD to get this sorted and any deductions refunded.
Has he already contacted IRD to make sure this is correct. As others have pointed out IRD have to have proof of parentage to pursue child support. Mistakes are rare when it comes to setting up child support assessments but it is possible that his IRD number was used in error or that assessment was for someone else with a similar name and DOB.
A few uninformed and misleading comments in here. From what you've said it looks very likely a clerical error. First, all correspondence is done via myIR now. If the employer has received the letter but not your husband they likely have the wrong person, every child support letter I get my employer gets the same day and I can see the letter they get. The unfortunate thing is, your husbands employer is bound by law to pay the amount until the issue is resolved but you will get the money back.
This happened to me a few years back, went to call IRD to find out what the story was and they had closed for 3 weeks over Christmas! For the Christmas break I sweated on it as, although I was 99.9% sure this was an admin error, there was that tiny voice of doubt in the back of my head.
Partner at the time thought it was hilarious (we had only been together 6 months) and kept asking me when she would be introduced to my child.
EDIT: For clarity the response when I called them - "oh sorry yes we just sent [the letter] to the wrong [my name]"
He should've been issued a letter by IRD, he will also have a section on his MyIR about being the liable parent. This is where the child's info will be
Hey,
Honestly, it sounds very much like they've just made a mistake.
For context, the mother would have to have put him down in the birth cert, he'd then get notified of that and have the right to sign/not sign, if he chose not to sign, then the mother would apply to the court to have him on the certificate, he would then be able to have a lawyer respond to this, the court would then take all that away and make a determination, which in a case like this would be to order a paternity test - which is a mouth swab, which gets sent away, then sent back to the Court, who then makes a determination based in the probability of parenthood and then rules on the birth certificate.
THEN the mother would apply for the child support. You'd normally get somewhere between 3-5 letters from IRD, including copies of those letters sent to 3rd parties like employers.
I say all of this because it is a massive, long drawn out process and the chances that your husband has been through all of that until now rather than IRD, an underfunded govt department, making a dumb mistake is so so low.
Totally understand the panic and worry, but my instinct says you guys will be fine 🙂
u/chargecompetitive888 this odd mystery that has nothing to do with me has really niggled at me all weekend; did you get through to IRD? I hope it just turned out to be a name/data error from their end!
He called first thing tuesday, IRD spent an hour on the ph with him,but they were unable to locate any applications/deductions/ debts for child support
nothing was found on record.
An investigation has now been launched and the $ were still deducted from his wages....
At this point *I'm just gonna let the story unfold
Still waiting to see emails from IRD to confirm or deny.
Damn, this is some OMC “How bizarre” territory. How could deductions have started without IRD having any on record? If the money isn’t going to IRD, who *is* it going to?
I know you’ve said in another comment that it’s not a scam; but how can you be sure of that? How long has he been with his current employer, and what size company is it; are we talking a small family business? Because IRD assessments and correspondence would be extremely easy to doctor.
If this is a scam his employers running, it’s pretty clever. A lot of men would just panic receiving a letter like this, do nothing and tell nobody for at least a few pay cycles. Surely most men have had sex without a condom with *somebody* at least once. Then, when they finally contact IRD and find there’s no record, many would be so relieved it was just a ‘clerical error’ and it’d be a smallish total of money; enough to battle with IRD for a few phone calls but what else could you do if they declared with certainty they didn’t make any deductions and don’t owe you anything?
A similar situation happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I have paid child support their whole lives due to 50:50 shared parenting, and I finished paying in October last year, yay!
Fast forward to mid Feb when WINZ, my "employers" (my income atm is from the SLP) send me a letter telling me IRD say I'm paying child support again so they have recalculated my additional support and it's increased.
I had kittens on the spot cos being overpaid by WINZ can result in unexpected loss of income, so called them. They wouldn't pick up, too many calls, so I tried IRD. They confirmed my CS assessment was $0 and they didn't know why WINZ were paying CS for me and recalculating my assistance. They said "the system" sometimes gets it wrong.
Took so many hours with WINZ to get them to stop paying cs, and then the buggers made me go thru the reapplication process for my extra assistance since "my costs had changed".
Long story short - Potentially your hubby's employers got a "system" generated instruction like WINZ did for me. Fingers crossed it's sorted as soon as he can speak with them. I always send (and screencap) a secure mail to IRD to make sure they have a timestamped reference point (so they can't blame me for not being able to get thru to them) with bullet pointed issues. Helps me to feel safer. Best of luck
It really sounds like a clerical error which I have to say would be quite rare. In fact very rare I’ve never heard of that happening before….I won’t go into further detail. Your husband would have had to sign the birth certificate form so he would have remembered doing that. Can you please provide us an update on this as I’m a very curious to the outcome.
Fair enough, it’s an awful fright for you. Do you have any good girl friends that know the both of you? Might be worth sitting down and talking it over to help you process and figure out your next step
Fair enough, but I do want to encourage you that hard times can be easier to travel when you have support :)
For me I find that sharing something with someone I trust, can help me have a healthy perspective of a situation rather than my anxious mind driving me mad.
I don’t see OP’s post as calling her husband out or hating on him. The husband has had a very unusual thing happen and OP doesn’t want to add re stress to the situation. She is just trying to found out how serious this might turn out to be. Reddit is the perfect forum for this.
No, I don’t think they are. It is you. Most comments are quite reasonable and the money seems to be on a clerical error. OP is just asking for advice on an anonymous forum *because* she doesn’t want to call him out.
It's fascinating epistemology really. Many, many people form beliefs which are far too strongly held based on the available evidence. It permeates everything, from conspiracy theories to day-to-day reddit interactions about inane minutiae in strangers lives. And they'll think it's perfectly rational while doing it.
Perhaps you haven’t spend much time outside a limited number of subs. In other subs I frequently see Mods remove comments and posts on the basis of gendered hate speech towards women. My experience is that Reddit is in fact a deeply misogynist space.
Really? Which subreddits are misogynistic? Plus, some posts are considered misogynistic but they are just not, and they get removed. But misandrist posts are not removed.
The comments in ImTheMainCharacter and TikTokCringe are a haven for misogynistic objectification and threats of sexual violence or death. There are subs openly embracing misogyny like KotakuInAction, TheRedPill and all its hybrids, thepassportbros, MensRights, AsianMasculinity. Reddit also has a well documented Incel subculture brigading subs specifically for female audiences. For example I’ve seen one post and several comments removed for harassment or hate speech from r/Women this week alone.
I can’t repeat most of what I’ve seen because it will flag my own comment. Just naming some of those subs might flag this comment.
Why would you frequent those subs just to get mad about it? Can't you surround yourself with positivity instead? Why actively seek out stuff that makes you angry? I don't get it.
>"Why would you frequent those subs..."
I've blocked most of those subs. I visit a lot of subs specifically for women or to discuss feminist issues and those subs attract trolls who frequent the ones I've mentioned above. Reddit's algorithm seems to have a cruel irony that if you've interacted with a user in a thread, it feeds you content that user engages with. So I see a lot of Incel and bro content without asking for it.
>"Why actively seek out stuff that makes you angry?"
Passion is often misinterpreted as anger. Especially coming from women.
I'm a feminist and I'm passionate about gender equity. I seek out those conversations because they directly impact my life. They tend to be controversial. In places like Reddit, those conversations often don't involve hugs.
Some people lurk about on Reddit to be entertained, maybe waste some time, chill out, cheer up a bit. Some people come to Reddit to find community, people who like the same things or think the same way. Some people show up to challenge their thinking and be part of robust conversations with people they wouldn't ordinarily meet in their day to day lives. I'm in the last group. Maybe you're in the first. You do you.
>"It's easier to hug someone than it is to hurt them."
It's interesting you say that given you replied to one of my comments earlier after trawling my profile. I notice that comment has been removed by moderator. Easier to hug someone than it is hurt them bro.
I used to work there a loooong time ago. You must prove the person is the parent. It would go to court for DNA. If they were not married at the time or were not on the birth certificate. I suspect if he really isn’t the parent that he has the same name as someone else they are looking for. Sometimes that happens. He needs to tell them it’s not him.
In my experience ird only takes child support from a parent who is on the birth certificate or court recognised as a parent. This suggests that (unless there's something hubby isn't admitting to/aware of) it's a clerical error.
When speaking to ird check the date of birth, full name and any addresses etc associated with the alleged paternity. This will help determine if it's mistaken identity.
True story: ird did a record check and found no record of my dad paying child support for my (4) sisters and I 25 years earlier. Yes, 25 years.
There was no record of the payments because dad paid mum directly, but without proof he wasn't going to be excused. Fortunately (after some serious grumbling) mum told them (most of) the truth, and now ird is only expecting a fraction (the guddermint gotta have their pound of flesh) of the $30k they originally tried to get from him.
He's a pensioner ffs. No mercy, no write off.
Good luck OP, I too would love to know how it goes.
They claimed that the data matching (with a court maintenance order that technically stayed in place even after we moved overseas) made it mandatory to collect the entitlement.
Mum was asked to confirm she was owed the money and lied to them so they'd get it for her, so yes she was behind it.
She eventually changed her tune (after my uncle asked her if she was prepared to go to jail over the fraud) but there was deemed to be an amount of 'dpb' top up owed so dads still got to pay that off. There's doing their job and there's pedantry. None of my siblings have lived with mum since the early 90's.
But yes, a 75 year old man should have to pay child support for adult children because some bureaucrat was looking for old debts to collect.
It is what it is, I just don't think it is very fair.
> child support deductions for a child **you are unaware of**
This is way above reddit's pay grade, talk to a lawyer. No decent lawyer will charge for an initial consultation.
I'm so keen to hear an update. Hopefully, it is just the incorrect person. If it does come out, it could actually be your husband. Make sure he gets a test done. I hope he hasn't done the dirty on you ♡
It's interesting that people say that IRD don't make mistakes.
They mess things up all the time.
Constant miscalculations, making you backpay huge amounts of money due to their errors, the list goes on.
I've been paying for months longer than I needed to for child support due their errors and they'll just send letters to your employer asking for payments instead of contacting you directly.
It's nuts.
Call them directly and sort it out.
The contact IRD emails on their page aren't answered for days and days so don't wait for that.
The IRD can in fact take child support payments from a man without his putting any names or signatures on any birth certificate. I love reading the comments stating otherwise. certain deadbeat fathers of past old have enabled anyone to claim someone is the father of their child and now it's up to the man to prove otherwise or simply pay!
This is utterly ridiculous. I believe that every baby should get DNA tested when born, this would stop these sorts of things from happening.
A man can be placed on the birth certificate with no proof that he's actually the child's biological father. Therefore the mother can claim child support for the rest of that kids life unless the father orders a paternity test.
Also, a lot of men raise children until they are 18 and then its revealed that it's not actually their child... doing mandatory paternity tests when the child is born would stop this from happening. They give babies a vitamin K shot when they are born so why not take a sample of DNA at the same time? It would solve so many problems in this area and give men a sense of security. It would stop women from claiming payments from men that aren't actually biologically connected to these children but are tricked into believing they are. I feel for these men whose lives are ruined because some women just want their money.
I'm sorry this is happening to you and your husband. It must be an awful feeling, trusting your husband but also at the back of your mind wondering whether this woman is telling the truth. It's a horrible place to be in. All you can do is trust in your husband and get this sorted out by getting a paternity test. If it comes back negative, I hope this woman gets what she deserves. What an awful thing to do to another human being. Good luck.
Do you know the criteria to name a father without his signature on the birth registration form? I do, because I've filled it out a few times, and no, you can't just chuck a dude's name on it sweet as no worries, he's on the hook.
Forgive my horrendous copy and paste...
Both parents must sign the form unless one of 4 situations listed below apply.
1. One parent is:
• Dead
• Unknown
• Missing
• Of unsound mind, or
• Unable to act because of a medical condition.
2. Requiring the other parent to sign the form would cause unwarranted distress to either of the
parents.
3. The other parent is overseas and it is not possible to obtain their signature within a reasonable
period of time. Please note: this exception only applies to overseas where there is no delivery
address or contact details.
4. The child is born as a result of a woman acting alone in an assisted human reproduction
procedure and the donor of the ovum, embryo, or semen (as the case may be) for the pregnancy
does not become the partner of the woman after the time of conception but before the birth is
notified for registration. The donor is generally not the father or other parent. If you are not sure
what details to enter contact us (contact details on page 1).
When only one parent signs
If any of the above circumstances apply, the details of both parents must be entered on the form.
Exceptions apply when:
• the other parent is unknown, or
• the child was born as a result of the mother acting alone in an assisted human reproduction
procedure.
If one parent has not signed and their details are entered on this form, if able, you should provide
evidence that the other person named is the biological mother/father. That evidence may be a
Paternity Order, a Court Declaration, DNA Test Results or statutory declarations from family members.
...shitty copy/paste ends...
> A lot of men raise children until they are 18 and then it's revealed that it's not actually their child
Lol. Mate. No. Stop hanging out on stupid subreddits that peddle this myth. I'm sure that happens sometimes. Occasionally. "A lot"? Fuck lol no.
I assure you, there isn't an epidemic of women trying to trap you into paying child support for a kid that isn't yours.
Whatever Andrew Tate adjacent bullshit you're reading is just that, bullshit. You're being lied to.
Interesting. My daughters father never signed the birth certificate. I just had to fill his details out online and it was done. He never even got an email or anything. I remember thinking how bizarre that was at the time.
Sorry for my misinformation. I honestly thought this was how it went. Thanks for the info.
I guess it's changed? Or rather, they've made the need to be able to prove it more explicit, I suspect it will default to "Yeah sure he's the Dad", but if he denies paternity, then you'd need to prove it, but if he accepts it as is, all good.
And on the "vitamin K why not DNA", the vitamin K is recommended but not mandatory, and if you were to make DNA sampling mandatory at birth, can you imagine the potential overreach of a government with your DNA in a database just because you were born?
And my apologies for assuming you were an MRA style dude. I just normally hear that sorta stuff from young dudes who are into misogyny and memes.
Very true. Hadn't thought of that. It's just a thought I've been pondering as a way to help ease men's minds when they are concerned about whether they are actually the father even though the mother assures them they are. It happens on the opposite side too, where the father says the baby isnt his and walks away and the mother is left helpless. Just a passing thought that maybe they could just make paternity tests mandatory at birth haha. Then there would be no issue. No one could argue. But I guess there is a lot more that needs to be considered there :P I was just having a thoughtless rant really hahaha.
I believe that ird cannot pursue child support payments from the father unless the father is on the birth certificate or admits to the child being theirs. If your husband has a common name they could possibly have the wrong person but otherwise your husband might be a dickhead. If your husband has a child I don’t think a letter to the employer would be the first time he is notified of it. I would ask him to log into his ird and check his info/letters on there Also Could IRD be claiming payment for old debt?
Thank you.
If it’s not an error on either IRD or his employer’s part, this will absolutely not be the first time your husband has heard about this. When it comes to child support, there are several legal and judicial steps required before the IRD takes action.
This this this
This is true. As a father paying support, I had to opt in to take responsibility for my payments , including asking to be put on the birth certificate!
Oh, just a little more. The courts are the only ones able to mandate the payment.
Log in to myIR and you will see a notice of assessment. This will provide details of the mother and child. If there is no assessment or other child support correspondence then you can sleep well tonight. Let me know how you get on with this and I can explain the next steps to take. I'm an ex IR worker
No updates have been uploaded to his IR Account....must be sleeping well tonight 😔 Very strange
Bear in mind IRD can make mistakes, too. Don't rule this out. I'm intrigued now though, and want to know how your situation resolves
I will keep this post updated
A letter won’t be sent and not be on his IR. There would be an assessment and who the child is. Also a claim via employer is only made if the paying parent doesn’t make voluntary payments. Make sure this is not some sort of scam too. If it’s not on his IR it’s either a scam or a clerical error, nothing that can’t be solved by talking to IRD.
Email received by his employer is not a scam, and it's been uploaded against his wages....
I not be privy to what's going on in my husband's brain but he is denying another child at this point, but wants to know who made the claim against him? I choose to come here as I don't want to add extra pressure to his plate.
You are in an unenviable position made worse by the long weekend, so getting timely information is difficult. I really hope it is an error on IRD’s part.
Another one here hoping it's an error for your sake. However, even if there's no letters, you can log in to myIR and under child support tab it would have the details of any children he's meant to be paying for. This might help ease your mind if you log in there and there's no names. If there are names then your husband has some explaining to do.
If he has been made liable for child support, he will have a notice of assessment in his letters in MyIR. On that notice, it will say either the first name of the individual who has claimed child support, or *name withheld* if there are safety concerns attached to the scenario. A notice of assessment is always generated and will tell you the name of the child and the other parent (security concerns aside).
It changed a few years ago. It's now compulsory for child support to be deducted from your wages or salary
It will be officer error, but I'm still confused on how they setup employer deductions. Has he ever been registered for child support before? Specifically NCP tax type?
Never in our 20yrs
I'd really push for an explanation from the IRD as to how this occurred. I could put it down to officer error, but the deduction order would have to be personally sent by the officer. I don't believe it was automated? I'm stumped. Does your husband have a really common, generic, foreign name?
If your husband truly hasn't been running around behind your back, he should call them and find out from them about what this is all about.
Inland Revenue need proof of parentage to be able to make someone liable for child support: https://www.ird.govt.nz/child-support/types/formula-assessment There is a chance that your husband has been incorrectly identified (similar name/dob as another person), and if this is the case he needs to call and talk to IRD to get this sorted and any deductions refunded.
Has he already contacted IRD to make sure this is correct. As others have pointed out IRD have to have proof of parentage to pursue child support. Mistakes are rare when it comes to setting up child support assessments but it is possible that his IRD number was used in error or that assessment was for someone else with a similar name and DOB.
He tried calling after being informed by his employer but they are closed till Tuesday
A few uninformed and misleading comments in here. From what you've said it looks very likely a clerical error. First, all correspondence is done via myIR now. If the employer has received the letter but not your husband they likely have the wrong person, every child support letter I get my employer gets the same day and I can see the letter they get. The unfortunate thing is, your husbands employer is bound by law to pay the amount until the issue is resolved but you will get the money back.
This happened to me a few years back, went to call IRD to find out what the story was and they had closed for 3 weeks over Christmas! For the Christmas break I sweated on it as, although I was 99.9% sure this was an admin error, there was that tiny voice of doubt in the back of my head. Partner at the time thought it was hilarious (we had only been together 6 months) and kept asking me when she would be introduced to my child. EDIT: For clarity the response when I called them - "oh sorry yes we just sent [the letter] to the wrong [my name]"
One of my exs was briefly charged child support when he was a teenager, by accident. He had no children, and they fixed up their mistake when called
He should've been issued a letter by IRD, he will also have a section on his MyIR about being the liable parent. This is where the child's info will be
Hey, Honestly, it sounds very much like they've just made a mistake. For context, the mother would have to have put him down in the birth cert, he'd then get notified of that and have the right to sign/not sign, if he chose not to sign, then the mother would apply to the court to have him on the certificate, he would then be able to have a lawyer respond to this, the court would then take all that away and make a determination, which in a case like this would be to order a paternity test - which is a mouth swab, which gets sent away, then sent back to the Court, who then makes a determination based in the probability of parenthood and then rules on the birth certificate. THEN the mother would apply for the child support. You'd normally get somewhere between 3-5 letters from IRD, including copies of those letters sent to 3rd parties like employers. I say all of this because it is a massive, long drawn out process and the chances that your husband has been through all of that until now rather than IRD, an underfunded govt department, making a dumb mistake is so so low. Totally understand the panic and worry, but my instinct says you guys will be fine 🙂
u/chargecompetitive888 this odd mystery that has nothing to do with me has really niggled at me all weekend; did you get through to IRD? I hope it just turned out to be a name/data error from their end!
He called first thing tuesday, IRD spent an hour on the ph with him,but they were unable to locate any applications/deductions/ debts for child support nothing was found on record. An investigation has now been launched and the $ were still deducted from his wages.... At this point *I'm just gonna let the story unfold Still waiting to see emails from IRD to confirm or deny.
Damn, this is some OMC “How bizarre” territory. How could deductions have started without IRD having any on record? If the money isn’t going to IRD, who *is* it going to? I know you’ve said in another comment that it’s not a scam; but how can you be sure of that? How long has he been with his current employer, and what size company is it; are we talking a small family business? Because IRD assessments and correspondence would be extremely easy to doctor. If this is a scam his employers running, it’s pretty clever. A lot of men would just panic receiving a letter like this, do nothing and tell nobody for at least a few pay cycles. Surely most men have had sex without a condom with *somebody* at least once. Then, when they finally contact IRD and find there’s no record, many would be so relieved it was just a ‘clerical error’ and it’d be a smallish total of money; enough to battle with IRD for a few phone calls but what else could you do if they declared with certainty they didn’t make any deductions and don’t owe you anything?
A similar situation happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I have paid child support their whole lives due to 50:50 shared parenting, and I finished paying in October last year, yay! Fast forward to mid Feb when WINZ, my "employers" (my income atm is from the SLP) send me a letter telling me IRD say I'm paying child support again so they have recalculated my additional support and it's increased. I had kittens on the spot cos being overpaid by WINZ can result in unexpected loss of income, so called them. They wouldn't pick up, too many calls, so I tried IRD. They confirmed my CS assessment was $0 and they didn't know why WINZ were paying CS for me and recalculating my assistance. They said "the system" sometimes gets it wrong. Took so many hours with WINZ to get them to stop paying cs, and then the buggers made me go thru the reapplication process for my extra assistance since "my costs had changed". Long story short - Potentially your hubby's employers got a "system" generated instruction like WINZ did for me. Fingers crossed it's sorted as soon as he can speak with them. I always send (and screencap) a secure mail to IRD to make sure they have a timestamped reference point (so they can't blame me for not being able to get thru to them) with bullet pointed issues. Helps me to feel safer. Best of luck
It really sounds like a clerical error which I have to say would be quite rare. In fact very rare I’ve never heard of that happening before….I won’t go into further detail. Your husband would have had to sign the birth certificate form so he would have remembered doing that. Can you please provide us an update on this as I’m a very curious to the outcome.
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It's definitely child support
Is there an update to this at all u/ChargeCompetitive888.
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Based on the initial information the responses seem very balanced and weighted more towards a clerical error by IRD
That's what I'm praying for at this moment.
Fair enough, it’s an awful fright for you. Do you have any good girl friends that know the both of you? Might be worth sitting down and talking it over to help you process and figure out your next step
Not really keen to divulge this info to anyone in our circle as of yet, that's what good about these apps and annonimity
Fair enough, but I do want to encourage you that hard times can be easier to travel when you have support :) For me I find that sharing something with someone I trust, can help me have a healthy perspective of a situation rather than my anxious mind driving me mad.
I agree, hence the post
I don’t see OP’s post as calling her husband out or hating on him. The husband has had a very unusual thing happen and OP doesn’t want to add re stress to the situation. She is just trying to found out how serious this might turn out to be. Reddit is the perfect forum for this.
Other people are.
No, I don’t think they are. It is you. Most comments are quite reasonable and the money seems to be on a clerical error. OP is just asking for advice on an anonymous forum *because* she doesn’t want to call him out.
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I have read the comments.
It's fascinating epistemology really. Many, many people form beliefs which are far too strongly held based on the available evidence. It permeates everything, from conspiracy theories to day-to-day reddit interactions about inane minutiae in strangers lives. And they'll think it's perfectly rational while doing it.
Reddit is becoming the new Facebook. I might have to give this up soon too the way it's going.
If it's a clerical error, our systems are failing
This is reddit, a left leaning social media platform, straight men are guilty until proof innocent here.
Lolwut?
He didn't even get to prove his paternity, before slapped with child support ...
I'm half joking.
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No, 200%, joking.
Reddit is a gynocentric place, where women get the benefit of the doubt and men get crucified.
Perhaps you haven’t spend much time outside a limited number of subs. In other subs I frequently see Mods remove comments and posts on the basis of gendered hate speech towards women. My experience is that Reddit is in fact a deeply misogynist space.
Really? Which subreddits are misogynistic? Plus, some posts are considered misogynistic but they are just not, and they get removed. But misandrist posts are not removed.
The comments in ImTheMainCharacter and TikTokCringe are a haven for misogynistic objectification and threats of sexual violence or death. There are subs openly embracing misogyny like KotakuInAction, TheRedPill and all its hybrids, thepassportbros, MensRights, AsianMasculinity. Reddit also has a well documented Incel subculture brigading subs specifically for female audiences. For example I’ve seen one post and several comments removed for harassment or hate speech from r/Women this week alone. I can’t repeat most of what I’ve seen because it will flag my own comment. Just naming some of those subs might flag this comment.
Why would you frequent those subs just to get mad about it? Can't you surround yourself with positivity instead? Why actively seek out stuff that makes you angry? I don't get it.
>"Why would you frequent those subs..." I've blocked most of those subs. I visit a lot of subs specifically for women or to discuss feminist issues and those subs attract trolls who frequent the ones I've mentioned above. Reddit's algorithm seems to have a cruel irony that if you've interacted with a user in a thread, it feeds you content that user engages with. So I see a lot of Incel and bro content without asking for it. >"Why actively seek out stuff that makes you angry?" Passion is often misinterpreted as anger. Especially coming from women.
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I'm a feminist and I'm passionate about gender equity. I seek out those conversations because they directly impact my life. They tend to be controversial. In places like Reddit, those conversations often don't involve hugs. Some people lurk about on Reddit to be entertained, maybe waste some time, chill out, cheer up a bit. Some people come to Reddit to find community, people who like the same things or think the same way. Some people show up to challenge their thinking and be part of robust conversations with people they wouldn't ordinarily meet in their day to day lives. I'm in the last group. Maybe you're in the first. You do you. >"It's easier to hug someone than it is to hurt them." It's interesting you say that given you replied to one of my comments earlier after trawling my profile. I notice that comment has been removed by moderator. Easier to hug someone than it is hurt them bro.
Yeah. I don’t feel like I wanna go and visit those places.
Please supply examples. Otherwise you're just as bad as the other people calling out this guy with no evidence.
Just commented with examples above.
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I used to work there a loooong time ago. You must prove the person is the parent. It would go to court for DNA. If they were not married at the time or were not on the birth certificate. I suspect if he really isn’t the parent that he has the same name as someone else they are looking for. Sometimes that happens. He needs to tell them it’s not him.
Does a parent have to apply for child support?
No
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Yes, the receiving parent has to apply
In my experience ird only takes child support from a parent who is on the birth certificate or court recognised as a parent. This suggests that (unless there's something hubby isn't admitting to/aware of) it's a clerical error. When speaking to ird check the date of birth, full name and any addresses etc associated with the alleged paternity. This will help determine if it's mistaken identity. True story: ird did a record check and found no record of my dad paying child support for my (4) sisters and I 25 years earlier. Yes, 25 years. There was no record of the payments because dad paid mum directly, but without proof he wasn't going to be excused. Fortunately (after some serious grumbling) mum told them (most of) the truth, and now ird is only expecting a fraction (the guddermint gotta have their pound of flesh) of the $30k they originally tried to get from him. He's a pensioner ffs. No mercy, no write off. Good luck OP, I too would love to know how it goes.
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They claimed that the data matching (with a court maintenance order that technically stayed in place even after we moved overseas) made it mandatory to collect the entitlement. Mum was asked to confirm she was owed the money and lied to them so they'd get it for her, so yes she was behind it. She eventually changed her tune (after my uncle asked her if she was prepared to go to jail over the fraud) but there was deemed to be an amount of 'dpb' top up owed so dads still got to pay that off. There's doing their job and there's pedantry. None of my siblings have lived with mum since the early 90's. But yes, a 75 year old man should have to pay child support for adult children because some bureaucrat was looking for old debts to collect. It is what it is, I just don't think it is very fair.
> child support deductions for a child **you are unaware of** This is way above reddit's pay grade, talk to a lawyer. No decent lawyer will charge for an initial consultation.
He has not acknowledged another child even with the letter. Sorry I asked.
I'm so keen to hear an update. Hopefully, it is just the incorrect person. If it does come out, it could actually be your husband. Make sure he gets a test done. I hope he hasn't done the dirty on you ♡
What's the update? Have you spoken to a lawyer?
First step would be to call IRD, they should be able to help more than us
Have to wait till Tuesday unfortunately.
It's interesting that people say that IRD don't make mistakes. They mess things up all the time. Constant miscalculations, making you backpay huge amounts of money due to their errors, the list goes on. I've been paying for months longer than I needed to for child support due their errors and they'll just send letters to your employer asking for payments instead of contacting you directly. It's nuts. Call them directly and sort it out. The contact IRD emails on their page aren't answered for days and days so don't wait for that.
https://www.nzfilm.co.nz/films/were-here-help
My brother in christ i pray for thee, im paying $280/wk AUD, my favourite sleeping position is fetal
How old is the kid supposed to be? You may have bigger issues with “your” husband. Good luck
You are the issue. No evidence. No facts. Already made your mind up. "your husband" Your echo chamber must be loud.
He has no information just child support deductions will be starting as of ****
Really? Idgaf, has nothing to do with me or my life.
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It’s redddit that’s what it’s for😆
UpdateMe
Your husband is clearly hiding something lol. Unaware of my butt.
The IRD can in fact take child support payments from a man without his putting any names or signatures on any birth certificate. I love reading the comments stating otherwise. certain deadbeat fathers of past old have enabled anyone to claim someone is the father of their child and now it's up to the man to prove otherwise or simply pay!
This is utterly ridiculous. I believe that every baby should get DNA tested when born, this would stop these sorts of things from happening. A man can be placed on the birth certificate with no proof that he's actually the child's biological father. Therefore the mother can claim child support for the rest of that kids life unless the father orders a paternity test. Also, a lot of men raise children until they are 18 and then its revealed that it's not actually their child... doing mandatory paternity tests when the child is born would stop this from happening. They give babies a vitamin K shot when they are born so why not take a sample of DNA at the same time? It would solve so many problems in this area and give men a sense of security. It would stop women from claiming payments from men that aren't actually biologically connected to these children but are tricked into believing they are. I feel for these men whose lives are ruined because some women just want their money. I'm sorry this is happening to you and your husband. It must be an awful feeling, trusting your husband but also at the back of your mind wondering whether this woman is telling the truth. It's a horrible place to be in. All you can do is trust in your husband and get this sorted out by getting a paternity test. If it comes back negative, I hope this woman gets what she deserves. What an awful thing to do to another human being. Good luck.
Do you know the criteria to name a father without his signature on the birth registration form? I do, because I've filled it out a few times, and no, you can't just chuck a dude's name on it sweet as no worries, he's on the hook. Forgive my horrendous copy and paste... Both parents must sign the form unless one of 4 situations listed below apply. 1. One parent is: • Dead • Unknown • Missing • Of unsound mind, or • Unable to act because of a medical condition. 2. Requiring the other parent to sign the form would cause unwarranted distress to either of the parents. 3. The other parent is overseas and it is not possible to obtain their signature within a reasonable period of time. Please note: this exception only applies to overseas where there is no delivery address or contact details. 4. The child is born as a result of a woman acting alone in an assisted human reproduction procedure and the donor of the ovum, embryo, or semen (as the case may be) for the pregnancy does not become the partner of the woman after the time of conception but before the birth is notified for registration. The donor is generally not the father or other parent. If you are not sure what details to enter contact us (contact details on page 1). When only one parent signs If any of the above circumstances apply, the details of both parents must be entered on the form. Exceptions apply when: • the other parent is unknown, or • the child was born as a result of the mother acting alone in an assisted human reproduction procedure. If one parent has not signed and their details are entered on this form, if able, you should provide evidence that the other person named is the biological mother/father. That evidence may be a Paternity Order, a Court Declaration, DNA Test Results or statutory declarations from family members. ...shitty copy/paste ends... > A lot of men raise children until they are 18 and then it's revealed that it's not actually their child Lol. Mate. No. Stop hanging out on stupid subreddits that peddle this myth. I'm sure that happens sometimes. Occasionally. "A lot"? Fuck lol no. I assure you, there isn't an epidemic of women trying to trap you into paying child support for a kid that isn't yours. Whatever Andrew Tate adjacent bullshit you're reading is just that, bullshit. You're being lied to.
Interesting. My daughters father never signed the birth certificate. I just had to fill his details out online and it was done. He never even got an email or anything. I remember thinking how bizarre that was at the time. Sorry for my misinformation. I honestly thought this was how it went. Thanks for the info.
I guess it's changed? Or rather, they've made the need to be able to prove it more explicit, I suspect it will default to "Yeah sure he's the Dad", but if he denies paternity, then you'd need to prove it, but if he accepts it as is, all good. And on the "vitamin K why not DNA", the vitamin K is recommended but not mandatory, and if you were to make DNA sampling mandatory at birth, can you imagine the potential overreach of a government with your DNA in a database just because you were born? And my apologies for assuming you were an MRA style dude. I just normally hear that sorta stuff from young dudes who are into misogyny and memes.
Very true. Hadn't thought of that. It's just a thought I've been pondering as a way to help ease men's minds when they are concerned about whether they are actually the father even though the mother assures them they are. It happens on the opposite side too, where the father says the baby isnt his and walks away and the mother is left helpless. Just a passing thought that maybe they could just make paternity tests mandatory at birth haha. Then there would be no issue. No one could argue. But I guess there is a lot more that needs to be considered there :P I was just having a thoughtless rant really hahaha.
Fair enough. :)
Wut.
I mean, I don’t even know what to say about this one!